March 7, 2025 • 37 mins
Join us as Sheryl Green shares her transformative journey from being an extreme people-pleaser to embracing the power of personal boundaries. After reaching the point of burnout, Sheryl realized that setting clear limits wasn’t an act of selfishness but a vital step toward self-care and sustainable leadership. In our conversation, she reveals how her early conditioning to always prioritize others eventually gave way to a deeper understanding: boundaries not only protect her well-being but also empower those around her to grow and thrive independently.
In this engaging episode, Sheryl debunks the myth that setting boundaries is harmful, highlighting that clear limits actually strengthen relationships and foster personal independence. From learning to navigate codependency and cultural expectations—especially the pressures women face as caretakers—to finding a sustainable balance between work and life, her insights are a wake-up call for anyone striving to lead with authenticity.
Tune in for practical tips and reflective moments that remind us all that, just as our early years were defined by essential milestones, every stage of life deserves its own critical lessons in self-respect and care.
You can connect with Sheryl Green here: www.sherylgreenspeaks.com https://www.youtube.com/@sherylgreenspeaks https://www.linkedin.com/in/sherylgreen/ https://www.instagram.com/sherylgreenspeaks/ https://www.facebook.com/youhadmeatno https://amzn.to/44mZC4h
Connect with Tim:
Website: timstatingtheobvious.com
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/timstatingtheobvious
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHfDcITKUdniO8R3RP0lvdw
Instagram: @TimStating
Tiktok: @timstatingtheobvious
#Boundaries #SelfCare #Burnout #MentalHealth #Leadership #WorkLifeBalance #CommunicationSkills #Relationships #PersonalGrowth #SayNo
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tim Staton (00:00):
Sheryl Greene has taken people pleasing to Olympic levels for decades.
She prioritized everyone else's needs over her own until she hit a metaphorical brick wall.
Over committed and emotionally drained, she stumbled upon an essential life skill, boundaries.
Or even more accurately, she discovered that boundaries were even a thing.
Now Sheryl is dedicated to helping individuals and organizations establish healthy boundaries
(00:25):
to improve relationships and enhance communication and boost overall well being.
She works as a speaker, writer and consultant, empowering others to break free from burnout
and reclaim their time, energy and sanity.
A teenage goth with a fascination for serial killers, Sheryl once dreamed of becoming an FBI profiler.
(00:45):
She pursued a master's degree in forensic psychology.
But instead of diving into the minds of criminals, she chose a different path, one that led
to through mental health, customer service, public relations, education, and the nonprofit world.
The diverse background gives her a unique perspective of human behavior, resilience and the power of personal growth.
Sheryl is also the author of six books.
(01:07):
Beyond her passion for personal growth, Sheryl is a devoted animal advocate.
She previously served as the director of communications and cuddling for a local animal rescue
and continues to donate her time, talent and resources to animal welfare causes.
When she's not writing or speaking, you can find Sheryl spending time with her husband and their
(01:28):
two fur babies, practicing yoga and tending to a small jungle's worth of houseplants.
We go now to the conversation that we had with Sheryl. This is Tim Staton.
With Tim stating the obvious.
What is this podcast about? It's simple.
You are entitled to great leadership.
Everywhere you go, whether it's a church, whether it's to work, whether it's at your house,
(01:53):
you are entitled to great leadership.
And so in this podcast we take leadership principles and theories and turn them into everyday, relatable and usable advice.
Sheryl Green (02:03):
And a quick disclaimer. This show process or service by trademark trademark manufacturer otherwise
does not necessarily constitute or imply the endorsement of anyone that I employed by or favors in the representation.
The views are expressed here in my show are my own expressed and do not necessarily state or
reflect those of any employer.
Tim Staton (02:13):
Hey Cheryl, welcome to the show.
Sheryl Green (02:15):
Thank you so much for having me.
Tim Staton (02:16):
Hey, thanks for being here.
So most of us have have been there, you know, agreeing with things that we don't want to do
over committing and putting our others first, all to avoid conflict and guilt.
We're taught that prioritizing ourself is selfish, especially in the leadership realm.
But in reality, boundaries are an act of self respect.
They define what we will and won't accept in our lives, shaping our relationships, careers and
(02:39):
well, being so Cheryl, what was the moment that you realized you needed stronger boundaries in your own life?
Sheryl Green (02:45):
So there was actually two different moments.
There was a moment that I realized something major needed to change in my life, and then there's
the moment that I realized that boundaries were the problem or lack thereof.
So the first one happened around November of 2021, when I reached burnout.
(03:08):
You know, we hear it, it's so talked about these days, but until you have experienced is just
not something you can fully comprehend.
And I found myself sitting on the side of the road trying to calm down because I had been driving,
and I looked at those oncoming headlights and thought, what if I just crossed over the median?
(03:34):
I was at this point in my life that I was working full time in nonprofit, which is not eight
hours a day if you've ever worked in nonprofit.
I was running my own business.
I was taking care of my parents.
I was still serving on boards and being there for all the friends, and I just straight up burned out.
(03:55):
I could not handle it anymore.
And that was kind of the first indication to me that, hey, something major in my life has to change.
And sitting there on the side of the road, I.
I didn't know what was going on. I truthfully didn't.
I thought it was just, you know, depression.
(04:15):
I've been through that before.
And I took the next month off to just kind of clear my plate and focus, you know, solely on
my mental health and getting back to that healthy point. And so that was.
That was kind of that first point.
And then six months later, I turned around and my plate was full again. And I had just.
(04:41):
I had spent so much effort or, you know, put forth so much effort to clear off those responsibilities
and to clear off all, you know, non essentials.
And it was like six months later, they all came back and they brought their friends.
And that was the point in my life that I was like, okay, hold on.
(05:02):
I could keep doing this, but I think the actual problem is that I can't say no to people.
And that that was my kind of, you know, come to Cheryl moment.
Tim Staton (05:13):
So you mentioned that it would come back six months later.
Do you find that this is a cyclical pattern in people with.
When we can't say no to people, we don't have proper boundaries.
Do we find this as a cyclical pattern?
Sheryl Green (05:27):
Oh, yeah. I mean, if you think about it, if you don't fix the underlying problem, then you can.
You can put the temporary patch on it, but it's not going to work for very Long.
And you know, if you've ever tried to organize your pantry, and I know this is going to sound
(05:49):
silly, but you've ever tried to organize your pantry, you get it looking good, you clean out
the old stuff like it looks pretty good for a little while.
But if you never actually set up a system, if you never actually got into the habit of checking
product expirations regularly, if you were constantly buying too much stuff at the store because
(06:15):
you didn't look at it, but you know before you left, you're going to find yourself in the exact
same spot in six months, eight months, a year, whatever it is you. And that's what happens.
I mean, you think about boundaries.
A lot of it is our schedule and a lot of it is what we let into our lives and what we agree to do for others.
