Episode 122 - The Girl in the Picture (1985) - The Culture Swally

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Culture Swally, a podcast dedicated to Scottish news and pop culture.

(00:22):
My name is Nicky and I'm joined as always by the man who also had a nude drawing done of
him this week, which he shared with me and our mutual friend.
It's Greg. How are you today, buddy?
I've done some drawing done of me this week.
I was a nude drawing, wasn't it?
It was a nude drawing.
It was a drawing, it was a rendering of a photograph that the person took off Facebook

(00:44):
quite creepily, quite an old photograph because the actual photograph has my now almost
17-year-old daughter who was, I guess, five or maybe five at the time leaning against
me, but the artist has chosen to edit my daughter out and she's only drawn me and she's
she had to use a poetic license for my arm because in the picture, my little girl, which

(01:08):
she was at the time, had like lots of curly, corkscrewy hair, so you couldn't really see
the whole of my sort of upper arm, but you know, that's nice that somebody drew a picture
of me.
I bet on you, girl.
Lovely.
Yeah, a little bit creepy, but it was nice.
It was lovely.
I did think you looked a little bit like PB Herman.
It was good.
Yeah.
That's very flattering.

(01:29):
It's really nice when you sent that to us.
I was like, "Oh, that's lovely.
That's really wonderful."
Yeah.
That's been done.
And it wasn't new to it.
It was a year to turn.
I had a portal top-point, but no trousers.
I'll make sure.
How are you today, buddy?
Everything good?
Everything is good.
This is where recorded in this weekend of International Women's Day.

(01:50):
So if you see me, I would go, I was wearing an International Women's Day t-shirt because
I've been at a few IWD events today.
They work related events, so I have, yeah, all right.
Good.
I'll have to heat it.
I mean, this will go out nearly two weeks after what I said according, but I hope all
of our female listeners, because we do have quite a lot.

(02:12):
I had a wonderful International Women's Day.
Yeah.
I mean, I essentially live with three women, because my oldest daughter is 17.
And my youngest is, well, my oldest daughter is nearly 17.
My youngest is nearly 15.
So essentially, I just live in a house of judgment.
And to make matters even worse, my wife got me, like, a really, really good electric toothbrush
for Christmas.
And if I don't brush my teeth for, like, two and a half minutes, the little digital display

(02:36):
in a toothbrush, also judges me by giving me a frowny face.
So basically, even if I turn in this house, there's two cats, so you know that they are
just fucking waiting for you to die, so they can start eating the soft bits.
Yeah.
It's tense.
You just can't move.
Can you, Greg?
Just left right in the center and then you come on this podcast and I'm going to judge you
probably through the recordings.

(02:57):
Yeah.
You can't win, can you?
It's really funny, because I had to do a sort of psychoanalytic test at work a couple
of weeks ago, and the results suggested that I'm not a judgmental person.
We are, if I'm being honest, I'm probably one of the most judgmental people you'll ever

(03:17):
meet, if I'm being really honest.
I don't know about that.
Yeah, you are, actually.
I definitely am.
I mean, I'm working on it.
I know it's not the best version of myself when I look at somebody.
I called a teenager a fat fuck the other day because I went for a run for in Barsha Park

(03:37):
and my way home from work.
I came out there was like an Arabic teenager sitting on the bonnet of my car with his friends
and I said, "I quoted Tony soprano and said, 'Get off my car, you fat fuck!'
Did that make you feel good?"
Not really, because of course as soon as I got in the car, I mean, I was obviously, I had

(03:58):
a round 5K built up a bit of adrenaline, you know what I mean?
I was feeling energized by my run and I was feeling quite good until I saw these kids hanging
around my car.
I suppose there weren't any harm apart from the stalkier one sitting on the bonnet.
I guess he wasn't sitting on it as much as he was leaning against it, but, you know, it's

(04:20):
not on, right?
But, they're all Arabic kids.
It's Ramadan, they're fasting.
I'm probably a bit red in the face, I'm definitely sweaty and abused one of them.
So I'm sort of waiting for a police report because, you know, quite easily I've taken my license
plate as I do the usual for a way and it is illegal to call somebody a fat fuck.

(04:41):
And bye.
And I remember one day in Dubai, I was...
I can't remember the name of the area now, that's how bad I am.
Where is it next to the Greens?
T-Comb.
Yes, T-Comb.
I stopped at T-Comb A&E, African Eastern, so it's like not accident emergency.

(05:03):
I stopped at the alcohol shop and I parked my car, went to a boot shop, was walking back
to my car, which is like I have a 4 minute walk.
And I could see these two guys next to my car and as I'm approaching, I can see what they're
doing.
At the time, I was driving a stupid car, I was driving a Dodge Challenge.
And these guys were having a photo shoot next to my car.
This one guy was pretending it was his, he was leaning on the bonnet, posing, he was pretending

(05:26):
to open the door and posing, smiling.
And I just came up and I was like, the fuck you do?
They were like, oh, sorry, sorry.
And I was like, are you finished?
Like, it's all like, if you want to carry on.
I'm not going to offer it.
You can get an impor as if you want, but like I'm saying, Jesus Christ.
Yeah, I find that quite amusing.
That's a lot, I didn't tell them to.
A lot of that goes on here, you know, if you're down at beach, I mean, there's, today

(05:49):
like, obviously, is anybody who's not been to the vibe probably knows that there's some
stupidly wealthy people that hang about here and like to show how stupid they are by
driving around and like, for our reason, Lamborghini's and porcies and McLaren's and things
and they're often parked outside the kind of five-star hotels and people were posed for pictures
beside these cars.

(06:10):
And I've always said, yeah, I was about to be really judgmental there and I'm not going
to be.
You know, that's a make sure happy, that's a make sure happy.
Who am I to judge?
Nobody.
Exactly.
Should be a better person.
Live free, be happy and don't call children fat fucks.
Yeah, I know.
I mean, I did feel, I didn't feel good when I was driving home, you know.

(06:31):
Whereas about 15, 20 years ago, I'd probably been quick to use myself.
I showed that, I showed that, a 15-year-old boy.
I showed him, he'll go home and cry himself to sleep, he's taken into a snickers, yeah,
exactly.
But no, I felt quite bad about it.
Not bad enough to go back and apologize, but, you know, no, of course not.

(06:52):
No, no.
He didn't dent your bonnet, your cart, didn't he?
No, check this, since I got home to make sure there wasn't like, like, huge butter in
prints in the bonnet, you know, it seems anyway, but there's anyway in trackey boards.
Yeah.
I'll be taking some explaining to the wife.
Okay, right, here, but shall we have a look at what's been happening in Scotland over
the last couple of weeks?

(07:13):
Here the jingle.
[Music]
Hello, this is the Outdoor Heaven East Broadcasting Corporation, and here is what's been
going on in the new.
Okay, Greg, what have you seen in the last couple of weeks in Scotland that has caught
your eye and you'd like to share with me and our lovely listeners?

(07:35):
Well, this on midnight laugh, it comes from the Scottish sun on the 4th of March.
And the headline is, "Throw in the Vowl, Scots firm changes name after being mocked over
disastrous rebrand."
So this might appeal to you, Nicky, if in your area of expertise.
"Investment giant, Ab."
So, a spell, "ABRDN" has had a Vowl movement and changed its name to, and changed

(07:58):
its name to the Aberdeen group after relentless mocking.
Boss Jason Windsor called the move a pragmatic decision to remove distractions, but it comes
two months after the chief executive said, "The name is the name, and we'll be continuing
with it."
They had them for a based, fun management firm was ridiculed in 2021 when it underwent
a "Woke rebrand."

(08:18):
I'm not sure how this is woke, and dropped most of the vowels from its name.
But you know that when people say something, when people accuse the "Woke" that basically
being accused of being inclusive and nice.
But I'm not really sure how this could be woke just by taking all the ease out of the word
Aberdeen, but anyway, that's what the Sun reckons.
We had them for a based, fun management firm was ridiculed in 2021 when it underwent

(08:43):
a "Woke rebrand" and dropped most of the vowels from its name.
It was a marketing agency's idea following Aberdeen asset management's merger with Standard
Life.
And Bird, who was then the chief executive, Aberdeen said it showed clarity of focus, but it
was branded the worst name change in history.
Not sure, I sure.

(09:04):
No.
Peter Day.
And lead.
And lead to people sending the firm messages with no vowels.
So just open them self up to some fantastic shit, how sorry.
Even Aberdeen Dan Saikon's The Shaman, best known for 1992.
Number one, hit song Ebenezer Good got involved.

(09:26):
They cheekily said, dropping three E's was a commendable notion.
Brilliant.
Last year, Chief Investment Officer Peter Branner compared the teasing to corporate bullying
boohoo and accused the media of being childish.
But business newspapers sit at AM, hit back with a cheeky firm page that said, "Aberdeen,

(09:47):
an apology, soon he be cooped to const, you're missing fools."
We told previously how the firm was set to act 500 staff in a brutal wave of job cuts.
A cost cutting program was announced last January, which aimed to save £150 million this
year.
So yeah, bit of a shame there to end the story on a bit of sad news there, but yeah, I mean

(10:10):
that's just brilliant.
Aberdeen.
I just don't understand that.
Like in terms of a marketing perspective, I did read this article and it takes longer
to think how to pronounce the name.
Yeah.
Then it would if it was written normally and I don't know if they were trying to come across
as cruel or something or I don't understand the woke reference.

(10:30):
It's not woke itself.
It's not what dropping the E's.
It's not woke at all.
But yeah, bizarre choice to rebrand is that.
So yeah, I don't understand that in the slightest.
I mean, it's not clear whether it's an agronism or an initialism.
I mean, it's difficult word to say without the votes.
So half big, of course.

(10:51):
I think it's an initialism, but yeah, it's a bit of an odd choice.
And I don't see how it sort of reflects the merger with standard life because there's
nothing in there that suggests standard life at all.
No, not at all.
I'm trying to think like I was involved in a merger where, well, I remember a commercial,
is it commercial union merged with general accident and they became CGU?

(11:17):
I remember that and then CGU then merged with Norwich union and I worked at Norwich union
at the time at, oh God, I can't remember what it is.
I think it was like CGNU.
Yeah.
It became something.
That means they were.
Yeah, it became CGNU and that makes sense because everyone's still involved and it makes

(11:38):
a decent acronym and stuff and that's what it's known as.
But yeah, to just drop vowels out of a word is just bizarre.
I don't understand the rationale behind that at all.
Yeah, I mean, another better example would be when Skybot BSB, the British satellite broadcaster

(11:58):
or whatever it was requested for and they changed the name to B SkyB.
That made sense, you know what I mean?
Yeah, British satellite broadcasting.
Broadcasting?
Yeah, it's like a boy's.
We heard the British satellite boys.
Yeah.
British satellite.
Who drank your beer and chase your woman?

