Meat eaters get very upset with people who don't eat meat. I don't know why. Surely, that means more meat for the meatists? (Huzzah!) Plantists get very upset with people who do eat meat. I don't know why. Surely, heart disease will carve the meatists out of the population, thus reducing the demand for meat and saving the planet? (Huzzah!) Both sides can agree on one thing, though: fake meat is dumb. Curious? Good. Let's begin.
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