(06:36):
And if you don't have a symptom, symptom, excuse me, if you don't have a system in place and
you don't identify the underlying root cause of, of why you're, you're people pleasing, why
you're trying to be everything to everybody, then you can clean that plate off as much as you
(06:57):
want, but it's going to keep filling back up.
Tim Staton (06:59):
That's a great point. I side note, I actually really love organizational stuff, especially like
the little, the little ones that go in the refrigerator.
It's very satisfying to look at it sometimes watch videos that have that on there.
So it's a great, it's very relatable.
So thank you for that story.
So you mentioned that you have a psychology background.
So with your, with your psychology background, when was it, I know that you had that point where
(07:23):
you thought it was depression or, you know, something else.
How did that play into a fact of you're like, no, actually it's boundaries.
Like, how did that actually come to the forefront?
Sheryl Green (07:32):
You know, I would love to tell you that my, my background and all the years of studying and
research, that all of that helped.
It didn't do a damn thing, if I'm being honest.
I experienced a clinical depression in my late twenties.
And reading the books, doing the research, listening to professors does not prepare you for
(07:58):
what that feels like and what the experience is like.
And I'll say the same thing for this.
I mean, look, my background is in forensic psychology.
So maybe it would have been different if I suddenly decided to be a serial killer. I'm not sure.
But my, my realization about boundaries, I don't think had anything to do with the schooling and the research.
(08:25):
I think it was realizing, whoa, what the, what the heck is happening in my life right now?
And I did have a friend who, she mentioned the word boundaries and she was just like, yeah,
you know, I'm reading this book on boundaries and it sounds like it might help you.
And it was one of those, like, you know, the heavens parting and the angels singing, like one
(08:51):
of those moments of like, oh, you know, oh, hey, boundaries are a thing. I've never had those.
I've never dealt with them.
I've never been taught them.
So I would say, honestly, it was way more life and, and my support system and way less my, my background.
Tim Staton (09:09):
Which is a great point because you said it took somebody outside of yourself in your family
as a friend and say, hey, this is a problem, and introduced the book for you.
For people who are not familiar with boundaries or what boundaries are, or they've heard the
term, but they don't know really what it is.
Can you define that real quick for us that way?
We're on the same page.
Sheryl Green (09:28):
Yeah. So I like to think about boundaries as the way we allow people to treat us and by extension our stuff.
And when I say stuff, I mean our material possessions, our friends and family, our time, our
emotional and mental well being.
(09:48):
And, you know, if you, if you think about a house or an apartment or a farm, wherever you happen
to live and you think about whatever surrounds it, there's something, maybe it's a fence, maybe it's a moat.
If you happen to live in a castle, I don't know why that example always comes to mind.
(10:08):
But you know, if it's just hallways, if you're in an apartment building.
But there is something that clearly delineates where somebody else's space ends and your space begins.
And it's very easy to see when you're talking about property lines.
And it's easy to understand.
(10:29):
Like if you came home and your neighbor was like having a party in your living room, like, that would be odd.
That would be, you know, that's not okay.
Like we can grasp this concept.
It's harder to see when it comes to our, our person, you know, our personal boundaries.
(10:49):
But really, how, how do you allow people to treat you and your stuff?
Tim Staton (10:53):
I'm reminded of the quote that says great fences make great neighbors when, when you talked about that.
So what are some of the most common misconceptions people have about setting boundaries?
Sheryl Green (11:06):
Oh, it's a great question.
You know, I think the first one is that boundaries are something you do to people.
That it's, it's, you know, you mentioned the word selfish before and we have, we've all heard
that if we're dealing with boundary issues now, at some point in our childhood, somebody said,
(11:27):
oh, you're not sharing or oh, you're not giving this person a kiss, or, you know, whatever it
may be, oh, you're being selfish.
And you know, we get that into our heads that if we don't say yes, that if we don't be everything
to everybody, that that's something we're actually doing to them.
(11:49):
You know, we're, we're, we don't care about anybody else.
We're out for ourselves and you know, we're doing this, this offense to them.
And truthfully, boundaries, aside from all the benefits that boundaries have to the relationship,
(12:09):
you actually, you actually empower the other person when you set boundaries.
And I'll just give you a really quick example of that.
I used to have a friend who was my car guy and I had a really old Toyota and you know, the money, the bank of account.
Bank account of a college student.
(12:30):
So anytime something happens, I would call him and he would come running and he would fix my car.
And I got used to this, you know, I knew he was there, he was going to help me.
And one day I, my, the brake light went out and I, you know, I texted him and I was like, hey
(12:50):
man, my brake lights out.
Like, can you come help?
And he said no, he was busy that weekend and he's like, I'm so sorry.
He goes, I just don't have time.
And I, you know, I was pissed for a couple of minutes, but then I went home and I was like,
I'm, I'm an intelligent adult here.
Like I am capable and I have access to YouTube.
Like I can figure this out on my own. And I did.
(13:13):
And it felt so, I felt so accomplished and you know, all the things that I've done in my life,
like, it's silly that a brake light would be the one that I'm like, woohoo.
I'm you know, a rock star.
But when we set those boundaries, we're actually empowering other people as well.
Tim Staton (13:32):
That's a great point. You mentioned about the brake light.
I can it to changing your own tire.
If you break down the side road and you can, you can change your own tire, but that leads to codependency. Right.
If we don't have the them in place.
Let's talk about that for a little bit.
So how does boundaries and codependency go hand in hand?
Sheryl Green (13:50):
Well, let's. How do I How do I put this?
I consider myself an expert on codependency just because I've lived it, not because, not because
of a degree or anything.
But like I was, I was raised to take care of everybody else.
My mom struggled with mental illness, my grandmother was really abusive.
(14:13):
And it was my job on this earth to take care of everybody else, to make sure that others were
happy, that they were having a good time, that they had their needs met.
And my needs were, they weren't even an afterthought.
They weren't a thought at all.
(14:35):
And it really does tie into boundaries.
Because if need, my only concern is how you are doing.
I'm not going to set boundaries that protect me.
I'm going to do everything in my power, which PS Is not actually a lot because you don't have
(14:56):
control over other people and you certainly don't have control over their emotions.
But if you believe that your only job in this world is to make sure other people have their
needs method, then you're going to ignore yours.
And setting boundaries is one of those things, one of the main things that's going to go to the wayside.
Tim Staton (15:16):
So you mentioned that you were, you were raised this way, kind of in a way.
Do you think this affects one people demographic more than others?
So like, does it, does it tend to be more towards girls or boys?
Like how, how does that play into effect?
Or you think it doesn't matter?
(15:36):
It depends on the situation and how you're raised.
Sheryl Green (15:39):
So I'm going to, I'm going to give you an answer and then I'm going to say, can you check back
with me in like six months?
Because I have, I believe that, I believe that this can impact anyone.
I believe it is entirely how you are raised and the messaging that you get as a child.
