Episode 113 - Damaged (2024) - The Culture Swally

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Culture Swally, a podcast dedicated to Scottish news and pop culture.

(00:21):
My name is Nicky and I'm joined as always by the man, who often nowadays drinks a pint
of semi-skimmed milk in the pub because he's pished on his own car far too many times in the past.
It's Greg, how are you to today buddy? I'm not bad, I'm looking forward to sort of
legislating that choice by the character that are filmed later on. That's all the things you could

(00:43):
drink in the pub. Well, they are two things I want to discuss later in terms of drinking a pint in
the milk in the pub and pishing on your own car. Two different characters of course though.
Yeah, well come on to that later, but how are you today, buddy? Very well, very well. Not related to
Scottish news or culture, but I feel like our listeners might be interested. I've got a bit of a

(01:07):
theory about two very famous wrestlers that I won't show. I want you to hear my case and then
let me know your thoughts, right? So, my case is this, dead Hulk Hogan in his all-American hero phase.
Basically rip off Big Daddy because Big Daddy, if you remember, Union Jack, Top Hat, Union Jack,

(01:32):
Spark of the Cape, Red and Blue, Red and Blue, the Etaard, never, never, never, ever lost a match
as far as I know Big Daddy. The Hulk Hogan, all-American hero, Stars and Stripes, coming out the American flag,
being a role model, take your vitamins, lost very few role matches in that time. Yeah,

(01:52):
this Hulk Hogan, just maybe, they're just showing some British wrestling on the ESPN one day or
something and Hogan's been in hotel room in the early 80s and thought, right, like that surely
clad, surely clad for you guys seems to have it sewn up. Or maybe Vince McMahon is watching it
and thought, right, we don't have any big fat guys that the Americans are going to get behind because

(02:14):
the Americans can't get behind Big Fat guys in the way that British people in the 1970s and
the 80s could get behind Big Fat guys, they'd beg that he, you know, Granny's favourite. So let's get
Hogan, sex for eight to be, yes. It's true in a way because Giant Haystacks did go WCW for a bit
and didn't do very well. So you could say you're right, they couldn't get on board with Big Fat guys.

(02:38):
I can only really think of a couple, well, as a few, King Kong Bundy,
earthquake, obviously the lovely John Tenta. He was, I was like, he was a heal though, wasn't he? He was,
but that's the funny thing about him, like he was, he hated being a heal because he was such a lovely guy.
Apparently, Brett Hart has said, like he's the nicest man he's ever met in his life.

(03:00):
Yeah. He hated being a heal when he turned face, it was great because all the kids would come running
up to him and sit on his lap and stuff. Not that way, he was a good soul with a John Tenta.
The little one I can think of really probably is Vader. Yeah, he was a, a tugboat, a tugboat.
They became, they became Typhoon, but one half an hour for disasters with the earthquake. Yeah.

(03:24):
What I would say is, you might have a valid point there, however I don't believe Hogan's ever killed a man
who knows Big Daddy has. Not that we've heard of. Oh, no, Big Daddy did kill him. Oh, you know Hogan? Yeah,
possibly not, yeah, possibly not, yeah, I don't know. But yeah, you might be onto something there.
Kind of just, he took it to another level. Excuse the Dan Powers pun there.

(03:47):
He did. He kind of elevated Big Daddy's thing. He didn't wear the top hat or the cane.
He didn't have the daddy splash, but he did have the leg drop. And I don't believe
Hogan ever, well, he never promoted a sauce to do like Daddy did, but it kind of fitted into his name.
He did have the, what was this mixer? It was like the thunder shaker or something he promoted.

(04:10):
The soft drink to put into, put booze into it. It was like a little mini blend. It was like a
nutri-bullet before. Right, okay. That makes sense. It was like the thunder shaker. I've never seen
it once at a toy fair and thinking, I wonder if I should buy that, but what the fuck am I going to do
with that? Of course, famously, I mean, if you believe what Hogan says, because he does speak a lot of
bullshit, which you can get away with, I suppose, but the famous story is that he got offered.

(04:35):
It should have been the Hulk Hogan lean mean grilling machine, but he turned it down.
And then George Foreman got offered it. And well, the rest is history.
Why? I always thought that Foreman had some kind of hand in the sort of creation of that
good machine, but whether he commissioned it or something or came up with the idea and got some

(04:59):
guys to make it for him or something like that. It was just the face of it, Craig. It was just the
face of it. Yeah, but you could have a good point there, maybe, maybe. I mean, I don't know if any
other, I mean, you could say giant haystacks, dead. Big guy wore like a sack and stuff, like mankind
effectively. Well, giant haystacks. So giant haystacks not wear a top somewhat reminiscent of

(05:22):
hand mixables wedding garb. He did actually. He was, he was dressed like a villager from
fucking olden times. Yeah, you can imagine him in like Henry VIII's time, you know.
Yeah, haystacks. He'd be involved in the, I was going to say the spit roast. But is that,

(05:42):
that is the correct term, isn't it? Yeah. We've got a thing. Yeah, yeah, spit roast. Sorry,
yeah, we're too much poor. Yeah, not in the last few weeks anyway. Yeah, I could imagine
haystacks, like he wouldn't look out of place in that hand mixer. It's a second mention in two episodes.
Oh, it's just never, never gonna make me laugh that ever. That's a wonderful CD that, Greg. I agree

(06:05):
with that. Did anyone rip off Pat Roach, do you think? We wouldn't get a rip off Pat Roach. Never.
If you never, he'd be in the first transatlantic flight with a fucking set of jump leads in his,
his luggage and a tire I heard. Yeah, it's demanding his while. He could pay $20 notes.

(06:26):
And it's clear to hard with one nut hanging out.
Well, that's a lovely little segway into the wrestling, the grappling. Yeah, no, I think you've
got a point there. I can, I can go with that. Yeah, I'll go with that. Yeah. Oh, okay. Um, right.
Shall we have a look at what's been happening in Scotland over the last few weeks? I think we

(06:48):
should cue the jingle. Hello, this is the out there heavily broadcasting collaboration. And here
is what's been going on in the new. Okay, Greg, what have you seen in a news in the last
couple of weeks that has caught your eye and you'd like to share with me and are lovely listeners?

(07:11):
Well, from an all-American hero to a Scottish Italian hero, this story comes from.
So Gianni Capaldi, is it? No, I've got a lot of thoughts on him, by the way.
This story comes from the day the record on October 30th of this year. The head, the head,

(07:34):
line reads, "Scott's coffee owner, Chase's down, sweet treat thieves after 40 pounds chocolate
acclare robbery." 40 pounds. 40 pounds. Right, I'm going to absolutely destroy this guy's name.
His first name is Can, which is obviously very easy. His second name, I'm going to spell it,

(07:55):
M-I-S-I-R-L-I-O-G-L-U, that's how you name. I'm just going to call him Can. So he was working
around the back of his, he costs a clairs, eatery on Easter Road in Edinburgh. When he heard the bell
on the door go and he saw a man attempt to steal a 40 pound tray of chocolate clairs. The 39-year-old

(08:16):
began to pursue when another guy warned the accused, they accused Thief and Accomplice,
and the two of them fled the business. But having been targeted by anti-social behavior from the
shops in section some years ago, Can was not about to let the suspected perpetrators get away. He
chased them down and grabbed one by the collar, but the acclairs tumble to the ground. The two suspected

(08:41):
burglars appeared astonished to be apprehended, but then attempted to swiply acclare's off the ground.
Can then smash the baked delicacies with his foot before providing a harsh warning to the criminal
duo. He said, "And was in the back of my shop and I heard a doorkeeper sound, the doorkeeper, the door,

(09:05):
beeper sound, so I looked at the camera and I saw a man trying to grab a tree of a clairs. I
rushed out but his friend spotted me and warned him. I managed to grab the man by the collar of his
jacket, but then he dropped the tree. I was so angry, I told them if I ever catch them doing it again,
the result will be a lot worse." One of the guys then tried to pick the ecclesiopathy off the floor,

(09:26):
but he stomped on them as they did not want their behavior to be rewarded. They were shocked. I caught
them. I can understand why people were afraid to confront these guys because they could have a knife
and get stabbed or beaten up, but back in my culture in Turkey, the neighborhood would deal with
these people and they would not do it again. I am not afraid of them. I love my business and I put
myself in harm's way to protect it. In the video, Khan can be seen sprinting toward the door as the

(09:51):
two men depart. His dog, Fiego, not Fiego, Fiego, or it could be Figo, maybe the ex-girls' busters too,
attempts to... Lewis Figo would be the first go to you. Oh, Figo. Oh yeah, it was Figo.
In the video, Khan can be seen sprinting toward the door as the two men depart. His dog, Fiego,

(10:13):
attempts to follow, but he's only lead at the times we can't. The shop owner also stated that the
neighborhood has been plagued by problems by the same group of persons who have repeated they've
been reported to the police. In recent months, he claims that the local scot mid, a neighbouring cafe,
and a pharmacy of all being victims of shoplifting and anti-social behavior. This is not the first time

(10:33):
it's happened, Khan said, it's getting out of control in the area. I had a couple of guys come in
and they try to grab my tablet, some shortbread, fuck it out. On another occasion, I had to throw a man
out and he began to throw rocks and stones at me, smashing my lemonade holder. I've also had to
spend hundreds of pounds to fix my short window after we were broken into. The group come in and

(10:55):
they try to take everything at their hands on. I've reported these people to the police several times,
but it doesn't seem like anything has been done. I think businesses do feel a bit abandoned. The
whole city seems to have a problem right now and are fed up with the vandalism shoplifting and
robberies. I'm spoken to my MSP, that's the member of the Scottish Parliament for people who don't
live in the UK. He has said that he would try and get some patrols, but sadly the police need to

(11:20):
mark this area as a priority. We have to keep complaining for them to take us seriously.
So, can I find it was going to be Italian with that second name, but it seems like he's Turkish.
Good for him, standing up for his business. Yeah, I feel sorry for him, it took a bit of a dark
turn there towards the end, right? It sounds like he's been the victim of abuse. It sounds like I

(11:42):
didn't read the whole article before I picked it for the contest. My heart, because I
too, it was a lighthearted story about someone stealing a clairs, but it does sound like that he is
a victim of racist abuse, which obviously we don't stand for on the culture swelling. Let's focus
on the start of the article, because that's the funny art part. I'm glad you introduced the dog,

(12:03):
because I had a thought of these men stealing the clairs. It was kind of like someone from
the Bino where you see Nashir with like a string of sausages in the butchers. Yeah. And
of all the things, you steal a tray of a clairs. What would they get to do trying to sell them on the
streets like around Easter Road? It's truly it's it's broom that people around there want, not

(12:24):
broom treats. Well, yeah, and I were staying not far from Easter Road in the summer, weren't we?
We were in Edinburgh for the gig, we were in the Scott Middle East Walk, couldn't see any
any anti social behaviour, we saw some pretty questionable looking pies in the hot display,
but that was all. And we were not offered heroin ones, I'm pleased to say so. Not ones.

