December 4, 2025 • 22 mins
“Recovery isn’t just the choice to change — it’s the work in the middle that changes you.”
Episode 5 of Life Beyond Suboxone hits a different level. This is Stacy’s real-time transformation — physically, emotionally, spiritually — as she adjusts to her second Sublocade shot and steps deeper into the work that actually rewires a life.
In this episode she opens up about: • unexpected physical changes • what the holidays stir up • fear of what the next shot means • memories she forgot she missed • rebuilding her sense of self • surrender, peace, and emotional truth • the kind of work you feel deep in your chest
This is the part of recovery people don’t talk about… but everyone goes through.
👉 Watch Episode 5 here: https://youtu.be/WB1tswh5Q3c @SoberNotBoring @Outreach419
00:00 Introduction to Stacy's Journey
00:15 Preparing for the Second Sublocade
Shot 01:01 Concerns and Reflections on Sublocade
05:56 The Reality of Addiction and Recovery
09:46 Rediscovering Community and Family
11:25 Navigating Family Dynamics and Trust
13:24 The Power of Service Work in Recovery
17:19 Engaging in Active Recovery and Self-Care
#TheWorkThatActuallyChangesYou #LifeBeyondSuboxone #SublocadeJourney #RealRecovery #SoberNotBoring #Outreach419 #EmotionalHealing #HealingJourney #RecoveryStories
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to Life Beyond Suboxone.
(00:02):
My name is Robert and thisis Stacy, and this is Stacy's
journey as she is transitioning
off of Suboxone and goingonto the Sublocade shot
and
just kind
of how things
are going for her.
This
is our fifth episode.
Yes.
And we are real
close to
getting
your
second shot?
Yeah.
At this point.
So yeah, we met, a weekprior to it, so, yeah.
(00:24):
Wednesday
morning.
Okay.
I go on, actually they called me toconfirm my appointment today, so, yeah.
looking forward to it.
A little bit nervous again, only because
you can't get it in the same spot, Oh.
I'm not sure if they're gonnawanna choose the stomach again, but
I think it's like your stomach.
Your arm?
Yep.
or like in your buttocks
area?
I think so.
and I have really scrawnyarm, so I'm not too
excited about doing that.
(00:45):
Sure.
There's still like a, a lump right here.
Okay.
It's not as big as it was, but, andI know some people that have gotten
the shot that the lumps are stillthere and I'm nervous about that
part.
Like, okay, what is theresidual, what, you know,
what
what's the long term effect?
Exactly.
So
that's a big question
of mine now.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Like if
I'm on this for
and get it in my stomach orwherever, is that going to
(01:08):
affect me
long term?
Well that's, you know, if I, if
I go
with my plan, which is six
months sure
that's six shots.
So 1, 2, 3,
and wherever.
I'm kind of worried about likewhere, what happens afterwards?
Mm-hmm.
Is it, how long does it
take for that to go away andwhat is that and I'm, could I
have problems from that?
Like what are the side
(01:28):
effects really?
Yeah.
You know, that's somethingI'm looking into now only
because I
just, and let's say I go over my
six months mm-hmm.
Or seven,
eight
months,
you know, who
knows, what the journey
looks like.
Sure.
I'm taking it, Yep.
Right now, day by day,month by month, week by
week.
so yeah, just a
few questions are nowpopping into my head so
with the Sublocade shot, like you
had mentioned
(01:49):
before, like there
was a
lot of now given Yeah.
That you've
had a little bit of time in between,
like
reflecting back on
that, how, what was
the
level
of
pain getting
the shot?
Honestly,
scale of
one to 10.
Literally
it's like
a four.
Okay.
Like
I said, the nurse, whom I know.
Yeah.
She
hyped
me up a
little bit for it.
She's
it's super
painful.
Yeah.
We've had grown men inhere that don't, you know,
(02:10):
but
we've
all experienced, getting
vaccines or getting like a tetanus shot or
it's like that except
for.
it's
the
weird feeling of them pressingliquid into your body.
'cause it's a shot and
it's got
the liquid
in it.
Yep.
And they're pressing it all
into
you.
So it stings a
little bit and, it's like a cold feeling.
Okay.
But it's not
terribly painful.
(02:31):
Okay.
Not as bad as I thought it would be.
So I actually spokewith somebody this week
who,
transitioned off
of the Sublocade shot,
and he said that
for
almost
up to, I
think
it was almost a year,
because he was still on,
probation
or parole at that
point.
Okay.
So he was, Uh, doing
his drug tests and stuff.
He was
coming up with
a
failed drug test
(02:51):
for almost
a
year.
Oh, afterwards.
Interesting.
Yeah.
I had no idea that it sat in your
system
that long had,
did
you know that?
Was that something?
No.
Okay.
That's
interesting.
And I think that goes back to maybe
the medication, like the lumps that are
still inside you, like Sure.
What is that?
Uh, so I,
that'd be
interesting to see.
(03:12):
Yeah.
Maybe
ask her about
that.
I don't know.
Yeah.
if there's anything thatyou can do, I'm thinking
cold contrast is hotcompress or something to
contrast something Yeah.
I'm
get it.
Yeah.
I'm thinking like old wives tail things,
like putting something on
it
to help.
Hot rice.
Yeah.
Stuff like that.
Yeah.
yeah, I think that's definitely,one of the bigger questions
I'm gonna ask with that is
what is it?
how
long does it
stay in there?
and
(03:32):
yeah, if somebody's, failing adrug test, especially that long
after, that's something that.
needs to be, figured out.
Yeah.
And I've noticed lately I have beenseeing the commercials for Sublocade.
Really?
Actually, yeah.
