January 18, 2023 • 21 mins
HAF Episode 23 has take a step back and reflect where we are going with our life in the goals we have for ourselves. Are we in alignment with what really brings us joy?
I bring up the book the Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware
Which are:
- "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."
- "I wish I hadn't worked so hard."
- "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings."
- "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."
- "I wish that I had let myself be happier."
I talk about using the Wheel of Life tool , which I highly recommend you check out to help you analyze the different parts of your life, and see more clearly where you may want to make shifts to bring you more joy and alignment in your life.
We also talk about that negative self talk and how we can get out of our flow when bumps in road show up or derail us, I mention HAF Episode 3 to reflect back on how damaging that Vecna voice inside us can be.
It's totally okay, if you have fallen or gotten off track or derailed. It's as simple as getting back up!
YOU GOT THIS!
Send me a DM on Facebook or Instagram 💋
Tell me, how is your 2023 going so far? Are you feelin unstoppable? Need some help or encouragement? Let me know what's going on with you! I want to know! 💖
#beyou #nothingtoprove #recognizeyourbrilliance #riseup #stayup #brushyourshouldersoff #pivot #keepgoing #dontgiveup #yougotthis #choosejoy #livejoyfully #liveinalignment #noapologies #knowyourworth #vibehigh #riseabove #raiseyourvibe #selfworth #youarestrong #youaredivine #youareworthy #affirm #rememberwhoyouare #rememberwhothefuckyouare #healingoldwounds #healingjourney #heartaf #theheartafpodcast #podcast #youarenotalone #youareloved #youareworthit #standtall #ownit
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Hey everyone, what's up?
It's Chelsea VanBuskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well today.
I wanted to follow upfrom last week's episode.
You know, I talked about being moreyou instead of being a new you, right?
Like instead of trying to morphourselves and trying to be something
that we're not like, let's try to bemore of who we really are and really,
(00:28):
um, showing up as our authentic selvesand, getting away from trying to,
um, constantly achieve things in orderto feel worthy or to prove ourselves.
And, um, I wanted to elaborateand follow up with that, with,
um, you know, this hustle culturethat we're immersed in, right?
Like everybody's just sharing like,all these things they're doing right.
(00:49):
Like, and it's like we're alwayslike showing off, so to speak,
we're applauding people forrunning themselves into the ground
and it's, it's not right, right?
I mean, that's reallynot how life should be.
Like, yes, we should be, you know,growing and expanding, you know,
in our lives and creating abundancein our lives and you know bringing
(01:10):
ourselves joy and things like that.
But we're not meant to be runningourselves, ragged, running ourselves
into the ground and not spendingany time with our families or not
taking time off to really enjoy,um, moments and being present.
Right?
Like a hustle culture, I feellike to me is like, you're always
focused on like, what's next?
(01:30):
What's more, what can I add?
Um, you're focused onlike that future, right?
Instead of focusing on the presentand really focusing on, um, enjoying,
what you're actually creating, right?
Like it's like, it'sjust too, it's too much.
It's too, um, fast.
It's too, um, strenuous.
And I think that's where we reallyget burned out, especially, you know,
(01:52):
thinking about the, this time ofresolutions and, and goal setting.
And that's what I was really wanting to,you know, surround the month of January.
Um, for content wise , like, talkingabout this like, you know, we kind
of start the month off where wehave you know, a ton of goals and
resolutions we wanna try to achieve.
But like I spoke of before, likewe try to go about it too fast too
soon, or take on too much, or try tomake too many changes all at once.
(02:16):
Like it never works out, right?
Like, you always end up burningout because it's too much, right?
It's too much.
And the thing is, is we're like applaudingpeople who are doing too much, right?
Like we think that's like the,the cool thing or the "in"
thing to do is to do too much.
But really, The cool thing is to actuallysit back and actually enjoy and to still
(02:38):
have goals and still, you know, work hardand be consistent, but doing it so we're
still staying present and that we're nottaking time away from, ourselves and the
people that we love and doing the thingsthat we love and bringing ourselves joy.
Because you know, if you just work all thetime and you're striving all the time, and
(03:00):
yeah, you might have successes, um, butyou'll probably feel unfulfilled, you're
not gonna have time to actually enjoy whatyou're, you know, creating or receiving.
You know, let's say if you're verysuccessful and, and getting, getting
lots of money, but if you're alwayshaving to work and high stress and not
sleeping and not treating your body right,like you're gonna be feeling like crap.
Like, and that's not a way to live, right?
(03:22):
Like you see so many people.
. Um, I think that was one ofthe things on the, uh, top five
regrets of the dying, right?
There was this nurse who was workingin hospice care and she wrote a book,
um, that's the name of her book.
I can't remember her name.
I'll, I'll link it, um, in thedescription once I look it up.
But she worked as a hospice nurse, soworking with people who were, are dying
(03:42):
and, um, did a lot of conversations withthem and, and compiled this list of.
Um, you know, regretsof those who are dying.
And one of the number one thingswas, you know, that they're always
striving, and trying to be somebodythey're not, or not really enjoying
time with their loved ones, right?
Because that's what really matters ishaving these relationships and human
(04:04):
experiences with other people in our livesand, um, and really getting to enjoy that.
And, and so I think that's a goodthing to just remember is, it's not
always about being the best at the top.
Like, you really have to figureout what is in true alignment
with your whole happiness, right?
