July 25, 2024 • 36 mins
Join us for an inspiring episode as we delve into the journey of grief with our special guest, Nancy Francis. Nancy shares her heartfelt testimony of navigating the most challenging chapter of her life - the loss of her beloved husband, Jim. Discover how faith, community, and the love of God have been her anchors in this difficult time, and gain wisdom on how to move forward through your own personal grief.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:16):
Music.
Guys, thanks for joining us today. And we have an amazing show that you are
not going to want to miss.
Today, we're going to be talking about the subject of grief.
(00:37):
And we have a very, very special guest in the Jesus Girl Roar studio today.
Nancy Francis, how are you, my sweet friend? I'm wonderful. How are you?
I'm doing great. Great. And I'm telling you, I love looking across the table
at that beautiful face of yours. Thank you.
(00:57):
It is good to have you here. I love you too.
I love you too. And a few months ago, I got to hear the great pleasure of hearing your testimony.
And one of the things that we care so much about on the Pam Raimi show is bringing
testimonies to the masses, because I love how the word testimony means do it again, do it again.
(01:24):
So whatever God does in your life, I say this to our listeners,
he can do this in your life as well.
So we do overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony,
don't we, Nancy? Yes, definitely.
Yeah. And I remember you giving your testimony and sharing really your life,
(01:47):
the story of your life, and most specifically, what it's been like during these
last six years of walking through probably the most challenging,
most painful chapter of your life.
And that has been the loss of your precious husband.
So I thought perhaps you could take us back to where you met your husband,
(02:13):
and this could prove to be a very emotional show,
but we're just going to, you just take your time.
I met Jim when I was a car hop at the Dairy Queen.
I love that. Were you on roller skates? No, we weren't on roller skates because
the road, the drive that all the cars parked in was sloped.
(02:38):
Oh, my. I mean, it was like being on roller skates because people would dump
out their food on the on the drive. Oh, yeah.
That's when everything went out. Oh, my God, that would be horrible.
We all wore these shoes called Basswegians. And I don't know if anybody knows
what a Basswegian is. I have no idea.
But it was the very popular penny loafer at the time. Very expensive.
(03:00):
Very, you know, everybody had them.
And I'm going to stop you right there. Please forgive me. Penny loafer.
Penny loafer. And just explain what a penny loafer is. I pardon my ignorance
on that. I'm so sorry. Kind of like an Oxford shoe.
But you know what that is. And there's a slot that's carved in or made in the
(03:20):
top that you can put a penny in.
Isn't that cool? I still have them. Are you serious?
I want to see them. Okay. I want some penny loafers.
Oh, they're great. But if you hit a pickle or a tomato out there on that lock,
you go down like a three, right on the, you know.
Henceforth, it's like being on roller skates remark. Henceforth,
(03:42):
it's like being on a roller skate. So you're working as a car hog at Dairy Queen
and you meet. Jim drives up. Up drives Jim.
And he's just one of the guys that hangs out there, you know.
But he's from a little town that's south of Madisonville and we're all big basketball rivals.
And a lot of people didn't, the guy who was dating at the time didn't like the
(04:05):
fact that he was hanging around.
Well, I can understand that. And you know what, as you're speaking,
I'm also thinking about this beautiful inflection in your voice.
You're from Kentucky. Correct. Correct. So when you say Madison,
Madison, you are the quintessential Southern belle, by the way.
You really are. Well, thank you.
You really are. So we're now, so current boyfriend, you're in high school,
(04:29):
not happy with. He was in college, so I just kind of brushed him off for a while.
And then when I started to get interested in him, he decided to brush me off.
You know, how does it work that way? But it sort of does, right? It does.
But after we finally got together, he told me, oh, during the summer,
(04:51):
I think it was the summer of my, I had just graduated, finishing my junior year,
and he was finishing his sophomore year in college. Yeah.
And he told me, he says, I'm going to marry you. And I looked at him like he
had two heads. He's like, I'm robbing this cradle.
I'm still in high school. What are you thinking? But he was such a nice person.
(05:15):
I mean, he had a lot of friends. He was in a band.
Oh, what did he do in the band? He sang and played guitar. Did he really?
Well, that must have had an influence on a teenage girl's heart.
I kind of like that, too. Yeah, I would say that's kind of attractive.
And his favorite song to sing to me was Brown Eyed Girl.
Van Morrison. Yeah.
(05:38):
I mean, we're talking about in the 60s here. I love that. Hey,
listen, I know Brown Eyed Girl. I know it.
So he would sing to you. He wrote to me.
He was the most beautiful blue eyes.
Oh, I fell in love with his eyes. But, I mean, as a person, he was sweet,
(06:00):
he was smart. Oh, he was so smart.
And I always called him my Renaissance man because he could write,
he could sing, he could draw, he could paint.
Wow. Very much of a creative.
He's very creative. Very much of a creative. So how long did the two of you
date? And then he popped the question.
We dated for two years. July the 29th, 1965. 1965, he gave me what everybody
(06:26):
called a sweetheart ring.
And in fact, all the girls that ran around together in my group had one. Well, I didn't have one.
So we were at the Dairy Queen and Vicki and Tina, two of my best friends, started singing this.
I think you need to get her a sweetheart ring. I love it.
(06:47):
So you were feeling a little bit left. Is the sweetheart ring kind of like a
promise ring? Like it's sort of a pre-engagement ring. Yeah.
Oh, that's very sweet. Yes. So he gives you the ring.
And he told me, you have to keep this one for at least a year before you get your engagement ring.
So on April 29th, 1966, I got my April 29th, 1966.
(07:08):
And he knew the exact date. Exact hour.
Oh, my goodness. goodness he gave it to you gave me the sweetheart ring after
we'd been to a church revival that's wonderful jim sounds like a romantic oh
very much so very much of a romantic,
so you july the
(07:29):
29th 1965 you get your sweetheart ring
exactly a year later you get your
engagement ring and then you get married i graduated
high school in 66 so you
were engaged then your senior your year in high school well part
of it yeah I had been working going to
school full-time and then going to college at night you had
(07:51):
quite a schedule girl I did my first semester about my first well almost my
first semester of college finished before I got out of high school good for
you good for you that's awesome so you get married uh-huh and are you living in Kentucky Yes.