(12:20):
Yeah, very strange, I think, but okay, so they've taken steps to fix this.
Yeah, the change of impacts.
The Aberdeen asset management.
I know, sorry.
Aberdeen groups have changed their names.
I cannot begin to think how much that all cost in terms of the rebranding and the re rebranding

(12:40):
and insane ridiculous.
Absolutely ridiculous, but they saw a sense and I'm really, it's nicely here from the shaman
every now and again.
Like on that, what was I watch?
I watch, sometimes I sometimes find myself drawn into these, I have to be careful for going
YouTube because sometimes I just, can I go down a rabbit hole, but what's the YouTube

(13:01):
account that does like the lists?
Watch module and they had like bands, like bands of performances that were banned from
top of the pops over the years.
Now, the thing that is the most amazing is the fact that we're still talking about top
of the pops and it's not being entirely for like nearly a quarter of essentially, which
is amazing.
But it was part of our childhood and it was part of our childhood and our payment childhood

(13:25):
and stuff, but you know, it's just, I think it just blows my mind that it's, it's, it's
continues to resonate and they're not trying to reboot it.
But it comes back every Christmas because I watch top of the post on the day.
Absolutely, yeah.
But yeah, obviously the shaman were on there because they were booked to perform Ebenezer
Good, not in the commissioners, they didn't realize the various drug references in the song,

(13:50):
you know what I mean?
So they got to play it once and then they were temporary, really bands from top of the
pop.
But I can't really remember, the only two shaman songs I really remember are move any mountain
in Ebenezer Good.
Yeah.
And they're pretty different songs, you know, they could be, they were like, do different
bands, you know what I mean?
I think that's me, don't.
Yeah, they don't go on a bass drum.
Maybe, yeah, thanks a lot.

(14:11):
I remember when I was, I must have been at Levin or so back in, because one of the members
of the shaman, obviously, is from Aberdeen, yeah, and from Wudent and I remember, because I
live in Hazelheads, which was just next Wudent and I had friends lived in Wudent and I remember
my friends house and three doors down, just seeing these four guys coming out and getting

(14:35):
to this like black van.
And my friend was like, well, that's the shaman and I was like, all right, never heard of
them.
And then about a week later, I heard him and he's a good massive and I was like, oh, fuck,
I've seen them.
Yeah, it's close by.
So I had seen Mr. C very close by, but yeah, but I didn't know.

(14:55):
Move any mountain always remains me of the summer.
I became a teenager because that's summer, the songs that were going around and there
was a lot more than this, but the ones that I did, the stick out were I'm too sexy by
right side Fred, move any mountain by the shaman, the KLF, maybe what time, no 3 AM eternal,

(15:16):
extreme more than words that was going about.
Oh, yeah, yeah, MC Hammer can't touch this up the Pee the D version.
You shouldn't touch this.
Yeah, it was just like, and you know, it was the first time of really sort of hanging
out with girls and stuff like that and having a bit of a kiss and a cuddle and all that kind
of stuff that was there.

(15:36):
So yeah, move any mountain always remains me of like a crack in summer in 1991, I guess,
what would it be?
I mentioned before it was when we were speaking about Jimmy Nail.
Yeah, similarly, Ebenees of Good Always Reminds me of starting secondary school and getting
ready to go to school because the three songs that were always in the radio were ain't

(15:58):
no doubt by Jimmy Nail Ebenees are good by the shaman and the cover of Baker Street.
Oh, yeah, yeah, it escapes me who that was by.
Is it like a bit of a remix rather than a cover, was it?
Was that like about that?
Yeah, a bit of a fancy remix, maybe.
A little bit, yeah, it had a little bit of a, yeah, I don't know, it was a little bit, yeah,
faster, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

(16:19):
Yeah, it wasn't just the original.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Anyway, that's my first story this week.
You've got something controversial.
So let's have it.
I do.
You can tell me if I should cut this because there is a word in this that, but it's not associated.
I have read the full article, so I just want to say this, but when I saw the headline and

(16:39):
read the article, I was like, this is a very old school swallow story.
And I just wanted to share it with you because I thought it might make you laugh.
This is from the Dundee courier today as we record the 7th of March.
A self-proclaimed beast, told police he was going to wank in every city after being caught
having a less than private moment in a sterling stairwell.

(17:03):
Nile Gray stuck into the close, leading to Ian Gallagher, Jullars, but was spotted by officers
as he masturbated.
Police had originally been called because of his behavior, a nearby pub.
Sorry, we're going to say something there.
Just like Jesus.
It's a video school swallow story.

(17:23):
Fiscal dispute, Lucy Clark, told Sterling Sheriff Court that following his arrest, Gray
had described himself as a beast.
She said at 12.15am, Sterling police officers were dispatched in relation to door staff at
a license premises reporting concern for the accused who was acting erratically.
Police arrived at the license premises and were told that he had headed along Murray

(17:46):
Place.
Trace-outside Ian Gallagher's Jullars, the accused was seen to have a fully erect penis and was
masturbating.
He only stopped when police approached him.
He was arrested and replied, "I'm a beast."
And I can't have a wank in the street.
How manor lied to have a wank in the street?
Miss Clark said Gray's bizarre statements continued at the police station.

(18:09):
She told the court he said, "I'm a fucking beast.
Let me out and I'll start the beast loving.
I'm gonna have a wank in every city, every town.
I've wanked in the middle of Sterling and you're gonna let me get away with it."
And the beast that literally wanked in front of the police.
So listen to our Virgil Crawford acting for the 35-year-old said his climb was unaware he

(18:33):
had been visible from the street.
He said he was immensely drunk at the time.
He was refused entry to the pub on the basis of his behaviour and police were called.
He was winning the entry of a close.
He thought he was being fairly discreet, but it wasn't.
It was in full view of the pavement.
He regrets his behaviour and his comments to the police.

(18:56):
He said that Gray had no previous convictions, Gray of no fixed abode admitting committing
a public act of indecency in Murray Place on February 6th.
Sheriff Marco Halen said that his comments were extremely concerning and sentenced Gray
to four months in prison.
Oh, sorry.
I wasn't sure because he said he was a beast, which obviously we would have a different

(19:21):
connotation from, but it was just wanking in public.
But he said, "Let me out and I'll start the beast loving.
I'm going to wank in every city, every town."
I mean, he sounds like he made me quite a vulnerable person to be honest.
I'm sure that prison's the best place for him.
I mean, is that your natural reaction that you get not back from a pub and then you just
go and have a wank?

(19:43):
And then embark on a sort of wank world tour.
And tell the police, how can it wank in every city and every town?
I'm the beast that literally wanked in front of the police.
That's his character, he can blue song.
That's a man out here.
Let's up her.
Let's up her clothes.

(20:03):
He's wanked in the front of the police.
He's a beast for 30 years.
He's a beast.
Wank away, wank away, wank away, wank away, wank away.
Wank it all away, wank it all away, wank it all away.
Yeah.
I don't want to say a thing about wank, maybe thinking about just in case we get cancelled.

(20:26):
Yeah, definitely not.
Yeah, I wonder, just a strange reaction, but then we have had that, of course.
But as soon as I saw that, I was like, well, that's an old school swelling story, but I don't.
When you said it was the Dundee Courier, I thought it was maybe a return to the comp cave.
It's a pretty sure that's the way he came on the Dundee Courier way back.

(20:48):
I think I might have done as well.
I think the Dundee Courier could be the new fall car car, too.
Yeah.
Pay more attention to this.
I mean, I mean, there's a little bit of me.
How old do you say was?
Do you say how old he is?
That's it.
You know something, it doesn't say how old he is.
Which is strange for yous our.

(21:08):
Normally it does always say, yeah, full age name and address and phone number number.
Yeah, it's just given his name, but Nile Gray, surely will be that difficult to track down.
Just look up your neavus closely.
No, it doesn't say his age or his address, thankfully.
But yeah, very strange.

(21:30):
Well, it said he was of no fixed abode, so, you know.
Well, he is now.
He's in prison.
Yeah.
He's got a fixed abode for the next four months.
No, no.
I just can't compel.
I know we've told stories of all of me.
Yeah.
But I've never been compel to rip the heat off it in public.

(21:52):
No, I mean, I'm sorry.
The fact is he's been able to rise to the occasion in public.
You know what I mean?
Sorry.
A tiny bit of grudging admiration there.
And by the signs of things, it was fucking hammered as well.
So, fair play to you.
Like, fucking cans all day and then.
But Sterling is an old place.

(22:13):
I mean, I used to run, I'm not thankfully not too.
A lot of what I was thinking.
I saw a graduate from Sterling to Falkirk, so maybe I was better off, but I don't know.
But I ran him like that bar rest during Sterling in the city center called the Philan station
for a few months just before my oldest daughter was born.
And they'd be the first day because they, this, working in a city center has had different

(22:37):
propositional together, you know what I mean?
Because they, you got, maybe if you work in one of these sort of leisure places or, like,
a leisure park or a retail park or something, you're going to get the odds, like, odd ball,
now and again.
But when you're working in a city center, it's just constant, you know what I mean constant.
I worked in Perth City Center and that was just a fucking absolute disaster.

(23:01):
It was gonna, it's okay if I come in and use a toilet, you know, they fucking tremble and
I've got really funny story, but that actually, but I can't tell it in the podcast, I think
it's just can't.
But, yeah, the first day of running this Philan station in Sterling, so I was handing over
with a manager who was moving on.
And we, the, the office in the public toilets were up the stairs.

(23:22):
And one of the waiters came and got us and told us that there was a, we had been in the
office and this guy had been at Hammert in the bar down the stairs and he'd gone up the
stairs like half an hour ago.
So we went, we went to the toilets and he wasn't in there.
What the fuck is he?
So we're looking at ladies toilets, not in there either.
And there's like a, kind of connecting, like, a connecting fire corridor.

(23:43):
So there was, there was, there was a, a council office or local authority office or something
next door in there.
So they're fire escape.
They had to kind of run through that corridor and come through the restaurant and vice versa.
So we're looking there and he's fucking lying down in this corridor in the dark.
And when we open the door, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?
And he flies at us and slams the door, right?

(24:05):
So we're trying to push the fire door openies.
They won't, they, we can't get them out, whatever.
So waitress goes and phones the police and the police come.
And so the, so this two police officers me and this seller manager Fraser.
So the four of us forced the door and we, the police, can I grab them and we're trying
to sort of help the police.
They fucking, somehow we can, a reggae's free of the police but it falls.

(24:27):
And he knocks a fire extinguisher off a, like, the, the, the, uh, hook that it's on.
It manages to fucking rip his hand open on the hook.
So there's blood up the wall.
There's blood on the police on one of the police officers, which I'm like, for, I mean, this
is like the first day in Stirling City Centre.
I'm like, fuck my life.

(24:48):
Why do they agree to come here?
Do I have to drive there from Glasgow every day?
30, 40 minute journey, the pendant on traffic.
Oh, yeah, working in a city centre in Stirling is no joke.
There are some unusual people that live there.
And my, in no offense to the nice people of Stirling, my, the lovins, Lake grandfather came
from Stirling and was rightly very proud to come from Stirling.

