October 18, 2024 • 12 mins
Unfiltered with Matt Farnsworth: Conquering Inner Demons and Finding True Happiness In this powerful episode of 'Unfiltered with Matt Farnsworth,' Matt delves into the importance of confronting personal challenges and how adversity shapes our lives. He draws from horror films like 'The Exorcist' to illustrate the pitfalls of relying solely on medication for personal issues. Matt advocates for courage, self-examination, and stripping away layers of pretense to achieve true self-love and happiness. Sharing his journey through addiction and recovery, he highlights the power of spiritual healing, the necessity of seeking help, and the misconception of equating external success with internal fulfillment. The episode emphasizes embracing discomfort and making difficult choices to break away from enabling environments and adopt strategic life changes for lasting transformation and happiness.
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.442176871So I want to talk about how you face your demons head on, how you deal with adversity is how you deal with everything unfiltered with Matt Farnsworth. 2 00:00:15,989.442176871 --> 00:00:25,859.442176871 I have had a lot of success in my life because I've been able to deal with adversity, especially as of late. 3 00:00:26,434.442176871 --> 00:00:27,754.442176871 in the last decade. 4 00:00:27,754.442176871 --> 00:00:39,814.442176871 Now, I don't know if you've ever seen this movie, if you've seen the exorcist or the exorcism of Emily Rose, I just watched that the other night and spoiler alert, she doesn't survive. 5 00:00:39,814.442176871 --> 00:00:50,494.443176871 The reason why she's unable to survive the exorcism is because she's given medication that is to treat her for seizures. 6 00:00:50,849.443176871 --> 00:00:58,209.442176871 If you've seen the movie, she's moving her body all around in some really insane ways she's an excellent actress. 7 00:00:58,439.443176871 --> 00:01:12,404.443176871 She did a great job in this movie, but she wasn't able to survive the exorcism because the medication that she'd been given kept her in a state That made her malleable, to the devil. 8 00:01:12,824.443176871 --> 00:01:18,914.443176871 So this demon that had entered her was able to stay active. 9 00:01:18,944.443176871 --> 00:01:24,524.443176871 She was not able to overtake this demon due to the medication that she had been given. 10 00:01:24,524.443176871 --> 00:01:31,164.443176871 So my first statement about trying to exercise your own issues, let's not call them demons. 11 00:01:31,164.443176871 --> 00:01:33,444.443176871 Let's just say the issues that you may be dealing with. 12 00:01:35,229.443176871 --> 00:01:44,159.44317687 If you're taking a medication to make yourself feel better, like an SSRI that is prescribed by a psychiatrist, I've been there. 13 00:01:44,279.44317687 --> 00:01:48,749.44217687 I did that when I was younger and it, it actually drove me crazy. 14 00:01:48,879.44317687 --> 00:01:50,559.44317687 It made me even more insane. 15 00:01:50,559.44317687 --> 00:01:51,979.44417687 And I have a theory about this. 16 00:01:52,679.44317687 --> 00:02:00,44.34317687 I have a theory that It blocks your personality by blocking those emotions that you haven't dealt with. 17 00:02:00,54.34317687 --> 00:02:08,334.34317687 Those difficult times, those traumatic events that you haven't handled are just suppressed by the medication. 18 00:02:08,884.34317687 --> 00:02:17,734.34317687 So, how are you ever supposed to get through any of those things? You're just putting a band aid over an open wound. 19 00:02:17,994.34317687 --> 00:02:20,274.34317687 And that, it doesn't work. 20 00:02:21,104.34317687 --> 00:02:33,264.34317687 So what do we do? How do we fix these issues without going to a psychiatrist who is probably going to analyze this for an hour and then decide we need to be on some kind of life altering medication. 21 00:02:33,264.34317687 --> 00:02:34,814.34217687 That to me, doesn't make a lot of sense. 22 00:02:35,84.34317687 --> 00:02:39,924.34317687 So in exercising our demons, one of the first steps we have to take is to be brave. 23 00:02:39,924.34317687 --> 00:02:41,914.34217687 It's really hard to be brave. 24 00:02:41,914.34217687 --> 00:02:51,954.34317687 enough to look at yourself under a microscope and say, I have issues with abandonment or I have issues with being confident. 25 00:02:51,974.34217687 --> 00:03:03,314.34217687 I have issues with saying, no, I have issues with my past abuse if you can do that, if you can look back and do that, It's going to help guide you to obviously a healthier life. 26 00:03:03,314.34217687 --> 00:03:11,754.34217687 A lot of people believe that money and fame and massive success are what are going to make them happy. 27 00:03:11,804.34217687 --> 00:03:17,4.34217687 And a lot of people that actually have a lot of success that I've, I've worked with and I've worked with a lot of successful people. 