October 4, 2023 • 19 mins
In this week's episode, join me as we take a look at Disney Pixar's movie Elemental and uncover one of the profound life lessons it has to offer.
Watching this enchanting animation, I was able unravel the damaging truths about the relentless pursuit of people-pleasing.
I explore how we often poison our own lives by suppressing our dreams and needs in the name of making others happy. It's time to realize that we are perfectly created just the way we are, and conformity is not the path to true happiness.
By sacrificing our authenticity, we inadvertently lower our vibrational frequency, preventing us from reaching our fullest potential. Through this movie and my own growth I challenge the notion that muting ourselves for the benefit of others is a noble endeavor. Instead, I offer encouragement for you to break free from these self-imposed cages and step into the light of your highest possible self.
I don't want to see people-pleasing hold you back any longer. It's time to reclaim your power, embrace your uniqueness, and live life to its fullest. Tune in to this episode and set yourself on a path to unlocking your true potential, and break FREE.
Get back to me with a comment, or DM and let me know if you watch this movie, and if this episode resonated with you in any way. Find me on Instagram or Facebook.
Sending you so much love ❤️
xo,
Chelsea
#Podcast #Authenticity #SelfDiscovery #EmbraceYourPotential #Elemental #UnlockYourPower #PeoplePleasing
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Hey everyone, what's up?
It's Chelsea Van Buskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
I'm settling in to, I feellike a more relaxed season.
Not only in our actual literal seasons,but I just feel like physically for
me things seem to be calming down.
I've spent the last few months of,coming, into this spring and summer season
(00:30):
where things were really heavy for me.
I was doing shadow work,
And when you talk about doing shadowwork, you're talking about dealing
with some of the things that mightbe affecting you in your life, right?
Like for me, just going through somelost relationships I experienced over the
summer our lost properties losing, a partof my identity, my job, and really coming
in to seeing how my life was very outof alignment in a lot of different ways.
(00:52):
And I think it was needed for me tohave these experiences over these last
few months to really bring me back tomy core and bring me back to what my
values are and bring me back to work someof these difficult feelings I've been
having and to get me back to the light.
So it's dealing with some of thosenegative emotions or processing things
that are difficult to heal from orcoming to self realizations of maybe
(01:16):
I've been doing things That have led tosome of these negative experiences and
really doing that kind of self work onself growth and coming out on the other
side and so we're coming into this fallseason, which is my favorite and I just
love the cooler weather and just theexcitement of the changes to come and
the holidays to come and it's just afun time of year and so I'm coming out
(01:38):
of my depressive fog I've been under.
I think I, I mentioned it a little bitin the last episode about how emotional
the beginning of the month was forme with my birthday and just reliving
some of those memories, because anytimeyou experience like a big milestone,
a birthday, anniversary of the deaththings like that, those can draw up
those, grief filled emotions and things.
(01:59):
So coming off of that, I can feelthat change in my energy and some
of that healing that's been doneas I've come back to myself and
coming back to the light, right?
And so anyway, I wanted to checkand see if anybody has seen
the new Pixar movie elemental.
It's not super new, but it is new onDisney plus like streaming for free if you
(02:21):
have the Disney plus app and subscription.
And so I was very excited to watchit and I highly recommend it if you
haven't seen it yet, definitely give ita watch and let me know what you think.
I thought there was quite a fewthings to take from the movie.
Definitely made me cry andI keep wanting to watch it.
I think I've watched it at leastseven times by my own doing.
(02:44):
Usually, when a kid really likes amovie, they want to re watch it again.
That was me.
I was the kid.
I was like, hey, you guyswant to watch that again?
And I was drawn to it becauseone of the themes I felt was
speaking to people pleasers orthe ways that we can please others
at our own expense, right?
Like the ways that we take away fromourselves for the sake of others.
(03:08):
And sometimes we can be well meaningwhen we're trying to do those
things, but at what cost, right?
Like really thinking about what are weinternally costing ourselves when we
keep making these internal sacrificesover and over again just to appease other
people or to do this for someone else.
And this really goes into anyrelationship you have in your life,
whether it's a relationship with yourown parents, whether it's relationship
(03:30):
with your children relationship withyour spouse or partner, and just in
general relationships with friendsother family members and loved ones.
And really coming to that awareness on inwhat ways do we maybe cut ourselves short
or in what ways do we suppress ourselvesor cage ourself or not speak our truth
(03:51):
or, change ourselves in certain ways inorder to please other people or to keep
the peace or to be liked or loved, right?
