August 1, 2024 • 66 mins
Welcome to Sunrise Life, the podcast where we have deep conversations with fellow freelance models. In this special deep dive episode, host Kristy welcomes back her friend Jewels to discuss the unique challenges and insights of being a model in a relationship. Both Kristy and Jewels, who are in heteronormative relationships, share their personal experiences and the dynamics of dating while modeling.
The episode begins with a discussion on how public figures historically kept their relationships under wraps and how this stigma is evolving. Jewels talks about her openness in her current relationship and how it contrasts with her previous experiences. The conversation then shifts to the topic of dating as a model, dealing with jealousy, and the complexities of maintaining a relationship while traveling for work.
They also delve into the differences between dating someone in the industry versus someone outside of it, and the importance of being authentic both online and in personal relationships. They share tips on setting boundaries, managing time, and ensuring safety during shoots.
Tune in to hear Kristy and Jewels answer questions from listeners, share anecdotes, and provide valuable advice for models navigating the intersection of love and their careers.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This is a disclaimer for this episode about relationships and modeling.
Jules and I are both in heteronormative relationships, and we are going to be
giving our insight about, based on our experiences, what it's like to be a model
who is in a relationship.
We're going to be talking about our exes and what it's like for other people
(00:25):
that we've talked to in the industry and just sharing some insight and information
about the modeling industry and how it affects our relationships.
But please be noted that there is binary terminology being used because that is our experience.
So thanks for listening and I hope this finds you well.
(00:45):
Music.
Welcome to Sunrise Live, the podcast where we have deep conversations with fellow freelance models.
And today I have another special deep dive episode that I wanted to talk about.
And I have my friend Jules, who was on the podcast about a year ago,
(01:06):
with me here to talk about what it's like to be modeling while in a relationship.
Hi, nice to talk to you again.
Thank you. I'm so excited to go
down the rabbit hole with you like doing doing the interviews
and getting to know people on the podcast is
cool but finding ways to kind
(01:29):
of go down the rabbit hole like a little bit deeper on certain
topics has been pretty fun for me lately and I'm happy
that you are down to talk about
modeling while in a relationship because historically
celebs or like people in
the public view have been kind of weird
about like exposing the fact that they're in
(01:51):
a relationship and I think that that's a stigma that's changing
but that's definitely something that I'd
like to talk about maybe to start off with so like what what is your like view
from your perspective of what it's like to be a person in the spotlight whether
it's a actor musician model singer and And expose or not expose the fact that
(02:15):
you're in a relationship.
Oh, I think that's interesting that you said that historically celebs that are
people in the spotlight kind of keep the relationship, you know,
under wraps or they're weird about it.
Because when I started modeling, I was in a relationship and everyone told me
(02:35):
to not tell people that I was in a relationship because it would ruin my branding
and it would make me less marketable. But I'm a Cancer.
I'm a Cancer too.
So that's like not really like an option for my personality.
I'm not really someone who like hides my relationships away.
(02:55):
And even now in my current relationship with my fiance, I'm like very like publicly
in love. I talk about him all the time.
My Instagram is riddled with all of our work, which is really cool.
And I'm very passionate about being his number one fan.
Oh, and that's part of the reason why I wanted you to be my partner for this
(03:18):
podcast episode, because you are open about your relationship.
Yeah, I love Zach. He's pretty great. I met him in 2022 shooting with him up here in Buffalo.
That's awesome. That's so awesome. I do want to get down to the topic of dating
as a model and then photographers and models in relationships.
(03:38):
But like let's dive into that one in a little bit
because like there have been some things
that influenced me as well when it came to exposing
whether or not I was in a relationship on social media
one thing that I was influenced
by a while ago like early in
my modeling was I'm not super like into pop
(04:00):
culture I don't follow it super closely I mean
I read people magazine when I was like 15 so that was like an
exposure but i remember he listens to
the band the white stripes do you like the white stripes
i don't like them very much okay we
used to rap girly but i'm doing so the white stripes thing was it's jack white
(04:22):
and meg white they're like they were saying that they were brother and sister
and i was like oh that's cool he's in a band with his sister like Like she was
the drummer and he's like the singer guitarist, right? Okay. Ah.
And I always thought it was super cool that, like, there was a brother and sister, like, band.
But then later on, it came out in, like, the tabloids or whatever that it actually
(04:45):
wasn't his sister, that they were in a relationship together.
And I was like, why would they lie and say that they were brother and sister?
Doesn't that make it more weird? That's a weird thing.
Like, so, and I remember telling my friends, everybody check this out.
It's a brother and sister band. And then later finding out that they were lying
(05:05):
about that for their branding.
Like, I would have listened to them either way, you know?
Yeah, very true. I feel like a lot of models, or I guess people in general,
like, they are very different than their brand.
Their brand is, like, not who they are.
And I think a lot of people are starting to realize that.
(05:26):
And that's why it becomes more comfortable for us to talk about our relationships
and, like, our personal lives.
It's no longer about this like perfectly curated cookie
cutter idea of who we want people to see people I
think connect more authentically with us when we're being authentic too and
I think that changed a lot of the modeling industry made things a lot more different
(05:50):
than when I first started modeling like 11 years ago yeah yeah definitely like
back in the America's next top model era,
that was my mentality as well.
I was like, oh, I have to present myself as a fantasy, not who I really am,
because I felt like who I really am is not what the public wants, right?
(06:12):
They want to be with me. They want to pretend like I could potentially be their girlfriend.
And if you expose, you have a relationship that would ruin the fantasy, right?
Yeah, I totally get that. I remember...
Like when I first started modeling, people kind of were trying to assist me
on like how to brand myself.
(06:32):
And it always kind of came back to like a petite Southern belle,
girl next door kind of look, which is like literally virtually opposite of who
I am as a human being, except I am petite. That's the only thing. You're petite.
That's not the only thing. yeah it's
kind of interesting how other people's ideas that
they give to us end up being these ideas
(06:55):
that we we feel like we have to follow yeah but in the end it's i find especially
with like today's current era of social media and authenticity like if they
find out if your public finds out that you're lying to them,
that kind of like ruins your social merit, right?
(07:17):
Yeah, definitely. I think that there's a lot to be said today about honest people
in all entertainment industries being the people who have the most success.
The people that I see in big pop culture and then within our local community,
you know, in the freelance modeling world who have the most issues are people
(07:39):
who are dishonest and are the people who aren't being upfront about.
Who they are you know all those
little small nuances that come with the industry too yeah and
i think there's a lot of people even within our close circle
of other models that we communicate with like on our secret
chat rooms and stuff there are people that are like
(08:00):
strictly i wouldn't say strictly business
but they're strictly they are their brand on.
Their modeling social media and then they have a private
life that like they don't let the rest of
the world and i do respect that
but i also find it's harder
to like like if i
(08:23):
was a fan and i wanted to go down the rabbit hole
and like follow this person and like buy their calendar or
whatever i would want to get to know them and if
they're not providing a lot of information about themselves
by sharing on social media then i wouldn't
be as inclined to you know follow them
(08:43):
which like back in the magazine days that
wouldn't matter at all and i think that there are
a lot of models out there that they
don't care about what their fans think of them they're just you
know getting bookings with photographers and you
know making ends meet and i totally understand that and
(09:03):
i'm a little bit i'm a little bit jealous of that if
i could compartmentalize but i can't compartmentalize i
have to i just can't like be like you said earlier the cookie cutter version
of what i think a model should be i have to i have to be myself and share my
goofy memes and occasionally rant on social media i'm the same way people are always like.
(09:28):
Really taken back especially like because I'm from Houston and
I've heard a lot of Houston things a lot of
Houston memes even though I live in New York now and I like
very regularly like make fun you know a bunch of.
Different like stereotypes that like Houstonians make fun of like
Dallas we have mad beef with Dallas for whatever
reason and people are always like aren't you like thrown
(09:48):
like people would think I think that people have this idea that
that throws people off from working with me but actually I
have people tell me all the time that they think my posts are really funny and they
think that like I'm goofy and that they like were intimidated
by my work but when they saw me being silly online
or you know arguing with people over dumb
mundane things like Big Red versus Loganberry that
(10:09):
like that personality comes and it makes me
more friendly more approachable because I look like a real human and
not like a fake version of what
people perceive me as yeah no
I totally get that I've got some questions from
the online Instagram poll that I did that
I'd like to bring in to generate the
(10:30):
conversation here and this one person is asking
if your other half tells
you to stop modeling would you
it's so funny because I've never.
Really been in that predicament before I've never even in
my previous relationships with people who didn't
really understand the industry street no one ever told me to stop
(10:52):
so I'm gonna say probably not
that's like asking you know them to stop
working at their nine to five that they do this is what I put my whole adult
life working on this is my whole career that's not to say I want to do it forever
I definitely want to go on to other things in my life as I get older but I don't
(11:13):
see me ever stopping for anyone but myself.
That's a good answer. And I'm kind of the same way. Like I have never had a
boyfriend tell me to stop modeling.
However, when I started modeling, the boyfriend that I had at the time did say negative shit about it.
(11:33):
Like the way that I was 19 and the way that I shared the fact that I was doing
nude and lingerie modeling was by I made him a little like romantic booklet
that had love poems and then pictures.
And I gave that to him. And that was how I dropped the bomb that,
by the way, I'm also doing this. And I really can't, though.
(11:54):
Thanks. Yeah, I'm trying to sweeten the package. And he said that he thought
that the pictures were slutty.
He didn't tell me to not do it he just
said the pictures were slutty and that
he wished that i wouldn't be posting slutty pictures
online so i've done it's
like it's kind of like a backhanded thing i think that there are other
(12:16):
things that might be even more subtle that some significant others
might do or say that might like imply
that they wish that you weren't doing that my hair every
time i went on a trip my ex would
fight with me i would not even be out
of the door and we would be having some kind of dumb argument about
dishes not being cleaned or me
(12:39):
not spending time with him before i left because i
was packing you know all kinds
of really dumb petty things and i hear a lot of.
I hear a lot of very similar stories from a
lot of my model friends with significant others who
either aren't supportive or not in the industry i think
i'm really blessed that my fiance is a photographer because
(13:00):
he is super kind he goes to
all my shoots now he's very supportive of all
the things i'm doing i think he just cares mostly
about my safety you know there's so many odds
and ends out there in the world when we're touring that i think are
scary for anyone in a relationship with
paddling models to go through lots of crazy people like my underground bunker
(13:24):
man from the last episode so you know car troubles or just being in the wrong
place at the wrong time all kinds of stuff that yeah i think is more.
Anxiety inducing than if we had a normal job at an office right but what we
do is kind of of unpredictable because things could pop up that are unforeseen,
(13:47):
which if you went to the same office every day would be less likely to happen,
I suppose. Yeah, definitely.
We've all had some very interesting times on the road. Yeah.
One of my ex-boyfriends prior to Travis, he wouldn't tell me to stop, but he would...
(14:08):
Pretty much kind of tell me that the
reason why I'm a nude model is because he
told me that I have daddy issues that I needed to get over and like if I was
you know mentally sound that I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing which you know
I was kind of offended by so it was like it wasn't him telling me that I should stop.
(14:33):
It was him telling me that my career is a side effect of my own mental.
Downfall or emotional downfall of some kind. So it was kind of a put down in
a way where he was framing it like he was worried about me, but it was more
kind of a condescending sort of a tone.
And every time I went on a trip, he would always guilt trip me about how,
(14:58):
oh, I'm so lonely when and you're not here and I'm
not even going to touch myself when you're gone because I'm going to
struggle this whole time just so that I can save
it for you and I'm like okay well these guys
so wacko I'm like
I understand that you are alone when I'm gone but I am this is what I have to
(15:20):
do for my income like I have you have to go on tour if you're going to do this
full time like you have You can't just stay in the same city and make a full
time income as a freelance model.
Like, I mean, I guess you might be able to, but I think pretty much all of us
travel, right? Even if it's just like, you know, the next city over.
