How He Survived Losing Everything... And How He Changed From It | Coach Bob Shenefelt | TDES - The Dillon England Show

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Minute later, a car comes over the median and hits
me head on the telephone, which was huge, crash the windshield.
Oh my gosh, is this it?

Speaker 2 (00:07):
What was the first business you ever started?

Speaker 1 (00:09):
I was selling for a large international career company that
also handled large mailings, and I was their number one salesperson.
I had a pretty free life making some good cash.
If not now when when do a lot of people
do it? When they have a heart attack, when their
kids grow up?

Speaker 2 (00:23):
How do visionaries slow down?

Speaker 1 (00:25):
Here? Each quarter, each week, and even each day. I
take a few minutes just to be grateful and think
about what matters most. I have everything I need and
today is awesome. But if I think about what really
matters most, it's to be present, to be in love,
to be in the moment.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
What need did you see in the industry? When you
create the visionary form, it often comes up I.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
Never really fit in. Basically, a community, elevate ourselves, step
into our greatness and to serve our purpose.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
The worst thing you can do is just flow by
in your life and just exist.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
I wish it wasn't so busy.

Speaker 2 (00:57):
I know you showed me your book on Scattered the Chatter.
You you've helped tons and tons of people. We can
start really where you want to. I mean, I think
the Visionary Forum is amazing. I think you put on summits.
You just do so much. So if I asked you
the question who is coach Bob, what would you say?

Speaker 1 (01:20):
It's ever evolving. I'm ever evolving a being, elevating and
evolving into who I really am, and being an observer
to help me to learn and teach and help and
evolving as humans are evolving, and leading that charge and

(01:44):
again as more of a student than a teacher.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
What was the first business you ever started?

Speaker 1 (01:50):
Or first business would have been? I was selling for
a large international career company that also have handled large mailings,
and I was their number one salesperson. I had a
pretty free life, making some good cash. And then what
did they do, which was a mistake number one for
a lot of companies, is they took their top salesperson

(02:12):
made me sales manager. And I hated it and I
was terrible at it. And I also got higher up
and realized this is not who I wanted to work with.
I mean it was they didn't have a business operating system,
they didn't have identified core values, and as I got
further up, I'm like, I can't do this, and I
hated it. And then as a I wasn't didn't realize

(02:32):
I was a visionary at that point. But we visionary
see gaps and opportunities, and so I was like, oh,
there's an opportunity to create a Canadian company, which I
helped create the Canadian service for the company used to
work for. And so took the leap and started my
own business and grew it way out of control and
then it rolled in with GENO and EOS, and then

(02:55):
realized I was a visionary and to teach other visionaries.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
So walk me through a visionary to say that word
a lot today, I think, And what do you mean
by visionary? What does that mean to you?

Speaker 1 (03:06):
Visionary is looking at we can see opportunities around the corner.
It's not that I can see the future, but I
especially when I'm in a safe, comfortable space, not in
fear so more in a not in survival mode. But
it's just I see possibilities. And so again it's not
seeing the future. And a lot of us visionaries, you know,

(03:31):
we wear the drama queens. So everything's great, Oh my god,
we're so screwed and so again, often too forward thinking
and inspiring, we can often galvanize solution creative solutions. Love
to connect is a common theme. A lot of us

(03:53):
have a high risk tolerance, and so it's like, it
shouldn't be the hard, let's just go do it, and
we often double down. And I've done that many times
where I've bet it all, almost lost it all several times.
So it's and I love the word visionary and it
helped Gino helped me to realize that I have a
place in business because when I hired him, I'm like,

(04:15):
why the f I don't know if we without to
swear here or not. Why am I running a business?
Because I'm not a good manager. I'm not good at details,
I don't like to follow up. And he helped me
to realize that I know we need a visionary in
the business and to be that face and that inspiration
and the passion. And yet I needed a process and
the right hand, which we call an integrator. And literally

(04:36):
once we and I had a person I used to
work with it came in as our ops manager and
he almost he was kind of fighting me for the
visionary role. Yeah, because it's more fun, and all of
a sudden he settled in so he literally our offices
were across the hall from each other upstairs, and everyone
used to go into my office. And he's like, you
got to tell people to come into my office. I'm like, well,

(04:58):
and you have to tell our partners to respect more.
I'm like, that's not really how respect works. And then
all of a sudden he came to a realization that
He's like, we're here because of your energy and your spirit,
and he recognized that, and then he slid into that
coo ops and integrated role and we took off like
Geno's book Rocketfeel talks about and it was unbelievable and

(05:21):
so I you know, that's when I realized, oh my gosh,
so that helped me in my business. But then we
have a saying that Geno made popular in the business
world is letting go of the vine. And so a
lot of us visionaries we started I sell you, I
see a problem, I sell you. Then I turn around
and go, oh shit, we have to solve this and
we have to deliver. So then okay, we got to
get the right people and the right processes, and so

(05:43):
then we hit the ceiling of complexity, and so that's
too much in my head. I have to remember things.
I can only get so much done. So that's when
we create processes and put the right people in place.
So it sounds great to let go of the vine,
but I've realized, especially with us visionaries, a lot of
us have a heart time letting go of the vine
because I've been doing this for twenty five years and
gripping on so tight to that vine. And it comes

(06:06):
down to trust. And it's not that I just trust
everyone and just let go. I have to have the
right people in the process. And so I've realized, for
myself and for others, it's hard to let go of
the vine if I don't know what life beyond the
vine is. And so people are like, well, what is that, Well, hobbies, family, health, philanthropic,
whatever it might be. But so many of us, our

(06:28):
business is our identity, and I'm dealing with that with
a few of my clients. I'm like, well, why wouldn't
you just do this? I'm like, it's kind of who
I am, and I'm like, well, it kind of isn't.
It is a big part of who you are. So
it's about letting go of the vine, and so life
would not be I mean, it takes us visionaries to
help evolve. And it's not just visionary entrepreneurs, it's just

(06:50):
people that kind of see the future. My kids, I
don't know if they're you know, Gino talks about with
all the people he's worked with, there's like seven percent
of us visionaries and maybe four percent or integrators or
whatever it might be. And so we can be a
visionary without having a business. But my kids have vision.
And so that's where I'm not here just to help
you as a visionary, and then I'm teaching you. I'm learning,

(07:13):
but it's helping our employees. What's your vision for your role,
what's your vision for your goals? What's your vision for
your life? And people like what are you even talking about?
So to help people to understand that. So with my kids,
you know, what do you want to do? What do
you want to be? And they both figured it out
at like eighteen and nineteen a lot of what mattered
most to them. And so again to me, it's not

(07:36):
just helping visionaries, it's helping people to have vision. And
part of it is I follow my face a lot,
and as doctor Doug Brackman talks about in the book Driven.
There's about seven percent of us that are driven, and
we just have a different biological makeup. And part of
it is imposter syndrome, which when I first talked to him,
I'm like, that's not my issue too, And then it's like,

(07:57):
oh shit, it is because I'm trying to prove, you know.
Is Dylan going to like me? Is he going to
promote me? Is he going to hire me? Is this like?
Oh why did I say that? And it's and that's
a lot of the chatter which a lot of us
visionaries have so long winded, inentry questions. I love it,
You're gat it's you know again? Just and another thing
to visionaries, a lot of us are I think more,

(08:21):
not better or worse, more easily tapped into energy and ideas.
And so if I'm in the business and I'm in
survival mode, I'm not fun to be around. I'm not
fun to be married with too.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
We have a little more of a creative mindset totally,
and so if I can stay at that space, it
shit comes through me.

Speaker 1 (08:39):
I used to think it was me. I realized it's
coming through me, and so that's a humbling experience and
you goo fout that for a while, so to just yeah,
and so that's where I need a great team, not greed.
It helps me to have a great team around me
to keep me in that space. And this is where
a lot of us visionaries are like, why am I
making I feel guilty that I take time off? I
went and got a massage. My employees are kicking ass

(09:01):
at work and and I'm taking a vacation. I'm going
to write a book, and I'm doing these podcasts, which
but I'm providing value to them, and I'm getting out
of their way, right because I don't need to be
around all the time.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
Yeah, correct, So yeah, it's a great You think every
company needs both a visionary and a greater to be successful.

Speaker 1 (09:19):
To grow significantly, I would say yes. So there's a
lot of trades people or technicians or whatever. An entrepreneur
is just someone who starts their own business.

Speaker 2 (09:29):
To scale if you're going to want to scale.

Speaker 1 (09:30):
Correct, Yes, I definitely believe.

Speaker 2 (09:32):
So how do you so if I was going to
just like put a button on, a visionary visionary would
be more of a creative mind, more of a long
term strategist, more okay with risks totally, maybe a little
like time yeah right right, maybe almost like apathetic towards risk.
It is like risk doesn't when they have a vision

(09:53):
of what they want to achieve, Like risk is whatever, we'll.

Speaker 1 (09:56):
Make it up.

Speaker 2 (09:57):
Yeah, we'll figure it out.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
It's a cost, right yeah.

