August 6, 2024 • 36 mins
Welcome back to another episode of the Thus Far Podcast with Eskay, also known as DJ Wangu. In this episode, Come_Dine_Neni joins us again as we dive into the complexities of relationships, forgiveness, and the importance of keeping the romance alive. We discuss a viral video that sparked an intense conversation about infidelity, trust, and how to handle such situations delicately.
We also explore what it means to truly commit to a relationship, the essential role of communication, and the various forms of intimacy that help maintain a strong bond. SK shares personal insights and wisdom on how to keep love consistent over the years, emphasizing the importance of deliberate and intentional actions.
Moreover, we touch on the often overlooked aspect of how men appreciate being romanced and the significance of mutual gestures of love. This episode is packed with practical advice, heartfelt stories, and thought-provoking discussions that will resonate with anyone navigating the ups and downs of romantic relationships.
Join us for a candid and enriching conversation that promises to leave you reflecting on your own relationships and how to nurture them better.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
We've come a long way, but the escapades will continue.
Welcome to Thus Far Podcast by DJ SK.
Hey and welcome back to another episode of Thus Far Podcast.
Hanging out with yours truly, SK, also known as DJ Wangu.
Because I'm yours for the remainder of our natural lives.
(00:24):
Thanks for coming back and andakusua iges. But you know what?
Someone else had missed you. Guess who? I'm back!
First of all, This is it.
And, uh, to wait a minute, it's okay to, you know, my holidays and to take a
(00:46):
day to get out of Zimbabwe. It's like a, it's open a plan.
Oh, Samura. When the magari on Geca, this is it.
Now when the Marie camping, camping, I camping out. I was comfortable.
But we're in Binghamton.
Far from.
(01:24):
I don't know. So in other words, I'm saying guys, I don't have a cent.
I don't have a cent.
(01:46):
But Musa Nderoe Marianti. Anyway,
good to have you back. It's been a while and I've been getting a few requests
for us to come back because that last one we did, we had to take it down because
the quality wasn't so great. But we fixed that.
And today is probably going to sound crisp and clean and juicy,
(02:09):
as it should. Don't get it to be juicy, always.
That's not don't get it to be even juicier. Juicier.
Always. Us. So, what do we talk about?
Do we talk about the things we were talking about then, or we have new stuff to talk about?
Because I might have new stuff I want to really talk to you about.
(02:30):
Especially this thing, last week, I don't know if you caught a video of a man
who posted his, I would say, wife on social media for cheating.
And he was, it was an interview.
It wasn't even an interview. It was an interrogation. Wow. That was.
(02:55):
Imagine. Now, I want you to imagine if you were on the other side of it.
For the rest of the show, your name is Sarah.
All right. It's better for Tarantins. Okay.
I just don't know why.
(03:24):
Why did you ask that question? Like, what are you getting from the number of times they did it?
So, let me ask you, if you had been like in that guy's shoes,
(03:45):
would you want to know, do you want to know the intricate details?
Do you think like they are important?
Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I don't care for the, for the many details.
Like, why would I need to know that? Because it's a headache.
(04:08):
And that's what I didn't understand. Because I remember.
Trust and believe, leave, if that guy had been given 10 more minutes,
he was going to ask, it was sad, but at the same time, very hilarious. Yeah.
(04:40):
So if you were, you were Sarah, like, what's your response to those questions?
Sarah kept quiet for most of the time. I felt she was visibly,
you know, I would say scared because she doesn't know how this guy is going to react after the fact,
but also perhaps embarrassed because now she knows and did a video and the whole
(05:05):
world is about to see me in this light.
That's got to be tough. Do you know what? I felt for her in that moment because
like you said Kuti you know like when your dirty laundry is aired out I just
could tell about two where Zanya and Zekuti,
Before you know it, and as it has done, video, I found they,
(05:29):
even my own mom has seen it.
Facebook, Iriko. Instagram, Iriko. For my WhatsApp status, Iriko.
You know, everybody that you're going to be bumping into on a daily basis,
whether it's my boss, Iriko Church, all that kind of stuff.
And it was just that, you know, like that being exposed.
(05:51):
Exposed i get the guy kuti in the
heat of the moment of course you're frustrated you're upset you're angry
about it i think guys the digital footprint
got there forever it's out there now and he's never going to be able to take
that back you know like two weeks ago i saw a video yeah or linda when she was
(06:12):
crying for stana what year was that was that not like 2018 17 i can't I remember, but yeah,
this is it.
And I'm just like, wow.
And now I think it's even worse because we're in an age where,
you know, people will make memes and the gifs and there's AI.
(06:35):
People are now, you know, editing the videos to say whatever and do whatever.
And as ugly as
that episode was I didn't do
it the same people or whatever that situation is now but it's just like with
(06:56):
my internet 2017 and you take every opportunity to replay that or you know to
post that meme or just it's just.
The thing is I mean can we safely say Kuti as a people that,
(07:18):
Through social media.
Like I say this, not so much in a joking manner,
but because there's a saying like in our culture, you know, if something like
this were to happen back in the day, it would be kept under wraps.
(07:38):
You know what I'm saying? Like no one would know.
