September 13, 2023 • 19 mins
Welcome to another enlightening episode of The Heart AF Podcast Episode 34- Let Them.
In this episode, I discuss the profound practice of letting go of judgment, and instead, choosing to rise above negativity when faced with the words and actions of others. We live in a world filled with diverse perspectives, backgrounds, and experiences, it's all too easy to fall into the trap of judgment.
We often form opinions about others based on their actions, words, or even appearances, which can lead to negativity and a sense of moral superiority.
But what if we took a different path? What if we learned to let go of our judgment and allow others to be themselves, recognizing that their actions and words are often a reflection of their own experiences and struggles? That we can change our perspective and realize, not everything is as it seems.
We may not always have it right.
In this episode, we embark on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth as we explore the powerful concept, "Let Them."
Recognizing the impact of judgment on our mental and emotional well-being. I'll discuss some mindfulness techniques to become aware of judgmental thoughts and how we can reframe negative judgments into opportunities for growth and understanding.
#LetThem #EmpathyMatters #PodcastEpisode #LetGoOfJudgment #EmbraceEmpathy #selfgrowth #heartaf
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Hey everyone, what's up?
It's Chelsea VanBuskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
Um, just coming off of a lovely familyvacation and had lots of good fun and time
off with the family, which is always nice.
Always needed to take thatbreak and time away from our
responsibilities to just really focus.
So I really hope that youguys got to take some time at.
(00:28):
Some point during the summertime toreally be able to focus on family
time or really just taking a break, toreally just enjoy and be present and
make fun memories with your family.
And I know sometimes , we have thesekind of big ideas of what, uh, a
family vacation looks like, or, youknow, we have high expectations.
And the reality of it is,You know, kids are fighting,
there's whining, there's crying.
(00:50):
So even though I had an amazingtime, there was still lots of normal
reality type stuff that happens.
But I think even with all of the stressesand, you know, maybe some crying or
whining that happens over the courseof, family spending 24 7 together,
out of your normal routine that thereare moments that you have fun and laugh
and get to play and, and still have agood time, beyond those, annoyances
(01:14):
that do tend to occur just naturallyas us humans interact with each other,
even if they are our loved ones.
So anyway, I, wanted to get on andtalk about a few things that, I
experienced recently that I thought werereally valuable lessons, and it does
piggyback or echo some of the themesthat I've been recently talking about,
(01:35):
especially with the last episode too.
Things aren't always what they seem.
And really it can be challengingfor us to see things from
different perspectives, right?
I've talked about, seeing things,um, through, that lens of
fear versus the lens of love.
And so this kind of echoes that alittle bit, but with a, , different
side of what that can looklike or what that might mean.
Um, and it's funny because.
(01:57):
My father-in-law has told me this reallyfunny story and I'm gonna share it with
you guys here because, it just shows youhow not everything is what it seems right?
Or things that we may see.
Maybe things that we read or hear may notalways be exactly what they seem right?
And so, My, father-in-law, he hadan uncle who had polio um, which,
(02:20):
led him to be in a wheelchair.
Right.
So, he still had use of his arms, but wasnot able to walk because of his polio.
So he was in a wheelchair and hehad a vehicle that was outfitted
for him to still be able to drive.
I know exactly what my father-in-law wastalking about because I've seen that,
you know, my dad was a quadriplegic, sohe did not really have the capabilities
to be able to drive, but I've seen.
How they can make, like the gas and thebrake be on the steering wheel, right.
(02:44):
So people who still use of their handscan drive a vehicle with using the gas
and brake, um, with their hands, right?
Versus using the pedals with their feet.
So I have seen this in action.
I knew exactly what he was talking about.
So he's telling me how his unclehad, the car where somebody
would help him get in and he wouldbe able to drive with his hands.
But then of course youknow, he can't walk.
Right.
And he was taking a trip.
(03:04):
He had his wife who was pregnant at thetime, and some small children in the car,
and they ended up getting a flat tire.
And so, my father-in-law tells thisstory, how it's, it's Florida, it's
July, it's summertime, it's hot.
And they pull over to the side of the roadand his pregnant wife gets outta the car.
The kids are outta thecar helping the mom.
And then you see, youknow, people driving by.
(03:25):
Seeing this, right?
And what are they seeing?
They're seeing a man sitting in thedriver's seat just kicking back with
the AC on, you know, sipping a coldcoke where while this pregnant lady
and these small kids are out therechanging a tire on the side of the road.
So most people driving by are thinking,you know, what an asshole , you know,
to let this poor pregnant woman andher children change this flat tire
while this young man in the driver'sseat is just sitting there, you
(03:49):
know, enjoying the air conditioning.
And it's one of those thingswhere as a passerby, if we were
to see that, of course we'regonna think like, what the hell?
Why is this guy being lazy?
