January 25, 2023 • 21 mins
Heart AF Episode 24!
Have you ever felt stuck or frozen in your progress because of a mistake you made? Got too emotional, didn't follow your plan like you wanted?
Self guilt can be a really nasty block for us. Preventing us from growing and moving forward to reach our goals. It prevents us from being open to manifesting and seeing miracles.
Guilt is a very heavy and low vibrational energy.
You have to pick yourself up and move forward.
And the first step to healing that block is FORGIVENESS.
You have to forgive yourself and MOVE ON!
Quit looking back and keeping yourself stuck in the past.
It's happened, it's done, it's time to bless it, forgive, and move forward towards the future.
To working your way up the vibrational scale to RISE UP and attract better.
No one is perfect. We are all completely LOVED and whole no matter what.
You are NOT alone
Miracles are real.
You've got this. Rise Up. Keep Going.
#beyou #nothingtoprove #recognizeyourbrilliance #miraclesarereal #youvegotthis #keepgoing #forgiveness #forgiveyou #noapologies #knowyourworth #vibehigh #riseabove #raiseyourvibe #selfworth #youarestrong #youaredivine #youareworthy #affirm #rememberwhoyouare #rememberwhothefuckyouare #healingoldwounds #healingjourney #heartaf #theheartafpodcast #podcast #youarenotalone #youareloved #youareworthit #standtall #ownit
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Hey everyone, what's up?
It's Chelsea VanBuskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
So I had a situation that prompted anidea for a podcast episode, so here we go.
Um, I went off on somebody in the heatof the moment while I was angry and
(00:26):
um, I sent an email and I'm notoriousto sending emails because I tend to
get my thoughts out better in writingversus speaking because when I speak in
the moment, it's probably a lot worse.
Um, actually, you know what, honestly,the email that I wrote was speech
to text, so it was speaking, whichis probably why it was so bad.
(00:47):
And the thing of it is I was inthe heat of the moment, right?
Emotions were at that high level youknow, logical reasoning was not a
part of any of what I was saying.
I was fueled by emotionalanger and hit the send button.
Why?
I don't know.
I'm still mad at myself for hittingsend because I shouldn't have, I, it
was, it was not my best moment, right?
(01:09):
But, um, it happens.
I'm human, right?
We all have moments that we do thingsin the heat of the moment, right?
When our emotions are high, wemight make mistakes or we might say
things that we don't really mean.
Um, we might hurt feelings.
Anyway, what I did, Iimmediately regretted it.
Like, and especially asI started cooling down.
(01:30):
That, you know, logical reasoning.
Part of my brain started, youknow, being activated and I'm
like, wow, I really should nothave said all the things I said.
Like I needed to be more logicalabout how I was responding.
Um, instead of respondingstraight in that emotional.
High point where I wasn't reallythinking so clearly, right?
So I went back and read what I wrote andI'm like, oh, is there a way to unsend it?
(01:51):
And there is a way to unsendyour shit, by the way.
Um, but you have to do it very quickly.
Um, you have five seconds on a mobiledevice, and I think you have, um,
up to 30 seconds on your computer.
So, uh, just a little tidbit with Gmail.
There is, um, a settings feature inyour Gmail or your Google settings
where you can delay that, um, togive yourself a little bit more time.
(02:11):
I think, I think that, I can't remember,but definitely on your cell phone you
only have five seconds, so you betterlike know what you're gonna say and
then make sure you really wanna send itwhen you hit send on your mobile device.
But on the computeryou have a little time.
You know, most of the time if you douse Gmail, it'll pop up and say, You
know, message to, and there's like alittle button where you can hit undo.
(02:31):
So I guess the time frame you can, um,set that to be a little bit longer.
I don't know what the maximum amountof time, it's not a lot, but you
can maximize it in your settings.
So new, new information in case youdidn't know that fact might wanna give
yourself as much time as possible justin case you run into a situation like me.
But for me, I didn't really getto the logical part of, maybe I
(02:53):
shouldn't have sent that till itwas at least 15 minutes past and
then there was nothing I could do.
It was out there, it was sent.
It had been done, the deed hadbeen done, it had been carried out.
So after I realized I couldn'treally undo it, I was like, shoot.
So actually I didn't say Shoot.
I don't say shoot.
I say shit.
So I said, shit, well, what am I gonna do?
So I apologized.
(03:14):
I reached out to the person, I sentthe email and I said, look, I wrote
that email in the heat of the moment.
I really shouldn't have sent it.
It was something that I was justgetting everything out that I
was a feeling in that momentand I should not have sent that.
That was not, um, you know,professional or respectful, whatever.
I don't remember what Isaid, but I apologized.
I owned up to it.
Said sorry.
Shouldn't have handled things that way.
(03:35):
Um, and here's the thing.
We're all human.
We all make mistakes.
It's part of life.
But we can sometimes get sohard on ourselves and be really
angry at ourselves, and let thatbring us down and start dragging
(03:56):
us into this downward spiral.
Spiral of, you know, Self-pity.
Uh, I'm a failure.
Why do I do things this way?
I'm always messing up.
I never get it right.
Like, you know, I'm, I'malways such an angry person.
I'm never gonna change.
Like, we can get in this like, mindfuck of just really berating ourselves.
We really are our ownworst critics, right?
(04:18):
Like, our self-talk is our worst.
, we are our own worst enemy, right?
It's those thoughts in our head andwhat we tell ourselves and, and so,
it's a slippery slope where we justkind of lay into ourselves, right?