(25:09):
But I'm sorry to say that there is a high percentage of fucking odd balls that they're,
there really is.
Well, including Nile Gray who likes to whank in Jailer's doorways.
Yeah.
I mean, that might, maybe it was him, maybe I was the same guy that, if it felt, he'd hock
it out of the restaurant on my first day.
It doesn't say Fierney Scars in his hands, but no, so I don't know.

(25:32):
I mean, I, I mean, I don't know if I should say, but the police were not gentle when they took
on downstairs.
Anyway, move bang on.
Well, so if you see this week, Greg.
Well, so this is about a Scottish person, but it's not in Scotland.
It's a Scottish person who lives in a, a, a, Bantry in Cork in Ireland.

(25:54):
And it's from a daily record on the 7th of March.
And the headline reads, "Scott insulted after Haggis and pounded an Irish border in branded
dog food."
Oh.
Absolutely.
A polling.
So this, this is Ian Stretch, who's 92.
He's been living in, he's been living in Bantry for 20 years, celebrates Burnus Night every

(26:15):
year with a gathering of friends.
The daily record has published a picture of Ian with a plate in front of him with raw
turnip, raw potatoes and more carrots and a fucking massive drum.
And the caption reads, "E Ian Stretch left gutted as he prepares to eat a meal of neeps and
tatties with no haggis."
I think he's not preparing to eat back.
I can't fuck his shit, you think?

(26:37):
Anyway, right.
So a proud Scotsman has been left outraged after a haggisly ordered online was impounded
at the Irish border in branded dog food.
It customs.
Ian Stretch, who's 92, has been living in Bantry in Corp for 20 years, celebrates Burnus Night
every year with his friends.
His wife, Jeannie, took to Amazon to order three tins of the Scottish delicacy after the

(26:58):
payers struggled to find Haggis for sale in the local area, but they soon ran into trouble
after the order was shipped.
After ordering three tins of Grant Haggis costing £23.94, the couple received a letter informing
them that the National Dish had been stalked by customs and impounded in Dublin under the
Animal Health and Welfare Act 2013.

(27:20):
Ian, who's a retired vet, was left stunned after spotting the bottom of the vet where a customs
official could categorise that import as "food dog" he has since described a decision
as an insult to the National Dish.
Ian said, "We've managed to get Haggis from a butcher in Dublin in the past, but we
couldn't find any locally."

(27:40):
So my wife looked in Amazon, "We bought three tins of Haggis, and then we got a note from
the Ministry of Agriculture saying it had been impounded as dog food.
To add insult to injury, they had the nerve to describe it as dog food.
It was an awful slur on our National Dish."
Ian and Jeannie, who were set to host their traditional Burnus supper, scrambled to find

(28:01):
a replacement dish, before settling on "clonaculty black pudding" which is made with beef oats,
onions and beef blood, which they say "did not full their Scottish guests."
He said, "We had people come around for a Burnus night dinner so we had to find a substitute."
The only thing we could find was "clonaculty black pudding" which is a bit like Scottish
black pudding.

(28:21):
We dressed it up to look like Haggis, but it didn't look anything like a Haggis.
I think we filled the English guests, but the Scottish people were not so happy with
the so-called Haggis.
Ian says he's attempted to reach out to the Department of Agriculture, Food and Marine,
but has received no response so far.
He believes the reason for the blocked import could be fears of foot and mouth disease,
a condition affecting cat with sheep and pigs, which has not been found in Scotland since

(28:45):
2001.
He hopes to seek clarification on the reasons behind the ban, and ideally to get back his
tins of Haggis.
Ian said, "There's no easy way to contact the customs people.
They've been in possible contact."
I can see the humorous aspect of it, but it's still a nuisance if you can't import
Haggis into the country, and it's such like an older guy, think to say, such a nuisance.
If you can't import your Haggis at the country, as far as I know, there's no foot and mouth

(29:10):
disease in Northern Scotland, and that's the concern with importing food across borders.
I can see no reason for blocking its importation, and I'm not dropping the case.
I'd like to get my Haggis back.
So I mean, if that's not grounds for all out war with Ireland, I don't know what is.
Oh, Puri, and he just wants his Haggis for his burnt supper?
What a shame.
Oh, he's 92.

(29:30):
He's not got that many burnt supper's left, do you know what I mean?
Oh, yeah, that's terrible, but I guess it's import laws, you know?
I mean, you can't get Haggis into the US, for example.
So I think it's just import laws, Ian, but yeah, it's shocking.
I agree.
I mean, treat.
And you know something.
You just said there, you can't get Haggis in the US, right?

(29:52):
When you see what the eat in America, I watched, do you remember years ago, the documentary,
'I'll make our Morgan Spurlock' made that supersize me when he'd make Donald's every day for
a month.
So he'd never eat an American Donald since then?
He has made a sequel.
I mean, he actually, sadly passed away last year, but he made a sequel called 'Super Size

(30:14):
Me Too', which I watched last week, and it's about fried chicken.
And I thought it would be a similar experiment, but it's not.
He wanted to set up a frat like a fast food restaurant, but be honest about what would
into it.
Right.
He had to raise his own chickens.
So he, you know, he did it the right way.
I think a proper chicken farmer, to raise them for them and everything, but he had to buy

(30:37):
the chicks, and they're these, the breed of chicken are called broiler chickens.
And they've kind of been, they're not like genetically modified, but they've kind of been bred
over years and years to the point now where they grow much faster than regular chicken.
And they grow so quickly that they often have heart attacks because their body is too big,

(30:57):
they're like, they're fat in their muscle when everything else grows faster than their
heart can grow.
So it puts a lot of stress in them.
And they don't, they're not like cage farm because it's illegal to cage farm chickens in
the US, but they're not, they're free range, but they're not like outside free range.
They live like in a big, but they've got room to walk about and everything else.

(31:19):
Those are rooms you can have run about, but they don't.
They just, because they're so heavy, they're kind of the far-jake and they just sort of
sit about.
But it was really fucking depressing to be quite honest watching that.
It was really depressing.
But that said, it's quite interesting.
It's worth a watch, I'd recommend it.

(31:41):
But the fact that they won't eat haggis and the other, like, maybe I'm going to America
next weekend.
And every time I go to America, I come back feeling like wretched because, I mean, even in a fairly
cosmopolitan place like New York City, which is where I usually go when I have to go there
for work, it's really hard to find like reasonably sort of clean food.

(32:02):
I basically, I basically lived off Preta Monje last time I was there.
Yeah.
Because otherwise it's, you know what I mean?
It's just, just, shite, like utter shite, like sugar filled, additive E number MSG filled,
take barely food.
Yeah, I've seen, I've never seen something on Reddit a few months ago about some,

(32:22):
post from some Americans complaining like, but British food is so bland.
Like, well, it's not.
We just, we just a bit, hundreds of salt and sugar in it that used to.
Yeah.
This is so much stuff in American food is, is banned in Europe effectively.
For food.
For good reason.

(32:43):
Yeah.
For a very good reason.
So I don't agree with that.
But yeah, yeah, I would agree with you.
In terms of eating in the States can be difficult because it's just all fast food and, yeah,
there's not a good, good food.
It's grim.
So yeah, I think when I'm there next week, it will be Preta Monje and Chipotle.

(33:04):
Chipotle is like, that's one of their seven points is the only use kind of clean food and
you can eat fairly, reasonably healthily there if you just stick to rice balls and stuff.
That'll be it.
But Poodie and he tried to make an effort by passing off Black Poodie and his haggis,
but obviously didn't work.
Which is a shame, but filled with a lot of English people that came along, but not a, not

(33:26):
a, not a Scottish guest.
Well, no, I mean, I definitely wouldn't be filled by that.
No.
And I guess any self-respecting Scott wouldn't be filled either.
No, definitely not.
Definitely not.
Definitely not.
Yeah.
I mean, it sounds a bit, when he described the, what's it called?
The corner, Kilti, Black Poodie and it does sound a bit heart-burny, doesn't it?

(33:47):
Sounds a bit heart-burny, so it's beef, oats, onions and beef blood.
Yeah.
Sounds lovely.
Does sound lovely, but I feel like I would be, I would enjoy it in the moment and then it
would be like a few hours of regret after.
Anyway, that's Poodle's, Ian Stretch in Ireland.
I hope for the, hopefully a local butcher can give my dig out next year with some proper

(34:09):
fresh haggis.
I mean, it's a bit of a shame that he was having to get 10 haggis.
10 haggis is so K and a pinch, but yes.
No substitute for a good fresh haggis in the butcher.
Not at all, definitely not.
Anyway, that was Odie in there in the, cork, which your next story this week?
My next story comes from the Scottish Sun this week, Rick, and the headline is, A Star

(34:32):
Fizz Born.
A fun-loving dad who dresses as a character called Iron Brewman now hopes to become a popstar.
Stephen Riley, 39, is obsessed with the fizzy drink and dreamt up this unusual superhero
alter ego.
Now he's recorded a couple of songs about his love for the orange stuff and is hoping

(34:54):
to bring some fizz to the charts.
Stephen says, "It shows how dedicated I am.
I am Bruce the love of my life."
He's married with kids, but yeah, Bruce the love of his life.
It's probably not the start of a new career, but it's a different way for me to make people
laugh.
He's there with me.
All right, me.
For being out weirdo who rings about what his pants and his heat.

(35:18):
ScotRail worker Stephen from Dundee, glocks about 100 cans of his beloved fizz every month.
100, it's like three.
Two minutes.
Three cans a day.
Two minutes.
Yeah.
He's created an arsenal of weapons from the empty cans, including a shield, gun and sword.
And he's won a huge army of fans throughout his antics in his homemade bright orange uniform.

(35:44):
They often approach him at work in the city's railway station, but he protects his secret
identity.
By claiming he has no idea what they're talking about.
Stephen reckons he can't really hold a note, but it's determined not to let that stand
in the way of him making music.
After recording some song on his TikTok page, he decided to enlist technology to create
some songs.

(36:04):
Stephen said, "I can't think save my life, but I've found an app where I can add my own music
to my words with a help by AI."
That means my voice doesn't scare anyone away.
I've made some proper silly songs.
Stephen's first two songs are called "Somehow I am Iron Blue man" and "Oh oh oh, Iron
Blue."

(36:25):
They're now available in every music platform, including Spotify and Apple.
His son, Grayson 7, is a fan, but his daughter, Maya 11, is not so sure.
Stephen said, "She says that it's a new way for me to embarrass her in public if we overhear
it being played.
All I hope is that the songs make someone laugh or smile and forget about any bad stuff

(36:48):
they're going through, even if it's just for a few seconds."
Stephen's dream would be to get some recognition from bars who make Iron Blue.
Despite his profile on social media, they refused to even follow him back online.
He said, "I'd love for them to recognise me at the very least, but I've never had any feedback
from them."
And that's the end of the article.

