May 30, 2024 • 20 mins
Join us on a hilariously sunny day in San Diego as we follow the zany adventures of a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary. From historical society mishaps to outrageous wedding plans, there's never a dull moment.
Discover the quirky characters and their comical interactions, from the eccentric maintenance man Winky to the persistent love-struck Adare. With misunderstandings, laughter, and a touch of nostalgia, this episode is a rollercoaster of emotions and humor.
Will the couple find their way back to sanity? Can historical rocks really make a difference? And what happens when past loves are rekindled at a high school reunion? Tune in to find out!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
It's a smartly sunny day in San Diego In every single way, ole!
We're the luckiest couple in the world.
Guess why? I know, it's because we won $300 million. Should have been more.
Guess again. How long have you been married?
Tomorrow it will be 50 years. That's pretty good for a starter marriage.
(00:26):
Shelley, how did your meeting at the Historical Society go? A bunch of hoity-toity,
funny-dutty old sour voices.
Oh, I take it they explained to you what historical means. Yes,
it doesn't mean very funny.
No, it means the past, history, what's come before.
No, they said it doesn't have anything to do with porn. So what's your bright
(00:46):
historical idea? Preserving rocks, just like you said. I said?
Yes, you said that to make a lasting difference in the world,
I need to tackle a very hard subject that nobody else has championed.
And rocks are the hardest subject? Oh, no, silly, of course not.
It's just that there's so many famous
rocks, it's going to be very hard to preserve them all. Famous rocks?
Yeah, Plymouth Rock, Rock of Ages, Stonehenge, even rock and roll.
(01:13):
I can think of something even harder to preserve. What's that, darling?
Sanity. What's that, darling? It's what I lost on our wedding night. Oh, that's okay.
I'm a hoarder. I'm sure I have plenty enough for both of us.
Nanny was this month's condo newsletter centerfold. Adair Heard! Did you see?
(01:35):
Nah, I just read the article. You know how to read? Of course!
Since when? Since Adair took an online course in body language.
Adair. So Adair still has dibbies on my nanny. Will you loan me your copy? What for?
To read the articles. Of course. Want a bedtime story? Don't like that. Okay, here goes.
(02:00):
Her right arm goes up like this, see? And then her left arm props up her boobie
like this because they're so big.
Then her waist goes in and gets all curvy. And then her leg pops straight out like that.
And then there's the tattoos.
What do they say? They say danger zone.
(02:22):
Trespassers will be shocked.
But not in so many words.
Winky's going to make a golden gazebo for our wedding. Sounds nice. Yes.
Regal perfectly compliments Regal Purple.
Felicia's already beautiful. Felicia doesn't need compliments.
Why, thank you, Adair. Pa said Adair should alight at Felicia every day.
(02:46):
Lies. Of course. About what? Felicia's cooking, intelligence,
beauty, weight. You know, the usual.
Lies. Paws says happy marriages are made from lies. Uh-huh.
Adair loves Felicia, so Adair will lie to her all the time.
Adair will never say Felicia's ugly. Adair will never say she has stinky farts.
(03:08):
Too bad the woodchipper's on back order. Also, Adair will never say Felicia's
spent too much money. Then again.
Or leave if Felicia doesn't have a baby every year. Uh-huh. Once every two years is just fine.
Adair, I can't have any babies. Why not? I'm going to have an early menopause.
(03:31):
Starting right now. That's fine.
Then Adair will make babies with Nanny.
You're losing. I'm not. You only have three jacks left. Then I won't lose. I quit.
Letty, quitters are always losers.
I'm already losing, so who cares? Smartlings only lose fair and square.
(03:55):
You're just saying that so you can beat me. That's it.
What? I'm going to write a song to teach you the power of persistence. Per-what-ance?
Persistence. It means never ever quit. But Daddy quit, and that was good, wasn't it? Good point.
(04:15):
I'll have to work that in, somehow. How do you write a song?
I'm not sure. But how hard could it be?
I'll just hum a tune and then sing what's ever inside of me.
Abigail, you can't go back to Earth anymore.
(04:35):
Why not? I already told you. A guy did that a few thousand years ago,
and he freaked out people so much, they're still talking about it.
