Episode 142 - Billy and Albert (1987) - The Culture Swally

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Culture Swally, a podcast dedicated to Scottish news and pop culture.

(00:23):
My name is Nicky and I'm joined as always by the man who often likes to strum on his
banjo. It's Greg, how are you today buddy? Very well, very well. I haven't said very well.
I'm working out, I had my Christmas work snate out last night and too much to drink so
it was a bit of a difficult morning but I've rallied, I feel fine now, it was quarter past two

(00:50):
my time here in the afternoon so but a few months ago there was a bit of a Guinness drought in Dubai,
you can't remember what the reason was but basically so for some reason there's a big, as
maybe it may have mentioned before, there's like a pub, there's an Irish pub chain here called
negatigins which I know you're familiar with and for some reason they, rather than just sort of

(01:13):
kind of keep them nerve, they decided to replace Guinness with Murphy's. Oh dear, now I don't mind
on Murphy's but Guinness I find I can sip away a few pints of Guinness, I don't get pissed too quick
and nine out of ten times I'm fine the next day. Yeah but that's not true with Murphy's.
I can tell you because yeah I was, I mean I was home by ten o'clock, there's a wimpy

(01:39):
open by me, remember the wimpy? Wow, yeah, did you get a big bender? No, they know how big benders
in the menu here, no but I got the attach that it dropped me there and lurched in there at a bit
quarter to ten but two burgers ate them both and then lurched home, remember coming in and pretending

(02:00):
that I wasn't all that drunk but then of course my nocturnal movements gave me away because I've
got about a habit of getting up to go for a piss in the night and getting a wee bit lost on my
way to the bathroom and opening more door and things and poor my vlog suffering white always has to
sort of stop me just you know just in time and send me and can I get me into the bathroom.

(02:24):
Oh dear apparently that happens quite a few times in the night but she seems alright.
She, she, she averted catastrophe every time and saved my disgrace so yeah, it's weird that.
Oh, so you think it was the Murphy's? Well it was, that was what he always drink it and I did

(02:44):
that I must have had about six pints of it. Oh okay, so that would definitely do it but is
I ever something that you've back in your drinking days? You've got in the night? Never pissing your
dirty washing baskets. Absolutely never never never happened to me ever. I'm thankful to say
I don't, never usually even get up in the night. Really? I think I did. You know something, there was one

(03:08):
night about a year ago but I was going through a traumatic time. I don't just died and I was a bit upset
and stuff and I did have a night that I did have a few drinks and I I woke up about 4 a.m. on the
sofa and I was like oh must have fallen asleep on the sofa and I was alright I'll go through to bed

(03:28):
and went through to bed and I'm like wait a minute I went to bed like I went to bed about one o'clock
fell asleep and I must have got up and went back to the sofa and no recognition of at all
but that's the only time that I can remember do you know so I've never pissed anywhere that I shouldn't
have or done anything I shouldn't have when yeah sleep or anything like that so no it's quite a

(03:56):
unique thing well not unique thing to you because I know quite a people few people do it but
it's yeah I don't have any experience of that on the food. Yeah it's just seems to be if I have a
lot of beers you know what I mean they if I forget about boozey off wine it's not the same but I guess
because like beer kind of goes beer so yeah but the kind of goes through your quicker doesn't it in that
sense yeah so it's probably why. Yeah wine you often feel a little bit more dehydrated I think

(04:22):
when you drink wine but especially red you drink red wine don't you? That's a white wine
gives me a horrendous headache if I drink it even like a one or two glasses I can feel the headache
coming on straight away you know it's not even like a next day thing it's like an immediate thing
and it's like oh white wine because I have that with shardiny but any other white wine I'm fine with

(04:44):
oh I don't know I don't know I mean white wine isn't just like if I was going to have a few if I was
if I had an empty and I would say right I'm gonna have a couple of drinks and watch a film I wouldn't
buy a bottle of white wine I always buy a bottle of red wine you know I mean I would don't tell
me every white wine is you know if I'm up in mums and my step that you know she's made something

(05:04):
that white wine goes with I love a glass or some you know if I'm offered but I don't I don't choose
I don't choose it you know so we are this this episode comes out on Christmas day Greg so
hopefully the episode comes out on Christmas day how is your Christmas I mean obviously we're
recording this on the 6th of December but have you got a big Christmas planned? No well my

(05:28):
mother and my mother arrived next week because we're just saying before we started recording so she's
my dish for a month and we'll have Christmas dinner with her and my daughter's boyfriend will be
joining us for Christmas dinner as well and yeah just that's it I'm hoping eat about two this
go nap maybe about five cups of drinks and even a bed by ten this might fly for Christmas yeah

(05:52):
lovely stuff oh good are very nice glad to hear it that'll be wonderful
hmm well you'll be and of course I'll be seeing you at some point over Christmas you will be yeah
I'd leave next Saturday yeah so I will see you at some point and yeah Christmas will be yeah
it's at my sisters this year so there's a couple of people coming round so yeah it'll just be

(06:15):
morning I'll just be will probably do all presents and stuff on the 24th not because of any other
reason then well what a time in the morning so let's just do it now and so yeah we'll probably just
get up leisurely get ready and imagine people will come round about 12ish or something and then yeah
probably dinner about two and then yeah just play some games or something or I don't know it'll be

(06:38):
yeah interesting to see because yeah normally everyone's up early in the morning and then it's like
the champagne's opened and one string can champagne at like 9 10 a.m but yeah it'll be um
maybe a sober Christmas for me so it'll be interesting to see how that goes but yeah it'll be
fun I'm looking forward to it so it'll be enjoyable but yeah and then it'll all be over and then we

(07:02):
can move on with our lives so it's great um yeah so all good right well shall we have a look at
what's been happening in Scotland over the last week? Cure the jungle
hello this is the out there heaven east broadcasting configuration and here is what's

(07:26):
been going on in the new okay Greg for our last news round up of 2025 what have you seen in the news
this week? So in the last episode I mentioned this young women who's been in the news in Scotland
over the last few weeks called Kira cousins um she's been in the news for faking being pregnant

(07:49):
having a baby and losing a baby and it's been quite big news um there's no she hasn't like she's
obviously hurt a lot of people but she hasn't like conned anybody so she's not like in hot water
like the police ran into him for doing it but uh obviously you know pretending to have and lose a
baby does not indeed hurt anybody including uh appears the orange order because they have banned

(08:11):
because they have banned her um and investigation by the orange order has been launched after
Kira cousins was caught on video donning the artificial baby bump in a march so she is facing
expulsion from the orange order oh wow that's why it's two year old from airdry broke the internet

(08:32):
on October and after the daily record revealed how she cons her family and friends were pretending to
get birthed with a tiny daughter called Bonnie Lee Joyce after strapping on a dummy baby bump for months
her loved ones then discovered that the baby was a realistic reborn doll after her mum found
in her bedroom last week we disclosed that Kira had been caught on video donning the artificial

(08:56):
bump as part of an orange order march in her hometown in july we can now reveal that the
grand orange launch of central Scotland has launched a probe to determine if her membership should
be revoked speaking to the record David Walters executive officer of the grand orange lodge in
Scotland said there's an investigation going on at the moment the country the county grand

(09:18):
lodge of central Scotland has offered her a meeting to discuss her situation but as of yet we have
not had it the investigation is revolving around the scandal and to determine if she has brought
the organization into this repute so singing songs about being up to their knees and fiendy
and blood is fine but they draw the line at fake baby scams it could end up with her losing her

(09:44):
membership depending on what she says to the Supreme Committee investigating it she's still a member
of the institution at this time though and we are trying to understand why she did it alongside
offering her support through a traumatic time we want to help her find support if that's what she
wants to do Kira cousins declined to comment on the probe when she was approached by the record a
family friend of Kira's who labeled her a serial wire when the story broke previously said she

(10:09):
did Kira's hair for an orange order event and spoke about noticing the straps on her back holding
the fake bump on she said my me and my daughter noticed straight away that her bump wasn't real it was
all one pay she was wearing very thin pajamas and you can see the straps on her back holding it on
when she posted the picture of her supposed baby it looked like a doll but I would have been slaughtered

(10:30):
if I had spoken out about all this and said I didn't think any of it was real people would
have thought I was crazy production companies so host should use entertainment and Glasgow based
two rivers media are turning the hoax into a documentary a release date has not been confirmed a
photograph posted by Kira shoulder sitting in the office of one of the production companies
and lead up to the birth of her daughter which shocked a world Kira posted baby scans videos of

(10:55):
a lavish gender reveal party and claimed she weighed five pounds four ounces the supermarket worker
also uploaded pictures of her newborn clothes and items at loved ones but including a thousand pound
pram and the car seat alongside what is believed to be an AI generated footage of the baby kicking
in her stomach she even wrote about hospital appointments and claimed anti-natal tests picked up a

(11:19):
heart defect in her baby Kira was also seen telling the man she claimed was bodily's dad their baby
had died in screenshot messages reborn dolls retail between 30 and 2000 pounds some versions make a
crying sound to fake tears and produce wet nappies so there you go the orange order will not tolerate

(11:40):
baby scams niki I mean band from the orange order what a fucking dog that's just could be the
worst thing that ever happened I mean this woman obviously has issues and there's yeah in terms of
having the fake baby but being banned from the orange order fucking hell how will she go on the shame

(12:01):
she has a hamburger flute that big drum it's funny I mean there's pictures of them here like
marching stuff with all their daft all the silly sashes and their bowler hats and all that kind of
thing and they I was watching um oh yeah they just they just seem so ridiculous right and I was
watching the Beatles and the trilogy tv series that was on in the mid-90s has just been remastered

(12:26):
and released again on Disney plus and then I watched them like I I'd beasted it last weekend they're
watching they call nine hours off it over the weekend I really enjoyed it um but there's this you
know like kind of famously the Beatles got into hot water when John Lennon kind of compared their
popularity to like Jesus in the middle America fucking lost her mind and there's like there's

(12:49):
their show in the documentary there's old news footage of a member of the clue clocks clan being
interviews at a kind of Beatles merchant record burning event somewhere in fucking god knows
Alabama or somewhere like that and like I don't know how anybody could take them seriously so
they've got they've got these big I don't know what it is about these like far right organisations

(13:13):
like the orange order in the clue clocks clan and just ridiculous outfits but this KKK guys got
like a big can of cone shaped silk hood thing on that must stand the goods I don't know they
half a meter off the top of his head and they just get these gown and everything else and he's
going on you know he's going on about how the clue clocks clan is a Christian organization and

(13:35):
blah blah blah I mean well you know who this John Lennon think he is anyway there and it's the same
with these orange guys so they you know just they just look outrageous it's like a joke it's like a joke
you know what I mean um I think you know I'll show this probably there maybe people listening who
the orange order is quite important to them I mean fuck knows why don't feel you have to listen if
that if that is you but um yeah fucking just weird I mean to think I'll get fed up just playing the same

(14:02):
learn something new yeah exactly so yeah but yeah well I hope um you know she's able to come to terms
with being kicked out the orange order and maybe she'll I don't know go and join you to order or
something or team mobile order even if they do end up kicking her out I mean they might not right

(14:25):
yeah probably not I'm surprised she's not become some sort of simple for the yeah but I said
but I don't know I'm speaking nonsense but yeah that's a shame but never mind I'm sure she'll get
over it anyway that's my first story of a set of swords which sure sure for story well we had a
couple of stories in the last episode Greg about Scotland being at the world cup and yes listeners

(14:48):
you're probably gonna have to put up with us speaking about this until at least July next year
but the draw was yesterday for the world cup so Scotland are drawn in group C with Brazil Marocco
and Heidi which is uh yeah very interesting draw but the my story is from the daily record today
Greg one Scotland superfan who booked 22 hotel rooms for the world cup draw and he's hit the jaguar so

(15:13):
this is Darius Nezbit that's a well good Scottish surname don't know about the name Darius
Darius Nezbit from Bishopton he went to extraordinary lengths to make sure he was there to cheer
on Steve Clark's men at next summer's world cup whilst most fans nervously waited for Friday night's
group stage draw the 24 year old created an extensive plan to chase Scotland around North America

