Episode 132 - The Match (1999) - The Culture Swally

Episode Transcript
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[Music]

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Hello and welcome to the Culture Swally, a podcast dedicated to Scottish news and pop culture.
My name is Nicky and I'm joined as always by the man who always gets hard when his car back fires.
It's Greg. How are you today, buddy? Not bad, not bad. Oh, rested after my Christian vacation.
How was it? Did you have a lovely time? I mean, I know you did because we've just spoken about it.

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But yeah, it was nice. I had a proper cultural experience at a Greek family engagement party.
You're smashing plates. The work, wow, that was the one thing that I was anticipating that didn't
happen, but there was some homemade wine that I tried to sip of, took me back to my Q8 days and
didn't check any more of it. I thought a lot of people were teeth missing. It was like a goalkeeper's

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reunion, you know, which was quite surprising, but no, it was nice. It was really good. Everybody
was very friendly, quite a nice spot. And they sent us away with some homemade raki in which for
anybody who doesn't know is like sort of Greek moonshine. I don't recommend drinking a lot of it.
And about Vadea Sutherl, little Greek wedding favors, little crocheted things and whatnot.

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So that was nice, but yeah, I think a week's long enough to read three books, read Jaws, as we
as I told you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Which was all right. I'm sweating. A glowing review there. Yeah,
the film's better. Let's be discussed with what's up. They're significantly better. But it's okay,
it's fine. I think a few more people get eaten in the book than get eaten in the film. Okay. So,

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yeah, so yeah, looking forward to back getting back on it today and recording the pods and talking
about the match later on. Not the match from Sunday night will never ever speak of that, but the movie,
the match. Yes, let's move on. Yeah, the wonderful film of the match, which we will be

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speaking about later on in the episode. Okay, right. Well, first of all, shall we have a look at
what's been happening in Scotland whilst you've been on holiday? Cue the jingle.
Hello, this is the Outdoor Heavilys Broadcasting Corporation. And here is what's been going on

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in the news. Okay, Greg, what have you seen in the newspapers whilst you were on holiday or since
you got back? You'd like to share with me and our lovely listeners? Well, our more culturally engaged
listeners will no doubt know that the Edinburgh Fringe is about to begin in the next week or two.
And this story comes from the Scottish Sun. The headline is "Show Plopper" - a performer

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activist's plea for actor to dress up as a giant jobby for Edinburgh Fringe Festival gig.
As a kids show creator, he has put a job ad to find somebody to dress up in a big jobby costume.
Lindsay Cole of the Mermaid, the Otter and the Big Poo, that's what the show's called,
is casting for a 19-day Edinburgh Fringe run. And she needs anyone who can wiggle in a giant jobby

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costume for 15 minutes every performance. Lindsay, who's 40, said it's for anyone who's up for a laugh.
You don't need to be fun, be able to wiggle, improvise and boogie. People won't see your face,
which is a bonus, and there's only one line you need to say. Lindsay can't pay you for the role,
but she's offering potential performers a return favour if they can help out next month.

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In case they need somebody to dress up as like a giant condomer, I don't know, fucking,
big shiika piss. Our show explores a huge pollution in Britain's waterways,
and kids are encouraged to help the mermaid wave the Big Poo right out of her home so the otters can
return. I don't think otters were that discerning. No, they swam it. Just water dogs. Lindsay said,

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expect songs, dance games and a splash of all the incentive and a whole dump of fun.
You fancy going and putting your recently learned improv skills to the to the test there?
You read them, did you? No, not as a jobby. No. Well the show is based on Lindsay's popular

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children's book, about a 60 kilometre swim adventure she went on in the river Ava and in Bristol.
We told in 2018 how she helped save a drowning cow in the town. Why is he laughing at that?
Come on, she helped save a drowning cow in the times in Oxfordshire when she was dressed as a mermaid.

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Her show runs at Edinburgh's Gilded Balloon from July 30th to August 17th. Elsewhere,
I'm a renex spare, has called in scots to get their teeth into shark week so they can learn more
about the amazing big fish in Scottish waters. Dr James Thorburn of Napier University in Edinburgh

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reckons people assume they have to travel thousands of miles to find interesting aquatic life,
but he insists there's plenty of amazing animals much closer to home that we get people hooked
on learning more about what's under the sea. That's true actually because you can often see dolphins
leaping out of the surf off the coast of Aberdeen, can you? Yeah you can, our mutual friend sent us a

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video or a photo of one, basically a tall ship. Yeah, the tall ships were coming in and there was a dolphin.
Yeah, you do, you do often see dolphins, lovely, lovely creatures. Yeah, I don't know if I'd fancy
dressed up as a jobee though. Yeah, especially when I get paid for it. No, and all the abuse you're
going to get as well, well, I'll get you beyond stage so it'd be fine, but yeah, if you're not getting paid

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for it, that's a bit of a shit gig. Yeah, I don't know if I'd fancy that. You've been, you've
ever been to French. I've been going to discuss this before I think. Yeah, well yeah, when I used to,
I had a chakito on Friedrich Street in my area of responsibility years ago when I was an
area manager. I made, with a basement meeting room that we used to give out for the free fringe,

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so performers who, you know, maybe weren't that famous and can't afford to hire somewhere like the
Guilded Balloon for example, for their show, they can take one of the venues offered on the free
fringe sort of schedule and they can come and perform there and then it's also free for the audience as
well, you know, so there's no charge for the performer and there's no charge for the audience.

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What it does mean is is that you run a risk of seeing some absolute shite, but you may also stumble
across a little diamond in there as well. We had some stand-up comedians, some of whom are really
the quite funny. I can't remember their names for anything, it was years ago, but others were
fucking rubbish. Fair enough. Yeah, I guess you run the risk of that, that's what it's all about,

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really the French as well. Exactly, experimentation and going to see some random shows and stuff,
so yeah. You know what, I think it takes a lot of balls to get yourself on stage and try to make
people laugh all by yourself, whether you're very good at it or not so good at it, you know.
Yeah, I've got a four-week stand-up comedy course starting next month.
Oh, so that goes. Yeah, that's the last one.

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And that's the last. The final thing you have to do, you have to
write and perform a set in front of an audience, so that'll be interesting.
Yeah, yeah, kind of regretting that now. But yeah, I guess it does take a lot of balls.
Yeah, no, there is some good stuff on it, the French thing, it's a lot of good acts.
I did read, I think this year they're not doing the best joke award for the first time in like,

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20 years or something, because they said it's kind of run its course. So yeah, and I'll be honest,
like whenever I read those lists every year of like the 20 best jokes at the French,
most of them are usually shite. Yeah, they're pretty safe, right? They're sort of like.
Is it, is it, who's the DJ that's on BBC2? Who does the cat talk? Jeremy,

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someone who people phone in every day, radio to his brother is a stand-up comedian.
And all his show, his entire routine are those kind of jokes.
Yeah, kind of like, pun, kind of like, yeah, like, I even think of the comedian's name now, Tim
someone who's, yeah, very nice brother. Is it, okay, yeah, Tim Vine, Jeremy Vine.

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Tim Vine, yeah, very, yeah, family friendly kind of puns and plays on words and stuff,
which is very clever and then very, you know, has its place not for me.
Well, he's a master at it, you know, he's not, he's, he's, he's, he's often very funny,
right? Because he's, he's very straight faced as well, which makes it, often makes it funnier.

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I once wrote a very, very, I saw a short stand-up bit about trying to have a
wank watching neighbours in the 90s, but you had to like, be careful because you didn't want to end
up shooting your loads when like Helen Daniels or Magic came on, you want to try and get the
tattoo, what, when Kylie or Jane or somebody was still on the stage, was still on the screen,

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you know what I mean? I can't quite, I can't quite remember it all now, but it was like,
about 20 years ago. Oh no, this is my angle, oh no, yes, that way.
It's Helen, it'd be worse if it was Bouncer, I suppose, yeah, it's our Daphne, right here, Jesus.
It's better than Bouncer, surely. I mean, that, that, definitely often looked like dead,

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so they're ready spunked and they're here and should he notice where she'll have to house anyway.
Oh well, so if you fancy dressing up as a big jobie, I guess you can get in touch and, yeah,
in touch, yeah, she's, she's, she's filled the gig. Anyway, that's my first story this week,
what is yours? My first story is from this Scottish Sun this week, Greg, and the headline is

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"Johnty Python". A fed-up couple have pleaded with their terrified neighbours to stop calling the
cops on their 12-foot Python, insisting it's a child-friendly harmless pet. Faith Boyd and
Callum McKenzie regularly let huge Athena go for a slither outside their council flat in Elgin,
but they told how they've had animal welfare teams and police officers repeatedly turn up on

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their doorstep, well, stop doing it then, after being contacted by petrified locals. Faith,
20, said, "There's no hiding to be scared of. Athena loves cuddles. They should just come up and give
her a big hug." I fucking right, she's not a danger to anyone, and she absolutely
loves getting attention. If anyone gets a bit of a scare, I don't know, panic. I wish they would talk

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to us directly rather than phone the authorities. Callum and Faith got Athena about four months ago
after she proved too big for her previous owner. They gave her the run of the ground floor pad,
and she gets one of the two bedrooms entirely to herself. She's often let out to roam around the
grass next to the tenement block, but the owners insists she's always under supervision,

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and despite concerns from others, they have vowed never to keep the unusual pet
cooped up inside. Faith said, "I love taking that out and about." She used to be
night in the wild, so she should get to experience that. "I, what a patch, I grass,
I'd say the council flat in Elgin." "Yeah, I don't. It's like an Amazon, isn't it?" Snake shouldn't
be kept in a cage. When she's a bit older, I'll be taking her for walks down the high street on a lead.