People who are prone to peoplepleasing tend to have some kind
of background or trauma where theymight be scared or have a fear of
rejection, a fear of abandonment, right?
(04:11):
They experience some kind ofrejection or abandonment in their
childhood that stays with them.
And so to combat that, to preventthat pain, to prevent that
feeling of rejection, to preventpeople from leaving them, right?
They want to do whatever theycan to keep people happy.
And they take on those responsibilitiesthat aren't necessarily theirs, right?
We tend to assume thatresponsibility that it's our job
(04:33):
to make other people happy, right?
And it's not.
And a lot of times parents willguilt trip you in a way, right?
Like I see that a lot in parent andchild relationships where the child
takes on this responsibility, whereit's their job to please the parent.
And that's actually not true.
We are not responsible forother people's feelings.
Other people's feelings are on them.
Like we are responsible for our feelingsand how we respond, and even though we may
(04:56):
not want to upset other people, it's alsonot our responsibility to prevent that.
And diving a little deep into this, themeabout, at what expense we're damaging
our own selves by not speaking our truth.
And, coming back to thismovie, the main character.
Ember, the fire element here in themovie I'm not going to give too much
away, but essentially she is willingto basically forego her dreams because
(05:19):
she wants to please her father, right?
Like she wants to do her father's dream.
And she's so afraid of speakingup for herself or she's not even.
quite aware in the beginning of themovie that she's even suppressing this,
but it's coming out in anger, right?
like you have to think of thenegative ways these things are
coming out in our behaviors andhow that's toxic to ourselves.
And so using this movie as an examplewe have this, you know this budding
(05:42):
young woman, right like this characterwho is suppressing her dreams because
she feels like she has to go a certainpath in her life because that's what
her father wants and because she'ssuppressing this conflict within her
about, that's not what she really wantsto do with her life, but she's doing it
because she feels like an obligation.
She feels like the need to do this becauseof how much she loves her father, how
much she wants to be a good daughter,that it's causing this temper in her, this
(06:06):
buildup of anger that is quick to come outand explode and she's the fire element.
So setting things on fire, itcan cause some damage, right?
Similar things are happeningwithin us when we do this as well.
We do tend to get too afraid ofhurting those we love, right?
And we, we don't want tohurt people with our truth.
And so we have to figure outthese ways to be able to speak our
(06:27):
truth but do it in a loving way.
It's a way of setting boundaries.
It's a way of setting yourself free,honestly, because when you keep things
in, when you let people walk all overyou, when you are doing things you don't
really want to do just because you don'twant to ruffle feathers or just because
you don't want to upset somebody else.
You're literally caging yourself,you're suffocating yourself and you
(06:48):
can only do that for so long, right?
When we are doing these things toourselves, it's a way that we cause
ourselves like actual physical ailments.
It's a way that we can cause ourselvesdisease or the way that we can even
give ourselves cancer and I hate to saythat word but it's true like there's
ways that these negative things canactually affect our body chemistry
and change cells to mutate and causethese diseases and illnesses within us.
(07:11):
So every time that we are denyingourselves caging ourselves,
suppressing this truth within us.
We're intentionally ingestingtoxins into ourselves.
That is literally what it's like.
And I feel like we have to seehow serious this is, right?
This isn't just Oh, it's okay.
Like I'm just sacrificingbecause I love people.
And the thing is yes, you love peopleand you want to do things for people
(07:31):
you love, but you have to stillkeep in mind your own livelihood
like your own soul, so to speak.
You don't wanna explode, you don'twanna live this life at this low level
of what it could have been, right?
I always like to picture our livesas like on this spectrum and I wish
I had a whiteboard that I couldshow you what I'm talking about.
(07:53):
We're gonna get a whiteboard, so stand by.
I like to visualize our livesas this timeline, right?
Like we have a starting pointand an ending point, right?
but we have this.
Higher level, like highest potential wehave for our life right at the top, right?
This high, this is like that high energy,happiness, joy, laughing, ease, right?
(08:16):
And then we have this low, lower energiesof anger, jealousy, envy like the lowest
possible potential for our lives, right?
This is my, where people turn toaddictions, things like that, right?
Like they get stuck in these lowervibrational parts of their life, right?
Like in everybody's lives, wetend to go up and down, right?
And I like to think of itas we get these choices, right?
(08:39):
Or these chances to live our lifeat these higher levels, right?