Discreetly she goes to the next level discreetly to the next level until he
has a family meeting or whatever but he would never know but these days,
(08:05):
straight to 5,000, 10,000 followers,
and this is it nothing is
sacred anymore of course
and this kuti you know secret or whatever if it's something that you feel like
you could get some assistance with or get some help with by all means i see
(08:29):
like you said kuti if you're going to be you're looking for a solution or even
for answers i'm so sorry but you're 10 000 followers,
You're here for the drama.
Thank you. Thank you.
(09:08):
And my and my and my and my and my and my and my I mean, we were just losing it.
The other day I posted on social media, like some things are meant to be,
you know, to be done secretly or in silence.
And I think this is one of those things that you just don't want to put out
there because you got to think about the future.
(09:29):
Think about not just social media, your kids even. Of course.
That stuff is still out there.
She's a joker on YouTube. Please, no. No, ma. you were even as the dad you were
(09:52):
watching a poster like there's also the element here perhaps you were just not
man enough what were you not doing that led your woman to do this for 12 years thank you,
Because now, you know, Sunday football or whatever,
(10:14):
not only was she stepping out, it wasn't a casual thing.
I don't know, maybe it's a moment of introspection for the guy.
Okay, yourself as the partner.
As it was something lacking.
(10:37):
The sick yeah because I got the G you know what if I can't find it it's okay,
I think you mentioned the name. I forget.
I forgot the name, but anyway. Okay. I'll throw a question to you then.
It's something I think that you briefly touched on on your show and you put
(10:58):
it out to the audience. Okay.
Let's say you find yourself in that situation or maybe in the past when you've
had like somebody who's been unfaithful and concrete evidence.
Evidence whether it's my pictures my videos my
screenshots or whatever what has been historically
or what would be your first move
(11:21):
okay papa papa what are you going to
do or what like how have you reacted in the past or whatever well past present
or future my response would have been the same to not overreact overreaction
for me going to social media and whatnot not. Or even going to family.
(11:42):
Because even family, you know, social media, you know what I'm saying?
Absolutely. So for me, discretion is key. That's the number one thing. Keeping it under wraps.
Because of ABCD, no one else has to know. Yeah.
(12:05):
How are we going to do this?
Can and do you know you know
i've always i pride myself in not overreacting
i'm that kind of person who steps back this
is in almost everything if i see or notice something weird so i step back i
(12:25):
might not have all the answers for this particular situation because maybe because
it's never happened to me so i don't really know of course but i mean i i would
still hope to be strong enough to to take a step back.
And really plan my move, which is most likely an inevitable breakup.
(12:47):
It just has to be done a certain way. No, I get that. In the end,
I think I respect that approach.
And like you said, not necessarily just in this scenario, because of course,
how many of us are going to say we, you know, ever find ourselves or will ever find ourselves in that.
But just as a general rule of thumb, it's so easy. I think when you're in that
(13:10):
moment, I've always been told, and think about like words, right?
If you say something, you can never take it back.
So even when you finally had that time to think over it and you've calmed down
and you've, you know, rationalized and all that kind of stuff.
(13:31):
I, like you, I remove myself from the situation because I need that time to
go and really think about it. If I'm going to cry about it, whatever the case
may be, don't know, you know, go and gather myself.
And then I'm approaching like the situation, did it level headed?
And I think it's so important. Guys, your family and friends got even whether
(13:53):
it's your own mom or somebody who your best friend,
those people, if anything, are probably the worst people to tell.
I'm not saying hide things. I said, do you know like how difficult it is?
Imagine, okay, so I go now and tell my mom, Hey, mom, you know.
(14:18):
We kissed with me, my mom's going to look at my man at the same way.
She's never going to get over that. Oh yeah.
So yeah, pretty tricky. Oh yeah.
I mean, it's, it's no different from saying you're, I mean, boyfriend,
(14:40):
maybe, you know, eventually, whatever, but listen, if you are like permanently attached,
you're permanently together, like say you've been married, even whatever,
but say you've got kids, right?
The view, your presenter, Exactly.
(15:12):
And you might forgive but uh
and speaking of forgiveness because yeah i think now i remember where i wanted
to go the because allegedly they then forgave each other i don't know how far
true that is but now but now the world knows your your nonsense part of me feels like this
(15:34):
guy didn't really forgive, forgive. I feel like I look a lot.
Do you know what? I agree because I think you can tell Neto Niemuno and I know
Atinaku Mwana, but already Neto was very, very, and just the whole way that
he approached that person.
I know like it seems very cynical, but I feel it wasn't like Mwana who was like
(15:58):
a one-up. Yeah, I get that kind of vibe from him.
There's a, you know, not forgiving, but I want to get even kind of thing. Yeah.
So if you were Sarah and he says, you know, in detail.
(16:20):
Everything you've done.
Both of them face over to, you know what, I forgive you. Would you take that forgiveness?
You're now planning to run with your life. Bye.
I said I'm going to bye. Okay. When I tell you, Kuti, and this is when I was
(16:42):
normal, I say on that day, I'm starting to remember when I was a kid.
Because when I was a kid, I didn't know how to speak. I'm a liar.
Forgiveness you know I would spend the rest of,
my life then I think like you're walking on eggshells
(17:02):
you don't know what's coming or that
could be his plan you know when you're doing a game street psychological yeah
what is he going to do what's he thinking what you know what potentially and
I don't believe in life I'm constantly looking over my shoulder. A relationship.
