Welcome to the What to Expect While Fostering and Adopting podcast show. If you're a foster mom on the journey to adoption, already adopted, or somewhere in the middle, you're in the right place.
Today, I will take you on the journey of deciding to continue with my podcast. Over the past 2 months, God has been refining and pruning my heart and showing me how to more completely depend on Him.
If you are struggling right now as a foster or adoptive parent, I am so thankful that you found this episode. I want you to know that you are not alone. You are seen, valued, loved and known.
After you listen to this episode, I would love for you to head on over and join our inner circle of foster and adoptive mamas. Our Facebook group is your gateway to valuable resources and connection.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/fostercareandadoptionforchristianwomen
Thank you for being here. Go grab your cup of coffee and let's dig in.
XO-Christine Marie
If you found this episode helpful, I would love for you to leave me a review on apple podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/what-to-expect-while-fostering-and-adopting-adopting/id1701306333
Seph Schlueter - Counting My Blessings:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZjWYgq9QfM
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music.
(00:07):
Welcome to the What to Expect While Fostering and Adopting podcast show.
If you're a foster mom on the journey to adoption, already adopted,
or somewhere in the middle, trying to figure out how to navigate the foster
care system, wanting to grow your family through adoption,
trying to balance everything, or stuck in that space of all things unknown,
you're in the right place.
What if there was a way to fast track your knowledge, prepare you for the good
(00:29):
and the hard, and somebody who could answer that long list of questions I know you have.
Hi friend, I'm Christine Marie, Biblical Mindset Coach, adoptive mom,
and previous foster parent of 77 children.
Yep, you heard that right, 77 kiddos. I'm your host, and my goal is to help
make your journey a lot easier by sharing my best tools, techniques,
(00:50):
and skills that helped me pivot from foster care to adoption,
fully surrender, and trust the process.
I'm about to bring some calm to the chaos and show you how to navigate gate
through this journey with a whole lot of grace.
So go grab your cup of coffee and let's jump in.
As a lot of you guys know, my husband and I, we were foster parents for 10 years
(01:12):
and we took in 77 foster kiddos and adopted both of our daughters from the foster care system.
And now we are adoptive parents and no longer foster parents.
This podcast has truly been a dream of mine to be able to share my heart,
the journey that God took us through, the valleys,
the great parts, the hard parts, the sad parts, hopefully share a lot of the
(01:37):
answers that we didn't have anybody who could share with us.
To be very, very transparent with all of you, the past two months,
I haven't recorded a podcast because it got too hard.
I have been praying and asking God whether I should continue with this podcast
at all, because it's hard to open up and share the hard parts.
(02:04):
It is hard to go back and talk about things that broke my heart.
So I've spent the past two months praying and asking God for clarity.
Every situation you're going to have as a foster parent and even now as an adoptive
parent for myself, it's not going to feel good, but it doesn't mean that God
changed the plan for you.
(02:25):
It doesn't mean that God wants you to quit or give up, but he might ask you
to get quiet and lean into him while he gives you clarity and vision for what's next.
And I really felt like some of you guys may be in a similar situation,
or maybe you're just tired.
Maybe you're burned out. Maybe you have a child in your care right now that's really hard.
(02:50):
Maybe you are having to ask for a child to be removed because they're not a
good fit for you, or maybe you're not a good fit for them. Maybe you're walking
through a really hard time and you're wondering, how did I get here?
Was I even meant to be here? Did I hear from God wrong? Does he not even want
me to adopt or be a foster parent?
(03:12):
Maybe you're in the phase of adoption right now or on your adoptive journey,
and it's not what you thought it would be. Once we adopted, I thought everything
would be butterflies and rainbows.
I truly believed that our daughters would somehow be so thankful that we adopted
them and that all of their trauma and their heartache and their pain would go
(03:37):
away. Sounds pretty naive, right?
I just thought that things would be perfect.
And people would say to me often, gosh, your girls are so lucky to have you.
I bet they're so thankful.
And here's the thing, they weren't. They weren't because all they knew was brokenness.
