The Gottman Therapy Method: Resolving Couples Conflict

In this episode of The Connected Community Podcast, host Nicky Yazbeck talks with Christie Sears Thompson, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Colorado, about the Gottman Method, which is a leading approach to couples therapy. Together, they explore how this method equips partners with tools to repair, strengthen, and deepen their relationships.

 

Christie explains the core principle of treating the relationship itself as the client and outlines the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. These are the four patterns that often predict relationship breakdown. She shares practical antidotes to these destructive dynamics, highlighting the power of gentle startups, appreciation, and specific communication strategies.

 

The discussion emphasizes the role of self-soothing and emotional intelligence in resolving conflict, showing how couples can pause, regulate their emotions, and return to difficult conversations with greater empathy and clarity. Christie also explores common pursuing–distancing patterns, ways to prevent escalation, and the value of building a culture of appreciation.

 

While praising the Gottman Method’s strengths, Christie acknowledges its limits, particularly in addressing infidelity and domestic violence, which require additional training and sensitivity. Throughout, she reinforces the idea that lasting change depends on both partners’ willingness to grow and practice new skills.

 

The conversation concludes with encouragement for couples to access resources like the Partnerhood Workbook and Gottman tools, reminding listeners that with intention, communication, and emotional awareness, it’s possible to transform conflict into deeper connection.

 

 

 

Takeaways:

• The Gottman Method is a popular approach to couples therapy.
• Couples therapy requires treating the relationship as the client.
• The Four Horsemen of conflict are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.
• Antidotes to the Four Horsemen can help repair relationships.
• Building a culture of appreciation is essential for relationship health.
• Self-soothing techniques can prevent escalation during conflicts.
• Communication is the primary concern for couples seeking therapy.
• Understanding triggers can lead to personal growth in relationships.

 

 

Connect with me:

https://nickyYyoga.com

https://www.youtube.com/@TheConnectedCommunity

[e-mail]

 

Connect with Christie:

[e-mail] 

https://www.facebook.com/tradewindstherapy

https://www.facebook.com/thepartnerhood

[e-mail]

https://www.amazon.com/Partnerhood-Workbook-resources-knowledge-successful/dp/B08QBPSBDF

 

 

 

Keywords: Gottman Method, couples therapy, relationship dynamics, Four Horsemen, conflict resolution, communication skills, emotional intelligence, therapy techniques, relationship advice, self-soothing, couples counseling