February 9, 2024 • 14 mins
In this episode, we take a deep dive into Ephesians 5:25, exploring the interpretation of the scripture and its application in marriage. The speaker connects biblical teachings to practical marital guidance, examining what it means for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. The discussion helps to dispel the misconception that accepting Jesus and reading verses is all it takes. Instead, the speaker emphasizes the need for personal growth and transformation to be more Christ-like in order to fulfill this mandate.
The conversation revolves around the importance of sanctification and practicing the virtues of sufferance, selfless service, and grace-filled forgiveness in marriage. The speaker outlines these principles as the underlying formula for a life-changing reinterpretation of being a man and a husband under the teaching of Ephesians 5:25. Delving into elements of chivalry, the speaker draws parallels between the medieval demonstration of respect and modern responsibility in marriage.
The speaker urges men to serve and forgive without expectations, highlighting the strength and power that come with humility and selflessness. Ephesians 5:25 underscores the need for men to love their wives unconditionally, irrespective of their flaws. The episode ends, emphasizing the need for personal sanctification, appealing to men to take a commitment to the purge of their sins for a transformed Christ-like character.
Join the speaker on this enlightening journey of reflection, introspection, and commitment to transformation in the quest to become more like Jesus in our marriages. This is the first step of many more towards understanding what it means to be an Ephesians 5:25 husband.
For a more comprehensive understanding and unraveling of layers two through 112, visit our website at www.realmanrevolution.com to fill out an application.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey brother, today we're going to dive into Ephesians 5.25 and we're going to
look at why haven't you been able to pull it off?
And so a lot of guys, they think because they read the verse,
husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church, and they kind of shrug their
shoulders and they kind of say, well, I think I know what that means.
And then they go try to do it, that they're just naturally going to succeed
(00:23):
somehow because maybe they accepted Jesus and and that's all it takes.
But what I'm here to tell you, brother, is that there's so much more to that.
Let me help you understand.
So assuming you're not a brain surgeon, if I went to you and I said,
husband, operate on your wife as a brain surgeon would operate on his,
like how much success do you think you would have trying to give brain surgery
(00:46):
to your wife if you're not a brain surgeon?
And so when we read the verse, love your wife as Christ, and in English,
we can substitute the word like for as, love your wife like Christ.
Well, let me ask you something, brother. If you are not like Christ,
what makes you think that you can love her like Christ?
(01:07):
And to the extent you become more like Christ, you are better able to love her like Christ.
So as we begin this journey, the thing that we need to agree on right away is
that in order to pull off Ephesians 5.25, five, we must practice and endeavor
to become more like Jesus every day.
(01:28):
And it turns out that's God's plan for your life.
Like if you read the Bible carefully, there's this idea that we get saved and
we're justified sinners.
Now that doesn't mean that we're justified in our sin.
It just means that we can still go to heaven, even though we continue to remain sinners.
So here we we are and we're in this marriage and I'm a sinner and she's a sinner
(01:52):
and you're a sinner and your wife is a sinner.
And now we're told to love her as Christ loved the church.
Well, now do you see where this is maybe not as easy as it sounds?
Because Christ is not a sinner.
So how are you going to love her like Christ?
Well, the Bible has a plan for that. It's called sanctification.
It is becoming more formed in the image of Christ.
(02:15):
It is a closer walk with Jesus. In Luke chapter 6, we read about Jesus encouraging
the disciples to become like the teacher when he's referring to himself. self.
So can we agree that if you become more like Jesus, you will be better able to love her like Jesus?
And inside of that space, you can't take Ephesians 5.25 out of context.
(02:40):
What you must do is you must read it in the overall context of the Bible.
So as we begin this process of sanctification and you start to really study
it, what you're going to find is that you can't just order it off a menu.
You can't just pray that the Holy Spirit sanctifies you, and it happens overnight.
(03:00):
God did this on purpose, brother. He did it so you would have to work for it.
You know what? You can get on your face and you can say, I submit everything
and forgive me for everything,
and you're not going to get sanctified any more than Adam got in good graces
with God when he He was standing in the bush, hiding his sin,
(03:20):
wagging his finger at God and saying the reason that Adam sinned was because
of the woman who God gave him.