(03:59):
All they knew was losing their biological family and being moved from foster home to foster home.
How could they be appreciative of something that they never asked for?
Our girls never asked to be removed from their birth mothers.
It's not fair, honestly.
And then on top of that, their previous life of chaos and disorder was now gone
(04:24):
and they were placed into a home with calm and schedules.
And routine and love, which felt completely polar opposite to every single thing
that they had ever known in their entire life.
So of course they rebelled. And guess who got the brunt of the rebellion? Me.
So did it feel good? No. No, actually, it felt really, really bad for a really long time.
(04:48):
And I used to go online and share and say how hard it was and some of the things
that I was going through with my girls.
And I remember I would get so much backlash from people and they would say,
oh my gosh, I can't believe that you're sharing their story.
And I can't believe that you're, and what if they go back one day and read all
these things that you've written about them?
I got so many messages from people saying, shame on me for sharing what I was walking through.
(05:14):
And then you know what happened? I isolated.
I joined private groups where nobody else would hear my hurt.
But then there's also the other side of joining those private groups where you
can vent every single thing because there's so much pain and negativity and hurt.
(05:37):
So then what happened is my entire world became surrounding myself with people
who were at like in the darkest valley because I couldn't be honest with people
in my life and on social media or wherever I was sharing what was going on for
me. I couldn't be all of me.
I had to muffle who I was because it didn't look pretty.
(06:01):
That was part of where the reason that I wanted to have this podcast because
I didn't have have a safe place to fall.
I couldn't talk to my certifier or the caseworkers about really how hard it
was because I wanted them to think that I was perfect so that I could adopt
our girls, so that I could be the perfect foster parent,
(06:21):
so that I could wear the mask that I was doing great and I was not struggling.
Because you know what caseworkers and certifiers think of foster parents who
are sharing how hard it really is, they think they're unstable or not doing
well or they've taken on too much.
When truthfully, I just wanted to share my heart and vent and have somebody listen.
(06:46):
I wanted someone to hear me. I could handle it. I was doing well.
But sometimes it just gets hard. And these past two months have been really hard.
It's crazy because my girls have never been in a better place than they are now.
But opening up about hard things when my girls are doing so well now for the
(07:08):
first time ever was really hard.
And so for the past two months, I've been really praying and digging in and
saying, God, what do you want me to do?
Where do you want me to be? Do you want me to continue sharing my heart?
Do you want me to continue creating this podcast? cast?
And his resounding answer was yes. It reminded me so much of being a foster parent.
(07:32):
When you have those hard days, I remember sometimes I would sit in my closet
and just cry because I didn't want the kids to see that I was upset.
But when you are hurting and struggling so much as a foster parent,
your world quickly becomes very small.
You begin to feel more isolated than you even were.
And then it became just easier with how hard my kids were, and how complicated
(07:56):
my life was to just be me by myself and operate within the foster care world.
And then the caseworkers, the certifiers, my family, and the foster kids became everything I had.
That was where I had to put on such a strong and brave mask all the time because
I had nobody else that I could share my heart with.
(08:20):
I had to be brave for everybody else who was around me. I had to be the perfect
foster parent. I couldn't struggle out loud.
I had to struggle internally by myself. At least that's what I thought.
Such a huge transformation has happened in these past two months because what
I've realized is I didn't lean on Jesus.
(08:40):
I didn't allow myself to go to him and say, I am so broken.
I am so hurting or I'm having an amazing day and I'm celebrating this.
I just kept going, pushing through.
And that's the message I really want you to hear today is that you are not alone. You were never alone.
God brought you here to become a foster parent or an adoptive parent.
(09:04):
He led you to this podcast because you are not meant to do this alone.
He is doing this with you. He brought you here for a purpose.
He wants you impacting these children's lives. He wants you helping these children,
no matter the length of time that you have them, no matter the amount amount
of difficulty that they are.
(09:24):
He just wants you to be the light in their life.
And I want you to know that you're not alone.
You didn't hear him wrong. You might be struggling right now with overwhelm.
You might be struggling with your current placements. You might be struggling with your children.