(17:26):
Because you're looking over your shoulder, number one. But at the same time, you're also just not.
I don't think the love will ever go back because now everything you're doing,
you're doing out of obligation to try and convince the guy.
It's no longer natural. I would think that this would be an opportunity that
(17:50):
has come like a blessing in disguise, if you want.
Yawuya for Sarah to finally own her truth, to say, look, I just don't feel you like that.
I didn't know how to tell you, but now it's out.
Let's just go our separate ways, you know. And sometimes I think upon your problem,
you know, I've been following your wisdom posts on Instagram, right?
(18:16):
And there was one, I think, where you were discussing something along the lines
of, you know, like staying in situations that are comfortable.
And i feel like that's where
people find themselves it's almost like better
the devil you know because okay so she cheated
let's just stay together because it's comfortable we don't know what's out there
(18:41):
you know you know but yeah that's no way to live because like you said it It won't be authentic.
The love is never going to be as it was.
And it could be that whatever it is that was lacking in the first place,
it's still going to be lacking. Nothing is changing.
(19:02):
I mean, I'm not saying it's not, but it is not what either of you want, you know?
I'm not saying it's not, but it is not what either of you want, you know?
You know, very tricky, very, very tricky. Would you say you're a good writer?
(19:28):
Very much so. Very much so. And, and, and, oh, Sanjidara, why would you say that?
Why would you, okay, in your, in your opinion, okay, what makes a good writer?
What, what is a good writer to you? What are the qualities or what are the traits?
(19:56):
Show up. That's number one. You have to show up.
If we're saying we're in a relationship, let me see you in the relationship.
Let me see that you are actively participating in the relationship.
You're showing up. That's number one. Of course, love is, it's a decision.
(20:18):
It's a choice. You make the choice.
But for you to make the choice, you have to know what you're you're getting into.
Commitment, communication, all those things.
Love is not easy. Love is not like a feeling, you know, butterflies.
No, it's all those things.
(20:41):
And as much as we want it, we crave for it. We have to understand it's not an easy thing.
Love involves a lot of commitment. Commitment.
It becomes easy once you have committed to doing those things.
And those things, when they start to feel like second nature to you, then it becomes easy.
But otherwise, initially there's work.
(21:04):
I need to communicate with you. I need to talk to you every now and then.
I need to know if you're okay.
I need to know how you feel about me, how you feel the truth about the things that I do.
Are they crazy for you? Are they too wild for you? You know,
communication, commitment, and affection.
I feel like those three words could kind of define it for me.
(21:28):
And do you believe, okay, obviously the ideal is once you find that the one
or the soulmate or whatever like people believe in, right?
Love i think is not a feeling that
you're constantly going to feel the same about
that person forever what do
(21:50):
you think you have to keep doing
to keep that going because you know like love you one month you know so sienna
maybe after one year yeah after five years like what are some Some of the things
that you say to do to keep that love consistent and,
(22:11):
you know, to keep your person or to keep each other, actually. Give your person money.
Give your person money. Marnie.
Ladies and gentlemen, people underestimate the need to, you know,
(22:41):
show that this is the fruit of my labor.
I've been working all week, all month.
And out of what I've got, I've got,
In these tough times, regardless, I want to, every now and then,
give you a little something.
Yeah. That is necessary. I mean, of course, there are other things that may
(23:04):
come before that, but that is very important.
Give your person money. What was the question again? Say it one more time.
So, what keeps the love going with your person?
So, what keeps the love going? For me, it is number one on top of my list.
Lists are different. Let me emphasize.
(23:26):
But my list on top of everything, intimacy is of the utmost importance.
There has to be intimacy of any kind you can think.
Because intimacy can be broken down into many, many different topics.
And that's not how to go deeper.
Because intimacy is a very umbrella. When we say intimacy, we're not talking
(23:52):
about just water, just, you know, you know, sexual intimacy.
Well, that is important, yes.
But there is also intimacy equity.
You are fully invested in their emotions and their feelings, right?
Intimacy equity, we can sit and watch a TV show, a movie together and feel like
(24:14):
we've had the best conversation ever. Like, we don't even need to say anything.
Intimacy of walking and holding hands. Intimacy of just conversation.
Like real life stories.
Intimacy of which I'm able to open myself up completely.
(24:39):
And you're able to do the same. Vulnerability. So that to me is right at the
top. If you cannot open up to yours completely like that, that person is wrong for you.
So that's for me, maybe number one.
Then number two, mupemari.
(25:05):
You're my most favorite person ever. If I'm unnoticed. If I'm unnoticed.
If I'm unnoticed. If I'm unnoticed.
If I'm unnoticed. If I'm unnoticed. If I'm unnoticed.
Mupemari. Mupemari. Mupemari. Ah, I don't know what to say, guys.
(25:29):
But at some point, he didn't have any cash. He didn't have any money.
Listen, I don't have any money to buy you happiness. You don't have any money.
I don't have any money. You don't have any money. You don't have any money.
You don't have any money. You don't have any time, all right?
You're going to throw that.
(25:52):
I don't know if it's true or fake, all right? But honestly, I think there's
definitely the bank is very important.
It is. But I also find that I think gesture and bank, because I think it's like a 50, you know, 102.
(26:12):
But I think there's something so beautiful in knowing that even on your last, you know what?
