August 13, 2024 • 44 mins
In this episode Payton first shares exciting news that he is now offering mentorship for those newly on the path of discovering their spiritual gifts. Payton also opens up about a new awareness around his passion when it comes to ethics in the spiritual world. He openly shares that the more he learns the more he can look back and see moments where he could have navigated sharing his gifts and voice differently. He reminds us that it's important to hold ourselves accountable so we can grow and do better.
Shayla then shares her beautiful story of how she has been navigating through grief of loosing her Gido (grandfather) earlier this year. In a raw and honest way she shares how the moments she thought would be most difficult weren't always so and it was more unexpected moments that became challenging.
Mentorship with Payton
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Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
Welcome to the Souly Podcast.
Intuitive mediums Payton and Shaylainvite you to join us in our conversation
exploring the world of spirituality.
In a heart centered way, weexplore many topics and share our
intuitive gifts with all of you.
Open hearts, open minds, and a curiousnature is all you need to listen in.
Let's grow together as weexpand our knowledge and try to
(00:25):
make the world a better place.
This is Souly.
Hello, Souly listeners.
We're back for another episode.
I can't believe it's August already.
I know the summer has flown by like crazy.
And I don't know if I mentioned it lasttime, but I was sick for most of the
(00:46):
summer, my family was sick for most ofthe summer, so that kind of made it feel
like it just went by super fast as well.
So just trying to enjoythe last part of August.
Like healthy.
Yes.
Let's fingers crossed.
Um, do you, in Canada, whenabouts do kids go back to school?
(01:06):
Is it mid August or late August?
Yeah.
So I think this year it's thelast couple of days of August.
I homeschool my kids.
So I'm pretty thankful to not have tobe rushing back into it in that way.
Correct.
But yeah, a little bit earlierthan, than most years here.
How about you guys?
Most the state I live in, one of thebiggest things here is the state fair.
(01:28):
Iowa is like, they havethis giant state fair.
So all of the schools in thestate wait to open up until after
the fair, because show animals.
And it's just funnythat the fair dictates.
It's when school starts, but I knowa lot of my, all of my family, not
a lot, all of them live in Illinois,which is the next state over.
(01:48):
And I believe here in the nexttwo weeks or so they do go back.
And then like, I have a nephew gettingready to start college and I know he, I
believe he moves in here in a week or two.
So yeah, it's that time of year, it'sjust all the, all the final, final
weeks and days of summer are wrappingup and I'm like, where has it gone?
(02:09):
Yeah.
Yeah, no, it's wild.
And I think there's like a feelingof almost, I think September
feels to me like a new year morethan like the actual year does.
So I think, you know, it's like alot of change, a lot of preparing,
a lot of busyness, and I think y'alljust have to take a breath and enjoy
the now because like, I don't know,depending on where you are in the
world, like for me and you, it's, youknow, summer is a short season, right?
(02:33):
And then you're just sweptback into the wintry cold.
So,
enjoy those summer and fall days.
I know.
And it's been so busy.
I'm excited to share.
I have started offeringthrough Spirit School.
I have started offering mentorshipopportunities for people who are.
(02:54):
Are beginning their spiritual journey,wanting to learn a little bit more
about divination tools, wanting justsome clarity around, I'm going to pause
right now because as I'm looking outmy window, there's a blue heron flying
over by the lake near my house.
So that's really cool.
(03:17):
Anyway, back to back on track.
I haven't seen one here this year.
That's my first one.
So I've, I've seen them elsewhere,but not here where I live.
So, yeah.
So people that are just needing somehelp and guidance as they unpack, uh, a
lot of this world, as they begin theirjourney, because it's, it is just a lot
to try and figure out in the beginning.
And that's the, that's kind of the pieceof, uh, of guidance that I really, I
(03:40):
really love that I also, you know, I loveto, Connect with angels and divine beings.
And so I'm going to help guidesome people through that.
So I actually start, I havetwo mentorship sessions, two
new mentees starting this week.
So I'm excited to get that rolling.
So when to share that with allof you, if, if any of you were
interested out there, you can findmore information at squamishmedium.
(04:02):
com and look me up on there.
And that's where you can,that's where you can find me.
So I did want to share that.
Yeah, that's exciting.
And then before we get rolling, Idid want to share one more thing,
which I felt was very important.
And if you've listened to the past coupleof episodes, we talked about a lot about
ethics in this world and some people outthere like the Squamish medium, uh, having
(04:28):
courses to help guide people through that.
There's a lot changing in our world.
Like one major thing that'sgoing on is there's a college.
In the UK, the Arthur Finleycollege that a lot of psychics
and mediums go to, to learn.
And there's like this whole, I don'tknow if it's like a walkout, but
(04:48):
there's just a lot of shifting andchanging ideas about how we approach
this world, how we teach this world.
It's, it's just evolving.
And that was kind of a lot of whatI was talking about with that.
The ethics episodes was we needto make sure we're doing better.
This is a very unregulated industry.
A lot of people are comingout and saying that they're
(05:11):
psychics and mediums and growing.
And I mean, even.
You know, even us have, have come to ourunderstanding during this time period.
So, you know, we're included in that,but you know, it's, it's just important
that as it continues to grow, thatwe try to do this in the best way.
So I do need to first say, like,I am not the guardian of what
(05:31):
is ethically correct and what isethically not, that is something
you have to figure out for yourself.
I know I was very passionate aboutthis in the previous episode.
Then I would like toshare, I did do the first.
Class in the declaration course, whichDaniel's providing around this topic.
And it was really eyeopening.
And it really took me back to a lotof moments where, you know, knowing
(05:56):
Now, I wish I knew then what I knewnow, because I probably would have
navigated a couple things differently.
One of them being, I, you know, beinga hairstylist, I have access to all
these people and as I was first likelearning my gifts and discovering
this, I was so excited to share, Iwas excited to learn and explore.
(06:18):
So I was very open about with clients,I had a lot of clients that were
very open and were like, yeah, yeah,what do you, what are you getting?
What do you see?
And then I would have some that Iwould, I would say to them, Hey,
I'm kind of picking up something.
Would you mind if I share with you?
And.
I had one client in particular thatI remember and I didn't think about
this until I was setting through thiscourse and I remember I shared with
(06:41):
her some things and she wasn't themost comfortable about it and her and
I had a, she wasn't just a client.
I mean, we had.
We had spent time together, kind ofstarted developing a friendship outside
of the professional relationship we had,but some of the information that came
through, it wasn't, uh, I could justtell she wasn't comfortable with it.
And so, and so I did stop it.
And then, you know, she ended up, sheended up leaving me as a hairstylist.
(07:05):
And so now looking back.
You know, I, I realized my intentionat that time was I was just excited
and I wanted to learn and I wantedto share because I just, I love how
healing it is, but it really isn'tappropriate to gift people that
without them coming and asking for it.
You just never know whatsomeone's going through.
You never know if they're ready.
(07:27):
There could be so many reasonsand I, you know, I don't need
to know what those reasons are.
It just, it isn't always appropriate.
So that was one thing that Came to mind.
And then another thing to be a hundredpercent honest and clear with everyone.
The last episode, I, I shared anexperience where a friend of mine, the
whole topic was about this reading that afriend of mine received and how I felt it.
(07:50):
I felt it wasn't right theway that it was delivered.
And I saw kind of the effect thatit caused when things didn't pan
out the way that they had hoped.
And honestly, I never asked thatfriend to share their story.
And I should have, even thoughagain, my intention was I wanted
(08:10):
that to be an example so thatpeople thought differently.
Because I know a lot of people thatlisten are in this world and do this work.
And I, and I wanted people to be ableto recognize that and think differently
as they go to share information andshare what it is they're receiving.
And it also, the.
The situation itself had triggeredsomething in me because I had a similar
(08:32):
experience, uh, and intuitive in the past.
And so it just triggered this firein me of like, no, this is not right.
We have to do better and that's all good.
And that's.
You know, that was my intention, but itstill was, it still was not correct that
I did not ask to share, even though Idid it anonymously and I did reach out
to them and they were completely fine,you know, afterwards with what I shared
(08:55):
and, you know, they weren't upset at all.
I just, that was somethingelse that I learned.
So.
The reason I share this is becausewe're all learning and growing and
it's important that we all knowwe're all going to make mistakes.
We all have a room to grow and improve.
And that's how we do better.
That's how we make thisspace safer for everyone.
(09:17):
That's how we make thework we do more integral.
You know, it's, it's very easy for.
A negative situation to then paintus all as one thing or another.
So I think if, if we're just honest about,you know, we want to do better, we want
to grow, we want to educate ourselves.
We want to have some parameters inwhich we understand how to work through.
(09:38):
I think, I think that's just goingto make all of us better, better.
I don't want to use the bad healers,but better, uh, Healing facilitators
or lightworkers or whatever, whateverwords, you know, feel right for you.
But so, yeah, so I wanted to sharethat with all of you and hopefully that
will inspire everyone to just take amoment and think of, you know, how can
I continue to move forward in this way?
(09:59):
Continue to grow, continue to do betterand make sure, you know, make sure
we're really taking into considerationhow that is being received by those
that we're sharing our gifts with.
Because that, that.
For me, that is the intention as to whyI do this is I want, it's not so much
about me being right or me being psychic.
It's I want, I want tobe able to help people.
(10:21):
I want to be able toserve and work for people.
And I want to be able to dothat in the best way possible
so that I'm able to do that.