But I miss Carrie and Letty. Of course you do.
But people who go back, they get turned into little tiny wafers and wine.
(05:00):
You don't want that, do you? No, I suppose not.
Plus, you don't have to deal with that drunk anymore.
Well, let's just say he's a
quick drinker right now. Yes, but he started preaching yoga and kombucha.
Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. That's my good little woman. Good little woman?
(05:27):
Kocek? Nah, give me cash instead.
Instead well if it isn't old presto smartly homecoming
ding dong come on caddy let's go home no way jose ding dong this is a strip
club no it's just a club on the vegas strip i'm already going to be grounded
till the next running of the bulls so i'm going to tell everyone this is a strip club.
(05:52):
That's my man. Always make sure the crime matches the time.
You wait here while I case the joint. You his kid?
Oh no, just his caddy. Here he's a GBA champion.
Yeah, used to be. What happened? Quit competing when he made world champ.
(06:12):
He said he couldn't ever do better. He could only do work, and that was that. So what's he do now?
He mostly just cries about the good old days and whines when they repossess his sports cars.
Man, I thought he was mega rich.
He was, but he has a weakness for beautiful cars and fast women.
(06:33):
Ah, like Tiger. Oh no, much worse.
That's odd. He was Mr. True Blue in high school. Him and Susie were joined at
the hip since junior high. Susie?
Well, if it isn't old Presto. Long time no see.
(06:53):
Fifty years, to be precise. Where's your wife?
I ain't got one, never have. And you? I ain't got no wife, neither.
Stop, Josh, and you know what I mean. After high school, I did Woodstock,
between the bowling pool.
Oh, so you never got over you? Is that what you were going to say?
(07:15):
Not quite. It's just that... Six years together and you dumped me at the altar. I didn't dump you.
My mother... I never, never should come to this reunion. What was I thinking?
Probably the same thing I was. What's that?
What if my mother hadn't thrown a fit that day? What if she let us get hitched?
(07:36):
I'm sure you would have been a god-awful husband. Well, maybe.
And father. What?
Get ready to do the locomotion with me.
Eric, 222 has a clogged toilet. Tell Winky about it. He'll fix it.
I already did. That's the problem. Oh, no. What now?
(08:00):
To fix it, he poured a bottle of laxatives down it. That makes sense.
Yeah, but now the toilet won't stop running.
Gotcha, didn't I? You sure did. I owe you one.
Now, what do you mean by father? Is it true you were a PGA champion?
(08:23):
Yep. And traveled the world? Yep. Then I did the right thing.
How's that? Mom was right. How so?
I was worried I'd tie you down. And I would've. I really doubt.
So, that's why I never told you I was pregnant.
What wasn't easy raising him all by myself especially on the professional bowling circuit,
(08:48):
It all worked out for the best, don't you think?
We gotta get him out of here. Shouldn't we call an ambulance?
Oh no, he does this all the time. Looks pretty heavy. So do you. I beg your pardon?
Sorry, it's the rewiring surgery.
(09:09):
Preston and I had our feelings switched, so he feels like a teenager again.
And I feel like snarky old curmudgeon. He's not angry and nasty anymore?
I wouldn't quite put it that way, but he's definitely improved.
You know I left him at the altar 50 years ago. Smart move. Why?
He's a womanizing golf pro.
(09:32):
He went steady for six years.
You and Preston? Why are you so surprised?
He can't even commit to breakfast after a one-night stand.
Thumper, I've never cared about anyone ever in a way that I would ever be able
(09:53):
to ask something like this, but... Say no more, because I've been looking for
a way to break the ice and... Stop. I've got to spit this out.
Winky, I'm sure we're both on the same page.
Great. I'm not sure how to start.
Me either, so just say whatever's on your mind. Okay, first,
(10:15):
you be the secretary. Here's your pen and paper.
Wow, roll sentence stationery. First, we need to set a time for the ceremony.
Ceremony? Yes, we'll hold it in the rotunda. I'm going to cover the gazebo in gold.
Pure gold? Well, we'll need beeswax candles, beautiful music. Music.