We want to be up here experiencing thiskind of life and trying to reach and
grow to live up to our highest potential,like our highest possible living is
up here in this area in these highvibrational kind of levels, if you will.
And each time that we are Sacrificingpieces of ourselves muting ourselves,
(09:03):
not speaking our truth livinginauthentically, when we are conforming
against what our soul wants, right?
We're living down here, like we'renot living up to our potential.
We're not experiencing allthat life has to offer for us.
And there's so many people that canliterally go through their lives.
living at this low state whenthey had this high potential here
for them the whole time that theymissed out on in this lifetime.
(09:26):
And, this is where, again, this iswhere, people are living at sick.
They have chronic issues right herebecause they're in this low level thing.
Like I'm telling you, there isa science behind this stuff.
There are ways to heal yourself withdoing, self love work and really
learning how to speak your truth andlearning how to love yourself just
as you are not changing yourself, nottrying to conform yourself, not trying
(09:47):
to change pieces of yourself, tryingto be what other people want you to
be or think you should be, right?
It's being who you are meantto be on this earth in this
lifetime at this moment, right?
And each time that you're sayingno to the universe, saying no to
our creator, saying no to love.
by turning your back on yourself by doingthese things because you're thinking
you're helping somebody else like that'snot the way to live and it's hard, right?
(10:11):
I know what it's like when you take thaton like you almost you take on these
responsibilities that aren't yours.
You're thinking you're doingsomebody else a service right?
you feel like your intention iswell meaning when you are making
decisions based on how you wantother people to feel and you want
other people to feel good, right?
That makes you feel good.
But if you're making other peoplefeel good while it's making you feel
bad and you're trying to mask that.
(10:33):
That's a problem.
That's ingesting toxins.
You're literally poisoning yourself bydoing these things and the only way out
is to, learn self love, learn how toset boundaries for yourself, learn how
to speak up and speak your truth andknow that you're doing it out of love.
Like it's not to be mean to anybody.
The problem is it's uncomfortableto have these conversations.
(10:53):
It's uncomfortable to speak ourtruth, but we have to have that
confidence and that courage tohave these small moments of being
uncomfortable and speaking our truth.
so that we can be free and live how wewant to live so that we are not muting
ourself and living watered down lives.
(11:14):
We might be afraid of that initialconversation or that initial
uncomfortableness, but that's much betterthan living your whole life as this
watered down caged version of yourself,living uncomfortable for your lifetime.
Do you want to live uncomfortablytense and angry and bitter and
irritated at everything all the time?
Or do you want to be relaxed?
(11:35):
and free.
And enjoy your life and haveyour kids see you enjoy life.
Like what role model are youshowing to your kids when you're
suppressing yourself, right?
We talk about this when we talk aboutself care and pouring into your cup
before you pour into other cups.
And there's this kind of linebetween this like toxic self care
(11:56):
and genuine self care, right?
Like we're not saying Abandonthe needs of your kids.
Abandon your household responsibilities.
Like it's not about that, but it's aboutsetting boundaries and clear expectations
of what your needs are too, right?
I've had to do a lot ofthis myself and it's hard.
I will tell you it's hard becauseI don't like to make people upset.
(12:18):
I don't want to hurt people's feelings.
But There's so many relationshipsthat the situation becomes a lot worse
because I've Placated people for solong, not speaking my truth, and not
setting boundaries in the beginning.
But now when I am finally readyto be done and say no more
can I neglect myself in this way.
No more, can I make these choices andlet Certain situations happen that
(12:40):
I know are negatively affecting me.
So now I have to have this uncomfortableconversation And it's going to be a
lot harder than it would have been if Iwould have started my relationship out
speaking my truth from the beginning.
So the sooner we can learn theseskills to really, first become aware
of what it actually is that we need.
So becoming aware is probably the first.
step, to like being a recovering peoplepleaser or trying to eliminate this
(13:04):
kind of self harm we do by givinginto these people pleasing behaviors.
And you do that by noticinghow you're reacting, right?
In the Elemental movie, She became awarebecause her temper kept exploding, right?
Why couldn't she handlethese certain tasks?
Why is all this stuff bothering her?
Why is she set off so often?
(13:24):
And you can tell in the movie asher character develops and as she
develops like a relationship wheresomebody's seeing the true Her.
Her real self.
Like seeing her dreams and heraspirations and who she is as her
own individual person and loving andaccepting and seeing how beautiful
she is as That individual uniqueperson like when she's in her element.