It
was weird.
It was on, in Thanksgiving.
We were sitting at my parents'house and it just pops on the
TV and
I'm
just
(03:53):
that's quite What did thecommercial for Sublocade
say?
Or promise?
Or
like what was
the I've
never
seen one,
so, okay.
it was about a, a girl, you know,
who,
whose family really wanted herto get clean and get sober and it
get like, this is your new chance.
A, a chance.
of life.
And, and then the same thing.
It was a recovery commercial.
Okay.
But it also says in there, you know, with
(04:13):
Sublocade and with amongst otherthings like counseling and talking to
a doctor, talking, you know, and it
didn't say a recovery plan, but itdefinitely implied something, some other
things.
Yeah.
I don't remember the
exact
specifics now, but yeah, itwas interesting because I was
listening to it
and
that's what stuck out tome was like, you know, you
can have this great journey andthis medic medication can help you.
(04:35):
But it
did say along with theother things, you know,
' cause you talked
about that in
a previous episode.
Yeah.
How it's almost something
like the
doctors
sell Yes.
A certain lifestyle.
Hey, you're gonna
have
this lifestyle of
recovery.
Yeah.
If
you just
get this
shot.
Yep.
And
it's really
just a
lifestyle of sobriety, Because
there's
there's
other work that
(04:55):
happens with the recoveryjourney with Yeah, absolutely.
Like you, you get
the
shot, or even, let's say Suboxone.
Sure.
You get on Suboxone.
You're getting
sober, then comes the
recovery part of it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I, like I said, I remember, the whole,
Suboxone
thing in rehab and them
telling me, this is a chance to,have a life and do other things.
(05:19):
And,
I held onto that.
And,
I think maybe
I chose
to stay on Suboxone for a long timebecause I still held onto that,
like Suboxone's givingme this instead of paying
attention to what otherthings that I needed.
I was just holding onto to a wall.
I'm not Suboxone, so I'm
sober.
yep.
And I didn't implement the
things that I neededto, choosing sobriety.
(05:40):
Yes, absolutely.
That's one of the big,that is the biggest step.
Sure.
Choosing sobriety.
Yep.
But.
Recovery
is
the biggest thing.
After that, that's where you
start to improve
your quality of
life.
Yeah.
You
know, is in the
recovery process.
for me, I spent, a longtime in addiction the last.
(06:00):
10 years, really bad
in addiction.
my story, it wasn'tjust the last 10 years.
I started using at a youngage, marijuana, alcohol,
partying with my friends on the weekends.
And,
but my actual like
addiction to narcotics thelast 10 years of my life.
And, I really lost myself in that.
Like I forgot what it feltlike to have a family dinner.
(06:20):
I forgot what it felt like to hold a job.
I forgot what it felt like tosit down and talk to my child.
Yeah.
To have those, and lookingback now, I'm like,
I made the memories, but
I even still strugglesometimes to remember
things.
and I have that too.
Addiction took a lot for me.
Yeah.
and the, and my drug
of choice,
I was on heroin and then
(06:42):
after getting clean offheroin, methamphetamine.
Yeah, that's a, that one rightthere took a lot from me.
And I always thought in the beginning,I will never be addicted to meth.
You can't get
addicted to meth.
You can't, it's ridiculous.
You don't withdraw from meth.
Sure.
That's not even what it meant to beaddicted to I my whole realization
of what addiction really is.
Sure.
It's not just
withdrawing
from something.
And it took me a while to realize
(07:03):
that because I got
addicted to
methamphetamine.
Sure.
And, It destroyed like my, my,
my sense of family or, workethic or like self-esteem.
Self-respect.
Yeah.
The places that
I laid my head on at night or beinghomeless, sleeping in a storage unit,
in
the
middle of the winter.
Like it
just
(07:23):
craziness.
Giving
up my life.
Yeah.
And I Did you give up on
yourself?
Yeah.
And you forget those
things and now
I am
16 months and I am starting to realize,
like
the things that I'm getting
back.
(07:43):
Like making the memories andgoing to a dinner and having
a job and paying for things
and
having
goals and, having boundaries.
Standing
on my boundaries.
Sure.
self-respect, self-esteem.
I don't know where I lostthose things along the
way.
Because I had those, Yeah.
I, did.
Yeah.
And,
I don't know where Ilost myself, but I did.
(08:04):
Yeah.
And now I'm starting to.
Get that sense of self back.
I know it took a while.
In addiction.
We
just trade
so much of our soul.
Yeah.
And who
we are.
It's nuts for
that temporary
high.
It's so
crazy.
you get stuck in
that.
Like you just, you can stayin it and just live, you
know, and
just live life like that daily.
(08:26):
And
you're.
I think the more you're in it,the more it takes from you.
Like the more it takes from your humanity
and
you
begin to feel like that's
normal.
Yeah,
absolutely.
Like, 'cause everybody around me is Yeah.
Kind of
living like this, so
it's okay.
I'm not that
bad.
Yeah.
I'm not
living in
a dumpster.
Right.
I'm not, you know, I'm not shooting up.
(08:47):
I remember when I used to say that.
Yeah, well
yeah.
My drug addiction, I'm
not
shooting up though.
I'm not smoking crap.
Right.
But
then I started oh yeah.
Here I am.
Yeah.
And, and like, you said, like yousurround yourself with, with them people.
Yeah.
And
just like in addiction, you
surround yourself
with those people in recovery you have tosurround yourself with like-minded people.
that was a big change for me
(09:07):
this time.
not only choosingsobriety, working recovery,
surrounding myself withlike-minded people.
Yeah.
And Yeah.
