This episode is so close to my heart you guys!!
I finally got to sit down with one of my best friends, Gillian Scott, a local Wilmington architect who recently launched Arc30 Studio. This conversation is one I’ve been craving for months and let me tell you -- it DID NOT disappoint!
Gillian has been such a steady, faith-filled presence in my life since I moved to Wilmington. Walking alongside her as we both build our own businesses as well as grow spiritually has been such a gift :')
In this episode, we talk about what it really looks like to release expectations — in our work, our lives, and even our faith journeys. This isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about giving yourself permission to evolve, to trust God in the process, and to embrace the not knowing.
If you’ve ever felt behind, stuck, or overwhelmed by the pressure to “get it right,” I know this episode will feel like a deep exhale for you!! Gillian’s honesty, wisdom, and humor will leave you feeling seen, supported, and inspired to keep going :)
Thanks for being here y'all!! You are not alone in your wrestling 💛
Contact Gillian: gillian@arc30studio.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
EmLed (00:24):
Alright everyone, welcome back to the Wrestling With Life Podcast.
I am your host, em led on the mic, and I'mscreaming, crying, throwing up because my,
one of my best friends, Gillian Scott, ishere today with me on wrestling with life.
Gil, I'm so freaking happy you're here.
It's been months that we've beentalking about finally doing this.
Gillian (00:44):
Oh yeah.
I am super excited to be here becauselike you said, it's been months and
it just feels like a fever dream.
Because you're amazing.
Hmm.
And you've had such amazing peopleon your podcast already this season.
Oh, thanks.
Thanks.
So I'm super excited to be here, hopingthat I can add something as well.
EmLed (01:01):
Oh babe, you're absolutely gonna add something.
Thank you so much for coming on.
I've been wanting to sitdown with you because.
Since I moved to Wilmington, youalready know this, but I have to
rave about you to everyone else.
Since I moved here.
You have been so incredibly influentialin not only my faith, but as I'm
starting to build my own business.
You and I have kind of been goingalongside each other hand in hand
(01:23):
through this process, figuringthings out together as we start.
For those of you who don't knowGillian, she has launched her
business ARC 30 studios Founderand are you CEO technically?
Yeah.
Gillian (01:35):
Let's call it CEO.
Yeah,
EmLed (01:36):
she's CEO.
you've just been a huge inspirationin not only the business
stuff, but in my faith too.
the time that I was startingto come back into my faith.
You came into my life.
We met at Run Club, right?
Yeah.
Is that what we met?
Gillian (01:50):
And it feels like so long ago.
I feel like you've just beena part of my life forever.
we just click so well, we do it.
Just this friendship feels likeit's never started or stopped.
You know what I mean?
No.
Yeah.
You've just always been in my life.
Yeah.
You've just always been there for me.
And but similar to you, you know, toI was, I had just started getting back
(02:10):
into my faith around the same time.
Yeah.
As you and, you know, been praying forfriendships and relationships that Yeah.
Are.
Centered around God.
Mm-hmm.
And
EmLed (02:20):
he sent me you dude.
Same.
He sent me you.
And it's kind of freaky how much ourlife has aligned in different ways
because as we've gotten deep into Yeah.
The conversation that we'repretty much gonna have today
on the podcast like You are Me.
In so many ways, like you areme, we think very similarly.
We have the same kind of drive.
We we're just really thesame in so many ways.
(02:42):
So I'm really excited to share you withmy audience today because you are so wise.
You're so well-spoken, you're soconfident in who you are and the
calling that God has on your life, andI'm just excited to pick your brain.
Gillian (02:54):
I'm excited to share it with you guys.
Emily is way too kind though because Ithink that, your belief in me is a big
reason why I am where I am today too.
Aw.
You know, stop.
You know, it's been, uh, a crazy ride.
Getting to this point and havinga friend to do it with has been
(03:18):
more than I could have hoped for.
A hundred percent.
But, you know, I did start thisa little bit earlier than Emily.
Mm-hmm.
But she's always had this podcast,which I always thought was super cool.
very entrepreneurial of you to beginwith, and to have such a beautiful,
strong, confident woman, you know.
(03:39):
Telling you and reassuringyou of those things.
'cause she says, I'msuper confident I'm not.
She's you are.
You are, you're so confident, babe.
You make me confident.
Mm.
And I think that's, uh, that's a, a big testament to who
you are as a person and as a friend.
Like you just, you're.
An amazing person who really empowersthe people around, around you.
(04:02):
Right.
And around them.
And it, it's what makes people,you know, gravitate towards you.
Stop.
You're gonna make me
EmLed (04:08):
cry.
Stop.
I will cry.
I love you so much, dude.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for those kind words.
I could go so many directions with ourconversation, but before I do, I, I
wanna give people a good idea of whoyou are and who they're talking to.
So if you could just share a fewminutes of, you know, how you grew up
and how you got to where you are now.
(04:29):
Like, that's a, a long time to cover,but if you could just give us the high
notes of like, what was your familylike and, you know, what drove you, what
motivated you, and then up until now,like you're launching your own business.
Like, just run back the tapes for us.
Gillian (04:44):
Yes,
EmLed (04:45):
I. So
Gillian (04:46):
I guess I grew up in Pennsylvania similar grew up, I'm adopted by the way.
So I'm a very, I'm a, I'ma great example of America.
Uh, my family, so mymom's Native American.
My dad is English.
And my sister's also adopted.
My mom's adopted.
I'm adopted.
So we're like a very blended familyneither of my parents went to college.
(05:10):
Uh, so it was always.
One of those things where my momencouraged my sister and I both to
go to college and I've always, I'vealways enjoyed like everything.
Yeah.
All the subjects, you know.
And it was really hard for me tofigure out what I wanted to do, but I
decided eventually that I was gonna bearchitecture 'cause it kind of encompasses
(05:33):
everything that I love, you know, art,history, culture, math and engineering
and it's literally the human experience.
Yeah.
You know, we're always going,uh, into different buildings and
different structures and differentspaces, and they're typically going
to be designed by an architect.
(05:54):
So it was really cool when Idiscovered this profession and I
moved down to North Carolina herein Wilmington, uh, back in 2009.
I started going to school at NCState, got my degree, and uh, my
first job out of college was inthe medical field for architecture.
(06:14):
So I did healthcare, architecture.
It took me all around thecountry, which was really cool.
Yeah.
But I really wanted tobring my roots back home.
Mm.
and so I moved back to Wilmington and now I'm doing, doing this.
Doing this, which is tell 'em aboutyour business, which is, yeah.
Uh, my business, as Emilysaid, is ARC 30 Studio Uhhuh.
(06:37):
It's, uh, an architecture firmand I am doing business both
commercially and residentiallynow, and it's really exciting.
Uh, it nothing in the medicalfield right now, which.
I actually find really refreshing.
Mm-hmm.
So when you go into architectureschool, you're like, oh, I'm gonna
design the craziest buildingsand I'm gonna change the world.
(06:58):
And you can still do thatin a small scale, you know?
Sure.
And that's what I wanna do, is Ireally wanna work with the people that
are impacting our communities here.
Yeah.
And I can enjoy it and will actuallysee the impact in my community
EmLed (07:12):
around me.
Gillian (07:13):
and because all of the work I had previously done was all over the country.
I never saw it.
And they were hospitals, so it'snot like it wasn't noble work.
It was like it was impactingpeople in a very big way.
Sure.
But it wasn't.
Where I wanted to use my talent.
Exactly.
So it just felt likethis was the right move.
Mm.
(07:33):
And God's timing was everything on this.
Mm. So I left my previous companyfor a Dini different company here,
you know, this in Wilmington.
And it felt like it was likethe perfect company for me.
You know, a lot of similaritiesbetween my last one that I was
with for about eight years.
And.
it didn't meet the expectationsof what I was hoping for.
(07:56):
You know, I always thought if I wasgonna leave this company, it was
going to be for the right company.
Sure.
And it was going to be it was going tobe the right move for what I wanted next.
Mm.
And it didn't feel like that.
It felt like I was taking a step back allthe signs were kind of leading towards,
you know what, like if I'm going to do.
All of this type of work,why can't I do it for myself?
(08:18):
so I'm figuring it out just like you are.
A
EmLed (08:20):
hundred percent.
You guys like me, each day is a newlike challenge and so many things
you could never anticipate seeing.
Gillian (08:27):
Yeah.
And coming from like a corporateworld, they don't teach you
how to run your own business.
Absolutely
EmLed (08:33):
not.
Gillian (08:33):
They teach you how to be a part of.
The corporate world.
Exactly.
And so it really is like the only way tofigure it out is to just dive headfirst.
A hundred percent.
A hundred percent.
And it feels like the water's realshallow and like, I'm just hitting
my head, I'm diving in headfirst.
But you know, it's been, it's been.
(08:53):
The best decision
EmLed (08:55):
that I could have made.
Yeah, anytime I'm talking to my friendsback home or my parents to explain
like who my friends are in Wilmington,the way that I refer to you is like.
My friend Gillian, thearchitect, the fancy architect.
I just think what you do is so bougieand cool, like, ah, it's so rare that
you meet someone in that profession.
Gillian (09:14):
Obviously I'm in this world, so I meet architects all the time.
I am the Wilmington chaptera i a president, a i a is our
American Institute of Architects.
It's an association,professional association here.
So I meet, I meet architects all thetime, so I'm like, oh, I'm not that cool.
Oh, you're really cool.
Trust me, you're really cool.
But then I meet people andthey're like, oh, I didn't know
(09:36):
there were female architects.
Really?
Right.
And I'm like.
Really?
Why not?
You're like, I'm, I'm happyto be your first Yeah.
I'm happy to be your first, butit's also shocking to me Yeah.
That there's people out there andit's, it's not like, it's obviously
not malicious, but it's, it's morealong the people, the line that people
are just, you know, uneducated Sure.
(09:57):
In the fact Sure.
That.
It is no longer a male dominated field.
No, it's not.
Uh, tell 'em sis.
It's not.
Tell 'em sis.
It's crazy.
Uh, you know, when I was in gradschool, I would say it was 75 to 80%
female and the other 20% were male.
So there's a big shift happening mm-hmm.
(10:18):
In the field.
But then, but the older generation isdefinitely still more male dominated.
It's the younger generation, you know, mygeneration and the generations that are
coming up where you are really starting tosee the the level playing field, you know?
Yeah.
Anybody can be what they wanna be today.
Say it again, say it again.
You wanna be it,
EmLed (10:38):
you know, you just gotta put your mind to it.
You do.
Yeah.
You do.
Yeah.
And yeah, I, I love all of that.
I love seeing women do things thatpeople didn't think they could do.
And you're a directrepresentation of that.
So I'm so proud of you.
And the biggest thing that I think youand I have connected on, like taking
it back to what you were mentioningabout the corporate world mm-hmm.
Is.
(10:59):
For a really long time.