He was a senior at Western Kentucky University.
(08:14):
Oh, he was. So we got Jim through college.
And then after you both graduate, it sounds like you got married.
No, we got married that summer. But after I graduated from high school.
Oh, okay. Then he still had one more year. At that time, the Vietnam War was
(08:34):
going on. And I had just lost my brother-in-law.
In February. And we had decided, no, we were just going to go ahead and do it because we didn't know.
But I mean, they were drafting, you know, young men left and right. Yes, they were.
So he was able to finish that year.
So, and then we went on from there.
(08:57):
How many children did you end up having, Nancy? Three. Three?
Boys. Three boys. So you're a boy mom, just like me.
I'm a boy mom also so three sons my
three sons yes and raised your
family we we were
in madisonville the our hometown for for a
(09:19):
long time because he did get drafted and he did get he was he was teaching he
had started teaching at the university kentucky community college in elizabethtown
kentucky which is right outside louisville and he was drafted from there so
you know what do you do you pack up and go home to mom.
You know, so that's what we did. That's the reason we were back in Madisonville.
(09:40):
Were the, did you have your sons at the time that you was drafted? I had one.
So you and one of your oldest son, you had to, you moved home because Jim now
is sent overseas to Vietnam.
That must have been a really scary time.
Well, what happened is that he didn't get to, he didn't go.
He had, he had actually enlisted in the Air Force.
(10:03):
I thought he was gone. I took him to the plane and he left for an Air Force
base in Ohio and I thought, no, he's gone.
And so he called me about five days later and said, I failed the test.
He said, I failed the physical test.
And he said, they gave it to me again. But he said he was going to OCS school.
(10:26):
He was going to officer's training school.
And they didn't have a slot for him because there were so many that were going
through at that time. Because this is the height of the Vietnam War. Wow. You know, yeah.
So he was doing that. And they couldn't get him into the school.
So they said, we'll send you to Thule, Greenland for 18 months until you can get in school.
(10:50):
Fool or you can go back through the draft and he
goes I've got a little one at home I'm going
back through the draft I'm just going to take my chances and so we did what
an option that that that they even I mean what a shock that they would give
him that option so he came home here and I'm sure you are elated shocked and
they kept on drafting him and sending him back he had we
(11:13):
didn't know at the time he had a blood pressure issue and it was because he
had, he had an aneurysm and we didn't know it. My goodness.
And in 20, 2001, that aneurysm decided to split.
So it split from heart level down past his kidneys and it's, he almost died then.
(11:37):
So he's, he was so walking testament for, for, Almost 18 years. My goodness.
Because of it. Because he wasn't supposed to be here.
And God healed him. Yes. God healed
that aneurysm and the split in that aneurysm. That is such a miracle.
Oh, yeah. And you had 18 more years. We did.
(11:59):
And we had only been down here for three years, three or four years,
something. And so now you're in Atlanta. Mm-hmm.
Mm hmm. So, Nancy, what was that experience like of him of Jim being healed
of that aneurysm? Was it was it quick?
Was it what was that like for the two of you? it
(12:21):
was it was a process of several weeks
he spent several weeks in the hospital and a
long time much much we didn't know it but he was allergic to some of the medication
especially the morphine which just sent him into a crazy la la land type thing
(12:42):
you know i mean he He would stand in the bed and pull out all the, you know.
It just didn't work for him. No, no, no. It was nice.
So I asked the doctor, I said, isn't there something you can do to knock him
out to make him, you know, behave? And they're like, we just gave him morphine.
When you think about it. Yeah.
And so they put him in a coma. They did an induced coma for a while.
(13:07):
Wow. How long was he in a coma? He was in a coma for about a week.
Week i was five or seven five or
seven days something like that that is an intense thing
for you to go through in the hospital for weeks
and they couldn't do anything the doctor said
there was nothing that they could do to go in and do surgery because the the
(13:28):
split was so long and they said that they just wouldn't do it so he had a great
doctor and he's decided well let's just go ahead and treat it like a bone break
and let it heal on its own.
So that's what they did. Good doctor. And also, God stepped in.
(13:49):
Oh, God stepped in. But God. But God. But God.
In there, but God. Yeah. In fact, he had an encounter while he was under.
While he was in the coma? Mm-hmm. What kind of an encounter?
He believes he had an encounter with Jesus.
He believes that he came in and said they were in a white room.
(14:11):
And he came in and and talked
to him how beautiful and jim
said i don't he said i know what that was him it
didn't he didn't look like what everybody says he looks like so he goes but
i know that it was something for me because nobody else would have been able
(14:34):
to tell me what he told you know That is so beautiful.
And you know what? We hear a lot of stories of that, that supernaturally God
just will minister to people that way.
That is such a beautiful story.
So there was a time in your marriage that you thought you were going to lose
(14:58):
your precious husband, Jim,
and God healed him
and you came through that time nancy
but then six years
ago can we go now to
where what you went through six years ago well we had we started in in 2014
(15:22):
where i was diagnosed with cancer and i went we went through that process then
we decided we would move over here to woodstock out because one of our children, our son was here.
So we, we did that. We got our house on, on the market and all that.
Moved in here. 10 days later, I had thyroid surgery where they, it took out my thyroid.
(15:43):
And as soon as that happened, Jim was diagnosed with multiple And that is so
that is in 2014, December 2014 till till June of 2018.
It was like just clicking off just one thing right after the other.
And you were in the wilderness.
(16:04):
Oh, yeah, you were in the wilderness.
What did what was that like? Nancy just.
It was like, OK, God, we know we know you're there because when I had cancer,
I went into it like, OK, I had the biggest piece in my life that I have ever had.
(16:24):
I mean, I've never had anything like that before.
That is supernatural right there. It was supernatural.
The prince of peace living on, rising up on the inside of you.
Even my doctors noticed because, you know. Now, and during that time,
I think one time I cried because and that was when I was in the hospital after
I had the surgery because of something that was uncomfortable.
(16:48):
And but I knew God had it. You know, it just you had no doubt.
You held your confession of faith. No doubt. I had no doubt.
