May 30, 2024 • 20 mins
It's a bright, sunny day in San Diego, and we're diving into the whimsical world of the Smartly family. Celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, Shelley and her husband navigate through hilarious misunderstandings, from bubbles and pole dancing to mysterious phone calls.
Meanwhile, in Smartlyville, chaos brews as Fetch deals with unexpected trips, and Philesha and Cleopatra gear up for a psychic showdown. The stakes get higher when a sinister plot to poison the building's water supply is uncovered, leading to a race against time.
Join us for a rollercoaster of emotions, laughter, and drama, as secrets unfold and relationships are tested. Will the Smartlys overcome their quirks and save the day, or will the water crisis spell disaster for all?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
It's a smartly sunny day in San Diego, in every single way, ole!
We're the luckiest couple in the world. Guess why? I know, it's because we won
300 million. Should've been more!
Guess again! How long have you been married?
Tomorrow it will be 50 years. That's pretty good. For a starter marriage.
(00:28):
Shelly, why are you blowing bubbles? It's either this or pole dancing. Why?
Stress relief. What's bugging you? Fifty years and you still don't know what's wrong with me?
Oh, I know what's wrong with you. I just got more sense than to say.
Now, what is bugging you? You got another call from her. Her who?
(00:50):
Her whose name is on your holiday cap.
I don't have a woman's name on my holiday count. Oh, yes, you do.
Oh, no, I don't. What does this say?
It says ho, ho, ho. See, I told you. I don't have a girlfriend called ho,
ho, ho. So what's her name?
I don't know. Why not? I never asked her.
(01:17):
Adair, I need to place my bet on the psychic smackdown Who does Felicia think is going to win?
Her or Cleopatra? Shut up, Fetch Why so sour?
Felicia's agent didn't clear it with her first Well, of course not She should
have read his mind That's not
funny, Fetch Hey, the nanny told me her favorite color is invisible So?
(01:43):
You don't get it, do you?
No. Just close your eyes and picture her wearing something invisible.
Yuck! A dare's imagine vision saw Nanny wearing invisible clothes in bed with you.
Yeah, so? From all that drinking, Fetch's six-pack turned into a keg.
(02:09):
Where did Fetch go? He left on a last-minute trip.
Oh, no, he's terrified of those. He never knows where he's going to end up.
Like in the meditation garden?
Yeah, or Afghanistan. Or worse yet, rehab.
Is Mama Cat pregnant again? Yeah, she's pro-life, so in fact, she can't get her fixed.
(02:29):
Felicia says she can't have babies because she's in menopause. You mean menopause.
What? How many men does she have?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It's just a medical term for when women stop making babies.
But Felicia hasn't made any babies yet. Well, she helped us make 23 babies for Carrie and Lettie.
(02:52):
Oh, that's right. She even passed out on the dining room table.
Felicia said you're a really good kisser. Why, thank you.
She said you're even better at it than Fetch. What? What?
I'm sorry, Carrie. I can't read your future and tell you what your first hit
(03:13):
song will be. Can't or won't?
It's really can't because it would be pre-copyright infringement. Huh?
It's a legal cause that prevents psychics from claiming copyrights prior to creation.
Are you a lawyer? No. Why? You should be. You're very smart and good at explaining things.
(03:35):
Why, thank you. You'd be a good judge, too.
You'd always convict the right person. Plus, you look trustworthy, too. I do?
Sure. Why are you surprised?
Because nobody's ever told me that. Are you calling me a nobody?
Oh, no, Carrie. You're a star. Everybody knows that. They do?
(04:02):
Nah, I'm old-fashioned and a cheap Swede, so I always do my own hair.
You mean it's not against the law to do your own hair?
No, of course it's not. Daddy won't let me cut mine.
Yes, well, your dad and I sure don't see eye to eye on a lot of things.
Grandma, I wish I had red hair and ponytails like you. And I wish that I had
(04:22):
dark hair and a live seal cam.
Adair said he can make wishes come true. Was he lying?
Oh, no! He hardly ever lies. Why not? He's programmed for honesty.
Grandma, I lie a lot, just like you. Lenny, I don't really lie all that much.
