Episode 112 - The Lair of the White Worm (1988) - The Culture Swally

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Culture Swally, a podcast dedicated to Scottish news and pop culture.

(00:22):
My name is Nicky and I'm joined as always by the man who has charmed many a lady with
his organ. It's Greg, how are you today buddy? Would that that were true? Yeah I'm okay I'm okay I've
I've got a Mexican friend who has just moved back to Dubai and he gave me a bottle of his favorite

(00:42):
tequila and he told me it's best kept in the freezer so I've discovered that I actually
because obviously when you think of tequila you think about waiting the evening knocking them back
at the bar with bits of lemon and salt and all kinds of shit which I was there which I was never
really good at and apparently you're supposed to drink tequila the same way you drink whiskey
just sip it yeah yeah so last night I had a couple of bottles of beer last night nothing heavy

(01:07):
and then I thought do you know what my last drink I'm going to have one of those tequila's out
the freezer and I just had one they got you know I got a modest measure and I had a fucking
such a sore head this morning when I woke up oh no is it clear tequila is clear golden no it's clear
not but it would not like a hangover sore head but just like oh can we leave you the sore head
so I can really put it down to the tequila oh sorry to hear that yeah I think I went through a little

(01:31):
phase of drinking tequila it was yeah yeah yeah it was nice yeah yeah yeah it was nice I mean like I
remember doing um they would never very good to do in shots back in our Cavoli days things like
sambuka or tequila would usually lead to me having to nip to the bog throw up but I remember I remember
with David Pitty a friend of yours lining up above the shots and Tom and the cigarette I

(01:56):
wrote a shots of apple sores and top of the cigarette machine and X of this I have an erase you
could drink as many as you could drink the most I was listening back to old episodes because I was
making notes and compiling for the best of the years 24 and yes you did tell that episode
probably spoke about X's that story didn't make the cut because I said a few things I probably

(02:18):
regret in that episode yeah so yeah I think yeah I've never been I was the same like I was never a big
shot person but there would be sometimes if I was just tipped over the edge then I would buy tequila
or something I see but a call I see but a call you had a capacity for paints so while some of

(02:38):
the rest of us after a certain number of paints would maybe move on to shorts you you could
can a press on with paints rather long than anyone else yeah yeah I would say that's fair I would
eventually go on to Morgan's and lemonade but yeah but yeah I I would quite a good capacity for

(03:00):
paints yeah oh well I hope that you're you're feeling okay yes and the headache is gone now for the
pod so everything else good all as well oh well all good looking forward to talking about the
the head of the white one later on yeah I think it's gonna be quite a special episode that we're
gonna be having today so without further ado then shall we have a look at what's been happening in

(03:22):
Scotland over the last couple of weeks good jingle
hello this is the out there heavily broadcasting collaboration and here is what's been going on in
the new okay Greg what have you seen in the newspapers over the last couple of weeks that you'd like

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to share with me and are lovely listeners well as it's the spooky season of October and I think
the second this episode comes out on Halloween Halloween I've got a story from the Scottish son
on the 14th of October the headline reads "Fuse your woos" which is really one that you need to

(04:05):
speak from the northeast of Scotland to get a major Scottish city named the UK's most haunted it
came joint top with an English city so they're talking about Aberdeen it's the UK's oh the UK's
joint most haunted city according to a study took joint top spot with Bradford for spooky sightings
and paranormal activity the granite city famed for Dorick greetings fit like and Fuzia dues scored

(04:31):
eight out of ten in analysis of haunted homes button and eight number of graveyard's empty homes
and believers and ghosts okay think about like a many graveyard's in Aberdeen as well there's a lot
I yeah there's quite a few there's the one on union street and there's the one down by pitordry
and there's quite a few out like on the outskirts and there's a couple of crematoriums as well

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there's this place is tucked away like where my mum's ashes are scattered I never knew
yeah that place existed it's down like Garth D and I never knew that place existed um yeah
so Eddenborough the spite is castle when underground vaults came fifth with 6.5 out of ten and Bundy with
7th with a score of six Aberdeen oil worker Jamie Spence 31 claimed he once returned from the regs

(05:19):
to find his Victorian bedset rearranged he said that he said the spoons forks and knives had all
been moved and the curtains opened or closed only the landlord had keys so unless he wanted me out
it had to be a ghost it had to be he's not like a worker and he's staying in a bed yeah well you know
the vase is a travel and light you know perhaps um insurance firm the Allen Boswell group which

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carried out the research said that there are 761,000 empty homes in Britain many considered to be
haunted they said that although the many were holiday or second homes a vast number would derelict
with many considered haunted so the top ten most haunted cities in the UK are joint number one
Aberdeen and Bradford uh York Swansea Eddenborough Exeter and Bundy Pettabra Plymouth and Bristol

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it comes as a hugely popular Halloween event but we turn to Scotland there this month more than
65650,000 people have flocked to Glasgow's Botanic Gardens for Glasgow since it launched in
2018 now the team behind the event has revealed the theme for 2024 is a nail-biting Halloween adventure
titles trick or treat and elsewhere uh lush the soap shop have launched their first ever Halloween

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countdown calendar to mark this bookie season i'm not sure how that managed to get into an article
about Aberdeen being haunted um so that's pretty much the whole story i've got to say like you know
i've been obviously the den Aberdeen for quite a long time i don't recall ever feeling particularly
unsettled walking past the sythnicalis well i felt that on set walking past it's church

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charge usually because it's full of fucking junkies sh*t shouting at you as you pass by
but certainly nothing of this not so much supernatural as super strength you know
well you could say the union street is a bit of a ghost town nowadays. I certainly was the last time
you and i tried to have a night out and i cried the night it wasn't there oh yeah it was yeah yeah

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definitely it was it was like a it was like a it was like a Tuesday night circa 1999
mmm always the worst that was the worst night to go out wasn't a Tuesday Monday was always good
that was student night so it was Wednesday yeah so Thursday was decent and then yeah
Friday Saturday were were great as well yeah and Sunday nights could be pretty good too pretty much
Sunday night Monday night Wednesday night at first in eight were pretty much student nights

(07:44):
Friday night yeah yeah Friday night Saturday night was a bit more blended in terms of students and
normal people. I never made that connection before i wonder if it's because on Wednesday was usually the
the i know i didn't do any sports at university but Wednesday was sports days for the university

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right so like i know one of my friends he played for the argy u rugby team and he'd played every Wednesday
so i wonder if that's why choosing nights were quiet because a lot of the sports teams were playing
on a Wednesday yeah yeah definitely no i'd be the same i never particularly thought Aberdeen is
a haunted place but i guess it is um don't know yeah i mean i guess the castle gate would probably be

(08:29):
quite haunted because that's where they used to do all the hangings yeah yeah yeah for sure and then
fit D the wee village uh down on the almost on the beach there it's sort of it's kind of preserved
isn't it sort of it's sort of trapped in the past bite bit by design you know the kids the way that
people live they want it it's a lovely and the picture for this uh slowly there's a photograph of

(08:53):
a graveyard and it's clearly an Aberdeen because there's a house behind it and obviously the
as they are at commensions Aberdeen's known as a granite city and you know the architecture in Aberdeen
has a particularly unique look to it so if you if you know it you spot it in either way um so it's
an Aberdeen and it's a graveyard um and they've put sort of neon spiders in on top of the graves

(09:19):
which it was how the weed but maybe we've been sensitive you know yeah just a little bit yeah
that's not very nice so yeah so anyway that's uh Spooky Old Aberdeen post haunted city in the UK
along with Bradford what's um was your first story this week well my story links in but you're
as Greg because my story is from the daily record this week and it says October has begun which means

(09:45):
the countdown to Halloween is on and of course this episode comes out on Halloween as we enter spooky
season scots up and down the country will be looking to get into the spirit of the holiday
it's not holiday is it it's in america it is but it's not holiday unsurprisingly there are a number
of ghosts said to come out throughout October so there's plenty of opportunity for a spine-chilling day

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out experts at the paranormal database have compiled a list of paranormal and cryptosuolic
locations in the UK and beyond in honor of Halloween being just around the corner the daily record
has rounded up the supernatural activity reported around Scotland during the months from a headless
ghost to unexplained sounds of screaming there is plenty of creepy things to experience across the

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country that is if you are brave enough to face them so here are the ghosts that they have recommended
or that they have listed there's the headless ghost at Glen Livitt have you heard of that Greg?
at the Glen Livitt the stillery well near Glen Raleigh you will crumb across a hill where a
historic battle took place between the armies of George Gordon the first marquise of Huntly

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and the 9th Earl of Earl Eryl França's Hay in 1594 as with many battlefields in Scotland the area
is the site of supposed paranormal sightings these mainly revolver in the spirit of soldier Alexander
McAllister that's a good school game according to legend McAllister fought in the battle only briefly

(11:14):
before being decapitated by a cannon but now it is said that his headless ghost wonders the site of
the battle if you are lucky or perhaps unlucky you may see him yourself but obviously he won't see
you because he's got no idea there is the the screaming at Pat Audrey House hotel back to Aberdeen
then Greg so that kind of links him with yours according to the paranormal database the Pat Audrey

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House hotel has previously been the site of some strange happenings the expert state that if you
visit the Aberdeenshire hotel on October 31 you may hear some unsettling noises at the Pat Audrey
House hotel there have been reports of cries for help heard from a staircase on Halloween these may
well belong to a spirit of a maid who became trapped in a fire that overtook the building other

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supernatural activity said to occur at the hotel according to the database is a ghost carriage
pulled by a single horse that wanders the driveway meanwhile the library has also been the site
of supposed paranormal happenings hmm do you think about that? Where's the where is the
Pat Audrey House hotel? It's just on the outskirts of Aberdeen. I want to say that's where

(12:22):
what's that I think that was the site of hand Mcsullo's where? Is that not Miraculter?
Maybe it was actually yeah it was yeah yeah you're right actually.
That would never not be funny. Bad jokes. Effectiveness as I've lasted the marriage that tells you
what a good joke it was and then we have the floating stone in dollar this one is extra spooky

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apparently Greg according to the article as it involves none other than the devil himself.
If you're feeling brave head to Delhi's cradle situated atop a glen that was known as burn
grains in Clackmanager on Halloween night it is claimed that Satan floats on a large stone all night
long surrounded by witches he remains there until morning breaks on November the first.

