April 21, 2024 • 28 mins
An episode for the artists, creatives and solo entrepreneurs out there who get bogged down by the idea of having to *do it all* all by your lonesome.
You've got other unseen forces up in your corner, who have your back, who are gassing you up and have secret lil intel to support your vision and work.
Call them your guides, the angels, God, call them the indwelling consciousness of your projects and your art.
Whoever they are, go talk to them, ok?? Momentum gathers rapidly when you enlist the *whatelseness* of reality as your collaborator.
Enjoy 🤍🦋
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Big thanks to Ben Coleman for composing our theme music, and Gavin Bernard for vocals
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music.
(00:40):
Hey y'all, welcome back to the show. Sweaty Witch Gang, here we are.
I'm gonna just jump right to it. We're gonna make this hot, quick, and delicious.
I have a strong... I don't want to say it's a truth.
It's a truth according to me that I'm discovering, but it's a bold proclamation that I want to make.
(01:01):
And then I want to zoom out and tell you the dang story of what happened to
me this morning that is revealing this lowercase t truth to me and to my body.
Now, I am dialing in to you from a hotel room in Savannah, Georgia.
And this morning, I'm here by myself for a work thing. And I got up this morning
(01:25):
and went to the Bonaventure Cemetery.
This very cool, old, spooky dookie
like just spanish moss soaked dripping glen of death it's so beautiful it's
right on the river and i was walking around and had this overwhelming sensation,
(01:50):
this like clarity of the bold proclamation that is something that i have known
before but just just like felt a little bit more like a lightning bolt this morning, which is we,
you and me, all of us little chicken heads out here acting like we are solo
people running around trying to organize our lives by ourselves.
(02:12):
We actually get to collaborate with the spirit of all things,
not just people, not just animals, not just things that are socially acceptable
to have a an inner spirit and an inner consciousness,
but like the marrow juiciness of consciousness that flows through everything.
(02:38):
And not even just like, oh yeah, plants have consciousness, trees have consciousness.
Circumstances have a consciousness. Your ideas have a consciousness.
Your projects, your environments, like space, these different spaces that you move through.
(03:00):
Cities have a consciousness, this like this indwelling spirit that has its own
texture and timbre and flavor.
And it's like just hanging out, waiting for us to like get with the program and collaborate,
(03:20):
if it is our wish, with these indwelling spirits of the world.
It feels like a very animist perspective on the world that there is this like
ribbon and wave of consciousness flowing through all of the unseen,
the seen and unseen world. old.
(03:40):
And y'all, I got kind of gobsmacked with this this morning because I,
okay, so I lead this workshop called Grief Threads.
Some of you may be familiar with it. It is a beautiful, delicious beast of a workshop.
I lead it usually once or twice a year.
(04:02):
And it's, it is a space in which we learn and explore quilting,
textiles, sewing practices, all for the purpose of processing our grief experiences.
It's magical. It's fucking magical. It's so unpredictable where we go,
(04:27):
where the flow flows with the specific collage of people who show up, right?
But it's intimate and it's over, you know, five weeks.
So it can be energetically costly for me if I don't facilitate it when I'm in
(04:48):
like like, the right space for it.
And it's been about a year since I facilitated this practice, this workshop.
And the first thing that feels really important in terms of this,
like, talking to the consciousness of all things is, like, I recognize that
grief threads came to me several years ago.
(05:09):
It's like, it felt like a channeled offering.
It's like, came from somewhere else and delivered to me in my little workspace of my inner self.
And I really don't have the experience of like my workshop that I made up in
my big, beautiful brain because I'm so freaking smart.
(05:33):
And like, don't you want to come take my workshop that I made up?
Right? I feel like a groundskeeper, like a steward and doula for this experience
that came into the world that wants to have other people go through the experience.
And I'm like the guide in the front of the boat that's like taking people across
(05:58):
the river where they need to go.
And so that really feels like the first piece. I just felt very aware from the beginning.
It's like, oh, Grief Threads wants to come through me it wants
to have its way with me it wants to show me who it
is and I very much have the
experience like every time I teach it it's it's totally
different it's totally different and it's like like a
(06:20):
fine wine that like
the flavor changes as the air
and the oxygen like do its little dance with the tannins and the stuff like
it just keeps changing and showing more things to me slowly over time about
who it is and who it wants to be and how it wants to engage with people.