(16:03):
That being said, I think there's an extra layer of cultural teachings, I guess that's the best
word on women, on little girls, that they're supposed to be the caretakers.
I mean even if you just look at the dolls that we're playing with as kids, you know, boys are, boys are building things. And this is changing.
(16:30):
And I do realize this is changing.
But like my generation, you know, the boys are building things.
They've got war, war things and superheroes and stuff like that.
And little girls get babies, they get baby dolls and they get the kitchen.
And I, like I said this is, I definitely see that this is changing.
(16:51):
But I think for, you know, the I'm Gen X and I think that generation is still, we have that
conditioning for women of like, we're, you know, we're here to be seen and not heard.
We should always have a smile on our face, you know, if anybody needs anything, like we're the
(17:14):
ones to jump up and clear the table and all that kind of crap that you just grow up with.
I, having said all of that, I'm.
The more that I speak to men, the more I'm realizing that you guys have your own issues with boundaries.
And I think, I think a lot more research, I need to do a lot more research in that area because
(17:40):
I think possibly the boundary violations and the boundary issues may just look different and
I might be overlooking them.
Tim Staton (17:50):
I think that's a great, great response to that question because I agree with you.
I think they might be different, they present differently, and boundaries are important for everybody.
And so when we talk about boundaries and we've talked about it, what it is, the definition of
it, how it looks, how it presents, let's relate it to work because we do a lot about leadership on this show.
(18:12):
So how important is it to draw boundaries between work and life in that context?
Sheryl Green (18:19):
Yeah, it's. I mean, it's essential.
I'll start out by saying that, you know, I think you can do anything for a short period of time.
You can deal with anything for a short period of time.
You can go, you know, full. What is it? Whole hog.
(18:40):
I think that's the saying.
You can go 100 miles per hour at work and, you know, kind of ignore the other aspects of your
life, the relationships, the self care.
You can do that for a little while.
I think we can all handle that.
The question is, is it sustainable?
(19:03):
And I think this concept of sustainability of do I want to be around in the long run to do whatever
it is I do at work?
And I say this especially to nonprofit folks. Absolutely true.
In the for profit space as well.
But nonprofit folks have an extra layer of I have to save the world.
(19:28):
And you know, we go and we go and we go and we go.
The problem is if you don't find that balance of yes, I'm taking care of this population, yes,
I'm making this product, yes, I'm, I'm leading my people.
If you don't find the healthy balance between that and I have time to myself, I have time to
(19:51):
nurture my relationships, I'm learning something new, doing the hobby, spending time in nature,
whatever that looks like for you.
If you don't strike that balance, you are not going to be around very long for anybody, but especially for work.
You're going to burn out.
(20:12):
You're going to have to either take months off to, you know, get your nervous system back to
a functional level, you're going to get sick.
You're going to honestly become a burden to the company because you're not going to be doing your best work. You're probably going to.
(20:32):
Your energy is going to be dragging down everybody else there as well.
If you don't find that balance, like, you're just not going to be there for very long. So emergencies happen.
There's a, you know, there's that time for all hands on deck.
Hey, we're skipping the weekend.
We have an emergency that, you know, there's the Chicken Little says the sky is falling kind of thing.
(20:55):
But if you don't get out of that relatively quickly, you're just not going to be there for very long.
Tim Staton (21:04):
So what do you say to the people who are overthinkers or anxious folks in the workplace who
are just afraid of the consequences of.
If I put up this boundary that I haven't had before, and let's say they listen to this podcast
and they're like, you know what I heard, Cheryl, I need to put up a boundary.
But if I do that, there might be a consequence to that.
(21:25):
So what do we say to those people?
Sheryl Green (21:27):
So, look, that is a very real fear.
And there is always the possibility that your boundary is going to blow up in your face.
I cannot deny that that is a possibility.
What I will say is, whether it's in a professional relationship, relationship or in a personal
(21:49):
relationship, if you set a boundary and the other person does not respect that, and this is
saying that you set the boundary properly, you communicate it properly, all the good things
which we can talk about.
But if you set a boundary properly and they do not respect that boundary, ultimately they do not respect you.
(22:11):
So do you want to be there?
Is this something that maybe it's not the right place for you or it's not the right relationship for you?
And I will speak from experience when I say sometimes, sometimes decisions are made for you
because you couldn't make them yourself and it turns out for the best.
(22:33):
So I hope that helps.
But what I will say is often we are so afraid of the worst case scenario, and, you know, we're
like, oh, my goodness, if I tell my boss I can't work late because I'm taking my kid to a soccer
game, they're going to go ballistic and they're going to fire me on the spot.
(22:57):
The reality is they're probably not if you are a good, valued employee and your boss is, how do I put this?
Is a good leader who wants the best for the company and wants the best for their employees,
(23:18):
then setting a boundary properly, again, we're going to be communicating that in the right way.
Setting a boundary is actually going to once again strengthen the relationship because you're
going to show them, hey, you know what?
I want to get this work done.
I want to be here for you.
I want to do what's best for the company.
(23:40):
And my family is very important to me.
My self care time is very important to me.
And I can't be my best if I'm working this schedule.
I can't do my best work.
I can't, you know, perform at the level that, that, that you expect and deserve. Does that make sense?
Tim Staton (24:03):
No, it makes absolute sense.
Now that we talked about workplace boundaries and how we prevent burnout by putting them in
place, we even said, hey, it's okay that some things may happen, but it probably works out for the best.
What are some practical things that we can do to implement a boundary today?
So what is the simplest way for someone to start setting a boundary if they've never done it before?
Sheryl Green (24:28):
The first, the best way is to breathe.
And I know that sounds really simplistic, but if you are in the people pleasing camp, then you
probably suffer from something I call, yes, vomit.
And I know it's disgusting, sorry, but somebody, when someone approaches you with a request
(24:51):
or can you help me?
Or an invitation or whatever it may be, we are compelled to say yes.
And often it happens so quickly because it's like this automatic response like, oh, somebody needs me. Yes. Aha.
Sure, I can do that. Yep, absolutely.
(25:12):
Do you want me to wash your car as well?
You know, and it just comes flying out.
And the biggest, the biggest step we have to take to even consider setting boundaries is to
pause is to first of all let the person finish what they're saying.
(25:32):
But then, you know, we're gonna give ourselves some time and it may only be a couple of seconds
just to pop out of that, like, emotional brain and get into your actual, like logical brain.
It may require some extra time.
It may require you saying something like, hey, you know what?
That sounds like a really great opportunity.
(25:55):
I have to talk to my spouse, or I have to check my calendar, or, you know, I have to confer
with the dog, whatever it may be in your life.
And you know, when you have that opportunity, you get to, like I said, pop into that logical
mind and go like, okay, wait A second.
Is this something that I actually like, have to or want to do?
(26:20):
If so, like, do I have the resources to carry it out?