Speaker 2 (09:59):
And then great is more of a doer like they
like being. They generally more like maybe putting to action.

Speaker 1 (10:05):
Managed doing doing. They don't have to do it all,
but they're inspiring and so I'll tell here's what we're
going to do. When people go yeah, and then my
integrator will say something like, oh, I get it, I'm
like I said the same thing. But I think because
our energy is often so high. So even I've had
employees go, everything's so urgent, and I'm like, but I
told you to get this one done tomorrow, this one

(10:26):
done in three weeks, and this one whenever. So how
is everything urgent? Well, you're so passionate. Everything seems urgent.
I'm like, that's not my problem. No, it is, obviously,
But to say, okay, are you clear we're just brainstorming
or and or this is you know, I just wanted
to talk about it. Let's document it, and let's wait
so yeah. So to answer your question, though, if I'm
a baker or you know, a pastry shop, I can

(10:49):
have a nice little business and I don't need to
scale or grow.

Speaker 2 (10:52):
But an integrator specifically would be characterized as someone like
so for visionary, that feels when when we have the
freedom to think and strategize and have ideas and connect
with and connect with people like, we get life like
it gets its excited, right Like for example, like the
other day, had an idea for a podcast boot camp.

(11:14):
I'm like, this would be perfect, this would fit the
the person that can't quite afford this, but I get
a group coaching. And then I did a big presentation
yesterday and we got like a boot camp. People brought
off the bat and I'm like yeah, and I'm like,
oh wait, build right right. Hence comes the integrator at
that point to maybe help me kind of like here's

(11:35):
high level. And then when you say the integrator kind
of helps a visionary nail things down on the specifics
and build up processes and operations, like is that kind
of really where integrated comes in.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
And clear it's the right hand the visionary EOS calls
it integrator, which is awesome. It's just that great right hand.
It could be president, could be COO, could be whatever.
So just and now again they helped to integrate the vision,
and a great integrator can help be a part of
that vision and not be freaked out by it. So
to a few other things, is I just have safe
space with my integrator to go what the's going on?

(12:07):
You know, and she I got it, and no worries
or thank you for letting me know, or we should
do this, say okay, that's cool, that's really next quarter.
So discernment's a big thing allowing me to speak because
again coming back to chatter, I have a lot of
chatter in my head and if I don't get it out,
I go crazy literally. And so if I can tell
you what if we do this, and then it's like

(12:28):
I don't know if that makes sense, but it or
how come we didn't do that? And then it's like, well,
it's not that big of a deal. But when stuck
up here, it drives me crazy. So there's chatter coming
from the outside and there's chatter in here, most of
it's not positive, So why not be a part of
that conversation and shift it. So and then back to
the integrator thing as well. It is hard to find that,
and that's why Geno called it rocket fuel. You know,

(12:49):
So as me as a visionary and someone is an integrator,
even if somebody if you're really organized and you can prioritize,
that's great, But we just have to have that right
vibe and it's not easy to find. Yeah, and someone
who can keep up and but and again, someone I
can just totally be myself because otherwise if I'm holding
it in, i am not that good to anybody?

Speaker 2 (13:09):
Does that take time? Like, could you find the right
person and then it takes time to get to that
level of trust.

Speaker 1 (13:14):
I think it takes a couple of years even if
they're the right person. But as I've coached probably two
hundred and fifty visionaries and seventy leadership teams, that's a
great question. Probably a third of the time, someone on
the leadership team or even an executive assistant or an
OPTS person can absolutely step into that role and they

(13:36):
just have to understand it and build confidence and then
they need to be supported so they can elevate. So
and even if it is that person, yeah, I think
it takes one to two years to fully because I
might what did you do? And then and there it's like,
don't take it personally and I'm still learning and how
to communicate and build relationships. Right.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah, I mean I think it's a good because a
lot of young entrepreneurs that are maybe scaling. Do you
think on average an entrepreneur or is normally a visionary
or more of an integrator.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
I would say from the entrepreneurs I've met, i'd say
it's sixty five to seventy percent visionaries. Yeah, And I
mean so I think that could be skewed a little
bit because those entrepreneurs that are kind of on their
own and are okay with it, don't travel in the circles.
I traveling because I need a group. So it may
be fifty to fifty. And then the people who are
looking for support to realize, are you greaty am I crazy?

(14:25):
You're crazy too? Yay? Okay, cool.

Speaker 2 (14:28):
So maybe there's an integrator out there that's a business
owner of that maybe just needs to hire a visionary. Absolutely,
it's stunting them because they are the day to day
they enjoy the like operations, they enjoy the you know, grind,
so to speak, but they're missing that big picture thinker
right or on the flip side of a visionary that
has all these ideas, there's so many things they want

(14:49):
to do, but they don't get anything done because they
have eighty things they're trying to do at the same time.
They need to find that person that can help narrow
them down and then again integrate their ideas in the
company and be to say, hey, that's probably not a
good one for right now. Maybe we come back to
this later.

Speaker 1 (15:02):
And well, it's interesting because there's a big thing that's
happening is you know, fractional integrators fractional CFOs, and there's
a time and a place for those, and that's awesome.
I don't need a full time CFO. So if I
can get someone fractionally for two hours a week and
you know or whatever, that's awesome. I was even toying
with being a fractional visionary and that's where it really
has rolled into my coaching. So yeah, I coach life

(15:24):
skills and skills of a visionary. But sometimes it's really
my best clients are amazing entrepreneurs who don't totally understand
vision And I don't know your industry, but it's like,
and I think I've done it with you a little bit,
just say well what about this? What about this? I
don't know shit about what you're doing. But as we
talk a lot of us visionaries, it's like, well have
you thought of this? So I've had coaching clients that

(15:46):
I'm like, I'm going to teach you all these processes
and they're like can we just talk once a week,
you know, And it's just to help them, to give
them confidence, ideas and then just you know, push and
pull a little bit. So yeah, I'm not really a
fractional visionary, but I help solid visionaries who are kind
of like, there's got to be more what's my purpose?
And so this is what's interesting. Also we're talking about visionaries,

(16:06):
but it's evolving to what I'm calling it is a
lot of us visionaries And I didn't say this before.
We're really good at revolution and so you know, as
we grow, that's evolution, which I learned from Geno. I
don't know where he learned it from, but or maybe
he came up with it. But as we grow as
a society, as a person, as a company, as a department,
that's evolution. And then we hit the ceiling of complexity.

(16:28):
So there's just so much going on. What do we do?
We need people in process and so that's a revolution.
And if we don't bust through that ceiling, we're going
to slide back down. And so that's a big aha.
And so a lot of us visionaries are revolutionaries because
you've got to blow shit up. So the podcast business, okay,
well what if you did this? What It's like, whoa, Okay,
hold on, that's interesting. And so when I was coming

(16:50):
up with another term for visionaries, it's evolutionary entrepreneur. And
so it's allowing myself to evolve in things. To evolve.
I'm a high quick start. I get bored quick. I
mean even with my book. I've been coaching people and
people are like, you have this most amazing system. All
of the teaching tools are recorded, you have this, and
you're off trying to do something else. I'm like yeah,
but it's like yeah, I know, slow down and let

(17:12):
it evolve. And so I've shared that with people. People
are like, well, I'm a revolutionary. I'm like, yes, you
are really good at revolutionary, but that's about blowing I'm
blowing up shit. I don't need to and things that
are working just for the sake of blowing shit up, right,
And I've been whenever.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
You need something new, like you need like a new
fis like a like a drug. You're like, we need
a new fixed.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yeah. Well, it's interesting. When I was coaching, and I
got my name coach Bob from coaching my kids as
they were growing up, and so I'm a halfway decent coach.
And one of my assistant coaches said, Bob, you're so polarizing.
I'm like, what does that mean. He's like, well, you're
so good at getting people like you, and yet when
someone isn't in integrity, I just jab them. And I
get that sense of humor from my dad, and you

(17:51):
know that. It's like, if you say something stupid, or
you're hypocritical, or you do something that I don't think
is right, I'll jab and I'll I'll create humor out
of that, and everyone laughs and even the person I'm
talking to, but they don't understand why. So I'll take
down that other coach. And I've done that in both
my daughter's teams and my son's team. But that's you
know what, That's a lot of energy. But I get
off on it. I mean, I love it, but it's like, Okay,

(18:13):
I don't need to do that. And even with I
Matter for Kids, our nonprofit, we had dealing with the
bureaucracy of the school districts and whatnot, and I was
just like, oh, they're looters, like from Inrand. You know,
they're still they're bureaucratic. You know, it's like they're doing
the best they can. And so that's part of my
evolution is not just keep blowing shit up, but why

(18:35):
not understand where that high school administrator is coming from
or that other coach and to appreciate them. And so
that's been a huge part of my growth of not judging,
not just you know, trying to prove you wrong and
I'm going to get you back. It's like, what is that.
That's a waste of energy. So again to stay elevated
and not be in fear or sadness or shame or whatever.