Yeah, no, I think that's.
Really awesome that you noticed thattoo, and you're able to speak about it
because you could have just said nothing.
So like, I like, that's importantto, you know, share those things.
I'm, I'm glad that you were like, honestwith that because that just shows that
(10:42):
like, we're always Figuring things outas we go to, and then I think a beautiful
thing is when we can like call ourselvesout and be like, oh, I, you know, maybe
didn't do that the way I feel was right.
But at the time, that's allI knew how to do, right?
Like you can kind of learn from itand then like move forward, right?
(11:02):
So, yeah, and whileyou're talking ability.
Yeah, exactly.
Accountability.
And while you were saying that, Iwas like thinking about, Oh, what are
some of the things that I've done?
And like, I've definitely had moments,not exactly in that way, but we're
like, at the beginning there was, Iremember like some psychic questions
that I answered that I didn'tactually feel comfortable doing.
And I would never do now.
(11:23):
And I should have just said, you knowwhat, I'm not comfortable with that.
Like I can answer this instead, or like,you know, direct them in a different
way, but it's all like a learningprocess and you kind of just do it.
As you go sometimes, right?
So, right.
And
that's, that is the nature oflearning a skill or developing a skill
regardless of what field you're in.
(11:44):
Mm-Hmm.
, there's gonna be growing pains and Yeah.
And all of that.
And even people that are licensedcounselors and therapists and, and doctors
and all of those really important rolesout there that do change people's lives.
You know, they go throughgrowing pains as well.
So that's, that's the other thing.
I don't feel there's any needto be shameful about what I did.
It's it's hold myself accountable,you know, try to try to make it
(12:08):
right with those that I feel Idid not, you know, serve correctly
and do better in the future.
Yeah, absolutely.
Okay.
So
enough with the ethics talk.
I'm not like the, I'm not the ethics.
I just, uh, yeah, it's, it's just, it'sa real thing out there and it's going
(12:28):
to keep, keep growing and changing aswe continue to move on this journey.
So, all right, I'm going to pass it onto you now, Michelle, because you had
a, you had a beautiful topic that youreally wanted to focus on today and
I
would love to give you that space.
Yeah, so I, I'm sure I mentioned itbefore, but my grandfather passed away a
(12:50):
few months ago, probably like three monthsago or so, might be even before now, time
kind of feels weird in that situation.
Um, but I've kind of realized how griefis so different and mourning someone
is so different than I expected.
I've had people.
Who had passed away, but I thinkthis situation for me was different
(13:14):
because this person was somebody whowas very much so a rock in my life.
It was very strong father figure.
Yeah.
It was just this light inour family's life basically.
So there was, he was kind of the personthat everybody gravitated around.
We would always go to his house, familyevents were always celebrated with him.
And there was just so muchemotion within losing him.
(13:36):
And I also recognize that.
I think for grandparents, when welose grandparents, sometimes there
isn't a lot of empathy towards them.
It's like, Oh, that's like, youknow, that's just what happens.
You're lucky to have them lucky thatthey were old enough or whatever,
that they got to this point.
But really in reality, we only haveMaybe a hundred years, a little bit
more for like super, super lucky.
(13:56):
And that time just goesby so incredibly fast.
And I recognize that when someone passesaway, it's really about the relationship
that you had with them that will impactthe way their death affects you, the
grief that you feel, the emotions.
I have a grandfather who passed awaymany years ago, and although his passing
affected other people really strongly,it didn't impact mine at all, really.
(14:21):
Just because ourrelationship wasn't there.
So it's really about relationship andconnection and what that means to you.
And so, for example, if you have agrandparent who, or an aunt or an
uncle or sister, brother, whatever,who you were really close to, or
even had a really strong part in yourupbringing, I think that can have, you
a really big impact and effect on theway that you would grieve that person.
(14:43):
So for me, with my grandfather, itwasn't just, Oh yeah, your grandpa died.
It was like, Oh, this huge partof my life is now completely gone.
Sorry.
Let it out.
Okay.
I'm going to try to get
You're good.
It's beautiful because you, you lovedhim so much and that's just clear.
(15:06):
And you know, don't,don't be ashamed of that.
Yeah.
Crying or squirrels running outside.
Everyone.
So when you have somebody who hasthis really strongly been there for
your life and has impacted your life,it can just be really difficult.
(15:29):
And I think there are some.
aspects that I didn't expect to feel.
I feel like my grief has been all overthe place and it's just been like,
not what you would typically see, youknow, in shows or whenever, right?
So, for example, I was like, oh mygosh, this funeral is going to be awful.
I'm going to be a blubbering mess,kind of like I am just right now.
So we're probably goingto be cutting out my cry.
(15:51):
I just started crying.
But I thought I would just like, notbe able to connect with anybody, not
be able to talk, it's going to belike, the most sad thing in my life,
essentially, but it actually ended upbeing this really, really beautiful
experience, it weirdly felt like awedding, and which was so fitting.
To my guido, because he was justlike loved being at parties,
(16:13):
love connection, loved people.
So, so much.
And so the amount of people thatcame, like, it wasn't surprising,
but it kind of was because you'relike, you know, he's getting older.
People are getting older.
Not everybody will take the time to cometo a funeral, but we had over 200 people.
It was just this huge thing.
We had a conference center,which we had for my Baba as well.
(16:34):
So his wife and I remember being like,oh, my God, there's so many people here.
I hope that.
My Guido has the sameexperience for his funeral.
I mean, I guess us having the experience,not so much him, but you know what I mean?
Like that celebration of life.
And it was like that, like,it was just a time of getting
together and celebrating his life.
And, you know, I feel like myfamily, my extended family, sometimes
(16:56):
there's issues with everybody kindof communicating and getting together
and working properly together.
But I feel like during hispassing, like everybody did.
The best they could to, you know,come together in this moment.
And I think they did agood job in that regard.
And so it was really neat.
I saw people even like, it's just crazy.
Like we're a big Ukrainian family.
So like how connected people will get.
(17:17):
And my guido is so, you know,Like I said, people oriented.
So for example, my aunt is a teacherand he'd go and help in her classroom
and he'd meet like her coworkers.
And so like her coworkers from likeyears ago, 20 years ago, we're coming
neighbors that grew up at, you know,around Tim came, um, that were friends
with my mom and like just so many people.
(17:38):
I even saw my grade threeteacher, which is really cool.
So I got to see him like my danceteacher who had a huge impact on me
because my kiddo was always driving us.
So she, one of my cousinsto dancing all the time.
So like, he was so connected.
Into the community, you know,just so beautiful and they make
you don't love to guard it.
Like he just loved it.
So we have like this huge flower garden.
He won awards for his yard.
(17:59):
And so, you know, we had a lot offlowers and just the theme of that
and just showing off pictures oflike, you know, the gardening he did.
And so he was just a veryfun and unique person.
Just such a strong rock in all of ourlives and like the sunshine basically in
the middle of everything like he's justI can't even say even his voice is just
very specific and unique and eventuallywant to share some stuff on instagram
(18:23):
like about him because he's just so uniqueand just like somebody that you look up
to to be like okay I want to Have thatfamily connection when I'm older, I want
people around me, you know, during hispassing, the amount of people that were
there, like all of us cousins and, youknow, our spouses, our kids, like we're
just surrounding him and he had just somuch love around him at the end and just.
(18:46):
You know, that's something that Ihope that everybody has at least, you
know, one person when they pass to bewith them and hold space in that way.
He had so many people, like, wewere all in the room with him.
We were, we had old videos playing andhe'd kind of wake up in between and
say, Oh, and he'd point at it and smile.
Like, just.
Is celebrating his life, evenat the very end kind of thing.
(19:07):
And so this is also the two where I cometo the space of being like, Oh, I love
the concept of like death doulas andend of life care and legacy projects.
Because I think the end of life,there's just so many different
emotions packed into it.
And it can sometimes be reallyhard to navigate it, but I've
seen how beautiful it can be.
If you are able to pull togetherand create a beautiful space.
(19:29):
for the person who's passing away.
So that's definitely somethingstill on my to do bucket list.
It's like taking a course and justlearning more about it and hopefully
eventually doing some legacy projectsto kind of help people go through it.
Like one thing that is kind of ridiculous,but yesterday I was walking through his
house, And we're getting ready to sell it.
(19:50):
So that's been just a hugeemotional thing when you're
taking the pictures off the wall.
You're getting rid of furniture.
You're getting through every nookand cranny of this house, right?
And like, you know, assomeone who kept everything.
So there's like bills and letters.
And it's kind of fun though, becauselike vintagey bills from the past, you
see insurance and you're like, what?
It was how much?
71 for the year?
(20:10):
Like just wild things like that.
But it's just painful.
And I was just looking at the room.
The room's thinking, like, there's somany sounds in here that I'm never going
to hear again once this home is sold.
So I went around the room, and I,like, was opening doorknobs, and
ringing the doorbell, and, like,walking in the kitchen floor.
It makes, like, a crackling sound,and just recording, like, audio
(20:31):
recording these things, and soI'm going to put them together.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm going to put them togetherand like, my sister has certain things
recorded too, like stories that myGita would tell, she'd just record
him and stuff when he was speaking.
So, I want to put together an audioproject where we have different stories
of him, different songs that he wassinging, and just little sounds like that.
So like, that's an example.
(20:52):
I have a legacy project that I think couldbe really beneficial, like, you know,
on those days where you're like, Oh mygosh, I'm missing that person so much,
you know,
those old feelings and soundsand smells and things like that.
