March 22, 2024 • 30 mins
In this episode of the Magnetic Goddess podcast, I'm ecstatic to share my conversation with Aypril Porter, whose profound insights on human design have significantly impacted not just my life but those of my clients and family. Aypril, an expert in human design and end-of-life doula, delves into how understanding the unique designs of our children can profoundly transform parent-child relationships. We explore the critical role of acknowledging individual energy types within families, highlighting the profound connections and self-awareness fostered by human design.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hey everyone, and welcome back to the Magnetic Goddess Podcast.
I'm your host, Amy Lee Westervelt. And tonight, today, today,
I have the most amazing guest.
I am gushing so much because this gal, I have read her book.
It has changed my life. It has changed my clients' lives. It's changed my children's lives.
(00:20):
And no, I am not exaggerating. I have April Porter here with me.
She wrote the book, Parenting the Child You Have, which is like one of the human
design Bibles that I recommend to everyone who studies human design.
And I have her right here in my studio. I'm so excited.
You're listening to The Magnetic Goddess, a podcast for women who are ready
(00:40):
to step into their power and live their best lives.
I'm your host, Amy Lee Westervelt, and I'm here to guide and inspire you to
take the journey back to your higher self.
We'll talk about everything from personal development to career growth to relationships.
We'll share tips, tools, and strategies that will help you become the most confident,
successful, and magnetic version of yourself.
(01:03):
We'll also talk to inspiring women who have already achieved their dreams and
are living their best lives.
We'll learn from their stories and discover what it takes to create a life that is truly fulfilling.
I believe that every woman has the potential to be a magnetic goddess.
She has the power to attract anything she wants in life, and she can create
(01:25):
her birthright of abundance.
I'm here to help you tap into that inner goddess and live your best life.
I'm so excited to have you on this journey with me. Let's start living our best
lives together as magnetic goddesses.
Welcome, April, to the show. Thank you. I'm glad to be here. Thanks for inviting me.
(01:46):
Absolutely yeah no no I'm I'm happy
to and I'm like stumbling over my words you guys
I always tell you that like I don't care about celebrities I could care less
about what Rihanna's wearing or what Beyonce is dancing about but you get me
like a thought leader that like I've read their book or I respected my tongue
turns to liquid and I'm just like so excuse my excitement okay so where where
(02:10):
do I want to start? Let's see.
How about what made you decide, oh, I didn't even say what you are.
You're a human design reader and an end of life doula.
And one of my favorite human design readers, if I may say so myself.
So what made you decide to specialize specifically in parent-child relationships
in human design? Like where did that come from?
(02:32):
That's a really good question. I think, I think it probably just comes from
my own life experience, right?
Like the things that we are challenged with the most is where we go looking for answers.
And so I had a challenging relationship growing up with my dad.
And I think that there were always a lot of questions like, why couldn't he understand me?
(02:56):
Why did we not get along in so many different ways? And then other times we really did.
And so I think that that was a real challenge for me. And so this was kind of
always like, this is always the shadow work that's coming up for me,
right? Like all the parent child stuff.
And then I had kids and it was like all of that childhood stuff came back up
(03:17):
for me and I had to look at it deeper.
And then my kids, I didn't know human design until my kids were,
gosh, probably seven and five or so or six and eight. I don't know, somewhere in there.
So I spent all this time early on trying to prove myself, trying to do all of
(03:39):
the things that I thought I was supposed to do.
And I burned out. I hit total rock bottom.
Like my adrenals were tanked. I couldn't get off the couch. like I had a two-year-old
and a four-year-old and I was like, why can't I do this?
And I was always striving to get back to that level of doing.
And I didn't understand at that point that I was a projector.
(04:00):
And so I was trying to keep up with the generator pace of life,
not knowing that that wasn't what I was supposed to do.
And so even as I healed and I, you know, regained my energy and my focus and
all of these things, it was still like, Like I was still striving for how do I get back to that level?
And so human design freed me in that. And then I started to notice once human
(04:24):
design came in, I was like, oh, I'm a projector.
My two kids are projectors. My mother's a projector and my dad is a manifesting generator.
And I'm like, oh, okay. So there's big differences here.
And as I started to pull those apart, I realized there is so much to this.
And I want to share this with people. because if I had known this as a teenager,
(04:49):
oh my gosh, how different would my life have been?
Or when my kids were babies, I could have done things so differently and I could
have resourced myself differently,
but I was in this trying to prove that I could do it all kind of space and that didn't work for me.
And so I just don't wanna see other people try and live outside of their design
(05:10):
when life can be so much easier.
Yeah, it's so true. And, and, you know, what you said really resonates for me as a mom.
So I have five kids, if you know that, and my, my youngest has special needs,
but human design is an ever present theme in our family.
And, and I owe a lot of that to your book because it was really easy to just
(05:33):
kind of go, okay, that's this kid, right?
Like I have, hold on, I'm going to do the math. I have three emotional.
I had three emotional authorities. That's the word I was looking for.
And so, you know, obviously it's like, you look at them and you're like, that makes sense.
Right. Like the outbursts and things like that.
But it's interesting to me to see, we have a whole house full of twos.
(05:59):
Like there's so much two in this house. And then we've got a one,
a five, one and a three fives and everybody else has some kind of two.
My husband's a two, four.
So it's like so much hermiting going around. But at the same time,
three of my children are six twos.
And so what they really are right now is three twos, right?
So we've got these little experimenty people that are like, also,
(06:22):
you know, they've got this energy of like, I don't understand who I am.
And I don't, what do you see when you look at me and me being a five,
two, your book helped me so much, you know, especially being a generator.
And I don't actually know my My parents, I know their numbers because give or
take, because I know what day they were born back then. They didn't keep track of times.
Right. So I really don't know what their actual types are, but just knowing like that.
(06:49):
What it must've been like to have a generator child, what it must've been like
to have a child with an open heart.
I mean, so many of my kids have an open heart. My husband has an open heart.
And it's like, when you recognize that worthiness block, that's just like innate,
you're like, oh, okay. So this isn't a deficit to my character.
This is something that like, I'm here to tackle. I'm here to, to learn.
(07:11):
Clearly this was something I wanted to grow from in this lifetime,
you know? And I kind of think of it like we're sitting up there with Source
and we've got this like laminated book full of like different,
you know, designs to pick from of what we're going to come here and be.