(12:45):
Obviously Edinburgh's cleaned up its act. Yeah, that's a shame that it's and his tablet and shortbread
was half inched as well. Targeted as well. He said that's what tried to see it.
Try to steal it, but I just like he said was like back in Turkey, the neighborhood would deal
with these types of people and believe me, it would do it again. Just like my god, it's like

(13:08):
street justice, look like in Turkey. Brutal. What was the quote he said? Like he warned them if they
tried it again, they would pay the price. Yeah, it would pay it would be a much worse price of
something like that. I think he said, God, I don't know what he would do. I'm quite scared. I'm
kind of hoping they try it again because I want to know what justice he's going to dish out. Have you
ever seen the Vigal Mortison film? Actually, I also stars one of the actors from our film today.

(13:35):
Eastern promise. No, I don't believe I have. No, it's what's his name? David Cronenberg film,
but it's not like a horror film. It's like a kind of set in London and it's a sort of Russian
kind of Eastern European expat gangster film. But whenever I say something, it's got my haircut
in a Turkish barbers in when I lived in Scotland. And they always have like one display,

(13:58):
they call them open razors, you know, really intimidating, looking, hair cutting,
implement. And there's a scene in Eastern promise when someone gets assassinated in a barber shop.
And basically these assassin picks up one of the open razors. And because of David Cronenberg,
it's not like a clean sort of sh*t across the throat and a guy's been a dead. It's a proper,

(14:22):
like, soling with this open razor. It's like really graphic and grim. But every time I go to get my
haircut when I'm in the UK, when these Turkish barbers, like that scene always just comes into my mind.
It's like a Turkish Barney Thompson. Yeah, exactly. Only a little more brutal and intentional.
So, yeah, so I guess maybe that's the sort of level of justice that these would be

(14:47):
confectionary thieves can expect if can gets hold of them again. They try it again. Don't mess
with a man's a clear scryk. Certainly not. Anyway, that's my first story this week. What are you
what you started as with? Uh, funnily enough, I have another story about justice being dealt out.
I'm just going to read the headline to this Greg. A Scotts Hollywood star has told how we ended up

(15:09):
being arrested on a train for punching a drunk passenger. I'm going to give you three guesses.
Who is this Hollywood Scottish star who is arrested on a train for punching a drunk passenger?
A Scottish famous Scottish actor. I'm going to Scottish Hollywood star. Yes, I'm going to go,
I'm going to turn between two. I think I'm going to go a Macavoy. Macavoy with throat punch.

(15:32):
It's not Macavoy. Is it Butler? It's not Butler. Hmm, who else is there? It's a, uh,
Jack Loudon. I haven't punched anything. You know the guesses. Yeah, I'm out of guesses.
Acting legend James Cosmo revealed how he revealed how he ended up on the wrong side of the law

(15:53):
on a cross-border rail journey. The 7-Tay six-year-old star ended up in the situation while on the train
going from London to Glasgow. The Game of Thrones star was just 25 at the time of incident.
Around the time that you got a break is leading regulator Fouler on the hit BBC series,
Worship. This could be the greatest two lines I've ever read on this podcast, Greg.

(16:15):
He told how a drunk passenger on board the train started to hassle two women. When the drunken
light went too far with the female passengers, a young Cosmo rose up and belted him.
I could just see James doing that. I think the British transport police were waiting for the train

(16:37):
at Carlyle, but when the officers boarded they ended up arresting the actor. He was hauled off the
train and told he was being arrested for assault. Cosmo, who stars in BBC Thriller Night Sleeper,
set on the same route, told the paper, "It's ironic, but when I was a young pup, I got arrested on the
London to Glasgow train and then de-arrested. A guy who got on the train was very drunk and started

(17:00):
annoying these two girls who were sitting opposite me. When it began to get really out of control,
I clocked the bloke. We were just pulling in to Carlyle and the British Transport Police came on board
and took me off the train. They didn't cuff me. They wouldn't fucking dare me yet." But they told me
that they were going to arrest me for assault. Cosmo told how the officers ended up letting him go

(17:24):
after the cops spoke to people on board the train and realised what had happened. The nimbartan
bar and actor was then released and officers went on lead to arrest the drunken passenger. The
actor added, "The train was held in the station and the cops got to talk to the passengers. Once
they had spoken to the two girls, they realised what had happened and arrested the drunken state."
The train's guard even rewarded him by moving him to first class for the rest of his trip back

(17:49):
north. Cosmo played retired train driver Fraser Warren on the BBC drama set on a Glasgow
London train which is hijacked by a cyber attack. The series has had fans on the edge of their seats
as the team of passengers desperately tried to stop the hijacked train. Scottish fans were even treated
as they spotted a still-game legends returned to the screen in the hit series. I'll just spoil it.

(18:12):
It's Bobby the Barman. Otherwise none of this Gavin Mitchell. It's Gavin Mitchell yet. I have seen
it. It's very good. It's absolutely nonsense, but it is enjoyable. But yeah, Cosmo, just that line
just sealed it for me. When the drunken light went too far with the female passengers, a young Cosmo
rose and belted her. I bet it could mix it when he was younger. Cosmo, if he had to.

(18:40):
"Good fucking mix it now, Greg 76, and I wouldn't want to mess with Cosmo."
I watched a couple of months ago. I watched an old film called The Battle of Britain which is about
the Battle of Britain in the second world war. It's got a great cast and it's got a very, very,
young Cosmo. Quite a small part. In fact, I couldn't find them. I couldn't remember. He's in the

(19:06):
credits and his character has a name. He plays like a Scotty, a young Scotty, a R.A.F. pilot.
But I couldn't. I talked about him watch it again, but it's got a great cast. Michael Keynes in it,
you know, McShane. Obviously Cosmo, great cast. It's quite a good film actually. I watched it one
Saturday morning a few months ago when I was feeling a bit sorry for myself having drank a few too

(19:26):
many beers and like before. You them. You've intervened in a situation, haven't you?
Yes. I seem to recall years ago. Do you know what I tell the story? I've told the story before.
The way I tell about it, amadeus. No. A different story. I seem to remember you intervening. There was
a lady and her partner and he was being a bit aggressive and you intervened in the situation.

(19:53):
Oh, you mean, yes. You mean our mutual friends? Ex-boy friends. Not our mutual friend.
Tentall Jock. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a, oh yeah.
Well, my reward for being a good guy that night was the letters into Oscars after they stopped
letting people in. What's the amadeus story? Oh, so you don't have to tell it if you don't want to.

(20:21):
Seems like you don't want to. Well, that's a bit embarrassing, but do you remember in amadeus, there was the
kind of central bar on the ground floor and there was like toilets. I think the gents was on one side
of the bar and the ladies was on the other. It wasn't far from the snack bar that we were talking
about in the message other day. I think it was at the casino bar. Yes, that was it. I think the back
of the bar was like sort of half a relay wheel it was going to be to look a bit like, yeah, yeah.

(20:44):
So I was in the air one night, relieving myself. And there was like, I had noticed,
I'm not a fish, not a wing. I noticed there, there was a few guys in wheelchairs. Now, that's something
that for whatever reason, just didn't see it very often, but amadeus was always going to be marketed
as a club for everybody, progressive club, biggest club in the UK, blah, blah, blah. I remember thinking,

(21:08):
oh, that's quick, but I don't know if I remember thinking anything about it, but just thinking,
oh, you know, well, you know, and when I was in the toilet, one of the guys in the wheelchair was trying
to get into the toilet. They looked into the door and there was a guy, he was, he was moving, but he
was moving slowly and there was a guy behind them who was hammered, who was being, shall we say,

(21:32):
anti-disabilist to this guy in the wheelchair. And the guy in the wheelchair was absolutely just
telling the guy to fuck off, right? And the other thing is about the guy in the wheelchair, they
kill a lot of these guys do that are in wheelchairs for a long time. He had fucking arms like my thighs,
you know what I mean? Because they're wheeling themselves around. In fact, he might even have been,
might have been like a sports, they could have a stable sports team in hindsight or something like

(21:54):
that, maybe that's by the way there. So anyway, the guy had a glass in his hand and I said to the guy,
may it have been a prick or something like that. And I thought the guy was going to hit me with the glass.
So I hit him first and he probably wasn't going to hit me with the glass, but it was being a bit
aggressive and I hit him first and I think the surprise of being hit or a wet floor or maybe I just

(22:17):
hit him really fucking hard, but I don't think so. He fell and dropped the glass and he sort of,
he's elbow kind of like, he's sort of, his elbow can be slightly than some of the broken,
any cut is elbow. Oh, now luckily for me, I got all that I went to school with, called Patricia
schooling, her older brother Brian, schooling was a dormant at Amadeus and he, I don't know if

(22:39):
somebody had a dirty security when they heard this guy giving the poor wheelchair guy a hard time
or whatever. But Brian seems to appear immediately and he asked me what happened and I told him and much
like, he cost most victim on the London to Glasgow, the guy with the cut elbow got trucked out and I

(23:02):
was allowed to remain in the club. So that was it. That's a lovely story Greg, you've done a wonderful
thing there. Yeah, a wonderful thing. Yeah. I mean I left the club shortly afterwards because I felt
fucking sick because I'd never really done anything like that before in my life, especially though
in like, I was only like 19 or something and this was obviously an adult arena like the club.

(23:23):
I'd never hit anybody in real life before only at school. So yeah, yeah, well it's lovely tale.
Well done. Yeah, he's gone up in my estimation. I could always be relied upon to be a hero when I'm
full of fucking cheap laggers. Well, thankfully Cosmo was not pished, although he probably was.

(23:45):
But according to the story, he wasn't, but he saved these two ladies from hassle and that is why
James Cosmo is the patron saint of the culture swallowing. Absolutely. Officially. Yeah,
so yeah, sanctified himself really by recording that cameo for my birthday.
I am going to include that in the best of the new special.

