May 6, 2024 • 45 mins
This week's episode is titled 'Motivation, Mindset & Manifesting Coach: Unmasking Imposter Syndrome'.
Mindset advocate, Alicia Berberich, delves into the complex issue of imposter syndrome plaguing many entrepreneurs. The discussion focuses on the difference between your intuition voice and the imposter syndrome voice and offers practical solutions to marginalize this inner critic.
Unravel the common hurdles faced by women business owners and acquire practical advice to navigate those hurdles successfully. The episode emphasizes the importance of self-care and how it’s often overlooked.
Learn how people-pleasing tendencies can hinder business growth and the importance of delegation in a business context. Additional discussion includes using the concept of connecting with your future self for thoughtful decision making.
Do you have questions or comments? Your feedback ensures that we continue to give you content that adds value to you, fuelling our commitment to providing high-quality content and fostering a community of informed and successful entrepreneurs. Leave your voice note here
Topics:
00:01:40 - Unmasking Imposter Syndrome
00:03:37 - Meet Alicia Berberich
00:08:14 - Distinguishing Voices Within
00:14:42 - Combating the Inner Critic
00:16:53 - Building External Support Systems
00:22:43 - Building Connections and Friendships
00:27:08 - Overwriting Negative Thoughts
00:29:14 - Recognizing Red Flags of Imposter Syndrome
00:31:03 - Signs of Perfectionism and Control
00:31:55 - Combating People-Pleasing Tendencies
00:33:29 - Connecting with Your Future Self
00:39:09 - Embracing Self-Care Practices
00:42:09 - Building a Supportive Network
00:43:12 - Continuous Learning and Growth
Connect with the guest, Alicia Berberich:
Website:https://www.aliciaberberich.com/
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/alicia_berberich/
Linked-In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aliciaberberich/
Connect with the host, Ola Williams:
Website: https://bit.ly/3rxixue
Instagram: https://bit.ly/3Qc5qH9
Linkedin: https://bit.ly/3Mbtzwz
Let’s chat!: https://bit.ly/3UpeThP
Listen on:
Apple podcast - https://apple.co/3MCEnUM
Spotify - https://spoti.fi/49dQbpY
Products:
A 31-day Affirmation Cards Deck: https://bit.ly/4a7Ybbl
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Saying negative things about what you do. It's saying negative things about who you are.
No one's ever going to want to work with you. No one's going to want to invest
with you. Who do you think you are that you can come up with these ideas and
have people support you?
And it's a very harsh voice inside their head.
And the thing that I find so amazing is that it takes really accomplished people
who have lots of accolades, have achieved amazing things, and still this voice
(00:26):
just chews them up and spits them out.
It's really, really terrible what I've seen.
And just when you hear people reveal the kind of language that goes on in their
head, it really is heartbreaking.
The biggest part is to become aware of the voice in your head,
because a lot of people start out thinking, oh, it's themselves.
It's their own voice that's inside their head talking to them.
(00:48):
But actually, the voice is talking at you instead of to you.
And that is the first key in recognizing that you have this imposter syndrome,
this internal saboteur?
It's so easy to say, oh, do some exercise, do this.
I can remember when last I've done some exercise and I'm being truthful because
(01:09):
my business is so time consuming.
One thing that's really also good is like you need to change up your energy
so your energy doesn't get stagnant.
So one thing I love to do is pop in some dancing music before I leave the house
so then I get dancing and moving and it gets my blood moving and gets my energy
up and just changes all the energy.
Music.
(01:40):
Are you starting a small business or buying an existing business?
This podcast, Small Business Startup School, shares perspectives using the psychology
of retail and financial awareness, all with a reasonable dose of optimism.
The show promises to give startup solopreneurs insightful strategies and practical
(02:01):
solutions that support the mindset to execute business projects.
My name is Ola Williams, your host on the show. I encourage you to join us to
learn with positivity and great exchange of ideas.
Today's topic is unmasking imposter syndrome and the practical steps that business
people can take to effectively overcome this obstacle.
(02:25):
One challenge that entrepreneurs face these days is imposter syndrome.
That inner critic that says things like, you're not good enough.
You're going to embarrass yourself and so on.
Externally, entrepreneurs must contend with negative feedback from friends and
family sometimes and barriers such as limited resources or societal pressures.
(02:52):
These factors can create additional stressors, further complicating the startup journey.
On this episode, I had an engaging conversation with Alicia Bebridge,
a mindset, motivation, and manifestation advocate.
Alicia shared valuable insights.
Music.
(03:37):
Alicia, I am so grateful for your time to join us here on this podcast today.
And I would just like you to introduce yourself, let our listeners meet you.
Well, I'm so happy to be here too and to share what I know with your listeners.
I'm working with people who have a dream or are thinking about a dream,
or sometimes I even work with people who are frustrated and don't exactly know what they want to do.
(04:01):
And I help them find clarity in their life so that they can move forward with
power and understanding of what it is they really want.
So I really love working with people to help them have their vision come into fruition.
And that's very exciting. And it's from doing that work that I countered the
imposter syndrome with many of my clients and had to work with them to overcome
(04:22):
that so that they could move forward with power and strength.
Yeah. So I think that's the elephant in the room, the imposter syndrome.
What has been your experience with this imposter? How has people come forward
to you to say, this is what I'm experiencing.
So for somebody listening to us, what is imposter syndrome?
Yeah. People recognize that they are actually having that.
(04:44):
Yeah. So many people have this negative voice in their head that talks to them
and says negative things. Oh, you're not good enough, whatever.
And with the imposter syndrome is it's like that negative voice in your head on steroids.
So it just takes over. And the thing is, you can't just Just turn off that negative
voice in your head because it's been with us since the beginning.
(05:05):
It's really evolved to try to keep us safe, but it's taken over in a hard way.
So really learning to work with it in a positive way, what I have found,
that learning to work with it in a positive way really helps people to move
forward with strength and courage.
So I have developed a little system that I use with my clients.
And so once you become aware and have this awareness, oh, that's like the negative
(05:29):
voice in my head, that's the internal saboteur, it's to acknowledge that you
understand that it's theirs, just to merely say, oh, that's the negative voice in my head.
So then you're creating a separation between you and the voice.
So you realize it's not you, it's just a part of you. And it's something that
with my clients, sometimes what I try to do is like, well, why don't you create
a little image of this voice that's talking to you?
(05:50):
So you have something to separate yourself from it. And then you can have a
conversation with it instead of having it barrage you with all these things.
So once they can acknowledge it and separate themselves from it,
they have awareness, they can acknowledge, oh, that's the negative voice in
my head, then they can appreciate it.
So now you're thinking, well, why would you want to appreciate this negative
voice in your head? Like it's saying all these mean things.
(06:13):
And I sort of look at it as like the mean girl syndromes, you know,
like when you're in school and you have these mean girls, they're like that
because they're afraid of what's going to happen.
They're trying to take control over a situation that they might not have control
over. And they just they do it in a negative way, which is all that they know.
So when you have these mean girls, you try to counteract it by adding love and
(06:34):
kindness and appreciating what they are offering. So when you have the negative
voice in your head, you can say, oh, I know that you're here because you're trying to keep me safe.
That's all what it is. It's trying to keep you safe within the comfort zone.
And it's been doing it for millennials so many years.
These saboteurs were protecting us from saber-toothed tigers or,
you know, all kinds of scary things.
(06:54):
But the world has evolved and now they're just trying to keep you safe how they know best to do it.
So by having awareness of this abattoir inside your head and separating yourself
from it, acknowledging it, oh, that's the voice in my head, appreciating it, oh,
I know that you're here trying to keep me safe, and then adding loving kindness
to say, what we're doing is scary and hard, but I think if we do this together,
(07:16):
we can move forward and be a lot stronger together instead of working against each other.
And adding that really loving kindness. And then the last step is to act with
courage, to move forward and doing it sort of side by side.
And the acting with courage is so important because it's from Brittany Brown.
She's like a superhero in my world. And she's a researcher in the University
(07:39):
of Houston. And she works on shame work.
But the thing that she said is courage isn't moving forward without fear.
Courage is feeling the fear and still moving forward. So that's a big thing.
And that's so important for entrepreneurs because they're stepping into new
territory and doing new things and trying to create a new path.
(07:59):
And so, of course, it's going to be scary. You're going to be doing things you haven't done before.
But just to still take the steps forward and doing it anyway,
it makes a huge difference.
So that's a little bit about the imposter syndrome, how it comes about,
and then how you can deal with it effectively.
When you said to know that the voice is speaking, you know, when you said speaking
(08:21):
to you, speaking at you, I wonder, you know, could you elaborate,
could you shed some light on that difference?
How can I know the difference between when a voice is speaking to me and at me? Right.
Okay. So that is such a good question. And it's a really good point to make
because a lot of people think, oh, it's maybe it's my intuition talking or is
(08:43):
it the inner critic? Is it my intuition?
What's going on? Maybe the voice is really trying to alert me to some dangers
that are happening. And the thing that's different between the negative inner
imposter syndrome, the negative voice inside your head and your intuition is
really the tone of voice.
Like when your intuition is talking to you, it's asking questions.
It's curious, like, oh, have you thought about this?
(09:05):
Did you think about that? Or,
you know, you might want to think about this because that's might happen.
It's coming up with different ideas and it's kind of trying to nudge you in
a direction. But when it's the inner critic, it's like a sledgehammer. Yeah.