Why is he sitting in the car lettingyou know these people do this?
And we might get really angry andfeel self-righteous and just, you
know, totally beat this guy down.
But the reality of the situation isthis guy can't change the tire, right?
He is incapable.
He has a disability, he cannot walk.
(04:11):
Right.
But at first glance, that'swhat we're gonna see.
That's what we're gonna infer becausethat's what we see with our eyes.
We don't know the full story.
And so as funny as that story is, it'sthe same thing when we see things
or we put our own spin or our ownperspective on certain situations
where we might twist a story intobeing something it might not really be.
And this actually happenedto me personally recently.
(04:32):
And this has to do with kind ofour mindset and our perspective
and what we're thinking.
Right.
And we want to be like, and I shouldn'tsay want because I know I don't wanna be
a victim, but in my head, my insecurities,the ways that I have unhealed wounds or
pains, I tend to see sometimes with thisperspective of people are abandoning me.
(04:53):
I tend to see things with a negative lens,or I tend to assume the worst, right?
I tend to assume the worst, because of my insecurities.
And so I received an email and, inreading this email, it really upset
me and I kind of went down this rabbithole of these negative feelings.
Like going into this like righteousnessthing like how could they do this?
(05:13):
And something I was listening to recentlywas saying the ego, like that piece of
us can want to be so self-righteous.
Like we get hung up on wanting to beright and making the other person wrong at
pretty much no matter what costs, right?
Like, that pride in us wants tobe right, and we wanna do whatever
we can to prove our rightness.
And to prove that you are wrong.
I am right.
(05:33):
You see that all the time with differentstories, I see it on the Nextdoor app.
If you, if any of you guys have theNextdoor app or even on the email and
you're seeing people just like rantingand raving about all these things that
they're seeing, but a lot of timesthey might not know the full story.
Right.
When they're complainingabout whatever, you know.
Somebody they came up to my door.
Um, what if it was somebody whocame to the wrong house, right?
(05:54):
They were looking for a certain address.
Like, I literally just saw a post theother day where a woman was a potential
buyer, meeting a realtor at a house.
And the realtor said, I'm in the house.
Come in.
And so a lady goes to go in the house and,and then backs out because , that wasn't
her realtor there, and it was like a dog.
And she like hurried up and ran off.
And she felt the need to writethis on next door because,
she went to the wrong house, and so shewanted to make sure if the ring doorbell
(06:16):
caught her, like opening the door and thenshutting it really fast and running away.
She was just terrified and embarrassmentbecause she had gone into the wrong house.
The house was actually two housesdown where she, her realtor was
where she was supposed to meet.
So again, you know, peoplemake stupid mistakes.
Like, you know, there could be peoplelike, oh my gosh, how stupid can you be?
There wasn't a sign there.
I mean, what if it was an unlisted house?
What if it was up for sale by owner?
They didn't have a sign.
You don't know the full story.
(06:37):
So again, When we jump to conclusions,when we jump to, you know, thinking the
worst, um, it's really just creatingmore misery in our lives, right?
Like, I spent days festeringover this letter I received,
I got myself worked up.
I spent days stressing about it,being worried about it, coming up
with all these stories , you know,trying to build up my case about how
right I am and how wronged I was.
(06:58):
Right?
Like a victim.
I am.
That kind of thing.
And it's like, what a waste.
What a waste of time and energythat I spent worrying and
getting upset and angry and
Being in that space becauseof my own need to be, right.
My need to just see things the way Isee them and not see the other side.
Right.
Or to see that there could beanother situation actually happening.
(07:19):
Right.
And I think that's something to bring upis to step back at these times, right?
Like in a situation where wemight see somebody on the side
of the road and wanna judge them.
Like maybe it's time that we stopwasting energy judging other people.
And maybe telling ourselves like, Hey,there could be an explanation that I'm not
aware of that might make this situation
okay.
And the other piece of this is,why the f*ck do I care so much?
(07:42):
Like, why are we spending somuch time and energy caring about
what other people are doing?
Like why do we care so much aboutbeing righteous or being right?
Like why can't I let people just be them?
Another thing that happened on myrecent trip is I was behind this
woman in the TSA line and she hada tattoo on the back of her arm
that said "let them."
And I wrote that down becauseI was like, wow, that small
(08:03):
two word sentence is so huge.
Let them, how simple andimpactful is that statement?
Don't let yourself get worked up.
If somebody has feelings about something,if somebody wants to do something in
a certain way, Let them, why are weletting it get ourselves all upset?
Right?
This kind of brings to mind just rightnow is how upset I get when my kids
(08:27):
put the dishes and the dishwashernot the way that I like them to be.
Right?
Or it could be when my husband'shelping me out with something and he
does it not the way that I would do it.