(15:37):
from June the 10th to June the 24th Darius spent at least £3,000 on each of his near two dozen hotel
rooms with the option to refund those he would not need depending on the fixtures
determined to beat the price surge he'd already shelled out on flights to Boston and that plan paid off
as we were drawn into group C with Brazil Marocco and IAT group C games are scheduled to be played

(16:02):
on the East Coast of North America either Miami, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Foxborough or East
Brotherford speaking to the record after draw Darius said I don't even know how explain it
because I pre-booked Boston flights in Scotland and been put in group C which means our games will
take place in the East Coast I genuinely think I've saved myself thousands of pounds

(16:24):
£300 with a 23 kg bag for Barcelona that's all it's cost me I've got all my accommodation sorted
and now I'll just cancel the other reservations I had that were all refundable I was meant to go
on June 24th go home but I genuinely think that with the beer tokens I've saved if Scotland get
deep into the tournament I'm staying I managed to do Germany on a budget but the USA with the amount

(16:50):
of money I've saved just take a look at sky scanner in the places that be going through the roof
don't get my wrong it was a risk but G-zo it's a risk that's paid off that is that is next level
G-v-s I was basing up and doing what I am working to get put on a wearscore but every single group

(17:11):
group C is literally the jackpot I've hit the jackpot so Darius has hit the jackpot
Scotland will play Brazil for the fifth time out of our nine qualifications for the world cup
after matches in 74 82 90 98 we managed a nil nil draw against the 6th American

(17:31):
San Baboyce in 1974 who lost the following three matches 4-1 1-0 and 2-1 there's also a chance
of redemption against the Moroccans after they booted us out of France 98 happening us 3-0
in the final group game and Darius reckons we have enough to do it that IT analyst says I said all

(17:53):
our long I thought would get Brazil or Argentina it's going to be tough but if you put your blood
sweat and tears into this let's see what we can do I genuinely think if we can get a good
togetherness with this squad and keep them match fit and at our best I think we'll do really well
so there we go there is not our opinion the opinion of Darius he thinks we'll do really well if

(18:18):
we can get together and put in our blood sweat and tears did you watch the draw all Greg no I was
steaming that out of course you were sorry yeah probably I sleep I saw some of highlights this morning
I saw the village people with all try to get his FIFA peace prize I genuinely couldn't believe what
I was watching at some moment it was just an absolute car crash and then the draw normally I think most

(18:44):
people probably switched over for I was on my phone girlfriend was on our phone and the TV was still
rolling and then they started playing YMCA but it was the band playing and I was like there's five
microphones on the stage I think village people are about oh my god it's the village people and
Trump dancing away to them it was incredible I mean we don't want to go down a village people road

(19:08):
but they still have the red Indian I mean I can't see a red Indian the Native American yeah that's
that's truly that's not allowed now it is can you have any if American it's a and full headdress and
I don't know I mean they're all the village people the original village people still with us so

(19:29):
I don't know I haven't I think the original guy who played the Native American might have
I've got a few things I might have passed away a few years ago I mean fucking hell past members right
one two three four five six eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen
eighteen nineteen twenty twenty twenty twenty one people have been in the village people so I'm

(19:52):
looking at the the lists on them on Wikipedia which I think oh wow I mean Victor Willis he plays the
cop he was the one singing through and all the singing yesterday he is he left but he's back
is back so he is the only original member right that's still yeah yeah the cop yeah he's the original
member but he left for by the likes of things about 40 years but he's back so that's that's impressive

(20:21):
that's still feeling filled filly prose was the American Indian usually waiting a
bespangled war bonnet and then Alex Brinley was the GI Glenn Michael Hughes was the weatherman
David Hodo was a construction worker and then Randy Jones was the cowboy so great name for a cowboy

(20:41):
Randy Jones great name for a village person as well um yeah anyway I loved seeing the the village
people it was very good um but yeah the troar so good on that as he's managed to hit the jackpot
according to him in terms of booking all is accommodation and flights like you know ahead of time and
lucky for him we are probably in well we will be on the east coast I think the fixtures come out to

(21:05):
yeah so that's that's good good going on him we saved himself about a money there I just I just
fear we bet for the travel and support because the immigration officers in the American
airports have to be the unfriendliest people you know I mean like everybody every time I've arrived
they make me feel guilty they cannot tell in the truth about why I'm there you know what I mean and

(21:29):
I'm always telling the truth about why I'm there obviously you know what I mean but just the you
know when you leave in who you hear a sea blah blah blah you know what's the what's the address of
your hotel where have you come from yeah all this sort of stuff you know have you ever been convicted
of a war crime are you carrying drugs have you ever carried drugs yeah I do I do I do I do
fear for them because you know that not everybody is going to turn up sober and ready to be interrogated

(21:53):
no they will be yeah getting hammered on the flight singing songs on the way there and yeah they
are going to be yeah in some states arriving at let's face it probably with their flinties coast they're
probably going to be flying in a you know JFK and you're and yeah and they will yeah there will be a few

(22:15):
gain turned away I would imagine yeah well well you know well I will I will I will you describe
how you see as a potential banana peel I saw in the group this morning a potential banana skin yeah
it's just because like you know if you go back to Peru Costa Rica you know it's the type of
game that we're all going to be like oh well we'll hammer them and then we'll end up

(22:40):
fucking losing one nil or something and especially because that's I I thought we'll probably pay them
last but that's our first game so maybe you know I mean potentially we are probably going to be doing
the usual and something will go wrong and we'll go into the last game against Brazil needing something
from that game to qualify leading to a four no yeah will be like how I can probably get a draw a

(23:05):
draw is enough to get us through and then we'll lose like seven no I think the thing the thing about
Scotland is if they if they went into the tie the game of Brazil needing to score four goals we
probably score three in those yeah because you know that's just what happens it's not like well we
score four goals and it's a no score draw or it's you know our Brazil beat is one or two now we

(23:28):
were scoring three goals so everybody would be like it's it's happening it's happening and then you
know the final whistle blows and or another result of another game goes against this or something like
that you know in the fuck yeah it would definitely be around something like that that would happen

(23:48):
or yeah we'd need to beat them four nil and we'd be four nil up in the last minute and then
Brazil had scored and then yeah just it's it's it's Scottish way it's glory is failure yeah so it was
yeah but it'll be interesting to see and it was yeah there was kind of shenanigans because I was
watching the draw live and there was so many permeations of you know well two teams from Europe in

(24:11):
the same group and you can't have teams from other Confederates in the same group as well so we I
was like right we want pot D because at that time it was USA in Australia and you're like right
that's that's two teams we we might have a chance of eating them like you never know they're both
very good footballing nations but you just think well and then that pot with Brazil and Morocco and

(24:34):
I'm like I don't want that because and it's more because not because of beating them it's like well
we had that in 98 yeah like don't it's all we needed was Norway there as well and it would have been
fucking deja vu but thankfully they were in the same pot as us I was like I know we can't get them
so I was willing some like well it has to be a European team in that group there's only us in Norway

(24:56):
in this pot so I'm willing like come on draw Norway draw Norway and then Scotland can ask you
fucking bastard so never mind never mind it'll be a wonderful event and it'll be nice for us to
play Brazil again but I don't know would have a nice to have like a Mexico or something or you know
who your bangle and go they've got Croatia Ghana and I don't know fucking lap land or something

(25:22):
Disney land I feel bad for seeing that because I'm besmarching a Panama Panama yeah you never know
I'm sorry the name yeah you never know on a day but yeah they've got Croatia Panama and Ghana
Ghana you never know on the on the day the could be yeah unfortunately they'll probably do quite well

(25:45):
and it's all fixed as well because when you're watching and real ferdinand is explaining it all to us
and it's like well because the top two teams are Spain and Argentina they will be drawn in separate
groups because that way they can't meet until the final and you're like right so you're fixing
this tournament yeah essentially yeah and then it was like and pot three and four or France and

(26:08):
England they can't be together you know the earliest they could meet would be the semi-final so
and like well where's the fun in that that's just shy so I really hope that there are some bizarre
upsets like you know like I want to see because I think my girlfriend I'm just
Venezuelan originally but she spent a lot of time in Kurosai so they are at a world cup for

(26:31):
the first time ever their first games against Germany and I'm like you never know like Senegal
member Senegal being France and then the last world cup Saudi Arabia beat Argentina and you're like
it can happen so in a way it's they they they declared it a national holiday the next day after
everybody everybody took the day off work to celebrate not like that made you them work but you know

(26:56):
yeah brilliant so we will wait and see but I'm saying that but I don't believe in terms of yeah
it's Scotland could be Brazil like I'm a laceridiculous but you never know but I'm cheering on Ghana and
Panama to be England yeah you're gonna run down the news agents and get your Pneumibook for the
world cup no I think I did that for the euros so years ago I think I did for the COVID euros because

(27:22):
it was the moment of COVID so it was kind of like I bought the book and a pack is to curse and then
I was like I'm not fucking then I just end up throwing it I I never was like I'm not collecting
these it's too expensive to not work out it takes about like 500 quid to complete a book or something
or even more than that I mean the only book that I ever ever filled and I think it was because my

(27:46):
papa and my dad were quite invested so they were buying packets of stickers was the next
complete six sticker that's the only one that I ever filled the other ones like if I had they
remember having the return of the Jedi book they my dad's my papa where fucking bothered about that
you know or the 18 I had an 18 one as well they weren't fucked with that either but yeah the next

(28:06):
great six book and then like I would usually I usually get the annual one as well you know like I
don't have to get bought it every single year because I wasn't like like football that when I was little
I never had been like football that you know I mean but I like I like swapping stickers with people
you know yeah but I always like collecting things but if it was if it was a choice between like

(28:28):
football weighty and I don't know fucking Batman sticker book I was buying the Batman sticker book
you know I mean yeah yeah I would have been the same yeah yeah for sure although that would be
$8.89 but you know what I'm so well very good swell you know we have qualified out of the group
stages in the recent memory of big football tournaments so you never know I think we've got a good

(28:52):
chance we've never qualified out in the world just in the year was we dancing we got into the top
they've been out I thought we did in the euros and 2022 no really yeah we didn't want a single game
thing um I know we're 2222 yeah we did we did we did England we drew a thing then right
yeah in the group yeah sure we've got sure we've qualified recently no never qualified

(29:12):
I don't know ever if it's a fucking doughnut yeah um if you're not what were you thinking the 2020 one
euros so it's pretty what you're going to say in England so then we lost we lost the Croatia
Czech Republic in tree with England last year's tournament last year's euros last year's euros was

(29:33):
the what 2024 I mean I know for a fact we needed to beat hungry and we lost one no uh we drew one
one with Switzerland and we lost like was it five one to Germany so no um we have never yeah we
finished bottom of the group without a win so yeah we didn't win a single game in the last two major

(29:54):
tournaments we've been at awesome you keep thinking that we have Greg and it makes life better
yeah I'm so happy to have had one had one other thing with something else recently just
say this week it'll forget what it was we'll come back to it oh well fear of play let's see how
we get on okay Greg what else have you seen this week well just before I go on to my next story um of

(30:19):
being engaging in a bit of online shit house today because it brings me so much joy there's
there's been a big story about Nigel Farage saying I wouldn't they say that they something about
only 25% of scotish kids have English the first language or some bullshit that I can't remember it was

(30:40):
so it's been it's been sort of making its way onto my Facebook feed and you know I can't
resist reading some of the comments but I never engage with a conversation I just read the comments
and um that you know he has a lot of people who agree with them which it's a bit worrying I always
thought we were a I always thought that sort of collectively we were a bit more open-minded um

(31:02):
but this seems as quite a lot of roasters uh that they agree with him so what I've been doing my
shit house today has been put in a picture because I don't know if you've ever noticed the resemblance
that Nigel Farage bears to uh Lord Charles the old ventriloquist dummy um from the 1970s and 80s
but basically never thought about that yeah you're right they do. I basically been putting this picture

(31:26):
and every time that story comes up I just drop it into the comments regardless of whatever
your paper is. Oh dear. Oh dear and uh yeah some people get really fucking angry about it. Oh really?
Wow okay. How the guy giving me fucking dogs if you're still a day and then I think somebody took
his um I don't know if like the newspaper whose account it was or whatever but I think they

(31:50):
I don't know if they sort of had a bit of a a call and took some comments down like because one guy
was like fucking deeply deeply offensive um anyway so yeah if you see um if you're following
any of this new c-stories uh a bit Nigel Farage if you want a laugh and you don't agree with
these politics. Job we picture a more Charles than it sends these for the worst fucking bananas

(32:14):
anyway here's my next story uh comes on the day the record uh this week this week yep
it's so funny because the day the record has obviously sort of tags so what type of news it is right
yeah yeah so the tags for this one is news pornography. I have a tag for pornography yeah yeah

(32:36):
what was it on that? I'll think it later. US porn tycoon buys up posh scott's hotel after making
millions from x rated movies. Gail Thackrey bought the Roman Camp Hotel in calendar with the property
set to reopen in spring 2026 under the name Thackrey House. Um Gail Thackrey who made millions from her

(32:58):
own adult movie empire and her daughter Sydney have bought over the Roman Camp Hotel in calendar
in Perseure. Gail who's originally from Yorkshire built a career in Los Angeles as a model actress and
adult movie producer. She later made millions in the phone sex business and as a pioneer of
internet porn her daughter Sydney is Gail's partner the new hotel venture is where this pursuing her

(33:21):
own singing and acting career. The hotel has a fascinating history with links to both British musical
royalty with the Beatles and old-time Hollywood with the director Cecil B. Demil. Speaking about the
purchase Gail said this is a magical place oh actually the Gail said this is a magical place with one
of the richest histories I've ever encountered. That's a porn voice. Stick up the ass. What?

