April 18, 2024 • 29 mins
In this captivating episode of our podcast, we present a heartwarming discussion featuring three accomplished women. They engage in an open and meaningful conversation about life, purpose, and happiness. Join us in exploring the highs and lows of their personal journeys, as they share how they navigated through life's hurdles including career changes, dealing with empty nest syndrome, facing divorces, overcoming addictions, and more.
Dive deep into their insightful reflections on the pivotal question of, "How do you figure out what you want in life?" Learn how they discovered their paths towards inner happiness, going through distinct career choices in education and nursing, and building joyful post-divorce lives centered around fun and meaningful connections.
Discover how these resilient women navigated post-divorce life, stressing on the power of self-belief, the value of constant learning, and the importance of personal growth. Learn about their experiences with personality tests that served as tools for self-discovery and a roadmap to a deeper understanding of their true selves.
Explore the phenomenal power of friendship that formed amidst challenges and listen to the speakers share experiences about shared passions for food, music, and more. Embrace the encouraging reminder that it's never too late to find happiness, and be inspired by the stories of resilience, self-discovery, and the beauty of genuine friendships.
As the episode unfolds, our speakers delve deeper into life, personal achievements, interests, and future goals. They share personal anecdotes along with valuable insights that may guide you on your personal journey and help you refine your approach to attain your desire from life.
Tune in to be a part of this exciting exploration of life stages and the concept of "improving oneself". You will hear the speakers encourage you to surround yourself with people who share common passions and exert a positive influence on your life. Be a part of their journey as they share plans for maintaining work-life balance. Listen and be inspired to redefine your life goals and reshape your journey ahead.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Music.
(00:28):
Okay, ladies, so today we're asking ourselves, how do you figure out what you want?
Well, I got a life in general. I think we could talk about it on any level.
Okay. So I'm actually struggling with that right now as the basically empty
nest person and had a career switch a couple of years ago within education.
(00:51):
I'm just not really, I've always worked towards something, you know?
So, or especially when it was a coping mechanism with the divorce and all, or an alcoholism.
So it was work towards getting a job in education, work towards getting a divorce,
work to get a house, work to get the house set up, work to get this new job.
(01:11):
Ex-husband passes away, work to get the estate settled and get all of that taken
care of, work to get my daughter in school, all of this.
And now all of a sudden, all of the things that I had set up or had come up are worked through.
And I don't have a next step. I don't have a, okay, this is where I,
you know, I've thought about, do I want to push my career further?
(01:31):
Do I want to do more with the yard? All of these things that I don't,
I haven't figured out what that big want is and decided to really go for it
because I haven't defined it.
And it's hard to figure out how to figure
out what it is especially when all
of you know we all had this whole dream before if this is what
(01:53):
things would look like you know and now it's different
i mean when you start a lot of
our life goals are often associated with employment or family
yeah right right often yeah well
the three of us sitting in this room have achieved a lot
of that yeah yeah knowledge so when
you you when you have sort of your big boxes checked it's
(02:15):
it's hard to sit in them well it's
like I need another but yeah well I was I was
feeling really uneasy a month ago or so
like stir crazy like I needed a next
thing and so I have just this week started teaching
some voice piano lessons that has kind of
like lit a new fire so sometimes sometimes for
(02:36):
me what I what I want like I
have a lot of what I want and it's figuring out what to add to that or like
do you know what I'm saying or how to maximize it how to maximize it how to
maximize it yeah how to be really happy I think part of it also is and I've
talked about this in our little pregame I I struggle sitting in.
(02:58):
The happiness and peace sometimes because life was so chaotic for so long every
once in a while it spins back around and I'm like, okay, this is weird.
Just because I don't have... It's good. I've gotten to the point that when something
chaotic happens, I'm like... I was at work and somebody yelled the other day
(03:20):
and it was very unexpected.
And I was like, oh. Well, see, now I don't want the negative chaos.
I would take positive chaos. No, happy chaos. Yeah, well, that's just fun.
You're just saying fun. Yeah, just fun. Just like, yeah.
Well, I think all this... We hit on a little bit of this before,
but or maybe we pre-gamed it like anyway I
(03:42):
think you're right when you're young you try
to get your education you just kind of move through
life with these expected steps sort of like when you
have a kid you wait for them to turn their
head you wait for them to smile you wait for them to be able to sit up
and then crawl and then walk and there are developmental stages
that you go through and you do that as an adult too I
(04:03):
think and you know now my thing
is I just want to keep learning in new and
different things to kind of keep myself interesting for
me yeah but also for maybe a possible person down
the you know i just want to be an interesting human i want to do things like
that but i also think you can get stuck in it but i don't know that i want to
(04:26):
use that word stuck because now i mean i have been what i labeled as stuck in
the path but i think I think with everything is sort of a cyclical thing.
And sometimes you use all your energy to, like I did, paint my house and get
my house arranged how I wanted it.
And then I had a natural downtime where I didn't have the energy to do that.
(04:48):
And I was kind of resting and recharging. And maybe that's where you are.
I don't know. And then those times kind of seem...
Still quiet boring whatever you
want to say and then you do something new
you learn something new you go to a class you
read a new book you join a different group
(05:11):
you meet a new person and then you kind
of get back on the uptick of things of learning
something and i like to master different tasks
or you know those kind of things and i
think that's kind of what keeps you rolling and
pre-game when we talked about doing a
personality test doing all those
(05:32):
kind of things to kind of see where and i think
those kind of help you sift out what you want to do and how you want to see
things or maybe how you don't want to see things anymore and how you want to
kind of explore that other right kind of personality pre-gaming i was doing
another test because i can never remember what i am anyway and so i was thinking
oh i kind of am rigid because when you you take,
(05:55):
I'm good at taking tasks. That's kind of what I think.
So you can kind of see the pattern. I can kind of see the pattern of the test.