And I just asked God, I don't know. I don't understand this, but thank you.
You make a very powerful statement in
that nancy where it says in all
(17:09):
things give thanks yeah there's a verse in the bible that
says and all things give thanks and it's hard
to give god thanks sometimes in
all things but when we realize that everything
we do go through he is ultimately going
to turn it around and use it for our good and for
his glory that does bring us peace that does
(17:32):
bring us peace i love that i love that you you thanked
him because you knew i did you knew
that he had you you knew that you were healed and he gave you his supernatural
peace and he gave me that peace until after i had my last chemo i mean it just
it carried it stayed with you stayed with me and it just kind of you know just
(17:54):
tapered off but i knew it was there but i thought thank Thank you,
God, for that. How sweet.
Isn't he sweet? Oh, yeah. Jesus is so sweet. And I love that he is our Prince of Peace.
And you just made an interesting statement, Nancy, that you had that peace up
until the end of your last chemo.
Did you have that same kind of peace with when Jim was ill?
(18:18):
No, I did not. Tell us about that.
It was his diagnosis. I mean, he was in remission. Mm-hmm. And he had had cancer before.
He had prostate cancer before, and they did that with radiation.
Never thought about it. It came back during the treatment of the other cancer,
(18:40):
and that's what actually took his life. Yeah, took his life.
And it was a hope and a prayer of every day, you know.
God, please, please spare his life. But we both knew that during the time that
he had the aneurysm to the time that he had gone through this cancer treatment,
(19:03):
that every single day he said it was gravy.
You know, it was gravy to him. And he goes, it wasn't really gravy. It was God's grace.
I love that. It wasn't really gravy. It was God's grace.
And, you know, Nancy, you were saying something to me before we started the
show that Jim was even saying,
I am healed, whether I'm healed on this side of heaven or I'm healed when I go to be home.
(19:31):
He had that level of faith, didn't he? It sounds like he did.
He did. So beautiful. He would have preferred to stay here and be with me and the family.
But he knew that if that happened, that he was okay.
And he wanted us to know that he would be okay. He sounds like a very strong man.
(19:55):
He was. Very strong man. Nancy, how long were you and Jim married?
Almost 52 years. We liked a month having 52.
And the total years that you were together about
54 55 something like that on
our 50th wedding anniversary somebody asked us
said how did you all make it this long and he looked at me he said but god but
(20:21):
god god is so good god is so good nancy i can't imagine what the last six years have been like for you,
starting a new chapter in your
life without the person that you had been with for almost 54, 55 years.
(20:42):
Can you tell us a little bit about that journey?
Well, it wasn't easy, or it hasn't been easy, but my faith in God and God has
brought so many people into my life that has supported me.
They've supported me. They've helped me. They've prayed for me.
(21:04):
And walking into abiding was the best thing that ever happened to me because
it filled a void that Jim's passing left.
Yeah. And I wasn't getting a lot of support because when somebody passes,
(21:28):
and I told you I don't like the word loss because it comes up.
Because he's not lost. I know where he is.
You know, right where he is. Yeah. I mean, you know, they ask you if you're
married or a widow or whatever. And I'm going, I'm married.
I just, my husband just lives someplace else right now. He's just someplace
else. I love that. You know.
(21:50):
And we, when you go through that, people are right there.
You know, you have meal trains.
You have all kinds of support.
Initially, in the very beginning. In the very beginning, and then it tapers off.
If it hadn't been for my sisters and my friends and Christopher, I wouldn't have made it.
(22:16):
Is Christopher your son? Yes, he's my middle son. He's your middle son.
One of the things that comes to my mind, Nancy, as you say that,
you said when you walked into Abiding, which is the name of our church,
Abiding Church, that that really was a game changer for you.
And I want you to speak into this because I know that a lot of times when we
(22:42):
walk into a place of grief and grief, whether it is something very, very traumatic.
Like the loss of a spouse or whatever the grief might be, you had to,
I'm sure you felt like isolating.
Oh, yeah. I'm sure you felt like not being around anybody a lot of the time,
(23:04):
but you made yourself go and find community.
Can you speak into the importance of that? We were involved with another church.
We had his memorial service there. Everybody was great.
But it got to the point where, and even when sometimes you lose a job,
(23:26):
people don't want to be around you.
They don't want to say or they don't know how to act around you or they think
that you want something from them.
So it's kind of like that. And you feel isolated. And here you've been around
all these people that are couples.
You've gone out with them. And now you're a fifth wheel. It's different.
(23:46):
It is different. and going back into that church
again put knowing that that's where his memorial service it
was what was hard it's very i can understand that so i kept on seeing the sun
and i just lived just a couple of blocks away and i kept on seeing the sun and
i thought i'm just gonna go so i mean i just got up on sunday morning walked
(24:08):
in and thinking oh i'm not gonna you know i'm doing this by myself,
there I saw two people that I knew. Well, actually four of them. Four people.
Yeah, McCormick's and Brewer's I knew, which made it great.
You know, it just took that weight off of me. Yes, it did. Of going in and being alone.
So from there on, it's been, I've gotten involved in now.
(24:34):
Women's ministry. You're very involved in our women's ministry.
And helped teach a Bible study, a community group.
And that's what's kept me going. It actually has really saved my life.
I did go back to work too, which took up a lot of time and gave me.
The ability of making a little extra money, plus being able to fill in the time.
(25:00):
Because I've worked since I don't know how long.
And I worked for some great people, but that has helped.
So the healing is keeping yourself busy, praying, having people that support
you, and know basically what you've been through, and people that just love you for who you are.
(25:23):
Love you for who you are and that loves
you back to life doesn't it yes that really
loves you back to life and boy we
need each other nancy don't we definitely we definitely
do it's i don't i can i
don't think people can go through grief
and come out on the other side unscathed.
(25:47):
Or stronger longer without god you
can't i don't think so i don't think so that's my
personal opinion yeah but grief has a
tendency to either make you or
break you and you can let it break you until
you're just a puddle and it's
a process nobody goes through grief the
(26:09):
same way right so be going
oh get over it you that's that's
a no-no you you don't you can't you
can't say that to somebody because it may not be the spot they're in everybody
has a certain healing process and that process can be slow or it can be fast
(26:30):
i mean god can bring somebody into your life again that you know that that,
you know, you end up being married again.