(33:45):
The moment I stepped inside I felt the spirit of a 17th century still alive in the panels
the antiques in the atmosphere as a lifelong Beatles fan known of stadium makes it even more meaningful.
My vision is to preserve the historic champ completely while offering guests an intimate elevated

(34:06):
butty experience that feels authentically Scottish. I'm sure that's not how she speaks
Christian Biddush, she had a phone sex business which made it done. She always makes me think of
um Vick Rie's doing body white, you know. Speaking in 2019 Gail who once modeled for Tetley's
bitter, you'll be shocked to hear my god. And later on apart in Baywatch the scribe's how she had

(34:30):
built up her 40 million pound business empire in the sex industry. However she stressed
Gail described how stars such as Tom Seismore, Jack Nicholson and Charlie Sheen would come to the
set to watch her adult movies being made and she told how she could have been a major aelister

(34:50):
herself saying "Now a kick me sell for refusing to sleep with producers because I were offered some
films that could have made me a soup of staff." Earlier this year Sydney, her daughter became the
youngest person ever to receive a knighthood from the Pope for extra ordinary, extra ordinary
humanitarian service. The well known hotel will reopen in spring 2026 under the new name

(35:13):
Thakrey House. The Thakrey family has committed nearly 3 million pounds to an extensive restoration
of the hotel and the estate. So there you go. Thakrey House will be open soon for weddings,
I don't know, parties, bad old film, shoots, maybe who knows. Wow okay. I'm just down a rabbit hole

(35:35):
because I'm with googling Gail's back. So yeah, professions actress Klammer model,
oh there's our wither bits out. Yeah, all very, 80s style. Yeah, oh wow, so this is going to be
yeah, a lovely little hotel but it's not going to be porn like, no.

(35:59):
It's a word I'm looking for. Theamed is why couldn't I find the fucking word Theamed?
No, she's going to, so she's going to have some special sweets. So there's going to be
because of the link to the Beatles, we're going to have a John Men in room and a Paul McCartney suite.
The wodge was built in 1625 by the Duke of Persher. It was a stately home. So yeah, so she's just going

(36:24):
to hopefully, I mean, that was nice. I've never seen some pictures of it here. I guess these are,
these are before she's done her refurb work on it. So yeah, we'll see. I mean, it's,
okay, calendars lovely. That was one of my, one of my late papas favorite places to go with my granny
calendar. I don't know how you feel about a dirty films. Muggle. Shoot you by in a, do I?

(36:46):
I was out. They put it, I'm going to be honest. I've seen some of the magazines,
yeah, they've only shed. Yeah, I've been to calendars. I love weekly. It is a lovely place.
Very nice. Very nice. Very quiet. I played around at Calendar Golf Club actually.
Right. Yeah. Yeah, it's a nice place. So yeah, she'll fit right in. I'm sure. And she'll, yeah,

(37:10):
the little calendar tea room and stuff. And yeah, as you can tell all the people about her past
and stuff. I think it's definitely the building is actually painted pink, the, the woman camp.
Yeah. The storm, I think I would say this pink. Maybe that's what attracted her to it, perhaps.
Well, very nice. Yeah. Gayle factory. So they'll have a bit more research on that. Yeah.

(37:35):
Have a little study about that later. Yeah. Okay. Good to know. Yeah. It's funny. I don't know,
I know you're not a big fan of the Beatles, right? But, you know, I sort of spent nine hours with them,
all the ages of their lives. That's the kind then. Yeah. For something they, they wrangle George
and John are all charming, right? And George Harrison, actually played funny. You know, they,

(37:57):
all the way through. They've been interviewing stuff quite a dry sense of humor, which, which I like,
you know, and I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure, wringles are fucking lovely guy. There's something.
I don't know, with Paul McCartney. You just feel like he's, it doesn't, he's never had the kind
of easy charm that the other three had and have. He just feels like he's, I'm sure he's
a lovely fella. Paul McCartney, right? I'm sure he is. And I would love to sit and have a cup of tea

(38:21):
with him and ask him lots of questions about being Paul McCartney and stuff, but I don't know.
It's just when he's younger, there's something that he bit snide, you know, when you see him,
you know, I'm sure, you know, maybe that's just because he was a serious musician and he was the one
that towards the end who was trying to kind of rally the troops and get them to record stuff and all that,
but he had, I don't know, I don't know. And you think he retained that snide-ness throughout his life

(38:42):
or did he change after he was replaced when he died? Maybe, maybe, maybe that's what happened,
maybe, maybe, maybe they go in, maybe that's what happened, maybe like it's a snide-year guy that
replaced the original Paul. Do you buy into that? No, I don't. No, absolutely, absolutely.
This was one of the early conspiracy theory that with the not jobs. No, I, yeah, I've never really

(39:10):
been a fan of the Beatles. My mum was. I know George was your mum's favourite, right?
- Yeah, he was, so I think that's why I guess he's my favourite, but I don't know the other favourite,
the Beatles. Ringo, because obviously, did Thomas the Tank Engine, you know, John was dead before I was born,

(39:30):
so never knew him. And yeah, I don't know. Paul seems, I mean, he's the one that's probably the most
famous in terms of the, you know, Finn my lifetime anyway, so yeah, I don't know, but now I just know him for,
you know, be married to Heather Mills. Well, she was one of them, right? That beat him up, yeah.
Beat him up by one-megad-supermodel. Yeah, very strange.

(39:57):
- Very strange. - Yeah, very strange.
Yeah, but never mind, oh well. Well, that's lovely that he, you know, now knows you'll have a sweet
dedicated to him at this porn store who tell. Yeah, I love the performance.
- You know, he likes Scotland, right? But I think the mother of the mother of Cantaya, the mother of
Cantaya is his favourite sport. Yeah, indeed. Oh well, we'll wait and see with Bated Breath if you

(40:23):
tense the opening of the porn hotel. We call it the Sobcon porn hotel, so porn hotel, I'll be lovely.
- I think Thackery House. - But the thing is, Thackery, it sort of sounds like maybe a word could use
for master beating. It does, yeah, it does actually, yeah. It wouldn't be out of place in
Roger's Profanosaurus, yeah. You're right. Having a good old Thackery.

(40:47):
- A Thackery, for Gilles' work. - Yeah, great. Anyway, talked about this lady long and
off. Good luck to you, Gilles. What's your next story this week?
My next story and my last story for the year Greg, I've gone with a nice one. Let's celebrate
Scotland and for all it's lovely. A Scottish city has been named the happiest place to live,

(41:11):
and it's not Edinburgh or Glasgow. So a historic city has been named Scotland's happiest place to
live. This is going to do a record this week, and it's neither Glasgow or Edinburgh. On Friday,
December 5th, right move revealed the result, so it's annual Happy at Home Study that names the
most happy destinations in the UK, based on a survey of thousands of residents. According to

(41:33):
property experts, the happiest place to live in Scotland, drum roll is sterling. The city was also
named the eighth happiest place in the whole of the UK, behind destinations such as
Skiptin in North Yorkshire. Maybe use that word Gilles Thackery's friend. She's from Yorkshire.

(41:54):
Skiptin. Richmond upon Thames in Greater London and Woodbridge in East Suffolk. Sterling,
which was ranked the happiest place living in Scotland by its residents, is located in central Scotland.
It is known for landmarks as the Medieval Sterling Castle, which sits in a craggie volcanic rock,
and the 19th century National Wallis monument tower that looks out over this city.

(42:18):
It was also found to have the lowest property prices out of all the locations featured in the top 10
happiest places. A average asking price of a home is £226,000, the average monthly rent of £12,200.
Scotland's now's Alexander Smail recently spent a day in Bridge of Alan, just outside
Sterling, visiting the beauty spots and popular shops and bakeries. He described falling in love

(42:41):
with the small town, which elsewhere the second happiest place in Scotland has been named as Kirk Coddy.
So yeah, very nice, yeah, which it does, yeah, it doesn't indeed. The town ranked number 56
on the list. So the top 10 happiest places in Scotland, we'll just skip to that, is Sterling,

(43:04):
Kirk Coddy, then its Edinburgh, then Inverness, then Perth, Paisley, Dumfries,
Comarnic, Dundee, and rounding out the top 10 Glasgow. There we go. The happiest place is to live
in Scotland, Greg Aberdeen isn't on the list because it's a fucking miserable place.
Yeah, Aberdeenians were not famous for their happiness.

(43:24):
No, Cetal. Cetal. You know I'm an Aberdeenian.
The ones that live there anyway, because it's been quite a lot of time complaining about
living in Aberdeen. They're all complaining about living in Aberdeen. They just complain about Aberdeen.
It's nearly seen. Yeah, but it's because they don't like change.
They don't like change something. It's like, oh no, but it's not as soon as it used to be and I know

(43:47):
I don't like that. But the thing is, the complain about things being the way they are, because
I remember for as long as I could remember, like St Nicholas House, on Broad Street, everybody
can hear. And it was a hideous building. Because Marshall College is like in the shadow of
what was in the shadow of St Nicholas House, it looked beautiful building. It looked even

(44:10):
uglier. And so finally, they take it down. And something needs to be built in its place,
right? You can't just have something on the whole on the ground.
And yeah, they don't like what is that sort of glass, sort of restaurant and business tower.
I can't remember what it's called. I've never been in it because it was built up in the
way. Yeah, the name escapes me now as well. I can't remember. But yeah, I know there was a bit of,

(44:34):
yeah, people are never happy though. Whatever happens, never happy. Always find some sort of
something a motor complain about, but I guess that's not why it's a happy place to live.
Well, I'm happy that I'm happy that for Stirling, my papa who's getting a lot of air time,
this episode came from Stirling. And it's very proud of the fact that he was from Stirling.