I immediately wanna be self-righteousand tell him how wrong he is because
he is doing it the wrong way.
In reality, it's like if he's doingthe job, he's trying to help me, or
he's doing the task that I'm asking himto do, if he's actually just doing it
and he's doing it his own way, why thefuck should I care on how he does it?
(08:49):
If he doesn't do it the exact wayI do it, does it really matter?
Does it really?
No, it doesn't.
All it is doing is making me upset.
It's bringing my vibe down, right?
It's getting me all worked up overthings that really don't matter.
and I keep having things pop up,having these experiences and I think
it's to get that message across.
(09:09):
And so I'm like, Hey, I need to get thismessage across on the podcast, right?
Because this is a message that I thinkother people need to become aware of
too, is in what ways are we creatingmore misery for ourselves, more anger
and stress and irritability in our life,just by getting so worked up on things
where we could really just, let them.
Let people do the thingsthat they need to do.
Like not inserting ourselves inplaces that don't need to be inserted.
(09:32):
Right?
Like, if it's not hurting somebodyor , it's not a dangerous thing.
Like we really don'tneed to step in, right?
We don't need a medle, wedon't need to insert ourselves.
We need to be more mindfulof when we're judging, right?
Judging others and how they'redoing things, but also how
we're reading into things thatmight not really be there, right?
So again, if we're assuming the worstin these different situations that may
(09:53):
come up like in a conversation, in a text, something somebody does, like we start
reading into a text message and just,like assuming the worst, like thinking
they're out to get us, all these things.
um, There is a way thatwe can check ourselves.
And, I can't remember exactly whichbooks, I think I've heard it in multiple
different ways from multiple sources.
So I don't know where the originalidea actually came from, but I know
(10:15):
I've heard it from multiple, likeaudio books and different things.
But one way to gauge if you should reallybe getting worked up and upset about
something or if you're assuming somethingthat may not be true, is you have to ask
yourself the question like, do I knowwith a hundred percent certainty that this
story I'm telling myself is a hundredpercent true, without any doubts?
(10:37):
Like a hundred percent, I knowthat what I'm thinking about this
situation, about what I'm reading,do I know for a fact it's a hundred
percent true what I'm telling myself.
I guarantee that most time you'renot gonna be a hundred percent sure.
So the answer would be no, whichmeans you can't just assume.
That this is right.
And I know it's a hard thing to do, right?
Like we can just really go to that spaceso quickly and get ourselves worked up.
(10:59):
But I think the way we combat this iswe become more and more aware, right?
So for me, I wish I could have beena little bit more mindful when I
first read that and, if I couldtake a minute when I started feeling
myself, get upset and say, Huh?
Breathe Chelsea.
Like, let's look at this.
Do I know for a hundred percentcertainty that this is exactly
what they meant by this?
(11:20):
Because if I don't know for ahundred percent certainty, then
I probably should reach back outand ask more questions, right?
We should always ask more questionsto get more information so that we can
get that clarity before we just start.
Jumping to conclusions, jumpingto defensiveness, jumping into
being offended, jumping into beingjudgmental, jumping into being the
victim, and being self-righteous.
(11:41):
And then getting that need tofeel right and prove our rightness.
And to then talk to anybody who willlisten to us about how wronged I was and
how wrong they are and how right I am.
And.
Poor me, right?
Like we start going down thatloop hole because all that is
doing to us is dragging us down.
And I can tell you I definitelyexperienced that, like I was dragging
myself down, which then bled intothe other experiences I was having in
(12:04):
that moment, in that week where I wasso focused on, poor me and why me,
and just, letting that stuff fester.
And again, I always like to use thisvision of almost like a tornado, right?
Like a funnel.
It's a cycle.
It's a circle.
It gets, you get sucked in to thistornado of self-doubt, insecurities
and that negative, vibrationalloop and it keeps you stuck down.
(12:27):
And the only way to start gettingyourselves back up and out and start going
the opposite way of getting into highervibrational, circles up here is to start
letting that stuff go, The way to getoutta that negative loop is you really
have to check yourself and changeyour mindset and start seeing that
there could be some other reasons.
There could be some missinginformation that is keeping me
(12:50):
from seeing things a certain way.
Right?
And it's about finding thoseanswers and finding the information,
actually asking questions and havinggood communication and clarity.
Like maybe if you saw, my Father-in-law'suncle on the side of the road, maybe
somebody could have pulled over andsaid like, Hey, do you need some help?
Like, what's going on here?
Instead of just driving by givingdirty looks like maybe if they stopped
(13:10):
and then they could have helped thewoman and could have understood the
situation a little bit better and sawand understood that, oh, actually this
guy who looks, normal because he's justsitting in a car, but actually he is
paralyzed and cannot move his legs, right?
They might get new informationso then they could maybe help the
situation and help the woman andthe children, you know what I mean?