Like, what's gonna bring youhappiness in all areas of your life?
There's a lot of, um, you know,workshops and things like this in the
(04:28):
business world and the self-developmentworld where you are taking a look at
all the aspects of your life, right?
Like, yes, your career is one, yourgoals , health though is part of it.
Your spirituality, your relationships.
Your family, right?
If you have a spouse, like a marriage,like those relationships are important
relationships in your life, right?
Like those, those arebig pieces of your life.
(04:49):
And if, if things are out ofalignment, um, I think what's,
it's at some kind of wheel.
I forget what wheel they call it.
And I'll put that inthe description as well.
But there's a wheel that you canactually do that has all these
aspects and you kind of, you know,You know, like zero to 10, like 10
is the very outer part of the circle,and zero would be the inner circle.
And so you can kind of put dots onwhere you're at as far as like your
(05:12):
like, level of, of how well youthink you're doing in each category.
So if the categories are spirituality,relationships, career, like spouse, like,
you know, maybe, uh, finances, andyou start putting these little pins
in, and if you see how imbalanced itis, then you know, if you think of it
like a wheel, like a wheel continuallymotions when it's, when it's round and
(05:32):
when you have all these little pointsthat make it uneven and you have this
rugged, um, it's not a wheel, right?
It's got like little lines andpoints and dips and it's not
gonna be a smooth, balanced life.
And it's a really good way to look kindof at your life and see where you might
be having imbalances in certain areas.
What I'm getting at is the need to, toreally self-reflect and start coming
(05:55):
into, what's really important to youand what, you know, what really brings
you joy and happiness in your life.
And, um, really taking thatinto account when you are,
you know, having these goals.
And that's why I stress so hard islike, you don't wanna make these big
changes, like be you and do things thatare, are things that you like to do,
like think about what brings you joy.
(06:17):
What are things thatyou're good at, right?
Like, you don't wanna workagainst yourself, right?
Like, it's better to be like inflow, with your life and, and
with what you're doing, right?
Um, and thinking of ways to still makeprogress and still get success and
where you wanna go, but, Finding waysthat are in alignment with who you
are, with things that you like to do.
So, , for example, like thehealth and wellness part, right?
(06:40):
Like if you're trying to improve um, yourhealth and, you know, get more fit, maybe,
like I said before, like you gotta thinkof things that you're actually gonna be
able to do and think more sustainability.
Sustainability like finding waysthat you can actually be consistent
with something, because again,it's those consistent movements
over time that yield big results.
Let's say you do havea good kind of vision.
(07:02):
You have these new habits thatare easily integrable with,
um, your current lifestyle.
So you're making these littleshifts, right, that you wanna
get big results with, but you'redoing these little things.
And again, we talked about how thediscipline and having the consistency
is what really is gonna get you to thatsuccess, but, If you're in this routine,
you're in this flow and somethingcomes up unexpected or somebody says
(07:26):
something, there's something thatcomes up that throws you off your
game, it throws you out of flow, right?
I thought I would talk about what happenswhen we might get discouraged or we
get kind of out of our routine or ourflow, um, especially around this time
it could be a comment like somebodymaybe makes a, a discouraging comment
(07:47):
about the way you're doing things causethey don't think you're doing 'em right.
Or, um, you know, there's somethingthat triggers you into feeling that,
like discouragement or that you're doingsomething wrong or it's not working.
um, or you have a slip up, maybe you're,you know, trying to do a dry January and
(08:08):
you had a drink, or maybe you're tryingto, you know, work out three times a week
and this week you only worked out two orsomething like that, where you messed up.
And so a lot of times when we getthese little moments of like, we,
I feel like discouragement is thebig word, but like you're feeling.
Like you lose your confidence,you lose your flow, you lose that
(08:28):
traction, that, that motivation, right?
And so, Almost our first instinctis to just give up because we're
like, oh, we're doing it wrong.
This isn't right.
I gotta start over.
I gotta start over because I did it wrong.
Or uh, I, somebody made a commentand now I'm not so sure I was
going about this the right way.
So then this self-doubt creeps inand you know, we tend to think that
(08:52):
we have to be perfect, or we haveto do things in such a specific way.
And if it doesn't go that way, thenit's wrong and like we can't do it.
Um, one of my, uh, mentors, hername's Keri um, inspired Living
TV, is her handle on Instagram.
Um, but anyway, she talks about how thep and perfection stands for poison,
(09:13):
because if you're striving for perfection,, it's like it's poison, right?
Like you're just gonna stop.
You're never gonna make any progressbecause you can't be perfect.
No one's perfect and you can't beperfect a hundred percent of the time.
That's not life.
That's not realistic.
Right.
Um, for me, I think, you know, perfectionis literally just being whoever
(09:33):
you are, it's imperfectly perfect.
Right?
That to me is what perfection is becauseI think we're all, you know, so unique.
There's beauty in everything.
Like I think about flowers,like no flower is perfect, but
they're all beautiful, right?
Like, you know what I'm saying?
Like, they're perfect to me.
Like doesn't really exist inthe, the sense I feel like
we try to make it sound, but.
So knowing that, like, knowingthat, that it's poison, right?
(09:54):
Like that it will stop you.
Like you don't have to let theselittle hiccups, these little, um,
setbacks make you give up, right?
Like you can't, you don't have to quitjust because something didn't go the
way you thought it was supposed togo, or somebody made a discouraging
comment like, the trick here is toget back up and keep going, right?