And it can vary from people that got 15years, people that got two months, but
making sure the people around you Yeah.
Want the same things as you.
Sure.
You might not, always agree on
politics
or what
to eat for
dinner or whatever the,
the
disagreements
(09:28):
are, but you definitely, Are
working a recovery program.
Sure.
And
the,
people
around you are supportive ofthe program you're working.
Yeah, absolutely.
you, know, They're
cheerleading you They're,
rooting for you.
Yeah.
They're showing up for
you.
They're Clapping when you ring the bell.
Yeah.
They're, you know,
so, yeah.
They're proud
of
you and they
and they
speak that,
(09:48):
they say that.
community is a huge thing.
I never realized how much
I missed community.
How much I missed having ajob or, messing up at a job or
learning new things at a job.
Just Sure.
Just the little
things that I'm getting back.
Experiences.
Yeah.
Yeah.
so
you brought
up,
just a little
bit ago, the whole,
doing, uh, holidays
(10:09):
with your family and your
son.
How did that go?
I mean, you had your.
First
than Thanksgiving and
how many years?
Well, I
think four.
It
could be longer than
that
since him and I spent holidays together.
Sure,
yep.
but it's been four
since I've been able towalk through the doors?
how was that
the initial just walking in those doors?
(10:29):
What was that feeling like?
It was a lot.
I was happy, I was excited, I was
nervous.
and, even on, on both sides of my family,I got to have dinner with my mom and
my brother Clayton, and everybody at
the house.
And, on both sides we've lost people.
So it was a little bit of,
bittersweet.
Bittersweet, sure.
But knowing that, even thoughthey're not there, they're there.
(10:49):
And they're happy thatwe're all back together.
that was a big thing for me justto be able to look around and
see the pictures on the walls and like
That smell of home, I do.
I missed that.
I
didn't realize how much I missed that.
Yeah.
just
helping take care of things and cleanup afterwards and, the normalness.
(11:12):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nothing exciting.
Just kicking back,
watching tv.
Yeah.
Had the football game
and Lions
lost.
Yeah.
You know, that was, oh my gosh.
It was interesting.
So
exciting.
Yeah, it was, good.
It was.
really good.
It's, it's a work in progress.
Sure.
I definitely
have to
work on my expectations of things mm-hmm.
(11:34):
Of how I think things are supposed to go.
Sure.
because, you know, I have my mom,a heart hurt a little bit about
something, but like, I can'texpect things from my family.
Right.
I'm learning that too.
Like, they don't.
I necessarily have, allthe trust in me yet.
Sure.
And that's okay.
They're happy and grateful that I'm there.
Mm-hmm.
Um, but I'm showing them every dayjust making the right decisions
(11:57):
every day and they're seeing it.
you know, they all tell me thatthey're proud of me, which means
the world to me.
Yeah.
Um, and
uh, I'm excited for next yearalready, if that's weird to say.
No, I'm excited for Christmas.
Yeah.
Um.
Yeah.
I just, I missed these things.
Mm-hmm.
I used to say like, I hatetraveling on holidays.
(12:18):
I'm never gonna leave.
Everything's gonna be at myhouse from now on, you know,
when I
had the kids and stuff.
And, now I can't wait togo to every single family
function that I
can, Yeah.
Creating this
life that
you
want to be in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's beautiful.
Instead of avoiding it or feeling
shame,
Sure.
Because addiction, you feel, do you feel
(12:40):
shame?
You feel, resentful of yourself.
you
can't stand yourself, Yeah.
so coming out of that
and realizing I am doingthis, I'm building this and
I'm not going back.
And
I
have to believe that the way that you'reliving your life now is honoring to
the people that you have lost alongthe like you're honoring their memory.
(13:02):
Yeah.
By
choosing to live in a life where you're
sober and in recovery and doingsome things With, your life.
Yeah.
with my family and my friends thatI've lost, 'cause there's been a lot.
Sure.
Know this community hassuffered a lot, but.
'I know that they're cheering me on too, like Yeah.
Super proud of me now.
(13:23):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I get to, at work, I work at a gas station
and, in my hometown and, peoplecome in, they see the difference.
They're even, you know,some of 'em watching these
and Yeah.
it's nice to,
to know that
they care
and it's nice
to
know that
they see the difference.
Sure.
'cause
sometimes.
I don't always see it.
You know, internal work
(13:45):
is a lot harder than the externalwork and sometimes people don't get
to see the internal work that you
do.
Yeah.
'cause people
aren't with you every single day.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
any standout momentsfrom Thanksgiving, that
were just like, man,
I'm gonna hold onto this memory A decade
(14:06):
or longer?
Um, well, my
son
passed out
on the
couch.
Mm. For Thanksgiving
dinner was one of 'em.
that was
see, Yeah.
And then
just him
being comfortable.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
honestly here too, just seeing how manypeople showed up for dinner mm-hmm.
And pitched in and, andall the things like.
(14:28):
And
me being a part of that.
Yeah.
And service work and all, that's somethingI wanna, work on for next year too.
Like, I like doing service work.
Yeah.
It's a
big piece
of recovery.
Heidi and I were just talking the other
day
and,
she said, you know, I feel like.
My
recovery journey
is easier than some other people's.
(14:50):
Okay.
Because of the
job that I have.
Okay.
Where I
have to show up every day.
I'm working in recovery.
I'm the leader of this Yeah.
Center.
I am
going to meetings, some,
you know,
once, sometimes twice a day.
I'm
showing up
for people.
I'm doing the
counseling.
It's like every day her lifehas some thread of recovery.
(15:11):
Yeah, absolutely.
Running
through it.
And mine too.