(24:07):
Yeah, but I would recommend Night Sleeper. We might do it at some point.
I'm sure. But yeah, it's Gavin Mitchell, um, Trevor from EastEnders is in it.
He's a good actor. He's also in the Batman. He's the Mayor in the Batman. Yeah, he's
no, no, he's brilliant at it actually. He plays a pisshead, um, which probably not a stretch for him,

(24:30):
but he does a job, he gets a kick. He's come a long way from getting smacked with an iron by Little
Moon Christmas Day. Yeah. Um, anyway, so that is the wonderful tale of James Cosmo, the hero that
we all need. Exactly. Well, so you've seen this week, Greg? Well, this one made me laugh. This,
or this came out, this one's from the day that, no, no, this one's from, yeah, the day the record

(24:52):
was going Halloween. Let's see, a couple of days ago, right? First, the headlight needs man's Google
Maps Street View Prank on Scott's Island caught on camera. I don't want to say so funny. A geologist
on a field trip to a Scottish island spotted the Google Street View car and pretended to attack his
colleague with a hammer. Oh, Jesus. Goodie in Futterman says he was on the north. He was on the north of

(25:17):
the island of Lewis and Scotland when the, when the pair played the prank. Um, they spotted the
mapping camera and decided to create a masterpiece. The camera caught in pretending to hit his friend
with a geological hammer. Uh, Futterman wrote, um, over the summer, I went to the very north of the
island of Lewis on a field trip to map the geology there with a close friend of mine. The Google Street View

(25:41):
car went past. We had, we had the geological hammer. The following masterpiece, which is now on
Google Street View, posted with, so, so there's a picture. They're on, I'll describe it. Um, maybe we'll
post it. We won't post it. I always say that, no, let's forget. But, um, they're on like, I feel
the atypical very narrow sort of farm road. Um, and Mr. Futterman is holding, it's kind of wielding,

(26:05):
but a very small hammer. This is friend can occurs in a pretend fear. He said, I know I post most
the serious stuff here. I must be taking off his social media, but this was simply too funny not to share.
He is listed as a university as a university of Oxford graduate researching SRM, SRM, no SRM,

(26:26):
and GCR. He's interested in animal ethics slowing down the progress of AI and complex X risk
for the fuck out of the, there is a second picture on Google Maps of the two of them with their thumbs
up just showing that it was just a joke. Um, one X user wrote, ha, found your reprobates, love how it
goes past you the first time, giving you time to think of your plot, and then when it returns, genius,

(26:52):
another role excellent job. So, I just thought that was short and sweet one there. I mean, I've heard
some stuff about Google, I quite like Google Street View, especially if I'm going somewhere that I'm
not been before, I can never look at the hotel and what's around it and stuff like that, you know what,
I mean, they would have been staying, but I have heard of people being caught having sex outside

(27:12):
and it just gets left in there and stuff like that, but do you ever use Google Street View for anything?
I do occasionally, yeah, I'll have a little wonder around, I think it's same as you, you'll
kind of maybe look at where you're going or for novelty if you're bored one day, you'll have a
look at your old street, and see things, there are some lovely stories I have read of stories in the

(27:34):
paper of people whose father has passed away and they are on Google Street View, attending to their
garden and they're like, I look at this every day because it's just, you know, how I like to remember him.
Yes, there was one in Aberdeen, like a couple of years ago, and it was someone whining in a car,

(27:54):
of course it was in Aberdeen. I'm sure it was an Aberdeen because it definitely popped up in a lot of
groups that I was part of. I'm sure it was someone having a whink in a car and I guess Google didn't
like, re-shoot the street, they just blurred out the guy in the car, so it's still there, but he's

(28:15):
blurred, so he's like, he's one kick really fast, he's like the flash of the blanket,
car masturbating in Aberdeen. I mean that's going to be bad if you're, because I think it went national,
like that's bad, because not only will people recognise you before you've been blurred out, but then

(28:35):
people recognise your car, so it's good. But yeah, I have often used them, go straight to either
art, yeah, you do hear of people playing pranks like this occasionally, and fair play to the
delegate, it's good, it's not hearted fun, so he was just pretending to attack his pal with a toffee hammer.
Essentially, yeah, very, very small hammer, but yeah, I think it's important to have a bit of levity

(29:03):
on big platforms like Google Maps, especially at the moment when the world seems to be in a hell of a
state, yeah, just maybe smile at one, just a little short and sweet one for my second story this
week, which sure, which sure next one. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this story, Greg.
But I will try my best. As soon as I saw this headline, I was like, this is perfect, I'm having that,

(29:26):
this is wonderful. We know for shared new stories before we record, no, I had to take a screen grab of
the headline, and I think my words to you are fuck off, I'm having this one. So this is from the daily
record this week, and the headline reads, "Worker boasted he ejaculated in Bosses Beardbomb after Rao."

(29:49):
A COVID vaccination worker gizzed into a bottle of his boss's beard's bum,
following an argument a court heard. Jordan Fitzpatrick made the mistake of boasting about what he had
done to another manager a number of days later. The 25-year-old, I mean, you're going to tell people
out if you've done that. The 25-year-old told his fellow worker that the complainer who is not

(30:14):
being identified had a bottle of beard oil on his table. He then confessed, I just didn't it.
When the, I can't get through that. When the oily gel was inspected, it appeared cloudy with sediment
at the bottom, and police were informed, Livingston-Shereen Court, Livingston-Shereen Court was told.

(30:37):
The contents of the bottle were sent for forensic analysis, and filed to include semen containing
DNA, which matched that of the 25-year-old Joker. Fitzpatrick of West Lothian originally claimed he was
innocent of any crime, but changed his plea to guilty on Wednesday the day he was due to stand trial.

(30:59):
He admitted committing a breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner,
taking possession of a bottle of beard gel, and by means unknown, depositing his semen in the bottle.
He accepted that his intention was that his former manager would use the contaminated beard gel.
He also admitted making other colleagues at the NHS vaccination centre in Bathgate aware of his

(31:24):
actions between July 1 and July 5, 2021, so he's been telling everyone that he's done it. I don't
mean that fair play I would as well. Kevin Duggan, defending, said he would reserve his plea in
mitigation until Fitzpatrick returns to court for sentencing. Sheriff James Donald called for a
criminal justice social work report, and an assessment of Fitzpatrick's suitability for a

(31:47):
restriction of liberty order. He had your case until December 4.
For fuck's, I mean, it seems like quite a hectic response. It's obviously just been a, you know,
like a nasty sort of prank to play because they've had an argument, you know, surely he doesn't
don't have to go to court. Would you not be upset if somebody jist in your beard? Well, of course,

(32:08):
I've been upset, but I don't think I'd be, I'd be, I'd be, I don't think I'd be pushing for prosecution.
You know what I mean? It seems excessive. Have I jistened anyone's beard, Bob Greg? No, I've never,
I've never ejaculated into anything that, you know, that nobody wanted me to ejaculate into. You know what I mean?

(32:29):
Yeah, I can't say I've done the same. I haven't ejaculated into anything that I wouldn't have.
When I lived in Norwich, do you remember my housemates in Norwich?
Yeah, I remember one in particular, being a bit of a fud. That'll be John. He was an absolute fucking
cock-wampel. He used to call me a "podage". He wasn't a very nice man. He lived, he was from

(32:53):
Coventry, worked in the Pugeot factory, and yeah, he was a bit of a dick. The other guy lived with
Corkey. He was okay. He was in the RAF. He was a bit odd as well, though. Like, I felt a bit of an odd man
out living in that house. I remember the one memory I have of Corkey is that he, he had this girl that he
was friends with, that he was desperately trying to get with, but she wasn't interested and she was

(33:17):
just strunging him along, basically. And I can't remember why, but one day I went into his room. I must have
been looking for something. I don't know what. I was maybe just wanting to go in and have a rummage
around, see if any of his spare chains or something. And he had this notepad, really, this diary.
Well, funnily enough, he had this notepad lying next to his bed and he'd been writing poetry.
And I will never forget this until the day I die. I memorized this poem and I mean my mate Ian had a

(33:43):
fucking good laugh about it lots of times. Like, when we drunk, we'd start belting out in a nightclub.
It went, "The girl I love who doesn't love me, she kisses strangers but won't kiss me." And
I felt a bit sorry for him after that, but it was a fucking, it was a good poem. Anyway, the day I left,

(34:04):
I was going back to Aberdeen and I knew that John was always up first and he would boil the
kettle and he would make a big flask of tea to take to his work with him and he'd have a cup of tea
in the morning as well before he'd left. So I was driving back to Aberdeen from Norwich,
so I got up at like about 4am because I was like, "I want to make a good head start because obviously

(34:26):
you know how long the journey takes." Yeah, I'm like, "Turbs of things." All too well.
So I made sure I had a cup of coffee and I'd packed my car the night before and then I was just
getting ready to leave, I had a shower and stuff. So I emptied the kettle and then I filled it to the
brim with my piss and put it back. That was my parting gesture. Now, I don't know if you boil it,

(34:52):
does that sterilise it or... Still going to taste like piss, I would imagine.
Hope you enjoy your tea that day, John. Hot piss instead of like body temperature.
I don't think you put milk in it as well, I was a congealed. I've never done that to anybody.
It's only time I've ever done it and it was because you deserved it. Greg,

(35:13):
he's coming up porridge. Yeah, that's all I think. Maybe you should have just battered him.
He was a big congealed. We see the button get upset when we were staying there because I can only
assume it was her mutual friend after his red bull problem that he had perhaps left the

(35:34):
bowl of the toilet somewhat marked and he came down and had a fucking moan about it as a
member. Already the moan at you about it I think. That was him. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he was a dick.
So I do not regret. What I did? Greg, I do not regret pissing in his kettle if he'd had a beard.
I'd have just this beard. Fair enough. I'm just saying, I would have, I would have.

(35:55):
Yeah, well that went down a bit of a dark path as well.
I think what we need to do to lighten the mood is to talk about a film with a serial killer
cuts people up into bits. But before that, let's have a little word from our sponsors.
And our sponsor is Dorick skateboard. A skateboard brand created by Gary Kemp whose main focus is

(36:19):
to explore the people and culture of Aberdeen and the northeast of Scotland, creating designs
to reflect life in that wonderful area that I hail from. Dorick skateboard screen print their own
decks in their new studio by Gary's fair hand and they have produced some amazing designs over the
years, including an anelonix inspire board, a rubber at the Bruce Dick and a plenty of pop deck

(36:40):
inspired by the old bonacorn trucks that used to drive around Aberdeen delivering fizzy juice.
Dorick skateboards also replicate these amazing designs onto their clothing on 100% organic
cotton teas, hoodies and sweatshirts and they also produce beanies, caps, mugs, pin badges and stickers.
Gary regularly collaborates with local artists to ensure he brings the latest designs to the market,

(37:03):
but always with a Dorick twist, including the latest butt-ray design based on the famous Aberdeen
breakfast of champions and the beautiful Northfield tower design, a love letter to the Eiffel Tower
of Aberdeen. So check Dorick skateboards out for yourself at dorickskateboards.com and follow them
on Instagram @Dorickskateboards to see the amazing designs on offer and we are delighted to be able to

(37:25):
offer you 15% off as listeners to this podcast. All you need to do is head to dorickskateboards.com,
have a look at all the amazing decks, stickers, badges, hoodies and teas on offer and enter the promo code
Swally. That's SWALLY, same as this name as this podcast, all in block capitals and get your 15% off.
That's dorickskateboards.com, link in the description of this episode. So last episode we had a listener request

(37:53):
from Olivia and we think in America for the there the white worm. That means that it should have been
your pick for the last episode, but now obviously they would be there. Olivia pick so that means it's
your pick for this episode. So what are we going to be talking about this week? Well this week Greg,
we are talking about the 2024 crime drama film Damaged, directed by Terry McDonoughhoe and starring

(38:19):
Samuel L Jackson. Vincent Cassel? Yeah, I would say he's pronounced you, Vincent Cassel. And Gianni
Capaldi, it follows Chicago based detective Dan Lawson who investigates a series of serial killings
in Scotland alongside Glenn Boyd and his ex-partner Walter Bravo. As the case continues, Lawson

(38:41):
discovers a pattern similar to another killing spree, he handled in Chicago five years prior.
Now I remember the trailer for this coming out and sending it to you and being like holy shit,
Samuel L Jackson's in a film set in Edinburgh and you being like oh we need to cover this.
And obviously it was earlier this year it came out, we finally got round to it. You had mentioned

(39:05):
that you hadn't seen it yet on the last episode. It was my first viewing as well. What did you think
of Damaged Greg? I liked the story and the premise was good. I was admit that there is a twist