They ask you the same question in a different way sometimes just to see if the
first time you like the wording and that's how you see yourself.
Like I am very helpful to people. Well, as a nurse, I'm like,
hell yeah, and I'm pushing that all the way over number five, accurate, accurate.
(06:21):
Then they ask it again in a different way. And And you're like, wait a minute.
Was I really just tooting my horn? Am I really that helpful?
Or do I just want to be helpful?
Or am I intrusively helpful? Like when Bonnie and I walk in the park and I'm
like, yeah, that guy's had a hip problem.
Look at his gait. He pronates. She nurses everybody.
(06:41):
She's that scanner. The comedian who's scanning men.
Jimmy Cena. Is he balding?
Yes. Is it in a good way?
So she does that to everybody she's like but
(07:02):
that's not necessarily a good thing i mean it's a good thing if you're in distress
if i'm there but if you're not then i'm like yeah i think you yeah that guy
is carrying 40 pounds of extra weight on his belt like i described that guy
he's got the hard round heart attack belly like he just looked at me and i was
like Like, I probably shouldn't have said that.
(07:23):
But when you take those tests, sometimes you see that how you see yourself,
your perception of yourself is a little skewed.
Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. Sometimes that's in a bad way.
Sometimes it's a good way in that you can create, create or correct.
You can push yourself in a different direction or learn something different
(07:44):
or learn something about yourself. because sometimes I think,
and this is just me, when we went through the divorce, I had so many negative feelings about myself.
Some of it was that little voice in the back of my head.
Some of it was the voice from my ex-husband saying, you're just a nurse,
you know, you've gained weight, you've let yourself go, blah, blah, blah.
(08:08):
Why can't you do this? Why can't you do, you know, that kind of stuff.
And then there's the little voice in my head that's the perfectionist,
like, you didn't do that to the best of your ability. You know, those kind of things.
And I think you get, divorce is a negative experience, even if it's needed. It's negative.
(08:29):
And sometimes what I tended to believe all the negative stuff.
And so when I started reading and started kind of figuring out who I am and
what I want and where I want to kind of settle out and the kind of person that
I want to actually be when I grow up.
Sometimes you realize how rigid you are in certain areas and how lax you are
(08:51):
in other areas and how it would be really nice if you could find a little happy medium in there.
We did a couple weeks ago at work. I can't remember if I talked about this now
that we're talking about personalities. I guess...
Makes sense in terms of like what makes you especially
what makes you happy in life well and when you're looking for what
yeah happy we did the monkey lion turtle what's the other word camel camel thing
(09:15):
and what's funny is i'm the oldest sibling but i'm a monkey like very much a
monkey she was like you're an enigma that never happens usually oldest or leading
lions but the The youngest of my siblings is the lion for sure.
But we did things that we know, like we met in little groups.
So like all the monkeys wrote down things we know about ourselves.
(09:37):
But then other groups wrote down the way they perceive people.
So like people can perceive monkeys as like irresponsible or loud or,
you know, flaky when really it's just it's not really that it's just personality.
And sometimes it's hard for our brains to, you know, to do X,
Y, Z. So it, yeah, it's, it's interesting, but you may know that about yourself too.
(09:58):
You know, so. It's funny. I think my little sister is a lion.
Yeah. And I'm a monkey. I mean, I'm not a monkey. I think I'm a turtle,
camel or camel, turtle, whichever way you go.
That's your line. You're a lion.
I am not. I would make it to say you have high monkey, but y'all,
(10:19):
I had, I tested out of 20. I had a monkey six.
And the rest of them are ones. Yeah. There you go.
I need to redo that. So I haven't done a lot of those 10 states in a long time.
But what it told me about myself and what it tells the people I work with is
that the thing that's most important to me is fun and people.
(10:41):
I'm very, very people-oriented. So if I can have fun and people are involved, I'm happy.
And I do do that a lot in life. I'm very social.
And work. So we did one at the school system. I spent ages ago now at Emergenetics or whatever it is.
And I am yellow for the most part. I am yellow and green.
But for the most part, I'm yellow, which is the big idea concept person.
(11:03):
But, you know, so somebody I
work with, she's always like, your yellow is showing. Like, I know. Sorry.
Because I know that she is majority green. You know what I mean?
But that's what makes when you know that about people, you know who to go to for their strengths.
Right. And things like that. And it also showed me where my weaknesses were.
Okay. So I am yellow. I need to work a little harder on building some green
(11:28):
to be, you know what I mean? Just to sort of help round myself out.
But that's, but doing these personality tests for me, especially when I'm trying
to look for what it is, what my next big thing to work towards is,
is to remind me of kind of who I am and how I fit into different places.
Places and it's just kind of a good refresher to
(11:48):
to make myself a real person to myself again it
helps you it helps remind you what is important to you yeah like no there are
things that aren't as important to me like i hate paperwork i hate it it is
frustrating and it just isn't that important but it's important for other people
so i have to do it you know yeah so anyway but I think on that note, too,
(12:10):
knowing yourself and knowing your strengths and also being acutely aware of
your weaknesses kind of helps you sift through the divorce stuff.
I mean, if you're a person that's never really thought, who am I? What do I actually like?
I would think that this process would be really hard for a person going through.
(12:33):
I knew myself pretty well. I lost myself for a while just in all the chaos of,
you know, personality disorder and addiction and all this other stuff that was also shaking down.
With your ex-husband. With my ex-husband. Well, and as a parent,
you lose yourself a little bit anyway because you have to give so much of yourself to your kids.
(12:55):
You do. do but if you know yourself and you can get back
to thinking of
how you like things and what is really important
to you and you know I think it
helps in the process moving you propelling you forward if you can put something
out there that you really like to do like okay for all of us we're really busy
(13:17):
but the thing that we all three have in common is we like to go and do things
we We like food and we like music.