So, so that's one thing I did andyeah, so basically the whole thing.
That I just, I recognized while goingthrough this experience is just the
(21:13):
different ups and downs of emotions.
So, he was diagnosed with cancer.
And so that's another thing too, likeI think anybody who's ever been around
somebody who has been diagnosed withcancer, especially if it's like where
they are going to die, like they'regiven a certain amount of time.
That's really difficult to see somebody gothrough regardless of what age they are.
(21:33):
And there's a lot of little things,you know, that go in into that too.
And I'd eventually also like todo an episode on hospice because I
think that's something that a lotof people don't fully understand.
They kind of think, Oh, that's like,you're just sending them to die.
And it's, it's not like that at all.
Like there's so manydifferent factors in it.
And the people that wereat the hospice that we are,
we're just absolutely amazing.
(21:55):
Like literal angels.
One girl was actually named Angelina,so I was like, there we go, but I'd
like to talk more about that because Ithink that's something that people could
really benefit from having education on.
I spent so many nights, monthsbefore he passed away, just like
crying, like not being able tosleep, just crying, just thinking
(22:16):
about him and so much intense grief.
And then when it came to him passingaway, we were all there with him.
So he passed away when no one was there.
He kind of was waiting.
Like there were so many peoplethere, but he chose like the 20
minutes that time for nobody was.
there.
And there's a funny story I haveto tell about that one day too
when I talk about hospice as well.
(22:37):
Cause my auntie Andrea ended upcoming, um, a few minutes after and
she's dental hygienist and there'sthis whole thing with his teeth.
I'll have to tell that later,but you know, it's interesting
how people will often do that.
That's like pets too, right?
They'll just find a moment wherenobody's around so they can just
pass away peacefully kind of thing.
So we did end up comingthere and being with him.
(22:59):
But even that, like there was a senseof peace to that, that I didn't expect.
And I wasn't, like, you know, crying asintensely as I had those previous, you
know, months before, and with those randomdays sprinkled in where I would just cry.
And so that was surprising, because youwould think, oh, this person has died now.
Now is my time to reallyhave this emotion.
(23:22):
But it wasn't like that.
And then again, like,going to the funeral.
It was like a wedding instead,and that was surprising.
I didn't cry all that day, really, like,very briefly during watching the video
of his life, and like, the thing thatwas put together, the presentation.
But it was like, there was so muchcelebration of his life, and there were
so many amazing people there that Ihadn't seen in so long, and so I was like,
(23:42):
oh, that's interesting, like, I reallythought I would be in absolute distress.
And then, you know, things kind oftapered off and I felt like more
at peace with it in some ways,but still really missing him.
But then it was again to, youknow, the going through his house
that all of a sudden triggered it.
And it happened slowly and now boom,the furniture is moving out and it's
just like, oh my gosh, this is so cool.
(24:05):
realization that thisperson is not there anymore.
Like I'm not going to see themagain in the same way that I
did when they're in person.
And this realization moments.
Yeah.
It's like these milestone moments.
And I know Christmas is goingto be a hard one for sure.
And it is for a lot of peoplewhen they have someone who passes
away, but he loved Christmas.
(24:26):
Like he would full on decorate his houseoutside and fried like you haven't seen.
So That's gonna definitelybe, I know, something.
Who knows?
Maybe I'll enjoy it where maybe I'll cry.
I don't know yet, but I thinkit's gonna be a milestone moment.
But yeah, and just recognizing that, like,I had him in my life for, like, 34 years.
(24:47):
He was such a big part of my life, thisbig chapter and realizing that now I
have this whole other part of my life togo through and he won't be part of it.
And just like that recognizationof it has been just really hard
for my brain to comprehend.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And eventually there'll be a time whereI have him maybe like, I, you know.
(25:07):
I've been without him longerthan I had him kind of thing.
I think that's a common thing forpeople to when I lose people, I
would say, especially like more.
So I was just thinking even too,like when you have someone young
who passes away too, right?
When you have child or teen or whatever,and you're like, Oh my gosh, I'm now
like surpassed them in age or surpassedthem in time that, you know, I need
(25:28):
them versus, you know, that whole thing.
So there's just all these little,like triggering moments and different
emotions that I didn't expect.
And another thing too, is like.
Sometimes it wasn't even just sadness.
It was anger.
Like, absolute rage.
Like, especially watching him, you know,going through the cancer aspect of it.
(25:48):
Like, that
was hard.
Yeah.
Ouch.
Yeah.
And like, I didn't expect that aspect.
So many different emotions are like,even just laughing at random times too,
when you're not supposed to be laughingor you would think that there would be
no sea martyrs, like so many times inthe hospital where you'd say something
(26:10):
so ridiculous and we'd all just belaughing, but he was just so sick or,
you know, he was on like medication.
So he was a little bit loopy or whatever,but there's just, you know, I also want to
say that there's joy too, in the sadness.
Totally.
That can happen too that you don't expect.
So it's just very interesting and Ithink everybody's, you know, experience
(26:34):
with end of life is different.
I mean, I do feel grateful in a lot ofways that like we had time to do with him
because I know some people don't have thatand you have a loss that's really quick
and I experienced that this year too witha close family friend where just boom,
they're gone and that's also hard too.
There's, it's hard and different.
Different ways.
So I just wanted to share my experiencewith people because I know there's people
(26:55):
going out, you know, out there too thathave had moments and even if you have lost
a grandparent and you're maybe feelingguilty for even like being sad about it
because there have been moments where I'mlike, Am I allowed to be sad about this?
Like, yes, I am.
But it just, it's something thatour society's like, oh, whatever.
It's fine.
It's just a grandparent.
And like, yes, it's life.
It's a cycle of life, but it'sstill like, there's so many real
(27:17):
life emotions connected to it.
I think we have to be better atacknowledging that for each other.
And we're empathetic with one another.
And it's a long journey too, right?
Like you said, you were so early.
It can take years.
Right?
Like, and I think the second yearsometimes is even like harder because
you're like, Oh my God, this is real.
Like our human brains, I think havea really hard time understanding that
(27:39):
somebody is like just not there forever.
Like, it's just so like, itdoesn't even quite feel real.
And I think time is alsosomewhat of an illusion.
So I think that kind of playsinto that feeling as well.
So yeah, I hope my story kind of likehelps people a little bit in some way,
or even just the story of my Guido.
(27:59):
Yeah.
And I do want to share a littlebit more because there are certain
things that I'm like, Oh my gosh,this was like a really beautiful
moment, especially like the end of hispassing was a really beautiful moment.
So I eventually want to share that too.
Yeah.
Just to give people more education onlike what end of life can look like
in
certain situations.
So yeah.
Right.
(28:20):
Oh, thank you so much, Sheila.
Like, it's so beautifulthat you shared all of that.
And so many people don'tknow how to navigate grief.
And you do kind of expect likethese certain moments or these
certain things around it.
But a lot of times it hitsyou when you least expect it.
You know, you think of those milestones,you think of those birthdays, you think
(28:43):
of those dates, but sometimes it's, youknow, It's just that random Tuesday that
you're walking down the road and maybeyou hear a song that was their song and
it hits you out of there, or just somememory that floods in, um, you know,
there's just, there's no way there'sreally no way to prepare yourself for it.
It's just trying to walkthrough it and be as.
(29:03):
Gentle on yourself as you processit, as you process it, as you
navigate the moments of grief andthe, the many people I've lost in my
life, each one's been a little bitdifferent, but I think you are right.
There is this kind of societal normthat when it is an elderly person
(29:24):
that, you know, you should be ableto move on from that quicker, but
that's not how does that make sense?
This person has.
I've been with you in yourlife, your entire life.
Yeah, the whole time and that's a lotof time, that's a lot of history, a lot
of times these people, you know, do playvery important roles in our lives and, you
(29:47):
know, we're grateful that they make it asfar as they do, but there's no way that
that is going to be easier than I, noneof it's easy, it's, it's difficult, even
if it is, I mean, it can, it can be lifechanging, even when, you know, The loss
is someone that was only here for a momentor even, you know, I, I, I know a lot of.
(30:12):
People who have had pregnanciesthat haven't went through the
way that they were hoping.
And even that can be life changingfor the rest of their life.
Yeah, absolutely.
So I think it's, I think it's just, Ithink you brought up an important point
that we shouldn't put these parametersaround how grief should look just
because the person either was here for a.
(30:33):
Moment, or if they were here for 90years, you still have to just feel it.
And as cheesy as it is, griefis always an expression of love.
And the more grief that youhave, it's just, it really just
shows how much love you had.
And that, that is beautiful.
And in my opinion, youknow, it's just, it's hard.
I also, and I feel like it isgetting better, but it is also.
(30:55):
And I don't know if it's justculturally where we live or whatnot,
but this kind of like, you're not,you know, you're kind of, you're
supposed to kind of hide your grief.
Like we feel shame around griefand I hope that becomes better.
I feel like it is becoming better.
And again, that's why I like.
Working in the spiritual space.
And I think this is a fascinatingthing for you to share also being a
(31:17):
medium who connects with those who havecrossed over, like even that ability
has not made it easier for you becausethe person physically isn't here.
And I, and I think that's importantto also highlight that, you know, we,
we realize we're working with spiritand it has given us confidence that
we do move on somewhere and They'realways still around us, but that still
(31:42):
doesn't make it any easier when youlose that person in the physical.