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I don't care if I get some funny looks. Faith and Callum, a foxick. Faith and Callum also have two
geckos and smaller ball pythons called Nala and Rafiki. They stress that none of the snakes are
venomous and claim all are sociable. Faith said, "SSPCA inspectors spent 20 minutes with Athena,

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and were happy with how she was being cared for." While Callum said the last visit from the cops
was about a month ago, but the pair are worried that they'll eventually be forced to get rid of
Athena if she keeps getting negative attention. Faith said, "She's too big for anyone else to take.
I can't see her going to a zoo. Well, maybe you could take her on the lead." So if I have to give her up,

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she'll probably be euthanized. "Oh God, um, I can't bear the thought that she's not gonna put
down a snake. I'm sure they'll find somewhere for it." In a bid to put people's minds at rest,
they put up an open invite on social media for everyone to come and see Athena. One of the
neighbors said, "We live next door, and we've got no issue with her. She's great." Little Aiden,

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nine, couldn't wait to stroke in Pet Athena. He said, "Snakes are cute, and they're misunderstood.
I'm not scared." Jaden Anderson, 23, lives on the same estate and has no issues with Athena being out
and about. She said, "As long as the somebody with the snake, then it's fine. It doesn't bother me.
As long as it doesn't escape." Her pal Lucy Madson, 28, added, "At first I thought I wasn't going

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anywhere near it, but it was so placid, they really put me at ease. I was surprised, but I don't think
I'll be putting it around my neck." A spokesperson for the Scottish SPC A said, "We received a call
concerning the care for a python in Elgin, and Inspector visited the owner, and there were no
welfare issues found, and no intention to retire." With a snake out of size, we would recommend

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any person handling it is very experienced and capable of handling it properly. So there you go Greg,
big 12-foot python, just slid it about in a counsellor's estate in Elgin. That is a strange pet to have,
I would say, but yeah. I feel like we had a story on here years ago about a guy taking his snake
for a walk in the wee, green across from his flat as well, and letting it go up a tree and a leaden

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off. That's kind of thing. I believe we did. I don't eat to their own. I don't think that they
necessarily make good pets, these kind of animals, you know what I mean? But a lot of people keep it.
Fair play, I certainly wouldn't. If I saw Athena outside my window, I don't think I'd be too worried

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unless she was stuttering up the drain pipe and trying to get in, I might go and ask them to
get a holiday, but it's not like there's, what's the worst she's going to do? Like swallow a field
mouse or something like that? If she manages to, she probably can't even hunt anyway if she's been kept
in captivity all these years. So probably the wee aedons, one that needs to watch herself.

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Are we aiding shape in the middle of the snake's back or something like that one, you know?
Aedons caught missing. Athena has had him for a dinner. Yeah. Yeah. Aedons caught missing the
Athena's put on a bit fucking eight stone. I mean the idea of taking it for a walk on a lead is just

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bizarre. I mean, what the fuck? Like, no, that's, I mean, it feels about the attention seeking the
me that. Yeah, definitely. I think so. But hey, fair play as long as Athena is well cared for,
and the S is PCA, they say they've done a welfare check and all's fine. So everything's good and
gravey. So it's all good. So I wish Athena all the best and hope she enjoys Aedon.

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What else have you seen this week, buddy? Well, from one type of snake to another,
this story, my crush, your legs for this one. And this story comes from Glasgow Live, and the
headline is "botched penis Botox and filler injections sees Glasgow A and E visit spike with one man

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requiring amputation." Oh. "As understood men have been seeking procedures that unregulated pop-up
clinics in the city to treat erectile dysfunction or enlarge their manhoods." So it's been revealed
that a growing number of males in Glasgow are seeking NHS treatment after botched penis. Botched
penis Botox and filler injection. The procedure sees Botox or filler is injected into the patient's

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genitals. Fuck's sake. But some have been left seeking urgent medical treatment at AED departments
with a range of complications, and in one case a man had required amputation after a botched
procedure. There's been an influx of patients in recent months presenting at the Royal
Alexandra Hospital in Paisley, according to an insider. The NHS source said one patient attended

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AED after having a Vaseline type substance injected in East Cocque. The side effects were so severe.
You had to have it amputated. We also had a patient in his 30s who had Botox injected into his penis.
He ended up suffering an extremely severe reaction. The number of male patients we are seeing
coming through the doors with similar issues from botched aesthetic procedures is increasing

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pop-up clinics in the Glasgow area. A rife that are bake clinics with unregulated people
addition out new treatments, then leaving customers a deal with the consequences. The men who come
in looking for help with side effects say that are often queues down the street to get into one of
these day clinics. Medical experts have confirmed Botox can be prescribed treats erectile dysfunction

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by relaxing muscles and improving blood flow. While filler can be injected into the body to
rejuvenate volume, the procedures are gaining popularity in Scotland through the influence of social
media which can be a fertile ground for rogue practitioners. The daily record has seen one clinic
in Glasgow offering penis enlargement treatment using fillers with prices starting from £950.

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Dr Ben Taylor Davies who runs the Stockbridge Clinic in Edinburgh and also works as an AED doctor
said his own clinic was recently approached by a company looking for premises to offer genital
procedures but they refused. He said I'm horrified to hear what is happening to new patients who go
to pop-up clinics but I'm not surprised. This may be a stock called pop-up clinics when you think

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about what they're getting the Botox for. There are very few specialist doctors who can perform
cosmetic injection procedures and male genitals. It's not a procedure I would ever recommend to a
patient even if you went to a specialist. Never mind this is the worst this is the worst
expression. Never mind a back door pop-up clinic. This is a trap. This is a trap. Injections in these

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areas carry a high risk of infection and could lead to death. This is another example of the
dangers the public face over the back of regulation and aesthetics. So take it as a measure that
oh, unexpected perhaps health warning from the culture swell. It's just be happy what you've got.

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I mean I could not imagine, obviously I don't need to, I'm very well endowed but
I could not imagine injecting Botox or filler into anywhere on my body but you know I understand
people do it you know on their face or something that's okay but pin it in your cock Jesus Christ

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and yeah one poor guy's lost his body because of it like yeah that's so I mean the thought of
any sort of intrusive surgery on my wee booby-man. You know like I dread ever having to have
an operation where a catheter is fitted. Oh yeah. Pay up your cock. You know what I mean?

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I'll tie you up your cock. It's essentially what it is. Yeah, it's just I mean it just
right so for somebody it kind of just sort of turn up when I grand back pocket for somebody back
street abortionist or something that's like we need to lean there and fill it with fucking superglue

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or something does not there's not something that I would be volunteering for at any stage in my life.
That was always a fear of mine I am I never had it done ever but used to hear stories about if you
you know got an STD and you had to go to get tested and they'd put a little spiky thing down your

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ear, your hip and then it would be like a little cocktail sick umbrella and it would scrape the inside
as it came out to get all the stuff. Yeah, I've not thought a bit that for a long time there
unfortunately I've never had this actually transmitted disease not for the one that's trying.
Only joking. No, I've thankfully I've never had I've never had an STD so I've never had to

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do that anyway but a mutual friend of yours did manage to catch Climidia of this fairly
crottie looking gothic lady that came to visit him from Nottingham. I think gave him a call after
she got home to say yeah yeah get up to the clinic because turns out I've got Climidia.
Do you remember the time our mutual friend our proper mutual friend? Yeah, yeah.

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Thought he'd contracted something because he had a rash but through discussions and like talking
through what had happened it just turned out that the lady he'd been with was very hairy and it was
like a friction and a burns. I've not thought about that for a great alone time.
I don't even mention it. I did remember that. I mentioned that in my best man's speech.

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I didn't go into detail about it but I said he contracted a rash. I think the light I used was
he contracted a nasty rash after tackling an unruly bush.
Yeah he um he had these moments when you know sometimes you have to before he get carried away

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hopefully a bit of common sense and pragmatism will take hold and you avoid a potentially unpleasant
situation when it comes to perhaps a one night stand. I don't think our mutual friend has ever
been able to do that. I think whenever it's been on the cards he's gone he's just gone for it and

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you know I don't think he's ever gone actually you know I don't know if you're the girl for me
I'm maybe just going to get a bag of chips and go up the road. I think he's always sort of
gone in two feet first. So yeah and if you were going to inject or in hands or do something
you know because obviously it's a sensitive issue and I can imagine it would affect a lot of you

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know really knock your confidence and stuff but you would go at the proper doctor and stuff and
look at other ways but to go to like a pop up clinic um to get some back street butcher to inject
something into your wee man that's just oh my god I couldn't imagine that you'd have to be really
desperate. You have to be incredibly insecure. Incredibly insecure and absolutely dying and

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ganting on your whole. So do something like that. I mean yeah they're just saying this but I think
the only time in my life when the thought of maybe changing something about my appearance so look
you know I'm a fairly plain looking person you know what I mean um but of what my years of

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always really stuck out and it was obviously I used to get a roasting for it at school. It's me all
used to get roastings for any sort of physical um a regularities we may or may not have had
when we were kids but these days I know a lot of stay I'm quite I'm alright well how I look you
know what I mean there's nothing I would change I was getting I was getting a bit of a drum

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on me last year so I started running to care of that felt quite good a bit myself I don't think
there's anything that I would go under the knife or the needle for to sort of change about my
appearance. No I can't say I've ever noticed your ears right and obviously we've been friends for
because I was very grateful to 25 years. I've been looking for 25 years. I can notice before um

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no as I say you'd have to be kind of really desperate and it would have to be getting you down and
you know hey if if there's something that you want done like I yeah when I was younger um I knew
it was a friend of mine and he did have really big ears like straight out um and he did get them
pinned back because he really was relentlessly bullied um right right and fucking hell the you know

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the pain he went through getting that done like it was a fucking painful you know plus you know
he got it done and then he had to walk about like raps he needs but for like three weeks with like a
you know bandage like I guess it was worth it in the end um you know yeah so yeah yeah I mean
that must have that I mean he is going to be 70 in October and he dies is here you know his

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hair is like a rich hazely brown he's incredibly insecure about going gray oh and I'm just kind of
like fucking you mean he can't stop the advancing of time you know I mean I just got to embrace it
a wee bit you know um but yeah he's he's incredibly insecure about uh about going gray I think he
even gets his eyebrows done at the hairdressers as well so yeah okay see it enough yeah I don't think

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there's anything I mean I'm quite gray like my sides and like my beard's pretty gray I like it
I mean I'm not going gray I'm not really going gray yet like if I let my beard grow it does get a bit
gray but they may hate you know they've actually when I came back from creep because I was out in the sun
quite a lot my hair actually goes a bit lighter so I don't know that they get had they get had some highlights