Hitting you like, oh my gosh, you are doing so stupid things.
What did you think you were doing?
It's very black and white, right and wrong, as opposed to coming up with ideas
(09:27):
to try to support you on your journey.
So I think really paying attention because you really, as an entrepreneur,
your intuition is so critical and you really need to hone in and connect with
that because that's really going to help you on your path.
But that's so different. The tone and the language is so So different from the
inner critic who's just really trying to keep your world small and safe.
(09:48):
And it's really doing it out of fear.
So the intuition, your gut instinct, they are talking to you.
But the inner critic is talking at you.
Yes, exactly. A very fine distinction.
Wow. That's very relatable.
So, I mean, I'm an entrepreneur myself. And I just, as you were speaking,
(10:10):
I was thinking of all those times when I wanted to do something and there's
this voice saying, you think you can do it?
Really? And I'm just thinking, what led me to that point? Do you think it's
more of external factors that I have exposed myself to before that point that's made me?
(10:34):
So I guess my question is, as entrepreneurs, should we be more intentional to
surround ourselves with external factors such as the people that we connect with,
the people that are in our space?
Grace, would you say those factors contribute significantly to the inner critic sometimes this...
(10:59):
Imposter syndrome that's saying, oh, you think you can do it?
How did you get it? You can't do it. So do you think it's more of external factors?
And if so, then do you think the solution then is intentionally surround yourself
with people that can cheer you on more?
Yeah. I just want to give a little story here about Sarah Blakely.
(11:19):
Are you familiar with Sarah Blakely? She's the founder of Spanx,
something very fine that's holding our stomachs in.
Anyway, Anyway, when she was growing up at her dinner table every night with
her and her siblings, her father would ask her, how did you fail today?
How did you fail? And so they had to come up with ways of how they failed and
then how they recuperated from that, what they learned, their lessons from that.
And I think that was such brilliant parenting because it got the kids to realize
(11:44):
failure is a part of life and it's something that you learn from as opposed to something you fear.
In other households, people like they don't respond to it the same way.
They talk about how you really messed up on the baseball field or how you did
the terrible with your science project.
And they're pointing out all the negative things in a negative way,
as opposed to saying failure is a great thing. Because you know what?
(12:04):
When you're failing, you're in the arena.
You're trying it. You're doing it. It's a great thing.
It's not really failure if you can learn a lesson and move forward from it.
So I think the story of Sarah Blakely is so, I mean, she's a billionaire now
from coming up with something so simple.
Like we have control top pantyhose. we don't need the bottom part.
We just need the control top. So I think.
(12:26):
It's such a great example. And she was in an environment where she was supported
to think outside the box to learn and grow.
And I think for any entrepreneur, that external support system is so important
to be with people who are encouraging you to think differently,
encouraging you to follow different trains of thoughts and ideas and really
(12:46):
push you beyond your comfort zone so that you're not staying small.
You're really trying to do different things. So as you said,
you know, how important is the external connections?
It's very important. Imposter syndrome is an internal saboteur that we deal
with, but there are the external saboteurs.
And sometimes, sadly, it can be our parents. It can be our siblings.
(13:08):
And it's just when you're in an environment where you're exposed to people who
are doing things and trying things, it encourages you to do things and try things.
But when you're in an environment where they're trying to hold you back and
keep you safe and prevent you from getting hurt, it really limits your potential.
It's actually one of the little bugaboos that drives me crazy now.
When kids play on sports teams, everyone gets a trophy.
(13:31):
Well, in real life, everyone doesn't get a trophy. It's not like that.
It doesn't happen in reality.
And just the more you can really feel like it's okay to fail and you can still
go on to be great, it's a good thing.
I like that you said. That's absolutely true.
I have seen kids competition where they just give everybody because they're
(13:51):
trying to manage the emotions of those kids, right? Like, oh, we are all winners.
But we need to find a way to balance that, to teach our kids that sometimes
in life you don't get to win, but it doesn't mean that's the end.
The important thing is what did you learn from this and how do you move on from this?
(14:14):
I think that is such an important concept for people working with children today
their way because the real life, as you say, it's not like that.
For example, as a business owner, there are decisions that I've made and which.
Hindsight, then I saw that actually it was a bad decision.
And there are some I made that, you know, after some time I said,
(14:34):
oh, that was, that was spot on. That was good.
But I wouldn't know if I didn't make any of those decisions. Right.
Right. So I'm just thinking now for somebody listening, what are those practical steps?
What are those actions that somebody can take like today to start making sure that, oh,
(14:56):
I'm intentionally building external factors that will contribute to my inner
voice speaking to me, not speaking at me.
Or when my inner voice, when it does speak at me, what are those actions that
I can take as a business owner to effectively combat that?
(15:18):
And the inner voice can be really negative and become louder when you're not
taking care of yourself.
Like if you're not getting enough sleep, then it's like the voice can get louder
because your defenses are worn down.
If you're not eating a well-balanced diet, that's another way that,
you know, like you become vulnerable.
And if you're not getting the exercise that you need. So it's as entrepreneurs,
(15:41):
I mean, for everybody, of course, it's critical, but for entrepreneurs where
they're giving so much and they're really trying to change the way things are
done, you really have to take care of your self-care so that you have the strength
and endurance to really push forward.
And you read about, you know, like Elon Musk or different people,
like they're sleeping on the floor, they're working nonstop and, you know, really...
(16:02):
Pushing the edge of the envelope in terms of self-care, like zero self-care, but that's an outlier.
But for most of us, we need to really take care of ourselves and make sure that
we stay strong so that we can stay on our path.
And the other thing that's super helpful is to really stay connected with different
people so that, you know, when things are in, when things get challenging,
(16:23):
you have like a sounding board, someone to talk things with.
I like to call it at a table of peers or a mastermind group.
So they help you think things through and come up with different perspectives
just so that your thinking doesn't get so focused.
You're missing things in the big picture.
So I think those things are really helpful for entrepreneurs and,
you know, for anybody in terms of trying to do something that's challenging
(16:46):
and difficult and you're trying to push the edge of the envelope forward.
So much more like support group.
So where would you say people can find support group in their area?
Like maybe somebody just even moved to a different area, relocated,
and they're not with their normal support system.
They're not with their family and friends that they were used to from where they're coming from.
(17:10):
So somebody relocated to another region and started a business.
What advice would you give to the person in terms of looking for support group
in that place where they just found themselves? ourselves.
Yeah, I think really, first of all, I would connect with the people I already
know to say, hey, I'm moving to this area.
Do you know, can you refer, do you have any friends or people here that you
know that you can refer me to as one ways?
(17:30):
Because that connections from your first degree connections is really helpful.
Maybe other alumni from your school are there. And then checking with the Chamber
of Commerce about other businesses that are in your area to introduce yourselves
to businesses that might be
ancillary to yours so that you can have a referral system within the area.
And the thing is, when you move to a new area, the onus is really on you to
(17:53):
reach out, to make connections with other people, because the people in the
area already have their connections and their systems going.
So really remember to put yourself in the driver's seat to make connections
and build relationships and really to make that effort.
And there's all kinds of pre-established groups like BNI for a business networking group,
depending upon what kind of business you have, but stay really connecting with,
(18:17):
like I was in advertising and, you know, like American marketing association
and different advertising associations are how I connected in different towns,
but thinking about, you know, well, and who are the kind of people that you
want to be connected with and who are the clients you want to work with?
Like if you have a retail, like one of my clients has a beautiful high-end women's
boutique. Well, where does she find it?
(18:38):
Women who are going to shop in her store and connecting in those kind of groups
so that she's meeting them and talking about her business.
And it's something that will be interesting for them too.
I like that you said BNI. BNI is such a fantastic network, by the way.
I know Darlene that is in charge of Nova Scotia, PE High and New Brunswick.
(19:00):
Fantastic woman. She's the executive director, Darlene Hallen.
So BNI, I have interacted with them and it is so amazing the number of resources.
Like if you need something as a small business owner, I can almost say you'll
find somebody in that space, within that network.
What you said is so relatable to me because that's my belief also.
(19:24):
I always tell entrepreneurs that look within where you are.
There will be, And like you said, you have to put yourself in a driver's seat.
Like, I think it was Michelle Obama that was saying, nobody really cares about
you. You have to care about yourself.
Right, right, right. Everybody's busy looking after themselves.
So why would they care about you? Care about yourself. Put yourself.
(19:47):
Nobody is going to come save you. You have to go out and have coffee chats with people.
Like you said, Chamber of Commerce, go there, introduce yourself,
look at BNI around you, introduce yourself to the chapter, the local chapter
around you. Look at network of women.
It's so amazing the number of... Professional Women's Network. That's a great group.
(20:11):
Women's Network. I am a part of, I'm a member of Center for Women in Business
in Nova Scotia, for example.
It's an amazing network of women. You know, they advocate for women.
And the amount of support they've given to me, it just makes me feel like I'm
not alone doing my business.
So anyway, if you're listening and you are a small business owner,
(20:33):
definitely put yourself in the driver's seat, like Alicia said,
and just go out there and, you know, stop.
Thinking somebody's coming. Save yourself. Connect with those small pockets
of networking group around you. Put it on Google.
Networking group around me. I see what you find. That's what I do.
And I think that's useful for people to know.