So that is where my hope that is whatdraws me into working in the spiritual
space, that is, that is my hope that aswe, we continue to grow and this becomes
people become more aware of this world.
(32:02):
That it maybe can help, and Ithink people get this through their
religion as well, but, you know,I think the world's evolving in
a lot of ways, I think it helps.
us understand that we need to nurturethat moment of grief differently.
We need to not celebrate it,but you know, you see now more
(32:23):
people are doing celebrations oflife than necessarily funerals.
That's becoming a more popular thing.
And I think that's a much more beautifulway to honor someone as they pass, as you
know, celebrate the life that they had.
And I just hope that as the As we keepexposing people to what we, what we have
come to learn as mediums, it can helppeople realize how beautiful that process
(32:45):
of grief can be, because, you know, I havewitnessed grief that was being managed,
what would appear from the outsidein a constructive way for it to then
manifest into something very destructive.
That's that's been hard to watch.
(33:06):
So, you know, I thinkthis is a beautiful topic.
I'm really, I'm really grateful thatyou were able to share that and you
wanted to share that with everyone.
And I think, I mean, I thinkevery single one of our listeners
out there is going to be able toconnect with us and appreciate that.
So thank you.
Yeah.
Thank you for allowing me to holdingspace for me to paint and allowing me
to cry because that was really hard.
(33:27):
And like, I've had, it's interesting,like, with the mediumship thing too, I've
had so many signs from him too, and thosehave been really beautiful moments, and my
sisters, my mom, and everybody, but likeyou said, like, it's still just really
hard being a human and still having that,that grief and knowing that they're not
there in the same way, and so I thinkthat's something that's Really important
to acknowledge too, is that like asmediums, we're still going to grade too.
(33:53):
We're still going to havea hard time with this.
It's not, we're notexempt from that either.
So
no, you have to, it's about honoring thehuman nature and the human experience,
which we're experiencing right now,you know, and I've, I've, I've touched
on that has been a constant reminder.
It's kind of in the theme ofthis year is, you know, honor
our honor, our human experience.
(34:15):
And grief is a huge, a huge part of it.
I saw there was a clip that afriend of mine shared with me.
It was a real on Instagram and it wassomebody explaining like a pretty,
in a very quick way, kind of likea beautiful explanation of life.
And I love how she started it.
She said, I'm, you know, Ibelieve I'm this beautiful cosmic
(34:38):
being that one day the universesaid, Hey, would you like to go.
To earth for just a moment, just ablip of time and get to experience
every emotion that's out there.
Love, anger, anxiety,joy, all of these things.
(34:59):
And it would just be for a moment.
Would you like to go do that?
And she was like, yes,yes, I would love to.
And I just thought that was justa beautiful way again, to honor
another reminder of like honor, how.
Amazing it is to be here inthis human experience and to
get to do this, you know, as Ibelieve we are, you know, we are.
(35:20):
Spirit having a human experienceso that even as we navigate through
these really difficult moments, wecan then remind ourselves, it doesn't
mean bypass the hardness of it.
It's feel it, experience it, go throughit, cry, get angry, get, be happy,
laugh, all of those things, just allow,don't have shame around that because
(35:42):
it's part of this human experience.
And, and, and that is really,that is a beautiful thing that
we get to, we get to experience.
Yeah, it is.
I, I cried when I saw that video.
It's like, oh my gosh.
It's just like, it's so true though.
And like, this human experienceis so intense, right?
Like, it's just like,whoa, like, but that's it.
(36:02):
Like, you know, there'sso much to being a human.
So like, I think we all haveto give ourselves a bit more
credit for just even being here.
Like, do you know what I mean?
Like, yeah.
It's a wild ride sometimes filledwith every emotion possible.
Well, I did pull some cardsfor our listeners today, and
I would like to share that.
(36:25):
So the cards that I pulled today withoutgoing through exactly what each card
is, the main story behind it, whichI think a little bit reflects kind of
what we were sharing today, per usual.
I love how that works always.
Right.
Yeah, this is talking about thestruggle and moving through difficult
(36:47):
moments, difficult, difficultperiods, really heavy situations.
That's making you feel a littlebit out of control and a little
bit like, I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to navigateand what's coming through in
the cards is take some time to.
Reground a little bit.
There's a, there's a, there's an imageof mother earth, and then there's
(37:10):
another card here about grace and, uh,graceful movements and graceful actions.
So what that's saying is take sometime to pay attention to like what the
image that came to my mind was beingin nature and being near a stream of
water and seeing how effortlessly.
That water flows, even though some ofthat path of that stream is going to be a
(37:34):
little difficult, maybe, you know, maybeit's a drier season and there's not a
lot of water that's even able to flow.
Uh, maybe there's a lot of rock inthe way and it's turning up a lot
of, a lot of dirt, but it's stilljust gracefully flows as it moves.
Downstream.
So it was just this reminder of ifthings feel heavy, just allow yourself
(37:55):
to just let the energy flow through.
Just let the process move through.
Just let the journey happen.
Because I think we're so hard onourselves that we sometimes become
stubborn in how things happen.
And then we become less adaptable, webecome less adaptable to the change
that's, that's happening in that change.
(38:16):
Um, and that it feels like whatever this,like this difficult period is, whatever
this difficult thing is that I'm, I'mreferencing does feel connected to like a
new change, a new chapter, this new book.
Or however you want to word that,or however that that means for you.
And the more stubbornness you have aroundit, the harder it will be to like get
(38:37):
to that next step and to just allow theenergy of everything happening to just,
to just flow, even when the stress ofit all can make you feel less strong.
It can feel like, you know, we loseour energy, we lose our strength.
If you're feeling that, if you're feelingpowerless, just kind of surrender to it
(38:57):
and let, and just let, let things kindof flow through and let things just
kind of move in a more graceful thing.
Instead of trying to control the outcome.
And that's just going to help allow,allow this new, this new moment
to come where you're going to feellike you finally do move past this.
So, yeah, that is what I.
Got through the cards today.
(39:17):
I have a couple of new decksthat I've been playing with.
I, you know, the old saying islike, I need another card deck.
Like I needed a hole in the head.
Like I, it's funny.
Cause like some of the other likespiritual influencers and stuff,
I, I have follow in whateverthey'll show, like their office.
And it's like just these lines of decksand I'm like, I, you know, good for them.
(39:40):
I will never show much of Yeah, whatmy desk looks like because it is it is
ridiculous, but these decks and I wasvery drawn to them both of these decks.
I work with today.
They're very nature based.
And so I do feel there's a lot of this.
It was pulled to that.
And I really do feel like this reminderof, you know, we use that word to ground.
(40:02):
Uh, you know, just get back intonature or whatever that is for you.
Maybe that's doing the dishes.
Maybe that's doing a lot folding laundry.
Maybe that's going ona bike ride or a walk.
It's that time to kind of justquiet your mind and get some of
the anxiety and the, and the noiseout so that you can really just
surrender and let things kind of flow.
Yeah, absolutely.
I love that.
(40:23):
I think just, I didn't pull any cards,but just feeling into that whole thing.
It's great.
I think there's a lot of people who hadexpectations of where they thought they
were going to be or where they were going.
And it's almost like this, Oh, excuse me.
Like, this is not necessarily the wayI thought this was going to be going.
And that can really cause a lotof anxiety to really use anxiety.
(40:43):
Like that's definitely a word that.
Was coming up for me too, just likelistening to you, I think, you know,
the grounding thing that you mentionedis so important and like also finding
like what is real to you, like whatgrounds you, what feels good for you
kind of thing, because we're all a littlebit different with that, but I think
the nature thing element that you weretalking about is like, that's real, right?
(41:04):
Like that's to me, like, that'scoming, kind of stripping things
back a little bit and coming toreality of like, We need that.
We need to be out a little bit moreand get away from like our devices,
our stresses and just connect fora little bit, even if it's like
10 minutes or eight, just to, toground yourself, like you said.
So thank you for sharing that.
I think that's going toresonate with a lot of people.
(41:26):
And I think too, like you were sayingthat when you said a lot of people
think that, you know, they're not wherethey thought they were going to be.
If, if you have been like creating thisnew path for yourself, and that is true,
also give yourself some grace that whenmaking life changes or when, you know,
changing the structure of your world.
(41:47):
There's a little bit of chaos and alot of discomfort and a lot of anxiety
that comes with that and you might notrealize all the full weight of what that
means that your world's going to change.
Even if you know that's what you want,you might not realize that, you know,
I'm ready for something new, but oh,I didn't realize, you know, walking
away from these things that I'm readyto walk away from was going to be
(42:10):
as difficult as it ends up being.
You know, or like your emotions thatare connected with it and all of that.
So, and then that's, I think when thatstuff starts coming in, that's where
some more of this anxiety comes up oflike, am I making the right decision?
Is this what I really wanted?
And that's again, you know, back tolike, it's good to just take some time
to let things flow, have faith in it,get out in nature, just let yourself
(42:32):
like quiet the mind so that you canquit letting this noise and this, this,
this fear and this anxiety controlled.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
I love that.
Awesome.
Well, Shayla, this was awesome.
I'm so grateful for you.
And again, thank you so much for sharingyour story to share your story while
(42:52):
you are still walking through grief.
I think it's so powerful.
I know you've been wanting toshare this for a while and trying
to figure out like how to do it.
And then you did a beautiful job.
So I just want to appreciate that.
Thank
you.
Awesome.
All right, everyone.
We will see you next time.