28 00:03:17,4.34217687 --> 00:03:31,794.34117687 They believe validate themselves through the amount of attention that they get, the fame that they've had, the money that they have, the cars that they drive, the house that they have, the clothes that they wear, the people they hang out with, the parties they can get into. 29 00:03:31,794.34117687 --> 00:03:34,564.34117687 That's how they derive their self worth. 30 00:03:34,564.34117687 --> 00:03:36,484.34117687 And I did that at one time. 31 00:03:36,684.34117687 --> 00:03:43,504.34117687 I was that way, especially when I was living in Hollywood and Hollywood is very much like that, but that's not what real happiness is. 32 00:03:43,504.34117687 --> 00:03:53,694.34017687 And I bring that up because a lot of those people do use medications and drugs and alcohol and all kinds of chemicals to keep themselves stimulated and moving. 33 00:03:53,694.34017687 --> 00:03:57,24.33917687 But in the end, what you really want to have is self love. 34 00:03:57,24.33917687 --> 00:04:04,274.33917687 You want to love yourself in a way that aligns with your higher purpose. 35 00:04:04,274.33917687 --> 00:04:09,284.33917687 And for me, my higher purpose ended up being A romantic relationship. 36 00:04:09,284.33917687 --> 00:04:16,314.33917687 I was not well enough 10 years ago when I first entered recovery and I had issues with alcohol and drugs. 37 00:04:16,314.33917687 --> 00:04:17,994.33917687 to have a relationship. 38 00:04:18,294.33917687 --> 00:04:21,664.33917687 I couldn't have had the relationship that I have now. 39 00:04:21,664.33917687 --> 00:04:22,574.33917687 There's just no chance. 40 00:04:23,134.33917687 --> 00:04:26,44.33917687 I was not well enough to have a relationship with anyone. 41 00:04:26,604.33917687 --> 00:04:32,684.34017687 Even a year after I had been in recovery, two years after I'd been in recovery, I wasn't myself yet. 42 00:04:32,684.34017687 --> 00:04:42,274.34017687 So what I had to do to exercise these issues, lack of a better term, demons, that had been controlling my life was stripped down everything. 43 00:04:42,274.34017687 --> 00:04:47,94.34017687 Like just go back to bare bones and say, here's who I am for real. 44 00:04:47,104.34017687 --> 00:05:00,574.33817687 Like I have all these issues, all these problems and take away all the layers of, you know, fake attitudes and fake thoughts and fake excuses that I had to pretend that I was okay. 45 00:05:00,574.33817687 --> 00:05:02,854.33817687 Pretending that I was okay was not getting me anywhere. 46 00:05:02,854.33817687 --> 00:05:07,489.33817687 It was, if anything, it was, I was lying to myself. 47 00:05:07,489.33817687 --> 00:05:11,759.33817687 I was in denial about who I was and what success meant. 48 00:05:11,759.33817687 --> 00:05:17,469.33717687 And the interesting thing about success is that it comes at a time when you would least expect it. 49 00:05:17,469.33717687 --> 00:05:33,799.33617687 If you're busy doing the work that you need to do on yourself and you're out there working hard every day without expectation and you've done this work that I'm talking about to, strip away everything and fix the issues and look at your traumatic past and go through it. 50 00:05:33,799.33617687 --> 00:05:34,859.33617687 Then success comes. 51 00:05:34,879.33617687 --> 00:05:36,99.33617687 it flows naturally. 52 00:05:36,99.33617687 --> 00:05:37,999.33617687 The relationships you have flow naturally. 53 00:05:37,999.33617687 --> 00:05:47,49.33517687 You start to align yourself with people that you really enjoy because now you're protective of yourself. 54 00:05:47,59.33517687 --> 00:05:48,229.33417687 You care about yourself. 55 00:05:48,299.33417687 --> 00:05:50,569.33317687 You have self worth, self purpose. 56 00:05:50,569.33317687 --> 00:05:55,789.33317687 And you're driven by different motivations than you ever were before. 57 00:05:55,789.33317687 --> 00:06:01,979.33317687 You no longer have the motivations of thinking fame, fortune, and success are going to make you happy. 58 00:06:01,979.33317687 --> 00:06:05,239.33217687 I can tell you 100 percent that money doesn't make you happy. 59 00:06:05,339.33317687 --> 00:06:10,139.33417687 I've lived a life without money, with money, and with enough to be comfortable. 60 00:06:10,139.33417687 --> 00:06:17,389.33417687 And there's a level that you reach where when you're comfortable, money doesn't really buy you a lot more in terms of happiness. 61 00:06:17,389.33417687 --> 00:06:18,949.33417687 A car is not going to make you happy. 62 00:06:18,949.33417687 --> 00:06:21,809.33417687 It's not going to give you, you know, internal self worth. 63 00:06:22,49.33417687 --> 00:06:25,879.33417687 Being the biggest movie star in the world is not going to give you some kind of internal self worth. 64 00:06:25,889.33417687 --> 00:06:36,509.33417687 What will is taking care of yourself, building your body, being fit, eating, right, sleeping well, and having a healthy relationship with your significant other. 