You might be struggling with your spouse or your friends or feeling alone like
(09:45):
I did a lot of the time, but you're not alone.
You don't have to be perfect. You are meant to shine. You're going to encounter these hard times.
It's ebbs and flows of foster parenting and adoptive parenting.
And those are the moments I want you to pull back and I want you to pray and
(10:05):
I want you to journal and ask God for wisdom on how to keep pushing through
or how to be more vocal about what it is that you need.
Or ask for the child to be removed.
Or ask for additional services for the child. Or ask for help.
There's always an answer.
(10:27):
God will meet you right where you're at. And that's what he's truly done with
me these past few months, watching my girls heal. Oh goodness, all those years.
And it was so hard. My vision never changed.
I knew that they would both experience healing.
And I knew that that healing was on the other side.
(10:48):
So even when I was venting and complaining to other people and overwhelmed with
where they were at emotionally, I knew there was going to eventually be healing.
I had full confidence in that. I didn't know when, and I was hopeful that it
was on this side of heaven, but I knew it was coming.
But there was a lot of days that it was really, really, really, really hard.
(11:11):
And I had to keep pushing through. And I didn't have the strength on my own.
Something that I struggle with so much is anxiety.
I don't know if any of you guys have seen that movie Inside Out 2,
that little orange guy with the frazzled hair anxiety.
Oh my goodness. That movie was so overwhelming to me because that,
(11:34):
I don't know if he's a guy or a girl, I'm not sure. I always call him the orange haired guy.
But I 100% connected with that person because I do spiral in my mind.
I do get emotionally overwhelmed.
I do try and create all the different plans.
I do try and control things so that it somehow will turn out the way that I thought of it in my mind.
(12:01):
But here's the one thing that God's been revealing to me, is that I can't be
anxious and feel anxiety and trust in him at the same time.
They don't operate together.
God is not anxiety. God is the opposite.
He is peace and and calming and nurturing and loving.
I spent so many years as a foster parent living in that place of anxiety and
(12:25):
emotional overwhelm because I was trying to control everything.
This podcast went through a phase where it was so hard because I'm needing to share my heart.
And sometimes when you're sharing your heart about hard things,
it's easier to just control them and say, you know what?
I don't want to do that anymore. But just as you are.
Have been called to be a foster parent or an adoptive parent every day is not
(12:48):
going to feel great. You might struggle with anxiety or depression.
Why is it taking so long to find the perfect child that I believe God has chosen
for me? Why is it taking years?
Why am I getting children that are so hard and pushing me outside of my emotional limits?
Because God might be trying to refine you. I know he has been trying to refine
(13:09):
me so much, and I feel like there are so many out there of you right now that he is working to refine,
maybe heal our broken heart, heal those wounds that we have.
I don't know what the connection might be, but I truly feel like there's a lot
of us foster parents, previous foster parents, adoptive parents,
we were led to become foster or adoptive parents because of wounds that we have
(13:34):
in our own heart, because of natural giftings that God gave us.
You are not here by accident.
You are called here for a very important purpose.
And in those moments where you feel lost, overwhelmed, or anxious,
like I struggle with myself, that is where I want you to remind yourself that
these qualities that I am experiencing right now are feelings.
(13:58):
And feelings aren't facts.
They are just emotions I am feeling. And then I want you to ask yourself, are they of God?
Because I know that's something that I'm doing a lot recently,
is asking myself, does this anxiety and this emotional overwhelm resonate with the character of God?
And if it doesn't, then I want you to remember that it is directly straight from the enemy.
(14:21):
He is trying to destroy you, distract you, destroy everything that God is trying
to build and develop in your life and in your heart.
And you can even just simply Google a Bible verse about anxiety.
Google a Bible verse about depression. Google a Bible verse about emotional
overwhelm. And I promise you, you'll find something. Find a song that you love.
(14:42):
There's an amazing song that brings me so much peace. And I can't remember the artist's name.
I will link it in the show notes, but it's Counting My Blessings.
And it's truly about being thankful for every single thing that God has done in your life.