(10:41):
How about Liberace Somewhere Over the Rainbow?
Marvelous, my dear. You'll need to put the invitations in Smartlyville's newsletter. Yeah.
Then, with the sacraments, love's a many-splendored thing. But you don't think
that this is rushing things a bit?
It's certainly moving faster than I ever would have thought.
(11:03):
Yes, me too. But you can't stop the course of true love.
I guess not. And imagine them walking down the aisle. Them?
With Adair's leg irons clonking and clanking along the concrete. Adair?
My seal cam video went viral. Well, it's just... Remember when those beach goers
(11:27):
got chased away by those sea lions?
Yeah. My seal cam caught the real story. What was it? If I tell you,
you'll get M-A-D-M-A-T. Why?
Remember Nanny's old burnt broom? Yeah, sure. That's what scared them.
Well, well, well. Aren't we the popular one lately? What do you mean?
(11:50):
I heard about your newsletter spread. You mean you haven't seen it yet?
Unfortunately, no. Oh.
But I hear your video's going viral. My video? Oh, no. I'm going to kill... There is a video.
Which one is it? You mean there's more than one?
It's not like I expect you to take care of the house and kids.
(12:14):
But being awake all the time up here is nerve-wracking!
I thought this thing would be different up here. So did I.
You too? I thought it'd all be rainbows and roses.
But you can't share a rainbow without rain. And no roses without thorns.
(12:35):
All I wanted was to be happy forever.
Oh, that's all, eh? But we are always in the same old cloud nine. For eternity.
You can blame me for want a little excitement, can you?
And you say I was the man of your dreams. Yeah, you was perfectly fine in my
dreams, but being awake all the time up here is nerve-wracking.
(13:03):
Going back is not the answer. But how you go forward from here?
We probably should stay down there longer. Yeah, we have to figure that out
before we take the leap. Darling, I love you forever.
Yeah, I think that is the problem.
For forever!
(13:25):
So I want to write a song about persistence. Do you want to start with the lyrics or the melody? Lyrics.
Okay, what do you want to say about it? Something about not quitting.
The importance of not giving up easily. Some things are good to give up,
like your dad's drinking.
Letty said the same thing. What are some of the phrases that you like?
(13:46):
Uh, all the work seems so stupid now. What you need to do is just forget it. Forget it?
Yes, go do anything else for a while. What?
Shouldn't I work hard at it? Oh, no, that's not how it works.
Every time we take things too seriously, creativity flies away. Then what should I do?
It doesn't matter. Go do something else and just trust that it will come to you.
(14:10):
Okay, if you say so.
So, I dare it bothers me that you're patting to lie to me all the time.
Felicia, you're the prettiest woman in the world. Why, thank you.
If Felicia's psychic princess movies ever bomb, Felicia could always be a hairdresser.
Well, I... Or a fashion designer.
(14:32):
I don't know what... So now, what was Felicia saying? I ever thought was wrong with the idea.
Felicia should take up lying, too. I should. Good.
Finite? Yes. Mom made a list for you to memorize.
Adair, you're tall, dark, handsome.
Music to my ears. Keep on. Strong, hard worker, intelligent.
(14:59):
Adair can't wait to get his inheritance and let Felicia buy everything she wants. Adair, darling.
Yes, my pretty princess?
Neither can I.
Hey, Snow. Yeah. Shelley? I was thinking of ordering meals on wheels.
(15:20):
Oh, yuck. What?
Eric, it's one thing to eat in the car, but on the wheels, really? Get a grip.
No, no, no. You don't understand. They deliver.
Yeah, but we never go anywhere anymore. What's that got to do with this?
So then why do we need tires? We don't.
(15:40):
Well, so then why are you having them delivered? I'm not. It's food. Well, then, okay.
Okay what? Okay you can order meals on tires. Wheels? Yes, but I'd still prefer them on a plate.
Could order a side dish. Oh, that'd be perfect.
Then we could use the tires for a table. Yes, dear.
(16:04):
I'm coming to you in my darkest hour.
This is journal 5,762 of my video manifesto.
So, like, if I'm seven feet within her, there's, like, an electrical charge in the air or something.