(20:54):
And you also have to remember, okay, you have to kiss a lot of toes before you find your prince.
So you go to a lot of different groups before you're going to find one that's
really right for you, where you feel good and you're connecting with the kind
of people you really want to connect with.
So you have to to investigate a little and have an open mind and a curious mind
to see, because you never know what's going to happen.
And you know, like for me, I'm a very, an introverted person and I'm really
(21:19):
shy and I hate going to these kinds of things.
And, but I've, I have learned over the years, like the more I don't want to
go, the more that means I need to go.
So I have to overcome my own head chatter saying, no, I can stay home.
I want to read my book. I want to sit with my dogs. Yeah, that's nice.
But then that just means just go for an hour. Something just came to me right
(21:39):
now as you were speaking that you are an introvert.
And the same way I view myself, I am very introverted.
And imagine me and you being in an event.
You are introverted, I'm introverted. And that's something we can talk about instantly.
But if we didn't go to that event, we're never going to. So I guess my point
(22:01):
is, even if you're introverted, there are chances that people in that event
are going to be introverts like you. So you're not alone.
I guess that's my point. You are not alone. Everybody in that event are not going to be extroverts.
So go there and connect with people. Just by saying hello, you find common ground.
(22:21):
Like myself and Alicia just found out now that my usual self,
my comfort zone is I sit in my apartment and I read my books.
That's my comfort zone all day and I'm fine.
But I have to, since starting my business, I have to just, and it's actually enjoyable.
Do you know how many people have met? Friendships that have developed.
(22:43):
Just by, you know, being a member of Center for Women in Business,
just by connecting with BN, I have developed friendships that have even helped my business.
So I don't think, I think it can only get better when you just get out of your
couch and just go to this event and just be yourself.
Just show up the way you are. I guess that's my point. And you will see people
(23:06):
that are just like you there.
And then you can connect with people. Part of my tradition on this podcast is
to share what I call kindness keys.
These keys are aimed to help you unlock kindness to yourself.
So here you go on today's episode. Focus on minding your garden and the butterflies will come.
(23:28):
By minding your garden, you stay on your lane, you minimize distractions.
Your presence in your work, and you just prioritize creating your beautiful garden.
Then, the beautiful garden you created will attract butterflies.
This is in contrast to chasing the butterflies. Who won't come to you if there's
(23:50):
nothing attracting them?
Hopefully, that resonates with you in some way or the other.
If this show is helpful to you, please do subscribe and share with others.
That way, we are supported to continue to bring you helpful content.
And please, we do like to hear from you. We encourage you to use the voice note
(24:10):
channel and the show note to share your insight, comments, or questions. Thanks very much.
Salish, I think I want us to, I want you, if you could speak a bit to when I
have this inner critic, because I really want us to zone in on that because
that's, it's so relatable.
What are those techniques that can help me?
(24:32):
Like I'm doing in my business, for example, I am doing something,
maybe it's an initiative. It's something I believe is big.
So there's an inner voice in me that is saying, why do you think you can do
this? Don't you know this is too risky?
You know, how do I, what are those techniques that I can, you know,
employ that can help me combat those inner voices immediately?
(24:58):
Really what having the awareness that the voice is separate from you,
acknowledging the voice, you're like, oh, that's my inner critic talking to me now.
It's not me. It's the inner critic talking to me and saying,
I know that you're speaking to me now because you think this is scary what I'm doing. Wayne.
And it's okay that it's scary because I'm only going to learn and grow by getting out.
(25:18):
This is my little statistic. If you get out of your comfort zone,
only 4%, you only have to be 4%, one big step out of that comfort zone,
then you're learning and growing and moving forward.
So by just reminding yourself, oh, I only have to be 4% outside of my comfort
zone, and it's going to be okay.
It's like, maybe it's going to be frightening for five minutes or,
you know, whatever it is, but we can do this.
(25:39):
And really trying to get the inner critic to be in alliance with you so that
you're a team together as opposed to fighting each other and really saying,
applying loving kindness.
Because it's really talking to you out of fear. It's afraid of what's going to come.
And so trying to think of it as like a little child that needs some comfort.
So you're saying, you know what? You're going to be OK. We're going to do this
(26:01):
together and we can do it.
Yeah. I decided one of the things I've decided that I need to do hard things.
And one of the things that I do is polar plunging. So I go into water that's
like 47 degrees for five minutes.
And it's I hate to be cold more than I can tell you. You're living in an area
where it's very cold. And so every time I do it, then I'm like,
okay, I can do hard things.
(26:22):
I can do this. I can do this. And my head is telling me, what are you doing?
Like, you are so crazy. Why are you getting in this cold water?
And then afterwards I say, oh, look, I did it. I did it. I do hard things. I can do it.
And so I'm talking out loud and my dogs are like, they're wagging their tails.
And so it does help because then you're hearing it. You're seeing it.
It's like, oh, I do hard things. And you're reinforcing something positive that
(26:43):
you're doing. That's hard.
Taking me out of my comfort zone. and it's a positive thing.
I was listening to a podcast.
I think it was on, you know, another podcast and it was Dr.
Joe that was speaking about, and I think I listened a lot to Dr.
Tara as well. And she's a doctor in England and she was neuroscientist neuroscientist. Yeah.
(27:08):
I just love listening to her and she was talking about how, and when you were
talking It was just resonating with me, some of the things I've heard her say.
And in this talk, she was talking about how our brain can be rewired and that
our brain, we may not be able to delete it, things that are there,
like negative things, but we can overwrite them.
(27:30):
Create new neural pathways, yeah. Exactly. And when you were saying there that,
you know, speaking audibly, and I think our listeners who take that,
because I practice that, and sometimes people may say, that sounds so stupid.
Well, why don't you give it a go first and see if it helps?
You know, saying audibly, oh, I can do this.
(27:51):
I can do this. Like, develop some affirmative language, some positive ones that
are positive, you know, in light of the negative language that you're hearing in your head.
So if you develop that, like if you think, oh, this is too risky,
you could say, well, what are the things I can do that can make me take a calculated risk?
(28:14):
And, oh, you could now develop, I am taking a calculated risk and this,
I'm taking a calculated risk. So I think that's more positive than saying, oh, this is too risky.
You can't do this. I'm taking a calculated risk. risk then that way
then you can take actions maybe to go for professional advice
maybe with some lawyers that's a calculated risk
(28:34):
because then you have knowledge in what you want to do
you can seek expert advice and then you now repeat
it to yourself i am taking calculated risk because by the time you that you
repeat that to yourself over and over then you are kind of like overwriting
that voice in your head that is saying you can't do this it's too risky so that's
(28:54):
it's so relatable table when you were talking about that,
how you combat the technique you use, which is speaking back to that inner voice in a positive way,
audibly, not silently,
audibly, so that it can hear you.
And that just kind of rewires your brain. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.
I think that is something for us to take.
(29:17):
So what would you say red flags are?
Do you think there are some red flags? Like I have entrepreneurs that I network with, even for myself.
Are there red flags that I should watch out for that's going to say.
That's an imposter syndrome?
Are those red flags, you know, when I say red flags, are there visible things
(29:37):
that's... Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Yeah, I think that's a great question. One of the really things that people
who are afflicted with imposter syndrome, when it takes over,
they get the perfectionist syndrome and they're not getting things done because
it has to be perfect and they're always striving for perfection.
And perfection is an ideal that really doesn't exist. exist
so when you are see that that you're pushing
(30:00):
spending so many extra hours dotting the
i's crossing the t's just like especially for women
like we work so much harder on things than men
do men always think oh it's good enough it's good enough but
women for it has to be perfect so letting go of the idea of perfection has to
is a good well seeing that it has to be perfect is a good indicator that maybe
(30:22):
there's some perfectionist or some imposter syndrome going on in your head So
that perfectionist is a red flag that I see.
Also, like in the opposite way, if you're not focused on getting things done
and you get scattered or suffering from bright, shiny object syndrome.
That's also, it could be you're afraid to move forward because of the imposter syndrome.
(30:42):
So that's another red flag that you can watch for, really making sure you're
meeting your milestones along the way.
And when you stop taking care of your self-care, you're not eating right,
you're not exercising, you're letting yourself go, then something is going on
in your head, like you're not good enough to take care of yourself and spend
the time and effort on yourself to keep yourself fit and healthy.
(31:03):
So maybe another thing is a control factor.
You're not delegating and getting things done and using the helpful resources
that are available for you because you want the control over it.
You think no one else can do it as well as you can do it. That perfection is key again.
Another area for women that I see is with people pleasing, always trying to keep everybody happy.
(31:24):
And that's another thing that can really keep them from achieving what they
want to achieve because they're trying to keep everyone else happy.
What would you say your advice is to entrepreneurs that want to be better at
not making everybody happy?
Because I want us to really zoom in on that. I want us to zoom into that because
(31:46):
that is something that is so common, that you want to please people,
but you don't want to cause offenses.
So what would be your advice to women, especially women business owners, on how to combat that?
What are the practical things one can do to make sure, oh, it's okay not to
(32:08):
please everybody? Yeah.
One of the biggest, strongest tools that we should have in our toolkit, you had mentioned Dr.
Joe. I'm thinking that you meant Dr. Joe Dispenza. Yeah, Dr.
Joe Dispenza. He really focuses on is focusing on your future self.