You don't? No, I need a better memory to be a good liar. Me too.
(04:44):
And confessions make me blush.
Me too, Grandma. We're two little peas in a pod, aren't we, sweetheart?
You betcha, Grandma. You betcha.
Felicia said she needed more medical history for Adair, so she talked to Ma
again. Okay, I give one now.
Ma told her about our genetic disorder. Which one?
(05:06):
Our AHAD. Oh, our Ear Head Attraction Disorder?
Yep. So what about it? Ma said even though we're identical twins, you have it the worst.
No, I don't. You don't? No. In fact, I even had Shelly tested for For ear head
disorder. What did you do there?
(05:27):
Easy peasy. Am I right? What did they find?
It was completely clear. That's proving my wrong. They didn't even find ear.
I hear Shelly served inedible art for dinner again last night.
That's probably better than most of her meals.
(05:48):
Eric said it tasted like cornstarch. She should add extracts.
Too bad they're both too cheap to use your room service. But they're giving
it as a free perk to all the residents.
Eric said they didn't want to eat into her profits. Besides,
he says her cooking keeps his weight down.
But it doesn't make sense. Hence, his weight is stable, despite all the water and air diets.
(06:12):
Last time she didn't even allow ice cubes.
Unless he's lying to us.
So I want to hire you. As a private investigator?
Yes. You're the only one that knows everything that goes on around here. Except for Thumper.
He's neighborhood watch.
(06:34):
We could work together. Brother, what needs investigating? The courtyard murders?
No, no, no, no, no. Of course not. Shelly caught the Labor Day rapist.
Bumper has his jewel cane back. So I give.
What is it? I need to know what Eric's eating. You mean like?
Food. What does Eric eat? It's the water, right? He still only eats water?
(07:00):
No, no. It's the old saying. There must be something in the water. That's it!
If I poison the building water supply, then the smartly fortune will be all mine.
You mean all hours? No, I don't need you anymore.
Fifty percent. I just told you, I don't need you anymore. It's my blackmail fee, partner.
(07:25):
In that case, Tremula, we'll take two. But a room only needs one accent wall.
Not in our family. Why not?
Obviously, because Eric is Scottish. So?
So, of course, we need two. Duh. Huh?
Because my accent is Minnesotan. Oh, I see. So just do the logical thing. And what's that?
(07:48):
Paint his wall plaid and mine animal print. To master patio lounge chairs?
Precisely. Okay, but I'll need a co-pay too. For what? My psychiatrist.
Eric, how many times do I have to tell you to look out for Preston?
And he's put a plastic bag over your head, dunked you in wax,
(08:10):
and tried to have you killed in a duel, wanted to drown you at Black's Beach. I could go on and on.
How can I convince you to start taking him seriously?
Now he wants to poison the building's water supply just so that he can inherit the fortune.
But you told me I can't do anything without your permission, so my hands are tied.
(08:33):
There now. Was that convincing enough? Winky, I was fine, but Shelly says it's
not in this script. Eric, I'm not acting.
What's wrong with everybody today?
I don't know. It must be something in the water. That's what I'm trying to tell you.
(08:53):
Caddy, I need you to do some research for me. Shoot. Oh, if only it was that easy.
What is it? I need you to find a water-soluble poison that is tasteless,
odorless, colorless, untraceable, and inexpensive to put into the Smartlyville water supply.
What? And kill off all my room service, client? I'd be wealthy so you wouldn't have to work anymore.
(09:17):
You could just caddy for me all the time.
But I hate caddying. I have to lift weights every day just so your golf bags
don't rip my arms out of their sockets.
Plus, I'm always sweating because you hog the cart, as it's always packed by
leftover nursing mothers.
Letting Maze pop up ding-dong service. Warning, Smartlyville,
(09:41):
TIP water is not safe to drink.
Avoid death by poisoning by only drinking bottle pop, fruit juice,
and Kool-Aid from now on.
I always tell people I'm epic. But Shelly always says she's dynamite.
Then I whisper to them, yes, so whatever you do, don't light a fuse.
(10:06):
That's my job.