I know both of us operated with achip on our shoulder, and I think
we'd be lying if we said we don'tstill have that chip a little bit
now because we're in a new adventure.
We're starting our own businesses, andof course we both wanna be successful.
But I think something you and Ihave talked about a lot is how
pride plays into our career.
(11:20):
Like you said, you're ina male dominated field.
The last three years of mycareer, I was working for a
company that was male dominated.
And there's something aboutbeing in that environment as a
woman where you can't help it.
You feel like you have more to prove.
Yeah.
You feel like you wanna show thatyou have a seat at the table.
You want people to take you seriously.
You wanna do good work, you wannashow up your best self all the time.
(11:42):
for me, I found that so muchof my worth and my identity
became attached to my career.
So when things were going really good,I felt like, okay, I'm, I'm that girl.
Right?
But then when they weren't, it would,it would be feelings of shames, feelings
of not enoughness, feelings of, I'm not.
Doing as good as I should beand just beating myself up.
(12:04):
And I know we've had a lot ofconversations about this, but when you
think about people who are our age,whether they're in their corporate
career or they're starting theirown business, when you look at our
culture, what role do you see prideplaying in the career space and what
cautions might you have against that
Gillian (12:22):
I think pride is a very dangerous thing too, because
it leads to overcompensation.
EmLed (12:28):
Oh, facts.
Gillian (12:28):
Facts.
And I think that's probablywhat I fell under a lot
(13:55):
It's not necessarily even because I wasa woman in a male dominated space, I
just feel like it's, for me, it's a verynoble, historically noble profession
and there's a lot of responsibility init, and I just felt like for myself.
I'm doing myself a disservice if I'mnot showing up the best I can and
(14:18):
any sort of criticism, and you geta lot of criticism in architecture.
But any criticism that I received,I would take very personally.
Yeah.
And I don't think that I was evermeant to be taken personally,
and so I would overcompensate.
Right.
Mm. And then you get defensive and then,and then you can also, but there's also
(14:39):
great things that come from that too.
You know, I'm workingharder, I'm researching more.
I am, I'm thinking that's, youknow, that's exactly why I am where
I am today, is because I pushedmyself harder than those around me.
I would caution people though,like overcompensating is
not always a healthy choice.
Mm.
But there are.
EmLed (15:01):
There are some upsides to it.
Absolutely.
You know, what do youthink the line is like?
How would someone know, like, oh,I'm just giving everything that I
can, I'm just working really hardversus, oh, I'm doing too much.
I'm overcompensating.
Gillian (15:13):
Oh, well, it's definitely like what you were talking about
being in the corporate world.
Is your career becoming your personality?
Yeah.
I mean, that's just whathappens when it falls apart.
Mm. You know, like, wheredoes that leave you?
It, it's a really scary place to beand I don't wish that on anybody.
and at the end of the day,you know, the only thing that
(15:33):
can fill that void, I. God.
Mm, amen.
You know, we talk about that a lot.
We do.
You know, like you're maybe notsupposed to feel like enough
because we're not enough.
We're not, and we're justcoming out of Easter weekend.
I mean, there's, there's nothing, nobetter representation than the fact
that like, if we could have doneenough to save us from our sins.
(15:58):
Why did God give us the gift ofJesus and sacrifice his only son?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Would he have done that if wecould have done that for ourselves?
Yeah.
No, and I'm taking that from mypastor's, my pastor's service that I
just had on Sunday, but it's so true.
Yeah.
You know, it's, it's, you know,if we, why would he have gone
(16:19):
through all of that suffering
EmLed (16:20):
for us if he didn't have to?
Amen.
There's such a misconceptionin Christianity that we can
earn our salvation by beinga good Christian, right?
And that's how I interpreted the gospelfor the first 26 years of my life.
And it doesn't make sense.
You're right, because like what is the,what is the purpose of Jesus at all?
Right.
If we can just be a goodperson and get into heaven.
(16:43):
I always used to look at my timehere on earth as what will be judged.
So I get into heaven or I go to hell.
Like that's how Iinterpreted Christianity.
And more recently.
The understanding of my faith has become.
It's not about what happens after I die.
It's about right now.
(17:04):
How does Jesus being a part of mylife, change my life right now?
How does understanding the gospel andunderstanding Jesus's sacrifice change the
way that I move and live and breathe, andwork, and play and exist in this world?
Right now.
Yeah.
Has it been like that for you withyour faith where you've had an
encounter with God that does changeyour heart and does maybe help you
(17:29):
with the pride that you used tostruggle with or anything like that?
What kind of transformationhave you seen in your life since
God came into the, the picture?
I've seen a ton of change.
Gillian (17:39):
Yeah.
I mean there's, I haveso much more peace now.
With knowing like, I can't do it all.
I, you know, it's not like youdon't try and do as much as you can.
Yeah.
But knowing that you can't Yeah.
Literally do everything.
And knowing there's abigger reason for that.
Like, it, it brings me a lot of peace.
But it, terms of transformation, Ithink I'm much more accepting of.
(18:06):
People's shortfalls than I used to be.
Oof.
You know, I feel convicted because, youknow, again, the pride thing, it's like.
I have a really hard time, and I'm tryingto be conscious of this now as a, as a
business owner, but, you know, I wouldlook around me and I'd be like, why aren't
people performing to the same level I am?
(18:28):
Mm-hmm.
You know, relatable.
Like, so relatable and, and everyoneis different and it, it's not
fair to expect everyone to careabout the things you care about.
Yep.
To the same level you care about them.
Yep.
All the time.
You just can't.
And if God can love andaccept us all where we're at.
(18:49):
Mm. for all the differentthings that you, you don't know
everyone's stories and experiences.
Right.
Right.
So knowing that Jesus loves me and Iknow I am not a perfect person, and I
know all of the mistakes and the sinsand the things that I've done in my life.
Yeah.
And I don't know that for everyone else.
Right.
Right.
Like.
Sometimes that is somebody'sbest that they're doing.
(19:10):
Right.
And to bash someone or to bashsomeone in your, he in your head
over that is not fair to them.
Amen.
And it's also not fair to yourself.
Mm-hmm.
Because again, you're just,you are setting yourself up.
You as a me I'm settingmyself up for disappointment.
Yeah.
At the end of the day.
Yeah.
Yep.
And For all the grace that I'vereceived, I should be able to, to get.
EmLed (19:33):
Yeah.
Yeah.
But that is so much easiersaid than done, Gil.
I'll tell you that right now.
But you, you're preaching, you hitthe nail on the head with that.
I've had so many conversationsrecently with people about expectation.
Like you're saying, how muchexpectation leads to our disappointment?
Because if you are expectingA, B, and C and one, you
(19:54):
don't communicate it, but two.
Yeah.
Did that convict you A little bit?
Yeah, a little bit.
Yeah.
But two, you're putting aunrealistic expectation on someone.
How is that gonna work?
You know, you're gonnaconstantly be disappointed.
You're gonna constantly feel like peoplein your life don't care about you.
That's the biggest thing I've noticed,is I would chalk up people's, I
(20:16):
guess, failure to meet my expectationsas, oh, they don't care enough.
Yeah, they don't care about me.
You know, because they didn't meetthese expectations that I had for them.
But like when you really step backand you look at that through a
rationalized lens, you're like.
That's actually nuts.
That's actually crazy that I putthat expectation on other people.
Gillian (20:35):
Yeah.
And I have definitely been in thatposition a lot in my life, but I've
also been on the other side of that.
Right.
And you think, and knowing when you'reon the other side of that, you think
to yourself, I just don't understandhow I didn't meet their expectations.
Yeah, yeah.
Like
I felt like.
You know, knowing who I am,knowing who they are, knowing
(20:56):
what their needs are, like I feltlike I did the best that I could.
Yeah.
Why can't they see that?
Right?
And It's one of those things whereit just takes experience and growth
and forgiveness and love and, and thebest example of all of that is Jesus.
Amen.
God.
Amen.
Amen.
Just trying to be more like himand, and having, inviting him back
(21:19):
into my life and accepting Godand Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
I have only seen positives.
You know, it's, it's.
The energy that you put outis the energy you attract.
EmLed (21:31):
Yeah.
Gillian (21:32):
And and that's how I met you.
You know?
Yeah.
Like I have no idea who I'd be orwhere I'd be, or what other friendship.
I would have if it wasn't for you.
You know, like I just, that wasworded, worded very strangely.
EmLed (21:51):
You're just saying because of who you've become through God, you've
allowed to attract like-minded people.
Yeah.
And like-minded experiences thatare on the same wavelength as you.
Gillian (22:01):
Yes.
EmLed (22:02):
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah, that's
Gillian (22:03):
exactly
EmLed (22:03):
it.
And
Gillian (22:04):
it's the most beautiful.
Beautiful transition that could havehappened and I, I just hope more people
start to see, see that for themselves too.
EmLed (22:15):
Well, that's the goal.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
You know, well you embodying thatis rubbing off on me because you
have like a very zen presencewhen I'm with you, like a very.
Calming presence and you're also very,like, I can tell when I'm venting to
you or I'm telling you something, andthen you very lovingly ask the right
questions to point to the fact thatI'm being dramatic and I'm also setting
(22:39):
up my myself for disappointment.
Through my expectation, you know, oroverthinking something like you just
have a very loving way of pointing tothe truth, and I think that's because
of the way that God's worked in yourheart and the things that, the lessons
that he's already taught you and thethings that he's convicted of you,
you're now sharing that with otherpeople just by being who you are.
Gillian (22:59):
I appreciate that.
That's really sweet.
Yeah.
EmLed (23:01):
I
Gillian (23:01):
mean it babe.
Yeah.
I think, you know, we, we've all haddifferent struggles in our lives and
if you can recognize the strugglesin your life and be really honest
with yourself about them Yeah.
And how those have affected you, youcan realize, you know how you don't.
Want to be towards other people.
(23:22):
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
And so I think it's taken me a really longtime to figure out exactly what kind of
person, what kind of friend I wanna be.
Mm. The kind of wife that I wannabe, the kind of, you know, daughter,
sister, whatever I wanna be.
And I'm really proud of theperson that I've become and who
(23:42):
I'm continuing to, to grow into.
Yes, you should.
And that's, you know, I,it's, we got a roadmap, babe.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
We've got a roadmap in the Bible andthe gospel on how we should be and.
I just think if more people acceptedthat as truth, that they would also
find the peace that they're looking for.
EmLed (24:03):
Amen.
What you just said about honesty isreally sticking out to me because
of all the people in my life.
You are definitely one of the most honest.
Like you will, you'll say what needsto be said, you'll say what's true.
Have you always been like that oris that a muscle you've exercised?
Gillian (24:21):
I think I've always been honest.
I. Uh, the problem isn't the honesty, it'salways been the execution, the delivery.
Yeah.
Relate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Trust me, people in my life know Ican be honest for better or for worse.
But tact is a skill you learn gettingolder and you will need to learn if
(24:46):
you're going to own your own business.
