November 22, 2024 • 10 mins
In this episode, I review Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” emphasizing its enduring relevance since its 1936 publication. With over 30 million copies sold, this classic offers timeless principles for leadership and personal growth. I highlight key takeaways, such as the importance of avoiding criticism to inspire change, providing sincere appreciation to motivate others, and genuinely engaging with people to build meaningful relationships. I underscore the significance of focusing on others’ interests to effectively influence them and suggest framing ideas in a way that aligns with their goals to foster empathy and collaboration. In today’s technology-driven world, this book remains a valuable resource for enhancing interpersonal skills and communication. I encourage small actions, like offering compliments and active listening, to improve leadership abilities.
Link to Book: https://timstatingtheobvious.com/products/professional-reading-list/how-to-win-friends-influence-people-53098858
#Leadership #PersonalGrowth #DaleCarnegie #CommunicationSkills #PodcastEpisode #Influence #InterpersonalSkills #ProfessionalDevelopment #DaleCarnegie
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tim (00:00):
Hey, and welcome back to another episode.
This one's gonna be different than the other ones for a lot of different reasons.
First, this is gonna be a book review.
We're not gonna talk about anything else.
But as we were talking about education, and we're as we were talking about different methods
and means on how we can educate ourselves and get better every single day, we're gonna introduce
(00:20):
some books that I think that you should read.
I just wanna tell you too, none of these books have been endorsed or paid for or anything else.
These are just books that I have read myself, and I think that they're good for you to read as well.
So the first book that we're gonna talk about is Dale Carnegie's, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
This is one of the first books I read, when I got into leadership.
(00:42):
And it was an incredibly impactful in my life for several reasons.
And I kinda wanna give you the key takeaways to these because they're super impactful.
This is Tim Staton with Tim Staton the obvious.
What is this podcast about? It's simple.
You are entitled to great leadership everywhere you go, whether it's your church, whether it's
(01:06):
to work, whether it's at your house, you are entitled to great leadership.
And so in this podcast, we take leadership principles and theories and turn them into everyday relatable and usable advice.
Disclaimer (01:18):
And a quick disclaimer, this show process or service by trademark, trademark manufacturer, otherwise,
does not necessarily constitute and apply endorsement of anyone that I employed by or favors in the representation.
The views are expressed here in my show are in the representation.
The views are expressed here in my show are my own expressed and do not necessarily state or
reflect those of any employer.
Tim (01:28):
But before I do that, if you could do me a favor, if you haven't given a review or a like or
hit the bells or the whistles on the on whatever platform you're watching this on, go ahead
and do that so you know when we, have another one episode for you.
It helps us share the show.
So thank you for subscribing.
Thank you for hitting all those bells and whistles.
Now let's get into this good book.
So this classic was first published in 1936 and sold over 30,000,000 copies worldwide.
(01:52):
It remains as relevant today as it did back then.
You know, it's almost 90 years old, and there's a lot of things in this book that I think we
missed the boat on today, and I wanna break down the book's core principles into 5 different
areas where I think that you could benefit from it.
So the first thing this book talks about is don't criticize, don't condemn, or complain. We all don't.
(02:15):
We all work with people who are constantly criticizing, complaining, or condemning other people.
It's never fun to work around those people.
And Carnegie starts with a powerful reminder that criticism rarely inspires change.
In fact, it often leads to defensiveness and resentment. And
(02:41):
do. To be more understanding, and we have to seek understanding everything that we do.
And we need to encourage everybody instead of criticizing and condemning or complaining about our situations.
You know, if you find yourself in a Staton, and you're like, this is really, really tough.
Well, roll up your sleeves and get to work. It's that simple.
And as leaders, we need to foster an environment of trust and collaboration, and focus on solutions
(03:06):
rather than assigning blame and judgment.
And and so that's one of the first key principles that we learned in this book.
The second key principle is to give honest and sincere appreciation.
All too often, I believe this gets overlooked today.
In today's realm of business and of what we have going on, all too often, we do not recognize
(03:26):
those hard workers and give them praise.
People naturally crave recognition, and a little appreciation goes a long way.
And Carnegie emphasizes the importance of being genuine. Right?
When you say thank you to somebody, thank you for doing what you're doing, you have to be genuine,
and you actually have to mean it.
You can't just say, oh, well, thanks, and then roll on and not do anything else.
(03:47):
You need to be genuine in your appreciation of others.
And if you tell somebody, hey, you did a great job.
What goes even further is if you say, hey, you did a great job at x, y, and z, and I really
appreciate the way you did it, and it achieved its success because of the way that you did it.
Nobody else would have made it that way.
People love that a sense of genuine appreciation.
(04:09):
And as leaders, it creates a warm and dynamic atmosphere that we wanna create, that people want to be around us.