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done they can't pack they've gotten highlights since like 2004 so what treat you must have
looked lovely with your highlights done Greg make a Greek god with sticky with sticky at years anyway
so yeah apologies if that's put you off whatever you're about to do this little
uh we'll move stuff they on to Mickey's next story uh so my next story is from the daily record this

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week Greg and the headline is disgruntled football fan ditched club of 61 years for hearts after ticket
round uh so Gordon Cunt Hill originally from Edinburgh who's sped again Gordon what's on it
Cunt Hill wow okay see you in DILL Gordon Cunt Hill we'll just call him Gordon from that one okay

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originally from Edinburgh who spent his life in Manchester after moving to England at 13
has supported Stockport County for 61 years the 74 year old even had a part in writing the chorus
of the fans anthem the scarf my father wore after being inspired by his rangers fan grandad and the

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sash but a bus stop at the ticket office has prompted the lifelong fan to give away his scarves in a
pub and turn his back on the club for good the pensioner went to edgley park ground to buy three tickets
for himself and friends for the opening game of the season but was left in dismay after being asked
for personal details to obtain the tickets Gordon told the man to start evening news I phoned

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and said can I just come and buy some tickets and they said yes no problem there were only four
people in front of me and it took 15 minutes to get to the front of the queue I asked for some tickets
and they said yes sure what's your account number I said I didn't have an account number the
club said you had to join a ticketing account they wanted your name address telephone number and

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probably my inside leg measurements I said I'm not bothering this is too much like big brother I
just wanted three tickets and the person in the ticket office said well phone your friends and
get their details from them I explained that one of them was a prison warden and I don't think they
would appreciate ringing them up at work and the other was a bus driver did they expect him to

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stop driving the 192 on the A6 and give me all his details I just walked off I'm not gonna bother
the money I saved by not watching county I'll use to watch hearts instead yesterday he went for a pint
at the stock port pub Peter's gate tap in his heart shirt and gave away a dozen county scarfs to fans
how was the way I was treated like an imbusel which made my mind up like for foxic he's been asked for

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his name telephone number email address he's asking for foxy uh he played a part in writing a chorus
for the county anthem the scarf my father wore the pensioner explained my granddad was a ranger's fan
and he taught me the tune I thought it was a good tune and changed it the other the other lad's
came in and we got three verses in a chorus I wrote the chorus we weren't living as a family in

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Edinburgh area and my mum and dad separated my mum came to live in Manchester and I went with my
dad to blackpool but my dad died in front of me with a heart attack and my mum had to pick me up and
take me back to stock port where she was living people at school were telling me I should support
Manchester United or City but my mum said no you support the local team and that's why I've

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supported county ever since and hearts as well he went on to add my first game at edge the park was
november 1964 against wigan blah blah um yeah then it's just speaking about his his love for county
the finest player I've ever seen play for county was George Best even though he only played three times

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in home games that'll go down well with the hearts fans make me wish me to which way is to famous exit
I think that's so Nick a couple of times less than he played a hit or something yeah
a spokesman for a stock port county said this isn't a story we'd be looking at comment on
directly any conversations between the club and supporters remain private from our point of view

(30:35):
fair enough stock port are basically not interested so he's been asked for his name address and telephone
number and enraged I mean that's pretty standard stuff if you're buying a ticket for a vehicle match
you know yeah yeah I mean I suppose like these guys are coming from the sort of generation before
football became like heavily monetized and you could just go and buy a couple of tickets you know

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what I mean and go along like to your point now it's you know it's a forever reason like data collection
and everything else you can't just they they do need some kind of and I guess they don't want you to
they want to try and remove the I mean I can't kind of ask anybody's doing this at fucking stock
port but they're trying to remove the opportunity to sell the ticket outside the ground but then they

(31:23):
but they don't imagine that when you when you go to the game that you've got to the show proof of who
you are when you're when when you go into the town of steel do you just scan the bar with that I
thought yeah you just scan the bar code yeah you don't have to to show proof of who you are but it's just
I think it's just a safety measure as well so they've got your details and you know they just they
know if they know you're in the ground if there's something happens right yeah yeah that's got the

(31:47):
mergers here something yeah yeah think it's something like that and then obviously just to have your
your stuff on on record and also it's like a you know marketing tool as well so they can email you
with stuff and yeah yeah so I do think it's you know that bazaar a request but like you say obviously
from a different era different time probably didn't have to give those details before and and yeah

(32:10):
just yeah but I mean I feel like I feel like those procedures have been in place for quite a long
time you know yeah they have been like yeah I know I mean I think when I first start going
to an Aberdeen game you could just go in and buy a ticket it was fine yeah yeah but then laterally
you know you had to be registered you had to you know you have to have your your details in the

(32:33):
database before you can buy a ticket and stuff so yeah yeah that's been in place for years I mean
like before I left the country I know when I went to Petodria I'd have to like I had to register
and stuff so and that's you know like 20 years that's probably been in place so yeah it's not a new
thing so you must have gotten to that last year or the year before yeah it's probably one of

(32:56):
fucking Nigel Farage he's fucking the Ford Mob you know I tried to drag his all back to the fucking
1930s you know I mean well I'm not gonna comment on that record yeah like I'm poor guy obviously
is just trying to go with the football I'm not putting him in a reformed voter but maybe he does
leave a type and that actually fucking he's a heart's fan now you can get to fuck um because we're

(33:19):
playing them on Monday so yeah you can get to fuck actually um but I hope you enjoy watching hearts
and instead of counting um yeah anyway yeah well yeah best of luck to him best good luck to him
have you seen anything else this week Greg nope that's that's your reward right well before we go
on to speaking about the match I've got a little feature that we could play um now I came up with

(33:45):
this idea I should warn you Lister is Greg and I have discussed this off here um I I was watching
Squid Game a couple of weeks ago and for some reason it popped into my head I wonder what a Scottish
version of Squid Game would look like so I asked AI to come up with a cast list and it did a pretty
good job to be fair I was pretty impressed so then I came up with this thought what about Greg versus AI

(34:09):
who take a popular TV show or film and recast it with Scottish actors so that's exactly
what we're gonna do Greg versus AI and I've made a little jingle
yeah yeah yeah it's time to play a little swallie game if it's Pish Nicky and Greg take no blame
we're recast and famous stuff with a Scottish cast if the feature is rubbish it probably won't last

(34:34):
we'll get right down to the finity gritty and book Cosmo and Costello and sex in the city so sit back
and enjoy your fun Scottish pie and listen to the treat that is Greg versus AI so there we go Greg versus AI
so Greg we had spoken about this this week and you mentioned what was the um the show that you
decided we're gonna do first so I thought we should do modern classic Breakin Bad okay perfect

(35:01):
wonderful fantastic one of the best TV shows of all time in my opinion breaking bad so I you've come
up with a list and I asked AI to go through breaking bad so they have renamed it Caledonia burn
so we have Malcolm Mac White a once brilliant chemistry lecturer in furnace college is quietly

(35:24):
wasting away being diagnosed with terminal cancer with his wife Sky White and teenage son Flynn
White Mac faces the terrifying terrifying reality of leaving his family with nothing everything
changes when he tags along on a police raid with his brother-in-law Hamish Hank McTaggart a boy
stressed an aggressive cop with police Scotland's drug unit Mac spots his former student Jay Pinkerton

(35:47):
when Mac realizes how much money is involved in meth and fetamine he decides to apply his chemical
genius the pair form an alliance jays streetsavvy and Mac's chemistry skills they create a pure strain
of meth dubbed blue heather and Mac gains no right across Scotland but as he slips deeper into the
criminal underworld he becomes his alias heisenloch so um yeah they've got they've got to they've

(36:15):
gone all in so um we will go um I will give you uh the AI first of all and then we'll see who you've
come up with so first of all main character Walter White obviously played by Brian Cranston in
uh in breaking bad they've renamed him Malcolm Mac White and I asked AI I said I didn't give a time

(36:36):
restriction in terms of age and things so they've they've gone with you they thought so a little
bit older but they've gone with Brian Cox right okay yeah interesting what about yourself who
did you go for for Walter White I did just cast it and I did my own premise as well oh fantastic oh
sorry I'm scourged right so let's go through right and so in my version of the Scottish breaking bad

(37:02):
the main character is a guy called Willie Wiems right so Willie is uh he's a master gardener in botanist
right who's diagnosed with cancer but because it's the UK the NHS will fucking
sort them out right but he spunked his pension in the bookies and he wants to make sure

(37:22):
he wants to make sure his wife can afford to keep his garden nice if the cancer comes back and
kills him off right so he knows uh he knows this young guy called uh Jesse Pollock who likes to be
called big Jesse Pollock right and he knows he knows Jesse from when he was a wee boy and haven't

(37:43):
a kick he's a arse for climbing his garden and trying to nicky strawberries in his
raspberries right so he's then uh he's got he's got his wife I kept the name sky as well he's got a
he's got a son called Willie Junior who's disabled well he's got disabled he's got Tourette's so I
thought he could be the sort of common he could be the sort of cop a bit of comedy relief

(38:04):
so when he runs it he runs into Jesse again when uh Jesse tries to sell him a big bag of skunk in
the Orangement Social Collaboration so Willie realizes with these uh master gardening and botany skills
that he can grow a very potent crucially weatherproof skunk plant and he soon becomes the

(38:29):
sick King of Glasgow selling this thing so my my Willie Wemes is played by Gavin Mitchell oh wow
wonderful I could I could see that yeah I thought he must be similar sort of age to cranson I thought
this was my thought process there and yeah um mostly known for being a comedic kind of actor but does

(38:52):
yeah serious roles yeah serious roles yeah I think Gavin Mitchell be better than Brian Cox I think I
think I'm gonna give that to you instead of that so yeah I want to you well don't break yeah I like
that I like Gavin okay um obviously JC Pinkman played by Aaron Paul otherwise known as Jay Pinkerton
in in AI um they've gone with Jack Loudon well great good choice so I thought I wanted to go with

(39:19):
somebody with a bit more of a kind of manic edge to his uh performances so I I went with um
star of beats Vord McDonald oh yes very big JC Pollock yeah again I think you have choices better
than it is yeah okay fucking stupid AI what is it no yeah I can see that I could see yeah Gavin Mitchell

(39:43):
and Norman Donald's in in a in a caravan in the field or something cooking mess yeah or skunk
um you don't cook skunk um yeah no I can I can see that good a Skylar White played by Anna Gunn
AI has gone with Kelly Mcdonald who I think may be a little bit too timid to play Skylar White