65 00:06:36,749.33417687 --> 00:06:54,59.23417687 And that's where I really wanted to go with this video is meeting someone that you are in love with is not possible if you're not If you haven't worked on those things, someone new coming into your life that you believe you're in love with is not the answer to solving your problems. 66 00:06:54,59.23417687 --> 00:06:56,619.23517687 Love is not there to solve your problems. 67 00:06:56,619.23517687 --> 00:07:01,979.23517687 Love is there to collaborate in life to live harmoniously. 68 00:07:01,979.23517687 --> 00:07:06,509.23517687 It's not about toxicity, competition, validation. 69 00:07:06,509.23517687 --> 00:07:10,249.23517687 None of that plays a role when you're really in love. 70 00:07:10,249.23517687 --> 00:07:10,939.23517687 It doesn't. 71 00:07:10,939.23517687 --> 00:07:19,779.23417687 What happens is when you strip away all of the issues that you have, you deal with them, you become whole on your own, outside of a relationship. 72 00:07:20,459.23417687 --> 00:07:21,419.23517687 You're okay with you. 73 00:07:21,419.23517687 --> 00:07:22,129.23617687 You're happy. 74 00:07:22,574.23617687 --> 00:07:23,274.23617687 you're content. 75 00:07:23,274.23617687 --> 00:07:28,914.23617687 When you find that person that is right for you, it's going to happen when you least expect it. 76 00:07:29,504.23617687 --> 00:07:30,754.23617687 It comes out of the blue. 77 00:07:30,754.23617687 --> 00:07:37,194.23717687 You're like totally unassuming, moving along in your life, having success, doing well in your career. 78 00:07:37,194.23717687 --> 00:07:38,464.23717687 You've got a routine. 79 00:07:38,464.23717687 --> 00:07:39,564.23717687 You're not needy. 80 00:07:39,564.23717687 --> 00:07:40,814.23717687 Your ego's in check. 81 00:07:41,444.23717687 --> 00:07:49,234.23717687 And what you come to find is that this person that you're meant to spend your life with often appears when you least expect it. 82 00:07:49,524.23717687 --> 00:07:56,894.23617687 Have you ever heard that saying that, love comes along when you least expect it? It's when you're not looking for it. 83 00:07:56,894.23617687 --> 00:07:57,884.23517687 That's when it comes along. 84 00:07:57,894.23717687 --> 00:08:00,74.23517687 In fact, I denied it. 85 00:08:00,74.23617687 --> 00:08:02,534.23617687 I said, I'm not going to ever get married again. 86 00:08:02,534.23617687 --> 00:08:04,574.23617687 I'd had a rough divorce and I said, no chance. 87 00:08:04,574.23617687 --> 00:08:05,514.23617687 I'm not going to do that. 88 00:08:05,944.23617687 --> 00:08:09,634.23617687 And not long after that, of course, I met this that was perfect. 89 00:08:09,999.23617687 --> 00:08:15,179.23617687 For me, but it wasn't about saying, I'm not going to do this. 90 00:08:15,239.23617687 --> 00:08:17,129.23617687 It was about me getting well. 91 00:08:17,249.23617687 --> 00:08:26,489.23617687 My memory of my life prior to my new wife and life and career is hectic. 92 00:08:26,489.23617687 --> 00:08:27,269.23617687 It's chaotic. 93 00:08:27,919.23517687 --> 00:08:31,229.23517687 And I can tell you that if you want to exercise those demons. 94 00:08:31,569.23517687 --> 00:08:36,419.23517687 Like, Emily Rose, or the movie The Exorcist, which I mentioned at the beginning of this video. 95 00:08:36,419.23517687 --> 00:08:38,479.23517687 What you have to do is, you have to have help. 96 00:08:38,479.23517687 --> 00:08:43,799.23617687 So the people that I mentioned, so these movies that I'm mentioning, they didn't just exorcise their demons alone. 97 00:08:43,799.23617687 --> 00:08:45,339.23667687 That's not an easy thing to do. 98 00:08:45,339.23667687 --> 00:08:46,819.23617687 There are people that can help you. 99 00:08:46,819.23617687 --> 00:08:48,969.23617687 And I'm not saying you shouldn't talk to a psychiatrist. 100 00:08:49,19.23617687 --> 00:08:51,399.23617687 I'm not saying you shouldn't talk to a psychologist. 101 00:08:51,639.23617687 --> 00:08:53,359.23617687 I'm not saying you shouldn't go to rehab. 102 00:08:53,359.23617687 --> 00:08:55,49.23517687 I'm just talking medication wise. 103 00:08:55,309.23617687 --> 00:08:57,109.23617687 I don't believe in it. 104 00:08:57,109.23617687 --> 00:08:58,449.23517687 I don't believe it's necessary. 105 00:08:58,509.23617687 --> 00:09:03,209.23617687 I believe there's spiritual healing that can happen that requires no medication. 106 00:09:03,209.23617687 --> 00:09:04,639.23617687 And that's authentically you. 107 00:09:05,329.23617687 --> 00:09:13,414.23617687 I don't believe that a pharmaceutical made in a lab by science By a company that alters your personality, helps you become you. 108 00:09:13,414.23617687 --> 00:09:19,914.23617687 That's all I'm saying there, but it does take a team to help you potentially get better and get over those things. 