Like I said, it's that consistency piece.
(10:14):
That's the real discipline you needto have is the consistency that's
a discipline you need to have.
To get back up, to keep going, right?
And if you have a setback,if you have, you get sick.
And so now you gotta take time offof your routine because now you gotta
like, make sure you're well enoughto be able to, you know, get out
and go to the gym or whatever it is.
(10:35):
Like that doesn't mean you give up,it means you take time off, rest and
then get right back to it, right?
It's all about.
. That moment where you're feelinglike discouragement or you're
feeling like stopping, it's takinga moment and pivoting, right?
You wanna pivot, but still gotowards your trajectory of what
you were aiming to do, right?
It doesn't mean you were doing itwrong, or you have to give up, or you
(10:56):
have to just start all over again.
You don't have to restart.
. All right.
You just gotta keep going.
You don't have to start over.
You don't have to keep changing,you know, your direction.
Like you can still stay doingwhat you're doing and just get
back up on the horse, right?
If you fall, you get back up.
Um, and I know that can be hard,especially if you're an all
or nothing person, like I am.
Like, it can be very discouragingif I'm not doing it X, Y, Z.
(11:19):
Like I think it has to be X,Y, Z, but sometimes it's okay.
It could be X, Y, a, B, C, youknow, like maybe it just, I don't
even know if I said that right.
What the fuck?
Whatever.
I feel like you get whatI'm trying to say, right?
Like, it's not, it doesn't have togo how you think it's supposed to go.
You know, like it's okay to have momentsof pivot and redirection as long as
(11:41):
you're staying in that trajectoryof achieving what you wanna achieve
and getting to where you wanna go.
So, to give you an example, this weekor actually a couple weeks ago, um,
the first podcast I was trying tolaunch for the first week of January.
I filmed it four times before Iactually got it because the first
four recordings of it, I had an erroron the recording and it, the screen
(12:01):
popped up and was like, I'm sorry,there was an error during recording.
You may wanna rerecord and everythingI recorded, 25 minutes, gone.
It happened four times where itwould show that it was recording.
And then when I would hit end.
Disappeared.
It would just be gone.
I was so fucking frustrated like that.
That sucked, right?
Because I put all that time and effort andI thought that was like a great message.
(12:22):
I had it all recorded andthen it just disappeared.
It wasn't in the cloud anywhere.
Couldn't find it.
Um, so I had to pivot, right?
I had to think of another solution.
And, um, so.
. What I actually did in that situationis I figured out what the issue was, why
my program kept, um, defaulting, and Idid a whole bunch of troubleshooting and
finally figured it out and got it to work.
Um, but like another thing thathappened is, um, I, I think I
(12:45):
mentioned I'm, I'm doing a new, um,workout program with a new coach and
so I just had got my new programmingand I went to the, um, rec center.
I've been going to, to work out.
, the, the equipment they have, theydon't really have a lot of equipment.
Okay?
So I go in and there's only one piece ofequipment that I need to use, and it's
like the first three things on my five.
(13:06):
Sets of workouts, right?
And there's somebody on it andI'm waiting for 15 minutes.
I'm like, maybe I'll just warm up onthe treadmill for a little bit while
they're using that equipment that I need.
And they were still usingit after 15 minutes.
And it's like, I'm looking at the timeand it's early morning and I have a set
window where I can get my workout doneif I'm gonna do it early morning so
I can get back home in time to get mykids ready for school and, and all that.
So you know what?
(13:27):
I was like, crap, I'm not gonnabe able to do this workout.
And so, I started thinking about itand I'm like, oh, there's another,
there's this gym that I used to workout at five years ago down the street.
Let me go look at them.
And so I got home and I looked andI just ended up like signing up.
Um, so I'm like, you know what?
I know that they have all the equipmentI need and I can't run into this problem.
They're open 24 hours a day.
(13:48):
Um, it's close by my house.
Like let's just get like a real gymwith the all the equipment I need and
they're gonna have a ton of equipment.
So it doesn't matter what timeI go, if there's a lot of people
I should be able to get in theworkout, I need to get in, right?
So I pivoted, right?
Like, . So instead that day I still,I, I came home signed, got that new
membership, but I had to get my kidsready for school, took 'em for to
school, and then went to the new gymthat I just signed up for, um, went in.
(14:11):
I was a little nervous because Ihadn't been there in over five years.
I know it had changed a lot.
So I'd asked somebody at thefront, I said, Hey, hadn't been
here in five years or more.
Um, I just signed up online.
Can you like show me around the weightroom or whatever because I wanna know
where all the equipment's at, youknow, in case there's been changes.
Because I like to be efficient.
I need to know where to go in andwhere, what section of the floor I
(14:32):
need to be on to get my workout in.
Right.
So really nice young kid waslike, yeah, let me show you.
So that was super helpful.
And then I got in and it got myworkout done and it was great.
So, you know, I started the morning,it did not go how I had planned it.
Right?
Um, but I pivoted, right?
And I feel like, you know, somethingI may, may have done at an earlier
time in my life is I probablywould've been like, ugh, you know,
(14:53):
so upset, so mad and just been like,fuck it, I'll try again tomorrow.
And I would've pushed theworkout day to the next day.
But then it would like, it justwould've been a domino effect of all
these things that would just snowballinto all these things that wouldn't be
working out in my normal, like kind ofschedule of how I wanted things to go.
