June 15, 2023 • 17 mins
It happens to all of us, times in our life when a fierce storm comes out of nowhere and knocks us off our feet.
We can get swept away, struggling to keep our head above water to breathe.
It happened to me recently. And it was ROUGH. For awhile.
These storms, as painful as they can be, do serve a purpose though.
Let's talk about it in this comeback episode on the Heart AF Podcast.
I give you some brief insights and ah-ha's from my recent traumatic storm. And I plan to keep sharing as I navigate all of the rebuilding I am doing from the damage and destruction the storm left in its wake.
I provide some awesome questions to ask yourself for your own self reflection taken from a fabulous career coach who spoke at a retreat I went to a few weeks back. You can find her here: Career Benders
Come say Hi to me on Facebook or Instagram
Sending you all Love! ❤️
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Hey everyone.
What's up?
It's Chelsea Van Buskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
I'm so happy to be back.
It's been a while.
I've been a little MIA taking a breakfrom getting some new episodes out.
There's been a lot going on andit's time to break the silence.
I've been going through quitea bit in my personal life.
Um, so much so that it was reallyhard for me to feel like I was, good
(00:30):
enough to come back on here, or, um,feeling like I was put together enough
to be able to get an episode out.
Um, just because everythingwas still going on.
I was processing, things were stillvery raw, and it was very hard for
me to wanna show up in that space.
Right?
Um, I needed a lot of time to sit backand reflect and process all the things
(00:55):
that had just happened and thingsthat I was going through in my life.
I was hit with one of these, you know,I really, I like the idea of relating.
My experience to a storm, because alsorecently here where I live in Colorado,
we got hit with a severe, thunderstorm,
and, um, our house in particular got hitwith golf, ball size, hail, so we got
(01:17):
quite a bit of damage with that storm.
And I feel like the experience I had,right at the beginning of April was
similar to this severe storm and.
The thing with storms like that issometimes they feel like they can come
outta nowhere, and if a foundation isn'tstrong, right, or maybe you know, you're,
(01:38):
you haven't really quite taken care ofyour home as well as you should have, or
maybe you are taking care of your home,but just wear and tear over the years.
You know, things start to breakdown and, they're just more easily
damaged by a severe storm like that.
So I think that is very relatableas far as, you know, ourselves, our
lives, um, certain relationshipsmaybe we have, or just different
facets of our lives if we don't havea strong foundation or if there's
(02:03):
cracks that maybe we're not aware of.
Um, just over time wear andtear on certain aspects in our
life that maybe we're not payingclose enough attention to, or.
That, um, we may be neglecting thingsthat we didn't realize we were neglecting.
And then that storm comes throughand it can destroy things, right?
It can rip things up.
It can, it can break things down, and letthem be in need of replacement or repair.
(02:27):
So I was having one of thesemoments where I was literally
knocked down to my knees, right?
Um, I felt like the floorbeneath me had just been.
Yanked out from under me and I just fell.
I fell flat on my face.
I did not see it coming.
I just, it was an earthshattering moment for me.
But the thing is, when we havethese moments in our life,
(02:50):
there's a reason for it, right?
And anytime you have a situation likethis where you're fully broken down
on your knees, One, I feel like it, itopens the door for you to reestablish
your faith, maybe your spirituality andwhere you're leaning on a higher power.
Two, it helps you see thingsmaybe that you didn't see before.
(03:10):
It can bring you clarity.
It can give you an opportunity tothen take a step back and reflect
and see where maybe these cracks werethat you didn't see., I mean, the
biggest opportunity you're given inthis situation is a chance to rebuild.
Right.
You know, thinking about this stormthat my home just experienced, you know,
(03:30):
we're filing an insurance claim and.
I'm not sure exactly what all will becovered, but it, it might be quite a bit
like we're talking, we've got, you know,broken windows, shattered screens, like
our roof is obviously just demolished.
I've got a ton of things in thebackyard that were just demolished.