Bye.
Bye.
Hey, Souly listeners, thank you somuch for being here with us today.
(43:16):
If you enjoy this podcast and wouldlike to help support us, there are
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Send it to a friend or a familymember who you feel would really
(43:37):
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Welcome to the Souly Podcast.
Intuitive mediums Payton and Shaylainvite you to join us in our conversation
exploring the world of spirituality.
In a heart centered way, weexplore many topics and share our
intuitive gifts with all of you.
Open hearts, open minds, and a curiousnature is all you need to listen in.
Let's grow together as weexpand our knowledge and try to
(00:25):
make the world a better place.
This is Souly.
Hello, Souly listeners.
We're back for another episode.
I can't believe it's August already.
I know the summer has flown by like crazy.
And I don't know if I mentioned it lasttime, but I was sick for most of the
(00:46):
summer, my family was sick for most ofthe summer, so that kind of made it feel
like it just went by super fast as well.
So just trying to enjoythe last part of August.
Like healthy.
Yes.
Let's fingers crossed.
Um, do you, in Canada, whenabouts do kids go back to school?
(01:06):
Is it mid August or late August?
Yeah.
So I think this year it's thelast couple of days of August.
I homeschool my kids.
So I'm pretty thankful to not have tobe rushing back into it in that way.
Correct.
But yeah, a little bit earlierthan, than most years here.
How about you guys?
Most the state I live in, one of thebiggest things here is the state fair.
(01:28):
Iowa is like, they havethis giant state fair.
So all of the schools in thestate wait to open up until after
the fair, because show animals.
And it's just funnythat the fair dictates.
It's when school starts, but I knowa lot of my, all of my family, not
a lot, all of them live in Illinois,which is the next state over.
(01:48):
And I believe here in the nexttwo weeks or so they do go back.
And then like, I have a nephew gettingready to start college and I know he, I
believe he moves in here in a week or two.
So yeah, it's that time of year, it'sjust all the, all the final, final
weeks and days of summer are wrappingup and I'm like, where has it gone?
(02:09):
Yeah.
Yeah, no, it's wild.
And I think there's like a feelingof almost, I think September
feels to me like a new year morethan like the actual year does.
So I think, you know, it's like alot of change, a lot of preparing,
a lot of busyness, and I think y'alljust have to take a breath and enjoy
the now because like, I don't know,depending on where you are in the
world, like for me and you, it's, youknow, summer is a short season, right?
(02:33):
And then you're just sweptback into the wintry cold.
So,
enjoy those summer and fall days.
I know.
And it's been so busy.
I'm excited to share.
I have started offeringthrough Spirit School.
I have started offering mentorshipopportunities for people who are.
(02:54):
Are beginning their spiritual journey,wanting to learn a little bit more
about divination tools, wanting justsome clarity around, I'm going to pause
right now because as I'm looking outmy window, there's a blue heron flying
over by the lake near my house.
So that's really cool.
(03:17):
Anyway, back to back on track.
I haven't seen one here this year.
That's my first one.
So I've, I've seen them elsewhere,but not here where I live.
So, yeah.
So people that are just needing somehelp and guidance as they unpack, uh, a
lot of this world, as they begin theirjourney, because it's, it is just a lot
to try and figure out in the beginning.
And that's the, that's kind of the pieceof, uh, of guidance that I really, I
(03:40):
really love that I also, you know, I loveto, Connect with angels and divine beings.
And so I'm going to help guidesome people through that.
So I actually start, I havetwo mentorship sessions, two
new mentees starting this week.
So I'm excited to get that rolling.
So when to share that with allof you, if, if any of you were
interested out there, you can findmore information at squamishmedium.
(04:02):
com and look me up on there.
And that's where you can,that's where you can find me.
So I did want to share that.
Yeah, that's exciting.
And then before we get rolling, Idid want to share one more thing,
which I felt was very important.
And if you've listened to the past coupleof episodes, we talked about a lot about
ethics in this world and some people outthere like the Squamish medium, uh, having
(04:28):
courses to help guide people through that.
There's a lot changing in our world.
Like one major thing that'sgoing on is there's a college.
In the UK, the Arthur Finleycollege that a lot of psychics
and mediums go to, to learn.
And there's like this whole, I don'tknow if it's like a walkout, but
(04:48):
there's just a lot of shifting andchanging ideas about how we approach
this world, how we teach this world.
It's, it's just evolving.
And that was kind of a lot of whatI was talking about with that.
The ethics episodes was we needto make sure we're doing better.
This is a very unregulated industry.
A lot of people are comingout and saying that they're
(05:11):
psychics and mediums and growing.
And I mean, even.
You know, even us have, have come to ourunderstanding during this time period.
So, you know, we're included in that,but you know, it's, it's just important
that as it continues to grow, thatwe try to do this in the best way.
So I do need to first say, like,I am not the guardian of what
(05:31):
is ethically correct and what isethically not, that is something
you have to figure out for yourself.
I know I was very passionate aboutthis in the previous episode.
Then I would like toshare, I did do the first.
Class in the declaration course, whichDaniel's providing around this topic.
And it was really eyeopening.
And it really took me back to a lotof moments where, you know, knowing
(05:56):
Now, I wish I knew then what I knewnow, because I probably would have
navigated a couple things differently.
One of them being, I, you know, beinga hairstylist, I have access to all
these people and as I was first likelearning my gifts and discovering
this, I was so excited to share, Iwas excited to learn and explore.
(06:18):
So I was very open about with clients,I had a lot of clients that were
very open and were like, yeah, yeah,what do you, what are you getting?
What do you see?
And then I would have some that Iwould, I would say to them, Hey,
I'm kind of picking up something.
Would you mind if I share with you?
And.
I had one client in particular thatI remember and I didn't think about
this until I was setting through thiscourse and I remember I shared with
(06:41):
her some things and she wasn't themost comfortable about it and her and
I had a, she wasn't just a client.
I mean, we had.
We had spent time together, kind ofstarted developing a friendship outside
of the professional relationship we had,but some of the information that came
through, it wasn't, uh, I could justtell she wasn't comfortable with it.
And so, and so I did stop it.
And then, you know, she ended up, sheended up leaving me as a hairstylist.
(07:05):
And so now looking back.
You know, I, I realized my intentionat that time was I was just excited
and I wanted to learn and I wantedto share because I just, I love how
healing it is, but it really isn'tappropriate to gift people that
without them coming and asking for it.
You just never know whatsomeone's going through.
You never know if they're ready.
(07:27):
There could be so many reasonsand I, you know, I don't need
to know what those reasons are.
It just, it isn't always appropriate.
So that was one thing that Came to mind.
And then another thing to be a hundredpercent honest and clear with everyone.
The last episode, I, I shared anexperience where a friend of mine, the
whole topic was about this reading that afriend of mine received and how I felt it.
(07:50):
I felt it wasn't right theway that it was delivered.
And I saw kind of the effect thatit caused when things didn't pan
out the way that they had hoped.
And honestly, I never asked thatfriend to share their story.
And I should have, even thoughagain, my intention was I wanted
(08:10):
that to be an example so thatpeople thought differently.
Because I know a lot of people thatlisten are in this world and do this work.
And I, and I wanted people to be ableto recognize that and think differently
as they go to share information andshare what it is they're receiving.
And it also, the.
The situation itself had triggeredsomething in me because I had a similar
(08:32):
experience, uh, and intuitive in the past.
And so it just triggered this firein me of like, no, this is not right.
We have to do better and that's all good.
And that's.
You know, that was my intention, but itstill was, it still was not correct that
I did not ask to share, even though Idid it anonymously and I did reach out
to them and they were completely fine,you know, afterwards with what I shared
(08:55):
and, you know, they weren't upset at all.
I just, that was somethingelse that I learned.
So.
The reason I share this is becausewe're all learning and growing and
it's important that we all knowwe're all going to make mistakes.
We all have a room to grow and improve.
And that's how we do better.
That's how we make thisspace safer for everyone.
(09:17):
That's how we make thework we do more integral.
You know, it's, it's very easy for.
A negative situation to then paintus all as one thing or another.
So I think if, if we're just honest about,you know, we want to do better, we want
to grow, we want to educate ourselves.
We want to have some parameters inwhich we understand how to work through.
(09:38):
I think, I think that's just goingto make all of us better, better.
I don't want to use the bad healers,but better, uh, Healing facilitators
or lightworkers or whatever, whateverwords, you know, feel right for you.
But so, yeah, so I wanted to sharethat with all of you and hopefully that
will inspire everyone to just take amoment and think of, you know, how can
I continue to move forward in this way?
(09:59):
Continue to grow, continue to do betterand make sure, you know, make sure
we're really taking into considerationhow that is being received by those
that we're sharing our gifts with.
Because that, that.
For me, that is the intention as to whyI do this is I want, it's not so much
about me being right or me being psychic.
It's I want, I want tobe able to help people.
(10:21):
I want to be able toserve and work for people.
And I want to be able to dothat in the best way possible
so that I'm able to do that.
Yeah, no, I think that's.
Really awesome that you noticed thattoo, and you're able to speak about it
because you could have just said nothing.
So like, I like, that's importantto, you know, share those things.
I'm, I'm glad that you were like, honestwith that because that just shows that
(10:42):
like, we're always Figuring things outas we go to, and then I think a beautiful
thing is when we can like call ourselvesout and be like, oh, I, you know, maybe
didn't do that the way I feel was right.
