July 2, 2024 • 10 mins
In this episode, Miriam Brown and Erin Coppin, a mother of two children with ADHD, explore how ADHD can be a superpower rather than a disability. Through personal stories and practical advice, they discuss creative ways to help children with ADHD thrive.
Discover how Erin's children turned their ADHD into a blessing, leveraging their unique strengths in creative projects and forming meaningful friendships. Learn actionable tips on finding the right teachers and extracurricular activities to support your child's interests and emotional well-being. This episode is a must-listen for parents and educators aiming to unlock the full potential of children with ADHD.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music.
(00:06):
Miriam Brown. In addition to my teaching certificate, I have a bachelor's degree
in psychology and a master's in curriculum and instruction.
I spent the last decade as a public school teacher, and I want to give you insider
tips on how to help your child do well in a system that might otherwise fail them.
Today, we're going to talk about how ADHD can actually be a superpower. power.
Music.
(00:33):
I'm talking with Erin Coppin again. She has two children with ADHD and I taught
both of them and they both taught me quite a lot about working with ADHD.
Erin, both of your kids actually wrote essays for me about ADHD and both of
them came to the conclusion that ADHD was a blessing rather than a curse.
(00:54):
Your son felt like it helped him be a creative person.
And your daughter wrote about how it helped her see the world in different ways than other people.
So that was really interesting that when they were able to choose their topic,
that they were both drawn to advocating that it also had its upside.
Yeah, I would agree to that. I mean, there are times that my daughter especially
(01:15):
is like, why do I have to deal with this and be different?
But even Even her first grade teacher, who was constantly saying,
you've got to look at me, pay attention.
Later in the school year, the teacher actually mentioned to me that my daughter
would draw connections from a picture that the teacher had up on the wall,
and she would connect it to something they'd been talking about in class a month ago.
(01:36):
And the teacher was like, I realized she actually is paying attention.
She's just making these different connections because she's paying attention
to several different things at once, which was really exciting.
Both of your kids, they really were very creative.
With your daughter, I was teaching a video game design class and they would work in groups.
(01:58):
And one of her really good friends is very conscientious and very organized.
And they would work together on video games.
And your daughter would get lost in the weeds because she really enjoyed doing
the artwork for the video games and making the characters do cool things.
Your daughter would have a hard time finishing things, but her friend would
(02:19):
be the task manager and the friend would make sure they got things done on time.
Their video games would turn out so cool because they would combine their strengths.
I'm really super glad that my daughter has this good friend who's really conscientious
and this good friend actually helps her in other ways, too.
(02:39):
Like, don't forget, we've got to get this math assignment done or this essay.
So they're in a lot of classes together and that's been great.
So if your kid can find somebody like that that can help them with their strength.
I remember with your son, I was making them do an essay or a speech.
I was having them write about how the pandemic affected kids.
(03:01):
And he said, well, what if I wrote a children's book instead?
And it was near the end of the year and I was kind of tired.
So I was like, sure, whatever. I just didn't want to fight with them.
You know, I was like, but it has to be done and it has to be good.
It has to be extra good. And he said, OK.
And he wrote a children's book about his experience during the pandemic and
(03:22):
how video games helped him connect with friends that he couldn't see in real
life and how he learned how to balance video game times with actual outside play and friend times.
And it was such a well-written children's book that could be published.
I think that was really funny because it did turn out to be this really great story.
And his plan is to use that as a senior project because he loves art,
(03:45):
too. So he wants to do illustration with the book as well.
But he thinks he got away with it because he felt like that was a much easier
assignment, which he still learned and was able to complete the assignment in a different way.
There's more than one way to teach a child. And it isn't like you have to write
a big, long essay about everything. thing.
Yeah, I think both of them look for those kind of things that play to their strengths.
(04:10):
And so I definitely see they both tend to hyper focus more on the stuff they like.
And so the subjects that they like to do, they're the first ones the homework gets done.
And the subjects that they don't like to do, they put off and put off and put
off until it's finally crunch time.
So yeah, I guess my best advice would be find those best
teachers that see the value in your kids and see ways to challenge them in creative ways.