The hardest person toforgive is ourselves.
You know, I did that episode, noapologies, uh, a few weeks back, which
(04:40):
was more about, you know, when somebody'swrong to you and you don't get the
apology, apology you deserve, right?
Um, and how you can kind of getclosure and move on from that.
You gotta do the same thing with yourself,but you gotta forgive yourself, right?
Like you, you do have thepower to forgive yourself.
So that's what this episode is about.
It's about learning to forgive yourself.
(05:03):
So if you mess up, if you causesomebody pain, you're in the wrong,
you act, you know irrationallyin the heat of the moment, right?
It's okay.
You're human.
It's normal.
Everybody does it.
Nobody's perfect, right?
We all have our flaws.
We all make mistakes.
Apologize if you need to apologize.
(05:24):
. Own up.
Own it.
Own what you did, and know that doesn'tmake you a horrible person just because
you make a mistake or you did one thing.
Maybe you did multiplethings where you messed up.
It doesn't mean you'rea horrible person, okay?
You own up to it and you move on, right?
That's the trick is moving on, letting go.
Don't let whatever you do or did drag youdown or keep you stuck and immobilized
(05:48):
and just suck you into that downwardspiral where you're you know, falling
into that negative self-talk and fallinginto those l lower vibrational feelings.
And when you're in that lowervibrational state, guess what?
You're attracting lower vibrationalopportunities to come towards you.
Right?
Like it's, it's just,it's a suction, right?
Like it's a, it's energyattraction, right?
(06:09):
Like when you get sucked into that lowvibrational state, like that's what you're
gonna be attracting back into your life.
You need to stop it right thereand start circling back up.
Right?
I have this really great image.
I'm gonna, I'll share it with you guys.
I, I made it for my book.
Essentially, you have this, the,the highest rungs, these, these
wide highest rungs right here.
The higher vibrational thoughts andfeelings and experiences, right?
(06:31):
And at that high vibe level,that's what you're gonna attract.
But you start going down these lowerrungs and you start having, Lower
vibrational feelings and thoughts, andthen you kind of get it, get spirals
down into this middle, and then it startsgetting bigger and bigger to where you're
having like anger, jealousy, right?
Like low self-worth.
That's all here, but, but you can't seevibrating at these lower energies down
(06:51):
here and you wanna keep rising back up.
You wanna keep, rise yourself backup and go up that, that spiral to
where you can start vibrating up here.
. Um, and so it really, it reallybecomes where you have to, you have
to forgive yourself and move on.
You cannot be stuck.
You cannot stay stuck.
Um, and the thing is, is likeyou don't grow without mistakes.
(07:14):
You can't reach success.
You can't get any better than where you'reat right now unless you make mistakes.
Sometimes we're so afraid of failurethat we just stop and we stop trying.
We, we just stay stuck in whereverwe're at and we don't grow and thrive
and experience success in the thingswe wanna do because we keep ourselves
(07:34):
stuck and, and sometimes I really have,I think it has to do with like guilt
or not feeling like we're good enoughbecause we've made mistakes or whatever.
And it's bull shit.
It's bullshit.
Everybody makes mistakes.
No one's perfect.
It's about learning where youmade that mistake and how you can
improve and how you can do better.
And you're not gonna know how todo better until you mess up, right?
(07:56):
Like every experience we go through is anopportunity to learn and grow from, right.
Each time that we fail,we learn something.
We either learn what not to do, right,or we learn how to try something
different , we learn how maybethat's not the person we wanna be.
Right?
Each day is a new opportunity.
(08:17):
You don't need to wait for a new Monday,you don't need to wait for a new year.
You don't need to wait for a new month.
Right?
I've, I've, I've talked aboutthat in a recent post too.
Alls you need is a one new moment.
One new moment to change yourmind, like you can change your mind
and change your thought patternsin any instant, you choose.
You get to decide when it's likeenough is enough and you're ready
to grow and ready to move on.
Because once you start learning,and once you, when you know better,
(08:40):
you get to do better, right?
So like, honestly, like whether it's youknow, business, whether it's your health,
whether it's just your self-development,your self-growth, like it's okay to fail.
It's okay to mess up becausethat's how you learn.
And, and like I talked about lastweek, you only fail when you give up.
(09:00):
Right?
When you stop altogether, whenyou keep yourself stuck, when you
decide to give up, like keep going.
Own it.
Own it and let it go.
Right?
Apologize.
Do whatever you need todo, like own the situation.
Don't, don't try to run away fromthe mistakes you've made, right?
Like, it's okay.
It's okay.
(09:21):
, own up to what you did.
Own up to whatever it is, andthen move on from it, right?
It's in the past.
You don't have to look in the, don't lookin the rear of your mirror, like, right?
You don't need to keeplooking towards your past.
You need to look forward.
If you're, if you're focused on thepast, you're never gonna move forward.
It's gonna keep you back, right?
It's gonna keep you stuck in thesemoments, like always worried about
what happened, what I could havedone, what I should have done.
(09:42):
All right?
And you really have to work hardto to, to get your mind focused
on what's coming forward, right?
What's in the present moment?
What can I do now?
You can't change the past.
It's happened.
It's done.
Move on.
You can change the future, right?
You can change the future by whatyou decide to do in this moment.
And so I really, I'm askingyou guys to forgive yourself.
(10:05):
Allow yourself grace, allow yourselfthe opportunity to grow and
learn from each new experience.