Think if i'm within six feet of her i just
(16:26):
feel so happy if i
actually touch her i get real real
happy real quick and then i usually take a nap but i i i'm calling you and laying
this down in my darkest hour because now after having been her like whatever
(16:49):
you call that she had me announcing
guests when they showed up at her apartment.
So, like, I would say, so-and-so in an English accent.
And it was great. She dug it, and it was funny, and I was close to her.
I touched her several times.
You know, it was kind of like a brush or something.
(17:10):
But at any rate, so, like, a month ago or so, Shelly started saying there was
this sickness going around, like the Black Plague or something?
I don't know. And then the next thing I know, they said, hey,
you've got to wear a mask.
And it was like, well, that's weird.
(17:31):
You know, I mean, I know I don't look pretty or nothing, but geez, throw me a bone here, eh?
So then they tell me that I got to stay six feet away from Shelly, all right?
All right. And then and then they tell me, no, you got to go home.
(17:51):
You're we're going to quarantine you.
And so it's like I'm in the depth of this like government plot to keep me away
from Shelly. I don't know what.
But that's so here I am in this garage that I rent with my cot.
And but I will be together with Shelly again someday. day, I will be allowed to fulfill my destiny.
(18:17):
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I gotta nap. I gotta nap.
I'm making this glow-in-the-dark face mask for our maintenance man named Winky,
because every time we need something fixed, we can't find him anywhere.
I just realized I haven't set foot in the Pacific Ocean yet.
(18:38):
I come to think of it, neither do I.
And it's right here in our own front yard. I can see it now.
Shelly's jellyfish jelly.
I still haven't seen the nanny's centerfold. Ma said the maid threw my cup. You don't have a maid.
Don't you think skydiving would be dangerous in leg irons?
Felicia said a dare can defy gravity. You know, throwing rice is bad for the
(19:02):
birds. Dare loves birds.
Maybe we should throw money instead. Women get so excited when I take their
bra off. So when I retire, I'm going to volunteer in the nursing home.
The nanny still has a crush on you.
I still want to file charges, but Shelly won't let me. Letty,
go get your father for me. He's at AA now.
(19:24):
He's never there when I need him. I just need your advice to prevent bloodshed today. Bloodshed?
Shelly thinks I have a crush on Debbie, so she wants to kill her.
It's a smartly sunny day in San Diego In every single way, ole!
It's a smartly sunny day in San Diego In every single way, ole!
We're the luckiest couple in the world.
Guess why? I know, it's because we won $300 million. Should have been more.
Guess again. How long have you been married?
Tomorrow it will be 50 years. That's pretty good for a starter marriage.
(00:26):
Shelley, how did your meeting at the Historical Society go? A bunch of hoity-toity,
funny-dutty old sour voices.
Oh, I take it they explained to you what historical means. Yes,
it doesn't mean very funny.
No, it means the past, history, what's come before.
No, they said it doesn't have anything to do with porn. So what's your bright
(00:46):
historical idea? Preserving rocks, just like you said. I said?
Yes, you said that to make a lasting difference in the world,
I need to tackle a very hard subject that nobody else has championed.
And rocks are the hardest subject? Oh, no, silly, of course not.
It's just that there's so many famous
rocks, it's going to be very hard to preserve them all. Famous rocks?
Yeah, Plymouth Rock, Rock of Ages, Stonehenge, even rock and roll.
(01:13):
I can think of something even harder to preserve. What's that, darling?
Sanity. What's that, darling? It's what I lost on our wedding night. Oh, that's okay.
I'm a hoarder. I'm sure I have plenty enough for both of us.
Nanny was this month's condo newsletter centerfold. Adair Heard! Did you see?
(01:35):
Nah, I just read the article. You know how to read? Of course!
Since when? Since Adair took an online course in body language.
Adair. So Adair still has dibbies on my nanny. Will you loan me your copy? What for?
To read the articles. Of course. Want a bedtime story? Don't like that. Okay, here goes.
(02:00):
Her right arm goes up like this, see? And then her left arm props up her boobie
like this because they're so big.
Then her waist goes in and gets all curvy. And then her leg pops straight out like that.