And I just imagine myself sitting up there being like, well,
I really want to be something, you know, something relatively easy,
(07:32):
but I really want to be a sacral generator. So I guess I'll take the five too.
Like I can just imagine myself having this like concessionary conversation.
All that to say, yeah, I totally resonate with what you said.
So when it comes to parenting
a child that is a different energy than you
let's just let's just start basic and hopefully you guys if
(07:53):
you're listening you have a basic understanding of human design there's lots
of different human design readers that have happened throughout the series so
if you're listening to this and you're like what the heck this is definitely
make sure you have an understanding because i'm purposely going deeper with
april today because she's that good and like we don't want to waste this on
like what is human design what does it it mean?
Like, I'm going to put it on you guys to make sure that you do that homework
(08:16):
and learn what it is. So that being said, catching back up.
So when you are a person who has a different energy type than your child,
what, what do you think would be like, aside from like going into the specifics
of them, like what might be an indicator if you didn't know anything about human design?
Now I'm like contradicting myself that you might have a different energy type than your child.
(08:39):
Yeah. I think, I think one of the big things that I see is in families where
there's a lot of generator manifesting generator energy, and then you have like
a manifester or a projector, especially a projector, you know,
that child just doesn't always seem to fit in.
It's like, they're always going against the grain.
They don't want to get up and go do the things necessarily that you want to
(09:01):
do, or they're outperforming everybody else trying to get attention. attention.
So there's often like, this child is kind of operating differently,
and they're not sure how to work with them.
It's like the parenting strategies that they've been using aren't working.
And so that's kind of the point where people usually find me and they're like,
okay, okay, heard about human design.
(09:23):
And these are the energy types, and I don't understand it. What do we do with this?
And I think, you know, we can be really basic with it. We can come down to,
okay, the non-sacral energy types need more cycles of rest.
They can't do at the level that
the generators and manifesting generators can do in a sustainable way.
They can do a lot of things, right? And so this is a misconception I see in
(09:46):
human design is like projectors just need to sit around and wait for the invitation.
Like we can do lots of things. We have energy.
We borrow sacral energy all day, but we need to be strategic about it.
We need to learn that it's not our
inherent energy and that it's not sustainable to go at that level 24-7.
And so I think that that is one of the biggest things is like the sacral,
(10:09):
non-sacral. And then also, how do we ask questions to interact with them?
If we're asking projectors, yes, no questions all day long, which are designed
for the generator or the manifesting generator, they're going to be paralyzed.
It's kind of like, I don't know. and they want to think about it,
they want to talk about it.
And then you have a generator manifesting generator parent who's saying,
(10:31):
okay, just decide, let's get on with it.
Because they've got that quick sacral energy that's like, let's go, let's do.
And so there's often a mismatch in that that needs to be understood so that they can work together.
I resonate with that so much as a generator mom with my projector son.
So I was telling you before we started, he's nine years years old.
(10:51):
And the mantra of this child is wait for the invitation because he tries so
hard to be helpful that he does what you didn't even ask him to do.
And then he gets frustrated because you're like, no, no, no,
I don't want you to do that.
And because he's created this and cultivated this energy of recklessness in
trying to get things done, it's almost like we're like, I don't want you to
(11:14):
do that because you're going to try to do it your way. You're going to try to like like, overdo it.
And I don't want you to do that. And so I definitely noticed the difference.
Like, for example, when we go stay at my in-laws, he has to sleep by himself.
And they don't understand that, right? They don't understand that.
And they're like, well, why does he need... I'm like, because he needs to be
out of everybody else's energy or he's going to try to interact because literally
(11:37):
the rest of us are generators and managers.
Like, literally the rest of us. Even my special needs son, who is four,
doesn't speak and doesn't walk. He's a 5'1 managent.
So, I mean, like even him, you can't even put him with him because he's a battery. Right.
And so, and honestly, I was at such a loss and it wasn't until like,
(11:57):
I read this book and I'm just like, oh my gosh, like I have tools now.
Like I know how to do, I mean, this was before I even knew he was an emotional guy.
Like just the projector part of it was like, there's so much here.
Fear and and like that that
was such a window in and such a realization because parents
(12:18):
if you don't know any better you're just going to think your child's being deliberately
disobedient or they're being insubordinate or you know they're not listening
right how many parents have been like oh my kid has selective listening no you're
not communicating with them in an in an energetic language that they understand.
Right. Yeah, absolutely. I think the other, the other piece that I really see
(12:41):
come up in parenting struggles,
and it's, it's one that I get a lot of people with this too,
is the, the manifestor child who is between like nine and 11 or 12,
there's the developmental changes that are happening then.
And there's that preteen stuff that's happening. and oftentimes
parents have been parenting in this this way that
(13:02):
is working for them but it's not really working
for the child and at that point that manifestor child starts to to access their
power and they speak up more and they push back and all of a sudden these parents
are trying to like clamp down on that and like get control of their child or
the situation and it just makes everything worse.
(13:24):
And so when we can use human design to see that window and say,
okay, this child actually needs less restrictions.
I mean, keep the child safe, of course, and look out for them.
But like, how can we give them more autonomy?
How can we give them more of their own control of themselves?
And that's where we find our freedom and the ease in parenting.
(13:46):
Yeah yeah exactly i mean when you think about it on
an on a soul level we're all in this
one room schoolhouse called earth and even though we
have the illusion of our children being little and we take care of
them on their own soul journey and we're all together in
the classroom right it's like you're a fourth grader maybe energetic maybe
maybe on a soul level they're the seventh grader and
(14:07):
you're the fourth grader you don't even know we just have this difference
of time or the illusion of time that creates this
thing that like we're older and we're you know
we're wiser and all these things and so yeah it's it's so
true like we have to be able to recognize that there are
different energies just like different languages like different you
know you wouldn't be like oh you speak chinese like that's inferior like you'd
(14:28):
never do that you'd be like oh okay we got to find a way to communicate but
i love that i have a question that i didn't even know that i had until just
now so especially when it comes to raw's work he kind of lumps in the manny
gen with of the gen, he calls them all generators.
We hear the term pure generators all the time.
One thing I want to know is as a generator parent with children,
(14:50):
I have three children and a husband who are all manifesting generators.