You know, it's like it, all it takesis one little thing to go wrong and
if you let it, you know, kind oftake you down, it can snowball until
(15:16):
a lot of other things going wrong.
Right.
But I was able to pivot and I knew I hadtime to get it done, you know, later.
So I got it and now Ihave this membership.
Right now I have a solution.
Now I have this other place togo so I can go and do my early
morning workout and, and still.
Get it in cause there's gonna beenough equipment at this other place
to cut in and get things done aroundif there is a crowd of people, and
(15:37):
I think, you know, obviously that'stypical for this time of year at gyms
anyway, is that they are typically morecrowded, um, because everybody's kind
of coming back trying to get back intoa good, um, healthy fitness routine.
So, oh, um, you know, kids beingsick, I talked about us getting sick,
but if you're a parent and your kidgets sick, that ruins everything.
You had a whole plan, now you gotta,you know, take care of your kid.
(15:59):
Or now they're not going to school,so you gotta, you know, figure out.
So you gotta just pivotand rearrange things.
It's about kind of working with whatcomes up, because, you know, life
isn't always predictable, but youhave to again, focus on what you
can control, what's in your control,and then control that and do that.
And again, figuring out what's inalignment with, with your goals and what
you're trying to do and, um, not lettingthese little bumps in the road, like let
(16:24):
you, you know, crash your car or whatever.
I don't, that's not a good analogy.
Like the one they talk about, youknow, like if one of your tires goes
flat, you don't go around and slashall the other three tires, right?
You just fix the one flattire and you keep going.
That's, that's pretty muchwhat we're getting at here.
Simple as that, is youjust keep going, right?
You just keep going.
You pivot, you figure itout, and you keep going.
(16:45):
You don't let it derail you.
Um, and especially if it's negativecomments from other people that
are like, cause that self-doubt.
Mm, no.
You gotta shield yourself, right?
You really have to work hard atshielding yourself from those comments,
especially if you're someone who hasa delicate, you know, self worth or
(17:06):
you're easily doubt yourself, like me.
Like you have to really work hardat kind of staying true to that core
vision you have for yourself or whatyou know to be true to your heart and
really standing in that power you have.
Remember tapping into that,that badass bitch within.
And like using that as like ashield to like shield your energy.
Like we talked about that too.
(17:27):
I have the YouTube video about how to,you know, cleanse or protect your energy.
I'll link that in the description.
But knowing and staying like,confidently, in like that self-worth.
And in that, mantra in your head, youknow, like that you are a badass bitch
and no one can tell you anything, right?
Like it's having that confidenceand shielding yourself.
So when people make those comments,you can kind of let 'em brush off.
(17:48):
You like right?, you're dodging them.
You're not letting 'em penetrate you andgetting into you and poisoning your mind.
Right?
Um, you know, I talked about Vecna right?
Like if you're a stranger Things fan, um,I think it's episode three on the podcast
I talk about, , the character from thefourth season of Stranger Things, how
that Vecna voice in our mind that thatpoison, right, that negative self-talk.
(18:08):
Like if you let those comments orthings like pop in and penetrate
that part of your head, likeit'll totally, it can bring you
down and you don't wanna do that.
You don't wanna be down.
No, there's no place for that.
We wanna be up, you know, car, Cardi..
B?
Up, up, up.
Yeah.
That Cardi B.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
. You know what I mean?
Sayin we wanna be up, so you know,if you get knocked down, if things
(18:34):
don't go your way, you know, brush itoff, brush your shoulders, thinking,
all kinds of music references.
Brush your shoulders off and standback up, get back up on the horse.
Pivot, figure it out, get your shit done.
You'll feel so good.
And the thing is, is once youget into the habit of picking
yourself up, it gets easier.
And not only that, you start buildingyour confidence because you're like,
(18:56):
well, shit, I am a badass bitch.
Because look, I was about to like give up.
, this happened and look, I gotback up and I still got it done.
Right?
You start to feel real good aboutyourself when you start doing that.
And, um, so.
So that's, that's kind of the, theend of it that I got for you today.
I just want you to getback up on that horse.
Keep going, keep riding.
I know we're like in that mid month,so it's okay if, if you're hitting
(19:20):
a slump, you know, keep going.
You got this.
I promise you, you got this.
And again, remember, if youbit off more than you can chew.
, like, check in with yourself if you'retrying to change too much too soon,
all at once, let's take a step backand reflect and try to make little.
Little shifts, right?
(19:41):
Little shifts.
You don't need to change it all at once.
Like it's gotta be progressivelylittle shifts and then something
that you can stick with that'ssustainable, that you can do over time.
And, you know, it's so important toreflect, like, I just had a meeting today
where I took a step back and redid myschedule to make sure like I, you know,
I'm holding myself accountable, butI'm doing it in alignment with what
(20:02):
I wanna do and what's important to me.
Right?
So I have blocked off like every,every little point in my day.
But there's flexibility theretoo because again, life happens.
So there's sometimes things are gonnahave to get rearranged, but I have my
key things in there, you know, plugged inthat I can do regardless, and how I can
shift things like I'm, I'm gonna be ableto, to flow and shift and at least I have
it planned out, mapped out so I know whatmy task is and what I need to be doing.
(20:27):
So if I have to rearrange somethingbecause a kid gets sick, I have to go
pick somebody up early or, you know,something gets canceled, whatever,
I have something to fill it in.