(06:45):
Okay, so there's all that. The other piece
of it is that when it
comes to being an artist who like
has to market their stuff and things
so that I can make thy living as an artist you know sometimes I can really be
in the place of like oh yeah I can like just like flip the script on marketing
(07:10):
and not have such a predictably adversarial relationship as a creative person and as an artist.
But sometimes, so sometimes I can get in the flow and be like,
marketing is kind of an art form too. This is fun. It's just storytelling.
So that can be true. And what is also true alongside of that for me is that
it's like, I get into this place of like, I'm a solo entrepreneur and I'm just
(07:35):
doing this all by myself.
And I've got to like come up with all the graphics. I've got to reach out to the people.
I've got to like be posting for consistency and, you know, just feeling like
there's such an enormous weight and there's so much to do as a solo person and
(07:56):
you've got to be responsible for all of the stuff and things.
And what if, dear God, nobody fucking signs up?
Nobody wants to come to your cute, cool workshop event offering.
Nobody wants to buy your pottery. nobody cares about
the little earrings that you made and you put on your etsy shop
(08:17):
and it took you so long to like get get
the cojones to like put load the pictures
onto the etsy shop and and then
oh my god even worse like what if
you are visible like with
nobody signing up right so it's one thing to like
internally on the back and be like well shit nobody's signed
(08:40):
up for the thing nobody's buying the thing but then
it's like a whole other beast to like publicly be
invisible to like publicly receive
crickets not to mention
the fact that like you're not being poured into financially so that you can
(09:01):
continue making your gorgeous bespoke e-book earring collection out of melted
Legos from your childhood collection.
And it's your whole process of, you know, re-parenting yourself and working
through your childhood trauma. And these earrings are really freaking special because of that.
And so it just starts to feel like a lot. It starts to feel like a lot to carry by yourself.
(09:27):
And that there's this like grabby desperation inspiration, energy that can like
creep in to be like, I've got these earrings are super important.
I've got to tell the people, maybe I just need to climb up to a higher rooftop
to shout it into the void.
If nobody heard me the first time, I just need to keep climbing and scrabbling up to a taller parapet.
(09:52):
And then maybe the people will hear me.
These are some of the things that sort of, like, swirl in the background for
me as a solo artist person,
who both, like, needs to butter my bread with the things that come into my consciousness,
(10:12):
the offerings, the projects,
the events, the workshops, and also as the, like, humble caretaker and,
like, groundskeeper of these beings.
Like, again, like, these, like, workshop as being, workshop as having an inner
life force that I feel like, oh, my God, I can't let this thing down.
(10:38):
I want to, like, really give it my all, right?
And so what happened, dear listener, this morning at the cemetery in Savannah
with the drippy Spanish moss,
is i had this feeling
like i needed to in my mind it was being it was called a commitment ceremony
(11:01):
like i needed to recommit because it has been a year since i've led this workshop
and i was like i feel like i want to make a like i want to leave a little offering
in this cemetery to grief threats,
to the spirit of grief threats, to the spirits of the muses who help bring about,
(11:22):
this workshop from the beginning, middle, and end.
And I want to like recommit to this practice and not like pussyfoot around,
not half-ass it, just and not get bogged down.
Because I think the potential of feeling like sad and alone creates this friction
(11:43):
on the threshold to be like, God, maybe I'll do it next month.
Maybe I'll do it next month. Maybe I'll do it next month.
And yeah, so like energetically, there's like a holding of the thing at arm's
distance because I don't want to get burned by the putting myself out there-ness.
(12:04):
Of the efforting, right? So this is, I was calling it like a commitment ceremony, right?
And I had some, you know, just dig in. And this is the way, y'all,
this is the way the spontaneous rituals and ceremony go down for me.
I rummage around in my bag, see what I got.
(12:24):
Usually it's some fun little trinky dinkies rattling around in there.
And I did come a little prepared. I had, had when I left town.
I was like, I feel like I'm going to be up to some witch shit and I need to
just, I'm not quite sure what the shape of it is, but I'm going to need a couple
of sparkly, robust trinkets from my house.
And so I had like a couple of stones and rocks.
(12:48):
I had like an old pin, like brooch, broochy pin that came from my aunt.
And I've had for a long time. I've never actually worn it, but it is just like really striking.
It looks like this kind of like gold firework burst with these fun little lavendery beads on the end.
I had a scrap of some fabric from a shirt of my dad's who has since passed.
(13:17):
And I had a little scrap of fabric of, I taught Gavin how to applique two pieces of fabric together.
And so I had his like little demo and some matches from a bar in Atlanta were in my purse.