(13:16):
It's like that's like Christmas for Satan. Santa like he's not going to be spending all night in
Clackmanager. Yeah in dollar. He's got better things to be doing I'm sure. So how do you feel about
that? What do you think about those those famous ghosts if you heard of any of them? I haven't

(13:37):
I mean I I'm not I don't really subscribe to all that some sort of to a cynical but I do like a
good ghost story I like them you know what I mean like I like a spooky film horror film like a
spooky book or whatever and I like hearing these old folk tales but there's the one that
springs the mind I used to go out with a girl who lived well she lived an Aberdeen but her mum lived

(14:01):
in Fivy and just near Fivy Castle and she just she used to work there as a tour guide for me enough
and we went we went to have a look around the castle a couple of times like on the tour and the
outside one of the bedrooms when the bedroom windows there are what looks like scratch marks on

(14:21):
the windowsill and that you can see them but there by all accounts the some fucking tough who
lived at Fivy Castle at some point and this what I kept this kept his wife like prisoner in this room
and abused there and everything and she tried to she tried to escape by climbing out the window
and felt her death so apparently her apparently her ghost walks the corridors and halls of Fivy Castle

(14:47):
and but there's definitely scratch marks on the windowsill I don't know if they're made by a distressed
lady or by something else but um but definitely there so they so that that it sort of means like a
nice sort of degree of atmosphere to that story when the tour guides tell when you were
happened you know yeah I think every castle in Scotland has a ghost of some description was it
was it was I remember going to craft this castle it was not like the green lady or something like

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yeah there's always every castle has some sort of haunted tale that the tour guides spent
yeah children are visiting but I wonder if it's all with a box look at Wams castle um where it has
been there's also in a day the record I didn't pick it as a story but it's been named one of the
creepiest uh attractions in the UK as well I think the Glam's castle was the the late the late late

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Queen mothers I think it was she lived there when she wasn't in London so she probably she probably
roams it with her fucking black teeth looking for a genentonic genendiboni try to get the race in
an entailey you know all the T.V.s keep like flicking on to channel four racing if they have to
do in the castle we can't understand why but yeah Glam's castle has got a green lady as well apparently

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and five I think five I think five e castle I think that one I just told you about five e castle I
think she's supposed to be the five e castle green lady as well so it's a lot of female Celtic five
you know she's roaming around yeah well we did kill a lot of Catholics back in those days yeah
I don't know why I'm laughing at that yeah but yeah it's very true it's a very good point actually

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yeah well that is the uh the spooky goings on in Scotland that you can see on Halloween which is
the day this episode comes out so if you are listening to this on the day of release and you're
anywhere in your dollar go and see if you can see the devil sitting on a stone yeah and send it
more regards to a picture send it and put it in the answer man culture swali at gmail.com

(16:39):
oh cake reg what else have you seen this week so uh another story about a Scottish prison um the
headline reads uh chicken run prison but prison bosses in a flap over unregistered chickens
tended by caged perves amid watching so chill bosses on a flap over a register chickens being looked

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after by sex offenders at a Scottish nick officials are scurrying to get the birds added to a new
database ahead of a December deadline prison beaks have ordered the chicken run before they fall
out of the wall if the feathered inmates aren't logged in in time so prison chiefs set his magis is
prison at galena hill in uh to the body near aloe there've been four stacks swiftly following a

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law change designed to tackle the threat of diseases like bird flu a jail source said that nick is
currently in the process of register in the free range birds when the Scottish kept bird register
which is overseen by the scotch government a source said that bosses at galena kill could find
themselves in hot water if the birds that register done time they are kept in a caged run and
outdone enclosure next to the education building where sex offenders are allowed to look after them

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there's a legal obligation to register each chicken and they should also employ a suitable
person to oversee the animal enclosure so do you think do you think that this is a way of protecting
these birds from the guys that are looking after them?
case one goes like I guess one goes mess I don't even know how to touch that um that's a nice

(18:13):
better rehabilitation isn't it though it gives them something to look after and I'm sure Kevin
got three was here for the figures chickens when he was when he was serving his time right so this
is falling foul and by the way that um whoever wrote that article was having a hell of a laugh with
them some of the puns there yeah I'm sure it'll get registered and it's it's fine and it'll
all be okay I did it's okay I think it's a it's it's a good idea would you eat an egg if you knew

(18:38):
that the chicken had been reared I thought that's it I didn't even be to say that word
if the chicken had been handled that's just as bad um you had been cared for cared for
cared for makes it sound nicer um by a sex effect um would you buy like a sex back

(19:01):
as a levels x to be honest then it's gonna maybe sounds incredibly shabble and I can only
apologize but probably not you wouldn't eat the egg or it wouldn't bother you I wouldn't eat it
oh okay fair enough I mean I suppose if you didn't know why don't know if you don't know if you
don't know you know if you don't know I mean come on like I don't know it's it's not like they're

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gonna advertise it is it they're gonna come packaged in a you know pido free range eggs certainly
okay picture a guthere in the box
well he's not doing anything else and I'm gonna see the Scottish sex offender sex offenders registers
poster boy shouldn't laugh at that Greg he did commit a terrible crime so it's not funny in

(19:48):
paper um his punishment's funny yeah that's it for days and I cut a cart in a vixx yeah yeah well
that's a shame if the um the chickens get taken away they're gonna have to go back to replacing
televisions with horrible boxes they're like all right they start to keep those uh the guys that
are in for those types of crimes away from like other prisoners as my understanding because they tend

(20:12):
to get a do it they tend to get the shit kicked out of them on a regular basis yes and I'd say
quite rightly so as well yeah I'm I'm not this may be the wrong thing to say but I'm
I'm yeah I'm fine with that with this uh with this capy works character call it in Mill by
Mouth um the flag will win fuck I haven't worse that in years fancy watching that again actually

(20:37):
that's a great one I watched it again recently yeah fantastic film oh well I hope everything gets
resolved and the prisoners get to keep their chicks yeah I'm not I'm not bothered either way
oh as long as as long as the chickens are safe that's the main thing so I'm scared about
anyway that's my second and final story so we sure I sure next one this week my next story comes
from the Aberdeen Press and Journal this week Greg we've had a few stories in the past of people

(21:03):
getting caught doing something by the police and just coming out with the most extraordinary excuses
the first one that springs to mind is Joer was a guy got caught masturbating in his car and he said
that a bee had stung on his knob and he was trying to just check the beast thing yeah gosh that's
the most and this old one so a really old one oh yeah that's an old one it was the first one that

(21:27):
came to mind but there's quite a lot of um of stories of people lying to the police and stuff and
that's why he end up in the newspaper so from the Aberdeen Press and Journal this week an Aberdeen
teen caught with an axe in his car also had to explain to the police why he had a skull mask and a
sex toy Liam BD 18 was stopped in a lay by a near port lehthon by police who initially

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wrongly suspected him of having cannabis officer searched his vehicle and while they didn't find any
drugs they did find some unusual items the axe was the only item deemed to be illegal but Aberdeen
share of core also heard about a mask with a skull design and a sex toy. Fiscal deput Alan Townsend
said the incident happened around 910 pm on August 16th at the unclassified road near Duffes Hill

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and Botheburg garage port lehthon special constables on patrol spotted BD's car in a lay by and decided
to stop and check on his welfare initially the constables mistakenly believed BD may have been carrying
cannabis so detained him for a search on searching his vehicle they found an axe under the driver's
floor mat they also discovered a black skull mask some gloves a ski mask and what the fiscal

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described as a dildo BD's arrested regarding the axe and explained to officers that he'd had it
for chopping up firewood when he goes camping Mr Townsend till the court BD then had to explain to
the police why he had a sex toy in his car and he explained that he used it to stick on the bonnet

(23:00):
at car shows the tager was then able to show the police photographs to prove this
he also explained that the skull mask was just to put over the car's headrest to make it look like
there was a face in the vehicle BD of Dean's Law Crescent Aberdeen pled guilty to possession of an

(23:23):
axe in the public place without reasonably excuse he did not face charges over the mask or the dildo
because it's not legal of a dildo yet of defense agent Neumurt Robert emphasized that the only
relevant item in the case was the axe which he said was short handled the lawyer went on to say
he used it when camping he wasn't camping that day and therefore he had no reasonable excuse

(23:48):
he should have removed it from his car following his last camping trip
Shen if Runae walked to BD having an axe in your position when you shouldn't is not a sensible thing
to do she find him 520 pounds if I stuck a dildo in the bonnet here car Greg can I see a heart
even at a car show I thought this is quite relevant because we're going to be discussing

(24:10):
dildo as quite a bit later on so yeah a car show and come on have an axe for when you go camping
and it was heading under his floor mat that's a bit sketchy yeah yeah he's I mean what would you
I was supposed to if you wanted to chop down some branches for firewood but like every good scout knows

(24:31):
that they don't burn well when you take them right off the tree because there's too much moisture in them
you got to get them off the ground why would you have a skull mask to put over a headress so it looks
like a face isn't the vehicle then it looks like when a funny bone is just driving your car or
something it's always all my favorite stories is about no ledmonds because he used to drive a black
cab as in he didn't drive a black cab he owned a black cab that he used as his car round London

(24:58):
and he used to have a like a mannequin in the back so that he could he could use the
the bus lanes so he could put the higher light on and nobody would bother him and it was
no no so he could use the bus lane and avoid congestion charges and stuff
what's he fucking he's an old guide all right isn't it it's a very odd guy yes

(25:21):
very strange fellow so yeah have you ever had anything suspicious in your car that you'd be
horrified if the police pulled you over things so I mean I get a bit embarrassed if my car is untied
and I've given somebody a lift you know I mean like my wife's car is always a fucking mess I mean
I hate driving her car because one because she's so short I've got this major to adjust the seat

(25:41):
and two our cars like a fucking bin but I get I can't handle having an untied car even the boot has to
be even the boot has to be tidy and at the moment my boot's a little bit untied because I got my tennis
racket in there and I've got my bag that I take to the tennis that I've not emptied since the first
day and there's like some like sweaty clothes in there and stuff so I'm getting a bit anxious
just thinking about it right now so I am so yeah no so with all that in mind that I couldn't

(26:06):
I couldn't handle having a a deal though in front of the car I don't even like having things hanging
from the the mirror I just some people have like a they can't yeah magic tree or something the
air freshener but I can't have that distracts me you know yeah not a fan of that not a fan of that
at all I do remember I had met a young lady one evening and we'd shared an evening together

(26:30):
and we'd arranged to meet up a couple of days later in the afternoon I was picking her up and I'd
said I've had to go and pick up my uncle and then I would come and get her so I went and drove
around to hers and she did say to me did you get your uncle and I was like yeah she said did you
drop him off somewhere and I was like no he's in the boot and I guess I forgot to mention I was going

(26:54):
to the crematorium to pick up my uncle's ashes so yeah I was driving around with my uncle's ashes
and the boot my car caught out with a young lady a young lady it's what he'd have wanted I think
good yeah I think it was he was quite a shaggo actually yeah and remember I wouldn't say the guys

(27:14):
name because he's happily married now and he won't he will not want this the he wouldn't want his
name to be attached to the story but I've never been out in Glasgow one night with I mean I mean
years and years and years ago and he he couldn't collect with a squirrel and she invited them back
to his so he said he said when they were in a taxi she said we'll get a taxi to stop at the garage
so I want to get something and so the taxier pulled in and he said so wait a minute and get

(27:39):
and she said I need to get some batteries for my vibrator
he said it was a filthy evening after that I mean I mean I mean on the first and I wouldn't
like stand for goodness sake that's the date for surely you just take them out there remote control

(27:59):
don't know and get bad is the next day no don't you think say there remote controlled but I look
to be a bit shiny right enough for a fuck sake yeah sorry that's too far that's too far although
what we're going to be discussing later on I think it's quite yeah it's quite tame
okay uh yeah so that is our hero find 520 quid and hopefully he won't be driving around with any