(13:44):
Being who she was meant to be.
And seeing that somebody else isseeing that and accepting her.
It's like that it awakens that pieceof her and she's calmer, right?
Her parents start noticinghow her temper has eased up.
this isn't clearly pointed out in themovie, but this is just things that
I'm seeing that is relating to whatI want to get on this episode today.
(14:05):
And when she finally is able to speakher truth, it's actually not as bad as
she's thinking it's going to be, right?
We usually assume that it's goingto burn bridges, that people are
going to be so mad at us, thatit's going to ruin relationships,
that people are going to leave us.
Because that's usually our fear.
our fear of abandonment,fear of rejection.
People are going to, not like us.
People are going to leave us,and we tend to be scared of that.
(14:27):
But let me tell you, if...
If people really love you and theyreally care about you, then they
will value who you really are andthey will respect your boundaries.
And yes, they may get mad.
They're entitled to getupset because guess what?
Things are going to change andthings aren't going to be the way
that they used to be for them.
So yeah, they might get upset andmad, but they're going to come
back around and respect you more.
(14:47):
Your relationship will begin to behealthier because now you can have a
better understanding of each other,a mutual respect for each other.
They're going to know what your boundariesare and they're going to respect that.
And they're still going to wantto love you and be with you and
still enjoy their time with you.
But now you will be able tofully be yourself and enjoy
your time with them as well.
So it's like a happy win win situation.
(15:07):
And in a separate case, let's say theperson, they can't handle your boundaries.
They walk away and theyvibrate out of your life.
That's okay too, becauseyou don't want people.
In your life that are going to makeyou feel bad for being your true self.
You don't need that and As heartbreakingas it is sometimes that can be your own
family members I've seen it happen beforewhere people have had to cut off family
(15:29):
members from their life because of how itnegatively affects them the family member
was not able to respect their boundariesand love them with their boundaries
And I'm not saying that's gonna happen.
I'm not saying it's not gonna happen.
You just don't know.
But you have to Figure out for yourself.
What is your life worth?
Like where do you wantto be on that scale?
Where do you want to be living your life?
(15:51):
Do you want to be living it atthat lower level in that caged
watered down version of yourself?
Or do you want to be living up herewhere you're enjoying life and you're
surrounding yourself with people thatmake you feel good people that respect
your boundaries, living your lifewhere you're able to fully be yourself.
You're able to express your needs andhave people respect and meet your needs.
(16:12):
And just really living your life closerto that higher potential aiming for
that highest version, best versionof yourself where you are living
life in a blissful state where you'reable to take on the punches of life
more easily because you are secure.
You're in this space of self love.
(16:32):
You're not in this caged version ofyourself where you've ingested all these
toxins and you're just bogged down bythe weight of being trapped, right?
Do you want to be trappedor do you want to be free?
And really the choice is yoursand we have to start making
those choices for ourselves.
we have to start findingways to set those boundaries.
We have to find ways to learn howto love ourselves enough to be able
(16:53):
to speak up and to speak our truth.
And ,that self confidence where youjust start, getting that mindset of
I'm going to be me and I'm going tolet the chips fall as they may, because
the people that love me and who cansee me for who I really am, those are
the people that I want in my life.
And if people can't bearound that, then they can't.
And that's on them.
You got to stick to numberone, because this is your life.
(17:16):
And I feel like sometimes people get hungup on thinking that's selfish, but it's
not because if you do have kids, if you dohave a partner or a spouse, they're going
to want to see the best version of you.
What role model are you being foryour kids if you're showing them
that they need to live this lifejust full of bitterness, right?
They need to know that it'spossible for them to be free too.
(17:37):
They're going to need to see that.
They're going to need a rolemodel to model that for them.
And
that's something that can be motivatingfor you to see how it's not selfish.
That it's actually a way to showthem how to love themselves.
It's a way to show even other people.
If you don't have kids, like any personthat is able to walk the streets and live
their life in that higher vibrationalstate, they're a walking role model.
(18:00):
If you're able to speak your truth, setyour boundaries and take care of yourself
and let go of these toxic things you'rea walking role model for so many people,
anybody that you come into contact with.
So do it, be a role model,like you're worth it.
You are perfectly made,
in the image of God, right?
Like that is the truth.
(18:20):
Like you are put here by our creatorexactly as you were meant to be.
You don't need to change it.
You don't need to conform it.
You don't need to suppress your dreamsin order to please other people or what
your parents, what your community, whatsociety says that you should be or how
you should, behave, what you should dofor work, how you should, whatever, right?