(44:55):
So I've got a family there, but I'm ashamed to say that since my father passed the way of
kind of sort of lost touch a little bit with them because he was like that, he was like the sort of
conduit and his cousins and all that and Stirling and stuff. So yeah, but I do like Stirling. It's a
nice place. I used to like go in there. I worked in Stirling for a little while in the Wolf Creek

(45:15):
building. Yeah, I'm on the film station and the Wolf Craigs just at the very, very, very, very
edge of the sort of the six-center. Yeah, very nice. Yeah, no, Stirling's a lovely place. I've been a
few times and yeah, it's very nice. I mean, I think people of our age maybe it's always going to be
associated for me with, you know, doogie-donnelly. Oh, I think so. I thought you were going to say

(45:39):
what you was. No, we're the brisk. Okay. Always going to be associated with, you know, Stirling,
you know, Tilly-Cutri. And yeah, the Stirling would be doing the rounds. I know it's a furniture
shop, but still. Yeah, that's just what it always kind of reminds me of in terms of when I think
is Stirling. I think he's advertised them. Coaches Swally in the past, isn't he? I certainly

(46:03):
has. Yeah, I think I think a couple of times. Yeah, um, see, I think that was very first time for
Stirling, Tilly-Cutri, and just Sterling. Yeah, good job.
Yeah, totally. That's just one of those adverts that sort of, that sort of kind of printed on your
DNA, I think, if you're over age, grown up in Scotland. You know, the, the Iron Brew adverts, especially

(46:24):
the one where the first one where they send up the Coke adverts, you know, but it's like a song and
everything and, um, and that, uh, Sterling adverts. And what's it called? Comburn old.
Comburn old is having a bit of a marketing campaign to try and convince people that it wasn't a
fucking shit home.
Gregory's girl was filmed here. Come on. Come on. Where? Where is the UK's only man made

(46:52):
bleak? Oh, sorry. Where's the UK's only man made walk? What's it called? Comburn old. Wonderful. Wonderful
adverts. But yeah, I think you're right. It is like Sterling, probably that. I am,
brew you. I mean, yeah, the tenants and McEwen's adverts. And well, for me, I think the one that is
always is the, the Tarton special one. I am fucking love that. I've used that a couple of times on the

(47:16):
board. I just love that. And I want to find Tarton special. Hello, Lelon, and I want to come in.
Yeah, I love that. Fucking love it. Yeah, wonderful. I'm very good. Oh, yeah. So good on
Sterling. Yeah. No more than just do Geed Donnelly. Oh, okay. Right. Have you seen anything else

(47:37):
this week? Greg. No, that's all. I'm keen to weed in to, uh, not really a film, not really a TV show.
We're quality special. This is this be perfect. Okay. Right. Well, before we go on to what we're going
to be talking about, let's have a little word from our sponsors. Here's a little lesson in the
art and science of brewing. You know, it's possible to take quite a lot of the alcohol out of a beer

(48:01):
and make it taste fine. But I reckon it takes all the skills of a brewer like Guinness to take all
of the alcohol out and still have the taste of a premium lager. But then you all know that anyway.
Anyway, so since it was kind of my choice last week, that means that it was back for you to pick

(48:30):
again this week. So why don't you just sort of going to be talking about. Thanks, Greg. Well, yes,
today we are taking a look at the 1987 Billy Conley special Billy and Albert, which might be a
strange choice for a new episode, but the reason being, and this links into what we've just been
discussing, for me, Christmas 87, I just associated with the TV advert for this VHS. It just seemed

(48:54):
to be promoted so much and the iconic cover. And it just seemed that every single one of my uncles
or male neighbors that was around about in their 30s, 40s, 50s seemed to get this VHS that Christmas.
I just seemed like the obvious gift. So I do kind of associate it with around about this time.

(49:15):
So that's why we're discussing it today. So this performance was one of six consecutive sold-out gigs
that Billy did at London's Royal Albert Hall. And it was filmed in July 1987 in which Billy
delivers his unique brand of humor to a load of daft paper hat-wearing tops.
So what we'll get into shortly. So Greg, I mean, he needs no introduction. It's Billy Conley at

(49:40):
a guest kind of his peak. And Billy and Albert, do you remember the VHS being promoted as much as I do
or is this a nicky memory? No, I do remember the adverts for it. I mean, I don't think I could
have said it was Christmas 1987, but I do remember it being promoted. And it was just, it was one of those

(50:00):
ones that everybody seemed to have either on video or I remember some people having the record of it,
you know what I mean? The album of Convino. They can have two Billy Conley albums that just everybody
seemed to have when I was a kid was Romney for the balcony. And this one, you know what? Romney for

(50:22):
the balcony is like one of his first ones. I think it's got the crucifixion and last supper and all that
on it. And the jobie, the jobie weaker. There's a lot more songs and things on it. And obviously
it bookends his performance here with a e-bangel song, say Darlin's say at the start and then he plays
the auto heart at the end. But I think this might be the last stand-up special of his way plays

(50:46):
an instrument. Yeah, it is. Yeah, I think it looks up. Yeah. Because I think the one after this was the
one in 1990 when he shaved his beard off for the big man. And when he's talking about rockwriters and
stuff and going in the sea, Aberdeen, when he's wooing swimsuit on. And yeah, he didn't play anything
at that one. So, the auto heart makes you really difficult to play. I'm quite impressed because like,

(51:10):
but I was reading a bit about Billy Conley over the years. I read his wife Pamela's book about him
and I read his autobiography and I actually think her biography of him is better than his own if I'm
being the honest. But he didn't start playing instruments until he was well in T-20. You know, I mean,
I've been travelling to the guitar since I was 13. And I've no, but I'm not, I mean, I'm not really

(51:32):
any better now than I was when I was 18 or 19. So, to kind of pick up an instrument of that age and
become, and not just one instrument, because if he's the guitar, if there's the banjo and if they
do auto heart, so it's about to be good at three instruments and start so late, you know what I mean?
His way of this having his natural charm and being really funny, you know, just the fucking lucky bastard.

(51:53):
I think this, it's strange because this tour kind of marks, for me, it's almost like a shift of
Conley. This is almost the last of that era of him in a way because, say, this record July 7,
and this was like the final stages. He did a World Tour, which covered England, Ireland,

(52:14):
Scotland Wales, Australia, New Zealand, and America. And he speaks about, you know,
try to break America in this show. And this was the tour that you kind of actively pushed to become
popular in America. And I think this was when he started re-styling his material a bit. And as
we said, this is the last tour that he played an instrument on stage. And this was also his first

(52:38):
sober tour, because he was a bottle of periabotor next to him. And this was the first time you
were sober. And it just feels like it's almost the end of an era of Conley and the beginning of a new one
because after this he goes off to America and does like Billy and, you know, things like that.
And then becomes a bit of an actor. What was the head of the class, something like that? Is it teacher?

(53:01):
Yes. Yeah. And it becomes, I don't want to say safer, but I do wonder like this show because it's in
the Royal Albert Hall, is it a bit more toned down if it had been for a Scottish audience? Would it?
And you think, well, why is it filmed at the Albert Hall? Why not in Glasgow? And maybe it's because

(53:22):
he was trying to promote himself as every a comedian for everyone, not a Scottish comedian. And
is the Glasgow crowd going to be too raucous and shouting back? I mean, I joke about Toffs in paper hats,
but that's what the audience kind of is on this show. Yeah. Yeah. And I was, I was thinking about it,
because my, my favourite stand-up show of his has always been the 1985 an audience with Billy

(53:48):
Conley, but the extended, the extended cut, because there's, there's, there's two versions of it.
There's the, the uncut version that's a little bit bluer. And then there's what they broadcast in the
TV and what they broadcast in the TV. It's got the kind of classic stuff in it, but it's got, there's a lot
of other bits that are left out. There's, you know, it kind of, it goes quite quickly to the Q and A

(54:10):
with all the famous people in the audience, whereas the, the uncut ones got a bit more comedy in it. And
he seems really at ease in that and he's really, really funny. He's really, you know, he's, he's
really good on his feet, you know what I mean? But with this one, you know, they, he doesn't get too
edgey, you know, he, he, he sort of criticises it, it kind of takes a person around with Reagan, which,

(54:33):
he could change Reagan for Trump and that would, that would go find out that, that'll routine, you know what I mean?
Absolutely. You know, and then it's all quite silly, Pumer, you know what I mean? There's a fair
bit of toy that humor, the bit where he's talking about being sick, you know, he goes on, maybe just a
little bit too long, you know? And then, yeah. And he's kind of wrap up his a bit, it's a bit of

(54:54):
abrupt, it's sort of sudden, he's just finishing, you know what I mean? And I haven't, I hadn't watched
this for a really, really, really long time, but I remember the first time I saw it, I didn't see it in
1987, there's no way that I would have been allowed to watch this in 1987. So I saw it, I think around
1993 or 1994, somebody lent me it and I watched it with my mum. And I remember just being helpless

(55:19):
with laughter, my mum is well. They bit with the wankin' excuse, the spiders and stuff in, in particular.
My mum was like kneeling on the floor with her head on the sofa. Absolutely. How the laughter, it's
certain bits of it. And I hadn't seen this for years and years, I couldn't, I couldn't even take a really

(55:44):
long time since I'd seen this, like a really, really, really long time. And I was looking forward to
you know, I didn't think that it would get me in the same way it got me when I watched it the first
time when I was like 15 there, but I mean, whatever age I was, 14 or 15. But I just, I thought, you
know, there'll be some bits that absolutely kill me again. I can't, they'll be bits that I've forgotten

(56:04):
that it will make me laugh. And I don't get me wrong, I really enjoy that. And I did laugh, but I didn't
laugh the way I laughed the first time I saw it all those years ago. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's,
it's an odd show in a way to look back on now. And I found a little bit, because I've recently done a

(56:25):
stand-up comedy course. So I kind of have been watching a lot of stand-up of late. Right. And I, I was
really looking forward to watching this. And I really enjoyed it. But what I'm saying about it being a
bit safe, and I think it's, it's the change in Connolly at this time because you mentioned a few times
about how he's fucking loaded. Yeah. Yeah. And you're almost like, I don't want to hear that from you.

(56:48):
I right here. And like, for example, the, the bit when he's talking about going scuba diving and
the funniest part of that is when he says about the shark that plays the cello for a joys. Like,
that's, that's funny. But when he's talking about scuba diving and all this, and I'm like, I don't
wait here. There's, I want to hear about, you know, the part that I really want to hear about is

(57:10):
met Hill Steelworks Club in Fife, where the dog shits on the floor and there's a guy with a lump in his neck.
I want to hear more of the grassroot stuff, you know? As we said during the news, you know,
Krakordi, you know, it should be called, what's that fucking smell? It's, it's, like, it's,
kind of, is it because I just want to hear Scottish stuff or because that's the,

(57:31):
that's the grassroot stuff I associate with Connolly. I, you know, it's the kind of transitional
period this almost. And, but you're right. In terms of there are bits, like, when he's doing the
vomiting thing, it does go on a bit too much. However, there is a lot here. You know, you could do this
show now. It's exactly as you said. If you just replaced Trump with Reagan and maybe don't mention

(57:53):
Gaddafi and that, but, yeah, I don't know. Yeah. It's very similar. It could, could stand out today.
But, you know, strangely enough, I don't worry about, like, a nuclear holocaust or something like that
because I've got used to that. It's coming. Everybody knows. Everybody knows it's coming. The head bangers

(58:15):
are in charge. Gaddafi, the fucking head case. Reagan, that, they're all out to lunch.
Yeah, I mean, it's, it's interesting, like, my, if occasionally, and haven't for a while,
but occasionally I'll go back and listen to the last supper in the crucifixion. And, you know,
that gap, it was, it was quite controversial at the time because of, I think it was, it was,

(58:38):
it was controversial because of the subject matter, but also because he, you know,
could, could currently was raised as a Roman Catholic and all that. So in a lot of ways, nobody's
better placed to kind of poke fun at Christianity than somebody who was raised in that kind of environment.
But it's really, really, really clever and very, very funny still. I mean, his accent is, he hadn't,

(58:59):
he hadn't sort of filtered the kind of broader, gladswee-gen kind of terminology out of
these accent at that point. So he was still very, very, very gladswee-gen. And so, you know, like, I,
I tried to get my daughter to listen to it and she, it was going to lost on a bit because she
wasn't brought up in a religious house. So she, we never went to church or anything. So she's

(59:20):
doesn't, she's not as familiar with the Bible as we would be just because we, we, we were
get the Bible at school growing up in some respect and, you know, to some extent. And also because
his accent so broad, she doesn't, she doesn't, she doesn't get everything. Every word, you know,
she doesn't know what a sentence is, you know what I mean? She doesn't know what tailing lumps

(59:41):
at the mother's pride refers to, right? You know, that kind of thing. But, you know, if, if you put
all that to one side and just listen to it, it's, it's really, really, really clever, very, very,
very clever. And some of this stuff that he does in that audience with as well, like the incontinence
knickers and all that, really, it's really clever comedy, you know what I mean? And with a broad appeal,

(01:00:03):
I don't know, I think in this one there are just some bits, he doesn't seem as at ease on the stage
here, which is surprising because he mentions that this, that was the end of the, he'd been on a week,
right? And I think that was the last night. And you would think, well, because he does say, you know,
they, I'm always nervous when I come out because it's such, because of the room, and I guess it's

(01:00:24):
a historical venue, isn't it? The other hotel everyone's played there. Oh, yeah. Over the years. So he
doesn't, there's, there's, there's later, um, specials of his, when he seems much, much more at ease,
than then he does here, I think, but, you know, there are moments where he just, he just seems a little
bit, official at a water occasionally on it, you know, that he's not, doesn't quite have the audience.

