December 30, 2024 • 7 mins
In this episode, Richard Hoeg presents a special anniversary edition, sharing personal insights and experiences following a stroke. He discusses the mental rehabilitation journey, offering a post-stroke perspective on the challenges faced, including financial stress. Richard delves into energy management strategies and reflects on the future outlook, both personally and professionally. The episode concludes with closing remarks and a disclaimer, providing a thoughtful and introspective look into recovery and resilience.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:14):
Hello.
My name is Richard Hogue, and welcome to a veryspecial episode of Virtual Legality.
Today, December 30th, it has been exactly 2years since my stroke.
And while I can't guarantee that I'll continuethe my stroke series on every anniversary, I
think I will use them to mark times when I hopeI can offer a bit more insight into my
experiences, like today.
(00:35):
Last year, I said that we start again, and Istand by that.
We certainly do.
But that notion was perhaps incomplete.
Hence, starting is restarting.
My hope with these anniversary specials is thatI can give help to just a few stroke survivors
or caregivers by sharing the often opaquecontours of a journey through this process.
(00:55):
I'd also like folks who haven't experienced,but fear stroke, I've heard from so many of you
this year, to see confirmation that it's notthe end, even if new beginnings can most
certainly be full of trial and doubt.
I know my experience will not match everyone's.
Every stroke is different, but I hope there aresome things that will be useful to know and
reflect upon for anyone.
(01:16):
Now enough with the throat clearing.
Let's talk about recovery year 2.
If 2023 was the year of physicalrehabilitation, 2024 was the year of mental
rehabilitation.
It was a year marked by discovery, learningover long periods of time how I might now react
to things and how people might now react to me.
Anxiety was controlled if not conquered.
(01:37):
Depression dealt with if not destroyed.
But more specifically, stroke didn't for meappear to change how I dealt with or processed
things as much as it heightened them.
This comfort with airports and air travelbecame a silent voice insistent that I can't do
this even when I could and did.
Care for my clients and partners became anagging self doubt that I was forgetting
(01:59):
something or doing something wrong.
That voice was still Rick, still Hogue, butlouder, more insistent.
I'm not gonna lie.
That more insistent me was a bit much at thestart of the year, and I quite honestly
struggled to get back into the swing of workand life rhythms for an embarrassing
embarrassingly long period of time.
Embarrassing to me at least.
(02:20):
No one else seemed to take much issue.
Thankfully, as my cognitive test showed and mytherapist backstopped, I was doing good solid
work even if I didn't feel it.
And my clients were happy, my audience heresupportive and kind regardless of what I was
thinking myself.
And, yes, despite being a hot button topic ofInternet discourse and despite my never having
used it before the stroke, talk therapy wasintegral to my surviving this time.
(02:44):
Therapy to me is not finding someone who cansay just the right words to make every ailment
go away like weaving a magic spell.
Instead, it's finding someone who hears whatyou're going through, really listens, and
presents options or perspectives that you neverconsidered yourself.
As a smart guy, I think, it's still prettymagical to get ideas and strategies from
another that never even crossed my mind even ifthe why didn't I think of that can be quite
(03:08):
strong and reinforcing of self doubt just a bitin early days.
I can't thank my therapist enough for all shedid for me this year.
I wouldn't have made fully half my recoverywithout it.
But, also, importantly, with stroke or perhapsjust with age, perspective really does shift.
And while that can be a great thing, you reallydo feel like you're seeing things more clearly,
(03:28):
the world is not organized around your newperspective.
I quickly found that one thing that wasextremely important to me was that I didn't
wanna waste anyone's time.
Everything I did, whether in law, videos, orfamily life, I wanted to be additive and not
wasteful.
All good things.
Right?
Of course.
But it meant that I shied away from makingcertain videos as an example.
(03:49):
At first, because I didn't know if I could,self doubt, but then because I didn't know if I
was offering any real insight or value or worsethat my voice would be used to foment outrage
mobs online in some way as I was increasinglyseeing on the more reddity corners of the
Internet.
Even things I love doing became an uphill climbboth because of that doubt and anxiety and then
because of perspective value.
(04:10):
And since work is how you pay the bills,financial stress became a part of our story as
well.
It was and is a difficult time, but starting isrestarting.