(37:08):
I'm very sad.
And, um, Stephen, he's dressed up as a full woman as I am Blue man.
I should really share that with you actually.
Perhaps actually.
I can't really fair play to him.
Fair play.
I'm doing these things.
He's just trying to make life a little bit lighter in embarrassing his kids and just, you know,

(37:31):
becoming a pop star, making some songs.
Yeah, I did do.
He loves this drink so much.
A hundred cans a day though.
That's a bit much, isn't it?
That's too many.
I mean, that's too many.
He'll end up like one of those broiler chickens.
So, he's not careful.
Yeah, I mean, that's a little bit obsessive or excessive, I would say.

(37:52):
A hundred cans.
I mean, that's funny.
There are people, I know.
I'm related to some people in Glasgow that drink a lot of I am Blue.
Do you know what I mean?
I've worked with people who basically drink it when they're thirsty.
You know, like if you and I were thirsty, maybe they'd have a glass of water out of the
mansion.
But they drink it.

(38:12):
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
Do I have to go or a cup of tea?
Yeah, don't get me wrong.
I like an I am Blue.
But, um, once in a while, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
But I took my hat off to him, you know what I mean?
There's no reason why one of these songs shouldn't capture the imagination.
There's plenty of people who have put out their own music and it's been successful.
You know who can't sing and have enjoyed quite a long career.

(38:35):
You know what I'm saying?
If you were to release a record, a record, a record about someone's Scottish, what would
you record it about?
Well, there's this really good podcast that's all about Scottish news.
Media and pop culture.
So, I'd probably do a song about that.
Do you do a culture, a song?
I say, "Tit, your daughter is an musician.
You should get her in her band to record as a fucking jingle or a song."

(38:57):
I know, I should.
We did find something in the bagpipes though.
That's a thing.
Somebody to put a bit of scurril on it.
But yeah, no, we definitely should.
No, I took my hat off to Iron Blue, man.
I mean, he's committed.
He's committed.
I felt was advising him, I would maybe say, drop your intake a little bit.
It's not doing any good.
Yeah.
It is, at some point, you have to put a bit of discipline in your life, right?

(39:20):
And it's not helping you.
Yeah, I mean, I like a can now and again, but like, that's over three cans a day.
That's excessive, surely.
I mean, just think of what it does to your teeth later on.
The rest of you, you know?
Your wife would be giving you hell after that for not brushing your teeth for two and a
half minutes.
Somehow, if you'd been, I know.
I wouldn't say that.
I'm just not my wife.

(39:41):
It's my fucking judgemental toothbrush.
Let's go, "Skulls at me with its little digital face if I don't brush my teeth for a long
enough."
I never mind.
Well, best I like to do, and I hope he does well and I hope he gets in the pop charts.
You're going to listen to those songs on Spotify?
Yeah, I mean, I'm not.
I don't have a Spotify account, and my daughter does.

(40:03):
So maybe I'll, maybe I'll borrow her phone and back then she'll, I don't want to look
at my daughter's phone.
I think she's logged in to Spotify account on her Apple TV, so I'll have a wee look
on there as well, then.
Okay, well, if you look him up, as I say, the songs, I don't know if it gives his username,
just says that is available on every music platform.

(40:26):
Somehow I am Ironburyman, and oh, oh, Ironbury, I want to listen to that, actually.
Yeah.
But bars are probably, have it connected with them because they're probably wondering whether
it's worth suing them or not.
Good luck, Steven.
I hope your pop career takes off on YouTube, well, okay, we've seen anything else this week,

(40:47):
right?
Nope, that's all the news that was fit to talk about.
The only thing I, it wasn't a new story, it was something I read on Reddit today, which
made me chuckle, and it was a straight on Reddit, Scotland, asking if anyone knew a real
life begby.
And there were a few stories, which I would urge you to read this, read it again, some of

(41:08):
them are hilarious.
But one user said, I wish DC Thompson would do an adult version of who or what they cross
with begby called Urbegby, and his friends, Junky Bob, Weedeck, and Soapy Rentboy Souter.
That has got legs for days.

(41:33):
Someone's responded with, "Well, he's more as bracker fronted."
He drank the buck fast and got hunted.
I know that I mentioned it at the podcast before, but nothing has made me laugh as much as
the little two-liner at the top of the, one of the first stories in the 1986, where Willie

(41:55):
and you'll, where he's got hold of like an oil can in the, the two lines are, a wee squirt
here, a wee squirt there, who are Willie's squirt in everywhere.
Honestly, I was crying with that when I was like eight years old, because obviously when
you're eight, you're thinking that he's peeing, it sounds like he's peeing everywhere.
But then the jokes are refreshes itself when you're older, and you're there in about like

(42:20):
sex, the masturbation and stuff like that.
And then it's just, it's funny for an entirely different reason.
Oh, wonderful.
Yes, should make up.
Well, that's thing, they made still gaming to, I can't comment big.
Yeah, they should do a, a vest-urbally crossover, and that'd be fucking brilliant.
This has done, this has done the broons before.

(42:42):
Oh, yeah, they have.
Yeah, they have.
I don't know if they've done to or Willie, but they've sent up the broons, and I remember
it being quite funny.
I can't remember laughing at it certainly, but I can't remember what the, what the story
was.
I think I took a picture of it and shared it in our group years ago.
Yeah, I think you did.
They were years and years ago.
I suppose the other of them quite exciting use this week, you know, it was very, very, very

(43:04):
early days, but was Robert Carlyleau talking about the blade artist on BB on British
Blade Morning programme this morning to Cat D'Elay and Dermot.
That sounds really promising, right?
Six hour episodes?
Six hours of Bigby.
Yeah.
I mean, but not Bigby, like people with no main train spotting, but six hours of the, the

(43:25):
later, literally, literally, a version of Bigby when he's, so turning his life around.
I can only presume it'll start moving once series three or crime has run.
I don't even think that started filming yet because I haven't seen anything on the socials
because normally I do, because obviously I follow Joanna van der Ham like a hot.

(43:47):
And so that sounds really bad.
I don't, but I follow.
I follow.
But yeah, I'd imagine that we'd start filming soon, probably come out probably next year.
And then I would think that the blade artist we'd follow on from that, because then imagine
Irvin will be busy.
Yeah.
And then he's got a new bit coming out later this year as well.

(44:09):
So we busy with all of that.
The train spot in Jason's.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I'd imagine it might take another year or so, but yeah, I can't wait to see the blade
artist come to life.
So we think that series three or crime is going to be resolution.
Yeah, it will be.
I imagine it will follow the book very closely.
Yeah.

(44:30):
Because series two pretty much followed the long knives quite closely.
Dead actually.
Apart from the ending, I thought the ending was going to be the ending of the book was a
bit more exciting.
I thought at the end of the program, but yeah, let's see.
I'll probably have to read it again because I usually, I've read most of Irvin
Mill, she's books like a few times.

(44:52):
Really want to have not read more than once.
The only two have not read more than once rather were secrets of the master's chefs and
if you like school, you'll love work.
But maybe I should go back and read them again because it's been a long time.
What about, what's it called?
Sex Lives The Sonny Meas Twins?
Is that the...
Do you know what?
I've never read that one.
I just did fancy.
Yeah, I just did fancy it.

(45:13):
It's all right, actually.
It's all right.
Yeah.
It's good.
There's no...
Or is there characters?
I've only read it once, but I enjoyed it.
It's good.
I'd recommend it.
I'd recommend it.
It's very Irvin Balsch, but it's not Irvin Balsch.
It's a little bit of a departure, but it is good.
I would recommend it.
I find it about when he's writing from a woman's perspective.

(45:35):
I don't know what it is.
There's something...
I don't know.
There's something that doesn't...
It doesn't always feel particularly authentic.
You know, I always thought the sort of weakest chapters in porn or
were the chapters with the Nicky, the student that's going to
with Sick Boy and stuff.
You know, I don't know.
I think maybe that's why I was about...

(45:57):
I don't know if I want to read him sort of, because I think the characters are both women,
right?
So he's writing from a woman's perspective for that whole book.
I don't know if I can handle that, but based on your recommendation, I'll give it a go.
I remember enjoying it.
Maybe it was just because it was Irvin Balsch that I enjoyed it.
Yeah.
I haven't revisited it, but I might do.

(46:20):
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Any other...
Yeah.
Do you use this week?
No.
That's it for me.
Okay.
Right.
Before we go on to what we're going to be talking about today, let's have a little word
from our sponsor.
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(46:44):
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A perfect answer, drop the gold and ready to win.

(47:04):
Go for tenets.
It's waiting down for you.
Okay.
So they've had my last episode available.
Whatever you get your podcast still, it was my choice and I chose the Nightmare Man,
the BBC 1981 Signs Fiction Horror Show.
That means that it's your pick this week.
Okay.

(47:25):
So why don't you introduce this week's movie?
Thank you very much, Greg.
So today we are going to be discussing the 1985 film written and directed by Carrie Parker,
The Girl in the Picture.
A romantic comedy starring John Gordon Sinclair, Dave McCoy,
Arena Brook, Greg Fisher and Paul Young amongst a host of other Scottish talent.

(47:47):
Alan and Mary are pretty miserable together and split up.
As a very presentable glass-weating photographer, Alan soon has chances to find some female
attention elsewhere.
But more and more, thanks about Mary.
She saw however, seems a lot less keen to try again.
Meanwhile, his assistant Ken is smitten by a girl he only knows through her photograph.

(48:07):
So Greg, you mentioned on the last episode you had not seen the girl in the picture before.
So what did you think about the film on your first viewing?
Or how'd you see it before and not remembered?
I've never seen it.
My take on this film is you change the name from Alan of Alan to Gregory.

(48:28):
Yes.
And you got to see what a Gregory's girl.
Because thank you.
Yes.
Basically, an Albert name, a Bill for South picture.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, it's Bill for South without Bill for South.
It's Diet Bill for South.
I almost wonder because the director, Carrie, Carrie, Carrie, Carrie, Carrie, Carrie, Carrie,

(48:50):
Carrie Parker, it's this only credit, only writing credit, only directing credit.
I did read something online that someone said, I am convinced this is Bill for South under
a pseudonym.
Yeah.
This is like a fun project and it could be because it is just so, it's Diet Bill for South.
Yeah, for sure.
I mean, I think the most remarkable thing about this film is John Gordon's, there's hair.