(01:00:47):
Wait, when he's having fun with them at the start, when they're, you know, when people are coming in late,
and all that kind of thing, that's when he seems, you know, he's quite relaxed, he's quite at ease,
so they're, but then later on when he's having to go into his, um, he's going into his routines and
things, he just, he doesn't seem as, he doesn't seem as relaxed. No, it does feel quite, not force,
but yeah, he's going through the motions kind of way, and, and the little, there are occasional

(01:01:11):
little snapshots, the, the bit that almost snaps him out, and you're like, that's Billy is,
after he's just finished talking about the excuse for masturbation. Yeah, yeah. And an audience member
goes to the toilet, and he's like, that's a brave guy there, you know, he's going, and then he has a
laugh, and says, right, you know, what will do is, when he comes back, we'll all hide, and you know,

(01:01:32):
it's, that's what you want from Connolly, and I think watching this as well, I was able to take out
a few things, like, why, what is his appeal? Why is it, and it's because, and he's always had it,
and he still does. It's just, it's, it's a childlike humor, the, the, the, Billy has, he talks about
jobbies and farts and condoms, and it's, it's funny, it's things that kids in the playground don't laugh at.

(01:01:56):
And, you know, might not understand it, but it's funny, you know, a job being, it's, yeah, I think the,
you know, I mean, this, the VHS cover of this does say contains material that some people might
find offensive, you know, apart from that, a bit of swearing, which there's not a huge amount either.
Like, I don't know, is it maybe the, the condom thing or the vomiting? I don't know, but is it,

(01:02:19):
maybe they choke about the blind guy, spinning his logo around in his leash in the, in his shop? I don't know, maybe.
Or they, or they, are the shop assistant who's a bit light on the loafers?
Yeah, that was the one bell, it was like, oh, okay, yeah, I don't know, and then he does the voice,
and yeah, okay. And, and I was standing there looking at the carpet, and this man came out of the office,

(01:02:41):
very light on the loafers.
And he asked me the worst possible question he can ask Billy Corley,
are you, I think, yeah, because I tend to say, okay, I fucking give in, who do you think I am?
But I mean, that's, that's where Billy really came from. I mean, obviously, we've had him a few times,

(01:03:08):
discussed him on the podcast before, but, you know, you kind of forget reading back about,
obviously, he was in the humble bums, you know, folk music, and then it kind of transitioned
into a solo act, and then really, I think it was, it was really his appearance in Parkinson, in 75,
the, the, the, became, you know, and it's the famous one where he tells the joke about the guy

(01:03:28):
parking his bike. And again, childish joke, that's funny, but yeah, that just kind of, and
having Parkinson just seemed to have this special connection and relationship, really, that was just
wonderful. You always knew, like, I guess if Parky was ever in, get Billy on, you know, look,
a laugh there. Yeah, I mean, they definitely has a real rapport, and they were, and you know,

(01:03:51):
they were good friends, you know, I think they became good friends, you know, I mean, over the years.
But yeah, you're right, in that, they have watched a couple of documentaries about him, and, you know,
he had gone from being like a really, really quite famous in Scotland as a performer after telling
that joke about, but, uh, bear my Parkinson probably one of the most watched TV shows of the time. Yeah,

(01:04:12):
and they, this year, the next day, he's national news, you know what I mean, and, and, you know,
they get his song, they tell me when it's song that he does, his funny cover of the DIV,
you RCE, you know, about the dog biting, he's a arsenal, that kind of thing. And that was, that was
at number one. Yeah, charts. Incredible. Yeah, it's just a kind of silly song, you know, and the,

(01:04:35):
the, the waily boots song, you know, I know. No, it was brilliant. And I mean, when you think about this
time, because I was trying to think about this era and I ran about that time, Christmas was always,
there'd be adverts for, um, stand-up comedy videos and things, but, yeah, when you think back to it,

(01:04:56):
it was all Roy Chubby Brown, or Jethro was another guy who's always advertised, or Jim Davidson,
and I mean, that says a lot about the state of fucking the UK at the time that they were the ones
being promoted. But, yeah, Conley's just a, they are obviously a lot more of kind of political,

(01:05:18):
adult humor, whereas then you've got this guy just talking about vomiting and jobbies and, you know,
jaws, it's just a, it's nice, safe, is humor with Conley, but, yeah, delivered in just a wonderful
way. Like, and he even alludes to it at one point, you know, when he says that he's a, a big hairy
Scotsman who likes to punch the occasional photographer. Yeah. That's a little glumps behind him there,

(01:05:42):
when he's like, you know, he's start painting for the fucking photo, because you did get into a
bit of bother over the years, did Billy, but, you know, there's always retained that. He's a, he's a
handy guy as well. Like, you wouldn't want to get stuck in a dark alley with him if he was in a bad mood.
No, for sure. Yeah, I think especially in his, you know, he had, he had to stop drinking because he,

(01:06:07):
you know, he just, he just became somebody else, you know, I think, his wife Pamela kind of,
maybe gave him a bit of an ultimatum after they got together that was either harder,
booze and luckily for him he chose her, but, I think, yeah, Mickey comes from that place, you
know what I mean, they kind of born in part, it grew up in drum chapel when he was older, worked in the

(01:06:28):
shipyards, kind of comes from a working class background, you know what I mean then, you know, I guess
that was just how it was then, if, if somebody fucked about then he's kind of stuck one on them, you know what that was?
And got on with your day, you know, obviously very, it's very different now because you can't just
go around punching people that piss you off because it's not as tolerated as it used to be.

(01:06:53):
Quite early on, he does a little sketch, he does a bit about sending scots to invade India,
yeah, and with the bagpipes, you know, we have Ghani smoking. And he does an impression of like the
English kind of general, and he's an agile, and I'm like, was this, is that where it richenates from?

(01:07:14):
or has it been long before then? Because we still call English nidals. And on that, on the audience
with, when he's making fun of the epilogue and they said that's always like a really English, it's always
an English vicar called Nigel, you know, I was, you know, I was, this into the media the other day, and I,
and I said to my son, Nigel Jr, I said son, you know, it's like, I don't know if I just his name for

(01:07:39):
this sort of self-spoken, kind of upper middle-class English people, you know, I don't know. My Jailer.
I wonder if that would just be way it been adopted. I mean, because I know, I guess it's maybe from
listening to off the ball for years, they always call the English nidals. And I just thought it was,
that was what we call the English, but yeah, I wonder if it came from Billy, or if it had been a long

(01:08:03):
kind of standing thing before then, if it was a glass waging term, maybe that he had just kind of
made famous, but I wasn't sure about that. See, the Scottish ones, they used them in Britain to
increase the empire. You know, when they were wanting to make the empire bigger, they didn't send some
bloody Nigel in to India. They said, no, you're going to make us a bit of room, will you?

(01:08:25):
Nigel, you're going to make me a little, you're going to make a little empire?
No, they got a bunch of Scottish guys to frighten them shitless. Right, and you go, nah, nah, nah,
little, nah, nah, nah, that ain't a little fucking hell. But yeah, that's a, you could tell he's still,

(01:08:46):
obviously, you know, what he's saying about Gautie Scotland, it's lovely, you know, go to Aberdeen,
go to D-Goatlandee, go to Vife, you know, lovely talking about Vife, but don't come back and say,
it was raining, of course it fucking. Then, there's a couple of jokes in here, I'm like, is that
that's a really old joke, but did it originate here? I mean, it didn't, but when he's talking about,

(01:09:08):
you know, his granddad dropping 50p and hitting him, the back of the neck, that's such an old joke.
But then I'm dating myself, like, did it come from here? Did, did that come from? No, it's not, it's an old joke.
The same with the, you know, the Scots and Vent and Copper wire two men fighting over at Peney's.
Yeah, I just wasn't sure, there's a couple of little jokes that he plies, well, plies in,

(01:09:32):
the one with the snow plie, how does the snow plie drive get to work in the evening? Yeah, and I'm like,
that's, that's, that's, oh, but then I'm like, well, I'm watching something from 1987, maybe that's where it came from.
Yeah, well I said this thing, it's almost 40 years old at the stage, this performance.
Right, where am I favourite bits, and that is when he's talking about these little joke about
the camera men filming the lines and the setting getting?

(01:09:57):
It's really funny. I don't know if he'd quite, you know, maybe like, going up because I think like his older,
his older stand-up shows, there would be a lot of songs in between the routine, and obviously the
songs lessened over the years and the routines got longer. And I think probably, I think you said
earlier on about it being about transition for him. I wonder if maybe not being able to put the

(01:10:23):
guitar in front of him or the band show in front of him between him and the audience in such a big room,
like the Albert Hall. I mean, I don't know how many people would have been in there, but I could
few thousands, a lot of people. Yeah, and you know, he'd think it and his, his sort of route to the
Albert Halls, you know, I guess he would have played a lot, much smaller rooms when he was coming up
originally and met how workers union and, in fact, for example, or whatever, and he's way to

(01:10:49):
being famous. So I don't know, he doesn't seem as at ease just having to be funny for like 90 minutes,
whereas before, before he could take a wee break and play a song. And maybe it might be a funny song,
but it would be a funny song that he played a load of times before. You know, the way they put song,
for example, or whatever. So, yeah, I don't know, because I think, but I think this next one at the

(01:11:10):
Hammers' Methodion, he does, he seems, I mean, he looks different for one. He's hair's shorter,
he's the beard's off. And so this gets a different person, because, you know, like I remember when he
shaved these beard off in the early 90s and it was like, "Fuck it out!" Because you're just a slowly
looking, looking that way, you know, the big beard and a long hair and everything. And so, yeah, I wonder,

(01:11:34):
I wonder if that is, if that is it, you know, it's just these knots. He's not quite hit his,
his kind of apex in terms of being a hundred percent stand-up comic at this stage. But then,
be into the 90s, where they wive at the Hammers' Methodion, his world to Scotland that he did,
although, you remember, that programme and the show, you know, a lot of live stuff there as well.

(01:11:57):
And some of his best observational stuff is there, you know. I find in this one, when he's making silly
noises, like when he's doing the, when he's doing the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,
are his, are his pretendence, a snorkel. It just goes on and he bits with long, you know. He's,
maybe, he's making the, the, the, the, the, can, they can up your cup noises and stuff, it's like, and the

(01:12:18):
fart noises and stuff is, because I'm just too long. He comes about comfortable. You say, "Hey, come on,
keep it, fucking keep it moving, you know, we know that you can make a funny noise." Yeah, he does, I mean,
I'd run down like in this, he does, I didn't realize quite a much, he acts out things. And he's
really goes into whether it's the, the couple sex noises or the vomiting or even the snorkeling and

(01:12:39):
he really does act out a lot of things. And I wondered if that's, you know, if he's thinking time, almost,
because I watched, I watched, I did the, the masterclass, the, it was Steve Martin masterclass,
and I went about comedy and, it's about nine hours long or something and just watching the whole thing.