So when you're an entrepreneur and thinking about how you want your business
to be and having that visualization of how you want yourself to be in the future
(32:31):
and focusing on that and then using that knowledge to make your decisions today so that,
well, what would my future self do in this situation?
Like someone's overstepping their boundaries with you and you're,
you know, asking you for things that they shouldn't necessarily be asking you for.
How would my future self deal with that? And taking the strength and vision
(32:52):
from your future self in making decisions today so you can say,
no, that's not right. I shouldn't be doing that.
So that they really keep their whole, that vision of the future self in mind
and really sort of connecting with your future self.
You know, Matthew McConaughey is a really good looking sort of actor.
Not sort of, I mean, he's a fabulous actor, but someone asked him many years
ago, like, who is your mentor in business?
(33:13):
And he's thought about it. He said, well, actually my mentor is myself 10 years
out because who knows you better than yourself.
And by connecting with your future self, you can make the decisions along the
way so that you get to be that future self in the future.
It's not just some vision you're moving in that direction.
So whenever you're making decisions, connecting with your future self and seeing
how your future self would deal with that situation.
(33:35):
So that's a really important thing. And then, you know, like the person asked
Matthew later on, well, now it's 10 years. Who's your future self now?
I was like, well, it's me 10 years out. Like it's, it's a rolling thing.
So you're always connecting with your future self and making decisions.
Then think about how is this best going to serve me and taking it from that knowledge.
I think connecting with your future self is one of the best ways women can move
(33:58):
themselves forward by seeing how do they want to be and moving in that direction,
as opposed to making decisions just from where you are today,
because then you're just limited
by what you have today as opposed to the vision of you in the future.
That's the first time I'm hearing that. So that's something I will be doing
to myself, connecting my future self.
(34:18):
And you're right. Who knows you better than you?
So just, you know, visualize yourself 10 years from now, maybe even five years from now.
Yeah. And what would you do? And that should help.
And if it's not aligning with what somebody is asking you to do,
then you will be better placed to say, you know, no. No. And it doesn't really
(34:40):
matter if the person is not happy with that, because what matters is that vision of your future self.
Because if you say yes, then you're sabotaging your future self, right?
That vision that you want to be like yourself in 10 years.
The more you say things that don't align with that future self,
(35:01):
then the less you're going to achieve that future self.
Exactly. And it can even be with little decisions like, would my future self
really be eating this piece of cake?
Is that how I see myself in the future? Is that going to take me to where I want to go?
And it helps you get over those little moments of indecision so that you can avoid regret later on.
(35:25):
And that goes, it kind of loops into self-care as well.
Yeah. Because sometimes, honestly, I want us to talk a bit about self-care.
So are there, you know, you are the experts here, Alicia.
Are there things that you can tell? Maybe I'm even getting it wrong.
Maybe because one of my staff was telling me the other day, like,
(35:46):
you're saying, oh, you've not gone to the gym, but look at all the things you've
got, you have done today. day.
That's exercising because we're bringing things into the store.
We had some delivery and that was from my staff.
And then I said, okay, well, yeah, it might not be the structured gym,
but at least I got some things done. I moved my body.
(36:07):
So, you know, in terms of self-care.
They did some research with housekeepers in a hotel and they broke it into two groups.
And they said to the first group was like the test group. So they just go about
doing their housekeeping and they told them, gave them some lectures on fitness, whatever.
But with the second group, they said, as housekeepers, the work you're doing
is very physical exercise and is enough to keep you in shape.
(36:30):
So like when you're making the beds and vacuuming, you're using your body and
doing it in different ways. So just do it with the intention of that this is your exercise.
And then like six weeks later, they relooked at the group and the housekeepers
who had just the lecture and didn't talk about the change stayed the same.
But the other group had lost weight and increase muscle mass by just doing the
(36:51):
same thing that they were doing, but they had a different intention and a different
mindset about it. They're coming at it a different way.
So their body's receiving it in a different way and responding in a different way.
And I've lived in France for several years and in Paris, and I didn't go to
the gym, but you know, you have to walk to the Metro.
You have to, you know, there's so much walking involved just in your daily life
(37:11):
that you're moving your body and keeping in shape.
And I think it's the things that we do daily that can really help us to have
a new mindset, like doing the dishes.
I mean, that's work. And if you're doing the dishes and scrubbing them and moving
your body and dancing it, like make it kind of fun.
But just the things, the activities of daily living can become your exercise
if you're doing it with the right intention and motion and really being present for the action.
(37:36):
Because a lot of times we're doing things that, what I was saying was so important
is that you have to connect your your body, and your mind with the activity
so that it really works for you at an exponential level. So being present...
And as entrepreneurs, remembering that if your business already involves some level of activity,
(37:56):
like you're moving your body, you're doing, you know, be happy with that and
tell yourself you're already doing some, even if you don't have the time to
go to the gym, that's enough exercise.
So that's taking care of your body. Praise it. So you think this is my exercise.
I'm doing my exercise here, like walking back and forth in the store.
(38:17):
My mother was a wedding counselor at her church, and she was always having to
walk back from the bridal room to the altar and back and forth and back and forth.
She stayed so thin just from doing that work.
And with my girlfriend who has the women's boutique, she's always moving clothes
around and hanging them up and cleaning them.
I mean, it's a very physical job. job so
(38:39):
i think for the for entrepreneurs who are sitting constantly
at their desk it's really important to get up and
move your body every you know 45 or 50
minutes just to change your energy and get your blood flowing otherwise it becomes
really difficult i think those are the people that have a hard time and they
have to really be conscious about moving their body and getting things done
(38:59):
the best thing for you is like after you eat a meal just to walk for 10 or 15
minutes so that the food can process,
move through your body and doesn't get stuck in that one central area.
So apart from physical, you know, apart from moving our body around,
what other self-care tip can you give to entrepreneurs right now?
(39:20):
But really taking the time to...
Take care of yourself, whether it's getting your hair done, getting your nails
done, eating healthy food and not, you know, like grabbing a quick sandwich and chips.
Well, that's not going to help you. You need to have something nutritious.
Like your body is your tool and your instrument and really giving it the best
that you can give it and not compromising on things.
(39:43):
I think that is really critically important for entrepreneurs.
And they, they overlook it because they think, oh, I only have 15 minutes or
I'm going to eat here at my desk. and instead taking the time out so that your
brain can have a refresh, your body is getting good food, having a nutritious meal.
Even if it's just once a day at lunch, having a change of environment,
getting out of your office, having a sit down lunch where you're getting a hot
(40:05):
meal and then going back to work.
That is really something where you're stimulating different parts of your brain.
You're getting different visual sensations.
You're hearing things different so it can keep your creativity flowing.
I think that's really important. person. I heard doing a new thing,
getting out of your routine sometime to be in healthcare.
(40:25):
Yeah, exactly. That's interesting. I read a book recently, I believe it's by
Tabitha Brown, and she was talking about, I did a new thing and I started doing new things.
So the other day, so she talked about, it doesn't have to be an expensive new thing.
Just like you said, you may just decide to
(40:46):
take to have a hot lunch today rather than grab
a sandwich you can just have your lunch somewhere else just
change and she talked about if you are used to a certain
route change the route right there was something interesting i
did i was going to pick my daughter from school and i had like 10 minutes before
the school closing time and they had this park for parents and for the first
(41:08):
time and it was a sunny lovely it's in april right early spring and And it was
a very sunny day, breezy, but comfortable.
So I sat on one of the benches there and I put on my sunglasses and I was just staring into the sky.
And it was the first time I would do that.
So I had some five minutes before pickup time to myself in the park alone,
(41:31):
just staring in the sky, just soaking it in. And it felt so wonderful.
It was a new thing. Refreshing. Refreshing.
Invigorating. Yeah. A new perspective. I absolutely enjoyed that.
So every time I'm looking at what new thing can I do today, it could be the
simple things like sitting in the park and just looking in the sky,
(41:51):
taking a different route to work.
It could be, like you said, taking a hot lunch today, changing the environment
where you have your lunch. Those are self-care techniques.
So I love doing that. So putting on some good dancing music in the morning is
great. Oh, okay. I'm going to try that one of these days.
All right. Absolutely. So as we near our conversation, what final piece of advice
(42:16):
would you offer to entrepreneurs, you know, startup founders,
people that are just finding their feet in businesses?
What last words would you give to them? Well, I really want to encourage them
to be sure to have a good network of people to support them on their journey
because that will make a huge difference, whether it's a mastermind group or a table of peers.
(42:36):
And in terms of dealing with the imposter syndrome, it's really tried to build
that awareness that that voice is separate from you and to try to befriend that
voice and understand that it's coming out of fear and you need to have an emotional
connection to help it to feel better.
I didn't get to say this, but a lot of times people say, oh,
you're trying to ignore that voice or push it away.
(43:00):
And really, it's you just by connecting with it emotionally and trying to be
supportive of it, that's going to make you, move you forward in a much better light.
So making a positive emotional connection with your imposter syndrome.
Hey, lovely. I usually like to ask our guests, what would you like to learn?
Because I believe so much in learning. I believe so much in connecting.
(43:21):
And I believe no matter what we know, oh, we can always learn another thing.
So continuous learning. So if I can ask you, what would you like to learn next?
Well, Ola, what I'm working on learning right now is to become a better tarot card reader.
So I'm really working on tarot cards and I'm taking some classes on that.