(49:12):
You know what I mean?
It's honestly, it's like a fucking Davey Crockett hat.
Yeah, I mean, it's, you know, it was an interesting film to watch.
I, I, what it likes about it was the fact that it's could entirely filmed on location
in Glasgow in 1985.
So it did bring back some memories, you know, like I've spoken the podcast before, but I mean,

(49:36):
the Glasgow that I remember in the 80s, it sort of went from being when I was young quite
sort of intimidating place to as we kind of got closer to the 1990s, really modernising
and sort of giving up to become the European City of Culture and everything else.
So I enjoyed all that.
I enjoyed some of the characters, but my problem with the, with the, with the film, really,

(49:57):
and I think the thing that kind of ruins it a bit for me is, I don't really know what
we understand.
Like, Alan is a bit of a prick, do you know what I mean?
And the whole journey that he goes on, he's not really any less of a prick by the end,
you know what I mean?
I mean, I don't really get, I don't really understand why he, it's just, it's not really
clear why him and Mary break up in the first place, other than the fact that he's feeling

(50:21):
miserable when he obviously wants, it's sort of unsaid, but he kind of wants to sow his
oats a little bit, right, which he does once and, and sort of follows about a girl that
sort of turns out to be a prostitute.
So the only reason he turns her down, it seems, and that seems as because he finds out she's
a prostitute and then he's back in love with Mary and all this sort of stuff.

(50:43):
And she goes back to him and I'm like, but why?
He's not like, usually a character will go on a sort of journey of self-discovery and,
you know, if they've started off like a bit unpleasant or a bit flawed in the beginning,
the journey is then working on those flaws and ultimately they come in a better person
and then you can understand why Mary went back, goes back with them.

(51:04):
But there's no reason why other than the fact that he's sort of stalks her for a while,
you know, and hattles and rings her up and comes round and, you know, and kind of tells
the way love's her and puts her in a difficult position before she puts it in an exam, you
know?
So, you know, I, I, I, I've always enjoyed watching a Scottish film and I always find something

(51:24):
I enjoy about it.
And I didn't, I didn't like a lot of the elements of this film.
I really did.
I really liked Dave McCoy's character.
I like Paul Young's character, you know, he's, he's a sort of forcythean eccentric character
in it.
I thought Irina Brooke was really good.
I like Gregor Fisher, like that little subplot of him and Caroline, and Caroline Guthrey

(51:45):
planning their wedding and everything, I liked all that.
But I really struggled with why we should be written for Alan at all.
I would agree with you in that.
Like, that's the, the thing I feel a bit as film as well.
Like, I really enjoyed it, but it doesn't seem to address the problems that Alan and Mary
had.
Um, I, I think it was just a case of, and you said, like, Alan's wanting to share about it.

(52:08):
I don't think that's even the case.
Like he, he does as soon as this part of he does because he's, he's needing to find something
and want something.
But I, and as soon as he's had it, he realizes that's not what he wants.
Yeah.
He wants me to back.
He's just a case that they just, they got bored with each other and just, I think the monotony
crept in.
And that's what I originally thought.

(52:30):
However, I don't think that's the case because Mary is trying, you know, the first scene
we see her, she's saying to him, like, we're going out, they invited us round.
He's not interested.
So I, I don't know, I, you know, it just, doesn't want to go out.
And I think it's just, they've got into this kind of rhythm and monotony and just, there's

(52:52):
no spark anymore.
And they couldn't be bothered.
And that's why she left him.
And I mean, he says it to her at the end, like, we only happy people.
I know her idiots.
I don't want to be happy.
I want to be miserable with you.
They were kind of miserable together.
But I totally agree.
Alan's a bit of a dick.
And I agree with you that, in a film like this, you want to see him go on a journey and become

(53:12):
a better man and realize that, you know what?
You complete me.
I miss you.
But no, he's like, you know, I don't want to be happy.
I won't be miserable with you.
Yeah.
And then we just come back and let's just be miserable together.
So we're just going to continue what happens.
I mean, she only comes back because she's lost her fucking bedroom.
It seems like, yeah, she loses the room that she's renting in the place that she was

(53:32):
hooked to.
Well, do you think that's a case where I wonder if she said that just to give an excuse
from moving back in?
I wasn't sure about that, but that could be true.
I guess it is a little bit unclear.
But you're right.
There's a lot I like about this film.
You're right.
But that just left a little bit of a weird thing.
Yeah, answer dick.
Like, Mary's lovely.
I'll get this out of the way.

(53:55):
She's, oh, God, she, oh, one of my dream girls.
She's so beautiful.
And she's so cool and just effortless and so lovely.
But he's just a cock to her.
Yeah.
Just an absolutely dick.
And he's, again, he's unhappy.
And he's trying to think of a way to break up with her and rehearsing it so many times.

(54:16):
And, you know, thankfully, she's decided she's had enough to leave.
And then he's miserable for the rest of the film.
Yeah.
And John Gordonson, usually I really like John Gordonson clear.
But then this is, you know, they've said it before.
It's basically just being Gregory.
And that's seen where she comes home and tells him that she's leaving.

(54:39):
And he's about to, he's kind of rehearsing telling her that he wants her to move out.
But she goes in to pick a cup of tea first.
And he starts like doing some real Gregory things, you know, he sort of hides from him and
kind of peeks out and stuff like that.
And I'm like, yeah, I don't really get it.
You know, I mean, I don't, why would you, I mean, this is like your bread and butter, you
know, but you could bring a bit more to it than just playing a slightly more grown-up version

(55:03):
of Gregory from Gregory's girl.
But that's exactly what I've got in my notes.
Like, I feel this is a sequel to Gregory's girl.
And his life's cool, move to the city, find this girl, become a photographer.
He's still useless around women and not sure what to do.
He has an incredible girlfriend, but it doesn't appreciate her and, and yeah, he's still
just awkward and almost expected one point from to get Premier Le Chis and make a sandwich

(55:30):
out of it.
And there's little touches there.
I do wonder if the, the writer and director had obviously seen him and Gregory's girl and
cast him on the back of it.
Yeah, just, just do that.
Do Gregory.
I feel, I mean, I will take this film over Gregory's two girls, as a sequel, but I mean,
it's just a little bit, it's just, it, I mean, if, if nothing else, it's more coherent.

(55:52):
Gregory's, it goes, oh, yeah.
There's no torture computers.
And at the end of the day, this film, like, it is funny.
I laughed in a few places.
It's kind of romantic and it's entertaining, but there are some life-out-lied moments not
coming from John Gordon's in clear-up.
I does have a heart to it and what I like about it is, but it's also a dislike in terms of

(56:16):
the, the way they, there are some well-rounded characters, however, there are not some well-rounded
characters, which I will come back to, but it does just feel like a Bill Forsyth tribute
act.
Yeah.
But, but it lacks the, the surrealism and humor that Forsyth brings to his movies.
And I do think that this movie has a little bit of heart in it, but it's just lacking that

(56:38):
Bill Forsyth magic.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, the biggest problem is that Alan is impossible to root for.
And, you know, and it's kind of unbelievable that he wouldn't try and make that relationship
work because he is massively punching, you know what I mean?
You know, like, you know, we're sort of expected to believe in the parts that John Gordon's

(57:03):
in clear is most famous for, that these women must have, they're like, they're growing
the fantasies of an Gregory's girl.
What's her name from the commitment's fantasies of an, in Gregory's two girls, you know, like
this beautiful, I mean, she's not playing a French character, but a, arena is a French actress

(57:24):
that she is in love with them and all that and they're just like, but he's a, you know what
I mean, he's, he looks like John Gordon's in clear.
He's not conventionally handsome.
Look at that ridiculous haircut that he brings from Gregory's girl to this film, you know
what they, his hair hasn't changed.
I saw a picture of him with Clea Grogan when I was just checking his IMDB earlier on to

(57:47):
see what he's been up to recently.
And then this exactly that same huge 80s sort of David Crockett hat haircut, you know, he's
got his, he's got his Pringle jumper tucked in his trousers and all this, and I'm just like,
why?
Okay, if he was charming, you could sort of understand in this, but he's not charming.
He's a prick.

(58:08):
Yeah, he is.
He's a complete prick in the film, but and it's, it's difficult to, to warm to a central
character that effectively are meant to be rooting for you.
You know, you're meant to be happy that he gets his photograph published.
You're meant to be happy that he gets with the girl in the end.
But at the end of day, you're just like, what the fuck are you doing?
I know.

(58:28):
Little things like he's trying to get made me back.
He is trying everything as you say, like almost stalking, and he calls her and then puts the
phone down to follow Simone LeBee, been okay.
He's not to know because the first few occasions before that she hasn't wanted to talk to him,
but she seems really excited to come to the phone and think, okay, we're going to make

(58:48):
him ends now.
And he's off.
And, you know, she puts the phone down.
Oh, she's wrapped in that terror.
I think the voice was wrapped in the towel, you know.
Bizarre character choice, I would say, in terms of your Hebrew, because he's not a Hebrew
at all.
And exactly as you said, he's a bit of a dick.
Yeah.
And, but do you think he's just a bit lost?

(59:11):
Like, he's miserable with Mary, but then since he loses her, he's even more miserable.
And he just wants to be less miserable with her?
Hmm, I don't know.
It's not really clear to your point, you know what I mean?
You don't really understand why they get back together at the end, you know?
They don't, you know, she, I mean, to be fair, she doesn't really, you know, what journey does

(59:32):
her character go on?
She goes out for a day with a, with a, with a collector from university.
There's a bit of a, there's a bit of a, about a bit of a sleazy guy, because we see him on
the phone, basically, I should be, I shouldn't get somebody to cover for him with his wife to
say that he's staying there because he's hoping to go home and, we go, he's hoping to go home

(59:53):
with Mary, you know, so they, well, you know, what, what sort of self-discovery does she
may, you know, what, we suddenly should discover, actually she loves Alan.
Well, this is my biggest issue with the film to be perfectly honest, right?
It has this charm and it's, it's lighthearted and stuff, but, and yes, the majority of the film
is kind of interactions with characters and, and they build up characters, which I think

(01:00:16):
is great.
Like Paul Young, Smiley, for example, yeah, he could have been a one-dimensional character
as the boss and just, you know, he's, he's, he's smiley as the boss.
We know he has a wife and child who he loves, dearly, because he says, I love you on the phone,
and he's so happy to see his daughter.
You know that he has issues with his plans, but he takes care of them.

(01:00:36):
He takes great pride in his window displays because he's often in the window.
He's invested in the love life of his staff because he's often talking to Alan about
what he should do with Mary and taking manky, and making copies of manky pictures for himself
as well, apparently.
And taking copies of manky pictures.

(01:00:56):
He gives advice.
He's also a bit tight because he keeps expired film in the freezer to, to keep it lasting longer.
I'm not happy.
Too selfish.
You're not happy.
Too presumptuous.
We are not happy.
Why don't you just tell her the truth?
Can't do that, aren't?
What would I say?
Tell her the truth.
Tell her the truth, I say.

(01:01:18):
Tell her the truth.
Too blunt.
She had a winter hotline.
And anyway, it's not over.
It's just... changed.
How about we both need more freedom to grow?
No.
Space to grow.
No.
We need the opportunity to maximize our potential as individuals.
Why can't you just tell her to move out?