I
mean, this
is the
hardest I've ever
worked on
recovery, but it's also
that service people.
You know, I got a phone call
from somebody
today and they're like, Hey, I
want
to come out and do service
work,
but I don't have a ride.
Okay,
can you come pick me up?
And,
and
at first I'm like, ah, I,
I gotta go pick a,
(15:32):
you
know, but
this
person
wants to work
here and wants
to be in
our presence
and, and so who am I to?
not go drive 20 somebodyup and in that car,
you know, we're gonnahave a little counseling
session, so.
Well, and like you said, you
guys
get to do the service work every day.
Yeah.
So when people wanna
do the service work Absolutely.
(15:53):
Because you and I both know like
Sure.
That's the stuff, that's the good stuff.
It is in recovery.
Good.
Yeah.
You know, sober Fest
was.
Amazing.
I had the best time.
Mm.
I didn't stop running around.
I didn't stop working.
Yeah.
Like, I was just on the go
and,
but I loved it.
Yeah.
And I seen just people in our community,
like just
they had the
smiles on their faces and like, theywere just like, I, I had an amazing
(16:15):
time and I can't wait to do it.
You know?
Like,
I like seeing that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's
the service work.
Those are the
things that.
You get to, do, sure.
You get to experience in recovery.
It makes your
recovery rich Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And eat with, with, uh, with Robin, youknow, she did the pancake breakfast.
(16:37):
Know I got to help her take all the stuff.
I didn't get to go to it,
but I wanna be involved inthings like that next year.
I wanna do the things I wanna,
I can't wait to see what SoberFest next year is gonna be like.
And it's,
it gets addicting.
You know what I mean?
It really does.
When you're doing things
Sure.
To help other
people and to help your community.
Yep.
Yep.
It's that
little feel good,
(16:57):
like I
just did something.
It impacted someone else and I don't
even need
my
name in a paper
or Yeah.
A
title after my name or anything.
I just
showed
up and made a Where I'm at.
and that's the biggest thingright there, making a difference.
Right.
Where you're at and meetingpeople right where they're at.
Yep.
that's the two things I've seen that
that really
(17:17):
work.
So before
we close
questions that you're thinking you'regoing to see your doctor in a day or
two here,
questions
that
you're thinking, about asking
about,
just your journey so far and likewhat to expect going forward.
What are some of
the top things you're so
wanting to ask?
The,
how it sits in there mm-hmm.
(17:38):
In my stomach and how, how, what is it?
Yeah.
First of all, and how long did it last?
You know, even you brought up, doesit make me drop dirty for things?
Would it make me drop dirty for a job?
Wow.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Like, those are thingsthat I need to know.
Yeah.
and also about the pain thing, ifit's a pain management thing, because,
like I said, I had a, an old shoulderinjury, a neck injury, that I wanna
(18:02):
do some, physical therapy for.
And I wanna make sure like
this isn't just.
It's not, feeling better just becauseof the Sublocade, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
If it,
what's the difference?
What's going on?
And, and how much does it help for pain?
side effects.
Again, I want, I really wannaget into that and see what the
side effects are long term.
Yep.
Yeah.
And then,
um, just kind of make a plan withher, where to go from, from here.
(18:24):
Yeah.
Let her know how mymonth went the thing that
I love most about.
Just your plans
here with your doctor
is that you're an activeparticipant in your recovery.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You are
interested in
what's going on in yourbody and you want answers.
You're not
just flippantly
saying, oh,
I can a shot and
(18:45):
everything's
cool, and then justgoing on with your life.
It's like you're
curious.
You wanna know like,
this
doing to
me?
How's it gonna affect me?
What's the long
term stuff?
And is this right
for me?
know, because eachperson is different, so.
Well,
and I spend a long
time in addiction not giving a shit.
You know, uh, we, uh, we do,we, we don't really care about
what we put into our bodies and,
(19:07):
um, we put our bodies through.
Yeah.
And recovery.
And I'm getting older too.
Like I,
I wanna learn how to take care of myself.
Sure.
You know, I wanna be around fora while, God willing that I am.
But yeah.
So yeah.
I wanna, I wanna learn these things.
It is important to know,
uh, what's going on with ourbodies and our health and our
mind and, and to be healthy.
Yeah.
And, uh, that's
something that I am taking seriously now.
(19:29):
You never, it's all that, that self care.
Right?
Self-care.
It's huge.
And I didn't realize how big it was.
Yeah.
You know, it's much morethan just meditating
or going out for a
run or, or taking a nap.
It's
like there are so manyother facets of self-care.
There's so many.
There's so many.
And, mm-hmm.
sometimes I forget self-care too though.
(19:50):
Sure.
Like I can get so.
Wrapped up in like my workday andworkday and meeting and home and sleep.
And
I've been getting up at four o'clockin the morning, to go to work.
And that's a big change for me.
Yeah.
I was working days and nowI'm working mornings and
I'm exhausted by two.
Sure.
I mean, yeah.
Like it's, it's different.
Yeah.
But, like I said, I want to, take care of
(20:10):
myself and I want
to.
get to know myself, get to know my body,and figure out, how to make it so I
can be around for yeah,as many years As possible.
As always.
We are not doctors.
I mean we
say
it kind of
jokingly, but, the real, real here.
Definitely if this
(20:31):
is something
that you're looking at,
if you're
currently on Suboxone or
if you're
thinking
about getting on Suboxone, or ifyou're thinking about getting off
and transitioning
over to the Sublocade shot.
Definitely have aconversation with your doctor.
It's your body.
You should
care about this.
Okay?
So like, literally go
have a conversation
with your doctor.
(20:52):
Just
see
what's up.