(40:04):
so I I also called my Skylar Sky as well so I've I've portrayed Sky as a sexually frustrated
misanthrope with no friends who spends their day making huge batches of scones and Gary Baldy biscuits
between wanks and I've chosen and I've chosen Shirley Henderson to play the character okay okay yeah um

(40:29):
I can I can see that um a bit too timid though um Shirley Henderson that's a bit egg bishicken
chicken fly off the handle look she can't actually you're right um it's funny because no it's not
really a spoiler I don't know if you've watched department Q um very yeah but um I mean
Kelly Mcdonald's in it and so Shirley Henderson and my girlfriend said to be um is she a famous

(40:53):
actress in Scotland Shirley Henderson I was like yeah yeah she is she's like is that her proper voice
is that how she talks I was like yeah yeah yeah it is yeah I was like yeah no she's famous I said she's
um she's in the Harry Potter films and she's like oh my god it's morning myrtle
okay I feel like her voice went one of the main reasons that she got the gigas morning myrtle I think

(41:17):
um oh Kelly Mcdonald again Shirley Henderson um I I think I'm gonna give it to AI okay for that
I think um their son Walter Jr um played by RJ Mitty in Breaking Bad AI is gone with
Callum Barber um who is a young Scottish actor who has cerebral palsy so I think AI kind of

(41:42):
used that quite literally in terms of casting but he has been in a few things I think he's been
in Outlander and stuff so um so yeah they've gone with him who have you gone for so I have gone with
because I was looking for somebody who I thought would be good at having Tourette's so I I've chosen
War Mcdonald's co-star from Beats the young Christian Ortega yeah that's that's brilliant actually yeah

(42:10):
he would be very good and I would quite like to see him having Tourette's going up a bit mad
yeah yeah Greg definitely that's definitely Greg went for that yeah
wonderful um okay um Hank Schrader played by Dean Norris um probably his most famous role
maybe maybe the total recall the is of the dome yeah that was Stephen King one where that town

(42:37):
makes up the final big glass dome has been built yeah yeah it's under the dome or something yeah
yeah under the dome sorry yeah um so he plays Hamish Hank McTaggart in this uh this Scottish remake
AI has cast Bobby Carlisle in the role ah so my my Hank is uh Howard Sinclair uh he is uh a

(43:01):
staunch arrangement Mason um and obviously CID detective and I have chosen Jamie Sives to play him
ah yeah anything with Jamie Sives yep Greg wins that one he would be fucking brilliant um also in
department Q and fantastic um absolutely brilliant yeah of watching anything with Jamie Sives in it so

(43:24):
yes another win for Greg there his wife Marie or Marie as he has has renamed her play by Betsy Brant
in Breaking Bad but in the Scottish version AI has picked Shirley Henderson
so I kept the name Marie because Marie is quite a Scottish yeah and just because she's been in my

(43:46):
mind after watching the match I chose lovely lovely Lord of Fraser because I always there was always
something a wee bit there's always something a wee bit sexy about Betsy Brant yeah I don't know
quite no what it is you know yeah yeah uh obviously we all love Lorda so I thought she would make a good
she'd make a good Marie I can't mention how many times in my notes I have written peak Lord of

(44:09):
Fraser um for what we're going to be discussing later but it's also a nice wee link to the original
show as well having Lorda in it exactly yeah um yeah again anything with Lorda Fraser so yeah
that's another point for you Greg okay so the last two that we have are Saul Goodman wonderfully
played by Bob Odin Kirk AI have called him Saul Goodwin um and they have cast and the character of

(44:37):
Saul would take a very different direction if them this is the one um they've gone with Alan coming
okay yeah so for for Saul I went in a bit of a different direction because this this actor has
you know he's got some good performances we've had them on the show before but I went with David

(44:58):
Tennant I think he he can play he can play a shite house in a sort of spingali type like Saul I think
yeah and he's got because Saul can have like a manic energy in terms of like delivers a lot of monologues
and stuff yeah yeah David Tennant would be absolutely brilliant in that role yeah yeah another point

(45:18):
for Greg yeah and um of course his um kind of right hand man well not really he's more of Gus's
right hand man but uh heavily involved with Saul is is Mike who probably everyone's favorite
character in Breaking Bad Mike yeah yeah yeah wonderful played by the amazing Jonathan Banks now
you're gonna take some to beat AI on this mate because I think they've come up with an absolute

(45:43):
built for this okay they've gone with Peter Mullin so Mullin Beds crossed my mind but I've gone
for a cause because because Mike's old he's older than Jonathan Banks is older than Mullin you know
I mean the the thing I liked with Mike was he was like a sort of ruthless pensioner you know what I mean

(46:05):
like a dangerous pensioner and I'd like to see Cosmo play a dangerous pensioner I need to
still haven't watched fear yeah what do you play no I mean I mean a dangerous pensioner so um yeah
yeah okay yeah um well how can I not give it to Cosmo I'm sorry I love Peter Mullin but I have
to give it to Cosmo there um okay so I have the eight characters that we've cast I have Greg has seven

(46:31):
and AI has one so yes first installment of Greg versus AI Greg wins congratulations Greg how do you
feel feel good I think I might send my treatment for the king of sook screenplay into it's like BBC
Scotland's our SDV or Irvin Welchishney production company and see if I'm getting going

(46:52):
and AI did cast a few others that we obviously didn't do Gustavo Fring they cast David Haman in that
role um you know I think I think about Mark Bonner is him yeah yeah you know be very good very
good also in department queue and the cast Todd played by Jesse Plemons they cast Lewis Grubin in

(47:16):
that role who that's a yeah that's a good show that's a very good show and then for some stupid
fucking reason AI Lydia and played by Laura Fraser of course they can be cast and they gave
that to Tilda Swinton which I think is a bit of a strange one but never in my two yeah I think
tell the Swinton's just leave it to old for that character yeah actress but you know oh yeah

(47:38):
fantastic but yeah so yeah keep Laura Fraser there speaking of which I think we need to discuss
Laura Fraser at length when we go on to what we're going to be talking about next um okay right
wonderful Greg versus AI Greg wins we will have a think oh you can tell me during the
okay what you want to do next next episode fantastic okay right well before we go on to talking

(48:02):
about Laura Fraser and Max Beasley let's have a little word from our sponsors
Templeton keep prices down down down down down down down down down down down down to her at Templeton
box dead I would really turkeys 49 pounds a pound John Westwet salmon 93 pounds Coca-Cola 59
pounds family circle biscuits 169 at Templeton down down down down down down down down down to her at

(48:33):
Templeton so it was last the last episode I finally got a chance to hear us to talk about my favourite
tag at episode dead giveaway which means that it was your turn it was your turn rather to to pick
this week's film so what we're talking about today thanks Greg well as I mentioned in the last episode
the Scottish football season has just kicked off I mean it hasn't kicked off it kicks off this

(48:56):
weekend as we're recording but when this episode comes I will have kicked off and my beloved
Scottish Cup champions Aberdeen are starting this season to defend their trophy so I thought I
would pick a football film and since we've done a short glory um I'll pick the other one
pick the other one football film um so I have picked the 1999 film called The Match in the Scottish

(49:21):
village of Inverdune teams representing the villages two pubs Bennays Bar and Labestro have played
an annual football game for 99 consecutive years under the terms of the original bet the loser of
the hundredth match must forfeit their bar to the winner starring Max Beasley, Richard E Grant,

(49:42):
Neil Morrissey, Tom Seismore and Samantha Foxx but more importantly for us a whole host of Scottish
favourites including the lovely Laura Fraser, Gary Lewis, Ian Robertson, David Heyman,
I love Blair, Bill Patterson, Jonathan Watson, Andy Gray, David O'Hara and a count-bothering James Cosmo.
Greg um you mentioned you'd never seen The Match so this was your first viewing of the

(50:09):
The Wonderful 1999 film The Match wasn't it? It was it was my first viewing I do remember when this film
was released I think it came out maybe a couple of years after the film on tape and I remember some
comparisons being drawn um and even when I've ed through some of the reviews online for this film

(50:31):
uh some people are still drawing comparisons to the film on tape um in terms of working class heroes
coming good so I never ever caught it um this was the first time I'd ever seen it and
I would I would have to be an absolute arsehole to have not enjoyed a lot of this film

(50:51):
so I really did enjoy a lot of it I mean it is ludicrous it can't make its mind up whether it
wants to be an absurd comedy or a comedy drama or you know or whatever but you know there's
so much to enjoy in this film I've written yeah my first time watching it I knew about it but I'd

(51:12):
never got around the watch because I always thought it was gonna be a bit crap and I've written down
it's ridiculous but I really enjoyed it um it's got a great Scottish cast I do have an issue
and we will discuss like you know kind of the three top-build stars are not Scottish and yeah I
have thought of people that could have played that role around about that time um but it's I mean

(51:35):
it's got peak Laura Fraser and it's got James Cosmo having an affair with a cow um it's it's full of
like it's it's sweet and earnest in places as well like there's a tom size wars relationship
with a player is it's fucking brilliant I was so invested in that and it's it's just a whole host

(51:55):
of strange characters you know like Gary Lee is going to patch because it's called dead eye and
as you said it's one of those kind of um forgotten often like national lottery funded but this one
wasn't like a brick comp like that we had a ride about the turn of the century so things like um I
mean do you before this up and under came out and that's got you know more seeing it and that's about

(52:16):
rugby it's basically the same film but it is rugby oh and it has Samantha Janis with nothing on
in the show yeah yeah yeah that clip's available on youtube by watch severe day um and things like
uh shooting fish and uh late night shopping which we covered on the quad and and one of your
favorites which I've still never seen this year's love but it was a trope at the time that like a

(52:39):
I kind of motley male group who rediscover their dignity under pressure exactly like the full
Monty or brassed off or yeah I'm under say but this kind of strips away those films have like a
gloomier almost like political subtext where there's none there's none of that in this film it's just
pure nonsense and I am I'm here for it I don't want a gloomy political subtext um I mean the only kind