So that's the second key principle that I've learned from this book.
The third one is to genuinely be interested in people and to talk more about them than you do about yourself.
All too often when we're trying to network with people and we're talking, we like to share a lot about ourselves.
(04:30):
And some people to the point where, oh, look how important I am that you need to talk to me.
Instead of taking the stance of, oh, how important are you that we get to talk?
I wanna know more about you.
I really genuinely care about you. Hey.
Tell me about your family.
Tell me about your kids.
Tell me about your wife.
Tell me about your dog. Hey.
Do you have a boat that you go out on the weekend on it?
I I saw that you have a truck.
Do you have a trailer that you do with that?
Do you go camping on the weekends?
(04:55):
Hey. You you had a birthday coming up. Right? When's your birthday?
And actually know those things, and generally have a meaningful conversation with people because
that also fosters genuine relationships.
We want to develop a relationship with people where it's beyond the superficial, where it's
it's we genuinely care about people, and we're generally interested in them.
(05:19):
And then when we talk to them, we need to talk to their people in personal interests. Right?
So Carnegie reminds us that people are naturally most interested in themselves and what matters
to them, and we talked about that before.
And if you want to persuade or influence people, you have to frame your message in terms of
of their priorities and not yours.
So when we're trying to influence people to do things that we want, to happen our way, then
(05:43):
you kinda need to talk to it from how it benefits them, how it's a win win solution for them,
what your idea brings to the table for them, and how they will benefit from it.
For example, if you're pitching an idea to your boss, don't just talk about how it's a great idea for you.
Explain how it aligns with the company or and the organizational goals.
How's it align with your team goals?
(06:04):
How is that gonna benefit the organization overall?
And when you come to that conclusion of, hey.
This is how this aligns with your priorities.
This is how it aligns with your goals.
You're going to get much farther in the conversation because now you're appealing to their personal interests. Hey.
I'm talking to you about the things that you care about because that's what I wanna do.
You know, I I recently, watched a a video the other day, and, Myron was on it, and he was saying, hey.
(06:29):
He goes, when people ask Tim, what do you sell?
I ask, well, what are you interested in?
I only wanna sell what you wanna buy.
If you don't wanna buy it, I don't wanna sell it.
And this is the same principle. Right?
We wanna talk to people in terms of how it relates to them. What are their goals? What are their interests?
What's in it for them?
And this can be a game changer when you're trying to talk to people and you work on goals and
(06:50):
you're trying to, like, negotiate something or even sales, definitely in leadership.
And it's not about manipulation.
It's about empathy and alignment with their values and their goals, so that way you can achieve a win win solution.
And the 5th principle that I learned from this book is to let other people feel the idea is theirs.
Sometimes we come up with really good ideas, and other people may not be so receptive to it.
(07:15):
Because if they're in a power or if they're in a position or positional power where they may
feel threatened by your idea, often we need to pitch the idea as if it's theirs.
So you say things like, hey.
I know you mentioned x, y, and z, and you were rolling out this initiative.
So I wanted to make sure that I was in alignment with your ideas.
And when you said x, y, and z, it made me think of this.
(07:38):
And I was wondering if this was in line with what you were thinking.
And it brings more energy and creativity, and it helps you brainstorm about the idea.
And once you get people into a brainstorming, method and ideology, then they start to think
about, oh, well, the idea that you just introduced is really my idea too.
So, yeah, let's go ahead and do that.
This approach not only empowers others, also strengthens your credibility as a leader, which is super important.
(08:04):
And so why is this book still relevant today?
Despite being written nearly 90 years ago, How to Win Friends and Influence People remains a timeless guide.
And if you're first getting into leadership and you're getting out there and you wonder, what book should I read?
I would recommend you read this book. It's super important.
And in a world dominated by technology and fast paced communication, Carnegie's principles remind
(08:27):
us that we need to be human focused and not technology focused.
Robots don't rule the world.
Even though Elon Musk may have rolled out his line of robots, there will always be people on
the equation to oversee it.
So we need to reconnect to the human nature of things.
The workplace may look very different now.
Email, Slack messages, Zoom calls, but human nature hasn't changed.
(08:52):
We all innately are the same.
We may be influenced slightly different, but all the basic principles remain the same.
So I would offer up, if you're looking for something and you wanna know what to read, check
out How to Win Friends and Influence People.
It's more than just a book.
It's a blueprint on how to become a better leader, a better communicator, and a better human being in general.
(09:13):
Often today in society in today's society, we are horrible at being good human beings.
We suck at being human to other humans.
This gets us back to that.
So here's my challenge to you today.
Which of these principles will you put into practice today?
Start small, and maybe it's offering a sincere compliment or taking some time to listen to somebody
(09:34):
without interrupting them and asking them small questions about themselves and their lives and how things go.