Like go for it.
Okay?
Like it's scary to, to change andto go after your dreams, right?
And we can be so afraid of failingor feeling like we don't deserve
success or feeling like whatever.
(10:26):
But like I've said before, any desireyou have in your heart was placed
in your heart for a reason, right?
Like the desires, the dreamsyou have, that's not a mistake.
It's meant for you.
It's already here.
And you really have to believethat, and you have to keep that
forward focus and know it's okaythat if you fall down, right, but
you get back up and you keep going.
(10:46):
We just celebrated MartinLuther King Day recently.
One of his, uh, famous quotes is, um,you know, and I'm gonna paraphrase
it, but you know, if you, if you can'trun walk, and if you can't walk,
crawl right, but you just keep moving.
Right?
And I don't care if you're barelyscooting along, like you don't
have the energy because you'vebeen knocked down so many times.
(11:06):
I don't care if you're army crawlingand barely slithering on the ground.
Like, keep moving.
You don't stop.
Right?
And you just do just enough.
Like just until you can keep going,until you get stronger and get better.
Pick yourself up to start crawling,and then you're crawling, and then
you know you're gonna get stronger.
And then finally be able tofeel like you're good enough
to stand up and start walking.
And then you're slowlywalking until soon enough
(11:28):
you'll be running.
Right?
Like it takes time.
We gotta have patience.
That's the other thingis we're always, so.
Wanting things right now, and Ican give you a great example of my
health and fitness journey, right?
I've been sharing thatwith you guys, right?
Um, that's something I'mvery vulnerable about, is this
weight loss I'm going on, right?
Like, I have 20 poundsI'm trying to lose, right?
(11:49):
Like, that number soundsreally big and scary to me.
Now, that might not sound big and scaryto some people, but for me it is okay.
It's challenging because I wanna seethat scale move and it's not moving very.
You know, and that's frustrating.
And, um, you know, I'm doing my bestto stay within like, my goals of,
(12:09):
you know, what I'm trying to aim fornutritionally, like, um, staying within
the nutritional parameters I have formyself that I'm working on with my coach.
Like, you know, I'm not eliminatinganything in my diet, but I'm
shooting to reach, you know, certain,um, grams of protein each day.
Um, and that's kind of my mainfocus right now is just staying
in kind of a calorie range andhitting those protein goals, right?
Because I'm trying to buildback up my lean muscle mass.
(12:32):
And, um, and it's hard, right?
I gotta, I gotta show up everyday to myself and it's hard.
And, um, there was a day, maybe twowhere I went over, like my weakness
is I have a sweet tooth and I mighthave eaten a half a pan of brownies.
I did.
I mean, I just, I had a weak moment and Icouldn't stop and I just, , I overate and,
(12:57):
and I felt like shit afterwards, right?
Like my stomach hurt afterwards.
I was like, why did I do that?
But they tasted so goodand like, blah, blah, blah.
But then of course, you know,then the guilt sets in, right?
Because, oh, I just messed up.
I went over, uh, I was overmy calorie goal for that day
because of the brownie incident.
, but I knew logically, like it didn'tmatter in the scheme of things
as long as I kept going, right?
(13:18):
I show up the next day and I keep,you know, doing as best I can to stay
within , my allotted, um, you know,bank of, uh, calories for the day
and still working at trying to getthe nutrients my body needs, right?
To fuel my body correctly so thatI can lift the weights I wanna lift
and make sure I'm like growing themuscle that I wanna grow, right?
To get my body shape to change and.
(13:41):
. I didn't give up, but it wasstill frustrating, right?
I still was mad at myself.
I still curse myself.
And, you know, um, part of the programI'm on is I am weighing myself every
day, but there's intention with that.
It's not to, to be obsessed withthe scale, it's just data tracking.
Right?
And the thing is, it's desensitizingme to the scale because it changes
and it's gonna go up and down.
(14:01):
Um, and every good, um, youknow, nutrition or fitness
coach should tell you this, thatweight loss is not linear, right?
It's not a straight line thatjust shows you going down.
It goes like this.
It looks like a heart ratemonitor, it's gonna spike up and
it's gonna wiggle up and down.
But the thing is, you'll start to see agradual trend downward if your body's
responding, you'll see a gradual.
(14:21):
Um, slope, you know, downwardsof, um, you know, weight loss
if that's the goal, right?
Um, but it's not gonna be linear, right?
Like, you're not gonna havepoints that make a perfect line.
It's gonna be like this.
And so my weight is like that.
And you know what, it is kind ofdisheartening a little bit when you,
I've been on track a hundred percentand I get up and the scale goes up.
That sucks, right?
(14:42):
Like that's a mind fuck.
And you're like, well,shit, it's not working.
But I'm like working so hard,like why isn't it not showing?
But I know, and you know, that's thepurpose of having that coach to kind
of be that motivator and help youstay accountable and letting you know
to keep going and trust the process.
Right?
Because it is gonna fluctuate andit is gonna, you know, it will be
disheartening to see the scale goup, but I have that faith with my
(15:04):
coach and with myself just with theexperience cuz I know it, it is logical.
Like I know what to do, right?
Like I've done body building, I've wonfirst place in body building shows.
I know what to do to change myphysique, but it's just doing it in a
sustainable way, one which is different.
Um, and also just having thataccountability and encouragement to keep
going and to like keep me, accountable andin line with what is really important to
(15:26):
me, which is, you know, to feel good inmy clothes and to be fueling my body with
nutrients that it can use and like helpit, you know, grow in the ways it needs
to grow, you know, and just being healthy.