(18:57):
So I'm just really learning to make peace with more
and more people and just get a massage once in
a while, you take a break, and that's a learning
thing for me. I'm literally I gotta be going. It's like, okay,
so to start my day each day, it's like, well,
as soon as I have time, I'm going to learn
how to meditate and do that. It's like, okay, well,
what's what's that going to be when you're on your deathbed.

(19:18):
Don't wait for the heart attack or stroke or whatever
it might be. H me.

Speaker 2 (19:21):
I feel like this is a good lead into maybe
why you even created the Visionary Forum. I think there
was a lot of visionaries that probably were lost, didn't
know what to do, and talk to me about the
Visionary Forum. What is all? You get a drink so
I'll get some time going AREO? Why did you what
did you see? What need did you see in the
industry when you create the Visionaiy Forum?

Speaker 1 (19:42):
And I don't know if it's industry. I think it's ecosphere,
you know, so because many visionaries are many different industries.
So we visionaries, a lot of us feel I've never
and my podcast is as a vivl a visionary and
so it's celebrating and elevating and as I interview people
that it often comes up. I never really fit in,

(20:03):
you know. I hated school personally because it was details
and it was had to sit in a chair, you know,
And so it's been it's fascinating that I knew I
didn't feel like I fit in now. Fortunately, when I
met my wife, we fit in together. But we feel
like we're from another planet because it's like, why don't
we live naturally and collaborate and be nice to each
other and help each other, And that doesn't seem to

(20:24):
be the way the world kind of works. I think
we're getting there. I think we're at the ceiling of
complexity as a society, by the way, which I think
is a great opportunity. We can talk more about that.
But the Visionary Forum I've joined EO, the entrepreneur organization.
It used to be called YEO, which I think that
was a branding error because I still think I'm why
and I will tell I die at one fifteen. But

(20:44):
it's basically entrepreneurs and it's forums and we can share
space and it's a safe space to hear ourselves think
and we support each other and that's amazing. Been a
part of it for thirty years. But I found that
the way that that operates, it's it's, you know, once
a month for six hours, and so the forum it's

(21:05):
more often shorter stints. You know, there just seems to
be less time for people. But it's basically a community
to come together to elevate ourselves, step into our greatness
and to serve our purpose. And so to have someone
else say hey, I think I'm going to do this,
and so many people are like, well that doesn't make sense,
and we're like, yeah, what does that look like? And
how can I help? And or sounds good, but here's

(21:28):
what I tried once and it didn't work. So it's
just brutally honest. And we call it vivilo Visionaries our
rally cry because it's long lived the visionary. So even
the process is like scaling up in eos and whatnot,
it really pushes people to say, okay, keep the visionary
in line, and it's like hold not too much, but

(21:51):
and it is, you know, we want to let go
of some of it. So the Visionary Forum, it's a community.
It's there's events, there's the community, and then it's really
the support of each other. And we say that we
don't network to each other, we network for each other.
So again as we've connected, yeah, for sure, I can
say I trust this guy. He's a great cat, He's
got something special. Especially if we do a little something together,

(22:13):
I can say, you know, you don't have to hire them,
but talk to him. And most of us we'll talk
to anyone to help. Almost all of us are here
to serve. And the biggest I've gotten out of the
Visionary Forum is I want to serve you, you, you, and you,
And what's the end of the day, who is the
person to serve ourselves? Because as I serve myself, like
the oxygen mask, I can help more people. So even

(22:34):
I Matter, which is the name of our company. It
may sound a little selfish, Well, I matter, but you.
And yet if I'm constantly serving everyone else and then
I'm depleted and I'm not relaxing and taking care of
my mind, body and spirit, then I'm not really any
good to anyone. So the Visionary Forum, it's been in
literally we have visionary summits, and at the end of

(22:57):
them almost every time, people are kind of like, what
just happened, And it's like, well, it's called connection, it's
called community, it's called love and people. It's just like
foreign to a lot of us, which is kind of sad,
but also an opportunity where it's like, yeah, why not
come together and talk about the possibilities of the future.
One of the things that we talk about in on
scared of the chatter. Is to be present is a

(23:19):
key thing. So if I'm thinking about my phone or
what I'm gonna do tonight, then I'm not looking you
in the eye and hearing you. Then I'm not impacting
this moment. And so, but what I've realized is often
in the past, I would be worried about the future.
Oh what if I'm late for dinner? What if Nick
doesn't pass his class today? And it's like, wait a minute,
I'm imagining this great future and not maybe every detail,

(23:39):
but kids are good, wife is good. Oh, we got
this trip coming up. I've got this new thing in business.
It's like wow. And then my conscious and subconscious is
coming up with things and attracting things that apply to
that exciting imagination in the future. So I'm not as worried. Then,
instead of regretting the past, Oh I should have called
Dylan last week? Oh what about that? And then to

(24:02):
just improve on the past. So to sit for a
minute and say, Okay, what was the issue? How is
I a part of it? Knowing what I know now,
what would I have done differently? Which helps me to
improve moving forward? Sure, not to beat myself up. Then
if I imagine improve I can impact this moment. And
that has been one of the hugest things. And so
again it's lessons like that inspiration inspiring each other. And

(24:26):
that's where we have the Forum and the Summit and
the Summit which is a community and we're literally now
we're creating a curriculum for visionaries. So we're partnering with
details to come soon. Literally we will have a like
an MBA to be a certified visionary smart That's something
I only a visionary would come up with.

Speaker 2 (24:45):
Yeah, it's true. Where do you I mean, how do
visionaries slow down? Because I think that's just something we
all struggle with. And for me, it's like now I
have four businesses and you know, I'm almost like we
were looking to buy a building in Detroit and I
was going to open up a coffee shop in one
and then like my wife's like, okay, can we just

(25:08):
you know, breath, breathe, Like can we actually maybe see
some of the money that's coming in, because you know,
because like you know, the revenue comes in and then
it just goes out. And like our family, she's like,
we're making money, right, I'm like, well, other people are
making money vicious, but we're seeing any of it, you know,
And so she's like, can we like before start the

(25:29):
next thing, maybe like fix the car. And I was kidding,
you know, because that's how visionaries work, like for me,
like I'm I'm very much. I'm so quick to sacrifice
like personal gain to help like make sure I scale
or make sure this. But then, interestingly enough, what you
were talking about with the oxygen mask. And I was
golfing with a guy named John Blonde, you know John Summit. Yeah,

(25:50):
he missed my vanas of the summon anyway, he did, Yeah,
I love you John, And John signed up for the
next one he didn't. He's a great guy. He's how
I landed my first podcast. Life there anyway, John invited
me into Meadowbrook Golf Club. One of the guys I
was golfing with and I cannot remember his name, so
I feel terrible. He was a lifelong entrepreneur, very successful

(26:11):
Solis company, millions of dollars whatever, and he's just kind
of golfing and figuring out his post entrepreneur life right now.
And I was he was talking to me, He's like, hey, man, like,
are you stressed whatever? Whatever, I'm like, yeah, Like, I mean,
this is a lot going on. He's like, I said,
I just feel like for six years I've been giving
and our family is like still tight, but like I'm

(26:34):
so quick to want to make sure other people are successful.
He's like, and that's when he mentioned the plane example again.
He's like, hey, man, like in the plane, who do
they teach who do they teach you to put the
mask on first? And then I'm like, well, they teach
you to put the mask on yourself first. He's like,
so then why do you make sure everyone else is
paid before you eat? And I'm like, well, because I
want to be a good team player and I want
to show that they can trust me. You're serving, yeah,

(26:55):
and I want to make sure. But he's like, but
at the same time, if you have financial stress at
your house, how is that going to impact you with
a leader and a business owner? Like, well, that's also
a good point. And so it's one of those things
I've been wrestling with, like even with this podcast, business
and like paying canon and like making sure we have
all the pieces, like how would you recommend an entrepreneur,

(27:16):
a young visionary that is scaling, growing, putting in pricing models,
putting in this how do you balance putting the mask
on yourself, making sure you're okay, but then also being
a team player and making sure your teammates too.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
So what Gino talks a lot about is there's hundreds
of operating systems for businesses choose one, and so that
would be very similar. There's probably millions, if not tens
of thousands of life operating systems. So to commit to
myself and to make time for the most important person
in the world, which is me. I mean, yes, Cheryl
is the most important person outside of me for sure

(27:53):
and my kids. But again, if I'm not taking care
of myself, So to make time for myself to ask
myself questions, ponder meta, take yoga, whatever it might be,
and then to really think about, okay, what matters most
right now to me. And so it's so even when
I had a business that was starting to thrive and
then the recession of eight nine hit and we just
got just screwed, and I was still going to the

(28:15):
office and everything, and Cheryl's like, why are you still
going there? I'm like, well, yeah, I got to make
it work. And He's like realistically, and I'm like, now
we're toast and she's like, why not spend more time here?
And I'm like, well, I love you and I love
the kids. She's like, well, I know you do, but
you vote with your feet. It's like shit. And so
even as I think about what matters most, it's my
relationship with Cheryl, it's my time with my kids, it's