(28:27):
dildos well that's fine actually because it wasn't illegal um it was the accident so legal so
it's fine I just wonder why I'd love to see the photos of that dildo stuck to the bonnet of his car
yeah anyway uh distracting yeah very distracting yeah it would be like uh I don't know
it's not like a rose rice it's like a baby it goes baby it sinks in like the like the flying lady

(28:50):
the front of it comes back up again when you lick like a button like in a rose rice like Hugh Grant's
pen when he's on the airplane in what we're going to be discussing about very shortly I can't wait
let's let's get on to this soon okay um so have you seen anything else this week Greg I haven't um but
you know when a couple of episodes now we're uh we've spoken about our patron saint Mr

(29:13):
Cosmo and some of the sort of some of his social activity uh I think the last one we spoke about
was his Olympics opening ceremony party uh party because he's as we discussed these he's he's
a Olympics staff uh the other thing that he likes to do for the grandkids every year so
Halloween party and he's house oh nice so he likes to do it for the for the grandwains

(29:38):
and he invites some of his kind of closer friends to bring their grandkids if they have them over
uh he and always brings his grandkids to Cosmo's party but somehow always ends up having to get an
uber back which is uh which his grandkids have to have to uh book up from his phone Cosmo you know
although he quite enjoys putting on the parties but lazy when it comes to the costumes so he always

(29:59):
just sticks on his brave heart costume uh just because it's hanging in the wardrobe it's easy
it's easy if needs to go to the toilet and stuff because he can just go come and go and things
he doesn't even wear the long-haired wig anymore because it makes his head that shit his the whole point
of Halloween party is to try is to try and popularize re-popularize a traditional Scottish

(30:20):
Halloween party he's violently opposed to what he calls the yankification of Halloween so
he won't have a pumpkin in the house uh not not at any time of the year uh but especially not
during Halloween they only have neat lanterns as you would call them for people who are familiar with
the neat lantern it's a turn-up lantern because when Mickey and I were kids you could

(30:44):
negate pumpkins and Scotland it's a no so the last sort of 15 to 20 years uh he always makes
Castello come round and carve and carve and carve the lanterns because uh miss his Cosmo's you know
she got a bit of a carpool tunnel in her right hand she's not as good a titsha used to be so he
always lands uh Castello is uh is trusty pen knife that he posted from the Glasgow from the airport

(31:07):
he's out of the Glasgow uh as always Castello uh you know is uh dignities always in the is always
sort of pushed to the very wire uh Castello always makes some dresses Jimmy Crankakes he just
thinks it's fucking hilarious Castello tried to try to try to tell some kids that came to the door

(31:29):
one year that he was dressed as Angus Jung from ACDC but Cosmo put him right in front of those kids
instead of having sweeties at the front door Cosmo always makes sure that he has some of
Mickey's Cosmo's homemade tablet walkers walkers shortbread the the full tonics range so wafer
hooking up log snowball uh dark chocolate snowball the whole the whole shebang but it's because he's

(31:54):
got a mate who works in the factory so we can go to the back door let's pay cost for it
it's knocked off time uh he has a bowl t-cakes that fell off the back of a lot he has a bowl of
apples from his tree in the garden and a slow cooker for the stovies as well that traditional Halloween
dick at a stovie so if any of the kids come to the door and say trick or treat it tells him to

(32:18):
fuck off he only entertains he only entertain kids that uh that are guising and for anybody in the US
guising is let trick or treat but instead of threatening to pan somebody's windows or fucking
egg their house or whatever to get your treat you had to do they could be turned so tell the joke
sing a song something like that um in 1985 a seven-year-old kid threw a roll atoy that will go for

(32:43):
exhausting Montego and cause on maybe his dad come cause cause on maybe his dad come and sort it all
out and wash and polish the car um so there's polish so now all the kids all the kids are well warned
before they head out on the street in cause most neighborhood and as a result they get very few

(33:03):
chaps at the door shit the grand kids usually end up taking most of the tunics in the in the in the
tablet home the apples and the stovies just sort of sit there until he and this was because wider
than a bowl of stovies and tries to take it in the taxi who else who else might arrive at cause
most probably in part and it's gonna be a select few i would imagine it's not gonna be a huge

(33:29):
affair is it um i'd imagine i i envisaged Dave McI would would be there and he would he'd be dressed
up in his brave heart costume as well which i don't think would amuse Cosmo i i think he'd pull Dave to
one side and say go home and get changed and Dave would be like but surely we can both be from

(33:49):
brave heart it's a huge film more different characters and Cosmo's like no there there can be only one
and Dave says ah that's perfect then you could be Angus McLeod from Highlander because you played him
as well which i'd imagine would get Dave a boot up the arse and told to go home and get changed
right now i think well norton's gonna be there obviously yeah norton's at every occasion yeah

(34:12):
we'll be hoovering with that stovies pot actually he will be i envisaged um norton has come in a
tuxedo and at least come his James Bond because that's who he's he's come his big time but everyone
complement him on his very realistic calling faddle is the penguin outfit and at least quite upset

(34:34):
by this so yeah he decides to come for eat and he attacks the tonics buffet and then the stovies
which haven't is not happy about either because he was i in you know the the last portion of stovies
and and and Cosmo has pulled him at one side and come on Alex we talked about this sweetly
so for the grand welcome this you cannot be eating all the tonics come on think think of yourself come on

(35:00):
um but by the time this has happened Dave's macaque has come back and he's um he's stressing a green
track seat and initially Cosmo's fucking livid at this because he's a life-long ranger's for and he's
that i can't do in this but then he realizes ah i've read up at this he's come as one of those um
contestants in that octopus games that i've heard about i've never seen it i've never seen it Cosmo

(35:22):
doesn't do subtitles but he's he's he's he's he's heard about this later to read when he's watching the
tally no no it's a it's a completely different thing but then Dave says no i've come as um i know
you love the Olympics have come as ray gun and Cosmo's like who the fuck is ray gun because
Cosmo likes the Olympics but it's the traditional thing he didn't watch the break dance so

(35:46):
so he's about perplexed so then Dave would do a wee break dance in routine in the garden
just to show what he was doing and then he ends up knocking over one of Cosmo's nose and then
ends up breaking the high jump record when Cosmo launches him over the garden fence i think
yeah i think all the the great will be there i mean Tony rope it will be there peace probably i don't

(36:08):
know what rope would be dressed as he's probably just come as jamesy from rafsay yes but
lazy just you know he's chucked on his blazer got like brood in the pocket yeah telling everyone
about touch the dogs airs again and just classic Halloween game hoverin around i wonder which
would you think miss is Cosmo is dressed as i think miss is cosmos is probably sort of dressed up

(36:32):
and i kind of miss his claws type dress because she needs she knows that she's going to be spending the
whole night just cleaning cosmos got like trickle scones tied to the seawing for the trickle scorn game
you know this water is he's he's making all the grandkids do bobbin for apples so the fucking kitchen
floors soaking wet and everything so she was gonna put on her she was gonna try and squeeze in her

(36:54):
cap with minkoschum but she thought it's just not practical she's just not practical when you've
got a call for him open your hand all fucking night so she's just she's gone for uh she's gone for
a practicality see i was in visaging maybe that her uh barber rafory and a lazy smith would come
as maybe like the hocus pocus oh yeah maybe she could be the bet medler she's playing the bet the

(37:18):
bet the bet the bet the other one yeah maybe maybe and maybe the witches of e-swick although that's
a bit too sexy and run she for him yeah well sick bohooka's pocus i think the maybe age maybe sort of
wicker man era raforty yeah was she not em quite seductive in that though well she's breastfeeded
in a pig Greg that can be seductive to sex offenders that look after chickens or pit or or just

(37:41):
meal pigs that's true actually yeah barber rafory 1970s barber rafory she was all right um yeah
yeah so who do you think's winning the are there a winner for the the treacle scorn game or
i think game and fucked it because he's just walked into it without realizing that anyone's he

(38:01):
anybody's even playing a game and he's he's he's bloody walked treacle scones all up miss his
cosmos carpet stairs he's got a big treacle stain on his face that he can't see my white paw
and up he's back you know that's what he's I think I think cosmos with that I think he's taken
either on miss his cosmos insistence he's taking the scones down because payments fuck that

(38:25):
as usual is cosmos making uh Castello stand up and sing a song is Jimmy grunk he's making
Castello walk about on these knees with like shoes on these knees for added authenticity even if he

(38:45):
wants to go up the stairs to the toilet he's got to go up the stairs knees it's which is really really
difficult to occasionally just give my cluck crown the head and call him a stupid boy occasionally
whenever they whenever Castello tries out some of Jimmy Jimmy crankies trademark cheekiness he just
earns him like a back handler and a bit of the horse she just kind of understand why he can't be

(39:09):
angus young a rolled up copy of the bino smacked over his head sadly I think like all of cosmos parties
comes to an end we bit earlier because uh the chance would have it Gerald butler's in town uh oh
but butler's back but he's brought all right he's brought um on cosmos insistence he's brought his
kids with him but his kids are they obviously practically American because they live in Los Angeles so

(39:34):
they've turned up in expensive elaborate costumes shouting trick or treat and you know with the scone
up the stairs and you know just all the usual shite that he's got to deal with with him and
cosmos lay right that's it just it just makes the signal that it's time everybody left
I've had enough it's over yeah yeah had enough of this shite he tries and vain to tell the little

(39:56):
butlers that is guys and not trick or treat but it's just not he's just can't make it clear to them so
he's thought fuck it I'm not doing this again but I don't want to let any lighting upon magic but like
Jerry butler doesn't have any kids go he's like that no I know I think he's he's quite famously um

(40:16):
been like a bachelor then is life no I'm not saying it in that way yeah that he's a famous bachelor
I know he's very close with Daddy yes and um he still goes back to Glasgow gets haircut he's not a
bachelor he's not a bachelor boy like Cliff Richards a bachelor boy no he's uh but he's a bachelor yes
so I don't think he's got any kids maybe it's his niece and nephew maybe yeah maybe maybe

(40:39):
maybe they've been lower guys than was surely maybe yeah if they come from Paisley
that's what he's from Paisley I know he's under Paisley Walker fame remember we covered that
of course yeah yeah earlier this year of course the walk of fame so of course most life wonder
in my life it can be bothered doing his usual annual fireworks display or
like things to do in the garden or if he's as well just to leave it until Christmas where's

(41:05):
you got the fireworks from are they official though or is he got them knock off from a Chinese factory
as a guy then at the pub can get that's can get anything you want sold him some Catherine wheels
in some bangers yeah I mean obviously he's making Costello of course of course most
since Costello over like I saw a lot of newspaper lit

(41:26):
just even let him use a lightened taper because they take too long like the fireworks
is he gonna make Costello just to come rock it on his horse
I don't think he'd do that I don't think he'd go that far he just just let some have a little
sparkler yeah did you ever when you were a kid did your mom or anybody ever get fireworks for the

(41:50):
garden and just everybody rounds yes wouldn't have everyone rounds if you were there was we would
have sparklers and yeah it would be occasional like rockets and stuff and I mean you
can remember where we live so there was like a big grass patch just behind it so yeah we would go
there and let off rockets and stuff and sparklers and then yeah but that was about it I was never