(43:41):
And I love it because I get so many really cool messages and I do tarot cards
with my clients and I'm just taking it to a new level.
So that's what I'm learning right now. And I'm really enjoying it.
That sounds very interesting.
All right. Thank you so much, Halisha, for sharing your invaluable insights
with us today. It's been a pleasure.
(44:03):
Absolutely pleasure speaking with you. I loved being here. It was a great conversation,
Ola. It was really terrific.
Yeah. Thank you. And to our listeners, the links to connecting with Alicia,
they're going to be in the podcast notes and then you can connect with her on
social media, on our website and just click the link on the podcast notes and
then you can connect with Alicia.
(44:24):
Until next time, let's just remember to keep on learning and connecting. Bye for now. Bye.
Thanks for listening. Hopefully that added value to you. I do like to say that
the show aims to highlight broad business patterns that are considered same as ever.
However, I also acknowledge that personal circumstances may differ.
(44:45):
So please apply the lessons in line with your context and seek professional
guidance as may be applicable to your business.
Until next episode, please do share the show so value is added to others as well.
And remember, let's continue to learn together and be encouraged to keep on connecting. Thank you.
Music.
Saying negative things about what you do. It's saying negative things about who you are.
No one's ever going to want to work with you. No one's going to want to invest
with you. Who do you think you are that you can come up with these ideas and
have people support you?
And it's a very harsh voice inside their head.
And the thing that I find so amazing is that it takes really accomplished people
who have lots of accolades, have achieved amazing things, and still this voice
(00:26):
just chews them up and spits them out.
It's really, really terrible what I've seen.
And just when you hear people reveal the kind of language that goes on in their
head, it really is heartbreaking.
The biggest part is to become aware of the voice in your head,
because a lot of people start out thinking, oh, it's themselves.
It's their own voice that's inside their head talking to them.
(00:48):
But actually, the voice is talking at you instead of to you.
And that is the first key in recognizing that you have this imposter syndrome,
this internal saboteur?
It's so easy to say, oh, do some exercise, do this.
I can remember when last I've done some exercise and I'm being truthful because
(01:09):
my business is so time consuming.
One thing that's really also good is like you need to change up your energy
so your energy doesn't get stagnant.
So one thing I love to do is pop in some dancing music before I leave the house
so then I get dancing and moving and it gets my blood moving and gets my energy
up and just changes all the energy.
Music.
(01:40):
Are you starting a small business or buying an existing business?
This podcast, Small Business Startup School, shares perspectives using the psychology
of retail and financial awareness, all with a reasonable dose of optimism.
The show promises to give startup solopreneurs insightful strategies and practical
(02:01):
solutions that support the mindset to execute business projects.
My name is Ola Williams, your host on the show. I encourage you to join us to
learn with positivity and great exchange of ideas.
Today's topic is unmasking imposter syndrome and the practical steps that business
people can take to effectively overcome this obstacle.
(02:25):
One challenge that entrepreneurs face these days is imposter syndrome.
That inner critic that says things like, you're not good enough.
You're going to embarrass yourself and so on.
Externally, entrepreneurs must contend with negative feedback from friends and
family sometimes and barriers such as limited resources or societal pressures.
(02:52):
These factors can create additional stressors, further complicating the startup journey.
On this episode, I had an engaging conversation with Alicia Bebridge,
a mindset, motivation, and manifestation advocate.
Alicia shared valuable insights.
Music.
(03:37):
Alicia, I am so grateful for your time to join us here on this podcast today.
And I would just like you to introduce yourself, let our listeners meet you.
Well, I'm so happy to be here too and to share what I know with your listeners.
I'm working with people who have a dream or are thinking about a dream,
or sometimes I even work with people who are frustrated and don't exactly know what they want to do.
(04:01):
And I help them find clarity in their life so that they can move forward with
power and understanding of what it is they really want.
So I really love working with people to help them have their vision come into fruition.
And that's very exciting. And it's from doing that work that I countered the
imposter syndrome with many of my clients and had to work with them to overcome
(04:22):
that so that they could move forward with power and strength.
Yeah. So I think that's the elephant in the room, the imposter syndrome.
What has been your experience with this imposter? How has people come forward
to you to say, this is what I'm experiencing.
So for somebody listening to us, what is imposter syndrome?
Yeah. People recognize that they are actually having that.
(04:44):
Yeah. So many people have this negative voice in their head that talks to them
and says negative things. Oh, you're not good enough, whatever.
And with the imposter syndrome is it's like that negative voice in your head on steroids.
So it just takes over. And the thing is, you can't just Just turn off that negative
voice in your head because it's been with us since the beginning.
(05:05):
It's really evolved to try to keep us safe, but it's taken over in a hard way.
So really learning to work with it in a positive way, what I have found,
that learning to work with it in a positive way really helps people to move
forward with strength and courage.
So I have developed a little system that I use with my clients.
And so once you become aware and have this awareness, oh, that's like the negative
(05:29):
voice in my head, that's the internal saboteur, it's to acknowledge that you
understand that it's theirs, just to merely say, oh, that's the negative voice in my head.
So then you're creating a separation between you and the voice.
So you realize it's not you, it's just a part of you. And it's something that
with my clients, sometimes what I try to do is like, well, why don't you create
a little image of this voice that's talking to you?
(05:50):
So you have something to separate yourself from it. And then you can have a
conversation with it instead of having it barrage you with all these things.
So once they can acknowledge it and separate themselves from it,
they have awareness, they can acknowledge, oh, that's the negative voice in
my head, then they can appreciate it.
So now you're thinking, well, why would you want to appreciate this negative
voice in your head? Like it's saying all these mean things.
(06:13):
And I sort of look at it as like the mean girl syndromes, you know,
like when you're in school and you have these mean girls, they're like that
because they're afraid of what's going to happen.
They're trying to take control over a situation that they might not have control
over. And they just they do it in a negative way, which is all that they know.
So when you have these mean girls, you try to counteract it by adding love and
(06:34):
kindness and appreciating what they are offering. So when you have the negative
voice in your head, you can say, oh, I know that you're here because you're trying to keep me safe.
That's all what it is. It's trying to keep you safe within the comfort zone.
And it's been doing it for millennials so many years.
These saboteurs were protecting us from saber-toothed tigers or,
you know, all kinds of scary things.
(06:54):
But the world has evolved and now they're just trying to keep you safe how they know best to do it.
So by having awareness of this abattoir inside your head and separating yourself
from it, acknowledging it, oh, that's the voice in my head, appreciating it, oh,
I know that you're here trying to keep me safe, and then adding loving kindness
to say, what we're doing is scary and hard, but I think if we do this together,
(07:16):
we can move forward and be a lot stronger together instead of working against each other.
And adding that really loving kindness. And then the last step is to act with
courage, to move forward and doing it sort of side by side.
And the acting with courage is so important because it's from Brittany Brown.
She's like a superhero in my world. And she's a researcher in the University
(07:39):
of Houston. And she works on shame work.
But the thing that she said is courage isn't moving forward without fear.
Courage is feeling the fear and still moving forward. So that's a big thing.
And that's so important for entrepreneurs because they're stepping into new
territory and doing new things and trying to create a new path.
(07:59):
And so, of course, it's going to be scary. You're going to be doing things you haven't done before.
But just to still take the steps forward and doing it anyway,
it makes a huge difference.
So that's a little bit about the imposter syndrome, how it comes about,
and then how you can deal with it effectively.
When you said to know that the voice is speaking, you know, when you said speaking
(08:21):
to you, speaking at you, I wonder, you know, could you elaborate,
could you shed some light on that difference?
How can I know the difference between when a voice is speaking to me and at me? Right.
Okay. So that is such a good question. And it's a really good point to make
because a lot of people think, oh, it's maybe it's my intuition talking or is
(08:43):
it the inner critic? Is it my intuition?
What's going on? Maybe the voice is really trying to alert me to some dangers
that are happening. And the thing that's different between the negative inner
imposter syndrome, the negative voice inside your head and your intuition is
really the tone of voice.
Like when your intuition is talking to you, it's asking questions.
It's curious, like, oh, have you thought about this?
(09:05):
Did you think about that? Or,
you know, you might want to think about this because that's might happen.
It's coming up with different ideas and it's kind of trying to nudge you in
a direction. But when it's the inner critic, it's like a sledgehammer. Yeah.
Hitting you like, oh my gosh, you are doing so stupid things.
What did you think you were doing?
It's very black and white, right and wrong, as opposed to coming up with ideas
(09:27):
to try to support you on your journey.
So I think really paying attention because you really, as an entrepreneur,
your intuition is so critical and you really need to hone in and connect with
that because that's really going to help you on your path.
But that's so different. The tone and the language is so So different from the
inner critic who's just really trying to keep your world small and safe.
(09:48):
And it's really doing it out of fear.
So the intuition, your gut instinct, they are talking to you.
But the inner critic is talking at you.
Yes, exactly. A very fine distinction.
Wow. That's very relatable.
So, I mean, I'm an entrepreneur myself. And I just, as you were speaking,
(10:10):
I was thinking of all those times when I wanted to do something and there's
this voice saying, you think you can do it?
Really? And I'm just thinking, what led me to that point? Do you think it's
more of external factors that I have exposed myself to before that point that's made me?
(10:34):
So I guess my question is, as entrepreneurs, should we be more intentional to
surround ourselves with external factors such as the people that we connect with,
the people that are in our space?
