76 - Feelings Tour Part 5: Guilt and Shame

In this episode, Annaliese and Alan dive into how even difficult emotions like guilt and shame are crucial to living a meaningful life. Annaliese shares how guilt and shame show up in your body, the stories they tell about who you are, and practical ways to handle them with compassion and empowerment for yourself instead of reacting automatically.

You’ll Hear About:

• Guilt and shame are tough to sit with because they carry powerful identity messages. They often tell stories like, “I’m a disappointment” or “I’m not good enough.” That’s why it’s important to approach these feelings with care and truths for yourself.
• Guilt tells you that you’ve done something wrong, while shame tells you that you are something wrong. These messages highlight how much you care about showing up in the world and whether you feel you’re doing that well.
• Noticing your guilt and shame messages—what they’re saying and how intensely they feel—helps you create space to agree, disagree, or let go of those messages more easily in the moment.

Feeling Guilt Better:

1. Remember guilt is trying to show you who you think you are. Pause in the feeling with compassion for yourself. Ask yourself, “What’s the message about me guilt is trying to tell me?”
2. Notice what guilt points to about how you want to show up and what parts of that can help you grow.
3. Reflect on the bigger situation and remind yourself you’re the adult who can create healthier truths by tuning in to your guilt messages and selecting what's helpful and what's not.

Balancing Thoughts for Guilt and Shame:

1. “I just need a second.” -This helps you create a pause in a painful guilt story and lets you process it better before doing an unhelpful reaction like ignoring your mistake or just beating yourself up about it.
2. “I can repair mistakes.” -This helps you remember your ability to constructively take disappointment in yourself and use what you know to make things better in a compassionate and empowering way.
3. “Mistakes don’t disqualify me from already being loved and valuable.” -This reminds you of your true identity and intrinsic value that feelings of guilt and shame don't account for. It helps you be the adult you want to be that takes responsibility without undermining your worth.

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