It's very easy, according to Rod, to be like, oh, well, we're all generators.
But there's this extra aspect of those people in my family that doesn't resonate for me.
But I'm not really sure how to articulate that. Like, Like, what would you say
would be like a good practice for me as a generator, not lumping in my kid?
(15:18):
I do have one child who is a pure generator, but like everybody else,
like, what would you say would be a good first step for me to kind of bridge
the gap between the way I look at the world and the way they look at the world?
Yeah. So I think when I, when I feel into the generator energy,
it is usually, and this depends on conditioning, right? So it's usually a more stable energy.
(15:40):
It's consistent. It's like doing the work, plodding along, doing the work,
finding your focus and going about life.
And the manifesting generator energy is all over. It's very busy.
It's a very busy energy, especially as a projector for me to take that in.
(16:01):
There are very aligned manifesting generators that feel very grounded,
but a lot of manifesting generators for me feel very ungrounded because most
don't know human design. Most haven't done the deconditioning work.
And so they're living in a world that tells them to go and do and to see things through to the end.
And so there's this like self-imposed, I'm not doing a good enough job.
(16:23):
I can't follow through kind of pressure that gets put on them.
And so I think that the difference there is that they are designed to do lots
of things and they are They're designed to try lots of things,
but it doesn't mean they're always going to finish them. And so...
The generator also isn't always designed to finish them, right?
(16:44):
Like you can quit when your sacral says I'm done, but that quitting and trying
lots of things happens at a faster pace with a manifesting generator.
So they can cycle through a lot more things more quickly.
And I think that's a big difference there. Which feels like not having follow
through to a generator, right?
Like my kids who all want to quit karate all of a sudden, and I'm like,
(17:05):
we've been invested all this money and you're getting all the way to your blue
belt. and they're like, yeah, and they're all mini duds, right?
So well, once generator, but she just goes along with it. So that makes a lot of sense.
And yeah, I definitely feel that because I, and also being a two myself,
there's so much grounding in my, like being a five, two generator,
like there's such a foundational piece of that, that by the way,
(17:27):
you want to talk about deconditioning.
I sure as hell had to find that because being a generator and not being grounded,
it's like being a live wire, right? Right.
And so really, and I don't know if I told you, I didn't tell you,
but I used to think I was a five one.
I had my birth time wrong. I had an old birth chart.
So I spent the first two and a half years of my human design study thinking
(17:50):
I was a five one and feeling like, why do I never want to be around people?
Why do I feel like more of an introvert than an extrovert? Like,
why is this not resonating for me?
And it wasn't until I was like, wait a minute, this is, this is based on an
old birth chart, bumped me up,
you know, a half an hour, but it was enough have to flip into that too.
And now it all makes sense. And it's like, I've come home in such a beautiful way.
(18:12):
And as an adult to be able to say that is beautiful, but to catch it at a child's
age is like, I mean, what a gift, right?
Speaking of that, though, so because we have this, you know,
kind of like how kids grew up with social media and we didn't.
And so you see the differences.
So we have an awareness of human design and the profiles and things like that.
(18:35):
And so we can kind of see what those look like from an adult perspective.
What would you say, like, to some people who think that certain profiles are
maybe harder, right? Right.
Like that, you know, like if you're a 5'1", you're probably going to have a
hard time with projection.
You're going to potentially be burned at the stake or, you know,
when you're a 3'5". My daughter's a 3'5". And it's like, oh, like that's good luck.
(18:59):
Right. People just kind of like in there, like good luck or a 6'2".
You know, you're not really going to come into your own until you're 50.
What are what what would you say to the parent who's got a baby or a child who's got that?
And now we know what that means out here. or how do we kind of like reverse
engineer that to not mean what we're all kind of feeling it as adults? Did that make sense?
(19:21):
Yeah, I think so. And I think that we can look at the profiles the way we can
look at any part of the chart.
It's on a spectrum, right? There's the highest expression, there's the lowest
expression, and there's everything in between.
And so when we look at a child, we look at somebody who is new, right?
Like this baby is new. They haven't been been conditioned yet by the world.
(19:42):
So we can assume the highest expression of that element of the chart.
We can teach them to stay in that highest element of the chart and not have
to fall into this lower expression of it.
We can teach them that like with the fifth line, people will project on them.
And obviously when they're little, we use different language than they're projecting
on you, but understanding that not everybody is going to see the truth of who you are.
(20:08):
And that's not a reflection of you.
That's often something that is hurting inside of them.
And so helping them to disconnect like their value, their worth,
their identity from what people are projecting onto them, I think is really important.
And I'm also a five too. So I think that one of the biggest things I see is
(20:31):
with the fifth line profile is there's so much pain by the time we get to be
adults, if we haven't understood this element and we turn it inward,
we turn it in on ourselves and say, what's wrong with me?
Why do people behave the way they do to me why do they treat me this way why do friendships.
Implode you know it's like what has happened here and and we really it's interesting
(20:56):
because we want to do the work right so we're like going inside we're looking
like what did i do wrong what is what is something i could have done differently
here while the other person is is still projecting like you did this wrong,
but really it's often the other person has work to do.
And we're just kind of showing that we're bringing that out to the surface so
that they can do that work if they choose.
(21:18):
And if they choose not to, then we have to walk away and say,
I'm not willing to be your whipping post.
Right. We're teaching our kids from a young age. Like you don't have to endure that.
If somebody is not treating you well, you don't have to endure that.
And I think, you know, coming from our generation, like I'm 40 years old, right?
So coming from our generation, we had parents, some of us, many of us had parents
(21:43):
who, number one, obviously they didn't understand our human design, let's be real.
But also they didn't understand the value of emotional safety.
And so when we would go through what we would go through, which they didn't
understand to begin with, they would throw a nice, healthy blanket of shame
over it, you know, to use David Baldrick talks about unshaming.
And so it's not even enough that we went through what we went through,
(22:05):
but then it was almost like it was negated or it was like discounted.
Like, oh, I'm sure it's not that bad.
Or I bet, you know, they didn't really know, you know, like it probably doesn't
upset you that much. Or how would they say it? Like, you know, you're being dramatic.