God expects you to come out from those bushes, my brother.
He expects you to drag those sins out into the light and to expose them one by one.
And then as you do, you know what to pray to be sanctified of,
(03:41):
what sins need to be cleansed, how to get you closer to Jesus.
And closer to being more like Jesus.
Now, inside of that space, as you're moving forward in your sanctification.
It becomes very helpful to have a goal and have a target and say, what am I even aiming at?
And so level one of the 112 layers that we have uncovered with the help of the
(04:05):
Holy Spirit Prayer Fellowship and studying the Word is the idea of,
let's just take a look and say, what did Jesus do for us?
And at the top level, the hundred thousand foot view, what Jesus did for us
is he said, I, being least deserving to suffer for sin,
(04:28):
am willing to take on all of the suffering for all of this sin so that you may
all come to heaven. That's how much I love you.
And so there's a shorter way to say that. He suffered in our place so we would not have to.
Now, I want you to think back. How many opportunities have there been for you
(04:52):
to suffer in your wife's place so she does not have to?
If you take this to infinite extreme, it would mean that she never gets up off
the couch, that you wait on her hand and foot, that you do all the chores in the house.
You don't ask her to do anything. thing. And if she sits there on the couch
and causes problems and that you rise to as the man and you solve those problems
(05:14):
and you don't even involve her in even knowing that a problem occurred or ask her for her help.
Now, can you do that? Because what I'm going to tell you is,
and as illogical as that sounds, that's nothing compared to what Jesus did for you.
What Jesus did for you is he said, you get to come into this earth and you get
to sin either every day or nearly every every day for your entire life.
(05:38):
And you don't have to pay for those wages of sin because I've paid for them for you.
All you have to do is acknowledge that and accept that and the debt is paid.
And so these guys, they're on the internet and they're like,
Bob, you're a cook, you're a simp, you're an insult.
Man, these are the weakest guys I have ever seen.
These are guys who think that Ephesians 5.25 either doesn't exist or it exists
(06:02):
in some way where it's equal, where she has to share in the sufferings.
Now, look, man, I'm not suggesting that you do what I said.
I'm not suggesting that you run after her with a tissue box in case anytime
she sneezes, you're there to hand her a tissue.
What I am saying is in the course of events, if you want to understand what
(06:23):
it means to be the man, being the man means if there is an opportunity to suffer, that you jump in it.
Look, man, this is chivalry. Look back in the olden days when the streets were muddy.
Men would take their coat off and lay it in the mud so that a woman wouldn't
have to suffer by getting her shoes dirty.
(06:44):
I don't understand why today's generation can't seem to figure this stuff out.
And so what are some opportunities where you see your wife suffering and you
could take some of the suffering off of her so that she doesn't have to suffer?
Could you help her more around the house? Could you argue with her a little
bit less? Could you just let some things roll off of your back?
(07:06):
Could you maybe get ahead of some things and do them?
Because you know, maybe the lawn, maybe the garden, maybe the garage,
these things are weighing on her mind and it's causing her to suffer because
she can't be free and just relax for the weekend.
Maybe you could do some of those things.
Maybe if there's a lot of heavy lifting to be done or a lot of trips to be made,
(07:28):
you don't ask her to share in that.
You just do it as the man. And see, when you do this, you're suffering in her
place so she doesn't have to. And now you might ask this question.
The question becomes, well, what if she created the suffering?
What if maybe we have separate accounts and maybe she has a budget and maybe
she overspent her budget and now her checks are bouncing?
Should I write a check and put it in her account?
(07:50):
Well, first thing I'm going to tell you is you should have your money together.
But if you're one of those couples that keeps it separate, yes,
you should put money in her account.
You're supposed to be the provider. You're supposed to be the protector.
So even if she's the one who created her suffering, you step in and you suffer
in her place so that she does not have to.
That's rule number one. Rule number two. You know, it's very interesting.
(08:13):
When Jesus washed the disciples' feet and I was reading the scripture,
my brain got ahead of the scripture and I got it all wrong.