But at the time, that's allI knew how to do, right?
Like you can kind of learn from itand then like move forward, right?
(11:02):
So, yeah, and whileyou're talking ability.
Yeah, exactly.
Accountability.
And while you were saying that, Iwas like thinking about, Oh, what are
some of the things that I've done?
And like, I've definitely had moments,not exactly in that way, but we're
like, at the beginning there was, Iremember like some psychic questions
that I answered that I didn'tactually feel comfortable doing.
And I would never do now.
(11:23):
And I should have just said, you knowwhat, I'm not comfortable with that.
Like I can answer this instead, or like,you know, direct them in a different
way, but it's all like a learningprocess and you kind of just do it.
As you go sometimes, right?
So, right.
And
that's, that is the nature oflearning a skill or developing a skill
regardless of what field you're in.
(11:44):
Mm-Hmm.
, there's gonna be growing pains and Yeah.
And all of that.
And even people that are licensedcounselors and therapists and, and doctors
and all of those really important rolesout there that do change people's lives.
You know, they go throughgrowing pains as well.
So that's, that's the other thing.
I don't feel there's any needto be shameful about what I did.
It's it's hold myself accountable,you know, try to try to make it
(12:08):
right with those that I feel Idid not, you know, serve correctly
and do better in the future.
Yeah, absolutely.
Okay.
So
enough with the ethics talk.
I'm not like the, I'm not the ethics.
I just, uh, yeah, it's, it's just, it'sa real thing out there and it's going
(12:28):
to keep, keep growing and changing aswe continue to move on this journey.
So, all right, I'm going to pass it onto you now, Michelle, because you had
a, you had a beautiful topic that youreally wanted to focus on today and
I
would love to give you that space.
Yeah, so I, I'm sure I mentioned itbefore, but my grandfather passed away a
(12:50):
few months ago, probably like three monthsago or so, might be even before now, time
kind of feels weird in that situation.
Um, but I've kind of realized how griefis so different and mourning someone
is so different than I expected.
I've had people.
Who had passed away, but I thinkthis situation for me was different
(13:14):
because this person was somebody whowas very much so a rock in my life.
It was very strong father figure.
Yeah.
It was just this light inour family's life basically.
So there was, he was kind of the personthat everybody gravitated around.
We would always go to his house, familyevents were always celebrated with him.
And there was just so muchemotion within losing him.
(13:36):
And I also recognize that.
I think for grandparents, when welose grandparents, sometimes there
isn't a lot of empathy towards them.
It's like, Oh, that's like, youknow, that's just what happens.
You're lucky to have them lucky thatthey were old enough or whatever,
that they got to this point.
But really in reality, we only haveMaybe a hundred years, a little bit
more for like super, super lucky.
(13:56):
And that time just goesby so incredibly fast.
And I recognize that when someone passesaway, it's really about the relationship
that you had with them that will impactthe way their death affects you, the
grief that you feel, the emotions.
I have a grandfather who passed awaymany years ago, and although his passing
affected other people really strongly,it didn't impact mine at all, really.
(14:21):
Just because ourrelationship wasn't there.
So it's really about relationship andconnection and what that means to you.
And so, for example, if you have agrandparent who, or an aunt or an
uncle or sister, brother, whatever,who you were really close to, or
even had a really strong part in yourupbringing, I think that can have, you
a really big impact and effect on theway that you would grieve that person.
(14:43):
So for me, with my grandfather, itwasn't just, Oh yeah, your grandpa died.
It was like, Oh, this huge partof my life is now completely gone.
Sorry.
Let it out.
Okay.
I'm going to try to get
You're good.
It's beautiful because you, you lovedhim so much and that's just clear.
(15:06):
And you know, don't,don't be ashamed of that.
Yeah.
Crying or squirrels running outside.
Everyone.
So when you have somebody who hasthis really strongly been there for
your life and has impacted your life,it can just be really difficult.
(15:29):
And I think there are some.
aspects that I didn't expect to feel.
I feel like my grief has been all overthe place and it's just been like,
not what you would typically see, youknow, in shows or whenever, right?
So, for example, I was like, oh mygosh, this funeral is going to be awful.
I'm going to be a blubbering mess,kind of like I am just right now.
So we're probably goingto be cutting out my cry.
(15:51):
I just started crying.
But I thought I would just like, notbe able to connect with anybody, not
be able to talk, it's going to belike, the most sad thing in my life,
essentially, but it actually ended upbeing this really, really beautiful
experience, it weirdly felt like awedding, and which was so fitting.
To my guido, because he was justlike loved being at parties,
(16:13):
love connection, loved people.
So, so much.
And so the amount of people thatcame, like, it wasn't surprising,
but it kind of was because you'relike, you know, he's getting older.
People are getting older.
Not everybody will take the time to cometo a funeral, but we had over 200 people.
It was just this huge thing.
We had a conference center,which we had for my Baba as well.
(16:34):
So his wife and I remember being like,oh, my God, there's so many people here.
I hope that.
My Guido has the sameexperience for his funeral.
I mean, I guess us having the experience,not so much him, but you know what I mean?
Like that celebration of life.
And it was like that, like,it was just a time of getting
together and celebrating his life.
And, you know, I feel like myfamily, my extended family, sometimes
(16:56):
there's issues with everybody kindof communicating and getting together
and working properly together.
But I feel like during hispassing, like everybody did.
The best they could to, you know,come together in this moment.
And I think they did agood job in that regard.
And so it was really neat.
I saw people even like, it's just crazy.
Like we're a big Ukrainian family.
So like how connected people will get.
(17:17):
And my guido is so, you know,Like I said, people oriented.
So for example, my aunt is a teacherand he'd go and help in her classroom
and he'd meet like her coworkers.
And so like her coworkers from likeyears ago, 20 years ago, we're coming
neighbors that grew up at, you know,around Tim came, um, that were friends
with my mom and like just so many people.
(17:38):
I even saw my grade threeteacher, which is really cool.
So I got to see him like my danceteacher who had a huge impact on me
because my kiddo was always driving us.
So she, one of my cousinsto dancing all the time.
So like, he was so connected.
Into the community, you know,just so beautiful and they make
you don't love to guard it.
Like he just loved it.
So we have like this huge flower garden.
He won awards for his yard.
(17:59):
And so, you know, we had a lot offlowers and just the theme of that
and just showing off pictures oflike, you know, the gardening he did.
And so he was just a veryfun and unique person.
Just such a strong rock in all of ourlives and like the sunshine basically in
the middle of everything like he's justI can't even say even his voice is just
very specific and unique and eventuallywant to share some stuff on instagram
(18:23):
like about him because he's just so uniqueand just like somebody that you look up
to to be like okay I want to Have thatfamily connection when I'm older, I want
people around me, you know, during hispassing, the amount of people that were
there, like all of us cousins and, youknow, our spouses, our kids, like we're
just surrounding him and he had just somuch love around him at the end and just.
(18:46):
You know, that's something that Ihope that everybody has at least, you
know, one person when they pass to bewith them and hold space in that way.
He had so many people, like, wewere all in the room with him.
We were, we had old videos playing andhe'd kind of wake up in between and
say, Oh, and he'd point at it and smile.
Like, just.
Is celebrating his life, evenat the very end kind of thing.
(19:07):
And so this is also the two where I cometo the space of being like, Oh, I love
the concept of like death doulas andend of life care and legacy projects.
Because I think the end of life,there's just so many different
emotions packed into it.
And it can sometimes be reallyhard to navigate it, but I've
seen how beautiful it can be.
If you are able to pull togetherand create a beautiful space.
(19:29):
for the person who's passing away.
So that's definitely somethingstill on my to do bucket list.
It's like taking a course and justlearning more about it and hopefully
eventually doing some legacy projectsto kind of help people go through it.
Like one thing that is kind of ridiculous,but yesterday I was walking through his
house, And we're getting ready to sell it.
(19:50):
So that's been just a hugeemotional thing when you're
taking the pictures off the wall.
You're getting rid of furniture.
You're getting through every nookand cranny of this house, right?
And like, you know, assomeone who kept everything.
So there's like bills and letters.
And it's kind of fun though, becauselike vintagey bills from the past, you
see insurance and you're like, what?
It was how much?
71 for the year?
(20:10):
Like just wild things like that.
But it's just painful.
And I was just looking at the room.
The room's thinking, like, there's somany sounds in here that I'm never going
to hear again once this home is sold.
So I went around the room, and I,like, was opening doorknobs, and
ringing the doorbell, and, like,walking in the kitchen floor.
It makes, like, a crackling sound,and just recording, like, audio
(20:31):
recording these things, and soI'm going to put them together.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm going to put them togetherand like, my sister has certain things
recorded too, like stories that myGita would tell, she'd just record
him and stuff when he was speaking.
So, I want to put together an audioproject where we have different stories
of him, different songs that he wassinging, and just little sounds like that.
So like, that's an example.
(20:52):
I have a legacy project that I think couldbe really beneficial, like, you know,
on those days where you're like, Oh mygosh, I'm missing that person so much,
you know,
those old feelings and soundsand smells and things like that.
So, so that's one thing I did andyeah, so basically the whole thing.
That I just, I recognized while goingthrough this experience is just the
(21:13):
different ups and downs of emotions.
So, he was diagnosed with cancer.
And so that's another thing too, likeI think anybody who's ever been around
somebody who has been diagnosed withcancer, especially if it's like where
they are going to die, like they'regiven a certain amount of time.