(15:43):
When I lived in Texas, I spent a long time only traveling between Houston,
Dallas, and San Antonio.
And I just did a little cute triangle, you know, every few months.
And that's like how I... Texas is huge, though. But that's how I did it before
I started doing cross country tours and I started to bridge out more.
Yeah, I think that also, I don't know if this is something you've experienced
(16:07):
in your previous relationships, but my previous relationship,
I lived with my exes and I think that they really became kind of relied like
they relied on my very, like my income coming in so big and quick.
They were very used to me being able to just be gone for a weekend and come
back with a bunch of money and that was like a security net for the van.
(16:29):
Also and I feel like so even though they didn't like what I was doing they were
like oh well you know but it's fine though because you'll come back with a lot
of money I'm going to give you a hard time I'm going to let you know I'm not
happy but I will definitely,
take that money for the bills and the gifts you get me or the dinner we're having after.
(16:49):
Yeah right Yeah, I have had, like, kind of, I guess it's a bit of a jealousy
issue, which kind of leads into another one of the questions that I got online. Somebody asked this.
You've worked through basic jealousy issues, but is your partner ever jealous
of the time that you put in?
And that kind of goes in right with being on tour and then coming back because
(17:15):
your partner might be jealous that you're not spending time with them because
you have to spend that time on the road or on your computer advertising your future tours.
Like there is a lot of unpaid work that also goes into it. Yeah.
There's hours and hours of admin work, office hours.
(17:38):
So me and my friend Chandra call it, you know, we're all doing office hours for the day.
And, you know, I think that that was definitely something that I dealt with
in previous relationships.
But I'm really lucky now that when I have a trip, Zach goes with me.
If I have shoots, Zach goes with me. We do everything together.
And I go with him on his shoots too and I assist him when he has shoots.
(17:58):
I like watch her randos, you know, popping up sometimes, you know,
those on location shoots can be a little bit risky.
Yeah. I'm definitely really lucky that now I don't have to experience that kind
of stress because it was very stressful before being in relationships.
Like we're jealous of the time that was having to be put in and we're jealous
(18:21):
of me being gone all the time and stuff.
But also on the flip side, I'm not touring full time anymore.
And so now I'm not really having to do that. I don't have to leave all the time,
which is very nice. I'm enjoying my break.
That's good. It's going to take breaks.
And I do want to include this because I think a lot of people that are not in
(18:44):
the industry might not realize how much time we have to spend on the computer,
especially if you are like generating a lot of your own content.
Like a lot of us models are making reels for Instagram so we can advertise ourselves.
We have flyers and we have a newsletter.
Some of us have YouTube channels, all of that. And it's all work. It's all editing.
(19:05):
It's all work on the computer, responding to messages, responding to comments.
And it takes time. And I personally, I'm an organized mess type person.
So I don't have, I have like a little bit of a morning routine,
but I don't have like a structure for the day of what hours I'm going to be
on the computer and what hours I'm going to be doing other stuff.
(19:28):
So sometimes when I'm on my computer, I'm bucking around on Facebook.
And sometimes I'm focusing on writing my newsletter
and my boyfriend who I adore
and love who I live with you know he doesn't know if I'm needing
to concentrate or if I just screwing around
on YouTube or whatever and so I
(19:48):
think that being able to set boundaries and like designate like this is the
time that I need to like get x y and z done is a really healthy way to like
move forward in being a freelance person in general role because there's not
a boss telling us what time you start and what time you finish.
We all have to run our ship ourselves.
(20:10):
And I think being a freelance artist of any kind has that same struggle where
you're like, okay, I need to designate a certain amount of hours this week to doing this task.
And I need to do this in order to do my career.
What hours are going to be my work hours and what hours are my social time or
my time with my romantic partner.
(20:32):
So typically, I'm up really early. We have a really weird sleep schedule.
But I'm up really early. And then I usually spend like my weekdays doing like
my admin work during like normal work hours.
But also, that's also like time that I'm like chatting with friends and ordering
an obscene amount of DoorDash.
(20:52):
You're just doing a bunch of like random things too like
looking for different locations for my remote events
or seeing what models are coming to the area
so I can coordinate with them if they want to do any kind of remote event too
and kind of just like doing that but then sometimes I don't know I feel like
I'm glued to my phone also chronically I'm always responding to messages or
(21:14):
comments or posting things or coming up with like an idea of something that I need to make for,
social media so i like and i don't know
if they have adhd or object permanence or something but i
have to do it like as soon as it comes to my brain so like yeah
there i'm like working on a reel or
whatever and but i do try to spend as much time as i can like when i'm with
(21:36):
zach not on my phone doing a bunch of dumb shit yeah yeah i mean there's a time
and place for everything sometimes it's hard to carve time out to do that stuff
but i i'm kind of the same way if the The inspiration strikes me and I have the time.
I'm going to do it. I have to take advantage of that inspiration.
But if I feel sluggish and not inspired, like I find that if I force myself
(21:59):
to do certain tasks, whether it's
like online or writing or editing or whatever, then it becomes a drag.
And then I associate that activity with it being a drag.
So it is kind of like ride the wave while the wave is there.
It's sort of a thing. which I guess makes it hard to have a schedule.
(22:20):
Yeah, I'm the same way. I feel like,
I'll be like, I'm going to make a routine and then it's gone and I don't care
anymore about trying to keep a routine.
And I feel like I'm just lucky that I drink enough water and I take my vitamins that I'm supposed to.
So you mentioned a little bit earlier how your previous partners were not in the industry.
(22:41):
Can you tell me what it was like and how it was different dating somebody who
was in the photography slash entertainment industry And then dating somebody
who is not in the industry.
I feel like I am very lucky that because Zach has been a photographer for so
(23:02):
long and he's been shooting fine art nudes of women for so long,
he understands that the people that I'm going to gravitate toward working to
are going to be professionals.
People that respect me and my time. and
he understands the perspective that the photographer is
experiencing behind the camera where it's not
(23:23):
this like hypersexual situation that people assume it is who are outside of
the industry and then my exes that i had who were not in the industry had a
very hard time understanding that there was nothing sexual happening that it
wasn't this hypersexualized i'm doing a strip piece.
I'm making gruff, sexy eye contact with them while they, you know,
(23:48):
take photos of me for their viewing pleasure. It's not like that at all.
And I would have to really beg and fight with my exes for them to understand.
Now that's not even something that I even have to worry about, which is a great relief.
And then I also have the.
So when I started modeling, I had very little like actual life experience.
(24:09):
I was fresh out of high school.
I'm the only girl in like a kind of semi-conservative Hispanic household, all brothers.
So I was raised really different than I think some of these other models were.
And I really had very minimal life experience when it came to being in a work
environment and being around a lot of older men.
(24:32):
And when I talk to Zach about stuff, which I can freely do, which is amazing,
you know, I feel like when I was with my exes, I really spent a lot of time
nervous that I was going to say something that upset them that happened at a
shoot or they're going to perceive the concept in a weird way,
you know, or just lots of weird things that people, I guess,
(24:54):
don't realize until you're in the mix is weird when you're talking to someone
outside of the industry versus, you know, I can...
Very freely explain, you know, situations that happened to me when I was new
modeling and Zach can explain it to me in a way that I wouldn't have ever viewed
it as because I was so young when I started modeling. I didn't know these things yet.
And he also like makes me want to be like a better model.
(25:20):
He makes me like want to like work with people who are really like in it for
the the craft, not just like GWCs, although I do love working with GWCs sometimes.
But like he really pushes me to be the best model that I can be because he believes
that I'm better than what I've let myself settle for, I guess,
(25:40):
with my previous clients.
I totally resonate with that as well.
And I guess working with GWCs and
having a relationship with a romantic partner
that does or does not understand the industry
that's a valid topic the
word gdwc is a very loaded term and there are some people that are non-industry
(26:05):
that listen to this podcast so i'll define it gwc gwc stands for guy with camera
and it is usually used in a derogatory way to kind of
talk shit about guys who don't do photography
full time that take pictures of women naked or
in lingerie however gwcs are
(26:28):
our bread and butter and we love them
if they are nice and respectful we love you guys i love gwcs like many of them
are some of my favorite people and they just enjoy the craft of photography
and they enjoy incorporating that with the lines and curves of a woman's body or whatever.
(26:48):
You may or may not be really fun.
I've recently took Zach with me to a GWCA shoot and I had a great time.
He was like, did you have fun? I was like, yeah, that was awesome. That was great.
It was an awesome shoot. He was super respectful. He played some.
Music. He'll let me play my music eventually, which I really,
really love when GWC has asked me to play my ghetto Houston rap because it's
(27:13):
a delightful treat that they're not prepared for. And it's really enjoyable.
And they are a bread and butter. Those are a majority of the people that I've
worked with, to be honest.
And I love them. I love them when they're nice and they're kind and respectful.
And there's people who have helped me also in normal life situations
(27:35):
explaining things like you know investments in
credit and stuff like that oh yeah learn because I
didn't really have a normal experience when my
adulthood you know so they really helped
me out learning these types of things you know teaching me
how to budget some of them were project managers so they taught me how to do
scheduling differently or they taught me about things like you know productivity
(27:59):
apps that can help me make my craft easier and stuff And I would never have
gotten that if it weren't for these cool GWCs.
Yeah, I mean, a lot of the photographers that we work with, especially if they
hire us every time we come to their town, they become like friends to us.
And I suppose if you're in a relationship with a model who works with these
(28:24):
same people in all the towns that the model travels to,
you might assume, if you don't know how the industry is like,
that there's something going on that's sexual there.
There and one of my exes the one
that I dated the longest definitely made these
assumptions about me that like assumed that
(28:44):
I was cheating on him that I was having sex with these photographers
and I was only doing it for the attention and you
know all this weird all these weird things that he was projecting onto me that
were untrue so I definitely thought that that was distasteful that he had these
(29:05):
intense jealousy issues because a lot of his exes had cheated on him.
However, cheating is not in my DNA.
I personally am super mononymously focused.
When I'm with somebody that I'm into, I'm not looking around.
And I'm not saying that to diss on anybody who's polyamorous or in an open relationship.
(29:32):
I should probably put like a precursor on this episode that like the terminology
that I'm going to be using is going to be very like hetero and normative based on my experience.
So I can't speak for those who are in an open relationship or anything like that.
(29:53):
But this is just this episode is basically like what we have experienced and
answering questions from people online that are yeah and we both just so happen to have been in.
Relationships with men like you know while we've been doing this yeah and that's just how it is,
that's how it is that's literally how my ex
(30:14):
was too my ex always assumed that i was out hooking up with these 75
year old men who were you know
people i maybe saw five times
a year yeah you know which is
crazy that we both experienced that but i think that's something
that a lot of models experience and don't talk about because there
have been many times i see see Facebook posts when the
(30:36):
model is like at their breaking point in their relationships and they
decide they're going to talk about these things publicly or hear
things you know just in between friends
and stuff when I'm talking with them and asking them how they're doing I think
that that's like a very common thing and I know that it's hard for photographers
who shoot women to be in relationships too and so I imagine that's like why
(30:58):
it's easy to be with a photographer for me I never even thought about dating
a photographer before I always assumed that like,
I guess because I was also very young when I started, you know,
so I'm like 19 when I start and I'm working with all these people who are primarily
in their 30s, 40s and then above, you know, I have clients who are literally like 80 something.
And the age gap at that time seemed
(31:20):
so significant that I was like never something that I ever thought of.
And I don't know, I traveled all over. I worked with, you know,
over a thousand people through the years at least.
And i'd never met a photographer
that i found even remotely interesting enough to talk to
as much as i talked to zach after i first met him yeah
(31:40):
so wait i'd like to ask how did that relationship form because i do know that
within our industry it is like a stigma for a model to date a photographer unless
there's a genuine connection but then how do you get over like Like, you know, you met them,
possibly it was at a shoot or whatever. You felt a connection.
(32:01):
Like, how do you get over that? Like, oh, it would be inappropriate if I made
a move or, like, asked him to go on a date or whatever.