(39:27):
at the end of the film and so I will just quickly say if you're not watched Damaged, you want to
enjoy it. Then I would stop listening to us whanking on about it. Go and watch a film and then come back
to us as I twist at the end which I thought elevated the film because I thought I had it
sucked out because there's a lot of critics would call tropes in this film. It's not, you know,

(39:53):
the story is not particularly original really but the twist at the end is quite effective.
And I really, obviously really like Samuel L Jackson. I mean who does not like Samuel L Jackson?
You know what I mean? He's just a fucking, just, you know, he always brings a little something to
everything that he's in. Even stuff that's not really very good. He's still, it's always good to watch

(40:14):
him in that. And I've always really liked Vincent Cassel ever since I saw the French film La Haine.
He's a great actor, intense actor. And then you've also got some other great Scottish stars in
this John Hanna's there. Like a fairly wasted Brian McCarty, I would say Kate Dickies,

(40:35):
then as well. And then you got Gianni Capaldi who I will admit I had never fucking heard of
before I watched this film. And I thought to myself when I looked him up before I watched the film,
I thought well he's, you know, he's got some connection to Peter Capaldi. He's about to be charming,
charismatic, good actor. And he's none of those things. He's sad to say. So yeah, I mean like,

(41:01):
what I liked most about this film is that it's only an hour and a half long and the twist at the end
was good, I thought. But what did you think of it? When I first watched the trailer, I was like,
this looks quite good. Hmm, this looks all right. And then I watched it. What I would say is,
this has, you're right, it does hit a lot of touch points and tropes and this does have the

(41:26):
makings of like a classic serial killer thriller. Like this red herrings, as a bit of action,
this car chases, this food chases, there's somber moments between characters. It's just a
push ripoff of seven. Like it's, it's two and a half basic. It's, you know, with some it like,
the characters are very basic. Like it's just a serial killer film by numbers. And the numbers

(41:51):
don't add up to me, but I would describe this as, as, Pesh, but, but quite enjoyable Pesh.
Like I quite enjoyed watching it. You know, it was something. And I agree with you, the twist at the
ending elevates this film. I did not see that twist coming. No. And we'll, we'll hold off and discuss
the twist until a little bit later, just to make sure people have prepared and have watched it. But

(42:14):
I did not, I was just in the show. I thought I'd worked it out. And when that came, I was like,
holy fuck. But then after that, it goes massively downhill, especially the very last scene, which,
oh, I can't wait to discuss that with you. Um, it's Janie Cuppaldi. I had never really heard of him.
Now, I wonder because he co-wrote this film. So it must be a bit of a vanity project.

(42:39):
This is such. I had to look him up as well, because I'm like, I must have seen something he's in.
The only thing I've seen that he has been in, he plays Fone Shop Assistant in an episode of Stillgay.
Yes. 2019. I read that. Yeah. Which I think was that was, that was with Martin Compton, wasn't it?
Yes. The other Fone Shop Assistant. Yeah. Yeah. He was. Yeah. That's the only thing I've seen

(43:02):
that he's been in. And looking at his IMDB, I don't think I'll see anything else that he's been in.
It's like, see, like, so it's a Hollywood sealist, right? I think, I think that's been quite generous,
correct. He's like, I think, he's sealist to be very generous.
I bet it goes for it. I bet it goes for a lot of the same roles as Frank Grillle.

(43:24):
Not the best. You can tell he, he was a co-writer on this. You can tell a lot of the lines that he's
written. Yeah. That he's, he's poured his heart and so, you know, again, Fair Play, we said this,
I think on the last episode, like, Fair Play, and he's written this film, he's starting it, it's more

(43:46):
than we've ever done. However, he's really not great. He gets his moments in when he's chasing Brian
McCarty, he gets a slide over the bonnet of a car, like he's in the fucking sweetie. Yeah, but I think,
I think I could slide over the bonnet of a car better. What's the fucking sack of potatoes,
cut off right? Sorry. His range isn't the best in terms of acting, but he tries. He tries. That's

(44:13):
all we can say Greg. That's your choice. My problem with them is, you know, they, so that the
characters are a good boy that's supposed to be, he's supposed to be the hero, you know, along with
Samuel L Jackson initially, at least, you know, we're supposed to like him, right? We're supposed to
feel sorry for him because, you know, him and his wife played by the lovely Laura Haddock,

(44:33):
have not Lord's mum. Star Lord's mum, yep. Will off the Emma Tuners
girl friend in the Emma Tuners film. You know, they've lost a child. It's revealed that because of
the damage to the relationship, or marry his wife, they'd be Laura Haddock, it's had a brief affair,

(44:56):
and the attempt to reconcile the relationship again, etc. So we should, you know, we should be
written for the sky. You know what I mean? And then there's the big sort of, can I act to
shock when, when Marys Murders buy the serial killer because it's all the same stuff that the serial
killers done at the victim. So we should feel sorry for him, but I don't know what it is. He's just, there's

(45:18):
something really this likable. You know, and, you know, how he reacts to his wife being
murdered. It's just, it's not very believable. You know what I mean? He's in the pub like doing
the, the drums were Sammy L Jackson and going to find this guy, not even if you discovered your
wife, if I discovered my wife in the loft, in bits, or just the arms, legs and head of my wife,

(45:44):
in bits in the loft, I think I'd probably be going away for a little while. You know what I mean?
It's just fucking deal with that. And if it was in a film, you would, there would need to be an
appropriate emotional response from the husband, approach it, an appropriate devastated response.
And he just doesn't do that. It's, it's like he's like, right, we've given him even more of a,

(46:05):
even more of an incentive to find this guy. It was already high, it's everything. He was already
highly incentivized to find this guy. That's, that, this killer. But just to give me more of an
incentive for going to bump off his wife. And then, you know what I mean, it's just, I think maybe if it,
if this, if this story, if this film had been made into like a three or four part sort of premium

(46:29):
limited series, it might have been more time to, it might actually have turned out okay, but I think
because they've tried to, they've kind of, tried to put all this into the gunner and a half sort of
film. It's just like, you know, just maybe he'd have done better, maybe he would have had more time
to sort of establish his part and with a warm to more, you know, but just most sympathy for them,
what's were, it's funny because I did write down like this does feel like a bit of a STV drama at times

(46:54):
in, in the way it is. However, I, that's doing an STV drama disservice because we've had crime.
We put, yeah. Fucking shits all over this. Yep. And, you know, BBC, I know you probably still
watch that, but the latest series of rabies is absolutely phenomenal. And this is just like a drama

(47:16):
school kind of production of seven. It's, it's not good. Why would say though about, um,
Johnny Capaldi's character Glenn? Like, did you not feel a bit sorry for him? Like, you have to feel
for him. Like, let's be fair, he's got a dead kid. He's got a dead wife. He's like a suspect get away.
And he's a fucking Celtic fan. So I mean, like, we should, I should be feeling sorry for him. You

(47:40):
know what I mean? And if it was somebody, if it was somebody like, you know, maybe like Mark
Compton playing that character or James McAvoy or something, a more polished, that's better actor,
really. You know, like, you could, you know, you would feel sorry for a, for those guys in that part,
but they, Capaldi's just, it's just not at the chopps, I don't think, to, to, I could see a younger

(48:04):
Tony Curran in that role. Yeah. Making my heart bleed for him. Yeah, absolutely. When his,
his wife's died and when he's chasing like, making me really a voc emotion, I could, I could totally see
that. You're right. I think it's the, the wrong actor that's in the role. Yeah. Not, not the best
in terms of his performance. And as somebody, the funny chord moments like the funny thing is,

(48:29):
sorry, I cut you off there just to finish that point, the funny thing is on the poster for the film,
he's not even fucking off it. He's not, he's not, he's not, he's not, he's, he's, he's the hero of the story.
And it's, it's, it's Jackson and Cassel who are on the poster. You're right. And they've got the
lead billing, yeah, the top, yeah, they haven't even tried to, like, I know you've written it, I know you

(48:51):
are technically the main lead, but we're just going to leave you off the poster. That's why. Yeah.
Nobody's coming at the cinema to watch. Johnny Kapowdy. Yeah, the, the may come for these two.
So he's a fucking DCI working for police, Scott and we don't know what Marie, his wife does,
because she never seems to know work or mention work. And they've got this fucking massive

(49:13):
fuck off house in the middle of nowhere where this massive garden in Edinburgh. Yeah. And they
still haven't fucking put the slide away. That fuck, the kids been dead for like a year, but this,
the slide's still there. Yeah, I know it. That's a thing. I mean, that house is lovely.
Hmm, they're belter. So this thing is in the sort of countryside, right? Really, really nice house.

(49:34):
And there's no way that he's paying for that on a detective salary. You know,
Marie's job seems to be to sort of stay at home and look sadly out the window and, you know,
make him his breakfast and be wiped over by John Hannah. So he's not see John Hannah, why can he
part? That is one of the most bizarre scenes I've ever seen because why he's, it's revealed he's not,

(50:02):
he didn't kill her. Why is he why can't it are guarded? Why? And I had to replay that scene a few times
because I'm like, is is that John Hannah? Like it doesn't look like him in a way, but I'm like,
okay, it is John Hannah. Did you think he was using a white double? No, I didn't think it was Samuel
Jackson. That's for sure. But I did wonder like, is that is that John Hannah? Oh, he's having a

(50:26):
wink. Why? Why is he doing this? This is so many bizarre points. So, okay, um, right, a murder is
committed in Edinburgh. There's a Jewish woman leaves a synagogue and she is brutally murdered in her
house. Again, let's just add in every trope we possibly can will have a Jewish person get murdered.

(50:49):
Right. What's one of the best films of all time? Psycho. Right. Let's have a shot of the rings coming
off the shower. That's that's going to be really good. Why is the fuck why is she in the bathroom for
no reason? Like if someone comes into your house, mind you, I guess the bathroom does have a lot of
things in the cute, dark, huge, that's what she was trying to do. But the rings coming off the shower
car and I was like, Oh, Jesus Christ, this is going to be my God. And so she gets murdered.

(51:14):
Her body parts are displayed in a strange way. It's very similar to a case that happened in Chicago
five years ago. So Samuel Jackson gets involved. He comes over to Scotland and they are going to
try and solve this murder. So they're at the crime scene and apparently one of the neighbors is a

(51:34):
a person of interest. So Capaldi goes over to his house. Why has he got a pair of fucking boots
lying on the top of a table? Because we never, we never have any. We never have any hearing.
Yeah, but it doesn't make any fucking sense. And he says to him like, are these yours?
Uh, no. Well, I found one of them outside her house. Well, no, you've just picked them up from

(51:56):
the Weeley bin outside his house. He's just come out of his car and walked past the Weeley bin
where the boots will be on top of. What? How has this got any relevance to the fucking plot? I don't
get that at all. And I agree, what a waste of fucking delayed great Brian McCarty in this. He is
epic in his five minutes or so of screen time. Choose up the scenery in terms of, but in a good way.

(52:23):
It's genuinely, it's one of the best things. I'll just say Kate Dickie, Brian McCarty, Brian
Petter for Elaine C Smith, the four best things about this film, apart from the twist we had. He is
just a bit, the venom with which he, have you got a warrant? No, won't he? Off my property.
Like it's, it's beautiful. What? What do you want? You have a way to what

(52:54):
aren't you, neighbour? I told you your guy the other day. I didn't see anything. I didn't hear
anything. So, sure. Why? Because I was found outside at Abigail Myers apartment.
Now, do you mind if I take a look inside? You got a warrant? Not yet. Well, fuck off then.