That's really difficult to see somebody gothrough regardless of what age they are.
(21:33):
And there's a lot of little things,you know, that go in into that too.
And I'd eventually also like todo an episode on hospice because I
think that's something that a lotof people don't fully understand.
They kind of think, Oh, that's like,you're just sending them to die.
And it's, it's not like that at all.
Like there's so manydifferent factors in it.
And the people that wereat the hospice that we are,
we're just absolutely amazing.
(21:55):
Like literal angels.
One girl was actually named Angelina,so I was like, there we go, but I'd
like to talk more about that because Ithink that's something that people could
really benefit from having education on.
I spent so many nights, monthsbefore he passed away, just like
crying, like not being able tosleep, just crying, just thinking
(22:16):
about him and so much intense grief.
And then when it came to him passingaway, we were all there with him.
So he passed away when no one was there.
He kind of was waiting.
Like there were so many peoplethere, but he chose like the 20
minutes that time for nobody was.
there.
And there's a funny story I haveto tell about that one day too
when I talk about hospice as well.
(22:37):
Cause my auntie Andrea ended upcoming, um, a few minutes after and
she's dental hygienist and there'sthis whole thing with his teeth.
I'll have to tell that later,but you know, it's interesting
how people will often do that.
That's like pets too, right?
They'll just find a moment wherenobody's around so they can just
pass away peacefully kind of thing.
So we did end up comingthere and being with him.
(22:59):
But even that, like there was a senseof peace to that, that I didn't expect.
And I wasn't, like, you know, crying asintensely as I had those previous, you
know, months before, and with those randomdays sprinkled in where I would just cry.
And so that was surprising, because youwould think, oh, this person has died now.
Now is my time to reallyhave this emotion.
(23:22):
But it wasn't like that.
And then again, like,going to the funeral.
It was like a wedding instead,and that was surprising.
I didn't cry all that day, really, like,very briefly during watching the video
of his life, and like, the thing thatwas put together, the presentation.
But it was like, there was so muchcelebration of his life, and there were
so many amazing people there that Ihadn't seen in so long, and so I was like,
(23:42):
oh, that's interesting, like, I reallythought I would be in absolute distress.
And then, you know, things kind oftapered off and I felt like more
at peace with it in some ways,but still really missing him.
But then it was again to, youknow, the going through his house
that all of a sudden triggered it.
And it happened slowly and now boom,the furniture is moving out and it's
just like, oh my gosh, this is so cool.
(24:05):
realization that thisperson is not there anymore.
Like I'm not going to see themagain in the same way that I
did when they're in person.
And this realization moments.
Yeah.
It's like these milestone moments.
And I know Christmas is goingto be a hard one for sure.
And it is for a lot of peoplewhen they have someone who passes
away, but he loved Christmas.
(24:26):
Like he would full on decorate his houseoutside and fried like you haven't seen.
So That's gonna definitelybe, I know, something.
Who knows?
Maybe I'll enjoy it where maybe I'll cry.
I don't know yet, but I thinkit's gonna be a milestone moment.
But yeah, and just recognizing that, like,I had him in my life for, like, 34 years.
(24:47):
He was such a big part of my life, thisbig chapter and realizing that now I
have this whole other part of my life togo through and he won't be part of it.
And just like that recognizationof it has been just really hard
for my brain to comprehend.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And eventually there'll be a time whereI have him maybe like, I, you know.
(25:07):
I've been without him longerthan I had him kind of thing.
I think that's a common thing forpeople to when I lose people, I
would say, especially like more.
So I was just thinking even too,like when you have someone young
who passes away too, right?
When you have child or teen or whatever,and you're like, Oh my gosh, I'm now
like surpassed them in age or surpassedthem in time that, you know, I need
(25:28):
them versus, you know, that whole thing.
So there's just all these little,like triggering moments and different
emotions that I didn't expect.
And another thing too, is like.
Sometimes it wasn't even just sadness.
It was anger.
Like, absolute rage.
Like, especially watching him, you know,going through the cancer aspect of it.
(25:48):
Like, that
was hard.
Yeah.
Ouch.
Yeah.
And like, I didn't expect that aspect.
So many different emotions are like,even just laughing at random times too,
when you're not supposed to be laughingor you would think that there would be
no sea martyrs, like so many times inthe hospital where you'd say something
(26:10):
so ridiculous and we'd all just belaughing, but he was just so sick or,
you know, he was on like medication.
So he was a little bit loopy or whatever,but there's just, you know, I also want to
say that there's joy too, in the sadness.
Totally.
That can happen too that you don't expect.
So it's just very interesting and Ithink everybody's, you know, experience
(26:34):
with end of life is different.
I mean, I do feel grateful in a lot ofways that like we had time to do with him
because I know some people don't have thatand you have a loss that's really quick
and I experienced that this year too witha close family friend where just boom,
they're gone and that's also hard too.
There's, it's hard and different.
Different ways.
So I just wanted to share my experiencewith people because I know there's people
(26:55):
going out, you know, out there too thathave had moments and even if you have lost
a grandparent and you're maybe feelingguilty for even like being sad about it
because there have been moments where I'mlike, Am I allowed to be sad about this?
Like, yes, I am.
But it just, it's something thatour society's like, oh, whatever.
It's fine.
It's just a grandparent.
And like, yes, it's life.
It's a cycle of life, but it'sstill like, there's so many real
(27:17):
life emotions connected to it.
I think we have to be better atacknowledging that for each other.
And we're empathetic with one another.
And it's a long journey too, right?
Like you said, you were so early.
It can take years.
Right?
Like, and I think the second yearsometimes is even like harder because
you're like, Oh my God, this is real.
Like our human brains, I think havea really hard time understanding that
(27:39):
somebody is like just not there forever.
Like, it's just so like, itdoesn't even quite feel real.
And I think time is alsosomewhat of an illusion.
So I think that kind of playsinto that feeling as well.
So yeah, I hope my story kind of likehelps people a little bit in some way,
or even just the story of my Guido.
(27:59):
Yeah.
And I do want to share a littlebit more because there are certain
things that I'm like, Oh my gosh,this was like a really beautiful
moment, especially like the end of hispassing was a really beautiful moment.
So I eventually want to share that too.
Yeah.
Just to give people more education onlike what end of life can look like
in
certain situations.
So yeah.
Right.
(28:20):
Oh, thank you so much, Sheila.
Like, it's so beautifulthat you shared all of that.
And so many people don'tknow how to navigate grief.
And you do kind of expect likethese certain moments or these
certain things around it.
But a lot of times it hitsyou when you least expect it.
You know, you think of those milestones,you think of those birthdays, you think
(28:43):
of those dates, but sometimes it's, youknow, It's just that random Tuesday that
you're walking down the road and maybeyou hear a song that was their song and
it hits you out of there, or just somememory that floods in, um, you know,
there's just, there's no way there'sreally no way to prepare yourself for it.
It's just trying to walkthrough it and be as.
(29:03):
Gentle on yourself as you processit, as you process it, as you
navigate the moments of grief andthe, the many people I've lost in my
life, each one's been a little bitdifferent, but I think you are right.
There is this kind of societal normthat when it is an elderly person
(29:24):
that, you know, you should be ableto move on from that quicker, but
that's not how does that make sense?
This person has.
I've been with you in yourlife, your entire life.
Yeah, the whole time and that's a lotof time, that's a lot of history, a lot
of times these people, you know, do playvery important roles in our lives and, you
(29:47):
know, we're grateful that they make it asfar as they do, but there's no way that
that is going to be easier than I, noneof it's easy, it's, it's difficult, even
if it is, I mean, it can, it can be lifechanging, even when, you know, The loss
is someone that was only here for a momentor even, you know, I, I, I know a lot of.
(30:12):
People who have had pregnanciesthat haven't went through the
way that they were hoping.
And even that can be life changingfor the rest of their life.
Yeah, absolutely.
So I think it's, I think it's just, Ithink you brought up an important point
that we shouldn't put these parametersaround how grief should look just
because the person either was here for a.
(30:33):
Moment, or if they were here for 90years, you still have to just feel it.
And as cheesy as it is, griefis always an expression of love.
And the more grief that youhave, it's just, it really just
shows how much love you had.
And that, that is beautiful.
And in my opinion, youknow, it's just, it's hard.
I also, and I feel like it isgetting better, but it is also.
(30:55):
And I don't know if it's justculturally where we live or whatnot,
but this kind of like, you're not,you know, you're kind of, you're
supposed to kind of hide your grief.
Like we feel shame around griefand I hope that becomes better.
I feel like it is becoming better.
And again, that's why I like.
Working in the spiritual space.
And I think this is a fascinatingthing for you to share also being a
(31:17):
medium who connects with those who havecrossed over, like even that ability
has not made it easier for you becausethe person physically isn't here.
And I, and I think that's importantto also highlight that, you know, we,
we realize we're working with spiritand it has given us confidence that
we do move on somewhere and They'realways still around us, but that still
(31:42):
doesn't make it any easier when youlose that person in the physical.
So that is where my hope that is whatdraws me into working in the spiritual
space, that is, that is my hope that aswe, we continue to grow and this becomes
people become more aware of this world.
(32:02):
That it maybe can help, and Ithink people get this through their
religion as well, but, you know,I think the world's evolving in
a lot of ways, I think it helps.
us understand that we need to nurturethat moment of grief differently.
We need to not celebrate it,but you know, you see now more
(32:23):
people are doing celebrations oflife than necessarily funerals.