So we have done a little bit of all that for both of us.
I mean, for all of us. And when we do that as a group, it strengthens our friendship.
It also feeds us personally.
(13:39):
And it's something that we wouldn't do probably just by ourselves.
I mean, I have eaten by myself before for a long time.
But when you do it as a group and you find a group that kind of feeds you in
a different way that a different group feeds you,
I think it also helps you grow as a person and it kind of strengthens your resolve
(14:01):
and kind of helps propel you into the next thing.
If you're having a low time or a difficult time or I feel stuck time,
if you can find those things and remember those things and kind of keep your
eyes on that, this is what really makes me happy.
Sometimes we all have to do those things that don't make us happy.
(14:23):
But if we have time to do the things that do.
And I think, too, like we're all kind of at a point in our lives that we know
there are certain things that we're never going to be.
Like, I'm never going to be a millionaire.
I'm just, I'm not. That's not going to happen for me. I'm going to enjoy a middle
class lifestyle, right?
What that's helped me do is quit keeping up with the Joneses a little bit.
(14:45):
And so instead of thinking, well, I have to have this perfectly done and this
perfectly done. No, I just try to keep it simple.
It has made me so much happier, you know, or just, just, there are some things
that at some point you go, okay, this is, this is in the not category.
So what is in, what is in the possible category that I still want to achieve? sheet.
I think I've reached the age. It's funny. I think of it in terms of books.
(15:08):
When I now look at a book about whether I want to read it or not,
it's like, I only have X amount of books left in my life. This one worth my time.
Yeah. Like I am now down to, it's selective. Like when I was younger, I'll read everything.
I can't quit reading it because I'm not to the end. And now I'm like,
nope, there's only so much time. And I've just now started reading again.
(15:28):
I'm going to spend the time on books I'm interested in. So it's kind of like that about life.
So there There are some things I know that I might have thought I might could
have a spinoff career and do later.
Like, I'm not going to do that. I'm not ever going to play the guitar.
I'm not going to do that.
I'm not going to learn to play the piano any better than my little corp.
(15:48):
But I do play the piano. And what I can do is get better at that.
You know, or I sometimes it's just about strengthening the things that you do,
like going deeper with the things that you already do.
Well, right. Right. Even a higher level. didn't you
say how many minutes a day does it
take to be better than 98% over 18 minutes yeah
well that's but that's you have kind of niched down a little
(16:11):
bit in the in your stitching even though you love to paint do all of those things
you spend the majority of your time there I have chosen painting and acrylics
and all that over all of the other art like I used to do pen and ink I used
to draw loves colored pencil watercolor and even sculpting a little bit it ages ago.
All of those things, I kind of, I can still do those and enjoy them,
(16:35):
but I have spent more of my time on painting.
You know, I don't sew anymore. I used to sew a ton for the kids and design little
things for them. I haven't done that.
I used to make clothes for myself. I haven't done that. I am now just painting.
Like I, at this point, at this age, when I was younger, I tried everything.
And at this age, it seems like I picked something and I'm kind of leaving with it. So.
(16:59):
Still, to find out what you want, there are also, I know that there's other
tests and like quizzes and things out there.
One of them I took at one point, walked me through how to define what my,
what it is that I believe in, in my life. What are my, what are they called?
Your belief system. Yeah. Just, you know, whatever, like, what are the things
(17:21):
that are. The right word. No.
What is the word? What is this site? I was on this site. I know what you're talking, your tenants.
Yeah it's just like with the things that you like what is it like family is
important that is one of mine like you know even so every once in a while when
something comes up if it's something not necessarily loving I'm like okay does
this fit in my grand scheme of things that I really.
(17:43):
Want to live as one of my you
know my tried and true family is important the education is
important like those kinds of things like what are those
kinds of things being creative every day is important
to me you know faith is
important to me those those kinds of things the tenets of your life yes the
kind of the things that are most important to you can you define those like
(18:06):
what are your top 10 things that the way you frame your life you know so but
some people especially going through divorce and all if you haven't sat down
and done that and just sort of of,
okay, let's define the things about my life, the things that I believe in,
the things that I believe most and want to frame my life around,
(18:29):
you know, you're not going to go rob a store if faith and family and all of
these things are at the top of your things that you love or about you,
because that wouldn't fit into the tenets of your life. Can you notice that?
That's true. So I think that kind of thing would help.
But i don't know i
(18:50):
like daily my daily wants
are different from a long-term wants i think but i don't
i'm really i've tried to spend a lot of time not featurizing anymore yeah see
i guess and that's what i'm struggling i used to get very hung up on on that
fine on figuring out what's going to happen a year from now what's going to
happen and i just don't anymore i very rarely do I plan shows so that I know dates,
(19:15):
and I have planned the vacations that I'm having through all this so that I know that.
But in terms of like... But you do have goals for after you retire.
Yeah, but they're very vague. Right. But if something came up that would fit
kind of moving you toward that goal or help you with those goals,
(19:36):
you would go for it, right?
Right. So that's kind I need to define what that goal is. You have a plan or
a goal, even though it's vague.
And that's what I need to figure out what that is for me. I'll have things I would like to do.
When I'm retired, I would like to do some more professional theater,
maybe dip my toe into some film stuff, and...
(19:58):
Because they need middle-aged women in film and TV is what my friend told me.
They're like, there's a shortage.
And now I'm here to fill it. Well, because all the young ones as they age have
had plastic surgery. Yes, that's true.
They're still playing NGOs. And then I just want to go as many places as possible.
And that's pretty much it. I don't have any other, like, that's what I'd like to do.
(20:22):
And so if any of those things present themselves in whatever way they do,
that will just make me happier, even more happy.
See, I feel like I need, if I can define, if art is what I want,
if I want to, I need to define what being a successful artist is,
and then I need to start taking steps towards that.