So there's ways to get more informationand gain clarity and to really see
(13:34):
things from that other possible scenario.
And that brings me to that other side.
If you don't know with a hundredpercent certainty, then there's
another possibility available, right?
There is another answer possible.
So that's the other question youcould ask yourself is after you ask
yourself, do I know for a fact thatthis is a hundred percent the truth?
Or is there a possibility thatthere could be more to this story?
(13:55):
Is there a possibility thatthis could mean something else?
Is there a possibility thatI could be wrong about this?
Because I guarantee that if youcan stop and ask yourself that
question, it's probably gonna be.
Yes, there is another possibilityto this and I might not have
it a hundred percent right?
Because if we can get out of thatmindset of always needing to be
right and always needing to be first,and that whole way we get raised to
(14:18):
live in that ego based mind, right?
The more peaceful we can be, the morejoy we can experience in our life, the
more high vibe we can be by not gettingso worked up and spiraling in those
negative energies, we can then letshit go and start just enjoying life.
Let people be how they're gonna be.
You focus on you.
Focus on enjoying what you enjoyand focus on what brings you joy and
(14:43):
really having a peaceful, happy life.
Being happy, is alldependent on you, right?
Wayne Dyer always used to say, it'snot the way to happiness, right?
Like, happiness is the way.
There is no path to happiness.
There is no x, y, Z to get to happiness.
It's really just starting withyou and knowing like you have
to create your own happiness.
(15:04):
Like your happiness is you,like it's what you're doing.
So if you're not happy withsomething, then you need to
change something in that, right?
Like, how do you have a better attitude?
How do you have a differentperspective on what's going on?
How can you see things differently?
It really starts with just becoming aware.
It starts with reading books andgetting new ideas, listening to podcasts
like this, seeing people's tattooswith awesome messages on 'em that
(15:26):
spark something in your head, right?
Like it's opening up our minds.
It's becoming more aware ofhow we are getting into these
lower vibrational states, right?
Like when we are triggered, when weget angered, when we get irritable,
when we feel all judgmental andwanna like point fingers and
stuff like, what's going on in us?
Why do we care so much?
Like that is something that you shouldbecome aware to start asking yourself
(15:49):
questions and to start getting someclarity so that you can kind of clear
that stuff and learn how to let stuffgo, how to, transition out from these
negative energies and out of thesenegative emotions so that you can
have a more peaceful and joyful life.
Right, because I feel like that's likethe goal for a lot of people, right?
Is to stop living these, youknow, miserable lives or to stop
(16:09):
getting so angry all the time.
I know that was the big thing for meis I found myself so angry all the
time with my kids, with my husband,like always, they're doing it wrong.
Again, these things that are justpopping up for me all the time as like
finally coming to this awareness andrealization of how high strung I am about
things that don't really matter, right?
My, my husband every year gets mymother-in-law, his mom, the don't
(16:32):
sweat the small stuff calendar.
It's a huge message, right?
Because how many of us are sitting therewasting time and energy, sweating small
stuff that really doesn't matter, right?
Like what matters is the love weshare, the love we bring, and the joy
we can show up in life with, right?
Like life's hard, right?
Life is always gonna be hard.
There's always gonna be challenges, andit's how we rise up from those challenges.
(16:54):
It's how we show up and how we can chooselove and how we continue to keep standing
back up when we get knocked down, right?
And it's in those moments when we'restanding back up, when we can laugh again
after, you know, grieving for so long.
It's those little things, those littlemoments of pure joy and pure love.
(17:15):
When you can show up in those momentsand when you can experience those
moments and do so where other peopleare seeing you enjoy those moments,
it's just a way to spread your light.
It's, basically like,lighting a candle, right?
When you experience these moments of loveand joy out in the world and somebody
else sees it, it's like a spark thatthen ignites the next candle, which
then ignites the next candle, right?
(17:35):
In one of Wayne Dyer's lectures hetalks about when anybody does an act
of kindness, that that positive energy,that positive experience, affects the
person who is doing the act of kindness.
It affects the person who is receivingthat act of kindness and anybody who
witnessed that act of kindness, itaffects all three of those people
involved in that act of kindness.
(17:56):
And, and you can see howthat ripples out, right?
That high love vibrationalstate is contagious.
It is what helps elevateeverybody collectively.
And so if we can all learn how to becomemore aware and manage our negative
emotions and become aware of whenwe're in these negative low vibrational
states and know how to correct thator how to overcome those things.
(18:18):
to get back up, to joy and to love.
Right?
That's the goal and that's the beautyof life is really overcoming that
and then being the light for otherpeople to then be able to heal and
also return to love and return to joy.
So I would love to hear any stories,if you have any examples too, of
things that you maybe misunderstood,especially if it's a funny story like
(18:39):
my father-in-law's one, like that onedid make me giggle and when he tells it.