And anyways, I just had a couple of things with me and found this like weird
crystal salt dish that was like in the back of my car.
(13:41):
And walking around, I found, I just like found this really cool little corner
of the cemetery and I was a bench near it and it wasn't like in any particular family's gravesite.
And so I sat down at the bench and just started talking out loud to myself with
(14:02):
the understanding that I'm actually,
I'm conjuring and I'm inviting forward the guides who I know look after me, the angels,
the entities, the unseen beloveds who are with me and conspiring with me constantly.
I talk to them all of the time, all of the time.
(14:26):
And I'm chatting them up. I'm being like, hey, yo, what's going on?
Y'all want to pull up? I want to talk to the spirit of grief threads.
And I don't think I thought this in the moment, but now it's kind of coming
into focus as I'm talking to you now.
Just like it sort of feels like they're like, oh, okay, word.
Yeah, let me patch them in.
Let me put them on the line. Like you remember, not you remember,
(14:48):
probably this is not an actual lived memory.
You know when you've seen on TV or in movies, I'm like thinking of, is it Mad Men or Mrs.
Maisel? like these big call centers where
these like this this huge wall of
like wires that have to get patched into different
holes to like direct your call it's
(15:11):
like these like 50s 1950s like call centers right so i'm imagining that like
my guides my beings my spirit homies are like oh word you want to talk to so
and so the spirit of this being this entity cool let me patch you through Beep,
boop, boop, ba-dee-doop, doop, doop.
And so I called forth for the spirit, the inner consciousness thread of grief threads.
(15:38):
And I'm like, yo, okay, like, let's do this.
I want you to know that I'm no longer participating in a half-hearted way.
I'm no longer participating in a half-assed, pussy-footing around,
like, one foot in, one foot on the sideline.
(15:58):
I recently heard this interview with Richard Rudd, who channeled the Gene Keys,
and he was on Rick Rubin's podcast.
Wow, double R, triple quartet R.
Rick Rubin, Richard Redd were talking
on a podcast and he was
(16:19):
talking about the 29th gene key which is something that is
strong in my chart and it's about commitment and
that he had heard once this quote that's like if you're 99% committed you're
really just 1% committed like this is the thing about commitment is you're either
all in or you're not Not. In. At all.
(16:44):
And so as I'm making my proclamation to the spirit of grief threads,
and I can feel, I can feel in my body like the sort of tentativeness of like, fuck, okay.
Like, I'm really laying my cards out.
And I'm, I feel more visible to, like, I feel exposed.
(17:04):
That was the feeling of like, I feel like my heart, the center of my heart is exposed.
And like, with with two hands, parting the veil of this, like,
coverage, this, like, curtain-y veil that I've used to protect my heart from
being, I don't know, more seen, more visible.
Like, there's a part of me that's like, well, if I just stay,
(17:25):
like, only halfway visible,
then I can just do it the sort of easy way, or the halfway, or then I won't
run the risk of being seen with nobody signing up for the thing or something.
I'm not even fully sure, but it's protective. It's fully a protective mechanism.
And so I, sitting in the cemetery, like talking out loud to myself like a total
(17:47):
freak in the corner, I could feel my heart space just become very exposed and vulnerable.
But I kept talking and the thing that I heard back, like just sensed and felt
back was like, okay, thank God. Like, now you're asking for help.
(18:07):
Now you're really ready to receive the support,
the blessing, the resourcing of the spirit of this particular workshop,
which, of course, perhaps, as you know by now, I'm just using as an example
(18:28):
of a much larger concept.
Which is like oh my god i
don't have to fucking do this thing alone like if
i'm really stepping forward if i'm really throwing all my cards down and i'm
really committed to the thing that i say i want to do then i can ask then the
(18:49):
spirit of this thing my vision my desire my dream my
project, sees that I'm like a worthy contender, sees that I mean business and I'm.
Like, they can step forward too because I'm not messing around and I'm not going
to be a waste of their time and their energy.
(19:11):
But I don't even know as I'm saying that, I'm like, I don't even know if those
words really apply to this like dimension of energy that I'm speaking about
of wasting Joe Schmoe's time and energy.
I don't really feel like the spirit of grief threads sees me as a potential
waste of their time and energy.
But maybe you... It's just a limit of language here.
(19:35):
Some hotel furniture for you right there.
So I had this feeling that was like,
okay, so I can actually like take a breather and I could trust,
it actually feels like a huge texture and musculature of trust.