Small changes over time can have a huge impact.
So if you're looking for a good book to read, start with How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
Now if you got something out of this episode and you really liked it, do me a favor.
Hit the like icon, leave a review, leave us a little note, and give us a rating.
(09:56):
If you like it and you wanna help us out, that's the biggest thing that you could do, and it cost you nothing.
All you gotta do is click a button and write a couple of things, and we're good to go.
Thank you for listening, and I'm Tim Staden, Staden of the Obvious.
Hey, and welcome back to another episode.
This one's gonna be different than the other ones for a lot of different reasons.
First, this is gonna be a book review.
We're not gonna talk about anything else.
But as we were talking about education, and we're as we were talking about different methods
and means on how we can educate ourselves and get better every single day, we're gonna introduce
(00:20):
some books that I think that you should read.
I just wanna tell you too, none of these books have been endorsed or paid for or anything else.
These are just books that I have read myself, and I think that they're good for you to read as well.
So the first book that we're gonna talk about is Dale Carnegie's, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
This is one of the first books I read, when I got into leadership.
(00:42):
And it was an incredibly impactful in my life for several reasons.
And I kinda wanna give you the key takeaways to these because they're super impactful.
This is Tim Staton with Tim Staton the obvious.
What is this podcast about? It's simple.
You are entitled to great leadership everywhere you go, whether it's your church, whether it's
(01:06):
to work, whether it's at your house, you are entitled to great leadership.
And so in this podcast, we take leadership principles and theories and turn them into everyday relatable and usable advice.
Disclaimer (01:18):
And a quick disclaimer, this show process or service by trademark, trademark manufacturer, otherwise,
does not necessarily constitute and apply endorsement of anyone that I employed by or favors in the representation.
The views are expressed here in my show are in the representation.
The views are expressed here in my show are my own expressed and do not necessarily state or
reflect those of any employer.
Tim (01:28):
But before I do that, if you could do me a favor, if you haven't given a review or a like or
hit the bells or the whistles on the on whatever platform you're watching this on, go ahead
and do that so you know when we, have another one episode for you.
It helps us share the show.
So thank you for subscribing.
Thank you for hitting all those bells and whistles.
Now let's get into this good book.
So this classic was first published in 1936 and sold over 30,000,000 copies worldwide.
(01:52):
It remains as relevant today as it did back then.
You know, it's almost 90 years old, and there's a lot of things in this book that I think we
missed the boat on today, and I wanna break down the book's core principles into 5 different
areas where I think that you could benefit from it.
So the first thing this book talks about is don't criticize, don't condemn, or complain. We all don't.
(02:15):
We all work with people who are constantly criticizing, complaining, or condemning other people.
It's never fun to work around those people.
And Carnegie starts with a powerful reminder that criticism rarely inspires change.
In fact, it often leads to defensiveness and resentment. And
(02:41):
do. To be more understanding, and we have to seek understanding everything that we do.
And we need to encourage everybody instead of criticizing and condemning or complaining about our situations.
You know, if you find yourself in a Staton, and you're like, this is really, really tough.
Well, roll up your sleeves and get to work. It's that simple.
And as leaders, we need to foster an environment of trust and collaboration, and focus on solutions
(03:06):
rather than assigning blame and judgment.
And and so that's one of the first key principles that we learned in this book.
The second key principle is to give honest and sincere appreciation.
All too often, I believe this gets overlooked today.
In today's realm of business and of what we have going on, all too often, we do not recognize
(03:26):
those hard workers and give them praise.
People naturally crave recognition, and a little appreciation goes a long way.
And Carnegie emphasizes the importance of being genuine. Right?
When you say thank you to somebody, thank you for doing what you're doing, you have to be genuine,
and you actually have to mean it.
You can't just say, oh, well, thanks, and then roll on and not do anything else.
(03:47):
You need to be genuine in your appreciation of others.
And if you tell somebody, hey, you did a great job.
What goes even further is if you say, hey, you did a great job at x, y, and z, and I really
appreciate the way you did it, and it achieved its success because of the way that you did it.
Nobody else would have made it that way.
People love that a sense of genuine appreciation.
(04:09):
And as leaders, it creates a warm and dynamic atmosphere that we wanna create, that people want to be around us.
So that's the second key principle that I've learned from this book.
The third one is to genuinely be interested in people and to talk more about them than you do about yourself.
All too often when we're trying to network with people and we're talking, we like to share a lot about ourselves.
(04:30):
And some people to the point where, oh, look how important I am that you need to talk to me.
Instead of taking the stance of, oh, how important are you that we get to talk?
I wanna know more about you.
I really genuinely care about you. Hey.
Tell me about your family.
Tell me about your kids.
Tell me about your wife.