Um, so yeah, so that's, that'smy biggest thing for you guys
is keep going, keep moving.
you know?
All right, so get back up.
Shield yourself.
Tap into that badass bitch within you.
(20:49):
Protect yourself from anyof those negative comments.
Rise up.
Keep going.
You got this.
I will see you guys next week.
Please find me on social media, onFacebook or Instagram @chelsea.vanbuskirk
let me know how you doing,how you doing with January?
Um, send me a DM and let me know,like if, if you're still going strong,
(21:09):
if you've hit a slump but you pickedyourself back up, like, I wanna know,
are you struggling with anything?
Let me know and see how I can help you.
Um, you can also find me at mywebsite at chelseavanbuskirk.com
and I will see you guys next week.
Peace.
Hey everyone, what's up?
It's Chelsea VanBuskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well today.
I wanted to follow upfrom last week's episode.
You know, I talked about being moreyou instead of being a new you, right?
Like instead of trying to morphourselves and trying to be something
that we're not like, let's try to bemore of who we really are and really,
(00:28):
um, showing up as our authentic selvesand, getting away from trying to,
um, constantly achieve things in orderto feel worthy or to prove ourselves.
And, um, I wanted to elaborateand follow up with that, with,
um, you know, this hustle culturethat we're immersed in, right?
Like everybody's just sharing like,all these things they're doing right.
(00:49):
Like, and it's like we're alwayslike showing off, so to speak,
we're applauding people forrunning themselves into the ground
and it's, it's not right, right?
I mean, that's reallynot how life should be.
Like, yes, we should be, you know,growing and expanding, you know,
in our lives and creating abundancein our lives and you know bringing
(01:10):
ourselves joy and things like that.
But we're not meant to be runningourselves, ragged, running ourselves
into the ground and not spendingany time with our families or not
taking time off to really enjoy,um, moments and being present.
Right?
Like a hustle culture, I feellike to me is like, you're always
focused on like, what's next?
(01:30):
What's more, what can I add?
Um, you're focused onlike that future, right?
Instead of focusing on the presentand really focusing on, um, enjoying,
what you're actually creating, right?
Like it's like, it'sjust too, it's too much.
It's too, um, fast.
It's too, um, strenuous.
And I think that's where we reallyget burned out, especially, you know,
(01:52):
thinking about the, this time ofresolutions and, and goal setting.
And that's what I was really wanting to,you know, surround the month of January.
Um, for content wise , like, talkingabout this like, you know, we kind
of start the month off where wehave you know, a ton of goals and
resolutions we wanna try to achieve.
But like I spoke of before, likewe try to go about it too fast too
soon, or take on too much, or try tomake too many changes all at once.
(02:16):
Like it never works out, right?
Like, you always end up burningout because it's too much, right?
It's too much.
And the thing is, is we're like applaudingpeople who are doing too much, right?
Like we think that's like the,the cool thing or the "in"
thing to do is to do too much.
But really, The cool thing is to actuallysit back and actually enjoy and to still
(02:38):
have goals and still, you know, work hardand be consistent, but doing it so we're
still staying present and that we're nottaking time away from, ourselves and the
people that we love and doing the thingsthat we love and bringing ourselves joy.
Because you know, if you just work all thetime and you're striving all the time, and
(03:00):
yeah, you might have successes, um, butyou'll probably feel unfulfilled, you're
not gonna have time to actually enjoy whatyou're, you know, creating or receiving.
You know, let's say if you're verysuccessful and, and getting, getting
lots of money, but if you're alwayshaving to work and high stress and not
sleeping and not treating your body right,like you're gonna be feeling like crap.
Like, and that's not a way to live, right?
(03:22):
Like you see so many people.
. Um, I think that was one ofthe things on the, uh, top five
regrets of the dying, right?
There was this nurse who was workingin hospice care and she wrote a book,
um, that's the name of her book.
I can't remember her name.
I'll, I'll link it, um, in thedescription once I look it up.
But she worked as a hospice nurse, soworking with people who were, are dying
(03:42):
and, um, did a lot of conversations withthem and, and compiled this list of.
Um, you know, regretsof those who are dying.
And one of the number one thingswas, you know, that they're always
striving, and trying to be somebodythey're not, or not really enjoying
time with their loved ones, right?
Because that's what really matters ishaving these relationships and human
(04:04):
experiences with other people in our livesand, um, and really getting to enjoy that.
And, and so I think that's a goodthing to just remember is, it's not
always about being the best at the top.
Like, you really have to figureout what is in true alignment
with your whole happiness, right?
Like, what's gonna bring youhappiness in all areas of your life?
There's a lot of, um, you know,workshops and things like this in the
(04:28):
business world and the self-developmentworld where you are taking a look at
all the aspects of your life, right?
Like, yes, your career is one, yourgoals , health though is part of it.
Your spirituality, your relationships.
Your family, right?
If you have a spouse, like a marriage,like those relationships are important
relationships in your life, right?
Like those, those arebig pieces of your life.
(04:49):
And if, if things are out ofalignment, um, I think what's,
it's at some kind of wheel.
I forget what wheel they call it.
And I'll put that inthe description as well.
But there's a wheel that you canactually do that has all these
aspects and you kind of, you know,You know, like zero to 10, like 10
is the very outer part of the circle,and zero would be the inner circle.