Like you were meant to be, you.
(18:41):
Be yourself.
Be that authentic self.
Be true to you.
Let yourself blossom and enjoy lifeand live life at those higher levels.
That's what I got for you today.
That's what I am encouraging you todo and watch elemental and please
let me know what your thoughts are,
what came up for youlistening to this episode.
Let me know if you did watchthe movie and what you thought.
(19:03):
Leave a comment on the video on YouTubeor send me a DM on Instagram or Facebook.
My handle's @chelsea.Vanbuskirkand I'll see you guys soon.
Peace.
Hey everyone, what's up?
It's Chelsea Van Buskirkwith the Heart AF podcast.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
I'm settling in to, I feellike a more relaxed season.
Not only in our actual literal seasons,but I just feel like physically for
me things seem to be calming down.
I've spent the last few months of,coming, into this spring and summer season
(00:30):
where things were really heavy for me.
I was doing shadow work,
And when you talk about doing shadowwork, you're talking about dealing
with some of the things that mightbe affecting you in your life, right?
Like for me, just going through somelost relationships I experienced over the
summer our lost properties losing, a partof my identity, my job, and really coming
in to seeing how my life was very outof alignment in a lot of different ways.
(00:52):
And I think it was needed for me tohave these experiences over these last
few months to really bring me back tomy core and bring me back to what my
values are and bring me back to work someof these difficult feelings I've been
having and to get me back to the light.
So it's dealing with some of thosenegative emotions or processing things
that are difficult to heal from orcoming to self realizations of maybe
(01:16):
I've been doing things That have led tosome of these negative experiences and
really doing that kind of self work onself growth and coming out on the other
side and so we're coming into this fallseason, which is my favorite and I just
love the cooler weather and just theexcitement of the changes to come and
the holidays to come and it's just afun time of year and so I'm coming out
(01:38):
of my depressive fog I've been under.
I think I, I mentioned it a little bitin the last episode about how emotional
the beginning of the month was forme with my birthday and just reliving
some of those memories, because anytimeyou experience like a big milestone,
a birthday, anniversary of the deaththings like that, those can draw up
those, grief filled emotions and things.
(01:59):
So coming off of that, I can feelthat change in my energy and some
of that healing that's been doneas I've come back to myself and
coming back to the light, right?
And so anyway, I wanted to checkand see if anybody has seen
the new Pixar movie elemental.
It's not super new, but it is new onDisney plus like streaming for free if you
(02:21):
have the Disney plus app and subscription.
And so I was very excited to watchit and I highly recommend it if you
haven't seen it yet, definitely give ita watch and let me know what you think.
I thought there was quite a fewthings to take from the movie.
Definitely made me cry andI keep wanting to watch it.
I think I've watched it at leastseven times by my own doing.
(02:44):
Usually, when a kid really likes amovie, they want to re watch it again.
That was me.
I was the kid.
I was like, hey, you guyswant to watch that again?
And I was drawn to it becauseone of the themes I felt was
speaking to people pleasers orthe ways that we can please others
at our own expense, right?
Like the ways that we take away fromourselves for the sake of others.
(03:08):
And sometimes we can be well meaningwhen we're trying to do those
things, but at what cost, right?
Like really thinking about what are weinternally costing ourselves when we
keep making these internal sacrificesover and over again just to appease other
people or to do this for someone else.
And this really goes into anyrelationship you have in your life,
whether it's a relationship with yourown parents, whether it's relationship
(03:30):
with your children relationship withyour spouse or partner, and just in
general relationships with friendsother family members and loved ones.
And really coming to that awareness on inwhat ways do we maybe cut ourselves short
or in what ways do we suppress ourselvesor cage ourself or not speak our truth
(03:51):
or, change ourselves in certain ways inorder to please other people or to keep
the peace or to be liked or loved, right?
People who are prone to peoplepleasing tend to have some kind
of background or trauma where theymight be scared or have a fear of
rejection, a fear of abandonment, right?
(04:11):
They experience some kind ofrejection or abandonment in their
childhood that stays with them.
And so to combat that, to preventthat pain, to prevent that
feeling of rejection, to preventpeople from leaving them, right?
They want to do whatever theycan to keep people happy.
And they take on those responsibilitiesthat aren't necessarily theirs, right?
We tend to assume thatresponsibility that it's our job
(04:33):
to make other people happy, right?
And it's not.