(01:01:39):
Why not?
Because I feel like I'm real bastard.
We are a real bastard.
And she's a very nice girl.
Why don't you want her to move out anyway?
I've changed.
She's changed.
Just one of those things that happened.
People changed.
I mean, it was fine while it lasted, but it's over.
I know all about that of Smiley.
However, Mary, I know fuck all about.

(01:02:02):
I know nothing about...
So this film does not do a good job of building up female characters, which you could say is also a bit of a bill for size.
Kind of trope, because...
Yes, it does.
Because Gregory is going to...
Actually, that's... that's putting a bit back.
Because Gregory is going to do...
He does build up the female characters.

(01:02:24):
However, Mary, I want to know more about Mary.
Not just because of the obvious, but I do want to know more about her story.
I want to know more about the backstory.
I want to know what the fuck is she doing with Alan?
But we don't even know what she's studying at university.
Yeah, no, well, she has a draft table.
I think it's meant to be like some sort of architecture.
Right.

(01:02:45):
I think, okay.
Right, this is never explained, right?
I think that's mentioned at one point something about that, and then she has like a draft table in the lines there.
But yeah, they're not allowed to take any real dimension, the female characters, except just like a symbol of the void in Alan's life.
Yeah.
And he needs that to feel complete, but otherwise...

(01:03:07):
Yeah, she's a pointless character.
I don't like that element of the film, but the female characters are not gone into the not explored.
It's just the male characters that are male focal point, and we know everything about them, but yeah, everything else is just gone.
I mean, even Sheila and Fiona, the twins who helped Mary move out, and they're quite fun characters, but we don't, you know,

(01:03:34):
this is kind of one joke, which is a fairly typical joke about identical twins, which the father and Wendy, all the way, who play Sheila and Fiona are identical twins.
So it's a kind of predictable joke there of Alan kind of mixing them up all the time.
But, you know, they're quite fun characters, and they're just sort of a layer for a bit of comic relief.
There's no more to it, and it's, you know, it feels to me like Carrie Parker.

(01:03:59):
He tries to use a bit of symbolism, I think, especially with Smiley, and the sort of symbolism is the plan that he starts to grow when Alan and Mary break up.
And of course, he's not a very effective horticulturalist, so the last shot of the plan that we see is just a sort of surviving leaves sitting in like a glass of water, you know, so that this plan has died.

(01:04:24):
And so I'm like, well, that's kind of weird because is it sort of symbolizing the end of their estrangement? You know what I mean?
Because if you wanted to really put some good symbolism and like that, you would maybe have that, but then you would have the last shot of the plan that you would see would be it kind of blossoming as the characters reconnect and get back together.

(01:04:46):
So I just, I don't really know, if the plan just exists to show more depth to Paul Young's character of Smiley, then fine, I can get him, I can get him bored with it.
But because the way that he shoots it and he the way he puts it in the story of, you know, Smiley struggling to try and make this plan thrive, in the way that that last shot shows the leaves sitting in the glass, I just say, well, it might be not intellectual enough to understand what you're trying to symbolize here.

(01:05:15):
Or it's just a misfire because, you know, the rest of the film isn't particularly sort of, it's not, you wouldn't say it's a deep film.
And they cannot wait. It's a fairly one of the male romantic comedy. We just maybe not as well executed as other romantic comedies.
But it doesn't really surprise me that he didn't get another sort of shot at doing a movie.

(01:05:36):
The one thing I will say for him is there are some really good shots in the film that he makes the West End the Glasgow the Corson.
Wish the West End the Glasgow was. But there's a really great shot when Gordon Sinclair's where Alan, rather, is standing on the banks of the Clydes with the, the cranes in the kind of background.

(01:05:57):
And then it sort of, it kind of fades to a photograph of this exact same shot that Alan's characters taken, but obviously he's not in it.
And I thought that was, that was cool, you know, quite arty. And it did maybe wonder if maybe Carrie Parker's background is photography because he's written this story where his hero is a photographer.
I'd be like David Wilkshire who wrote the nightmare man who was a dentist and his hero's a dentist. And, you know, some of the shots in the film are very, very good.

(01:06:25):
Oh, I agree with that. I think there are some shots that are very good. And I've never seen the West End of Glasgow look so beautiful in a film like he makes it look absolutely beautiful.
It looks like a pretty affluent kind of modern city, which is strange for 1985 Glasgow. But even when he goes to the shipyards, that was, they're bringing about the time like the close and the yards were, isn't done.

(01:06:48):
But it makes it look like it's still thriving. And hey, I will say that he makes it be beautiful whenever Mary's right and around her bike or wherever they meet somewhere, it looks just it's always sunny.
It's beautiful. It looks like such. It looks like nothing hell in the city.
That's it. You know what I mean? Like it kind of reminded me of that.

(01:07:09):
He does an incredible job of that. I think he also adds in to go back to your earlier point in terms of Smiley and the plant is there's a lot of kind of again, a bill for sight thing kind of recurring jokes that appear throughout the film like but are never explained, which is a good bill for sight trope like Alan always having a star and switch off his car by the ball.

(01:07:34):
Yeah, great. We get it. You don't need to it's funny. You don't need to go into it, bill for sight, ask Smiley and his plants can be in love with a girl in the photograph like in having a recurring thing that it's always girls and pictures, which I guess where the title comes from, that he always wants to, you know, fall in love with these girls Mary always cycling past smile please and just and then he's always in random things.

(01:08:01):
When they have the child picture offer and there's all these kids in the waiting room that just reminding me a little bit of Greg is girl but the parents are there. But then the one that really maybe laugh was the child organist which when Bill and Annie Gregor Fisher and Caroline Gusfrey are rehearsing their vows and it's the this little child doing the organ for them.

(01:08:25):
And that is very bill for sight in terms of having that like that's really shoehorned in there. Yeah, definitely and the thing is to be fair like those moments are some of the best moments in the film, you know, they the kind of music teacher.
You can get the feeling that she's going away in a bit of a half because she's annoyed at the girl when they just start playing like some sort of rock and roll kind of refrain on the organ.

(01:08:51):
I wrote down is she playing boogie boogie something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I mean that that is the nice moment and of course the scenes with Ricky Fulton as the minister.
I mean Ricky Fulton is one of those guys, you know how sometimes there's people who have made careers in comedy and you only have to look at them and you smile.

(01:09:15):
You know what I mean it's just you know he's because I because when I saw him come out as the minister I thought he's just going to do his Reverend Diane Jolly but he doesn't you know they keep place that he actually plays this really well sort of realized.
The first character of a minister who is you know they so so focused on trying to be progressive that it's quite surprised when Gregor Fisher and Caroline Gutheys characters just ask for a traditional traditional wedding service.

(01:09:45):
He's reading it out and he's like oh, you know, like he's quite impressed by it.
And when he's standing outside the bathroom listening to Gregor Fisher drunkenly sing all things, he's writing beautiful and stuff you know he's just he's not really he's not really doing anything just but apart from reacting to this disembodied voice which is incredibly funny.

(01:10:08):
And again, like he's another character that I would love to have seen a bit more of because you know he sort of steals the show and those one or two scenes that he's in.
It has to lead Greg to I don't want to come back to this conspiracy theory that I read online but if you look at the cast list of this film, yeah.
How could an American one time director who is directed and written one film get or even know to cast I mean unless he had a wonderful casting agent.

(01:10:39):
Yeah, but to cast Gregor Fisher Jonathan Watson, Ricky Fulton, Paul Young, John Gordon Sinclair.
And I think all people that are well known and have been in Bill Forsyth films.
Yeah, Colin Guthrie as well.
Yeah.
How would you and to set it so beautifully into make West and a Glasgow looks so beautiful.

(01:11:02):
I'm bleeding into this conspiracy that this is a bill for site film.
This is bill for sites under a pseudonym like it's it's too much of a coincidence or Bill Forsyth had a hand in this in some way.
It has to be really thick as he as he is he revised the script or something.
I was going to look to see what Bill Forsyth was doing in 1985.

(01:11:24):
Is this when he went to Canada to make a couple of films or was that least or or he's directed it and thought, this is not up to my best.
I'll put it under a different name but I don't know but there's too many things that are just two just two bill for sites.
So the last film before this movie that Bill Forsyth released was Comfort and Joy in 1984 which also stars Ricky Fulton.

(01:11:50):
And then the next film that the next film and his filmography after this is the Canadian film housekeeping that he made in 1987.
So there is there's like a three-year gap when he's not been making movies for whatever reason.
And like you know so he does that Sinclair in 1979.
And then Gregor E. is going to a year after in 1980. He does a TV film called Andrina 1981.

(01:12:13):
He does local hero two years later which isn't that long in movie time because it could probably take two years.
It was quite an ambitious sort of shoot up there in Penin and getting burnt Lancaster involved.
So you can maybe I've taken two years to get a pill together.
And then Comfort and Joy one year after local hero which is not as ambitious a shoot.

(01:12:34):
He's sitting in Glasgow and you know probably a bit more straightforward there's no big Hollywood names in it.
And then these two movies in Canada the Robin Williams movie being human and then Gregor E. is two girls.
And that's it that's all she wrote.
So it's plausible.
It's just it's just it's too much like a bill for site film.
But maybe maybe it doesn't have a hundred percent of the charm in some of the the electricity of his other films.

(01:13:01):
You know just to keep it off the radar a wee bit but it feels in a waterways like classic for site.
So to I mean we've talking about we're kind of going all over the place as we always do but talk about the film that is effectively a film by Alan
who is photographer breaks up with his girlfriend then spends the rest of the film trying to get back with her and they get back towards the end.

(01:13:23):
He is accompanied by a cast of characters including Dave MacI as Ken who is fantastic as Ken.
His first film role I think he been in two episodes of a TV show and it does say introducing Dave MacI.
Yeah.
He and John Gondon's and Claire together are fucking brilliant.

(01:13:45):
And I not only do they bounce off each other so comically well but the height difference makes it.
He's more comical when they're standing next to each other it's just it's so funny.
Yeah he is I do like him I mean there's a bit of a problematic ending for him when he hooks up with a braids made Susanna because she does look a bit 14.

(01:14:07):
Yes she does yes you know and he's in a dark room with her and all that.
But yeah they gets kind of a lot of things I've seen a wee bit more of him because when he really get to see him in the in the in the shop
the photography shop and in the pub and then at the wedding I suppose toward the end but the very first scene when him and Alan are shooting the engagement photographs for Gregor St. Claire and Caroline Guthrie.

(01:14:34):
They can be back and forth there when they're talking about Dave MacI's hat and how he doesn't get cold because he keeps his head warm and everything.
He's like me and socks and all that kind of thing.
That was quite funny and I can't afford all right I'm going to enjoy this.
You know I thought this will be this is set me up nicely for this film and then of course we get this Jurey break up like the line of a relationship story line and all that sort of stuff.