A hundred percent for sure.
But.
It's again, you know, kindness is free.
Mm.
sometimes you really just need to reflect and be like, how
would I want someone to approach this?
Mm. To me.
Yep.
I. Honesty is, is anatural, a natural reflex.
(25:06):
And I think that just comes fromalso, you know, having a sister.
Yeah.
And, and a, a very vocal mother.
Like I have strong, I have a lineof strong women in my family.
So like, if, if you don't speakup, you're not gonna, you're
just gonna get walked right over.
Yeah.
You gotta find your voice quick.
Right.
But you also realize like howyou don't want To come across
EmLed (25:27):
either.
Absolutely.
So, so what does that look like for you?
When you were talking earlier aboutgetting really honest with yourself?
it's easy to live in denial, right?
It's easy to.
Blame other people for your ownstruggles, your own shortcomings.
It's easy to project onto other people,which you and I talk about a lot.
Yeah.
So what is getting honest with yourself?
(25:49):
What does that actually look like?
How do you go about it?
How do you start askingyourself the right questions?
And what role does God play in that?
Gillian (25:57):
being honest with yourself is again, starting with
admitting like you are not enough.
Mm-hmm.
And if you haven't taken that first step, then the
convers, there's no conversation.
Growing up, my mom always said, you,you know, you're constantly being
told you don't know everything.
Mm-hmm.
You don't know everything.
(26:18):
Mm-hmm.
But you're a kid and you arelike, I, I do know everything.
You know, you just haven't askedme all the questions to Right.
To find out that I do.
Right.
Of course.
And, uh, I have a friend who'ssaying is, is like you know.
It's really annoying for you to act likeyou know it all to those who actually do.
Mm. It's just like, whoa.
(26:38):
That's hilarious.
That is hilarious.
It's funny, but, but being honestwith yourself, I guess, is realizing
you are not going to be everything.
You want to be or claim to be.
You know, there's going tobe a shortcoming somewhere.
We're all going to fail atsomething at some point.
And recognizing in yourself, like whatyour strengths and your weaknesses are.
(27:01):
And so for me, my biggestweakness is I'm a people pleaser.
Mm-hmm.
So saying no is really hard.
Yeah.
I'm also a workaholic.
So wearing the career as my mask isa very big part of my identity, but.
accepting God again.
Like I know I'm bringing that back a lot.
(27:22):
Yeah.
But it really is something that'sgrounding for me to know that like, if
this fails, because you don't know, I,you know, I just started this business.
If this fails, like it'snot the end of the world.
It's it wasn't meant to be, but obviouslyI'm, you know, I'm praying and hoping that
it, it becomes everything it can be and I.
(27:44):
Glorify God.
Mm. Along the way.
Yeah.
But I don't know.
Go to therapy.
Amen.
So say louder for people in the back.
Everybody needs therapy.
Um, And if you don't think, thinkyou need therapy, you need therapy.
I think that's a hard question.
I don't think I answeredthat one too well.
EmLed (28:02):
No, you, you answered that very well.
That was also a verylike, loaded question.
I threw your way.
It was very loaded.
The trying.
No, I think, I think thatwas really well said.
And also what you said about therapy.
I. Sometimes having a thirdperson objective party, someone
who's not in your daily life.
(28:23):
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Who has nothing to gain bytelling you what you want to hear.
Yeah.
And will be honest.
Not everyone has a gilian in their life.
You know, who's gonna be like,well, you need to do this, this,
this, and this, and you need tostop doing this, this, and this.
It could really benefityou to have a therapist.
I know for me, my time spent intherapy was so helpful and me
(28:44):
getting out of my own way and helpingme get back on my two feet after
getting knocked down pretty hard.
But there also comes a time when youcan graduate from that and you don't
need to to dwell on the past anymore,and you can truly move forward.
So finding that balance of like, allright, I've worked through my stuff.
Now I'm ready to launch andimplement what I learned instead
of staying stuck on the same thing.
Gillian (29:05):
I think that's beautiful and I'm, and you say having a Gillian in your life,
but it's always so much easier to giveadvice, facts, you know, facts than it
is to like live the advice that you give.
And when you're so close to something,it's hard to see it, you know, like,
Any sort of issue can seem huge ifit's right in front of your face.
(29:28):
But if you just like take a stepback, you realize it's so much warmer.
That's so
EmLed (29:31):
good.
Gillian (29:31):
Yeah.
It's all
EmLed (29:32):
about perspective.
That's so
Gillian (29:33):
true.
EmLed (29:34):
Yeah.
Gillian (29:34):
Yeah.
EmLed (29:35):
Is Evan that for you?
Evan is her husband by the way.
Yeah, he's a great, great man.
Gillian (29:40):
I think he's always been that for me.
And now that you asked that question,like Yeah, he definitely is like,
I hold everything so close to me.
And he's always, he's alwayslooking at things from back here.
He is like, why are you making sucha big thing out of, out of nothing?
Yeah.
And I'm just like, what do you mean?
How is it nothing?
(30:00):
And then he, he walks it back from me.
I'm like, Uhhuh.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
It really isn't as.
Life ending.
Yep.
As I'm making it seem.
Yeah.
And so if you've gotsomebody like that in your
EmLed (30:12):
life, you're pretty lucky.
You know?
It's so annoying how men seemto so effortlessly do that.
I'm like, my world's falling apart andthe men in my life are like, no, it's not.
Yeah, exactly.
It's really not.
I was like,
Gillian (30:23):
well, you might not think so, but you're not walking in my shoes.
Uhhuh.
Okay, Uhhuh.
My shoes are very heavy andno, they're, the men are.
I think that's what their roleis supposed to be, though.
Mm.
You know?
Yeah.
They're supposed to bethe stability in our life.
I think
EmLed (30:41):
so too.
So I fought that for a long time.
I went through a very feminist, youcould call it phase where obviously I
still believe in women being strong andwomen doing everything that a man can do.
But I also think there is.
Truth in how God designed us, that hedesigned men and women with different
strengths and different weaknesses.
(31:02):
And I think for me, I've had to reallybe honest about what are my limits, not
just as a woman, but as a human too.
Like what are my limits?
I think for a long time I. Operatedunder this delusion that I could do
it all and be it all and have it alland never run outta gas and conquer
the day and not waste a single second.
(31:24):
And there are some days where I can'tdo that because I'm not okay mentally,
or I'm going through something or.
Whatever you know life event isgoing on is, is taking energy
away from my ability to show up.
So I'm curious to know for you, haveyou gone through a period of your
life where you wanted to have it all?
Do it all.
Be it all?
(31:44):
And where do you stand with that now?
Gillian (31:48):
that's how I've operated since I was like five years old.
Same, same.
I don't think it's ever stops.
Same.
I don't think it ever will.
But I think that's completely human.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Mm-hmm.
To want it all and go after it all.
I don't, I don't thinkit's ever gonna end.
I, I don't know that Iwould be me if it did.
(32:10):
Mm. You know um, my mom uses thephrase for me, she's like, you're
burning the candle on both ends.
Mm-hmm.
I don't know if you'veever heard that phrase.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
But, It's true, but you gotta findbalance because you can burn out so quick.
And I've burned out before.
I've flamed out so hard.
Mm-hmm.
And it is really, and it's reallyhard to come back from that.
(32:31):
Yep.
It's exhausting, but it'salso really rewarding.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Yeah.
You don't realize how resilientyou are until you have to be.
So I think that's also what's really.
Amazing about this leapthat we've taken Yeah.
In owning our own businesses is wereally get to see what we're made of.
Mm. You know, it's one thing For youto talk about wanting to do something.
(32:54):
'cause I've always talked aboutwanting to own my own business or
people who, who talk to you andthey're like, yeah, makes total sense.
You know I can see you doingthat and I, or I can't believe,
you know, you're doing that.
You or you should have beendoing this forever ago.
And, and it's one thing toimagine something for yourself
(33:17):
and it's another thing to just.
Do it for yourself.
Yeah, absolutely.
So,
EmLed (33:22):
and you're doing the damn thing.
Yeah, we are.
Yeah,
Gillian (33:24):
you are.
EmLed (33:25):
We, we are doing the damn thing.
Yeah, we're, no, I'm so proud ofyou and I relate to that a lot
with burning out at both ends.
Aw.
I think for me, this goes back tolike the ego pride conversation, just
realizing that I'm not God and I reallydo have limits and I need to accept that.
And sometimes that looks likesaying no, like you were talking
(33:48):
about being a people pleaser.
Sometimes that means like maybedisappointing people, maybe letting
people down and it's never gonna bein a huge way that's life altering.
You know, like we definitelymake those scenarios bigger in
our heads than they really are.
But truly recognizing like, even thoughI wanna help this person, or I wanna say
yes to this opportunity, or whatever itis, like, even though part of me wants
(34:10):
to, I'm at capacity right now and I legitcan't, and so I'm gonna recognize that and
make space for that and not shame myselffor that because that was the, the biggest
thing I would struggle with is beatingmyself up for not being able to do it all
when what a ridiculous expectation thatis to put on myself in the first place.
Gillian (34:29):
what a blessing too.
I mean, I'm so proud of you.
You know, you're at capacity.
Mm-hmm.
You're doing everythingthat you wanna be doing.
Mm-hmm.
And.
To be doing it so soon, youknow, so early into creating your
business is an amazing thing.
Thanks babe.
It's amazing.
(34:50):
It is.
I'm so
EmLed (34:50):
proud of you.
I'm so proud of you and you.
You inspire me girl.
You inspire me I don't really knowwhy you don't think you're confident.
Like it actually boggles my mind becausethat is how you, my heart is racing.
Gillian (35:01):
You can't hear it
EmLed (35:02):
through
Gillian (35:03):
the microphone, but I've
EmLed (35:04):
been like, really?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow.
You're really good at playing that off.
To be honest, I'm kind ofthe same way though, really.
Like, yeah.
Well when I, I just got baptized, Iknow you know this, but I just got
baptized a couple weeks ago and wehad to get up in front of everybody
in the room and like Port City.
Big church, huge.
Lots of people there.
Yeah.
And give our testimony beforewe got baptized and people were
(35:27):
saying to me after they werelike, wow, like you sounded so
confident, like you spoke so well.
And I was like, I was anervous wreck on the inside.
So it's funny how like you perceive peopleand you think they don't get scared or you
think they don't get nervous, but they'reactually like crapping themselves on the
Gillian (35:42):
inside.
Oh yeah.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
I think that's the funnything about confidence,
EmLed (35:47):
isn't it?
Gillian (35:47):
Yeah.
EmLed (35:48):
You never know if it's real or not.
Exactly.
Gillian (35:50):
I'm just so happy we're finally doing this.
Dude, it's about time, isn't it?
I know, I know.
But it's, it is one of thosethings, you know, I, we, we talked
about this beforehand, it's justwanting to make sure that you show
up as authentically as yourself.