109 00:09:20,554.23517687 --> 00:09:22,84.23617687 There's nothing wrong with talking about it. 110 00:09:22,94.23517687 --> 00:09:24,324.23617687 There's nothing wrong with getting help. 111 00:09:24,334.23617687 --> 00:09:27,324.23517687 There's nothing wrong with reaching out and saying, I need help. 112 00:09:27,324.23517687 --> 00:09:32,789.13617687 In fact, A lot of times, alcoholics and addicts are notorious for not reaching out and getting the help they need. 113 00:09:32,789.13617687 --> 00:09:37,889.13517687 Not talking to someone, when they needed to be talking to someone, and then so often it's too late. 114 00:09:37,889.13517687 --> 00:09:52,569.13517687 That's the hard part about addiction, and, you know, so many people suffer, even the innocent people that are not the addict suffer because of the addict, and the addict's inability to reach out and say, I'm really having a lot of problems and I need help. 115 00:09:52,569.13517687 --> 00:09:59,229.13517687 And a lot of times we have people in our family and in our circle of sphere of influence that allow us to do it. 116 00:09:59,559.13517687 --> 00:10:01,89.13517687 They enable us. 117 00:10:01,89.13517687 --> 00:10:03,869.13517687 And it's really hard to break away from that behavior because it's comfortable. 118 00:10:03,869.13517687 --> 00:10:05,529.13417687 And we don't like to be uncomfortable. 119 00:10:05,809.13417687 --> 00:10:10,249.13517687 But to be honest with you, discomfort is the currency of progress. 120 00:10:10,299.13517687 --> 00:10:20,349.13517687 If you want to have success in your life, I highly recommend that you get used to being in discomfort and you learn how to handle it because that's the only way to really get through this. 121 00:10:20,349.13517687 --> 00:10:27,319.13517687 Everyone out there, you are able to recover from whatever vices and addictions you have. 122 00:10:28,84.13517687 --> 00:10:34,204.13517687 If only you are willing, if you're, you're completely aberrated right now, you're just totally lost. 123 00:10:34,204.13517687 --> 00:10:35,104.13517687 You don't know where to go. 124 00:10:35,104.13517687 --> 00:10:36,94.13517687 You don't know what to do. 125 00:10:36,94.13517687 --> 00:10:42,574.13617687 If you're just willing, if you're just willing to admit that you need help and seek that help and have that humility, most of the time you can heal. 126 00:10:42,724.13617687 --> 00:10:43,924.13617687 You can change that. 127 00:10:43,924.13617687 --> 00:10:46,64.13517687 It's the stubbornness that keeps us stuck. 128 00:10:46,704.13517687 --> 00:10:49,724.13517687 The unwillingness to go back in and be courageous enough. 129 00:10:49,724.13517687 --> 00:10:56,234.13517687 To figure out who you are and to say, I'm not all of those things that these people have told me all these years that I am. 130 00:10:56,234.13517687 --> 00:11:05,964.13417687 I'm actually a totally different person than what I've been designed by society and my family and my teachers and my friends and my coaches to be. 131 00:11:05,964.13417687 --> 00:11:07,894.13517687 You're probably somebody completely different. 132 00:11:07,894.13517687 --> 00:11:08,824.13617687 I know I am. 133 00:11:08,824.13617687 --> 00:11:16,924.13617687 I never would have imagined my life here living in the South versus being in Hollywood, trying to be a hotshot, driving all over LA. 134 00:11:16,924.13617687 --> 00:11:26,914.13617687 To a small town, quaint, sober life, monogamous relationship, happiest I've ever been This life streamlines me and allows me to have success because it is put together. 135 00:11:26,954.13717687 --> 00:11:29,234.13717687 It is cohesive. 136 00:11:29,544.13717687 --> 00:11:31,124.13717687 It is strategic. 137 00:11:31,124.13717687 --> 00:11:34,934.13717687 There's a process to this life that I live and I don't break that process. 138 00:11:34,934.13717687 --> 00:11:36,894.13717687 I figured out a formula for success. 139 00:11:36,944.13717687 --> 00:11:39,664.13717687 That formula for success keeps me happy. 140 00:11:40,234.13717687 --> 00:11:41,444.13717687 It keeps me motivated. 141 00:11:42,44.13717687 --> 00:11:48,664.13617687 It keeps me hydrated, well rested, in shape, and mentally focused so that I can have success. 142 00:11:48,664.13617687 --> 00:11:52,944.13617687 And the way you do that is to deal with all of those issues that you may be having. 143 00:11:53,244.13717687 --> 00:12:08,529.13717687 First, get the help you need to deal with those issues, and then start changing your life, making different decisions, making the hard decisions, Um, and that's the trick. 144 00:12:08,529.13717687 --> 00:12:16,509.13617687 How can I be man enough, woman enough to go out there and change all of this? If you really want changes in your life, you have to actually make changes. 145 00:12:16,509.13617687 --> 00:12:18,149.13517687 As we have that saying in recovery. 146 00:12:18,149.13517687 --> 00:12:23,129.13517687 Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and then expecting a different result. 147 00:12:23,129.13517687 --> 00:12:25,839.13417687 You're never going to get a different result if you do the same thing over and over again. 148 00:12:26,439.13517687 --> 00:12:28,619.13617687 That was my YouTube talk for today. 149 00:12:28,739.13617687 --> 00:12:29,629.13617687 I hope you enjoyed it. 150 00:12:30,299.13617687 --> 00:12:31,899.03517687 Podcast Unfiltered. 151 00:12:32,79.13517687 --> 00:12:33,949.13517687 I love doing it and I'll see you next time.