Because what Jesus said is, now that and because I have washed your feet,
I was completely expecting him to say, you wash mine.
That's not what he said. What he said is wash each other's. So Jesus serves
(08:35):
without expectation of being served.
Now, how many How many opportunities do you have to serve your wife without
expectation of being served?
And we know those expectations, man.
I mean, I'm a man too. We understand we have expectations.
Can you put them aside and serve your wife without expectation?
(08:56):
This is it, man. Can you do it or can't you? Because I'm going to tell you,
it's very, very difficult.
And it's difficult to do it over and over and over and over while your needs
are not getting met, and you're wondering if they're ever going to get met,
Jesus didn't say, if I wash your feet 25 times, then I have a right to come ask you.
So the question you got to ask yourself is, are you able to live up to this standard?
(09:18):
And again, I'm not saying that you have to 100%. But what I'm saying is this,
that is the standard that we are called to.
We are called to this standard to suffer in her place so she doesn't have to, period.
There is no reciprocal biblical scripture that says that she is to love us as
Christ loved the church.
And then the third one is probably the hardest one of all. What Jesus does for
(09:40):
us is he forgives us a thousand times a day if we don't do it back for him.
As a matter of fact, he forgives us with a different kind of forgiveness.
He forgives us with grace.
He forgives us with the grace that it's just okay because he loves us so much
because we are in him that as we sin and sin and sin,
(10:04):
there's not even any need for forgiveness
because we have asked for his forgiveness and it has been given.
And inside of that space, are you able to do that for your wife when she's nagging,
when she's complaining, when she's upset, when she's rubbing your failures in your face?
Are you able to do And I'm going to tell you, brother, there's three things here.
(10:24):
Suffer in her place every time you can. And I'll go you one further.
Suffer with her if you can't take it away. Even if she caused the problem.
If she went and crashed your brand new car into a tree, rather than yelling
at her and telling her that she shouldn't have driven in it,
then you console her and you empathize with her and you cut her some slack.
Number two, serve her without expectation of being served.
(10:48):
And number three, forgive her to the level of grace, this unconditional forgiveness
that anything she does is okay with you because she is part of you.
You are now married and you are a husband and you are called to do this.
And now we look at this and is that impossible?
Of course, it's impossible. It's absolutely impossible. possible.
(11:09):
There's only one way that we can even approach getting it close to even something
that resembles what Jesus does for us, and that's to beg the Holy Spirit for sanctification,
to tear down the walls of our ego, to tear down the walls of our pride,
to invite the Holy Spirit in, in the full daylight,
(11:31):
where all of our sin and stench is there for the Holy Spirit to see,
because that's what he wants to see.
He wants to see us lay each one of these sins and the emotional payoff that
comes with it down at his feet.
And when we do this, we become powerful,
we become bold, we become certain, and we become capable of moving in this direction
(11:58):
and actually offering our wife that kind And when we offer her that kind of love,
it is so incredibly powerful that it rights the wrongs that have occurred before.
It reattracts her, it reattaches her, it rebonds her, and it brings her back
(12:18):
to the table, back to the conversation, and back to the bedroom because God
wired her to want that kind of love.
Now, brothers, we just talked about level one.
There's 111 more levels about what it means to be.
In Ephesians 5, 25, husband. And now what I want you to think about is that
God calls us to the same standard for our wife that Jesus died for us.
(12:44):
In other words, if it were necessary to go through what Jesus went through,
the beatings, the whippings, the cat o' nine tails,
this being spat on, the being mocked, carrying the cross, being nailed to it,
and then suffering a terrible death and ultimately being pierced on that cross.
(13:04):
Like if it was necessary for you to do that for your wife, God expects you to
do that in Ephesians 5.25.
And all those guys who talk about simps and cucks and incels,
man, they can't even bring her a tissue if she sneezes for fear that it makes
them look weak and emasculated.
Those guys are the guys who are weak.
Those guys are the guys who are emasculated. Now, what's the hack?
(13:27):
You want a hack? There are no hacks.
You got to do the work. But I will tell you something that is going to help you moving forward.
And what that is, is don't do it for her. She doesn't deserve it.
She's a sinner. She's not doing it back for you. And that gets your ego involved.