Right. And I haven't done that because I haven't let, it's hard.
I told a friend of mine this because she's in the same boat I'm in.
(26:51):
And we had two wonderful, wonderful men. And I said, God's going to have to
come and say, okay, here he is.
He would have some very, very big shoes to fill.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I love what you just said. And I think it's very profound and
something that is worth repeating.
(27:11):
And that is that everybody goes through grief differently. And to come up and
say to somebody, hey, it's been this long, it's time to get over it,
or it's time to move on or whatever.
You don't know where that person is at. You don't know that stage that they're at.
And I know one of my best friends, when she lost her husband of 40 years,
(27:36):
she went through a program called Grief Share.
And she went three years in a row, but the first year she didn't take a single
note. She was not able to do that.
She was in so much pain, but by the second year.
She just watched the videos, but by the second year she was able to start to
(27:56):
take notes and form friendships that to this day are some of her closest friendships. Yeah.
I went to a counselor and she was wonderful, but she didn't help me like I needed to be helped.
And she and her husband both passed away during this process.
(28:17):
And so I met Lorraine and she helped me more.
Now she's not just my confidant, but she's my dear friend.
She's my dear friend. She's my sister in Christ. Yeah, she's a good friend. She's a good friend.
Nancy, before we wrap up today's show,
(28:37):
could you give our listeners who are walking through just the mire,
the pain, the heartache of grief, could you just, in a few words,
give some of your advice based on how you've had to chase after your own healing?
(28:58):
What are some words of advice that you could give?
Well, life is...
A series of paths. And unfortunately, we all have to walk down this path one time or the other.
I mean, if it's a parent, a child or spouse or good friend, you go through,
(29:20):
you have to go through this grief and grieving process.
Sometimes it's quicker for others than some, but it's our path in life.
And God sometimes has other plans for us.
And it's how we decide to use those turns, the potholes and the bumps in the
(29:40):
road that are in our path and how we come out of it.
We can treat it like, I'm just going to hit this pothole and just go as deep
as I can. and they break you.
Or you can let God lead you through those.
It's like walking through the valley, through the valley of the shadow of death.
(30:04):
I was just saying it's Psalms 23, even. Even.
The psalmist doesn't even say if I walk through the valley of the shadow.
He says, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
And people leave out that through.
I love that, Nancy. Good word. it's through it's going to get you through it
(30:24):
you've gone through this and you get to the other side and that's where you
that's where you begin to heal,
like I said it's a process and,
There are days that, I mean, something will come on the radio or somebody will
say something or I'll see Jim's handwriting or something like that and I'll
(30:45):
tear up. Yeah. I'm a crier.
So it's not that I'm grieving so much because he's gone.
I know where he is. I saw him with Jesus. I mean, I had a slight vision, just a minute flash.
I love that. That he was, you know, that they were walking across this hillside together.
(31:06):
Together and i know jim was asking him 5
280 questions you know so that's
how i take it i mean i still miss him i miss him every
day oh yeah miss him every day yeah it's hard to go through life with somebody
that you're attached to the hip and marriage to us was that god sets your one
(31:28):
flesh and we took that very seriously and i mean we people even laughed at that
is because we took the garbage out together.
You were one flesh when it came to taking that garbage out together.
We did everything together.
That's exactly how my parents were. They did absolutely everything together.
(31:49):
And I thought it was wonderful.
I thought it was wonderful. Nancy, that was a really good word that you gave
to our listeners because there are potholes.
There are going to be cracks in the road. There are going to be opportunities
for us to fall down and not be able to get back up.
And we've got to make a choice to get back up, don't we?
(32:09):
Yes. We've got to make a choice to pursue and go after our healing because nobody's
going to do that for us, right? It has to be you and God.
Yeah. You know, you're not going to get to where you need to be unless you've
got somebody there leading you.
And the Holy Spirit does that. Yes, he does.
(32:29):
He's our teacher. He's our counselor. Yeah. And that'll get you through.
And like I said, it's, there's going to be things that are thrown at you and there's
That you would normally do, decisions being made or things in the family that
you would, you really need that other person. But God gets you through.
(32:53):
God will get you through. He'll
put people in your life to get you to the point of being blessed again.
I love that word. And also, he says, I am your husband.
Yes, he does. He is your husband. Yes. and he
(33:13):
is that for all of us he is our bridegroom redeemer
that's right he most certainly is and i'm sure
you lean into that as well nancy it has been such a joy to have you here thank
you thank you for i've loved it thank you for being so vulnerable with your
story and sharing your story with us and sharing your heart with us, sharing your wisdom,
(33:38):
your wisdom, great wisdom with us. We are so grateful for that.
And I just want to say to our listeners right now, if you are walking through
grief, just like Nancy Francis just said, it can make you or it can break you. Right, Nancy?
Correct. And with God, all things are possible, even if they do not seem possible.
(34:03):
He says, As greater is He living on the inside of you than he who is in the world.
And He will get you through, like you were saying, Nancy.
Yea, though I go through the valley of the shadow of death, he will get you
through to the other side.
But you also have to make that choice to pursue your healing,
(34:25):
to connect with other people. Right, Nancy?
Correct. Those things were very, very important. And you had to be intentional about that.
It's all about trusting God and his promises to us. Trusting God and his promises.
Yes. Which are yes and amen. Yes and amen. That's right.
And he says that I have made you more than a conqueror. I have made you an overcomer.
(34:46):
And we have to say, yes, I am those things.
We have to give our amen to those promises. Yeah.
Good word, Nancy. Thank you so much for being here.
It has been such a joy, such a joy. And to our listeners, thank you for being here.
I hope this show has encouraged you. If you are walking through grief,
(35:07):
just know that Jesus is your Prince of Peace.
And he is very near to the crushed in spirit and the broken hearted.
And if you are feeling crushed in spirit today and your heart is broken,
know that Jesus is there for you.
Also, we just wanted to let you know that we are a self-funded podcast.
(35:32):
If you would like to partner with us and we're going to drop this information
in the bio section, section jesusgirlroar.com.