(28:36):
my health, it's my saying it's my biggest relationships. You know,
so often I'm spending time with my one hundredths biggest
relationship and trying to create my and it's like, what
about my top twenty? So to realize what and who
matters most and to literally, I mean, you know, each year,
each quarter, each week, and even each day, I take

(28:58):
a few minutes just to be great full and think
about what matters most? What are my top three impactful
action items today? And then if it were up to
me so and I am statement because verbit reflects consciousness.
So instead of saying I wish it wasn't so busy too,
I have everything I need and today is awesome. And
then I start to shift that conversation in my head

(29:19):
from scarcity and from fear to possibilities and image. But
if I think about what really matters most then take
action on it. So we call it so if you
ever heard of the bee, do have concept. So it's
whatever we put out to the universe, we get back.
And so in the Eastern philosophy, it's to be present,

(29:39):
to be in love, to be in the moment, to
be connected, to be the observer. And then I start
to do the things that I love and almost don't
have any choice. It just going to happen, and I
start to have the things that I want. Well, in
the West we flip that to say, well, as soon
as I have time, as soon as I have money,
as soon as I have all these things, then I'm

(30:02):
going to do just wait, man, I'm going to spread
my wings and fly, and then I'm going to be
present and be in the moment. And so to flip
that is to be present, be grateful, and it doesn't
have to be for hours owning on a pillow. I
can't do that. But and then so Cheryl and I
realized this when we were living and I sold my
business in two thousand. Initially she and I moved out

(30:25):
to Boulder. It was and We're sending all over the
place and literally on top of the Mountain, I'm like,
I figured it out, and I got this voice going,
oh you think so eh, I'm like, damn. And so
then you throw in money issues and health issues and whatnot,
and so then I had a hard time being even
though I understood it, because if I'm stressed, I have
a hard time being. So what we realized it's think, act,

(30:47):
be do have so think, which is asking myself questions
and then safe space to hear myself think. So when
I go through one of our exercises that take five
check and it's a weekly tool that I do, and
that's one of my meditations, and it's like, what's my
biggest frustration is cash flow? And oh wow, And it's like, okay, well,
why well, I don't want to run money. Okay, well

(31:08):
if everything goes wrong in the world for the next
two years, yeah, I'm gonna run money. I'm fine at
least for the next month, for the next week and today.
So it's but when I up here, it's like, oh
my gosh, I don't want to run money. So then
I'm thinking about it, and then I start to act
on what matters most, right, So my wife matters most,
so so I'm going to do date night tonight. Okay,

(31:29):
I'm gonna go stop and get a rose. And she
doesn't like to pick a restaurant, so I'm going to
pick a restaurant. It's not that hard. She's kind of
told me what she wants, you know, just choose for me.
And that is because she's I'm words of affirmation in
the love language. She's acts of service. So I tell
her how great she is and she doesn't care, and
she does shit for me and I don't care. It's right,
exactly exactly. So it's knowing ourselves. So it's to think,

(31:49):
make time, to think, act on what matters most, and
then I'm present, so then I'm being here and so
all that matters is today, you know, that's the present.
So long winded, which is kind of my style, all
in one breath.

Speaker 2 (32:03):
By the way, Yeah, it's very impressive. Thanks, very good
lung Capacty.

Speaker 1 (32:06):
Rights right exactly, and I ran here. I is to
make time for yourself and ponder. And again, a lot
of times people are like, well, as soon as I
figure stuff out, I'll hire you as a coach, or
I'll take and invest in a system or whatever. It's like, Okay,
what matters most and if not, now when when do
a lot of people do it? When they have a

(32:27):
heart attack, when their spouse leaves them, when their kids
grow up. So why wait till that happens, you know,
why not enjoy me? If it's your new board not
too long ago, it's like, oh my, this is precious
and it's not do all of that. But if it's like,
okay for an hour a day or vacation once up,
whatever it might be, and to be present, and so
if your wife knows you love her and she's going

(32:48):
to support you as you're off doing crazy things, rather
than I often avoided. I got to take care of this.
That way I can afford to take care of my family.
And they're like, we just want you, Like I wanted
to go buy this amazing house. The recession was happening,
and my realtor, who's a good friend, I'm like, what
can I have or how much of a house can
I buy? He goes, I can get you any house
you want. What can you afford? I'm like, yeah, damn it.

(33:10):
And so I was like, I wanted to buy you
this house. She's like why, I'm like well, And that
was my imposter syndrome, saying Okay, now I'm proving my
worth to her, and she's like, why do you want it.
I'm like, well that we can have host holidays. She's like,
look at host holidays now, so what did we do?
We have thirteen hundred sat square foot house, which fifteen
years ago we decided to stay in. We're still in

(33:31):
that house and we'd love it, and we'll have eleven
people sleep over on Christmas Eve. It's all more fun
than if everyone had their own wing. So here, I
was trying to do something to impress her and prove
my worth. At the end of day, she goes, I
just want you and I want more time. I'm like, yeah,
but you know so.

Speaker 2 (33:48):
I think in our culture a lot of times, like
what you said earlier, I can't wait to have more
money so I can spend more time with my family, right,
you know, it's like wait, wait, no, Like there's a
podcast that I'm really is coming out next week. And
then the intro talking about perspective and it was with
an NFL player named Tony Hills, and we're talking about
perspective and I mentioned something. I said, my daughter's two
right now and it's been one of those financial years

(34:11):
with only yeah she's two and no, no, I have a
two year old in two kids. Yeah, it has been
that fast. Yeah, although my son is now sitting up
in a high chair and I'm like not ready for it.
But it's been one of those years where it's been
like we're scaling everything that comes in the family doesn't see.
So it's been a hard financial year for the England family,
good year for the businesses. It's just been one of
those growth years, right, and I can I earlier this

(34:33):
year is it's in this like stress funk of like
we need more cash flow, we need this, and then
I have a newborn and I remember saying to to Tony,
I was like, dude, you know what I'm gonna miss
when my daughter's eighteen or my daughter's thirty. I'm gonna
wish I could go back to when I had absolutely
no money the bank account and she was two years old. Yep,
Like like I'm gonna I'm gonna wish that my bank
account could bounce again on payroll there, you know, Like

(34:55):
and when you have that perspective, then it's like, well
that's great. Eight I have a healthy two year old,
I have a five month old, I'm going to spend
time with them like now, right, you know, and.

Speaker 1 (35:07):
That's that's a present for you and for.

Speaker 2 (35:09):
Them, correct and and so for me, like that's when
I've been learning this year is and since I'm like,
since I've been learning, it's like a lot of my
health issues have started to go away. A lot of
stomach and shoes a gone away disease. Right, I had
an upper dascobe on Wednesday. They'd put me under, did
a bunch of stomach biopsies and junk and you know
what they found stressed, nothing exactly, just yeah, nothing wrong

(35:31):
with me. And I've had gut issues all year because
in the past two weeks I've started to hand off
things that were kind of destroying me. And then all
of a sudden, I'm like, I feel pretty good, right,
And it's I've k these prayer walks in the morning,
so every every day, like I wake up and I pray,
Like you know, I'm a Christian, So I'm like, Lord,
I need to help me today, help me focus on
what's important. And then I'll just like we'll just talk,

(35:52):
like talk through like what's going on, what am I
struggling with? And I take the dog. And so this
morning we're out for a walk and I was just praying,
and it's amazing when you are like, for me, I
just focus on the Lord of my Lord.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
I just need you.

Speaker 2 (36:02):
Yeah, I just need you to help me. Trust that
you have this, and then you know, you just.

Speaker 1 (36:08):
Go and you realize you're not alone. A lot of
us visionaries feel like it's all up to me, right,
and a lot of that's the hero complex or the
hero's journey kind of right, right.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
And I think you just like, I got to fix this.
I gotta I gotta make this happen. I got to
prove to my wife that I'm the provider.

Speaker 1 (36:21):
I know I am right, you know, my employees to yeah, hear,
to my kids.

Speaker 2 (36:26):
Two nd grand you know I want yeah and and
and when so.

Speaker 1 (36:29):
But it's also a balance, so it's not I've spent
I literally made a I don't know if it was
a proclamation at Strategic Coach twenty two years ago with
my EO forum, and he had these five pillars and
one of was money. And I'm like, I don't need
money to be happy, and I prove that, and yeah,
it's like no money would help. Money is a good

(36:50):
thing because so that's where I'm starting to involve to
say I value money, I'm not desperate for it. Yes,
and so that's been a big shift for me. And
then one other point on that when I mentioned like
the disease and whatnot, is when I first really realized
I matter and unscared the chatter and why I'm on
this planet. It was to help people to know and

(37:11):
act like they matter and to avoid the pain. I
was working with these two healers out in the mountains
of Colorado. The game changer was so clear to me.
And one of the healers is a lot of water,
so very sensitive emotion can tap into it, and he's like,
that is so beautiful. I'm so excited to be a
part of it. One little change help people to know
and act like they matter and to work through the pain.