And so you can kind of put dots onwhere you're at as far as like your
(05:12):
like, level of, of how well youthink you're doing in each category.
So if the categories are spirituality,relationships, career, like spouse, like,
you know, maybe, uh, finances, andyou start putting these little pins
in, and if you see how imbalanced itis, then you know, if you think of it
like a wheel, like a wheel continuallymotions when it's, when it's round and
(05:32):
when you have all these little pointsthat make it uneven and you have this
rugged, um, it's not a wheel, right?
It's got like little lines andpoints and dips and it's not
gonna be a smooth, balanced life.
And it's a really good way to look kindof at your life and see where you might
be having imbalances in certain areas.
What I'm getting at is the need to, toreally self-reflect and start coming
(05:55):
into, what's really important to youand what, you know, what really brings
you joy and happiness in your life.
And, um, really taking thatinto account when you are,
you know, having these goals.
And that's why I stress so hard islike, you don't wanna make these big
changes, like be you and do things thatare, are things that you like to do,
like think about what brings you joy.
(06:17):
What are things thatyou're good at, right?
Like, you don't wanna workagainst yourself, right?
Like, it's better to be like inflow, with your life and, and
with what you're doing, right?
Um, and thinking of ways to still makeprogress and still get success and
where you wanna go, but, Finding waysthat are in alignment with who you
are, with things that you like to do.
So, , for example, like thehealth and wellness part, right?
(06:40):
Like if you're trying to improve um, yourhealth and, you know, get more fit, maybe,
like I said before, like you gotta thinkof things that you're actually gonna be
able to do and think more sustainability.
Sustainability like finding waysthat you can actually be consistent
with something, because again,it's those consistent movements
over time that yield big results.
Let's say you do havea good kind of vision.
(07:02):
You have these new habits thatare easily integrable with,
um, your current lifestyle.
So you're making these littleshifts, right, that you wanna
get big results with, but you'redoing these little things.
And again, we talked about how thediscipline and having the consistency
is what really is gonna get you to thatsuccess, but, If you're in this routine,
you're in this flow and somethingcomes up unexpected or somebody says
(07:26):
something, there's something thatcomes up that throws you off your
game, it throws you out of flow, right?
I thought I would talk about what happenswhen we might get discouraged or we
get kind of out of our routine or ourflow, um, especially around this time
it could be a comment like somebodymaybe makes a, a discouraging comment
(07:47):
about the way you're doing things causethey don't think you're doing 'em right.
Or, um, you know, there's somethingthat triggers you into feeling that,
like discouragement or that you're doingsomething wrong or it's not working.
um, or you have a slip up, maybe you're,you know, trying to do a dry January and
(08:08):
you had a drink, or maybe you're tryingto, you know, work out three times a week
and this week you only worked out two orsomething like that, where you messed up.
And so a lot of times when we getthese little moments of like, we,
I feel like discouragement is thebig word, but like you're feeling.
Like you lose your confidence,you lose your flow, you lose that
(08:28):
traction, that, that motivation, right?
And so, Almost our first instinctis to just give up because we're
like, oh, we're doing it wrong.
This isn't right.
I gotta start over.
I gotta start over because I did it wrong.
Or uh, I, somebody made a commentand now I'm not so sure I was
going about this the right way.
So then this self-doubt creeps inand you know, we tend to think that
(08:52):
we have to be perfect, or we haveto do things in such a specific way.
And if it doesn't go that way, thenit's wrong and like we can't do it.
Um, one of my, uh, mentors, hername's Keri um, inspired Living
TV, is her handle on Instagram.
Um, but anyway, she talks about how thep and perfection stands for poison,
(09:13):
because if you're striving for perfection,, it's like it's poison, right?
Like you're just gonna stop.
You're never gonna make any progressbecause you can't be perfect.
No one's perfect and you can't beperfect a hundred percent of the time.
That's not life.
That's not realistic.
Right.
Um, for me, I think, you know, perfectionis literally just being whoever
(09:33):
you are, it's imperfectly perfect.
Right?
That to me is what perfection is becauseI think we're all, you know, so unique.
There's beauty in everything.
Like I think about flowers,like no flower is perfect, but
they're all beautiful, right?
Like, you know what I'm saying?
Like, they're perfect to me.
Like doesn't really exist inthe, the sense I feel like
we try to make it sound, but.
So knowing that, like, knowingthat, that it's poison, right?
(09:54):
Like that it will stop you.
Like you don't have to let theselittle hiccups, these little, um,
setbacks make you give up, right?
Like you can't, you don't have to quitjust because something didn't go the
way you thought it was supposed togo, or somebody made a discouraging
comment like, the trick here is toget back up and keep going, right?
Like I said, it's that consistency piece.
(10:14):
That's the real discipline you needto have is the consistency that's
a discipline you need to have.
To get back up, to keep going, right?
And if you have a setback,if you have, you get sick.
And so now you gotta take time offof your routine because now you gotta
like, make sure you're well enoughto be able to, you know, get out
and go to the gym or whatever it is.
(10:35):
Like that doesn't mean you give up,it means you take time off, rest and
then get right back to it, right?
It's all about.
. That moment where you're feelinglike discouragement or you're
feeling like stopping, it's takinga moment and pivoting, right?
You wanna pivot, but still gotowards your trajectory of what
you were aiming to do, right?
It doesn't mean you were doing itwrong, or you have to give up, or you
(10:56):
have to just start all over again.
