November 12, 2024 • 26 mins
We're back baby!! :)
In this episode, I cover:
- Why I took a break from the podcast for a few months
- How my heart has shifted during this time
- Why my old episodes are no longer available
- What you can expect from the pod moving forward & who it's for!
A lot has changed, but one thing is always gonna be the same around here: whatever you're wrestling with, you are not alone <3
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
We are all wrestling with something.
Whether you're wrestling with your selfimage, your faith in God, or your entire
life's purpose, I'm here to tell you thatnumber one, you are not alone, and number
two, to encourage you to find both beautyand purpose in the midst of your struggle.
My name is Emled and this isthe Wrestling With Life podcast.
(00:24):
Hello beautiful people and welcometo the Wrestling With Life podcast.
My name is Emled.
I am your host and I'll justbe so for real with you guys.
This is like the 20th time thatI've tried to record this episode.
And every single time I just reallystruggle to put into words what is going
(00:44):
on and what God has done in my life.
If you're brand new to the podcast,this is probably going to look like
the very first episode that I've everrecorded, but it's actually like the
62nd or the 63rd or something like that.
I was running the podcast for alittle bit over a year and I was
like 60 plus episodes deep and I'vebeen on like a two to three month
(01:08):
break at this point from podcasting.
I took a little breakfrom social media too.
And what I would really like to dowith this I'm going to try to keep
it a little bit concise and short andsweet to just kind of sum up what the
podcast is going to be, why you shouldtune in and what it's going to look
like moving forward and just explainto you why I'm making these changes and
(01:29):
what God has done in my life and whatbrought us to this moment right here.
Okay.
And listen, a lot has gone on,a lot has happened and changed,
and I'm going to try to keep itshort and sweet in this episode.
And then in later episodes, I'd love todive in and give you guys more detail.
Okay?
So I guess where I'm really struggling toknow how to start this is some of you have
(01:49):
been listening to this podcast for a yearand for some of you, you've never met me.
So you're like, I have no ideawho you are, MLED, and I have no
idea what your podcast is aboutor why I should listen to you.
So I feel like I just want to startby introducing myself and giving
you guys an idea of who you'retalking to and kind of who I am.
So my name is Emled.
(02:10):
That's my nickname that I got whenI was in high school and college.
My real name is Emily.
My last name is Ledbetter.
So we got Emled.
And I go by Emled withall of my closest friends.
Just kind of rolls offthe tongue, you know?
I am 27 and I'm living onthe coast of North Carolina.
I just moved here a few months ago and mylife has totally not been the same since.
(02:34):
Um, I'm super active.
I love playing soccer andrunning and playing pickleball
and I am so competitive.
Anybody that knows me knows that I willabsolutely dust them in a foot race.
or pickleball or on the soccerfield, you name it, I will beat you.
I hate losing.
I don't like to lose.
And honestly, me and losing justdon't really go in the same sentence.
(02:55):
And I know that's cocky.
Deal with it.
I will beat you, OK?
I will beat you.
So I love to compete.
I have my entire life.
And now as I'm 27 years old, youknow, long gone are the days of
high school and college sports.
I played college soccer and nowI'm like full on in my career
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and I'm a business woman.
Okay.
So I work in marketing.
I'm in the business world.
I work that nine to five and I wasrunning wrestling with life for
the past year, kind of on the side.
And the whole reason that I everstarted this podcast wrestling with
life was because in pretty much 2020when the pandemic hit, right, things
(03:38):
kind of started to go downhill forme in my life, I lost some people
that I loved a lot from my life.
I went through some difficulttimes with my mental health.
I got laid off from my first job outof school, and I was confronted with
problems and issues that I've never hadto experience in my life before, right?
So at that time, I got intotherapy at the tail end of 2022.
(04:02):
And in those next few months,I was learning so much stuff
about how to deal with trauma.
Because the pandemic, honestly,all of us went through it.
It was traumatic for us.
We've never been through anything likethat in this, in this time, right?
In this decade, in this age.
And I also had, you know, comefrom school and was in the working
(04:24):
world and in a big life transition,like I said, lost some people.
And so I was in therapy learninghow to process all of that.
And after learning all this stuff andmaking all these crazy improvements
in therapy, I was like, holy crap,I got to share this with the world.
I got to share this with otherpeople because I saw how valuable
(04:44):
that information was to me.
And that's why I startedWrestling With Life.
And during the podcast for the lastyear, we were covering topics like how
to stop being a people pleaser and howto put your foot down and set boundaries,
how to create a life that you love,how to be your authentic self, how to
create routines and habits and, and justcreate a life that you're so proud of.
(05:08):
And honestly, that's what I did forthe last year, is I was so deep, both
feet deep, into the self help world.
I read so many freaking self help books.
I was listening to allthe self help podcasts.
I was in therapy.
I was setting boundaries.
I, I've never been more fit in my life.
I'm eating healthy.
(05:29):
I'm not putting horrible thingsinto my body like I used to.
I'm not doing certain activities that Iused to do, like, I truly built a life
that I was so proud of, and every singletime that I got on the microphone to
tell y'all about it, I really thoughtI was handing you the cheat code on
how to replicate that in your life.
(05:51):
Until, when I moved to North Carolinaabout three months ago, I was just
confronted with the fact that I feltlike I was doing everything perfectly.