.442176871So I want to talk about how you face your demons head on, how you deal with adversity is how you deal with everything unfiltered with Matt Farnsworth. 2 00:00:15,989.442176871 --> 00:00:25,859.442176871 I have had a lot of success in my life because I've been able to deal with adversity, especially as of late. 3 00:00:26,434.442176871 --> 00:00:27,754.442176871 in the last decade. 4 00:00:27,754.442176871 --> 00:00:39,814.442176871 Now, I don't know if you've ever seen this movie, if you've seen the exorcist or the exorcism of Emily Rose, I just watched that the other night and spoiler alert, she doesn't survive. 5 00:00:39,814.442176871 --> 00:00:50,494.443176871 The reason why she's unable to survive the exorcism is because she's given medication that is to treat her for seizures. 6 00:00:50,849.443176871 --> 00:00:58,209.442176871 If you've seen the movie, she's moving her body all around in some really insane ways she's an excellent actress. 7 00:00:58,439.443176871 --> 00:01:12,404.443176871 She did a great job in this movie, but she wasn't able to survive the exorcism because the medication that she'd been given kept her in a state That made her malleable, to the devil. 8 00:01:12,824.443176871 --> 00:01:18,914.443176871 So this demon that had entered her was able to stay active. 9 00:01:18,944.443176871 --> 00:01:24,524.443176871 She was not able to overtake this demon due to the medication that she had been given. 10 00:01:24,524.443176871 --> 00:01:31,164.443176871 So my first statement about trying to exercise your own issues, let's not call them demons. 11 00:01:31,164.443176871 --> 00:01:33,444.443176871 Let's just say the issues that you may be dealing with. 12 00:01:35,229.443176871 --> 00:01:44,159.44317687 If you're taking a medication to make yourself feel better, like an SSRI that is prescribed by a psychiatrist, I've been there. 13 00:01:44,279.44317687 --> 00:01:48,749.44217687 I did that when I was younger and it, it actually drove me crazy. 14 00:01:48,879.44317687 --> 00:01:50,559.44317687 It made me even more insane. 15 00:01:50,559.44317687 --> 00:01:51,979.44417687 And I have a theory about this. 16 00:01:52,679.44317687 --> 00:02:00,44.34317687 I have a theory that It blocks your personality by blocking those emotions that you haven't dealt with. 17 00:02:00,54.34317687 --> 00:02:08,334.34317687 Those difficult times, those traumatic events that you haven't handled are just suppressed by the medication. 18 00:02:08,884.34317687 --> 00:02:17,734.34317687 So, how are you ever supposed to get through any of those things? You're just putting a band aid over an open wound. 19 00:02:17,994.34317687 --> 00:02:20,274.34317687 And that, it doesn't work. 20 00:02:21,104.34317687 --> 00:02:33,264.34317687 So what do we do? How do we fix these issues without going to a psychiatrist who is probably going to analyze this for an hour and then decide we need to be on some kind of life altering medication. 21 00:02:33,264.34317687 --> 00:02:34,814.34217687 That to me, doesn't make a lot of sense. 22 00:02:35,84.34317687 --> 00:02:39,924.34317687 So in exercising our demons, one of the first steps we have to take is to be brave. 23 00:02:39,924.34317687 --> 00:02:41,914.34217687 It's really hard to be brave. 24 00:02:41,914.34217687 --> 00:02:51,954.34317687 enough to look at yourself under a microscope and say, I have issues with abandonment or I have issues with being confident. 25 00:02:51,974.34217687 --> 00:03:03,314.34217687 I have issues with saying, no, I have issues with my past abuse if you can do that, if you can look back and do that, It's going to help guide you to obviously a healthier life. 26 00:03:03,314.34217687 --> 00:03:11,754.34217687 A lot of people believe that money and fame and massive success are what are going to make them happy. 27 00:03:11,804.34217687 --> 00:03:17,4.34217687 And a lot of people that actually have a lot of success that I've, I've worked with and I've worked with a lot of successful people. 28 00:03:17,4.34217687 --> 00:03:31,794.34117687 They believe validate themselves through the amount of attention that they get, the fame that they've had, the money that they have, the cars that they drive, the house that they have, the clothes that they wear, the people they hang out with, the parties they can get into. 29 00:03:31,794.34117687 --> 00:03:34,564.34117687 That's how they derive their self worth. 