You don't have to restart.
. All right.
You just gotta keep going.
You don't have to start over.
You don't have to keep changing,you know, your direction.
Like you can still stay doingwhat you're doing and just get
back up on the horse, right?
If you fall, you get back up.
Um, and I know that can be hard,especially if you're an all
or nothing person, like I am.
Like, it can be very discouragingif I'm not doing it X, Y, Z.
(11:19):
Like I think it has to be X,Y, Z, but sometimes it's okay.
It could be X, Y, a, B, C, youknow, like maybe it just, I don't
even know if I said that right.
What the fuck?
Whatever.
I feel like you get whatI'm trying to say, right?
Like, it's not, it doesn't have togo how you think it's supposed to go.
You know, like it's okay to have momentsof pivot and redirection as long as
(11:41):
you're staying in that trajectoryof achieving what you wanna achieve
and getting to where you wanna go.
So, to give you an example, this weekor actually a couple weeks ago, um,
the first podcast I was trying tolaunch for the first week of January.
I filmed it four times before Iactually got it because the first
four recordings of it, I had an erroron the recording and it, the screen
(12:01):
popped up and was like, I'm sorry,there was an error during recording.
You may wanna rerecord and everythingI recorded, 25 minutes, gone.
It happened four times where itwould show that it was recording.
And then when I would hit end.
Disappeared.
It would just be gone.
I was so fucking frustrated like that.
That sucked, right?
Because I put all that time and effort andI thought that was like a great message.
(12:22):
I had it all recorded andthen it just disappeared.
It wasn't in the cloud anywhere.
Couldn't find it.
Um, so I had to pivot, right?
I had to think of another solution.
And, um, so.
. What I actually did in that situationis I figured out what the issue was, why
my program kept, um, defaulting, and Idid a whole bunch of troubleshooting and
finally figured it out and got it to work.
Um, but like another thing thathappened is, um, I, I think I
(12:45):
mentioned I'm, I'm doing a new, um,workout program with a new coach and
so I just had got my new programmingand I went to the, um, rec center.
I've been going to, to work out.
, the, the equipment they have, theydon't really have a lot of equipment.
Okay?
So I go in and there's only one piece ofequipment that I need to use, and it's
like the first three things on my five.
(13:06):
Sets of workouts, right?
And there's somebody on it andI'm waiting for 15 minutes.
I'm like, maybe I'll just warm up onthe treadmill for a little bit while
they're using that equipment that I need.
And they were still usingit after 15 minutes.
And it's like, I'm looking at the timeand it's early morning and I have a set
window where I can get my workout doneif I'm gonna do it early morning so
I can get back home in time to get mykids ready for school and, and all that.
So you know what?
(13:27):
I was like, crap, I'm not gonnabe able to do this workout.
And so, I started thinking about itand I'm like, oh, there's another,
there's this gym that I used to workout at five years ago down the street.
Let me go look at them.
And so I got home and I looked andI just ended up like signing up.
Um, so I'm like, you know what?
I know that they have all the equipmentI need and I can't run into this problem.
They're open 24 hours a day.
(13:48):
Um, it's close by my house.
Like let's just get like a real gymwith the all the equipment I need and
they're gonna have a ton of equipment.
So it doesn't matter what timeI go, if there's a lot of people
I should be able to get in theworkout, I need to get in, right?
So I pivoted, right?
Like, . So instead that day I still,I, I came home signed, got that new
membership, but I had to get my kidsready for school, took 'em for to
school, and then went to the new gymthat I just signed up for, um, went in.
(14:11):
I was a little nervous because Ihadn't been there in over five years.
I know it had changed a lot.
So I'd asked somebody at thefront, I said, Hey, hadn't been
here in five years or more.
Um, I just signed up online.
Can you like show me around the weightroom or whatever because I wanna know
where all the equipment's at, youknow, in case there's been changes.
Because I like to be efficient.
I need to know where to go in andwhere, what section of the floor I
(14:32):
need to be on to get my workout in.
Right.
So really nice young kid waslike, yeah, let me show you.
So that was super helpful.
And then I got in and it got myworkout done and it was great.
So, you know, I started the morning,it did not go how I had planned it.
Right?
Um, but I pivoted, right?
And I feel like, you know, somethingI may, may have done at an earlier
time in my life is I probablywould've been like, ugh, you know,
(14:53):
so upset, so mad and just been like,fuck it, I'll try again tomorrow.
And I would've pushed theworkout day to the next day.
But then it would like, it justwould've been a domino effect of all
these things that would just snowballinto all these things that wouldn't be
working out in my normal, like kind ofschedule of how I wanted things to go.
You know, it's like it, all it takesis one little thing to go wrong and
if you let it, you know, kind oftake you down, it can snowball until
(15:16):
a lot of other things going wrong.
Right.
But I was able to pivot and I knew I hadtime to get it done, you know, later.
So I got it and now Ihave this membership.
Right now I have a solution.
Now I have this other place togo so I can go and do my early
morning workout and, and still.
Get it in cause there's gonna beenough equipment at this other place
to cut in and get things done aroundif there is a crowd of people, and
(15:37):
I think, you know, obviously that'stypical for this time of year at gyms
anyway, is that they are typically morecrowded, um, because everybody's kind
of coming back trying to get back intoa good, um, healthy fitness routine.