Looking at every single disappointment that you've had. even
every moment as a foster parent as an adoptive parent
(15:03):
that was hard and saying thank you and being at a place of gratitude because
you are living the life right now that you prayed for before I just want to
say thank you to each of you for being here I'm so excited to continue on with
you and just share so many things that I have learned throughout my foster and adoptive journey,
and I'm truly honored to be sharing it with each of you.
(15:51):
To covered and find a community of like-minded mamas in my private Facebook
group by searching what to expect while fostering and adopting on Facebook.
Music.
Music.
(00:07):
Welcome to the What to Expect While Fostering and Adopting podcast show.
If you're a foster mom on the journey to adoption, already adopted,
or somewhere in the middle, trying to figure out how to navigate the foster
care system, wanting to grow your family through adoption,
trying to balance everything, or stuck in that space of all things unknown,
you're in the right place.
What if there was a way to fast track your knowledge, prepare you for the good
(00:29):
and the hard, and somebody who could answer that long list of questions I know you have.
Hi friend, I'm Christine Marie, Biblical Mindset Coach, adoptive mom,
and previous foster parent of 77 children.
Yep, you heard that right, 77 kiddos. I'm your host, and my goal is to help
make your journey a lot easier by sharing my best tools, techniques,
(00:50):
and skills that helped me pivot from foster care to adoption,
fully surrender, and trust the process.
I'm about to bring some calm to the chaos and show you how to navigate gate
through this journey with a whole lot of grace.
So go grab your cup of coffee and let's jump in.
As a lot of you guys know, my husband and I, we were foster parents for 10 years
(01:12):
and we took in 77 foster kiddos and adopted both of our daughters from the foster care system.
And now we are adoptive parents and no longer foster parents.
This podcast has truly been a dream of mine to be able to share my heart,
the journey that God took us through, the valleys,
the great parts, the hard parts, the sad parts, hopefully share a lot of the
(01:37):
answers that we didn't have anybody who could share with us.
To be very, very transparent with all of you, the past two months,
I haven't recorded a podcast because it got too hard.
I have been praying and asking God whether I should continue with this podcast
at all, because it's hard to open up and share the hard parts.
(02:04):
It is hard to go back and talk about things that broke my heart.
So I've spent the past two months praying and asking God for clarity.
Every situation you're going to have as a foster parent and even now as an adoptive
parent for myself, it's not going to feel good, but it doesn't mean that God
changed the plan for you.
(02:25):
It doesn't mean that God wants you to quit or give up, but he might ask you
to get quiet and lean into him while he gives you clarity and vision for what's next.
And I really felt like some of you guys may be in a similar situation,
or maybe you're just tired.
Maybe you're burned out. Maybe you have a child in your care right now that's really hard.
(02:50):
Maybe you are having to ask for a child to be removed because they're not a
good fit for you, or maybe you're not a good fit for them. Maybe you're walking
through a really hard time and you're wondering, how did I get here?
Was I even meant to be here? Did I hear from God wrong? Does he not even want
me to adopt or be a foster parent?
(03:12):
Maybe you're in the phase of adoption right now or on your adoptive journey,
and it's not what you thought it would be. Once we adopted, I thought everything
would be butterflies and rainbows.
I truly believed that our daughters would somehow be so thankful that we adopted
them and that all of their trauma and their heartache and their pain would go
(03:37):
away. Sounds pretty naive, right?
I just thought that things would be perfect.
And people would say to me often, gosh, your girls are so lucky to have you.
I bet they're so thankful.
And here's the thing, they weren't. They weren't because all they knew was brokenness.
(03:59):
All they knew was losing their biological family and being moved from foster home to foster home.
How could they be appreciative of something that they never asked for?
Our girls never asked to be removed from their birth mothers.
It's not fair, honestly.
And then on top of that, their previous life of chaos and disorder was now gone
(04:24):
and they were placed into a home with calm and schedules.
And routine and love, which felt completely polar opposite to every single thing
that they had ever known in their entire life.
So of course they rebelled. And guess who got the brunt of the rebellion? Me.