(19:56):
It's like, oh, okay, I can actually trust that there
is a like energetic call and response or like an antenna that the spirit of
grief threads can now be responsible for casting out the energetic net that
brings forth the people who are meant to sign up.
(20:20):
And if it's three people or 25 people, I can trust that that is precisely what needed to happen.
And I can tuck my sweet little ego to bed, put my little ego down for a nap.
It's like, well, if only three people sign up, then I'm a loser.
(20:41):
That is, I'm just so bored. I'm so freaking bored by that.
Like, if this, then this. this really i'm
really tired of like collapsing my reality into that
story or versions of that story and instead
i could be like well i put the spirit of grief threads in
charge so that means that i just fully trust that if it's three people it really
(21:06):
fucking needed to be just those three people and the spirit of grief threads
was actually holding the door maybe there were millions Literally millions of
people chomping at the bit,
trying to get in, right? Energetically.
But there's like a barring of the door.
A like no not yetness happening because the
(21:28):
spirit of grief threads knew that those three people needed
a very specific environment in
which to process their specific grief experiences and
that like them three and me together oh it was a holy dance it was a holy quartet
and it only could have been that right and i can let myself off the motherfucking
(21:51):
hook for like not not being good enough, not being cool enough,
not being interesting enough, not being smart enough,
not being savvy enough, not being just an excellent ass marketer.
I could just let myself a little bit off the hook. At the same time,
I can also trust that the spirit of grief threats is going to be like,
boom, with a lightning bolt of inspiration, with a lightning bolt of enthusiasm, like I can,
(22:18):
wait to receive the information that sensorily feels like enthusiasm and inspiration.
Like that I'll get the download and I'll get the memo of like,
okay, make this Canva graphic that goes like boom, boom, boom,
because I saw this thing at the grocery store and it inspired me to talk about
grief threads in this way.
Go ahead and post it. Boom. In the stories, post it.
(22:41):
And then I don't have to get bogged down in the mire of like strategy,
like this lengthy launch strategy for the thing that I could just trust that
like inspiration is this like endless,
endless resource that is flowing to me at all times when I am available to receive
it, when I trust that it will come.
(23:05):
And that I can unclench and ungrip the steering wheel of marketing strategy.
And I can just like wait to receive that good, good, that sauce that my body very much knows.
My body can sense immediately. It's like sniffing out like Pepe Le Pew with
the pie on the windowsill.
(23:26):
I'm just like, I know exactly that somatic feeling of like inspiration and it seizes you, seizes me.
Maybe it seizes you too, if you know what I'm talking about.
Of course you do. You're listening to this podcast. You know what I'm talking about.
(23:46):
Seize, seize, seize, seize. and then
what else is there left to do but just relax
just relax because
i'm like dude you know who's driving this ship not me not me but it's not in
a lazy way it's not in an abdicating of my power way it's like oh i get to just
(24:11):
like have a freaking mocktail and enjoy the scenery
and I trust that we're going exactly
where we need to go and I can go to the captain's
pit and like chat and like kiki and
cuckoo and clink my little glass with
the spirit of grief threads that is driving this
particular ship let me zoom out
(24:34):
some more or the spirit of whatever project whatever
circumstance I feel like this also applies to like emotional
friction or challenges that like
you could you have like a relationship issue
of just like this sticking point that like feels like
it won't budge what is the indwelling spirit of both the relationship itself
(24:57):
of the actual like perpetual challenge that feels so like boggy downy what if
you could go to that spirit and be like,
what's up? Let us chat.
Let us exchange words. Let us exchange questions and answers.
(25:19):
And that you could like get to know, like you're getting to know a new friend
and could get like curious about one another.
Really all for the sake of being reminded that,
we are not so motherfucking alone out here, just, like, needing to figure out
life and make these decisions about life constantly.
(25:46):
And, like, even for my skeptics out there, like...
It's just more fun. It's honestly just way more fun to move through the world
with this like creative, dynamic,
super imaginative, animist perspective that also just feels very childlike.
It's just like returning to your four-year-old brain that's like,
(26:08):
oh yeah, the light talks and the coffee maker talks and the water bottle talks,
the water inside the water bottle talks.
Rocks oh look the floor is talking the pillow is talking the moon is talking
the sun is talking all of the plants are definitely talking the birds are 100%
talking everything has the capacity and desire to communicate with us and it's
(26:32):
like a hell of a lot more interesting,
than this sort of boring vanilla striving and solo ambition project that we've been programmed
to do as little solo ding-dongs flopping around okay i'm gonna go do my work
(26:55):
thing now which by the way is really cute it's i'm emceeing a teen poetry competition,
i just love them so much they're so perfect and cute and nervous okay so i'm
gonna go do that Love you so much. Bye. See me, you saw.