You're so sensitive, right? right? Like you're so like to an emotional authority
to hear that incessantly and to think,
(22:26):
I mean, I'm not an emotional authority, I'm a sacral, but just imagine being
a little kid, you know, in the eighties and the nineties and hearing like,
oh, you're, you know, you're so emotional.
Like you're just so it's like, yeah, I was born that way. Like that's who I am.
And so having this awareness as parents, being able to kind of do that unshaming
work before it ever gets started, you know, saying to my son,
(22:48):
I totally understand that you get frustrated.
That we don't let you help and we love to let you help, but it's gotta be help
that is in alignment with what we're trying to do, you know?
And so being able to say like, I understand how you feel and I want to process
this with you rather than, oh, you shouldn't feel that way.
I think that that really goes a long way too. And that's why it's so important
(23:10):
that parents do this work, but also it does so much to go back and heal our child selves,
knowing and understanding how much my parents didn't freaking get me.
Helped me heal a lot of things that I thought were, Amy Lee did this wrong,
or Amy Lee did, you know, like I wasn't this, or I wasn't that,
or I was too this. And it's like, no, that was my five.
(23:33):
That was my, like the moment that I remember growing up in my,
everyone around me thought that I hung the moon. Like people were just like your daughter.
She's, oh my gosh, Amy Lee, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And like,
people would just be in wide eyed.
Adults wanted me around. They wanted to hear me talk. And my parents were like.
She's already gone and I was just like this is
(23:55):
so weird that I have all of this love and adoration from over here and in here
it's like they couldn't be bothered with me and that was such a mind f for me
what's wrong with me they really know me so there must be something you know
and it's like oh you're a five like you're literally a walking and a five two
you're like projection projection,
panoramic projection, right?
(24:17):
And like that, I mean, just, I don't know, I just wish that we can go back in
time and like, we, and we can, we are, we're reparenting ourselves now in the
work that you're doing, such an instrumental piece of that.
So, of course, I want to let you comment on that, because I'm a generator,
and I'll just keep going. So comment on that.
Well, to back up, I was gonna, I was going to say that, you know,
(24:40):
there was a saying that I heard a a lot as a kid and you maybe heard it too,
was sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. That is such BS.
Words hurt. And we replay them in our mind over and over and over. We ruminate on them.
And to your point about being an emotional authority.
(25:01):
Yeah, it hurts. And when we are identified as our emotions,
that is a big problem because when we grow up and we're told that we are emotional
or we are a sad child or we are angry,
you know, that's another one, right?
The anger, the frustration of the generator or the manifester,
(25:24):
like all of those not self emotions are giving us a signal that something's
out of balance or off course for us.
But when we're told you are those things, not you feel those things,
you are experiencing those things, then we tie up our identity with that.
And then we carry that into adulthood. And that takes a toll as well. well.
It really does. Yeah. And then it can be passed on through our child,
(25:47):
you know, to our children because we don't understand.
And, and so, you know, this work that you're doing, it's, it's healing generationally, right?
Like it's breaking these bonds of this, these, these unawarenesses and the ways
that people thought they were being good parents thought that you were supposed to do it.
Tough love, let the baby cry, all this bullshit that we grew up with.
(26:10):
And it turns out like, oh, there's a better way.
You mean I can actually calibrate to the unique needs of my actual child and
differentiate like what they specifically need rather than treating them in
an economical way and just, you know, pretending that it's a choice?
Yes you can and when you
do you will have an exponentially different
(26:32):
relationship with your child your spouse with your
with your clients with everything and and you know i i think that this work
is so crucial in pursuit of that and speaking of which you a new workbook coming
out that is a companion to the book that you guys are all required to go by
(26:52):
by the way like obviously Obviously,
you're all out there already getting it, but tell us a little bit about the workbook.
So the workbook is, honestly, I kind of think it's more like a lot of journal prompts.
It's really asking you to go in and do that work of looking at what is here,
what needs to be healed and released and aligned and moved through so that you
(27:14):
can be the best parent and the person that you want to be, right?
Like, how can you live truer to your design?
And so there are some steps that I recommend that you go through to get there.
But each area of the book, it kind of mirrors the book, right?
Right. So a lot of the same format.
And then it's just journal prompts and you get to choose the ones that you do.
So I recommend like the book that you go through it front to back first and
(27:36):
then go back and choose the things that you want to spend more time on.
But you can also just pick it up and open it up and say, OK,
I'm a generator. I need to do some work around this or the fifth line profile. Right.
And so there's prompts there for you to explore and consider,
like, what is true for you?
What needs what needs some support and work around it?
My gosh, I cannot wait. And when does this come out? When do I get to put my hands on this?
(27:59):
October 20th is our release date.
So yeah, it would be on Amazon and all publishers, just like the book. So.
Oh my gosh. I'm so excited for that. That's going to be amazing.
And so if folks want to get in touch with you, if they want to get a reading
from you, if they want to learn more about your work, where do they find you?
My website is the best place. So aprilporter.com. I check my email frequently.
(28:23):
I will say that I'm on Instagram and Facebook sporadically. I don't go into
all the other social media stuff.
And even that is kind of like when I feel inspired or when I feel like posting
something, I will, but I'm not going to be on there all the time because has
projector energy, right? Like when it's there, it's there. And when it's not, it's not.
That little piece of the pie, right? It's that 20%. Oh my gosh.
(28:43):
April, this has been amazing. And I commend you on being able to handle my generator energy.
It's probably going to give you some, like seven cups of coffee.
You'll be up until two o'clock in the morning, so I apologize.
No, you're good. You're good. I actually really enjoy being in the presence
of generators, writers especially, I really like the energy and it feels good.
(29:09):
And I know when I'm done how to take care of myself.
So there's a little bit of self-care that happens when you're going to go into,
and actually I don't feel it right now, but sometimes the managing energy is
big and I'm like, okay, I got to book some time after so that I can decompress.
And that's fine because I prepare for that.
Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh my gosh. This has been amazing.
(29:32):
I appreciate you taking the the time to chat with me today. If you guys have
any other questions for her, you can reach out to her on all of the places that
she mentioned. Definitely grab her book.
It's available on Kindle. It's available in paperback. Like I said,
it's a reference material for me.
I use it all the time. I support clients with it. I recommend everybody read
it. So definitely grab that.
