You Are Not An Alcoholic

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I'm going to tell you right now, with all honesty, you're not an alcoholic.

(00:08):
Unfiltered with Matt Farnsworth.
You are not an alcoholic.
Even if you identify as someone who is an alcoholic, you're addicted to booze.
.999You cannot step away from it.
Once you start drinking, you can't stop.
And by the way, I've identified as an alcoholic for many, many years.

(00:29):
I don't identify myself as an alcoholic now. 9 00:00:33,851.999 --> 00:00:46,462 I identify myself as someone who was emotionally unaligned and unable to control my feelings and my thoughts and my impulses.
That is really the problem.

(00:49):
Trust me, I've sat around a room filled with people that are.
.999Me being probably the most beat up, broken of all of them with 25 staples in my forehead, a broken neck, nowhere to go with my life.
No light at the tunnel.
I felt like it was over.
It was the end of my life. 16 00:01:09,371.999 --> 00:01:10,841.999 Nothing was going to happen for me. 17 00:01:11,981.999 --> 00:01:19,881.999 Now, did I have to admit that I have a problem? Yes, I had a problem with alcohol because of the things that were happening in my life. 18 00:01:19,971.999 --> 00:01:26,61.998 The divorce that I was going through, the emotional turmoil of being cheated on, the fact that I couldn't handle that. 19 00:01:26,241.998 --> 00:01:29,111.999 The fact that I'd married someone that was a wrong person to marry. 20 00:01:29,111.999 --> 00:01:31,201.999 The fact that I didn't have a job that was working out. 21 00:01:31,491.999 --> 00:01:38,236.999 My movie career didn't work for Parents, were supportive, but not loving enough. 22 00:01:38,266.999 --> 00:01:44,416.999 I had all kinds of reasons and excuses why my life wasn't going the way that it should be. 23 00:01:44,696.999 --> 00:01:54,566.999 And I never really took the time until I had a huge accident and flip my life upside down to say to myself, wake up. 24 00:01:55,956.999 --> 00:01:56,856.999 And it took rehab. 25 00:01:56,866.999 --> 00:01:58,216.999 It took me going to rehab. 26 00:01:58,296.999 --> 00:02:02,216.999 Did I have to admit that I had a problem with alcohol? Yes, I have a problem with alcohol. 27 00:02:02,746.999 --> 00:02:04,376.999 I would go around the room and I would say, I'm Matt. 28 00:02:04,396.999 --> 00:02:05,76.998 I'm an alcoholic. 29 00:02:06,106.999 --> 00:02:06,406.999 Yeah. 30 00:02:06,476.999 --> 00:02:07,46.999 It's great. 31 00:02:07,76.999 --> 00:02:14,966.998 Do you know why that's great? Because it helps us remember that we have this issue with this particular chemical and we will always have it. 32 00:02:14,976.999 --> 00:02:19,806.999 So if you want to say, great, I'm an alcoholic, it's the same thing as saying, Hey, I have an emotional problem. 33 00:02:20,281.999 --> 00:02:41,956.999 I have an issue and if I don't take care of myself in the right ways, if I don't eat right, if I don't sleep right, if I take the wrong chemicals, if I don't work out, if I don't take care of my work and my family and be respectful, Then I begin to slide into a behavior that will cause me to lean toward drinking. 34 00:02:42,266.999 --> 00:02:51,496.999 It will be this path that I deviate from when I get away from my path, that is the known success path for me. 35 00:02:52,236.999 --> 00:03:05,306.999 And I start to think a little bit about how I deserve better, or I start making excuses for reason why, reasons why things aren't working out for me, I begin to take a different path. 36 00:03:06,316.999 --> 00:03:08,626.999 And this is how people that have addiction. 37 00:03:10,986.999 --> 00:03:15,106.999 They begin to take a different path and their thinking alters, it changes. 38 00:03:15,816.999 --> 00:03:39,256.999 And so it's important to realize that we as people who have emotional instability and are unable to manage those emotions without the use of a chemical, we need routines, we need schedules, we need processes, and we need to make sure that we stick with those because that is the key to longevity and success. 39 00:03:40,106.999 --> 00:03:40,846.999 In us. 40 00:03:41,26.999 --> 00:03:46,36.999 Now when I first started in rehab, I looked at it as a nightmare. 41 00:03:46,106.999 --> 00:03:47,656.999 I did not want to be there. 42 00:03:48,336.999 --> 00:03:54,596.998 I played along and I said, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. 43 00:03:54,606.999 --> 00:03:57,666.999 So I would hold hands with everyone and I would say this out loud. 44 00:03:58,226.999 --> 00:03:59,776.999 And I didn't know what God meant. 