Yeah.
And I think, you know, I had ahard time picking out my outfit.
Today because I was like,man, the internet's forever.
(36:12):
You know, do I do my hair and makeup?
Like do I pick outsomething super, super cute?
But none of those things are me.
I never do my makeup, but Idon't, I don't do my hair.
It'd be weird if you came in, like,that'd be like, it was this Exactly.
And I was like, you know what?
No, Emily asked me to be, yeah, I did.
To be on the show.
And again, that kind of wrapsup the whole pride conversation.
(36:34):
Pride, right?
Pride, yeah.
Like, uh, if I showed up likethat, that would've been my pride
and not would've, that would nothave been a representation of.
EmLed (36:43):
Yeah, exactly.
So everybody has thatdialogue though, you know?
Yeah.
And I think in the worldthat we're in more than ever,
Gillian (36:51):
yeah.
I
EmLed (36:51):
mean, cancel culture is at an all time high.
So many people that I know areafraid to put their feelings, their
thoughts, anything online becausethey're afraid of the reception
of that and people canceling them.
And I wanna validate that.
That's a very real fear.
But I think.
We talk all the time on the podcast.
(37:12):
I say in my real life all the time, likefear really is inevitable, but letting
it stop you from being who you truly areand sharing your thoughts and starting
your own business or whatever it isthat you want to do, letting it stop
you is the only choice that you have.
The fear's gonna be there regardless.
Gillian (37:28):
Wow.
You just have to,
EmLed (37:29):
yeah, you just have to choose to power through.
Gillian (37:31):
Yeah.
No, I think that's reallybeautiful because you're right.
I mean, you, you guys are notgonna see me post on social
media very often, if at all.
And it's not because I'm afraid of beingcanceled, it's more so being afraid
of being validated or invalidated.
'cause it's kind to me, it'skind of like a lose lose.
Mm-hmm.
And we've talked about that before If I'minvalidated, I'm invalidated, you know?
(37:54):
But any validation I get won't be enough.
Yeah.
So it's kind of like a, oh, I'llenjoy it for what it can offer
me, but I'm not going to feedmyself into it just because it.
Knowing myself and my limits, it wouldnot be good for my mental health.
And I don't have time.
I don't have time for my mentalhealth to, to be based off of what
(38:15):
people have to say or what theylike about me on the internet.
I like me, you know?
Yeah.
I think I like you too.
I like you too.
But like, getting to thatpoint is, is maturity.
A hundred percent his maturity and it'staken a long time, I feel like longer than
it should have maybe to get to that point.
EmLed (38:34):
Yeah.
Well what you said is so real and Ithink all of us have felt that if we are
posting on social media or not there havebeen many times where I have regretted.
Starting a career in social mediafor that exact reason, because
I find that I can't escape that.
You know, like whether I'm postingfor another business or I'm posting
for myself, or I'm posting anything,or if I'm just lurking, that we're
(38:58):
lurking that four lurkers over,that feeling is, is possible.
It can creep up on you at any point,and you have to be on guard about it.
You have to constantly, likeyou said, be honest and check
in with yourself about like.
Is my time that I'm spendingonline or really doing anything?
Is it filling my cup or is it draining me?
And then setting boundaries with that andmaking the choice of, okay, doom scrolling
(39:22):
after work for two hours is not it.
That's not making mefeel good about myself.
That's taking away from my life.
Maybe I should stop doing that, you know?
But if you don't check in withyourself when you aren't honest, you're
never gonna know that you're justgonna be going through the motions.
And you can't make change if you, if you.
Don't really have an assessmentor you don't know what's actually
happening in your heart and your head.
Gillian (39:42):
Yeah.
You're kind of just floating.
Yeah.
At that point.
Yeah.
You're just existing.
I feel like self-awareness isprobably something we lack today.
Mm-hmm.
You know, and you can see it inthe younger generations, the,
the rise of anxiety, the lackof understanding, social cues.
The kids that don't know how tohave a conversation or you know,
(40:04):
people don't just pick up thephone and call anyone anymore.
Like you need to, a lot of peopleneed to take the time to think
out exactly what they wanna say.
Yep.
Because they don't want to offend anyone.
Mm-hmm.
Or have things be misconstrued.
Mm-hmm.
And I, and that, a big part of that isthe social media, but it's a great tool.
It is, it's a great tool.
(40:25):
And if you're aware of.
These things that we just talked about,it can be a great asset to your life.
Absolutely.
It doesn't have to be a detriment.
Absolutely.
So I don't post on it, but I use it.
Yeah.
I use it all the time.
I just don't post.
So I know how I can use it for my benefitand detriment if I'm just doom scrolling.
Yes.
Forever.
Yes.
(40:45):
But.
It's,
EmLed (40:47):
it's a great resource.
I agree with you.
So I agree with you.
That's what I love about it so muchis you can, you can choose to amplify
more of whatever you choose to amplify.
Like that's how an algorithm works.
Like whatever you interact with, whateveryou are liking, commenting, sharing,
you're gonna get more of that and.
Same with what you're creatingand what you're putting out there.
(41:07):
Like you have an option to contributepositively to the world and to put
something on someone's feed that couldencourage them or uplift them or make
them think differently about somethinglike you have the opportunity to make
it what you want it to be, but we'reall human at the end of the day.
And so there are going to be timeswhere you slip into the negative
side of it and you have to catch it.
And like you said, just be aware.
(41:28):
That was well said.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Gillian (41:30):
But yeah, I think you're, you're definitely spot on too.
Like you can use your powers for good.
Yes.
We don't all have to be keyword warriors.
You, it doesn't, not everythinghas to be combative, right?
Yes.
Yeah.
And I feel like a lot of whatpeople hear about or see today is
always combative because that'swhat gets the most interaction.
A hundred
EmLed (41:50):
percent.
Gillian (41:51):
But if you're just like living your life day to day.
Especially in somewhere likeWilmington, like I love this city.
Oh,
EmLed (41:58):
me too.
I
Gillian (41:59):
love this city.
Me too.
You can actually like get to know peoplehere, Uhhuh and the places, and you
can see just how great and blended andaccepting the people around you are.
Yeah.
You know?
Absolutely.
Like there's people of allkinds of backgrounds here.
Yeah.
We're in the south, but.
We could all still be in the north becauseof how many people moved down here Right.
(42:22):
From up north.
Right.
You know, we both did.
Yeah, we did.
So it's, uh, it's good to just giveyourself a little perspective now.
EmLed (42:29):
Yeah.
And when you're in a community likethis, like you wanna contribute
positively to it, and that's whatyou're doing through your business.
And same with me.
There's so many more questionsthat I wanna ask you.
Like we could sit here and talk all dayand take this in so many directions.
But as it pertains to starting yourbusiness and the career what limiting
beliefs or doubt or anything ofthat nature has come up for you, and
(42:52):
how have you surrendered it to God?
Gillian (42:54):
So a lot of my doubts was just about.
My experience.
Mm. You know, I had a very nicheexperience previously in architecture
and I've and my age, right.
I'm pretty young.
I'm 30, arc 30, I'm 30.
I figured those would potentially bedeterrent in finding work around here.
(43:17):
Yeah.
I'm also a female, so I.
You know, I don't know what perceptionspeople may or may not have about
that in this field for myself.
But I'm meeting people and thiscommunity is so welcoming and so
encouraging that just meeting peoplehas been able to put aside some of
(43:40):
my doubts because I've just been.
Making introductions with a lot of peoplebased off of other introductions from
people, and the chain just keeps going.
EmLed (43:48):
Yeah.
Gillian (43:49):
And I didn't think that was going to happen, let alone as quickly as it did.
So I'm meeting the right people.
And I think that's, that's a bigpart of business as you know,
your relationships Absolutely.
And your connections.
Absolutely.
And so I wasn't expecting it tohappen so fast, but you know, as,
as it builds and you're able to.
Prove yourself and your reputation,it's just going to get easier.
(44:13):
Absolutely.
So those were, the doubts wasjust, will I even get a job?
Yeah.
Will I even get a client?
Will I get a project?
And one of my first clients asyou know, is my previous firm.
Yeah.
They had reached out and asked to do aproject with me, which is very validating.
Isn't that crazy?
That happened for both of us.
Exactly.
Isn't that nice?
(44:34):
Yeah.
It's so rewarding.
It's validating in a way that youdidn't know you needed it at the time.
Yes,
EmLed (44:39):
There's something about people believing in you that gives you the
confidence to keep moving, isn't it?
Yeah.
Gillian (44:45):
it's going to be a great journey.
I can tell.
I know.
It is.
No matter how it ends, I know it's
EmLed (44:51):
gonna be amazing, right?
Because whether it succeedsor it doesn't think about the
growth that will come from this.
Think about the lives that you'll touchalong the way by just being you and
by sharing your faith, by sharing yourperspectives, by sharing your work,
and, you know, helping people like.
That is going to make an impact.
And I think in my opinion,you've already succeeded
Gillian (45:13):
Yeah, thank you so much for having me.
EmLed (45:15):
Yeah.
I'm so glad that you came, babe.
Is there anything else that you wannaleave people with before we sign off?
Just do it.
Just do the Nike, what is it?
The Nike
Gillian (45:25):
slogan.
The Nike slogan.
Just do it.
Yeah.
Just do it.
You know, like if you're thinkingabout it, if you're in your twenties
or thirties right, and you're, youfeel like you're capable, you're
maybe not sure about what comes next.
Investing in yourself firstis never a bad option.
(45:46):
Hmm.
Just do it.
The leap.
Just it.
I love it.
Take the leap.
You'll find the right people.
It's meant
EmLed (45:51):
to be.
Absolutely.
Where can people get in touch withyou if they are Wilmington locals
and need some architecture help?
Yes.
Gillian (45:59):
You can email me.
I. Have a webpage that is under Works,which you're gonna help me with.
I will help you help you,I'll help you with that.
And a subpar Instagram, because I'malso really bad at that, but also
gonna help her with that exactly.
But the handle is at ARC 30studio, and you can email me at
(46:19):
gillian@arcthirtystudio.com, whichis G-I-L-L-I-A-N at Arc, a RC.
33
EmLed (46:27):
0 Studio Doche.
I'll also link all of that in the shownotes so they can just go click and
get in touch with you nice and easy.
I I always
Gillian (46:36):
spell out my name for people when I'm talking to them too.
EmLed (46:39):
I called you Jillian for like the first two or three weeks that
we were friends because I was like,Gillian, it's such a different name.
It is, it is.
It's a hard G. It's a hard G. Itis a hard G. No, you got it down.
Well, babe, thank you somuch for coming today.
I am so excited for people to hear thisbecause your wisdom is truly irreplaceable
in my life, and you know how muchyou've impacted me, and now I'm just
(47:02):
excited to share you with everyone else.
So thanks for being here.
Gillian (47:05):
Thank you for having me.
This was so fun.
EmLed (47:07):
All right, guys.