(27:17):
Music.
Music.
(00:40):
Hey y'all, welcome back to the show. Sweaty Witch Gang, here we are.
I'm gonna just jump right to it. We're gonna make this hot, quick, and delicious.
I have a strong... I don't want to say it's a truth.
It's a truth according to me that I'm discovering, but it's a bold proclamation that I want to make.
(01:01):
And then I want to zoom out and tell you the dang story of what happened to
me this morning that is revealing this lowercase t truth to me and to my body.
Now, I am dialing in to you from a hotel room in Savannah, Georgia.
And this morning, I'm here by myself for a work thing. And I got up this morning
(01:25):
and went to the Bonaventure Cemetery.
This very cool, old, spooky dookie
like just spanish moss soaked dripping glen of death it's so beautiful it's
right on the river and i was walking around and had this overwhelming sensation,
(01:50):
this like clarity of the bold proclamation that is something that i have known
before but just just like felt a little bit more like a lightning bolt this morning, which is we,
you and me, all of us little chicken heads out here acting like we are solo
people running around trying to organize our lives by ourselves.
(02:12):
We actually get to collaborate with the spirit of all things,
not just people, not just animals, not just things that are socially acceptable
to have a an inner spirit and an inner consciousness,
but like the marrow juiciness of consciousness that flows through everything.
(02:38):
And not even just like, oh yeah, plants have consciousness, trees have consciousness.
Circumstances have a consciousness. Your ideas have a consciousness.
Your projects, your environments, like space, these different spaces that you move through.
(03:00):
Cities have a consciousness, this like this indwelling spirit that has its own
texture and timbre and flavor.
And it's like just hanging out, waiting for us to like get with the program and collaborate,
(03:20):
if it is our wish, with these indwelling spirits of the world.
It feels like a very animist perspective on the world that there is this like
ribbon and wave of consciousness flowing through all of the unseen,
the seen and unseen world. old.
(03:40):
And y'all, I got kind of gobsmacked with this this morning because I,
okay, so I lead this workshop called Grief Threads.
Some of you may be familiar with it. It is a beautiful, delicious beast of a workshop.
I lead it usually once or twice a year.
(04:02):
And it's, it is a space in which we learn and explore quilting,
textiles, sewing practices, all for the purpose of processing our grief experiences.
It's magical. It's fucking magical. It's so unpredictable where we go,
(04:27):
where the flow flows with the specific collage of people who show up, right?
But it's intimate and it's over, you know, five weeks.
So it can be energetically costly for me if I don't facilitate it when I'm in
(04:48):
like like, the right space for it.
And it's been about a year since I facilitated this practice, this workshop.
And the first thing that feels really important in terms of this,
like, talking to the consciousness of all things is, like, I recognize that
grief threads came to me several years ago.
(05:09):
It's like, it felt like a channeled offering.
It's like, came from somewhere else and delivered to me in my little workspace of my inner self.
And I really don't have the experience of like my workshop that I made up in
my big, beautiful brain because I'm so freaking smart.
(05:33):
And like, don't you want to come take my workshop that I made up?
Right? I feel like a groundskeeper, like a steward and doula for this experience
that came into the world that wants to have other people go through the experience.
And I'm like the guide in the front of the boat that's like taking people across
(05:58):
the river where they need to go.
And so that really feels like the first piece. I just felt very aware from the beginning.
It's like, oh, Grief Threads wants to come through me it wants
to have its way with me it wants to show me who it
is and I very much have the
experience like every time I teach it it's it's totally
different it's totally different and it's like like a
(06:20):
fine wine that like
the flavor changes as the air
and the oxygen like do its little dance with the tannins and the stuff like
it just keeps changing and showing more things to me slowly over time about
who it is and who it wants to be and how it wants to engage with people.
(06:45):
Okay, so there's all that. The other piece
of it is that when it
comes to being an artist who like
has to market their stuff and things
so that I can make thy living as an artist you know sometimes I can really be
in the place of like oh yeah I can like just like flip the script on marketing
(07:10):
and not have such a predictably adversarial relationship as a creative person and as an artist.
But sometimes, so sometimes I can get in the flow and be like,
marketing is kind of an art form too. This is fun. It's just storytelling.