Talk to them about how
you're feeling, what
things are going on, what your
goals are, and come up
with a plan that works for you
and your recovery and the journey
that you are on.
And, yeah,
anything last minute.
Not off the top of my
head.
I'm just kind of excited to, to
see my doctor Wednesday and thencheck in with you guys next week.
(21:14):
Sounds good.
as always, stay sober, not boring.
Not boring.
Welcome back to Life Beyond Suboxone.
(00:02):
My name is Robert and thisis Stacy, and this is Stacy's
journey as she is transitioning
off of Suboxone and goingonto the Sublocade shot
and
just kind
of how things
are going for her.
This
is our fifth episode.
Yes.
And we are real
close to
getting
your
second shot?
Yeah.
At this point.
So yeah, we met, a weekprior to it, so, yeah.
(00:24):
Wednesday
morning.
Okay.
I go on, actually they called me toconfirm my appointment today, so, yeah.
looking forward to it.
A little bit nervous again, only because
you can't get it in the same spot, Oh.
I'm not sure if they're gonnawanna choose the stomach again, but
I think it's like your stomach.
Your arm?
Yep.
or like in your buttocks
area?
I think so.
and I have really scrawnyarm, so I'm not too
excited about doing that.
(00:45):
Sure.
There's still like a, a lump right here.
Okay.
It's not as big as it was, but, andI know some people that have gotten
the shot that the lumps are stillthere and I'm nervous about that
part.
Like, okay, what is theresidual, what, you know,
what
what's the long term effect?
Exactly.
So
that's a big question
of mine now.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Like if
I'm on this for
and get it in my stomach orwherever, is that going to
(01:08):
affect me
long term?
Well that's, you know, if I, if
I go
with my plan, which is six
months sure
that's six shots.
So 1, 2, 3,
and wherever.
I'm kind of worried about likewhere, what happens afterwards?
Mm-hmm.
Is it, how long does it
take for that to go away andwhat is that and I'm, could I
have problems from that?
Like what are the side
(01:28):
effects really?
Yeah.
You know, that's somethingI'm looking into now only
because I
just, and let's say I go over my
six months mm-hmm.
Or seven,
eight
months,
you know, who
knows, what the journey
looks like.
Sure.
I'm taking it, Yep.
Right now, day by day,month by month, week by
week.
so yeah, just a
few questions are nowpopping into my head so
with the Sublocade shot, like you
had mentioned
(01:49):
before, like there
was a
lot of now given Yeah.
That you've
had a little bit of time in between,
like
reflecting back on
that, how, what was
the
level
of
pain getting
the shot?
Honestly,
scale of
one to 10.
Literally
it's like
a four.
Okay.
Like
I said, the nurse, whom I know.
Yeah.
She
hyped
me up a
little bit for it.
She's
it's super
painful.
Yeah.
We've had grown men inhere that don't, you know,
(02:10):
but
we've
all experienced, getting
vaccines or getting like a tetanus shot or
it's like that except
for.
it's
the
weird feeling of them pressingliquid into your body.
'cause it's a shot and
it's got
the liquid
in it.
Yep.
And they're pressing it all
into
you.
So it stings a
little bit and, it's like a cold feeling.
Okay.
But it's not
terribly painful.
(02:31):
Okay.
Not as bad as I thought it would be.
So I actually spokewith somebody this week
who,
transitioned off
of the Sublocade shot,
and he said that
for
almost
up to, I
think
it was almost a year,
because he was still on,
probation
or parole at that
point.
Okay.
So he was, Uh, doing
his drug tests and stuff.
He was
coming up with
a
failed drug test
(02:51):
for almost
a
year.
Oh, afterwards.
Interesting.
Yeah.
I had no idea that it sat in your
system
that long had,
did
you know that?
Was that something?
No.
Okay.
That's
interesting.
And I think that goes back to maybe
the medication, like the lumps that are
still inside you, like Sure.
What is that?
Uh, so I,
that'd be
interesting to see.
(03:12):
Yeah.
Maybe
ask her about
that.
I don't know.
Yeah.
if there's anything thatyou can do, I'm thinking
cold contrast is hotcompress or something to
contrast something Yeah.
I'm
get it.
Yeah.
I'm thinking like old wives tail things,
like putting something on
it
to help.
Hot rice.
Yeah.
Stuff like that.
Yeah.
yeah, I think that's definitely,one of the bigger questions
I'm gonna ask with that is
what is it?
how
long does it
stay in there?
and
(03:32):
yeah, if somebody's, failing adrug test, especially that long
after, that's something that.
needs to be, figured out.
Yeah.
And I've noticed lately I have beenseeing the commercials for Sublocade.
Really?
Actually, yeah.
It
was weird.
It was on, in Thanksgiving.
We were sitting at my parents'house and it just pops on the
TV and
I'm
just
(03:53):
that's quite What did thecommercial for Sublocade
say?
Or promise?
Or
like what was
the I've
never
seen one,
so, okay.
it was about a, a girl, you know,
who,
whose family really wanted herto get clean and get sober and it
get like, this is your new chance.
A, a chance.
of life.
And, and then the same thing.
It was a recovery commercial.
Okay.
But it also says in there, you know, with
(04:13):
Sublocade and with amongst otherthings like counseling and talking to
a doctor, talking, you know, and it
didn't say a recovery plan, but itdefinitely implied something, some other
things.
Yeah.
I don't remember the
exact
specifics now, but yeah, itwas interesting because I was
listening to it
and
that's what stuck out tome was like, you know, you
can have this great journey andthis medic medication can help you.
(04:35):
But it
did say along with theother things, you know,
' cause you talked
about that in
a previous episode.