(42:13):
really a big fireworks fan I was and they'd always get fucking widows at school in the weeks before
that would have fireworks they'd be out and about throwing them out in night and stuff like that
and letting them all yeah I remember when we lived in Barron furnace like my mum and my stepdad
for a couple of years but fireworks and we had the sort of the kids that I ran about with

(42:34):
in the street they would come around and my mum would do like some hot dogs and maybe some
toffee apples and stuff like that and my stepdad would they'd they'd they'd let them off but I was
thinking about this the other day now my stepdad ended up working for the health and safety
executive and Aberdeen right and he's retired and it was retired now but his whole career has been
around health and safety in oil industry specifically engineering workplaces the first year

(42:58):
that he bought fireworks to let off in the garden he tied a banger to a rocket and lit it and of course
like it was too heavy for the rocket to take off so it sort of flew around the garden a bit
before going off my mum my mother absolutely ballad him I don't think he's ever been ballad

(43:20):
like that ever before or since she was raging we're like leaping out the way of this
errant rocket with a banger tape to must have been great to see though well really it was a bit
a bit frightening because it literally was like flying around the garden like it sort of
out it's got a knee height oh dear oh lovely so well so Cosmo ends the party with his fireworks

(43:45):
display and then I guess everyone just gets booted out and don't fuck off. Heyman's Uber's arrived
yeah he's off with the grandkids yeah covering Tricol Uber driver's not happy
no thankfully hasn't noticed that he's got a big Tricol stand down his back yeah
he's already fucked off a bit of that little paper bowl for the stovies that Heyman's
spilling all over the seats in the foot well do you think Heyman falls asleep in the Uber home and

(44:11):
the stovies get spilt on the floor ma I think it's absolutely to be expected. Pure Heyman
what a two-can danie is who he is never mind oh well well lovely that was a patron saint of the
culture swallie James Cosmo's Halloween party wonderful occasion so how will we so I guess
it's normally time for the word from a sponsor I don't know why I said that when you go

(44:35):
right then okay before we go on to what we're going to be talking about today let's have a little
word from our sponsor and our sponsor is Dorick skateboard a skateboard brand created by Gary Kemp
whose main focus is to explore the people and culture of Aberdeen and the northeast of Scotland

(44:56):
creating designs to reflect life in that wonderful area that I hail from Dorick skateboard screen
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that's dorickskateboards.com link in the description of this episode okay so normally it would be my

(46:24):
choice this week but it's a bit of a change we've taken a listener request from Peter Kapalde
Superfan Olivia who has asked us if we would consider discussing the 1988 Ken Russell supernatural
comedy horror film the "the bear of the white worm" so it does have a Scottish connection and that is

(46:48):
the elegant handed Peter Kapalde plays hero Angus Flint also stars Hugh Grant in an early role
Amanda Donahue Donahose or in Not Don You Amanda Donahue Paul Catherine Oxenberg of Denys Day
Sammy Davis and what's his name if they's Ernie Paul Brooks who I think was in every single

(47:11):
television program made between about 1972 and 1989 so yeah so I had never seen this it is you
know if you're familiar with the works of Ken Russell which I am to some extent like I've seen
the devils which has quite a lot of the same aesthetic is this comedy horror if and all

(47:33):
so his film version of the who album Tommy so yeah if you're familiar with the works of Ken Russell
then none of this will come as any surprise uh although for me it'd been a while since I'd seen
um I Ken Russell film um so there is one moment early on in the film which came as a fucking massive

(47:56):
surprise people got onto that had you seen the bear of the white worm before no it was my first time
of seeing later of the white worm um similar to yourself I am familiar with Ken Russell and I have
seen a few of his films but for some reason I'd never seen this before so I was very much looking forward
to watching it and based on descriptions that I'd read online you know that the film follows two

(48:18):
sisters whose parents have vanished a year ago and news arrives that their father's watch has turned
up in a nearby cave meanwhile a Scottish archaeologist has found a large reptilian skull this sets
up a spiel's emotion for lady Sylvia a seductive vampiris snake monster slowly feasts her new
ever she pleases and turn the town into vampiric snake creatures now I would say a more realistic

(48:43):
description of this film is too orphan girls who run a bed and breakfast team up with a Scottish
archaeologist in an English Lord to fight a snake woman this starts off as like a creepy mystery
that's kind of all in set in the English countryside in bang straight in Jesus on a cross huge serpent
coil round him nuns getting raped left right in center by Centurions blood fire then it's all

(49:06):
calm again this film is fucking bacheloretically and I am here for it this was fucking brilliant um 80s horror
was just mental wasn't it and I'd Ken Russell into the mix and we're off to the races well this
especially British especially British 80s horror so I mean this yeah and the thing is like
this sort of the kind of felt even the filter on the film on this it's kind of similar to Hellraiser

(49:33):
you know what I mean they can especially the sort the kind of the interior scenes and everything
but I mean they just that very like the film opens with Angus played by Peter Cpaldi
finding the skull that you mentioned there right and um is joined by the the sisters Mary and Eve
played by Sammy Davis and Catherine Oxenberg Sammy Davis not junior not junior both eyes and white

(50:01):
she um she she gets a bit better as the dramatic stakes are raised in that opening scene she is
fucking appalling and oh it's terrible terrible and I'm looking at Cpaldi I mean and you know
obviously this is quite an early film for him possibly the highest profile thing that he'd have done

(50:25):
after local hero probably at the stage and certainly you know he's not like a lead character is a
supporting character in local hero you know he's he's kind of you know it's because the story is
high fantasy and you kind of get the feeling that he's he knows that you know but he's he's a professional

(50:47):
and he's gonna do as much justice to the mad script as he can but yeah but most of his scenes are
with Sammy Davis and later on when they're walking back from the Klee through the through the grove
and she just decides to tell him they're in London or mum and dad wouldn't miss a year ago
and exactly the place where they're walking so you sort of get the impression that he's been

(51:08):
staying there for a little while and it's never come up before well no it does because in the opening
scene when he finds a skull he does say something to her about playing happy families and Sammy Davis
not junior does say oh we haven't done that since um the parents left of course something like that

(51:29):
yeah so she she does mention it so I think it is known but that scene that you're talking about when
they're walking through the woods and she explains about the disappearance I think he probably knew
they disappeared but didn't know how or why yeah yeah so she does explain it and then he kind of
rang about way asked if she's got a boyfriend and he's like no he died in a motorbike accident

(51:50):
and then he fucking kisses her he's like yes an opening I still can't believe they're gone
I'm feeling they've been spirited away they'll come back again someday and in the meantime you're both
running the guest house till something better comes along it looks like something has for you

(52:11):
I mean James some hopes they're just good friends in the old fashion sense he's a proper flyb in
like that one never here still he was kind to us when when we were orphaned sounds funny dunted

(52:31):
orphaned was there no one else to help if you're trying to ask me if I've got a boyfriend the answer's no
not now killed herself on a motorbike tough bugger I have to say yes um
Sammy Davis not junior um the plays maybe I I was I don't know if I could say in his daily days but I was

(52:55):
a bit unsure at the beginning I was like is that a wee boy and then it turns out obviously it's not
and but yeah I agree she does get better as the film goes on but she's a bit rocious in that first but
so it's Eve like I wrote down that opening seat when even Mary are there with Angus like even
made her remind me of like an even blighten characters yeah and a famous fight or something and even

(53:18):
Eve she runs off oh my spotted dick and and that's what you're like right okay I know where
this film's going yeah I'm I'm all in for this this is this is Ken Russell taking a piss this is
brilliant well because the the the the film is very very very very very loosely based on an old

(53:38):
a bram stoker author of Dracula story and I read the synopsis of the the book in which this is based on
and it sounds pretty fucking good to be honest I mean this you know I mean it sounds you know I
obviously bram isn't playing it for shits and giggles in the way that Ken Russell evidently is

(54:00):
but then you know there's nothing funny about nuns being impaled
in in pale desire yeah yeah yeah or raised just something funny about that yeah this this
nothing funny about that at all yeah very loosely based on a bram stoker book apparently I think

(54:21):
that was the only reason that it does say in the opening credits based on written by Ken Russell
but based on a story by bram stoker because apparently bram stoker's wife was very who and survived him
was very litigious in terms of she would sue the shit out of anyone that right was was doing anything

(54:43):
based on his work so yeah they had to credit that yeah imagine she was probably dead by a
tape in this film coming out of missus stoker maybe it was our daughter or something but it was
it was some it was bram stoker's estate effectively were very litigious yeah they have that yeah
so yeah as you have angus played by capaldi staying with maybe an e if you run this bed in breakfast

(55:04):
I see they talk a lot about their guests being annoying and demanding I don't know they're never
fucking there like the fucking policeman Ernie had to get a hot water bottle for one of the guests
yeah and make his own tea hey so they do on a few occasions complain about oh they're so annoying
and demanding but I they're never fucking around like yeah yeah I mean there is the funny thing

(55:29):
about this film and again I don't know if russell's got like he's tongue firmly gonna press in his
cheek but there's a lot of really quite long scenes and a lot of long scenes of people on the
telephone you know like he creates a whole character for Mary to speak through at the train station
to see you Ray Roy Roy Ray I mean Ray I mean Roy sorry Ray sorry Roy

(55:55):
that scene goes on for ages it's kind of like it's just let's get to it you know what's it oh you
stayed here last spring did you oh yes that's right I remember you now yeah you don't yeah I know
you know Ray I mean Roy I mean Ray probably never saw him because I'm never fucking there yeah
that's that I mean the thing is like the don't even even when the character was on the phone
to eat around the phone to eat shallower they don't it doesn't cut back and forth you know there's

(56:19):
the scene when James uh posh toff James they buy who grant is um is on the phone to Angus and
it's just him on his own what yes I suppose you're right no well yes well I've got actually well
I've got some theories on my own I'm gonna check out okay come here love to the girls you know
yeah the only time that you see the two way of the the phone conversation is the at the end when

(56:45):
Gina McKee oh yeah the laboratory who obviously will be getting fired um yeah well we'll come
back to that at the end yeah don't spoil it too much at the moment but yeah you're right it is very
one way conversations when they're on the phone yeah but you're right they do build this whole backstory
about everything and I mean I guess let's talk about you know the first person you see is Capaldi

(57:09):
as Angus Flint he finds this um this skull um which he holds in his is Ellen and and he let's like a
Yippee when he finds it yes you're very Yippeeed no I don't think so no it doesn't seem like a natural
thing to do is it Yippee yeah really it remains me of um the little boy and maybe poppins he says Yippee

(57:34):
a lot it's fucking annoying they make all yeah I don't know I mean you've got kids I had a fucking
much maybe poppins and fucking you I've never liked Mary Poppins I said I've never liked Mary Poppins
I'd either fucking like make all in the painting so if I did Mary Poppins in there uh so they have
this big debate about whether it's a dinosaur skull or or what it could be or they said it's

(57:55):
it's a could be a cow but it doesn't have horns okay yeah yeah it's just they don't know that's
just too much too many there's too much talking right at those moments yeah you know what I mean
yeah there's a lot of just absolute nonsense spoken um I did this phone could have been cut down
a fair bit um but Kapaldi I mean we've had him on the podcast a few times before not Adam but yeah