Um, you know, patio furniture, allthese things that, you know, will
likely get replaced through ourinsurance claim, which is kind of cool.
(03:52):
We'll get a bunch of new stuff,newer windows that'll probably be
better so it'll help, keep ourhouse more energy efficient as far
as like our cooling and heating goes.
So that's a plus.
We'll get a newer, better roof.
Um, that'll be a betterprotection for our home.
So there's these things that we'll begetting that will improve our home.
Right.
And that's kind of cool.
So thinking of these experiences, whetherit's in an important relationship in
(04:16):
your life or, some big aspect of yourlife where you're kind of taken aback
or starting to realize like where maybethese, these cracks or the foundation.
Wasn't strong like you thought it was,gives you this chance to take a look
and see what can you do to rebuild?
Is it something that you have to, youknow, scrape, move on and start again?
(04:37):
Is it something that's fixable?
Is it something that you canrepair and build stronger?
Um, either way, the realityis the same where you have this
chance to build a brand new.
Foundation that will be strongerand better than ever, and it gives
you that foundation that you canthen build upon to create something.
(04:59):
Even more beautiful thanyou had before, right?
Like, we're gonna get new windowson this house, which will be better
windows than we had before, andnow there'll be better energy
efficient windows, they'll be safer.
Um, you know, there's all these differentqualities and, things that we'll get
from these new, better, improved things.
So it goes the same way asfar as, relationships or our
(05:20):
careers and our goals and reallyfiguring out like, What did we do?
Not necessarily where we went wrong,but seeing where maybe we were a
misalignment with what we truly wanted.
And I think that's the otherbeautiful opportunity we're handed
when we come to these moments, is weget to take a step back to really
reflect on what it is we truly want.
What is it that we truly desire?
(05:41):
What is truly an alignmentthat brings us joy?
Um, I talk about that a lot on previousepisodes about being, you know, In
this space of alignment or being ina space where you're doing something
that does elicit joy within you, andsometimes we can get so caught up in our
ego space that that lower self, right.
(06:01):
I've talked about that too.
Like your ego mind is fully investedin external validations or wanting
to feel successful and wanting toachieve certain things, um, that
maybe we perceive as success.
Like I feel like as a society too, likethere's this pressure on us, right?
Like we're told like thisis what success means.
Success means you have, youknow, home ownership success
(06:25):
means you make a lot of money.
Success means that you have a new car.
Success means that, you know, whatever.
I have designer clothesand a designer bag.
Like we have these ideas of what successis based on what society is telling us.
And I had a chance to go to a,Retreat recently and one of the
speakers there, I will link herinformation in the description of
(06:47):
this podcast cuz she was amazing.
Her company's called Career Bendersand she does focus on, career
coaching, that kind of thing.
But she had a lot of really gold nuggetsin her, speech and what she had to
share . And one of the things sheasked is, how do you define success?
Right?
Like, we have this idea of whatwe think success is, or what
we're told success is, but what
(07:08):
really is a success to you?
Because that's really what matters, right?
Who the fuck cares whateverybody else thinks is success,
but what's success to you?
And that was something that I really hadto come to terms with and, sometimes
when we're hit with these big moments of,heartbreak, pain, we're given this chance
to see where we might have had thingstwisted, where we might have thought we
(07:29):
wanted something because we wanted tofeel this success, but then, Come to find
out, like really what we truly wantedwas something a little bit, deeper.
Maybe we, we cherish more,having meaningful relationships.
Maybe we cherish more our relationshipswith our, our kids, our spouses,
or, finding joy within our, family.
Um, and not so much theexternal stuff, right?
(07:50):
Like it's, one of those thingswhere you see what truly matters.
You know, when tragedy strikes,we usually come together.
We're brought to see what reallymatters in our lives, right?
Like when we are faced with a loss, wetend to then not take for granted the
things maybe we've been taken for granted.
And I think it's so easy.
To just assume people are alwaysgonna be around to just assume
(08:12):
that there's always tomorrow.