(04:36):
You know, and I think coming at teaching from the standpoint of a psychology degree,
I am most concerned with how school affects students and their emotions and
how it affects their psyche, because I think it's really important to find your
people and to find your place.
School can be really hard on a kid's self-esteem. So it's very important to
(04:57):
help your child find out what they're.
So that is so true. So my son doesn't love the academic part of school.
He loves choir and he loves drama.
And these areas in the arts that are the part where my son feels like he fits
in and feels like he can be successful. I think that's something that you do well.
(05:21):
You do a lot to help your kids form relationships.
I was talking to one of your former neighbors just yesterday and they were talking
about, oh, the Coppins house was the hangout place and every kids were over at our house.
And sometimes when you have a kid to struggle with this, sometimes you have
to do a little bit more as a parent to help your child find their people and
(05:43):
find the place where they do fit in. You know, some kids are just going to come at it naturally.
And I know with one of my children, I think I should have done a better job
of putting them in experiences where they could find their people.
Some ways that you can help your kid are to start with their interest and find
extracurricular activities that they might enjoy.
Could be sports or scouts or maybe something like code ninjas if they're into computers.
(06:05):
Often, when they get involved in extracurricular activities that are related
to their interest, this is a good place for them to find kids that will have
something in common with them.
Friendships often start with shared interests. And you don't want to be putting
pressure on them to find friends.
You just want to put them in situations where those friendships will arise naturally.
You also always want to make sure that you're developing a good relationship with your child.
(06:29):
I always tell my kids that they can't be my friend until they're 18 because
friends really shouldn't boss you around, and I have to boss them around sometimes.
I know that gentle parenting is in style right now, but it seems very inauthentic
to me, so I don't claim to be a gentle parent.
But I do think that this style of parenting has helped us to realize that we
need to be more validating than perhaps I was with my older kids.
(06:50):
We need to make sure that our kids feel like we see their strengths,
not just the things that they struggle with. Yeah, I think that's so true.
I have to check myself a lot because I am a driven person and I like steps and
you accomplish this thing and then you can accomplish the next thing.
And that is not always how my kids or my husband function.
(07:12):
And so I have to sometimes step back and say, OK, how do I come across and what
what stress rest of my placing on my child?
And how is this putting stress on our relationship?
My sister-in-law, she's got a PhD in parenting or a parenting expert or whatever.
And she always talks about the relationship.
It's before anything else, you've got to focus on that relationship.
(07:35):
And there are some times when my kid does poorly on a test or fails a class
where the achiever part of me wants to be like, oh, what have we done wrong?
And what do we need to do to fix it?
And how can we do better next time when really what I need to do is stop?
And I just need to love my child and let them know that I'm proud of him or
her and make sure I'm focusing on that relationship before I focus on the behavior
(08:00):
that I want to help them with.
And I think that's something that is hard to learn, but I am learning it.
And as they age into teens and get near adulthood, I think I'm having to learn
that more and more. I think there's a balance between just accepting them for
who they are and also helping them to improve.
One thought of humanistic psychology, Carl Rogers always used to say,
(08:24):
you're doing the best that you can and you can do better. That's the paradox.
That's a paraphrase. The original quote was about accepting yourself the way
you are and then you can change.
But I think it applies to accepting others as well. We kind of have to help
ourselves understand that our child is doing the best that they can.
School makes this challenging because it really isn't designed for kids with ADHD.
(08:46):
Maybe someone should redesign the school system to fit kids instead of trying
to get kids to fit the school system.
But like my mom always used to say, suffering is the non-acceptance of what is.
Most of us couldn't afford the type of school system that we really want for our kids.
But I think eventually, once they're out of school, what I hope for my kids
is that they can find a career where 80% of the time they're doing what they're
(09:10):
good at and only 20% of the time they have to do the things that they're not
good at to function, you know.
But I guess as a mom, it's 80% of stuff I don't want to do.
Never be a mom. It's the worst. Just kidding. Have a good career.
You don't make any money at it.
I hope this conversation helped to balance out our discussion of helping a child
(09:32):
with ADHD do well in school.
There will always be things that they struggle with, but hopefully you can also
find some areas where they shine.
Most kids with ADHD are creative or have some other really great strengths that
can make the world a better place.