And then there's the tattoos.
What do they say? They say danger zone.
(02:22):
Trespassers will be shocked.
But not in so many words.
Winky's going to make a golden gazebo for our wedding. Sounds nice. Yes.
Regal perfectly compliments Regal Purple.
Felicia's already beautiful. Felicia doesn't need compliments.
Why, thank you, Adair. Pa said Adair should alight at Felicia every day.
(02:46):
Lies. Of course. About what? Felicia's cooking, intelligence,
beauty, weight. You know, the usual.
Lies. Paws says happy marriages are made from lies. Uh-huh.
Adair loves Felicia, so Adair will lie to her all the time.
Adair will never say Felicia's ugly. Adair will never say she has stinky farts.
(03:08):
Too bad the woodchipper's on back order. Also, Adair will never say Felicia's
spent too much money. Then again.
Or leave if Felicia doesn't have a baby every year. Uh-huh. Once every two years is just fine.
Adair, I can't have any babies. Why not? I'm going to have an early menopause.
(03:31):
Starting right now. That's fine.
Then Adair will make babies with Nanny.
You're losing. I'm not. You only have three jacks left. Then I won't lose. I quit.
Letty, quitters are always losers.
I'm already losing, so who cares? Smartlings only lose fair and square.
(03:55):
You're just saying that so you can beat me. That's it.
What? I'm going to write a song to teach you the power of persistence. Per-what-ance?
Persistence. It means never ever quit. But Daddy quit, and that was good, wasn't it? Good point.
(04:15):
I'll have to work that in, somehow. How do you write a song?
I'm not sure. But how hard could it be?
I'll just hum a tune and then sing what's ever inside of me.
Abigail, you can't go back to Earth anymore.
(04:35):
Why not? I already told you. A guy did that a few thousand years ago,
and he freaked out people so much, they're still talking about it.
But I miss Carrie and Letty. Of course you do.
But people who go back, they get turned into little tiny wafers and wine.
(05:00):
You don't want that, do you? No, I suppose not.
Plus, you don't have to deal with that drunk anymore.
Well, let's just say he's a
quick drinker right now. Yes, but he started preaching yoga and kombucha.
Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. That's my good little woman. Good little woman?
(05:27):
Kocek? Nah, give me cash instead.
Instead well if it isn't old presto smartly homecoming
ding dong come on caddy let's go home no way jose ding dong this is a strip
club no it's just a club on the vegas strip i'm already going to be grounded
till the next running of the bulls so i'm going to tell everyone this is a strip club.
(05:52):
That's my man. Always make sure the crime matches the time.
You wait here while I case the joint. You his kid?
Oh no, just his caddy. Here he's a GBA champion.
Yeah, used to be. What happened? Quit competing when he made world champ.
(06:12):
He said he couldn't ever do better. He could only do work, and that was that. So what's he do now?
He mostly just cries about the good old days and whines when they repossess his sports cars.
Man, I thought he was mega rich.
He was, but he has a weakness for beautiful cars and fast women.
(06:33):
Ah, like Tiger. Oh no, much worse.
That's odd. He was Mr. True Blue in high school. Him and Susie were joined at
the hip since junior high. Susie?
Well, if it isn't old Presto. Long time no see.
(06:53):
Fifty years, to be precise. Where's your wife?
I ain't got one, never have. And you? I ain't got no wife, neither.
Stop, Josh, and you know what I mean. After high school, I did Woodstock,
between the bowling pool.
Oh, so you never got over you? Is that what you were going to say?
(07:15):
Not quite. It's just that... Six years together and you dumped me at the altar. I didn't dump you.
My mother... I never, never should come to this reunion. What was I thinking?
Probably the same thing I was. What's that?
What if my mother hadn't thrown a fit that day? What if she let us get hitched?
(07:36):
I'm sure you would have been a god-awful husband. Well, maybe.
And father. What?
Get ready to do the locomotion with me.
Eric, 222 has a clogged toilet. Tell Winky about it. He'll fix it.
I already did. That's the problem. Oh, no. What now?
(08:00):
To fix it, he poured a bottle of laxatives down it. That makes sense.