I felt like I was doing everythingthat I was supposed to do to have
this life that I was so proud of.
And I was so proud of it.
Like I looked at it and I'm like,okay, so my job's going great.
(06:13):
I have this podcast,Side Hustle, on the side.
I have a great spot.
system, a great family.
I have all these greatthings going for me.
Um, I'm fit, I'm healthy, I'm active.
Like, I have no reason to feel superanxious, but I felt anxious all the time.
Like, when my head would hitthe pillow at night, my mind
(06:34):
would just start going, dude.
Like, I would start combing through.
All of the things that I could bedoing better, like beating myself
up for not being perfect, holdingmyself to this unattainable standard,
and that was a lot of the time.
And there were some times where theself help y stuff did really work
and I would have a banger therapysession with my therapist and I
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would feel on top of the moon.
Or I would do a perfect morningroutine and have a great day at
work, a great productive day.
And then I would go for a killerworkout after that, and then I would
spend time with my friends, andlike, I would have the perfect day
and everything would be going great.
And then I would coast off those likelittle highs that those things would give
me, but then I almost always returned.
(07:18):
to this place of anxiety andthis feeling of not enoughness.
And so when I moved to North Carolina, Ikind of thought that was going to be like
the final, okay, you've just been havinga lot of anxiety leading up to moving.
You know, I had been in Ohiofor five years before that.
And I thought, okay, like once I move.
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All this anxiety, all thisbuild up is gonna go away.
It took a long time to makethe decision to move here.
I'm like, once I move, we'regonna be golden, right?
That was not the case.
I got here and honestly,things just got worse.
Like, my world was justfeeling really dark.
I was crying a lot.
I felt really lonely.
I felt really disconnectedfrom my entire support system,
(08:03):
obviously, because I moved.
And I vividly remember getting on myknees in my living room, bawling my eyes
out, and I just cried out to God, and Iwas like, God, why do I feel like this?
Like, I am doing everythingthat I'm supposed to do.
You have blessed me so much.
You have given me such an amazing life.
(08:24):
Why do I feel like this?
Like, I, I literally don't get it, God.
Ever since I just turned my face to Him,the messages that continuously are put
in front of me from sermons that I'velistened to, people that I've talked to,
Bible passages that I've read, podcastsI've listened to, books that I'm reading,
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the message that keeps hitting me overand over and over again is without God
being the center of your world, None ofthis is ever going to feel like enough.
You're never going to feel like enough.
And rather than looking at that feeling ofnot enoughness as a problem to be fixed,
(09:07):
it's actually a truth to be accepted.
I think if we're all being reallyhonest with ourselves, don't we
all feel like we're not enough?
Like, don't all of us spend our entireexistence trying to feel like we're
enough by chasing success, money,relationships, clout, you name it,
(09:27):
recognition, attention, followers.
The list goes on, right?
Whenever any of us are tryingto climb, it's because we're
trying to fill that hole.
It's the same reason why people numband distract and party, you know,
it's like that God sized hole in allof us that we know something's wrong.
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We know we don't feel likewe're enough and so we're always
chasing something else to fill us.
And that's what I didwith the self help world.
I thought all of these thingsthat I was doing was going to
fix that hole and it didn't.
And so when I finally turned my eyesto Jesus, when I finally was brought
(10:10):
to my knees, I was confronted with thetruth that the only way I'm ever going
to feel like I'm enough and feel peaceand not feel this pressure and this
weight all the time is by acknowledgingthat I was never supposed to.
I was never supposed tofeel like I'm enough.
You were never supposed tofeel like you're enough.
(10:32):
Humans.
are not God, we are not God, and everytime that we try to be enough, we try to
feel complete, we are trying to be God,and we try to control everything, and we
don't trust anyone but ourselves, and westart accumulating pride in our heart.
And that's really the biggest thingthat God convicted me of is he was like,
(10:54):
Dude, pride is just running your life.
Like, you think you know better than me.
My relationship with God upuntil this point was so minimal
and almost non existent.
Like, I just spent so much timewrestling with him and questioning
him and Once I finally just turnedmy face to him and said, Dude,
(11:17):
like, I can't do this without you.
I need you.
Please help me.
That's just when everything changed.
And so the reason why my old episodes areno longer available is because God has
just convicted me that although I thinka lot of my message was good before and
a lot of the tools that I was giving youguys before were helpful and beneficial
(11:41):
in many ways, they're not the answer.
They're not the fix all.
My message before was largely incompletebecause God was never a part of it.
And for me, the closest that I'veever felt to the peace that I crave
so much is when I finally justfell to my knees and humbled myself
(12:01):
before God and said, God, I need you.
I can't do this by myself.
And so I'm going to tell you guys somuch more about my faith journey and
what I've been learning the messagesI've been hearing in later episodes
But I just really wanted to talk to youabout what God has put on my heart to
make this podcast going forward Okay,so if you guys follow my instagram at
(12:26):
em underscore LED 11 I've been postinga ton of pulls, pulls, pulls, pulls.
I've been posting a ton of pulls totry to get y'all's feedback on what
the biggest struggles are that you'rehaving because I have a feeling that this
pride issue that I have is not just me.
(12:47):
I can see it in myself, but I canalso see it in the rest of the world.