Tune in next week for another episode ofWrestling with Life and we will talk soon.
Bye bye.
Alright everyone, welcome back to the Wrestling With Life Podcast.
I am your host, em led on the mic, and I'mscreaming, crying, throwing up because my,
one of my best friends, Gillian Scott, ishere today with me on wrestling with life.
Gil, I'm so freaking happy you're here.
It's been months that we've beentalking about finally doing this.
Gillian (00:44):
Oh yeah.
I am super excited to be here becauselike you said, it's been months and
it just feels like a fever dream.
Because you're amazing.
Hmm.
And you've had such amazing peopleon your podcast already this season.
Oh, thanks.
Thanks.
So I'm super excited to be here, hopingthat I can add something as well.
EmLed (01:01):
Oh babe, you're absolutely gonna add something.
Thank you so much for coming on.
I've been wanting to sitdown with you because.
Since I moved to Wilmington, youalready know this, but I have to
rave about you to everyone else.
Since I moved here.
You have been so incredibly influentialin not only my faith, but as I'm
starting to build my own business.
You and I have kind of been goingalongside each other hand in hand
(01:23):
through this process, figuringthings out together as we start.
For those of you who don't knowGillian, she has launched her
business ARC 30 studios Founderand are you CEO technically?
Yeah.
Gillian (01:35):
Let's call it CEO.
Yeah,
EmLed (01:36):
she's CEO.
you've just been a huge inspirationin not only the business
stuff, but in my faith too.
the time that I was startingto come back into my faith.
You came into my life.
We met at Run Club, right?
Yeah.
Is that what we met?
Gillian (01:50):
And it feels like so long ago.
I feel like you've just beena part of my life forever.
we just click so well, we do it.
Just this friendship feels likeit's never started or stopped.
You know what I mean?
No.
Yeah.
You've just always been in my life.
Yeah.
You've just always been there for me.
And but similar to you, you know, toI was, I had just started getting back
(02:10):
into my faith around the same time.
Yeah.
As you and, you know, been praying forfriendships and relationships that Yeah.
Are.
Centered around God.
Mm-hmm.
And
EmLed (02:20):
he sent me you dude.
Same.
He sent me you.
And it's kind of freaky how much ourlife has aligned in different ways
because as we've gotten deep into Yeah.
The conversation that we'repretty much gonna have today
on the podcast like You are Me.
In so many ways, like you areme, we think very similarly.
We have the same kind of drive.
We we're just really thesame in so many ways.
(02:42):
So I'm really excited to share you withmy audience today because you are so wise.
You're so well-spoken, you're soconfident in who you are and the
calling that God has on your life, andI'm just excited to pick your brain.
Gillian (02:54):
I'm excited to share it with you guys.
Emily is way too kind though because Ithink that, your belief in me is a big
reason why I am where I am today too.
Aw.
You know, stop.
You know, it's been, uh, a crazy ride.
Getting to this point and havinga friend to do it with has been
(03:18):
more than I could have hoped for.
A hundred percent.
But, you know, I did start thisa little bit earlier than Emily.
Mm-hmm.
But she's always had this podcast,which I always thought was super cool.
very entrepreneurial of you to beginwith, and to have such a beautiful,
strong, confident woman, you know.
(03:39):
Telling you and reassuringyou of those things.
'cause she says, I'msuper confident I'm not.
She's you are.
You are, you're so confident, babe.
You make me confident.
Mm.
And I think that's, uh, that's a, a big testament to who
you are as a person and as a friend.
Like you just, you're.
An amazing person who really empowersthe people around, around you.
(04:02):
Right.
And around them.
And it, it's what makes people,you know, gravitate towards you.
Stop.
You're gonna make me
EmLed (04:08):
cry.
Stop.
I will cry.
I love you so much, dude.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for those kind words.
I could go so many directions with ourconversation, but before I do, I, I
wanna give people a good idea of whoyou are and who they're talking to.
So if you could just share a fewminutes of, you know, how you grew up
and how you got to where you are now.
(04:29):
Like, that's a, a long time to cover,but if you could just give us the high
notes of like, what was your familylike and, you know, what drove you, what
motivated you, and then up until now,like you're launching your own business.
Like, just run back the tapes for us.
Gillian (04:44):
Yes,
EmLed (04:45):
I. So
Gillian (04:46):
I guess I grew up in Pennsylvania similar grew up, I'm adopted by the way.
So I'm a very, I'm a, I'ma great example of America.
Uh, my family, so mymom's Native American.
My dad is English.
And my sister's also adopted.
My mom's adopted.
I'm adopted.
So we're like a very blended familyneither of my parents went to college.
(05:10):
Uh, so it was always.
One of those things where my momencouraged my sister and I both to
go to college and I've always, I'vealways enjoyed like everything.
Yeah.
All the subjects, you know.
And it was really hard for me tofigure out what I wanted to do, but I
decided eventually that I was gonna bearchitecture 'cause it kind of encompasses
(05:33):
everything that I love, you know, art,history, culture, math and engineering
and it's literally the human experience.
Yeah.
You know, we're always going,uh, into different buildings and
different structures and differentspaces, and they're typically going
to be designed by an architect.
(05:54):
So it was really cool when Idiscovered this profession and I
moved down to North Carolina herein Wilmington, uh, back in 2009.
I started going to school at NCState, got my degree, and uh, my
first job out of college was inthe medical field for architecture.
(06:14):
So I did healthcare, architecture.
It took me all around thecountry, which was really cool.
Yeah.
But I really wanted tobring my roots back home.
Mm.
and so I moved back to Wilmington and now I'm doing, doing this.
Doing this, which is tell 'em aboutyour business, which is, yeah.
Uh, my business, as Emilysaid, is ARC 30 Studio Uhhuh.
(06:37):
It's, uh, an architecture firmand I am doing business both
commercially and residentiallynow, and it's really exciting.
Uh, it nothing in the medicalfield right now, which.
I actually find really refreshing.
Mm-hmm.
So when you go into architectureschool, you're like, oh, I'm gonna
design the craziest buildingsand I'm gonna change the world.
(06:58):
And you can still do thatin a small scale, you know?
Sure.
And that's what I wanna do, is Ireally wanna work with the people that
are impacting our communities here.
Yeah.
And I can enjoy it and will actuallysee the impact in my community
EmLed (07:12):
around me.
Gillian (07:13):
and because all of the work I had previously done was all over the country.
I never saw it.
And they were hospitals, so it'snot like it wasn't noble work.
It was like it was impactingpeople in a very big way.
Sure.
But it wasn't.
Where I wanted to use my talent.
Exactly.
So it just felt likethis was the right move.
Mm.
(07:33):
And God's timing was everything on this.
Mm. So I left my previous companyfor a Dini different company here,
you know, this in Wilmington.
And it felt like it was likethe perfect company for me.
You know, a lot of similaritiesbetween my last one that I was
with for about eight years.
And.
it didn't meet the expectationsof what I was hoping for.
(07:56):
You know, I always thought if I wasgonna leave this company, it was
going to be for the right company.
Sure.
And it was going to be it was going tobe the right move for what I wanted next.
Mm.
And it didn't feel like that.
It felt like I was taking a step back allthe signs were kind of leading towards,
you know what, like if I'm going to do.
All of this type of work,why can't I do it for myself?
(08:18):
so I'm figuring it out just like you are.
A
EmLed (08:20):
hundred percent.
You guys like me, each day is a newlike challenge and so many things
you could never anticipate seeing.
Gillian (08:27):
Yeah.
And coming from like a corporateworld, they don't teach you
how to run your own business.
Absolutely
EmLed (08:33):
not.
Gillian (08:33):
They teach you how to be a part of.
The corporate world.
Exactly.
And so it really is like the only way tofigure it out is to just dive headfirst.
A hundred percent.
A hundred percent.
And it feels like the water's realshallow and like, I'm just hitting
my head, I'm diving in headfirst.
But you know, it's been, it's been.
(08:53):
The best decision
EmLed (08:55):
that I could have made.
Yeah, anytime I'm talking to my friendsback home or my parents to explain
like who my friends are in Wilmington,the way that I refer to you is like.
My friend Gillian, thearchitect, the fancy architect.
I just think what you do is so bougieand cool, like, ah, it's so rare that
you meet someone in that profession.
Gillian (09:14):
Obviously I'm in this world, so I meet architects all the time.
I am the Wilmington chaptera i a president, a i a is our
American Institute of Architects.
It's an association,professional association here.
So I meet, I meet architects all thetime, so I'm like, oh, I'm not that cool.
Oh, you're really cool.
Trust me, you're really cool.
But then I meet people andthey're like, oh, I didn't know
(09:36):
there were female architects.
Really?
Right.
And I'm like.
Really?
Why not?
You're like, I'm, I'm happyto be your first Yeah.
I'm happy to be your first, butit's also shocking to me Yeah.
That there's people out there andit's, it's not like, it's obviously
not malicious, but it's, it's morealong the people, the line that people
are just, you know, uneducated Sure.
(09:57):
In the fact Sure.
That.
It is no longer a male dominated field.
No, it's not.
Uh, tell 'em sis.
It's not.
Tell 'em sis.
It's crazy.
Uh, you know, when I was in gradschool, I would say it was 75 to 80%
female and the other 20% were male.
So there's a big shift happening mm-hmm.
(10:18):
In the field.
But then, but the older generation isdefinitely still more male dominated.
It's the younger generation, you know, mygeneration and the generations that are
coming up where you are really starting tosee the the level playing field, you know?
Yeah.
Anybody can be what they wanna be today.
Say it again, say it again.
You wanna be it,
EmLed (10:38):
you know, you just gotta put your mind to it.
You do.
Yeah.
You do.
Yeah.
And yeah, I, I love all of that.
I love seeing women do things thatpeople didn't think they could do.
And you're a directrepresentation of that.
So I'm so proud of you.
And the biggest thing that I think youand I have connected on, like taking
it back to what you were mentioningabout the corporate world mm-hmm.
Is.
(10:59):
For a really long time.
I know both of us operated with achip on our shoulder, and I think
we'd be lying if we said we don'tstill have that chip a little bit
now because we're in a new adventure.
We're starting our own businesses, andof course we both wanna be successful.
But I think something you and Ihave talked about a lot is how
pride plays into our career.
(11:20):
Like you said, you're ina male dominated field.
The last three years of mycareer, I was working for a
company that was male dominated.
And there's something aboutbeing in that environment as a
woman where you can't help it.
You feel like you have more to prove.
Yeah.
You feel like you wanna show thatyou have a seat at the table.
You want people to take you seriously.
You wanna do good work, you wannashow up your best self all the time.
(11:42):
for me, I found that so muchof my worth and my identity
became attached to my career.
So when things were going really good,I felt like, okay, I'm, I'm that girl.
Right?
But then when they weren't, it would,it would be feelings of shames, feelings
of not enoughness, feelings of, I'm not.