You know what I mean? Like those, those little things. Oh yeah.
You know.
(26:36):
Without having to ask or be prompted.
Oh, babe, I've booked us a table.
You know, get ready by seven. You know, those are two of my gestures.
I say, I beg you, Rufa, and I'm going to tell you. Beg you, Rufa.
Tichiri Papa, beg you, Baba, if you go to a subtopic also to answer your question.
(27:00):
Romance is a very important part to keep things alive.
Romance doesn't mean, you know, going all out, being crazy.
I mean, that is necessary once in a while. Go all out once in a while.
But you can literally have such a romantic evening.
(27:21):
Just a matter of planning it.
A movie that I researched. I also did a lot. Even if it's a movie you've watched
before, it's okay. Pretend like it's your first time.
(27:44):
And then, you know, after one hour or so,
they're going to shed some tears because it's not so much about,
how do I put this?
(28:04):
I would say a lot of it is deliberate.
Yeah. Intentional. Very intentional. It's not by chance that you have a romantic date.
(28:30):
And they used to run your world It's not by accident.
It's very intentional. So everything you do has to be by your design.
Make I need to do this this is what I'm going to do.
(28:54):
Make the.
Plan, put the effort to make the conscious decision.
It's been a month since I've done something special.
I'm going to do it today and do it. That's it.
(29:15):
So in a nutshell, I feel like those are some of the things that will keep love going.
Thank you. Sir, I want to ask, because I think stereotypically,
it always seems to fall on you.
Do you know that? I'm not sure if that's a romance that's on the table.
Because I know that you're like, yeah, my face, yeah, Zimbabwean men,
(29:38):
yeah, what, what. But do you feel that, do you like being romanced as a man yourself?
And like, what are some of the things that would be like romance or that are
special to you self-first?
Like, do you like being romanced as a man yourself? Do you like being romanced?
(29:58):
I don't know. I don't like being romanced.
And I don't know. Suck on my dick.
Or a pizza. Do you know what? I'm going to go have a pizza at my sports.
Nature da vunzira.
(30:20):
Saka madigi.
Woto romans kwa woto pedsa. Wow. Da naka. Wow. Da bo. Bo.
Saka nika anvesari birthday Christmas special occasion.
Do you say you can't that said wabo. It's a,
(30:45):
But to begin the day, thank you for your time.
All right.
I think we're not disregarding it because we're not sure.
We're not sure, but I'm just saying, okay, let me put it into other areas. You can flourish.
(31:11):
Yes. Yes, men like to be romanced.
You know, like, once upon a time I got flowers.
It was literally my first time and perhaps last time.
I don't remember ever getting flowers after that. So it was nice.
(31:32):
It felt good. You know, it was really nice. These are flowers. What?
For me. Oh, that's so beautiful. So, yeah, I would say pretty much just about
the same things that women want men to do.
You could literally do the exact same thing.
I can't remember if I eventually posted it on my social, but it's something
(31:55):
I thought about that when it comes to love language, whatever you call your
love language, traditionally it means how you want to be loved.
Yeah. So fair and fine. But imagine if you could still also give that same love language to yours.
Of course. So if your love language is acts of service, well,
(32:19):
that's something, that's how you receive love.
How about you give love the same way, you know?
So literally just about anything or everything that women want men to do,
you can literally do the same thing. I feel like there's no man who's going
to be mad but when the endings are out like.
(32:43):
I would love to meet that man I mean that would be sexy do you I think like
okay sometimes do you think it's okay not boundaries like what's,
I don't stop when it comes to romance because because I think sometimes what stops people,
(33:05):
is, you know, like if you make a gesture, if you do something and maybe it's
not received or it's not acknowledged.
I'm not saying that you do things for effect or you do it for the thanks or
you do it for the reaction.
(33:25):
But, you know, there's a little part of you because when you do something,
you want that little acknowledgement.
Because here, I'm going to throw something. something you know you know sex
is something you know but nothing.
No acknowledgement no does something look different you know like those little
(33:56):
things then you know what's the word like Like, you don't discourage her, I think.
Because, ah, second one, I just want to know what she's doing.
So why am I doing it? That's right.
It goes both ways. And I've often said that it's not just about how you,
(34:18):
let me see how to phrase this.
Love, in my opinion, is not just how you give love.
It's how you receive it. It's equally important.
How are you receiving your person doing these things?
How you respond, how you react, how you show that you're paying attention to details.
(34:42):
That in itself is love. It's part of it. You can be as romantic as you want. You can be that guy.
But if I'm unable to receive the love, if I'm unable to capture the essence
of the moment, wow, my woman just had a haircut.
(35:04):
She has a pretty dress on and I can't even acknowledge that.
You look so pretty. I can't even. Then, Wow.
And on that note, I feel like that was so deep.
I was in a trance. We have to end it right here. That's a bit of a philosophy.
(35:27):
I literally had goosebumps on my back, on my neck, on my balls.
Yeah one of these days didn't change
okay but for now i think this was sort of
(35:49):
like a makeup episode for the one we missed or the one we had to take down so
on that note i would say thank you thank you for spending this time with me
thank you for having me bagging and i'm so happy you've You've kept your promise.
You've been consistent.
And tagati accountability, Saga.