And you can just smash that donate button if God leads you to do that.
We thank you for your prayers. We are praying for you.
And as you go through your day to day, most importantly, remember this,
Jesus is crazy in love with you.
(35:55):
Music.
Music.
Guys, thanks for joining us today. And we have an amazing show that you are
not going to want to miss.
Today, we're going to be talking about the subject of grief.
(00:37):
And we have a very, very special guest in the Jesus Girl Roar studio today.
Nancy Francis, how are you, my sweet friend? I'm wonderful. How are you?
I'm doing great. Great. And I'm telling you, I love looking across the table
at that beautiful face of yours. Thank you.
(00:57):
It is good to have you here. I love you too.
I love you too. And a few months ago, I got to hear the great pleasure of hearing your testimony.
And one of the things that we care so much about on the Pam Raimi show is bringing
testimonies to the masses, because I love how the word testimony means do it again, do it again.
(01:24):
So whatever God does in your life, I say this to our listeners,
he can do this in your life as well.
So we do overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony,
don't we, Nancy? Yes, definitely.
Yeah. And I remember you giving your testimony and sharing really your life,
(01:47):
the story of your life, and most specifically, what it's been like during these
last six years of walking through probably the most challenging,
most painful chapter of your life.
And that has been the loss of your precious husband.
So I thought perhaps you could take us back to where you met your husband,
(02:13):
and this could prove to be a very emotional show,
but we're just going to, you just take your time.
I met Jim when I was a car hop at the Dairy Queen.
I love that. Were you on roller skates? No, we weren't on roller skates because
the road, the drive that all the cars parked in was sloped.
(02:38):
Oh, my. I mean, it was like being on roller skates because people would dump
out their food on the on the drive. Oh, yeah.
That's when everything went out. Oh, my God, that would be horrible.
We all wore these shoes called Basswegians. And I don't know if anybody knows
what a Basswegian is. I have no idea.
But it was the very popular penny loafer at the time. Very expensive.
(03:00):
Very, you know, everybody had them.
And I'm going to stop you right there. Please forgive me. Penny loafer.
Penny loafer. And just explain what a penny loafer is. I pardon my ignorance
on that. I'm so sorry. Kind of like an Oxford shoe.
But you know what that is. And there's a slot that's carved in or made in the
(03:20):
top that you can put a penny in.
Isn't that cool? I still have them. Are you serious?
I want to see them. Okay. I want some penny loafers.
Oh, they're great. But if you hit a pickle or a tomato out there on that lock,
you go down like a three, right on the, you know.
Henceforth, it's like being on roller skates remark. Henceforth,
(03:42):
it's like being on a roller skate. So you're working as a car hog at Dairy Queen
and you meet. Jim drives up. Up drives Jim.
And he's just one of the guys that hangs out there, you know.
But he's from a little town that's south of Madisonville and we're all big basketball rivals.
And a lot of people didn't, the guy who was dating at the time didn't like the
(04:05):
fact that he was hanging around.
Well, I can understand that. And you know what, as you're speaking,
I'm also thinking about this beautiful inflection in your voice.
You're from Kentucky. Correct. Correct. So when you say Madison,
Madison, you are the quintessential Southern belle, by the way.
You really are. Well, thank you.
You really are. So we're now, so current boyfriend, you're in high school,
(04:29):
not happy with. He was in college, so I just kind of brushed him off for a while.
And then when I started to get interested in him, he decided to brush me off.
You know, how does it work that way? But it sort of does, right? It does.
But after we finally got together, he told me, oh, during the summer,
(04:51):
I think it was the summer of my, I had just graduated, finishing my junior year,
and he was finishing his sophomore year in college. Yeah.
And he told me, he says, I'm going to marry you. And I looked at him like he
had two heads. He's like, I'm robbing this cradle.
I'm still in high school. What are you thinking? But he was such a nice person.
(05:15):
I mean, he had a lot of friends. He was in a band.
Oh, what did he do in the band? He sang and played guitar. Did he really?
Well, that must have had an influence on a teenage girl's heart.
I kind of like that, too. Yeah, I would say that's kind of attractive.
And his favorite song to sing to me was Brown Eyed Girl.
Van Morrison. Yeah.
(05:38):
I mean, we're talking about in the 60s here. I love that. Hey,
listen, I know Brown Eyed Girl. I know it.
So he would sing to you. He wrote to me.
He was the most beautiful blue eyes.
Oh, I fell in love with his eyes. But, I mean, as a person, he was sweet,
(06:00):
he was smart. Oh, he was so smart.
And I always called him my Renaissance man because he could write,
he could sing, he could draw, he could paint.
Wow. Very much of a creative.
He's very creative. Very much of a creative. So how long did the two of you
date? And then he popped the question.
We dated for two years. July the 29th, 1965. 1965, he gave me what everybody
(06:26):
called a sweetheart ring.
And in fact, all the girls that ran around together in my group had one. Well, I didn't have one.
So we were at the Dairy Queen and Vicki and Tina, two of my best friends, started singing this.
I think you need to get her a sweetheart ring. I love it.
(06:47):
So you were feeling a little bit left. Is the sweetheart ring kind of like a
promise ring? Like it's sort of a pre-engagement ring. Yeah.
Oh, that's very sweet. Yes. So he gives you the ring.
And he told me, you have to keep this one for at least a year before you get your engagement ring.
So on April 29th, 1966, I got my April 29th, 1966.
(07:08):
And he knew the exact date. Exact hour.
Oh, my goodness. goodness he gave it to you gave me the sweetheart ring after
we'd been to a church revival that's wonderful jim sounds like a romantic oh
very much so very much of a romantic,
so you july the
(07:29):
29th 1965 you get your sweetheart ring
exactly a year later you get your
engagement ring and then you get married i graduated
high school in 66 so you
were engaged then your senior your year in high school well part
of it yeah I had been working going to
school full-time and then going to college at night you had
(07:51):
quite a schedule girl I did my first semester about my first well almost my
first semester of college finished before I got out of high school good for
you good for you that's awesome so you get married uh-huh and are you living in Kentucky Yes.
He was a senior at Western Kentucky University.
(08:14):
Oh, he was. So we got Jim through college.