Doing as good as I should beand just beating myself up.
(12:04):
And I know we've had a lot ofconversations about this, but when you
think about people who are our age,whether they're in their corporate
career or they're starting theirown business, when you look at our
culture, what role do you see prideplaying in the career space and what
cautions might you have against that
Gillian (12:22):
I think pride is a very dangerous thing too, because
it leads to overcompensation.
EmLed (12:28):
Oh, facts.
Gillian (12:28):
Facts.
And I think that's probablywhat I fell under a lot
(13:55):
It's not necessarily even because I wasa woman in a male dominated space, I
just feel like it's, for me, it's a verynoble, historically noble profession
and there's a lot of responsibility init, and I just felt like for myself.
I'm doing myself a disservice if I'mnot showing up the best I can and
(14:18):
any sort of criticism, and you geta lot of criticism in architecture.
But any criticism that I received,I would take very personally.
Yeah.
And I don't think that I was evermeant to be taken personally,
and so I would overcompensate.
Right.
Mm. And then you get defensive and then,and then you can also, but there's also
(14:39):
great things that come from that too.
You know, I'm workingharder, I'm researching more.
I am, I'm thinking that's, youknow, that's exactly why I am where
I am today, is because I pushedmyself harder than those around me.
I would caution people though,like overcompensating is
not always a healthy choice.
Mm.
But there are.
EmLed (15:01):
There are some upsides to it.
Absolutely.
You know, what do youthink the line is like?
How would someone know, like, oh,I'm just giving everything that I
can, I'm just working really hardversus, oh, I'm doing too much.
I'm overcompensating.
Gillian (15:13):
Oh, well, it's definitely like what you were talking about
being in the corporate world.
Is your career becoming your personality?
Yeah.
I mean, that's just whathappens when it falls apart.
Mm. You know, like, wheredoes that leave you?
It, it's a really scary place to beand I don't wish that on anybody.
and at the end of the day,you know, the only thing that
(15:33):
can fill that void, I. God.
Mm, amen.
You know, we talk about that a lot.
We do.
You know, like you're maybe notsupposed to feel like enough
because we're not enough.
We're not, and we're justcoming out of Easter weekend.
I mean, there's, there's nothing, nobetter representation than the fact
that like, if we could have doneenough to save us from our sins.
(15:58):
Why did God give us the gift ofJesus and sacrifice his only son?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Would he have done that if wecould have done that for ourselves?
Yeah.
No, and I'm taking that from mypastor's, my pastor's service that I
just had on Sunday, but it's so true.
Yeah.
You know, it's, it's, you know,if we, why would he have gone
(16:19):
through all of that suffering
EmLed (16:20):
for us if he didn't have to?
Amen.
There's such a misconceptionin Christianity that we can
earn our salvation by beinga good Christian, right?
And that's how I interpreted the gospelfor the first 26 years of my life.
And it doesn't make sense.
You're right, because like what is the,what is the purpose of Jesus at all?
Right.
If we can just be a goodperson and get into heaven.
(16:43):
I always used to look at my timehere on earth as what will be judged.
So I get into heaven or I go to hell.
Like that's how Iinterpreted Christianity.
And more recently.
The understanding of my faith has become.
It's not about what happens after I die.
It's about right now.
(17:04):
How does Jesus being a part of mylife, change my life right now?
How does understanding the gospel andunderstanding Jesus's sacrifice change the
way that I move and live and breathe, andwork, and play and exist in this world?
Right now.
Yeah.
Has it been like that for you withyour faith where you've had an
encounter with God that does changeyour heart and does maybe help you
(17:29):
with the pride that you used tostruggle with or anything like that?
What kind of transformationhave you seen in your life since
God came into the, the picture?
I've seen a ton of change.
Gillian (17:39):
Yeah.
I mean there's, I haveso much more peace now.
With knowing like, I can't do it all.
I, you know, it's not like youdon't try and do as much as you can.
Yeah.
But knowing that you can't Yeah.
Literally do everything.
And knowing there's abigger reason for that.
Like, it, it brings me a lot of peace.
But it, terms of transformation, Ithink I'm much more accepting of.
(18:06):
People's shortfalls than I used to be.
Oof.
You know, I feel convicted because, youknow, again, the pride thing, it's like.
I have a really hard time, and I'm tryingto be conscious of this now as a, as a
business owner, but, you know, I wouldlook around me and I'd be like, why aren't
people performing to the same level I am?
(18:28):
Mm-hmm.
You know, relatable.
Like, so relatable and, and everyoneis different and it, it's not
fair to expect everyone to careabout the things you care about.
Yep.
To the same level you care about them.
Yep.
All the time.
You just can't.
And if God can love andaccept us all where we're at.
(18:49):
Mm. for all the differentthings that you, you don't know
everyone's stories and experiences.
Right.
Right.
So knowing that Jesus loves me and Iknow I am not a perfect person, and I
know all of the mistakes and the sinsand the things that I've done in my life.
Yeah.
And I don't know that for everyone else.
Right.
Right.
Like.
Sometimes that is somebody'sbest that they're doing.
(19:10):
Right.
And to bash someone or to bashsomeone in your, he in your head
over that is not fair to them.
Amen.
And it's also not fair to yourself.
Mm-hmm.
Because again, you're just,you are setting yourself up.
You as a me I'm settingmyself up for disappointment.
Yeah.
At the end of the day.
Yeah.
Yep.
And For all the grace that I'vereceived, I should be able to, to get.
EmLed (19:33):
Yeah.
Yeah.
But that is so much easiersaid than done, Gil.
I'll tell you that right now.
But you, you're preaching, you hitthe nail on the head with that.
I've had so many conversationsrecently with people about expectation.
Like you're saying, how muchexpectation leads to our disappointment?
Because if you are expectingA, B, and C and one, you
(19:54):
don't communicate it, but two.
Yeah.
Did that convict you A little bit?
Yeah, a little bit.
Yeah.
But two, you're putting aunrealistic expectation on someone.
How is that gonna work?
You know, you're gonnaconstantly be disappointed.
You're gonna constantly feel like peoplein your life don't care about you.
That's the biggest thing I've noticed,is I would chalk up people's, I
(20:16):
guess, failure to meet my expectationsas, oh, they don't care enough.
Yeah, they don't care about me.
You know, because they didn't meetthese expectations that I had for them.
But like when you really step backand you look at that through a
rationalized lens, you're like.
That's actually nuts.
That's actually crazy that I putthat expectation on other people.
Gillian (20:35):
Yeah.
And I have definitely been in thatposition a lot in my life, but I've
also been on the other side of that.
Right.
And you think, and knowing when you'reon the other side of that, you think
to yourself, I just don't understandhow I didn't meet their expectations.
Yeah, yeah.
Like
I felt like.
You know, knowing who I am,knowing who they are, knowing
(20:56):
what their needs are, like I feltlike I did the best that I could.
Yeah.
Why can't they see that?
Right?
And It's one of those things whereit just takes experience and growth
and forgiveness and love and, and thebest example of all of that is Jesus.
Amen.
God.
Amen.
Amen.
Just trying to be more like himand, and having, inviting him back
(21:19):
into my life and accepting Godand Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
I have only seen positives.
You know, it's, it's.
The energy that you put outis the energy you attract.
EmLed (21:31):
Yeah.
Gillian (21:32):
And and that's how I met you.
You know?
Yeah.
Like I have no idea who I'd be orwhere I'd be, or what other friendship.
I would have if it wasn't for you.
You know, like I just, that wasworded, worded very strangely.
EmLed (21:51):
You're just saying because of who you've become through God, you've
allowed to attract like-minded people.
Yeah.
And like-minded experiences thatare on the same wavelength as you.
Gillian (22:01):
Yes.
EmLed (22:02):
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah, that's
Gillian (22:03):
exactly
EmLed (22:03):
it.
And
Gillian (22:04):
it's the most beautiful.
Beautiful transition that could havehappened and I, I just hope more people
start to see, see that for themselves too.
EmLed (22:15):
Well, that's the goal.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
You know, well you embodying thatis rubbing off on me because you
have like a very zen presencewhen I'm with you, like a very.
Calming presence and you're also very,like, I can tell when I'm venting to
you or I'm telling you something, andthen you very lovingly ask the right
questions to point to the fact thatI'm being dramatic and I'm also setting
(22:39):
up my myself for disappointment.
Through my expectation, you know, oroverthinking something like you just
have a very loving way of pointing tothe truth, and I think that's because
of the way that God's worked in yourheart and the things that, the lessons
that he's already taught you and thethings that he's convicted of you,
you're now sharing that with otherpeople just by being who you are.
Gillian (22:59):
I appreciate that.
That's really sweet.
Yeah.
EmLed (23:01):
I
Gillian (23:01):
mean it babe.
Yeah.
I think, you know, we, we've all haddifferent struggles in our lives and
if you can recognize the strugglesin your life and be really honest
with yourself about them Yeah.
And how those have affected you, youcan realize, you know how you don't.
Want to be towards other people.
(23:22):
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
And so I think it's taken me a really longtime to figure out exactly what kind of
person, what kind of friend I wanna be.
Mm. The kind of wife that I wannabe, the kind of, you know, daughter,
sister, whatever I wanna be.
And I'm really proud of theperson that I've become and who
(23:42):
I'm continuing to, to grow into.
Yes, you should.
And that's, you know, I,it's, we got a roadmap, babe.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
We've got a roadmap in the Bible andthe gospel on how we should be and.
I just think if more people acceptedthat as truth, that they would also
find the peace that they're looking for.
EmLed (24:03):
Amen.
What you just said about honesty isreally sticking out to me because
of all the people in my life.
You are definitely one of the most honest.
Like you will, you'll say what needsto be said, you'll say what's true.
Have you always been like that oris that a muscle you've exercised?
Gillian (24:21):
I think I've always been honest.
I. Uh, the problem isn't the honesty, it'salways been the execution, the delivery.
Yeah.
Relate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Trust me, people in my life know Ican be honest for better or for worse.
But tact is a skill you learn gettingolder and you will need to learn if
(24:46):
you're going to own your own business.
A hundred percent for sure.
But.
It's again, you know, kindness is free.
Mm.
sometimes you really just need to reflect and be like, how
would I want someone to approach this?
Mm. To me.
Yep.
I. Honesty is, is anatural, a natural reflex.
(25:06):
And I think that just comes fromalso, you know, having a sister.
Yeah.
And, and a, a very vocal mother.
Like I have strong, I have a lineof strong women in my family.
So like, if, if you don't speakup, you're not gonna, you're
just gonna get walked right over.
Yeah.
You gotta find your voice quick.
Right.
But you also realize like howyou don't want To come across
EmLed (25:27):
either.
Absolutely.
So, so what does that look like for you?
When you were talking earlier aboutgetting really honest with yourself?
it's easy to live in denial, right?
It's easy to.
Blame other people for your ownstruggles, your own shortcomings.