And God is really putting GenZ on my heart specifically.
And I don't know about y'all, I'm a 1997baby, so I, I like barely make the cut
for Gen Z. And I want this podcast totarget like pretty much if you're in
the age range of 22 to 35, if you'reworking and you don't have kids yet, okay?
(13:12):
That's who I have in mind to reallyreach with this podcast because I feel
like there is so much untapped potentialin that demographic specifically.
That's what God keeps telling me.
So the polls that I've been posting arefor that age group, that little category.
And the questions I've beenasking you guys are like, Do
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you feel like you have purpose?
Do you feel lonely?
Do you feel peace?
What are the biggestworries on your heart?
What are the things thatyou struggle the most with?
What are your biggest goals?
Like, I'm just trying really hard toget an understanding of what people who
are in a similar phase of life, like me,are feeling up against because Contrary
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to a lot of people out there who reallycrap on Gen Z and only have bad things
to say about Gen Z, millennials, thedigital culture that we live in, right?
I have so much hope and excitementfor our generation because we have
so many skills and things that wecan leverage like knowledge and art.
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wizardry with technology, wecan use that for so much good.
I have been just really leaninginto God, praying to him on what
exactly that is, like how we cando that, and how I can spread hope
to y'all and also find it myself.
Right?
Because I've turned my eyes to Jesus,but that doesn't mean everything
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is sunshine and rainbows, right?
And self growth, selfimprovement, that still continues.
I just want to root itin God going forward.
Does that make sense?
So what I heard y'all say, and I waslooking at your answers to the different
polls, I swear I posted like freaking20 different polls on Instagram.
What I heard you guys say again andagain and again is that over half of us
(15:05):
are really lacking a sense of purpose.
You really, we really don't feel likewe have a solid purpose in our life
or a cause that we're contributing to.
We don't feel like we'remaking an impact, right?
Dude, it was an insane stat.
I think it was like 75 percent of us feellike we're using technology way too much.
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And I am part of that statistic.
I feel like my boundaries withtech are really crappy and I'm
really trying to work on it.
Okay?
We largely just feel soconcerned about money.
So many people are worried about money.
There's so much pressure from the economyand trying to make money and support
ourselves and that makes sense, right?
(15:46):
Because a lot of us are out hereon our own for the first time.
We're not living with mom and dad anymore.
We're navigating the world by ourselves.
We're in entry level jobs.
The paychecks are not alwaysgood, you know what I'm saying?
So we're worried about money.
We're lacking purpose.
And another big theme was a lack ofin person community, and we all know
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with technology, right, a lot of us arespending way more time on our phones,
which can give us the illusion ofbeing plugged in and being connected
without actually being connected.
And so a lot of us are feeling lonely.
A lot of us are feeling like we don'thave a really strong support system.
And a lot of us arewrestling with our faith.
(16:28):
A lot of us are not sure whereGod fits into the picture.
And a lot of us are strugglingwith depression and anxiety and
just feeling the weight and thepressure of the world, okay?
And if that's you, the messageof wrestling with life has
always been, you are not alone.
And that message continues, okay?
That doesn't end right here.
(16:49):
That doesn't end.
So you are not alone.
I have been there.
I spent, I spent a lot of the last fewyears hanging out, feeling anxious,
feeling depressed, feeling confused,feeling like, where do I go from here?
And you're not alonein that feeling, okay?
So I heard you guys.
I hear where you're at and I amreally, really excited because I
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really feel like God has revealedto me the root of this issue for us.
And a lot of this issue, believeit or not, stems from pride.
It's rooted in pride.
It's rooted in not wanting to trustGod, not wanting to trust other
people, wanting to trust ourselves.
We are incredibly focused onourselves in this age bracket, right?
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Especially if we don't have kids,especially if we're working full time.
We're thinking about howcan I climb in my career?
How can I make more money?
Right?
We're not thinking abouta larger purpose a lot.
And that's why I think a lot of us arefeeling the way that we're feeling.
Like technology, money, community, love.
All of these topicsare intertwined, right?
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And there's a common link.
And it's that, that purpose,that trust, that community, love.
It's lacking, largely.
And we're all reallystruggling with pride.
I see it everywhere.
And we don't even need to get intohow social media has played into that.
I think we already know, right?
So again, I'm going to try to keepthis short and sweet and simple.
(18:23):
We're going to talk about how wecan look at the life of Jesus, the
character of Jesus, as inspiration onhow to live and love and give and feel.
Because I look at that man and how helived and I see the peace that he had.
In every single circumstance,he was nailed to a freaking
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cross and that man had peace.
That man knew that he was inthe Lord's will for his life.
That's nuts to me.
That's the kind of peace I want.
I don't know about y'all.
We're all chasing peace, right?
We all just want to really truly feellike we have peace at the end of the day.
That's the overarching marching goal.
And so if you tune into WrestlingWith Life, I am just going to be so
(19:07):
honest and so vulnerable about my ownstruggles with my faith because Dude,
my faith is nowhere near perfect.
I still have a lot of questions about God.
I still have a lot of questionmarks about how it all makes sense,
and I don't think any of us areever going to fully understand the
mystery that is God and Jesus, right?