Grace, would you say those factors contribute significantly to the inner critic sometimes this...
(10:59):
Imposter syndrome that's saying, oh, you think you can do it?
How did you get it? You can't do it. So do you think it's more of external factors?
And if so, then do you think the solution then is intentionally surround yourself
with people that can cheer you on more?
Yeah. I just want to give a little story here about Sarah Blakely.
(11:19):
Are you familiar with Sarah Blakely? She's the founder of Spanx,
something very fine that's holding our stomachs in.
Anyway, Anyway, when she was growing up at her dinner table every night with
her and her siblings, her father would ask her, how did you fail today?
How did you fail? And so they had to come up with ways of how they failed and
then how they recuperated from that, what they learned, their lessons from that.
And I think that was such brilliant parenting because it got the kids to realize
(11:44):
failure is a part of life and it's something that you learn from as opposed to something you fear.
In other households, people like they don't respond to it the same way.
They talk about how you really messed up on the baseball field or how you did
the terrible with your science project.
And they're pointing out all the negative things in a negative way,
as opposed to saying failure is a great thing. Because you know what?
(12:04):
When you're failing, you're in the arena.
You're trying it. You're doing it. It's a great thing.
It's not really failure if you can learn a lesson and move forward from it.
So I think the story of Sarah Blakely is so, I mean, she's a billionaire now
from coming up with something so simple.
Like we have control top pantyhose. we don't need the bottom part.
We just need the control top. So I think.
(12:26):
It's such a great example. And she was in an environment where she was supported
to think outside the box to learn and grow.
And I think for any entrepreneur, that external support system is so important
to be with people who are encouraging you to think differently,
encouraging you to follow different trains of thoughts and ideas and really
(12:46):
push you beyond your comfort zone so that you're not staying small.
You're really trying to do different things. So as you said,
you know, how important is the external connections?
It's very important. Imposter syndrome is an internal saboteur that we deal
with, but there are the external saboteurs.
And sometimes, sadly, it can be our parents. It can be our siblings.
(13:08):
And it's just when you're in an environment where you're exposed to people who
are doing things and trying things, it encourages you to do things and try things.
But when you're in an environment where they're trying to hold you back and
keep you safe and prevent you from getting hurt, it really limits your potential.
It's actually one of the little bugaboos that drives me crazy now.
When kids play on sports teams, everyone gets a trophy.
(13:31):
Well, in real life, everyone doesn't get a trophy. It's not like that.
It doesn't happen in reality.
And just the more you can really feel like it's okay to fail and you can still
go on to be great, it's a good thing.
I like that you said. That's absolutely true.
I have seen kids competition where they just give everybody because they're
(13:51):
trying to manage the emotions of those kids, right? Like, oh, we are all winners.
But we need to find a way to balance that, to teach our kids that sometimes
in life you don't get to win, but it doesn't mean that's the end.
The important thing is what did you learn from this and how do you move on from this?
(14:14):
I think that is such an important concept for people working with children today
their way because the real life, as you say, it's not like that.
For example, as a business owner, there are decisions that I've made and which.
Hindsight, then I saw that actually it was a bad decision.
And there are some I made that, you know, after some time I said,
(14:34):
oh, that was, that was spot on. That was good.
But I wouldn't know if I didn't make any of those decisions. Right.
Right. So I'm just thinking now for somebody listening, what are those practical steps?
What are those actions that somebody can take like today to start making sure that, oh,
(14:56):
I'm intentionally building external factors that will contribute to my inner
voice speaking to me, not speaking at me.
Or when my inner voice, when it does speak at me, what are those actions that
I can take as a business owner to effectively combat that?
(15:18):
And the inner voice can be really negative and become louder when you're not
taking care of yourself.
Like if you're not getting enough sleep, then it's like the voice can get louder
because your defenses are worn down.
If you're not eating a well-balanced diet, that's another way that,
you know, like you become vulnerable.
And if you're not getting the exercise that you need. So it's as entrepreneurs,
(15:41):
I mean, for everybody, of course, it's critical, but for entrepreneurs where
they're giving so much and they're really trying to change the way things are
done, you really have to take care of your self-care so that you have the strength
and endurance to really push forward.
And you read about, you know, like Elon Musk or different people,
like they're sleeping on the floor, they're working nonstop and, you know, really...
(16:02):
Pushing the edge of the envelope in terms of self-care, like zero self-care, but that's an outlier.
But for most of us, we need to really take care of ourselves and make sure that
we stay strong so that we can stay on our path.
And the other thing that's super helpful is to really stay connected with different
people so that, you know, when things are in, when things get challenging,
(16:23):
you have like a sounding board, someone to talk things with.
I like to call it at a table of peers or a mastermind group.
So they help you think things through and come up with different perspectives
just so that your thinking doesn't get so focused.
You're missing things in the big picture.
So I think those things are really helpful for entrepreneurs and,
you know, for anybody in terms of trying to do something that's challenging
(16:46):
and difficult and you're trying to push the edge of the envelope forward.
So much more like support group.
So where would you say people can find support group in their area?
Like maybe somebody just even moved to a different area, relocated,
and they're not with their normal support system.
They're not with their family and friends that they were used to from where they're coming from.
(17:10):
So somebody relocated to another region and started a business.
What advice would you give to the person in terms of looking for support group
in that place where they just found themselves? ourselves.
Yeah, I think really, first of all, I would connect with the people I already
know to say, hey, I'm moving to this area.
Do you know, can you refer, do you have any friends or people here that you
know that you can refer me to as one ways?
(17:30):
Because that connections from your first degree connections is really helpful.
Maybe other alumni from your school are there. And then checking with the Chamber
of Commerce about other businesses that are in your area to introduce yourselves
to businesses that might be
ancillary to yours so that you can have a referral system within the area.
And the thing is, when you move to a new area, the onus is really on you to
(17:53):
reach out, to make connections with other people, because the people in the
area already have their connections and their systems going.
So really remember to put yourself in the driver's seat to make connections
and build relationships and really to make that effort.
And there's all kinds of pre-established groups like BNI for a business networking group,
depending upon what kind of business you have, but stay really connecting with,
(18:17):
like I was in advertising and, you know, like American marketing association
and different advertising associations are how I connected in different towns,
but thinking about, you know, well, and who are the kind of people that you
want to be connected with and who are the clients you want to work with?
Like if you have a retail, like one of my clients has a beautiful high-end women's
boutique. Well, where does she find it?
(18:38):
Women who are going to shop in her store and connecting in those kind of groups
so that she's meeting them and talking about her business.
And it's something that will be interesting for them too.
I like that you said BNI. BNI is such a fantastic network, by the way.
I know Darlene that is in charge of Nova Scotia, PE High and New Brunswick.
(19:00):
Fantastic woman. She's the executive director, Darlene Hallen.
So BNI, I have interacted with them and it is so amazing the number of resources.
Like if you need something as a small business owner, I can almost say you'll
find somebody in that space, within that network.
What you said is so relatable to me because that's my belief also.
(19:24):
I always tell entrepreneurs that look within where you are.
There will be, And like you said, you have to put yourself in a driver's seat.
Like, I think it was Michelle Obama that was saying, nobody really cares about
you. You have to care about yourself.
Right, right, right. Everybody's busy looking after themselves.
So why would they care about you? Care about yourself. Put yourself.
(19:47):
Nobody is going to come save you. You have to go out and have coffee chats with people.
Like you said, Chamber of Commerce, go there, introduce yourself,
look at BNI around you, introduce yourself to the chapter, the local chapter
around you. Look at network of women.
It's so amazing the number of... Professional Women's Network. That's a great group.
(20:11):
Women's Network. I am a part of, I'm a member of Center for Women in Business
in Nova Scotia, for example.
It's an amazing network of women. You know, they advocate for women.
And the amount of support they've given to me, it just makes me feel like I'm
not alone doing my business.
So anyway, if you're listening and you are a small business owner,
(20:33):
definitely put yourself in the driver's seat, like Alicia said,
and just go out there and, you know, stop.
Thinking somebody's coming. Save yourself. Connect with those small pockets
of networking group around you. Put it on Google.
Networking group around me. I see what you find. That's what I do.
And I think that's useful for people to know.
(20:54):
And you also have to remember, okay, you have to kiss a lot of toes before you find your prince.
So you go to a lot of different groups before you're going to find one that's
really right for you, where you feel good and you're connecting with the kind
of people you really want to connect with.
So you have to to investigate a little and have an open mind and a curious mind
to see, because you never know what's going to happen.
And you know, like for me, I'm a very, an introverted person and I'm really
(21:19):
shy and I hate going to these kinds of things.
And, but I've, I have learned over the years, like the more I don't want to
go, the more that means I need to go.
So I have to overcome my own head chatter saying, no, I can stay home.
I want to read my book. I want to sit with my dogs. Yeah, that's nice.
But then that just means just go for an hour. Something just came to me right
(21:39):
now as you were speaking that you are an introvert.
And the same way I view myself, I am very introverted.
And imagine me and you being in an event.
You are introverted, I'm introverted. And that's something we can talk about instantly.
But if we didn't go to that event, we're never going to. So I guess my point
(22:01):
is, even if you're introverted, there are chances that people in that event
are going to be introverts like you. So you're not alone.
I guess that's my point. You are not alone. Everybody in that event are not going to be extroverts.