Zach and I, we shot with each other for the first time in 2022.
It was very cold. It was a very cold shoot.
And we did some on-location abandoned stuff, which is one of my favorite things to do.
(32:22):
And I fell in love with buffalo on that trip. I actually have a tile from the
train station that we shot at that I picked up that first day.
And then I traveled with it for like a year and a half, which is really funny
because I just hadn't gone back to Texas yet.
And then, I don't know, he was so funny to me. I remember looking at him and
thinking, oh, he's cute.
(32:42):
And then I had to look out the window because I was like, girl,
you never said that or thought that about.
I'm talking before. What's wrong with you? Pay attention. I'm talking to you.
And then we just started talking and we had so much in common and then.
Pretty much after I left Buffalo a few days later, I knew I wanted to come back and work with him again.
I had a really, really good shoot with him and I just messaged him and I was
(33:05):
like, I want to come back to Buffalo. If I come back, would you work with me?
And then we just stayed in touch and we became really good friends.
We, you know, I talked to him throughout my move and then I talked to him throughout
all my touring and about just what life was like at the time, which was crazy.
I was going through some big transitions and we just became really close.
(33:26):
And last year, I don't know, it just kind of happened really naturally.
I did this shoot with him at this creek and I was blushing.
My friend Sophia was with us and I was all blushing and baffled.
And I talked so much normally when I couldn't open my mouth.
I had butterflies so hard. I just remember thinking, oh my gosh,
I really feel this deep connection with him. And, you know, at that point,
(33:50):
we'd become like really close friends, best friends.
And it just kind of happened naturally. I came back to Buffalo like a week later
and then I kind of altered all my plans. I was like, I just really want to be around Zach.
He's so funny. He's sweet.
And it just, I guess I'd never experienced something happen so naturally before.
It really changed it for me. Yeah.
(34:12):
Becoming friends first and then like, you know, getting together romantically,
which is definitely like maybe
people listening out there might think that that's how things always are.
But like in a lot of my past relationships, the way the relationship started
was a one night stand where I never met them before. And then we had a one night stand.
(34:33):
And then that was like, OK, a two night stand and then a month.
And then we're like boyfriend and girlfriend. friend and then obviously we're
not compatible if we didn't become friends before
we started dating so and you know I definitely
do not condone that method of dating I a
lot of that past relationships that I was in was a side effect
of my alcoholism which I no
(34:55):
longer am participating in but I mean
getting to know somebody and then building that trust
especially like doing what you love like
photography and modeling where you already have these things
in common and you're already on the the same page with like what inspires
you creatively that that's great what would
you say for other people out there models
(35:17):
or photographers when it comes to dancing that line like like where where's
like the professional boundary like when when would you say that it would be
acceptable to say something like hey like would you want to get dinner after
this or hey would you like to come over to my place or something like that?
We I guess it really just depends. I would say that at least a friendship,
(35:40):
a long friendship that you like know the person, you really know them.
And I'm I I'm not very vulnerable with the photographers I meet.
I don't you know, they're my friends, you know, but you're not going to catch
me like, you know, giggling with them like I was giggling with Zach and stuff. I feel like they're.
There really was like one of those moments you hear about in
(36:01):
like movies or read about books where it's kind of
like an instant spark and you become very comfortable very quick
with someone and i think that
that changes it once you really feel that
feeling like you're like oh that's how it's supposed to be and that's how
it's supposed to feel like yeah i might
say that it is possible that one person might
(36:22):
feel like they have that spark and then the other person
to might not have that spark like perhaps i mean
this has happened in the past where the photographer tells you
that they're in love with you but maybe it
isn't actual love maybe it's lust or whatever
yeah like the receiving party is like oh well it i'm not reciprocating this
(36:42):
feeling so i i guess there is like forming that connection over time i suppose
is the element that is the most important Because there are some people out
there that are giving advice like you should, if you want a date model,
you should buy a camera and then you can meet them and maybe date them.
We're not naming names out here, but there's people putting that message out there.
(37:06):
And my own friends who have you know been in experiences and been in relationships
with men who have bought cameras to meet pretty girls and who have moved to
big name cities to meet pretty girls and all those relationships failed and
those photographers are typically like serial.
Model daters serial model hookupers
(37:27):
there's people you know that i know of from
coast to coast that are photographers with reputations for
getting models into their beds and no they
must play a slick game i don't know i try
to avoid ever interacting with guys like that they scare me yeah and in the
end it's like are they truly happy if they are being suave and meeting models
(37:53):
through photography clubs or their own photo shoots or whatever and then like getting them
into bed and hooking up with them and then not pursuing a relationship or having
a relationship that fails or where there's lots of cheating and lying involved
like are those people truly happy,
no definitely not and i think that a lot of times people stay in relationships
(38:16):
too though where they're comfortable because that's what they know and a lot
of times people stay in relationships that are bad because it's also what they
think that they deserve.
And I think that it is hard in this industry to find people who will be supportive
and loving of you doing what you're doing.
(38:38):
And so even if you find someone who is just kind of loving and kind of supportive,
a lot of girls I think are going to decide to stay because they know how hard
it is out there. And we have a stigma, you know, our job is not, you know...
Typically the job that you see brought home to mom's meat, you know? Yeah.
(38:58):
Yeah. It's something that my ex would always throw into my face when I was saying
that I was unhappy with our relationship dynamics.
He would tell me that I was really hard to love and nobody
else out there would give me as long of a leash as he stated as I would because
he said that because Because I was a nude model that like it would be really
(39:21):
hard for anybody else to accept me for who I am and what I do and that I should be grateful, right?
Which was definitely, I was definitely being gaslit because now I am with somebody
who, so the relationship that I'm in, he is not a photographer.
Well, I trained him to be my photographer, but I didn't meet him through model photography.
(39:43):
He's in the entertainment industry so he's a musician as well as working in construction so.
Being a musician and being somebody who is frequently on
stage he understands that there
are people who are fans and that people that
you work with that you maintain a positive relationship
with like for us it's photographers for him
(40:06):
it's like people that rightly regularly go to their shows
and like you know people that work at the
bars and stuff like that you you're nice to
those people you take selfies with them after the concert you
talk to them you know you sign autographs if
that's what they sell your swag like you have to ham
up the audience it's not that you're hitting on them or
you want to have sex with them it's just that you are it's customer
(40:29):
service in the end if you're an entertainer and you
have people that enjoy what you're
creating whether it's music or art or whatever like part
of your career is in the customer service aspect of entertaining and for us
it's being you know creative and engaging with our audience and with the people
(40:51):
that we collaborate with because
I think that there are a lot of really talented models that don't get.
As many recurrent bookings because they
weren't as like personable with the
photographer because in the end this this this industry
it it is very much like a
(41:13):
connecting industry like you work with somebody and if
you work well together they want to hire you to get sometimes even
if you're a really amazing model but you didn't want to say a word at
the shoot and like in between every outfit fit
you're just on your phone instead of you know engaging with
the person that you're creating with like that that energy isn't
as like energetic and i
(41:34):
think that photographers definitely pick
up on that too if you're not being enthusiastic if
you're not being engaging even pre-booking you
know your cold calls how you're talking about
your shoe all that stuff photographers pick up
on that and it's very important that you you know i try
(41:55):
to have the same personality like across the board i
try to be like who i am online and in person online i'm
going to be a little bit more professional because you can't see me face to
face and i feel like we need to get the fact that you don't see how serious
i'm taking it so i'm gonna be you know a little bit more professional but in
person and then once you meet me you realize i'm really goofy and i'm bubbly
(42:17):
and i'm I'm really smiley and I'm silly.
And I think that that's a lost art in the business for sure.
Yeah. People definitely don't understand that. And I'm lucky that...
Zach had worked with me before, so he knows how I am. He knows that before the
shoot, I'm very professional.
(42:38):
And in person, I'm really goofy and I'm silly and I have a good time.
And it's important to me that everyone has a good time because he's experienced,
what it's like to work with me before we were dating.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Just building that energy up with the people that you're
working with helps maintain that connection where they want to hire you again.
(42:58):
But to a jealous partner they might
see that as threatening 100 yes that
100 super how they perceive it it's
really but then it's funny because we don't
perceive them in their nine to five jobs having good customer
service as threatening right yeah i
(43:19):
guess it really depends on the job like for for
one example when my boyfriend finishes playing.
A concert there's usually like a 20 to 30
minute period of time where like a bunch
of chicks want to take pictures with them and i just kind of like
i scoot out you know i'm just like y'all get
your pictures you know yeah i'm not
(43:41):
going to be like he's mine get back you
know like that's just not cool like but you imagine
you imagine if that's how i behaved as
actually yeah don't look at him
like that are you giving
him the look don't look at him like that then that kind of
that kind of takes me back to i guess something that we
(44:02):
could have brought up earlier but this is definitely a a
sore topic for some people but like what is
your opinion and possibly your experience with you know bringing an escort that
is your romantic partner to shoots like have you ever had a photographer tell
you something negative about bringing a romantic partner to issue.
(44:27):
So I don't drive locally.
So most of my shoots when I was like back in Texas, when I was with my ex,
I like had like our mutual friends like drop me off.
My mom dropped me off and I didn't really do S sports.
And then when I was touring, I had other models come with me.
And then now Zach comes with me to my shoots.
(44:49):
And most everyone is like very excited to meet him.
It's like a little like cute little pride and joy thing for me.
We're going to look really excited to like meet him. they're like oh my gosh
Elena's work great I see all the stuff you guys create it'll be great to meet
him I haven't run into anyone who is against it I have had people be like intimidated by me,
(45:11):
bringing him but I I guess that is just you know maybe it's like an artist thing
it's like when I meet a model that backwards works good that's like someone
I've like admired for a long time or something or someone who has like really
amazing work I can't help but be like oh my gosh gosh,
like we're about to like, I guess, go watch them shoot and get to hang out with
them and meet them. It's like kind of intimidating.
(45:33):
Yeah, I guess if as a model who is dating a photographer,
bringing that photographer to shoot, regardless of whether or not that person
is your romantic partner, I can imagine if I was the one hiring you,
maybe feeling like, oh, I wonder if they're going to judge my camera because
I have a Sony and he has a Nikon or judge my lens or judge my
(45:55):
lighting or I wonder if they're you know if
they're gonna point out like what I'm doing that's wrong I can see that that
might be a factor that you know even if your your partner that you're bringing
to the shoot isn't doing that it might make the photographer that's working
with you intimidated I guess yeah I think also that's so funny because they
(46:15):
do say that they'll be like,
The reason I do it this way, and they don't talk to me, they like turn to him,
but like, the reason I do it this way is because, and it's like funny,
like they're like, I guess, like explaining their artistic process amongst each other.
And I just hear him like waiting, like.
Yeah, when I used, in 2022, I did 4WAT with a partner and I did have some people
(46:39):
be like, I can't accommodate him in the space.
Like this one guy i shot with in like the
mountains in new york and near bear mountain but
it like genuinely was like a very very small little cottage
thing in the mountain and like a third person in there would have made it like
very cramped so i guess i don't know that's really the only time that and then
(47:01):
one time i did have someone say like something about how like i must not trust
them because they're with me or whatever but i'm like i don't really know we're all here together.
Right, exactly. I remember when I was new to modeling before I started traveling
full time, I used to have like coffee or something with photographers before
(47:22):
agreeing to a shoot with them and at a studio or whatever.
And I remember this one guy, his head was shoved so far up his ass.
He was telling me a story about how the
reason why he never allowed
boyfriends at photo shoots is because there was one time where he said that
he had to shove a model's boyfriend through the wall and i was like why would
(47:48):
you have to do that he was like oh yeah he was just a problem i had to put my
hands on him and i was like well this doesn't make me want to work with you you know.
You're gonna get violent so i've heard items out on like the model mayhem forms
and the purple port forms about like the rare incident that the escort is a
(48:10):
problem or whatever but in my experience i.
I don't know anyone foolish enough to squander the opportunities that we have
by bringing in someone who would damage their reputation like that to a shoot.