30 00:03:34,564.34117687 --> 00:03:36,484.34117687 And I did that at one time. 31 00:03:36,684.34117687 --> 00:03:43,504.34117687 I was that way, especially when I was living in Hollywood and Hollywood is very much like that, but that's not what real happiness is. 32 00:03:43,504.34117687 --> 00:03:53,694.34017687 And I bring that up because a lot of those people do use medications and drugs and alcohol and all kinds of chemicals to keep themselves stimulated and moving. 33 00:03:53,694.34017687 --> 00:03:57,24.33917687 But in the end, what you really want to have is self love. 34 00:03:57,24.33917687 --> 00:04:04,274.33917687 You want to love yourself in a way that aligns with your higher purpose. 35 00:04:04,274.33917687 --> 00:04:09,284.33917687 And for me, my higher purpose ended up being A romantic relationship. 36 00:04:09,284.33917687 --> 00:04:16,314.33917687 I was not well enough 10 years ago when I first entered recovery and I had issues with alcohol and drugs. 37 00:04:16,314.33917687 --> 00:04:17,994.33917687 to have a relationship. 38 00:04:18,294.33917687 --> 00:04:21,664.33917687 I couldn't have had the relationship that I have now. 39 00:04:21,664.33917687 --> 00:04:22,574.33917687 There's just no chance. 40 00:04:23,134.33917687 --> 00:04:26,44.33917687 I was not well enough to have a relationship with anyone. 41 00:04:26,604.33917687 --> 00:04:32,684.34017687 Even a year after I had been in recovery, two years after I'd been in recovery, I wasn't myself yet. 42 00:04:32,684.34017687 --> 00:04:42,274.34017687 So what I had to do to exercise these issues, lack of a better term, demons, that had been controlling my life was stripped down everything. 43 00:04:42,274.34017687 --> 00:04:47,94.34017687 Like just go back to bare bones and say, here's who I am for real. 44 00:04:47,104.34017687 --> 00:05:00,574.33817687 Like I have all these issues, all these problems and take away all the layers of, you know, fake attitudes and fake thoughts and fake excuses that I had to pretend that I was okay. 45 00:05:00,574.33817687 --> 00:05:02,854.33817687 Pretending that I was okay was not getting me anywhere. 46 00:05:02,854.33817687 --> 00:05:07,489.33817687 It was, if anything, it was, I was lying to myself. 47 00:05:07,489.33817687 --> 00:05:11,759.33817687 I was in denial about who I was and what success meant. 48 00:05:11,759.33817687 --> 00:05:17,469.33717687 And the interesting thing about success is that it comes at a time when you would least expect it. 49 00:05:17,469.33717687 --> 00:05:33,799.33617687 If you're busy doing the work that you need to do on yourself and you're out there working hard every day without expectation and you've done this work that I'm talking about to, strip away everything and fix the issues and look at your traumatic past and go through it. 50 00:05:33,799.33617687 --> 00:05:34,859.33617687 Then success comes. 51 00:05:34,879.33617687 --> 00:05:36,99.33617687 it flows naturally. 52 00:05:36,99.33617687 --> 00:05:37,999.33617687 The relationships you have flow naturally. 53 00:05:37,999.33617687 --> 00:05:47,49.33517687 You start to align yourself with people that you really enjoy because now you're protective of yourself. 54 00:05:47,59.33517687 --> 00:05:48,229.33417687 You care about yourself. 55 00:05:48,299.33417687 --> 00:05:50,569.33317687 You have self worth, self purpose. 56 00:05:50,569.33317687 --> 00:05:55,789.33317687 And you're driven by different motivations than you ever were before. 57 00:05:55,789.33317687 --> 00:06:01,979.33317687 You no longer have the motivations of thinking fame, fortune, and success are going to make you happy. 58 00:06:01,979.33317687 --> 00:06:05,239.33217687 I can tell you 100 percent that money doesn't make you happy. 59 00:06:05,339.33317687 --> 00:06:10,139.33417687 I've lived a life without money, with money, and with enough to be comfortable. 60 00:06:10,139.33417687 --> 00:06:17,389.33417687 And there's a level that you reach where when you're comfortable, money doesn't really buy you a lot more in terms of happiness. 61 00:06:17,389.33417687 --> 00:06:18,949.33417687 A car is not going to make you happy. 62 00:06:18,949.33417687 --> 00:06:21,809.33417687 It's not going to give you, you know, internal self worth. 63 00:06:22,49.33417687 --> 00:06:25,879.33417687 Being the biggest movie star in the world is not going to give you some kind of internal self worth. 64 00:06:25,889.33417687 --> 00:06:36,509.33417687 What will is taking care of yourself, building your body, being fit, eating, right, sleeping well, and having a healthy relationship with your significant other. 65 00:06:36,749.33417687 --> 00:06:54,59.23417687 And that's where I really wanted to go with this video is meeting someone that you are in love with is not possible if you're not If you haven't worked on those things, someone new coming into your life that you believe you're in love with is not the answer to solving your problems. 66 00:06:54,59.23417687 --> 00:06:56,619.23517687 Love is not there to solve your problems. 