(53:20):
I'll wait for my property. Officer.
I just don't understand. I don't understand the bit with the boots. What was the bit with the
things? Well, that's a thing, right. If you think about all the red headings in this that don't
make any fucking sense. So, the, the, the boots you've mentioned, then we've got the weird sort of

(53:42):
Roy Wood and Wizard anti-religion cult. That, that, that are involved for some reason.
There's the, there's obviously, there's the John Hanna character who's a,

(54:05):
becomes a person of interest after McCarrady's character has been eliminated. And he seems to
spend all these time in a wee shed, but it turns out that he works for some security company.
So, we have the pictures of Walter Bravo, Sammy L. Jackson's ex partner in him,
another little red heading there. You know what I mean? There's, there's, there's even a suggestion at

(54:27):
one point that McCarrady himself or Boyd might be a person of interest. It's just like they're working
too hard to try and direct the viewer away from track, sort of solving the mystery. And one of the,
one of the things that people enjoy about watching a film like this that's a who done it is trying to

(54:47):
work out who done it. You know what I mean, but if you just bombard them with like nonsense,
a cult fucking red herrings, it just takes all the fun out of it. You know what I mean?
However, you can't complain both of us have said that we were astounded at the reveal of who
the killer was. Yeah, for sure. So all those red herrings were, were maybe justified in a way

(55:12):
because it did lead us down a path that we didn't think of because I would never, I mean I,
I wrote down and I underlined it in case I would be asked to prove it. I think I wrote down it's,
it's not long after Cassel's character is mentioned before he's introduced like Walter Bravel. Yeah.
I wrote down because we know I think it was when they said that he retired from the police force

(55:34):
after that murder of the, yeah, I wrote, I wrote down is it Samuel J's old partner, you know,
and then later on in the film they start to set up, they start to tease you that it might be him
in those pictures of him and John Hanna at a security expo convention, something like that. Yeah,
it's, I don't know, it just, it just felt like, I mean again, if it was a TV show, they'd have,

(55:59):
they had maybe four hours or so to tell the story. You know, you might not mind all these little
sort of red herrings and then try to send you up along a different path, you know. But let's
speak about Dan Lawson, Samuel L. Jackson's character for a little bit. So he is a Chicago detective.
He obviously has been involved in these murders. It's a serial killer that got away from him.

(56:20):
Been inactive for six years. There's a, they're not sure if it's a copycat crime committed in Edinburgh,
but it seems the same MO, so he comes to Edinburgh. Now he has a drinking problem. He's an alcoholic
because he's been scarred by this case. He don't be buying better off buying a few half-bottles
in all those miniatures. Like, surely, yeah, better off. The one issue I massively had with this

(56:45):
is that he's come to Scotland very famously, the home of golf. Samuel L. Jackson is famously a very
big golfer, but his character says he can't wait to go to Ireland to play golf. Was that some sort of
inside joke? Like, if we had a, if we had a, if we had a sequel to this, which I mean, they fucking heavily

(57:05):
try to tease it. Tempt us with this at the end. Would that not be like Glenn,
going to Chicago and saying, "Oh, man, I cannot wait to go to Florida for a deep dish pizza."
I can't wait to go. Okay. I know I'm in Chicago, but I can't wait to go to Family Park and watch
the

(57:30):
obviously is true, but I read that it is a bit of an in-joke because it is a purpose full in-joke
because Samuel L. Jackson famous that. Because if you remember, there's another, the only other time
that Samuel L. Jackson's been tempted into appearing in a British made film famously back in the late

(57:53):
90s, early 2000s when he was in the '54 state. And when he was in the very, very, very height of his
popularity, still very much riding that wave after Pulp Fiction, then Jackie Brown and all the other
stuff that he did, they die hard with a vengeance and everything. Which unfortunately, we can't cover
because even though it even though it stars Robert Carlyle, it's set and never pooled. Carlyle was a

(58:18):
scout officer. Yeah, I had thought about it, but yeah, unfortunately, we can't cover it because I was
like, well, it's got Robert Carlyle and Samuel L. Jackson was a guilt. And Hets Guy was like,
"How do you include that?" And Hets Guy were like a driver at one point as well.
As you'd mentioned earlier, I mean, Samuel, who the fuck doesn't like Samuel L. Jackson? He is

(58:42):
incredible. He's 76 in this film, Greg. He's 76. I know black don't crack, but fuck me.
It's the same age as Cosmo. Late 40s or something. He is. The same age as Cosmo. Oh, Jesus.
What a night that would be sitting in the little hotel bar with Cosmo and Jackson and just having
a few drums and, you know, Cassel in the corner with his pint of red top. It's like, "Oh, that'd be

(59:08):
wonderful." Paint a red top. Let's just discount. We're not going to go too into this because he's not
Scottish, but I feel we'll have to speak about him. Let's exclude Pulp Fiction because that's the
obvious one. Yep. Okay. What's your favorite Samuel L. Jackson role? Oh, because obviously Pulp Fiction's
that... Yeah, it has to be, doesn't it? I don't think he's ever surpassed Pulp Fiction just in terms

(59:31):
of such a likable character. I really like him in "I Have a Love Engines." Yeah, I'd say. He's
brilliant in that. I know that it's not everyone's favorite time in Tino Film, but I do like him in
Jackie Brown. I don't know if it's because he seems like he seems like a lot taller than the rest of
the cast. Robert De Niro famously is not a tall man and then can I bridge it for in the Pam Grier,

(59:56):
Robert Foster, I guess, or not, but Samuel L. Jackson, he just sort of towers over them all,
and plays a great part. So that would be a favorite as well. And I think it's probably my second favorite
time in Tino Film. Yeah, it is. I love Jackie Brown. I love Jackie Brown. It's right up there for me,
but I know that it's a bit, it's not a universally shared sentiment, I would say. No. What else?

(01:00:17):
So many, it's so many to pick from. I mean, I know you, I know you're not, I don't know how,
it's funny that it seems to be all a time in Tino Film's, but I like him in the hateful ate. I don't
know if you like that film. I'm not a fan of it because I'm like prejudice of them. Black people.
The time is yes, as you know, Greg, I'm a massive racist. I'm too old. My, my, my, my,

(01:00:41):
to far in the past. It's set too far. I do like it because I do like, you know, the cast, but I,
I can't really get on board with it. It's the same as, you know, it's the same as Picky Blinders. Picky Blinders
should be a show I absolutely love. Yeah. Can't get it. I can't get into it. I've tried three times
and I get up to the same episode every time and I'm like, I can't watch any more of this, Pish.

(01:01:05):
I, I don't know why because I should love it because I love the cast. I'd love to kind of
premise, but it's, it's the time that it's set. So yeah, hopefully not my favourite Tino Film, I would say.
I like him in which Spike Lee film is that really plays? It's ever a small part. It was even,
it's an old old part of his. Is it do the right thing? No, or jungle fever, maybe. It plays,

(01:01:29):
like a drug addict who comes back to his mum and dad's all the time to borrow money. Yeah.
And he does little dance to try and charm them and then he's, this dad ends up shooting them.
That's a jungle fever, no? Do the right thing he's, the DJ is a Mr. Senior Love Daddy. He's the DJ
and do the right thing, so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, must be. Yeah, I think it's a, I think it's a

(01:01:53):
jungle. It's a one with, where's the snipes is in it as well. He plays the sort of professional guy who
has the affair. It's guy, all, all star cast really. I like him in that. And the last one I'll say that
I think him in is when he plays the villain in the first Kingsman film. He plays the sort of Elon Musk

(01:02:14):
type tech guy that's trying to take over the world. He's really, really, he's really funny in that
because it gets obviously a bit of an action comedy. Well, very much so an action comedy
at Kingsman. I mean, he's, yeah, he's, he's, he's, he's living his best life in that. He's something
a good type, I think. It's an amazing sort of, I had seen quite a lot of films that he'd been in
and hadn't almost realized it until after a pulp fiction. Like, it's a strange thing because obviously,

(01:02:39):
I mean, the famous one is of course coming to America, where he gets the guy that holds up the
big towels. Yeah, I think he's in good fellas. Yeah, he's a fucking good fella. He's the driver of
the voice. Yeah, he's in sugarmands as well, but I don't think you see him in sugarmands. He is
just these voice or something. I kind of remember. So fever, he's in like Patriot Games and stuff.

(01:03:02):
It, I feel my remember I'm going to see the cinema loaded weapon one. Oh yeah. Yeah,
menace society, Jurassic Park. Yeah. He's in all these films and then all of a sudden pulp
fiction he blows up and it's only then and then I guess with die-harmadavengeance too, that you're kind of
like, well, yeah, well, they, they, they, they, they go back and see this. They both sort of came out

(01:03:23):
at this, remember at the same time, didn't they? Those two film, maybe within like a year of each
other. So yeah, it's sort of, um, it's sort of solidified them really to, uh, to like the a list. Um,
the other, the other really surprising appearance he makes. And I've not seen it for fucking years and
years and years and years. But he's in Eddie Murphy role in the little skit at the start when,

(01:03:44):
he plays like his uncle when, uh, the, the, the young supposed to be like the little boy,
Eddie Murphy tells a dirty joke and he's the uncle that was drinking a beer who just starts pissing
himself off. So they obviously investigate the, the neighbor played by Brian Petifer, but they
also involve another neighbor who is played by Elaine C Smith. This is basically just a posh

(01:04:09):
Christine, isn't it? Well, we bet you're kind of waiting for the, for a joke, the f-bomb, aren't you?
I don't know if that's just, yeah, you're right, actually, you're right. I never thought like that,
you're right. Yeah. I don't know, I don't know if it's because she's just become, oh, I obviously,
we've done, um, we've done the first series of two doors down recently in the last couple of

(01:04:30):
months. You know, obviously, like, to think a whole generation she is Mary Doll and, you know, and,
now, you know, she's so synonymous with the character of Christine and so do it. I mean, you can't
imagine anybody else really playing that part. Even, even Barbara Rafferty, I can't, you know,
I'm not saying she wouldn't be good as Christine, but it's just, I can't, I can't picture her,

(01:04:52):
doing it, you know what I mean. So like, when, when I saw her on the screen here, you know,
she made it, she made it, you know, all she's missing is like, I paid a trackie bottoms and a,
you know, like, I call them both games t-shirts or something, you know, she got to be Christine.
I think it's because she's got the breathy voice, like, and obviously that's her voice, so I'm not
seeing anything against that, but it's also the role because effectively she's being a nosy neighbor,

(01:05:14):
yeah, telling on one of our neighbors and stuff. And that's why I guess the role just made me think
of a posture version of Christine, like, you're right. I was just expecting her for one moment to,
to say something like, and that fucker over there. Yeah. I've been saying a pat at the back that we need
to sort out this guy. It's just completely expecting her to break into that, but obviously she doesn't,

(01:05:39):
but it's, yeah, she's again, wonderful in this role in a few minutes that she's in, but yeah, I did
think she's just basically paying a post Christine. Yeah, and it's just, you know, she's only, so
it's quite a minor part, really, which we don't see that much over, but, you know, if you're a thing,
Smith, get the chance to, even if you're not acting in a scene with them, but you get the chance to

(01:06:02):
appear in a film with Sammy L Jackson, you know, fucking, send me up. I've been offered this role,
oh, Sammy L Jackson's in it. Oh, oh, both my scenes are with Gianna Capaldi. How much is it,
fucks, you mean, you mean, you mean my scenes are without fucking Gianna Capaldi?