Yeah, but I will say, though, that of all the people out there that are aspiring
(48:33):
models versus professional full-time models, you and I are in the circle of professionals.
So we surround ourselves with people who wouldn't bring somebody like that to a shoot.
You know, we're not like on drugs or like trying to steal stuff.
I have heard from photographers that worked with local models that had drug
(48:56):
problems where the friend that they brought brought a large bag.
And then after they left the dressing room, the bag was really full of stuff.
And the photographer didn't have the guts to ask, hey, what did you got in that bag?
Like, but they stole it. So that does happen.
I'm not saying it doesn't happen, you know, but this is hashtag top reasons
(49:17):
to only hire professional models and not work with.
Like, you know, inexperienced models, or if you do work with an inexperienced
model, be aware of the risks that you're putting yourself by having a stranger
in your home, you know? Yeah, definitely.
I think that photographers should also do reference checks.
(49:37):
Yeah, they should. I think that that is something that is very commonly overlooked.
You can very easily find out people's criminal information and who they are online.
Yeah. Just a few Google searches.
Also, I think that being public about your relationship online automatically
(50:00):
like vets your boyfriend.
Friend like if you're posting content like Travis and I
we're we got photos together online like
we post videos where we're doing stuff on our
our reels and on our stories on Instagram so
people already have a vibe they've already got a vibe
and half the time when I show up to a shoot the photographer's like
where's Travis did you bring him and I'm like
(50:22):
oh yeah no he's in a different he's in a different town like
I'm just on tour right now I was gonna I
was gonna have him hold the reflector i was gonna have him pose
with you i'm like oh like they're already aware of him and you'll need his personality
so he's kind of already vetted but if you're really secretive about your partner
and then you bring your partner to a shoot without like clearing it with the
(50:44):
photographer first i can i can see how a photographer might be kind of freaked out if you.
Bring somebody to the shoot that you did not say you were going to bring or
you said that you were going to bring a friend and then it turned out to be
your significant other.
So I mean, there are things that people do that are sneaky because they're like,
oh, the photographer is going to get mad if I ask if I'm going to bring my boyfriend,
(51:08):
they're going to want to say no.
So I'm going to lie and say that it's my friend or whatever.
So I've heard all of these different versions of why some photographers don't
want escorts at all, or they'll allow an escort, but not a boyfriend.
But in the end, kind of like what we started with, like being authentic,
Authentic kind of like eliminates all of these issues,
(51:30):
like being true to yourself and like expressing who you are in your true form
online will like dispel any of these possible miscommunications.
Yeah, definitely. I think that is something that a lot of models have a hard
time with is like being upfront with photographers because they're worried about
(51:52):
them being uncomfortable or denying the booking or they're being,
you know, just drama in general,
which I completely understand and I respect too, because
for a long time I was also really conflicted about
the power dynamic that is you know exists
between photographers and models now i'm
(52:12):
of the mindset that if i feel uncomfortable that
i'm just not going to do it at all period which took me
a long time to get to oh i mean yeah it's long
to get to and also though part of
that is being in a relationship where i can talk things
through with my partner very explicitly
in detail about what's going
(52:34):
on with the shoot and sometimes you know
we just decide that it's not something that i need
to even stress about and i'm just being anxious over or
sometimes it's something that is an obvious glaring flag
and i just didn't see it that way and i got
caught up in some you know southern politeness that
i need to work on yeah true that
(52:56):
well i've got another question from our online instagram
questions and this is a fellow model who.
Is like sort of faced out of traveling modeling but
she asks how do you deal with being away from
your partner for long periods of time when i
traveled a lot in my previous relationships i
(53:19):
had like a set routine of like what i did with that
partner you know we always called before
bed and you know we stayed in pretty like good
contact we shared my location for emergency purposes
there's like a copy of my schedule that
they have access to so they know where I'm supposed to be and
when I'm supposed to be there and who's supposed to be
(53:39):
there and what's happening so that way you know god forbid something terrible
happens there's like a trail that's going on and also I'm like really sentimental
so I like travel you know like now like I don't travel without Zach when I was
traveling without him like I would take
his shirt with me and I'd sleep in his shirt and I'd take the stuffed animal
(54:01):
he got me and I'm very like soft that way in my soft girl era like that and
then you know we did FaceTime dates when I was still touring you know we you
know set time aside and talk to each other and time together.
We stay in pretty much constant contact, though. So that's sweet.
(54:22):
Yeah, I guess if you are in a relationship with somebody who like spends a long
time to text back without communicating,
you know, that might, you know, create some kind of like anxiety in your partner
where what your method of giving them your schedule with all the addresses where
you're going to be at sharing your location,
(54:43):
you know, regularly checking in you know having
FaceTime dates that's a really good way to like reassure
your partner that you are okay like you're still connected
you are still the person that I love you know I
am away from you but that doesn't mean that I am not thinking about you because
yeah traveling away from your partner can give them anxiety or give you anxiety
(55:04):
and I mean I experienced that like with partners in the past where you know
I'm on tour and I want to call them because I'm going
to go to bed and they're not answering, you know?
Yeah. So for anybody out there that is thinking about getting into freelance
modeling, or perhaps you've dabbled into freelance modeling and maybe you have
(55:25):
a boyfriend or a significant other,
or perhaps you're going to be in a relationship at some point while you are getting into modeling.
I would say that in my experience, The beginning of my modeling career was the
most rocky for all of my relationships,
like not just significant others, but also my my parents and my friends,
(55:48):
because they were looking at me going like, what are you doing, Christy?
You've got all these salacious pictures on your social media accounts.
Like, what are you doing? that is very relatable self-doubt involved
in in that there's a lot of self-doubt involved with
just like people that you are closest with accepting what you are doing and
(56:08):
then supporting you yeah definitely that was something I definitely experienced
I think it was really shocking for people to see me go from like this young
kid who had cancer who was like very awkward and really
shy to like suddenly being half naked on the internet.
Like it was very shocking for them. A lot of people, my friends,
(56:30):
my family, my boyfriend at the time, they were all kind of like, what is going on?
And also I think that like the people in my life who saw the potential in what
I was doing and saw how happy it made me and then believed in me,
those are the people that I'm still friends with.
And those are the friendships that I carry, like that I carry like closest to
(56:54):
my heart that are super important to me.
Even, you know, after my cross country move and all my tours and stuff,
those are the people I still stay in touch with.
I don't know. It's a very wild world we live. And it's not a normal life by
any means. I realize that. I recognize that.
I think that when people are getting into this industry too, it's so enchanting.
(57:20):
And it's so otherworldly to experience the stuff that you are thrown into so quickly.
It's a big whirlwind of emotions and experiences.
Experiences and I don't blame anyone for you know jumping right into it you
know Pete first because it's so amazing it's so beautiful and exciting it's
(57:42):
so unique not everyone gets to do this it's you know a blessing and an opportunity
that most people never even fathom existing.
Yeah that's true and it is hard
to launch your career especially if you're
like newer at it or you haven't built your portfolio yet and
to be with a significant other who
(58:03):
is supportive of you expressing yourself in whatever
way you desire whether that's art modeling
whether that's fashion modeling whether it's
e-fans or whatever like all that needs
to be discussed with your partner and I have had
a lot of instances where models contact
me because they want advice spice and they tell
(58:26):
me that maybe they've done a few shoots but that
their significant other doesn't know and i'm
like well you have to tell them because if you're worried about telling them
i understand that you're worried that you might get judged but that's a problem
like they have to support you and what you're doing and if if they don't like
you know it's either your life or them controlling your life.
(58:51):
So it's kind of a hard pill to swallow where when you get into modeling or acting
or even any art that people don't understand,
if they're not willing to make the effort to try to understand you and what
you're doing and why you love doing it, then maybe that's not the right partner for you.
(59:12):
And that is a major thing that does
make this career challenging and it often ends
models careers before it really gets going so
yeah I've seen so many really like I've had a lot of friends who like got like
get into modeling or they are modeling and then they get into relationships
and you know they could have you know reached whatever goal they had they could
(59:37):
have kept going and they stopped and they you know.
You know just they're not even with the guy anymore nine times
out of ten too they never stay with a dude like
that never it's never the actual relationship that is
the one which is also like really sad to see that they missed out on so much
opportunity for someone who couldn't even stick around for them because they
(59:57):
were resenting them over something that they gave up for that person too yeah
i think it's important especially because a lot of models are young when they get into this industry,
that they should take their time.
I think that that's important to be themselves and learn who they are.
This industry is life-changing in many ways.
You experience things, the beauty of the country and business stuff and these
(01:00:23):
unique locations and even just being in different types of cities and towns
and environments that you grew up in,
it changes who you are as a person and you're still
discovering yourself in this industry and as an adult
and as a you know human for a very long time while
you're navigating this stuff and then your brain doesn't even fully develop
until you're 25 anyways and i think so many people get kind of caught up in
(01:00:48):
this idea what they should be doing and they kind of squander the opportunities
that they're given you know and that's really sad to see and i'm a victim of
that too i stayed in a really bad
relationship for a really long time and I could
have long ago left Texas you know I
could have long ago hit all 50 states I
(01:01:08):
could have achieved a lot of goals that I've achieved just in the last few years
probably before I was even 25 if I would have had someone kind of you know telling
me that there was no rush you know I was rushing for no reason everything came
and it was It was supposed to and everything fell in place and it was supposed to fall in place.
Yeah, exactly. And I do understand why some partners get jealous. Yeah, definitely.
(01:01:35):
I do understand that because it is societally ingrained within our society where it is...
People assume that, I'm not saying people in general, but a lot of people do assume.
That nudity is supposed to only be private for your romantic partner,
(01:02:01):
where what we're doing is we're expressing ourselves with our body for art and
for entertainment, and it's our career.
And there is a professionalism to that career, whether or not when you're viewing
the content, you think it's professional, like we are doing it in a professional manner.
And there's a there's a respect that is needed for that.
(01:02:21):
And if your partner views what you are doing as salacious or or that you're
acting out or or that you just need more attention and they can't give it to you,
then, you know, they need to work on that themselves.
Ourselves like we're going to come across those same issues with
(01:02:42):
other women even not in the industry it's going to be the co-worker
that oversteps boundaries too much or it's
going to be the dress that's too revealing for
them to go out in you know because for us
and what we're experiencing it's like very big you know
it's like a very you know we're nude models we're in lingerie we're
(01:03:02):
online we have fans all of that stuff all of
those things can be seen in a normal person's life
mirrored just smaller you know that
guy who has a crush on you at your starbucks that
you see every three days because you always got to get your starbies
you know it's you know it's the same thing and it's those guys and those men
(01:03:22):
are going to still our partners are still gonna pick those same fights even
if they're very small on the scale of things you do an ex-partner too it's definitely
something that they have to work on yeah that's a good point because there is.
Similar issues that I mean freelance modeling people assume that we get like.
(01:03:43):
Sexual advances all the time and while that might be true i
had just as many sexual advances from people when i worked in
a restaurant if not more i was just
telling you this day about how when i was working as a hostess at
this restaurant i always i hated my coworkers because they were creepy
and i hated a bunch of my regulars because they were creepy
too and i was young and i didn't know what to do because
(01:04:04):
i was like 16 and i was in prosperity that's
extra creepy but with what we're doing it becomes more
obvious especially because we're all
out there protecting each other and outing predators so that
makes it a more a more welcoming environment for safety because we are upholding
(01:04:25):
it for each other and in a restaurant if you're trying to be like hey that guy
touched my butt the other co-workers are going to be like oh don't talk to christy
she's going to say you touch their butt.
Yeah, it's very different. And also, I think in the last like five or so years
modeling wise, I think that the community has become so much stronger in this
(01:04:46):
new generation of models are super kick ass.
They don't take shit and they're here to do their job.
They love to do what they do and they're more than ready and willing to put people in their place.
And And when we started, we were kind of told, you know, well,
we have to have thick skin.
This is what we experience as models. This is how the industry is.
(01:05:09):
We would have never even thought to have the kind of network that we had now.