(53:03):
of gloomy part is obviously Max Beasley's character willy about the death of his brother when they were
yeah kids but for the most part it's just absolute nonsense yeah I mean I think that's those
those bits I think are weird you know it there's a real sort of juxtaposition because the film is
largely like an absurd film you know like grouillers uh ability to sense an Englishman walking past

(53:29):
and you know and uh Bill Patterson and Ian Robertson's characters being stuck in the village
because their their van is broken down and O'Hara's character is the mechanic because just a
silly character where everything makes them hard yeah but not in the sense that he has an erection
it just gets in get it just hits him hard but he says get some hard so then when you have this the

(53:54):
scene the scenes between willy they by Max Beasley and Laura Fraser are they they don't go too far
they seem that I was really quite uncomfortable with was the sort of reconciliation with his mother
and you know in any other film it would probably quite a nice scene you know but because it's in this
film and everything else around it is so silly you're kind of like it's sort of they almost sort of

(54:18):
takes the window the film sails a little bit yeah a little bit you know and then they start to cover it
with the the revelation and I'm finding the jerseys and the boots up and the loft they're not
lacking a thing but just those in those few minutes I was a bit kind of ah I just want to get to
the football game now and get and get to the inevitable happy ending I mean I do have an issue

(54:40):
with that it was a bit ridiculous in terms of he's only just found out now that Benny was his
grandfather or like what why keep it secret yeah it's not like a big family thing so technically
is that pub not his now like it's yeah it's a bit bizarre I mean I'll come on to who runs the
pub later in terms of that's something that's never really mentioned I know but yeah it is a

(55:04):
it's ridiculous film but it's it's yeah it's great I mean Richardy Grant is he's full on Panto mode in
this I'm here for it I think it's getting brilliant I've always always really liked Richardy Grant
they it has but they the film with me when I it's not they can a massive important film to me
like it is to some people of our generation and stuff but what I do love about with me when I

(55:29):
is Richardy Grant's performance and if the whole film was just him pissed and being obnoxious
and all the things that he does and it would I could watch it all day all you know what I mean
so ever since I've always really liked Richardy Grant and he's in the thing as as well his Scottish accent
it's not too bad it's okay it's all right I think his his late wife was Scottish I think

(55:53):
it's just it just lost his wife a couple of years ago and he's sort of you know as he's kind of
turned the grief into a bit of a you know into a bit of an inspirational person to help other people
go through grief and everything else and whatnot so he that if you point that to a good point of reference
but yeah I mean he's
I would be the like a minute and what I would like to see in a bit more of like Sally Howett

(56:19):
who plays Cadill was assistant I'd like to see more scenes with the two of them and hard just
fucking more than her eyes because yeah she has just got a great face you know she can just like tell
you everything she would shoot everything that she thinks about that person she can convey

(56:39):
with just a whole of her eyes or a sort of flick of her hair or something like that is she doesn't
she doesn't have like a huge amount of lines in it considering that she's quite a relatively
important character but I'd like to see them even a few more scenes with those two because they were
I thought they were great yeah I was disappointed she wasn't in it that much because as you say
she's a wonderful actress and yeah the facial expressions she gives are fantastic

(57:02):
and you really get the sense that she fucking hates him and you know once did you know a bit like
oh fuck why have I blanked on her name Katie from Tutu Frute with Richard Wilson like it's
kind of a relationship that he could tell she kind of despises him but obviously he pays well

(57:26):
or something yeah they they're a great pair together as well so he is a richly grants I mean so as
I mentioned the kind of the only plot really of the film is that there's two bars in in Verdune
there is Benny's bar where everyone seems to hang out this rag tag bunch and there's LeBestro
and they made this bet 99 years ago that they play a football match every year and the winner if

(57:52):
if Benny's bar win a match or you know by the hundredth match whoever wins wins the opposition's bar
so with a small town like Inverdune have had a bistro in 1899 it's my first question
would have a bistro in 1999 see another question and if I did put it call itself LeBestro
everyone seems to go to Benny's bar so who's going to LeBestro and just can only be the team

(58:19):
the the the the bistro team yeah all guys yeah seem to be a load of wringer so I think
game in terms of the that go into LeBestro and you and you try to tell me that if there was two
pubs in the village and one of those pubs had somebody who looked like Samantha Fox working in it
that wouldn't be the busiest fucking pub in the village yeah I would agree with you on that

(58:43):
I mean the the the line of the guys at the bar I'd shag you shagging her and responses I'd let you
you know what Charlie I'd shag you shagging her you know what I'd let you
yeah that is going to be the busiest bar definitely um with Samantha Fox working there without a doubt

(59:07):
I suppose the lead is Matt is played by Max Beasley who's not a Scottish actor
no in the first scene we see him in when he's delivering a milk and he does the wee bit of football
trivia through the letterbox I thought to myself fuck me his Scottish accent is fucking dreadful
however as the film goes on he's accent it's not the worst Scottish accent I've heard I think

(59:30):
that honor probably goes to the aforementioned Samantha Fox who there's like why is the kept
are down like two lines yeah yeah accents obviously aren't her 40 no I thought Max Beasley's accent
was all right it you know it slipped a few times and yeah there's a few words that he didn't

(59:52):
pronounce that great but otherwise I thought it was okay it was possible and you know and this
was his first feature film it was like a TV series I think beforehand I mean he was obviously a
professional jazz drummer and like toured with jimmy required stuff he was mates were Robbie Williams
and then yeah kind of became an actor and he's been in some more eight stuff I know he was in like

(01:00:12):
hotel Babylon for years I never watched that but no his suits he says suits I think right oh is he
okay thanks oh yeah the favorite thing I saw him in was a TV show called Mad Dogs yes yeah John
Sam full of Glennister yeah yeah I loved that show and he was yeah he was great in that as well

(01:00:34):
so I think he does a pretty good job however like in terms of you know Scottish actors around
about that time there's there's a few you could have picked from four of that role I mean I wrote
down just off the top my head age might be a little bit up and down on some but from 1999 you know
take your pick from like Stephen McCullough Duggy Henshaw Tony Curran Joe McFadden Kevin McKid they were

(01:00:58):
all around about you know the right age at that time probably all decent football abilities and you
would believe I mean I think we've seen at least two of them um McFadden and McKid playing like
a lot of reasons love interest in films anyway so I think yeah yeah I don't understand why Max
because maybe you could have even got me big you you me good at getting 99 I mean they managed

(01:01:20):
to get him and brassed off you know so but you're just done the what was the other Danny the Danny
Boyle one that he did becoming Diaz after chain sport and a life less ordinary yeah
and that was a flop wasn't it um did the Phantom Menace not come out in 99 yeah did actually
he was busy doing that he was busy busy doing Obi-Wan Kenobi basically doing Star Wars yeah because I mean

(01:01:42):
1999 the summer of 1999 was a pretty good summer for films because there was the matrix
um the Phantom Menace there was the mummy and then a little bit later there was Pfeichel
um and the big you know much and then there was the match like five like massive films that summer
I think then I think I'm very computer you came out of that year as well okay yeah um so yeah I mean

(01:02:06):
Max Bees his character okay so he's lived in this village you know all his life he has a leg caliper
which is kind of forgotten and he doesn't yeah because he's dancing about in the street and then you see
him taking it off and you're like what would uh um right boss Marie played by Laura Fraser even
says to him you don't need that anymore but so you get you sort of get the impression that he's

(01:02:28):
sort of wearing it through martyrdom because he feels guilty about the death of his brother yeah which
is is fair enough I guess um so he is a milkman in the village um so he does do works for Cosmo
to deliver milk although he gets sacked then towards the end of the film and yeah he he doesn't drink
but he hangs out in Berry's bar yeah apparently and um he has was it total football recall

(01:02:53):
that you can remember every uh sort of stat from from football um in the US I mean that I think
they could have made a bit more of that because you know the scrapper they'd by David Haiman mentions that
and the sort of side of the mouth conversation and that's that's their justification for getting

(01:03:14):
them to manage the team yeah because he knows a lot of facts about football but I would contend that
knowing who won the fucking Scottish FA Cup in 1953 and who scored a winning goal doesn't
necessarily make you a master football technician you know they really test him once they ask him a
question and they ask him the name the fucking Celtic European Cup winning team I think I could probably

(01:03:36):
have a fucking fairer go at that I could get a few of them as well that's a bit honest you know just
not really a a question that's gonna gizamp someone that knows a bit about football so yeah I did
um query that but yeah it's kind of mentioned every inch to game but you're right that is the
justification that they use to um yeah to get them to to manage the team after they're manager Ian

(01:03:57):
home passes away nice setting up yeah just as long as just give up again I mean he's not in it for
long but he's he's great again I would say you know a cast of Scottish actor um for my pick Ian
home as Scottish is you know no English apparently yeah I think I thought he was Scottish I'll just

(01:04:17):
just wait to to fact check that just in case yeah fact-shitting Santas in the case yeah
Ian home or English actor yeah you're correct thoughts so yeah I'm gonna get it mixed up I would
get it mixed up with the guy who plays the emperor in Star Wars so he's Scottish oh yeah yeah I
would have cast if it's casting a Scottish actor Sylvester McCoy in that role yeah yeah he

(01:04:41):
did I mean yeah well it's interesting because I guess after Ian home finished this he would often
use Eland and made the Lord of the Rings films oh yeah and famously Sylvester McCoy who is Peter
Jackson's favourite ever doctor who appears in the Lord of the Rings prequel films like The Hobbit
Trilogy's okay as another wizard somewhat eccentric wizard so yeah so nice the better setting

(01:05:06):
dip a day there I think I think Sylvester McCoy would have been good if I think is Ian home's a
fucking brilliant actor yeah well I was surprised it took a job where he's got very few lines and he
just has to be pissed for the act pissed for the entire performance the fat king and he's
with I think it was probably a two-day shoot and yeah maybe thought I'll get to work with Richard

(01:05:29):
E. Grant and Max Beasley so yeah yeah yeah and you're more or see of course yeah um but yeah I just
think the obviously he passes away so now this is my issue he passes away so he's what the the
owner technically of the pop you think in his bar yeah who's who's running it after he dies some
anthropocs because they're concerned about who's gonna manage the football team and obviously they