And then after you both graduate, it sounds like you got married.
No, we got married that summer. But after I graduated from high school.
Oh, okay. Then he still had one more year. At that time, the Vietnam War was
(08:34):
going on. And I had just lost my brother-in-law.
In February. And we had decided, no, we were just going to go ahead and do it because we didn't know.
But I mean, they were drafting, you know, young men left and right. Yes, they were.
So he was able to finish that year.
So, and then we went on from there.
(08:57):
How many children did you end up having, Nancy? Three. Three?
Boys. Three boys. So you're a boy mom, just like me.
I'm a boy mom also so three sons my
three sons yes and raised your
family we we were
in madisonville the our hometown for for a
(09:19):
long time because he did get drafted and he did get he was he was teaching he
had started teaching at the university kentucky community college in elizabethtown
kentucky which is right outside louisville and he was drafted from there so
you know what do you do you pack up and go home to mom.
You know, so that's what we did. That's the reason we were back in Madisonville.
(09:40):
Were the, did you have your sons at the time that you was drafted? I had one.
So you and one of your oldest son, you had to, you moved home because Jim now
is sent overseas to Vietnam.
That must have been a really scary time.
Well, what happened is that he didn't get to, he didn't go.
He had, he had actually enlisted in the Air Force.
(10:03):
I thought he was gone. I took him to the plane and he left for an Air Force
base in Ohio and I thought, no, he's gone.
And so he called me about five days later and said, I failed the test.
He said, I failed the physical test.
And he said, they gave it to me again. But he said he was going to OCS school.
(10:26):
He was going to officer's training school.
And they didn't have a slot for him because there were so many that were going
through at that time. Because this is the height of the Vietnam War. Wow. You know, yeah.
So he was doing that. And they couldn't get him into the school.
So they said, we'll send you to Thule, Greenland for 18 months until you can get in school.
(10:50):
Fool or you can go back through the draft and he
goes I've got a little one at home I'm going
back through the draft I'm just going to take my chances and so we did what
an option that that that they even I mean what a shock that they would give
him that option so he came home here and I'm sure you are elated shocked and
they kept on drafting him and sending him back he had we
(11:13):
didn't know at the time he had a blood pressure issue and it was because he
had, he had an aneurysm and we didn't know it. My goodness.
And in 20, 2001, that aneurysm decided to split.
So it split from heart level down past his kidneys and it's, he almost died then.
(11:37):
So he's, he was so walking testament for, for, Almost 18 years. My goodness.
Because of it. Because he wasn't supposed to be here.
And God healed him. Yes. God healed
that aneurysm and the split in that aneurysm. That is such a miracle.
Oh, yeah. And you had 18 more years. We did.
(11:59):
And we had only been down here for three years, three or four years,
something. And so now you're in Atlanta. Mm-hmm.
Mm hmm. So, Nancy, what was that experience like of him of Jim being healed
of that aneurysm? Was it was it quick?
Was it what was that like for the two of you? it
(12:21):
was it was a process of several weeks
he spent several weeks in the hospital and a
long time much much we didn't know it but he was allergic to some of the medication
especially the morphine which just sent him into a crazy la la land type thing
(12:42):
you know i mean he He would stand in the bed and pull out all the, you know.
It just didn't work for him. No, no, no. It was nice.
So I asked the doctor, I said, isn't there something you can do to knock him
out to make him, you know, behave? And they're like, we just gave him morphine.
When you think about it. Yeah.
And so they put him in a coma. They did an induced coma for a while.
(13:07):
Wow. How long was he in a coma? He was in a coma for about a week.
Week i was five or seven five or
seven days something like that that is an intense thing
for you to go through in the hospital for weeks
and they couldn't do anything the doctor said
there was nothing that they could do to go in and do surgery because the the
(13:28):
split was so long and they said that they just wouldn't do it so he had a great
doctor and he's decided well let's just go ahead and treat it like a bone break
and let it heal on its own.
So that's what they did. Good doctor. And also, God stepped in.
(13:49):
Oh, God stepped in. But God. But God. But God.
In there, but God. Yeah. In fact, he had an encounter while he was under.
While he was in the coma? Mm-hmm. What kind of an encounter?
He believes he had an encounter with Jesus.
He believes that he came in and said they were in a white room.
(14:11):
And he came in and and talked
to him how beautiful and jim
said i don't he said i know what that was him it
didn't he didn't look like what everybody says he looks like so he goes but
i know that it was something for me because nobody else would have been able
(14:34):
to tell me what he told you know That is so beautiful.
And you know what? We hear a lot of stories of that, that supernaturally God
just will minister to people that way.
That is such a beautiful story.
So there was a time in your marriage that you thought you were going to lose
(14:58):
your precious husband, Jim,
and God healed him
and you came through that time nancy
but then six years
ago can we go now to
where what you went through six years ago well we had we started in in 2014
(15:22):
where i was diagnosed with cancer and i went we went through that process then
we decided we would move over here to woodstock out because one of our children, our son was here.
So we, we did that. We got our house on, on the market and all that.
Moved in here. 10 days later, I had thyroid surgery where they, it took out my thyroid.
(15:43):
And as soon as that happened, Jim was diagnosed with multiple And that is so
that is in 2014, December 2014 till till June of 2018.
It was like just clicking off just one thing right after the other.
And you were in the wilderness.
(16:04):
Oh, yeah, you were in the wilderness.
What did what was that like? Nancy just.
It was like, OK, God, we know we know you're there because when I had cancer,
I went into it like, OK, I had the biggest piece in my life that I have ever had.
(16:24):
I mean, I've never had anything like that before.
That is supernatural right there. It was supernatural.
The prince of peace living on, rising up on the inside of you.
Even my doctors noticed because, you know. Now, and during that time,
I think one time I cried because and that was when I was in the hospital after
I had the surgery because of something that was uncomfortable.
(16:48):
And but I knew God had it. You know, it just you had no doubt.
You held your confession of faith. No doubt. I had no doubt.
And I just asked God, I don't know. I don't understand this, but thank you.