(58:17):
we've discussed him a few times I think the last time was the beginning of the year when we did
soft top part shoulder and it's true as you say oh no uh oh yeah of course you wasn't in them
so you feel the plot because you died in series one yeah spoiler alert um but yeah so yeah I've
heard it earlier roll and he's heard he's a handsome looking guy in this though that lovely here

(58:39):
lovely head here it outdoes Hugh Grant in the hair steaks in this I would say yeah for sure I mean
and he's they later on when he gets his bagpipes out I've liked the fact that despite the peril
and the race against time he took the time he put his guilt on Andy Sash Andy Sash Andy Sons and

(59:00):
everything and you and I know that putting a guilt on properly takes a wee bit of time you know I
mean if I get it right get it comfortable but you know obviously if he's going to play his bagpipes
he's going to play them in the correct attire yeah and don't even get me started on the timing of how
how he managed to get there and get all that on and he's staying at a b in b and we've seen his room

(59:23):
it's not very luxurious and stuff and it doesn't think he's got a lot of stuff in there no if he's
going for an archaeological dig down to Darbyshire which if you take your guilt and your Sash and
your bagpipes with you right you never know when you've got to you've got to charm like a snake person
you know it's a very valid point to have a hand thought by that yeah I sat in the moment going anywhere
without mind from the word yeah you're very right so you're right this was probably quite early on in

(59:48):
him cabaldi's career film wise and yeah I mean it's safe to say he's gone on it it's funny that I have
a read a few articles now listen to a couple of podcasts speaking about this in in preparation and
of course they all refer to him as doctor who and that's probably what he'll be best remembered for
yeah for a lot of people I mean I think for me and you it's Malcolm Tucker yeah for sure yeah

(01:00:14):
definitely I've never seen a single episode of cabaldi's as doctor who is good this doctor who
yes good I like it yeah sort of famously he was a huge fan of doctor who is like a young guy in the
60s and 70s and he was like I think he was the I think he was the sort of president of the
Scottish doctor who fan club and others kind of so he was like he was you know he he turned up

(01:00:38):
you know what I mean they took it very seriously and as I was oh he's good you know he's
he's good he's got there's a bit of a mystery about him he's a bit of ruthlessness about him and
stuff like that about how he plays the character and he's always also quite funny as well in parts
though he is he he was a good doctor yeah I haven't seen him in much like they I did notice the

(01:00:59):
that series he did sick criminal record I think Apple TV series yeah so it's a watch them but yeah
he's yeah he's a he's a wonderful actor love love cabaldi I think he's great and he's great in this
like it's tongue is firmly in cheek I think I think he knows what the assignment is yeah he knows

(01:01:21):
what he's here to do and yeah he's just playing up to it I do wonder if the same can be said for
Hugh Grant though yeah I mean Hugh Grant is you know they they think of the thing about Hugh Grant
is that he's a pretty unknown actor until he did four wins in a few more and then he kind of went
to him how are they anybody knowing him to be known all over the world and he's had a bit of a I

(01:01:44):
would even say he's had a bit of a Renaissance in the last few years he's done some kind of
interesting stuff and he's a good actor you know he's a good actor in the in this I mean he fucking
barely turns up you know what I mean yeah the scene when he's having the dream and he's supposed to
be seeing all of you know he doesn't register any kind of even mild surprise you know I mean the

(01:02:09):
moment that you mentioned earlier on when he's dreaming that he's on the Aira plane and he's tied
to the seat as as Lady Sylvia and Wendy and their hostesses uniforms wrestle on the floor of the
when the floor of the plane and he's holding a pen for no reason whatsoever oh because he was
just throwing a snake in the crosswear and it just as they're wrestling the pen just sort of

(01:02:37):
fallically rises and a ronzo it's not even that it's the fact it's a red felt tip pen as well it looks
like a fucking dog's cop like the way it rises up this little red rocket is rising to the occasion
it was I'm gonna say is you I like Hugh Grant I don't I do is he like he never kind of rose to

(01:03:02):
to fame till four weddings and then obviously he had that kind of string of playing the same
character in every film yeah which yeah effectively plays in this as well like the fullish kind of
push boy push English guy with the floppy hair and then he got done for getting a blow away from
to find brown in in LA and fair play he fucking owned it yeah he he didn't deny it he just kind of

(01:03:28):
see up like I've got a lot of respect for him for that he was like yeah I made a mistake I did it
yeah so what he kind of he almost not like kind of disappeared but he didn't do much for quite a while
I'm I'm maybe he was still acting but I don't remember him in in much and then he went through a
period where he was basically trying to take down Rupert Murdoch yeah and and a lot of respect from

(01:03:48):
for that and I also respect him that he settled that case out of court but then released a statement
basically say look if I if I was to take these cunts to court which I want to do yeah it would bank
it would bankrupt me yeah and there's probably no way I would win even though I know they're in the
wrong but they've offered me this settlement so I'm taking it I'm gonna give all the money to charity

(01:04:11):
but I just want it to be publicly known I don't agree with this but I have to and they're all cunts
and it's like huge huge respect huge respect to you and he has carved out I would say as exactly
as you said a renaissance like a later career if I think of his roles in like Paddington 2 or the
gentleman yeah and I think he's in something he did something recently that was really quite highly

(01:04:35):
acclaimed as well um was it the heeratic the horror film this that might be it yeah there was
something else he was in that was really quite highly putt I think it was it was the one and the tv
really plays um it plays a very a very it plays Jeremy Jeremy Thorpe a very English scandal

(01:04:55):
it plays like the MP who's having a homosexual affair with um Q from James Bond who does a voice
about the debut does a voice about Paddington who's named a kind of member Ben Wysherl Ben Wysherl
yeah I think he's carved out a great career um he has said that he is a bit ashamed of this film
he did say that he wasn't sure if it was a horror or a comedy and it's it's both you come on it's both

(01:05:20):
I did love I heard a story um apparently like Ken Russell would be totally fine in the morning
when they were filming but then he would go off and have a liquid lunch right and come back a bit
pissed and apparently it was quite a regular occurrence he would shout at you in the afternoon saying
no no do it like I showed you you fucking cunt and you got a bit upset like this as you can imagine

(01:05:48):
like if you're if you're a boss is saying that's here you're gonna get a little bit I know you don't
guess let's fair it off yeah like this but yeah his character in this uh Lord James he's he's a bit
I don't know is he oh well no I was gonna say is he shagging Eve but he's not because he's a virgin
as we find out yeah so I have it's gonna hinted towards when he brings her back in the morning

(01:06:13):
and he said you know he she says so I think I'll just go upstairs and have a white down until they
come back and he says yeah I'm going to go back and have a white down too because you kept me up all
night and then he goes dancing yeah was you doing dancing or do you mean dancing yeah I wondered that
too so which is why I was quite surprised when it was reviewed later that she is indeed a virgin but

(01:06:36):
he um he does kiss lady Sylvia as well so it's actually a shagger but maybe him and Eve aren't
exclusive um but yeah so yeah he's a bit I don't know is it about you he lives in this man shouldn't
with his butler strapper johns who will come on to later because I've I have worked with strapper
johns or have you have you really I have I have worked with strapper johns I'll come back to that

(01:06:59):
on later on but yeah he lives like in this mansion because his dad's obviously passed away he's like a
shit Bruce Wayne isn't he yeah it could Bruce Wayne with nothing to do just stress so that's another
thing as well in this film why is it every scene every character is wearing a different outfit how many
RAF outfits does James have the dress had different RAF jumper or is it he goes trying to see lady Sylvia

(01:07:24):
in this full uniform like give out a fucking dress maybe yeah so obviously what's the dresser
oh kind of works but um yeah it's every character pretty much every scene they're wearing something
different yeah yeah I think the only one the only one that maintains is when maybe is kidnapped by

(01:07:44):
lady Sylvia and she still she still got her jacket on when lady Sylvia's on the sunbed
she's another fucking weird scene she's like take your clothes off so she starts taking her clothes off
and then when she's only got their shirt and then when she's run away at odd she's like that's an
off well yeah well that was it's Eve not Mary sorry yeah she kidnapped but yeah apparently she was

(01:08:09):
supposed to get naked for that but the actress refused right and the similar to the last scene when
she's hanging above the the warm pitch she was supposed to be naked for that but she she refused
to do that which you know you think in lady Sylvia's naked in her sunbed um lady Sylvia's
talkless with a massive jaggy dildo on yeah just didn't want to get any white bits obviously um

(01:08:33):
I guess then do we talk about lady Sylvia Amanda Donahoe I mean she's she's just living her best life
I think Amanda Donahoe in this so she's absolutely fucking incredible like chewing up the scenery but
not in a bad way if you know what I mean like it's it's she knows the assignment yeah it's this film is

(01:08:54):
fucking ridiculous when James is playing his Turkish music from his speakers um on the roof and she
rises from her basket I've never been so hysterical but also turned on at the same time in my entire life
like it's fantastic I think it's film is absolutely bonkers I mean the other the other surprising

(01:09:16):
moment in that scene um is evidently um the late ward James the Amton had such a massive record
collection that he had a North Africa collection of records uh you know I'm thinking for this record
then fathers North Africa collection they what? like like dealt a blues Motown disco North Africa

(01:09:44):
uh uh yeah she is just incredible like as the the title monster I guess if you will like she's able to
capture like a seductive side of the character but she delivers her lines in a way that like just
it's it's so bizarre like they feel like quite sensual yeah menacing but always playful but in a

(01:10:06):
campy way which just fits this the scene of the tone like yeah the the sums are up for me the best
bit after she um she abducts this boy scout Kevin um on this way the hostel you've made to me
of a young rewinston for some reason so she sticks his boy scout back to hers and all of all he's
concerned about is getting to the horse ball or when he's getting his dinner yeah she's wearing

(01:10:30):
fucking PVC trousers and a bra and she's obviously into you Kevin why are you fucking playing
snakes and ladders why you know again fire's right in there um she gets his muthier
basically we song he does yeah he does he charms her with his organ but she him obviously she gives

(01:10:52):
him a bath and then obviously realize she's not actually into him because she bites him on the on
the thigh I presume or do you think she takes a bite out of little Kevin I think they they
implies but I simplify that that'll care if it gets gets bitten yeah um so he's paralyzed but that
sums up for me then she's has the skull and she's about to do this thing and then the doorbell goes

(01:11:14):
and her reaction but she just goes shit it's just fucking brilliant that was probably one of my
favorite parts of the film in terms of that so perfect you know when you're in the middle of
someone in the doorbell goes you just like what the fuck now yeah yeah just sums up um I'd say I
have to thank Amanda Donahoe for um I think a little awakening of of Nikki um when I was a young lad

(01:11:39):
I remember watching on channel four the 1986 film cast away with all of the video yeah yeah and
I think it's safe to say she doesn't wear much in that film right for a lot of it and there's a scene where
I think uh all of her wee chag's are on the beach and as you see I enjoyed that film and um I made
sure the next time it was on channel four and bear in mind this was in the like early 90s Greg so

(01:12:04):
you had to wait like it was like four years probably before it was repeated again they didn't show
films with such yeah so do you know it is so I made sure the next time that was on I recorded it
um I'd to be very patient though um but yeah it was um she quite an awakening for me and uh she's
still a fantastic yeah actually she's just incredible in this she's so good I mean the but I

(01:12:27):
didn't know a lot about her before this when I was reading about her apparently she she first became
famous when she was 16 because she was in a relationship with Adam Antt yes she was yeah she's in
the she's in the game uh the ad music video and the stand and deliver she is indeed yeah I think
that's what she was most famous for yeah at the time yeah yeah yeah I mean I guess the beginning of

(01:12:50):
the wheels coming off you know I'll be right the baby that's not the right thing to say but when
the film sort of becomes something unexpected is when she visits the Airbnb sorry the the B&B
that apparently has just left unlocked when people go out and um and she finds the skull and
angus he's room and if she's walking past she's walking past the cross on the wall in the hall

(01:13:16):
and all of a sudden she just gets her snake face on and spits poison at it and like it comes out of
a fucking nowhere because obviously I didn't this film hadn't read anything about it before I watched it
although I knew who was in it and I knew obviously there was something to do with a white worm that's
that's all I knew so when our face you know when the big teeth come out and she gobs poison at the

(01:13:37):
cross I was like holy fuck and then when um when Eve comes back and touches the cross and then
well into it's it's as low the people that made the that um children's ITV show Nightmare
that did like a brutal horror film you know what I mean?