Keep looking for the good in your child so that they don't see you as just a
person who criticizes them, but as someone who loves them and wants the best for them.
(09:54):
If this episode helped you, share it with a friend on Apple Podcasts,
Spotify, or most other places.
I also just made a little website so you can get transcripts for this episode.
You can find them on publicschoolsuccess.com.
Music.
Music.
(00:06):
Miriam Brown. In addition to my teaching certificate, I have a bachelor's degree
in psychology and a master's in curriculum and instruction.
I spent the last decade as a public school teacher, and I want to give you insider
tips on how to help your child do well in a system that might otherwise fail them.
Today, we're going to talk about how ADHD can actually be a superpower. power.
Music.
(00:33):
I'm talking with Erin Coppin again. She has two children with ADHD and I taught
both of them and they both taught me quite a lot about working with ADHD.
Erin, both of your kids actually wrote essays for me about ADHD and both of
them came to the conclusion that ADHD was a blessing rather than a curse.
(00:54):
Your son felt like it helped him be a creative person.
And your daughter wrote about how it helped her see the world in different ways than other people.
So that was really interesting that when they were able to choose their topic,
that they were both drawn to advocating that it also had its upside.
Yeah, I would agree to that. I mean, there are times that my daughter especially
(01:15):
is like, why do I have to deal with this and be different?
But even Even her first grade teacher, who was constantly saying,
you've got to look at me, pay attention.
Later in the school year, the teacher actually mentioned to me that my daughter
would draw connections from a picture that the teacher had up on the wall,
and she would connect it to something they'd been talking about in class a month ago.
(01:36):
And the teacher was like, I realized she actually is paying attention.
She's just making these different connections because she's paying attention
to several different things at once, which was really exciting.
Both of your kids, they really were very creative.
With your daughter, I was teaching a video game design class and they would work in groups.
(01:58):
And one of her really good friends is very conscientious and very organized.
And they would work together on video games.
And your daughter would get lost in the weeds because she really enjoyed doing
the artwork for the video games and making the characters do cool things.
Your daughter would have a hard time finishing things, but her friend would
(02:19):
be the task manager and the friend would make sure they got things done on time.
Their video games would turn out so cool because they would combine their strengths.
I'm really super glad that my daughter has this good friend who's really conscientious
and this good friend actually helps her in other ways, too.
(02:39):
Like, don't forget, we've got to get this math assignment done or this essay.
So they're in a lot of classes together and that's been great.
So if your kid can find somebody like that that can help them with their strength.
I remember with your son, I was making them do an essay or a speech.
I was having them write about how the pandemic affected kids.
(03:01):
And he said, well, what if I wrote a children's book instead?
And it was near the end of the year and I was kind of tired.
So I was like, sure, whatever. I just didn't want to fight with them.
You know, I was like, but it has to be done and it has to be good.
It has to be extra good. And he said, OK.
And he wrote a children's book about his experience during the pandemic and
(03:22):
how video games helped him connect with friends that he couldn't see in real
life and how he learned how to balance video game times with actual outside play and friend times.
And it was such a well-written children's book that could be published.
I think that was really funny because it did turn out to be this really great story.
And his plan is to use that as a senior project because he loves art,
(03:45):
too. So he wants to do illustration with the book as well.
But he thinks he got away with it because he felt like that was a much easier
assignment, which he still learned and was able to complete the assignment in a different way.
There's more than one way to teach a child. And it isn't like you have to write
a big, long essay about everything. thing.
Yeah, I think both of them look for those kind of things that play to their strengths.
(04:10):
And so I definitely see they both tend to hyper focus more on the stuff they like.
And so the subjects that they like to do, they're the first ones the homework gets done.
And the subjects that they don't like to do, they put off and put off and put
off until it's finally crunch time.
So yeah, I guess my best advice would be find those best
teachers that see the value in your kids and see ways to challenge them in creative ways.
(04:36):
You know, and I think coming at teaching from the standpoint of a psychology degree,
I am most concerned with how school affects students and their emotions and
how it affects their psyche, because I think it's really important to find your
people and to find your place.
School can be really hard on a kid's self-esteem. So it's very important to
(04:57):
help your child find out what they're.
So that is so true. So my son doesn't love the academic part of school.
He loves choir and he loves drama.