But I'm going to be so honest becauseI just want it to be so evident and
(19:32):
so apparent that nobody out thereis alone and that these feelings and
these, these struggles and the waythat you're wrestling with life and
yourself, I just want it to be soevident that you're not alone in that.
That's what wrestling with life hasalways been and will continue to be,
but I just really want to bring inthe Lord as a bigger part of this.
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I want to be clear because I knowthere's a lot of people out there
who have a lot of church hurt and alot of issues with religion and God.
God was on a part of my podcastbefore for that exact reason, okay?
I grew up in a very, veryloving Christian home where the
foundation was always Jesus.
But then later in my life, specificallyin 2020, when like political tensions were
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really, really high, I was looking at howChristians were using faith to justify
hatred and oppression towards peoplethat they didn't agree with and didn't
identify with and didn't understand.
And that really, reallyturned me off to Christianity.
And even if you ask me to this day,like, I don't even know that I would
say I'm a Christian because I don'tknow that I want to be part of that
(20:42):
group of people who is now seen as.
some people that spread hate andjudgment and condemn other people.
Like, I don't really want tobe involved in that because I
don't believe in that mission.
What I do believe in is the characterof Jesus, who he was, the way that
he loved, the example that he set.
And I don't know about y'all, but whetheror not you believe in God, I feel like
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that's a pretty good place to start.
There is living proof that that manwalked this earth and did crazy things.
Okay?
So, I'm not here to shovereligion down your throat.
We're not going to be digginginto scripture in this podcast.
We're not going to bedissecting Bible verses.
I'm not here to tell you what'sa sin or what, what's not a sin.
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I'm not here to condemn you.
I'm here to tell you that youare loved, that you're not alone,
and that turning our eyes toJesus is the first step to peace.
Okay.
I'm not interested in being right.
I'm interested in loving other people.
I'm interested in spreading positivity.
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I'm interested in spreading kindness.
And that is what this podcast hasalways been and will continue to be.
It's just going to looka little bit different.
Before, we used to postepisodes every single Tuesday.
And that, to be honest,really burnt your girl out.
That was a lot of commitmentfor me, especially when I'm
working a nine to five, too.
(22:07):
So how it's gonna work going forward isI'd really like to do series, so I will
release a series of maybe like five toten episodes on one topic at a time or
like drip it out over a series of a fewweeks, and then each series will just
kind of come out when I can, and I hatethat I can't give you guys a specific
(22:29):
So date or timeline to expect episodes,but I really feel like that's the way
to move forward with this and not burnmyself out and make sure that anytime
I'm creating and bringing somethingto y'all, that it's, it's divinely
inspired, that I really have somethingto say that I really want to create
and really want to, to say somethingbecause there were times that I would
(22:51):
get on the mic and I'm like, all right,well, what do I talk about this week?
And, um, I just don't really believein enforcing that, and I don't
believe in quantity over quality.
It's so important to me that ifI'm putting any message out into
the world, that it's the rightone, and that it's not forced, and
that it's from God and not from me.
(23:11):
I did want to say, too, really quick.
Thank you so much to every singleguest that I had on my podcast before.
The episodes being gone are not areflection of me not being proud of
the work that I did before or beinggrateful for the people that helped me.
No, I'm so freaking grateful fory'all and I'm so thankful for the
way that so many people, listenersand guests and other people who've
(23:35):
shared the podcast, so grateful forhow all of you have supported me.
It genuinely means the world andI'm so, so, so excited to see what
God will do going forward with this.
I think now that it's in His hands, Ireally believe that this can make an even
deeper impact than I ever could by myselfbecause it's in His strength and His
(23:58):
power and for His glory and not my own.
And I will tell you all about howI have struggled with my pride,
with the podcast, with my work,with just competing in general.
I told you I'm a competitor, y'all.
Like, I hate to lose.
I hate losing.
I hate not being the best.
And that type of pride has causeda lot of suffering in my life and
(24:21):
If you're here, i'm willing to betthat you can relate to that, right?
I'm gonna shut up nowI'm gonna close it out.
Thank you guys so much for tuning in Andget ready for more episodes very soon.
Bye y'all.
Thank you for listening to thewrestling with life podcast.
If this episode sparked something inyour brain or made you think of someone
(24:42):
specific, please share it with them.
Let someone else know that they arenot alone in their struggles today.
And please rate the podcast onwhatever platform you're listening on.
If you're a Spotify listener, you canleave a comment on this episode with
your thoughts on what we covered.
And I want to hear about whatGod is doing in your life.
So tell me.
And if you're hungry for even moreinspirational content just like
(25:04):
this, you can give me a follow onInstagram at EM underscore LED11.
I am always posting polls to get agauge on what everyone is struggling
with out there, sharing everyday littlelife moments, and encouraging all of
us to find both beauty and purposein the midst of our daily struggles.
So come and join in on the good vibes.
(25:25):
And real quick before you go, thisis just a little quick reminder
on what this podcast is not.
Okay?
A Wrestling With Life podcast andany content posted on my channels is
presented solely for informationaland educational purposes.
The use of this information is at yourown risk and should not be substituted
for the advice of a therapist,pastor, or any qualified professional.
(25:49):
If you're struggling with your mentalhealth, please consider seeking
professional help or contacting the988 SUICIDE AND CRISIS lifeline.