(01:13:59):
Spitting on the crucifix I mean that was that's the original uh Hawk 2 a moment isn't it
um of her or doing that the hallucination scenes are fucking mental they're like eighties heavy
metal music videos yeah like and I'm here for it it's useful because it shows that you have an
hallucination but it's just absolutely fucking mental and the first one which Eve sees that's

(01:14:24):
the one with the nuns getting raped isn't it yeah geez some across the white snake round him
and all these nuns getting raped by synchidians yeah you're just like what the fuck yeah as a man
if I just seen as a man of dona here what wafs and yeah shrives and laughs and stuff but then she
forgets about it but it only remembers when um she sees the the pocket watch has a snake under a snake

(01:14:48):
yeah it's it's very bizarre those scenes are just absolutely mental and when it's when she goes
to see Eve when she when she kidnaps Eve effectively she's just draped around this tree and
yeah just up a tree she's like oh I came to rescue a kitten the kitten got down but now I'm stuck
yeah help me down if I feel so silly I saw a little kitten up here that couldn't get done

(01:15:15):
so I climbed up now it's gone and I don't see me able to get down myself
if you could just stretch up your hand that's it and I'll steady myself
thank you you look tired Eve you were to rest you're weary come with me come with me and take your

(01:15:48):
ease at temple house while come with me oh she's just wonderful it's just insane the um with things
because when she makes Eve make the form call to say that she's going to London and then Eve
kind of sees the the ring with the crucifix and kind of freaks out and and starts remembering and stuff
because she's on the phone to Mary and they hang up and then Mary's like oh should I call the police

(01:16:12):
I don't want to cause a fuss like really really your sister has just been on the phone screaming
yeah and you're like I don't want to cause a fuss you're having your parents were messing with
her tree so you know you know you know you would think that maybe there's something you should be
doing about this yeah kind of at least investigate this but yeah I love the hallucination scenes

(01:16:33):
the hallucination scene with Sammy Davis not junior when um she's she's she's kind of mobbed by
well I've written down here she's mobbed what is it she's mobbed by the jaggy deldo chippendales
all like crowding round her and cutting her with her with her jaggy deldos until until Angus has

(01:16:56):
sucked the venom out of the wound and spat it into a brandy glass so these jaggy deldos and they are
very jaggy um there's a lot of them it's a a big spherical strap on but yeah has a as a lot does
when lady Sylvia's on the sunbed great scene by the way really enjoyed that scene when she's on

(01:17:16):
the sunbed and she's speaking to Eve and she produces the this big jaggy deldo for the first time
Eve does like a couple of gabs she doesn't actually let's not go down that road um uh how you
well is it implied that she's penetrated her with the deldo is then I think it's implied that she's
perhaps had a little kind of a little um to check to see if her maiden hoods intact you know maybe

(01:17:41):
just the tip yeah maybe just the tip I mean there's I'm sure there are much more than there are
nicer ways of doing that imagine off checking that yeah I'm sure there are yeah I'm definitely sure
there are and I should also say that it does go with saying like if you get bitten by a snake
sucking the venom out doesn't work so I think it's not advisable it's I mean I don't know if that

(01:18:02):
is like a sort of myth perpetrated by like tarzan films and stuff back in the golden age of Hollywood
or if that is actually something because like your heart pumps blood around your body quite quickly
right so so if if you introduce something to your bloodstream I think there wouldn't be time to
suck it out I don't think well that's why you know yeah heroin is quite famously quite instant

(01:18:27):
that's my that's my heroin so good yeah well I don't recently had that in factively not heroin
um but when I had genocentric operation you know it as soon as it gets pumped in within like 10 seconds
that was there yeah for the count so um which was nice did you enjoy the the band at the start

(01:18:47):
who reminded me of the dropkick barfee's um like singing about basically telling the story of the film
yeah I thought actually there was a tight band and I thought there might be I thought it was
maybe the levellers so that wasn't the levellers no it wasn't no no it reminded me the levellers
not but yeah just in the real good way they all need the good wash you know so I'm gonna effectively

(01:19:14):
say nothing fuck it either levellers um so they find a skull the snake woman's there um she's
bringing about the white worm you've gets kidnapped me and angus are they are they're trying to they
realize that it's lady Sylvia there's a lot of scenes that they spend in the cavern and the caves
which was kind of pointless because they do the do anything discover anything they don't do anything

(01:19:35):
a lot of time wasted a lot of padding in this film and they end up they discover that it's lady
Sylvia that's behind all of this so she has turned Ernie the the cop as well who comes to collect maybe
to identify her mother's body who that's a good point because her her mother and father went missing
but it turns out that lady Sylvia has them yeah kind of kidnapped in this kind of vegetative state

(01:20:00):
but then the mum kind of comes back to life and goes mental and Hugh Grant cuts her in half with a
broadsword yeah which is a wonderful part of the film and then falls over into a drum kit
so the best the thing to be left about that the most is um when angus is comforting and get that

(01:20:21):
Mary she's this Mary yeah and he's like oh your mother she's passed and I thought it was so funny
if he just said James cleaved her into she tried to attack him
I mean for a plea it's a wonderful part that just grabs this broadsword that he has and just
slices are in half and it quite a good effect that she's still alive in the two bits it was quite

(01:20:44):
I mean obviously you can tell it's someone else's legs in her head so yeah it's a fact of yeah
yeah effectively done I quite enjoyed that yeah I'm quite a good part um and they're led by Ernie the
cop who's he's going to take her as you said earlier play by Paul brick um probably most famous
just the the rank or keeper from return of the Jedi oh I mean I mean some I mean that guy is

(01:21:08):
retired now apparently so he's not done anything his um that last thing he did was the royal that's
a heartbeat spin off um oh yeah and everything from the bill to love the joy to uh rabsie nespa as
well he turns up in rsbeenespa the young indiana jones chronicles mr. bean still crazy like a fox

(01:21:30):
didn't ever crazy like a fox that TV show it was fucking actually it was fucking rubbish black
ador oh the guy's just an absolutely everything I mean it's with those actors that we bit like someone
like um you know he's one of those actors who just seems to be an absolutely everything you know
everything within a certain time frame I felt bad for him in this film because he's obviously got

(01:21:56):
quite a severe lazy eye right yes um which he does he sort of uses it to affect a bit in this but then
he's got to be able to fucking read contact letters when they'll sneak them up and I thought I mean
that's sick canvass so it is it is most of this thick they can poor Paul Brooks that contacts any's
mad eyes you know yeah because in 1988 the contact lenses wouldn't have been as comfortable as they

(01:22:19):
are nowadays so they would have been pretty harsh especially theatrical ones because they wouldn't
have been designed they've all been designed to be in the eyes for a long period of time they'd
be designed to be in the eye just for just for like as long as it takes a short a scene they just
pop back out again you know yeah not the best he's great though in this like I really liked him
yeah he's got some he's got some good funny moments some good scenes I think it's it's great and

(01:22:43):
they kind of reveal when when maybe sees the the plaster on his arm yeah he's been bitten
and then he just turns into this snake snake and the wonderful when when Angus starts playing
the bagpipes to charm him he comes charming towards him and they have a little bit of a tussle
and a little bit of a fight and then he gets it's it's not even his bad eye it gets poked out when

(01:23:08):
the sundial is wise he's one good eye yeah he had a lot in common with Sammy Davis Jr not the one in
this film no yeah it's such a shame that it's it's good eye it gets poked out I bet Russell did that
on purpose I did it's honestly I mean I've written in my notes about Ken Russell there's that he

(01:23:28):
obviously doesn't like nuns right away he's very anti-religient or Christianity yeah but it seems
to be the poor nuns in these films that that get the that sort of take the front of it you know
there's like there's nuns getting the tide to stakes and burned alive in the divils the poor nuns

(01:23:49):
in this film that are like raped and then impaled on on pikes I don't know what it is I don't know
why he's none so much did you spot that James has a scud mag next to his bed it did not notice that
no truss you truss you it's about that would you mean trust me to spot that yeah there's um hawk I came

(01:24:10):
when he's when he's going to bed and there's a shot of his bedside table and he has a lamp and
something on it and there's a scud mag on there but it's covered by the lamp you only see the
I would say the bottom half of it but it's a it's a female leg wearing fishnet stockings so it's
definitely a scud mag maybe maybe a catalog maybe the maybe the Freeman's catalogs because it's

(01:24:32):
open no it's it's not thick enough for that great it's definitely a scud mag in some it's a
tasteful scud mag I would say it's not escor or fiesta but it's definitely a scud mag shadow of a
tight so come on tell us how you tell us how you came to work with um Alan Edgar strapped for
johns uh five meters so I was um when I was younger I was a bit of a child actor and I'd say when I was

(01:24:59):
between the ages there may be 12 to 15 or so um I was in quite a lot of plays and productions and
I think it was through I was a member of this group the Aberdeen Children's Theatre and I think
it was through that we got additions to being Scrooge the musical which was on it his majesty's
theatre for like a two-week run and I got picked I played what was the name of the character I can't

(01:25:25):
I remember I know I was one of the cratchets though right um I was tiny Tim's brother basically
and so I had one line in in the thing but it was still I still had a line yeah pretty much everyone
else that it was just part of the chorus but I had a line um I'd delivered in Cockney I can't
remember what it was now something like we need to ask for that was something like that was it

(01:25:47):
something like was it is this some kind of moiser cunt's thing that has put a cunt's that get
because I fucking laugh in Scrooge a loss no it definitely wasn't that great no um so uh Scrooge
was played by Anthony Newley okay so I got to meet and work with Anthony Lee and Stratford Johns

(01:26:08):
played I think he was the ghost of Christmas past right or is it Marley I think he played Marley actually
Jacob Marley is he the ghost Christmas past no Marley's the Marley is the head old hotel Scrooge that
is gonna be visited by the fee ghosts um maybe he wasn't he was one of the ghosts I think but yeah um
so yeah I got to meet Tim I still got his autograph somewhere but yeah I got to meet Stratford