So did it feel good? No. No, actually, it felt really, really bad for a really long time.
(04:48):
And I used to go online and share and say how hard it was and some of the things
that I was going through with my girls.
And I remember I would get so much backlash from people and they would say,
oh my gosh, I can't believe that you're sharing their story.
And I can't believe that you're, and what if they go back one day and read all
these things that you've written about them?
I got so many messages from people saying, shame on me for sharing what I was walking through.
(05:14):
And then you know what happened? I isolated.
I joined private groups where nobody else would hear my hurt.
But then there's also the other side of joining those private groups where you
can vent every single thing because there's so much pain and negativity and hurt.
(05:37):
So then what happened is my entire world became surrounding myself with people
who were at like in the darkest valley because I couldn't be honest with people
in my life and on social media or wherever I was sharing what was going on for
me. I couldn't be all of me.
I had to muffle who I was because it didn't look pretty.
(06:01):
That was part of where the reason that I wanted to have this podcast because
I didn't have have a safe place to fall.
I couldn't talk to my certifier or the caseworkers about really how hard it
was because I wanted them to think that I was perfect so that I could adopt
our girls, so that I could be the perfect foster parent,
(06:21):
so that I could wear the mask that I was doing great and I was not struggling.
Because you know what caseworkers and certifiers think of foster parents who
are sharing how hard it really is, they think they're unstable or not doing
well or they've taken on too much.
When truthfully, I just wanted to share my heart and vent and have somebody listen.
(06:46):
I wanted someone to hear me. I could handle it. I was doing well.
But sometimes it just gets hard. And these past two months have been really hard.
It's crazy because my girls have never been in a better place than they are now.
But opening up about hard things when my girls are doing so well now for the
(07:08):
first time ever was really hard.
And so for the past two months, I've been really praying and digging in and
saying, God, what do you want me to do?
Where do you want me to be? Do you want me to continue sharing my heart?
Do you want me to continue creating this podcast? cast?
And his resounding answer was yes. It reminded me so much of being a foster parent.
(07:32):
When you have those hard days, I remember sometimes I would sit in my closet
and just cry because I didn't want the kids to see that I was upset.
But when you are hurting and struggling so much as a foster parent,
your world quickly becomes very small.
You begin to feel more isolated than you even were.
And then it became just easier with how hard my kids were, and how complicated
(07:56):
my life was to just be me by myself and operate within the foster care world.
And then the caseworkers, the certifiers, my family, and the foster kids became everything I had.
That was where I had to put on such a strong and brave mask all the time because
I had nobody else that I could share my heart with.
(08:20):
I had to be brave for everybody else who was around me. I had to be the perfect
foster parent. I couldn't struggle out loud.
I had to struggle internally by myself. At least that's what I thought.
Such a huge transformation has happened in these past two months because what
I've realized is I didn't lean on Jesus.
(08:40):
I didn't allow myself to go to him and say, I am so broken.
I am so hurting or I'm having an amazing day and I'm celebrating this.
I just kept going, pushing through.
And that's the message I really want you to hear today is that you are not alone. You were never alone.
God brought you here to become a foster parent or an adoptive parent.
(09:04):
He led you to this podcast because you are not meant to do this alone.
He is doing this with you. He brought you here for a purpose.
He wants you impacting these children's lives. He wants you helping these children,
no matter the length of time that you have them, no matter the amount amount
of difficulty that they are.
(09:24):
He just wants you to be the light in their life.
And I want you to know that you're not alone.
You didn't hear him wrong. You might be struggling right now with overwhelm.
You might be struggling with your current placements. You might be struggling with your children.
You might be struggling with your spouse or your friends or feeling alone like
(09:45):
I did a lot of the time, but you're not alone.
You don't have to be perfect. You are meant to shine. You're going to encounter these hard times.
It's ebbs and flows of foster parenting and adoptive parenting.
And those are the moments I want you to pull back and I want you to pray and
(10:05):
I want you to journal and ask God for wisdom on how to keep pushing through
or how to be more vocal about what it is that you need.
Or ask for the child to be removed.
Or ask for additional services for the child. Or ask for help.