Because if you don't have the resources to do something and you say you're going to do it, then
you're, now you're in the wrong because now you're going to let someone down because you can't
actually carry out whatever it is you said you'd carry out.
And that last thing is, are you willing to give something else up?
(26:43):
You know, we do have a finite amount of resources and when you say yes to, to something, the
reality is you are saying no to something else.
So if you're not willing to give something up, then again, it's actually irresponsible to say yes. So pause.
(27:05):
That was a really long answer for Paul.
Tim Staton (27:09):
That's good because you covered a wide breadth of area for people to take a pause and figure
out how to set up that boundary.
So let's say they set up the boundary.
But now I feel guilty about setting up this boundary.
I feel like I let somebody down because I said no, even though I know you just said if I can't
(27:30):
do it, I'm going to let them down anyway.
But I still feel guilty about it.
How do we overcome that guilt?
Sheryl Green (27:36):
You're going to. I mean, you need to realize that if you communicated it properly, if you gave
them time, and whenever I say that, buy yourself some time, I always add the, you know, that
sounds like a great opportunity.
I have to talk to my spouse.
(27:58):
I'll get back to you by 5pm tomorrow or whatever it is.
Give them a time frame because you are not actually responsible for doing about 90% of the stuff that you do.
And I'll say that for just about everybody.
Unless you are caring for small children or elderly parents or something like that, your list
(28:24):
of have to dos is actually much shorter than we make it out to be.
So is there going to be guilt?
Yeah, we like helping people.
That's a wonderful human trait.
And throughout all of this, I've never once suggested that we become selfish sobs who don't do anything for anybody.
(28:51):
That's not the point of boundaries.
That's taking it too far and into the other unhealthy direction.
What I am suggesting is that we have to make sure that we are taken care of before we can help somebody else.
And I always used to hate this analogy, but the whole put on your oxygen mask before you help
(29:14):
anybody else, it just leads back to that concept of sustainability.
You can be everything to Everybody for a little while.
But if you're not taking care of yourself and you're not striking that balance, then you're
not going to be anybody or, yeah, any, anything to anybody.
(29:38):
Eventually you're just not going to be able, you're not going to be useful because we can't sustain it.
So is there going to be a little bit of guilt? Yeah, there probably is.
We want to help people, we don't want to let them down.
But looking at that and saying, well, you know what?
If I didn't, if I did say I was going to do this, I'm either going to let them down because
(30:02):
I can't carry it out, I'm going to let my family down because I'm putting all my effort into
this, or I'm going to let my, you know, my company down because I'm putting all my eggs into
the relationship basket or however that works out, or I'm going to let myself down.
(30:23):
And that's really the worst one, because one, it's going to impact our health, but two, it's
also going to impact how we see ourselves and not for the better.
Tim Staton (30:33):
Great points, great points. I'm going to bring up this thing real quick.
So you wrote the book.
You had me at no.
How setting healthy boundaries banishes burnouts, repairs relationships and saves your sanity.
In the book, you talk about boundary hangovers.
Can you tell us what that is and how people can overcome it?
Sheryl Green (30:57):
Yeah. So look, you're not going to wake up tomorrow after hearing this episode or reading the
book or hearing you speak, or you're not going to wake up the next morning and be this perfect
boundary setter, like the king of boundaries setting.
(31:19):
That's not going to happen.
Just like everything else, boundaries are a muscle and it's something that we have to be constantly working on.
You don't go to the gym, lift weights and walk out looking like Arnold schwarzenegger in the 80s.
That doesn't happen the first time.
If you do, please let me know what supplements you're on.
But like, we, we have to work at this.
(31:44):
And part of that is going to be screwing up.
And I screw up all the time.
And I, even after all this research and all this studying and writing the book and all of this
practice, I still screw up.
And I always look at it like I kind of kick myself for, you know, 15 seconds.
(32:04):
And then I go, okay, I'm going to write a blog.
It's going to be a learning opportunity for everybody.
And that's, that's that boundary Hangover is like, oh, man.
You know, you wake up the next day and you realize, like, I should have set a boundary.
This, this was one of those opportunities to set a boundary, and I screwed up.
(32:25):
And now I'm feeling resentful, feeling overwhelmed.
You know, all the, all the different.
The different negative outcomes from, from not setting setting boundaries.
And you have two choices.
You can completely fall off the wagon and say, oh, I suck at setting boundaries.
(32:46):
I'm never going to be able to do this.
I'll just go back to, you know, being a doormatter or being a people pleaser or not worrying
about myself, and I'll just deal with it.
You can do that, but that's not going to end well.
Or you can, you can laugh it off and you can go, hey, I screwed up. Ha ha, learning opportunity.
(33:06):
And you can look, some, some things you can turn around and say, you know what?
I shouldn't have said yes to you. I'm so sorry. That was not.
That's not something I can actually do.
And there are, there are times in life that that's okay.
And you can say, hey, I could help you out in this other way, or let me, you know, let me recommend
(33:30):
somebody that can help you, or you can, you know, power through it and look at it as I'm going
to be faced with this situation again in the future.
The specifics may be a little bit different, the actors in this play may be a little bit different,
(33:51):
but ultimately I'm going to see this happen again.
And now I know the next time I need to take different action.
So don't fall off the wagon. You know, realize it's.
It's just a little blip along the way and you just gotta head back to the.
(34:13):
Back to the gym, keep working out.
I think I just put in like six different analogies into one sentence, but just keep going and
don't, don't give up because you screwed up.
Tim Staton (34:25):
I just loved the term boundary hangover and how you included in your book and how it really
came full circle on this one.
And I also want to put out there for everyone listening to this. Chapter 12.
She has a chapter on boundaries for the entrepreneur.
And I highly recommend people read that chapter.
But we're not going to talk about it because I want to leave you with the last word.
(34:49):
So is there anything that we didn't talk about or you felt like we needed to say or something?
You're like, you know what?
I have to say this and get this off my chest.
You have the last word.
Sheryl Green (34:59):
Thank You. Thank you. So I'm going to say a pre last word and then I'll get to the last word. Pre.
Last word is head to my website because we didn't talk much about communication and I have a
how to say no cheat sheet on there.
So if you hit cherylgreenspeaks.com you can find that and download it.
I will say for a last word you have the right to set boundaries.
(35:23):
And I think we have too many of us have grown up to believe that we don't get to say no, that
we don't have that right to say no and to care about ourselves and our well being. And you do.
If you need permission, take a look at the calendar and the timestamp right now that I'm saying
(35:44):
it, I officially give you permission through mission to set boundaries, to say no and to put yourself first for once.
Tim Staton (35:52):
Well, hey Cheryl, I really appreciate you being on the show and for everybody listening.
Go to the description and in there you'll find all of her links to her website, to her book,
to everything that you can do to get in touch with Cheryl.
So if you have a burning question about boundaries or how to or anything else that she's a subject
matter expert on, you'll be able to find her there.