(01:13:00):
And he talks about, you know, he started off playing the banjo on stage and doing magic tricks and
stuff, because he just wanted to be on stage, what to find something to do. And the funny comedy came
into it. And he said, you know, whenever you're on stage, always be doing something, you know, so,
they show clips of him like, "I'm going to take a drink of water and drink some water." And he's like,

(01:13:21):
"Yeah, I was thinking what to say next." Yeah, you think. And I wonder if Connelly's acting out and he's
trying to think, "Right, what's the next bit?" Okay, yeah. Because he does at one point say, I just,
I ramble until I remember what I was supposed to be saying. And I did wonder if that was the,
why he's going to those lents. But similar to, to Steve Martin who played the banjo,

(01:13:43):
how do you feel about the musical kind of interludes of, like, a Connelly early work compared to this,
where it just opens and closes. And then that's it. He doesn't use it again.
I quite like, I quite like it, you know, if I'd be honest, because he's, it doesn't, like, his voice,
his singing voice is, it's not like, it's not great, you know, he's not a beautiful voice, but he

(01:14:07):
is, he isn't shun. And he's a good musician. So, in some of his funny songs are really funny. Like,
we does, was Al Bier, your short hair, please cadet, from Mary Hill to the tune of the,
to the tune of the Osmonds long hair diver from Liverpool. Al Bier, your short hair, please cadet from
Mary Hill. It takes a stuff like that is, you know, he's, he's a good songwriter. I remember

(01:14:34):
reading in his autobiography, because he was famously Jerry Rafferty joined him in Tam Harvey in
the Humblebums and he said that was really playing with Jerry Rafferty that made me realize that I
was never going to be a musician in the way that we, in the way that we wanted to be, he said,
because he said I was getting better all the time. He said, but Jerry was just on a different level.

(01:14:54):
He said he had the feel from music that I never had, not the same way. And he said, you know, I,
you know, I knew that I would never be, I would never be a musician. Like, then the way that,
we, we aspire to be musician. But he knew he could make people laugh, you know? So, no, I,
I don't mind it. I feel really bad for him that he can't play his instruments anymore, because

(01:15:17):
obviously he's, he's, he's dealing with their Parkinson's and I know that, I know that he was,
you know, he was, he was pretty, I remember saying that he was, that he played every single day, you
know, like, he played every day for himself. So it's a shame that he can't do it anymore, but,
but, you know, I don't mind them. Well, how do you feel about his, about his musical outputs?

(01:15:37):
I'm, yeah, I'm okay with that in terms of, because it's, because it's where his origins are.
Hmm. And I think it's, it adds something to the show as well, you know, like I've watched,
I've never seen him live, but I've seen clips of like Bill Bailey, for example, doing his show,
and it's a lot of it is musical instrument based and things. And I think, because that's his roots,

(01:16:00):
and I, I think, because Conley started off really as the musician and then developed into a comedy
music hack, then moving on to just straight stand up. I think it, it still needed that element,
because, you know, you're not thinking like, "Oh, great, you're starting playing the band, you'll
find it." Yeah. Okay. You know, it's not like when Jen sings at "Lost at Christmas" for you,

(01:16:24):
that you're fast forward. You're wanting to watch it, because you think it's going to be funny,
and it's going to be something, you're going to get out of it. So I do like the, the song elements
that he does, and it's almost a shame that he doesn't do it more in this show, and then, you know,
to say that's it, he doesn't play them on stage again, really. No, I remember seeing him have a wee jam
with Sting on Parkinson, when they kind of, when, when, when, when, kind of park it came back to the

(01:16:50):
BBC, I think it would have been, maybe the early 2000s, or the mid 2000s, or something, and
it was almost stinking, they had a wee, they, they, they, they, we jam together, he played his banjo,
in a Sting play the guitar, and so yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't remember making fun of Sting,
and one of his stand-ups, remember, is they, we see Sting, he's on, he's, he's, he's on Wogan

(01:17:13):
with that guy with the CD in his mouth, because Sting was taking that sort of African Tradesman guy
around everywhere with him for some reason. I think, I shab the guitar back on and go back to
fucking work. It was, it was quite funny to see him on, eh, well I guess I, I, I always got the
feeling that Sting takes himself quite seriously, so he obviously, he never saw, he obviously never saw,

(01:17:38):
Billy roasting them on that, and on that, stand up. Yeah, I think Sting does take himself very
seriously, yeah, yeah, definitely. Now, does, there's a, a slight joke here that he references,
is that where you got the inspiration from, because he does mention about having a wank,
when you're thinking about crossroads or neighbors, and you have mentioned on the pod before,

(01:18:02):
that you were trying to write a, a bit of material about having a wank to neighbors, is that where
this came from? No, no, because he talks about watching those programs and thinking, right,
life's not worth living anymore, you know what I mean? That wouldn't be, I mean, I, I don't, I don't,
remember much of it crossroads, so I think it was, it was off, wasn't really on anymore by the time I was

(01:18:25):
in that stage of my young life, but, but I was, yeah, the old self abuse stage, but, eh,
neighbors, for for sure, you know, absolutely. It's, it's funny, because in the part of the,
the show, he does mention about, you know, masturbation and how, the, the statistic about men,
and he's like, how do they know? Because, yeah, anybody I ever ask, like, doesn't do it, and I'm like,

(01:18:49):
fuck, how times have changed? And himself, you know, even 20 years ago when we were, like, of that
eight, you know, in our early 20s, I'm sure we all talked about it or were shy, but, yeah, I guess it's,
it was still taboo back in the early 80s or something. And remember, when I lived in more than

(01:19:10):
our Deanshire, like, my, I had a friend called Barry, and sadly, Barry had lost his mum when he was
with nine, before I met him, so it was just Barry and he's that. And that's because it was Barry and he's
that, Barry had a pretty long leash, you know, and he's that was a member. To remember, like, you could
be, you could join the Britannia and like, see music club, video club, but he's that, to join the

(01:19:33):
fit. So, and they got it, he's that used to get, like, I think you had to order a certain number of
CDs or videos a month, right? That's what it worked. So he's that, mainly, Barry would usually pick the
film, so it would be action films, it would be stuff like RoboCop or Predator, like, get all the stuff that
was, or the Ewall, which on-clothed Van Dam, all that kind of stuff. And he got, he got Slyther,

(01:19:55):
the Shann Stone film, right? Remember that one? It was, it was like, yeah. Or second sexy film after
basic instinct. And so me and him, and this other, I think his name was Chris, so English kid who
he had moved to the village and were friends with him, and we were all staying over at Barry's,
and we sit down to watch Slyther, which we do. And after they, they can a big sex scene,

(01:20:17):
Chris is like, Barry, I'm gonna go and have a wank in your bathroom. So sorry, he's fucking,
I can only assume that he probably did. He's just like, oh my god. He's like, I'll be back in a few minutes.
Sharon Stone and Harley Baldwin turned him on that much. Or was it, no, it wasn't,
Alec, it was Billy Baldwin. Billy Baldwin. I say Alec, I just said Billy Baldwin.

(01:20:38):
No, no, no, I think you maybe did. I can't, I think I see Alec. But yeah, the one thing I always remember
from that film is the song, because it was you before his cover of "I Can't Help Following in Love
With You." Yeah, thanks. I've only seen it once. Yeah, I've only seen it maybe once or twice.
Well, I've only seen it all the way through once or twice. So, say it at scenes that I've seen
a few times. Yeah, I'm sure, yeah. No, I just wondered if that was where your inspiration came from,

(01:21:05):
from that. No, yeah. And I guess, I've tried from another,
I've tried, I've tried. Nothing. Kind of a thing from that era was condoms. And, you know,
I guess you forget, he's seven, and it's quite open about how he, the hate of the era is epidemic.
For example. Yeah, definitely. So, I guess, at least very vocal about not liking them and

(01:21:29):
don't wait in them. And I'm very funny, like, when he says, you know, when he's supposed to put them on,
he's supposed to arrive with it on or that. And again, acting out, the putting on of the condom,
and it's the, that is very funny. He's doing that, you know, but still say on the packet,
you know, about how your partner can help you. It may help the moment you're with videos.

(01:21:51):
I think it does, really. No. I mean, nobody likes them, you know what I mean?
And the thing is, he does make a good point, really, because, you know, like, you don't put the condom on before,
you know, things begin. You need to break off and put it on. And unless, like, you're really

(01:22:12):
adept at getting, you know, kind of getting the packet open and getting it on quickly, it can,
they can, you know, you can sort of, it can, kind of knock you off your step away, but, you know,
kill the moment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A little chap doesn't like wearing a raincoat then, yeah. I mean,
that, that, that made me laugh when he said, you know, he said, you take your clothes off and she said,

(01:22:32):
what's that? He said, go, well, I was, I think it was going to rain when I was getting ready. So,
I remember, he said that there's another, there's another clip of him saying that same thing to, who
is the, she's passed away now, but the old American Jewish comedian, John Rivers. Yeah.
When she had a chat show when he was on that and he's talking, and he, he, he, he does that, that, he does

(01:22:56):
a little bit of that routine for her when he's been interviewed by her and she is in fucking hysterics.
And John Rivers was funny, you know what I mean? Yeah. She was, she was really funny. But I,
I like it when somebody who's good at making you laugh is reduced to, like, helpless laughter
themselves, you know what I mean? And she was absolutely, you can probably see it. I think it was all

(01:23:21):
in, there was a video that came out to sort of celebrate 25 years of, of Billy being famous and being,
you know, in the thing that, that there was a lot of clips of like his stand-ups and TV appearances.
I think it's sold that one, I think. What, where do we live in the world's going?
Bunkers. Have you noticed this? The world's changing. Values are changing. They've given films

(01:23:48):
and television, urging us all to wear condoms. I don't even like them. I hate the buggers. I'd
might, I mean, if your mother found one of them in your pockets, she would have had a coronary.
Now there's mother's forcing them into the, have you got your condoms on, mother, fuck?

(01:24:09):
I love the, the audience in this because quite early on it cuts to this row of women
in hysterics and they're all wearing these paper hats with the Royal Albert Hall on it. And I'm like,
what the fuck? And then it cuts to, you know, a few more times the audience and the audience are
just so mid-80s, it's wonderful. But there's a few other people wearing these hats. I'm like,

(01:24:33):
fucking hell, you've really been like, oh, they've left these hats on the seats. We'll have to put
them on. It will be funny. They just look like fucking idiots, but I guess it was the time.
I wasn't sure if the, if people had actually bought them or if they were left on the seat from
it, put on. Maybe, yeah, maybe actually you're right. Maybe people did actually buy them.
Because it's a weird thing to do, you know what I mean to buy a funny hat is they buy the,

(01:24:56):
can I kiss me quick? Squeeze me slowly, you know what the C-side that seems like it feels like a
real 80s thing. Yeah, yeah, it does. But yeah, I just find it bizarre these snapshots of these people
wearing these hats and, yeah, these little paper crowns, like they've been at Burger King or something.
I don't like that. I don't really like the Burger. The kids Burger King hats. But it has the royal

(01:25:17):
all work haul on it and they're sitting there laughing away and you're thinking, Jesus,
did you think that in nearly 40 years time, there'd be two men sitting on a podcast? What's a podcast?
And discussing the fact that you're wearing a hat on this video, bizarre. Yeah, but these things
live on forever, obviously. They certainly do. And the, the, the thing I like about this,

(01:25:38):
I like it shows you're marraven, you know what I mean, they seem getting a car coming in stage door,
walking through the venue. I like that, you know. Yeah, I do like it. There's one that's just
being re-issued that I watched and it was the first sort of film about him. I think it's, let me see if
it, I think it is. It's either beach, it's not, I don't know what it is, but it's just been restored.