It's just a little jingle that Letty asked me to write for a public service announcement.
Carrie, never belittle your creativity in your thoughts or in your words, okay? Okay.
(10:28):
No matter what you do today,
hard at work or even play, Don't, don't, don't drink the water,
Our water is poison So don't, don't, don't drink the water So, do you think it'll work?
(10:51):
Yes, and the Environmental Protection Agency should come knocking at the door any day now.
Today's Psychic Smackdown is brought to you by Smartneyville Room Service.
Tagline, delightful daily dinner door delivery.
In corner number one, we have Felicia, star of the Psychic Princess movies,
(11:14):
facing off against Cleopatra, star of the Psychic Queen movies.
Oh, wait, breaking news. Cleopatra has SOL.
That means sudden onset laryngitis. So Felicia will reach Cleopatra's mind and give us her answer.
Are you ready, folks? The psychic smackdown question of the day is,
(11:36):
who do you predict will win this smackdown? Felicia.
There you have it, folks. Felicia.
Okay, I can't believe we believe all this anyway. It's all a bunch of baloney. Isn't it fixed?
Shut the mic up. Eric, what would you like to do while they're painting the accent walls?
There's so many places to go. Oh, so many things to see.
(12:01):
I don't know where to start. How about the zoo?
And catch monkey bogs? How about Old Town? I don't think so.
I'm pitching off the nursing home tour as long as possible, thank you. SeaWorld?
Shelley, we're already in enough trouble with the animal rights folks.
We could go to Comic-Con.
(12:22):
That's not until July.
I know, the San Diego Botanical Garden. How thrilling watching plants grow.
They have a treehouse exhibit now. Maybe they have a replica of your Fahidi dream treehouse.
Not unless they've stolen my recipe for anti-gravity.
(12:42):
But still, it never hurts to dream, does it? It does when all your dreams are nightmares.
Oh, come on, grumpy goofus. Anything is going to be better than watching paint dry.
Look, this one's just like our old castle. I feel like I hit again.
I'm going to take the stairs two at a time Watch me leap, maybe I can fly.
(13:10):
No, your honor, I am not Anderson Cooper's father Or George Bunsey's son For
that matter, I'm not entirely sure where fetch and a deal came from Eric,
stare at the plaid pattern on the wall It will help keep you centered But it's
not plaid, it's animal print It doesn't matter.
(13:31):
Every single atom is the center of the universe.
And in the center of the universe, time stands still.
There's nothing but love and peace and very dark sunshine.
No, no, no. Time goes backwards and forwards. Maybe for you,
Eric, but in reality, it goes every which way at once.
(13:54):
Backwards and forwards, roundaways and sideaways. and it never starts and it never stops either.
Eric, wake up, wake up. We still married.
Yes, dear. You don't blame me for wanting a little escape now and then, do you?
No, not at all, darling. Not at all.
(14:19):
Abigail, you can't just let it happen. You have to stop it. Why?
They're your children. You're responsible for them.
Actually, they are a fetish problem now. But Cuddy is a perfectly nice guy.
Or at least he was before the switch.
(14:42):
He and Preston only had their feelings switched, not their hearts.
But he will be the cutest little rugby ducky ever.
What about Lady? She will be laughed out of school if she has those ridiculous
lopsided red ponytails.
Nanny is homeschooling her now.
(15:02):
Yes, but all your neighbors will be making fun of your kid. Oh, I see.
Okay, I will stop there from making their dreams come true, but just for this once.
So, tell me, when did you date Felicia? Huh?
(15:23):
Felicia, when did you date her? I didn't. She's not my type.
Oh, great. You're racist.
No, no, not at all. Good. It's just that I have this thing. Which is?
I've never been attracted to... Oh, boy, if it's skin color or hair...
No, no, nothing like that.
(15:46):
Then what? Citizens. Huh? I told you, it's silly.
I have this thing against U.S. citizens.
But you're American, aren't you? Yeah, I know. It's silly. It's...
What is it you don't like about citizens?
I don't know. I think it's their accent is bland.
(16:10):
Well, I don't have an accent. Oh, yes, you do.