Um, anyway, so it's, it's reallyhelpful to have that coach.
But yeah, it's dishearteningwhen you see the scale go up.
But again, it's.
. Just staying the course, right?
(15:47):
And just staying day after day,showing up, staying consistent.
every day is not gonna bea hundred percent perfect.
It's not, I just told you I ate likehalf a pan of brownies, right?
Like that's not staying ahundred percent on track, right?
But it's mostly on track, right?
And it's staying consistent.
And it's when I have the bad dayswith the, where I ate that, that I got
back up the next day and still keptgoing and working towards my goals.
(16:09):
I didn't give up, I didn't go andslash all three of my tires, right?
Because the one was got the flat, like,like that analogy I used before, right?
Like.
You get a flat tire, you don't gopuncture holes and get flat tires in
all three of your other tires, right?
You just fix the oneflat and you keep going.
So it's the same thing.
You just, you keep going,you pick yourself back up.
I owned it.
I, I owned it.
(16:29):
I ate a bunch of brownies, right?
I own that and now I'm gonna move on.
So it's the same concept, you know,whether, again, it's like in in
the business world or your goalsthat way, like, you know, like if
you miss, something, okay, great.
You missed it.
You said something messed up.
Right?
Okay.
I'm sorry.
I said that out of, youknow, I was too emotional.
I shouldn't have said that that was wrong.
(16:50):
I'm sorry.
And you move on, right?
You know, in your relationships, right?
Conflict happens all thetime in relationships.
Do you, do people, I mean, maybesome people, as I'll say, do people
just get divorced over one fight?
I mean, maybe some people do,but, but no, theoretically, no.
That doesn't usually happen.
, like they're little conflictsthat might happen over time that
(17:11):
kill the relationship, right?
But it's, you keep trying, right?
You don't let one little thing messup something really great, right?
You find a way to own up to whatever youdid to communicate and move on, right?
So that's what I really wanted toget at, was giving yourself grace,
making sure you apologize, andthen forgive yourself, right?
(17:35):
It's forgiveness, right?
Forgiveness is really hard, whetheryou're forgiving somebody that
wronged you who didn't even give youan apology, but I think it's even
harder sometimes to forgive ourselves.
So I really am asking you if there'sanything that you're holding onto
about yourself, that you're beatingyourself up about something that maybe
happened in your past, or it happenedlast week, or it happened this morning.
(17:58):
Move on.
Forgive.
And move on.
How can you move forward from this?
Right?
That's what it's all about.
It's about learning what you needto learn and moving on and growing.
And once you grow, once youlearn better, you do better.
And it's a way for you to pickyourself back up and keep climbing
those rungs of energy, right?
(18:18):
Like to just vibe high and attract highervibrational opportunities back to you.
Right?
You don't need to sulk and you don'tneed to go to that downward spiral.
That helps no one.
Okay.
another thing I guess I reallywanna say is that you know,
you guys are never alone.
Okay?
You're never alone.
You're not, like there is a wholeother plane of existence of people
(18:42):
waiting for you to call on them.
You've got angels andguides like they're there.
You just have to ask.
You just have to ask for that help.
Um, and they're waiting.
They're there for you to help guideyou and help you feel supported,
like in your moments of weakness.
If you're feeling weak and you needsome, like, just help, like ask
for it and then don't be surprisedwhen a miracle shows up for you.
(19:03):
Um, actually on that point, Iactually do have a little miracle
story that I can share with you.
um, before I went to bed, uh,one of the nights earlier this
week, I asked my dad to visit me.
And I went to bed and.
, you know, it was one of the dreamsright before I woke up and he was there.
He was there and he was walking andhe danced and, um, he was wearing his,
(19:26):
uh, Letterman jacket, which is whathe actually asked to be buried in.
So, um, it was wonderful andit was just so amazing to see
him show up for me like that.
And, um, it was one of those thingswhere I think he knew that I was
ready and okay to have him show up.
and visit me in that context.
Right.
And it just, it was really magicaland it was really good to see him.
(19:46):
And I think it was also awesome thathe showed me himself walking, right?
Like he was walking and he was dancing,and, um, so that was really cool.
That was really amazing to see.
So, um, I mean, I share thatbecause that was, and to me it was.
Somewhat of a miracle, right?
And, and it just goes to show you,like, you just have to ask and
then be open to receiving and justdon't be surprised when stuff shows
up like that for you, you know?
(20:08):
Um, in whatever context itis, you know, it happens.
I mean, it would happen inmy real estate career too.
Like, you know, I would, I mean,things happen, miracles happen, and
you just really again, have to askfor it, and be open to receiving it.
I mean, same thing like manifesting allthat stuff that I've talked about before.
Like it's real, it's here.
You just have to believe it.
(20:29):
When you believe it, you'll see itand you know, when you welcome it,
it'll, it'll come to you, it'll arrive.
So, um, so yeah.
So that's a lot.
I feel like I'm gonna, I'll keep going,so I should probably just wrap it up.
Um, but I hope you guysare doing well, right?
Um, You know, life is hard, right?
And, um, it's all about just movingforward and what you can do, what you can
(20:52):
learn, and what you can, um, grow fromeach experience that you have, you know?
So, please let me know.
I would love to hear from you.
I love so much when I get,messages back from people
who've listened to the podcast.
It means the world to me, soplease never hesitate, send me
a DM on Facebook or Instagram.