(29:53):
And thank you again so much for being here, April. It's been a pleasure. Yes, thank you.
Absolutely. Absolutely. And that'll do it for this week's episode of the Magnetic Goddess Podcast.
Until next time, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe,
and may you be at peace. Namaste.
Hey everyone, and welcome back to the Magnetic Goddess Podcast.
I'm your host, Amy Lee Westervelt. And tonight, today, today,
I have the most amazing guest.
I am gushing so much because this gal, I have read her book.
It has changed my life. It has changed my clients' lives. It's changed my children's lives.
(00:20):
And no, I am not exaggerating. I have April Porter here with me.
She wrote the book, Parenting the Child You Have, which is like one of the human
design Bibles that I recommend to everyone who studies human design.
And I have her right here in my studio. I'm so excited.
You're listening to The Magnetic Goddess, a podcast for women who are ready
(00:40):
to step into their power and live their best lives.
I'm your host, Amy Lee Westervelt, and I'm here to guide and inspire you to
take the journey back to your higher self.
We'll talk about everything from personal development to career growth to relationships.
We'll share tips, tools, and strategies that will help you become the most confident,
successful, and magnetic version of yourself.
(01:03):
We'll also talk to inspiring women who have already achieved their dreams and
are living their best lives.
We'll learn from their stories and discover what it takes to create a life that is truly fulfilling.
I believe that every woman has the potential to be a magnetic goddess.
She has the power to attract anything she wants in life, and she can create
(01:25):
her birthright of abundance.
I'm here to help you tap into that inner goddess and live your best life.
I'm so excited to have you on this journey with me. Let's start living our best
lives together as magnetic goddesses.
Welcome, April, to the show. Thank you. I'm glad to be here. Thanks for inviting me.
(01:46):
Absolutely yeah no no I'm I'm happy
to and I'm like stumbling over my words you guys
I always tell you that like I don't care about celebrities I could care less
about what Rihanna's wearing or what Beyonce is dancing about but you get me
like a thought leader that like I've read their book or I respected my tongue
turns to liquid and I'm just like so excuse my excitement okay so where where
(02:10):
do I want to start? Let's see.
How about what made you decide, oh, I didn't even say what you are.
You're a human design reader and an end of life doula.
And one of my favorite human design readers, if I may say so myself.
So what made you decide to specialize specifically in parent-child relationships
in human design? Like where did that come from?
(02:32):
That's a really good question. I think, I think it probably just comes from
my own life experience, right?
Like the things that we are challenged with the most is where we go looking for answers.
And so I had a challenging relationship growing up with my dad.
And I think that there were always a lot of questions like, why couldn't he understand me?
(02:56):
Why did we not get along in so many different ways? And then other times we really did.
And so I think that that was a real challenge for me. And so this was kind of
always like, this is always the shadow work that's coming up for me,
right? Like all the parent child stuff.
And then I had kids and it was like all of that childhood stuff came back up
(03:17):
for me and I had to look at it deeper.
And then my kids, I didn't know human design until my kids were,
gosh, probably seven and five or so or six and eight. I don't know, somewhere in there.
So I spent all this time early on trying to prove myself, trying to do all of
(03:39):
the things that I thought I was supposed to do.
And I burned out. I hit total rock bottom.
Like my adrenals were tanked. I couldn't get off the couch. like I had a two-year-old
and a four-year-old and I was like, why can't I do this?
And I was always striving to get back to that level of doing.
And I didn't understand at that point that I was a projector.
(04:00):
And so I was trying to keep up with the generator pace of life,
not knowing that that wasn't what I was supposed to do.
And so even as I healed and I, you know, regained my energy and my focus and
all of these things, it was still like, Like I was still striving for how do I get back to that level?
And so human design freed me in that. And then I started to notice once human
(04:24):
design came in, I was like, oh, I'm a projector.
My two kids are projectors. My mother's a projector and my dad is a manifesting generator.
And I'm like, oh, okay. So there's big differences here.
And as I started to pull those apart, I realized there is so much to this.
And I want to share this with people. because if I had known this as a teenager,
(04:49):
oh my gosh, how different would my life have been?
Or when my kids were babies, I could have done things so differently and I could
have resourced myself differently,
but I was in this trying to prove that I could do it all kind of space and that didn't work for me.
And so I just don't wanna see other people try and live outside of their design
(05:10):
when life can be so much easier.
Yeah, it's so true. And, and, you know, what you said really resonates for me as a mom.
So I have five kids, if you know that, and my, my youngest has special needs,
but human design is an ever present theme in our family.
And, and I owe a lot of that to your book because it was really easy to just
(05:33):
kind of go, okay, that's this kid, right?
Like I have, hold on, I'm going to do the math. I have three emotional.
I had three emotional authorities. That's the word I was looking for.
And so, you know, obviously it's like, you look at them and you're like, that makes sense.
Right. Like the outbursts and things like that.
But it's interesting to me to see, we have a whole house full of twos.
(05:59):
Like there's so much two in this house. And then we've got a one,
a five, one and a three fives and everybody else has some kind of two.
My husband's a two, four.
So it's like so much hermiting going around. But at the same time,
three of my children are six twos.
And so what they really are right now is three twos, right?
So we've got these little experimenty people that are like, also,
(06:22):
you know, they've got this energy of like, I don't understand who I am.
And I don't, what do you see when you look at me and me being a five,
two, your book helped me so much, you know, especially being a generator.
And I don't actually know my My parents, I know their numbers because give or
take, because I know what day they were born back then. They didn't keep track of times.
Right. So I really don't know what their actual types are, but just knowing like that.
(06:49):
What it must've been like to have a generator child, what it must've been like
to have a child with an open heart.
I mean, so many of my kids have an open heart. My husband has an open heart.
And it's like, when you recognize that worthiness block, that's just like innate,
you're like, oh, okay. So this isn't a deficit to my character.
This is something that like, I'm here to tackle. I'm here to, to learn.
(07:11):
Clearly this was something I wanted to grow from in this lifetime,
you know? And I kind of think of it like we're sitting up there with Source
and we've got this like laminated book full of like different,
you know, designs to pick from of what we're going to come here and be.
And I just imagine myself sitting up there being like, well,
I really want to be something, you know, something relatively easy,
(07:32):
but I really want to be a sacral generator. So I guess I'll take the five too.