(36:11):
You're doing great. Tok tende no batakuin. Kuno shamisa.
And on that note, thank you so much for listening to Thus Far podcast.
My name is SK and I'll be back here or will be back here on the next one.
Hopefully next week, because we're trying to do these weekly conversations Organizations
(36:32):
where we talk about things that matter the most. So come, Daineni.
Thank you. Thank you so much. And I'm looking forward to next time already.
All right. We'll catch you on the next one. Have a great week and God bless.
Bye for now. Thank you for listening to Thus Far.
We've come a long way, but the escapades will continue.
Welcome to Thus Far Podcast by DJ SK.
Hey and welcome back to another episode of Thus Far Podcast.
Hanging out with yours truly, SK, also known as DJ Wangu.
Because I'm yours for the remainder of our natural lives.
(00:24):
Thanks for coming back and andakusua iges. But you know what?
Someone else had missed you. Guess who? I'm back!
First of all, This is it.
And, uh, to wait a minute, it's okay to, you know, my holidays and to take a
(00:46):
day to get out of Zimbabwe. It's like a, it's open a plan.
Oh, Samura. When the magari on Geca, this is it.
Now when the Marie camping, camping, I camping out. I was comfortable.
But we're in Binghamton.
Far from.
(01:24):
I don't know. So in other words, I'm saying guys, I don't have a cent.
I don't have a cent.
(01:46):
But Musa Nderoe Marianti. Anyway,
good to have you back. It's been a while and I've been getting a few requests
for us to come back because that last one we did, we had to take it down because
the quality wasn't so great. But we fixed that.
And today is probably going to sound crisp and clean and juicy,
(02:09):
as it should. Don't get it to be juicy, always.
That's not don't get it to be even juicier. Juicier.
Always. Us. So, what do we talk about?
Do we talk about the things we were talking about then, or we have new stuff to talk about?
Because I might have new stuff I want to really talk to you about.
(02:30):
Especially this thing, last week, I don't know if you caught a video of a man
who posted his, I would say, wife on social media for cheating.
And he was, it was an interview.
It wasn't even an interview. It was an interrogation. Wow. That was.
(02:55):
Imagine. Now, I want you to imagine if you were on the other side of it.
For the rest of the show, your name is Sarah.
All right. It's better for Tarantins. Okay.
I just don't know why.
(03:24):
Why did you ask that question? Like, what are you getting from the number of times they did it?
So, let me ask you, if you had been like in that guy's shoes,
(03:45):
would you want to know, do you want to know the intricate details?
Do you think like they are important?
Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I don't care for the, for the many details.
Like, why would I need to know that? Because it's a headache.
(04:08):
And that's what I didn't understand. Because I remember.
Trust and believe, leave, if that guy had been given 10 more minutes,
he was going to ask, it was sad, but at the same time, very hilarious. Yeah.
(04:40):
So if you were, you were Sarah, like, what's your response to those questions?
Sarah kept quiet for most of the time. I felt she was visibly,
you know, I would say scared because she doesn't know how this guy is going to react after the fact,
but also perhaps embarrassed because now she knows and did a video and the whole
(05:05):
world is about to see me in this light.
That's got to be tough. Do you know what? I felt for her in that moment because
like you said Kuti you know like when your dirty laundry is aired out I just
could tell about two where Zanya and Zekuti,
Before you know it, and as it has done, video, I found they,
(05:29):
even my own mom has seen it.
Facebook, Iriko. Instagram, Iriko. For my WhatsApp status, Iriko.
You know, everybody that you're going to be bumping into on a daily basis,
whether it's my boss, Iriko Church, all that kind of stuff.
And it was just that, you know, like that being exposed.
(05:51):
Exposed i get the guy kuti in the
heat of the moment of course you're frustrated you're upset you're angry
about it i think guys the digital footprint
got there forever it's out there now and he's never going to be able to take
that back you know like two weeks ago i saw a video yeah or linda when she was
(06:12):
crying for stana what year was that was that not like 2018 17 i can't I remember, but yeah,
this is it.
And I'm just like, wow.
And now I think it's even worse because we're in an age where,
you know, people will make memes and the gifs and there's AI.
(06:35):
People are now, you know, editing the videos to say whatever and do whatever.
And as ugly as
that episode was I didn't do
it the same people or whatever that situation is now but it's just like with
(06:56):
my internet 2017 and you take every opportunity to replay that or you know to
post that meme or just it's just.
The thing is I mean can we safely say Kuti as a people that,
(07:18):
Through social media.
Like I say this, not so much in a joking manner,
but because there's a saying like in our culture, you know, if something like
this were to happen back in the day, it would be kept under wraps.
(07:38):
You know what I'm saying? Like no one would know.
Discreetly she goes to the next level discreetly to the next level until he
has a family meeting or whatever but he would never know but these days,
(08:05):
straight to 5,000, 10,000 followers,
and this is it nothing is
sacred anymore of course
and this kuti you know secret or whatever if it's something that you feel like
you could get some assistance with or get some help with by all means i see
(08:29):
like you said kuti if you're going to be you're looking for a solution or even
for answers i'm so sorry but you're 10 000 followers,
You're here for the drama.
Thank you. Thank you.
(09:08):
And my and my and my and my and my and my and my I mean, we were just losing it.
The other day I posted on social media, like some things are meant to be,
you know, to be done secretly or in silence.