So, oh, um, you know, kids beingsick, I talked about us getting sick,
but if you're a parent and your kidgets sick, that ruins everything.
You had a whole plan, now you gotta,you know, take care of your kid.
(15:59):
Or now they're not going to school,so you gotta, you know, figure out.
So you gotta just pivotand rearrange things.
It's about kind of working with whatcomes up, because, you know, life
isn't always predictable, but youhave to again, focus on what you
can control, what's in your control,and then control that and do that.
And again, figuring out what's inalignment with, with your goals and what
you're trying to do and, um, not lettingthese little bumps in the road, like let
(16:24):
you, you know, crash your car or whatever.
I don't, that's not a good analogy.
Like the one they talk about, youknow, like if one of your tires goes
flat, you don't go around and slashall the other three tires, right?
You just fix the one flattire and you keep going.
That's, that's pretty muchwhat we're getting at here.
Simple as that, is youjust keep going, right?
You just keep going.
You pivot, you figure itout, and you keep going.
(16:45):
You don't let it derail you.
Um, and especially if it's negativecomments from other people that
are like, cause that self-doubt.
Mm, no.
You gotta shield yourself, right?
You really have to work hard atshielding yourself from those comments,
especially if you're someone who hasa delicate, you know, self worth or
(17:06):
you're easily doubt yourself, like me.
Like you have to really work hardat kind of staying true to that core
vision you have for yourself or whatyou know to be true to your heart and
really standing in that power you have.
Remember tapping into that,that badass bitch within.
And like using that as like ashield to like shield your energy.
Like we talked about that too.
(17:27):
I have the YouTube video about how to,you know, cleanse or protect your energy.
I'll link that in the description.
But knowing and staying like,confidently, in like that self-worth.
And in that, mantra in your head, youknow, like that you are a badass bitch
and no one can tell you anything, right?
Like it's having that confidenceand shielding yourself.
So when people make those comments,you can kind of let 'em brush off.
(17:48):
You like right?, you're dodging them.
You're not letting 'em penetrate you andgetting into you and poisoning your mind.
Right?
Um, you know, I talked about Vecna right?
Like if you're a stranger Things fan, um,I think it's episode three on the podcast
I talk about, , the character from thefourth season of Stranger Things, how
that Vecna voice in our mind that thatpoison, right, that negative self-talk.
(18:08):
Like if you let those comments orthings like pop in and penetrate
that part of your head, likeit'll totally, it can bring you
down and you don't wanna do that.
You don't wanna be down.
No, there's no place for that.
We wanna be up, you know, car, Cardi..
B?
Up, up, up.
Yeah.
That Cardi B.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
. You know what I mean?
Sayin we wanna be up, so you know,if you get knocked down, if things
(18:34):
don't go your way, you know, brush itoff, brush your shoulders, thinking,
all kinds of music references.
Brush your shoulders off and standback up, get back up on the horse.
Pivot, figure it out, get your shit done.
You'll feel so good.
And the thing is, is once youget into the habit of picking
yourself up, it gets easier.
And not only that, you start buildingyour confidence because you're like,
(18:56):
well, shit, I am a badass bitch.
Because look, I was about to like give up.
, this happened and look, I gotback up and I still got it done.
Right?
You start to feel real good aboutyourself when you start doing that.
And, um, so.
So that's, that's kind of the, theend of it that I got for you today.
I just want you to getback up on that horse.
Keep going, keep riding.
I know we're like in that mid month,so it's okay if, if you're hitting
(19:20):
a slump, you know, keep going.
You got this.
I promise you, you got this.
And again, remember, if youbit off more than you can chew.
, like, check in with yourself if you'retrying to change too much too soon,
all at once, let's take a step backand reflect and try to make little.
Little shifts, right?
(19:41):
Little shifts.
You don't need to change it all at once.
Like it's gotta be progressivelylittle shifts and then something
that you can stick with that'ssustainable, that you can do over time.
And, you know, it's so important toreflect, like, I just had a meeting today
where I took a step back and redid myschedule to make sure like I, you know,
I'm holding myself accountable, butI'm doing it in alignment with what
(20:02):
I wanna do and what's important to me.
Right?
So I have blocked off like every,every little point in my day.
But there's flexibility theretoo because again, life happens.
So there's sometimes things are gonnahave to get rearranged, but I have my
key things in there, you know, plugged inthat I can do regardless, and how I can
shift things like I'm, I'm gonna be ableto, to flow and shift and at least I have
it planned out, mapped out so I know whatmy task is and what I need to be doing.
(20:27):
So if I have to rearrange somethingbecause a kid gets sick, I have to go
pick somebody up early or, you know,something gets canceled, whatever,
I have something to fill it in.
Um, so yeah, so that's, that'smy biggest thing for you guys
is keep going, keep moving.
you know?
All right, so get back up.
Shield yourself.
Tap into that badass bitch within you.
(20:49):
Protect yourself from anyof those negative comments.
Rise up.
Keep going.
You got this.
I will see you guys next week.
Please find me on social media, onFacebook or Instagram @chelsea.vanbuskirk
let me know how you doing,how you doing with January?
Um, send me a DM and let me know,like if, if you're still going strong,
(21:09):
if you've hit a slump but you pickedyourself back up, like, I wanna know,
are you struggling with anything?
Let me know and see how I can help you.
Um, you can also find me at mywebsite at chelseavanbuskirk.com
and I will see you guys next week.
Peace.
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