My handle is @chelsea.vanbuskirk letme know if there's something that you
(21:15):
needed to let go or forgive yourself for.
Right.
Let me know.
You don't have to tell me what it is ifyou don't want to, but just I wanna know
if that was something that was helpfulfor you to know, to realize that you
needed to let go and forgive yourself orsomething so that you can move on and move
forward and start raising yourself back up
right.
Right?
You don't have to run, just crawl for now.
It's fine.
Just keep moving forward,learn something, right, grow.
(21:37):
It's okay.
So let me know.
I hope all is well.
You can find me on the website,chelseavanbuskirk.com and yeah,
I'll see you guys next week.
Peace.
Hey everyone, what's up?
It's Chelsea VanBuskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
So I had a situation that prompted anidea for a podcast episode, so here we go.
Um, I went off on somebody in the heatof the moment while I was angry and
(00:26):
um, I sent an email and I'm notoriousto sending emails because I tend to
get my thoughts out better in writingversus speaking because when I speak in
the moment, it's probably a lot worse.
Um, actually, you know what, honestly,the email that I wrote was speech
to text, so it was speaking, whichis probably why it was so bad.
(00:47):
And the thing of it is I was inthe heat of the moment, right?
Emotions were at that high level youknow, logical reasoning was not a
part of any of what I was saying.
I was fueled by emotionalanger and hit the send button.
Why?
I don't know.
I'm still mad at myself for hittingsend because I shouldn't have, I, it
was, it was not my best moment, right?
(01:09):
But, um, it happens.
I'm human, right?
We all have moments that we do thingsin the heat of the moment, right?
When our emotions are high, wemight make mistakes or we might say
things that we don't really mean.
Um, we might hurt feelings.
Anyway, what I did, Iimmediately regretted it.
Like, and especially asI started cooling down.
(01:30):
That, you know, logical reasoning.
Part of my brain started, youknow, being activated and I'm
like, wow, I really should nothave said all the things I said.
Like I needed to be more logicalabout how I was responding.
Um, instead of respondingstraight in that emotional.
High point where I wasn't reallythinking so clearly, right?
So I went back and read what I wrote andI'm like, oh, is there a way to unsend it?
(01:51):
And there is a way to unsendyour shit, by the way.
Um, but you have to do it very quickly.
Um, you have five seconds on a mobiledevice, and I think you have, um,
up to 30 seconds on your computer.
So, uh, just a little tidbit with Gmail.
There is, um, a settings feature inyour Gmail or your Google settings
where you can delay that, um, togive yourself a little bit more time.
(02:11):
I think, I think that, I can't remember,but definitely on your cell phone you
only have five seconds, so you betterlike know what you're gonna say and
then make sure you really wanna send itwhen you hit send on your mobile device.
But on the computeryou have a little time.
You know, most of the time if you douse Gmail, it'll pop up and say, You
know, message to, and there's like alittle button where you can hit undo.
(02:31):
So I guess the time frame you can, um,set that to be a little bit longer.
I don't know what the maximum amountof time, it's not a lot, but you
can maximize it in your settings.
So new, new information in case youdidn't know that fact might wanna give
yourself as much time as possible justin case you run into a situation like me.
But for me, I didn't really getto the logical part of, maybe I
(02:53):
shouldn't have sent that till itwas at least 15 minutes past and
then there was nothing I could do.
It was out there, it was sent.
It had been done, the deed hadbeen done, it had been carried out.
So after I realized I couldn'treally undo it, I was like, shoot.
So actually I didn't say Shoot.
I don't say shoot.
I say shit.
So I said, shit, well, what am I gonna do?
So I apologized.
(03:14):
I reached out to the person, I sentthe email and I said, look, I wrote
that email in the heat of the moment.
I really shouldn't have sent it.
It was something that I was justgetting everything out that I
was a feeling in that momentand I should not have sent that.
That was not, um, you know,professional or respectful, whatever.
I don't remember what Isaid, but I apologized.
I owned up to it.
Said sorry.
Shouldn't have handled things that way.
(03:35):
Um, and here's the thing.
We're all human.
We all make mistakes.
It's part of life.
But we can sometimes get sohard on ourselves and be really
angry at ourselves, and let thatbring us down and start dragging
(03:56):
us into this downward spiral.
Spiral of, you know, Self-pity.
Uh, I'm a failure.
Why do I do things this way?
I'm always messing up.
I never get it right.
Like, you know, I'm, I'malways such an angry person.
I'm never gonna change.
Like, we can get in this like, mindfuck of just really berating ourselves.
We really are our ownworst critics, right?
(04:18):
Like, our self-talk is our worst.
, we are our own worst enemy, right?
It's those thoughts in our head andwhat we tell ourselves and, and so,
it's a slippery slope where we justkind of lay into ourselves, right?
The hardest person toforgive is ourselves.
You know, I did that episode, noapologies, uh, a few weeks back, which
(04:40):
was more about, you know, when somebody'swrong to you and you don't get the
apology, apology you deserve, right?
Um, and how you can kind of getclosure and move on from that.
You gotta do the same thing with yourself,but you gotta forgive yourself, right?
Like you, you do have thepower to forgive yourself.
So that's what this episode is about.
It's about learning to forgive yourself.
(05:03):
So if you mess up, if you causesomebody pain, you're in the wrong,
you act, you know irrationallyin the heat of the moment, right?
It's okay.
You're human.
It's normal.
Everybody does it.