(01:05:53):
plump for Willie but no one's concerned about who's actually fucking running the bar
it's what it says Sam Fox, they're all I think and they yeah I have no idea but that was something
that I did wonder about in terms of who the hell was um was running the pub um Beniz has a wonderful
cast of characters in the pub um you know as mentioned you know you have Gary Lewis David Heyman um

(01:06:19):
you have Jonathan Watson Andy Gray David O'Hara like it's it's a absolutely wonderful cast and
they all kind of have their little moments as well and all their little kind of quirks and things
that they yeah are easily identifiable at but I would like to have got it to a little bit more of some
of them but I think um probably the two kind of other main sort of like patrons that you would have

(01:06:42):
are um Buffalo played by Tom Seismore I mean just the last person you'd expect to appear in this film
just absolutely bizarre having him in this but hey he's great as well like he's I mean obviously
playing a drunkard American it's um that's fresh can you know not a specter for old Tom but yeah he's

(01:07:02):
he's great in this like he plays the the drunken guy and genuinely when he is kind of trying to
court Sheila Laura Fraser's Rosemary's mom those scenes are genuinely quite touching uh yeah I think
it has um yeah it's lovely has his sort of uncertainty and nervousness and all that I mean this is

(01:07:24):
the year after a worked with Steven Spielberg and Steven Private Ryan so he's gone from like the
beaches of Ireland that's supposed to be sort of Normandy and France and stuff to Scotland but
they think pretty much every Scottish actor with an equity card so he's gone Tom Seismore he's
gone from working with Tom Hanks and Matt Damon to working with Samantha Foxx in Neil Morris

(01:07:48):
quite a downgrade for him I think um acting acting opposite characters called like Nancy Noh Pants and
Grover yeah no that shows that the village obviously wasn't very forward thinking that the only
gay that's in the village is called Nancy yeah did uh did have a bit of an issue with that didn't

(01:08:13):
think that was the best totally PC and then of course the other kind of famous patron of the pub is
piss off played by Neil Morrissey yeah his Scottish accent leaves a lot to be desired as well I would
say yeah although he's really got a couple of speeches but normally just says piss off but uh yeah
not the best Scottish accent yeah so wisely I mean the thing is I mean the thing about

(01:08:35):
Neil Morrissey being cast in this so I mean he's still at this stage he is still probably super famous
for me having badly in the UK right so that was about a mid to late 90s yep phenomenon you know
to coincide in like voted in FHM and all that sort of stuff and you know the way that Mick Davis

(01:08:55):
the director sort of puts someone's screen you think it was fucking like Brad Pitt or George Clooney or
somebody walking in and you know to the bar and then when the paper gets moved and you see
it's Neil Morrissey you're like really you know a lot for Neil Morrissey now what I will say about
Neil Morrissey is at my opinion may be the change of him after seeing him in line of jutex I thought

(01:09:19):
he was absolutely brilliant in line of jute yeah but I think I enjoyed me having badly as much as
we all did back and boost these you know I mean it was good fun and but I would never have thought
he was a brilliant actor you know I thought he you know it's a funny guy but no I mean I think he
um yeah you're right I mean remember him badly did kind of catapult him obviously Boon was a

(01:09:41):
kind of big hip hip for you and then again he was about to sort of call me the character in Boon as
well isn't he yeah he was yeah and yeah maybe he's badly I mean I haven't watched it in years
I don't doubt it holds up now but I loved it at the time I thought it was brilliant and yeah he was
he was great in in that very funny and yeah very good character but yeah I get exactly what you mean

(01:10:03):
as he comes in and he's kind of this everyone's an ove him and it's like he's a superstar in the village
and yeah it's Neil Morrissey yeah sitting drinking his red wine reading his paper yeah the the
other performance that I enjoy in this and I don't know if I like I don't think the double act always
hits its mark but I think Bill Parsons is always very good in this you know like you know Ian

(01:10:27):
Robertson's fine as well you know he plays it well but I don't know like sometimes it really works
the sort with them kind of bounce off each other and other times it falls a bit flat but you know I guess
this is Ian Robertson this is a couple years after small faces it looks you know his his sort of
star was on the rise I think he did the date collector this this same year the Blythe Con they won

(01:10:49):
or the B4 would be yeah yeah when he's good in that you know oh yeah he's he's got himself
into about hot water recently so we probably shouldn't say too much about him but yeah but yeah like
Bill Parsons though is just why is Bill Parsons not they can everything because he's not all
fucking brilliant he's so good and right like the two of them it does I was gonna say it adds like

(01:11:12):
a bit of comic relief it doesn't need it because the film is funny but it's it's it's little kind of
it's almost they have their own little storyline and it's kind of just a sidebar in terms of what
they're doing and I guess it's a good way to get to know some of the locals as well that they interact
with and yeah they have some very funny moments and yeah you're right Bill Parsons fantastic you're

(01:11:33):
right you should be in everything yeah he's a wonderful actor and yeah you're right some of those
scenes are a bit hidden miss but his yeah his comic timing yeah is is is phenomenal Bill
Parsons is just a wonderful and but yeah those scenes are very good in terms of the two of them
and as I say it does help you kind of get to know a little bit about the village and things

(01:11:57):
and I think the the biggest mistake that the film makes is there's not enough water freezer in this
film no there is you know she's just not in it enough right and I'm not saying that in a pair of
a fucking we all fancy a lot of freezer although that is admittedly true but that's not what I'm saying
that but you know she's like the the scenes between her and Max Beasley you know particularly the

(01:12:21):
emotional scenes like whether it's them together or it's her by herself they do manage to sort of
almost match the tone the rest the tone of the film because we don't have emotion but she's quite
she's got the caglant in her eye you know and she's quite quite a joke and show you know she'll make
fun of him but then she can also be quite tender with him as well and but we just don't see

(01:12:42):
enough over I don't think no I agree with you on that it could have done with a lot more of her and
really it's only Beasley and her mum she interacts with really like this does not really you don't
get to see much you know you don't get to see her in Cosmo together no it's it's a it's weird right
this is the bit and and that's everything Cosmo is pretty underused as well he's not really in it

(01:13:04):
apart from the the the start and then towards you know it's been he comes with the count watch the
football towards the end you know it's like maybe I mean maybe there maybe there was a scene between
with Cosmo and Fraser and they decided to just kind of take it out for time because it's not very
long film it's like it's barely an hour and a half yeah when Cosmo turns up with Bridgete to

(01:13:26):
to watch the the match and they go to you know down the look of disgust Cosmo is just absolutely
wonderful he just looks thoroughly disgusted at the whole affair like it's brilliant um I totally
agree with you though on Laura Fraser it is very underused in this um you know she's a wonderful actress
and could have done with a bit more and her story lines a bit rubbish really like she's finished

(01:13:50):
you know she's come back to Inverdune and she's off to London and you know it's just like a fleeting
visit she's got come home I guess just to see her mum and dad and yeah then she's off um but
Willie is just determined that that's it he's going to move to London as well yeah I presume to be
with her but he hasn't told her that yet that he wants to be with her there's there's never really

(01:14:11):
kind of mentioned as such that they have feelings for each other it's just kind of implied and then
obviously yeah they kiss and um can I take it from there but yeah there's there's never really uh
it's kind of gloss over that part yeah in terms of things so yeah it's a bit odd well that's a thing
like it's not really clear what or if there's like sort of a message to the film right so to what

(01:14:32):
you just said there before so Willie starts off he can't leave the village because he's mad all by
herself and he used to be there for his mad and then he sort and then when he finds out that Rosemary's
going to be leaving he decides that he's leaving as well and he tells her that he's going to come
to London after the match yeah and she's like no no you belong here so it's like well I don't

(01:14:55):
really understand what the message is because Willie is our hero so what journey is Willie going to go on
you know what's different about Willie at the end of the film to how he is at the beginning the part
of the fact he's got no job but he's got a girlfriend it appears and he's managed to save the pub
but you don't get the impression that like you know when they make up with their hangovers the next day
after celebrate and that life's going to be all that different for Willie other than the fact that

(01:15:19):
he's now going out with Rosemary and he needs to find the job you know what I mean this like
I'm sure they won't be going out with it for a very long if he doesn't get his ass out of gear
in gear and start bringing them up and start bringing a wage into the house you know so this yeah it's
kind of I think sometimes I think you know the film like the plot of the film is it's a wee bit

(01:15:43):
all over the place and a lot of respects also like we don't we don't see the Benny's team getting
better at football for the training you know what I mean they they're shite we only see them train a
couple of times they're fucking dreadful and then the mysteriously begin to play a little bit slightly
better when the match starts but normally in a game in a film like this we would see the team being

(01:16:05):
absolutely shite and then the Willie character would start to get better performances out of them
so that we felt confident going into the match at the end that they'd improved but going into the
match at the end I was thinking but they're not any fucking better they're going to get absolutely
turned over and the whole modesty turns up right now and I you know and I thought Willie would end up

(01:16:27):
playing as well and he kick off his caliper and he then that playing the full game too yeah so yeah
all that I think you know the reason the film is so enjoyable I go as far as see as it's not because
it's a well-written film at all it's because the performances are fucking brilliant yeah you know
what I mean that's that's what makes it for me this film you know what I mean it's it's the it's the

(01:16:50):
Andy Graze you know with a bloody sticks the ice cream and the guys that I know that and this is my
favorite position and he pretends to shag Jonathan Watson of the R service I know it's called this
Coswell Ways Cow you know that that's what really Ellen in the richly grand obviously I've
simply got written in my notes god I miss Andy Gray like I yeah Andy Graze and Gerard Kelly are

(01:17:15):
two actually I desperately miss because they're just phenomenal and as soon as Andy Gray turned up I
was like brilliant it's yeah we know exactly what we're going to get with Andy Graze I would
completely agree with you in terms of the the kind of the football aspect I mean yeah let's talk
it's called the match it's a part of the football game and yeah you only see I mean you see

(01:17:38):
libestro team training quite a lot and they are yeah it's it's almost like pretty handy right yeah
it's it's almost like they are Dolph Lungren in Rocky IV and the yeah Benny's bar are Rocky
bubble and they have you know they're they're professional they've got the kits they're training

(01:17:59):
on pitches they're you know they're they're they're handy in terms of their their ability and they
seem to train a lot we only see Benny's bar training I think twice and the first time that they're
away to train they have to ask for a football so they don't even have a ball and they've got no kits
but they get t-shirts printed they get stolen yeah I presume you know everybody gets resolved is