Like I can say the things I wannasay the next day, I can, I can say
it next time we get together, butsometimes there's not a next time.
And, you know, dealing withthat can be really hard.
It can be really hard havingthose kinds of regrets.
And, and so when we're facedwith these challenges, when we're
faced with these losses, thesetraumatic storms, right, that come
(08:32):
through our lives, knock us down.
One, it's important to, to get back up.
I wanna say that first and foremost,because I know there was a few
moments when I was going throughthis most recent time where it
was really hard for me to breathe.
Like I just really feltlike I was drowning.
Like the waves were coming andknocking me down and down and I was
having trouble standing back up.
(08:53):
I'm thankful that I have a support system.
I'm thankful that, I didn't stay therelong, um, that I was able to get back up.
Um, and standing up when you'refeeling those mass amounts of
pain is, is very difficult.
And so I just wanna share that withyou because I know that there's so many
people out there who go through theseexperiences and a lot of times you're
(09:15):
going through these painful momentsof feeling like you can't stand up
or you're feeling like you're drowningand you're doing it in silence, right?
Because.
It's a very vulnerable positionto actually speak up and share
when you are in these depths,when you are feeling that low.
You know, it's, it'snot a good place to be.
And, and reaching out and havinga support system , is awesome.
(09:36):
But also you have to let yoursupport system know that you're
struggling and that you need helpAnd, Part of this message is I want
to have that encouragement for you.
If you ever feel like that, like youhave to be at least somewhat proactive
and ask for help and reach out andshare your struggles with somebody,
with somebody that can support you.
That can either just be somebodyto listen, whether it's somebody
(10:00):
through a religious organization.
It could be, um, acounselor or a therapist.
It could be your best friend.
It could be your, yoursibling, , your spouse, somebody.
That you can confide inand share, to just listen.
Because sometimes that's all weneed is just somebody to listen
and to just share space with usand to let us know we're not alone.
(10:20):
Um, and coming back with thisepisode, I've got a lot of things
that I would like to share over theexperience I've had as I've been
navigating through these challengingtimes and trying to reprioritize
and figure out my life and what
is truly in alignment with what Iwant and um, what I define as success.
Right.
so, I really just wanted to share I'mstill here, I'm still around and part
(10:46):
of me feels guilty that I haven'tgotten an episode out, um, earlier.
You But I just really, reallyneeded that time to step back.
And I think that's important to do.
If you find yourself in a situation,like it's okay to take a step back.
Like we all need that sometimes totake a pause and take those moments
to really reel it back and reallytake that time to self-reflect, to, to
(11:06):
heal, to really gain clarity and, andfigure out what it is we really want.
Figure out where the cracks were inwhatever we were doing and figuring out.
How do I wanna move forward from here?
How do I wanna reestablish my foundation?
How do I wanna rebuild?
Right?
Cause we are always given thisopportunity to rebuild, right?
The sun shines every day, likeI've talked about that before.
(11:30):
Even when clouds, when it'sovercast and we can't see the
sun, the sun's still there.
And so that's kind ofwhat I really like to.
Just keep that in the back of my mindthat you know, the sun is still there.
There is still hope, thereis a chance for a new day.
There is a chance to rebuild.
And one of the best things about beingin this position of getting leveled
out, being broken completely down, isyou get to build yourself stronger.
(11:50):
You get to start new, youget to figure things out.
You can decide a wholedifferent way to live, right?
Like you can really change your life.
In the morning, right?
Like the next day you wake up,you can be a completely different
person if you wanna be right.
We get to decide every day how wewanna live our lives and it is these
moments, I feel like these storms we gothrough that give us that opportunity to
(12:10):
step back to reflect, to make a plan,to figure out what it is we really
want, that really brings us joy.
What are the thingsthat I really wanna do?
What are the things that I need todo that I haven't been doing that's
gonna get me where I wanna really go?
Right?
What are the things I've been doing?