So, Cheryl, thank you for for being a guest on the show and it was a pleasure talking with you.
Sheryl Green (36:16):
Thank you so much as always.
Tim Staton (36:18):
Thank you for stopping by and checking out this episode and listening to it.
I really hope that you enjoyed it.
Before we go, I'd like to ask a favor of you if I could.
If you could please share this episode with one or two people who you think might like this topic.
If you haven't followed or subscribed on the platform that you're listening to and hit all the
bells and icons and all the whistles so that you know that when we post another episode, you. You'll be alerted.
(36:40):
Please go ahead and do all that before you go.
If you got some value out of this episode, please leave a review or a comment so we can help
spread the show to other people who might be interested in the topics that we've talked about
here today, but may not have found our show yet.
Again, thanks for stopping by. I'm Tim Staton Stayton. The obvious.
Sheryl Greene has taken people pleasing to Olympic levels for decades.
She prioritized everyone else's needs over her own until she hit a metaphorical brick wall.
Over committed and emotionally drained, she stumbled upon an essential life skill, boundaries.
Or even more accurately, she discovered that boundaries were even a thing.
Now Sheryl is dedicated to helping individuals and organizations establish healthy boundaries
(00:25):
to improve relationships and enhance communication and boost overall well being.
She works as a speaker, writer and consultant, empowering others to break free from burnout
and reclaim their time, energy and sanity.
A teenage goth with a fascination for serial killers, Sheryl once dreamed of becoming an FBI profiler.
(00:45):
She pursued a master's degree in forensic psychology.
But instead of diving into the minds of criminals, she chose a different path, one that led
to through mental health, customer service, public relations, education, and the nonprofit world.
The diverse background gives her a unique perspective of human behavior, resilience and the power of personal growth.
Sheryl is also the author of six books.
(01:07):
Beyond her passion for personal growth, Sheryl is a devoted animal advocate.
She previously served as the director of communications and cuddling for a local animal rescue
and continues to donate her time, talent and resources to animal welfare causes.
When she's not writing or speaking, you can find Sheryl spending time with her husband and their
(01:28):
two fur babies, practicing yoga and tending to a small jungle's worth of houseplants.
We go now to the conversation that we had with Sheryl. This is Tim Staton.
With Tim stating the obvious.
What is this podcast about? It's simple.
You are entitled to great leadership.
Everywhere you go, whether it's a church, whether it's to work, whether it's at your house,
(01:53):
you are entitled to great leadership.
And so in this podcast we take leadership principles and theories and turn them into everyday, relatable and usable advice.
Sheryl Green (02:03):
And a quick disclaimer. This show process or service by trademark trademark manufacturer otherwise
does not necessarily constitute or imply the endorsement of anyone that I employed by or favors in the representation.
The views are expressed here in my show are my own expressed and do not necessarily state or
reflect those of any employer.
Tim Staton (02:13):
Hey Cheryl, welcome to the show.
Sheryl Green (02:15):
Thank you so much for having me.
Tim Staton (02:16):
Hey, thanks for being here.
So most of us have have been there, you know, agreeing with things that we don't want to do
over committing and putting our others first, all to avoid conflict and guilt.
We're taught that prioritizing ourself is selfish, especially in the leadership realm.
But in reality, boundaries are an act of self respect.
They define what we will and won't accept in our lives, shaping our relationships, careers and
(02:39):
well, being so Cheryl, what was the moment that you realized you needed stronger boundaries in your own life?
Sheryl Green (02:45):
So there was actually two different moments.
There was a moment that I realized something major needed to change in my life, and then there's
the moment that I realized that boundaries were the problem or lack thereof.
So the first one happened around November of 2021, when I reached burnout.
(03:08):
You know, we hear it, it's so talked about these days, but until you have experienced is just
not something you can fully comprehend.
And I found myself sitting on the side of the road trying to calm down because I had been driving,
and I looked at those oncoming headlights and thought, what if I just crossed over the median?
(03:34):
I was at this point in my life that I was working full time in nonprofit, which is not eight
hours a day if you've ever worked in nonprofit.
I was running my own business.
I was taking care of my parents.
I was still serving on boards and being there for all the friends, and I just straight up burned out.
(03:55):
I could not handle it anymore.
And that was kind of the first indication to me that, hey, something major in my life has to change.
And sitting there on the side of the road, I.
I didn't know what was going on. I truthfully didn't.
I thought it was just, you know, depression.
(04:15):
I've been through that before.
And I took the next month off to just kind of clear my plate and focus, you know, solely on
my mental health and getting back to that healthy point. And so that was.
That was kind of that first point.
And then six months later, I turned around and my plate was full again. And I had just.
(04:41):
I had spent so much effort or, you know, put forth so much effort to clear off those responsibilities
and to clear off all, you know, non essentials.
And it was like six months later, they all came back and they brought their friends.
And that was the point in my life that I was like, okay, hold on.
(05:02):
I could keep doing this, but I think the actual problem is that I can't say no to people.
And that that was my kind of, you know, come to Cheryl moment.
Tim Staton (05:13):
So you mentioned that it would come back six months later.
Do you find that this is a cyclical pattern in people with.
When we can't say no to people, we don't have proper boundaries.
Do we find this as a cyclical pattern?
Sheryl Green (05:27):
Oh, yeah. I mean, if you think about it, if you don't fix the underlying problem, then you can.
You can put the temporary patch on it, but it's not going to work for very Long.
And you know, if you've ever tried to organize your pantry, and I know this is going to sound
(05:49):
silly, but you've ever tried to organize your pantry, you get it looking good, you clean out
the old stuff like it looks pretty good for a little while.
But if you never actually set up a system, if you never actually got into the habit of checking
product expirations regularly, if you were constantly buying too much stuff at the store because
(06:15):
you didn't look at it, but you know before you left, you're going to find yourself in the exact
same spot in six months, eight months, a year, whatever it is you. And that's what happens.
I mean, you think about boundaries.
A lot of it is our schedule and a lot of it is what we let into our lives and what we agree to do for others.
(06:36):
And if you don't have a symptom, symptom, excuse me, if you don't have a system in place and
you don't identify the underlying root cause of, of why you're, you're people pleasing, why
you're trying to be everything to everybody, then you can clean that plate off as much as you
(06:57):
want, but it's going to keep filling back up.
Tim Staton (06:59):
That's a great point. I side note, I actually really love organizational stuff, especially like
the little, the little ones that go in the refrigerator.
It's very satisfying to look at it sometimes watch videos that have that on there.
So it's a great, it's very relatable.
So thank you for that story.
So you mentioned that you have a psychology background.
So with your, with your psychology background, when was it, I know that you had that point where
(07:23):
you thought it was depression or, you know, something else.
How did that play into a fact of you're like, no, actually it's boundaries.
Like, how did that actually come to the forefront?