Like I can just imagine myself having this like concessionary conversation.
All that to say, yeah, I totally resonate with what you said.
So when it comes to parenting
a child that is a different energy than you
let's just let's just start basic and hopefully you guys if
(07:53):
you're listening you have a basic understanding of human design there's lots
of different human design readers that have happened throughout the series so
if you're listening to this and you're like what the heck this is definitely
make sure you have an understanding because i'm purposely going deeper with
april today because she's that good and like we don't want to waste this on
like what is human design what does it it mean?
Like, I'm going to put it on you guys to make sure that you do that homework
(08:16):
and learn what it is. So that being said, catching back up.
So when you are a person who has a different energy type than your child,
what, what do you think would be like, aside from like going into the specifics
of them, like what might be an indicator if you didn't know anything about human design?
Now I'm like contradicting myself that you might have a different energy type than your child.
(08:39):
Yeah. I think, I think one of the big things that I see is in families where
there's a lot of generator manifesting generator energy, and then you have like
a manifester or a projector, especially a projector, you know,
that child just doesn't always seem to fit in.
It's like, they're always going against the grain.
They don't want to get up and go do the things necessarily that you want to
(09:01):
do, or they're outperforming everybody else trying to get attention. attention.
So there's often like, this child is kind of operating differently,
and they're not sure how to work with them.
It's like the parenting strategies that they've been using aren't working.
And so that's kind of the point where people usually find me and they're like,
okay, okay, heard about human design.
(09:23):
And these are the energy types, and I don't understand it. What do we do with this?
And I think, you know, we can be really basic with it. We can come down to,
okay, the non-sacral energy types need more cycles of rest.
They can't do at the level that
the generators and manifesting generators can do in a sustainable way.
They can do a lot of things, right? And so this is a misconception I see in
(09:46):
human design is like projectors just need to sit around and wait for the invitation.
Like we can do lots of things. We have energy.
We borrow sacral energy all day, but we need to be strategic about it.
We need to learn that it's not our
inherent energy and that it's not sustainable to go at that level 24-7.
And so I think that that is one of the biggest things is like the sacral,
(10:09):
non-sacral. And then also, how do we ask questions to interact with them?
If we're asking projectors, yes, no questions all day long, which are designed
for the generator or the manifesting generator, they're going to be paralyzed.
It's kind of like, I don't know. and they want to think about it,
they want to talk about it.
And then you have a generator manifesting generator parent who's saying,
(10:31):
okay, just decide, let's get on with it.
Because they've got that quick sacral energy that's like, let's go, let's do.
And so there's often a mismatch in that that needs to be understood so that they can work together.
I resonate with that so much as a generator mom with my projector son.
So I was telling you before we started, he's nine years years old.
(10:51):
And the mantra of this child is wait for the invitation because he tries so
hard to be helpful that he does what you didn't even ask him to do.
And then he gets frustrated because you're like, no, no, no,
I don't want you to do that.
And because he's created this and cultivated this energy of recklessness in
trying to get things done, it's almost like we're like, I don't want you to
(11:14):
do that because you're going to try to do it your way. You're going to try to like like, overdo it.
And I don't want you to do that. And so I definitely noticed the difference.
Like, for example, when we go stay at my in-laws, he has to sleep by himself.
And they don't understand that, right? They don't understand that.
And they're like, well, why does he need... I'm like, because he needs to be
out of everybody else's energy or he's going to try to interact because literally
(11:37):
the rest of us are generators and managers.
Like, literally the rest of us. Even my special needs son, who is four,
doesn't speak and doesn't walk. He's a 5'1 managent.
So, I mean, like even him, you can't even put him with him because he's a battery. Right.
And so, and honestly, I was at such a loss and it wasn't until like,
(11:57):
I read this book and I'm just like, oh my gosh, like I have tools now.
Like I know how to do, I mean, this was before I even knew he was an emotional guy.
Like just the projector part of it was like, there's so much here.
Fear and and like that that
was such a window in and such a realization because parents
(12:18):
if you don't know any better you're just going to think your child's being deliberately
disobedient or they're being insubordinate or you know they're not listening
right how many parents have been like oh my kid has selective listening no you're
not communicating with them in an in an energetic language that they understand.
Right. Yeah, absolutely. I think the other, the other piece that I really see
(12:41):
come up in parenting struggles,
and it's, it's one that I get a lot of people with this too,
is the, the manifestor child who is between like nine and 11 or 12,
there's the developmental changes that are happening then.
And there's that preteen stuff that's happening. and oftentimes
parents have been parenting in this this way that
(13:02):
is working for them but it's not really working
for the child and at that point that manifestor child starts to to access their
power and they speak up more and they push back and all of a sudden these parents
are trying to like clamp down on that and like get control of their child or
the situation and it just makes everything worse.
(13:24):
And so when we can use human design to see that window and say,
okay, this child actually needs less restrictions.
I mean, keep the child safe, of course, and look out for them.
But like, how can we give them more autonomy?
How can we give them more of their own control of themselves?
And that's where we find our freedom and the ease in parenting.
(13:46):
Yeah yeah exactly i mean when you think about it on
an on a soul level we're all in this
one room schoolhouse called earth and even though we
have the illusion of our children being little and we take care of
them on their own soul journey and we're all together in
the classroom right it's like you're a fourth grader maybe energetic maybe
maybe on a soul level they're the seventh grader and
(14:07):
you're the fourth grader you don't even know we just have this difference
of time or the illusion of time that creates this
thing that like we're older and we're you know
we're wiser and all these things and so yeah it's it's so
true like we have to be able to recognize that there are
different energies just like different languages like different you
know you wouldn't be like oh you speak chinese like that's inferior like you'd
(14:28):
never do that you'd be like oh okay we got to find a way to communicate but
i love that i have a question that i didn't even know that i had until just
now so especially when it comes to raw's work he kind of lumps in the manny
gen with of the gen, he calls them all generators.
We hear the term pure generators all the time.
One thing I want to know is as a generator parent with children,
(14:50):
I have three children and a husband who are all manifesting generators.
It's very easy, according to Rod, to be like, oh, well, we're all generators.
But there's this extra aspect of those people in my family that doesn't resonate for me.