I don't have to define when it happens, but I need to have something to move
(20:45):
forward to. Is that what it's going to be?
Or am I going to push further into education and learn more about that and go
in that way? I mean, I just have, I just, and I don't, or am I just going to
sit here and love where I am and not worry about it? Like a struggle.
Yeah. But I think, I think a lot of people do. You know, I think this is a part
of being an empty nest person in this, this place.
(21:08):
I don't have, this is when I was supposed to have a partner and we were supposed
to travel and we were supposed to do things together and all of that.
And I don't have that. And so.
Well, some of that too is still. So there's what I just heard this on a podcast,
too. There's me and my podcast lately.
There's three phases of life. It's your learner phase, your earner phase.
(21:29):
And then it's like your teacher phase after.
So we're all still in the earner phase, you know? Yeah. So I feel like I've
already done part learner, part teacher.
But I would like to be a learner again. Well, that's I think I'm a lifelong
learner. I don't think I'm going to get out of that stage.
And it's hard for us because we're already teachers.
(21:52):
It's like what did he say it's like you're a mentor,
like a mentor I feel like I'm so old I have all these t-shirts but I did,
here's the comforting news I just read something that just popped up on my social
media that said if you had a baby over the age of 40 did you send that to me
(22:18):
or was it my brother it might have been,
That you, it increases your possibility of living to a hundred.
Yes. I was like, hot damn.
I know that's what time to learn a lot more things.
But it was my mother that sent it to me. Y'all think so too? Shouldn't.
(22:38):
Thank God. Thank you. How funny.
So, yeah. So that kind of made me feel like, wow, I got a lot more time to put
bucket list things on my list. My thing, I have so many interests in my life
right now, it's hard to decide which one to pay attention to at a time.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
So luckily, I kind of have the kind of life where I get to do,
(23:00):
I mean, I do my passion for a living.
Right. And that's lucky. Yeah, that's wonderful. So that makes my downtime look
a little different, you know, or what my other wants are, because I'm already
doing the thing that makes me, that fulfills me the most.
Stuck it that's like do it every day so you know
(23:21):
so that that's great but i think having a lot of
interests is good and they keep you
getting out and being social you know what
i mean i i understand in this area of life how people could isolate and distance
themselves from everybody and all of that but i spent especially after covid
it definitely yeah like the way we socialized changed a lot or how much right
(23:43):
so i think having a lot of interests and trying them all out keeps you.
Active and socializing and and finding maybe
even accidentally finding what your future goal is what you
want to be when you grow up i think i'll be answering that question
until i'm 110 i don't know what i want
to be when i grow up i will be answering that question
(24:03):
when i'm walking to yes i'm refusing to grow up
so same that's oh i i
think i've grown up now i'm gonna revert back to
childhood yeah i'm not being a grown-up that's not
fun no i don't like to adult i saw this i saw one of those memes or whatever
that said y'all always told me that when i was grown up i could do whatever
(24:26):
i want and that is not true i can do whatever i can afford and it's not the
same thing no it is it's so true um.
I saw one that said, my childhood punishments are now my adult goals. Yeah.
Taking it now. I need you to bring me my vegetables.
(24:47):
Give me your phone. Please take my phone. Take it. Take a look at your room for the night. Okay.
All right. So back to, I was going to say something about us.
When you find your tribe, one of the reasons I love spending time with you ladies
is that you're also creative.
(25:08):
So if you have a passion or an interest, if you find people who push you towards
those goals, y'all inspire me to be creative when I'm around y'all.
So I think that's important is that you spend time around people,
be very choosy about the people that you're around and make sure that they're
people that push you in one way or the other.
Are they, you know what I mean? I have friends in all different places,
(25:32):
but for the most part, my friends are, they work,
they're workaholics, or they really have a high work ethic and they're good
friends and family people and all of that. So I think that is important.
Even when you're trying to look for what you want to do, you can look through your friend group.
What are the people that you love to spend time with? What is it that they do? Mm-hmm.
(25:56):
Surrounding yourself with positive energy is important too I think that's a
whole nother thing you were talking about feeling stagnant sometimes I'll wake
up and I'll feel like I don't have anything to do today what am I going to be,
it's a rare day and sometimes even just putting on a new album or listening
(26:19):
to a new podcast or like that will change my entire but yeah my daughter introduced me to the,
Chapel Roan yeah Chapel Roan and I'm like obsessed I love it so upbeat so different
it has really sort of filled a nice little musical hole I didn't know I had so yeah,
(26:40):
Yeah. Well, all right, ladies, what are y'all going to do this week to live the life that you love?
I have auditions for Sweeney Todd.
That's going to be so fun. Which is what I'm directing this summer.
And I have been in that show twice, but I've never directed it.
So I'm very, very excited to work on that.
And then my college is closing and we're having, there's a final concert for
(27:05):
my choral professor on Sunday.
So I'll go with that then. Which means I'll probably get to see a lot of old
friends. That'll be fun.
That will be fun. I'll step out of the... Yeah, you'll get to see people you
haven't seen in ages, I bet.
That'll be good. Well, I am going back to the town I lived in for 20 years.
You're taking me. I'm taking Bonnie to Mule Day in Columbia, Tennessee.
(27:30):
If y'all don't know, Columbia, Tennessee is the mule capital of the world.
Did not know there was such a thing. No. Almost any Mule Day you would find
has come from Columbia, Tennessee.
So they're still Mule Rich? Oh, yes, they are.
It says it's Mule Day, but there have been festivities for the whole week.
(27:54):
It actually is a week. They have a Liars contest, a Beauty Pageant,
of course, this Miss Mule Day, the Mule Day Queen.