Sheryl Green (07:32):
You know, I would love to tell you that my, my background and all the years of studying and
research, that all of that helped.
It didn't do a damn thing, if I'm being honest.
I experienced a clinical depression in my late twenties.
And reading the books, doing the research, listening to professors does not prepare you for
(07:58):
what that feels like and what the experience is like.
And I'll say the same thing for this.
I mean, look, my background is in forensic psychology.
So maybe it would have been different if I suddenly decided to be a serial killer. I'm not sure.
But my, my realization about boundaries, I don't think had anything to do with the schooling and the research.
(08:25):
I think it was realizing, whoa, what the, what the heck is happening in my life right now?
And I did have a friend who, she mentioned the word boundaries and she was just like, yeah,
you know, I'm reading this book on boundaries and it sounds like it might help you.
And it was one of those, like, you know, the heavens parting and the angels singing, like one
(08:51):
of those moments of like, oh, you know, oh, hey, boundaries are a thing. I've never had those.
I've never dealt with them.
I've never been taught them.
So I would say, honestly, it was way more life and, and my support system and way less my, my background.
Tim Staton (09:09):
Which is a great point because you said it took somebody outside of yourself in your family
as a friend and say, hey, this is a problem, and introduced the book for you.
For people who are not familiar with boundaries or what boundaries are, or they've heard the
term, but they don't know really what it is.
Can you define that real quick for us that way?
We're on the same page.
Sheryl Green (09:28):
Yeah. So I like to think about boundaries as the way we allow people to treat us and by extension our stuff.
And when I say stuff, I mean our material possessions, our friends and family, our time, our
emotional and mental well being.
(09:48):
And, you know, if you, if you think about a house or an apartment or a farm, wherever you happen
to live and you think about whatever surrounds it, there's something, maybe it's a fence, maybe it's a moat.
If you happen to live in a castle, I don't know why that example always comes to mind.
(10:08):
But you know, if it's just hallways, if you're in an apartment building.
But there is something that clearly delineates where somebody else's space ends and your space begins.
And it's very easy to see when you're talking about property lines.
And it's easy to understand.
(10:29):
Like if you came home and your neighbor was like having a party in your living room, like, that would be odd.
That would be, you know, that's not okay.
Like we can grasp this concept.
It's harder to see when it comes to our, our person, you know, our personal boundaries.
(10:49):
But really, how, how do you allow people to treat you and your stuff?
Tim Staton (10:53):
I'm reminded of the quote that says great fences make great neighbors when, when you talked about that.
So what are some of the most common misconceptions people have about setting boundaries?
Sheryl Green (11:06):
Oh, it's a great question.
You know, I think the first one is that boundaries are something you do to people.
That it's, it's, you know, you mentioned the word selfish before and we have, we've all heard
that if we're dealing with boundary issues now, at some point in our childhood, somebody said,
(11:27):
oh, you're not sharing or oh, you're not giving this person a kiss, or, you know, whatever it
may be, oh, you're being selfish.
And you know, we get that into our heads that if we don't say yes, that if we don't be everything
to everybody, that that's something we're actually doing to them.
(11:49):
You know, we're, we're, we don't care about anybody else.
We're out for ourselves and you know, we're doing this, this offense to them.
And truthfully, boundaries, aside from all the benefits that boundaries have to the relationship,
(12:09):
you actually, you actually empower the other person when you set boundaries.
And I'll just give you a really quick example of that.
I used to have a friend who was my car guy and I had a really old Toyota and you know, the money, the bank of account.
Bank account of a college student.
(12:30):
So anytime something happens, I would call him and he would come running and he would fix my car.
And I got used to this, you know, I knew he was there, he was going to help me.
And one day I, my, the brake light went out and I, you know, I texted him and I was like, hey
(12:50):
man, my brake lights out.
Like, can you come help?
And he said no, he was busy that weekend and he's like, I'm so sorry.
He goes, I just don't have time.
And I, you know, I was pissed for a couple of minutes, but then I went home and I was like,
I'm, I'm an intelligent adult here.
Like I am capable and I have access to YouTube.
Like I can figure this out on my own. And I did.
(13:13):
And it felt so, I felt so accomplished and you know, all the things that I've done in my life,
like, it's silly that a brake light would be the one that I'm like, woohoo.
I'm you know, a rock star.
But when we set those boundaries, we're actually empowering other people as well.
Tim Staton (13:32):
That's a great point. You mentioned about the brake light.
I can it to changing your own tire.
If you break down the side road and you can, you can change your own tire, but that leads to codependency. Right.
If we don't have the them in place.
Let's talk about that for a little bit.
So how does boundaries and codependency go hand in hand?
Sheryl Green (13:50):
Well, let's. How do I How do I put this?
I consider myself an expert on codependency just because I've lived it, not because, not because
of a degree or anything.
But like I was, I was raised to take care of everybody else.
My mom struggled with mental illness, my grandmother was really abusive.
(14:13):
And it was my job on this earth to take care of everybody else, to make sure that others were
happy, that they were having a good time, that they had their needs met.
And my needs were, they weren't even an afterthought.
They weren't a thought at all.
(14:35):
And it really does tie into boundaries.
Because if need, my only concern is how you are doing.
I'm not going to set boundaries that protect me.
I'm going to do everything in my power, which PS Is not actually a lot because you don't have
(14:56):
control over other people and you certainly don't have control over their emotions.
But if you believe that your only job in this world is to make sure other people have their
needs method, then you're going to ignore yours.
And setting boundaries is one of those things, one of the main things that's going to go to the wayside.
Tim Staton (15:16):
So you mentioned that you were, you were raised this way, kind of in a way.
Do you think this affects one people demographic more than others?
So like, does it, does it tend to be more towards girls or boys?
Like how, how does that play into effect?
Or you think it doesn't matter?
(15:36):
It depends on the situation and how you're raised.
Sheryl Green (15:39):
So I'm going to, I'm going to give you an answer and then I'm going to say, can you check back
with me in like six months?
Because I have, I believe that, I believe that this can impact anyone.
I believe it is entirely how you are raised and the messaging that you get as a child.
(16:03):
That being said, I think there's an extra layer of cultural teachings, I guess that's the best
word on women, on little girls, that they're supposed to be the caretakers.
I mean even if you just look at the dolls that we're playing with as kids, you know, boys are, boys are building things. And this is changing.
(16:30):
And I do realize this is changing.
But like my generation, you know, the boys are building things.
They've got war, war things and superheroes and stuff like that.
And little girls get babies, they get baby dolls and they get the kitchen.
And I, like I said this is, I definitely see that this is changing.
(16:51):
But I think for, you know, the I'm Gen X and I think that generation is still, we have that
conditioning for women of like, we're, you know, we're here to be seen and not heard.
We should always have a smile on our face, you know, if anybody needs anything, like we're the
(17:14):
ones to jump up and clear the table and all that kind of crap that you just grow up with.
I, having said all of that, I'm.