Nobody's perfect, right?
We all have our flaws.
We all make mistakes.
Apologize if you need to apologize.
(05:24):
. Own up.
Own it.
Own what you did, and know that doesn'tmake you a horrible person just because
you make a mistake or you did one thing.
Maybe you did multiplethings where you messed up.
It doesn't mean you'rea horrible person, okay?
You own up to it and you move on, right?
That's the trick is moving on, letting go.
Don't let whatever you do or did drag youdown or keep you stuck and immobilized
(05:48):
and just suck you into that downwardspiral where you're you know, falling
into that negative self-talk and fallinginto those l lower vibrational feelings.
And when you're in that lowervibrational state, guess what?
You're attracting lower vibrationalopportunities to come towards you.
Right?
Like it's, it's just,it's a suction, right?
Like it's a, it's energyattraction, right?
(06:09):
Like when you get sucked into that lowvibrational state, like that's what you're
gonna be attracting back into your life.
You need to stop it right thereand start circling back up.
Right?
I have this really great image.
I'm gonna, I'll share it with you guys.
I, I made it for my book.
Essentially, you have this, the,the highest rungs, these, these
wide highest rungs right here.
The higher vibrational thoughts andfeelings and experiences, right?
(06:31):
And at that high vibe level,that's what you're gonna attract.
But you start going down these lowerrungs and you start having, Lower
vibrational feelings and thoughts, andthen you kind of get it, get spirals
down into this middle, and then it startsgetting bigger and bigger to where you're
having like anger, jealousy, right?
Like low self-worth.
That's all here, but, but you can't seevibrating at these lower energies down
(06:51):
here and you wanna keep rising back up.
You wanna keep, rise yourself backup and go up that, that spiral to
where you can start vibrating up here.
. Um, and so it really, it reallybecomes where you have to, you have
to forgive yourself and move on.
You cannot be stuck.
You cannot stay stuck.
Um, and the thing is, is likeyou don't grow without mistakes.
(07:14):
You can't reach success.
You can't get any better than where you'reat right now unless you make mistakes.
Sometimes we're so afraid of failurethat we just stop and we stop trying.
We, we just stay stuck in whereverwe're at and we don't grow and thrive
and experience success in the thingswe wanna do because we keep ourselves
(07:34):
stuck and, and sometimes I really have,I think it has to do with like guilt
or not feeling like we're good enoughbecause we've made mistakes or whatever.
And it's bull shit.
It's bullshit.
Everybody makes mistakes.
No one's perfect.
It's about learning where youmade that mistake and how you can
improve and how you can do better.
And you're not gonna know how todo better until you mess up, right?
(07:56):
Like every experience we go through is anopportunity to learn and grow from, right.
Each time that we fail,we learn something.
We either learn what not to do, right,or we learn how to try something
different , we learn how maybethat's not the person we wanna be.
Right?
Each day is a new opportunity.
(08:17):
You don't need to wait for a new Monday,you don't need to wait for a new year.
You don't need to wait for a new month.
Right?
I've, I've, I've talked aboutthat in a recent post too.
Alls you need is a one new moment.
One new moment to change yourmind, like you can change your mind
and change your thought patternsin any instant, you choose.
You get to decide when it's likeenough is enough and you're ready
to grow and ready to move on.
Because once you start learning,and once you, when you know better,
(08:40):
you get to do better, right?
So like, honestly, like whether it's youknow, business, whether it's your health,
whether it's just your self-development,your self-growth, like it's okay to fail.
It's okay to mess up becausethat's how you learn.
And, and like I talked about lastweek, you only fail when you give up.
(09:00):
Right?
When you stop altogether, whenyou keep yourself stuck, when you
decide to give up, like keep going.
Own it.
Own it and let it go.
Right?
Apologize.
Do whatever you need todo, like own the situation.
Don't, don't try to run away fromthe mistakes you've made, right?
Like, it's okay.
It's okay.
(09:21):
, own up to what you did.
Own up to whatever it is, andthen move on from it, right?
It's in the past.
You don't have to look in the, don't lookin the rear of your mirror, like, right?
You don't need to keeplooking towards your past.
You need to look forward.
If you're, if you're focused on thepast, you're never gonna move forward.
It's gonna keep you back, right?
It's gonna keep you stuck in thesemoments, like always worried about
what happened, what I could havedone, what I should have done.
(09:42):
All right?
And you really have to work hardto to, to get your mind focused
on what's coming forward, right?
What's in the present moment?
What can I do now?
You can't change the past.
It's happened.
It's done.
Move on.
You can change the future, right?
You can change the future by whatyou decide to do in this moment.
And so I really, I'm askingyou guys to forgive yourself.
(10:05):
Allow yourself grace, allow yourselfthe opportunity to grow and
learn from each new experience.
Like go for it.
Okay?
Like it's scary to, to change andto go after your dreams, right?
And we can be so afraid of failingor feeling like we don't deserve
success or feeling like whatever.
(10:26):
But like I've said before, any desireyou have in your heart was placed
in your heart for a reason, right?
Like the desires, the dreamsyou have, that's not a mistake.
It's meant for you.
It's already here.
And you really have to believethat, and you have to keep that
forward focus and know it's okaythat if you fall down, right, but
you get back up and you keep going.
(10:46):
We just celebrated MartinLuther King Day recently.
One of his, uh, famous quotes is, um,you know, and I'm gonna paraphrase
it, but you know, if you, if you can'trun walk, and if you can't walk,
crawl right, but you just keep moving.