At least that's how I feel about it when I think about how I started. Yeah, me too.
Right on. Well, Jules, thanks so much for doing this podcast episode with me.
I think that ain't been more informative. included and I hope
that people listening have found value in it as well because
(01:05:30):
this is something that a lot of us deal with like being in a relationship as
a model has different things that you know other people on the outside might
not have considered I definitely agree with that I think it's really cool that
you invited me to come back and I love talking about Zach's that's awesome yeah shout out to Zach.
Music.
This is a disclaimer for this episode about relationships and modeling.
Jules and I are both in heteronormative relationships, and we are going to be
giving our insight about, based on our experiences, what it's like to be a model
who is in a relationship.
We're going to be talking about our exes and what it's like for other people
(00:25):
that we've talked to in the industry and just sharing some insight and information
about the modeling industry and how it affects our relationships.
But please be noted that there is binary terminology being used because that is our experience.
So thanks for listening and I hope this finds you well.
(00:45):
Music.
Welcome to Sunrise Live, the podcast where we have deep conversations with fellow freelance models.
And today I have another special deep dive episode that I wanted to talk about.
And I have my friend Jules, who was on the podcast about a year ago,
(01:06):
with me here to talk about what it's like to be modeling while in a relationship.
Hi, nice to talk to you again.
Thank you. I'm so excited to go
down the rabbit hole with you like doing doing the interviews
and getting to know people on the podcast is
cool but finding ways to kind
(01:29):
of go down the rabbit hole like a little bit deeper on certain
topics has been pretty fun for me lately and I'm happy
that you are down to talk about
modeling while in a relationship because historically
celebs or like people in
the public view have been kind of weird
about like exposing the fact that they're in
(01:51):
a relationship and I think that that's a stigma that's changing
but that's definitely something that I'd
like to talk about maybe to start off with so like what what is your like view
from your perspective of what it's like to be a person in the spotlight whether
it's a actor musician model singer and And expose or not expose the fact that
(02:15):
you're in a relationship.
Oh, I think that's interesting that you said that historically celebs that are
people in the spotlight kind of keep the relationship, you know,
under wraps or they're weird about it.
Because when I started modeling, I was in a relationship and everyone told me
(02:35):
to not tell people that I was in a relationship because it would ruin my branding
and it would make me less marketable. But I'm a Cancer.
I'm a Cancer too.
So that's like not really like an option for my personality.
I'm not really someone who like hides my relationships away.
(02:55):
And even now in my current relationship with my fiance, I'm like very like publicly
in love. I talk about him all the time.
My Instagram is riddled with all of our work, which is really cool.
And I'm very passionate about being his number one fan.
Oh, and that's part of the reason why I wanted you to be my partner for this
(03:18):
podcast episode, because you are open about your relationship.
Yeah, I love Zach. He's pretty great. I met him in 2022 shooting with him up here in Buffalo.
That's awesome. That's so awesome. I do want to get down to the topic of dating
as a model and then photographers and models in relationships.
(03:38):
But like let's dive into that one in a little bit
because like there have been some things
that influenced me as well when it came to exposing
whether or not I was in a relationship on social media
one thing that I was influenced
by a while ago like early in
my modeling was I'm not super like into pop
(04:00):
culture I don't follow it super closely I mean
I read people magazine when I was like 15 so that was like an
exposure but i remember he listens to
the band the white stripes do you like the white stripes
i don't like them very much okay we
used to rap girly but i'm doing so the white stripes thing was it's jack white
(04:22):
and meg white they're like they were saying that they were brother and sister
and i was like oh that's cool he's in a band with his sister like Like she was
the drummer and he's like the singer guitarist, right? Okay. Ah.
And I always thought it was super cool that, like, there was a brother and sister, like, band.
But then later on, it came out in, like, the tabloids or whatever that it actually
(04:45):
wasn't his sister, that they were in a relationship together.
And I was like, why would they lie and say that they were brother and sister?
Doesn't that make it more weird? That's a weird thing.
Like, so, and I remember telling my friends, everybody check this out.
It's a brother and sister band. And then later finding out that they were lying
(05:05):
about that for their branding.
Like, I would have listened to them either way, you know?
Yeah, very true. I feel like a lot of models, or I guess people in general,
like, they are very different than their brand.
Their brand is, like, not who they are.
And I think a lot of people are starting to realize that.
(05:26):
And that's why it becomes more comfortable for us to talk about our relationships
and, like, our personal lives.
It's no longer about this like perfectly curated cookie
cutter idea of who we want people to see people I
think connect more authentically with us when we're being authentic too and
I think that changed a lot of the modeling industry made things a lot more different
(05:50):
than when I first started modeling like 11 years ago yeah yeah definitely like
back in the America's next top model era,
that was my mentality as well.
I was like, oh, I have to present myself as a fantasy, not who I really am,
because I felt like who I really am is not what the public wants, right?
(06:12):
They want to be with me. They want to pretend like I could potentially be their girlfriend.
And if you expose, you have a relationship that would ruin the fantasy, right?
Yeah, I totally get that. I remember...
Like when I first started modeling, people kind of were trying to assist me
on like how to brand myself.
(06:32):
And it always kind of came back to like a petite Southern belle,
girl next door kind of look, which is like literally virtually opposite of who
I am as a human being, except I am petite. That's the only thing. You're petite.
That's not the only thing. yeah it's
kind of interesting how other people's ideas that
they give to us end up being these ideas
(06:55):
that we we feel like we have to follow yeah but in the end it's i find especially
with like today's current era of social media and authenticity like if they
find out if your public finds out that you're lying to them,
that kind of like ruins your social merit, right?
(07:17):
Yeah, definitely. I think that there's a lot to be said today about honest people
in all entertainment industries being the people who have the most success.
The people that I see in big pop culture and then within our local community,
you know, in the freelance modeling world who have the most issues are people
(07:39):
who are dishonest and are the people who aren't being upfront about.
Who they are you know all those
little small nuances that come with the industry too yeah and
i think there's a lot of people even within our close circle
of other models that we communicate with like on our secret
chat rooms and stuff there are people that are like
(08:00):
strictly i wouldn't say strictly business
but they're strictly they are their brand on.
Their modeling social media and then they have a private
life that like they don't let the rest of
the world and i do respect that
but i also find it's harder
to like like if i
(08:23):
was a fan and i wanted to go down the rabbit hole
and like follow this person and like buy their calendar or
whatever i would want to get to know them and if
they're not providing a lot of information about themselves
by sharing on social media then i wouldn't
be as inclined to you know follow them
(08:43):
which like back in the magazine days that
wouldn't matter at all and i think that there are
a lot of models out there that they
don't care about what their fans think of them they're just you
know getting bookings with photographers and you
know making ends meet and i totally understand that and
(09:03):
i'm a little bit i'm a little bit jealous of that if
i could compartmentalize but i can't compartmentalize i
have to i just can't like be like you said earlier the cookie cutter version
of what i think a model should be i have to i have to be myself and share my
goofy memes and occasionally rant on social media i'm the same way people are always like.
(09:28):
Really taken back especially like because I'm from Houston and
I've heard a lot of Houston things a lot of
Houston memes even though I live in New York now and I like
very regularly like make fun you know a bunch of.
Different like stereotypes that like Houstonians make fun of like
Dallas we have mad beef with Dallas for whatever
reason and people are always like aren't you like thrown
(09:48):
like people would think I think that people have this idea that
that throws people off from working with me but actually I
have people tell me all the time that they think my posts are really funny and they
think that like I'm goofy and that they like were intimidated
by my work but when they saw me being silly online
or you know arguing with people over dumb
mundane things like Big Red versus Loganberry that
(10:09):
like that personality comes and it makes me
more friendly more approachable because I look like a real human and
not like a fake version of what
people perceive me as yeah no
I totally get that I've got some questions from
the online Instagram poll that I did that
I'd like to bring in to generate the
(10:30):
conversation here and this one person is asking
if your other half tells
you to stop modeling would you
it's so funny because I've never.
Really been in that predicament before I've never even in
my previous relationships with people who didn't
really understand the industry street no one ever told me to stop
(10:52):
so I'm gonna say probably not
that's like asking you know them to stop
working at their nine to five that they do this is what I put my whole adult
life working on this is my whole career that's not to say I want to do it forever
I definitely want to go on to other things in my life as I get older but I don't
(11:13):
see me ever stopping for anyone but myself.
That's a good answer. And I'm kind of the same way. Like I have never had a
boyfriend tell me to stop modeling.
However, when I started modeling, the boyfriend that I had at the time did say negative shit about it.
(11:33):
Like the way that I was 19 and the way that I shared the fact that I was doing
nude and lingerie modeling was by I made him a little like romantic booklet
that had love poems and then pictures.
And I gave that to him. And that was how I dropped the bomb that,
by the way, I'm also doing this. And I really can't, though.
(11:54):
Thanks. Yeah, I'm trying to sweeten the package. And he said that he thought
that the pictures were slutty.
He didn't tell me to not do it he just
said the pictures were slutty and that
he wished that i wouldn't be posting slutty pictures
online so i've done it's
like it's kind of like a backhanded thing i think that there are other
(12:16):
things that might be even more subtle that some significant others
might do or say that might like imply
that they wish that you weren't doing that my hair every
time i went on a trip my ex would
fight with me i would not even be out
of the door and we would be having some kind of dumb argument about
dishes not being cleaned or me
(12:39):
not spending time with him before i left because i
was packing you know all kinds
of really dumb petty things and i hear a lot of.
I hear a lot of very similar stories from a
lot of my model friends with significant others who
either aren't supportive or not in the industry i think
i'm really blessed that my fiance is a photographer because
(13:00):
he is super kind he goes to
all my shoots now he's very supportive of all
the things i'm doing i think he just cares mostly
about my safety you know there's so many odds
and ends out there in the world when we're touring that i think are
scary for anyone in a relationship with
paddling models to go through lots of crazy people like my underground bunker
(13:24):
man from the last episode so you know car troubles or just being in the wrong
place at the wrong time all kinds of stuff that yeah i think is more.
Anxiety inducing than if we had a normal job at an office right but what we
do is kind of of unpredictable because things could pop up that are unforeseen,
(13:47):
which if you went to the same office every day would be less likely to happen,
I suppose. Yeah, definitely.
We've all had some very interesting times on the road. Yeah.
One of my ex-boyfriends prior to Travis, he wouldn't tell me to stop, but he would...
(14:08):
Pretty much kind of tell me that the
reason why I'm a nude model is because he
told me that I have daddy issues that I needed to get over and like if I was
you know mentally sound that I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing which you know
I was kind of offended by so it was like it wasn't him telling me that I should stop.
(14:33):
It was him telling me that my career is a side effect of my own mental.
Downfall or emotional downfall of some kind. So it was kind of a put down in
a way where he was framing it like he was worried about me, but it was more
kind of a condescending sort of a tone.
And every time I went on a trip, he would always guilt trip me about how,
(14:58):
oh, I'm so lonely when and you're not here and I'm
not even going to touch myself when you're gone because I'm going to
struggle this whole time just so that I can save
it for you and I'm like okay well these guys
so wacko I'm like
I understand that you are alone when I'm gone but I am this is what I have to
(15:20):
do for my income like I have you have to go on tour if you're going to do this
full time like you have You can't just stay in the same city and make a full
time income as a freelance model.
Like, I mean, I guess you might be able to, but I think pretty much all of us
travel, right? Even if it's just like, you know, the next city over.
(15:43):
When I lived in Texas, I spent a long time only traveling between Houston,
Dallas, and San Antonio.
And I just did a little cute triangle, you know, every few months.
And that's like how I... Texas is huge, though. But that's how I did it before
I started doing cross country tours and I started to bridge out more.
Yeah, I think that also, I don't know if this is something you've experienced
(16:07):
in your previous relationships, but my previous relationship,
I lived with my exes and I think that they really became kind of relied like
they relied on my very, like my income coming in so big and quick.