But I'm not really sure how to articulate that. Like, Like, what would you say
would be like a good practice for me as a generator, not lumping in my kid?
(15:18):
I do have one child who is a pure generator, but like everybody else,
like, what would you say would be a good first step for me to kind of bridge
the gap between the way I look at the world and the way they look at the world?
Yeah. So I think when I, when I feel into the generator energy,
it is usually, and this depends on conditioning, right? So it's usually a more stable energy.
(15:40):
It's consistent. It's like doing the work, plodding along, doing the work,
finding your focus and going about life.
And the manifesting generator energy is all over. It's very busy.
It's a very busy energy, especially as a projector for me to take that in.
(16:01):
There are very aligned manifesting generators that feel very grounded,
but a lot of manifesting generators for me feel very ungrounded because most
don't know human design. Most haven't done the deconditioning work.
And so they're living in a world that tells them to go and do and to see things through to the end.
And so there's this like self-imposed, I'm not doing a good enough job.
(16:23):
I can't follow through kind of pressure that gets put on them.
And so I think that the difference there is that they are designed to do lots
of things and they are They're designed to try lots of things,
but it doesn't mean they're always going to finish them. And so...
The generator also isn't always designed to finish them, right?
(16:44):
Like you can quit when your sacral says I'm done, but that quitting and trying
lots of things happens at a faster pace with a manifesting generator.
So they can cycle through a lot more things more quickly.
And I think that's a big difference there. Which feels like not having follow
through to a generator, right?
Like my kids who all want to quit karate all of a sudden, and I'm like,
(17:05):
we've been invested all this money and you're getting all the way to your blue
belt. and they're like, yeah, and they're all mini duds, right?
So well, once generator, but she just goes along with it. So that makes a lot of sense.
And yeah, I definitely feel that because I, and also being a two myself,
there's so much grounding in my, like being a five, two generator,
like there's such a foundational piece of that, that by the way,
(17:27):
you want to talk about deconditioning.
I sure as hell had to find that because being a generator and not being grounded,
it's like being a live wire, right? Right.
And so really, and I don't know if I told you, I didn't tell you,
but I used to think I was a five one.
I had my birth time wrong. I had an old birth chart.
So I spent the first two and a half years of my human design study thinking
(17:50):
I was a five one and feeling like, why do I never want to be around people?
Why do I feel like more of an introvert than an extrovert? Like,
why is this not resonating for me?
And it wasn't until I was like, wait a minute, this is, this is based on an
old birth chart, bumped me up,
you know, a half an hour, but it was enough have to flip into that too.
And now it all makes sense. And it's like, I've come home in such a beautiful way.
(18:12):
And as an adult to be able to say that is beautiful, but to catch it at a child's
age is like, I mean, what a gift, right?
Speaking of that, though, so because we have this, you know,
kind of like how kids grew up with social media and we didn't.
And so you see the differences.
So we have an awareness of human design and the profiles and things like that.
(18:35):
And so we can kind of see what those look like from an adult perspective.
What would you say, like, to some people who think that certain profiles are
maybe harder, right? Right.
Like that, you know, like if you're a 5'1", you're probably going to have a
hard time with projection.
You're going to potentially be burned at the stake or, you know,
when you're a 3'5". My daughter's a 3'5". And it's like, oh, like that's good luck.
(18:59):
Right. People just kind of like in there, like good luck or a 6'2".
You know, you're not really going to come into your own until you're 50.
What are what what would you say to the parent who's got a baby or a child who's got that?
And now we know what that means out here. or how do we kind of like reverse
engineer that to not mean what we're all kind of feeling it as adults? Did that make sense?
(19:21):
Yeah, I think so. And I think that we can look at the profiles the way we can
look at any part of the chart.
It's on a spectrum, right? There's the highest expression, there's the lowest
expression, and there's everything in between.
And so when we look at a child, we look at somebody who is new, right?
Like this baby is new. They haven't been been conditioned yet by the world.
(19:42):
So we can assume the highest expression of that element of the chart.
We can teach them to stay in that highest element of the chart and not have
to fall into this lower expression of it.
We can teach them that like with the fifth line, people will project on them.
And obviously when they're little, we use different language than they're projecting
on you, but understanding that not everybody is going to see the truth of who you are.
(20:08):
And that's not a reflection of you.
That's often something that is hurting inside of them.
And so helping them to disconnect like their value, their worth,
their identity from what people are projecting onto them, I think is really important.
And I'm also a five too. So I think that one of the biggest things I see is
(20:31):
with the fifth line profile is there's so much pain by the time we get to be
adults, if we haven't understood this element and we turn it inward,
we turn it in on ourselves and say, what's wrong with me?
Why do people behave the way they do to me why do they treat me this way why do friendships.
Implode you know it's like what has happened here and and we really it's interesting
(20:56):
because we want to do the work right so we're like going inside we're looking
like what did i do wrong what is what is something i could have done differently
here while the other person is is still projecting like you did this wrong,
but really it's often the other person has work to do.
And we're just kind of showing that we're bringing that out to the surface so
that they can do that work if they choose.
(21:18):
And if they choose not to, then we have to walk away and say,
I'm not willing to be your whipping post.
Right. We're teaching our kids from a young age. Like you don't have to endure that.
If somebody is not treating you well, you don't have to endure that.
And I think, you know, coming from our generation, like I'm 40 years old, right?
So coming from our generation, we had parents, some of us, many of us had parents
(21:43):
who, number one, obviously they didn't understand our human design, let's be real.
But also they didn't understand the value of emotional safety.
And so when we would go through what we would go through, which they didn't
understand to begin with, they would throw a nice, healthy blanket of shame
over it, you know, to use David Baldrick talks about unshaming.
And so it's not even enough that we went through what we went through,
(22:05):
but then it was almost like it was negated or it was like discounted.
Like, oh, I'm sure it's not that bad.
Or I bet, you know, they didn't really know, you know, like it probably doesn't
upset you that much. Or how would they say it? Like, you know, you're being dramatic.
You're so sensitive, right? right? Like you're so like to an emotional authority
to hear that incessantly and to think,
(22:26):
I mean, I'm not an emotional authority, I'm a sacral, but just imagine being
a little kid, you know, in the eighties and the nineties and hearing like,
oh, you're, you know, you're so emotional.