(01:06:24):
No, I guess the, well, the next two Scottish actors, let's run through the Scots first,
and then we're looking for a speaker about the film. So briefly, Brian Pettafour, involved in Roy
Wizard's cult. He said earlier. Oh boy, Wizard's cult. What bizarre, again, a bizarre plot, so there's

(01:06:51):
this cult in a church of Scotland, weeding giant haystacks, Han McSullough type uniforms,
and they're all like, oh, don't look outside ours, but they've got this church in the middle of Edinburgh.
But Brian Pettafour is not even weeding one of the fucking uniforms.
So, what? It doesn't go anywhere. Hey, hey, who are you? A journalist?

(01:07:16):
You see, I boyd. He tell me about this guy. He could not adhere to our beliefs
around six months ago he was dismissed. Why are you a police? That's none of your concern.
I'm intrigued. You're a pretender. Excuse me. You look, to reclaim, to remove sin from society.
But how can you remove sin when you are riddled with corruption?

(01:07:39):
So, what led to believe that McGregor, what John Hannes character, was involved in this cult,
but he was expelled for being too radical. Radical.
Make-up was too glittery. It's just insane. So, what, they were, if they live in the,
if it's a cult, well, they say it's not a cult, is it, it's like a commune or something, or a community?

(01:08:02):
If they're living there and he only got expelled six months ago, but he's been working for the security
farm for ages because he's in a photo with- What a gravel. Which is- I can't wait to come up.
We're going to come on to him soon. What a fucking name. Walker Bravo, Texas Ranger.
Like, when's he been working for the security farm? Why is he living in a shed in the woods? Why is he

(01:08:23):
got this other shed in the woods on the back of his shed in the woods? Why is he wearing ovoles?
Why? Just why? Why is he wanking in a garden? Why? It's just bizarre. It's like somebody's thought,
right? This guy is going to be like the ultimate red-haired. I mean, you need to make him as sinister

(01:08:45):
as possible, right? So, what would the sinister characters do? They belong to cults.
No, but what about if you get kicked out the cult for being too extreme in his views? What else do they do?
They live, they have workshops for some reason in secluded places. Yeah, that's great. What else do they do?
They wank in public over ladies? They can't see them. Okay. This puts it in.

(01:09:11):
Euronate against their own cars. Yeah. The bar he goes to, the tower bar. It's got a fucking
stripper pole. Is it a strip club or is it a bar? Because it's not quite clear, but there's a
stripper pole and there's a lady stripping on it. But they didn't look at it. Edden was quite famous
for that type of thing, though, isn't it? There's the famous pink triangle in Eddenborough, which is

(01:09:35):
based, like, kind of, behind the castle, which is basically just a load of pubs. The normal,
old men's pubs that have strict shows on. And remember, there'd be one that was kind of famous
for doing, for doing like a Sunday roast for like seven quid, for like seven quid, and there was
one that would also have a stripper on as well. So you could go and have that your roast beef and your

(01:09:58):
chip pudding and watch some lasty taking our clothes off. The bar. Then the girl behind the bar says,
"I think it's time you paid your bill." And then he forcefully grabs her. Yeah. Kind of as I
word, and then he just leaves to the cellar, gets out to the car park, and has a pish on his back.
That's a border. I mean, a pish in your own tire. Or anyone's. Sure.

(01:10:21):
You know, I pish in the cellar before you'd left. If you were needed. I think time was of the essence
to the wasn't it? He was trying to escape without paying for his drinks. I think he would think he
would be going to cellar, because somebody came in and caught him, and then he'd piss him in the
pays bill. Oh, so it's better to be waiting in the car park. Well, now you've left the premises.

(01:10:42):
We can't take you back. I'm sorry. Yeah, bizarre. I'd odd character. I thought, you know,
I mean, again, maybe John Hanna's just thought, well, you know, chance to be in a film with Sammy
Lil Jackson and Vincent Cassel. He does get to have a wonderful chase scene. Yeah. No. He's not a natural

(01:11:03):
one or something. He's not at all. I can only imagine Johnny Capaldi's been, again, he's one of the
cool writers in this. He's been sitting, thinking, oh, how do we get McGregor? Like, there has to be
something that I can do. I'll do this. I'll just, I'll stick on a film and maybe that'll give me
inspiration. So he's watch point break and has just ripped off this scene. He doesn't even try, he

(01:11:30):
includes fucking shooting into the air. Yeah. With his gun. Now, I'm sorry. And Ed and Rocco, they literally
say before they break in to apprehend McGregor, keep the armed police away. We can't have
a gun on the streets. But for some reason, Capaldi is allowed to have a gun. I'm pretty sure

(01:11:53):
Scottish police officers are not allowed to have concealed weapons in that kind of, I can see
a firearm, sorry, they're allowed to have batons and stuff, but they're not allowed to have a concealed
firearm. I think you have to be a firearm officer to carry a firearm famously, which, which we do
involve waiting protection of some sort of armor. Yeah. He's just allowed to just pretend he's like a

(01:12:17):
fucking NYPD caught running around with his gun, shooting it. And, but he shoots it into the air
because he's watch point break the night before. This is Jason Hanna. And fair play Hanna just stops.
He does, yes. It's a thing that kind of thing is fucking, it's just, he's not an actual runner.
Yeah. There's a, there's a wee bit of hot fuzz in that, in there, really. We've got a hot fuzz,

(01:12:39):
you're kidding. They say I'm big. Yeah. Yeah. Ed Edbrough, Ed Wright film. Yeah. I don't know why,
it's just, it's very difficult to understand really what, because the thing is like famously, they
even like police procedures like Tiger and Rebus and everything like, they do, they try to
anchor themselves into reality as much as possible because that's sort of what makes them enjoyable,

(01:13:04):
especially for, you know, like a Scottish audience watching, like any of the iterations of Rebus or
Tiger or even crime, the fact that they're filmed in the places that people will recognize
and they also tell them themselves to, I'll take issue with that Greg. We've covered the first episode
of Rebus. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. The Aberdeen scenes were not filmed anywhere, I recognize.

(01:13:28):
Well, that, that wasn't a good example, but, but you know, like generally speaking,
I bet they do tell of themselves into a degree of reality, a lot of the, the reason I call
police procedures is because, you know, they, they follow the steps of like, you know, that the
police would take an investigation to some extent, you know, they try to make it as realistic as they can

(01:13:51):
without, you know, but also, also have another little bit, a little bit poetic license, so I've got
exciting incidents and drama and stuff like that. This, it kind of goes out the window altogether,
and there's like, there's no sort of, you know, like the police, like, first of all, Samuel Jackson's
character Dan Lawson is invited over to Scotland to be an advisor in this case, as you mentioned,

(01:14:13):
because it's very similar to a case that he investigated but failed to solve, which the reasons
why he failed to solve it become apparent toward the end six years later. So he's there. He's
allowed to bring his fucking side arm with him, apparently, you know what I mean? Every scene that we
see him in almost, he's pissed, he's having a drink or something. Pretty much every single fucking scene,

(01:14:38):
by the way. He's either, he's either having a drink, or he's evidently just had a drink because he's
a bit gallous and a bit wibbly wobbly, you know what I mean? Just like, come on, you know what, it's just
settled down in a bit. I mean, this is not, it's not, there's another one with Harvey Kitell,
which is actually written by Peter McDougall, which we have to cover sometime, called We're the
Buffalo Roam. We're Harvey Kitell. He's an American policeman who comes to five. I think, I'm not

(01:15:04):
seeing it, I think it comes to five because of the demonstrations at the nuclear plan and there's
like, the submarine base, sorry, and there's like the American submarines and service been there
and something happens and that's why he's there. I feel pretty confident, and we'll make,
we'll, we'll, we'll watch where the Buffalo Roam for the culture, so are they? The degree of
realism will be quite refreshing after watching damaged. You're right, though. I think you've, you've

(01:15:31):
hit upon that very well. Things like crime feel very realistic. Yeah. Again, I know you haven't seen
rabies, but it is very, there's not one point that I've watched that and I've thought, well, that's
never going to happen. Like, yeah, it does feel kind of, the police officers get punished for their
actions if it's not by the book. Yes, yes. There's, there is no way the Glenn would still be involved

(01:15:56):
in this case after his wife has been murdered. Exactly. And he's found her body parts. He would be
off the case away. I mean, even someone struck me and Kate Dickie, I guess she's the, the, the,
the, the, the sergeant involved in the office. Did they still wear those uniforms? She's wearing
her fucking, she looks like June from the bell. Like, she'll be a little, or, or,

(01:16:20):
cravat, like, do they still wear those? I don't think they do. Do they? I would be very surprised if
they did. I mean, they, when I was a kid and you saw a policeman, I suspect you would, he would always
have like a tunic on, like, a pair of a Maccantly press trousers and they used to wear dog marines
as well. Now when you see, now when you see a policeman in the UK, they've got, you tell it,

(01:16:41):
they're about like fucking Batman, right? They're, they, they're, they're mace spray and they're,
bits of, they're walkie talkie, everything hanging off it. They've got work, they're, they steal
to cap to like, almost army boots on and then they'll have like, not even like a shirt with a
collar anymore. It's sort of like a, like, there's no collar, I think. And it's almost like a,
kind of sports top even, you know what I mean? Guess it makes it less difficult to grab. And,

(01:17:05):
I'm probably more comfortable to wear because in the summer, it would breathable and, you know,
you don't get too hot and whatnot, you know? Because I have to say, I was surprised at a day, I mean,
guess I'm getting old, I was at, um, central station and a couple of police officers passed me
in Amsterdam. And one of the, the, the, the mail cop he had is wearing a t-shirts with like, is,
is vest on top. He had his army belt and they have like a gun. I don't know if it's a fire armor,

(01:17:29):
a stun gun that I have here. He had like, fools, both arms, full sleeves tattoos. Yeah.
He had ear rings. I had about five ear rings in each ear, right? And a massive goatee beard that
you're thinking, it's like a heaps of their policeman. Someone's getting just fucking pool that,
surely. If you're getting into a fight, like, gonna pool that, it just struck me as a bit odd.

