February 20, 2024 • 10 mins
In this episode, we cover three simple yet effective ways to make your wife feel more loved than ever before. Even if your communication is currently falling on deaf ears and your efforts seem unappreciated, these actionable steps backed by biblical lessons can turn your situation around.
The first step is about redemption and patience. We encourage you to be the source of unconditional understanding, the safe space where she is allowed to be human, to have her ups and downs without being judged or punished. Just as Jesus Christ receives us with an abundance of love, kindness, and forgiveness even when we wrong him, try to rise above your frustrations and meet her indiscretions with the redemptive Christ-like forgiving love.
The second step urges you to lead with Christian masculinity. Without becoming a harsh ruler, lead your wife in a self-sacrificial way, just as Jesus did. Resist the temptation to misuse your power. Instead, use your strength and authority to serve your wife and make her feel cherished and safe. God wants us to lead out of love, not self-interest, reminding us to steer clear from practices that can make our loved ones feel worthless, isolated, and ashamed.
In the third step, you are reminded to put your wife second only to God. Let her feel loved by not making her compete with your work, hobbies, children, or self-interests. Prioritize her, be present for her and make her feel like she's the most important thing in your life. As Jesus gives us first priority, let's mirror that with our wives.
By following these steps, not only will you make your wife feel loved, you also strengthen the bond and spiritual connection in your marriage. For more guidance on this transformation journey, visit www.realmanrevolution.com.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What if I told you that you can make your wife feel more loved with three simple
steps than she had ever fantasized about in her wildest dreams?
And I know that right now, man, you're in a frustrating position.
I know that you're telling her that you love her and she's saying,
I don't feel it. What are you doing to show me that you love me like that?
And we're going to talk about that here. So let's get into it.
(00:21):
Step number one is cut her some slack.
Now, look, what we're we're talking about here is being the one person on the
face of the earth who allows her to have a bad day,
who allows her to have a bad attitude, who allows her to be critical,
allows her to be negative, allows her to be in scarcity mode,
allows her to be kind of the rain cloud that is dragging you down.
(00:43):
Like if you can be strong enough as a man to rise above when she has wronged you.
Look, man, when we look to our example, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,
when we wrong him, we don't hesitate going back to him.
And the reason that we don't hesitate going back to him is because he receives
us with love and kindness and compassion and forgiveness.
(01:05):
See, we know he's not going to strike us down. We know he's not going to punish
us. We know he's not going to make us feel bad.
Rather, he's going to love us and forgive us in a way like nobody else does.
His love pulls us in even when we have wronged him.
There's a reason why he's more loved
than any person ever on the planet by billions and billions of people.
(01:27):
Because we can feel his love through this redemptive love, through this redemption.
See, controlling love is act accordingly or I will punish you and I will make you feel bad.
That's abusive and it's going to get you divorced.
Rather, redeem her with Christ-like love when she wrongs you. Now, how do you do that?
Well, once you become a Christian, God begins to go to work inside of you.
(01:51):
You're not perfect, but you're new, and you have the Holy Spirit.
But brother, this new work inside of you, it's on you to make it happen.
You don't get it for free.
You have to work for it. Romans 12 says, Be renewed by the transforming of your mind.
You have free will. If you don't allow that transformation, if you don't seek
that transformation, if you don't work at that transformation,
(02:13):
that transformation is never going to happen.
2 Corinthians 10 and verse 5 says you have the power to think differently by
capturing every thought and making it obedient to Christ.
And God's promise to you is that you can do this. Luke 6 and verse 40 says the
student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will become
like the teacher. I say this all the time, man.
(02:35):
Ephesians 5.25 says, love her as Christ loved the church. If you're not like
Christ, how can you love like Christ?
This is the work, brother. See, Jesus constantly demonstrates redemptive love
to people who don't deserve it.
When I think about my personal relationship with Jesus Christ,
my sins put put him on that cross.
(02:55):
My sins led him to suffer. My sins led to his death.