67 00:06:56,619.23517687 --> 00:07:01,979.23517687 Love is there to collaborate in life to live harmoniously. 68 00:07:01,979.23517687 --> 00:07:06,509.23517687 It's not about toxicity, competition, validation. 69 00:07:06,509.23517687 --> 00:07:10,249.23517687 None of that plays a role when you're really in love. 70 00:07:10,249.23517687 --> 00:07:10,939.23517687 It doesn't. 71 00:07:10,939.23517687 --> 00:07:19,779.23417687 What happens is when you strip away all of the issues that you have, you deal with them, you become whole on your own, outside of a relationship. 72 00:07:20,459.23417687 --> 00:07:21,419.23517687 You're okay with you. 73 00:07:21,419.23517687 --> 00:07:22,129.23617687 You're happy. 74 00:07:22,574.23617687 --> 00:07:23,274.23617687 you're content. 75 00:07:23,274.23617687 --> 00:07:28,914.23617687 When you find that person that is right for you, it's going to happen when you least expect it. 76 00:07:29,504.23617687 --> 00:07:30,754.23617687 It comes out of the blue. 77 00:07:30,754.23617687 --> 00:07:37,194.23717687 You're like totally unassuming, moving along in your life, having success, doing well in your career. 78 00:07:37,194.23717687 --> 00:07:38,464.23717687 You've got a routine. 79 00:07:38,464.23717687 --> 00:07:39,564.23717687 You're not needy. 80 00:07:39,564.23717687 --> 00:07:40,814.23717687 Your ego's in check. 81 00:07:41,444.23717687 --> 00:07:49,234.23717687 And what you come to find is that this person that you're meant to spend your life with often appears when you least expect it. 82 00:07:49,524.23717687 --> 00:07:56,894.23617687 Have you ever heard that saying that, love comes along when you least expect it? It's when you're not looking for it. 83 00:07:56,894.23617687 --> 00:07:57,884.23517687 That's when it comes along. 84 00:07:57,894.23717687 --> 00:08:00,74.23517687 In fact, I denied it. 85 00:08:00,74.23617687 --> 00:08:02,534.23617687 I said, I'm not going to ever get married again. 86 00:08:02,534.23617687 --> 00:08:04,574.23617687 I'd had a rough divorce and I said, no chance. 87 00:08:04,574.23617687 --> 00:08:05,514.23617687 I'm not going to do that. 88 00:08:05,944.23617687 --> 00:08:09,634.23617687 And not long after that, of course, I met this that was perfect. 89 00:08:09,999.23617687 --> 00:08:15,179.23617687 For me, but it wasn't about saying, I'm not going to do this. 90 00:08:15,239.23617687 --> 00:08:17,129.23617687 It was about me getting well. 91 00:08:17,249.23617687 --> 00:08:26,489.23617687 My memory of my life prior to my new wife and life and career is hectic. 92 00:08:26,489.23617687 --> 00:08:27,269.23617687 It's chaotic. 93 00:08:27,919.23517687 --> 00:08:31,229.23517687 And I can tell you that if you want to exercise those demons. 94 00:08:31,569.23517687 --> 00:08:36,419.23517687 Like, Emily Rose, or the movie The Exorcist, which I mentioned at the beginning of this video. 95 00:08:36,419.23517687 --> 00:08:38,479.23517687 What you have to do is, you have to have help. 96 00:08:38,479.23517687 --> 00:08:43,799.23617687 So the people that I mentioned, so these movies that I'm mentioning, they didn't just exorcise their demons alone. 97 00:08:43,799.23617687 --> 00:08:45,339.23667687 That's not an easy thing to do. 98 00:08:45,339.23667687 --> 00:08:46,819.23617687 There are people that can help you. 99 00:08:46,819.23617687 --> 00:08:48,969.23617687 And I'm not saying you shouldn't talk to a psychiatrist. 100 00:08:49,19.23617687 --> 00:08:51,399.23617687 I'm not saying you shouldn't talk to a psychologist. 101 00:08:51,639.23617687 --> 00:08:53,359.23617687 I'm not saying you shouldn't go to rehab. 102 00:08:53,359.23617687 --> 00:08:55,49.23517687 I'm just talking medication wise. 103 00:08:55,309.23617687 --> 00:08:57,109.23617687 I don't believe in it. 104 00:08:57,109.23617687 --> 00:08:58,449.23517687 I don't believe it's necessary. 105 00:08:58,509.23617687 --> 00:09:03,209.23617687 I believe there's spiritual healing that can happen that requires no medication. 106 00:09:03,209.23617687 --> 00:09:04,639.23617687 And that's authentically you. 107 00:09:05,329.23617687 --> 00:09:13,414.23617687 I don't believe that a pharmaceutical made in a lab by science By a company that alters your personality, helps you become you. 108 00:09:13,414.23617687 --> 00:09:19,914.23617687 That's all I'm saying there, but it does take a team to help you potentially get better and get over those things. 