Please don't try to getthrough this by yourself, okay?
You are not alone.
We are all wrestling with something.
Whether you're wrestling with your selfimage, your faith in God, or your entire
life's purpose, I'm here to tell you thatnumber one, you are not alone, and number
two, to encourage you to find both beautyand purpose in the midst of your struggle.
My name is Emled and this isthe Wrestling With Life podcast.
(00:24):
Hello beautiful people and welcometo the Wrestling With Life podcast.
My name is Emled.
I am your host and I'll justbe so for real with you guys.
This is like the 20th time thatI've tried to record this episode.
And every single time I just reallystruggle to put into words what is going
(00:44):
on and what God has done in my life.
If you're brand new to the podcast,this is probably going to look like
the very first episode that I've everrecorded, but it's actually like the
62nd or the 63rd or something like that.
I was running the podcast for alittle bit over a year and I was
like 60 plus episodes deep and I'vebeen on like a two to three month
(01:08):
break at this point from podcasting.
I took a little breakfrom social media too.
And what I would really like to dowith this I'm going to try to keep
it a little bit concise and short andsweet to just kind of sum up what the
podcast is going to be, why you shouldtune in and what it's going to look
like moving forward and just explainto you why I'm making these changes and
(01:29):
what God has done in my life and whatbrought us to this moment right here.
Okay.
And listen, a lot has gone on,a lot has happened and changed,
and I'm going to try to keep itshort and sweet in this episode.
And then in later episodes, I'd love todive in and give you guys more detail.
Okay?
So I guess where I'm really struggling toknow how to start this is some of you have
(01:49):
been listening to this podcast for a yearand for some of you, you've never met me.
So you're like, I have no ideawho you are, MLED, and I have no
idea what your podcast is aboutor why I should listen to you.
So I feel like I just want to startby introducing myself and giving
you guys an idea of who you'retalking to and kind of who I am.
So my name is Emled.
(02:10):
That's my nickname that I got whenI was in high school and college.
My real name is Emily.
My last name is Ledbetter.
So we got Emled.
And I go by Emled withall of my closest friends.
Just kind of rolls offthe tongue, you know?
I am 27 and I'm living onthe coast of North Carolina.
I just moved here a few months ago and mylife has totally not been the same since.
(02:34):
Um, I'm super active.
I love playing soccer andrunning and playing pickleball
and I am so competitive.
Anybody that knows me knows that I willabsolutely dust them in a foot race.
or pickleball or on the soccerfield, you name it, I will beat you.
I hate losing.
I don't like to lose.
And honestly, me and losing justdon't really go in the same sentence.
(02:55):
And I know that's cocky.
Deal with it.
I will beat you, OK?
I will beat you.
So I love to compete.
I have my entire life.
And now as I'm 27 years old, youknow, long gone are the days of
high school and college sports.
I played college soccer and nowI'm like full on in my career
(03:16):
and I'm a business woman.
Okay.
So I work in marketing.
I'm in the business world.
I work that nine to five and I wasrunning wrestling with life for
the past year, kind of on the side.
And the whole reason that I everstarted this podcast wrestling with
life was because in pretty much 2020when the pandemic hit, right, things
(03:38):
kind of started to go downhill forme in my life, I lost some people
that I loved a lot from my life.
I went through some difficulttimes with my mental health.
I got laid off from my first job outof school, and I was confronted with
problems and issues that I've never hadto experience in my life before, right?
So at that time, I got intotherapy at the tail end of 2022.
(04:02):
And in those next few months,I was learning so much stuff
about how to deal with trauma.
Because the pandemic, honestly,all of us went through it.
It was traumatic for us.
We've never been through anything likethat in this, in this time, right?
In this decade, in this age.
And I also had, you know, comefrom school and was in the working
(04:24):
world and in a big life transition,like I said, lost some people.
And so I was in therapy learninghow to process all of that.
And after learning all this stuff andmaking all these crazy improvements
in therapy, I was like, holy crap,I got to share this with the world.
I got to share this with otherpeople because I saw how valuable
(04:44):
that information was to me.
And that's why I startedWrestling With Life.
And during the podcast for the lastyear, we were covering topics like how
to stop being a people pleaser and howto put your foot down and set boundaries,
how to create a life that you love,how to be your authentic self, how to
create routines and habits and, and justcreate a life that you're so proud of.
(05:08):
And honestly, that's what I did forthe last year, is I was so deep, both
feet deep, into the self help world.
I read so many freaking self help books.
I was listening to allthe self help podcasts.
I was in therapy.
I was setting boundaries.
I, I've never been more fit in my life.
I'm eating healthy.
(05:29):
I'm not putting horrible thingsinto my body like I used to.
I'm not doing certain activities that Iused to do, like, I truly built a life
that I was so proud of, and every singletime that I got on the microphone to
tell y'all about it, I really thoughtI was handing you the cheat code on
how to replicate that in your life.
(05:51):
Until, when I moved to North Carolinaabout three months ago, I was just
confronted with the fact that I feltlike I was doing everything perfectly.
I felt like I was doing everythingthat I was supposed to do to have
this life that I was so proud of.
And I was so proud of it.
Like I looked at it and I'm like,okay, so my job's going great.
(06:13):
I have this podcast,Side Hustle, on the side.