Right?
And I don't care if you're barelyscooting along, like you don't
have the energy because you'vebeen knocked down so many times.
(11:06):
I don't care if you're army crawlingand barely slithering on the ground.
Like, keep moving.
You don't stop.
Right?
And you just do just enough.
Like just until you can keep going,until you get stronger and get better.
Pick yourself up to start crawling,and then you're crawling, and then
you know you're gonna get stronger.
And then finally be able tofeel like you're good enough
to stand up and start walking.
And then you're slowlywalking until soon enough
(11:28):
you'll be running.
Right?
Like it takes time.
We gotta have patience.
That's the other thingis we're always, so.
Wanting things right now, and Ican give you a great example of my
health and fitness journey, right?
I've been sharing thatwith you guys, right?
Um, that's something I'mvery vulnerable about, is this
weight loss I'm going on, right?
Like, I have 20 poundsI'm trying to lose, right?
(11:49):
Like, that number soundsreally big and scary to me.
Now, that might not sound big and scaryto some people, but for me it is okay.
It's challenging because I wanna seethat scale move and it's not moving very.
You know, and that's frustrating.
And, um, you know, I'm doing my bestto stay within like, my goals of,
(12:09):
you know, what I'm trying to aim fornutritionally, like, um, staying within
the nutritional parameters I have formyself that I'm working on with my coach.
Like, you know, I'm not eliminatinganything in my diet, but I'm
shooting to reach, you know, certain,um, grams of protein each day.
Um, and that's kind of my mainfocus right now is just staying
in kind of a calorie range andhitting those protein goals, right?
Because I'm trying to buildback up my lean muscle mass.
(12:32):
And, um, and it's hard, right?
I gotta, I gotta show up everyday to myself and it's hard.
And, um, there was a day, maybe twowhere I went over, like my weakness
is I have a sweet tooth and I mighthave eaten a half a pan of brownies.
I did.
I mean, I just, I had a weak moment and Icouldn't stop and I just, , I overate and,
(12:57):
and I felt like shit afterwards, right?
Like my stomach hurt afterwards.
I was like, why did I do that?
But they tasted so goodand like, blah, blah, blah.
But then of course, you know,then the guilt sets in, right?
Because, oh, I just messed up.
I went over, uh, I was overmy calorie goal for that day
because of the brownie incident.
, but I knew logically, like it didn'tmatter in the scheme of things
as long as I kept going, right?
(13:18):
I show up the next day and I keep,you know, doing as best I can to stay
within , my allotted, um, you know,bank of, uh, calories for the day
and still working at trying to getthe nutrients my body needs, right?
To fuel my body correctly so thatI can lift the weights I wanna lift
and make sure I'm like growing themuscle that I wanna grow, right?
To get my body shape to change and.
(13:41):
. I didn't give up, but it wasstill frustrating, right?
I still was mad at myself.
I still curse myself.
And, you know, um, part of the programI'm on is I am weighing myself every
day, but there's intention with that.
It's not to, to be obsessed withthe scale, it's just data tracking.
Right?
And the thing is, it's desensitizingme to the scale because it changes
and it's gonna go up and down.
(14:01):
Um, and every good, um, youknow, nutrition or fitness
coach should tell you this, thatweight loss is not linear, right?
It's not a straight line thatjust shows you going down.
It goes like this.
It looks like a heart ratemonitor, it's gonna spike up and
it's gonna wiggle up and down.
But the thing is, you'll start to see agradual trend downward if your body's
responding, you'll see a gradual.
(14:21):
Um, slope, you know, downwardsof, um, you know, weight loss
if that's the goal, right?
Um, but it's not gonna be linear, right?
Like, you're not gonna havepoints that make a perfect line.
It's gonna be like this.
And so my weight is like that.
And you know what, it is kind ofdisheartening a little bit when you,
I've been on track a hundred percentand I get up and the scale goes up.
That sucks, right?
(14:42):
Like that's a mind fuck.
And you're like, well,shit, it's not working.
But I'm like working so hard,like why isn't it not showing?
But I know, and you know, that's thepurpose of having that coach to kind
of be that motivator and help youstay accountable and letting you know
to keep going and trust the process.
Right?
Because it is gonna fluctuate andit is gonna, you know, it will be
disheartening to see the scale goup, but I have that faith with my
(15:04):
coach and with myself just with theexperience cuz I know it, it is logical.
Like I know what to do, right?
Like I've done body building, I've wonfirst place in body building shows.
I know what to do to change myphysique, but it's just doing it in a
sustainable way, one which is different.
Um, and also just having thataccountability and encouragement to keep
going and to like keep me, accountable andin line with what is really important to
(15:26):
me, which is, you know, to feel good inmy clothes and to be fueling my body with
nutrients that it can use and like helpit, you know, grow in the ways it needs
to grow, you know, and just being healthy.
Um, anyway, so it's, it's reallyhelpful to have that coach.
But yeah, it's dishearteningwhen you see the scale go up.
But again, it's.
. Just staying the course, right?
(15:47):
And just staying day after day,showing up, staying consistent.
every day is not gonna bea hundred percent perfect.
It's not, I just told you I ate likehalf a pan of brownies, right?
Like that's not staying ahundred percent on track, right?
But it's mostly on track, right?
And it's staying consistent.
And it's when I have the bad dayswith the, where I ate that, that I got
back up the next day and still keptgoing and working towards my goals.