And I think this is one of those things that you just don't want to put out
there because you got to think about the future.
(09:29):
Think about not just social media, your kids even. Of course.
That stuff is still out there.
She's a joker on YouTube. Please, no. No, ma. you were even as the dad you were
(09:52):
watching a poster like there's also the element here perhaps you were just not
man enough what were you not doing that led your woman to do this for 12 years thank you,
Because now, you know, Sunday football or whatever,
(10:14):
not only was she stepping out, it wasn't a casual thing.
I don't know, maybe it's a moment of introspection for the guy.
Okay, yourself as the partner.
As it was something lacking.
(10:37):
The sick yeah because I got the G you know what if I can't find it it's okay,
I think you mentioned the name. I forget.
I forgot the name, but anyway. Okay. I'll throw a question to you then.
It's something I think that you briefly touched on on your show and you put
(10:58):
it out to the audience. Okay.
Let's say you find yourself in that situation or maybe in the past when you've
had like somebody who's been unfaithful and concrete evidence.
Evidence whether it's my pictures my videos my
screenshots or whatever what has been historically
or what would be your first move
(11:21):
okay papa papa what are you going to
do or what like how have you reacted in the past or whatever well past present
or future my response would have been the same to not overreact overreaction
for me going to social media and whatnot not. Or even going to family.
(11:42):
Because even family, you know, social media, you know what I'm saying?
Absolutely. So for me, discretion is key. That's the number one thing. Keeping it under wraps.
Because of ABCD, no one else has to know. Yeah.
(12:05):
How are we going to do this?
Can and do you know you know
i've always i pride myself in not overreacting
i'm that kind of person who steps back this
is in almost everything if i see or notice something weird so i step back i
(12:25):
might not have all the answers for this particular situation because maybe because
it's never happened to me so i don't really know of course but i mean i i would
still hope to be strong enough to to take a step back.
And really plan my move, which is most likely an inevitable breakup.
(12:47):
It just has to be done a certain way. No, I get that. In the end,
I think I respect that approach.
And like you said, not necessarily just in this scenario, because of course,
how many of us are going to say we, you know, ever find ourselves or will ever find ourselves in that.
But just as a general rule of thumb, it's so easy. I think when you're in that
(13:10):
moment, I've always been told, and think about like words, right?
If you say something, you can never take it back.
So even when you finally had that time to think over it and you've calmed down
and you've, you know, rationalized and all that kind of stuff.
(13:31):
I, like you, I remove myself from the situation because I need that time to
go and really think about it. If I'm going to cry about it, whatever the case
may be, don't know, you know, go and gather myself.
And then I'm approaching like the situation, did it level headed?
And I think it's so important. Guys, your family and friends got even whether
(13:53):
it's your own mom or somebody who your best friend,
those people, if anything, are probably the worst people to tell.
I'm not saying hide things. I said, do you know like how difficult it is?
Imagine, okay, so I go now and tell my mom, Hey, mom, you know.
(14:18):
We kissed with me, my mom's going to look at my man at the same way.
She's never going to get over that. Oh yeah.
So yeah, pretty tricky. Oh yeah.
I mean, it's, it's no different from saying you're, I mean, boyfriend,
(14:40):
maybe, you know, eventually, whatever, but listen, if you are like permanently attached,
you're permanently together, like say you've been married, even whatever,
but say you've got kids, right?
The view, your presenter, Exactly.
(15:12):
And you might forgive but uh
and speaking of forgiveness because yeah i think now i remember where i wanted
to go the because allegedly they then forgave each other i don't know how far
true that is but now but now the world knows your your nonsense part of me feels like this
(15:34):
guy didn't really forgive, forgive. I feel like I look a lot.
Do you know what? I agree because I think you can tell Neto Niemuno and I know
Atinaku Mwana, but already Neto was very, very, and just the whole way that
he approached that person.
I know like it seems very cynical, but I feel it wasn't like Mwana who was like
(15:58):
a one-up. Yeah, I get that kind of vibe from him.
There's a, you know, not forgiving, but I want to get even kind of thing. Yeah.
So if you were Sarah and he says, you know, in detail.
(16:20):
Everything you've done.
Both of them face over to, you know what, I forgive you. Would you take that forgiveness?
You're now planning to run with your life. Bye.
I said I'm going to bye. Okay. When I tell you, Kuti, and this is when I was
(16:42):
normal, I say on that day, I'm starting to remember when I was a kid.
Because when I was a kid, I didn't know how to speak. I'm a liar.
Forgiveness you know I would spend the rest of,
my life then I think like you're walking on eggshells
(17:02):
you don't know what's coming or that
could be his plan you know when you're doing a game street psychological yeah
what is he going to do what's he thinking what you know what potentially and
I don't believe in life I'm constantly looking over my shoulder. A relationship.
(17:26):
Because you're looking over your shoulder, number one. But at the same time, you're also just not.
I don't think the love will ever go back because now everything you're doing,
you're doing out of obligation to try and convince the guy.
It's no longer natural. I would think that this would be an opportunity that
(17:50):
has come like a blessing in disguise, if you want.
Yawuya for Sarah to finally own her truth, to say, look, I just don't feel you like that.
I didn't know how to tell you, but now it's out.