And then there's like all kinds of it's like
the best parade james k
polk your 11th president my dead boyfriend at his
home they have bloodies and
(28:14):
biscuits so you can go early before the parade at
nine and you can have bloody mary's and
homemade biscuits with that good
ham and you can
have have jelly if you have children it's a great little environment they
can have you know orange juice or whatever and
a biscuit before the parade so you just go and watch the parade then everybody
(28:36):
has private parties and it's a big party it's like being in college and going
from yard party to yard party it is so much fun everybody in the town shows
up there are vendors funnel cakes all All that kind of food,
everything. And it's just a fun.
Well, good. I'm looking forward to it. So that would be my favorite. Me too. Yeah.
(28:59):
Well, my sister's in town, so I get to see her sometime. That would be good. Yay.
All right. Well, thank you, ladies. Thank you. Have a good weekend.
Thank y'all for joining us for Champagne Sunday. See you next week,
girls. See you next week. Cheers. Have a good week. Cheers.
Music.
Music.
(00:28):
Okay, ladies, so today we're asking ourselves, how do you figure out what you want?
Well, I got a life in general. I think we could talk about it on any level.
Okay. So I'm actually struggling with that right now as the basically empty
nest person and had a career switch a couple of years ago within education.
(00:51):
I'm just not really, I've always worked towards something, you know?
So, or especially when it was a coping mechanism with the divorce and all, or an alcoholism.
So it was work towards getting a job in education, work towards getting a divorce,
work to get a house, work to get the house set up, work to get this new job.
(01:11):
Ex-husband passes away, work to get the estate settled and get all of that taken
care of, work to get my daughter in school, all of this.
And now all of a sudden, all of the things that I had set up or had come up are worked through.
And I don't have a next step. I don't have a, okay, this is where I,
you know, I've thought about, do I want to push my career further?
(01:31):
Do I want to do more with the yard? All of these things that I don't,
I haven't figured out what that big want is and decided to really go for it
because I haven't defined it.
And it's hard to figure out how to figure
out what it is especially when all
of you know we all had this whole dream before if this is what
(01:53):
things would look like you know and now it's different
i mean when you start a lot of
our life goals are often associated with employment or family
yeah right right often yeah well
the three of us sitting in this room have achieved a lot
of that yeah yeah knowledge so when
you you when you have sort of your big boxes checked it's
(02:15):
it's hard to sit in them well it's
like I need another but yeah well I was I was
feeling really uneasy a month ago or so
like stir crazy like I needed a next
thing and so I have just this week started teaching
some voice piano lessons that has kind of
like lit a new fire so sometimes sometimes for
(02:36):
me what I what I want like I
have a lot of what I want and it's figuring out what to add to that or like
do you know what I'm saying or how to maximize it how to maximize it how to
maximize it yeah how to be really happy I think part of it also is and I've
talked about this in our little pregame I I struggle sitting in.
(02:58):
The happiness and peace sometimes because life was so chaotic for so long every
once in a while it spins back around and I'm like, okay, this is weird.
Just because I don't have... It's good. I've gotten to the point that when something
chaotic happens, I'm like... I was at work and somebody yelled the other day
(03:20):
and it was very unexpected.
And I was like, oh. Well, see, now I don't want the negative chaos.
I would take positive chaos. No, happy chaos. Yeah, well, that's just fun.
You're just saying fun. Yeah, just fun. Just like, yeah.
Well, I think all this... We hit on a little bit of this before,
but or maybe we pre-gamed it like anyway I
(03:42):
think you're right when you're young you try
to get your education you just kind of move through
life with these expected steps sort of like when you
have a kid you wait for them to turn their
head you wait for them to smile you wait for them to be able to sit up
and then crawl and then walk and there are developmental stages
that you go through and you do that as an adult too I
(04:03):
think and you know now my thing
is I just want to keep learning in new and
different things to kind of keep myself interesting for
me yeah but also for maybe a possible person down
the you know i just want to be an interesting human i want to do things like
that but i also think you can get stuck in it but i don't know that i want to
(04:26):
use that word stuck because now i mean i have been what i labeled as stuck in
the path but i think I think with everything is sort of a cyclical thing.
And sometimes you use all your energy to, like I did, paint my house and get
my house arranged how I wanted it.
And then I had a natural downtime where I didn't have the energy to do that.
(04:48):
And I was kind of resting and recharging. And maybe that's where you are.
I don't know. And then those times kind of seem...
Still quiet boring whatever you
want to say and then you do something new
you learn something new you go to a class you
read a new book you join a different group
(05:11):
you meet a new person and then you kind
of get back on the uptick of things of learning
something and i like to master different tasks
or you know those kind of things and i
think that's kind of what keeps you rolling and
pre-game when we talked about doing a
personality test doing all those
(05:32):
kind of things to kind of see where and i think
those kind of help you sift out what you want to do and how you want to see
things or maybe how you don't want to see things anymore and how you want to
kind of explore that other right kind of personality pre-gaming i was doing
another test because i can never remember what i am anyway and so i was thinking
oh i kind of am rigid because when you you take,
(05:55):
I'm good at taking tasks. That's kind of what I think.
So you can kind of see the pattern. I can kind of see the pattern of the test.
They ask you the same question in a different way sometimes just to see if the
first time you like the wording and that's how you see yourself.
Like I am very helpful to people. Well, as a nurse, I'm like,
hell yeah, and I'm pushing that all the way over number five, accurate, accurate.
(06:21):
Then they ask it again in a different way. And And you're like, wait a minute.
Was I really just tooting my horn? Am I really that helpful?
Or do I just want to be helpful?
Or am I intrusively helpful? Like when Bonnie and I walk in the park and I'm
like, yeah, that guy's had a hip problem.
Look at his gait. He pronates. She nurses everybody.
(06:41):
She's that scanner. The comedian who's scanning men.
Jimmy Cena. Is he balding?
Yes. Is it in a good way?