That have been wasting time orthat have been putting me down
the path, I really don't wanna go.
Maybe I thought I wanted to go thatdirection and now I'm seeing how much
(12:33):
it's taking away from what I really want.
And so maybe now it's time I switch gears.
It is okay to close doors.
It is okay to say no.
It is okay to learn that maybe what youwere doing maybe isn't a good fit anymore.
It's okay to change your mind.
You get to be the boss of you andmake these choices for yourself.
So if you find yourself in asituation, Where things are not
(12:53):
working out the way you thoughtthey would, you're not feeling it.
Things are going downhill.
It is okay to take a step back and reflectand make a plan to rebuild and start
something new and make a different choice.
Make a new choice.
I wanna leave you guys with thisepisode, to take a step back if you
need to, give yourself permissionto take a pause on things.
(13:15):
Okay, I'm gonna give you the two mostreflective questions I was told at this
retreat from this woman, Angie, thatI'll, I'll link in the description here.
These two questions really helped me out.
And I think it'd help you out too, butask yourself, what is success to you?
What is your definition of success?
Not society's definition of success, notwhat you think success should be, or what
(13:35):
you were told what your parents thinksuccess is, what is success to you, and
really reflect and journal about thatand see if what you're doing is leading
you to having like this successful orfulfilling life, that's bringing you joy.
And then the other big question thatAngie had asked us at this retreat was,
what is one thing that you can stop doing?
(13:57):
That no one would notice.
Like, what are the things that you'rewasting time on that really don't matter,
that you're putting time and effortto, that aren't getting you closer to
where you wanna go, that if you stoppeddoing 'em, the world wouldn't end.
Right?
Like no one would notice.
So think of those things like whatare ways that you can step back
or what are, what are some of thethings that maybe you've been doing?
(14:18):
That you really don'tneed to be doing right.
Relieve some of that from yourself.
I have so much love for everyone thatlistens to this show, and, thank you
so much for being patient as I'vegathered things together my own life,
and taken this pause for myself toreally figure out what's success to me.
Um, another question thatgets asked by every coach out
there is focusing on your why.
(14:40):
Like, why you do what you do, and oneof the things that I keep coming back to
as far as why, why this podcast, why Iwanna speak, , why I wanna get my message
out there, why I wanna write a book.
And really it boils down to beingable to reach, even if it's just one
person, to make them feel not alone.
If I give one person, um, a shift inperspective, that brings them hope.
(15:04):
Those are the things that I'm after whenI get in front of this camera and speak.
Um, for this podcast.
When I create these videos, when Iwrite a post, can I touch someone?
Can I make them feel something?
Can I give them hope and let them knowthat they're not alone, that there's other
(15:25):
people who have experienced things thatthey have that might be having similar
feelings or life experiences and that.
They're okay that there's nothing wrongwith them and that there is a way out.
That there is a tomorrow,that the sun is still there.
Right?
That's the biggest thing thatkeeps me going or that's my why.
and I think the other piece of thatis just when I'm able to be vulnerable
(15:48):
and share things with other people, notonly does that help me in my own healing
journey, but I hope that it sparkssomebody else, to give them permission
to maybe be vulnerable with somebody too.
It doesn't have to be onsuch a public platform, but.
Hopefully that it gives them thatpermission to, Share and, and
start their own healing journey inwhatever that looks like for them.
So, I'm gonna end it there,but I'll see you guys soon.
(16:09):
I've got a lot of stuff toshare with you guys after, these
experiences I've gone through
so I'm excited to get back intoit and to share with you guys how
I've had this really big evolvementand transformation in my life.
How I really.
Had to step back and do this reflection,just like I've talked about here,
and I invite you guys if you're inthat space, or even just to reflect.
(16:31):
I mean, it's always good to checkin with yourself and reflect on your
life and what you're doing and makingsure, is it in alignment with you?
Is it in alignment with whatyou think is successful, right?
Like, ask yourself those questions.