There's always an answer.
(10:27):
God will meet you right where you're at. And that's what he's truly done with
me these past few months, watching my girls heal. Oh goodness, all those years.
And it was so hard. My vision never changed.
I knew that they would both experience healing.
And I knew that that healing was on the other side.
(10:48):
So even when I was venting and complaining to other people and overwhelmed with
where they were at emotionally, I knew there was going to eventually be healing.
I had full confidence in that. I didn't know when, and I was hopeful that it
was on this side of heaven, but I knew it was coming.
But there was a lot of days that it was really, really, really, really hard.
(11:11):
And I had to keep pushing through. And I didn't have the strength on my own.
Something that I struggle with so much is anxiety.
I don't know if any of you guys have seen that movie Inside Out 2,
that little orange guy with the frazzled hair anxiety.
Oh my goodness. That movie was so overwhelming to me because that,
(11:34):
I don't know if he's a guy or a girl, I'm not sure. I always call him the orange haired guy.
But I 100% connected with that person because I do spiral in my mind.
I do get emotionally overwhelmed.
I do try and create all the different plans.
I do try and control things so that it somehow will turn out the way that I thought of it in my mind.
(12:01):
But here's the one thing that God's been revealing to me, is that I can't be
anxious and feel anxiety and trust in him at the same time.
They don't operate together.
God is not anxiety. God is the opposite.
He is peace and and calming and nurturing and loving.
I spent so many years as a foster parent living in that place of anxiety and
(12:25):
emotional overwhelm because I was trying to control everything.
This podcast went through a phase where it was so hard because I'm needing to share my heart.
And sometimes when you're sharing your heart about hard things,
it's easier to just control them and say, you know what?
I don't want to do that anymore. But just as you are.
Have been called to be a foster parent or an adoptive parent every day is not
(12:48):
going to feel great. You might struggle with anxiety or depression.
Why is it taking so long to find the perfect child that I believe God has chosen
for me? Why is it taking years?
Why am I getting children that are so hard and pushing me outside of my emotional limits?
Because God might be trying to refine you. I know he has been trying to refine
(13:09):
me so much, and I feel like there are so many out there of you right now that he is working to refine,
maybe heal our broken heart, heal those wounds that we have.
I don't know what the connection might be, but I truly feel like there's a lot
of us foster parents, previous foster parents, adoptive parents,
we were led to become foster or adoptive parents because of wounds that we have
(13:34):
in our own heart, because of natural giftings that God gave us.
You are not here by accident.
You are called here for a very important purpose.
And in those moments where you feel lost, overwhelmed, or anxious,
like I struggle with myself, that is where I want you to remind yourself that
these qualities that I am experiencing right now are feelings.
(13:58):
And feelings aren't facts.
They are just emotions I am feeling. And then I want you to ask yourself, are they of God?
Because I know that's something that I'm doing a lot recently,
is asking myself, does this anxiety and this emotional overwhelm resonate with the character of God?
And if it doesn't, then I want you to remember that it is directly straight from the enemy.
(14:21):
He is trying to destroy you, distract you, destroy everything that God is trying
to build and develop in your life and in your heart.
And you can even just simply Google a Bible verse about anxiety.
Google a Bible verse about depression. Google a Bible verse about emotional
overwhelm. And I promise you, you'll find something. Find a song that you love.
(14:42):
There's an amazing song that brings me so much peace. And I can't remember the artist's name.
I will link it in the show notes, but it's Counting My Blessings.
And it's truly about being thankful for every single thing that God has done in your life.
Looking at every single disappointment that you've had. even
every moment as a foster parent as an adoptive parent
(15:03):
that was hard and saying thank you and being at a place of gratitude because
you are living the life right now that you prayed for before I just want to
say thank you to each of you for being here I'm so excited to continue on with
you and just share so many things that I have learned throughout my foster and adoptive journey,
and I'm truly honored to be sharing it with each of you.
(15:51):
To covered and find a community of like-minded mamas in my private Facebook
group by searching what to expect while fostering and adopting on Facebook.
Music.
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