So she does that to everybody she's like but
(07:02):
that's not necessarily a good thing i mean it's a good thing if you're in distress
if i'm there but if you're not then i'm like yeah i think you yeah that guy
is carrying 40 pounds of extra weight on his belt like i described that guy
he's got the hard round heart attack belly like he just looked at me and i was
like Like, I probably shouldn't have said that.
(07:23):
But when you take those tests, sometimes you see that how you see yourself,
your perception of yourself is a little skewed.
Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. Sometimes that's in a bad way.
Sometimes it's a good way in that you can create, create or correct.
You can push yourself in a different direction or learn something different
(07:44):
or learn something about yourself. because sometimes I think,
and this is just me, when we went through the divorce, I had so many negative feelings about myself.
Some of it was that little voice in the back of my head.
Some of it was the voice from my ex-husband saying, you're just a nurse,
you know, you've gained weight, you've let yourself go, blah, blah, blah.
(08:08):
Why can't you do this? Why can't you do, you know, that kind of stuff.
And then there's the little voice in my head that's the perfectionist,
like, you didn't do that to the best of your ability. You know, those kind of things.
And I think you get, divorce is a negative experience, even if it's needed. It's negative.
(08:29):
And sometimes what I tended to believe all the negative stuff.
And so when I started reading and started kind of figuring out who I am and
what I want and where I want to kind of settle out and the kind of person that
I want to actually be when I grow up.
Sometimes you realize how rigid you are in certain areas and how lax you are
(08:51):
in other areas and how it would be really nice if you could find a little happy medium in there.
We did a couple weeks ago at work. I can't remember if I talked about this now
that we're talking about personalities. I guess...
Makes sense in terms of like what makes you especially
what makes you happy in life well and when you're looking for what
yeah happy we did the monkey lion turtle what's the other word camel camel thing
(09:15):
and what's funny is i'm the oldest sibling but i'm a monkey like very much a
monkey she was like you're an enigma that never happens usually oldest or leading
lions but the The youngest of my siblings is the lion for sure.
But we did things that we know, like we met in little groups.
So like all the monkeys wrote down things we know about ourselves.
(09:37):
But then other groups wrote down the way they perceive people.
So like people can perceive monkeys as like irresponsible or loud or,
you know, flaky when really it's just it's not really that it's just personality.
And sometimes it's hard for our brains to, you know, to do X,
Y, Z. So it, yeah, it's, it's interesting, but you may know that about yourself too.
(09:58):
You know, so. It's funny. I think my little sister is a lion.
Yeah. And I'm a monkey. I mean, I'm not a monkey. I think I'm a turtle,
camel or camel, turtle, whichever way you go.
That's your line. You're a lion.
I am not. I would make it to say you have high monkey, but y'all,
(10:19):
I had, I tested out of 20. I had a monkey six.
And the rest of them are ones. Yeah. There you go.
I need to redo that. So I haven't done a lot of those 10 states in a long time.
But what it told me about myself and what it tells the people I work with is
that the thing that's most important to me is fun and people.
(10:41):
I'm very, very people-oriented. So if I can have fun and people are involved, I'm happy.
And I do do that a lot in life. I'm very social.
And work. So we did one at the school system. I spent ages ago now at Emergenetics or whatever it is.
And I am yellow for the most part. I am yellow and green.
But for the most part, I'm yellow, which is the big idea concept person.
(11:03):
But, you know, so somebody I
work with, she's always like, your yellow is showing. Like, I know. Sorry.
Because I know that she is majority green. You know what I mean?
But that's what makes when you know that about people, you know who to go to for their strengths.
Right. And things like that. And it also showed me where my weaknesses were.
Okay. So I am yellow. I need to work a little harder on building some green
(11:28):
to be, you know what I mean? Just to sort of help round myself out.
But that's, but doing these personality tests for me, especially when I'm trying
to look for what it is, what my next big thing to work towards is,
is to remind me of kind of who I am and how I fit into different places.
Places and it's just kind of a good refresher to
(11:48):
to make myself a real person to myself again it
helps you it helps remind you what is important to you yeah like no there are
things that aren't as important to me like i hate paperwork i hate it it is
frustrating and it just isn't that important but it's important for other people
so i have to do it you know yeah so anyway but I think on that note, too,
(12:10):
knowing yourself and knowing your strengths and also being acutely aware of
your weaknesses kind of helps you sift through the divorce stuff.
I mean, if you're a person that's never really thought, who am I? What do I actually like?
I would think that this process would be really hard for a person going through.
(12:33):
I knew myself pretty well. I lost myself for a while just in all the chaos of,
you know, personality disorder and addiction and all this other stuff that was also shaking down.
With your ex-husband. With my ex-husband. Well, and as a parent,
you lose yourself a little bit anyway because you have to give so much of yourself to your kids.
(12:55):
You do. do but if you know yourself and you can get back
to thinking of
how you like things and what is really important
to you and you know I think it
helps in the process moving you propelling you forward if you can put something
out there that you really like to do like okay for all of us we're really busy
(13:17):
but the thing that we all three have in common is we like to go and do things
we We like food and we like music.
So we have done a little bit of all that for both of us.
I mean, for all of us. And when we do that as a group, it strengthens our friendship.
It also feeds us personally.
(13:39):
And it's something that we wouldn't do probably just by ourselves.
I mean, I have eaten by myself before for a long time.
But when you do it as a group and you find a group that kind of feeds you in
a different way that a different group feeds you,
I think it also helps you grow as a person and it kind of strengthens your resolve
(14:01):
and kind of helps propel you into the next thing.
If you're having a low time or a difficult time or I feel stuck time,
if you can find those things and remember those things and kind of keep your
eyes on that, this is what really makes me happy.
Sometimes we all have to do those things that don't make us happy.
(14:23):
But if we have time to do the things that do.
And I think, too, like we're all kind of at a point in our lives that we know
there are certain things that we're never going to be.