The more that I speak to men, the more I'm realizing that you guys have your own issues with boundaries.
And I think, I think a lot more research, I need to do a lot more research in that area because
(17:40):
I think possibly the boundary violations and the boundary issues may just look different and
I might be overlooking them.
Tim Staton (17:50):
I think that's a great, great response to that question because I agree with you.
I think they might be different, they present differently, and boundaries are important for everybody.
And so when we talk about boundaries and we've talked about it, what it is, the definition of
it, how it looks, how it presents, let's relate it to work because we do a lot about leadership on this show.
(18:12):
So how important is it to draw boundaries between work and life in that context?
Sheryl Green (18:19):
Yeah, it's. I mean, it's essential.
I'll start out by saying that, you know, I think you can do anything for a short period of time.
You can deal with anything for a short period of time.
You can go, you know, full. What is it? Whole hog.
(18:40):
I think that's the saying.
You can go 100 miles per hour at work and, you know, kind of ignore the other aspects of your
life, the relationships, the self care.
You can do that for a little while.
I think we can all handle that.
The question is, is it sustainable?
(19:03):
And I think this concept of sustainability of do I want to be around in the long run to do whatever
it is I do at work?
And I say this especially to nonprofit folks. Absolutely true.
In the for profit space as well.
But nonprofit folks have an extra layer of I have to save the world.
(19:28):
And you know, we go and we go and we go and we go.
The problem is if you don't find that balance of yes, I'm taking care of this population, yes,
I'm making this product, yes, I'm, I'm leading my people.
If you don't find the healthy balance between that and I have time to myself, I have time to
(19:51):
nurture my relationships, I'm learning something new, doing the hobby, spending time in nature,
whatever that looks like for you.
If you don't strike that balance, you are not going to be around very long for anybody, but especially for work.
You're going to burn out.
(20:12):
You're going to have to either take months off to, you know, get your nervous system back to
a functional level, you're going to get sick.
You're going to honestly become a burden to the company because you're not going to be doing your best work. You're probably going to.
(20:32):
Your energy is going to be dragging down everybody else there as well.
If you don't find that balance, like, you're just not going to be there for very long. So emergencies happen.
There's a, you know, there's that time for all hands on deck.
Hey, we're skipping the weekend.
We have an emergency that, you know, there's the Chicken Little says the sky is falling kind of thing.
(20:55):
But if you don't get out of that relatively quickly, you're just not going to be there for very long.
Tim Staton (21:04):
So what do you say to the people who are overthinkers or anxious folks in the workplace who
are just afraid of the consequences of.
If I put up this boundary that I haven't had before, and let's say they listen to this podcast
and they're like, you know what I heard, Cheryl, I need to put up a boundary.
But if I do that, there might be a consequence to that.
(21:25):
So what do we say to those people?
Sheryl Green (21:27):
So, look, that is a very real fear.
And there is always the possibility that your boundary is going to blow up in your face.
I cannot deny that that is a possibility.
What I will say is, whether it's in a professional relationship, relationship or in a personal
(21:49):
relationship, if you set a boundary and the other person does not respect that, and this is
saying that you set the boundary properly, you communicate it properly, all the good things
which we can talk about.
But if you set a boundary properly and they do not respect that boundary, ultimately they do not respect you.
(22:11):
So do you want to be there?
Is this something that maybe it's not the right place for you or it's not the right relationship for you?
And I will speak from experience when I say sometimes, sometimes decisions are made for you
because you couldn't make them yourself and it turns out for the best.
(22:33):
So I hope that helps.
But what I will say is often we are so afraid of the worst case scenario, and, you know, we're
like, oh, my goodness, if I tell my boss I can't work late because I'm taking my kid to a soccer
game, they're going to go ballistic and they're going to fire me on the spot.
(22:57):
The reality is they're probably not if you are a good, valued employee and your boss is, how do I put this?
Is a good leader who wants the best for the company and wants the best for their employees,
(23:18):
then setting a boundary properly, again, we're going to be communicating that in the right way.
Setting a boundary is actually going to once again strengthen the relationship because you're
going to show them, hey, you know what?
I want to get this work done.
I want to be here for you.
I want to do what's best for the company.
(23:40):
And my family is very important to me.
My self care time is very important to me.
And I can't be my best if I'm working this schedule.
I can't do my best work.
I can't, you know, perform at the level that, that, that you expect and deserve. Does that make sense?
Tim Staton (24:03):
No, it makes absolute sense.
Now that we talked about workplace boundaries and how we prevent burnout by putting them in
place, we even said, hey, it's okay that some things may happen, but it probably works out for the best.
What are some practical things that we can do to implement a boundary today?
So what is the simplest way for someone to start setting a boundary if they've never done it before?
Sheryl Green (24:28):
The first, the best way is to breathe.
And I know that sounds really simplistic, but if you are in the people pleasing camp, then you
probably suffer from something I call, yes, vomit.
And I know it's disgusting, sorry, but somebody, when someone approaches you with a request
(24:51):
or can you help me?
Or an invitation or whatever it may be, we are compelled to say yes.
And often it happens so quickly because it's like this automatic response like, oh, somebody needs me. Yes. Aha.
Sure, I can do that. Yep, absolutely.
(25:12):
Do you want me to wash your car as well?
You know, and it just comes flying out.
And the biggest, the biggest step we have to take to even consider setting boundaries is to
pause is to first of all let the person finish what they're saying.
(25:32):
But then, you know, we're gonna give ourselves some time and it may only be a couple of seconds
just to pop out of that, like, emotional brain and get into your actual, like logical brain.
It may require some extra time.
It may require you saying something like, hey, you know what?
That sounds like a really great opportunity.
(25:55):
I have to talk to my spouse, or I have to check my calendar, or, you know, I have to confer
with the dog, whatever it may be in your life.
And you know, when you have that opportunity, you get to, like I said, pop into that logical
mind and go like, okay, wait A second.
Is this something that I actually like, have to or want to do?
(26:20):
If so, like, do I have the resources to carry it out?
Because if you don't have the resources to do something and you say you're going to do it, then
you're, now you're in the wrong because now you're going to let someone down because you can't
actually carry out whatever it is you said you'd carry out.
And that last thing is, are you willing to give something else up?
(26:43):
You know, we do have a finite amount of resources and when you say yes to, to something, the
reality is you are saying no to something else.
So if you're not willing to give something up, then again, it's actually irresponsible to say yes. So pause.
(27:05):
That was a really long answer for Paul.
Tim Staton (27:09):
That's good because you covered a wide breadth of area for people to take a pause and figure
out how to set up that boundary.
So let's say they set up the boundary.
But now I feel guilty about setting up this boundary.
I feel like I let somebody down because I said no, even though I know you just said if I can't
(27:30):
do it, I'm going to let them down anyway.
But I still feel guilty about it.
How do we overcome that guilt?