You want to cut your ego out of it? Do it for him. Do it for him, brother.
He did it for you. You owe him that. You do it for him because he did it for
(13:49):
you. And you forget about whether she deserves it or not.
And that's starting the conversation of layer number two. But that's all I got for you now.
This has been another chapter from the book of Bob. And if you want to understand
layers two through 112, go to www.realmanrevolution.com, www.realmanrevolution.com.
(14:10):
Fill out the application.
If it's accepted, we don't work with everyone, only men we believe we can help.
If your application is accepted, you'll be offered a call, and inside of that
space, we'll get on the telephone, and we'll help you understand if this is a fit for you.
Www.realmanrevolution.com and I'll see you on the other side.
Hey brother, today we're going to dive into Ephesians 5.25 and we're going to
look at why haven't you been able to pull it off?
And so a lot of guys, they think because they read the verse,
husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church, and they kind of shrug their
shoulders and they kind of say, well, I think I know what that means.
And then they go try to do it, that they're just naturally going to succeed
(00:23):
somehow because maybe they accepted Jesus and and that's all it takes.
But what I'm here to tell you, brother, is that there's so much more to that.
Let me help you understand.
So assuming you're not a brain surgeon, if I went to you and I said,
husband, operate on your wife as a brain surgeon would operate on his,
like how much success do you think you would have trying to give brain surgery
(00:46):
to your wife if you're not a brain surgeon?
And so when we read the verse, love your wife as Christ, and in English,
we can substitute the word like for as, love your wife like Christ.
Well, let me ask you something, brother. If you are not like Christ,
what makes you think that you can love her like Christ?
(01:07):
And to the extent you become more like Christ, you are better able to love her like Christ.
So as we begin this journey, the thing that we need to agree on right away is
that in order to pull off Ephesians 5.25, five, we must practice and endeavor
to become more like Jesus every day.
(01:28):
And it turns out that's God's plan for your life.
Like if you read the Bible carefully, there's this idea that we get saved and
we're justified sinners.
Now that doesn't mean that we're justified in our sin.
It just means that we can still go to heaven, even though we continue to remain sinners.
So here we we are and we're in this marriage and I'm a sinner and she's a sinner
(01:52):
and you're a sinner and your wife is a sinner.
And now we're told to love her as Christ loved the church.
Well, now do you see where this is maybe not as easy as it sounds?
Because Christ is not a sinner.
So how are you going to love her like Christ?
Well, the Bible has a plan for that. It's called sanctification.
It is becoming more formed in the image of Christ.
(02:15):
It is a closer walk with Jesus. In Luke chapter 6, we read about Jesus encouraging
the disciples to become like the teacher when he's referring to himself. self.
So can we agree that if you become more like Jesus, you will be better able to love her like Jesus?
And inside of that space, you can't take Ephesians 5.25 out of context.
(02:40):
What you must do is you must read it in the overall context of the Bible.
So as we begin this process of sanctification and you start to really study
it, what you're going to find is that you can't just order it off a menu.
You can't just pray that the Holy Spirit sanctifies you, and it happens overnight.
(03:00):
God did this on purpose, brother. He did it so you would have to work for it.
You know what? You can get on your face and you can say, I submit everything
and forgive me for everything,
and you're not going to get sanctified any more than Adam got in good graces
with God when he He was standing in the bush, hiding his sin,
(03:20):
wagging his finger at God and saying the reason that Adam sinned was because
of the woman who God gave him.
God expects you to come out from those bushes, my brother.
He expects you to drag those sins out into the light and to expose them one by one.
And then as you do, you know what to pray to be sanctified of,
(03:41):
what sins need to be cleansed, how to get you closer to Jesus.
And closer to being more like Jesus.
Now, inside of that space, as you're moving forward in your sanctification.
It becomes very helpful to have a goal and have a target and say, what am I even aiming at?
And so level one of the 112 layers that we have uncovered with the help of the
(04:05):
Holy Spirit Prayer Fellowship and studying the Word is the idea of,
let's just take a look and say, what did Jesus do for us?