45 00:03:59,806.999 --> 00:04:01,276.999 I didn't understand God. 46 00:04:01,276.999 --> 00:04:02,81.899 I did not understand God. 47 00:04:02,881.999 --> 00:04:05,411.999 even fathom what that, I didn't have any feeling. 48 00:04:06,871.999 --> 00:04:12,41.999 Until you know God and you understand God and you read the gospel. 49 00:04:12,71.999 --> 00:04:17,741.999 It's hard to really Conceptualize why you're saying this prayer. 50 00:04:18,371.999 --> 00:04:40,921.999 Does it help? Yes, the second part of it does right grant me the serenity the serenity to accept the things I cannot change we want to change things, but we don't have the power to put in place The processes we need to put in place to take care of ourselves to change the things that we can. 51 00:04:41,261.999 --> 00:04:46,901.999 So we end up desperately trying to change these things that we cannot change. 52 00:04:47,211.999 --> 00:04:50,71.999 And it drives us crazy, but we do it on purpose. 53 00:04:50,91.999 --> 00:04:53,891.998 And we do it because it gives us an excuse to drink. 54 00:04:54,641.999 --> 00:04:56,681.999 It gives us an excuse to use that drug. 55 00:04:56,681.999 --> 00:04:59,1.999 It gives us that outlet to eat bad. 56 00:04:59,31.999 --> 00:05:04,981.999 It gives us that outlet to stay up later and just watch TV and not do the work or take care of myself and get the rest that I need. 57 00:05:05,341.999 --> 00:05:08,101.999 It gives us an excuse to have behaviors. 58 00:05:08,716.999 --> 00:05:15,56.999 That harm us and that's because obviously somewhere in our childhood, something happened. 59 00:05:15,436.999 --> 00:05:16,756.999 We've got complications. 60 00:05:16,756.999 --> 00:05:17,886.999 Maybe we were abused. 61 00:05:18,226.999 --> 00:05:22,816.999 Maybe we had physical, mental, emotional, sexual abuse in our lives. 62 00:05:23,26.999 --> 00:05:32,876.999 Everybody suffers at some point and if you don't handle that, deal with it, understand it and move on from it, acceptance and then work through it. 63 00:05:33,911.999 --> 00:05:50,51.998 You're always going to have this trigger this issue of being thrown off track when things are going really well and oftentimes with us, the way it works is that when things are going really, really well, that's the time that we have the biggest problems. 64 00:05:50,901.999 --> 00:05:51,561.999 That's always it. 65 00:05:51,601.998 --> 00:05:55,241.999 It's when things are really moving along and grooving. 66 00:05:55,521.999 --> 00:06:00,691.999 Have you ever heard your family members say that you were doing so well? He was doing so well. 67 00:06:01,676.999 --> 00:06:05,196.999 And she was just, she was, this was the best she's ever been. 68 00:06:06,296.999 --> 00:06:09,26.999 And all of a sudden she was using drugs and alcohol again. 69 00:06:09,416.999 --> 00:06:15,276.998 Because the choices that we're making are still stuck in that pain and suffering and the issues that we used to have. 70 00:06:15,906.999 --> 00:06:22,16.999 We're making choices in relationships and being with people that cause us complications because we're feeding the disease still. 71 00:06:22,551.999 --> 00:06:41,311.999 So until we actually handle the emotions and understand what causes us to want to use these chemicals and continue to use them and have that spiritual awakening that helps us alleviate that pressure that we give ourselves internally, we will never be able to strive inside and have the resilience to come out of it. 72 00:06:42,491.999 --> 00:06:45,841.999 And say no to the bad choices and yes to the good ones. 73 00:06:46,621.999 --> 00:06:48,511.999 So this is a deep internal struggle. 74 00:06:48,511.999 --> 00:07:02,521.998 This is a deep internal look inside to say, who am I? What am I about? Not the things that people have told me, the concepts and ideas of everyone around me and what they want me to be, how they want me to fit into their idea of what I am. 75 00:07:03,151.998 --> 00:07:04,511.998 That's not what you are. 76 00:07:04,601.998 --> 00:07:07,991.998 And until you realize that, and you begin to. 77 00:07:08,416.998 --> 00:07:16,26.998 create that version of you that is you uniquely you, you will never feel whole. 78 00:07:16,56.998 --> 00:07:25,756.998 You will always be able to be thrown off of that successful path because you've never solidified the foundation that you need to have success. 79 00:07:26,146.998 --> 00:07:29,36.998 It all starts at the beginning of right when you were born. 80 00:07:29,226.998 --> 00:07:37,701.998 This is like rebirth for me flipping that car and Dying in the ambulance and coming back from that was a rebirth. 81 00:07:37,771.998 --> 00:07:39,601.998 I was fortunate that that happened. 