I have a great spot.
system, a great family.
I have all these greatthings going for me.
Um, I'm fit, I'm healthy, I'm active.
Like, I have no reason to feel superanxious, but I felt anxious all the time.
Like, when my head would hitthe pillow at night, my mind
(06:34):
would just start going, dude.
Like, I would start combing through.
All of the things that I could bedoing better, like beating myself
up for not being perfect, holdingmyself to this unattainable standard,
and that was a lot of the time.
And there were some times where theself help y stuff did really work
and I would have a banger therapysession with my therapist and I
(06:55):
would feel on top of the moon.
Or I would do a perfect morningroutine and have a great day at
work, a great productive day.
And then I would go for a killerworkout after that, and then I would
spend time with my friends, andlike, I would have the perfect day
and everything would be going great.
And then I would coast off those likelittle highs that those things would give
me, but then I almost always returned.
(07:18):
to this place of anxiety andthis feeling of not enoughness.
And so when I moved to North Carolina, Ikind of thought that was going to be like
the final, okay, you've just been havinga lot of anxiety leading up to moving.
You know, I had been in Ohiofor five years before that.
And I thought, okay, like once I move.
(07:39):
All this anxiety, all thisbuild up is gonna go away.
It took a long time to makethe decision to move here.
I'm like, once I move, we'regonna be golden, right?
That was not the case.
I got here and honestly,things just got worse.
Like, my world was justfeeling really dark.
I was crying a lot.
I felt really lonely.
I felt really disconnectedfrom my entire support system,
(08:03):
obviously, because I moved.
And I vividly remember getting on myknees in my living room, bawling my eyes
out, and I just cried out to God, and Iwas like, God, why do I feel like this?
Like, I am doing everythingthat I'm supposed to do.
You have blessed me so much.
You have given me such an amazing life.
(08:24):
Why do I feel like this?
Like, I, I literally don't get it, God.
Ever since I just turned my face to Him,the messages that continuously are put
in front of me from sermons that I'velistened to, people that I've talked to,
Bible passages that I've read, podcastsI've listened to, books that I'm reading,
(08:45):
the message that keeps hitting me overand over and over again is without God
being the center of your world, None ofthis is ever going to feel like enough.
You're never going to feel like enough.
And rather than looking at that feeling ofnot enoughness as a problem to be fixed,
(09:07):
it's actually a truth to be accepted.
I think if we're all being reallyhonest with ourselves, don't we
all feel like we're not enough?
Like, don't all of us spend our entireexistence trying to feel like we're
enough by chasing success, money,relationships, clout, you name it,
(09:27):
recognition, attention, followers.
The list goes on, right?
Whenever any of us are tryingto climb, it's because we're
trying to fill that hole.
It's the same reason why people numband distract and party, you know,
it's like that God sized hole in allof us that we know something's wrong.
(09:49):
We know we don't feel likewe're enough and so we're always
chasing something else to fill us.
And that's what I didwith the self help world.
I thought all of these thingsthat I was doing was going to
fix that hole and it didn't.
And so when I finally turned my eyesto Jesus, when I finally was brought
(10:10):
to my knees, I was confronted with thetruth that the only way I'm ever going
to feel like I'm enough and feel peaceand not feel this pressure and this
weight all the time is by acknowledgingthat I was never supposed to.
I was never supposed tofeel like I'm enough.
You were never supposed tofeel like you're enough.
(10:32):
Humans.
are not God, we are not God, and everytime that we try to be enough, we try to
feel complete, we are trying to be God,and we try to control everything, and we
don't trust anyone but ourselves, and westart accumulating pride in our heart.
And that's really the biggest thingthat God convicted me of is he was like,
(10:54):
Dude, pride is just running your life.
Like, you think you know better than me.
My relationship with God upuntil this point was so minimal
and almost non existent.
Like, I just spent so much timewrestling with him and questioning
him and Once I finally just turnedmy face to him and said, Dude,
(11:17):
like, I can't do this without you.
I need you.
Please help me.
That's just when everything changed.
And so the reason why my old episodes areno longer available is because God has
just convicted me that although I thinka lot of my message was good before and
a lot of the tools that I was giving youguys before were helpful and beneficial
(11:41):
in many ways, they're not the answer.
They're not the fix all.
My message before was largely incompletebecause God was never a part of it.
And for me, the closest that I'veever felt to the peace that I crave
so much is when I finally justfell to my knees and humbled myself
(12:01):
before God and said, God, I need you.
I can't do this by myself.
And so I'm going to tell you guys somuch more about my faith journey and
what I've been learning the messagesI've been hearing in later episodes
But I just really wanted to talk to youabout what God has put on my heart to
make this podcast going forward Okay,so if you guys follow my instagram at
(12:26):
em underscore LED 11 I've been postinga ton of pulls, pulls, pulls, pulls.
I've been posting a ton of pulls totry to get y'all's feedback on what
the biggest struggles are that you'rehaving because I have a feeling that this
pride issue that I have is not just me.
(12:47):
I can see it in myself, but I canalso see it in the rest of the world.
And God is really putting GenZ on my heart specifically.
And I don't know about y'all, I'm a 1997baby, so I, I like barely make the cut
for Gen Z. And I want this podcast totarget like pretty much if you're in
the age range of 22 to 35, if you'reworking and you don't have kids yet, okay?