They were very used to me being able to just be gone for a weekend and come
back with a bunch of money and that was like a security net for the van.
(16:29):
Also and I feel like so even though they didn't like what I was doing they were
like oh well you know but it's fine though because you'll come back with a lot
of money I'm going to give you a hard time I'm going to let you know I'm not
happy but I will definitely,
take that money for the bills and the gifts you get me or the dinner we're having after.
(16:49):
Yeah right Yeah, I have had, like, kind of, I guess it's a bit of a jealousy
issue, which kind of leads into another one of the questions that I got online. Somebody asked this.
You've worked through basic jealousy issues, but is your partner ever jealous
of the time that you put in?
And that kind of goes in right with being on tour and then coming back because
(17:15):
your partner might be jealous that you're not spending time with them because
you have to spend that time on the road or on your computer advertising your future tours.
Like there is a lot of unpaid work that also goes into it. Yeah.
There's hours and hours of admin work, office hours.
(17:38):
So me and my friend Chandra call it, you know, we're all doing office hours for the day.
And, you know, I think that that was definitely something that I dealt with
in previous relationships.
But I'm really lucky now that when I have a trip, Zach goes with me.
If I have shoots, Zach goes with me. We do everything together.
And I go with him on his shoots too and I assist him when he has shoots.
(17:58):
I like watch her randos, you know, popping up sometimes, you know,
those on location shoots can be a little bit risky.
Yeah. I'm definitely really lucky that now I don't have to experience that kind
of stress because it was very stressful before being in relationships.
Like we're jealous of the time that was having to be put in and we're jealous
(18:21):
of me being gone all the time and stuff.
But also on the flip side, I'm not touring full time anymore.
And so now I'm not really having to do that. I don't have to leave all the time,
which is very nice. I'm enjoying my break.
That's good. It's going to take breaks.
And I do want to include this because I think a lot of people that are not in
(18:44):
the industry might not realize how much time we have to spend on the computer,
especially if you are like generating a lot of your own content.
Like a lot of us models are making reels for Instagram so we can advertise ourselves.
We have flyers and we have a newsletter.
Some of us have YouTube channels, all of that. And it's all work. It's all editing.
(19:05):
It's all work on the computer, responding to messages, responding to comments.
And it takes time. And I personally, I'm an organized mess type person.
So I don't have, I have like a little bit of a morning routine,
but I don't have like a structure for the day of what hours I'm going to be
on the computer and what hours I'm going to be doing other stuff.
(19:28):
So sometimes when I'm on my computer, I'm bucking around on Facebook.
And sometimes I'm focusing on writing my newsletter
and my boyfriend who I adore
and love who I live with you know he doesn't know if I'm needing
to concentrate or if I just screwing around
on YouTube or whatever and so I
(19:48):
think that being able to set boundaries and like designate like this is the
time that I need to like get x y and z done is a really healthy way to like
move forward in being a freelance person in general role because there's not
a boss telling us what time you start and what time you finish.
We all have to run our ship ourselves.
(20:10):
And I think being a freelance artist of any kind has that same struggle where
you're like, okay, I need to designate a certain amount of hours this week to doing this task.
And I need to do this in order to do my career.
What hours are going to be my work hours and what hours are my social time or
my time with my romantic partner.
(20:32):
So typically, I'm up really early. We have a really weird sleep schedule.
But I'm up really early. And then I usually spend like my weekdays doing like
my admin work during like normal work hours.
But also, that's also like time that I'm like chatting with friends and ordering
an obscene amount of DoorDash.
(20:52):
You're just doing a bunch of like random things too like
looking for different locations for my remote events
or seeing what models are coming to the area
so I can coordinate with them if they want to do any kind of remote event too
and kind of just like doing that but then sometimes I don't know I feel like
I'm glued to my phone also chronically I'm always responding to messages or
(21:14):
comments or posting things or coming up with like an idea of something that I need to make for,
social media so i like and i don't know
if they have adhd or object permanence or something but i
have to do it like as soon as it comes to my brain so like yeah
there i'm like working on a reel or
whatever and but i do try to spend as much time as i can like when i'm with
(21:36):
zach not on my phone doing a bunch of dumb shit yeah yeah i mean there's a time
and place for everything sometimes it's hard to carve time out to do that stuff
but i i'm kind of the same way if the The inspiration strikes me and I have the time.
I'm going to do it. I have to take advantage of that inspiration.
But if I feel sluggish and not inspired, like I find that if I force myself
(21:59):
to do certain tasks, whether it's
like online or writing or editing or whatever, then it becomes a drag.
And then I associate that activity with it being a drag.
So it is kind of like ride the wave while the wave is there.
It's sort of a thing. which I guess makes it hard to have a schedule.
(22:20):
Yeah, I'm the same way. I feel like,
I'll be like, I'm going to make a routine and then it's gone and I don't care
anymore about trying to keep a routine.
And I feel like I'm just lucky that I drink enough water and I take my vitamins that I'm supposed to.
So you mentioned a little bit earlier how your previous partners were not in the industry.
(22:41):
Can you tell me what it was like and how it was different dating somebody who
was in the photography slash entertainment industry And then dating somebody
who is not in the industry.
I feel like I am very lucky that because Zach has been a photographer for so
(23:02):
long and he's been shooting fine art nudes of women for so long,
he understands that the people that I'm going to gravitate toward working to
are going to be professionals.
People that respect me and my time. and
he understands the perspective that the photographer is
experiencing behind the camera where it's not
(23:23):
this like hypersexual situation that people assume it is who are outside of
the industry and then my exes that i had who were not in the industry had a
very hard time understanding that there was nothing sexual happening that it
wasn't this hypersexualized i'm doing a strip piece.
I'm making gruff, sexy eye contact with them while they, you know,
(23:48):
take photos of me for their viewing pleasure. It's not like that at all.
And I would have to really beg and fight with my exes for them to understand.
Now that's not even something that I even have to worry about, which is a great relief.
And then I also have the.
So when I started modeling, I had very little like actual life experience.
(24:09):
I was fresh out of high school.
I'm the only girl in like a kind of semi-conservative Hispanic household, all brothers.
So I was raised really different than I think some of these other models were.
And I really had very minimal life experience when it came to being in a work
environment and being around a lot of older men.
(24:32):
And when I talk to Zach about stuff, which I can freely do, which is amazing,
you know, I feel like when I was with my exes, I really spent a lot of time
nervous that I was going to say something that upset them that happened at a
shoot or they're going to perceive the concept in a weird way,
you know, or just lots of weird things that people, I guess,
(24:54):
don't realize until you're in the mix is weird when you're talking to someone
outside of the industry versus, you know, I can...
Very freely explain, you know, situations that happened to me when I was new
modeling and Zach can explain it to me in a way that I wouldn't have ever viewed
it as because I was so young when I started modeling. I didn't know these things yet.
And he also like makes me want to be like a better model.
(25:20):
He makes me like want to like work with people who are really like in it for
the the craft, not just like GWCs, although I do love working with GWCs sometimes.
But like he really pushes me to be the best model that I can be because he believes
that I'm better than what I've let myself settle for, I guess,
(25:40):
with my previous clients.
I totally resonate with that as well.
And I guess working with GWCs and
having a relationship with a romantic partner
that does or does not understand the industry
that's a valid topic the
word gdwc is a very loaded term and there are some people that are non-industry
(26:05):
that listen to this podcast so i'll define it gwc gwc stands for guy with camera
and it is usually used in a derogatory way to kind of
talk shit about guys who don't do photography
full time that take pictures of women naked or
in lingerie however gwcs are
(26:28):
our bread and butter and we love them
if they are nice and respectful we love you guys i love gwcs like many of them
are some of my favorite people and they just enjoy the craft of photography
and they enjoy incorporating that with the lines and curves of a woman's body or whatever.
(26:48):
You may or may not be really fun.
I've recently took Zach with me to a GWCA shoot and I had a great time.
He was like, did you have fun? I was like, yeah, that was awesome. That was great.
It was an awesome shoot. He was super respectful. He played some.
Music. He'll let me play my music eventually, which I really,
really love when GWC has asked me to play my ghetto Houston rap because it's
(27:13):
a delightful treat that they're not prepared for. And it's really enjoyable.
And they are a bread and butter. Those are a majority of the people that I've
worked with, to be honest.
And I love them. I love them when they're nice and they're kind and respectful.
And there's people who have helped me also in normal life situations
(27:35):
explaining things like you know investments in
credit and stuff like that oh yeah learn because I
didn't really have a normal experience when my
adulthood you know so they really helped
me out learning these types of things you know teaching me
how to budget some of them were project managers so they taught me how to do
scheduling differently or they taught me about things like you know productivity
(27:59):
apps that can help me make my craft easier and stuff And I would never have
gotten that if it weren't for these cool GWCs.
Yeah, I mean, a lot of the photographers that we work with, especially if they
hire us every time we come to their town, they become like friends to us.
And I suppose if you're in a relationship with a model who works with these
(28:24):
same people in all the towns that the model travels to,
you might assume, if you don't know how the industry is like,
that there's something going on that's sexual there.
There and one of my exes the one
that I dated the longest definitely made these
assumptions about me that like assumed that
(28:44):
I was cheating on him that I was having sex with these photographers
and I was only doing it for the attention and you
know all this weird all these weird things that he was projecting onto me that
were untrue so I definitely thought that that was distasteful that he had these
(29:05):
intense jealousy issues because a lot of his exes had cheated on him.
However, cheating is not in my DNA.
I personally am super mononymously focused.
When I'm with somebody that I'm into, I'm not looking around.
And I'm not saying that to diss on anybody who's polyamorous or in an open relationship.
(29:32):
I should probably put like a precursor on this episode that like the terminology
that I'm going to be using is going to be very like hetero and normative based on my experience.
So I can't speak for those who are in an open relationship or anything like that.
(29:53):
But this is just this episode is basically like what we have experienced and
answering questions from people online that are yeah and we both just so happen to have been in.
Relationships with men like you know while we've been doing this yeah and that's just how it is,
that's how it is that's literally how my ex
(30:14):
was too my ex always assumed that i was out hooking up with these 75
year old men who were you know
people i maybe saw five times
a year yeah you know which is
crazy that we both experienced that but i think that's something
that a lot of models experience and don't talk about because there
have been many times i see see Facebook posts when the
(30:36):
model is like at their breaking point in their relationships and they
decide they're going to talk about these things publicly or hear
things you know just in between friends
and stuff when I'm talking with them and asking them how they're doing I think
that that's like a very common thing and I know that it's hard for photographers
who shoot women to be in relationships too and so I imagine that's like why
(30:58):
it's easy to be with a photographer for me I never even thought about dating
a photographer before I always assumed that like,
I guess because I was also very young when I started, you know,
so I'm like 19 when I start and I'm working with all these people who are primarily
in their 30s, 40s and then above, you know, I have clients who are literally like 80 something.
And the age gap at that time seemed
(31:20):
so significant that I was like never something that I ever thought of.
And I don't know, I traveled all over. I worked with, you know,
over a thousand people through the years at least.
And i'd never met a photographer
that i found even remotely interesting enough to talk to
as much as i talked to zach after i first met him yeah
(31:40):
so wait i'd like to ask how did that relationship form because i do know that
within our industry it is like a stigma for a model to date a photographer unless
there's a genuine connection but then how do you get over like Like, you know, you met them,
possibly it was at a shoot or whatever. You felt a connection.
(32:01):
Like, how do you get over that? Like, oh, it would be inappropriate if I made
a move or, like, asked him to go on a date or whatever.
Zach and I, we shot with each other for the first time in 2022.
It was very cold. It was a very cold shoot.
And we did some on-location abandoned stuff, which is one of my favorite things to do.
(32:22):
And I fell in love with buffalo on that trip. I actually have a tile from the
train station that we shot at that I picked up that first day.
And then I traveled with it for like a year and a half, which is really funny
because I just hadn't gone back to Texas yet.
And then, I don't know, he was so funny to me. I remember looking at him and
thinking, oh, he's cute.