(01:17:51):
Like, it gone to the days where you have to be, you know, clean-cut, no tattoos, no piercings and,
yeah, stuff like that, because you would think it'd be something people could grab. Yeah, just,
I don't know, the uniform took me out a little bit. Yeah, not very believable,
police. No, what a procedural. The thing is like, in a well-written, well-crafted police procedural

(01:18:12):
film or TV show, even when there is, when they do take a little bit of poetic license for, you know,
to create a dramatic moment or whatever, you know, to, like, as the audience who obviously aren't
police men or women, it can, you know, I can feel kind of plausible, you know, because,
mmm, big, big moments, you know, they've created the world for you, that you're watching and, you know,

(01:18:34):
they've sort of taught you a little bit about, well, you can enter someone's home without a warrant,
for example, spiel, but, police men don't retain the carry, automatic pistols. For example, you know,
you know, it is not acceptable even if you're advising to be fucking drunk all the time,

(01:18:56):
when you don't work, you know. I feel we've been quite harsh on this Greg. Let's have a positive note.
I think the crime scenes that they have here are quite well done. They're quite grusly. Yep.
And you see, just enough, then kind of flashes, but not, it makes an impact, but it's not too much,
if that makes sense. Like, it's not like a hostile situation. It's, it's quite well done, I think,

(01:19:21):
in terms of the crime scenes. You see enough to know what's happened and what's going on, but not
over the top gruesomeness. Yeah, you know, I mean, there are, we have been pretty,
pretty pardon the film, broadly speaking, but, you know, they get, it's well shot, to be fair.
You know, the, the, the end of the scenes and stuff that we've seen very well shot, the countryside,

(01:19:44):
etc. The murder scenes, as you've mentioned. And then the films, sort of, save in grace,
is the twist at the end. Yeah. That comes out of nowhere, you know, so the film is followed
by Dan Lawson, the first scene he is in Chicago at work, pissed as usual, it seems. And he,

(01:20:04):
he's asked, he's called to the scene of a, but turns out to be a gangland murder. He solves that,
in like two minutes, short of naming the actual perpetrator. And then he's off to Edinburgh to advise,
like, maybe, what sounds like that policeman that you saw an Amsterdam gets into his car, to tell him,

(01:20:25):
to tell him that he's been at, there's been a murder like the one that he couldn't solve,
and he's to go to, he's been invited to Edinburgh. So we're with him the whole time. And at no point,
is there any suggestion that he is not the flawed hero here, until, well, they set this scene up

(01:20:46):
that it could be his, his ex-partner who is, can, can, can, quite conveniently living in London,
who gets to train up to Edinburgh to help out, the wonder for the named Walker Bravo, played by
everyone's favourite French actor, Vince Icazel. And it, and work, the red heading is sort of
soul to us that maybe Walker is the murder, and maybe that's why he's come to try and prevent

(01:21:08):
himself being caught or whatever. And then it turns out against everyone's expectations,
that the actual murderer is Samuel L. Jackson's character Dan Lawson after all.
Now, I did not see this twist coming at all. I, I thought it was Walker all along,
and I was genuinely shocked and probably elevated this film at least a couple of points,

(01:21:32):
did it? So I was like, wow, I did not see that coming. And a great twist, and it, it's quite well
explained. And I, did you just watch this the once or twice? I only watched it once. Yeah.
I watched it twice, and when you watch it again, there are subtle clues. But they're very subtle.

(01:21:53):
You would not pick up on them unless you know. And they do do that quite well. There are a couple
of knowing loops or a couple of comments made. Right. And it's, yeah, I have to admit that is quite
well done. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, it's a great twist. The finale is perhaps not that way,

(01:22:16):
not that way they executed. We've got like a fairly, a fairly lackluster car chase,
which results in a fairly minor accident that seems to absolutely knock Glen Boyd for six.
So my, my points on this would be it's 2024. Yeah. To be really neat new metal when we're having a car chase.

(01:22:38):
Is that a deed for new metal on a soundtrack in 2024? Yeah, you're right. He has a minor little crash
into a pile of logs. I would be suing BMW because his airbag doesn't go off. His airbag doesn't go off.
Yeah, but everyone, they couldn't afford that in a bunch of, of course, a lot of money to be set in

(01:23:03):
your bag. If the car isn't that, no. And then you know, famously, the thing is, I think,
I think Samuel L's in an out day, right? And Glen's in a beamer. So the out day, front-wheel drive,
that handles a lot better than the rear-wheel drive BMW, especially when you get off-road and it's
got a little slippy or whatever. And even, even the, this was like an A, an A6 or something that

(01:23:27):
Samuel L's driving. That's going to do better in a farm track than the BMW. Before they get to that,
though, did you catch that when Glen calls in to the station to say he says, I'm in pursuit heading
east on Livingston Highway. Yeah, I was going to say, well, do you mean the N8? Yeah, I'm
literally got ready here. Like, why didn't you say the M8? I'm on Livingston Highway.

(01:23:56):
Because every chance that if people aren't familiar with the M8 and the point off by Livingston
anyway, it's so, absolutely bizarre. So yes, you're right. They go off-road to get into the woods.
There's a shootout. Was this meant to be? Did, did Gianni Capaldi? He'd watch seven.
Finish that. Yeah. He'd watch Point Break and he thought of the gun thing. He's like, how do I end this?

(01:24:17):
And then one night he sat and watched Heat and he thought, you know what, I'm going to make a really
shit version of this ending. Terms of. Because the sandwich actually Capaldi in those woods
shoot at each other is it's a shit version of the ending of Heat. Yeah, yeah.
Pacino and Denero under LAX. Yeah, yeah. But it just reminded me of that, but like a really bad

(01:24:40):
version. Yeah, there is a bit of that in there now you mentioned it. And then of course, the,
the sort of final little sting is, bossing, bossing gets away with it. And then we have that fucking
that point of scene, where they think they've got them in Ireland because it's in a similar car,
but she must be the only reason that only explanation. I, I like the fact that loss and gets away

(01:25:02):
with it. Obviously it's baiting for a sequel. Yeah, however, the fucking scene. Obviously Samuel
L Jackson had flown back to America and they were like, oh fuck, we need to shoot a final scene.
So they have him obviously back in his state, standing next to a Land Rover,
standing in front of the worst green screen I have ever seen in my entire life, knocking back a

(01:25:26):
miniature and just chuckling to himself. And I am positive he looks at the camera at one point,
breaking the fourth walls of to be like, I know this is fucking shit, isn't it? He's looking,
he's looking at the camera saying, you might not have enjoyed this film, but it's bought me a lot of
golf in Scotland. Just chuckles and gets in the car. I do like the ending that he kind of effectively

(01:25:50):
gets away, but oh my god, that green screen is the worst thing I have ever seen. How, why? Come on,
just, oh my god, it's so bad. But yeah, they were really going for a sequel, but spoiler, I don't think
that's going to happen. It's been absolutely, absolutely destroyed critically. This film is

(01:26:13):
got something like, I think it's, it always rotten tomatoes, like percentage, it's so,
27% approval rating on rotten tomatoes and 4.6 out of 10 on IMDB. What does your
want to say? Terrible ridiculous plot, terrible acting. Damage isn't trying to be a meme that's

(01:26:40):
playing things completely straight, that's sincerity and the apparent genuine commitment of top
to your performers like Jackson is what makes this ripely absurd film at least half worth watching.
That's probably fair to be honest, that's pretty, because it is worth watching because of the
most of the cast. Frank Shrek, the Hollywood reporter says, unfortunately, the ending is

(01:27:00):
nearly enough compensation for the roughly 90 minutes of TDM preceding it. I think I summed it up
at the start when I said this was enjoyable, Pish. However, I can never forgive this film for the fact
that it is Brian McCardy's last film. Yeah, I'm actually saying for Brian McCardy to go out,
to go out on this film as well, because you know, it's, one, it's not a great film, although the moments

(01:27:25):
that he is in the film, it does get marginally better for that short time, the cameras on him.
But you know, I mean, the last thing that I saw McCardy in that is relatively recent was the prison
drama was shown being in Stephen Graham time, was it called, some BBC? Yeah, however, I will dispute

(01:27:47):
you on that, Greg. That was, although maybe that was the last thing you saw in it. That's the thing I
saw in anything. I think, time wise, the year after that you played Norearskin and Crite. Of course.
Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, sorry. And I wish I did see that would have been the last thing I saw
them in, actually. But he's very, very good as the sort of, the kind of prison, the kind of top,

(01:28:10):
East-top prison, the real time, you know. He's such a, I, I, I, I, I, such a wonderful actor,
I miss him so much, like in terms of, like, I, we need to do more stuff. I have got something
with Brian McCardy, slated, but that will be early next year, because obviously,
yeah, sure choice next, then we have Christmas in New Year, best news, and then I know what I'm doing

(01:28:31):
for the first episode. So yeah, probably, maybe February will do something with Brian McCardy,
you know? Yeah. Cool. For sure. Yeah, so damaged. Yeah. It's, it's an enjoyable
Pish is the best way, it's okay. It's fine. Yeah, it's one of, it's one of those films is where
where the title doesn't have any, doesn't make anything to do with the plot. What's, whatever.

(01:28:54):
I had thought about that all week, however, you said something about an hour ago and you said how
Glenn is damaged by his, the death of his wife and the affair that he had. In fact, we didn't even
speak about the, the reason that Samuel Jackson committed these murders. His, his wife had an affair
with milk drinker, Vince and sale. Yeah. And he, he, he accidentally killed her, because he says

(01:29:22):
she fell, but then he cut her up and re-arranged her body parts and hid the torso to make it,
to make it look like it was a serial killer and it wasn't a domestic dispute. And then decides to go
on and murder the, the, the florist, the person that booked them into the hotel room. Yeah.
The, who else was it? He murdered the waitress, the waiter, the waitress, yeah. Just goes on to go

(01:29:46):
on this spree of killing like five people just to cover up the one accidental death.
And as he famously says, famously says, but as he says in the film, nobody knew he was involved with
Sarah apart from Walker Bravo. Yeah. So couldn't you have just left her and no would have, no one would
have linked them apart from Walker Bravo, who wouldn't link them because he's like, oh, fuck,

(01:30:08):
I was shagging her on the side. So I can't really say anything. Yeah. And, and I'm so disturbed by
seeing somebody I've had sex with, be cut up into bits that I've had to retire of me,
a policeman who went to school at his business, which is essentially the, the implication, right?
Yeah. I think that's worse than a new middle, they'll have to do in the car chase.
And that's saying something like, it's, oh, this phone's bad. This phone's bad, but it's a

(01:30:31):
enjoyable fish. Yeah. That's, this one's bad. And here's the alien ant farm, just to make it even worse.
Right. So we put damage through our sly awards. Let's do it, Greg. What have we got first?
Okay. So the first one then is the pub, or otherwise known as the Bobby the Barman award for the best

(01:30:52):
bar in the, in the show, the one or two it choose from here. I'll give you a clue which one I,
I didn't pick the tower bar, so it looks fucking depressing as it, the pressing is fuck.
It does. So it's the old town hotel bar or the tower bar. I'd quite fancy how are we pinting the,
the old town hotel bar? Yeah. I would enjoy, I would, I'd be sitting with you in front of the

(01:31:12):
fire on a winter's night enjoying a, enjoying a pint of export or something like that.
Be good. Next award then is the James Cosmo award for being in everything Scottish. So two clear
choices here. I'm interested in which one you went with. I did. There's three clear choices here,
Greg. Or three. Yeah. Three McCarty. Yeah. I've written all three down to be fair. I'm, in reality,

(01:31:34):
Petifer is probably the winner. But yeah, gonna give it to McCarty because he's dead. Okay, fair enough.
I had given it to Dicky because, oh, that early in the last few years, you know, that she seems to
be going through a bit of a, a bit of a purple patch. She, you know, I, not, not necessarily just in

(01:31:55):
Scottish productions, but she even turned up in series two of Wokey on Disney Plus as well.
Oh, she's famous, they Scottish, sure. Again, Sally. She, she wasn't in my three, Greg.
Smith. What's the third? Right. Okay. Okay. Hello. This day, I don't think, Elaine C Smith, I don't
think, I think she sort of lacks the ubiquitousness of McCarty, Dicky and Petifer, I think.