(01:26:29):
Johns and he was a lovely guy lovely guy never touched only touch me in a properly
was yeah no wait he didn't he didn't he stayed though it's fine but um is he fair check um but we know
never never touch me yeah but no it was he was a lovely guy really genuinely lovely guy so
was Anthony Newley as well I can't for someone else was in this someone else famous there's

(01:26:50):
another third person I can't remember who it was now well come back to me but yeah that that is
how I got to work with Stratford Johns I I once met an Aberdeen I used to go out with a girl who worked
for mobile and the oil company that is and they used to do a sort of sponsored play if you like
and we went to see it was Peter Bowles and someone else doing a sleuth the place sleuth

(01:27:18):
which is really good play actually um there's a couple of film versions of it there's an old film
version with Laurence Olivier playing the kind of rich guy and Michael Kane playing the younger guy
and then there's a remake where Michael Kane plays the older guy and should walk these younger guy
but we met because she worked for mobile we got to go to a little drink reception after the play

(01:27:40):
Peter Bowles was there and they said hello to him and he might have just been shy or he might have
been an aloof cunt well never know because he's no longer with us but the short version is
he didn't want to talk to us even even the way Sarah Goodie was and at end I did consider
asking them some questions about only when I laugh the old sitcom that it was in the hospital with James

(01:28:03):
Bowle them but I view that it's very quickly that he wouldn't be up for talking a bit about
I'm gonna go with a loof cunt um so to go back to Stratford Johns his Peters was he in on it
somehow because he angus calls and he doesn't relay the message to James and he's locked the door

(01:28:23):
and James is told him not to lock the door but then he gets bitten by the mum so what was he kind of
in on it somehow but not I don't understand because he was obviously his James's father's
butler before and famously slayed the white worm so I don't get it James is ancestor that's

(01:28:46):
supposed to have slayed the white worm right yeah yeah yeah I'm not sure I mean I'm not sure if he
was in on it or if he was just the sort of butler and curator of uh Hugh Grant's father's massive
breaker collection um so we come to the climax we um a lady Sylvia has kidnapped Eve and she's

(01:29:07):
holding her above a pit um angus has got his bagpipes and is killed on and is is spotted and he's
playing the bagpipes and charming but then each produces one of two things that I was quite surprised
that he first of all produces a mongoose which from where where was it keeping that where you know
well did you see how big his spot in was though it was pretty big I'm not sure that mongus would

(01:29:29):
be content just to remain in a man's massive spot in for all that time seem quite happy to be
honest when he took him out and then the mongoose goes to to obviously catch snake because as we've been
told it's about ten minutes previous among uses the snake's mortal enemy now when you guess that
when you guess that mongus out I thought when I saw the kind of face of the mongus oh that's a

(01:29:52):
plot you know it's not it's not a real mongus it's a real mongus that Jacob howdy is handling
quite like a mongus quite cool yeah but they're angry but they're fierce looking aren't they
like fair it's which which I think are sort of part of the mongus family somewhere they look

(01:30:12):
right quite cute little creatures but they're bitey bastards where his monguses look like bitey
bastards they look like angry they permanently annoyed so yeah unfortunately for the mongus lady
Sylvia dispatches of it and because she's been wearing ear plugs this whole time so she hasn't been
able to hear his backpipe charming and then bite sangus on the thigh yeah but it's okay because he's

(01:30:38):
previously just a few minutes before injected himself with something which we're not sure what it is
but we will find out later now that leads to the final kind of climactic battle which I thought
was quite well done the I don't understand they do kind of mention it later but it kind of cuts
between this climax which has Eve made a lady Sylvia and Angus in the kind of cavern bit but then

(01:31:02):
Hugh Grant has got all these guys on this expedition in the cavern it's never really explained what
he did but then Angus does say something about they were pumping gas which lured the worm out
but then she lead Sylvia doing her with the skull and the chanting lured the worm out
yeah did James just do fuck off well I think by this point Ken Russell was just in a mad rush to get

(01:31:27):
Amanda Donahue in the buff and Catherine Oaxenberg in her in her pants and knickers and he wasn't thinking
that much about script cohesion it was after lunch it was after lunch yeah it's fucking full of
sherry it's just just what it's the sea Catherine Oaxenberg in her but and apparently Catherine Oaxenberg
had wanted like sell condo here from Harrods and she had the settle for Paulie Esther from

(01:31:52):
Martian Spencer's shame according to a Ken Russell anecdote about the making of the film terrible
what a shame for a girl be uncomfortable because it was a few days that she was tied up there in our
Martian Spencer's Paulie Esters yeah I'm not sure I'd want to be wearing white pants if I was being hung
above a it's very general oh so you have to be lead into that yeah I have to she can't be wearing red

(01:32:16):
and black sort of people bra and crotchless panties if she's being hung up there and being offered
to the white worm yeah great little climax the white worm comes out looking okay it kind of a
it reminds me a little bit of like the chess burser from aliens and also the the kind of worm thing
from Star Wars the Starlac or although the one and the Empire Shakes Back when they were in

(01:32:40):
the asteroid yes that would it reminds me yeah it reminds me of that one and also actually in
behind sight actually it looks more like the one of the Empire Shakes Back but when George Lucas
remastered the Star Wars films in the late 90s and put all the new effects in any didn't want
the Starlac pit looking like sort of exposed our soul anymore he put in something that looked a

(01:33:04):
bit like the white worm because it gobbles up both of it okay yeah and they they have the battle
and uh but Lady Sylvia gets eaten by the worm um thanks to Angus yeah but and but again right
bear in mind that time is of the essence again Angus um typical Scotsman will not be rushed right

(01:33:27):
time is of the essence we can see the rope starting to free where Lady Sylvia has been cutting at it
so rather than just like butter in the face or you know or stab her in the face something
it decides to cut one of her hands off and then and then for reasons only no no no no
no to Lady Sylvia she lets go with the good hand up if that's your thing you're right though

(01:33:54):
stab her in the head or the eye or something she's gonna let go instinctively butter in the face
yeah decides to yeah cover hand off and it takes him a long time to saw through that hand
just well if a job is worth doing you know what I mean then he rescues Eve and unties Mary and tells
them to go he's gonna go back and then not only did he have a mongoose in his sporting Greg he has a

(01:34:18):
grenade and now this could be a little bit of far fetch but I guess he is an archaeologist so maybe
he has found this grenade in a dig and as though I'll keep not might come in handy one day but
why would you have it on you at that time so he travels around with this grenade I thought maybe he'd

(01:34:38):
found like sport billies bag just like fashion that into a sport and he could just produce
whatever he needs it well mongoose grenade so he launches the grenade blows up the white worm happy
ending yeah everything's happy he's back with Hugh Grant and they're gonna go and visit the girls but

(01:35:00):
gets a phone call to say that this antidote that he had that somehow he managed to get commissioned
and pick up yeah I don't know when he had the time to do this because we're kind of with him most
of the time against but they gave him the wrong serum yes anti-arthoritis medication that he's had
so yeah don't know if he is he gonna turn and of course which leads to the end of the film which is

(01:35:25):
one of the worst parts the him and Hugh Grant in the car and Hugh delivers the the wonderful line
so then what was it can we stop from being yeah I'm famished can we stop for a bite well that's
after he's he's invited Angus to slither in to the car you know oh yes yes I did yes and then

(01:35:48):
he lifts accidentally with Hugh's sorry Angus is killed when he's changing gear by accident and that's
when the bite mark on the Angus is revealed so was that the hospital hospital yeah you thought it
might be the girls no wasn't the girls good I don't know about you but I'm famished we stop on the way

(01:36:13):
from bite why not great
so do we think Angus is gonna turn and he's gonna bite him yeah or do we think that James the reason
he never slept with Eve was because he's not interested in girls after all he likes elegant

(01:36:39):
handed fantastic haired Scotsman in Kills well he was in the RAF so do you think that during this film
is more offensive to snakes or the Scottish people but I don't think it's very offensive to Scottish
people I mean I think there are there's a few stereo types that are that are played fast and loose

(01:37:00):
with especially with really just when Angus gets the gets the gear on and so that's playing the
pipe yeah I've seen I've seen a what worse I mean have you ever seen Ken Russell's version of Tommy
yes once many many years ago I'm not a huge fan of the who I know you are yeah but I've seen
Tommy once but many many years ago I mean it's got the cast is fucking insane all of her read and

(01:37:29):
Margaret Jack Nicholson Robert Powell Keith Moon playing a pedophile called Uncle Ernie
in a long coat with for some reason hot water bottle strapped his body you know I mean it's just
it's a wild wild film coming into this as mad as those scenes are with the the hallucination scenes

(01:37:57):
is he's quite restrained with this it's just like those moments and I wonder if those scenes were made
in post-production you know what I mean when he's just sort of said to the actors you know just look
frightened and surprised and then he's you know he's gone into some sort of computer suite
early technology and just right we want about say about a dozen nuns all being raped by Roman soldiers

(01:38:24):
I want you to crucify a guy put like a white worm around them sort of kind of laughing what's going on
the can and then I need donna Hugh is naked as possible in these scenes because I'm not sad I'm not
I'm not satisfied they'll be so enough of her and then you know anything is like the film you would

(01:38:44):
imagine and I was quite surprised because I like you I enjoyed this film you know I did enjoy it
I mean it is ridiculous but I am I'm kind of it's sort of in my wheelhouse you know I'm there for it
and I thought to myself I bet this got absolutely destroyed critically when it came out and it
wasn't it wasn't it's all yeah even Roger Ebert who the famous American critic who sort of famous

(01:39:11):
for being quite dismissal gave it like two out of four stars no wow you know what I mean
it's it's it's it's I know why it said it's a respectable be grade monster movie it's fair enough
it's no I I'm the same as you I is it the greatest film I've ever made no I've seen a lot worse
and I've seen a lot worse this month and you can't help but like it in a way it because it's just

(01:39:35):
utterly fucking bonkers it's like a fever dream yeah and it's so full of there's so many parts that
are just so ridiculous but I think in a way you know that they're meant to be ridiculous yeah this
this wasn't made as like a it's so bad it's good film this was made on purpose to be laughably bad
but yes also good in a way and it's yeah you can't help but like it yeah I mean it was just Kevin

(01:40:03):
Thomas who's the critic for the last answer this time wrote far from serious aura of those Russell to
get away with some hilariously caught rate visions of hell the various Christian pagan cornflakes
with wood for Freudian symbolism I don't know if he's got it's got Russell about to watch credit
I mean I've given a bit too much I said it was when you had even Mary as the inner blighting

(01:40:31):
characters of oh my spotted dick run off actually it's it's long before that that you realize what
this film is about the opening credits it is focusing on this cavern which is basically just a massive
vagina in a a hilltop and you know what's coming and for me the best bit was when it comes up with
the director of photography in the opening credits his name is dick bush yeah and like okay

(01:40:59):
I know where this is going yeah I know that's the the only better director of photography name
that I knew of is Wally Fister is of course Christopher Nolan's well there's also Baza Whitewank as well
I guess you have to have an email like that to get into that profession