And at the top level, the hundred thousand foot view, what Jesus did for us
is he said, I, being least deserving to suffer for sin,
(04:28):
am willing to take on all of the suffering for all of this sin so that you may
all come to heaven. That's how much I love you.
And so there's a shorter way to say that. He suffered in our place so we would not have to.
Now, I want you to think back. How many opportunities have there been for you
(04:52):
to suffer in your wife's place so she does not have to?
If you take this to infinite extreme, it would mean that she never gets up off
the couch, that you wait on her hand and foot, that you do all the chores in the house.
You don't ask her to do anything. thing. And if she sits there on the couch
and causes problems and that you rise to as the man and you solve those problems
(05:14):
and you don't even involve her in even knowing that a problem occurred or ask her for her help.
Now, can you do that? Because what I'm going to tell you is,
and as illogical as that sounds, that's nothing compared to what Jesus did for you.
What Jesus did for you is he said, you get to come into this earth and you get
to sin either every day or nearly every every day for your entire life.
(05:38):
And you don't have to pay for those wages of sin because I've paid for them for you.
All you have to do is acknowledge that and accept that and the debt is paid.
And so these guys, they're on the internet and they're like,
Bob, you're a cook, you're a simp, you're an insult.
Man, these are the weakest guys I have ever seen.
These are guys who think that Ephesians 5.25 either doesn't exist or it exists
(06:02):
in some way where it's equal, where she has to share in the sufferings.
Now, look, man, I'm not suggesting that you do what I said.
I'm not suggesting that you run after her with a tissue box in case anytime
she sneezes, you're there to hand her a tissue.
What I am saying is in the course of events, if you want to understand what
(06:23):
it means to be the man, being the man means if there is an opportunity to suffer, that you jump in it.
Look, man, this is chivalry. Look back in the olden days when the streets were muddy.
Men would take their coat off and lay it in the mud so that a woman wouldn't
have to suffer by getting her shoes dirty.
(06:44):
I don't understand why today's generation can't seem to figure this stuff out.
And so what are some opportunities where you see your wife suffering and you
could take some of the suffering off of her so that she doesn't have to suffer?
Could you help her more around the house? Could you argue with her a little
bit less? Could you just let some things roll off of your back?
(07:06):
Could you maybe get ahead of some things and do them?
Because you know, maybe the lawn, maybe the garden, maybe the garage,
these things are weighing on her mind and it's causing her to suffer because
she can't be free and just relax for the weekend.
Maybe you could do some of those things.
Maybe if there's a lot of heavy lifting to be done or a lot of trips to be made,
(07:28):
you don't ask her to share in that.
You just do it as the man. And see, when you do this, you're suffering in her
place so she doesn't have to. And now you might ask this question.
The question becomes, well, what if she created the suffering?
What if maybe we have separate accounts and maybe she has a budget and maybe
she overspent her budget and now her checks are bouncing?
Should I write a check and put it in her account?
(07:50):
Well, first thing I'm going to tell you is you should have your money together.
But if you're one of those couples that keeps it separate, yes,
you should put money in her account.
You're supposed to be the provider. You're supposed to be the protector.
So even if she's the one who created her suffering, you step in and you suffer
in her place so that she does not have to.
That's rule number one. Rule number two. You know, it's very interesting.
(08:13):
When Jesus washed the disciples' feet and I was reading the scripture,
my brain got ahead of the scripture and I got it all wrong.
Because what Jesus said is, now that and because I have washed your feet,
I was completely expecting him to say, you wash mine.
That's not what he said. What he said is wash each other's. So Jesus serves
(08:35):
without expectation of being served.
Now, how many How many opportunities do you have to serve your wife without
expectation of being served?
And we know those expectations, man.
I mean, I'm a man too. We understand we have expectations.
Can you put them aside and serve your wife without expectation?
(08:56):
This is it, man. Can you do it or can't you? Because I'm going to tell you,
it's very, very difficult.
And it's difficult to do it over and over and over and over while your needs
are not getting met, and you're wondering if they're ever going to get met,
Jesus didn't say, if I wash your feet 25 times, then I have a right to come ask you.
So the question you got to ask yourself is, are you able to live up to this standard?