(32:42):
And then I had to look out the window because I was like, girl,
you never said that or thought that about.
I'm talking before. What's wrong with you? Pay attention. I'm talking to you.
And then we just started talking and we had so much in common and then.
Pretty much after I left Buffalo a few days later, I knew I wanted to come back and work with him again.
I had a really, really good shoot with him and I just messaged him and I was
(33:05):
like, I want to come back to Buffalo. If I come back, would you work with me?
And then we just stayed in touch and we became really good friends.
We, you know, I talked to him throughout my move and then I talked to him throughout
all my touring and about just what life was like at the time, which was crazy.
I was going through some big transitions and we just became really close.
(33:26):
And last year, I don't know, it just kind of happened really naturally.
I did this shoot with him at this creek and I was blushing.
My friend Sophia was with us and I was all blushing and baffled.
And I talked so much normally when I couldn't open my mouth.
I had butterflies so hard. I just remember thinking, oh my gosh,
I really feel this deep connection with him. And, you know, at that point,
(33:50):
we'd become like really close friends, best friends.
And it just kind of happened naturally. I came back to Buffalo like a week later
and then I kind of altered all my plans. I was like, I just really want to be around Zach.
He's so funny. He's sweet.
And it just, I guess I'd never experienced something happen so naturally before.
It really changed it for me. Yeah.
(34:12):
Becoming friends first and then like, you know, getting together romantically,
which is definitely like maybe
people listening out there might think that that's how things always are.
But like in a lot of my past relationships, the way the relationship started
was a one night stand where I never met them before. And then we had a one night stand.
(34:33):
And then that was like, OK, a two night stand and then a month.
And then we're like boyfriend and girlfriend. friend and then obviously we're
not compatible if we didn't become friends before
we started dating so and you know I definitely
do not condone that method of dating I a
lot of that past relationships that I was in was a side effect
of my alcoholism which I no
(34:55):
longer am participating in but I mean
getting to know somebody and then building that trust
especially like doing what you love like
photography and modeling where you already have these things
in common and you're already on the the same page with like what inspires
you creatively that that's great what would
you say for other people out there models
(35:17):
or photographers when it comes to dancing that line like like where where's
like the professional boundary like when when would you say that it would be
acceptable to say something like hey like would you want to get dinner after
this or hey would you like to come over to my place or something like that?
We I guess it really just depends. I would say that at least a friendship,
(35:40):
a long friendship that you like know the person, you really know them.
And I'm I I'm not very vulnerable with the photographers I meet.
I don't you know, they're my friends, you know, but you're not going to catch
me like, you know, giggling with them like I was giggling with Zach and stuff. I feel like they're.
There really was like one of those moments you hear about in
(36:01):
like movies or read about books where it's kind of
like an instant spark and you become very comfortable very quick
with someone and i think that
that changes it once you really feel that
feeling like you're like oh that's how it's supposed to be and that's how
it's supposed to feel like yeah i might
say that it is possible that one person might
(36:22):
feel like they have that spark and then the other person
to might not have that spark like perhaps i mean
this has happened in the past where the photographer tells you
that they're in love with you but maybe it
isn't actual love maybe it's lust or whatever
yeah like the receiving party is like oh well it i'm not reciprocating this
(36:42):
feeling so i i guess there is like forming that connection over time i suppose
is the element that is the most important Because there are some people out
there that are giving advice like you should, if you want a date model,
you should buy a camera and then you can meet them and maybe date them.
We're not naming names out here, but there's people putting that message out there.
(37:06):
And my own friends who have you know been in experiences and been in relationships
with men who have bought cameras to meet pretty girls and who have moved to
big name cities to meet pretty girls and all those relationships failed and
those photographers are typically like serial.
Model daters serial model hookupers
(37:27):
there's people you know that i know of from
coast to coast that are photographers with reputations for
getting models into their beds and no they
must play a slick game i don't know i try
to avoid ever interacting with guys like that they scare me yeah and in the
end it's like are they truly happy if they are being suave and meeting models
(37:53):
through photography clubs or their own photo shoots or whatever and then like getting them
into bed and hooking up with them and then not pursuing a relationship or having
a relationship that fails or where there's lots of cheating and lying involved
like are those people truly happy,
no definitely not and i think that a lot of times people stay in relationships
(38:16):
too though where they're comfortable because that's what they know and a lot
of times people stay in relationships that are bad because it's also what they
think that they deserve.
And I think that it is hard in this industry to find people who will be supportive
and loving of you doing what you're doing.
(38:38):
And so even if you find someone who is just kind of loving and kind of supportive,
a lot of girls I think are going to decide to stay because they know how hard
it is out there. And we have a stigma, you know, our job is not, you know...
Typically the job that you see brought home to mom's meat, you know? Yeah.
(38:58):
Yeah. It's something that my ex would always throw into my face when I was saying
that I was unhappy with our relationship dynamics.
He would tell me that I was really hard to love and nobody
else out there would give me as long of a leash as he stated as I would because
he said that because Because I was a nude model that like it would be really
(39:21):
hard for anybody else to accept me for who I am and what I do and that I should be grateful, right?
Which was definitely, I was definitely being gaslit because now I am with somebody
who, so the relationship that I'm in, he is not a photographer.
Well, I trained him to be my photographer, but I didn't meet him through model photography.
(39:43):
He's in the entertainment industry so he's a musician as well as working in construction so.
Being a musician and being somebody who is frequently on
stage he understands that there
are people who are fans and that people that
you work with that you maintain a positive relationship
with like for us it's photographers for him
(40:06):
it's like people that rightly regularly go to their shows
and like you know people that work at the
bars and stuff like that you you're nice to
those people you take selfies with them after the concert you
talk to them you know you sign autographs if
that's what they sell your swag like you have to ham
up the audience it's not that you're hitting on them or
you want to have sex with them it's just that you are it's customer
(40:29):
service in the end if you're an entertainer and you
have people that enjoy what you're
creating whether it's music or art or whatever like part
of your career is in the customer service aspect of entertaining and for us
it's being you know creative and engaging with our audience and with the people
(40:51):
that we collaborate with because
I think that there are a lot of really talented models that don't get.
As many recurrent bookings because they
weren't as like personable with the
photographer because in the end this this this industry
it it is very much like a
(41:13):
connecting industry like you work with somebody and if
you work well together they want to hire you to get sometimes even
if you're a really amazing model but you didn't want to say a word at
the shoot and like in between every outfit fit
you're just on your phone instead of you know engaging with
the person that you're creating with like that that energy isn't
as like energetic and i
(41:34):
think that photographers definitely pick
up on that too if you're not being enthusiastic if
you're not being engaging even pre-booking you
know your cold calls how you're talking about
your shoe all that stuff photographers pick up
on that and it's very important that you you know i try
(41:55):
to have the same personality like across the board i
try to be like who i am online and in person online i'm
going to be a little bit more professional because you can't see me face to
face and i feel like we need to get the fact that you don't see how serious
i'm taking it so i'm gonna be you know a little bit more professional but in
person and then once you meet me you realize i'm really goofy and i'm bubbly
(42:17):
and i'm I'm really smiley and I'm silly.
And I think that that's a lost art in the business for sure.
Yeah. People definitely don't understand that. And I'm lucky that...
Zach had worked with me before, so he knows how I am. He knows that before the
shoot, I'm very professional.
(42:38):
And in person, I'm really goofy and I'm silly and I have a good time.
And it's important to me that everyone has a good time because he's experienced,
what it's like to work with me before we were dating.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Just building that energy up with the people that you're
working with helps maintain that connection where they want to hire you again.
(42:58):
But to a jealous partner they might
see that as threatening 100 yes that
100 super how they perceive it it's
really but then it's funny because we don't
perceive them in their nine to five jobs having good customer
service as threatening right yeah i
(43:19):
guess it really depends on the job like for for
one example when my boyfriend finishes playing.
A concert there's usually like a 20 to 30
minute period of time where like a bunch
of chicks want to take pictures with them and i just kind of like
i scoot out you know i'm just like y'all get
your pictures you know yeah i'm not
(43:41):
going to be like he's mine get back you
know like that's just not cool like but you imagine
you imagine if that's how i behaved as
actually yeah don't look at him
like that are you giving
him the look don't look at him like that then that kind of
that kind of takes me back to i guess something that we
(44:02):
could have brought up earlier but this is definitely a a
sore topic for some people but like what is
your opinion and possibly your experience with you know bringing an escort that
is your romantic partner to shoots like have you ever had a photographer tell
you something negative about bringing a romantic partner to issue.
(44:27):
So I don't drive locally.
So most of my shoots when I was like back in Texas, when I was with my ex,
I like had like our mutual friends like drop me off.
My mom dropped me off and I didn't really do S sports.
And then when I was touring, I had other models come with me.
And then now Zach comes with me to my shoots.
(44:49):
And most everyone is like very excited to meet him.
It's like a little like cute little pride and joy thing for me.
We're going to look really excited to like meet him. they're like oh my gosh
Elena's work great I see all the stuff you guys create it'll be great to meet
him I haven't run into anyone who is against it I have had people be like intimidated by me,
(45:11):
bringing him but I I guess that is just you know maybe it's like an artist thing
it's like when I meet a model that backwards works good that's like someone
I've like admired for a long time or something or someone who has like really
amazing work I can't help but be like oh my gosh gosh,
like we're about to like, I guess, go watch them shoot and get to hang out with
them and meet them. It's like kind of intimidating.
(45:33):
Yeah, I guess if as a model who is dating a photographer,
bringing that photographer to shoot, regardless of whether or not that person
is your romantic partner, I can imagine if I was the one hiring you,
maybe feeling like, oh, I wonder if they're going to judge my camera because
I have a Sony and he has a Nikon or judge my lens or judge my
(45:55):
lighting or I wonder if they're you know if
they're gonna point out like what I'm doing that's wrong I can see that that
might be a factor that you know even if your your partner that you're bringing
to the shoot isn't doing that it might make the photographer that's working
with you intimidated I guess yeah I think also that's so funny because they
(46:15):
do say that they'll be like,
The reason I do it this way, and they don't talk to me, they like turn to him,
but like, the reason I do it this way is because, and it's like funny,
like they're like, I guess, like explaining their artistic process amongst each other.
And I just hear him like waiting, like.
Yeah, when I used, in 2022, I did 4WAT with a partner and I did have some people
(46:39):
be like, I can't accommodate him in the space.
Like this one guy i shot with in like the
mountains in new york and near bear mountain but
it like genuinely was like a very very small little cottage
thing in the mountain and like a third person in there would have made it like
very cramped so i guess i don't know that's really the only time that and then
(47:01):
one time i did have someone say like something about how like i must not trust
them because they're with me or whatever but i'm like i don't really know we're all here together.
Right, exactly. I remember when I was new to modeling before I started traveling
full time, I used to have like coffee or something with photographers before
(47:22):
agreeing to a shoot with them and at a studio or whatever.
And I remember this one guy, his head was shoved so far up his ass.
He was telling me a story about how the
reason why he never allowed
boyfriends at photo shoots is because there was one time where he said that
he had to shove a model's boyfriend through the wall and i was like why would
(47:48):
you have to do that he was like oh yeah he was just a problem i had to put my
hands on him and i was like well this doesn't make me want to work with you you know.
You're gonna get violent so i've heard items out on like the model mayhem forms
and the purple port forms about like the rare incident that the escort is a
(48:10):
problem or whatever but in my experience i.
I don't know anyone foolish enough to squander the opportunities that we have
by bringing in someone who would damage their reputation like that to a shoot.
Yeah, but I will say, though, that of all the people out there that are aspiring
(48:33):
models versus professional full-time models, you and I are in the circle of professionals.
So we surround ourselves with people who wouldn't bring somebody like that to a shoot.
You know, we're not like on drugs or like trying to steal stuff.
I have heard from photographers that worked with local models that had drug
(48:56):
problems where the friend that they brought brought a large bag.
And then after they left the dressing room, the bag was really full of stuff.
And the photographer didn't have the guts to ask, hey, what did you got in that bag?