(01:14:59):
There's an early scene where they're opening up the shop and smiley knocks in the dark room door and the phone's ringing and Ken comes out looking a little bit disheveled and puts a photograph back in the pile and answers the phone.
Was he having a wink in the dark room?
Yeah that's what I thought.

(01:15:21):
I thought it was definitely having a wink because it is the girl that the girl here is or Carol who's assessing over.
Yeah that's what I thought it was alluding to very subtly that he was having a wink but I just wanted to double check it wasn't just my mind thinking that.
Yeah it definitely seemed like I think that's the impression we were supposed to get.
The other bit in the film that I that I like I thought was quite well done was when Alan picks up Stephanie the lady that he meets the photographer studio and she's stoned and he thinks that he throws the joint out of the car and he thinks what he thinks is if he's been comes and it's actually somebody in a way a fancy dress party.

(01:16:02):
I did like that.
That was pretty good. Yeah that may be a lot. And the thing I was thinking I was saying I would I know that actress from and our names.
I went down somewhere.
It's like something Joyce.
Can I remember her first name?
Joyce deans.
Joyce deans yeah.
But she was going to take the high road for years.
Yes.

(01:16:23):
And pretty much like all she's done was listen to the high road but I think she would take the high for a long time.
So I recognize her from there. But the scene they my favorite line in the film was I hope you find your knickers.
Well that leads me on before we go on to talk about Paul Young and Smiley.
That leads me to ask the question about the whole knickers thing.

(01:16:45):
So Mary comes back to the flat and you can kind of tell she's trying to maybe a p-zal and she's come back to collect the last of her stuff.
But the way she's saying like do you want my phone number?
And this whole thing you're kind of getting the sense she's still keen to be kind of things.
Yeah.
And then she finds Stephanie's photo and the knickers on the floor in the lounge.

(01:17:11):
And she storms off.
And but she's just said to him that she's stopped seeing Ron.
So she just admits she's been seeing someone else.
Yeah.
Because she says I'm not seeing him anymore. Does she have any right to be upset that Alan has seen someone else as well?
No I don't think so but you know like it doesn't she does kind of go a bit cold for that while but in the end they do reconcile.

(01:17:35):
And I think probably you know I mean if you were putting a sort of lens of realism on it you would say well you know you can understand there being a bit of a set regardless whether she has the right to be upset or not.
It's one thing but it is sort of realistic that she would be despite the fact that she's you know if they've lived together for a while when they've been close and everything else and then it's like bumping into the night.

(01:17:59):
I next got all friend with a boyfriend until you know even if you're one even if you're the one that's ended the relationship it's still a bit.
It's still makes you feel a bit weird right you know if it's not that long after so I kind of I sort of felt that was fair enough.
The fact the fact that she still wanted to get back with them when she saw the absolute fucking midden he'd made of the of the flat where they dirtyed their shoes and under floor and they cans of export and tenants behind the flat and all this kind of stuff.

(01:18:30):
I mean you thought that would have put it off.
That was a bit of a kind of stereotypical trope though she's left me to the flats are midden and I've kind of made it a mess with all these dirty plates and cans are longer around.
I thought that was a bit too much true best surely would be.
You can't account nice flab.
I mean that's a thing because you're supposed to start to get the impression that he's kind of gone pieces a little bit and he's maybe drinking a bit too much and he's all that but they can all the scenes ladies in when he's not in the flat.

(01:18:59):
The only scene that you see him in when it seems that he's maybe like maybe sort of caining it a bit is when he's in bed after spending the night with Stephanie you know when it's she come in the
maybe comes in he's he's they do it some breakfast it turns out it's six o'clock at night and it's been bed all day and you're sort of like well is it because he was absolutely smashing it on the cans were Stephanie or is it because he's been smoking a load of weed with Stephanie and he's feeling on over and whoopie or is it because he's been up to having sex all night and he's just exhausted you know what I mean it's like well that's the only time you get the feeling but in the rest of every other scene when you see him at the stag do is like a macular that he turned out with these little Pringle jumper tucked in.

(01:19:40):
He's big he's big eighties sort of one coat you know that you know when you see him when he's when he goes to the stag do and he's got he's got a certain time everything on you looks like as
presented by the zimmer so you know this this the sort of the the the the continuity perhaps could have been a little bit truer to what we're trying to convey.

(01:20:02):
To talk about the stag do gets in great invited to bill Gregor Fisher's stag do yeah Gregor Fisher fantastic in this absolutely amazing as bill the the groom of getting married to his beautiful bright
and he has some fantastic moments the scenes with the any in terms of the whole church registry office and then of course the stag do scenes were

(01:20:31):
occult in the scene in the dueler's when he's haggling over the the work of character though it's it's absolutely brilliant.
Or we could drop forever and the all and go for the small two any all my love for ever 40 points to any all my love 35 pounds or two

(01:20:52):
any love bill 30 pounds. Does that include the 80 notes that are well two any love bill that's 34 pounds 50 and do you take Vita of course.
But there's no feel that scene was about a place. I feel that's just a wish to have seen that scene before we saw them having the

(01:21:18):
possibly the engagement scene because it seems like he's having a change of lock it for another one to fit a message on yeah it does yeah because well he does say well I take it back to getting
graved and that's the you read it to her in the beginning of the film so I think that it does fit okay in my opinion.
The scene that he has with Alan debating the age of his wife will be in 20 years and asking if he would like to sleep with his mother.

(01:21:46):
It is probably my favorite scene. Yeah. Yeah. Very very very funny. Absolutely hilarious because he's he's still a bit drunk. Yeah like before as Jonathan Watson says I'll
well finish 15 minutes ago the stack party like the rest of the 45 white and or the homemade wine.

(01:22:07):
Home made wine yeah and that scene is just brilliant and it's not over the top rap scene as but it's it's wonderful drunk acting from Gregor Fisher because he's not
pished but it's kind of the it's the calm down of I'm still a bit boozy but I'm okay but yeah and he's just thinking about random thoughts and talking about it's the way he

(01:22:31):
asks Alan would you see my brother no need I would I. He's just he can't help thinking would it be like 15 20 years time can you.
She'll be 40. I'll be 50. You have been debate with a 40 year old woman. No. I don't know.

(01:22:56):
In 30 years time she'll be 50. I'll be 60. My mother's 50. You wouldn't go to bed with my mother would you? No. Now that would I.
Good.
He's such a fantastic comedy actor I think Gregor Fisher you know he's timing and everything is it's perfection and even the scene when they're in the pub having the stagdoo and they're making them drink the dirty

(01:23:28):
pint it really just took me back to my 21st birthday in the Brothel bar in Aberdeen and being presented with a dirty pint that I was that I was expected to
be in front of in front of my mother who had organized it in my sister's who were very young at the time. Yeah and it's such a horrible hangover the next day but yeah that that dirty

(01:23:54):
pint that they get had cremdement and all sorts of shit in it and the pint that the dirty pint I got I cremdement in it had
Bailey's in it had wagger in it you know what happens to Bailey's when it goes you know it becomes like cheese yeah yeah just really I've got a bit of a PTSD
when did you that see yeah but you know it was it does feel like I mean I did think to myself there's a reason why people don't have

(01:24:21):
stagdoo's in the night before the wedding in the 21st century. Well sure Martin clues me the movie about you know waking up in a
stagdard or something he wakes up naked in a fishing boat. Yes the night the morning of his wedding in the north of Scotland
and he has to get from the north of Scotland down to as opposed London to make it to his wedding on time. There is a TV

(01:24:44):
adaptations kind of a similar thing it's a two-part show called stag and I think it's a guy who ends up in Scotland and has to
make his way down I think I've got a funny feeling cause moves in it and I am clean official. I've thought about picking that for the
swallow a couple of times because it's kind of half set in Scotland half north but yeah but yeah I agree I did think that when she was

(01:25:11):
saying I mean first of all why the fuck is Alan invited the stagdoo but I also did think yeah that's that's risky having that the night before the
wedding that's not gonna end well. No and it almost doesn't you know that we see the seam of Annie when she can hear Bill
like Pukin and she sort of takes the bridge she takes the beef they were gonna buy the hands and you think oh is she

(01:25:34):
going is that her going but happily we see them a little bit later sort of going away in their honeymoon don't
maybe running out to the car and stuff and so it all works out well but yeah it's a really nice sub thought the whole
thing I thought yeah I thought it was a very good sub thought and obviously ties in well in terms of the photography
element of it and I love the again a bill for sight he and thing in terms of the the fact that photography studio has a

(01:26:02):
different promotion every week yeah yeah and I love the call that Dave McCoy has with the the caller that calls
you the beginning asking about the wedding for the apps and the worth the wins go ahead while you
don't pay smile please studios kind of speaking
that's right it's a free engagement photograph

(01:26:30):
no that's only if we do the wedding pictures
yes you'll have to pay for them no no if you decide not to marry your fiance you still have to pay
no not for the wedding pictures just for the free engagement photograph okay okay thank you for

(01:26:50):
calling smile please yeah I thought that was a brilliant little part so Simone the beab her first film
and she crops up I counted six times throughout the film and Alan sees her just randomly you're thinking
how is this gonna pay all is there somebody knows is there somebody just fancies what what's the deal

(01:27:14):
because he sees her at the beginning with the brewer umbrella give the star then when he's buying flowers from Mary
then in the subway he sees her and she looks back and gives him kind of a smile knowing look and you're thinking
that what's going on here to the new each other someone's happening here then he sees her walking
in the street then he sees her in the pub at the stagdee when he follows her doesn't find her and then

(01:27:38):
at the end the hotel bar finally sees her he sat next effectively across from her and we find out
she's a prostitute and the payoff wasn't what I was expecting and I was a bit disappointed
yeah I mean to I yeah I thought that was I thought it was about the copout um yeah to be honest like
they could have been quite an interesting that'll story there really finally speaks to her and you

(01:28:03):
know it finds out because hey she looks in it I she looks quite European in it I thought some
on the beab she got this sort of French 1960s fashion uh sort of look to her and even the haircut you
know a little bit sort of that old kind of Audrey Hepburnish um yeah sort of elfie kind of haircut
and stuff and like yeah they could have done something a bit more interesting but yeah to your point

(01:28:23):
the fact that the bartender basically tries to pin her out to Alan is kind of like oh is that the
is that it you know and what lesson does Gordon's what lesson does Alan learn well not nothing me
they we just find out they doesn't really want to sleep with a prostitute but if I turned out that she
wasn't a prostitute then would they have because he's basically been kind of looking for her right

(01:28:46):
and this season everybody goes and stuff so again I think it's a bit I don't know a bit of sort of
weak but I've a weak part of the script really well yeah yes I mean technically at that point you
still single you hasn't rekindled things with Mary so I don't know like if she had been a
a single girl just there then maybe good of but yeah she seems to be offended by the fact that

(01:29:12):
she's a prostitute but it did seem pointless kind of thing so he's you're building up the whole film
like five times prior he's seen her and you're thinking who is this girl what is going on here is
you can end up with her and then the payoff yeah I didn't really appreciate the payoff I'm all
surprised when I see how long someone the beep has been like on the screen because you know the first