Like, I'm never going to be a millionaire.
I'm just, I'm not. That's not going to happen for me. I'm going to enjoy a middle
class lifestyle, right?
What that's helped me do is quit keeping up with the Joneses a little bit.
(14:45):
And so instead of thinking, well, I have to have this perfectly done and this
perfectly done. No, I just try to keep it simple.
It has made me so much happier, you know, or just, just, there are some things
that at some point you go, okay, this is, this is in the not category.
So what is in, what is in the possible category that I still want to achieve? sheet.
I think I've reached the age. It's funny. I think of it in terms of books.
(15:08):
When I now look at a book about whether I want to read it or not,
it's like, I only have X amount of books left in my life. This one worth my time.
Yeah. Like I am now down to, it's selective. Like when I was younger, I'll read everything.
I can't quit reading it because I'm not to the end. And now I'm like,
nope, there's only so much time. And I've just now started reading again.
(15:28):
I'm going to spend the time on books I'm interested in. So it's kind of like that about life.
So there There are some things I know that I might have thought I might could
have a spinoff career and do later.
Like, I'm not going to do that. I'm not ever going to play the guitar.
I'm not going to do that.
I'm not going to learn to play the piano any better than my little corp.
(15:48):
But I do play the piano. And what I can do is get better at that.
You know, or I sometimes it's just about strengthening the things that you do,
like going deeper with the things that you already do.
Well, right. Right. Even a higher level. didn't you
say how many minutes a day does it
take to be better than 98% over 18 minutes yeah
well that's but that's you have kind of niched down a little
(16:11):
bit in the in your stitching even though you love to paint do all of those things
you spend the majority of your time there I have chosen painting and acrylics
and all that over all of the other art like I used to do pen and ink I used
to draw loves colored pencil watercolor and even sculpting a little bit it ages ago.
All of those things, I kind of, I can still do those and enjoy them,
(16:35):
but I have spent more of my time on painting.
You know, I don't sew anymore. I used to sew a ton for the kids and design little
things for them. I haven't done that.
I used to make clothes for myself. I haven't done that. I am now just painting.
Like I, at this point, at this age, when I was younger, I tried everything.
And at this age, it seems like I picked something and I'm kind of leaving with it. So.
(16:59):
Still, to find out what you want, there are also, I know that there's other
tests and like quizzes and things out there.
One of them I took at one point, walked me through how to define what my,
what it is that I believe in, in my life. What are my, what are they called?
Your belief system. Yeah. Just, you know, whatever, like, what are the things
(17:21):
that are. The right word. No.
What is the word? What is this site? I was on this site. I know what you're talking, your tenants.
Yeah it's just like with the things that you like what is it like family is
important that is one of mine like you know even so every once in a while when
something comes up if it's something not necessarily loving I'm like okay does
this fit in my grand scheme of things that I really.
(17:43):
Want to live as one of my you
know my tried and true family is important the education is
important like those kinds of things like what are those
kinds of things being creative every day is important
to me you know faith is
important to me those those kinds of things the tenets of your life yes the
kind of the things that are most important to you can you define those like
(18:06):
what are your top 10 things that the way you frame your life you know so but
some people especially going through divorce and all if you haven't sat down
and done that and just sort of of,
okay, let's define the things about my life, the things that I believe in,
the things that I believe most and want to frame my life around,
(18:29):
you know, you're not going to go rob a store if faith and family and all of
these things are at the top of your things that you love or about you,
because that wouldn't fit into the tenets of your life. Can you notice that?
That's true. So I think that kind of thing would help.
But i don't know i
(18:50):
like daily my daily wants
are different from a long-term wants i think but i don't
i'm really i've tried to spend a lot of time not featurizing anymore yeah see
i guess and that's what i'm struggling i used to get very hung up on on that
fine on figuring out what's going to happen a year from now what's going to
happen and i just don't anymore i very rarely do I plan shows so that I know dates,
(19:15):
and I have planned the vacations that I'm having through all this so that I know that.
But in terms of like... But you do have goals for after you retire.
Yeah, but they're very vague. Right. But if something came up that would fit
kind of moving you toward that goal or help you with those goals,
(19:36):
you would go for it, right?
Right. So that's kind I need to define what that goal is. You have a plan or
a goal, even though it's vague.
And that's what I need to figure out what that is for me. I'll have things I would like to do.
When I'm retired, I would like to do some more professional theater,
maybe dip my toe into some film stuff, and...
(19:58):
Because they need middle-aged women in film and TV is what my friend told me.
They're like, there's a shortage.
And now I'm here to fill it. Well, because all the young ones as they age have
had plastic surgery. Yes, that's true.
They're still playing NGOs. And then I just want to go as many places as possible.
And that's pretty much it. I don't have any other, like, that's what I'd like to do.
(20:22):
And so if any of those things present themselves in whatever way they do,
that will just make me happier, even more happy.
See, I feel like I need, if I can define, if art is what I want,
if I want to, I need to define what being a successful artist is,
and then I need to start taking steps towards that.
I don't have to define when it happens, but I need to have something to move
(20:45):
forward to. Is that what it's going to be?
Or am I going to push further into education and learn more about that and go
in that way? I mean, I just have, I just, and I don't, or am I just going to
sit here and love where I am and not worry about it? Like a struggle.
Yeah. But I think, I think a lot of people do. You know, I think this is a part
of being an empty nest person in this, this place.
(21:08):
I don't have, this is when I was supposed to have a partner and we were supposed
to travel and we were supposed to do things together and all of that.
And I don't have that. And so.
Well, some of that too is still. So there's what I just heard this on a podcast,
too. There's me and my podcast lately.
There's three phases of life. It's your learner phase, your earner phase.
(21:29):
And then it's like your teacher phase after.
So we're all still in the earner phase, you know? Yeah. So I feel like I've
already done part learner, part teacher.