(37:33):
I'm like, damn it, you know I want and my
family we would just avoid. You know, I'm not sad.
I've got a great life. And that's a nice coping mechanism. Yeah,
but not right. Not only shoving down shame and depression
and sadness and anger, I was also shoving down some
of the joy and the love and the trust and
the peace. And so sometimes people because a lot of
my tools start with you know, any frustrations or dreads,

(37:55):
like why do you lead with that? Well, because I
want to tap into just and if there isn't any,
that's okay, but it's you know, I'm kind of dreading
the rush hour on the way home. Okay, it's early,
I have nowhere to be, Like, I put the top down,
it's Sonny out. It's like okay, So but that might
have been a dread in my head to say, oh,
I got to get out of here by three o'clock.
And so it's just fascinating that the ego is looking

(38:16):
to solve problems and keep you safe. But then that
keeps us in a bottle. And so to be able
to spend some time whatever it is, just to admit
and that's part of the visionary forum, hopefully with our spouses,
where we can be open and honest, not play the victim.
But you know, if I when we got locked down
a couple of years ago, walking around the park with

(38:37):
my wife and I'm like, we are screwed, and and
she's like, okay, well you know we'll be good, you know,
and so but she didn't try to solve my issues.
But you know, so how does that make you feel?
And that's a lot of the emotions because like a failure,
shame I didn't save more money? You know? Is there
a God? Because how come we're getting locked down and
we're not allowed to spend holidays with our family, which
well that's a whole other topic.

Speaker 2 (38:59):
We'll talk about that.

Speaker 1 (39:01):
But she created such a safe space and I'm like,
she's going to be with me regardless. And I literally
I think in the back of my mind it's like
we might have to cut back or what about this
or what about that? And she's like, We're going to
be fine. And as David Hawkins talks about in one
of my three favorite books, Letting Go, is that when
we acknowledge an emotion and we accept it, so we
sit through it to say, what does it mean to

(39:22):
be sad? What does it mean to you know? And
it's okay not being I used to be sad, that
I was sad, or mad, that I was mad, or
shameful that I had shame. And yet once I acknowledge
it and accept it, I evolved to the next level
of emotions, the next level of consciousness. And then once
we get to courage, then it becomes positive. So literally,
on that walk with my wife, after about an hour
and a half, I'm like, we could do this and

(39:42):
what about this? And what about that? And I was
was supported by her and I'm just so grateful for
her in our marriage and she's changed my life, you know,
as how it.

Speaker 2 (39:53):
Should be, right, Yeah, that's the point of a spouse
is to be there. I mean I had a similar experience,
not in COVID, but before my wife were even married,
and I knew she was the one for me. One
of my best friends died suddenly in a car crash
and we were together were we just started dating and
after college, so we knew each other all through college.
I was dating a different girl, you know. Then we

(40:14):
broke up and I'm like, you know, screw to him,
and I hate them all, you know, never dating again,
you know, one of those like you know things. And
then like a year later I saw Anna again, which
is my wife. Now I'm like, she was not cute
that I remember being this is you know, and our
best friends were getting engaged and so like we were
kind of like the third wheel of like our best friends,
you know, and so we were forced to hang out
all the time through college. But I was dating different girl,

(40:35):
so I was not even and anyway, so we fun
started dating. I was at her house for Christmas break.
At this point, I was traveling out of this evangelistic team.
I played Irish music for two years, travel around the
country to churches and I did CDs and a bunch
of other stuff. I was at her house for break
and one of the team members that we were traveling with,
he was a dad of a son and a you know, husband,
and he died in car crash on the way back

(40:57):
from church by himself suddenly, and we got the call
all and I mean I just went to have just
a bout of depression and frustration, and and my wife
was just like, and she was my wife, that it
was my girlfriend. We weren't engaged yet. She walked through
those two weeks the darkest I've ever been. She didn't
leave my side at all, didn't doubt, like, what is
this the guy I want to be with? And I

(41:17):
just remember thinking like, if she's willing to walk through
this with me, she's the one. And I brought I
bought I'll bring the week after us, right and so
like because I just knew in that moment she would
trust and love and right, yeah, that's awesome, that's beautiful. Yeah,
and so it is. But like and kind of like
this is a side note, but trust is earned, right,
So those things that like she acted in a way

(41:38):
that I'm like, man if I don't know how else
I can trust her more now, Like I was in
my most vulnerable, tough mind is space, and she didn't
even waiver, like, yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:49):
Well, we have a conversation with our kids off and
you know, it's like, we're so glad you're trustworthy, and
they both in the unison and say, well, we're so
glad you trusted us, and we're like which came first,
and it's yeah, correct, So yeah, we trusted them, and
we would talk about okay, well if you do that,
just think about these things and it's your choice. And
then they kept making great decisions for them and it's like, oh,

(42:11):
someone asked me when I came out with my book,
you know, do I have any heroes? And like, I
don't know if I really do. And then I realized
and at the book launch, we did, I toasted my
mom and my brothers and sisters were there, brother and
sister were there and other people, and of course Cheryl,
you know, like and she's a hero. I'm a hero
at both. And then but it's Nick and Grace our

(42:32):
kids because they're so trusting and supportive and want to
help people and they know who they are. It's like,
it's amazing.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
How does that feel as a parent.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
It's so I just did a mountain retreat. We do
go to the mountain retreat and did it last week.
And I was in what's called a sweat lodge. So
here's where my egos like, oh should I tell people
what that is? And so it's just a chance to
heal and connect. It's amazing, and my life flashed a
little bit before my eyes that it's like, okay, because
we talked a lot about we don't know of anyone

(43:02):
who didn't die, so not to be morbid, but it's
like I kind of went through if I was to
pass what would people say? And this I went through
this a long time ago when a family member passed
away and a whole bunch of people showed up, But
I thought, what would people say about my life? And
at that point it be he's fun, he's driven, he's successful. Okay, cool,
Well that's all nice, but I'm like, there's got to

(43:23):
be more. And that was a big changing change in
my life. And so today out on the mountain, a
couple of weeks ago, it was like, I've already lived
a full life and I'm sixty one, which still shocks me,
and yet I'm only half done. And so literally my
wife and I were calling it bonus time. So we've
got sixty more years of living and experiencing, enjoy and

(43:45):
not being driven by either fear or making more money
or helping our kids. So yeah, I mean, I feel
like that is the greatest success, not how much money
I've made or yeah, definitely people have impacted, but a safe,
trusted space for my kids and so, and I know
they're going to carry that on. They're going to impact
more people than I have. Then they impact me almost
every day. A lot of the lessons in the book

(44:06):
I came up with it. Well, first of all, a
lot of it came from God, a lot of it
came from my kids.

Speaker 2 (44:11):
Yeah, talk to me about the books. Yes, So we
have unscattered the chatter, and then we have what matters most,
the story of Will.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
So that's the first of a trilogy. So those were
the first ones that I co wrote. So it's a
fable about kind of someone going through the eyematter transition.
And so there's three books and I've brought the first one.
It's very simple. I wanted to short read. I love
books that I can read on one trip, So fly
to New York. I got a third of it done.

(44:40):
I'm there for a couple of nights. I like it
so much as I'm pulling in the gate A thirteen,
I finished the book, and so that was my goal.
And so with Unscarted Chatters the same. But the trilogy
it's as simple who I wrote it with Karen Boushemy,
who's a great writer, great fashion icon here in Detroit,
and I was like, well, let's talk about imatter and
she's like, no, we're not going to pimp your stuff.
So is a total fable and so I'm very proud

(45:03):
of that, and that's going to be a movie someday.
And even my nephew, who's in the acting community, he
had an idea for that. So Will is the main character.
So we love that. And then this is really when
my dad passed twelve and a half years twelve years ago,
I asked my mom if I could speak at his service.
He's like, well, of course, you ken, I didn't want

(45:24):
to ask you and you feel burdened and so and
even I started off this book that when my dad passed,
I was kind of mad at him that he left
and he never really told me about love and God
and life. So here's the meaning of life, you know.
And we were into sports and he was very supportive
and whatnot. And so then when at his service, I
did my dad's Top ten lessons to life. So he

(45:46):
loved Letterman and Carson and you know, kind of the
top ten lists and whatnot. And so I had a
couple days to work on it, and so I shared
it at the memorial service, and it was so moving
and I realized, Wow, he showed me how to live
life rather than telling me so those top ten things.
And so I'm like, well, it's too bad that he
can't hear it, which, by the way, I think he can.