I'll link Angie's information,just if you wanna follow her
cause she's got great information.
She's a great coach and, she'sgot some nuggets of gold, to help
(16:51):
you in your life, , or career.
So I'll link her in thedescription of this show.
I'll see you guys soon.
You can find me at chelseavanbuskirk.comor on facebook or Instagram, my
handle is @chelsea.vanbuskirk
all right, I'll see you guys later.
Peace.
Hey everyone.
What's up?
It's Chelsea Van Buskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
I'm so happy to be back.
It's been a while.
I've been a little MIA taking a breakfrom getting some new episodes out.
There's been a lot going on andit's time to break the silence.
I've been going through quitea bit in my personal life.
Um, so much so that it was reallyhard for me to feel like I was, good
(00:30):
enough to come back on here, or, um,feeling like I was put together enough
to be able to get an episode out.
Um, just because everythingwas still going on.
I was processing, things were stillvery raw, and it was very hard for
me to wanna show up in that space.
Right?
Um, I needed a lot of time to sit backand reflect and process all the things
(00:55):
that had just happened and thingsthat I was going through in my life.
I was hit with one of these, you know,I really, I like the idea of relating.
My experience to a storm, because alsorecently here where I live in Colorado,
we got hit with a severe, thunderstorm,
and, um, our house in particular got hitwith golf, ball size, hail, so we got
(01:17):
quite a bit of damage with that storm.
And I feel like the experience I had,right at the beginning of April was
similar to this severe storm and.
The thing with storms like that issometimes they feel like they can come
outta nowhere, and if a foundation isn'tstrong, right, or maybe you know, you're,
(01:38):
you haven't really quite taken care ofyour home as well as you should have, or
maybe you are taking care of your home,but just wear and tear over the years.
You know, things start to breakdown and, they're just more easily
damaged by a severe storm like that.
So I think that is very relatableas far as, you know, ourselves, our
lives, um, certain relationshipsmaybe we have, or just different
facets of our lives if we don't havea strong foundation or if there's
(02:03):
cracks that maybe we're not aware of.
Um, just over time wear andtear on certain aspects in our
life that maybe we're not payingclose enough attention to, or.
That, um, we may be neglecting thingsthat we didn't realize we were neglecting.
And then that storm comes throughand it can destroy things, right?
It can rip things up.
It can, it can break things down, and letthem be in need of replacement or repair.
(02:27):
So I was having one of thesemoments where I was literally
knocked down to my knees, right?
Um, I felt like the floorbeneath me had just been.
Yanked out from under me and I just fell.
I fell flat on my face.
I did not see it coming.
I just, it was an earthshattering moment for me.
But the thing is, when we havethese moments in our life,
(02:50):
there's a reason for it, right?
And anytime you have a situation likethis where you're fully broken down
on your knees, One, I feel like it, itopens the door for you to reestablish
your faith, maybe your spirituality andwhere you're leaning on a higher power.
Two, it helps you see thingsmaybe that you didn't see before.
(03:10):
It can bring you clarity.
It can give you an opportunity tothen take a step back and reflect
and see where maybe these cracks werethat you didn't see., I mean, the
biggest opportunity you're given inthis situation is a chance to rebuild.
Right.
You know, thinking about this stormthat my home just experienced, you know,
(03:30):
we're filing an insurance claim and.
I'm not sure exactly what all will becovered, but it, it might be quite a bit
like we're talking, we've got, you know,broken windows, shattered screens, like
our roof is obviously just demolished.
I've got a ton of things in thebackyard that were just demolished.
Um, you know, patio furniture, allthese things that, you know, will
likely get replaced through ourinsurance claim, which is kind of cool.
(03:52):
We'll get a bunch of new stuff,newer windows that'll probably be
better so it'll help, keep ourhouse more energy efficient as far
as like our cooling and heating goes.
So that's a plus.
We'll get a newer, better roof.
Um, that'll be a betterprotection for our home.