82 00:07:39,621.998 --> 00:07:41,261.998 I should have killed people in this accident. 83 00:07:41,291.998 --> 00:07:44,231.998 I should be in prison right now for the rest of my life. 84 00:07:44,391.997 --> 00:07:45,161.998 I was not. 85 00:07:45,931.998 --> 00:07:51,131.998 God had grace on me and I'm very fortunate to be here speaking to you, which is why I do this. 86 00:07:51,151.998 --> 00:07:54,941.997 I do this because I should not be allowed to be here right now. 87 00:07:55,331.998 --> 00:07:57,321.998 And that's one of the things that keeps me on track. 88 00:07:57,321.998 --> 00:08:09,321.998 So until you get that foundation laid and you work on those issues that you have and get through them and build from the ground up a really strong foundation that's unwavering no matter what happens outside of you. 89 00:08:09,951.998 --> 00:08:14,751.998 Say, a loved one dies, you lose a job, a child falls ill. 90 00:08:14,961.998 --> 00:08:17,491.997 These things happen, right? You lose a pet. 91 00:08:17,931.998 --> 00:08:19,861.998 There's all kinds of terrible things that can happen. 92 00:08:19,861.998 --> 00:08:23,511.998 You get sick, a family member gets sick, cancer happens. 93 00:08:23,521.997 --> 00:08:25,101.997 These things happen in life. 94 00:08:25,341.998 --> 00:08:28,101.997 This is not a perfect world and you have to be prepared for it. 95 00:08:28,111.997 --> 00:08:32,971.997 It doesn't feel comfortable to look at all of those parts of ourselves that are dysfunctional. 96 00:08:33,621.996 --> 00:08:34,431.997 And there's a lot of them. 97 00:08:34,591.997 --> 00:08:39,471.996 So, when you're out there and you're trying to get sober, you want to change your life. 98 00:08:39,561.997 --> 00:08:43,556.997 And I don't mean, Sober, take away alcohol, sober, take away drugs. 99 00:08:43,586.997 --> 00:08:46,236.997 I mean, I want to quit dating the wrong person. 100 00:08:46,306.997 --> 00:08:47,986.997 I want to quit eating terrible. 101 00:08:48,6.997 --> 00:08:48,936.997 I want to start working out. 102 00:08:48,946.997 --> 00:08:50,116.997 I want to change my life. 103 00:08:50,126.997 --> 00:08:51,96.997 I want to have success. 104 00:08:51,96.997 --> 00:08:52,286.997 I want to grow in my company. 105 00:08:52,546.997 --> 00:08:54,736.997 I want to have better habits so that I can be a leader. 106 00:08:55,816.997 --> 00:09:02,166.996 If that's where you want to go with it, you've got to take a step back and really look at yourself with humility and go, look, here's where I'm deficient. 107 00:09:02,166.996 --> 00:09:06,766.996 Because if you can't look at yourself and say, I'm deficient in these areas, you'll never excel. 108 00:09:06,776.996 --> 00:09:07,706.996 You'll never grow. 109 00:09:07,706.996 --> 00:09:08,946.996 You just stay stuck. 110 00:09:09,486.997 --> 00:09:11,896.997 Okay, that's how that all works. 111 00:09:11,906.997 --> 00:09:13,366.997 So that was just my rant for today. 112 00:09:13,826.997 --> 00:09:15,36.997 Thank you for listening. 113 00:09:15,256.997 --> 00:09:22,726.997 Remember, you have the power within you to make the changes to enhance your life tenfold right now. 114 00:09:22,786.997 --> 00:09:33,726.997 Every second that goes by is a second that you can make a change in your life to further it and produce the kind of fruit that you want to produce in your life and be successful. 115 00:09:34,36.997 --> 00:09:39,546.997 Don't let anybody tell you that you can't be because nobody has that kind of power over you. 116 00:09:40,66.997 --> 00:09:45,636.997 Only you have that kind of power and God bless you for wanting to change. 117 00:09:45,686.997 --> 00:09:46,876.997 That is the key. 118 00:09:47,466.997 --> 00:09:51,876.996 When you feel that desire, that urge come in where you say something needs to happen. 119 00:09:51,946.996 --> 00:09:56,766.995 That is God talking to you directly saying, Hey, I'm knocking on your door right now. 120 00:09:57,796.995 --> 00:10:09,91.996 Are you feeling it? Do you want to take a step outside here real quick and talk about what's going on, or do you want to just make an excuse and snow it over and continue to have problems? That's your opportunity right there. 121 00:10:09,891.995 --> 00:10:25,101.996 When you feel that I'm making the wrong decision here, aren't I? Take a moment, pause, and really think about changing your life at that time and making a different decision than, you know, jumping back into the same cycle. 122 00:10:25,181.996 --> 00:10:26,701.996 Don't jump back into the same cycle. 123 00:10:27,1.996 --> 00:10:27,821.996 Break the cycle. 124 00:10:28,101.996 --> 00:10:29,451.996 That is how you have success.