(46:07):
Then I feel him smiling down on me right now.
Thank you yet, And so I'm like, well, why wait
till I'm gone for my kids to say what did
dad stand for? And whatnot? And so this is a
combination of my lessons that I want to teach but
also that I'm learning, and so it's uh and I'm
blessed as Nick and I listen to it because also

(46:27):
on audio, and he's like, wow, there's a lot of
good stuff in there. I'm like, that's cool. He's like,
that's kind of how we live our life and I'm like, yeah, yes,
And do you know where the story came from about
this and he's like, no where. I'm like, it's from you. Yeah,
driving you to sixth grade class. You didn't want to
go to tennis because it's boring, And I said, well,
what if you look forward to something? And then where'd
you get that? I was like, you'll give that to
me and the stuff that Grace had taught me. So

(46:49):
there's a lot of lessons in here that is, you know,
kind of my legacy. And what's cool is I wrote
it and then I, oh, I'm off to something else,
and I'm coming back to it, and it's kind of
getting into really diving in and where is it showing
up in my life? Because I'm a really good talker
and salesperson to say, Dylan, you should do this, I'm

(47:12):
not doing or being all those things, so unscatted. The
chatter is about imatter, which is a life operating system.
So I've talked a lot about EOS and a business
operating system. Gino and I did together and with our
Entrepreneur Forum, learned so many things. And he took a
lot of that for his business coaching and I took
a lot of it for my life coaching. And so
this is kind of my mark that and when people

(47:35):
read it, it's like, oh, this is so used. So
I go back to I was in a car accident
sort of been almost thirty years ago, head on, driving
in Colorado, and I I think I just landed some
huge accounts. My business is rocking. I'm getting to this
appointment early. It's in Colorado and it's kind of green
out and it's pouring and there's mountains all over and

(47:55):
I'm like, I'm going to slow down a little bit.
Minute later, a car comes over the media and hits
me head on. I didn't even get the squear word
out of my mouth. I mean the tell that the telephone,
which was huge, crashed against the windshield and it's like,
oh my gosh, is this it? And it was like,
oh no, it wasn't the end. It was, but that

(48:15):
was like an awakening that I could have died. But
it was also okay, well if I died, what how
are people going to remember me? And it's like, well,
why not live the way I want them to remember me?
So very proud of unscattered the chatter and even just
how we came up with the title was with through
friends and helped me. But you know, so to unscatter

(48:36):
all of that noise, especially with the social media and everything,
it's just NonStop and our poor kids and so yeah
and so. But then to shift in here where it
is about love. I don't have to rush home. I
can put the top down and slow down because if
I'm rushing, and who knows, if I was driving faster
in Colorado, maybe I wouldn't be here. But I was like, okay, well,

(48:57):
I obviously I wasn't meant to go yet. So I
want to make the most out of the second, third, fourth,
fifth opportunity.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
Right, And I think, I mean, that's just a good
way to live, is just make the most of it.
I mean, I think we can just the worst thing
you can do is just flow by in your life
and just exist.

Speaker 1 (49:12):
And I think that's the second worst thing. I think
the worst is to lament and be upset about how
we're getting through life, which is a lot of people.
It's like, how come this never happens? And sure almost
everything works out over time. You know, oh Dylan didn't
hire me, Okay, well maybe but then he introduced me
to this, or maybe we weren't the right team or whatever.
It almost always works out, So just to trust it

(49:32):
and roll with it.

Speaker 2 (49:33):
So I didn't mean no, agree, no, I agree. I
think you're lamenting over your victim. Hut is probably the
worst thing you could do. Yeah, and uh, I mean
I think that's great. So what's next for you? How
can people can support you?

Speaker 1 (49:45):
Like? What do you?

Speaker 2 (49:46):
I know, you have the visionary forum that people can join,
you have a book. What's next in your visionary brain?
What are you what you're working on? Were you excited
about a lot.

Speaker 1 (49:56):
And mainly for me to live it and be it,
which I'm still not even totally this is the book
for me, and literally Cheryl and I wrote that this
is like this was the book that came through me
for me, and so to keep going back into it,
and so you know what's next? I mean, the ultimate
home run is I Met Her for Kids. We created
a nonprofit when our kids were growing up, and we

(50:17):
had high schools mentoring the fourth and fifth graders, and
then we had a teacher that would teach the curriculum,
and then after the mentors would leave, parents would come
in and then the kids would teach the parents. Oh
my gosh, it was that powerful, and that's one of
the reasons I think the kids have gone so far,
because they've taught me, you know. So I Met Her
for Kids is coming in the next year or two.
We did it, but then I realized I was spending

(50:38):
probably too much time on that, but at least most
of it was with my kids, which was cool. And
then we're creating an app and using AI. So literally
two weeks ago we launched. It's internal. We haven't put
it out yet, but it's not I Matter Bob, but
that's what they're calling it now, our Coach Bob. But

(50:58):
it's basically a learning who I am and teaching it
and so we're building a tool for people. So a
lot of what I teach it's common sense, you know,
and so to have you know, AI ask us questions
and so ultimately a lot of what I teach and
talk about can be conveyed via And I know that

(51:20):
may sound weird, but why not use AI for good?
Because AI is going to grow, so let's use it
for good. So we're looking at that and not looking
we're launching that and then partnering with EO and EOS
and with other systems and people, but basically helping our
kids to create a community that as I'm leaving at
one p fifteen, it's like, look what we did, dude, Yeah,

(51:42):
and look at our kids and our grandkids and it's
more about love and support and oh there's sappy Bob again.
But it's no, but why not you know that I've
heard the generation before us. You know what are they
can be remembered for? Okay, what's our generation can to
remember for? And to me, it's helping kids to know
they matter and helping Bobby to that I matter, because
that's what it comes down to. I mean, it's crazy

(52:03):
if you know people are afraid to I was afraid
to tell you of a fear or something I was
worried about, or something that happened in the past or whatever.
And when I have us community where I can share
so that's where I matter. I mean, we want three
million clients, and so it's it's helping people to know
and act like they matter and support each other. And

(52:23):
it's not that they have to come to me. I
mean it's kind of nice to get paid for it,
of course, but to have our own AI app, and
that's literally we're developing. So then you have someone you
can talk to and learn and kind of decipher and
help us to keep elevating, you know, and being closer
to God, being closer to ourselves, closer to our heart,
then closer to our spouses and our kids, because we're

(52:44):
so distracted by so many things, and it's more and
more it's amplified to think about years ago. Right, So
to unscatter the chatter is, you know, what's he going
to think? What about this? Oh I'm going to be late?
What about this? It's just like, okay, be present and
be open and honest and true with my word. So
I used to overestimate, oh I'll be home at three,

(53:04):
and I get it four and Cheryl's like, well, and
I'm like I'm home at four, most people at six, okay,
but you said three, right, So to be honorable with
your word, and then you know, integrity is to think,
feel and say something that's all congruent and all similar.
And so that's true being one and then being one together,
which that makes sense.

Speaker 2 (53:25):
But yeah, no, I'm following. I think it's just also
just living life with intentionality, totally. Just live life.

Speaker 1 (53:29):
You just said in three words. Took me four minutes.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
Yeah, you know that's what I do as a host.
I listen and I repackaged real quick. Yeah, living life
with intentionality. Be who you say you are. And I
think for me, even as a Christian, like I believe
like we're made in God's image, we do matter. And
I'm a very self deprecating person, and so like sometimes
I think it can be two like, you're an idiot,
Why aren't you father? You're thirty one years old? Why

(53:53):
aren't you a multi millionaire?

Speaker 1 (53:54):
Yet?

Speaker 2 (53:54):
You know what I mean? The chatter, yes, the chatter right.
And I think a lot of people could benefit from
talking more, being open more, and especially in a world
like you mentioned an imposter syndrome, and you mentioned just
a fear of man or the fear of what will
people think. The interesting thing that I've I've done a
bunch of podcasts. I mean, at this point, I've done
hundreds of hours of podcasts. I talked to a lot
of awesome people. Everyone has the same fears, Like you're

(54:17):
thinking what do I think of you? You're I'm thinking
what do you think of me? And if we just
both understand that that's what everyone's thinking, and we're just
willing to be the person, yeah, and be honest and
be open, good.

Speaker 1 (54:28):
Things going to happen.

Speaker 2 (54:29):
Yeah. Not easy, pretty simple, not easy at all. I
think the people and that's why that's why I to
shout out the Visionaire for him or even EO and
the other types of organizations that encourage people to talk
and be I mean, that's why I think my podcast
like be raw and authentic and open when you have
conversation and dialogue, like I had a guy who So
I've had a lot of conservatives on my podcast, a

(54:50):
few Democrats, but mainly conservatives. The guy who's liberal, very liberal.
He's one of my clients now and he listened to
my podcast. He say, hey, man, I tell you I
don't really agree with anything politically you stand for it,
but I really appreciate the way you do it. He's
like the fact that you are who you say you are, Like,
you're not pretending to be anybody else, right, Yeah, He's like,
I know that when you say something it is you

(55:13):
believe it, right, and you're not just saying it to
get clicks, and you're not saying it's just one of that.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
You know.

Speaker 2 (55:17):
I don't agree with you, but I really appreciate the
heart behind what you doing. And I was like, I
mean that's I just that's we need more of that, right, Like,
we need more of that in this world and this
very segregated like of thoughts, judgmental, judgmental, quick to react world.
So I thought that I appreciate it a lot, and
I think that's we need more of that in the world,
not less.