Do you? It's one of the things I love about you. You're Canadian through and
through. Fetch, you just need a haiku.
Ain't it crazy what love makes a smartly man do?
Fetch, that's haiku number two. That I hope you like poems more than shoes.
(16:37):
Felicia, congratulations on the Psychic Smackdown. Thank you, Adair.
Good thing nobody could tell it was rigged. When we get married,
the first thing I'm gonna do is get rid of my agent.
Adair thought Felicia's first thing would be to kiss Adair. Oh yes,
of course. That was just a figure of speech.
(16:58):
Not a Freudian slip and fall? Oh, I get it.
How did your walk with Debbie go? I'm never going to talk to her again.
Why not? She did something wrong.
Debbie is beautiful, thoughtful, and wise. I can't imagine her doing something wrong.
(17:20):
If that's the way you're going to frame it, I'm never going to talk to you again.
Your hair is prettier than Debbie's. So tell me, what did she do wrong?
Well, her husband left her over that little affair thingy. So now she's looking for Mr.
Right Yeah, Winky said he ran
into her in one of these dating sites You mean Winky is cheating on me?
(17:45):
No, no, no, he was just checking that you weren't cheating on me Oh,
I would never do that Why not?
If I told you, Eric, that would take all the fun out of it Yes,
dear, I know exactly what you mean Don't you, yes, dear me.
As Floyd is my witness, I would never do that unless you wrote it in the script.
(18:11):
I see you're aiming for an A-plus in your new passive-aggressive course.
Come on. We have to. This is the end of the show. We need to be nice.
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Eric, I'm not going to worry about you and Debbie anymore. Why not?
(18:32):
I figured out she's going to die soon.
Nanny, it looks like I'll be divorced soon. What? Yeah, see? What happened?
Thumper said Adair and Felicia have to share their most embarrassing stories. Where do I get tickets?
Thumper says we need to talk about our honeymoon. I can't see that far into
(18:53):
the future. But we're getting married tomorrow.
Thumper. Bad news. Looks like it's curtains for me.
Frankly, I don't like to commit myself to heaven or hell. Because I have friends in both places.
Eric, I'm sorry I broke your toe at the square dance on the day we met.
(19:14):
Oh, Shelly, that's no problem. Forget it.
But I had to find some way to get your attention.
You mean you did it on purpose? Fetch, where are you going? I'm going to find
the Smartly's poisoner and kill them.
It's a smartly sunny day in San Diego, in every single way, ole!
We're the luckiest couple in the world. Guess why? I know, it's because we won
300 million. Should've been more!
Guess again! How long have you been married?
Tomorrow it will be 50 years. That's pretty good. For a starter marriage.
(00:28):
Shelly, why are you blowing bubbles? It's either this or pole dancing. Why?
Stress relief. What's bugging you? Fifty years and you still don't know what's wrong with me?
Oh, I know what's wrong with you. I just got more sense than to say.
Now, what is bugging you? You got another call from her. Her who?
(00:50):
Her whose name is on your holiday cap.
I don't have a woman's name on my holiday count. Oh, yes, you do.
Oh, no, I don't. What does this say?
It says ho, ho, ho. See, I told you. I don't have a girlfriend called ho,
ho, ho. So what's her name?
I don't know. Why not? I never asked her.
(01:17):
Adair, I need to place my bet on the psychic smackdown Who does Felicia think is going to win?
Her or Cleopatra? Shut up, Fetch Why so sour?
Felicia's agent didn't clear it with her first Well, of course not She should
have read his mind That's not
funny, Fetch Hey, the nanny told me her favorite color is invisible So?
(01:43):
You don't get it, do you?
No. Just close your eyes and picture her wearing something invisible.
Yuck! A dare's imagine vision saw Nanny wearing invisible clothes in bed with you.
Yeah, so? From all that drinking, Fetch's six-pack turned into a keg.
(02:09):
Where did Fetch go? He left on a last-minute trip.
Oh, no, he's terrified of those. He never knows where he's going to end up.
Like in the meditation garden?
Yeah, or Afghanistan. Or worse yet, rehab.