Yeah.
How it's almost something
like the
doctors
sell Yes.
A certain lifestyle.
Hey, you're gonna
have
this lifestyle of
recovery.
Yeah.
If
you just
get this
shot.
Yep.
And
it's really
just a
lifestyle of sobriety, Because
there's
there's
other work that
(04:55):
happens with the recoveryjourney with Yeah, absolutely.
Like you, you get
the
shot, or even, let's say Suboxone.
Sure.
You get on Suboxone.
You're getting
sober, then comes the
recovery part of it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I, like I said, I remember, the whole,
Suboxone
thing in rehab and them
telling me, this is a chance to,have a life and do other things.
(05:19):
And,
I held onto that.
And,
I think maybe
I chose
to stay on Suboxone for a long timebecause I still held onto that,
like Suboxone's givingme this instead of paying
attention to what otherthings that I needed.
I was just holding onto to a wall.
I'm not Suboxone, so I'm
sober.
yep.
And I didn't implement the
things that I neededto, choosing sobriety.
(05:40):
Yes, absolutely.
That's one of the big,that is the biggest step.
Sure.
Choosing sobriety.
Yep.
But.
Recovery
is
the biggest thing.
After that, that's where you
start to improve
your quality of
life.
Yeah.
You
know, is in the
recovery process.
for me, I spent, a longtime in addiction the last.
(06:00):
10 years, really bad
in addiction.
my story, it wasn'tjust the last 10 years.
I started using at a youngage, marijuana, alcohol,
partying with my friends on the weekends.
And,
but my actual like
addiction to narcotics thelast 10 years of my life.
And, I really lost myself in that.
Like I forgot what it feltlike to have a family dinner.
(06:20):
I forgot what it felt like to hold a job.
I forgot what it felt like tosit down and talk to my child.
Yeah.
To have those, and lookingback now, I'm like,
I made the memories, but
I even still strugglesometimes to remember
things.
and I have that too.
Addiction took a lot for me.
Yeah.
and the, and my drug
of choice,
I was on heroin and then
(06:42):
after getting clean offheroin, methamphetamine.
Yeah, that's a, that one rightthere took a lot from me.
And I always thought in the beginning,I will never be addicted to meth.
You can't get
addicted to meth.
You can't, it's ridiculous.
You don't withdraw from meth.
Sure.
That's not even what it meant to beaddicted to I my whole realization
of what addiction really is.
Sure.
It's not just
withdrawing
from something.
And it took me a while to realize
(07:03):
that because I got
addicted to
methamphetamine.
Sure.
And, It destroyed like my, my,
my sense of family or, workethic or like self-esteem.
Self-respect.
Yeah.
The places that
I laid my head on at night or beinghomeless, sleeping in a storage unit,
in
the
middle of the winter.
Like it
just
(07:23):
craziness.
Giving
up my life.
Yeah.
And I Did you give up on
yourself?
Yeah.
And you forget those
things and now
I am
16 months and I am starting to realize,
like
the things that I'm getting
back.
(07:43):
Like making the memories andgoing to a dinner and having
a job and paying for things
and
having
goals and, having boundaries.
Standing
on my boundaries.
Sure.
self-respect, self-esteem.
I don't know where I lostthose things along the
way.
Because I had those, Yeah.
I, did.
Yeah.
And,
I don't know where Ilost myself, but I did.
(08:04):
Yeah.
And now I'm starting to.
Get that sense of self back.
I know it took a while.
In addiction.
We
just trade
so much of our soul.
Yeah.
And who
we are.
It's nuts for
that temporary
high.
It's so
crazy.
you get stuck in
that.
Like you just, you can stayin it and just live, you
know, and
just live life like that daily.
(08:26):
And
you're.
I think the more you're in it,the more it takes from you.
Like the more it takes from your humanity
and
you
begin to feel like that's
normal.
Yeah,
absolutely.
Like, 'cause everybody around me is Yeah.
Kind of
living like this, so
it's okay.
I'm not that
bad.
Yeah.
I'm not
living in
a dumpster.
Right.
I'm not, you know, I'm not shooting up.
(08:47):
I remember when I used to say that.
Yeah, well
yeah.
My drug addiction, I'm
not
shooting up though.
I'm not smoking crap.
Right.
But
then I started oh yeah.
Here I am.
Yeah.
And, and like, you said, like yousurround yourself with, with them people.
Yeah.
And
just like in addiction, you
surround yourself
with those people in recovery you have tosurround yourself with like-minded people.
that was a big change for me
(09:07):
this time.
not only choosingsobriety, working recovery,
surrounding myself withlike-minded people.
Yeah.
And Yeah.
And it can vary from people that got 15years, people that got two months, but
making sure the people around you Yeah.
Want the same things as you.
Sure.
You might not, always agree on
politics
or what
to eat for
dinner or whatever the,
the
disagreements
(09:28):
are, but you definitely, Are
working a recovery program.
Sure.
And
the,
people
around you are supportive ofthe program you're working.
Yeah, absolutely.
you, know, They're
cheerleading you They're,
rooting for you.
Yeah.
They're showing up for
you.
They're Clapping when you ring the bell.
Yeah.
They're, you know,
so, yeah.
They're proud
of
you and they
and they
speak that,
(09:48):
they say that.
community is a huge thing.
I never realized how much
I missed community.
How much I missed having ajob or, messing up at a job or
learning new things at a job.
Just Sure.
Just the little
things that I'm getting back.
Experiences.
Yeah.
Yeah.
so
you brought
up,
just a little
bit ago, the whole,
doing, uh, holidays
(10:09):
with your family and your
son.
How did that go?
I mean, you had your.