You make a very powerful statement in
that nancy where it says in all
(17:09):
things give thanks yeah there's a verse in the bible that
says and all things give thanks and it's hard
to give god thanks sometimes in
all things but when we realize that everything
we do go through he is ultimately going
to turn it around and use it for our good and for
his glory that does bring us peace that does
(17:32):
bring us peace i love that i love that you you thanked
him because you knew i did you knew
that he had you you knew that you were healed and he gave you his supernatural
peace and he gave me that peace until after i had my last chemo i mean it just
it carried it stayed with you stayed with me and it just kind of you know just
(17:54):
tapered off but i knew it was there but i thought thank Thank you,
God, for that. How sweet.
Isn't he sweet? Oh, yeah. Jesus is so sweet. And I love that he is our Prince of Peace.
And you just made an interesting statement, Nancy, that you had that peace up
until the end of your last chemo.
Did you have that same kind of peace with when Jim was ill?
(18:18):
No, I did not. Tell us about that.
It was his diagnosis. I mean, he was in remission. Mm-hmm. And he had had cancer before.
He had prostate cancer before, and they did that with radiation.
Never thought about it. It came back during the treatment of the other cancer,
(18:40):
and that's what actually took his life. Yeah, took his life.
And it was a hope and a prayer of every day, you know.
God, please, please spare his life. But we both knew that during the time that
he had the aneurysm to the time that he had gone through this cancer treatment,
(19:03):
that every single day he said it was gravy.
You know, it was gravy to him. And he goes, it wasn't really gravy. It was God's grace.
I love that. It wasn't really gravy. It was God's grace.
And, you know, Nancy, you were saying something to me before we started the
show that Jim was even saying,
I am healed, whether I'm healed on this side of heaven or I'm healed when I go to be home.
(19:31):
He had that level of faith, didn't he? It sounds like he did.
He did. So beautiful. He would have preferred to stay here and be with me and the family.
But he knew that if that happened, that he was okay.
And he wanted us to know that he would be okay. He sounds like a very strong man.
(19:55):
He was. Very strong man. Nancy, how long were you and Jim married?
Almost 52 years. We liked a month having 52.
And the total years that you were together about
54 55 something like that on
our 50th wedding anniversary somebody asked us
said how did you all make it this long and he looked at me he said but god but
(20:21):
god god is so good god is so good nancy i can't imagine what the last six years have been like for you,
starting a new chapter in your
life without the person that you had been with for almost 54, 55 years.
(20:42):
Can you tell us a little bit about that journey?
Well, it wasn't easy, or it hasn't been easy, but my faith in God and God has
brought so many people into my life that has supported me.
They've supported me. They've helped me. They've prayed for me.
(21:04):
And walking into abiding was the best thing that ever happened to me because
it filled a void that Jim's passing left.
Yeah. And I wasn't getting a lot of support because when somebody passes,
(21:28):
and I told you I don't like the word loss because it comes up.
Because he's not lost. I know where he is.
You know, right where he is. Yeah. I mean, you know, they ask you if you're
married or a widow or whatever. And I'm going, I'm married.
I just, my husband just lives someplace else right now. He's just someplace
else. I love that. You know.
(21:50):
And we, when you go through that, people are right there.
You know, you have meal trains.
You have all kinds of support.
Initially, in the very beginning. In the very beginning, and then it tapers off.
If it hadn't been for my sisters and my friends and Christopher, I wouldn't have made it.
(22:16):
Is Christopher your son? Yes, he's my middle son. He's your middle son.
One of the things that comes to my mind, Nancy, as you say that,
you said when you walked into Abiding, which is the name of our church,
Abiding Church, that that really was a game changer for you.
And I want you to speak into this because I know that a lot of times when we
(22:42):
walk into a place of grief and grief, whether it is something very, very traumatic.
Like the loss of a spouse or whatever the grief might be, you had to,
I'm sure you felt like isolating.
Oh, yeah. I'm sure you felt like not being around anybody a lot of the time,
(23:04):
but you made yourself go and find community.
Can you speak into the importance of that? We were involved with another church.
We had his memorial service there. Everybody was great.
But it got to the point where, and even when sometimes you lose a job,
(23:26):
people don't want to be around you.
They don't want to say or they don't know how to act around you or they think
that you want something from them.
So it's kind of like that. And you feel isolated. And here you've been around
all these people that are couples.
You've gone out with them. And now you're a fifth wheel. It's different.
(23:46):
It is different. and going back into that church
again put knowing that that's where his memorial service it
was what was hard it's very i can understand that so i kept on seeing the sun
and i just lived just a couple of blocks away and i kept on seeing the sun and
i thought i'm just gonna go so i mean i just got up on sunday morning walked
(24:08):
in and thinking oh i'm not gonna you know i'm doing this by myself,
there I saw two people that I knew. Well, actually four of them. Four people.
Yeah, McCormick's and Brewer's I knew, which made it great.
You know, it just took that weight off of me. Yes, it did. Of going in and being alone.
So from there on, it's been, I've gotten involved in now.
(24:34):
Women's ministry. You're very involved in our women's ministry.
And helped teach a Bible study, a community group.
And that's what's kept me going. It actually has really saved my life.
I did go back to work too, which took up a lot of time and gave me.
The ability of making a little extra money, plus being able to fill in the time.
(25:00):
Because I've worked since I don't know how long.
And I worked for some great people, but that has helped.
So the healing is keeping yourself busy, praying, having people that support
you, and know basically what you've been through, and people that just love you for who you are.
(25:23):
Love you for who you are and that loves
you back to life doesn't it yes that really
loves you back to life and boy we
need each other nancy don't we definitely we definitely
do it's i don't i can i
don't think people can go through grief
and come out on the other side unscathed.
(25:47):
Or stronger longer without god you
can't i don't think so i don't think so that's my
personal opinion yeah but grief has a
tendency to either make you or
break you and you can let it break you until
you're just a puddle and it's
a process nobody goes through grief the
(26:09):
same way right so be going
oh get over it you that's that's
a no-no you you don't you can't you
can't say that to somebody because it may not be the spot they're in everybody
has a certain healing process and that process can be slow or it can be fast
(26:30):
i mean god can bring somebody into your life again that you know that that,
you know, you end up being married again.
Right. And I haven't done that because I haven't let, it's hard.