I was and am determined to keep fighting evenif I fear that to the outside world, it must
look like I'm fighting with ghosts, which isits own ball of wax.
(04:31):
Right?
By September of last year, I could walk, talk,hold, and throw things with my left hand.
The most common the most common comment fromonlookers was I never know anything would have
happened, but it did.
Everything I just mentioned, it felt cripplingat times even as I knew I could not have
possibly asked for a better physical recoveryitself, a source of guilt and doubt.
(04:53):
What was wrong with me?
Why couldn't I just be grateful?
Seize this opportunity that I've been given.
Why couldn't I do more?
Why didn't I just make that video, take thatclient solicitation?
But the last step was arguably the hardest.
I needed rest.
I wasn't wired that way.
None of my upbringing, schooling, or work lifehad led me to be comfortable with the notion of
stopping to recover.
(05:14):
I'm still not good at it.
Still feel uncomfortable that I'm not being asproductive as I should be even when when the
real production I need is time with family orjust with Netflix.
It clashes with the value demanded of myperspective shift and feeds myself doubt.
But this last and perhaps biggest struggle ofthe year is not as nefarious sounding as in as
anxiety or depression.
(05:35):
It's energy.
Having gotten as far as I have this year, I'veyet to entirely come to grips with the notion
that everything I do will wipe me out abouttwice as much as I expect, borrowing in many
cases from my effective energy on subsequentdays.
I'm told this is aging as much as stroke, but Iunfortunately will never be able to entirely
separate the 2.
And so planning, including for videos like thisone or work related scheduling, is its own kind
(06:00):
of uphill climb.
1 I'm still making and one which even talkingabout brings sensations of fatigue.
But I don't want this all to be seen asnegative.
This is not a complaint.
I've arrived here 2 years stroke free.
While I am tired, I'm also excited by whatcomes next.
What does 2025 hold?
We can be sure that like so much of 2024, itwill be at least one new thing, a new start.
(06:25):
And since starting is restarting, I lookforward to running that new race, and I'm so
thankful for everyone who will run it with me.
Happy anniversary, everybody, and I hope thisvideo was helpful to you.
A happy New Year to you all.
We start again.
Virtual legality is a YouTube video series withaudio podcast versions presented as commentary
(06:48):
and for education and entertainment purposesonly.
It does not constitute legal advice and doesnot create an attorney client relationship.
If you have legal questions about the topicsdiscussed, please consult your own legal
counsel.
Hello.
My name is Richard Hogue, and welcome to a veryspecial episode of Virtual Legality.
Today, December 30th, it has been exactly 2years since my stroke.
And while I can't guarantee that I'll continuethe my stroke series on every anniversary, I
think I will use them to mark times when I hopeI can offer a bit more insight into my
experiences, like today.
(00:35):
Last year, I said that we start again, and Istand by that.
We certainly do.
But that notion was perhaps incomplete.
Hence, starting is restarting.
My hope with these anniversary specials is thatI can give help to just a few stroke survivors
or caregivers by sharing the often opaquecontours of a journey through this process.
(00:55):
I'd also like folks who haven't experienced,but fear stroke, I've heard from so many of you
this year, to see confirmation that it's notthe end, even if new beginnings can most
certainly be full of trial and doubt.
I know my experience will not match everyone's.
Every stroke is different, but I hope there aresome things that will be useful to know and
reflect upon for anyone.
(01:16):
Now enough with the throat clearing.
Let's talk about recovery year 2.
If 2023 was the year of physicalrehabilitation, 2024 was the year of mental
rehabilitation.
It was a year marked by discovery, learningover long periods of time how I might now react
to things and how people might now react to me.
Anxiety was controlled if not conquered.
(01:37):
Depression dealt with if not destroyed.
But more specifically, stroke didn't for meappear to change how I dealt with or processed
things as much as it heightened them.
This comfort with airports and air travelbecame a silent voice insistent that I can't do
this even when I could and did.
Care for my clients and partners became anagging self doubt that I was forgetting
(01:59):
something or doing something wrong.
That voice was still Rick, still Hogue, butlouder, more insistent.
I'm not gonna lie.
That more insistent me was a bit much at thestart of the year, and I quite honestly
struggled to get back into the swing of workand life rhythms for an embarrassing
embarrassingly long period of time.
Embarrassing to me at least.
(02:20):
No one else seemed to take much issue.