That's becoming a more popular thing.
And I think that's a much more beautifulway to honor someone as they pass, as you
know, celebrate the life that they had.
And I just hope that as the As we keepexposing people to what we, what we have
come to learn as mediums, it can helppeople realize how beautiful that process
(32:45):
of grief can be, because, you know, I havewitnessed grief that was being managed,
what would appear from the outsidein a constructive way for it to then
manifest into something very destructive.
That's that's been hard to watch.
(33:06):
So, you know, I thinkthis is a beautiful topic.
I'm really, I'm really grateful thatyou were able to share that and you
wanted to share that with everyone.
And I think, I mean, I thinkevery single one of our listeners
out there is going to be able toconnect with us and appreciate that.
So thank you.
Yeah.
Thank you for allowing me to holdingspace for me to paint and allowing me
to cry because that was really hard.
(33:27):
And like, I've had, it's interesting,like, with the mediumship thing too, I've
had so many signs from him too, and thosehave been really beautiful moments, and my
sisters, my mom, and everybody, but likeyou said, like, it's still just really
hard being a human and still having that,that grief and knowing that they're not
there in the same way, and so I thinkthat's something that's Really important
to acknowledge too, is that like asmediums, we're still going to grade too.
(33:53):
We're still going to havea hard time with this.
It's not, we're notexempt from that either.
So
no, you have to, it's about honoring thehuman nature and the human experience,
which we're experiencing right now,you know, and I've, I've, I've touched
on that has been a constant reminder.
It's kind of in the theme ofthis year is, you know, honor
our honor, our human experience.
(34:15):
And grief is a huge, a huge part of it.
I saw there was a clip that afriend of mine shared with me.
It was a real on Instagram and it wassomebody explaining like a pretty,
in a very quick way, kind of likea beautiful explanation of life.
And I love how she started it.
She said, I'm, you know, Ibelieve I'm this beautiful cosmic
(34:38):
being that one day the universesaid, Hey, would you like to go.
To earth for just a moment, just ablip of time and get to experience
every emotion that's out there.
Love, anger, anxiety,joy, all of these things.
(34:59):
And it would just be for a moment.
Would you like to go do that?
And she was like, yes,yes, I would love to.
And I just thought that was justa beautiful way again, to honor
another reminder of like honor, how.
Amazing it is to be here inthis human experience and to
get to do this, you know, as Ibelieve we are, you know, we are.
(35:20):
Spirit having a human experienceso that even as we navigate through
these really difficult moments, wecan then remind ourselves, it doesn't
mean bypass the hardness of it.
It's feel it, experience it, go throughit, cry, get angry, get, be happy,
laugh, all of those things, just allow,don't have shame around that because
(35:42):
it's part of this human experience.
And, and, and that is really,that is a beautiful thing that
we get to, we get to experience.
Yeah, it is.
I, I cried when I saw that video.
It's like, oh my gosh.
It's just like, it's so true though.
And like, this human experienceis so intense, right?
Like, it's just like,whoa, like, but that's it.
(36:02):
Like, you know, there'sso much to being a human.
So like, I think we all haveto give ourselves a bit more
credit for just even being here.
Like, do you know what I mean?
Like, yeah.
It's a wild ride sometimes filledwith every emotion possible.
Well, I did pull some cardsfor our listeners today, and
I would like to share that.
(36:25):
So the cards that I pulled today withoutgoing through exactly what each card
is, the main story behind it, whichI think a little bit reflects kind of
what we were sharing today, per usual.
I love how that works always.
Right.
Yeah, this is talking about thestruggle and moving through difficult
(36:47):
moments, difficult, difficultperiods, really heavy situations.
That's making you feel a littlebit out of control and a little
bit like, I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to navigateand what's coming through in
the cards is take some time to.
Reground a little bit.
There's a, there's a, there's an imageof mother earth, and then there's
(37:10):
another card here about grace and, uh,graceful movements and graceful actions.
So what that's saying is take sometime to pay attention to like what the
image that came to my mind was beingin nature and being near a stream of
water and seeing how effortlessly.
That water flows, even though some ofthat path of that stream is going to be a
(37:34):
little difficult, maybe, you know, maybeit's a drier season and there's not a
lot of water that's even able to flow.
Uh, maybe there's a lot of rock inthe way and it's turning up a lot
of, a lot of dirt, but it's stilljust gracefully flows as it moves.
Downstream.
So it was just this reminder of ifthings feel heavy, just allow yourself
(37:55):
to just let the energy flow through.
Just let the process move through.
Just let the journey happen.
Because I think we're so hard onourselves that we sometimes become
stubborn in how things happen.
And then we become less adaptable, webecome less adaptable to the change
that's, that's happening in that change.
(38:16):
Um, and that it feels like whatever this,like this difficult period is, whatever
this difficult thing is that I'm, I'mreferencing does feel connected to like a
new change, a new chapter, this new book.
Or however you want to word that,or however that that means for you.
And the more stubbornness you have aroundit, the harder it will be to like get
(38:37):
to that next step and to just allow theenergy of everything happening to just,
to just flow, even when the stress ofit all can make you feel less strong.
It can feel like, you know, we loseour energy, we lose our strength.
If you're feeling that, if you're feelingpowerless, just kind of surrender to it
(38:57):
and let, and just let, let things kindof flow through and let things just
kind of move in a more graceful thing.
Instead of trying to control the outcome.
And that's just going to help allow,allow this new, this new moment
to come where you're going to feellike you finally do move past this.
So, yeah, that is what I.
Got through the cards today.
(39:17):
I have a couple of new decksthat I've been playing with.
I, you know, the old saying islike, I need another card deck.
Like I needed a hole in the head.
Like I, it's funny.
Cause like some of the other likespiritual influencers and stuff,
I, I have follow in whateverthey'll show, like their office.
And it's like just these lines of decksand I'm like, I, you know, good for them.
(39:40):
I will never show much of Yeah, whatmy desk looks like because it is it is
ridiculous, but these decks and I wasvery drawn to them both of these decks.
I work with today.
They're very nature based.
And so I do feel there's a lot of this.
It was pulled to that.
And I really do feel like this reminderof, you know, we use that word to ground.
(40:02):
Uh, you know, just get back intonature or whatever that is for you.
Maybe that's doing the dishes.
Maybe that's doing a lot folding laundry.
Maybe that's going ona bike ride or a walk.
It's that time to kind of justquiet your mind and get some of
the anxiety and the, and the noiseout so that you can really just
surrender and let things kind of flow.
Yeah, absolutely.
I love that.
(40:23):
I think just, I didn't pull any cards,but just feeling into that whole thing.
It's great.
I think there's a lot of people who hadexpectations of where they thought they
were going to be or where they were going.
And it's almost like this, Oh, excuse me.
Like, this is not necessarily the wayI thought this was going to be going.
And that can really cause a lotof anxiety to really use anxiety.
(40:43):
Like that's definitely a word that.
Was coming up for me too, just likelistening to you, I think, you know,
the grounding thing that you mentionedis so important and like also finding
like what is real to you, like whatgrounds you, what feels good for you
kind of thing, because we're all a littlebit different with that, but I think
the nature thing element that you weretalking about is like, that's real, right?
(41:04):
Like that's to me, like, that'scoming, kind of stripping things
back a little bit and coming toreality of like, We need that.
We need to be out a little bit moreand get away from like our devices,
our stresses and just connect fora little bit, even if it's like
10 minutes or eight, just to, toground yourself, like you said.
So thank you for sharing that.
I think that's going toresonate with a lot of people.
(41:26):
And I think too, like you were sayingthat when you said a lot of people
think that, you know, they're not wherethey thought they were going to be.
If, if you have been like creating thisnew path for yourself, and that is true,
also give yourself some grace that whenmaking life changes or when, you know,
changing the structure of your world.
(41:47):
There's a little bit of chaos and alot of discomfort and a lot of anxiety
that comes with that and you might notrealize all the full weight of what that
means that your world's going to change.
Even if you know that's what you want,you might not realize that, you know,
I'm ready for something new, but oh,I didn't realize, you know, walking
away from these things that I'm readyto walk away from was going to be
(42:10):
as difficult as it ends up being.
You know, or like your emotions thatare connected with it and all of that.
So, and then that's, I think when thatstuff starts coming in, that's where
some more of this anxiety comes up oflike, am I making the right decision?
Is this what I really wanted?
And that's again, you know, back tolike, it's good to just take some time
to let things flow, have faith in it,get out in nature, just let yourself
(42:32):
like quiet the mind so that you canquit letting this noise and this, this,
this fear and this anxiety controlled.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
I love that.
Awesome.
Well, Shayla, this was awesome.
I'm so grateful for you.
And again, thank you so much for sharingyour story to share your story while
(42:52):
you are still walking through grief.
I think it's so powerful.
I know you've been wanting toshare this for a while and trying
to figure out like how to do it.
And then you did a beautiful job.
So I just want to appreciate that.
Thank
you.
Awesome.
All right, everyone.
We will see you next time.
Bye.
Bye.
Hey, Souly listeners, thank you somuch for being here with us today.
(43:16):
If you enjoy this podcast and wouldlike to help support us, there are
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us to be pushed up the algorithm whichallows more people to find our podcast.
The second thing youcan do is word of mouth.
Send it to a friend or a familymember who you feel would really
(43:37):
enjoy this kind of convers.
We also have all of our social medialink below as well as our Souly email.
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