I told a friend of mine this because she's in the same boat I'm in.
(26:51):
And we had two wonderful, wonderful men. And I said, God's going to have to
come and say, okay, here he is.
He would have some very, very big shoes to fill.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I love what you just said. And I think it's very profound and
something that is worth repeating.
(27:11):
And that is that everybody goes through grief differently. And to come up and
say to somebody, hey, it's been this long, it's time to get over it,
or it's time to move on or whatever.
You don't know where that person is at. You don't know that stage that they're at.
And I know one of my best friends, when she lost her husband of 40 years,
(27:36):
she went through a program called Grief Share.
And she went three years in a row, but the first year she didn't take a single
note. She was not able to do that.
She was in so much pain, but by the second year.
She just watched the videos, but by the second year she was able to start to
(27:56):
take notes and form friendships that to this day are some of her closest friendships. Yeah.
I went to a counselor and she was wonderful, but she didn't help me like I needed to be helped.
And she and her husband both passed away during this process.
(28:17):
And so I met Lorraine and she helped me more.
Now she's not just my confidant, but she's my dear friend.
She's my dear friend. She's my sister in Christ. Yeah, she's a good friend. She's a good friend.
Nancy, before we wrap up today's show,
(28:37):
could you give our listeners who are walking through just the mire,
the pain, the heartache of grief, could you just, in a few words,
give some of your advice based on how you've had to chase after your own healing?
(28:58):
What are some words of advice that you could give?
Well, life is...
A series of paths. And unfortunately, we all have to walk down this path one time or the other.
I mean, if it's a parent, a child or spouse or good friend, you go through,
(29:20):
you have to go through this grief and grieving process.
Sometimes it's quicker for others than some, but it's our path in life.
And God sometimes has other plans for us.
And it's how we decide to use those turns, the potholes and the bumps in the
(29:40):
road that are in our path and how we come out of it.
We can treat it like, I'm just going to hit this pothole and just go as deep
as I can. and they break you.
Or you can let God lead you through those.
It's like walking through the valley, through the valley of the shadow of death.
(30:04):
I was just saying it's Psalms 23, even. Even.
The psalmist doesn't even say if I walk through the valley of the shadow.
He says, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
And people leave out that through.
I love that, Nancy. Good word. it's through it's going to get you through it
(30:24):
you've gone through this and you get to the other side and that's where you
that's where you begin to heal,
like I said it's a process and,
There are days that, I mean, something will come on the radio or somebody will
say something or I'll see Jim's handwriting or something like that and I'll
(30:45):
tear up. Yeah. I'm a crier.
So it's not that I'm grieving so much because he's gone.
I know where he is. I saw him with Jesus. I mean, I had a slight vision, just a minute flash.
I love that. That he was, you know, that they were walking across this hillside together.
(31:06):
Together and i know jim was asking him 5
280 questions you know so that's
how i take it i mean i still miss him i miss him every
day oh yeah miss him every day yeah it's hard to go through life with somebody
that you're attached to the hip and marriage to us was that god sets your one
(31:28):
flesh and we took that very seriously and i mean we people even laughed at that
is because we took the garbage out together.
You were one flesh when it came to taking that garbage out together.
We did everything together.
That's exactly how my parents were. They did absolutely everything together.
(31:49):
And I thought it was wonderful.
I thought it was wonderful. Nancy, that was a really good word that you gave
to our listeners because there are potholes.
There are going to be cracks in the road. There are going to be opportunities
for us to fall down and not be able to get back up.
And we've got to make a choice to get back up, don't we?
(32:09):
Yes. We've got to make a choice to pursue and go after our healing because nobody's
going to do that for us, right? It has to be you and God.
Yeah. You know, you're not going to get to where you need to be unless you've
got somebody there leading you.
And the Holy Spirit does that. Yes, he does.
(32:29):
He's our teacher. He's our counselor. Yeah. And that'll get you through.
And like I said, it's, there's going to be things that are thrown at you and there's
That you would normally do, decisions being made or things in the family that
you would, you really need that other person. But God gets you through.
(32:53):
God will get you through. He'll
put people in your life to get you to the point of being blessed again.
I love that word. And also, he says, I am your husband.
Yes, he does. He is your husband. Yes. and he
(33:13):
is that for all of us he is our bridegroom redeemer
that's right he most certainly is and i'm sure
you lean into that as well nancy it has been such a joy to have you here thank
you thank you for i've loved it thank you for being so vulnerable with your
story and sharing your story with us and sharing your heart with us, sharing your wisdom,
(33:38):
your wisdom, great wisdom with us. We are so grateful for that.
And I just want to say to our listeners right now, if you are walking through
grief, just like Nancy Francis just said, it can make you or it can break you. Right, Nancy?
Correct. And with God, all things are possible, even if they do not seem possible.
(34:03):
He says, As greater is He living on the inside of you than he who is in the world.
And He will get you through, like you were saying, Nancy.
Yea, though I go through the valley of the shadow of death, he will get you
through to the other side.
But you also have to make that choice to pursue your healing,
(34:25):
to connect with other people. Right, Nancy?
Correct. Those things were very, very important. And you had to be intentional about that.
It's all about trusting God and his promises to us. Trusting God and his promises.
Yes. Which are yes and amen. Yes and amen. That's right.
And he says that I have made you more than a conqueror. I have made you an overcomer.
(34:46):
And we have to say, yes, I am those things.
We have to give our amen to those promises. Yeah.
Good word, Nancy. Thank you so much for being here.
It has been such a joy, such a joy. And to our listeners, thank you for being here.
I hope this show has encouraged you. If you are walking through grief,
(35:07):
just know that Jesus is your Prince of Peace.
And he is very near to the crushed in spirit and the broken hearted.
And if you are feeling crushed in spirit today and your heart is broken,
know that Jesus is there for you.
Also, we just wanted to let you know that we are a self-funded podcast.
(35:32):
If you would like to partner with us and we're going to drop this information
in the bio section, section jesusgirlroar.com.
And you can just smash that donate button if God leads you to do that.
We thank you for your prayers. We are praying for you.
And as you go through your day to day, most importantly, remember this,
Jesus is crazy in love with you.
(35:55):
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