And in the face of that, does he strike me down and make me feel bad?
No. He welcomes me with open arms and looks at me as though I'm perfect without spot or wrinkle.
This is what we're called to do for our wife. And man, what has your wife done
to you that anywhere close to rises to the level of what you and I did to to Jesus.
(03:20):
And given what we did to him, he redeems us.
Be a man and redeem your wife when she wrongs you.
Now, in the normal course of marriage, the only Ephesians 5.25 path is to redeem
her through your suffering.
Note that in the above examples, Jesus had to suffer in order to redeem us.
(03:41):
There is a component of suffering, and this is what we run from,
and this is why we end up getting in trouble in our marriage,
why we end up hearing our wife say she doesn't feel loved.
Because we're not willing to suffer to redeem her.
If you can figure out this piece, if you can figure out how to suffer to redeem
(04:02):
your wife, then you will have unlocked step number one of how to make her feel ultimately loved.
And brother, when you do this correctly for someone, they will not lose respect for you.
They will love you all the more powerfully. Do you lose respect for Jesus this
when he does it for you? Of course not.
But here's what you have to know. In our weakness, in our flesh,
(04:22):
this creates what the Bible calls strongholds. These strongholds need to be
demolished with captured thoughts that are made obedient to Christ.
There is a component of she wrongs you, you suffer to redeem her,
and then you redeem her so she doesn't have to suffer for her own bad behavior.
This is the cycle of amazing love. This is the cycle of how to make her feel
(04:47):
so loved that she will never question whether you love her again.
But in order to do that, you've got to take control of your own mind and body.
And see, that's not God's responsibility, brother. That's yours.
Don't let your flesh be the deepest part of you. Let your spirit be the deepest part of you.
And the way that you do that is by strengthening that razor-thin little line
(05:10):
of an umbilical cord between you and the Holy Spirit, making that thicker and
thicker and eventually into an information superhighway.
See, God sent his Holy Spirit here to help us with this.
And what we're not doing is building the strength, doing the reps and sets in
order to be able to build that umbilical cord.
When you get that umbilical cord built to an information superhighway,
(05:33):
it's going to be easy to do this, and it's going to be easy to make your wife
feel loved. Step number two, lead her like a Christian warrior king husband.
Lead with Christian masculinity. Look, you know, it's really interesting that
the Bible never uses the exact words, husbands, lead your wife.
Now, we know about male headship, and we know in Genesis that you rule over
(05:55):
her, and in Ephesians that you're the head of her.
But God never says, go lead your wife.
And the reason for that is there's this constant danger that the leader becomes
a jerk. The leader leads for his own benefit.
The leader disregards the feelings and considerations and thoughts and hopes
and wants and desires of the people who he's leading in this idea that I'm the one getting us there,
(06:20):
so I need to take care of me, and you just need to be lucky that you're getting
led where I'm leading you.
See, God's greater concern is that we lovingly lead our wife in a self-sacrificial way.
And because God hates abuse, you'll notice that Jesus emptied himself of glory
while he was here on earth. He became a servant.
(06:40):
See, a leader who has let that power go to his head has a tendency to make people
feel worthless, isolated, and ashamed.
Whereas Jesus makes us feel loved and cherished and safe. Why? Why?
Because he leads for our benefit, not for his.
It was not his benefit to go to the cross. It was not his benefit to have to empty himself of glory.
(07:04):
And yet he did that so that we could learn. And see, the big danger here in
this world of flesh is that it feels like you're losing your power when you're doing this.
This is why the Internet is full of trolls who will tell you that if you love
like this, you're a simp or a cuck or an incel.
Jesus said we were going to be persecuted, and that's what he's talking about.
(07:24):
Out, when you're actually living this Christ-like life, when you're actually
following his example, when you're actually becoming like the teacher,
it looks like you're powerless and it feels like you're powerless.
See, brother, you're ultimately powerful to serve your wife.