It's easy to project onto other people,which you and I talk about a lot.
Yeah.
So what is getting honest with yourself?
(25:49):
What does that actually look like?
How do you go about it?
How do you start askingyourself the right questions?
And what role does God play in that?
Gillian (25:57):
being honest with yourself is again, starting with
admitting like you are not enough.
Mm-hmm.
And if you haven't taken that first step, then the
convers, there's no conversation.
Growing up, my mom always said, you,you know, you're constantly being
told you don't know everything.
Mm-hmm.
You don't know everything.
(26:18):
Mm-hmm.
But you're a kid and you arelike, I, I do know everything.
You know, you just haven't askedme all the questions to Right.
To find out that I do.
Right.
Of course.
And, uh, I have a friend who'ssaying is, is like you know.
It's really annoying for you to act likeyou know it all to those who actually do.
Mm. It's just like, whoa.
(26:38):
That's hilarious.
That is hilarious.
It's funny, but, but being honestwith yourself, I guess, is realizing
you are not going to be everything.
You want to be or claim to be.
You know, there's going tobe a shortcoming somewhere.
We're all going to fail atsomething at some point.
And recognizing in yourself, like whatyour strengths and your weaknesses are.
(27:01):
And so for me, my biggestweakness is I'm a people pleaser.
Mm-hmm.
So saying no is really hard.
Yeah.
I'm also a workaholic.
So wearing the career as my mask isa very big part of my identity, but.
accepting God again.
Like I know I'm bringing that back a lot.
(27:22):
Yeah.
But it really is something that'sgrounding for me to know that like, if
this fails, because you don't know, I,you know, I just started this business.
If this fails, like it'snot the end of the world.
It's it wasn't meant to be, but obviouslyI'm, you know, I'm praying and hoping that
it, it becomes everything it can be and I.
(27:44):
Glorify God.
Mm. Along the way.
Yeah.
But I don't know.
Go to therapy.
Amen.
So say louder for people in the back.
Everybody needs therapy.
Um, And if you don't think, thinkyou need therapy, you need therapy.
I think that's a hard question.
I don't think I answeredthat one too well.
EmLed (28:02):
No, you, you answered that very well.
That was also a verylike, loaded question.
I threw your way.
It was very loaded.
The trying.
No, I think, I think thatwas really well said.
And also what you said about therapy.
I. Sometimes having a thirdperson objective party, someone
who's not in your daily life.
(28:23):
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Who has nothing to gain bytelling you what you want to hear.
Yeah.
And will be honest.
Not everyone has a gilian in their life.
You know, who's gonna be like,well, you need to do this, this,
this, and this, and you need tostop doing this, this, and this.
It could really benefityou to have a therapist.
I know for me, my time spent intherapy was so helpful and me
(28:44):
getting out of my own way and helpingme get back on my two feet after
getting knocked down pretty hard.
But there also comes a time when youcan graduate from that and you don't
need to to dwell on the past anymore,and you can truly move forward.
So finding that balance of like, allright, I've worked through my stuff.
Now I'm ready to launch andimplement what I learned instead
of staying stuck on the same thing.
Gillian (29:05):
I think that's beautiful and I'm, and you say having a Gillian in your life,
but it's always so much easier to giveadvice, facts, you know, facts than it
is to like live the advice that you give.
And when you're so close to something,it's hard to see it, you know, like,
Any sort of issue can seem huge ifit's right in front of your face.
(29:28):
But if you just like take a stepback, you realize it's so much warmer.
That's so
EmLed (29:31):
good.
Gillian (29:31):
Yeah.
It's all
EmLed (29:32):
about perspective.
That's so
Gillian (29:33):
true.
EmLed (29:34):
Yeah.
Gillian (29:34):
Yeah.
EmLed (29:35):
Is Evan that for you?
Evan is her husband by the way.
Yeah, he's a great, great man.
Gillian (29:40):
I think he's always been that for me.
And now that you asked that question,like Yeah, he definitely is like,
I hold everything so close to me.
And he's always, he's alwayslooking at things from back here.
He is like, why are you making sucha big thing out of, out of nothing?
Yeah.
And I'm just like, what do you mean?
How is it nothing?
(30:00):
And then he, he walks it back from me.
I'm like, Uhhuh.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
It really isn't as.
Life ending.
Yep.
As I'm making it seem.
Yeah.
And so if you've gotsomebody like that in your
EmLed (30:12):
life, you're pretty lucky.
You know?
It's so annoying how men seemto so effortlessly do that.
I'm like, my world's falling apart andthe men in my life are like, no, it's not.
Yeah, exactly.
It's really not.
I was like,
Gillian (30:23):
well, you might not think so, but you're not walking in my shoes.
Uhhuh.
Okay, Uhhuh.
My shoes are very heavy andno, they're, the men are.
I think that's what their roleis supposed to be, though.
Mm.
You know?
Yeah.
They're supposed to bethe stability in our life.
I think
EmLed (30:41):
so too.
So I fought that for a long time.
I went through a very feminist, youcould call it phase where obviously I
still believe in women being strong andwomen doing everything that a man can do.
But I also think there is.
Truth in how God designed us, that hedesigned men and women with different
strengths and different weaknesses.
(31:02):
And I think for me, I've had to reallybe honest about what are my limits, not
just as a woman, but as a human too.
Like what are my limits?
I think for a long time I. Operatedunder this delusion that I could do
it all and be it all and have it alland never run outta gas and conquer
the day and not waste a single second.
(31:24):
And there are some days where I can'tdo that because I'm not okay mentally,
or I'm going through something or.
Whatever you know life event isgoing on is, is taking energy
away from my ability to show up.
So I'm curious to know for you, haveyou gone through a period of your
life where you wanted to have it all?
Do it all.
Be it all?
(31:44):
And where do you stand with that now?
Gillian (31:48):
that's how I've operated since I was like five years old.
Same, same.
I don't think it's ever stops.
Same.
I don't think it ever will.
But I think that's completely human.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Mm-hmm.
To want it all and go after it all.
I don't, I don't thinkit's ever gonna end.
I, I don't know that Iwould be me if it did.
(32:10):
Mm. You know um, my mom uses thephrase for me, she's like, you're
burning the candle on both ends.
Mm-hmm.
I don't know if you'veever heard that phrase.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
But, It's true, but you gotta findbalance because you can burn out so quick.
And I've burned out before.
I've flamed out so hard.
Mm-hmm.
And it is really, and it's reallyhard to come back from that.
(32:31):
Yep.
It's exhausting, but it'salso really rewarding.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Yeah.
You don't realize how resilientyou are until you have to be.
So I think that's also what's really.
Amazing about this leapthat we've taken Yeah.
In owning our own businesses is wereally get to see what we're made of.
Mm. You know, it's one thing For youto talk about wanting to do something.
(32:54):
'cause I've always talked aboutwanting to own my own business or
people who, who talk to you andthey're like, yeah, makes total sense.
You know I can see you doingthat and I, or I can't believe,
you know, you're doing that.
You or you should have beendoing this forever ago.
And, and it's one thing toimagine something for yourself
(33:17):
and it's another thing to just.
Do it for yourself.
Yeah, absolutely.
So,
EmLed (33:22):
and you're doing the damn thing.
Yeah, we are.
Yeah,
Gillian (33:24):
you are.
EmLed (33:25):
We, we are doing the damn thing.
Yeah, we're, no, I'm so proud ofyou and I relate to that a lot
with burning out at both ends.
Aw.
I think for me, this goes back tolike the ego pride conversation, just
realizing that I'm not God and I reallydo have limits and I need to accept that.
And sometimes that looks likesaying no, like you were talking
(33:48):
about being a people pleaser.
Sometimes that means like maybedisappointing people, maybe letting
people down and it's never gonna bein a huge way that's life altering.
You know, like we definitelymake those scenarios bigger in
our heads than they really are.
But truly recognizing like, even thoughI wanna help this person, or I wanna say
yes to this opportunity, or whatever itis, like, even though part of me wants
(34:10):
to, I'm at capacity right now and I legitcan't, and so I'm gonna recognize that and
make space for that and not shame myselffor that because that was the, the biggest
thing I would struggle with is beatingmyself up for not being able to do it all
when what a ridiculous expectation thatis to put on myself in the first place.
Gillian (34:29):
what a blessing too.
I mean, I'm so proud of you.
You know, you're at capacity.
Mm-hmm.
You're doing everythingthat you wanna be doing.
Mm-hmm.
And.
To be doing it so soon, youknow, so early into creating your
business is an amazing thing.
Thanks babe.
It's amazing.
(34:50):
It is.
I'm so
EmLed (34:50):
proud of you.
I'm so proud of you and you.
You inspire me girl.
You inspire me I don't really knowwhy you don't think you're confident.
Like it actually boggles my mind becausethat is how you, my heart is racing.
Gillian (35:01):
You can't hear it
EmLed (35:02):
through
Gillian (35:03):
the microphone, but I've
EmLed (35:04):
been like, really?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow.
You're really good at playing that off.
To be honest, I'm kind ofthe same way though, really.
Like, yeah.
Well when I, I just got baptized, Iknow you know this, but I just got
baptized a couple weeks ago and wehad to get up in front of everybody
in the room and like Port City.
Big church, huge.
Lots of people there.
Yeah.
And give our testimony beforewe got baptized and people were
(35:27):
saying to me after they werelike, wow, like you sounded so
confident, like you spoke so well.
And I was like, I was anervous wreck on the inside.
So it's funny how like you perceive peopleand you think they don't get scared or you
think they don't get nervous, but they'reactually like crapping themselves on the
Gillian (35:42):
inside.
Oh yeah.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
I think that's the funnything about confidence,
EmLed (35:47):
isn't it?
Gillian (35:47):
Yeah.
EmLed (35:48):
You never know if it's real or not.
Exactly.
Gillian (35:50):
I'm just so happy we're finally doing this.
Dude, it's about time, isn't it?
I know, I know.
But it's, it is one of thosethings, you know, I, we, we talked
about this beforehand, it's justwanting to make sure that you show
up as authentically as yourself.
Yeah.
And I think, you know, I had ahard time picking out my outfit.
Today because I was like,man, the internet's forever.
(36:12):
You know, do I do my hair and makeup?
Like do I pick outsomething super, super cute?
But none of those things are me.
I never do my makeup, but Idon't, I don't do my hair.
It'd be weird if you came in, like,that'd be like, it was this Exactly.
And I was like, you know what?
No, Emily asked me to be, yeah, I did.
To be on the show.
And again, that kind of wrapsup the whole pride conversation.
(36:34):
Pride, right?
Pride, yeah.
Like, uh, if I showed up likethat, that would've been my pride
and not would've, that would nothave been a representation of.
EmLed (36:43):
Yeah, exactly.
So everybody has thatdialogue though, you know?
Yeah.
And I think in the worldthat we're in more than ever,
Gillian (36:51):
yeah.