Is Mama Cat pregnant again? Yeah, she's pro-life, so in fact, she can't get her fixed.
(02:29):
Felicia says she can't have babies because she's in menopause. You mean menopause.
What? How many men does she have?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It's just a medical term for when women stop making babies.
But Felicia hasn't made any babies yet. Well, she helped us make 23 babies for Carrie and Lettie.
(02:52):
Oh, that's right. She even passed out on the dining room table.
Felicia said you're a really good kisser. Why, thank you.
She said you're even better at it than Fetch. What? What?
I'm sorry, Carrie. I can't read your future and tell you what your first hit
(03:13):
song will be. Can't or won't?
It's really can't because it would be pre-copyright infringement. Huh?
It's a legal cause that prevents psychics from claiming copyrights prior to creation.
Are you a lawyer? No. Why? You should be. You're very smart and good at explaining things.
(03:35):
Why, thank you. You'd be a good judge, too.
You'd always convict the right person. Plus, you look trustworthy, too. I do?
Sure. Why are you surprised?
Because nobody's ever told me that. Are you calling me a nobody?
Oh, no, Carrie. You're a star. Everybody knows that. They do?
(04:02):
Nah, I'm old-fashioned and a cheap Swede, so I always do my own hair.
You mean it's not against the law to do your own hair?
No, of course it's not. Daddy won't let me cut mine.
Yes, well, your dad and I sure don't see eye to eye on a lot of things.
Grandma, I wish I had red hair and ponytails like you. And I wish that I had
(04:22):
dark hair and a live seal cam.
Adair said he can make wishes come true. Was he lying?
Oh, no! He hardly ever lies. Why not? He's programmed for honesty.
Grandma, I lie a lot, just like you. Lenny, I don't really lie all that much.
You don't? No, I need a better memory to be a good liar. Me too.
(04:44):
And confessions make me blush.
Me too, Grandma. We're two little peas in a pod, aren't we, sweetheart?
You betcha, Grandma. You betcha.
Felicia said she needed more medical history for Adair, so she talked to Ma
again. Okay, I give one now.
Ma told her about our genetic disorder. Which one?
(05:06):
Our AHAD. Oh, our Ear Head Attraction Disorder?
Yep. So what about it? Ma said even though we're identical twins, you have it the worst.
No, I don't. You don't? No. In fact, I even had Shelly tested for For ear head
disorder. What did you do there?
(05:27):
Easy peasy. Am I right? What did they find?
It was completely clear. That's proving my wrong. They didn't even find ear.
I hear Shelly served inedible art for dinner again last night.
That's probably better than most of her meals.
(05:48):
Eric said it tasted like cornstarch. She should add extracts.
Too bad they're both too cheap to use your room service. But they're giving
it as a free perk to all the residents.
Eric said they didn't want to eat into her profits. Besides,
he says her cooking keeps his weight down.
But it doesn't make sense. Hence, his weight is stable, despite all the water and air diets.
(06:12):
Last time she didn't even allow ice cubes.
Unless he's lying to us.
So I want to hire you. As a private investigator?
Yes. You're the only one that knows everything that goes on around here. Except for Thumper.
He's neighborhood watch.
(06:34):
We could work together. Brother, what needs investigating? The courtyard murders?
No, no, no, no, no. Of course not. Shelly caught the Labor Day rapist.
Bumper has his jewel cane back. So I give.
What is it? I need to know what Eric's eating. You mean like?
Food. What does Eric eat? It's the water, right? He still only eats water?
(07:00):
No, no. It's the old saying. There must be something in the water. That's it!
If I poison the building water supply, then the smartly fortune will be all mine.
You mean all hours? No, I don't need you anymore.
Fifty percent. I just told you, I don't need you anymore. It's my blackmail fee, partner.
(07:25):
In that case, Tremula, we'll take two. But a room only needs one accent wall.
Not in our family. Why not?
Obviously, because Eric is Scottish. So?
So, of course, we need two. Duh. Huh?
Because my accent is Minnesotan. Oh, I see. So just do the logical thing. And what's that?
(07:48):
Paint his wall plaid and mine animal print. To master patio lounge chairs?