Speaker 1 (55:36):
Of it totally. And yeah, you hit the nail on
the head. It's I don't always have all the answers,
but if I can trust you to hear myself think
and not judge me, then if I say something it's
like that doesn't align with who I am, you know,
but it is to have that safe space. Yeah, and
that's what I mean. EO helped me a lot with
that in my EO forum and a lot of things

(55:57):
that Geno and I together my wife and I, I mean,
we're all about person snow and spiritual growth. And then
we had kids. For many years it was just survival mode.
Oh yeah, and so but in one of the things
that we kept alive was our spirituality and getting to
the mountain and the mountains and slowing down and listening.
And so now we're freaked out. I mean, we're getting
over it. But with our kids growing up, it's like,

(56:18):
that's been twenty five years of our ninety percent of
our commitment. Yeah, and I wouldn't change one thing. And
now we're kind of like, what do we do now.
It's like, oh, we get to go explore and to
tap back into that and to share more of that.
And yeah, I said, I don't know if I'd already
said this, but my daughter is all about love and
peace and support and she's amazing. And she was I
think in the worst class of getting locked down of

(56:41):
senior year in high school and freshman year in college,
and I mean it was horrific, Yeah, I mean, and
all the fear and everything, and it really shook her world.
And then she went to a church in ann Arbor
and they were so non judgmental, but they just loved her,
and you know, you're not afraid to hug someone so
at least they're not sneezing or whatever it might be.
And then she went and became you know, I got baptized,

(57:01):
and we're like, we didn't really know what that means,
but you know, it's like, wow, she committed. And I
was a little nervous that, Okay, she's going to go
off into who knows what, and then she really kind
of moved her career from being a high paid engineer,
which might have been for a defense company or something
that it's just not who she is. She's about peace
and I know defense helps peace obviously. But then all

(57:24):
of a sudden, then when I said, well, what are
you going to do? And she's like she was going
on a mission trip and she's like, I'm going to
learn how to create spiritual conversations. I'm like, wow, Grace,
that's what I do and I'm still learning. I'm kind
of afraid it embarrassed about it, and that's what you're
going to do. And when she read the book, she's like,
we're very similar. And even when we went and visited

(57:44):
her when she was on this first mission trip, she's like,
we're not that far apart. And again, I don't even
know if I understand the difference. Am I a Christian
by this? I almost don't care. I believe in God,
I believe in connection, I believe in love. And she's like, well,
I do too, And so it's interesting because I don't
know if I'm Christian or not. I believe in God.
I believe there was a Christ. I believe, and whatever
you believe in, I can learn from that, you know,

(58:05):
Like you said, the person that maybe didn't agree with you,
either politically or religiously, it's like, but we're nice to
each other. We're honest and open, and that's real community,
and that to me. I know, this is a crazy
time in the world and a lot of people are afraid.
I think this is the greatest time ever to be alive.
And that's where I can be an example for not
for others, but for myself and for Bobby. You know,

(58:26):
as a kid who you know, we didn't really talk
about God, and we didn't have negative emotions. We shove
those down, not to roll around moping about being a victim,
but to be okay, to say I'm sad my parents,
like get over it you got a great life and
that's nice. Yeah, but no, I'm sad you Nick's going
away to school and I'm going to miss him, and
so Cheryl and I'll sit with that, you know, and
again we'll acknowledge it and accept it and cry and

(58:49):
then elevate.

Speaker 2 (58:50):
Because denials it destroys you. And I think that to me,
like I was telling you like, oh, yeah, I'm not stressed.
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. Fine, you know that
was me. Yeah, yeah, I'm not stressed. And then it's
actually reason right, or like I'm not sad, but like
it maybe no, like this is a sad time and
that's okay, you know, and it's a season. And if
the question is like what are you going to do

(59:11):
with that?

Speaker 1 (59:11):
Right, Like that's the questions disease, yes, the health issues.

Speaker 2 (59:15):
That's cool about your daughter. I'm glad you told me that.
That's cool thing. I mean from someone that I like,
you know. I actually just had a great conversation with
some of my agents the other day because on my
personal Facebook, like I'm very clear on my political views,
like I'm not i make videos talking through things I
don't make. I'm not a poster I don't comment on
people's post I don't do any of that, but I'll
make like so with the Charlie Cursiff to happen, Like
I went to his events, like I know all of

(59:37):
his friends. Like I'm very connected with that world. You're
gonna make me cry, right and yeah, like literally like
my buddy, Cliff Maloney's best friend, Charlie Kirk and like
Cliff and then Cliff. Yeah, so like Cliff was on
Charlie's show, Cliff, like whatever. So and I just had
on Monday released a podcast with Drina who's the talk
spokeswoman for Turning Point Action and so like yeah, so
when that happened, it was really rough. And I had

(59:59):
friends on Facebook celebrating his death and I had so
many other things, and so like you know, I just
just like, hey, like this is where I'm at, this
is what's happening. So one of my agents found my
Facebook posts, right, brand new agent just been on my
team and we've just been an hour, me and two
agents after work just talking about why I believe this
on this, why I believe this, like why I think

(01:00:21):
this on certain issues and it was awesome and then
she's like, well, what makes you a Christian And for me,
I was able to share the gospel what I believe
to be objective truth, and like it was just a
really special thing that somehow God used my post on
Facebook to influence a conversation with two young people that
were generally curious and if I was afraid because whatever

(01:00:45):
people are going to think about my political affiliations with
the turning point and what are people going to be
this and because I live in Detroit, which happens to
not be the most conservative place in the world, Like
what's going to happen? And it's just been this reoccurring,
like you right, exactly, And so I'm a shout out
in a cold So Nicole, she is on the other
side of the political aisle. She's a lovely lady and
she's gonna listen to this and she don't knowho I'm
talking to. And she's awesome, okay, And we just she

(01:01:09):
went to one of my events, the event that I
fired you too, that you didn't come to with you
had your own summit, you know, and she came and
then we had lunch after. She owns a marketing company
and we were talking like marketing and eventually somehow she
made like I think it was like I said something
about Joe Rogan, she kind of gave me a face.
I was like, oh, what's that face for? You know
what I mean, and like they go, I'm not the
bigger fan. And we actually started talking about politics, which

(01:01:29):
by the way, you don't do it a business lunch, right,
that's what they say. And we talked about religion. I mean,
she don't also do it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:34):
A business lunch.

Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
I avoided both of those going up, Yeah, and we
did both and we literally like I sent her text
at the end of this three hour long lunch and
I said, we are the most unlikeliest of friends, and
she just texted me back. She's like, I agree one
hundred percent and says we have a great relationship. She
like text me and and literally the world would say
that we shouldn't be friends. But after a conversation of like,

(01:01:57):
she gets where I'm at and she knows why I
stand for what I stand for, I learned where she's
at and I disagree and she disagrees with me. That's okay,
And we have a great relationship, right, And I think
we didn't like so more of that, And like I
said before, like you mentioned, like I have the word
authentic across a lot of my shirt's, Like I don't
when I say authentic, I don't mean that you shouldn't
need to change, because I think we always should be
striving to change and be better and grow. But I

(01:02:19):
just want to know that like who I am in
Christ and I'm okay with putting my foot down on
certain things. And I think sometimes in this world we're
just too afraid of Oh sure.

Speaker 1 (01:02:28):
That's right, But then I was a chameleon. Then I
didn't know who I was, right, right.

Speaker 2 (01:02:33):
Yeah, And it's hard to sleep that way, right, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
Well, and that's you know. I know I've lived that
way more with my wife and even with my daughter Grace.
You know, when she was stepping into Christianity and I'm like, okay,
oh my god, what are they going to do and
taking my daughter?

Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
Is it a cult?

Speaker 1 (01:02:49):
Oh? No, I was. I was really worried about that,
and so I asked around and talked to her and like,
so why are you doing this? And she's like, I'm
going to learn how to create spiritual conversations. I'm like
that is a amazing, you know, And so to learn
with her and as we had a deep conversation. She's like,
we're not that far apart, it's just we get there different.
I'm like, I'm learning from her. So yeah, Cheryl and

(01:03:09):
I were, and she's Grace is so trying to find
a church for us, you know, and I'm like, so
we're going to go see her up in the Upper
Peninsula next week. Well, we can't wait to go to
her church. And they're in nature, and you know, they
could have taken a job with my son in law.
That probably would have made a lot more and probably
made more sense, but it would have been the crowds
of Washington, d C. And they moved to the Upper

(01:03:29):
Peninsula of Michigan, which not everyone appreciated that. We're like, well,
first of all, wherever you go is right, and it
is so perfect for them, even.

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
Though it's just beautiful up there too.

Speaker 1 (01:03:38):
My brother went to Michigan Tech and he loved the
snow and winter, and when he graduated, he went straight
to Florida and he's like, why would anyone move up there?
And then he's like, oh, well, Grace and Joel would
love it up there. And there Grace is just such
a spiritually connected, loving person and so even how we
came up with her name, we didn't know with either

(01:03:58):
of our kids if they're a boy or girl. So
they were born and we didn't pick out their names.
We talked about it. Yeah, we had to share it.
And when Grace was born, we had a CD the
soundtrack for Conversations with God Neil Walsh had put out
and had some great lovely songs. And after we were
holding her, within minutes after she was born, and Amazing

(01:04:19):
Grace came on and it's like, this is amazing Grace,
and she asked me a couple times, here tell me
the story how I got my name, and she is
amazing Grace. Oh, it is just unbelievable. And so as
she was going through this transition, so here now and
she's said, you know, we're a lot alike, Dad, and
I'm like, we're not. I mean, you know, like she's
a rule follower. Yeah, she's got an engineer mind. She

(01:04:42):
just thinks things through. And then she said, well, I'm
here to help kids know that God loves them, and
you're here to help people know they can love themselves.
And I'm like, we're not that far apart, man, And
it's just it's yeah, so lucky and grateful.