So there's these things that we'll begetting that will improve our home.
Right.
And that's kind of cool.
So thinking of these experiences, whetherit's in an important relationship in
(04:16):
your life or, some big aspect of yourlife where you're kind of taken aback
or starting to realize like where maybethese, these cracks or the foundation.
Wasn't strong like you thought it was,gives you this chance to take a look
and see what can you do to rebuild?
Is it something that you have to, youknow, scrape, move on and start again?
(04:37):
Is it something that's fixable?
Is it something that you canrepair and build stronger?
Um, either way, the realityis the same where you have this
chance to build a brand new.
Foundation that will be strongerand better than ever, and it gives
you that foundation that you canthen build upon to create something.
(04:59):
Even more beautiful thanyou had before, right?
Like, we're gonna get new windowson this house, which will be better
windows than we had before, andnow there'll be better energy
efficient windows, they'll be safer.
Um, you know, there's all these differentqualities and, things that we'll get
from these new, better, improved things.
So it goes the same way asfar as, relationships or our
(05:20):
careers and our goals and reallyfiguring out like, What did we do?
Not necessarily where we went wrong,but seeing where maybe we were a
misalignment with what we truly wanted.
And I think that's the otherbeautiful opportunity we're handed
when we come to these moments, is weget to take a step back to really
reflect on what it is we truly want.
What is it that we truly desire?
(05:41):
What is truly an alignmentthat brings us joy?
Um, I talk about that a lot on previousepisodes about being, you know, In
this space of alignment or being ina space where you're doing something
that does elicit joy within you, andsometimes we can get so caught up in our
ego space that that lower self, right.
(06:01):
I've talked about that too.
Like your ego mind is fully investedin external validations or wanting
to feel successful and wanting toachieve certain things, um, that
maybe we perceive as success.
Like I feel like as a society too, likethere's this pressure on us, right?
Like we're told like thisis what success means.
Success means you have, youknow, home ownership success
(06:25):
means you make a lot of money.
Success means that you have a new car.
Success means that, you know, whatever.
I have designer clothesand a designer bag.
Like we have these ideas of what successis based on what society is telling us.
And I had a chance to go to a,Retreat recently and one of the
speakers there, I will link herinformation in the description of
(06:47):
this podcast cuz she was amazing.
Her company's called Career Bendersand she does focus on, career
coaching, that kind of thing.
But she had a lot of really gold nuggetsin her, speech and what she had to
share . And one of the things sheasked is, how do you define success?
Right?
Like, we have this idea of whatwe think success is, or what
we're told success is, but what
(07:08):
really is a success to you?
Because that's really what matters, right?
Who the fuck cares whateverybody else thinks is success,
but what's success to you?
And that was something that I really hadto come to terms with and, sometimes
when we're hit with these big moments of,heartbreak, pain, we're given this chance
to see where we might have had thingstwisted, where we might have thought we
(07:29):
wanted something because we wanted tofeel this success, but then, Come to find
out, like really what we truly wantedwas something a little bit, deeper.
Maybe we, we cherish more,having meaningful relationships.
Maybe we cherish more our relationshipswith our, our kids, our spouses,
or, finding joy within our, family.
Um, and not so much theexternal stuff, right?
(07:50):
Like it's, one of those thingswhere you see what truly matters.
You know, when tragedy strikes,we usually come together.
We're brought to see what reallymatters in our lives, right?
Like when we are faced with a loss, wetend to then not take for granted the
things maybe we've been taken for granted.
And I think it's so easy.
To just assume people are alwaysgonna be around to just assume
(08:12):
that there's always tomorrow.
Like I can say the things I wannasay the next day, I can, I can say
it next time we get together, butsometimes there's not a next time.
And, you know, dealing withthat can be really hard.
It can be really hard havingthose kinds of regrets.
And, and so when we're facedwith these challenges, when we're
faced with these losses, thesetraumatic storms, right, that come
(08:32):
through our lives, knock us down.