And a lot of times parents willguilt trip you in a way, right?
Like I see that a lot in parent andchild relationships where the child
takes on this responsibility, whereit's their job to please the parent.
And that's actually not true.
We are not responsible forother people's feelings.
Other people's feelings are on them.
Like we are responsible for our feelingsand how we respond, and even though we may
(04:56):
not want to upset other people, it's alsonot our responsibility to prevent that.
And diving a little deep into this, themeabout, at what expense we're damaging
our own selves by not speaking our truth.
And, coming back to thismovie, the main character.
Ember, the fire element here in themovie I'm not going to give too much
away, but essentially she is willingto basically forego her dreams because
(05:19):
she wants to please her father, right?
Like she wants to do her father's dream.
And she's so afraid of speakingup for herself or she's not even.
quite aware in the beginning of themovie that she's even suppressing this,
but it's coming out in anger, right?
like you have to think of thenegative ways these things are
coming out in our behaviors andhow that's toxic to ourselves.
And so using this movie as an examplewe have this, you know this budding
(05:42):
young woman, right like this characterwho is suppressing her dreams because
she feels like she has to go a certainpath in her life because that's what
her father wants and because she'ssuppressing this conflict within her
about, that's not what she really wantsto do with her life, but she's doing it
because she feels like an obligation.
She feels like the need to do this becauseof how much she loves her father, how
much she wants to be a good daughter,that it's causing this temper in her, this
(06:06):
buildup of anger that is quick to come outand explode and she's the fire element.
So setting things on fire, itcan cause some damage, right?
Similar things are happeningwithin us when we do this as well.
We do tend to get too afraid ofhurting those we love, right?
And we, we don't want tohurt people with our truth.
And so we have to figure outthese ways to be able to speak our
(06:27):
truth but do it in a loving way.
It's a way of setting boundaries.
It's a way of setting yourself free,honestly, because when you keep things
in, when you let people walk all overyou, when you are doing things you don't
really want to do just because you don'twant to ruffle feathers or just because
you don't want to upset somebody else.
You're literally caging yourself,you're suffocating yourself and you
(06:48):
can only do that for so long, right?
When we are doing these things toourselves, it's a way that we cause
ourselves like actual physical ailments.
It's a way that we can cause ourselvesdisease or the way that we can even
give ourselves cancer and I hate to saythat word but it's true like there's
ways that these negative things canactually affect our body chemistry
and change cells to mutate and causethese diseases and illnesses within us.
(07:11):
So every time that we are denyingourselves caging ourselves,
suppressing this truth within us.
We're intentionally ingestingtoxins into ourselves.
That is literally what it's like.
And I feel like we have to seehow serious this is, right?
This isn't just Oh, it's okay.
Like I'm just sacrificingbecause I love people.
And the thing is yes, you love peopleand you want to do things for people
(07:31):
you love, but you have to stillkeep in mind your own livelihood
like your own soul, so to speak.
You don't wanna explode, you don'twanna live this life at this low level
of what it could have been, right?
I always like to picture our livesas like on this spectrum and I wish
I had a whiteboard that I couldshow you what I'm talking about.
(07:53):
We're gonna get a whiteboard, so stand by.
I like to visualize our livesas this timeline, right?
Like we have a starting pointand an ending point, right?
but we have this.
Higher level, like highest potential wehave for our life right at the top, right?
This high, this is like that high energy,happiness, joy, laughing, ease, right?
(08:16):
And then we have this low, lower energiesof anger, jealousy, envy like the lowest
possible potential for our lives, right?
This is my, where people turn toaddictions, things like that, right?
Like they get stuck in these lowervibrational parts of their life, right?
Like in everybody's lives, wetend to go up and down, right?
And I like to think of itas we get these choices, right?
(08:39):
Or these chances to live our lifeat these higher levels, right?
We want to be up here experiencing thiskind of life and trying to reach and
grow to live up to our highest potential,like our highest possible living is
up here in this area in these highvibrational kind of levels, if you will.
And each time that we are Sacrificingpieces of ourselves muting ourselves,
(09:03):
not speaking our truth livinginauthentically, when we are conforming
against what our soul wants, right?
We're living down here, like we'renot living up to our potential.
We're not experiencing allthat life has to offer for us.
And there's so many people that canliterally go through their lives.
living at this low state whenthey had this high potential here
for them the whole time that theymissed out on in this lifetime.
(09:26):
And, this is where, again, this iswhere, people are living at sick.