Precisely. Okay, but I'll need a co-pay too. For what? My psychiatrist.
Eric, how many times do I have to tell you to look out for Preston?
And he's put a plastic bag over your head, dunked you in wax,
(08:10):
and tried to have you killed in a duel, wanted to drown you at Black's Beach. I could go on and on.
How can I convince you to start taking him seriously?
Now he wants to poison the building's water supply just so that he can inherit the fortune.
But you told me I can't do anything without your permission, so my hands are tied.
(08:33):
There now. Was that convincing enough? Winky, I was fine, but Shelly says it's
not in this script. Eric, I'm not acting.
What's wrong with everybody today?
I don't know. It must be something in the water. That's what I'm trying to tell you.
(08:53):
Caddy, I need you to do some research for me. Shoot. Oh, if only it was that easy.
What is it? I need you to find a water-soluble poison that is tasteless,
odorless, colorless, untraceable, and inexpensive to put into the Smartlyville water supply.
What? And kill off all my room service, client? I'd be wealthy so you wouldn't have to work anymore.
(09:17):
You could just caddy for me all the time.
But I hate caddying. I have to lift weights every day just so your golf bags
don't rip my arms out of their sockets.
Plus, I'm always sweating because you hog the cart, as it's always packed by
leftover nursing mothers.
Letting Maze pop up ding-dong service. Warning, Smartlyville,
(09:41):
TIP water is not safe to drink.
Avoid death by poisoning by only drinking bottle pop, fruit juice,
and Kool-Aid from now on.
I always tell people I'm epic. But Shelly always says she's dynamite.
Then I whisper to them, yes, so whatever you do, don't light a fuse.
(10:06):
That's my job.
It's just a little jingle that Letty asked me to write for a public service announcement.
Carrie, never belittle your creativity in your thoughts or in your words, okay? Okay.
(10:28):
No matter what you do today,
hard at work or even play, Don't, don't, don't drink the water,
Our water is poison So don't, don't, don't drink the water So, do you think it'll work?
(10:51):
Yes, and the Environmental Protection Agency should come knocking at the door any day now.
Today's Psychic Smackdown is brought to you by Smartneyville Room Service.
Tagline, delightful daily dinner door delivery.
In corner number one, we have Felicia, star of the Psychic Princess movies,
(11:14):
facing off against Cleopatra, star of the Psychic Queen movies.
Oh, wait, breaking news. Cleopatra has SOL.
That means sudden onset laryngitis. So Felicia will reach Cleopatra's mind and give us her answer.
Are you ready, folks? The psychic smackdown question of the day is,
(11:36):
who do you predict will win this smackdown? Felicia.
There you have it, folks. Felicia.
Okay, I can't believe we believe all this anyway. It's all a bunch of baloney. Isn't it fixed?
Shut the mic up. Eric, what would you like to do while they're painting the accent walls?
There's so many places to go. Oh, so many things to see.
(12:01):
I don't know where to start. How about the zoo?
And catch monkey bogs? How about Old Town? I don't think so.
I'm pitching off the nursing home tour as long as possible, thank you. SeaWorld?
Shelley, we're already in enough trouble with the animal rights folks.
We could go to Comic-Con.
(12:22):
That's not until July.
I know, the San Diego Botanical Garden. How thrilling watching plants grow.
They have a treehouse exhibit now. Maybe they have a replica of your Fahidi dream treehouse.
Not unless they've stolen my recipe for anti-gravity.
(12:42):
But still, it never hurts to dream, does it? It does when all your dreams are nightmares.
Oh, come on, grumpy goofus. Anything is going to be better than watching paint dry.
Look, this one's just like our old castle. I feel like I hit again.
I'm going to take the stairs two at a time Watch me leap, maybe I can fly.
(13:10):
No, your honor, I am not Anderson Cooper's father Or George Bunsey's son For
that matter, I'm not entirely sure where fetch and a deal came from Eric,
stare at the plaid pattern on the wall It will help keep you centered But it's
not plaid, it's animal print It doesn't matter.
(13:31):
Every single atom is the center of the universe.