I think he giggles too.
Um, but I hope you guysare all doing well.
I look forward to seeingyou guys more often.
I'm super excited.
This is the one year anniversaryof the Heart AF podcast.
Super exciting news, um, that I'vemade it a year and I can't wait to
keep bringing you guys more inspiringand hopefully helpful content.
(18:59):
You guys can find me on Facebookor Instagram @chelsea.vanbuskirk
I'd love to hear from you guys.
Send me a DM and I'll see you guys soon.
Bye.
Peace.
Hey everyone, what's up?
It's Chelsea VanBuskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
Um, just coming off of a lovely familyvacation and had lots of good fun and time
off with the family, which is always nice.
Always needed to take thatbreak and time away from our
responsibilities to just really focus.
So I really hope that youguys got to take some time at.
(00:28):
Some point during the summertime toreally be able to focus on family
time or really just taking a break, toreally just enjoy and be present and
make fun memories with your family.
And I know sometimes , we have thesekind of big ideas of what, uh, a
family vacation looks like, or, youknow, we have high expectations.
And the reality of it is,You know, kids are fighting,
there's whining, there's crying.
(00:50):
So even though I had an amazingtime, there was still lots of normal
reality type stuff that happens.
But I think even with all of the stressesand, you know, maybe some crying or
whining that happens over the courseof, family spending 24 7 together,
out of your normal routine that thereare moments that you have fun and laugh
and get to play and, and still have agood time, beyond those, annoyances
(01:14):
that do tend to occur just naturallyas us humans interact with each other,
even if they are our loved ones.
So anyway, I, wanted to get on andtalk about a few things that, I
experienced recently that I thought werereally valuable lessons, and it does
piggyback or echo some of the themesthat I've been recently talking about,
(01:35):
especially with the last episode too.
Things aren't always what they seem.
And really it can be challengingfor us to see things from
different perspectives, right?
I've talked about, seeing things,um, through, that lens of
fear versus the lens of love.
And so this kind of echoes that alittle bit, but with a, , different
side of what that can looklike or what that might mean.
Um, and it's funny because.
(01:57):
My father-in-law has told me this reallyfunny story and I'm gonna share it with
you guys here because, it just shows youhow not everything is what it seems right?
Or things that we may see.
Maybe things that we read or hear may notalways be exactly what they seem right?
And so, My, father-in-law, he hadan uncle who had polio um, which,
(02:20):
led him to be in a wheelchair.
Right.
So, he still had use of his arms, but wasnot able to walk because of his polio.
So he was in a wheelchair and hehad a vehicle that was outfitted
for him to still be able to drive.
I know exactly what my father-in-law wastalking about because I've seen that,
you know, my dad was a quadriplegic, sohe did not really have the capabilities
to be able to drive, but I've seen.
How they can make, like the gas and thebrake be on the steering wheel, right.
(02:44):
So people who still use of their handscan drive a vehicle with using the gas
and brake, um, with their hands, right?
Versus using the pedals with their feet.
So I have seen this in action.
I knew exactly what he was talking about.
So he's telling me how his unclehad, the car where somebody
would help him get in and he wouldbe able to drive with his hands.
But then of course youknow, he can't walk.
Right.
And he was taking a trip.
(03:04):
He had his wife who was pregnant at thetime, and some small children in the car,
and they ended up getting a flat tire.
And so, my father-in-law tells thisstory, how it's, it's Florida, it's
July, it's summertime, it's hot.
And they pull over to the side of the roadand his pregnant wife gets outta the car.
The kids are outta thecar helping the mom.
And then you see, youknow, people driving by.
(03:25):
Seeing this, right?
And what are they seeing?
They're seeing a man sitting in thedriver's seat just kicking back with
the AC on, you know, sipping a coldcoke where while this pregnant lady
and these small kids are out therechanging a tire on the side of the road.
So most people driving by are thinking,you know, what an asshole , you know,
to let this poor pregnant woman andher children change this flat tire
while this young man in the driver'sseat is just sitting there, you
(03:49):
know, enjoying the air conditioning.
And it's one of those thingswhere as a passerby, if we were
to see that, of course we'regonna think like, what the hell?
Why is this guy being lazy?
Why is he sitting in the car lettingyou know these people do this?
And we might get really angry andfeel self-righteous and just, you
know, totally beat this guy down.
But the reality of the situation isthis guy can't change the tire, right?
He is incapable.
He has a disability, he cannot walk.
(04:11):
Right.
But at first glance, that'swhat we're gonna see.
That's what we're gonna infer becausethat's what we see with our eyes.
We don't know the full story.
And so as funny as that story is, it'sthe same thing when we see things
or we put our own spin or our ownperspective on certain situations
where we might twist a story intobeing something it might not really be.