They have chronic issues right herebecause they're in this low level thing.
Like I'm telling you, there isa science behind this stuff.
There are ways to heal yourself withdoing, self love work and really
learning how to speak your truth andlearning how to love yourself just
as you are not changing yourself, nottrying to conform yourself, not trying
(09:47):
to change pieces of yourself, tryingto be what other people want you to
be or think you should be, right?
It's being who you are meantto be on this earth in this
lifetime at this moment, right?
And each time that you're sayingno to the universe, saying no to
our creator, saying no to love.
by turning your back on yourself by doingthese things because you're thinking
you're helping somebody else like that'snot the way to live and it's hard, right?
(10:11):
I know what it's like when you take thaton like you almost you take on these
responsibilities that aren't yours.
You're thinking you're doingsomebody else a service right?
you feel like your intention iswell meaning when you are making
decisions based on how you wantother people to feel and you want
other people to feel good, right?
That makes you feel good.
But if you're making other peoplefeel good while it's making you feel
bad and you're trying to mask that.
(10:33):
That's a problem.
That's ingesting toxins.
You're literally poisoning yourself bydoing these things and the only way out
is to, learn self love, learn how toset boundaries for yourself, learn how
to speak up and speak your truth andknow that you're doing it out of love.
Like it's not to be mean to anybody.
The problem is it's uncomfortableto have these conversations.
(10:53):
It's uncomfortable to speak ourtruth, but we have to have that
confidence and that courage tohave these small moments of being
uncomfortable and speaking our truth.
so that we can be free and live how wewant to live so that we are not muting
ourself and living watered down lives.
(11:14):
We might be afraid of that initialconversation or that initial
uncomfortableness, but that's much betterthan living your whole life as this
watered down caged version of yourself,living uncomfortable for your lifetime.
Do you want to live uncomfortablytense and angry and bitter and
irritated at everything all the time?
Or do you want to be relaxed?
(11:35):
and free.
And enjoy your life and haveyour kids see you enjoy life.
Like what role model are youshowing to your kids when you're
suppressing yourself, right?
We talk about this when we talk aboutself care and pouring into your cup
before you pour into other cups.
And there's this kind of linebetween this like toxic self care
(11:56):
and genuine self care, right?
Like we're not saying Abandonthe needs of your kids.
Abandon your household responsibilities.
Like it's not about that, but it's aboutsetting boundaries and clear expectations
of what your needs are too, right?
I've had to do a lot ofthis myself and it's hard.
I will tell you it's hard becauseI don't like to make people upset.
(12:18):
I don't want to hurt people's feelings.
But There's so many relationshipsthat the situation becomes a lot worse
because I've Placated people for solong, not speaking my truth, and not
setting boundaries in the beginning.
But now when I am finally readyto be done and say no more
can I neglect myself in this way.
No more, can I make these choices andlet Certain situations happen that
(12:40):
I know are negatively affecting me.
So now I have to have this uncomfortableconversation And it's going to be a
lot harder than it would have been if Iwould have started my relationship out
speaking my truth from the beginning.
So the sooner we can learn theseskills to really, first become aware
of what it actually is that we need.
So becoming aware is probably the first.
step, to like being a recovering peoplepleaser or trying to eliminate this
(13:04):
kind of self harm we do by givinginto these people pleasing behaviors.
And you do that by noticinghow you're reacting, right?
In the Elemental movie, She became awarebecause her temper kept exploding, right?
Why couldn't she handlethese certain tasks?
Why is all this stuff bothering her?
Why is she set off so often?
(13:24):
And you can tell in the movie asher character develops and as she
develops like a relationship wheresomebody's seeing the true Her.
Her real self.
Like seeing her dreams and heraspirations and who she is as her
own individual person and loving andaccepting and seeing how beautiful
she is as That individual uniqueperson like when she's in her element.
(13:44):
Being who she was meant to be.
And seeing that somebody else isseeing that and accepting her.
It's like that it awakens that pieceof her and she's calmer, right?
Her parents start noticinghow her temper has eased up.
this isn't clearly pointed out in themovie, but this is just things that
I'm seeing that is relating to whatI want to get on this episode today.
(14:05):
And when she finally is able to speakher truth, it's actually not as bad as
she's thinking it's going to be, right?
We usually assume that it's goingto burn bridges, that people are
going to be so mad at us, thatit's going to ruin relationships,
that people are going to leave us.
Because that's usually our fear.
our fear of abandonment,fear of rejection.