(01:26:05):
It's from like the late 70s, I think, and he's a tour in Ireland and in Belfast. And he's,
he's, when he's wearing the banana boots and the, the kind of black kind of onesy, you know,
what do you, what do you call it? And that, there's a lot of behind the scenes. There's a lot of
tea getting drunk and stuff like that. But they follow him. Okay, he says going out to the audience, he

(01:26:26):
takes his bow and then the camera falls and off the stage, bait up the stairs through the bowels
of the theater and into his, into his room, his dressing room, you know what I mean? And it's quite
interesting seeing all that because he was talking, that we're talking about, he said, oh, you didn't
talk about some of the political stuff for Belfast. And he was like, well, you know, these people have
come out, these people live with that, like every day. They've come out to have a laugh and, you know,

(01:26:50):
maybe be distracted from the, you know, these horrible things that are happening in their community.
He said, yeah, because he says, I was going to, he says, I'm not scared to talk about that kind of thing,
but I just thought, you know, this is not really what they've come out to see, you know? But yes,
it's my thought, I think, they just got it restored last year. It was on the IPTV, that's what I watched.
Oh, yeah, I know, yeah, I think it's on I player. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did add it to my list,

(01:27:17):
I was going to watch it before we record it, getting like a little bit more, but I time got away with
it, and unfortunately, so, but yeah, speaking of his outfit, I guess his iconic black and white outfit,
a year before Beetlejuice came out, so technically he'd, he'd be in Beetlejuice. It's odd that he's
wearing this kind of black and white striped suit, but the, the cover is, you know, it's like a neon

(01:27:44):
pink, the way that the cover is. So you're not getting to see the actual black and white iconic suit,
but it's more kind of a pink and black on the cover, but yeah, it's a, it's a bold choice, but Billy's
always been a, a bold, with his dressing, you know, the park is in famous, he's wearing a basically a
brown leather suit on the spot, so, yeah, he's always been a bit outlandish, well, he's been an

(01:28:09):
off-choose as well, of course, he's always been rather outlandish. They were, they were, they were
on display in the people's palace for in Glasgow for years and years, if people's palace is closed,
because fucking the council couldn't afford to keep it open, I assume, but it's in Glasgow green,
and it's like a museum of Glasgow. So those, I think John Burn, the famous, they just passed

(01:28:33):
away last year, didn't they? Scott Sharnes, I think he's a, they're great friends, I think he made
those banana boots for him, you know, but yeah, they were on display in the people's palace for years
and years, I've got no idea where they are now, I don't know where any of the stuff that isn't,
is probably on the storage. Yeah. How do you feel? I mean, we've spoken, as I say, we've covered a

(01:28:54):
couple of things that Billy's been in as an actor, but he's stand up, but in terms of his acting career,
he did get a lot of credit for, I was gonna say Mrs. Brown's boys there, but obviously for Mrs. Brown,
and we've seen him in things, you know, but predating that in terms of the elephant's graveyard and

(01:29:15):
just another, yeah, it's just an arseherate, no, yeah, and just an arseherate, down among the big boys and
things. And yeah, he's, I mean, he's a great actor as well, obviously early on, he's playing
Billy Connolly really, but he's, yeah, developed into, to really get out of it, I mean things like the,

(01:29:35):
I'm just gonna say the big man, the debt collector, that really shows his acting chops in that, really.
Well, it sort of hits a bit of a, you know, his acting appeared in movies anyway,
and a bit sporadic in the sort of late 70s and early 80s and then, from sort of 1993,
he plays the auction MC in a decent proposal. Yeah. And then he does a lot of voice stuff,

(01:30:01):
like he's, like, he does polka-hontas and paws and some other bits and bobs, but then after Mrs. Brown,
it goes on a bit of a tale, like, he does three films in 1999, and they're all good films,
they're still crazy, which is a good film, the debt collector and the Bundock Saints. Oh yeah,
and then from there, you know, this is gonna hit him, he's in the last Samurai with Tom Cruise,

(01:30:23):
and he's in Lemony Snicket, he's in the character he plays and the X-Files film, you see the X-Files film,
I want to believe. I don't think I ever have, you know, I've never been obsessed with the X-Files and
buying the VHS for the first couple episodes from Bar Price and the St. Nicholas Center,
the day it came out, and by the time the film came out, I'd stop watching it. It's, well, this is a second film.

(01:30:47):
Okay, yeah, definitely. The first one came out in the late 90s, because I let it see it at the
cinema, and the first one was pretty good as well, the first movie, the second one I want to believe in,
it plays like in a creepy priest in the second film. It's good, it's a solid film. So yeah, I mean, he's,
you know, he was acting me up until 2016, in movies, you know? Yeah, well, we've had him recently on

(01:31:14):
what we did in our holiday. Of course, of course, we did see it, that was me, so when was that? That was
in 2014, so that was, like, that was his third from last film. After that, he does, the Hobbit is not a good
film, and then he does one called Wild Oats that I've never heard of, that's about, it's got surely
McLean and Jessica Langen and Demi Moore and Billy Conley. So he's always been, like, you know, he cemented

(01:31:41):
himself as a, a national icon, I mean, I think, would you say, if you're speaking about famous
Scottish people, then I mean, Sean Connery is probably top of the pile, but Billy Conley's probably
he's up there in terms of famous Scotsman from our kind of era and time, like he has to be. I'd say that,

(01:32:04):
I mean, I'd say that probably after Sean Connery is probably the most recognizable Scottish actor,
I would say, you know, and, or personality, I think that it's sort of him, Robbicle Train, I guess,
Gerald Butler's kind of moving into that space now as well, just in terms of popularity because he does
so many movies, Gerald Butler, you know, but I, yeah, there was a clip of him. Do you remember the

(01:32:29):
kids TV show Tickle on the Tom? Tickle? No, I don't. You don't remember that. He was on that. If they
Bobby Bins, the Bintman, and Tickle on the Tom, and I was special, was it a little bit like
Balthamori, I think, when they've been setting Balthamori, it's set in a tickle town. You remember,
look down there's Tickle town, and there's the River of Tom. No. When was this?

(01:32:51):
My days? No, I don't remember that at all. Maybe if I watched it, I might suddenly be transported back,
but no, I don't remember that. Yeah, you'd be, they prime Tickle on the Tom audience age at that
stage, wait four or five years old. Yeah, yeah, I don't know what the fuck I was doing, busy watching
he-man, I guess, but yeah, Tickle on the Tom and the A team. Yeah, okay, no, remember that.

(01:33:13):
There was the, when I was looking and searching for a bit, there was the famous
"got into a bit of bother" in 2004 when that was the time with the Iraqi hostage Kenneth Bigley.
Was that two-thousand-four? Yeah, two-thousand-four. Twenty years ago, and he said to the audience,
"don't you wish they'd just get on with it?" And that was at the Hammersmith of Paul Owen London,

(01:33:37):
and apparently the crowd did turn on him and boot and said that that wasn't, you know,
I think one audience member shouted that that's a man's life you're talking about and
believe is just like, "ah, fucking, you know, passed it off." But yeah, still a little bit of, I mean,
that was, that was, yeah, I was watching this, I was thinking, you know, would you get, what would,

(01:33:57):
what would this sort of modern sensitivity, you know, wait, what would you make run into with this?
And I thought, well, maybe Colin, Ronald Reagan and Nutter, I'm sure people would,
"oh, you shouldn't use the word nutter, blah, blah." And even the condom stuff, when, you know,
because he's going about how much he hates condoms, there would be some fucking, there'd be somebody
who'd be like, "no, condoms actually save a lot of lives, you know, blah, blah." You know, which is

(01:34:21):
kind of ridiculous, really. But yeah, I mean, I don't know how I would say that. I mean, if you listen to,
well, you do listen to here comes the guilty, you know, nothing is sacred, you know, everything gets,
everything gets fun, pork at it, you know? Yeah, but I think there's a difference between
nowadays saying stuff like, I actually know, Frankie Boyle's a bad example, because I'm going to say,

(01:34:47):
there's stuff he says on the guilty party might not say on stage, but Frankie Boyle, 100% would.
Yeah, I think maybe Chris McArthur Boyd probably says stuff on the pod that he wouldn't say on stage.
Possibly. But yeah, Frankie would, you're right, yeah, completely.
But yeah, anything kind of goes, but yeah, I'm pretty certain, Billy, would probably get into some sort

(01:35:10):
of border for something he said, but you just, we've said this before, you can't say anything nowadays,
really, in terms of, and that's not me being like Jim Davidson or Roy Jimmy Bray. But I'm saying,
you are going to offend someone with something you say. So maybe you're best to embrace it, like,
Jimmy Carr or Vicky Javés, you know, like if you're offended, well, what was your fucking problem?

(01:35:31):
Well, with the Vicky Javés, say, they're the Vicky, I saw him, you don't have you, they're the Vicky,
and he was like, you know, like, to say that something offended you is actually quite fucking arrogant.
You may not find something, you may not find it funny, and that's fine, you know, it said,
if I make a joke and you don't find it funny, then I understand because maybe my humour is not for
everybody, but you can't say that I'm offended, you know what I mean?
Well, and I think because times change so much, I think, was it about maybe five years ago,

(01:35:56):
like Jimmy Carr said in interviews, like, the joke that will get me cancelled is already, I've already
said it, it will be retrospective, someone will be like, I can't believe he said that. And, you know,
you, yeah, it's times changed and stuff. I mean, it was, it was years later, I wasn't that Frankie
kind of got taken over the course for what he said about Jade Gooday. Her, her, her, her,

(01:36:19):
Harvey Price. Oh, yeah. Anyway. J. Gooday. I can't remember the next one. Thank you so much, J. Gooday.
I said some stuff about her as well, and then of course she died, and then all of a sudden, it wasn't
funny anymore because, you know, everybody, everybody seemed to forget about when she was,

(01:36:40):
that being pretty racist towards Shippra, what's her name? The Indian actress, Shilpa Shetty,
he's Shilpa Shetty on Big Brother, it's a liberating Big Brother, like, her in S-Club 7 girl,
the Joe from S-Club 7? Joe Mera. Yeah, they both been a bit fucking racist towards this.
Indian lady, and then all of a sudden Jade Gooday dies, and all that's forgotten about, you know,

(01:37:03):
such a persips ashy, mooh perjade. The bizarre thing about that is, yeah, the arguments and Jade's
calling her Shilpa popodon, and you've got effectively Germain Jackson and Dirk Benedict face from
the 18. I know. Breaking up this argument, and you're like, what the fuck am I watching?
I know, I'm just sorry. I've been watching that I'm a celebrity, because like, I know-

(01:37:28):
Oh, yeah. I never really watched that before, and in last year, my daughter, Rene and I watched
it all, and it was the right nice group of people in it last year, and it wasn't that low-dark
you, and I don't know, you know, actually, people getting on, they, Barry McWiggin, you know what,
he's a fucking legend, and so this year, and Martin Kemp's on it this year, and he was telling everybody

(01:37:50):
about how he'd had, they had a brain tremor years ago, and he had to have removed the stuff, and he
was sort of talking about his road to the cover A, and his rehabilitation, and everything, and I just
felt this real surge of empathy for him, and every time they're making him do some fucking horrible
task, I'm like, "That's Martin Kemp from Spando, Barry, come on guys!" You know what I mean? He's not,

(01:38:13):
he's not fucking angry ginger or H, because I fuck about those two fans, that's Martin Kemp.
It's funny, I haven't been watching I'm a celebrity, but I have been watching celebrity race across the
world. Oh right, yeah, I've not watched that. I had to fancy it all. It's very good, and two of the,
one of the couples, it's Roman Kemp, and his sister, Harley Moon Kemp, so I'm trying to explain to

(01:38:37):
my girlfriend, well, it's Spando, Bali, and Pepsi and Shirley, it's their kids. Yeah, it's great,
seeing their dynamic, and when they're speaking about, "Oh, mum and dad, I'm like, it's fucking
Shirley and Martin Kemp, you're talking about it, yeah?" Do you know anyone called Alistair?
Yeah, unfortunately, well, not unfortunately, because it's a nice guy, but I do, there's a guy at school

(01:38:58):
called Alistair Cool, who actually, believe it or not, works for Weta, now the special effect
company. I don't know that because I'm still in touch with him, I know that because he told me,
so he works in the Lord of the Rings films and stuff like that, and King Kong, but yeah, he's an
Alistair, Alistair Cool, CEO, U, WL, quite a, that's quite a common Northeast Scotland second name,

(01:39:21):
Cool, all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard that, yeah, in a couple of places, yeah.
So would you say this is peak con? No, I don't think so. No, I don't think so, I think 90s,
the first half of the 90s is peak Connolly standard. We're stand up, and that's, when was he doing

(01:39:43):
like his two-rebusthrail, yeah, and stuff? That was mid-90s? Yeah, yeah, that was, yeah, maybe even
early 2000s, potentially. Oh, I didn't know he was once in Minder, Billy Connolly. Oh wow, they're the
character called Tick-Tack. So he did, he did, oh, you're right, sorry, he did, World Tour of Scotland in 94,