(09:18):
And again, I'm not saying that you have to 100%. But what I'm saying is this,
that is the standard that we are called to.
We are called to this standard to suffer in her place so she doesn't have to, period.
There is no reciprocal biblical scripture that says that she is to love us as
Christ loved the church.
And then the third one is probably the hardest one of all. What Jesus does for
(09:40):
us is he forgives us a thousand times a day if we don't do it back for him.
As a matter of fact, he forgives us with a different kind of forgiveness.
He forgives us with grace.
He forgives us with the grace that it's just okay because he loves us so much
because we are in him that as we sin and sin and sin,
(10:04):
there's not even any need for forgiveness
because we have asked for his forgiveness and it has been given.
And inside of that space, are you able to do that for your wife when she's nagging,
when she's complaining, when she's upset, when she's rubbing your failures in your face?
Are you able to do And I'm going to tell you, brother, there's three things here.
(10:24):
Suffer in her place every time you can. And I'll go you one further.
Suffer with her if you can't take it away. Even if she caused the problem.
If she went and crashed your brand new car into a tree, rather than yelling
at her and telling her that she shouldn't have driven in it,
then you console her and you empathize with her and you cut her some slack.
Number two, serve her without expectation of being served.
(10:48):
And number three, forgive her to the level of grace, this unconditional forgiveness
that anything she does is okay with you because she is part of you.
You are now married and you are a husband and you are called to do this.
And now we look at this and is that impossible?
Of course, it's impossible. It's absolutely impossible. possible.
(11:09):
There's only one way that we can even approach getting it close to even something
that resembles what Jesus does for us, and that's to beg the Holy Spirit for sanctification,
to tear down the walls of our ego, to tear down the walls of our pride,
to invite the Holy Spirit in, in the full daylight,
(11:31):
where all of our sin and stench is there for the Holy Spirit to see,
because that's what he wants to see.
He wants to see us lay each one of these sins and the emotional payoff that
comes with it down at his feet.
And when we do this, we become powerful,
we become bold, we become certain, and we become capable of moving in this direction
(11:58):
and actually offering our wife that kind And when we offer her that kind of love,
it is so incredibly powerful that it rights the wrongs that have occurred before.
It reattracts her, it reattaches her, it rebonds her, and it brings her back
(12:18):
to the table, back to the conversation, and back to the bedroom because God
wired her to want that kind of love.
Now, brothers, we just talked about level one.
There's 111 more levels about what it means to be.
In Ephesians 5, 25, husband. And now what I want you to think about is that
God calls us to the same standard for our wife that Jesus died for us.
(12:44):
In other words, if it were necessary to go through what Jesus went through,
the beatings, the whippings, the cat o' nine tails,
this being spat on, the being mocked, carrying the cross, being nailed to it,
and then suffering a terrible death and ultimately being pierced on that cross.
(13:04):
Like if it was necessary for you to do that for your wife, God expects you to
do that in Ephesians 5.25.
And all those guys who talk about simps and cucks and incels,
man, they can't even bring her a tissue if she sneezes for fear that it makes
them look weak and emasculated.
Those guys are the guys who are weak.
Those guys are the guys who are emasculated. Now, what's the hack?
(13:27):
You want a hack? There are no hacks.
You got to do the work. But I will tell you something that is going to help you moving forward.
And what that is, is don't do it for her. She doesn't deserve it.
She's a sinner. She's not doing it back for you. And that gets your ego involved.
You want to cut your ego out of it? Do it for him. Do it for him, brother.
He did it for you. You owe him that. You do it for him because he did it for
(13:49):
you. And you forget about whether she deserves it or not.
And that's starting the conversation of layer number two. But that's all I got for you now.
This has been another chapter from the book of Bob. And if you want to understand
layers two through 112, go to www.realmanrevolution.com, www.realmanrevolution.com.
(14:10):
Fill out the application.
If it's accepted, we don't work with everyone, only men we believe we can help.
If your application is accepted, you'll be offered a call, and inside of that
space, we'll get on the telephone, and we'll help you understand if this is a fit for you.
Www.realmanrevolution.com and I'll see you on the other side.
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