People are going to, not like us.
People are going to leave us,and we tend to be scared of that.
(14:27):
But let me tell you, if...
If people really love you and theyreally care about you, then they
will value who you really are andthey will respect your boundaries.
And yes, they may get mad.
They're entitled to getupset because guess what?
Things are going to change andthings aren't going to be the way
that they used to be for them.
So yeah, they might get upset andmad, but they're going to come
back around and respect you more.
(14:47):
Your relationship will begin to behealthier because now you can have a
better understanding of each other,a mutual respect for each other.
They're going to know what your boundariesare and they're going to respect that.
And they're still going to wantto love you and be with you and
still enjoy their time with you.
But now you will be able tofully be yourself and enjoy
your time with them as well.
So it's like a happy win win situation.
(15:07):
And in a separate case, let's say theperson, they can't handle your boundaries.
They walk away and theyvibrate out of your life.
That's okay too, becauseyou don't want people.
In your life that are going to makeyou feel bad for being your true self.
You don't need that and As heartbreakingas it is sometimes that can be your own
family members I've seen it happen beforewhere people have had to cut off family
(15:29):
members from their life because of how itnegatively affects them the family member
was not able to respect their boundariesand love them with their boundaries
And I'm not saying that's gonna happen.
I'm not saying it's not gonna happen.
You just don't know.
But you have to Figure out for yourself.
What is your life worth?
Like where do you wantto be on that scale?
Where do you want to be living your life?
(15:51):
Do you want to be living it atthat lower level in that caged
watered down version of yourself?
Or do you want to be living up herewhere you're enjoying life and you're
surrounding yourself with people thatmake you feel good people that respect
your boundaries, living your lifewhere you're able to fully be yourself.
You're able to express your needs andhave people respect and meet your needs.
(16:12):
And just really living your life closerto that higher potential aiming for
that highest version, best versionof yourself where you are living
life in a blissful state where you'reable to take on the punches of life
more easily because you are secure.
You're in this space of self love.
(16:32):
You're not in this caged version ofyourself where you've ingested all these
toxins and you're just bogged down bythe weight of being trapped, right?
Do you want to be trappedor do you want to be free?
And really the choice is yoursand we have to start making
those choices for ourselves.
we have to start findingways to set those boundaries.
We have to find ways to learn howto love ourselves enough to be able
(16:53):
to speak up and to speak our truth.
And ,that self confidence where youjust start, getting that mindset of
I'm going to be me and I'm going tolet the chips fall as they may, because
the people that love me and who cansee me for who I really am, those are
the people that I want in my life.
And if people can't bearound that, then they can't.
And that's on them.
You got to stick to numberone, because this is your life.
(17:16):
And I feel like sometimes people get hungup on thinking that's selfish, but it's
not because if you do have kids, if you dohave a partner or a spouse, they're going
to want to see the best version of you.
What role model are you being foryour kids if you're showing them
that they need to live this lifejust full of bitterness, right?
They need to know that it'spossible for them to be free too.
(17:37):
They're going to need to see that.
They're going to need a rolemodel to model that for them.
And
that's something that can be motivatingfor you to see how it's not selfish.
That it's actually a way to showthem how to love themselves.
It's a way to show even other people.
If you don't have kids, like any personthat is able to walk the streets and live
their life in that higher vibrationalstate, they're a walking role model.
(18:00):
If you're able to speak your truth, setyour boundaries and take care of yourself
and let go of these toxic things you'rea walking role model for so many people,
anybody that you come into contact with.
So do it, be a role model,like you're worth it.
You are perfectly made,
in the image of God, right?
Like that is the truth.
(18:20):
Like you are put here by our creatorexactly as you were meant to be.
You don't need to change it.
You don't need to conform it.
You don't need to suppress your dreamsin order to please other people or what
your parents, what your community, whatsociety says that you should be or how
you should, behave, what you should dofor work, how you should, whatever, right?
Like you were meant to be, you.
(18:41):
Be yourself.
Be that authentic self.
Be true to you.
Let yourself blossom and enjoy lifeand live life at those higher levels.
That's what I got for you today.
That's what I am encouraging you todo and watch elemental and please
let me know what your thoughts are,
what came up for youlistening to this episode.
Let me know if you did watchthe movie and what you thought.
(19:03):
Leave a comment on the video on YouTubeor send me a DM on Instagram or Facebook.
My handle's @chelsea.Vanbuskirkand I'll see you guys soon.
Peace.
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