109 00:09:20,554.23517687 --> 00:09:22,84.23617687 There's nothing wrong with talking about it. 110 00:09:22,94.23517687 --> 00:09:24,324.23617687 There's nothing wrong with getting help. 111 00:09:24,334.23617687 --> 00:09:27,324.23517687 There's nothing wrong with reaching out and saying, I need help. 112 00:09:27,324.23517687 --> 00:09:32,789.13617687 In fact, A lot of times, alcoholics and addicts are notorious for not reaching out and getting the help they need. 113 00:09:32,789.13617687 --> 00:09:37,889.13517687 Not talking to someone, when they needed to be talking to someone, and then so often it's too late. 114 00:09:37,889.13517687 --> 00:09:52,569.13517687 That's the hard part about addiction, and, you know, so many people suffer, even the innocent people that are not the addict suffer because of the addict, and the addict's inability to reach out and say, I'm really having a lot of problems and I need help. 115 00:09:52,569.13517687 --> 00:09:59,229.13517687 And a lot of times we have people in our family and in our circle of sphere of influence that allow us to do it. 116 00:09:59,559.13517687 --> 00:10:01,89.13517687 They enable us. 117 00:10:01,89.13517687 --> 00:10:03,869.13517687 And it's really hard to break away from that behavior because it's comfortable. 118 00:10:03,869.13517687 --> 00:10:05,529.13417687 And we don't like to be uncomfortable. 119 00:10:05,809.13417687 --> 00:10:10,249.13517687 But to be honest with you, discomfort is the currency of progress. 120 00:10:10,299.13517687 --> 00:10:20,349.13517687 If you want to have success in your life, I highly recommend that you get used to being in discomfort and you learn how to handle it because that's the only way to really get through this. 121 00:10:20,349.13517687 --> 00:10:27,319.13517687 Everyone out there, you are able to recover from whatever vices and addictions you have. 122 00:10:28,84.13517687 --> 00:10:34,204.13517687 If only you are willing, if you're, you're completely aberrated right now, you're just totally lost. 123 00:10:34,204.13517687 --> 00:10:35,104.13517687 You don't know where to go. 124 00:10:35,104.13517687 --> 00:10:36,94.13517687 You don't know what to do. 125 00:10:36,94.13517687 --> 00:10:42,574.13617687 If you're just willing, if you're just willing to admit that you need help and seek that help and have that humility, most of the time you can heal. 126 00:10:42,724.13617687 --> 00:10:43,924.13617687 You can change that. 127 00:10:43,924.13617687 --> 00:10:46,64.13517687 It's the stubbornness that keeps us stuck. 128 00:10:46,704.13517687 --> 00:10:49,724.13517687 The unwillingness to go back in and be courageous enough. 129 00:10:49,724.13517687 --> 00:10:56,234.13517687 To figure out who you are and to say, I'm not all of those things that these people have told me all these years that I am. 130 00:10:56,234.13517687 --> 00:11:05,964.13417687 I'm actually a totally different person than what I've been designed by society and my family and my teachers and my friends and my coaches to be. 131 00:11:05,964.13417687 --> 00:11:07,894.13517687 You're probably somebody completely different. 132 00:11:07,894.13517687 --> 00:11:08,824.13617687 I know I am. 133 00:11:08,824.13617687 --> 00:11:16,924.13617687 I never would have imagined my life here living in the South versus being in Hollywood, trying to be a hotshot, driving all over LA. 134 00:11:16,924.13617687 --> 00:11:26,914.13617687 To a small town, quaint, sober life, monogamous relationship, happiest I've ever been This life streamlines me and allows me to have success because it is put together. 135 00:11:26,954.13717687 --> 00:11:29,234.13717687 It is cohesive. 136 00:11:29,544.13717687 --> 00:11:31,124.13717687 It is strategic. 137 00:11:31,124.13717687 --> 00:11:34,934.13717687 There's a process to this life that I live and I don't break that process. 138 00:11:34,934.13717687 --> 00:11:36,894.13717687 I figured out a formula for success. 139 00:11:36,944.13717687 --> 00:11:39,664.13717687 That formula for success keeps me happy. 140 00:11:40,234.13717687 --> 00:11:41,444.13717687 It keeps me motivated. 141 00:11:42,44.13717687 --> 00:11:48,664.13617687 It keeps me hydrated, well rested, in shape, and mentally focused so that I can have success. 142 00:11:48,664.13617687 --> 00:11:52,944.13617687 And the way you do that is to deal with all of those issues that you may be having. 143 00:11:53,244.13717687 --> 00:12:08,529.13717687 First, get the help you need to deal with those issues, and then start changing your life, making different decisions, making the hard decisions, Um, and that's the trick. 144 00:12:08,529.13717687 --> 00:12:16,509.13617687 How can I be man enough, woman enough to go out there and change all of this? If you really want changes in your life, you have to actually make changes. 145 00:12:16,509.13617687 --> 00:12:18,149.13517687 As we have that saying in recovery. 146 00:12:18,149.13517687 --> 00:12:23,129.13517687 Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and then expecting a different result. 147 00:12:23,129.13517687 --> 00:12:25,839.13417687 You're never going to get a different result if you do the same thing over and over again. 148 00:12:26,439.13517687 --> 00:12:28,619.13617687 That was my YouTube talk for today. 149 00:12:28,739.13617687 --> 00:12:29,629.13617687 I hope you enjoyed it. 150 00:12:30,299.13617687 --> 00:12:31,899.03517687 Podcast Unfiltered. 151 00:12:32,79.13517687 --> 00:12:33,949.13517687 I love doing it and I'll see you next time.
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