And when you're using this power, when you're using this testosterone,
when you're using this energy, when you're using this dominance and you're using
(07:47):
it for her benefit instead of your own, this is how you make her feel ultimately loved.
And this is suffering in her place. If there's suffering that needs to happen,
you as the leader step into the suffering so she doesn't have to.
So how do you lead? You lead for your wife's benefit.
And how do you do that? Not with your love, but with God's love.
(08:08):
Because God's love is perfect, powerful, and permanent.
Step number three, put her second only to God. This is prioritization.
Don't make her compete with your company. Don't make her compete with your sports
don't make her compete with your hobbies don't make her compete with your children
don't make her compete with your own self-interests be present and,
(08:29):
Be the guy who is always there for her. Be the guy when if she pops in the room
17 times as you're trying to write a report on your laptop, that all 17 of those
times you look up and smile and close your laptop because she comes first.
Did you ever think about that when you pray, you don't ever think that you're interrupting Jesus?
You don't think that you have to get in line? You don't imagine him giving you
(08:52):
this irritated look over the screen of his laptop?
Like every time that you go to Jesus, you get first priority.
Authority, you become the most important thing in his life. At least that's the way that it feels.
We're never like, hey, God, I know you're busy.
Can I take a number? Can I come back when you're not, when you're not,
when your head is not in this stuff?
This is how you've got to be for your wife. And you might say,
(09:14):
but Bob, I've got so much stuff going on.
I've got so much at work and I've got so much with the kids and I've got so
much with my own health and issues and desires and wants and needs and they're not getting met.
And I'm, you know, I'm upset about this and I'm worried about
that and she comes in and you know i'm just trying to get my
stuff settled and she wants to dump her stuff on me well yeah
man the guy who is able to take that on is
(09:36):
the guy who makes her feel loved the guy who always makes
her a first place priority second only to god is the guy who makes her feel
loved so how do you do this what you've got to do is you've got to have a system
for getting all of that other stuff into the important but not urging category
this is something that i I teach in my program, and it's too much for the scope of this video.
(09:57):
But look, if you're living in a space where everything in your life is urgent,
and then she walks in and needs your attention, she's not going to get it because
there's too much competing.
But if you live your life by a code, and inside of that code,
you get things under control, and things are under control, and you might have
a lot of important stuff to do, but none of it is urgent,
(10:18):
then what becomes urgent is giving her the attention and the prioritization
that she deserves, deserves and that God promised her somewhere down in her DNA.
She expects this from you. She expects it from me. We know this man.
And when you're able to give her that, she's going to feel more ultimately loved.
And if you're a man who feels like, Bob, this is awesome. I just need help getting started.
(10:39):
What I want you to do is go to www.realmanrevolution.com and I'll see you on the other side.
What if I told you that you can make your wife feel more loved with three simple
steps than she had ever fantasized about in her wildest dreams?
And I know that right now, man, you're in a frustrating position.
I know that you're telling her that you love her and she's saying,
I don't feel it. What are you doing to show me that you love me like that?
And we're going to talk about that here. So let's get into it.
(00:21):
Step number one is cut her some slack.
Now, look, what we're we're talking about here is being the one person on the
face of the earth who allows her to have a bad day,
who allows her to have a bad attitude, who allows her to be critical,
allows her to be negative, allows her to be in scarcity mode,
allows her to be kind of the rain cloud that is dragging you down.
(00:43):
Like if you can be strong enough as a man to rise above when she has wronged you.
Look, man, when we look to our example, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,
when we wrong him, we don't hesitate going back to him.
And the reason that we don't hesitate going back to him is because he receives
us with love and kindness and compassion and forgiveness.
(01:05):
See, we know he's not going to strike us down. We know he's not going to punish
us. We know he's not going to make us feel bad.
Rather, he's going to love us and forgive us in a way like nobody else does.
His love pulls us in even when we have wronged him.
There's a reason why he's more loved
than any person ever on the planet by billions and billions of people.
(01:27):
Because we can feel his love through this redemptive love, through this redemption.