Tell me about your dog. Hey.
Do you have a boat that you go out on the weekend on it?
I I saw that you have a truck.
Do you have a trailer that you do with that?
Do you go camping on the weekends?
(04:55):
Hey. You you had a birthday coming up. Right? When's your birthday?
And actually know those things, and generally have a meaningful conversation with people because
that also fosters genuine relationships.
We want to develop a relationship with people where it's beyond the superficial, where it's
it's we genuinely care about people, and we're generally interested in them.
(05:19):
And then when we talk to them, we need to talk to their people in personal interests. Right?
So Carnegie reminds us that people are naturally most interested in themselves and what matters
to them, and we talked about that before.
And if you want to persuade or influence people, you have to frame your message in terms of
of their priorities and not yours.
So when we're trying to influence people to do things that we want, to happen our way, then
(05:43):
you kinda need to talk to it from how it benefits them, how it's a win win solution for them,
what your idea brings to the table for them, and how they will benefit from it.
For example, if you're pitching an idea to your boss, don't just talk about how it's a great idea for you.
Explain how it aligns with the company or and the organizational goals.
How's it align with your team goals?
(06:04):
How is that gonna benefit the organization overall?
And when you come to that conclusion of, hey.
This is how this aligns with your priorities.
This is how it aligns with your goals.
You're going to get much farther in the conversation because now you're appealing to their personal interests. Hey.
I'm talking to you about the things that you care about because that's what I wanna do.
You know, I I recently, watched a a video the other day, and, Myron was on it, and he was saying, hey.
(06:29):
He goes, when people ask Tim, what do you sell?
I ask, well, what are you interested in?
I only wanna sell what you wanna buy.
If you don't wanna buy it, I don't wanna sell it.
And this is the same principle. Right?
We wanna talk to people in terms of how it relates to them. What are their goals? What are their interests?
What's in it for them?
And this can be a game changer when you're trying to talk to people and you work on goals and
(06:50):
you're trying to, like, negotiate something or even sales, definitely in leadership.
And it's not about manipulation.
It's about empathy and alignment with their values and their goals, so that way you can achieve a win win solution.
And the 5th principle that I learned from this book is to let other people feel the idea is theirs.
Sometimes we come up with really good ideas, and other people may not be so receptive to it.
(07:15):
Because if they're in a power or if they're in a position or positional power where they may
feel threatened by your idea, often we need to pitch the idea as if it's theirs.
So you say things like, hey.
I know you mentioned x, y, and z, and you were rolling out this initiative.
So I wanted to make sure that I was in alignment with your ideas.
And when you said x, y, and z, it made me think of this.
(07:38):
And I was wondering if this was in line with what you were thinking.
And it brings more energy and creativity, and it helps you brainstorm about the idea.
And once you get people into a brainstorming, method and ideology, then they start to think
about, oh, well, the idea that you just introduced is really my idea too.
So, yeah, let's go ahead and do that.
This approach not only empowers others, also strengthens your credibility as a leader, which is super important.
(08:04):
And so why is this book still relevant today?
Despite being written nearly 90 years ago, How to Win Friends and Influence People remains a timeless guide.
And if you're first getting into leadership and you're getting out there and you wonder, what book should I read?
I would recommend you read this book. It's super important.
And in a world dominated by technology and fast paced communication, Carnegie's principles remind
(08:27):
us that we need to be human focused and not technology focused.
Robots don't rule the world.
Even though Elon Musk may have rolled out his line of robots, there will always be people on
the equation to oversee it.
So we need to reconnect to the human nature of things.
The workplace may look very different now.
Email, Slack messages, Zoom calls, but human nature hasn't changed.
(08:52):
We all innately are the same.
We may be influenced slightly different, but all the basic principles remain the same.
So I would offer up, if you're looking for something and you wanna know what to read, check
out How to Win Friends and Influence People.
It's more than just a book.
It's a blueprint on how to become a better leader, a better communicator, and a better human being in general.
(09:13):
Often today in society in today's society, we are horrible at being good human beings.
We suck at being human to other humans.
This gets us back to that.
So here's my challenge to you today.
Which of these principles will you put into practice today?
Start small, and maybe it's offering a sincere compliment or taking some time to listen to somebody
(09:34):
without interrupting them and asking them small questions about themselves and their lives and how things go.
Small changes over time can have a huge impact.
So if you're looking for a good book to read, start with How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
Now if you got something out of this episode and you really liked it, do me a favor.
Hit the like icon, leave a review, leave us a little note, and give us a rating.
(09:56):
If you like it and you wanna help us out, that's the biggest thing that you could do, and it cost you nothing.
All you gotta do is click a button and write a couple of things, and we're good to go.
Thank you for listening, and I'm Tim Staden, Staden of the Obvious.
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