So that can be true. And what is also true alongside of that for me is that
it's like, I get into this place of like, I'm a solo entrepreneur and I'm just
(07:35):
doing this all by myself.
And I've got to like come up with all the graphics. I've got to reach out to the people.
I've got to like be posting for consistency and, you know, just feeling like
there's such an enormous weight and there's so much to do as a solo person and
(07:56):
you've got to be responsible for all of the stuff and things.
And what if, dear God, nobody fucking signs up?
Nobody wants to come to your cute, cool workshop event offering.
Nobody wants to buy your pottery. nobody cares about
the little earrings that you made and you put on your etsy shop
(08:17):
and it took you so long to like get get
the cojones to like put load the pictures
onto the etsy shop and and then
oh my god even worse like what if
you are visible like with
nobody signing up right so it's one thing to like
internally on the back and be like well shit nobody's signed
(08:40):
up for the thing nobody's buying the thing but then
it's like a whole other beast to like publicly be
invisible to like publicly receive
crickets not to mention
the fact that like you're not being poured into financially so that you can
(09:01):
continue making your gorgeous bespoke e-book earring collection out of melted
Legos from your childhood collection.
And it's your whole process of, you know, re-parenting yourself and working
through your childhood trauma. And these earrings are really freaking special because of that.
And so it just starts to feel like a lot. It starts to feel like a lot to carry by yourself.
(09:27):
And that there's this like grabby desperation inspiration, energy that can like
creep in to be like, I've got these earrings are super important.
I've got to tell the people, maybe I just need to climb up to a higher rooftop
to shout it into the void.
If nobody heard me the first time, I just need to keep climbing and scrabbling up to a taller parapet.
(09:52):
And then maybe the people will hear me.
These are some of the things that sort of, like, swirl in the background for
me as a solo artist person,
who both, like, needs to butter my bread with the things that come into my consciousness,
(10:12):
the offerings, the projects,
the events, the workshops, and also as the, like, humble caretaker and,
like, groundskeeper of these beings.
Like, again, like, these, like, workshop as being, workshop as having an inner
life force that I feel like, oh, my God, I can't let this thing down.
(10:38):
I want to, like, really give it my all, right?
And so what happened, dear listener, this morning at the cemetery in Savannah
with the drippy Spanish moss,
is i had this feeling
like i needed to in my mind it was being it was called a commitment ceremony
(11:01):
like i needed to recommit because it has been a year since i've led this workshop
and i was like i feel like i want to make a like i want to leave a little offering
in this cemetery to grief threats,
to the spirit of grief threats, to the spirits of the muses who help bring about,
(11:22):
this workshop from the beginning, middle, and end.
And I want to like recommit to this practice and not like pussyfoot around,
not half-ass it, just and not get bogged down.
Because I think the potential of feeling like sad and alone creates this friction
(11:43):
on the threshold to be like, God, maybe I'll do it next month.
Maybe I'll do it next month. Maybe I'll do it next month.
And yeah, so like energetically, there's like a holding of the thing at arm's
distance because I don't want to get burned by the putting myself out there-ness.
(12:04):
Of the efforting, right? So this is, I was calling it like a commitment ceremony, right?
And I had some, you know, just dig in. And this is the way, y'all,
this is the way the spontaneous rituals and ceremony go down for me.
I rummage around in my bag, see what I got.
(12:24):
Usually it's some fun little trinky dinkies rattling around in there.
And I did come a little prepared. I had, had when I left town.
I was like, I feel like I'm going to be up to some witch shit and I need to
just, I'm not quite sure what the shape of it is, but I'm going to need a couple
of sparkly, robust trinkets from my house.
And so I had like a couple of stones and rocks.
(12:48):
I had like an old pin, like brooch, broochy pin that came from my aunt.
And I've had for a long time. I've never actually worn it, but it is just like really striking.
It looks like this kind of like gold firework burst with these fun little lavendery beads on the end.
I had a scrap of some fabric from a shirt of my dad's who has since passed.
(13:17):
And I had a little scrap of fabric of, I taught Gavin how to applique two pieces of fabric together.
And so I had his like little demo and some matches from a bar in Atlanta were in my purse.
And anyways, I just had a couple of things with me and found this like weird
crystal salt dish that was like in the back of my car.
(13:41):
And walking around, I found, I just like found this really cool little corner
of the cemetery and I was a bench near it and it wasn't like in any particular family's gravesite.