See, controlling love is act accordingly or I will punish you and I will make you feel bad.
That's abusive and it's going to get you divorced.
Rather, redeem her with Christ-like love when she wrongs you. Now, how do you do that?
Well, once you become a Christian, God begins to go to work inside of you.
(01:51):
You're not perfect, but you're new, and you have the Holy Spirit.
But brother, this new work inside of you, it's on you to make it happen.
You don't get it for free.
You have to work for it. Romans 12 says, Be renewed by the transforming of your mind.
You have free will. If you don't allow that transformation, if you don't seek
that transformation, if you don't work at that transformation,
(02:13):
that transformation is never going to happen.
2 Corinthians 10 and verse 5 says you have the power to think differently by
capturing every thought and making it obedient to Christ.
And God's promise to you is that you can do this. Luke 6 and verse 40 says the
student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will become
like the teacher. I say this all the time, man.
(02:35):
Ephesians 5.25 says, love her as Christ loved the church. If you're not like
Christ, how can you love like Christ?
This is the work, brother. See, Jesus constantly demonstrates redemptive love
to people who don't deserve it.
When I think about my personal relationship with Jesus Christ,
my sins put put him on that cross.
(02:55):
My sins led him to suffer. My sins led to his death.
And in the face of that, does he strike me down and make me feel bad?
No. He welcomes me with open arms and looks at me as though I'm perfect without spot or wrinkle.
This is what we're called to do for our wife. And man, what has your wife done
to you that anywhere close to rises to the level of what you and I did to to Jesus.
(03:20):
And given what we did to him, he redeems us.
Be a man and redeem your wife when she wrongs you.
Now, in the normal course of marriage, the only Ephesians 5.25 path is to redeem
her through your suffering.
Note that in the above examples, Jesus had to suffer in order to redeem us.
(03:41):
There is a component of suffering, and this is what we run from,
and this is why we end up getting in trouble in our marriage,
why we end up hearing our wife say she doesn't feel loved.
Because we're not willing to suffer to redeem her.
If you can figure out this piece, if you can figure out how to suffer to redeem
(04:02):
your wife, then you will have unlocked step number one of how to make her feel ultimately loved.
And brother, when you do this correctly for someone, they will not lose respect for you.
They will love you all the more powerfully. Do you lose respect for Jesus this
when he does it for you? Of course not.
But here's what you have to know. In our weakness, in our flesh,
(04:22):
this creates what the Bible calls strongholds. These strongholds need to be
demolished with captured thoughts that are made obedient to Christ.
There is a component of she wrongs you, you suffer to redeem her,
and then you redeem her so she doesn't have to suffer for her own bad behavior.
This is the cycle of amazing love. This is the cycle of how to make her feel
(04:47):
so loved that she will never question whether you love her again.
But in order to do that, you've got to take control of your own mind and body.
And see, that's not God's responsibility, brother. That's yours.
Don't let your flesh be the deepest part of you. Let your spirit be the deepest part of you.
And the way that you do that is by strengthening that razor-thin little line
(05:10):
of an umbilical cord between you and the Holy Spirit, making that thicker and
thicker and eventually into an information superhighway.
See, God sent his Holy Spirit here to help us with this.
And what we're not doing is building the strength, doing the reps and sets in
order to be able to build that umbilical cord.
When you get that umbilical cord built to an information superhighway,
(05:33):
it's going to be easy to do this, and it's going to be easy to make your wife
feel loved. Step number two, lead her like a Christian warrior king husband.
Lead with Christian masculinity. Look, you know, it's really interesting that
the Bible never uses the exact words, husbands, lead your wife.
Now, we know about male headship, and we know in Genesis that you rule over
(05:55):
her, and in Ephesians that you're the head of her.
But God never says, go lead your wife.
And the reason for that is there's this constant danger that the leader becomes
a jerk. The leader leads for his own benefit.