(01:18:22):
it never find out you know where they went but I presume Gus is meant to have stolen them
um no this is my issue to to be first of all they turn up ready for the match and they're all
wearing the classic Benny's bar kits now Max B's they only found the original kits the night before
now how did he have time to get all those kits made or sent to in front of well I was being

(01:18:46):
kind of chariot of bowling the sense that well maybe there was a loader jersey's in there and we
only saw the one that he pulled out because they're they're all wearing period football even down
their boots yeah all Benny's team are wearing um are wearing like proper old sort of pre-war football
ships you know so they they play against um libby's throw now they do mention that they've only got

(01:19:10):
eight players at one point now they they draft any enrobert since they've got nine players
and eventually the second half when neo morrisie turns up because when will he is coming on
they say you're the 11th man so they've been playing the first half with nine players and they're
shite against libby's throw who are very good and they're only two no doubt they're only two no doubt

(01:19:35):
they're playing yes they've got two less players now neo morrisie turns up and that is a it's a great
bit when he turns up wearing the libby's kit and you think and then he takes it out they're all
surprised that he's there who gave him the jersey because he's obviously waiting the Benny's bar
classic kit underneath the libby's throw kit anyway let's just let's just allow that to to go he comes

(01:19:58):
on scores the first goal sets up Andy Gray to get the equalizer and then wins the penalty that is
you know but gets injured in the process and then will they come on and scores the the winning goal
after rondon and he effectively tells them they've only got like 15 seconds so you know
they can win this but yeah the footballing aspect is just a bit i mean i guess that's not the even though

(01:20:22):
the film's called the match and it is about a football match the football's kind of secondary and
you know what i can allow those ridiculous parts because as you say it's mostly about the performances
and what what we get from that i mean i mean i mean the football itself no one's put a lot the the
the best i get the feeling that i think max b'sley plays it's soccer read you know the celebrity football

(01:20:48):
yeah i think because the goal he scores so atop right hand corner that penalty that's a pretty
fucking good goal if we just take that in isolation he's he's taking a good kick there so he i think he's
max b'sley the actor is probably quite good at football but you know you've got such a range of age
he's playing you've got guys like hamin who must have been he must have been like any's early 50s

(01:21:11):
got Ian Robertson who they've been probably in his late teens early 20s you know you've got
fucking you've got guys in their 40s and 30s all kind of running about not athletic looking people
and playing some of the worst football but even though the bistro guys at that point when they're
you're not seeing like silky passes and stuff like that it's fucking i i'd written like my dad used to

(01:21:34):
always say to me because i was never good at football you'd always say to me you've got a toll like a
50p like second to kick the ball straight and there's a there's a lot of guys with holes like 50p's
in the match yeah i mean you could argue i suppose that the and the bistro mob are you know

(01:21:55):
that because the pitch is terrible like it's a tattoo field they're playing on yeah and you could
argue that they are not equipped to to play on that during the match i mean that's another thing the
the music choices in this are great this one's wonderful so in track wonderful music um yeah
gary glitter is um play egg whilst the match is is ongoing now this came out two months before his

(01:22:19):
conviction but two years after his initial arrest so surely they would have thought
i should maybe pick a different song for this but no they i can't remember if god it was still being
played on the radio um in between his arrest and conviction so i don't know but yeah it seems like
uh but it works though it's actually a good choice of song for the match i want to say the thing

(01:22:42):
that the thing for that song is crucial thing about it is gary glitter doesn't sing on it so much
you hear them shouting a bit in the background because it's rocking more part two right yeah i mean
it's as far as like a song for a soundtrack to scenes like the match or something it's a fucking great
bit of music yeah it works perfectly it works perfectly um but i guess it's the whole thing you know

(01:23:02):
it's like i heard somebody talking about uh woody Allen the other day and you know woody Allen
hasn't been convicted of anything because he hasn't done anything illegal is such but it's just
a bit weird that he married his foster daughter or whatever what he's stepdaughter whatever
and she was older than when she was old enough to get married i mean that's unusual behavior
yeah but you know he didn't break the law or anything but he's kind of been so i can sold and he's

(01:23:26):
somebody who you know about before all that highly respected that one of the regarded as one of
the greatest ever american filmmakers were some of the greatest ever american films on the days built
and now that's kind of like well can you say that you like the yeah and how can you say that you
like everything i worked no but sex was afraid but was afraid to ask and all these other like

(01:23:46):
any haul all these other classic films that is you know does that does that make you somebody who
might marry your stepdaughter just because you still like watching woody Allen you know i don't know
yeah it's kind of not allowed really to like you but you have to you have to sort of enjoy
being private and i think that's probably true i mean when it comes to people that galley glitter i
mean i thought i'm not like a don't really like galley glitters songs that whole sort of fifties

(01:24:11):
retro bollocks and the fact that he pretty unlikable person even before he was exposed as a fucking
traveling nonce but i do like that rock and roll part too little like a fucking grater a banger
it really is absolutely banger yeah i'm to meet when that came on i was like oh yeah
yeah it's just to kind of get you going um random cameo from alan sheeror yes

(01:24:37):
bizarre so so i was like i quite like to i like how nobody recognised them really you know
oh yeah and then another random cameo at the end pure sproesman um who was an executive producer
on the film as well so yeah he just he turns up he is cattle's a husband um he's been off to make

(01:24:58):
his fortune and um yeah nice back now he's back and uh punches gusts in the face um yeah so
so bronson bronson rather doing a scotish accent there yeah it's not great but he is i-rish
yeah they usually are the better at it he has been getting absolute pelters recently for his accent

(01:25:19):
in mob city where he plays an i-rishman married to helan miran who's also been getting pelters for her
i-rish accent but the accent he's doing is sort of like a really sort of southern i-rish
country accent and i thought it was i think he's one of the best things about mob city they're quite

(01:25:42):
honest with you spock and bro eat in it but yeah he's been getting a lot of the lot of shits for his
i-rish accent and but for me it feels quite authentic because i mean i've heard other characters talk
like that in things where they're supposed to be come from very rural uh backgrounds in southern
island i thought he's got a shak-sa and this was nearby atop when they are trying to get people to buy

(01:26:03):
tickets for their Hawaiian night are they a bit i've written rapy um that's maybe a bit strong
but yeah i find they were a little bit aggressive towards because it's women that are chasing down
the street and trapping in phone boxes and not letting them out until they buy a ticket i get it's
meant to be funny that they're you know trying to do anything they can to raise funds but it just

(01:26:24):
came across you know especially because it was women that they were chasing it just seemed a bit
wrong i think it's more of the fact it's just not aged very well i think at the time it was you know i
don't think it was meant other than just you know about a cut bit sort of banyhill type comedy you know
um but obviously these types of things don't always look as good through a modern lens you know um

(01:26:48):
but i think at the time it was probably fine yeah yeah i'm sure it was sometimes sure it was okay um
but yeah it's obviously predictable you don't for one second think the liby store can win
like you know that bany spot i'm gonna overcome and you know that's the the kind of thing it's a
classic kind of trope sports movie plot and a nept team try-offs over elite bad guys after an

(01:27:11):
inspirational speech and that's exactly what happens they get kind of inspirational speech and then
that's it they they overcome the enemy and you know someone that they are you know let's be safe
they should have been ten-no down that half time at least it's dreadful dreadful but you know they
think to your point we always knew how the film was going to end and uh you know you kind of help

(01:27:34):
but feel pleased for the guys you know buffable gets his gets his lady will he gets his lady
hmm Rosemary gets her man team keep the bar and then there's that you know guss gets a sore face but
there's that little pretty scene when uh guss comes to give them the keys to his bar and um will he
give some his keys back and says we don't want your bar yeah that's obviously to show that they're

(01:27:56):
good guys that you know fuck it up to one your bar fucking nobody goes in there and they'll come
here to see some folks anyways who i guess you know is um with new amorousy's character piss off
because they're kind of hugging towards the end and yeah they're together when they're celebrating
in the street so i think she's gonna help tend his injuries they should think yeah i suspect

(01:28:19):
fair play fair play right down she'll i mean because i send her some antiforks who in a UK at least
was still pretty famous at this point yeah she'd been cast in this film with i don't know she had
lines and they were just all cut out apart from like one or two but she literally says nothing
no nothing at all bar from at the game um i know we've touched upon it and we kind of put all over

(01:28:44):
the place but in terms of the subplot of cosmos having it a fair with a cow but it's just the most
bonkers thing it's so it's wonderful when he's with it the star and um Brigitte's in the kitchen with him
and she's eating something and he tells it off because it's hot um and then yeah when
when a lot of racers speak into her mum and she says yeah i can't believe um was it on the

(01:29:10):
rift forget the day i came home to find them watching tv with Brigitte i don't talk about him
oh why not i mean it's been god knows how long since the divorce i mean don't you think it's time
one of you came to your senses well that's not very likely to be him i'll never forget coming home
early and catching him watching tv with Brigitte it's Brigitte it's it's heavily implied that he's

(01:29:34):
having an affair with this cow and that's the reason the the the parents split up and now he's
happily living with his cow on the farm and takes the cow everywhere mental what a
fucking strange plot to have like and it's not it's not made a big thing of it's just casually
mentioned a few times and everyone seems to accept that yeah it's yeah cosmos and the cow

(01:29:56):
i wonder if if if they're going for a sort of kind of fourcythian eccentricity you know
hey some of the little moments and Gregory's get on that sink and feeling you know just like
this absurd absurd set of circumstances they can the background of the plot you know it just
doesn't really it doesn't really land because we don't think we see enough a cause more in

(01:30:18):
Brigitte for it to you know that's a problem i did think that was what they were trying to do with
the the bill partisan and Ian Robertson scenes it was about fourcythian in terms of having little
bits and and they were always kind of bizarre a lot of things as well guess hats get your notebook out and
yeah yeah yeah they're the life lessons but be a good delivery driver yeah i did find that

(01:30:41):
that was a bit kind of yeah forcythian so yeah yeah maybe i think we needed to go into a little bit more
of cosmos character and how we ended up with Brigitte and what the sleeping arrangements are of
course i think that would have been a good bit bit bit bit difficult getting the cow up the stairs
with the machine yeah probably just keeps downstairs yeah i think that would be the best thing it's