And so I sat down at the bench and just started talking out loud to myself with
(14:02):
the understanding that I'm actually,
I'm conjuring and I'm inviting forward the guides who I know look after me, the angels,
the entities, the unseen beloveds who are with me and conspiring with me constantly.
I talk to them all of the time, all of the time.
(14:26):
And I'm chatting them up. I'm being like, hey, yo, what's going on?
Y'all want to pull up? I want to talk to the spirit of grief threads.
And I don't think I thought this in the moment, but now it's kind of coming
into focus as I'm talking to you now.
Just like it sort of feels like they're like, oh, okay, word.
Yeah, let me patch them in.
Let me put them on the line. Like you remember, not you remember,
(14:48):
probably this is not an actual lived memory.
You know when you've seen on TV or in movies, I'm like thinking of, is it Mad Men or Mrs.
Maisel? like these big call centers where
these like this this huge wall of
like wires that have to get patched into different
holes to like direct your call it's
(15:11):
like these like 50s 1950s like call centers right so i'm imagining that like
my guides my beings my spirit homies are like oh word you want to talk to so
and so the spirit of this being this entity cool let me patch you through Beep,
boop, boop, ba-dee-doop, doop, doop.
And so I called forth for the spirit, the inner consciousness thread of grief threads.
(15:38):
And I'm like, yo, okay, like, let's do this.
I want you to know that I'm no longer participating in a half-hearted way.
I'm no longer participating in a half-assed, pussy-footing around,
like, one foot in, one foot on the sideline.
(15:58):
I recently heard this interview with Richard Rudd, who channeled the Gene Keys,
and he was on Rick Rubin's podcast.
Wow, double R, triple quartet R.
Rick Rubin, Richard Redd were talking
on a podcast and he was
(16:19):
talking about the 29th gene key which is something that is
strong in my chart and it's about commitment and
that he had heard once this quote that's like if you're 99% committed you're
really just 1% committed like this is the thing about commitment is you're either
all in or you're not Not. In. At all.
(16:44):
And so as I'm making my proclamation to the spirit of grief threads,
and I can feel, I can feel in my body like the sort of tentativeness of like, fuck, okay.
Like, I'm really laying my cards out.
And I'm, I feel more visible to, like, I feel exposed.
(17:04):
That was the feeling of like, I feel like my heart, the center of my heart is exposed.
And like, with with two hands, parting the veil of this, like,
coverage, this, like, curtain-y veil that I've used to protect my heart from
being, I don't know, more seen, more visible.
Like, there's a part of me that's like, well, if I just stay,
(17:25):
like, only halfway visible,
then I can just do it the sort of easy way, or the halfway, or then I won't
run the risk of being seen with nobody signing up for the thing or something.
I'm not even fully sure, but it's protective. It's fully a protective mechanism.
And so I, sitting in the cemetery, like talking out loud to myself like a total
(17:47):
freak in the corner, I could feel my heart space just become very exposed and vulnerable.
But I kept talking and the thing that I heard back, like just sensed and felt
back was like, okay, thank God. Like, now you're asking for help.
(18:07):
Now you're really ready to receive the support,
the blessing, the resourcing of the spirit of this particular workshop,
which, of course, perhaps, as you know by now, I'm just using as an example
(18:28):
of a much larger concept.
Which is like oh my god i
don't have to fucking do this thing alone like if
i'm really stepping forward if i'm really throwing all my cards down and i'm
really committed to the thing that i say i want to do then i can ask then the
(18:49):
spirit of this thing my vision my desire my dream my
project, sees that I'm like a worthy contender, sees that I mean business and I'm.
Like, they can step forward too because I'm not messing around and I'm not going
to be a waste of their time and their energy.
(19:11):
But I don't even know as I'm saying that, I'm like, I don't even know if those
words really apply to this like dimension of energy that I'm speaking about
of wasting Joe Schmoe's time and energy.
I don't really feel like the spirit of grief threads sees me as a potential
waste of their time and energy.
But maybe you... It's just a limit of language here.
(19:35):
Some hotel furniture for you right there.
So I had this feeling that was like,
okay, so I can actually like take a breather and I could trust,
it actually feels like a huge texture and musculature of trust.
(19:56):
It's like, oh, okay, I can actually trust that there
is a like energetic call and response or like an antenna that the spirit of
grief threads can now be responsible for casting out the energetic net that
brings forth the people who are meant to sign up.
(20:20):
And if it's three people or 25 people, I can trust that that is precisely what needed to happen.