First
than Thanksgiving and
how many years?
Well, I
think four.
It
could be longer than
that
since him and I spent holidays together.
Sure,
yep.
but it's been four
since I've been able towalk through the doors?
how was that
the initial just walking in those doors?
(10:29):
What was that feeling like?
It was a lot.
I was happy, I was excited, I was
nervous.
and, even on, on both sides of my family,I got to have dinner with my mom and
my brother Clayton, and everybody at
the house.
And, on both sides we've lost people.
So it was a little bit of,
bittersweet.
Bittersweet, sure.
But knowing that, even thoughthey're not there, they're there.
(10:49):
And they're happy thatwe're all back together.
that was a big thing for me justto be able to look around and
see the pictures on the walls and like
That smell of home, I do.
I missed that.
I
didn't realize how much I missed that.
Yeah.
just
helping take care of things and cleanup afterwards and, the normalness.
(11:12):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nothing exciting.
Just kicking back,
watching tv.
Yeah.
Had the football game
and Lions
lost.
Yeah.
You know, that was, oh my gosh.
It was interesting.
So
exciting.
Yeah, it was, good.
It was.
really good.
It's, it's a work in progress.
Sure.
I definitely
have to
work on my expectations of things mm-hmm.
(11:34):
Of how I think things are supposed to go.
Sure.
because, you know, I have my mom,a heart hurt a little bit about
something, but like, I can'texpect things from my family.
Right.
I'm learning that too.
Like, they don't.
I necessarily have, allthe trust in me yet.
Sure.
And that's okay.
They're happy and grateful that I'm there.
Mm-hmm.
Um, but I'm showing them every dayjust making the right decisions
(11:57):
every day and they're seeing it.
you know, they all tell me thatthey're proud of me, which means
the world to me.
Yeah.
Um, and
uh, I'm excited for next yearalready, if that's weird to say.
No, I'm excited for Christmas.
Yeah.
Um.
Yeah.
I just, I missed these things.
Mm-hmm.
I used to say like, I hatetraveling on holidays.
(12:18):
I'm never gonna leave.
Everything's gonna be at myhouse from now on, you know,
when I
had the kids and stuff.
And, now I can't wait togo to every single family
function that I
can, Yeah.
Creating this
life that
you
want to be in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's beautiful.
Instead of avoiding it or feeling
shame,
Sure.
Because addiction, you feel, do you feel
(12:40):
shame?
You feel, resentful of yourself.
you
can't stand yourself, Yeah.
so coming out of that
and realizing I am doingthis, I'm building this and
I'm not going back.
And
I
have to believe that the way that you'reliving your life now is honoring to
the people that you have lost alongthe like you're honoring their memory.
(13:02):
Yeah.
By
choosing to live in a life where you're
sober and in recovery and doingsome things With, your life.
Yeah.
with my family and my friends thatI've lost, 'cause there's been a lot.
Sure.
Know this community hassuffered a lot, but.
'I know that they're cheering me on too, like Yeah.
Super proud of me now.
(13:23):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I get to, at work, I work at a gas station
and, in my hometown and, peoplecome in, they see the difference.
They're even, you know,some of 'em watching these
and Yeah.
it's nice to,
to know that
they care
and it's nice
to
know that
they see the difference.
Sure.
'cause
sometimes.
I don't always see it.
You know, internal work
(13:45):
is a lot harder than the externalwork and sometimes people don't get
to see the internal work that you
do.
Yeah.
'cause people
aren't with you every single day.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
any standout momentsfrom Thanksgiving, that
were just like, man,
I'm gonna hold onto this memory A decade
(14:06):
or longer?
Um, well, my
son
passed out
on the
couch.
Mm. For Thanksgiving
dinner was one of 'em.
that was
see, Yeah.
And then
just him
being comfortable.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
honestly here too, just seeing how manypeople showed up for dinner mm-hmm.
And pitched in and, andall the things like.
(14:28):
And
me being a part of that.
Yeah.
And service work and all, that's somethingI wanna, work on for next year too.
Like, I like doing service work.
Yeah.
It's a
big piece
of recovery.
Heidi and I were just talking the other
day
and,
she said, you know, I feel like.
My
recovery journey
is easier than some other people's.
(14:50):
Okay.
Because of the
job that I have.
Okay.
Where I
have to show up every day.
I'm working in recovery.
I'm the leader of this Yeah.
Center.
I am
going to meetings, some,
you know,
once, sometimes twice a day.
I'm
showing up
for people.
I'm doing the
counseling.
It's like every day her lifehas some thread of recovery.
(15:11):
Yeah, absolutely.
Running
through it.
And mine too.
I
mean, this
is the
hardest I've ever
worked on
recovery, but it's also
that service people.
You know, I got a phone call
from somebody
today and they're like, Hey, I
want
to come out and do service
work,
but I don't have a ride.
Okay,
can you come pick me up?
And,
and
at first I'm like, ah, I,
I gotta go pick a,
(15:32):
you
know, but
this
person
wants to work
here and wants
to be in
our presence
and, and so who am I to?
not go drive 20 somebodyup and in that car,
you know, we're gonnahave a little counseling
session, so.
Well, and like you said, you
guys
get to do the service work every day.
Yeah.
So when people wanna
do the service work Absolutely.
(15:53):
Because you and I both know like
Sure.
That's the stuff, that's the good stuff.
It is in recovery.
Good.
Yeah.
You know, sober Fest
was.
Amazing.
I had the best time.
Mm.
I didn't stop running around.
I didn't stop working.
Yeah.
Like, I was just on the go
and,
but I loved it.
Yeah.