(16:09):
I didn't give up, I didn't go andslash all three of my tires, right?
Because the one was got the flat, like,like that analogy I used before, right?
Like.
You get a flat tire, you don't gopuncture holes and get flat tires in
all three of your other tires, right?
You just fix the oneflat and you keep going.
So it's the same thing.
You just, you keep going,you pick yourself back up.
I owned it.
I, I owned it.
(16:29):
I ate a bunch of brownies, right?
I own that and now I'm gonna move on.
So it's the same concept, you know,whether, again, it's like in in
the business world or your goalsthat way, like, you know, like if
you miss, something, okay, great.
You missed it.
You said something messed up.
Right?
Okay.
I'm sorry.
I said that out of, youknow, I was too emotional.
I shouldn't have said that that was wrong.
(16:50):
I'm sorry.
And you move on, right?
You know, in your relationships, right?
Conflict happens all thetime in relationships.
Do you, do people, I mean, maybesome people, as I'll say, do people
just get divorced over one fight?
I mean, maybe some people do,but, but no, theoretically, no.
That doesn't usually happen.
, like they're little conflictsthat might happen over time that
(17:11):
kill the relationship, right?
But it's, you keep trying, right?
You don't let one little thing messup something really great, right?
You find a way to own up to whatever youdid to communicate and move on, right?
So that's what I really wanted toget at, was giving yourself grace,
making sure you apologize, andthen forgive yourself, right?
(17:35):
It's forgiveness, right?
Forgiveness is really hard, whetheryou're forgiving somebody that
wronged you who didn't even give youan apology, but I think it's even
harder sometimes to forgive ourselves.
So I really am asking you if there'sanything that you're holding onto
about yourself, that you're beatingyourself up about something that maybe
happened in your past, or it happenedlast week, or it happened this morning.
(17:58):
Move on.
Forgive.
And move on.
How can you move forward from this?
Right?
That's what it's all about.
It's about learning what you needto learn and moving on and growing.
And once you grow, once youlearn better, you do better.
And it's a way for you to pickyourself back up and keep climbing
those rungs of energy, right?
(18:18):
Like to just vibe high and attract highervibrational opportunities back to you.
Right?
You don't need to sulk and you don'tneed to go to that downward spiral.
That helps no one.
Okay.
another thing I guess I reallywanna say is that you know,
you guys are never alone.
Okay?
You're never alone.
You're not, like there is a wholeother plane of existence of people
(18:42):
waiting for you to call on them.
You've got angels andguides like they're there.
You just have to ask.
You just have to ask for that help.
Um, and they're waiting.
They're there for you to help guideyou and help you feel supported,
like in your moments of weakness.
If you're feeling weak and you needsome, like, just help, like ask
for it and then don't be surprisedwhen a miracle shows up for you.
(19:03):
Um, actually on that point, Iactually do have a little miracle
story that I can share with you.
um, before I went to bed, uh,one of the nights earlier this
week, I asked my dad to visit me.
And I went to bed and.
, you know, it was one of the dreamsright before I woke up and he was there.
He was there and he was walking andhe danced and, um, he was wearing his,
(19:26):
uh, Letterman jacket, which is whathe actually asked to be buried in.
So, um, it was wonderful andit was just so amazing to see
him show up for me like that.
And, um, it was one of those thingswhere I think he knew that I was
ready and okay to have him show up.
and visit me in that context.
Right.
And it just, it was really magicaland it was really good to see him.
(19:46):
And I think it was also awesome thathe showed me himself walking, right?
Like he was walking and he was dancing,and, um, so that was really cool.
That was really amazing to see.
So, um, I mean, I share thatbecause that was, and to me it was.
Somewhat of a miracle, right?
And, and it just goes to show you,like, you just have to ask and
then be open to receiving and justdon't be surprised when stuff shows
up like that for you, you know?
(20:08):
Um, in whatever context itis, you know, it happens.
I mean, it would happen inmy real estate career too.
Like, you know, I would, I mean,things happen, miracles happen, and
you just really again, have to askfor it, and be open to receiving it.
I mean, same thing like manifesting allthat stuff that I've talked about before.
Like it's real, it's here.
You just have to believe it.
(20:29):
When you believe it, you'll see itand you know, when you welcome it,
it'll, it'll come to you, it'll arrive.
So, um, so yeah.
So that's a lot.
I feel like I'm gonna, I'll keep going,so I should probably just wrap it up.
Um, but I hope you guysare doing well, right?
Um, You know, life is hard, right?
And, um, it's all about just movingforward and what you can do, what you can
(20:52):
learn, and what you can, um, grow fromeach experience that you have, you know?
So, please let me know.
I would love to hear from you.
I love so much when I get,messages back from people
who've listened to the podcast.
It means the world to me, soplease never hesitate, send me
a DM on Facebook or Instagram.
My handle is @chelsea.vanbuskirk letme know if there's something that you
(21:15):
needed to let go or forgive yourself for.
Right.
Let me know.
You don't have to tell me what it is ifyou don't want to, but just I wanna know
if that was something that was helpfulfor you to know, to realize that you
needed to let go and forgive yourself orsomething so that you can move on and move
forward and start raising yourself back up
right.
Right?
You don't have to run, just crawl for now.
It's fine.
Just keep moving forward,learn something, right, grow.
(21:37):
It's okay.
So let me know.
I hope all is well.
You can find me on the website,chelseavanbuskirk.com and yeah,
I'll see you guys next week.
Peace.
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