But I would like to be a learner again. Well, that's I think I'm a lifelong
learner. I don't think I'm going to get out of that stage.
And it's hard for us because we're already teachers.
(21:52):
It's like what did he say it's like you're a mentor,
like a mentor I feel like I'm so old I have all these t-shirts but I did,
here's the comforting news I just read something that just popped up on my social
media that said if you had a baby over the age of 40 did you send that to me
(22:18):
or was it my brother it might have been,
That you, it increases your possibility of living to a hundred.
Yes. I was like, hot damn.
I know that's what time to learn a lot more things.
But it was my mother that sent it to me. Y'all think so too? Shouldn't.
(22:38):
Thank God. Thank you. How funny.
So, yeah. So that kind of made me feel like, wow, I got a lot more time to put
bucket list things on my list. My thing, I have so many interests in my life
right now, it's hard to decide which one to pay attention to at a time.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
So luckily, I kind of have the kind of life where I get to do,
(23:00):
I mean, I do my passion for a living.
Right. And that's lucky. Yeah, that's wonderful. So that makes my downtime look
a little different, you know, or what my other wants are, because I'm already
doing the thing that makes me, that fulfills me the most.
Stuck it that's like do it every day so you know
(23:21):
so that that's great but i think having a lot of
interests is good and they keep you
getting out and being social you know what
i mean i i understand in this area of life how people could isolate and distance
themselves from everybody and all of that but i spent especially after covid
it definitely yeah like the way we socialized changed a lot or how much right
(23:43):
so i think having a lot of interests and trying them all out keeps you.
Active and socializing and and finding maybe
even accidentally finding what your future goal is what you
want to be when you grow up i think i'll be answering that question
until i'm 110 i don't know what i want
to be when i grow up i will be answering that question
(24:03):
when i'm walking to yes i'm refusing to grow up
so same that's oh i i
think i've grown up now i'm gonna revert back to
childhood yeah i'm not being a grown-up that's not
fun no i don't like to adult i saw this i saw one of those memes or whatever
that said y'all always told me that when i was grown up i could do whatever
(24:26):
i want and that is not true i can do whatever i can afford and it's not the
same thing no it is it's so true um.
I saw one that said, my childhood punishments are now my adult goals. Yeah.
Taking it now. I need you to bring me my vegetables.
(24:47):
Give me your phone. Please take my phone. Take it. Take a look at your room for the night. Okay.
All right. So back to, I was going to say something about us.
When you find your tribe, one of the reasons I love spending time with you ladies
is that you're also creative.
(25:08):
So if you have a passion or an interest, if you find people who push you towards
those goals, y'all inspire me to be creative when I'm around y'all.
So I think that's important is that you spend time around people,
be very choosy about the people that you're around and make sure that they're
people that push you in one way or the other.
Are they, you know what I mean? I have friends in all different places,
(25:32):
but for the most part, my friends are, they work,
they're workaholics, or they really have a high work ethic and they're good
friends and family people and all of that. So I think that is important.
Even when you're trying to look for what you want to do, you can look through your friend group.
What are the people that you love to spend time with? What is it that they do? Mm-hmm.
(25:56):
Surrounding yourself with positive energy is important too I think that's a
whole nother thing you were talking about feeling stagnant sometimes I'll wake
up and I'll feel like I don't have anything to do today what am I going to be,
it's a rare day and sometimes even just putting on a new album or listening
(26:19):
to a new podcast or like that will change my entire but yeah my daughter introduced me to the,
Chapel Roan yeah Chapel Roan and I'm like obsessed I love it so upbeat so different
it has really sort of filled a nice little musical hole I didn't know I had so yeah,
(26:40):
Yeah. Well, all right, ladies, what are y'all going to do this week to live the life that you love?
I have auditions for Sweeney Todd.
That's going to be so fun. Which is what I'm directing this summer.
And I have been in that show twice, but I've never directed it.
So I'm very, very excited to work on that.
And then my college is closing and we're having, there's a final concert for
(27:05):
my choral professor on Sunday.
So I'll go with that then. Which means I'll probably get to see a lot of old
friends. That'll be fun.
That will be fun. I'll step out of the... Yeah, you'll get to see people you
haven't seen in ages, I bet.
That'll be good. Well, I am going back to the town I lived in for 20 years.
You're taking me. I'm taking Bonnie to Mule Day in Columbia, Tennessee.
(27:30):
If y'all don't know, Columbia, Tennessee is the mule capital of the world.
Did not know there was such a thing. No. Almost any Mule Day you would find
has come from Columbia, Tennessee.
So they're still Mule Rich? Oh, yes, they are.
It says it's Mule Day, but there have been festivities for the whole week.
(27:54):
It actually is a week. They have a Liars contest, a Beauty Pageant,
of course, this Miss Mule Day, the Mule Day Queen.
And then there's like all kinds of it's like
the best parade james k
polk your 11th president my dead boyfriend at his
home they have bloodies and
(28:14):
biscuits so you can go early before the parade at
nine and you can have bloody mary's and
homemade biscuits with that good
ham and you can
have have jelly if you have children it's a great little environment they
can have you know orange juice or whatever and
a biscuit before the parade so you just go and watch the parade then everybody
(28:36):
has private parties and it's a big party it's like being in college and going
from yard party to yard party it is so much fun everybody in the town shows
up there are vendors funnel cakes all All that kind of food,
everything. And it's just a fun.
Well, good. I'm looking forward to it. So that would be my favorite. Me too. Yeah.
(28:59):
Well, my sister's in town, so I get to see her sometime. That would be good. Yay.
All right. Well, thank you, ladies. Thank you. Have a good weekend.
Thank y'all for joining us for Champagne Sunday. See you next week,
girls. See you next week. Cheers. Have a good week. Cheers.
Music.
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