Thankfully, as my cognitive test showed and mytherapist backstopped, I was doing good solid
work even if I didn't feel it.
And my clients were happy, my audience heresupportive and kind regardless of what I was
thinking myself.
And, yes, despite being a hot button topic ofInternet discourse and despite my never having
used it before the stroke, talk therapy wasintegral to my surviving this time.
(02:44):
Therapy to me is not finding someone who cansay just the right words to make every ailment
go away like weaving a magic spell.
Instead, it's finding someone who hears whatyou're going through, really listens, and
presents options or perspectives that you neverconsidered yourself.
As a smart guy, I think, it's still prettymagical to get ideas and strategies from
another that never even crossed my mind even ifthe why didn't I think of that can be quite
(03:08):
strong and reinforcing of self doubt just a bitin early days.
I can't thank my therapist enough for all shedid for me this year.
I wouldn't have made fully half my recoverywithout it.
But, also, importantly, with stroke or perhapsjust with age, perspective really does shift.
And while that can be a great thing, you reallydo feel like you're seeing things more clearly,
(03:28):
the world is not organized around your newperspective.
I quickly found that one thing that wasextremely important to me was that I didn't
wanna waste anyone's time.
Everything I did, whether in law, videos, orfamily life, I wanted to be additive and not
wasteful.
All good things.
Right?
Of course.
But it meant that I shied away from makingcertain videos as an example.
(03:49):
At first, because I didn't know if I could,self doubt, but then because I didn't know if I
was offering any real insight or value or worsethat my voice would be used to foment outrage
mobs online in some way as I was increasinglyseeing on the more reddity corners of the
Internet.
Even things I love doing became an uphill climbboth because of that doubt and anxiety and then
because of perspective value.
(04:10):
And since work is how you pay the bills,financial stress became a part of our story as
well.
It was and is a difficult time, but starting isrestarting.
I was and am determined to keep fighting evenif I fear that to the outside world, it must
look like I'm fighting with ghosts, which isits own ball of wax.
(04:31):
Right?
By September of last year, I could walk, talk,hold, and throw things with my left hand.
The most common the most common comment fromonlookers was I never know anything would have
happened, but it did.
Everything I just mentioned, it felt cripplingat times even as I knew I could not have
possibly asked for a better physical recoveryitself, a source of guilt and doubt.
(04:53):
What was wrong with me?
Why couldn't I just be grateful?
Seize this opportunity that I've been given.
Why couldn't I do more?
Why didn't I just make that video, take thatclient solicitation?
But the last step was arguably the hardest.
I needed rest.
I wasn't wired that way.
None of my upbringing, schooling, or work lifehad led me to be comfortable with the notion of
stopping to recover.
(05:14):
I'm still not good at it.
Still feel uncomfortable that I'm not being asproductive as I should be even when when the
real production I need is time with family orjust with Netflix.
It clashes with the value demanded of myperspective shift and feeds myself doubt.
But this last and perhaps biggest struggle ofthe year is not as nefarious sounding as in as
anxiety or depression.
(05:35):
It's energy.
Having gotten as far as I have this year, I'veyet to entirely come to grips with the notion
that everything I do will wipe me out abouttwice as much as I expect, borrowing in many
cases from my effective energy on subsequentdays.
I'm told this is aging as much as stroke, but Iunfortunately will never be able to entirely
separate the 2.
And so planning, including for videos like thisone or work related scheduling, is its own kind
(06:00):
of uphill climb.
1 I'm still making and one which even talkingabout brings sensations of fatigue.
But I don't want this all to be seen asnegative.
This is not a complaint.
I've arrived here 2 years stroke free.
While I am tired, I'm also excited by whatcomes next.
What does 2025 hold?
We can be sure that like so much of 2024, itwill be at least one new thing, a new start.
(06:25):
And since starting is restarting, I lookforward to running that new race, and I'm so
thankful for everyone who will run it with me.
Happy anniversary, everybody, and I hope thisvideo was helpful to you.
A happy New Year to you all.
We start again.
Virtual legality is a YouTube video series withaudio podcast versions presented as commentary
(06:48):
and for education and entertainment purposesonly.
It does not constitute legal advice and doesnot create an attorney client relationship.
If you have legal questions about the topicsdiscussed, please consult your own legal
counsel.
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