(01:29:35):
thing that we ever covered her in was the young person's guides becoming a rock star which I think
was they got second earth third episode of this pod that way back into it for four times was
our fourth really yeah okay and she um she you know she doesn't seem she's I always I thought she was in
her sort of LB20s and that but she'd actually be pushing 30 by the time that came around you know

(01:29:56):
I mean she was 20 in the girl in the picture exactly but in the young person's guide I thought I
thought then she was going to be like mid 20s but she would actually closer to mid 30s when
that came out it's 2001 something like that or 2000 that came out I know oh yeah maybe
2000 I think yeah maybe yeah yeah she'd been 35 but she's lucky you know she's got that sort she's

(01:30:20):
she's got kind of good genes so she definitely looks a lot younger than she is she'd be sick still
this year yeah yeah yeah but she's sort in in my mind she's kind of ever young you know
lovely lovely someone the dean friend of the pod she has a friend well she's a friend of the
her Instagram account although I've not had much offer lately she was supposed to send us a
file of her movie wasn't changed never did never mind the other thing in this so the soundtrack

(01:30:47):
where in the scenes between Alan and Mary specifically the scene where they're breaking up
they shades of like the killbill soundtrack in it not the duh duh duh but they you know the bit there
is like there was something about it that really maybe think of some of the music that's used in
killbill okay I had to revisit that and look at it again I didn't notice that yeah like some of the

(01:31:11):
like the kind of for the not the not the duh duh duh not that but there's like some sort of like
dramatic if you like sort of exploitation cinema kind of music and killbill that that maybe think of
you know I don't the rizzo has sampled the soundtrack of the gun on a picture for a
but slightly related I was listening to the Wu-Tang clans new single before when I was waiting for

(01:31:37):
a little god which is called myndingle it's got like requan and Inspector Deck and a few other
guys on it it's pretty good very very Wu-Tangish is it time to put the gun a picture through the
awards do you have a few more things what to say I know I think it probably is time to put the
gun a picture through the ballet awards I mean I my last thing I would say I really enjoyed this
film I did I think I enjoyed it more than you did yeah I did yeah I did I really enjoyed it but I

(01:32:03):
I have issues with it but I did like it I just think you know like if I think about you know like I might
burst into flames for saying this but I think gordans and clairs a bit kind of one note as an actor you know
me and and don't get this a lot of actors who are like that for sure and who are very successful
and very likable but yeah I thought this was a in terms of his performance in this and I guess the

(01:32:28):
choices that the director and he made for the character of Alan I don't know and you know but
we're watching this in sweat 25 you know sort of 40 years later if they can add it through a sort of
mid 80s contemporary lens does it make more sense you know the way that Alan is in it I don't know

(01:32:48):
sort of my impulse is probably no it doesn't because they they're not dealing with mid mid 1980s
specific situations you know what I mean the only sort of 1980s specific thing is the fact that
people had to get their photographs developed which obviously they don't anymore and because
everything's gone digital but I don't know I there was a lot in the film that I enjoyed you know I'll

(01:33:13):
watch anything with Paul Young in it I think he's a incredibly charismatic and a reactor you know
I mean especially when he's in something like like this very very funny I like Dave McKay I loved
a arena brook like I would never have guessed that she was French if I hadn't read up about her she's
quite an interest in career in France she's been like a chivalry and stuff like that they've

(01:33:35):
fairly recently but you know I'm still but mentioned already Greg officials good then a
caroling gothries good then a reky fulkins good then a but I think it was really gordansing clear that
I don't actually rude the film because I didn't enjoy a lot bit of it but it wasn't as satisfying
for me because of the way his character is in the film that's probably the fadest thing to say um

(01:33:56):
you know maybe I'll come back maybe I'll come back to it one day I'll be able to see it differently
I would agree with you on that I think it's it's difficult to root for a hero when he's a
bit of a dick yeah and that you're kind of rooting for yeah the girl the girl he has let or the girl
that's left him we strata went back you're kind of rooting for the girl we'd like come on you're

(01:34:18):
better than this you're breaking that I've run come on I know come come in to my arms you'd be
well yeah I'll take care of you I'll go to I'll go to your networking evening out with you
I'll be there I'll char I'll char me your friends you never don't like I'd have only been four
at the time so I don't think she'd have been interested in me but I don't know yeah I don't think I would

(01:34:41):
I don't think I don't think I don't think I'd be getting her number either never mind never mind
okay then so our first award is always is our booby the barman award for best pub so I think there's
I mean there's one clear winner for me but what is your goal for um since the pub Alan goes to a
couple of times there is the pub with the stagdo yeah because that's a different pub yeah and then

(01:35:07):
is the hotel bar that he meets Simone the bea been uh what's your clear winner the stagdo pub
yeah me too yeah absolutely okay great pub yeah yeah yeah yeah the the the pub he goes to with
the can where he runs into median um roon it seemed a little bit sort of wanky little bit sort of

(01:35:27):
yeah can I cocktail body but they're the stagdo pub with saucer are you okay so the next awards
named for our patron saint James Cosmo the James Cosmo award for being in everything Scottish who
did you who did you select here well it's Jonathan Watson if would including him because he
we got a couple of scenes so I would say Jonathan Watson if you're giving it in terms of

(01:35:53):
screen time then Debra Kye yeah Debra Kye I think there's a case for Paul Young as well
there's a lot to be in uh I mean I'd written down I've written Jonathan Watson slash Paul Young slash
Caroline Guthrie so it's sort of telling that Jonathan Watson was a first name that I wrote but um
but you're all three of those actors are uh recently prolific especially at this time

(01:36:18):
in their careers so our next award would usually be the Jake McQuillan your teaser award
for unexpected violence but it's a pretty gentle film you do I've got nothing
yes at all there's no violence at all I mean you could maybe put Mary sort of breaking
Athens heart when she breaks up with them despite the fact that that's what he wanted

(01:36:40):
next award then again is not one that we can easily we might have to give it to a painting but
the U.M.A.G.A. award for gratuitous nudity I had the nude painting of Stephanie on my notes
yeah that's it yeah looks nothing else looks nothing like Stephanie by the fucking real
no no um yeah next the word then is the archetypal Scottish moment I had two for this what have

(01:37:08):
you got because I always go for the obvious things where if you always come up with something abstract
so what have you got I think I've come up with something pretty obvious and something maybe a little
abstract so my first one is Maddie's wedding on the pipes at the wedding that seems really Scottish
doesn't it yeah and my next one is being hung over that wedding what about you what'd you go for

(01:37:33):
um I went with when uh Mary is making Alan a coffee and you alluded to earlier when he's kind of
dodging and jumps into toilet there is a Glasgow smiles better sticker in the kitchen I think
notice that yeah um in a background yet and I went for Alan being hungover drinking iron

(01:37:55):
brew from a glass bottle yeah and on the kitchen table there are four cans of tenants which feature
some lager lovelies yeah I did spot a classic mcunes with a cavalier oh yeah as well
yeah and it looks like it's a pint of export that Alan's drinking in the pub that he uh you see's

(01:38:16):
and the hotel bar actually they both they export in both those pictures and then our last
the board then is the Sean Conway award who um who's the winner of this film for you
arena brook um um you know what is Gregor for sure for me yeah I think so I mean you kind of
I kind of wanted to give it to the sort of company of Paul Young Dave McIe Gregor Fisher and Mickey

(01:38:43):
Folton yeah but I think just in terms of screen time air I think Gregor Fisher all day long you know
they they because they you go through this moment in the film where you you know you're
you're about to fix what I fed up with Alan you just want to you know you're kind of looking to see
how long the film's got left and then there's this brilliant little sequence with Gregor Fisher
and Caroline got to be your Gregor Fisher with the jeweler and all that yeah actually that reminds me

(01:39:08):
so the jeweler looked really familiar to me now that's him up he's a school master in the wicker man
oh wow the actor if they his name is Walter Carr um don't think he's with us any longer but he um
he's you know he's he's actually very good as well and how he's playing off Gregor Fisher he's
very very good but he's going those faces when I was like I've seen him in something of course he's

(01:39:32):
got the usual the usual tiger in everything else but I'm glad but yeah the school master in the
wicker man I was like class oh that's brilliant yeah so that's all that awards fantastic okay well
that was the girl in the picture not to be confused with an ex-look series called girl in the
picture but if you want to watch girl in the picture it is available on youtube for anyone

(01:39:57):
they would like to what so that was my choice Greg and it is your choice on the next episode
of the culture swallowys why do you tell us what I'm gonna be watching next week so I've gone for a
movie this time um more modern movie from 2018 starring Jesse Buckley Julie Walters and Matt Cosmo

(01:40:19):
I've gone for 2018's wild rose oh Jesse Buckley plays rose and a spying country singer
a singer singer and single mother of two from Glasgow released from prison and has to attempt to
rebuild her life got very very good reviews I've not seen it something for to watch it I read about
this a couple of weeks ago and thought I need to add that to my future choices and yeah wonderful you

(01:40:46):
picked that I'm looking forward to watching that very much so yeah did you say Jesse Cosmo Jesse Buckley
Julie Walters I guess please think Scottish and Matt Costello oh I thought he said Cosmo or Matt
Costello okay wonderful okay I thought Cosmo wondered if it was any relation fantastic okay

(01:41:07):
right great I can't wait to watch that on the next episode me too all right thank you very much
for listening everyone hope you enjoyed this show and you can get in touch with us on email at
culturesmalley@gmail.com you can also follow us on insta@cultureswalley pod and Greg we have a wonderful

(01:41:27):
website as well don't we we do you can find us at culturesmalley.com links to other socials links to
other episodes and a few blog posts and articles about Scottish media come and give us some traffic
okay well it's Friday afternoon you up to nth nixan Greg nope 730 here I think my way she's
thought of the curry so we've got a curry and then I don't know I'll make my head down actually so I

(01:41:53):
want to go running in the morning although I just had a beer a 21 and they're quite enjoy that
we've got a few others in there I bought myself a wee selection of IPAs and different beers just
small cans that are burning a bit of a hole in my pocket so they come maybe I'll have one of them
with my curry and then go to bed don't but you wish a plan yeah I'm off to go and do some

(01:42:15):
washing oh so fave and hate sir magic let's get it on all right cheers buddy okay till next time
until next thing I love you
what I love you don't love me yes I do

(01:42:35):
it's neat it's not love just need somebody okay I need you
I miss you I want you to go back to the flat it's a little miserable together you weren't happy
I wasn't happy we were never happy together so who wants to be happy we're only happy people I know
how it is I don't want to be happy I want to be miserable with you don't be silly I'm serious I miss

(01:43:04):
being miserable with you
you
[music]

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Episode 122 - The Girl in the Picture (1985)

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 122 - The Girl in the Picture (1985)