So go there and connect with people. Just by saying hello, you find common ground.
(22:21):
Like myself and Alicia just found out now that my usual self,
my comfort zone is I sit in my apartment and I read my books.
That's my comfort zone all day and I'm fine.
But I have to, since starting my business, I have to just, and it's actually enjoyable.
Do you know how many people have met? Friendships that have developed.
(22:43):
Just by, you know, being a member of Center for Women in Business,
just by connecting with BN, I have developed friendships that have even helped my business.
So I don't think, I think it can only get better when you just get out of your
couch and just go to this event and just be yourself.
Just show up the way you are. I guess that's my point. And you will see people
(23:06):
that are just like you there.
And then you can connect with people. Part of my tradition on this podcast is
to share what I call kindness keys.
These keys are aimed to help you unlock kindness to yourself.
So here you go on today's episode. Focus on minding your garden and the butterflies will come.
(23:28):
By minding your garden, you stay on your lane, you minimize distractions.
Your presence in your work, and you just prioritize creating your beautiful garden.
Then, the beautiful garden you created will attract butterflies.
This is in contrast to chasing the butterflies. Who won't come to you if there's
(23:50):
nothing attracting them?
Hopefully, that resonates with you in some way or the other.
If this show is helpful to you, please do subscribe and share with others.
That way, we are supported to continue to bring you helpful content.
And please, we do like to hear from you. We encourage you to use the voice note
(24:10):
channel and the show note to share your insight, comments, or questions. Thanks very much.
Salish, I think I want us to, I want you, if you could speak a bit to when I
have this inner critic, because I really want us to zone in on that because
that's, it's so relatable.
What are those techniques that can help me?
(24:32):
Like I'm doing in my business, for example, I am doing something,
maybe it's an initiative. It's something I believe is big.
So there's an inner voice in me that is saying, why do you think you can do
this? Don't you know this is too risky?
You know, how do I, what are those techniques that I can, you know,
employ that can help me combat those inner voices immediately?
(24:58):
Really what having the awareness that the voice is separate from you,
acknowledging the voice, you're like, oh, that's my inner critic talking to me now.
It's not me. It's the inner critic talking to me and saying,
I know that you're speaking to me now because you think this is scary what I'm doing. Wayne.
And it's okay that it's scary because I'm only going to learn and grow by getting out.
(25:18):
This is my little statistic. If you get out of your comfort zone,
only 4%, you only have to be 4%, one big step out of that comfort zone,
then you're learning and growing and moving forward.
So by just reminding yourself, oh, I only have to be 4% outside of my comfort
zone, and it's going to be okay.
It's like, maybe it's going to be frightening for five minutes or,
you know, whatever it is, but we can do this.
(25:39):
And really trying to get the inner critic to be in alliance with you so that
you're a team together as opposed to fighting each other and really saying,
applying loving kindness.
Because it's really talking to you out of fear. It's afraid of what's going to come.
And so trying to think of it as like a little child that needs some comfort.
So you're saying, you know what? You're going to be OK. We're going to do this
(26:01):
together and we can do it.
Yeah. I decided one of the things I've decided that I need to do hard things.
And one of the things that I do is polar plunging. So I go into water that's
like 47 degrees for five minutes.
And it's I hate to be cold more than I can tell you. You're living in an area
where it's very cold. And so every time I do it, then I'm like,
okay, I can do hard things.
(26:22):
I can do this. I can do this. And my head is telling me, what are you doing?
Like, you are so crazy. Why are you getting in this cold water?
And then afterwards I say, oh, look, I did it. I did it. I do hard things. I can do it.
And so I'm talking out loud and my dogs are like, they're wagging their tails.
And so it does help because then you're hearing it. You're seeing it.
It's like, oh, I do hard things. And you're reinforcing something positive that
(26:43):
you're doing. That's hard.
Taking me out of my comfort zone. and it's a positive thing.
I was listening to a podcast.
I think it was on, you know, another podcast and it was Dr.
Joe that was speaking about, and I think I listened a lot to Dr.
Tara as well. And she's a doctor in England and she was neuroscientist neuroscientist. Yeah.
(27:08):
I just love listening to her and she was talking about how, and when you were
talking It was just resonating with me, some of the things I've heard her say.
And in this talk, she was talking about how our brain can be rewired and that
our brain, we may not be able to delete it, things that are there,
like negative things, but we can overwrite them.
(27:30):
Create new neural pathways, yeah. Exactly. And when you were saying there that,
you know, speaking audibly, and I think our listeners who take that,
because I practice that, and sometimes people may say, that sounds so stupid.
Well, why don't you give it a go first and see if it helps?
You know, saying audibly, oh, I can do this.
(27:51):
I can do this. Like, develop some affirmative language, some positive ones that
are positive, you know, in light of the negative language that you're hearing in your head.
So if you develop that, like if you think, oh, this is too risky,
you could say, well, what are the things I can do that can make me take a calculated risk?
(28:14):
And, oh, you could now develop, I am taking a calculated risk and this,
I'm taking a calculated risk. So I think that's more positive than saying, oh, this is too risky.
You can't do this. I'm taking a calculated risk. risk then that way
then you can take actions maybe to go for professional advice
maybe with some lawyers that's a calculated risk
(28:34):
because then you have knowledge in what you want to do
you can seek expert advice and then you now repeat
it to yourself i am taking calculated risk because by the time you that you
repeat that to yourself over and over then you are kind of like overwriting
that voice in your head that is saying you can't do this it's too risky so that's
(28:54):
it's so relatable table when you were talking about that,
how you combat the technique you use, which is speaking back to that inner voice in a positive way,
audibly, not silently,
audibly, so that it can hear you.
And that just kind of rewires your brain. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.
I think that is something for us to take.
(29:17):
So what would you say red flags are?
Do you think there are some red flags? Like I have entrepreneurs that I network with, even for myself.
Are there red flags that I should watch out for that's going to say.
That's an imposter syndrome?
Are those red flags, you know, when I say red flags, are there visible things
(29:37):
that's... Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Yeah, I think that's a great question. One of the really things that people
who are afflicted with imposter syndrome, when it takes over,
they get the perfectionist syndrome and they're not getting things done because
it has to be perfect and they're always striving for perfection.
And perfection is an ideal that really doesn't exist. exist
so when you are see that that you're pushing
(30:00):
spending so many extra hours dotting the
i's crossing the t's just like especially for women
like we work so much harder on things than men
do men always think oh it's good enough it's good enough but
women for it has to be perfect so letting go of the idea of perfection has to
is a good well seeing that it has to be perfect is a good indicator that maybe
(30:22):
there's some perfectionist or some imposter syndrome going on in your head So
that perfectionist is a red flag that I see.
Also, like in the opposite way, if you're not focused on getting things done
and you get scattered or suffering from bright, shiny object syndrome.
That's also, it could be you're afraid to move forward because of the imposter syndrome.
(30:42):
So that's another red flag that you can watch for, really making sure you're
meeting your milestones along the way.
And when you stop taking care of your self-care, you're not eating right,
you're not exercising, you're letting yourself go, then something is going on
in your head, like you're not good enough to take care of yourself and spend
the time and effort on yourself to keep yourself fit and healthy.
(31:03):
So maybe another thing is a control factor.
You're not delegating and getting things done and using the helpful resources
that are available for you because you want the control over it.
You think no one else can do it as well as you can do it. That perfection is key again.
Another area for women that I see is with people pleasing, always trying to keep everybody happy.
(31:24):
And that's another thing that can really keep them from achieving what they
want to achieve because they're trying to keep everyone else happy.
What would you say your advice is to entrepreneurs that want to be better at
not making everybody happy?
Because I want us to really zoom in on that. I want us to zoom into that because
(31:46):
that is something that is so common, that you want to please people,
but you don't want to cause offenses.
So what would be your advice to women, especially women business owners, on how to combat that?
What are the practical things one can do to make sure, oh, it's okay not to
(32:08):
please everybody? Yeah.
One of the biggest, strongest tools that we should have in our toolkit, you had mentioned Dr.
Joe. I'm thinking that you meant Dr. Joe Dispenza. Yeah, Dr.
Joe Dispenza. He really focuses on is focusing on your future self.
So when you're an entrepreneur and thinking about how you want your business
to be and having that visualization of how you want yourself to be in the future
(32:31):
and focusing on that and then using that knowledge to make your decisions today so that,
well, what would my future self do in this situation?
Like someone's overstepping their boundaries with you and you're,
you know, asking you for things that they shouldn't necessarily be asking you for.
How would my future self deal with that? And taking the strength and vision
(32:52):
from your future self in making decisions today so you can say,
no, that's not right. I shouldn't be doing that.
So that they really keep their whole, that vision of the future self in mind
and really sort of connecting with your future self.
You know, Matthew McConaughey is a really good looking sort of actor.
Not sort of, I mean, he's a fabulous actor, but someone asked him many years
ago, like, who is your mentor in business?
(33:13):
And he's thought about it. He said, well, actually my mentor is myself 10 years
out because who knows you better than yourself.
And by connecting with your future self, you can make the decisions along the
way so that you get to be that future self in the future.
It's not just some vision you're moving in that direction.
So whenever you're making decisions, connecting with your future self and seeing
how your future self would deal with that situation.
(33:35):
So that's a really important thing. And then, you know, like the person asked
Matthew later on, well, now it's 10 years. Who's your future self now?