(01:40:09):
then he did Australian 96, then he does England Ireland in Wales in 2002, New Zealand 2004,
Tracks across America in 2014, he does journey to the edge of the world in 2009, and he does
Route 66 in 2011. I think that was where he discovered that he had early on set park, and he did

(01:40:31):
that Route 66, I think, because he said, he said that somebody came up to him in the Bay of the Hills
Hotel, and in the lobby, I said, I'm a doctor, and I saw the way you were walking there, and I think
you should, I think you should go and get checked out for Parkinson's, that was, that was how he,
that was, so he said he was, you know, very exposed to be acting, somebody comes up and says,

(01:40:51):
like, I have a doctor, I look like he got Parkinson's, mate. Yeah. I think the younger Billy Connolly
would probably not be fucking teeth at it. Yeah, very true, actually. Yeah, yeah, very true. Yeah,
absolutely. Well, yeah, I would probably agree, like I think this, this for me is a very famous show,
but yeah, in terms of peak, Connolly. I don't know, it's kind of, yeah, you're probably right,

(01:41:13):
is a few years later when he's at like the peak of his powers, but he's more mainstream, but maybe
has lost, not lost his edge of it, but it's, I guess you're diluting yourself when you are
appealing to everyone, whereas, you know, yeah, the earlier stuff, I always kind of associate,

(01:41:33):
it's funny, because we say he's probably one of the most famous, you know, Scotsman ever, he's,
definitely are most famous comedian, and I think why can I associate really with him a lot is
going to the toilets and the elicit still, because they used to play Billy Connolly in there, and that
was a genius move, and it's hilarious. You'd go in for a piss, and then you'd be like, I'll just
wait until the end of this bit, and then come back, and it was, yeah, a great move for a pub to be

(01:41:59):
playing Billy Connolly in the toilet. I mean, this just, the cover of this, but you mentioned it
early on, early on. Again, it's a little bit like what we're saying there before about the sterling
adver, so the cumber and all diadver, so there's some things that are just, you know, when you think
back to when you were younger, there are some things that just really stand out, and this is definitely

(01:42:22):
one of them, because it was just, it was so, it was so popular, and I remember, like, obviously,
never being allowed to watch it, because my mum was quite strict about, well, she was so,
quite strict up to a certain point. I think my way I turned about 14, but it was fine,
you watch anything I wanted, you know what, I mean, when I was younger, before that I was younger,
she was definitely censoring stuff, they called it famously not the, not even the Dutch-fucking-Gurin-chill,

(01:42:48):
so I remember, it was one of those things, we were like, "Fucking cat-weight until I cat-weight to
get to watch that", you know what, I mean, just sort of the kind of mystery of it, you know,
something that you're not, that's kind of forbidden, you know, just like, "I cat-weight to get my
chance to watch that", and then of course, the first thing I watched that as they
mentioned at the beginning, I was fucking absolutely helpless, but laughter, but then I was only 14.

(01:43:11):
So, yeah, yeah, so say for me, it's just an iconic cover and just adorned every Scottish guy of
that age's front room next to the VHS player, it was this and usually Scotch and Rye, with you
and then, he's from a cop uniform, on the cover, it was just, yeah, that was, or maybe a rap scene,

(01:43:35):
yes, but, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's kind of like the blues brother's poster
in the early 1980s, you know, I mean, that, that seems, everybody, like, like, boys of a certain age,
seem to have in their walls, or young men of a certain age seem to have in their walls, back then,
yeah, this is, this, it's, it's kind of up there with that, yeah, so, so, the iconic, well,

(01:43:57):
normally we would put this, we'd be ready to do our swallow awards, but this,
whatever, but like, a stand-up special before it, and they can't, I just, I couldn't do it,
I tried, I thought, that's, I thought, I mean, yeah, I got, you know, Bobby the barman,
Royal Albert Hall, but we don't see a pub, and then Cosmo was obviously Billy Connolly, who wins,
Billy Connolly, yeah, I mean, the use of swearing, again, it's strange, there's no,

(01:44:21):
or maybe it just passed me by because it's just Connolly, and I was concentrating, but, you know,
one of his opening lines is, of course, I've played some fucking toilets on my life, and that's what I
gave it to because, was he there? Nothing else, like, you just reminded me of something that I meant
to say earlier, somehow he's always gotten away with swearing, you know what I mean, because,

(01:44:42):
when I was younger, the types of comedians that use language like that would be sort of a stag,
type comedians like Rocha B. Brown, for example, they would never be mainstream, you would never have
these, he's sort of, a tall, compoded, real, ladies, like laughing at the front of the, at the front of
the audience, as he's effing and Jeffing his way through, but he seems to get away with it, you know,

(01:45:05):
I mean, people, you know, they, if you look at that audience, they're probably, you know, they looked,
they, like, almost all white from what I could see, that, I mean, I'm sure there were people
that color in there, maybe they just didn't get caught in camera, but all white, all kind of, you know,
all of us, we all look to be of a fairly specific class, I can't imagine that the Royal Albert Hall

(01:45:26):
has ever been the cheapest place to buy a ticket to go and see anybody at, and also, what,
going to London has always been expensive, but yeah, it seems to be able to, it seems to appeal to them,
you know, and in the same way as he would appeal to a room full of scots, maybe, or Irish, or, you
know, working class people or whatever, you know, but he seems to, you know, I don't know how he gets

(01:45:46):
away with it, but I know that if you and I were to do a stand-up show in front of a crowd,
like that, and be fucking this and that fuck off bastards, and all that, we just wouldn't get away with it.
It's very true, and it is just, you're right, it's just, currently, just associated with that, but,
well, I always think is, and it's, again, it's a nice Scottish thing, they're probably are too

(01:46:08):
most famous, and they're probably the two most mimicked and impression'd, would be Sean and Billy,
and do you have, like, obviously, when someone's doing a Sean Conry impression, the first thing is
my shmony pick, and if you're doing a Billy Conry impression, do you have a word? Because I certainly do
if you were to go into one. Eh, not really. I mean, I don't think I've got a word. What was your word be?

(01:46:30):
Job it! Job it would be my word. It's like, for some reason. I remember seeing a wife,
smell of reason Mortimer, years ago in Vick Leaves, that's about the Conry impression, and he goes,
"Do you just hate it when the plumber comes around?" And he leaves a bloody mess,
but it's funny!
But that is, I guess it does, you know, I mean, that's why I think Billy was so successfully,

(01:47:01):
was an every man, and he was able to talk about being a welder, and doing this, so that's why,
you know, this day, I think, like, people like Mickey Flanagan, just, there's a little spark,
and everyone's like, "He's like me, and, you know, a kind of saucy, you know, speaking about going
out out, it's, you know, Mickey Flanagan is very, very funny." Yeah, that's what, but he comes from a certain

(01:47:26):
stock that, Connolly, kind of, you know, would say I'm not saying Mickey Flanagan's a modern day,
Billy Connolly, but he, you know, comes from a same kind of a stock, and I think that's why Connolly
has that appeal because he's an every man, you can imagine having a pint in a pub with him,
yeah, yeah, yeah, having a laugh, and he would entertain you, and then off you go.

(01:47:48):
One of my big regrets, they're all the years I lived in Glasgow, I never, ever ran into Billy Connolly,
and they kept, he does, well, it may be not so much now, because he's quite poorly, but he used to
go to Glasgow a lot, and he'd just be wandering around in the city center, I would go to
a cafe, Gandalfine, that was his favourite place to go in, and he'd sit in and all that kind of thing,
and I never, ever saw him, I never had a bullet in him, and I guess, I do, it's always, he's, he's,

(01:48:12):
like, I'm not, I'm not, you know, fast about meeting famous people, really, but he is one person that
I always wanted to meet, and he just to say hello to for a couple of minutes, you know, and just,
and just tell him how, how brilliant, how brilliant, I think he is, I wouldn't say it like that,
oh, but you know, but, yeah, because he, you know, he's, he seems to be very gracious when people

(01:48:38):
approach him and say, as long as, I guess, as long as they approach him in the right way, but he seems
happy to stop and say hello to them and maybe get a picture with them and whatnot, but I guess, I'll,
but I'll never get the chance to do that now, but nevermind, just don't say to him,
are you who I think you are, because he doesn't like that, especially if you're light on your
loafers apparently, don't say that, say, are you Billy Conley, and then he'll be gracious enough to

(01:49:04):
you, but yeah, don't say, are you who I think you are, that could be in trouble there,
in my mind. Well, yeah, I guess we can't go through any awards, so, no, that was Billy and Albert,
I believe it's available, I think it's on YouTube, I'm sure it's available in this room,
in place, as long as you don't need to. I was going to be lazy, so I could watch it on my phone and just

(01:49:27):
watch it on YouTube, there's clips of it on YouTube, but I had to, well, luckily I've got it in DVD,
because a few years ago, I think my stepmom couldn't, she didn't know what to bag me from
her Christmas, so she bought me a few Billy Conley DVDs, and that was one of them, so,
and that's it, and that's it, and that's the, and that was me taking the wrapper off it for the first time,
twice, still see it, there we go, you took the condom off of Billy and Albert, and placed it in your DVD

(01:49:54):
player, that's wonderful, very nice, at least you got some use out of it, well, yeah,
Billy and Albert, available, you can watch clips on YouTube or you can find it somewhere,
I sailed the high season, find it, so you can do that, yeah, so that is our last episode of 2020-25, Greg,

(01:50:14):
we will be back in the first couple of weeks of January with a best of the news special, and then
after that, we will have our first proper episode of 2020-26, and it's your choice, so what are we
going to be watching over the festive period, mama? Well, I've gone for a quite a recent thing,
I've gone for the ITV drama starring Andrew Lincoln off the Walking Dead, and this life, what was

(01:50:42):
the called, this life, played egg, yeah, I never watched that, I fucking loved this life, I have it,
I have the DVD box set, I have it, this life, I'll never get rid of that, I fucking love that,
sure, okay, so we're talking about this life in the next episode as well, and we will. You and
Bremer, Eve Meils and Andrea Varmer, and it's cold water, oh yeah, when a family move from London

(01:51:06):
to acquire a Scottish village after a traumatic experience, a new, idyllic life, soon turns to a
nightmare when they meet their pre-pay next door neighbour, played by new neighbour, so yeah, it looks
good, I'm not seeing any right ups on it, but I'm looking forward to watching it. Yeah, I think I remember
seeing this advertised, I must have been watching something on ITV at the time, it was being heavily

(01:51:30):
promoted, but I never got around to watching it, great, I will look forward to watching that over
the first period in discussing it with you early next year. Maybe even one that we can watch with
our significant others, yeah, possibly, yeah, wonderful, all right, fantastic, well thank you very
much for listening everyone, hope you enjoyed the show, and I hope you've had a lovely Christmas,

(01:51:51):
because although this comes out on Christmas day, I hope you're not listening to this on Christmas day,
if you are, Merry Christmas, I wish you all the best for 2020-26, but if you'd like to get in touch
with us, you can, you can email us, cultureswalley@gmail.com, if you've got anything you'd like us to cover,
if you've got any new stories you've seen, if you just want to say hello, then drop us a line,

(01:52:12):
be more than happy to have a little chat with you, and we have a wonderful website as well, don't we, Greg?
Yep, you can find us at cultureswalley.com with links to other episodes, vlog posts and articles
about Scottish film and television, and I'm wondering, might somebody to do this to update over Christmas?
Definitely get round to that, some points. Lovely, wonderful, well, I would say, I hope you have a

(01:52:38):
lovely Christmas, but I will probably see you in 10 days time or so, and yeah, we'll have a proper
catch up and all that, and bleather, before the Christmas period, so lovely. Well, wonderful,
right, well, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone, and we will see you in the first couple of

(01:52:58):
weeks of January with the best of news, and then following that with cold water. So yeah, all the best
for Christmas and have a good one, and until next time. Until next time. Go at your fave, and indeed,
and Aberdeen, and Glasgow, you'll like it as another nice place. And don't come back, people come
up to me and say, oh, wait, this Scotland one, so it was raining? Glasgow is fucking raining!

(01:53:29):
[Music]

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Episode 142 - Billy and Albert (1987)

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 142 - Billy and Albert (1987)