And this actually happenedto me personally recently.
(04:32):
And this has to do with kind ofour mindset and our perspective
and what we're thinking.
Right.
And we want to be like, and I shouldn'tsay want because I know I don't wanna be
a victim, but in my head, my insecurities,the ways that I have unhealed wounds or
pains, I tend to see sometimes with thisperspective of people are abandoning me.
(04:53):
I tend to see things with a negative lens,or I tend to assume the worst, right?
I tend to assume the worst, because of my insecurities.
And so I received an email and, inreading this email, it really upset
me and I kind of went down this rabbithole of these negative feelings.
Like going into this like righteousnessthing like how could they do this?
(05:13):
And something I was listening to recentlywas saying the ego, like that piece of
us can want to be so self-righteous.
Like we get hung up on wanting to beright and making the other person wrong at
pretty much no matter what costs, right?
Like, that pride in us wants tobe right, and we wanna do whatever
we can to prove our rightness.
And to prove that you are wrong.
I am right.
(05:33):
You see that all the time with differentstories, I see it on the Nextdoor app.
If you, if any of you guys have theNextdoor app or even on the email and
you're seeing people just like rantingand raving about all these things that
they're seeing, but a lot of timesthey might not know the full story.
Right.
When they're complainingabout whatever, you know.
Somebody they came up to my door.
Um, what if it was somebody whocame to the wrong house, right?
(05:54):
They were looking for a certain address.
Like, I literally just saw a post theother day where a woman was a potential
buyer, meeting a realtor at a house.
And the realtor said, I'm in the house.
Come in.
And so a lady goes to go in the house and,and then backs out because , that wasn't
her realtor there, and it was like a dog.
And she like hurried up and ran off.
And she felt the need to writethis on next door because,
she went to the wrong house, and so shewanted to make sure if the ring doorbell
(06:16):
caught her, like opening the door and thenshutting it really fast and running away.
She was just terrified and embarrassmentbecause she had gone into the wrong house.
The house was actually two housesdown where she, her realtor was
where she was supposed to meet.
So again, you know, peoplemake stupid mistakes.
Like, you know, there could be peoplelike, oh my gosh, how stupid can you be?
There wasn't a sign there.
I mean, what if it was an unlisted house?
What if it was up for sale by owner?
They didn't have a sign.
You don't know the full story.
(06:37):
So again, When we jump to conclusions,when we jump to, you know, thinking the
worst, um, it's really just creatingmore misery in our lives, right?
Like, I spent days festeringover this letter I received,
I got myself worked up.
I spent days stressing about it,being worried about it, coming up
with all these stories , you know,trying to build up my case about how
right I am and how wronged I was.
(06:58):
Right?
Like a victim.
I am.
That kind of thing.
And it's like, what a waste.
What a waste of time and energythat I spent worrying and
getting upset and angry and
Being in that space becauseof my own need to be, right.
My need to just see things the way Isee them and not see the other side.
Right.
Or to see that there could beanother situation actually happening.
(07:19):
Right.
And I think that's something to bring upis to step back at these times, right?
Like in a situation where wemight see somebody on the side
of the road and wanna judge them.
Like maybe it's time that we stopwasting energy judging other people.
And maybe telling ourselves like, Hey,there could be an explanation that I'm not
aware of that might make this situation
okay.
And the other piece of this is,why the f*ck do I care so much?
(07:42):
Like, why are we spending somuch time and energy caring about
what other people are doing?
Like why do we care so much aboutbeing righteous or being right?
Like why can't I let people just be them?
Another thing that happened on myrecent trip is I was behind this
woman in the TSA line and she hada tattoo on the back of her arm
that said "let them."
And I wrote that down becauseI was like, wow, that small
(08:03):
two word sentence is so huge.
Let them, how simple andimpactful is that statement?
Don't let yourself get worked up.
If somebody has feelings about something,if somebody wants to do something in
a certain way, Let them, why are weletting it get ourselves all upset?
Right?
This kind of brings to mind just rightnow is how upset I get when my kids
(08:27):
put the dishes and the dishwashernot the way that I like them to be.
Right?
Or it could be when my husband'shelping me out with something and he
does it not the way that I would do it.
I immediately wanna be self-righteousand tell him how wrong he is because
he is doing it the wrong way.
In reality, it's like if he's doingthe job, he's trying to help me, or
he's doing the task that I'm asking himto do, if he's actually just doing it
and he's doing it his own way, why thefuck should I care on how he does it?
(08:49):
If he doesn't do it the exact wayI do it, does it really matter?
Does it really?
No, it doesn't.
All it is doing is making me upset.
It's bringing my vibe down, right?
It's getting me all worked up overthings that really don't matter.
and I keep having things pop up,having these experiences and I think
it's to get that message across.