I
EmLed (36:51):
mean, cancel culture is at an all time high.
So many people that I know areafraid to put their feelings, their
thoughts, anything online becausethey're afraid of the reception
of that and people canceling them.
And I wanna validate that.
That's a very real fear.
But I think.
We talk all the time on the podcast.
(37:12):
I say in my real life all the time, likefear really is inevitable, but letting
it stop you from being who you truly areand sharing your thoughts and starting
your own business or whatever it isthat you want to do, letting it stop
you is the only choice that you have.
The fear's gonna be there regardless.
Gillian (37:28):
Wow.
You just have to,
EmLed (37:29):
yeah, you just have to choose to power through.
Gillian (37:31):
Yeah.
No, I think that's reallybeautiful because you're right.
I mean, you, you guys are notgonna see me post on social
media very often, if at all.
And it's not because I'm afraid of beingcanceled, it's more so being afraid
of being validated or invalidated.
'cause it's kind to me, it'skind of like a lose lose.
Mm-hmm.
And we've talked about that before If I'minvalidated, I'm invalidated, you know?
(37:54):
But any validation I get won't be enough.
Yeah.
So it's kind of like a, oh, I'llenjoy it for what it can offer
me, but I'm not going to feedmyself into it just because it.
Knowing myself and my limits, it wouldnot be good for my mental health.
And I don't have time.
I don't have time for my mentalhealth to, to be based off of what
(38:15):
people have to say or what theylike about me on the internet.
I like me, you know?
Yeah.
I think I like you too.
I like you too.
But like, getting to thatpoint is, is maturity.
A hundred percent his maturity and it'staken a long time, I feel like longer than
it should have maybe to get to that point.
EmLed (38:34):
Yeah.
Well what you said is so real and Ithink all of us have felt that if we are
posting on social media or not there havebeen many times where I have regretted.
Starting a career in social mediafor that exact reason, because
I find that I can't escape that.
You know, like whether I'm postingfor another business or I'm posting
for myself, or I'm posting anything,or if I'm just lurking, that we're
(38:58):
lurking that four lurkers over,that feeling is, is possible.
It can creep up on you at any point,and you have to be on guard about it.
You have to constantly, likeyou said, be honest and check
in with yourself about like.
Is my time that I'm spendingonline or really doing anything?
Is it filling my cup or is it draining me?
And then setting boundaries with that andmaking the choice of, okay, doom scrolling
(39:22):
after work for two hours is not it.
That's not making mefeel good about myself.
That's taking away from my life.
Maybe I should stop doing that, you know?
But if you don't check in withyourself when you aren't honest, you're
never gonna know that you're justgonna be going through the motions.
And you can't make change if you, if you.
Don't really have an assessmentor you don't know what's actually
happening in your heart and your head.
Gillian (39:42):
Yeah.
You're kind of just floating.
Yeah.
At that point.
Yeah.
You're just existing.
I feel like self-awareness isprobably something we lack today.
Mm-hmm.
You know, and you can see it inthe younger generations, the,
the rise of anxiety, the lackof understanding, social cues.
The kids that don't know how tohave a conversation or you know,
(40:04):
people don't just pick up thephone and call anyone anymore.
Like you need to, a lot of peopleneed to take the time to think
out exactly what they wanna say.
Yep.
Because they don't want to offend anyone.
Mm-hmm.
Or have things be misconstrued.
Mm-hmm.
And I, and that, a big part of that isthe social media, but it's a great tool.
It is, it's a great tool.
(40:25):
And if you're aware of.
These things that we just talked about,it can be a great asset to your life.
Absolutely.
It doesn't have to be a detriment.
Absolutely.
So I don't post on it, but I use it.
Yeah.
I use it all the time.
I just don't post.
So I know how I can use it for my benefitand detriment if I'm just doom scrolling.
Yes.
Forever.
Yes.
(40:45):
But.
It's,
EmLed (40:47):
it's a great resource.
I agree with you.
So I agree with you.
That's what I love about it so muchis you can, you can choose to amplify
more of whatever you choose to amplify.
Like that's how an algorithm works.
Like whatever you interact with, whateveryou are liking, commenting, sharing,
you're gonna get more of that and.
Same with what you're creatingand what you're putting out there.
(41:07):
Like you have an option to contributepositively to the world and to put
something on someone's feed that couldencourage them or uplift them or make
them think differently about somethinglike you have the opportunity to make
it what you want it to be, but we'reall human at the end of the day.
And so there are going to be timeswhere you slip into the negative
side of it and you have to catch it.
And like you said, just be aware.
(41:28):
That was well said.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Gillian (41:30):
But yeah, I think you're, you're definitely spot on too.
Like you can use your powers for good.
Yes.
We don't all have to be keyword warriors.
You, it doesn't, not everythinghas to be combative, right?
Yes.
Yeah.
And I feel like a lot of whatpeople hear about or see today is
always combative because that'swhat gets the most interaction.
A hundred
EmLed (41:50):
percent.
Gillian (41:51):
But if you're just like living your life day to day.
Especially in somewhere likeWilmington, like I love this city.
Oh,
EmLed (41:58):
me too.
I
Gillian (41:59):
love this city.
Me too.
You can actually like get to know peoplehere, Uhhuh and the places, and you
can see just how great and blended andaccepting the people around you are.
Yeah.
You know?
Absolutely.
Like there's people of allkinds of backgrounds here.
Yeah.
We're in the south, but.
We could all still be in the north becauseof how many people moved down here Right.
(42:22):
From up north.
Right.
You know, we both did.
Yeah, we did.
So it's, uh, it's good to just giveyourself a little perspective now.
EmLed (42:29):
Yeah.
And when you're in a community likethis, like you wanna contribute
positively to it, and that's whatyou're doing through your business.
And same with me.
There's so many more questionsthat I wanna ask you.
Like we could sit here and talk all dayand take this in so many directions.
But as it pertains to starting yourbusiness and the career what limiting
beliefs or doubt or anything ofthat nature has come up for you, and
(42:52):
how have you surrendered it to God?
Gillian (42:54):
So a lot of my doubts was just about.
My experience.
Mm. You know, I had a very nicheexperience previously in architecture
and I've and my age, right.
I'm pretty young.
I'm 30, arc 30, I'm 30.
I figured those would potentially bedeterrent in finding work around here.
(43:17):
Yeah.
I'm also a female, so I.
You know, I don't know what perceptionspeople may or may not have about
that in this field for myself.
But I'm meeting people and thiscommunity is so welcoming and so
encouraging that just meeting peoplehas been able to put aside some of
(43:40):
my doubts because I've just been.
Making introductions with a lot of peoplebased off of other introductions from
people, and the chain just keeps going.
EmLed (43:48):
Yeah.
Gillian (43:49):
And I didn't think that was going to happen, let alone as quickly as it did.
So I'm meeting the right people.
And I think that's, that's a bigpart of business as you know,
your relationships Absolutely.
And your connections.
Absolutely.
And so I wasn't expecting it tohappen so fast, but you know, as,
as it builds and you're able to.
Prove yourself and your reputation,it's just going to get easier.
(44:13):
Absolutely.
So those were, the doubts wasjust, will I even get a job?
Yeah.
Will I even get a client?
Will I get a project?
And one of my first clients asyou know, is my previous firm.
Yeah.
They had reached out and asked to do aproject with me, which is very validating.
Isn't that crazy?
That happened for both of us.
Exactly.
Isn't that nice?
(44:34):
Yeah.
It's so rewarding.
It's validating in a way that youdidn't know you needed it at the time.
Yes,
EmLed (44:39):
There's something about people believing in you that gives you the
confidence to keep moving, isn't it?
Yeah.
Gillian (44:45):
it's going to be a great journey.
I can tell.
I know.
It is.
No matter how it ends, I know it's
EmLed (44:51):
gonna be amazing, right?
Because whether it succeedsor it doesn't think about the
growth that will come from this.
Think about the lives that you'll touchalong the way by just being you and
by sharing your faith, by sharing yourperspectives, by sharing your work,
and, you know, helping people like.
That is going to make an impact.
And I think in my opinion,you've already succeeded
Gillian (45:13):
Yeah, thank you so much for having me.
EmLed (45:15):
Yeah.
I'm so glad that you came, babe.
Is there anything else that you wannaleave people with before we sign off?
Just do it.
Just do the Nike, what is it?
The Nike
Gillian (45:25):
slogan.
The Nike slogan.
Just do it.
Yeah.
Just do it.
You know, like if you're thinkingabout it, if you're in your twenties
or thirties right, and you're, youfeel like you're capable, you're
maybe not sure about what comes next.
Investing in yourself firstis never a bad option.
(45:46):
Hmm.
Just do it.
The leap.
Just it.
I love it.
Take the leap.
You'll find the right people.
It's meant
EmLed (45:51):
to be.
Absolutely.
Where can people get in touch withyou if they are Wilmington locals
and need some architecture help?
Yes.
Gillian (45:59):
You can email me.
I. Have a webpage that is under Works,which you're gonna help me with.
I will help you help you,I'll help you with that.
And a subpar Instagram, because I'malso really bad at that, but also
gonna help her with that exactly.
But the handle is at ARC 30studio, and you can email me at
(46:19):
gillian@arcthirtystudio.com, whichis G-I-L-L-I-A-N at Arc, a RC.
33
EmLed (46:27):
0 Studio Doche.
I'll also link all of that in the shownotes so they can just go click and
get in touch with you nice and easy.
I I always
Gillian (46:36):
spell out my name for people when I'm talking to them too.
EmLed (46:39):
I called you Jillian for like the first two or three weeks that
we were friends because I was like,Gillian, it's such a different name.
It is, it is.
It's a hard G. It's a hard G. Itis a hard G. No, you got it down.
Well, babe, thank you somuch for coming today.
I am so excited for people to hear thisbecause your wisdom is truly irreplaceable
in my life, and you know how muchyou've impacted me, and now I'm just
(47:02):
excited to share you with everyone else.
So thanks for being here.
Gillian (47:05):
Thank you for having me.
This was so fun.
EmLed (47:07):
All right, guys.
Tune in next week for another episode ofWrestling with Life and we will talk soon.
Bye bye.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
True Crime Tonight
If you eat, sleep, and breathe true crime, TRUE CRIME TONIGHT is serving up your nightly fix. Five nights a week, KT STUDIOS & iHEART RADIO invite listeners to pull up a seat for an unfiltered look at the biggest cases making headlines, celebrity scandals, and the trials everyone is watching. With a mix of expert analysis, hot takes, and listener call-ins, TRUE CRIME TONIGHT goes beyond the headlines to uncover the twists, turns, and unanswered questions that keep us all obsessed—because, at TRUE CRIME TONIGHT, there’s a seat for everyone. Whether breaking down crime scene forensics, scrutinizing serial killers, or debating the most binge-worthy true crime docs, True Crime Tonight is the fresh, fast-paced, and slightly addictive home for true crime lovers.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com