And I can tuck my sweet little ego to bed, put my little ego down for a nap.
It's like, well, if only three people sign up, then I'm a loser.
(20:41):
That is, I'm just so bored. I'm so freaking bored by that.
Like, if this, then this. this really i'm
really tired of like collapsing my reality into that
story or versions of that story and instead
i could be like well i put the spirit of grief threads in
charge so that means that i just fully trust that if it's three people it really
(21:06):
fucking needed to be just those three people and the spirit of grief threads
was actually holding the door maybe there were millions Literally millions of
people chomping at the bit,
trying to get in, right? Energetically.
But there's like a barring of the door.
A like no not yetness happening because the
(21:28):
spirit of grief threads knew that those three people needed
a very specific environment in
which to process their specific grief experiences and
that like them three and me together oh it was a holy dance it was a holy quartet
and it only could have been that right and i can let myself off the motherfucking
(21:51):
hook for like not not being good enough, not being cool enough,
not being interesting enough, not being smart enough,
not being savvy enough, not being just an excellent ass marketer.
I could just let myself a little bit off the hook. At the same time,
I can also trust that the spirit of grief threats is going to be like,
boom, with a lightning bolt of inspiration, with a lightning bolt of enthusiasm, like I can,
(22:18):
wait to receive the information that sensorily feels like enthusiasm and inspiration.
Like that I'll get the download and I'll get the memo of like,
okay, make this Canva graphic that goes like boom, boom, boom,
because I saw this thing at the grocery store and it inspired me to talk about
grief threads in this way.
Go ahead and post it. Boom. In the stories, post it.
(22:41):
And then I don't have to get bogged down in the mire of like strategy,
like this lengthy launch strategy for the thing that I could just trust that
like inspiration is this like endless,
endless resource that is flowing to me at all times when I am available to receive
it, when I trust that it will come.
(23:05):
And that I can unclench and ungrip the steering wheel of marketing strategy.
And I can just like wait to receive that good, good, that sauce that my body very much knows.
My body can sense immediately. It's like sniffing out like Pepe Le Pew with
the pie on the windowsill.
(23:26):
I'm just like, I know exactly that somatic feeling of like inspiration and it seizes you, seizes me.
Maybe it seizes you too, if you know what I'm talking about.
Of course you do. You're listening to this podcast. You know what I'm talking about.
(23:46):
Seize, seize, seize, seize. and then
what else is there left to do but just relax
just relax because
i'm like dude you know who's driving this ship not me not me but it's not in
a lazy way it's not in an abdicating of my power way it's like oh i get to just
(24:11):
like have a freaking mocktail and enjoy the scenery
and I trust that we're going exactly
where we need to go and I can go to the captain's
pit and like chat and like kiki and
cuckoo and clink my little glass with
the spirit of grief threads that is driving this
particular ship let me zoom out
(24:34):
some more or the spirit of whatever project whatever
circumstance I feel like this also applies to like emotional
friction or challenges that like
you could you have like a relationship issue
of just like this sticking point that like feels like
it won't budge what is the indwelling spirit of both the relationship itself
(24:57):
of the actual like perpetual challenge that feels so like boggy downy what if
you could go to that spirit and be like,
what's up? Let us chat.
Let us exchange words. Let us exchange questions and answers.
(25:19):
And that you could like get to know, like you're getting to know a new friend
and could get like curious about one another.
Really all for the sake of being reminded that,
we are not so motherfucking alone out here, just, like, needing to figure out
life and make these decisions about life constantly.
(25:46):
And, like, even for my skeptics out there, like...
It's just more fun. It's honestly just way more fun to move through the world
with this like creative, dynamic,
super imaginative, animist perspective that also just feels very childlike.
It's just like returning to your four-year-old brain that's like,
(26:08):
oh yeah, the light talks and the coffee maker talks and the water bottle talks,
the water inside the water bottle talks.
Rocks oh look the floor is talking the pillow is talking the moon is talking
the sun is talking all of the plants are definitely talking the birds are 100%
talking everything has the capacity and desire to communicate with us and it's
(26:32):
like a hell of a lot more interesting,
than this sort of boring vanilla striving and solo ambition project that we've been programmed
to do as little solo ding-dongs flopping around okay i'm gonna go do my work
(26:55):
thing now which by the way is really cute it's i'm emceeing a teen poetry competition,
i just love them so much they're so perfect and cute and nervous okay so i'm
gonna go do that Love you so much. Bye. See me, you saw.
(27:17):
Music.
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