(13:12):
That's who I have in mind to reallyreach with this podcast because I feel
like there is so much untapped potentialin that demographic specifically.
That's what God keeps telling me.
So the polls that I've been posting arefor that age group, that little category.
And the questions I've beenasking you guys are like, Do
(13:33):
you feel like you have purpose?
Do you feel lonely?
Do you feel peace?
What are the biggestworries on your heart?
What are the things thatyou struggle the most with?
What are your biggest goals?
Like, I'm just trying really hard toget an understanding of what people who
are in a similar phase of life, like me,are feeling up against because Contrary
(13:57):
to a lot of people out there who reallycrap on Gen Z and only have bad things
to say about Gen Z, millennials, thedigital culture that we live in, right?
I have so much hope and excitementfor our generation because we have
so many skills and things that wecan leverage like knowledge and art.
(14:20):
wizardry with technology, wecan use that for so much good.
I have been just really leaninginto God, praying to him on what
exactly that is, like how we cando that, and how I can spread hope
to y'all and also find it myself.
Right?
Because I've turned my eyes to Jesus,but that doesn't mean everything
(14:41):
is sunshine and rainbows, right?
And self growth, selfimprovement, that still continues.
I just want to root itin God going forward.
Does that make sense?
So what I heard y'all say, and I waslooking at your answers to the different
polls, I swear I posted like freaking20 different polls on Instagram.
What I heard you guys say again andagain and again is that over half of us
(15:05):
are really lacking a sense of purpose.
You really, we really don't feel likewe have a solid purpose in our life
or a cause that we're contributing to.
We don't feel like we'remaking an impact, right?
Dude, it was an insane stat.
I think it was like 75 percent of us feellike we're using technology way too much.
(15:26):
And I am part of that statistic.
I feel like my boundaries withtech are really crappy and I'm
really trying to work on it.
Okay?
We largely just feel soconcerned about money.
So many people are worried about money.
There's so much pressure from the economyand trying to make money and support
ourselves and that makes sense, right?
(15:46):
Because a lot of us are out hereon our own for the first time.
We're not living with mom and dad anymore.
We're navigating the world by ourselves.
We're in entry level jobs.
The paychecks are not alwaysgood, you know what I'm saying?
So we're worried about money.
We're lacking purpose.
And another big theme was a lack ofin person community, and we all know
(16:07):
with technology, right, a lot of us arespending way more time on our phones,
which can give us the illusion ofbeing plugged in and being connected
without actually being connected.
And so a lot of us are feeling lonely.
A lot of us are feeling like we don'thave a really strong support system.
And a lot of us arewrestling with our faith.
(16:28):
A lot of us are not sure whereGod fits into the picture.
And a lot of us are strugglingwith depression and anxiety and
just feeling the weight and thepressure of the world, okay?
And if that's you, the messageof wrestling with life has
always been, you are not alone.
And that message continues, okay?
That doesn't end right here.
(16:49):
That doesn't end.
So you are not alone.
I have been there.
I spent, I spent a lot of the last fewyears hanging out, feeling anxious,
feeling depressed, feeling confused,feeling like, where do I go from here?
And you're not alonein that feeling, okay?
So I heard you guys.
I hear where you're at and I amreally, really excited because I
(17:13):
really feel like God has revealedto me the root of this issue for us.
And a lot of this issue, believeit or not, stems from pride.
It's rooted in pride.
It's rooted in not wanting to trustGod, not wanting to trust other
people, wanting to trust ourselves.
We are incredibly focused onourselves in this age bracket, right?
(17:37):
Especially if we don't have kids,especially if we're working full time.
We're thinking about howcan I climb in my career?
How can I make more money?
Right?
We're not thinking abouta larger purpose a lot.
And that's why I think a lot of us arefeeling the way that we're feeling.
Like technology, money, community, love.
All of these topicsare intertwined, right?
(17:59):
And there's a common link.
And it's that, that purpose,that trust, that community, love.
It's lacking, largely.
And we're all reallystruggling with pride.
I see it everywhere.
And we don't even need to get intohow social media has played into that.
I think we already know, right?
So again, I'm going to try to keepthis short and sweet and simple.
(18:23):
We're going to talk about how wecan look at the life of Jesus, the
character of Jesus, as inspiration onhow to live and love and give and feel.
Because I look at that man and how helived and I see the peace that he had.
In every single circumstance,he was nailed to a freaking
(18:43):
cross and that man had peace.
That man knew that he was inthe Lord's will for his life.
That's nuts to me.
That's the kind of peace I want.
I don't know about y'all.
We're all chasing peace, right?
We all just want to really truly feellike we have peace at the end of the day.
That's the overarching marching goal.
And so if you tune into WrestlingWith Life, I am just going to be so
(19:07):
honest and so vulnerable about my ownstruggles with my faith because Dude,
my faith is nowhere near perfect.
I still have a lot of questions about God.
I still have a lot of questionmarks about how it all makes sense,
and I don't think any of us areever going to fully understand the
mystery that is God and Jesus, right?
But I'm going to be so honest becauseI just want it to be so evident and
(19:32):
so apparent that nobody out thereis alone and that these feelings and
these, these struggles and the waythat you're wrestling with life and
yourself, I just want it to be soevident that you're not alone in that.