One, it's important to, to get back up.
I wanna say that first and foremost,because I know there was a few
moments when I was going throughthis most recent time where it
was really hard for me to breathe.
Like I just really feltlike I was drowning.
Like the waves were coming andknocking me down and down and I was
having trouble standing back up.
(08:53):
I'm thankful that I have a support system.
I'm thankful that, I didn't stay therelong, um, that I was able to get back up.
Um, and standing up when you'refeeling those mass amounts of
pain is, is very difficult.
And so I just wanna share that withyou because I know that there's so many
people out there who go through theseexperiences and a lot of times you're
(09:15):
going through these painful momentsof feeling like you can't stand up
or you're feeling like you're drowningand you're doing it in silence, right?
Because.
It's a very vulnerable positionto actually speak up and share
when you are in these depths,when you are feeling that low.
You know, it's, it'snot a good place to be.
And, and reaching out and havinga support system , is awesome.
(09:36):
But also you have to let yoursupport system know that you're
struggling and that you need helpAnd, Part of this message is I want
to have that encouragement for you.
If you ever feel like that, like youhave to be at least somewhat proactive
and ask for help and reach out andshare your struggles with somebody,
with somebody that can support you.
That can either just be somebodyto listen, whether it's somebody
(10:00):
through a religious organization.
It could be, um, acounselor or a therapist.
It could be your best friend.
It could be your, yoursibling, , your spouse, somebody.
That you can confide inand share, to just listen.
Because sometimes that's all weneed is just somebody to listen
and to just share space with usand to let us know we're not alone.
(10:20):
Um, and coming back with thisepisode, I've got a lot of things
that I would like to share over theexperience I've had as I've been
navigating through these challengingtimes and trying to reprioritize
and figure out my life and what
is truly in alignment with what Iwant and um, what I define as success.
Right.
so, I really just wanted to share I'mstill here, I'm still around and part
(10:46):
of me feels guilty that I haven'tgotten an episode out, um, earlier.
You But I just really, reallyneeded that time to step back.
And I think that's important to do.
If you find yourself in a situation,like it's okay to take a step back.
Like we all need that sometimes totake a pause and take those moments
to really reel it back and reallytake that time to self-reflect, to, to
(11:06):
heal, to really gain clarity and, andfigure out what it is we really want.
Figure out where the cracks were inwhatever we were doing and figuring out.
How do I wanna move forward from here?
How do I wanna reestablish my foundation?
How do I wanna rebuild?
Right?
Cause we are always given thisopportunity to rebuild, right?
The sun shines every day, likeI've talked about that before.
(11:30):
Even when clouds, when it'sovercast and we can't see the
sun, the sun's still there.
And so that's kind ofwhat I really like to.
Just keep that in the back of my mindthat you know, the sun is still there.
There is still hope, thereis a chance for a new day.
There is a chance to rebuild.
And one of the best things about beingin this position of getting leveled
out, being broken completely down, isyou get to build yourself stronger.
(11:50):
You get to start new, youget to figure things out.
You can decide a wholedifferent way to live, right?
Like you can really change your life.
In the morning, right?
Like the next day you wake up,you can be a completely different
person if you wanna be right.
We get to decide every day how wewanna live our lives and it is these
moments, I feel like these storms we gothrough that give us that opportunity to
(12:10):
step back to reflect, to make a plan,to figure out what it is we really
want, that really brings us joy.
What are the thingsthat I really wanna do?
What are the things that I need todo that I haven't been doing that's
gonna get me where I wanna really go?
Right?
What are the things I've been doing?
That have been wasting time orthat have been putting me down
the path, I really don't wanna go.
Maybe I thought I wanted to go thatdirection and now I'm seeing how much
(12:33):
it's taking away from what I really want.
And so maybe now it's time I switch gears.
It is okay to close doors.
It is okay to say no.
It is okay to learn that maybe what youwere doing maybe isn't a good fit anymore.
It's okay to change your mind.