And in the center of the universe, time stands still.
There's nothing but love and peace and very dark sunshine.
No, no, no. Time goes backwards and forwards. Maybe for you,
Eric, but in reality, it goes every which way at once.
(13:54):
Backwards and forwards, roundaways and sideaways. and it never starts and it never stops either.
Eric, wake up, wake up. We still married.
Yes, dear. You don't blame me for wanting a little escape now and then, do you?
No, not at all, darling. Not at all.
(14:19):
Abigail, you can't just let it happen. You have to stop it. Why?
They're your children. You're responsible for them.
Actually, they are a fetish problem now. But Cuddy is a perfectly nice guy.
Or at least he was before the switch.
(14:42):
He and Preston only had their feelings switched, not their hearts.
But he will be the cutest little rugby ducky ever.
What about Lady? She will be laughed out of school if she has those ridiculous
lopsided red ponytails.
Nanny is homeschooling her now.
(15:02):
Yes, but all your neighbors will be making fun of your kid. Oh, I see.
Okay, I will stop there from making their dreams come true, but just for this once.
So, tell me, when did you date Felicia? Huh?
(15:23):
Felicia, when did you date her? I didn't. She's not my type.
Oh, great. You're racist.
No, no, not at all. Good. It's just that I have this thing. Which is?
I've never been attracted to... Oh, boy, if it's skin color or hair...
No, no, nothing like that.
(15:46):
Then what? Citizens. Huh? I told you, it's silly.
I have this thing against U.S. citizens.
But you're American, aren't you? Yeah, I know. It's silly. It's...
What is it you don't like about citizens?
I don't know. I think it's their accent is bland.
(16:10):
Well, I don't have an accent. Oh, yes, you do.
Do you? It's one of the things I love about you. You're Canadian through and
through. Fetch, you just need a haiku.
Ain't it crazy what love makes a smartly man do?
Fetch, that's haiku number two. That I hope you like poems more than shoes.
(16:37):
Felicia, congratulations on the Psychic Smackdown. Thank you, Adair.
Good thing nobody could tell it was rigged. When we get married,
the first thing I'm gonna do is get rid of my agent.
Adair thought Felicia's first thing would be to kiss Adair. Oh yes,
of course. That was just a figure of speech.
(16:58):
Not a Freudian slip and fall? Oh, I get it.
How did your walk with Debbie go? I'm never going to talk to her again.
Why not? She did something wrong.
Debbie is beautiful, thoughtful, and wise. I can't imagine her doing something wrong.
(17:20):
If that's the way you're going to frame it, I'm never going to talk to you again.
Your hair is prettier than Debbie's. So tell me, what did she do wrong?
Well, her husband left her over that little affair thingy. So now she's looking for Mr.
Right Yeah, Winky said he ran
into her in one of these dating sites You mean Winky is cheating on me?
(17:45):
No, no, no, he was just checking that you weren't cheating on me Oh,
I would never do that Why not?
If I told you, Eric, that would take all the fun out of it Yes,
dear, I know exactly what you mean Don't you, yes, dear me.
As Floyd is my witness, I would never do that unless you wrote it in the script.
(18:11):
I see you're aiming for an A-plus in your new passive-aggressive course.
Come on. We have to. This is the end of the show. We need to be nice.
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Eric, I'm not going to worry about you and Debbie anymore. Why not?
(18:32):
I figured out she's going to die soon.
Nanny, it looks like I'll be divorced soon. What? Yeah, see? What happened?
Thumper said Adair and Felicia have to share their most embarrassing stories. Where do I get tickets?
Thumper says we need to talk about our honeymoon. I can't see that far into
(18:53):
the future. But we're getting married tomorrow.
Thumper. Bad news. Looks like it's curtains for me.
Frankly, I don't like to commit myself to heaven or hell. Because I have friends in both places.
Eric, I'm sorry I broke your toe at the square dance on the day we met.
(19:14):
Oh, Shelly, that's no problem. Forget it.
But I had to find some way to get your attention.
You mean you did it on purpose? Fetch, where are you going? I'm going to find
the Smartly's poisoner and kill them.
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