(01:31:02):
like it reminds me of that i don't know if you've see or they're absolutely probably seen it but
i don't know if when you recently saw it there's a scene in the felt the Irish film the commitments
when the main character Jimmy rabbits at the high flats and there's a kid taking a horse and
taking a knife 30 a.m. says i hope to the stairs would come on oh my yes my long time since i've watched that

(01:31:29):
yeah yeah yeah i think the out of the the kind of cast of the the Benny's part team like i'm
really spoken enough about David Heyman like he's no he's just fantastic in this absolutely brilliant
um hilarious but yeah just a great performance from him as well like really just every time he comes

(01:31:49):
on screen just kind of like oh yeah David Heyman's here yeah i love David Heyman and he he must have
the highest metabolism of any older gentleman actor working in Scotland because from the one of
the his earliest performances that i've seen the Peter Medieval play just your luck up until the match
up until it was then guilt as well wasn't he yeah it's a guilt yeah it's like stick thin yeah he's a

(01:32:15):
fucking number two grams of fat one yep absolutely still stick thin so yeah you're right you'd
obviously yeah it takes care of himself very well it doesn't need to do yeah just i'm just a very
high metabolism yeah it's always it's always warm cans of cash to let you turns up at cosmos as
he never eats no he doesn't he's all right so is it time to put the match through uh

(01:32:41):
swallow your wards why not Greg let's do it okay so the first awards would usually be the Bobby the
Barman award uh Bobby the Barman of course the bartender from still game played by the king of
suks Gavin Mitchell for the best pub but although we see the exterior of uh B-Stro

(01:33:02):
whenever actually taken inside but bennies does seem like a crack in boozer as will he describes it
to neo morrisis character bennies isn't just a pub it's like a huge living room where friends come
chat have a laugh a family and that's exactly what it seems like and yeah bennies seems like a
i think it would be entertaining to have a yeah i drank in bennies and it looks like you wouldn't get

(01:33:25):
into as long as you're not an english man of course no and i think you'd be uh yeah you'd be fine
and you'd get to sort of chat to some other folks you would i mean the guy don't know she'd chat back
to you but it's actually smell and pour your pain because apparently it's not the talk but uh bennies
isn't just a pub it's like a huge living room where friends come which have a laugh a family

(01:33:49):
i don't know about you mr. Doris i need friends the next award of course is the the james
cosmol award for being in everything scotish and although the man himself is in the film i mean
so many to choose from you know we could have gadi mccormick either blare and you know big person even

(01:34:12):
you know uh so many actors but i think garrie luis but i think um i think i still has to go to
cosmol yeah did you pick someone else? no i went with cosmol of course mol is in it it goes to cosmol
yeah yeah that's what would be safest safest thing to do um next award then the jaybequillin your
teezu award i had until the very end uh and de gre ram in the ice cream cone in the ice space

(01:34:38):
but then of course uh brosnan comes in at the end and definitely delivers a teezu moment uh to
which de grand yeah that's exactly the same as me i had a de gre down for like the whole film and then
yep brosnan comes swinging in at the end punching goss so yeah that was my pick the next award is the

(01:34:58):
the frank bebe award for gratuitous language so i i didn't go for anything particularly
swiri you are you already uh mentioned it earlier but when the guys are appraising uh patty so
it's more smanthafox and he says i'd shag you shaggin her and i just i know i don't know it's not
exactly gratuitous language but just because it made the it's a line that maybe laugh the most in the film

(01:35:22):
uh with a jiu with a jiu go for shag you shaggin her then it's i'd let you
um there's not really much sweating in this which i'm very surprised at i just want with pestoff
you know yeah yeah pesto yeah i hope you should have said the new modus his character's name is

(01:35:42):
actually daudas yes but he's credited but he's credited as pestoff in brackets yes um because
it's pretty much his whole they script up until the very end just tell people what piss off next
would be the u-migreger award for gratuitous nudity of course there's no nudity uh nancy
napanx doesn't get the chance to strip off at the how i might know um thankfully uh yeah um next

(01:36:06):
then is our archetypal scottish moment i just simply wrote down sniff sniff englishman
uh and being able to sniff out in englishman and of course the the englishman that we see is of
course waiting uh mac the class is in carrying a briefcase because that's obviously what englishman
looks like you might as well have been wearing a fucking beef eater costume or something

(01:36:26):
you know yeah the fucking pearly queens you know um yeah i i mean i perhaps a bit unfairly i wrote down
shite football um but i've also written the sort of anti-english jokes that are in there um as well
and then next one then i'm interested to hear your thoughts here but who who wins the match for you

(01:36:50):
apart from the bit the the the bayonet team i mean it's very much an ensemble piece like i i
i kind of struggled you know i want to include everyone really but yeah and i might do that but
actually for me it was the the two david's the the kind of stele david o'hara just cracks me up like
when he's on screen absolutely brilliant and david haiman as well yeah so it's the two davids that i

(01:37:14):
really picked from i winners like they're nothing against like b'slay rich de gran lora phrase of
course all brilliant performances but yeah two davids connected it for me more about you i mean just
because because i like the way that she sort of navigates this film you know and it's because
that was said before like they sort of struggle with a with a consistent tone in the film uh and for

(01:37:39):
me i thought lora phrase her for me gives the best performance in the sense that she is able to
she's able to lean into the comedy in a light moments between her and willy but she's also able to
she's able to sort of slip really smoothly in the sort of the more sensitive scenes and the more
emotional scenes and things and then even at the end you know she lets herself go and she's

(01:38:01):
celebrating with the guys and stuff so i just it took me a really long time because like you just say
the rest of the cast are so likeable in this i mean and you even the gusts are supposed to be the villain
you look forward to when he's on screen you know what i mean yeah they when he gets his hands glued
to the wall when the wee boy the wee boy he pulls his brakes down and then the dog comes and pisses

(01:38:25):
and the gusts at his trousers and then you see him later on his hands and all bandages stop and
say you know i think it's it's all they're all just good fun you know so it was it was really difficult
but i thought if you know i thought well the fents i'll actualize it then i think i like lora
phrase her the best of it yeah i mean i would yeah i can totally see that and i'd be yeah i would

(01:38:48):
kind of agree with you on that as well she's brilliant very good yeah wonderful well that is
1999's the match i've no idea where it is if you um want to watch it i don't know where you'll
find it um but yeah i'm sure it's out there somewhere but i couldn't find it streaming anywhere
and it's not on youtube or anything but um but you can you can watch it on Netflix and Brazil

(01:39:09):
okay oh good to go well you've got a VPN and there you go you can watch the match i bizarre
Netflix for sell them match so 1999's the match so that was my choice Greg so it is your turn to
pick what we're going to be talking about next so what have you got for me well as you neatly pick the

(01:39:30):
match to coincide with um the Scottish football season starting by the time this next episode goes
out the schools will be back the summer holidays will be over so i've chosen the 2014 the
black comedy drama starring David Tennant Billy Conley and Rosamund Pike what we did in our holiday

(01:39:52):
wonderful i've never seen it never seen it but i'm aware of it never never seen it either um but it's got a
nice cast and uh and crucially it they come with the Scottish islands for a holiday and David Tennant
Scottish and that's so it's very conny so yeah oh no definitely yeah yeah yeah wonderful okay i will
look forward to watching that so what we did on our holiday indeed okay wonderful right thank you very

(01:40:16):
much for listening everyone hope you enjoyed the show if you did give us a little rating review
subscribe anywhere wherever you get your podcasts it really does help thank you if you want to get in
touch with us you can you can email us cultureswalley@gmail.com with any suggestions of things you'd like us
to cover or any new stories or if you just want to say hello and you can follow us on instagram at
cultureswalley pod and we have a wonderful website as well don't we Greg uh yep you can find us

(01:40:42):
at cultureswalley.com links to all the episodes and some features about Scottish TV and Scottish film
come and give us a little traffic over there uh also i meant to mention this at the beginning of the
podcast but if you're in Glasgow there is a show at the pavilion i think if you're a fan of the
basic eroters there is a play um about fans in the 70s go and see the rollers um i'm told

(01:41:09):
that's very good uh a couple will serve a couple of the surviving rollers were they used the other
night giving it a glowing endorsement uh and talking about those crazy days when they were
when they these weird looking boys from Scotland and tartan were being chased around the world
like they were the fucking Beatles um so yeah yeah um it looks very good so if you're in Glasgow

(01:41:31):
and you can get a ticket and see it wonderful that sounds amazing yeah we'd definitely go and see that
if i was in Glasgow and see if yeah so well my my daughter's going back to Glasgow in the
day after tomorrow for uh a bit of a week uh we're just over a week to see her cousins and things
so uh i don't think she'll go and see i'm not invested in the bait in the rollers unfortunately
no you have to get her listening to shagga lang um yeah yeah yeah yeah wonderful okay right

(01:41:56):
well thank you very much Greg you up to anything exciting no some was nine o'clock here so i'll be
just be going and making my ab my i'm going to go and download uh the new urban Welsh book from
Kindle met men and love i went to the bookshop today i didn't yeah i don't i wasn't holding out much
hope of it being in the bookshop in Dubai yet although a lot of Welsh's books are in that Japanese

(01:42:17):
bookshop in Dubai but uh it's not there so i um i don't know that my Kindle and then uh when it comes to
the or maybe get my daughter to bring me a copy back from the UK so i can have it my bookshelf um yeah my
copy arrived yesterday i ordered it from amazon um it's i i don't know where the fuck i'm going to
read that book it's massive like it's five yes like five hundred and fifty pages or something

(01:42:40):
right and it's it's thick and huge like so i think i might download it from my Kindle as well
and just read my Kindle and at least i've got it because like like you i've got all of his books
um you know purchased um in physical copies so i was going to buy it anyway but um yeah it's a
fucking huge big buy i'm started yeah i'm um just finishing firm Brady's book and then i'm going to

(01:43:03):
okay start so yeah wonderful very good very good right well thanks very much for all
books until next time until the next day two box tickets for the Scottish Cup final piss off
hundred pound piss off and uh as much clarif as you can drink
piss off

(01:43:34):
[Music]

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Episode 132 - The Match (1999)

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 132 - The Match (1999)