Speaker 2 (01:04:55):
Yes, that's sweet. And then your son's going to Princeton.

Speaker 1 (01:04:58):
Nick is Nick is a cool cat man. He so
we talked about the four elements a little bit, and
Graces is more earth, which is you know, structure and
this and that, and obviously very spiritual. I'm a lot
of fire, connection, charisma, maybe a little scattered here and there.
Cheryl is his air, which is intelligence and communication. And

(01:05:23):
Nick is a lot of water, which is the emotional.
So he's a deep, rich thinker and he just wants
to find out the why behind things. And so I
was a really good baseball player growing up, and I
just didn't do the work. And I didn't know why
I would have to do the work, because I was
better than almost all my friends. But then at you know,
seventh tenth grade, and then I just it wasn't fun anymore.

(01:05:44):
And so for him just to keep it kind of fun.
And sure enough he was all state in Michigan. He
wanted to go to Wake Forest or U of M,
and he had some offers and everything, but his so is,
he knew what he wanted was to go somewhere warm
and warm and fund one baseball and get a great education.
Well then so we spend a summer in the South

(01:06:05):
and looking for and he got some offers and like
this is a cool school and everything, and then Princeton
came calling and it's like, okay, well it's not warm
or fun. But then he realized, well but after that,
he can move wherever he wants. And that has been
an amazing It is they call it the Orange bubble.
It is so cool and it is really when I
first thought of Ivy, it's like, oh, they're going to

(01:06:26):
brainwash them and everything. They're very open. They really are
teaching them, at least at his school and his experience.
And even he's in a politics politics class and he's like, yeah,
he might be on one the other side or whatever,
but he's he invites conversation and learning right, and it's
like so cool. So yeah, I'm so proud of him.
And he played in every game as a freshman, starting

(01:06:48):
first baseman, and he's got a shot again drafted. I mean,
so he's taken this year off. He's taking a red
shirt because he got surgery on his elbow because he
tweaked a little bit through too much in high school.
So he hasn't fully thrown, but it's been Velocity've been
right whatever. I don't know what it is, but taking
a year off, I think it's would be so good
for him. And so now he's like, Dad, I want

(01:07:10):
to get an internship. And so I'm pretty well connected.
I would love how many people I've invited him that
are like, I would love to talk with your son.
And it's not like they're going to hire him or
find him a job. They're going to ask him great
questions and point him the right direction. And my friend
John Anderson, mentor of mine, a great friend of mine
in our entrepreneur group, said one of the definitions of

(01:07:30):
success is if your kid can go up to one
of your friends kids and just say, hey, I'm Bob
Schennefeldt's son, and they say, what can I do to
help you? And that's that's one of the biggest successes.
I've got just a pool of those that I would
do that for them, and they would do it for me,
just to say let's talk man.

Speaker 2 (01:07:49):
Yeah, yeah, that's sweet. So yeah, I just I'm very
proud of my kids and you should be, and and
good for you, and I'm glad your kids are doing
well and so I guess what what's the best way.
I always try to end these pocasts. Believe we've already
been talking over an hour. Yeah that's we have fun.

Speaker 1 (01:08:04):
Well we're doing four hours right, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:08:06):
Eighteen, We're not sleeping tonight. That's why I bled coffee.
I asked if you wanted some, I will say yeah, right.
I always give my guess an opportunity to promo something,
So like, just you know, would you like to promo
whether it's your vision or forum or anything you have
going on. I'm going to give you opportunity to talk
to the camera and just let people know which guys,
where can they find you, where they find more donations,
stuff like that.

Speaker 1 (01:08:24):
So the current thing is, so I'm gonna promote a
couple of things. Is the floor is yours, thank you
For entrepreneurs who are looking to go to the next level.
We have the Visionary Forum, and it's for these visionaries
who didn't really feel like they fit in. We have
a community where we are helping each other. The book
is I think again there's many different personal growth opportunities.

(01:08:48):
I think it's one of the simplest ones. And then
what we're ultimately creating because not only to buy the book,
but we're creating a group of people who are just
looking to learn and grow and with a common vocabulary.
And then ultimately that'd beymatter for kids. But it's getting
a community of people together speaking some of the same language,
which I think is so simple and has changed my life.

(01:09:09):
And very little of it is mine. You know, It's
from you and from you and you and by the
way it came through me. I don't know where that
came from. I do, but uh so, ultimately that is
the thing is to you know, I believe I want
to leave. I want to when I die at one
fifteen to say, look at what we did. And that's
where my kids are health, healthy and happy and connected
in a loving environment and their kids are too. And

(01:09:31):
then we're collaborating together. It's not just all peace and love.
It's peace and love and moving forward and advancing whatever
that means, and elevating our consciousness because as I elevate
and you elevate, we're helping each other. And literally we're
helping the world even if they're not around us. So
it's the Imatter community that we're creating. And so imatter

(01:09:52):
dot com is where to find us and ultimately I
see you know, communities of people. So even a gal
that we're with me, she's like, I want to take
this to my women's group, and I'm like, well you can,
and so we're figuring that out. And so it's really
the imatter community and to know an act like a matter,
and it's not. Some people like, well that sounds a
little selfish. Well it is a little bit. But as

(01:10:14):
I know an act like I matter, I'm more present
with you and I can help you and you're helping me.
And so it's I think it's very selfish and selfless,
but it's being one together. So it's really getting people
excited about, you know, really leaving a legacy. So that's
one of the things that we I've got a program

(01:10:34):
living well. One of our we have seven lifetime expanders
in here, and the last one is to live your
legacy now. So instead of as soon as this happens,
Oh so I'm living it now because what if I
did die tomorrow, It's like, look at what I already did.
And so it's helping people to even figure out that means.
So we're creating a community, imatter community, and so it's
still in its evolution. Keep coming back to that, even

(01:10:56):
though let's look at back at this and I don't
know what the date is. I used to think success,
we're not having a watch. No, I don't even know
what dat is, but you know.

Speaker 2 (01:11:05):
Like the twenty six, So twenty six, so a year.

Speaker 1 (01:11:08):
From now, let's look back and say, wow, you know,
look at what this community has done, you know, and
even Charlie Kirk and you know again, and it's not
just his or just mine, it's together because I think
a lot of us are doing the same thing. It's like,
how can we help each other? How can we learn
to love? How can we unscatter the chatter? Because if
I keep it up here, you know, and again forget
about the politics or religious views. Can we be opening

(01:11:31):
honest together? And that's where we did imt it for
kids at our school and parents, you know, we all
come in and it's like, oh my gosh, you're just
as messed up as I am. And yet oh oh,
and we're doing the best we can and let's just
love our kids. So again there's my typical long winded
it's podcast. You can do whatever the heck you want.
That's beautiful thing about podcast, you know soon to help

(01:11:52):
me with my podcast. That would be a yes, a
great question. Well, hey guys, we're doing something together.

Speaker 2 (01:11:58):
But yeah, we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out.
I'm looking forward to. Well here, this book is out
on Scout of the Shadow. The lining will be in
the description of this podcast, and you.

Speaker 1 (01:12:04):
Can get the audible hardcover, softcover.

Speaker 2 (01:12:06):
Guests, all of that stuff and good imatter dot com
that will also be listed in the description below. If
you like what Bob said, you want to learn more,
and if you're a visionary, you're an entrepreneur, business owner,
and you want to surround yourself with other visionaries just
to have like a it's like the AA for visionaries.
That's like you know what I mean, It's just like hey,
it's like, hey, let's just get together.

Speaker 1 (01:12:25):
Be real. I am Bob, I'm I have a problem.

Speaker 2 (01:12:28):
I have way too much going on.

Speaker 1 (01:12:29):
Right.

Speaker 2 (01:12:30):
If that's you, you're gonna love the visionary forum that
Bob leads. I visited myself. I'm going to join one
of these days.

Speaker 1 (01:12:36):
Close as soon as we hang out, all.

Speaker 2 (01:12:38):
Right, perfect, and I'm gon just clients will be right
so be able to figure it out, all right? Well,
Thank you so much for coming this episode of Dill
in England Show. Thank you Bob for making the drive
from your beautiful massage come all the way here. I
appreciate it very much. It's amazing quickly an hour can
go by. But thank you all for listening to this episode.
Please like, always like, comment, share it with a friend.
Please support Bob and we'll see you guys in the

(01:12:59):
next episode.

Speaker 1 (01:13:00):
Thinking go all right, nice m

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How He Survived Losing Everything... And How He Changed From It | Coach Bob Shenefelt | TDES

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}How He Survived Losing Everything... And How He Changed From It | Coach Bob Shenefelt | TDES