You get to be the boss of you andmake these choices for yourself.
So if you find yourself in asituation, Where things are not
(12:53):
working out the way you thoughtthey would, you're not feeling it.
Things are going downhill.
It is okay to take a step back and reflectand make a plan to rebuild and start
something new and make a different choice.
Make a new choice.
I wanna leave you guys with thisepisode, to take a step back if you
need to, give yourself permissionto take a pause on things.
(13:15):
Okay, I'm gonna give you the two mostreflective questions I was told at this
retreat from this woman, Angie, thatI'll, I'll link in the description here.
These two questions really helped me out.
And I think it'd help you out too, butask yourself, what is success to you?
What is your definition of success?
Not society's definition of success, notwhat you think success should be, or what
(13:35):
you were told what your parents thinksuccess is, what is success to you, and
really reflect and journal about thatand see if what you're doing is leading
you to having like this successful orfulfilling life, that's bringing you joy.
And then the other big question thatAngie had asked us at this retreat was,
what is one thing that you can stop doing?
(13:57):
That no one would notice.
Like, what are the things that you'rewasting time on that really don't matter,
that you're putting time and effortto, that aren't getting you closer to
where you wanna go, that if you stoppeddoing 'em, the world wouldn't end.
Right?
Like no one would notice.
So think of those things like whatare ways that you can step back
or what are, what are some of thethings that maybe you've been doing?
(14:18):
That you really don'tneed to be doing right.
Relieve some of that from yourself.
I have so much love for everyone thatlistens to this show, and, thank you
so much for being patient as I'vegathered things together my own life,
and taken this pause for myself toreally figure out what's success to me.
Um, another question thatgets asked by every coach out
there is focusing on your why.
(14:40):
Like, why you do what you do, and oneof the things that I keep coming back to
as far as why, why this podcast, why Iwanna speak, , why I wanna get my message
out there, why I wanna write a book.
And really it boils down to beingable to reach, even if it's just one
person, to make them feel not alone.
If I give one person, um, a shift inperspective, that brings them hope.
(15:04):
Those are the things that I'm after whenI get in front of this camera and speak.
Um, for this podcast.
When I create these videos, when Iwrite a post, can I touch someone?
Can I make them feel something?
Can I give them hope and let them knowthat they're not alone, that there's other
(15:25):
people who have experienced things thatthey have that might be having similar
feelings or life experiences and that.
They're okay that there's nothing wrongwith them and that there is a way out.
That there is a tomorrow,that the sun is still there.
Right?
That's the biggest thing thatkeeps me going or that's my why.
and I think the other piece of thatis just when I'm able to be vulnerable
(15:48):
and share things with other people, notonly does that help me in my own healing
journey, but I hope that it sparkssomebody else, to give them permission
to maybe be vulnerable with somebody too.
It doesn't have to be onsuch a public platform, but.
Hopefully that it gives them thatpermission to, Share and, and
start their own healing journey inwhatever that looks like for them.
So, I'm gonna end it there,but I'll see you guys soon.
(16:09):
I've got a lot of stuff toshare with you guys after, these
experiences I've gone through
so I'm excited to get back intoit and to share with you guys how
I've had this really big evolvementand transformation in my life.
How I really.
Had to step back and do this reflection,just like I've talked about here,
and I invite you guys if you're inthat space, or even just to reflect.
(16:31):
I mean, it's always good to checkin with yourself and reflect on your
life and what you're doing and makingsure, is it in alignment with you?
Is it in alignment with whatyou think is successful, right?
Like, ask yourself those questions.
I'll link Angie's information,just if you wanna follow her
cause she's got great information.
She's a great coach and, she'sgot some nuggets of gold, to help
(16:51):
you in your life, , or career.
So I'll link her in thedescription of this show.
I'll see you guys soon.
You can find me at chelseavanbuskirk.comor on facebook or Instagram, my
handle is @chelsea.vanbuskirk
all right, I'll see you guys later.
Peace.
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