(09:09):
And so I'm like, Hey, I need to get thismessage across on the podcast, right?
Because this is a message that I thinkother people need to become aware of
too, is in what ways are we creatingmore misery for ourselves, more anger
and stress and irritability in our life,just by getting so worked up on things
where we could really just, let them.
Let people do the thingsthat they need to do.
Like not inserting ourselves inplaces that don't need to be inserted.
(09:32):
Right?
Like, if it's not hurting somebodyor , it's not a dangerous thing.
Like we really don'tneed to step in, right?
We don't need a medle, wedon't need to insert ourselves.
We need to be more mindfulof when we're judging, right?
Judging others and how they'redoing things, but also how
we're reading into things thatmight not really be there, right?
So again, if we're assuming the worstin these different situations that may
(09:53):
come up like in a conversation, in a text, something somebody does, like we start
reading into a text message and just,like assuming the worst, like thinking
they're out to get us, all these things.
um, There is a way thatwe can check ourselves.
And, I can't remember exactly whichbooks, I think I've heard it in multiple
different ways from multiple sources.
So I don't know where the originalidea actually came from, but I know
(10:15):
I've heard it from multiple, likeaudio books and different things.
But one way to gauge if you should reallybe getting worked up and upset about
something or if you're assuming somethingthat may not be true, is you have to ask
yourself the question like, do I knowwith a hundred percent certainty that this
story I'm telling myself is a hundredpercent true, without any doubts?
(10:37):
Like a hundred percent, I knowthat what I'm thinking about this
situation, about what I'm reading,do I know for a fact it's a hundred
percent true what I'm telling myself.
I guarantee that most time you'renot gonna be a hundred percent sure.
So the answer would be no, whichmeans you can't just assume.
That this is right.
And I know it's a hard thing to do, right?
Like we can just really go to that spaceso quickly and get ourselves worked up.
(10:59):
But I think the way we combat this iswe become more and more aware, right?
So for me, I wish I could have beena little bit more mindful when I
first read that and, if I couldtake a minute when I started feeling
myself, get upset and say, Huh?
Breathe Chelsea.
Like, let's look at this.
Do I know for a hundred percentcertainty that this is exactly
what they meant by this?
(11:20):
Because if I don't know for ahundred percent certainty, then
I probably should reach back outand ask more questions, right?
We should always ask more questionsto get more information so that we can
get that clarity before we just start.
Jumping to conclusions, jumpingto defensiveness, jumping into
being offended, jumping into beingjudgmental, jumping into being the
victim, and being self-righteous.
(11:41):
And then getting that need tofeel right and prove our rightness.
And to then talk to anybody who willlisten to us about how wronged I was and
how wrong they are and how right I am.
And.
Poor me, right?
Like we start going down thatloop hole because all that is
doing to us is dragging us down.
And I can tell you I definitelyexperienced that, like I was dragging
myself down, which then bled intothe other experiences I was having in
(12:04):
that moment, in that week where I wasso focused on, poor me and why me,
and just, letting that stuff fester.
And again, I always like to use thisvision of almost like a tornado, right?
Like a funnel.
It's a cycle.
It's a circle.
It gets, you get sucked in to thistornado of self-doubt, insecurities
and that negative, vibrationalloop and it keeps you stuck down.
(12:27):
And the only way to start gettingyourselves back up and out and start going
the opposite way of getting into highervibrational, circles up here is to start
letting that stuff go, The way to getoutta that negative loop is you really
have to check yourself and changeyour mindset and start seeing that
there could be some other reasons.
There could be some missinginformation that is keeping me
(12:50):
from seeing things a certain way.
Right?
And it's about finding thoseanswers and finding the information,
actually asking questions and havinggood communication and clarity.
Like maybe if you saw, my Father-in-law'suncle on the side of the road, maybe
somebody could have pulled over andsaid like, Hey, do you need some help?
Like, what's going on here?
Instead of just driving by givingdirty looks like maybe if they stopped
(13:10):
and then they could have helped thewoman and could have understood the
situation a little bit better and sawand understood that, oh, actually this
guy who looks, normal because he's justsitting in a car, but actually he is
paralyzed and cannot move his legs, right?
They might get new informationso then they could maybe help the
situation and help the woman andthe children, you know what I mean?
So there's ways to get more informationand gain clarity and to really see
(13:34):
things from that other possible scenario.
And that brings me to that other side.
If you don't know with a hundredpercent certainty, then there's
another possibility available, right?
There is another answer possible.
So that's the other question youcould ask yourself is after you ask
yourself, do I know for a fact thatthis is a hundred percent the truth?
Or is there a possibility thatthere could be more to this story?
(13:55):
Is there a possibility thatthis could mean something else?
Is there a possibility thatI could be wrong about this?
Because I guarantee that if youcan stop and ask yourself that
question, it's probably gonna be.