Yeah, but now the toilet won't stop running.
Gotcha, didn't I? You sure did. I owe you one.
Now, what do you mean by father? Is it true you were a PGA champion?
(08:23):
Yep. And traveled the world? Yep. Then I did the right thing.
How's that? Mom was right. How so?
I was worried I'd tie you down. And I would've. I really doubt.
So, that's why I never told you I was pregnant.
What wasn't easy raising him all by myself especially on the professional bowling circuit,
(08:48):
It all worked out for the best, don't you think?
We gotta get him out of here. Shouldn't we call an ambulance?
Oh no, he does this all the time. Looks pretty heavy. So do you. I beg your pardon?
Sorry, it's the rewiring surgery.
(09:09):
Preston and I had our feelings switched, so he feels like a teenager again.
And I feel like snarky old curmudgeon. He's not angry and nasty anymore?
I wouldn't quite put it that way, but he's definitely improved.
You know I left him at the altar 50 years ago. Smart move. Why?
He's a womanizing golf pro.
(09:32):
He went steady for six years.
You and Preston? Why are you so surprised?
He can't even commit to breakfast after a one-night stand.
Thumper, I've never cared about anyone ever in a way that I would ever be able
(09:53):
to ask something like this, but... Say no more, because I've been looking for
a way to break the ice and... Stop. I've got to spit this out.
Winky, I'm sure we're both on the same page.
Great. I'm not sure how to start.
Me either, so just say whatever's on your mind. Okay, first,
(10:15):
you be the secretary. Here's your pen and paper.
Wow, roll sentence stationery. First, we need to set a time for the ceremony.
Ceremony? Yes, we'll hold it in the rotunda. I'm going to cover the gazebo in gold.
Pure gold? Well, we'll need beeswax candles, beautiful music. Music.
(10:41):
How about Liberace Somewhere Over the Rainbow?
Marvelous, my dear. You'll need to put the invitations in Smartlyville's newsletter. Yeah.
Then, with the sacraments, love's a many-splendored thing. But you don't think
that this is rushing things a bit?
It's certainly moving faster than I ever would have thought.
(11:03):
Yes, me too. But you can't stop the course of true love.
I guess not. And imagine them walking down the aisle. Them?
With Adair's leg irons clonking and clanking along the concrete. Adair?
My seal cam video went viral. Well, it's just... Remember when those beach goers
(11:27):
got chased away by those sea lions?
Yeah. My seal cam caught the real story. What was it? If I tell you,
you'll get M-A-D-M-A-T. Why?
Remember Nanny's old burnt broom? Yeah, sure. That's what scared them.
Well, well, well. Aren't we the popular one lately? What do you mean?
(11:50):
I heard about your newsletter spread. You mean you haven't seen it yet?
Unfortunately, no. Oh.
But I hear your video's going viral. My video? Oh, no. I'm going to kill... There is a video.
Which one is it? You mean there's more than one?
It's not like I expect you to take care of the house and kids.
(12:14):
But being awake all the time up here is nerve-wracking!
I thought this thing would be different up here. So did I.
You too? I thought it'd all be rainbows and roses.
But you can't share a rainbow without rain. And no roses without thorns.
(12:35):
All I wanted was to be happy forever.
Oh, that's all, eh? But we are always in the same old cloud nine. For eternity.
You can blame me for want a little excitement, can you?
And you say I was the man of your dreams. Yeah, you was perfectly fine in my
dreams, but being awake all the time up here is nerve-wracking.
(13:03):
Going back is not the answer. But how you go forward from here?
We probably should stay down there longer. Yeah, we have to figure that out
before we take the leap. Darling, I love you forever.
Yeah, I think that is the problem.
For forever!
(13:25):
So I want to write a song about persistence. Do you want to start with the lyrics or the melody? Lyrics.
Okay, what do you want to say about it? Something about not quitting.
The importance of not giving up easily. Some things are good to give up,
like your dad's drinking.
Letty said the same thing. What are some of the phrases that you like?
(13:46):
Uh, all the work seems so stupid now. What you need to do is just forget it. Forget it?
Yes, go do anything else for a while. What?