Let's just go our separate ways, you know. And sometimes I think upon your problem,
you know, I've been following your wisdom posts on Instagram, right?
(18:16):
And there was one, I think, where you were discussing something along the lines
of, you know, like staying in situations that are comfortable.
And i feel like that's where
people find themselves it's almost like better
the devil you know because okay so she cheated
let's just stay together because it's comfortable we don't know what's out there
(18:41):
you know you know but yeah that's no way to live because like you said it It won't be authentic.
The love is never going to be as it was.
And it could be that whatever it is that was lacking in the first place,
it's still going to be lacking. Nothing is changing.
(19:02):
I mean, I'm not saying it's not, but it is not what either of you want, you know?
I'm not saying it's not, but it is not what either of you want, you know?
You know, very tricky, very, very tricky. Would you say you're a good writer?
(19:28):
Very much so. Very much so. And, and, and, oh, Sanjidara, why would you say that?
Why would you, okay, in your, in your opinion, okay, what makes a good writer?
What, what is a good writer to you? What are the qualities or what are the traits?
(19:56):
Show up. That's number one. You have to show up.
If we're saying we're in a relationship, let me see you in the relationship.
Let me see that you are actively participating in the relationship.
You're showing up. That's number one. Of course, love is, it's a decision.
(20:18):
It's a choice. You make the choice.
But for you to make the choice, you have to know what you're you're getting into.
Commitment, communication, all those things.
Love is not easy. Love is not like a feeling, you know, butterflies.
No, it's all those things.
(20:41):
And as much as we want it, we crave for it. We have to understand it's not an easy thing.
Love involves a lot of commitment. Commitment.
It becomes easy once you have committed to doing those things.
And those things, when they start to feel like second nature to you, then it becomes easy.
But otherwise, initially there's work.
(21:04):
I need to communicate with you. I need to talk to you every now and then.
I need to know if you're okay.
I need to know how you feel about me, how you feel the truth about the things that I do.
Are they crazy for you? Are they too wild for you? You know,
communication, commitment, and affection.
I feel like those three words could kind of define it for me.
(21:28):
And do you believe, okay, obviously the ideal is once you find that the one
or the soulmate or whatever like people believe in, right?
Love i think is not a feeling that
you're constantly going to feel the same about
that person forever what do
(21:50):
you think you have to keep doing
to keep that going because you know like love you one month you know so sienna
maybe after one year yeah after five years like what are some Some of the things
that you say to do to keep that love consistent and,
(22:11):
you know, to keep your person or to keep each other, actually. Give your person money.
Give your person money. Marnie.
Ladies and gentlemen, people underestimate the need to, you know,
(22:41):
show that this is the fruit of my labor.
I've been working all week, all month.
And out of what I've got, I've got,
In these tough times, regardless, I want to, every now and then,
give you a little something.
Yeah. That is necessary. I mean, of course, there are other things that may
(23:04):
come before that, but that is very important.
Give your person money. What was the question again? Say it one more time.
So, what keeps the love going with your person?
So, what keeps the love going? For me, it is number one on top of my list.
Lists are different. Let me emphasize.
(23:26):
But my list on top of everything, intimacy is of the utmost importance.
There has to be intimacy of any kind you can think.
Because intimacy can be broken down into many, many different topics.
And that's not how to go deeper.
Because intimacy is a very umbrella. When we say intimacy, we're not talking
(23:52):
about just water, just, you know, you know, sexual intimacy.
Well, that is important, yes.
But there is also intimacy equity.
You are fully invested in their emotions and their feelings, right?
Intimacy equity, we can sit and watch a TV show, a movie together and feel like
(24:14):
we've had the best conversation ever. Like, we don't even need to say anything.
Intimacy of walking and holding hands. Intimacy of just conversation.
Like real life stories.
Intimacy of which I'm able to open myself up completely.
(24:39):
And you're able to do the same. Vulnerability. So that to me is right at the
top. If you cannot open up to yours completely like that, that person is wrong for you.
So that's for me, maybe number one.
Then number two, mupemari.
(25:05):
You're my most favorite person ever. If I'm unnoticed. If I'm unnoticed.
If I'm unnoticed. If I'm unnoticed.
If I'm unnoticed. If I'm unnoticed. If I'm unnoticed.
Mupemari. Mupemari. Mupemari. Ah, I don't know what to say, guys.
(25:29):
But at some point, he didn't have any cash. He didn't have any money.
Listen, I don't have any money to buy you happiness. You don't have any money.
I don't have any money. You don't have any money. You don't have any money.
You don't have any money. You don't have any time, all right?
You're going to throw that.
(25:52):
I don't know if it's true or fake, all right? But honestly, I think there's
definitely the bank is very important.
It is. But I also find that I think gesture and bank, because I think it's like a 50, you know, 102.
(26:12):
But I think there's something so beautiful in knowing that even on your last, you know what?
You know what I mean? Like those, those little things. Oh yeah.
You know.
(26:36):
Without having to ask or be prompted.
Oh, babe, I've booked us a table.
You know, get ready by seven. You know, those are two of my gestures.
I say, I beg you, Rufa, and I'm going to tell you. Beg you, Rufa.
Tichiri Papa, beg you, Baba, if you go to a subtopic also to answer your question.
(27:00):
Romance is a very important part to keep things alive.