Yes, there is another possibilityto this and I might not have
it a hundred percent right?
Because if we can get out of thatmindset of always needing to be
right and always needing to be first,and that whole way we get raised to
(14:18):
live in that ego based mind, right?
The more peaceful we can be, the morejoy we can experience in our life, the
more high vibe we can be by not gettingso worked up and spiraling in those
negative energies, we can then letshit go and start just enjoying life.
Let people be how they're gonna be.
You focus on you.
Focus on enjoying what you enjoyand focus on what brings you joy and
(14:43):
really having a peaceful, happy life.
Being happy, is alldependent on you, right?
Wayne Dyer always used to say, it'snot the way to happiness, right?
Like, happiness is the way.
There is no path to happiness.
There is no x, y, Z to get to happiness.
It's really just starting withyou and knowing like you have
to create your own happiness.
(15:04):
Like your happiness is you,like it's what you're doing.
So if you're not happy withsomething, then you need to
change something in that, right?
Like, how do you have a better attitude?
How do you have a differentperspective on what's going on?
How can you see things differently?
It really starts with just becoming aware.
It starts with reading books andgetting new ideas, listening to podcasts
like this, seeing people's tattooswith awesome messages on 'em that
(15:26):
spark something in your head, right?
Like it's opening up our minds.
It's becoming more aware ofhow we are getting into these
lower vibrational states, right?
Like when we are triggered, when weget angered, when we get irritable,
when we feel all judgmental andwanna like point fingers and
stuff like, what's going on in us?
Why do we care so much?
Like that is something that you shouldbecome aware to start asking yourself
(15:49):
questions and to start getting someclarity so that you can kind of clear
that stuff and learn how to let stuffgo, how to, transition out from these
negative energies and out of thesenegative emotions so that you can
have a more peaceful and joyful life.
Right, because I feel like that's likethe goal for a lot of people, right?
Is to stop living these, youknow, miserable lives or to stop
(16:09):
getting so angry all the time.
I know that was the big thing for meis I found myself so angry all the
time with my kids, with my husband,like always, they're doing it wrong.
Again, these things that are justpopping up for me all the time as like
finally coming to this awareness andrealization of how high strung I am about
things that don't really matter, right?
My, my husband every year gets mymother-in-law, his mom, the don't
(16:32):
sweat the small stuff calendar.
It's a huge message, right?
Because how many of us are sitting therewasting time and energy, sweating small
stuff that really doesn't matter, right?
Like what matters is the love weshare, the love we bring, and the joy
we can show up in life with, right?
Like life's hard, right?
Life is always gonna be hard.
There's always gonna be challenges, andit's how we rise up from those challenges.
(16:54):
It's how we show up and how we can chooselove and how we continue to keep standing
back up when we get knocked down, right?
And it's in those moments when we'restanding back up, when we can laugh again
after, you know, grieving for so long.
It's those little things, those littlemoments of pure joy and pure love.
(17:15):
When you can show up in those momentsand when you can experience those
moments and do so where other peopleare seeing you enjoy those moments,
it's just a way to spread your light.
It's, basically like,lighting a candle, right?
When you experience these moments of loveand joy out in the world and somebody
else sees it, it's like a spark thatthen ignites the next candle, which
then ignites the next candle, right?
(17:35):
In one of Wayne Dyer's lectures hetalks about when anybody does an act
of kindness, that that positive energy,that positive experience, affects the
person who is doing the act of kindness.
It affects the person who is receivingthat act of kindness and anybody who
witnessed that act of kindness, itaffects all three of those people
involved in that act of kindness.
(17:56):
And, and you can see howthat ripples out, right?
That high love vibrationalstate is contagious.
It is what helps elevateeverybody collectively.
And so if we can all learn how to becomemore aware and manage our negative
emotions and become aware of whenwe're in these negative low vibrational
states and know how to correct thator how to overcome those things.
(18:18):
to get back up, to joy and to love.
Right?
That's the goal and that's the beautyof life is really overcoming that
and then being the light for otherpeople to then be able to heal and
also return to love and return to joy.
So I would love to hear any stories,if you have any examples too, of
things that you maybe misunderstood,especially if it's a funny story like
(18:39):
my father-in-law's one, like that onedid make me giggle and when he tells it.
I think he giggles too.
Um, but I hope you guysare all doing well.
I look forward to seeingyou guys more often.
I'm super excited.
This is the one year anniversaryof the Heart AF podcast.
Super exciting news, um, that I'vemade it a year and I can't wait to
keep bringing you guys more inspiringand hopefully helpful content.
(18:59):
You guys can find me on Facebookor Instagram @chelsea.vanbuskirk
I'd love to hear from you guys.
Send me a DM and I'll see you guys soon.
Bye.
Peace.
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