(01:32:18):
Potentially. Yes. Could be argued. But yeah, I'll give you that. Next one then, the Jake McQuillan,
your tea-zooot, McCafferty, award for unexpected violence. With this one, I went for Walker Bravels
getting shot in the gut. But we don't actually see it, but we see the, obviously, the aftermath of it

(01:32:38):
after him and Wilson have been wrestling for the gun. What did you pick? Yeah, I guess they
didn't have the budget for a blood pack for that. I went for McGregor being stabbed whilst he's
having a push against his land rover. Yes. Yeah. I didn't see that coming. No. And I guess he was a bad man,
so it was a nice, neither the tea, but no. No.

(01:33:07):
Do you get off watching people try and take a pass?
Next one then, the U-Megregor award for gratuitous nudity. No sexy nudity? Unless we do see images of

(01:33:32):
this member dead bodies. However, we don't see any torsos, so you never actually see anything, Greg.
It's all just legs, arms and head. You don't see any torso. The one torso you do see is in a burn,
and it's closed. Which is bizarre. It's closed on the torso. Yeah. Yeah. So there's no needy in this.

(01:33:54):
I double checked on my second watch. Let me ask you a question, right? If you were, if you were
starting to, if you were making, try to make a name for yourself as a respected actor and you got
yourself an agent and you were getting your membership to, was it membership that they all have to have
equity in the UK? Yeah. Equity, right? Equity, I think. Yeah. If your second name was Haddock,

(01:34:20):
you think it might change it to something else? Maybe, but then it's memorable, isn't it? Yeah,
but you're going to change it to, Lord of Sea Bass. I mean, would the big public, I mean, the
queer, it's better than Haddock. The question that everybody should be asking is, would Lord of
Haddock be enjoying a better career and not having to appear in things like transformers the last

(01:34:40):
night and damaged if our second name wasn't Haddock? It's not exactly like a band, it's not exactly,
you're not exactly going to see it above like a film title and Julina Jolie and Lord of Haddock
starring, you know what I mean? It just doesn't sort of add up. You do make a valid point,
yeah, I never thought about that, but you're a player. Yeah. You could be on something there.

(01:35:04):
Just being thinking. Yeah. Just being thinking about Lord of Haddock too much. Next one then is the
France. The France is beg by a word for gratuitous swearing. So for a Scottish police production,
you would expect more sea bombs and whatnot. There's not, there's not, it's not like a particularly
swearing film. I went for the one that you mentioned earlier on, Brian McCarley, Tellin, Gianni,

(01:35:28):
kept out that it fuck off, so I'm a warrant. Dickie also has a good one. Don't, yeah,
fuck this up Glen, which is quite a good one. Yeah, you've read it, you have something to add to that?
No, McCarley was the one I had and it's purely for the delivery. Brian McCarley's gravel voice of
"Well fuck off then!" It's just, it's beautiful. I did like Dickie's. I'm surprised Samuel

(01:35:51):
Jackson didn't say "motherfucker" in this film actually. Yeah, it's sort of his thing, isn't it?
Yeah, it's the same old, isn't it? Well, the same old one, this film is cutting up bodies and putting
them in religious symbols, yeah, and drinking whiskey, inefficiently. Yes. So next one then,

(01:36:12):
archetypal Scottish moment. So if there are new stories of anything to believe over the last four
years, whanking outside could be up there. But I went for the, so the second victim that we see
people, oh my god, this is exactly what I've got. I know exactly what you're about to see. She's about

(01:36:34):
talking to a plate of mints and taties just before she's, before she's dispatched. Where'd you go for it?
It's exactly what I've written down. The second murder friend sitting down to a plate of mints and taties
before she's murdered. It's how I shout out to Samuel Jackson's hotel room, which is just
plastered in tart and wallpaper and bed spread. Yeah, I had, she's sitting down to a plate of

(01:37:00):
mints and taties and watching reporting Scotland. She's, yeah, exactly what I had. Yeah, brilliant.
And then the last one then is Sean Connery, big time award. Who wins the production for you?
Jesus, nobody. I'd written Samuel Jackson. You know what? No, I'm giving it to Brian McCarty.

(01:37:24):
Yeah. He's only in two scenes, but he was the best thing about this film. Yeah, I think he'll do.
I mean, we didn't talk, we didn't talk too much about him, but I like, I like Cacel, you know, he's
sort of understated. Yeah, I think he sort of gets what he's, you know, I think he sort of understands
you know, I'm here to kind of lead the viewer away from Dan Lawson as a murderer and stuff, you know.

(01:37:47):
I get you're a recovering alcoholic, but why are you drinking a pint of milk in their pub?
Sure, that you have a tonic water or a soda water or something. Why are you drinking a pint of milk?
I remember one time when I tried to get up smoking when I was younger, I sort of substituted them,
I sort of substituted cigarettes for refreshers, remember the packets of the freshers? Yeah.
And I was just fucking guzzling refreshers and it was just better to go back to cigarettes.

(01:38:11):
So it was for my teeth fell out. Yeah, it was the time I gave up smoking and I got addicted to
Milky Bar Moucho's. Oh, yeah, they're lovely though. And I was eating about six a day, yeah.
My daughter went back on the facts. My daughter went out, trick her treating on Halloween and she
brought back. You know those sort of milk sweets? They're like soft, chewy sweets, so the supposed

(01:38:33):
taste of, they don't taste anything like milk, but they're so does tasting like milk.
They used to get them like instead of cola bottles. Yeah, like milk bottles.
Milk bottles, yeah. I fucking love it. They've got more than a vanilla taste.
Yes, exactly that. Perfect description of it. Yeah, I love fucking love them,
but I try not to teach them any sweets these days because, you know, I'm an athlete.

(01:38:54):
Oh, yeah, you are indeed.
Wonderful. Well, that was damaged. It was pish.
It's a durable, whatever, enjoyable pish, enjoyable pish. You get it on the apples, they get it in
apple, we get it in Amazon. I'm sure some of you, I'm sure a few of the streamers might even have it
in your region. You have a look. It's enjoyable pish, but yeah. I don't recommend watch now,

(01:39:20):
actually just for nonsense. Yeah, I mean, hopefully you've watched it already because we did warn
you at the start that we're going to spoil the best part about the film, which is the twist at
the end. So hopefully you've already watched it. If you haven't, you may not enjoy it so much because
of we've given the game away. The last two episodes. Yeah, the last episode.
So the twist was the best thing about this film, that and the new metal.

(01:39:44):
Okay, so that was my choice, Greg. So before we go into our Christmas and New Year episodes,
this is kind of our last non-festive episode of the year. Yeah.
Why do you tell us what we're going to be talking about on the next episode of the
Culture Swally? Well, I've chosen something that is not a festive at all.

(01:40:04):
We have covered, I would say maybe about 70% of Peter McDougall's best known productions
that he did for the BBC and British television generally speaking, but there's always been one
that, as far as I know, has never been available in DVD, although it might be now.

(01:40:28):
It's not one that is never discussed with the likes of elephant's graveyard or just a boys'
game or whatever, and it's been quite elusive, but it's now in YouTube. You found it the other week.
So I picked it. So for next week, next episode rather. So it filmed in 1986, TV movie,
starring Jimmy Nail, famous Scottish actor Jimmy Nail, but also Brian Knox, Billy McCall, who was

(01:40:57):
we've asked looked at something he was in in the Swally when we did Slab Boys. And it's set in Edinburgh
in the 80s, which is famously when Edinburgh was a drugs capital of perhaps the Europe,
and it's shoot for the sun. So I'm looking forward to talking about that. I've watched it already,

(01:41:20):
but I'm going to watch it again before we record. I'm looking forward to talking to you about it.
Fantastic. Yeah, I know you had mentioned that a few times. I think I've seen it once, like years and
years ago. Maybe I haven't. But I haven't watched it again, but I did. I have a list of things that are
very difficult to find. In fact, we mentioned one earlier. You mentioned one earlier this episode

(01:41:43):
of many people find, and I periodically searched for them. And yes, I found someone that uploaded this
to YouTube recently. So I was delighted to find it and I sent it to you and I fucking knew you would
pick that next. Wonderful. Okay, well, I will look forward to discussing that with you in the next

(01:42:03):
episode. So shoot for the sun, and it is available on YouTube. Well, it was. So shoot still. It still
is. I checked this morning. So if you want to watch it before you hear us talking about it,
that's where you can find it. Wonderful. Well, thank you very much for listening everyone. I hope you
weren't too damaged by this episode. If you got again touched with us, you can. You can email us on

(01:42:26):
cultureswalley@gmail.com and feel free to get in touch with any requests, any new stories you've seen,
or if you just want to say hello, just drop us a line. You can follow us on Instagram. We are available
at cultureswalley.pod and we are on X. We never post there at the moment. I'm going to start doing that.
Formal Roots Twitter @swalleypod and we have a wonderful website as well, don't we Greg? Yeah,

(01:42:48):
you can find us at cultureswalley.com. We links to all the episodes and some blogs and articles about
Scottish, use and pop culture. Up to the next site in the saffroning Greg? Nope. Well, I've got a
steak pie that's cooking just now. So I'm going to go in a, it's just like slow cooking, nicely. Hopefully
the meat will be nice and tender and ready for getting pastries in a minute or two. So yeah, that's

(01:43:12):
that's it. So I'm doing a promise, my daughter. Well, my daughter, my daughter asked me if she got
other homework done if I would play a teenage mutant Ninja Turtles, the arcade game on the PlayStation
with her later on. Oh, lovely. I don't need much of an excuse to do that. So that's probably how
I'll be spending part of my evening. Love it you. Lovely. Nothing much exciting to be

(01:43:35):
perfectly honest. No, nothing at all. Nothing exciting. Probably start editing this. What shoot for
the sun because you've told me earlier that we're recording quite soon. Oh, yeah, that episode.
I heard that as what what shoot for the sun for some decent. I was thinking, that makes sense.
Probably going to watch shoot for the sun and do the ironing. So that'll be exciting.

(01:43:58):
Cool. And no, I'm going to go and whanking someone's garden.
Hit the someone's beer band. So do you. Yeah, like into someone's garden in their beer spam. Yeah,
exactly what I'm going to do. Mortal enemy. Fantastic. All right, well, thank you very much.
Until next time. Until next time, beware cultists that look like Roy Woods.

(01:44:19):
What religion are you?
Mathist. Man with no reason, Deutre. I have a purpose in life. Oh, man who likes to show people
the way. Grace Hall was lost. Did you help her? We all have a calling, no man.

(01:44:43):
She was a Catholic. She should have asked her priest. And Abigail should have asked her rabbi.
All right.
Are you a wolf in sheep's clothing, Mr. McGregor?
[Music]

All Episodes

Episode 113 - Damaged (2024)

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

24/7 News: The Latest

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 113 - Damaged (2024)