Sheryl Green (27:36):
You're going to. I mean, you need to realize that if you communicated it properly, if you gave
them time, and whenever I say that, buy yourself some time, I always add the, you know, that
sounds like a great opportunity.
I have to talk to my spouse.
(27:58):
I'll get back to you by 5pm tomorrow or whatever it is.
Give them a time frame because you are not actually responsible for doing about 90% of the stuff that you do.
And I'll say that for just about everybody.
Unless you are caring for small children or elderly parents or something like that, your list
(28:24):
of have to dos is actually much shorter than we make it out to be.
So is there going to be guilt?
Yeah, we like helping people.
That's a wonderful human trait.
And throughout all of this, I've never once suggested that we become selfish sobs who don't do anything for anybody.
(28:51):
That's not the point of boundaries.
That's taking it too far and into the other unhealthy direction.
What I am suggesting is that we have to make sure that we are taken care of before we can help somebody else.
And I always used to hate this analogy, but the whole put on your oxygen mask before you help
(29:14):
anybody else, it just leads back to that concept of sustainability.
You can be everything to Everybody for a little while.
But if you're not taking care of yourself and you're not striking that balance, then you're
not going to be anybody or, yeah, any, anything to anybody.
(29:38):
Eventually you're just not going to be able, you're not going to be useful because we can't sustain it.
So is there going to be a little bit of guilt? Yeah, there probably is.
We want to help people, we don't want to let them down.
But looking at that and saying, well, you know what?
If I didn't, if I did say I was going to do this, I'm either going to let them down because
(30:02):
I can't carry it out, I'm going to let my family down because I'm putting all my effort into
this, or I'm going to let my, you know, my company down because I'm putting all my eggs into
the relationship basket or however that works out, or I'm going to let myself down.
(30:23):
And that's really the worst one, because one, it's going to impact our health, but two, it's
also going to impact how we see ourselves and not for the better.
Tim Staton (30:33):
Great points, great points. I'm going to bring up this thing real quick.
So you wrote the book.
You had me at no.
How setting healthy boundaries banishes burnouts, repairs relationships and saves your sanity.
In the book, you talk about boundary hangovers.
Can you tell us what that is and how people can overcome it?
Sheryl Green (30:57):
Yeah. So look, you're not going to wake up tomorrow after hearing this episode or reading the
book or hearing you speak, or you're not going to wake up the next morning and be this perfect
boundary setter, like the king of boundaries setting.
(31:19):
That's not going to happen.
Just like everything else, boundaries are a muscle and it's something that we have to be constantly working on.
You don't go to the gym, lift weights and walk out looking like Arnold schwarzenegger in the 80s.
That doesn't happen the first time.
If you do, please let me know what supplements you're on.
But like, we, we have to work at this.
(31:44):
And part of that is going to be screwing up.
And I screw up all the time.
And I, even after all this research and all this studying and writing the book and all of this
practice, I still screw up.
And I always look at it like I kind of kick myself for, you know, 15 seconds.
(32:04):
And then I go, okay, I'm going to write a blog.
It's going to be a learning opportunity for everybody.
And that's, that's that boundary Hangover is like, oh, man.
You know, you wake up the next day and you realize, like, I should have set a boundary.
This, this was one of those opportunities to set a boundary, and I screwed up.
(32:25):
And now I'm feeling resentful, feeling overwhelmed.
You know, all the, all the different.
The different negative outcomes from, from not setting setting boundaries.
And you have two choices.
You can completely fall off the wagon and say, oh, I suck at setting boundaries.
(32:46):
I'm never going to be able to do this.
I'll just go back to, you know, being a doormatter or being a people pleaser or not worrying
about myself, and I'll just deal with it.
You can do that, but that's not going to end well.
Or you can, you can laugh it off and you can go, hey, I screwed up. Ha ha, learning opportunity.
(33:06):
And you can look, some, some things you can turn around and say, you know what?
I shouldn't have said yes to you. I'm so sorry. That was not.
That's not something I can actually do.
And there are, there are times in life that that's okay.
And you can say, hey, I could help you out in this other way, or let me, you know, let me recommend
(33:30):
somebody that can help you, or you can, you know, power through it and look at it as I'm going
to be faced with this situation again in the future.
The specifics may be a little bit different, the actors in this play may be a little bit different,
(33:51):
but ultimately I'm going to see this happen again.
And now I know the next time I need to take different action.
So don't fall off the wagon. You know, realize it's.
It's just a little blip along the way and you just gotta head back to the.
(34:13):
Back to the gym, keep working out.
I think I just put in like six different analogies into one sentence, but just keep going and
don't, don't give up because you screwed up.
Tim Staton (34:25):
I just loved the term boundary hangover and how you included in your book and how it really
came full circle on this one.
And I also want to put out there for everyone listening to this. Chapter 12.
She has a chapter on boundaries for the entrepreneur.
And I highly recommend people read that chapter.
But we're not going to talk about it because I want to leave you with the last word.
(34:49):
So is there anything that we didn't talk about or you felt like we needed to say or something?
You're like, you know what?
I have to say this and get this off my chest.
You have the last word.
Sheryl Green (34:59):
Thank You. Thank you. So I'm going to say a pre last word and then I'll get to the last word. Pre.
Last word is head to my website because we didn't talk much about communication and I have a
how to say no cheat sheet on there.
So if you hit cherylgreenspeaks.com you can find that and download it.
I will say for a last word you have the right to set boundaries.
(35:23):
And I think we have too many of us have grown up to believe that we don't get to say no, that
we don't have that right to say no and to care about ourselves and our well being. And you do.
If you need permission, take a look at the calendar and the timestamp right now that I'm saying
(35:44):
it, I officially give you permission through mission to set boundaries, to say no and to put yourself first for once.
Tim Staton (35:52):
Well, hey Cheryl, I really appreciate you being on the show and for everybody listening.
Go to the description and in there you'll find all of her links to her website, to her book,
to everything that you can do to get in touch with Cheryl.
So if you have a burning question about boundaries or how to or anything else that she's a subject
matter expert on, you'll be able to find her there.
So, Cheryl, thank you for for being a guest on the show and it was a pleasure talking with you.
Sheryl Green (36:16):
Thank you so much as always.
Tim Staton (36:18):
Thank you for stopping by and checking out this episode and listening to it.
I really hope that you enjoyed it.
Before we go, I'd like to ask a favor of you if I could.
If you could please share this episode with one or two people who you think might like this topic.
If you haven't followed or subscribed on the platform that you're listening to and hit all the
bells and icons and all the whistles so that you know that when we post another episode, you. You'll be alerted.
(36:40):
Please go ahead and do all that before you go.
If you got some value out of this episode, please leave a review or a comment so we can help
spread the show to other people who might be interested in the topics that we've talked about
here today, but may not have found our show yet.
Again, thanks for stopping by. I'm Tim Staton Stayton. The obvious.
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