And I seen just people in our community,
like just
they had the
smiles on their faces and like, theywere just like, I, I had an amazing
(16:15):
time and I can't wait to do it.
You know?
Like,
I like seeing that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's
the service work.
Those are the
things that.
You get to, do, sure.
You get to experience in recovery.
It makes your
recovery rich Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And eat with, with, uh, with Robin, youknow, she did the pancake breakfast.
(16:37):
Know I got to help her take all the stuff.
I didn't get to go to it,
but I wanna be involved inthings like that next year.
I wanna do the things I wanna,
I can't wait to see what SoberFest next year is gonna be like.
And it's,
it gets addicting.
You know what I mean?
It really does.
When you're doing things
Sure.
To help other
people and to help your community.
Yep.
Yep.
It's that
little feel good,
(16:57):
like I
just did something.
It impacted someone else and I don't
even need
my
name in a paper
or Yeah.
A
title after my name or anything.
I just
showed
up and made a Where I'm at.
and that's the biggest thingright there, making a difference.
Right.
Where you're at and meetingpeople right where they're at.
Yep.
that's the two things I've seen that
that really
(17:17):
work.
So before
we close
questions that you're thinking you'regoing to see your doctor in a day or
two here,
questions
that
you're thinking, about asking
about,
just your journey so far and likewhat to expect going forward.
What are some of
the top things you're so
wanting to ask?
The,
how it sits in there mm-hmm.
(17:38):
In my stomach and how, how, what is it?
Yeah.
First of all, and how long did it last?
You know, even you brought up, doesit make me drop dirty for things?
Would it make me drop dirty for a job?
Wow.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Like, those are thingsthat I need to know.
Yeah.
and also about the pain thing, ifit's a pain management thing, because,
like I said, I had a, an old shoulderinjury, a neck injury, that I wanna
(18:02):
do some, physical therapy for.
And I wanna make sure like
this isn't just.
It's not, feeling better just becauseof the Sublocade, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
If it,
what's the difference?
What's going on?
And, and how much does it help for pain?
side effects.
Again, I want, I really wannaget into that and see what the
side effects are long term.
Yep.
Yeah.
And then,
um, just kind of make a plan withher, where to go from, from here.
(18:24):
Yeah.
Let her know how mymonth went the thing that
I love most about.
Just your plans
here with your doctor
is that you're an activeparticipant in your recovery.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You are
interested in
what's going on in yourbody and you want answers.
You're not
just flippantly
saying, oh,
I can a shot and
(18:45):
everything's
cool, and then justgoing on with your life.
It's like you're
curious.
You wanna know like,
this
doing to
me?
How's it gonna affect me?
What's the long
term stuff?
And is this right
for me?
know, because eachperson is different, so.
Well,
and I spend a long
time in addiction not giving a shit.
You know, uh, we, uh, we do,we, we don't really care about
what we put into our bodies and,
(19:07):
um, we put our bodies through.
Yeah.
And recovery.
And I'm getting older too.
Like I,
I wanna learn how to take care of myself.
Sure.
You know, I wanna be around fora while, God willing that I am.
But yeah.
So yeah.
I wanna, I wanna learn these things.
It is important to know,
uh, what's going on with ourbodies and our health and our
mind and, and to be healthy.
Yeah.
And, uh, that's
something that I am taking seriously now.
(19:29):
You never, it's all that, that self care.
Right?
Self-care.
It's huge.
And I didn't realize how big it was.
Yeah.
You know, it's much morethan just meditating
or going out for a
run or, or taking a nap.
It's
like there are so manyother facets of self-care.
There's so many.
There's so many.
And, mm-hmm.
sometimes I forget self-care too though.
(19:50):
Sure.
Like I can get so.
Wrapped up in like my workday andworkday and meeting and home and sleep.
And
I've been getting up at four o'clockin the morning, to go to work.
And that's a big change for me.
Yeah.
I was working days and nowI'm working mornings and
I'm exhausted by two.
Sure.
I mean, yeah.
Like it's, it's different.
Yeah.
But, like I said, I want to, take care of
(20:10):
myself and I want
to.
get to know myself, get to know my body,and figure out, how to make it so I
can be around for yeah,as many years As possible.
As always.
We are not doctors.
I mean we
say
it kind of
jokingly, but, the real, real here.
Definitely if this
(20:31):
is something
that you're looking at,
if you're
currently on Suboxone or
if you're
thinking
about getting on Suboxone, or ifyou're thinking about getting off
and transitioning
over to the Sublocade shot.
Definitely have aconversation with your doctor.
It's your body.
You should
care about this.
Okay?
So like, literally go
have a conversation
with your doctor.
(20:52):
Just
see
what's up.
Talk to them about how
you're feeling, what
things are going on, what your
goals are, and come up
with a plan that works for you
and your recovery and the journey
that you are on.
And, yeah,
anything last minute.
Not off the top of my
head.
I'm just kind of excited to, to
see my doctor Wednesday and thencheck in with you guys next week.
(21:14):
Sounds good.
as always, stay sober, not boring.
Not boring.
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Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by Audiochuck Media Company.
The Brothers Ortiz
The Brothers Ortiz is the story of two brothers–both successful, but in very different ways. Gabe Ortiz becomes a third-highest ranking officer in all of Texas while his younger brother Larry climbs the ranks in Puro Tango Blast, a notorious Texas Prison gang. Gabe doesn’t know all the details of his brother’s nefarious dealings, and he’s made a point not to ask, to protect their relationship. But when Larry is murdered during a home invasion in a rented beach house, Gabe has no choice but to look into what happened that night. To solve Larry’s murder, Gabe, and the whole Ortiz family, must ask each other tough questions.