(01:41:21):
did you know that the role of Lady Sylvia Amanda Donahue was not the first choice
I did I can't remember who who was it I didn't read that earlier on it was it was till the
Swinton that's right who apparently read the script and said it no fucking chance fuck it right off
no fucking wait which I imagine it was nothing to do with the nudity because

(01:41:47):
till the swimmer firstly has you know if if the film calls for it I think it was more to be like eh
you know like I think probably you know I mean if you're someone who is at the beginning of your
career and you want to do work that you consider to be meaningful serious quality work probably when

(01:42:12):
you see Ken Russell's name come up on the phone you're gonna be like oh fuck I want to try answer this
I mean I will get paid but what will they want me to do you know I suppose I'm Amanda Donahue
probably you know she's I think she was born in London when I read about her she probably comes
from like a fairly bohemian you know it's it says that she is abstonge socialist and feminist so that's

(01:42:39):
a message probably comes from quite bohemian background you know she's man she's got mixed up with
Adam and a young age when she's been a dancer and stuff so you know and she said that she
like it said Ken Russell called her up said don't know if you'd be interested in this nonsense
or the or the I think you said this silly little thing and she read the script and she said you

(01:43:00):
know she always liked people who actors that is who woods who weren't afraid just to go a bit mad
in a film you know she said she always liked what kept the sort of things that Ken Russell could get
all of her read to do in films and I was thinking to myself all of you was drunk all the fucking time
you know you get into do anything you know
as long as you've got a few bottles of stout in a bottle of rum and he's fucking trailer you know

(01:43:27):
I'm sure as long if he's if he's sober enough to stand up he could probably talk about anything
I mean he managed to get him to sing in Tommy and he's he's been all he's a lot of things all of
her read but he's not a singer yeah imagine like all all of her and I want you to wrestle Alan
Bates naked yeah in front of this fireplace is a bottle of brandy in it for you if you do it

(01:43:49):
this should be the I read a bit that scene apparently both him and Bates before the scene
were going off and kind of fluffing themselves because neither of them what it's a neither of them
wanted to appear on film with a smaller cock it was also a bit apparently a little bit chilly on
the soundstage as well so genuinely thought you were going to see there that they both went off

(01:44:17):
and fluffed each other no they got off before filming that so that they didn't get an erection
oh um so yeah um yeah Ken Russell amazing director and yeah like I say I would recommend this film
oh yeah it's bonkers it's mental thank you Olivia for introducing this to you but yeah it's

(01:44:40):
fucking crazy but it's well worth a watch oh yeah yeah no definitely it's yeah I it's one that
seems like I'm coming back to for sure and they and there's not a lot of stuff that we've done in
this swally apart from you know like the stone-cold classics like train sport and believe
heart there's some of the pure mcdougal stuff hylandering things which always gonna go back and watch

(01:45:02):
again you know even though I had to watch it in some detail for the podcast but I'd probably I'd
come back and watch this again because it's just like you know and you and probably when I can just
sort of relax and sort of take it for what it is not have to worry about making notes and then
kind of finding stuff to talk about about it like just sit back and enjoy it you know yeah I think I'll
definitely watch in that sunbed scene again question maybe in a couple of weeks let's recover

(01:45:28):
from my surgery okay anything else on the layer of the white worm Greg or should we put it through our
swally awards no I think we can put I think we'll I think we can put it through our swally awards
so the first award is always the Bobby the Barman award for the best pub there was no pub in the film
but that cave looks good night isn't that that's what I had done yeah it did other would you want to

(01:45:52):
pick old earthworms or and there's a lot of octopus or squid just lying around on that table as well
which I thought was a bit strange I would probably give the food a swear of but uh
this is a huge grant looks like he's pretty liberal with the old booze just topping up and stuff
yeah stuff and stuff so it does actually yeah and no I know it looks like a good a good shindig

(01:46:13):
yeah good night out so the next award is the Cosmo award for being
everything Scottish it can only really go to Capaldi yeah Capaldi yeah it's the only Scottish actor
next one then is the Jake McQuillan award for for violence unexpected violence so I had this
two here that I'm sort of straddled and I can't really decide which one and the first one is

(01:46:37):
they only getting as I dashed out by the Jaggy ornaments sundial thing sundial I think yeah and then
the second one is Wendy and Mary and Eve's mum getting cleaved into by Hugh Speg Sword I had
there yeah it has to be the mum getting cut in half by Hugh with his massive sword the Geo McGregor
award for gratuitous nudity which we haven't always had truly gratuitous nudity that we could

(01:47:01):
give us a word out to in the past I mean it has to go to Donahoe because she's yeah only one the
thing's like close off but I mean it is gratuitous in the in the in the sort of finest Ken Muscle's
revision I mean it's difficult to pick which scene I I went with the sunbed scene because it is
just in like what is the need for that what is the need for it to be naked on the sunbed and it's

(01:47:25):
the fact it opens up and you see it's full frontal needed to and then she turns over and like
obviously a lot of the film she is topless but that is the scene where you'd like it's all there
yeah that is I would take your tutors there's no need for that really no no so the next one is the
the beg be a word for swearing it's not too sweety a film I've chosen one that's not like gratuitous

(01:47:50):
but it's just it's best silly where did you go for a look I went for when Ernie is on the phone
to his colleague which is Ken Russell right yeah Ken Russell's is colleague on the phone and he's
saying about you need to get up here and he's like oh what is it I can't drive I've had a beer and
taxi like I can I arrest the taxi driver for driving yeah take your bike well I've got a flat tire

(01:48:18):
I'm off my dinner and Ernie says fuck the cull Kenny fry turt and get on your bike
yeah that's what I went for but what about you I think that's the only f-bomb isn't it I think in the
yeah yeah that's yeah I think so so I went for the scene at the moment so Angus has he's cut off
Sylvia's hand causing her to fall into the mouth of the worm he's safely brought Eve down he's

(01:48:43):
untied Mary he's chased them away and he's gone back to finish off the worm but before he does
the things over the edge sees the worm and just says holy shit like he's seen it for the first time
I'm like we must be able to see it when you were hanging over the lip of the fucking thing
saw in Sylvia's hand off but it's just it just comes out of sort of nowhere yeah because it's

(01:49:08):
not really a sweetie film I think that's the only f-bomb the one you mentioned isn't it so next
the word then is the archetypal Scottish moment can only be Angus playing the pipes with his
his mongus and his and his kel in his spot and then the last award then big time awards who wins
the film for you a strafford jaunce no of course it's Amanda Donahue she's amazing she's so good

(01:49:35):
so good yeah and just firmly knows her assignment firmly tongue in cheek yeah just oh and oh she's
oh she's just stunning as well like she's she's brilliant in this absolutely fantastic
ah well they're the weight worm if you want to watch it you it's available on the apple store

(01:49:55):
you can rent or buy it if you want to watch it by honest means I'm sure there are other
less honest ways of watching it but we're not going to tell you where they are so normally it would
have been your choice this week but because we took a live use request and what a family quest
that was so that means that we come on to you again what we're watching for the next episode

(01:50:16):
well that concludes our annual spooktacular Greg I hope you enjoyed it now I've enjoyed this
spectacular but I have felt we've had a kind of lack of Scottish actors to discuss over the last
few weeks like we've compiled you this week last episode playhouse like there was a couple of Scottish
actors but no one could really talk about it in depth and then yeah and then nothing but the night

(01:50:40):
we only had Fulton MacKie so that has heavily influenced what I've picked next okay for the
swallowing so on the next episode I'm going to give you John Hanna okay I'm going to give you Kate
Dickie I'm going to add in some Elaine C Smith I'm going to give you a sprinkling of Brian Petifer
and I'm going to throw in Swally Favourite the late great Brian McCarty you like him to send

(01:51:03):
her this so far not even that Greg I'm going to throw in a Capaldi wow but not but not Peter
and a cherry on top I'm going to give you Samuel L MacJaxson Chicago detective Dan Lawson
travels to Scotland to link up with Scottish detective Clean Boyd following the resurgence of a

(01:51:24):
serial killer whose crime smash an old and solved case he investigate five years previously in the
2024 film damaged awesome I've not watched that yet I mean I was sort of waiting I was thinking of
picking it myself in a future episode but no I look forward to watching that yeah I've watched it
either it's exactly why because I was waiting to pick it or for you to pick it for the swallowing

(01:51:45):
yeah I decided I had a look and I was like you know what how can you pass up John Hanna Kate
Dickie Elaine C Smith Brian Petifer and Brian McCarty Sam Samuel L MacJaxson and the Capaldi
whose name I can't say it's Gianno Capaldi I think yeah yeah cap pass that up 2024 is damaged I think
that is streaming on Amazon or somewhere yeah but yeah keep it this year but it's definitely on

(01:52:09):
streaming so you'll be able to find it so that's what we'll look at the next time on the culture
swallowing well thank you very much for listening everyone hope you enjoyed the show and thank you
again to Olivia for for suggesting the layer of the white worm I guess you can tell from that
that we thoroughly enjoyed watching it if you'd like to get in touch with us you can you can email us
on cultureswallow@gmail.com you can send us any recommendations you have any requests or if you've

(01:52:34):
seen anything funny in the news or if you just want to say hello you can follow us on the socials
where on insta@cultureswallipod and we're on x formerly known as twitter @swallipod and we have a
wonderful website as well don't we Greg we do you can find us at cultureswallow.com for links to all
the episodes some blog posts and some features so come and come and drive the traffic up on website

(01:52:57):
fantastic okay well what are you up to in an exciting today Greg? Well in about an hour's time I need
to take my daughter she's got her friend's birthday I've got to take her to the restaurant as now
they go to restaurants because they're teenagers they're not like soft plays anymore and my wife and

(01:53:17):
I actually have an empty tonight because both daughters are sleepovers so maybe get my own white worm
that's about to get some candles lit oh that's why because we discussed maybe having a catch-up
with our mutual friend today and that's why you were a bit like maybe you want to see what Paula

(01:53:38):
wants to do that's your what in your hole tonight that's why okay no no it's more it's more it's more the
fact that very rate it's better remember the last time we were childless for an evening so I think
she'll probably want to do they go out for dinner or or something like that quality time Greg that's
important it's okay we understand I think so well you have a wonderful evening and we'll enjoy

(01:54:00):
and good luck to the dandies in action against the hoops at four o'clock amsovantime
yeah one one hour and twenty six minutes and till kick off so I'm about to go and get ready
and shout myself and be barely disappointed this evening but never mind you never know you never
know you never know Greg but I do I do know I've been supporting the wall my life I do know um okay

(01:54:26):
right wonderful thank you very much and until next time until next time
i'll Charlie earn a year I'm gonna put tempo out there's an intruder on the premises
get over here as quick as you can how can I you got car I know I've got the car get daxi
I arrested him for drunk driving you've locked him up for drunk and driving

(01:54:52):
but don't believe it I'm having me dinner I don't care if you're in the middle of your
supper but me take you will be ruined fuck the cold Kenny fried turkey and get on your bike
I can't be pumps broke I see will you can take your bicycle pump and shove it up your ass
[music playing]

(01:55:26):
(jazz music)

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Episode 112 - The Lair of the White Worm (1988)

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 112 - The Lair of the White Worm (1988)