Romance doesn't mean, you know, going all out, being crazy.
I mean, that is necessary once in a while. Go all out once in a while.
But you can literally have such a romantic evening.
(27:21):
Just a matter of planning it.
A movie that I researched. I also did a lot. Even if it's a movie you've watched
before, it's okay. Pretend like it's your first time.
(27:44):
And then, you know, after one hour or so,
they're going to shed some tears because it's not so much about,
how do I put this?
(28:04):
I would say a lot of it is deliberate.
Yeah. Intentional. Very intentional. It's not by chance that you have a romantic date.
(28:30):
And they used to run your world It's not by accident.
It's very intentional. So everything you do has to be by your design.
Make I need to do this this is what I'm going to do.
(28:54):
Make the.
Plan, put the effort to make the conscious decision.
It's been a month since I've done something special.
I'm going to do it today and do it. That's it.
(29:15):
So in a nutshell, I feel like those are some of the things that will keep love going.
Thank you. Sir, I want to ask, because I think stereotypically,
it always seems to fall on you.
Do you know that? I'm not sure if that's a romance that's on the table.
Because I know that you're like, yeah, my face, yeah, Zimbabwean men,
(29:38):
yeah, what, what. But do you feel that, do you like being romanced as a man yourself?
And like, what are some of the things that would be like romance or that are
special to you self-first?
Like, do you like being romanced as a man yourself? Do you like being romanced?
(29:58):
I don't know. I don't like being romanced.
And I don't know. Suck on my dick.
Or a pizza. Do you know what? I'm going to go have a pizza at my sports.
Nature da vunzira.
(30:20):
Saka madigi.
Woto romans kwa woto pedsa. Wow. Da naka. Wow. Da bo. Bo.
Saka nika anvesari birthday Christmas special occasion.
Do you say you can't that said wabo. It's a,
(30:45):
But to begin the day, thank you for your time.
All right.
I think we're not disregarding it because we're not sure.
We're not sure, but I'm just saying, okay, let me put it into other areas. You can flourish.
(31:11):
Yes. Yes, men like to be romanced.
You know, like, once upon a time I got flowers.
It was literally my first time and perhaps last time.
I don't remember ever getting flowers after that. So it was nice.
(31:32):
It felt good. You know, it was really nice. These are flowers. What?
For me. Oh, that's so beautiful. So, yeah, I would say pretty much just about
the same things that women want men to do.
You could literally do the exact same thing.
I can't remember if I eventually posted it on my social, but it's something
(31:55):
I thought about that when it comes to love language, whatever you call your
love language, traditionally it means how you want to be loved.
Yeah. So fair and fine. But imagine if you could still also give that same love language to yours.
Of course. So if your love language is acts of service, well,
(32:19):
that's something, that's how you receive love.
How about you give love the same way, you know?
So literally just about anything or everything that women want men to do,
you can literally do the same thing. I feel like there's no man who's going
to be mad but when the endings are out like.
(32:43):
I would love to meet that man I mean that would be sexy do you I think like
okay sometimes do you think it's okay not boundaries like what's,
I don't stop when it comes to romance because because I think sometimes what stops people,
(33:05):
is, you know, like if you make a gesture, if you do something and maybe it's
not received or it's not acknowledged.
I'm not saying that you do things for effect or you do it for the thanks or
you do it for the reaction.
(33:25):
But, you know, there's a little part of you because when you do something,
you want that little acknowledgement.
Because here, I'm going to throw something. something you know you know sex
is something you know but nothing.
No acknowledgement no does something look different you know like those little
(33:56):
things then you know what's the word like Like, you don't discourage her, I think.
Because, ah, second one, I just want to know what she's doing.
So why am I doing it? That's right.
It goes both ways. And I've often said that it's not just about how you,
(34:18):
let me see how to phrase this.
Love, in my opinion, is not just how you give love.
It's how you receive it. It's equally important.
How are you receiving your person doing these things?
How you respond, how you react, how you show that you're paying attention to details.
(34:42):
That in itself is love. It's part of it. You can be as romantic as you want. You can be that guy.
But if I'm unable to receive the love, if I'm unable to capture the essence
of the moment, wow, my woman just had a haircut.
(35:04):
She has a pretty dress on and I can't even acknowledge that.
You look so pretty. I can't even. Then, Wow.
And on that note, I feel like that was so deep.
I was in a trance. We have to end it right here. That's a bit of a philosophy.
(35:27):
I literally had goosebumps on my back, on my neck, on my balls.
Yeah one of these days didn't change
okay but for now i think this was sort of
(35:49):
like a makeup episode for the one we missed or the one we had to take down so
on that note i would say thank you thank you for spending this time with me
thank you for having me bagging and i'm so happy you've You've kept your promise.
You've been consistent.
And tagati accountability, Saga.
(36:11):
You're doing great. Tok tende no batakuin. Kuno shamisa.
And on that note, thank you so much for listening to Thus Far podcast.
My name is SK and I'll be back here or will be back here on the next one.
Hopefully next week, because we're trying to do these weekly conversations Organizations
(36:32):
where we talk about things that matter the most. So come, Daineni.
Thank you. Thank you so much. And I'm looking forward to next time already.
All right. We'll catch you on the next one. Have a great week and God bless.
Bye for now. Thank you for listening to Thus Far.
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