Like you're just so it's like, yeah, I was born that way. Like that's who I am.
And so having this awareness as parents, being able to kind of do that unshaming
work before it ever gets started, you know, saying to my son,
(22:48):
I totally understand that you get frustrated.
That we don't let you help and we love to let you help, but it's gotta be help
that is in alignment with what we're trying to do, you know?
And so being able to say like, I understand how you feel and I want to process
this with you rather than, oh, you shouldn't feel that way.
I think that that really goes a long way too. And that's why it's so important
(23:10):
that parents do this work, but also it does so much to go back and heal our child selves,
knowing and understanding how much my parents didn't freaking get me.
Helped me heal a lot of things that I thought were, Amy Lee did this wrong,
or Amy Lee did, you know, like I wasn't this, or I wasn't that,
or I was too this. And it's like, no, that was my five.
(23:33):
That was my, like the moment that I remember growing up in my,
everyone around me thought that I hung the moon. Like people were just like your daughter.
She's, oh my gosh, Amy Lee, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And like,
people would just be in wide eyed.
Adults wanted me around. They wanted to hear me talk. And my parents were like.
She's already gone and I was just like this is
(23:55):
so weird that I have all of this love and adoration from over here and in here
it's like they couldn't be bothered with me and that was such a mind f for me
what's wrong with me they really know me so there must be something you know
and it's like oh you're a five like you're literally a walking and a five two
you're like projection projection,
panoramic projection, right?
(24:17):
And like that, I mean, just, I don't know, I just wish that we can go back in
time and like, we, and we can, we are, we're reparenting ourselves now in the
work that you're doing, such an instrumental piece of that.
So, of course, I want to let you comment on that, because I'm a generator,
and I'll just keep going. So comment on that.
Well, to back up, I was gonna, I was going to say that, you know,
(24:40):
there was a saying that I heard a a lot as a kid and you maybe heard it too,
was sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. That is such BS.
Words hurt. And we replay them in our mind over and over and over. We ruminate on them.
And to your point about being an emotional authority.
(25:01):
Yeah, it hurts. And when we are identified as our emotions,
that is a big problem because when we grow up and we're told that we are emotional
or we are a sad child or we are angry,
you know, that's another one, right?
The anger, the frustration of the generator or the manifester,
(25:24):
like all of those not self emotions are giving us a signal that something's
out of balance or off course for us.
But when we're told you are those things, not you feel those things,
you are experiencing those things, then we tie up our identity with that.
And then we carry that into adulthood. And that takes a toll as well. well.
It really does. Yeah. And then it can be passed on through our child,
(25:47):
you know, to our children because we don't understand.
And, and so, you know, this work that you're doing, it's, it's healing generationally, right?
Like it's breaking these bonds of this, these, these unawarenesses and the ways
that people thought they were being good parents thought that you were supposed to do it.
Tough love, let the baby cry, all this bullshit that we grew up with.
(26:10):
And it turns out like, oh, there's a better way.
You mean I can actually calibrate to the unique needs of my actual child and
differentiate like what they specifically need rather than treating them in
an economical way and just, you know, pretending that it's a choice?
Yes you can and when you
do you will have an exponentially different
(26:32):
relationship with your child your spouse with your
with your clients with everything and and you know i i think that this work
is so crucial in pursuit of that and speaking of which you a new workbook coming
out that is a companion to the book that you guys are all required to go by
(26:52):
by the way like obviously Obviously,
you're all out there already getting it, but tell us a little bit about the workbook.
So the workbook is, honestly, I kind of think it's more like a lot of journal prompts.
It's really asking you to go in and do that work of looking at what is here,
what needs to be healed and released and aligned and moved through so that you
(27:14):
can be the best parent and the person that you want to be, right?
Like, how can you live truer to your design?
And so there are some steps that I recommend that you go through to get there.
But each area of the book, it kind of mirrors the book, right?
Right. So a lot of the same format.
And then it's just journal prompts and you get to choose the ones that you do.
So I recommend like the book that you go through it front to back first and
(27:36):
then go back and choose the things that you want to spend more time on.
But you can also just pick it up and open it up and say, OK,
I'm a generator. I need to do some work around this or the fifth line profile. Right.
And so there's prompts there for you to explore and consider,
like, what is true for you?
What needs what needs some support and work around it?
My gosh, I cannot wait. And when does this come out? When do I get to put my hands on this?
(27:59):
October 20th is our release date.
So yeah, it would be on Amazon and all publishers, just like the book. So.
Oh my gosh. I'm so excited for that. That's going to be amazing.
And so if folks want to get in touch with you, if they want to get a reading
from you, if they want to learn more about your work, where do they find you?
My website is the best place. So aprilporter.com. I check my email frequently.
(28:23):
I will say that I'm on Instagram and Facebook sporadically. I don't go into
all the other social media stuff.
And even that is kind of like when I feel inspired or when I feel like posting
something, I will, but I'm not going to be on there all the time because has
projector energy, right? Like when it's there, it's there. And when it's not, it's not.
That little piece of the pie, right? It's that 20%. Oh my gosh.
(28:43):
April, this has been amazing. And I commend you on being able to handle my generator energy.
It's probably going to give you some, like seven cups of coffee.
You'll be up until two o'clock in the morning, so I apologize.
No, you're good. You're good. I actually really enjoy being in the presence
of generators, writers especially, I really like the energy and it feels good.
(29:09):
And I know when I'm done how to take care of myself.
So there's a little bit of self-care that happens when you're going to go into,
and actually I don't feel it right now, but sometimes the managing energy is
big and I'm like, okay, I got to book some time after so that I can decompress.
And that's fine because I prepare for that.
Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh my gosh. This has been amazing.
(29:32):
I appreciate you taking the the time to chat with me today. If you guys have
any other questions for her, you can reach out to her on all of the places that
she mentioned. Definitely grab her book.
It's available on Kindle. It's available in paperback. Like I said,
it's a reference material for me.
I use it all the time. I support clients with it. I recommend everybody read
it. So definitely grab that.
(29:53):
And thank you again so much for being here, April. It's been a pleasure. Yes, thank you.
Absolutely. Absolutely. And that'll do it for this week's episode of the Magnetic Goddess Podcast.
Until next time, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe,
and may you be at peace. Namaste.
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