Like, but they stole it. So that does happen.
I'm not saying it doesn't happen, you know, but this is hashtag top reasons
(49:17):
to only hire professional models and not work with.
Like, you know, inexperienced models, or if you do work with an inexperienced
model, be aware of the risks that you're putting yourself by having a stranger
in your home, you know? Yeah, definitely.
I think that photographers should also do reference checks.
(49:37):
Yeah, they should. I think that that is something that is very commonly overlooked.
You can very easily find out people's criminal information and who they are online.
Yeah. Just a few Google searches.
Also, I think that being public about your relationship online automatically
(50:00):
like vets your boyfriend.
Friend like if you're posting content like Travis and I
we're we got photos together online like
we post videos where we're doing stuff on our
our reels and on our stories on Instagram so
people already have a vibe they've already got a vibe
and half the time when I show up to a shoot the photographer's like
where's Travis did you bring him and I'm like
(50:22):
oh yeah no he's in a different he's in a different town like
I'm just on tour right now I was gonna I
was gonna have him hold the reflector i was gonna have him pose
with you i'm like oh like they're already aware of him and you'll need his personality
so he's kind of already vetted but if you're really secretive about your partner
and then you bring your partner to a shoot without like clearing it with the
(50:44):
photographer first i can i can see how a photographer might be kind of freaked out if you.
Bring somebody to the shoot that you did not say you were going to bring or
you said that you were going to bring a friend and then it turned out to be
your significant other.
So I mean, there are things that people do that are sneaky because they're like,
oh, the photographer is going to get mad if I ask if I'm going to bring my boyfriend,
(51:08):
they're going to want to say no.
So I'm going to lie and say that it's my friend or whatever.
So I've heard all of these different versions of why some photographers don't
want escorts at all, or they'll allow an escort, but not a boyfriend.
But in the end, kind of like what we started with, like being authentic,
Authentic kind of like eliminates all of these issues,
(51:30):
like being true to yourself and like expressing who you are in your true form
online will like dispel any of these possible miscommunications.
Yeah, definitely. I think that is something that a lot of models have a hard
time with is like being upfront with photographers because they're worried about
(51:52):
them being uncomfortable or denying the booking or they're being,
you know, just drama in general,
which I completely understand and I respect too, because
for a long time I was also really conflicted about
the power dynamic that is you know exists
between photographers and models now i'm
(52:12):
of the mindset that if i feel uncomfortable that
i'm just not going to do it at all period which took me
a long time to get to oh i mean yeah it's long
to get to and also though part of
that is being in a relationship where i can talk things
through with my partner very explicitly
in detail about what's going
(52:34):
on with the shoot and sometimes you know
we just decide that it's not something that i need
to even stress about and i'm just being anxious over or
sometimes it's something that is an obvious glaring flag
and i just didn't see it that way and i got
caught up in some you know southern politeness that
i need to work on yeah true that
(52:56):
well i've got another question from our online instagram
questions and this is a fellow model who.
Is like sort of faced out of traveling modeling but
she asks how do you deal with being away from
your partner for long periods of time when i
traveled a lot in my previous relationships i
(53:19):
had like a set routine of like what i did with that
partner you know we always called before
bed and you know we stayed in pretty like good
contact we shared my location for emergency purposes
there's like a copy of my schedule that
they have access to so they know where I'm supposed to be and
when I'm supposed to be there and who's supposed to be
(53:39):
there and what's happening so that way you know god forbid something terrible
happens there's like a trail that's going on and also I'm like really sentimental
so I like travel you know like now like I don't travel without Zach when I was
traveling without him like I would take
his shirt with me and I'd sleep in his shirt and I'd take the stuffed animal
(54:01):
he got me and I'm very like soft that way in my soft girl era like that and
then you know we did FaceTime dates when I was still touring you know we you
know set time aside and talk to each other and time together.
We stay in pretty much constant contact, though. So that's sweet.
(54:22):
Yeah, I guess if you are in a relationship with somebody who like spends a long
time to text back without communicating,
you know, that might, you know, create some kind of like anxiety in your partner
where what your method of giving them your schedule with all the addresses where
you're going to be at sharing your location,
(54:43):
you know, regularly checking in you know having
FaceTime dates that's a really good way to like reassure
your partner that you are okay like you're still connected
you are still the person that I love you know I
am away from you but that doesn't mean that I am not thinking about you because
yeah traveling away from your partner can give them anxiety or give you anxiety
(55:04):
and I mean I experienced that like with partners in the past where you know
I'm on tour and I want to call them because I'm going
to go to bed and they're not answering, you know?
Yeah. So for anybody out there that is thinking about getting into freelance
modeling, or perhaps you've dabbled into freelance modeling and maybe you have
(55:25):
a boyfriend or a significant other,
or perhaps you're going to be in a relationship at some point while you are getting into modeling.
I would say that in my experience, The beginning of my modeling career was the
most rocky for all of my relationships,
like not just significant others, but also my my parents and my friends,
(55:48):
because they were looking at me going like, what are you doing, Christy?
You've got all these salacious pictures on your social media accounts.
Like, what are you doing? that is very relatable self-doubt involved
in in that there's a lot of self-doubt involved with
just like people that you are closest with accepting what you are doing and
(56:08):
then supporting you yeah definitely that was something I definitely experienced
I think it was really shocking for people to see me go from like this young
kid who had cancer who was like very awkward and really
shy to like suddenly being half naked on the internet.
Like it was very shocking for them. A lot of people, my friends,
(56:30):
my family, my boyfriend at the time, they were all kind of like, what is going on?
And also I think that like the people in my life who saw the potential in what
I was doing and saw how happy it made me and then believed in me,
those are the people that I'm still friends with.
And those are the friendships that I carry, like that I carry like closest to
(56:54):
my heart that are super important to me.
Even, you know, after my cross country move and all my tours and stuff,
those are the people I still stay in touch with.
I don't know. It's a very wild world we live. And it's not a normal life by
any means. I realize that. I recognize that.
I think that when people are getting into this industry too, it's so enchanting.
(57:20):
And it's so otherworldly to experience the stuff that you are thrown into so quickly.
It's a big whirlwind of emotions and experiences.
Experiences and I don't blame anyone for you know jumping right into it you
know Pete first because it's so amazing it's so beautiful and exciting it's
(57:42):
so unique not everyone gets to do this it's you know a blessing and an opportunity
that most people never even fathom existing.
Yeah that's true and it is hard
to launch your career especially if you're
like newer at it or you haven't built your portfolio yet and
to be with a significant other who
(58:03):
is supportive of you expressing yourself in whatever
way you desire whether that's art modeling
whether that's fashion modeling whether it's
e-fans or whatever like all that needs
to be discussed with your partner and I have had
a lot of instances where models contact
me because they want advice spice and they tell
(58:26):
me that maybe they've done a few shoots but that
their significant other doesn't know and i'm
like well you have to tell them because if you're worried about telling them
i understand that you're worried that you might get judged but that's a problem
like they have to support you and what you're doing and if if they don't like
you know it's either your life or them controlling your life.
(58:51):
So it's kind of a hard pill to swallow where when you get into modeling or acting
or even any art that people don't understand,
if they're not willing to make the effort to try to understand you and what
you're doing and why you love doing it, then maybe that's not the right partner for you.
(59:12):
And that is a major thing that does
make this career challenging and it often ends
models careers before it really gets going so
yeah I've seen so many really like I've had a lot of friends who like got like
get into modeling or they are modeling and then they get into relationships
and you know they could have you know reached whatever goal they had they could
(59:37):
have kept going and they stopped and they you know.
You know just they're not even with the guy anymore nine times
out of ten too they never stay with a dude like
that never it's never the actual relationship that is
the one which is also like really sad to see that they missed out on so much
opportunity for someone who couldn't even stick around for them because they
(59:57):
were resenting them over something that they gave up for that person too yeah
i think it's important especially because a lot of models are young when they get into this industry,
that they should take their time.
I think that that's important to be themselves and learn who they are.
This industry is life-changing in many ways.
You experience things, the beauty of the country and business stuff and these
(01:00:23):
unique locations and even just being in different types of cities and towns
and environments that you grew up in,
it changes who you are as a person and you're still
discovering yourself in this industry and as an adult
and as a you know human for a very long time while
you're navigating this stuff and then your brain doesn't even fully develop
until you're 25 anyways and i think so many people get kind of caught up in
(01:00:48):
this idea what they should be doing and they kind of squander the opportunities
that they're given you know and that's really sad to see and i'm a victim of
that too i stayed in a really bad
relationship for a really long time and I could
have long ago left Texas you know I
could have long ago hit all 50 states I
(01:01:08):
could have achieved a lot of goals that I've achieved just in the last few years
probably before I was even 25 if I would have had someone kind of you know telling
me that there was no rush you know I was rushing for no reason everything came
and it was It was supposed to and everything fell in place and it was supposed to fall in place.
Yeah, exactly. And I do understand why some partners get jealous. Yeah, definitely.
(01:01:35):
I do understand that because it is societally ingrained within our society where it is...
People assume that, I'm not saying people in general, but a lot of people do assume.
That nudity is supposed to only be private for your romantic partner,
(01:02:01):
where what we're doing is we're expressing ourselves with our body for art and
for entertainment, and it's our career.
And there is a professionalism to that career, whether or not when you're viewing
the content, you think it's professional, like we are doing it in a professional manner.
And there's a there's a respect that is needed for that.
(01:02:21):
And if your partner views what you are doing as salacious or or that you're
acting out or or that you just need more attention and they can't give it to you,
then, you know, they need to work on that themselves.
Ourselves like we're going to come across those same issues with
(01:02:42):
other women even not in the industry it's going to be the co-worker
that oversteps boundaries too much or it's
going to be the dress that's too revealing for
them to go out in you know because for us
and what we're experiencing it's like very big you know
it's like a very you know we're nude models we're in lingerie we're
(01:03:02):
online we have fans all of that stuff all of
those things can be seen in a normal person's life
mirrored just smaller you know that
guy who has a crush on you at your starbucks that
you see every three days because you always got to get your starbies
you know it's you know it's the same thing and it's those guys and those men
(01:03:22):
are going to still our partners are still gonna pick those same fights even
if they're very small on the scale of things you do an ex-partner too it's definitely
something that they have to work on yeah that's a good point because there is.
Similar issues that I mean freelance modeling people assume that we get like.
(01:03:43):
Sexual advances all the time and while that might be true i
had just as many sexual advances from people when i worked in
a restaurant if not more i was just
telling you this day about how when i was working as a hostess at
this restaurant i always i hated my coworkers because they were creepy
and i hated a bunch of my regulars because they were creepy
too and i was young and i didn't know what to do because
(01:04:04):
i was like 16 and i was in prosperity that's
extra creepy but with what we're doing it becomes more
obvious especially because we're all
out there protecting each other and outing predators so that
makes it a more a more welcoming environment for safety because we are upholding
(01:04:25):
it for each other and in a restaurant if you're trying to be like hey that guy
touched my butt the other co-workers are going to be like oh don't talk to christy
she's going to say you touch their butt.
Yeah, it's very different. And also, I think in the last like five or so years
modeling wise, I think that the community has become so much stronger in this
(01:04:46):
new generation of models are super kick ass.
They don't take shit and they're here to do their job.
They love to do what they do and they're more than ready and willing to put people in their place.
And And when we started, we were kind of told, you know, well,
we have to have thick skin.
This is what we experience as models. This is how the industry is.
(01:05:09):
We would have never even thought to have the kind of network that we had now.
At least that's how I feel about it when I think about how I started. Yeah, me too.
Right on. Well, Jules, thanks so much for doing this podcast episode with me.
I think that ain't been more informative. included and I hope
that people listening have found value in it as well because
(01:05:30):
this is something that a lot of us deal with like being in a relationship as
a model has different things that you know other people on the outside might
not have considered I definitely agree with that I think it's really cool that
you invited me to come back and I love talking about Zach's that's awesome yeah shout out to Zach.
Music.
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