That's what wrestling with life hasalways been and will continue to be,
but I just really want to bring inthe Lord as a bigger part of this.
(19:53):
I want to be clear because I knowthere's a lot of people out there
who have a lot of church hurt and alot of issues with religion and God.
God was on a part of my podcastbefore for that exact reason, okay?
I grew up in a very, veryloving Christian home where the
foundation was always Jesus.
But then later in my life, specificallyin 2020, when like political tensions were
(20:18):
really, really high, I was looking at howChristians were using faith to justify
hatred and oppression towards peoplethat they didn't agree with and didn't
identify with and didn't understand.
And that really, reallyturned me off to Christianity.
And even if you ask me to this day,like, I don't even know that I would
say I'm a Christian because I don'tknow that I want to be part of that
(20:42):
group of people who is now seen as.
some people that spread hate andjudgment and condemn other people.
Like, I don't really want tobe involved in that because I
don't believe in that mission.
What I do believe in is the characterof Jesus, who he was, the way that
he loved, the example that he set.
And I don't know about y'all, but whetheror not you believe in God, I feel like
(21:04):
that's a pretty good place to start.
There is living proof that that manwalked this earth and did crazy things.
Okay?
So, I'm not here to shovereligion down your throat.
We're not going to be digginginto scripture in this podcast.
We're not going to bedissecting Bible verses.
I'm not here to tell you what'sa sin or what, what's not a sin.
(21:25):
I'm not here to condemn you.
I'm here to tell you that youare loved, that you're not alone,
and that turning our eyes toJesus is the first step to peace.
Okay.
I'm not interested in being right.
I'm interested in loving other people.
I'm interested in spreading positivity.
(21:46):
I'm interested in spreading kindness.
And that is what this podcast hasalways been and will continue to be.
It's just going to looka little bit different.
Before, we used to postepisodes every single Tuesday.
And that, to be honest,really burnt your girl out.
That was a lot of commitmentfor me, especially when I'm
working a nine to five, too.
(22:07):
So how it's gonna work going forward isI'd really like to do series, so I will
release a series of maybe like five toten episodes on one topic at a time or
like drip it out over a series of a fewweeks, and then each series will just
kind of come out when I can, and I hatethat I can't give you guys a specific
(22:29):
So date or timeline to expect episodes,but I really feel like that's the way
to move forward with this and not burnmyself out and make sure that anytime
I'm creating and bringing somethingto y'all, that it's, it's divinely
inspired, that I really have somethingto say that I really want to create
and really want to, to say somethingbecause there were times that I would
(22:51):
get on the mic and I'm like, all right,well, what do I talk about this week?
And, um, I just don't really believein enforcing that, and I don't
believe in quantity over quality.
It's so important to me that ifI'm putting any message out into
the world, that it's the rightone, and that it's not forced, and
that it's from God and not from me.
(23:11):
I did want to say, too, really quick.
Thank you so much to every singleguest that I had on my podcast before.
The episodes being gone are not areflection of me not being proud of
the work that I did before or beinggrateful for the people that helped me.
No, I'm so freaking grateful fory'all and I'm so thankful for the
way that so many people, listenersand guests and other people who've
(23:35):
shared the podcast, so grateful forhow all of you have supported me.
It genuinely means the world andI'm so, so, so excited to see what
God will do going forward with this.
I think now that it's in His hands, Ireally believe that this can make an even
deeper impact than I ever could by myselfbecause it's in His strength and His
(23:58):
power and for His glory and not my own.
And I will tell you all about howI have struggled with my pride,
with the podcast, with my work,with just competing in general.
I told you I'm a competitor, y'all.
Like, I hate to lose.
I hate losing.
I hate not being the best.
And that type of pride has causeda lot of suffering in my life and
(24:21):
If you're here, i'm willing to betthat you can relate to that, right?
I'm gonna shut up nowI'm gonna close it out.
Thank you guys so much for tuning in Andget ready for more episodes very soon.
Bye y'all.
Thank you for listening to thewrestling with life podcast.
If this episode sparked something inyour brain or made you think of someone
(24:42):
specific, please share it with them.
Let someone else know that they arenot alone in their struggles today.
And please rate the podcast onwhatever platform you're listening on.
If you're a Spotify listener, you canleave a comment on this episode with
your thoughts on what we covered.
And I want to hear about whatGod is doing in your life.
So tell me.
And if you're hungry for even moreinspirational content just like
(25:04):
this, you can give me a follow onInstagram at EM underscore LED11.
I am always posting polls to get agauge on what everyone is struggling
with out there, sharing everyday littlelife moments, and encouraging all of
us to find both beauty and purposein the midst of our daily struggles.
So come and join in on the good vibes.
(25:25):
And real quick before you go, thisis just a little quick reminder
on what this podcast is not.
Okay?
A Wrestling With Life podcast andany content posted on my channels is
presented solely for informationaland educational purposes.
The use of this information is at yourown risk and should not be substituted
for the advice of a therapist,pastor, or any qualified professional.
(25:49):
If you're struggling with your mentalhealth, please consider seeking
professional help or contacting the988 SUICIDE AND CRISIS lifeline.
Please don't try to getthrough this by yourself, okay?
You are not alone.
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