Shouldn't I work hard at it? Oh, no, that's not how it works.
Every time we take things too seriously, creativity flies away. Then what should I do?
It doesn't matter. Go do something else and just trust that it will come to you.
(14:10):
Okay, if you say so.
So, I dare it bothers me that you're patting to lie to me all the time.
Felicia, you're the prettiest woman in the world. Why, thank you.
If Felicia's psychic princess movies ever bomb, Felicia could always be a hairdresser.
Well, I... Or a fashion designer.
(14:32):
I don't know what... So now, what was Felicia saying? I ever thought was wrong with the idea.
Felicia should take up lying, too. I should. Good.
Finite? Yes. Mom made a list for you to memorize.
Adair, you're tall, dark, handsome.
Music to my ears. Keep on. Strong, hard worker, intelligent.
(14:59):
Adair can't wait to get his inheritance and let Felicia buy everything she wants. Adair, darling.
Yes, my pretty princess?
Neither can I.
Hey, Snow. Yeah. Shelley? I was thinking of ordering meals on wheels.
(15:20):
Oh, yuck. What?
Eric, it's one thing to eat in the car, but on the wheels, really? Get a grip.
No, no, no. You don't understand. They deliver.
Yeah, but we never go anywhere anymore. What's that got to do with this?
So then why do we need tires? We don't.
(15:40):
Well, so then why are you having them delivered? I'm not. It's food. Well, then, okay.
Okay what? Okay you can order meals on tires. Wheels? Yes, but I'd still prefer them on a plate.
Could order a side dish. Oh, that'd be perfect.
Then we could use the tires for a table. Yes, dear.
(16:04):
I'm coming to you in my darkest hour.
This is journal 5,762 of my video manifesto.
So, like, if I'm seven feet within her, there's, like, an electrical charge in the air or something.
Think if i'm within six feet of her i just
(16:26):
feel so happy if i
actually touch her i get real real
happy real quick and then i usually take a nap but i i i'm calling you and laying
this down in my darkest hour because now after having been her like whatever
(16:49):
you call that she had me announcing
guests when they showed up at her apartment.
So, like, I would say, so-and-so in an English accent.
And it was great. She dug it, and it was funny, and I was close to her.
I touched her several times.
You know, it was kind of like a brush or something.
(17:10):
But at any rate, so, like, a month ago or so, Shelly started saying there was
this sickness going around, like the Black Plague or something?
I don't know. And then the next thing I know, they said, hey,
you've got to wear a mask.
And it was like, well, that's weird.
(17:31):
You know, I mean, I know I don't look pretty or nothing, but geez, throw me a bone here, eh?
So then they tell me that I got to stay six feet away from Shelly, all right?
All right. And then and then they tell me, no, you got to go home.
(17:51):
You're we're going to quarantine you.
And so it's like I'm in the depth of this like government plot to keep me away
from Shelly. I don't know what.
But that's so here I am in this garage that I rent with my cot.
And but I will be together with Shelly again someday. day, I will be allowed to fulfill my destiny.
(18:17):
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I gotta nap. I gotta nap.
I'm making this glow-in-the-dark face mask for our maintenance man named Winky,
because every time we need something fixed, we can't find him anywhere.
I just realized I haven't set foot in the Pacific Ocean yet.
(18:38):
I come to think of it, neither do I.
And it's right here in our own front yard. I can see it now.
Shelly's jellyfish jelly.
I still haven't seen the nanny's centerfold. Ma said the maid threw my cup. You don't have a maid.
Don't you think skydiving would be dangerous in leg irons?
Felicia said a dare can defy gravity. You know, throwing rice is bad for the
(19:02):
birds. Dare loves birds.
Maybe we should throw money instead. Women get so excited when I take their
bra off. So when I retire, I'm going to volunteer in the nursing home.
The nanny still has a crush on you.
I still want to file charges, but Shelly won't let me. Letty,
go get your father for me. He's at AA now.
(19:24):
He's never there when I need him. I just need your advice to prevent bloodshed today. Bloodshed?
Shelly thinks I have a crush on Debbie, so she wants to kill her.
It's a smartly sunny day in San Diego In every single way, ole!
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