And these areas in the arts that are the part where my son feels like he fits
in and feels like he can be successful. I think that's something that you do well.
(05:21):
You do a lot to help your kids form relationships.
I was talking to one of your former neighbors just yesterday and they were talking
about, oh, the Coppins house was the hangout place and every kids were over at our house.
And sometimes when you have a kid to struggle with this, sometimes you have
to do a little bit more as a parent to help your child find their people and
(05:43):
find the place where they do fit in. You know, some kids are just going to come at it naturally.
And I know with one of my children, I think I should have done a better job
of putting them in experiences where they could find their people.
Some ways that you can help your kid are to start with their interest and find
extracurricular activities that they might enjoy.
Could be sports or scouts or maybe something like code ninjas if they're into computers.
(06:05):
Often, when they get involved in extracurricular activities that are related
to their interest, this is a good place for them to find kids that will have
something in common with them.
Friendships often start with shared interests. And you don't want to be putting
pressure on them to find friends.
You just want to put them in situations where those friendships will arise naturally.
You also always want to make sure that you're developing a good relationship with your child.
(06:29):
I always tell my kids that they can't be my friend until they're 18 because
friends really shouldn't boss you around, and I have to boss them around sometimes.
I know that gentle parenting is in style right now, but it seems very inauthentic
to me, so I don't claim to be a gentle parent.
But I do think that this style of parenting has helped us to realize that we
need to be more validating than perhaps I was with my older kids.
(06:50):
We need to make sure that our kids feel like we see their strengths,
not just the things that they struggle with. Yeah, I think that's so true.
I have to check myself a lot because I am a driven person and I like steps and
you accomplish this thing and then you can accomplish the next thing.
And that is not always how my kids or my husband function.
(07:12):
And so I have to sometimes step back and say, OK, how do I come across and what
what stress rest of my placing on my child?
And how is this putting stress on our relationship?
My sister-in-law, she's got a PhD in parenting or a parenting expert or whatever.
And she always talks about the relationship.
It's before anything else, you've got to focus on that relationship.
(07:35):
And there are some times when my kid does poorly on a test or fails a class
where the achiever part of me wants to be like, oh, what have we done wrong?
And what do we need to do to fix it?
And how can we do better next time when really what I need to do is stop?
And I just need to love my child and let them know that I'm proud of him or
her and make sure I'm focusing on that relationship before I focus on the behavior
(08:00):
that I want to help them with.
And I think that's something that is hard to learn, but I am learning it.
And as they age into teens and get near adulthood, I think I'm having to learn
that more and more. I think there's a balance between just accepting them for
who they are and also helping them to improve.
One thought of humanistic psychology, Carl Rogers always used to say,
(08:24):
you're doing the best that you can and you can do better. That's the paradox.
That's a paraphrase. The original quote was about accepting yourself the way
you are and then you can change.
But I think it applies to accepting others as well. We kind of have to help
ourselves understand that our child is doing the best that they can.
School makes this challenging because it really isn't designed for kids with ADHD.
(08:46):
Maybe someone should redesign the school system to fit kids instead of trying
to get kids to fit the school system.
But like my mom always used to say, suffering is the non-acceptance of what is.
Most of us couldn't afford the type of school system that we really want for our kids.
But I think eventually, once they're out of school, what I hope for my kids
is that they can find a career where 80% of the time they're doing what they're
(09:10):
good at and only 20% of the time they have to do the things that they're not
good at to function, you know.
But I guess as a mom, it's 80% of stuff I don't want to do.
Never be a mom. It's the worst. Just kidding. Have a good career.
You don't make any money at it.
I hope this conversation helped to balance out our discussion of helping a child
(09:32):
with ADHD do well in school.
There will always be things that they struggle with, but hopefully you can also
find some areas where they shine.
Most kids with ADHD are creative or have some other really great strengths that
can make the world a better place.
Keep looking for the good in your child so that they don't see you as just a
person who criticizes them, but as someone who loves them and wants the best for them.
(09:54):
If this episode helped you, share it with a friend on Apple Podcasts,
Spotify, or most other places.
I also just made a little website so you can get transcripts for this episode.
You can find them on publicschoolsuccess.com.
Music.
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