I was like, well, it's me 10 years out. Like it's, it's a rolling thing.
So you're always connecting with your future self and making decisions.
Then think about how is this best going to serve me and taking it from that knowledge.
I think connecting with your future self is one of the best ways women can move
(33:58):
themselves forward by seeing how do they want to be and moving in that direction,
as opposed to making decisions just from where you are today,
because then you're just limited
by what you have today as opposed to the vision of you in the future.
That's the first time I'm hearing that. So that's something I will be doing
to myself, connecting my future self.
(34:18):
And you're right. Who knows you better than you?
So just, you know, visualize yourself 10 years from now, maybe even five years from now.
Yeah. And what would you do? And that should help.
And if it's not aligning with what somebody is asking you to do,
then you will be better placed to say, you know, no. No. And it doesn't really
(34:40):
matter if the person is not happy with that, because what matters is that vision of your future self.
Because if you say yes, then you're sabotaging your future self, right?
That vision that you want to be like yourself in 10 years.
The more you say things that don't align with that future self,
(35:01):
then the less you're going to achieve that future self.
Exactly. And it can even be with little decisions like, would my future self
really be eating this piece of cake?
Is that how I see myself in the future? Is that going to take me to where I want to go?
And it helps you get over those little moments of indecision so that you can avoid regret later on.
(35:25):
And that goes, it kind of loops into self-care as well.
Yeah. Because sometimes, honestly, I want us to talk a bit about self-care.
So are there, you know, you are the experts here, Alicia.
Are there things that you can tell? Maybe I'm even getting it wrong.
Maybe because one of my staff was telling me the other day, like,
(35:46):
you're saying, oh, you've not gone to the gym, but look at all the things you've
got, you have done today. day.
That's exercising because we're bringing things into the store.
We had some delivery and that was from my staff.
And then I said, okay, well, yeah, it might not be the structured gym,
but at least I got some things done. I moved my body.
(36:07):
So, you know, in terms of self-care.
They did some research with housekeepers in a hotel and they broke it into two groups.
And they said to the first group was like the test group. So they just go about
doing their housekeeping and they told them, gave them some lectures on fitness, whatever.
But with the second group, they said, as housekeepers, the work you're doing
is very physical exercise and is enough to keep you in shape.
(36:30):
So like when you're making the beds and vacuuming, you're using your body and
doing it in different ways. So just do it with the intention of that this is your exercise.
And then like six weeks later, they relooked at the group and the housekeepers
who had just the lecture and didn't talk about the change stayed the same.
But the other group had lost weight and increase muscle mass by just doing the
(36:51):
same thing that they were doing, but they had a different intention and a different
mindset about it. They're coming at it a different way.
So their body's receiving it in a different way and responding in a different way.
And I've lived in France for several years and in Paris, and I didn't go to
the gym, but you know, you have to walk to the Metro.
You have to, you know, there's so much walking involved just in your daily life
(37:11):
that you're moving your body and keeping in shape.
And I think it's the things that we do daily that can really help us to have
a new mindset, like doing the dishes.
I mean, that's work. And if you're doing the dishes and scrubbing them and moving
your body and dancing it, like make it kind of fun.
But just the things, the activities of daily living can become your exercise
if you're doing it with the right intention and motion and really being present for the action.
(37:36):
Because a lot of times we're doing things that, what I was saying was so important
is that you have to connect your your body, and your mind with the activity
so that it really works for you at an exponential level. So being present...
And as entrepreneurs, remembering that if your business already involves some level of activity,
(37:56):
like you're moving your body, you're doing, you know, be happy with that and
tell yourself you're already doing some, even if you don't have the time to
go to the gym, that's enough exercise.
So that's taking care of your body. Praise it. So you think this is my exercise.
I'm doing my exercise here, like walking back and forth in the store.
(38:17):
My mother was a wedding counselor at her church, and she was always having to
walk back from the bridal room to the altar and back and forth and back and forth.
She stayed so thin just from doing that work.
And with my girlfriend who has the women's boutique, she's always moving clothes
around and hanging them up and cleaning them.
I mean, it's a very physical job. job so
(38:39):
i think for the for entrepreneurs who are sitting constantly
at their desk it's really important to get up and
move your body every you know 45 or 50
minutes just to change your energy and get your blood flowing otherwise it becomes
really difficult i think those are the people that have a hard time and they
have to really be conscious about moving their body and getting things done
(38:59):
the best thing for you is like after you eat a meal just to walk for 10 or 15
minutes so that the food can process,
move through your body and doesn't get stuck in that one central area.
So apart from physical, you know, apart from moving our body around,
what other self-care tip can you give to entrepreneurs right now?
(39:20):
But really taking the time to...
Take care of yourself, whether it's getting your hair done, getting your nails
done, eating healthy food and not, you know, like grabbing a quick sandwich and chips.
Well, that's not going to help you. You need to have something nutritious.
Like your body is your tool and your instrument and really giving it the best
that you can give it and not compromising on things.
(39:43):
I think that is really critically important for entrepreneurs.
And they, they overlook it because they think, oh, I only have 15 minutes or
I'm going to eat here at my desk. and instead taking the time out so that your
brain can have a refresh, your body is getting good food, having a nutritious meal.
Even if it's just once a day at lunch, having a change of environment,
getting out of your office, having a sit down lunch where you're getting a hot
(40:05):
meal and then going back to work.
That is really something where you're stimulating different parts of your brain.
You're getting different visual sensations.
You're hearing things different so it can keep your creativity flowing.
I think that's really important. person. I heard doing a new thing,
getting out of your routine sometime to be in healthcare.
(40:25):
Yeah, exactly. That's interesting. I read a book recently, I believe it's by
Tabitha Brown, and she was talking about, I did a new thing and I started doing new things.
So the other day, so she talked about, it doesn't have to be an expensive new thing.
Just like you said, you may just decide to
(40:46):
take to have a hot lunch today rather than grab
a sandwich you can just have your lunch somewhere else just
change and she talked about if you are used to a certain
route change the route right there was something interesting i
did i was going to pick my daughter from school and i had like 10 minutes before
the school closing time and they had this park for parents and for the first
(41:08):
time and it was a sunny lovely it's in april right early spring and And it was
a very sunny day, breezy, but comfortable.
So I sat on one of the benches there and I put on my sunglasses and I was just staring into the sky.
And it was the first time I would do that.
So I had some five minutes before pickup time to myself in the park alone,
(41:31):
just staring in the sky, just soaking it in. And it felt so wonderful.
It was a new thing. Refreshing. Refreshing.
Invigorating. Yeah. A new perspective. I absolutely enjoyed that.
So every time I'm looking at what new thing can I do today, it could be the
simple things like sitting in the park and just looking in the sky,
(41:51):
taking a different route to work.
It could be, like you said, taking a hot lunch today, changing the environment
where you have your lunch. Those are self-care techniques.
So I love doing that. So putting on some good dancing music in the morning is
great. Oh, okay. I'm going to try that one of these days.
All right. Absolutely. So as we near our conversation, what final piece of advice
(42:16):
would you offer to entrepreneurs, you know, startup founders,
people that are just finding their feet in businesses?
What last words would you give to them? Well, I really want to encourage them
to be sure to have a good network of people to support them on their journey
because that will make a huge difference, whether it's a mastermind group or a table of peers.
(42:36):
And in terms of dealing with the imposter syndrome, it's really tried to build
that awareness that that voice is separate from you and to try to befriend that
voice and understand that it's coming out of fear and you need to have an emotional
connection to help it to feel better.
I didn't get to say this, but a lot of times people say, oh,
you're trying to ignore that voice or push it away.
(43:00):
And really, it's you just by connecting with it emotionally and trying to be
supportive of it, that's going to make you, move you forward in a much better light.
So making a positive emotional connection with your imposter syndrome.
Hey, lovely. I usually like to ask our guests, what would you like to learn?
Because I believe so much in learning. I believe so much in connecting.
(43:21):
And I believe no matter what we know, oh, we can always learn another thing.
So continuous learning. So if I can ask you, what would you like to learn next?
Well, Ola, what I'm working on learning right now is to become a better tarot card reader.
So I'm really working on tarot cards and I'm taking some classes on that.
(43:41):
And I love it because I get so many really cool messages and I do tarot cards
with my clients and I'm just taking it to a new level.
So that's what I'm learning right now. And I'm really enjoying it.
That sounds very interesting.
All right. Thank you so much, Halisha, for sharing your invaluable insights
with us today. It's been a pleasure.
(44:03):
Absolutely pleasure speaking with you. I loved being here. It was a great conversation,
Ola. It was really terrific.
Yeah. Thank you. And to our listeners, the links to connecting with Alicia,
they're going to be in the podcast notes and then you can connect with her on
social media, on our website and just click the link on the podcast notes and
then you can connect with Alicia.
(44:24):
Until next time, let's just remember to keep on learning and connecting. Bye for now. Bye.
Thanks for listening. Hopefully that added value to you. I do like to say that
the show aims to highlight broad business patterns that are considered same as ever.
However, I also acknowledge that personal circumstances may differ.
(44:45):
So please apply the lessons in line with your context and seek professional
guidance as may be applicable to your business.
Until next episode, please do share the show so value is added to others as well.
And remember, let's continue to learn together and be encouraged to keep on connecting. Thank you.
Music.
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