The leader disregards the feelings and considerations and thoughts and hopes
and wants and desires of the people who he's leading in this idea that I'm the one getting us there,
(06:20):
so I need to take care of me, and you just need to be lucky that you're getting
led where I'm leading you.
See, God's greater concern is that we lovingly lead our wife in a self-sacrificial way.
And because God hates abuse, you'll notice that Jesus emptied himself of glory
while he was here on earth. He became a servant.
(06:40):
See, a leader who has let that power go to his head has a tendency to make people
feel worthless, isolated, and ashamed.
Whereas Jesus makes us feel loved and cherished and safe. Why? Why?
Because he leads for our benefit, not for his.
It was not his benefit to go to the cross. It was not his benefit to have to empty himself of glory.
(07:04):
And yet he did that so that we could learn. And see, the big danger here in
this world of flesh is that it feels like you're losing your power when you're doing this.
This is why the Internet is full of trolls who will tell you that if you love
like this, you're a simp or a cuck or an incel.
Jesus said we were going to be persecuted, and that's what he's talking about.
(07:24):
Out, when you're actually living this Christ-like life, when you're actually
following his example, when you're actually becoming like the teacher,
it looks like you're powerless and it feels like you're powerless.
See, brother, you're ultimately powerful to serve your wife.
And when you're using this power, when you're using this testosterone,
when you're using this energy, when you're using this dominance and you're using
(07:47):
it for her benefit instead of your own, this is how you make her feel ultimately loved.
And this is suffering in her place. If there's suffering that needs to happen,
you as the leader step into the suffering so she doesn't have to.
So how do you lead? You lead for your wife's benefit.
And how do you do that? Not with your love, but with God's love.
(08:08):
Because God's love is perfect, powerful, and permanent.
Step number three, put her second only to God. This is prioritization.
Don't make her compete with your company. Don't make her compete with your sports
don't make her compete with your hobbies don't make her compete with your children
don't make her compete with your own self-interests be present and,
(08:29):
Be the guy who is always there for her. Be the guy when if she pops in the room
17 times as you're trying to write a report on your laptop, that all 17 of those
times you look up and smile and close your laptop because she comes first.
Did you ever think about that when you pray, you don't ever think that you're interrupting Jesus?
You don't think that you have to get in line? You don't imagine him giving you
(08:52):
this irritated look over the screen of his laptop?
Like every time that you go to Jesus, you get first priority.
Authority, you become the most important thing in his life. At least that's the way that it feels.
We're never like, hey, God, I know you're busy.
Can I take a number? Can I come back when you're not, when you're not,
when your head is not in this stuff?
This is how you've got to be for your wife. And you might say,
(09:14):
but Bob, I've got so much stuff going on.
I've got so much at work and I've got so much with the kids and I've got so
much with my own health and issues and desires and wants and needs and they're not getting met.
And I'm, you know, I'm upset about this and I'm worried about
that and she comes in and you know i'm just trying to get my
stuff settled and she wants to dump her stuff on me well yeah
man the guy who is able to take that on is
(09:36):
the guy who makes her feel loved the guy who always makes
her a first place priority second only to god is the guy who makes her feel
loved so how do you do this what you've got to do is you've got to have a system
for getting all of that other stuff into the important but not urging category
this is something that i I teach in my program, and it's too much for the scope of this video.
(09:57):
But look, if you're living in a space where everything in your life is urgent,
and then she walks in and needs your attention, she's not going to get it because
there's too much competing.
But if you live your life by a code, and inside of that code,
you get things under control, and things are under control, and you might have
a lot of important stuff to do, but none of it is urgent,
(10:18):
then what becomes urgent is giving her the attention and the prioritization
that she deserves, deserves and that God promised her somewhere down in her DNA.
She expects this from you. She expects it from me. We know this man.
And when you're able to give her that, she's going to feel more ultimately loved.
And if you're a man who feels like, Bob, this is awesome. I just need help getting started.
(10:39):
What I want you to do is go to www.realmanrevolution.com and I'll see you on the other side.
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