Finding Myself Again

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Multiple people in my family clean my father, are veterans.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
Troops that have been to war and now they're back and.

Speaker 3 (00:12):
Think and be grateful for their service, sacrifice, love for
their country, just unselfishness, all that they do for us.
There are some people in this country who take extraordinary
steps to provide for the freedom and security.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
We forget that those people exist.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
We know them as the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines,
and Coast Guard. They call themselves soldiers, seals, rangers, airmen, sailors, devil.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
Dogs, and so much more.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
We call them fathers, brothers, sons and husbands, mothers, daughters,
sisters and wives. We call them friend and neighbor. These
veterans answered the call. Now we answer theirs today are
the best our country has to offer, and we love them. Today,

(01:06):
we honor them, and we serve them. David Maulsby is
your host, and he welcomes you to this community of veterans,
as together we are building the road to.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
Hope, and we welcome you in on this Sunday. Those
of you listening through the KPRC the nine to five
OO on the AM dial, thank you for joining us.
Those of you who listen through the magic of podcasts.
Thank you so very much. Wherever you listen to podcasts,
just look for Road to Hope Radio. There we are.
It's absolutely zero costs. Just like everything we do with
the PTSD Foundation of America, we appreciate you listening, subscribing, sharing.

(01:46):
You never know with whom you might share it that
might need the services that we provide, or understand that
they need to provide to find some sort of help
for whatever there might be going through. Everyone you lock
eyes with that day could use a little bit of hope.
So just wherever you listen to podcasts, just look for
Road to Hope Radio. Hit that subscribe button automatically downloads,

(02:09):
and we truly appreciate it when you not only listen
but also share. Just real quickly. I hate really kind
of bringing these sorts of things up because for some
these awareness things kind of just get annoying. Every single
day it's about twenty different things National Mosquito Day, National

(02:34):
Banana and Peanut Butter Eating Day, or whatever it happens
to be. And every month's about twelve different awareness months. June.
I don't know who makes these decisions, some unknown entity,
I guess sitting in a dark closet somewhere decides what
is going to be on what month. June, amongst other things,

(02:55):
happens to be PTSD Awareness month, And just a quick
about that and we'll get into our regular show. Material've
got a couple of guys in here from the PTSD
Foundation of American and Camp Hope. We're gonna be chatting
with them here a little bit about their stories. But
when it comes to PTSD awareness and PTSD through this

(03:19):
month of June, the last couple of shows here in June,
we'll talk a little bit about what that means in
a generic way, but I guess, and then get into
the stories of our vets. But for today, I'll just
say this post traumatic stress disorder is a very very
real thing. I know some people will try to deny it.

(03:42):
Some people try to say all kinds of things about
what PTSD is or is not, but it is a
very real issue, and we, particularly PTSD Foundation of American
Camp Hope deal particularly with related post traumatic stress Now

(04:03):
at Camp Hope. That means every veteran's come into our
program going through our program have combat related trauma in
their life. In our support groups, we also add first responders,
law enforcement that type of thing. But anybody, regardless of

(04:27):
who you are, your background, your experiences, anybody can be
affected by post traumatic stress. Is not strictly about the
veteran population. That's just the part we deal with currently
as an organization, But anyone can be affected by it.
And here's what you need to know about it and
understand about it. Much like a cancer that is undiagnosed

(04:50):
and untreated, PTSD left undiagnosed and untreated can be very costly,
including being a killer, just like a cancer would be.
It is a very serious issue that we deal with,
and I get it. Nobody wants a mental health diagnosis.

(05:12):
I understand that nobody wants that in a way says,
oh boy, let me go to the doctor and see
what they say. That's not how it rolls. We always
kind of think it's everybody else that's messed up, the
whole world's gone crazy, which I don't know if you
turn the TV on you might have reason to believe that.
But it's like everybody else's fault. It's not us. I

(05:32):
don't need help. Everybody else does. If you keep telling
yourself that it's not going to end well, and it's
not just about you, It's also about those who are
around you, the people that you care about, and the
people that care about you. Many times they try and

(05:57):
tell you what you need to do or how you
need to behave when they're not even quite sure what
they're talking about or what you're coping with or dealing with.
Maybe their intentions are well, maybe their intensions aren't so well.
But if you care about anyone, and anyone cares about you,
and trust me, there are people that care about you.

(06:18):
May not think so, it may not feel like it, it
may not look like it at the moment, particularly when
you're in a time in crisis, but there are people
out there that do care about you. Maybe they haven't
even met you, but they would be glad to help.
So I would just say, if you're struggling, the darkness,
the hopelessness, hopelesses, being without hope is a very dark place,

(06:42):
a very dark place. We're losing up to forty four
veterans every single day to their own hands. That's suicide,
it's addiction, forty four a day. That's a very dark
place to get the place without hope. Seek help. There
is help out there, and I know when you're in crisis,
I'm always a If you see somebody that's really struggling,

(07:02):
reach out to them. Don't wait for the one who's
struggling to reach out, because that's the last thing they
want to do. If you see someone struggling, don't tell
them what's wrong, Just tell them, Hey, I'm here to listen.
I'm here to find help you any way I possibly can.
There are people who can will help you, and there
are organizations that can and are capable of and willing
to help. So reach out. If no place else, reach

(07:25):
out to me, PTSDUSA dot org, websites, Facebook, PTSD Foundation
of America, you can do it through the radio show
Facebook page Road to Hope Radio. Just message me. If
we can't help you. As an organization, we will make
sure you are connected to someone who can. And the
crisis line eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight

(07:47):
seventy three combat vet will answer the phone eight seven
seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy three. We'll be
right back with Road to Hope Radio.

Speaker 4 (08:10):
And we welcome you back.

Speaker 2 (08:11):
Glad to have you along. Got a couple combat vets
in the room with us right now. Lynn Burger, have
you reintroduce yourself to the world. Lindburg came through a
program but is on staff currently mentor. Is that your title, yes,
yellow Face mentor yellow Face Okay, all right, reintroduce yourself
to the world.

Speaker 3 (08:32):
Lindbergh Freeman at the third mentor at Camp Hope for
the yellow Face portion of the program. Originally out of
the United States Army, deployed one time Operation New Dawn
Aviation Air Cave.

Speaker 2 (08:48):
And glad to have you back and appreciate what you
do as a mentor Camp Hope always. We also have
a veteran who's in our program, currently United States sub
Marine Corvette. You want to introduce yourself to the world.

Speaker 4 (08:58):
Yeah, I'm Patrick Reader. Served in the United States Marine
Corps from two thousand and eight to twenty twelve and
some time the Reserves after that. Ployed Afghanistan in two
thousand and nine and again in twenty eleven with first

(09:18):
Battalian fifth Marine Regiment, and happy to be at Camp Hope.
Currently in a red phase and should be moving on
here very shortly.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
The meat of the program Red phase. Where are you from?

Speaker 4 (09:34):
Originally I'm from Houston, Okay, so you're you're home not
far down the road, which what part. Oh just why
West tim Or area? Okay, yeah, right down the street.

Speaker 2 (09:48):
What high school?

Speaker 4 (09:50):
I went to the Woodlands High School.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
Okay, so you moved north at some point yeah yeah.

Speaker 4 (09:55):
And then after the after high school, went to college
for a couple of years and got bored with that
straight sea student And I saw my friends coming back
from Felujah, and Ramadi thought, man, I really want to
catch this war while there's still one going, and joined

(10:19):
the Marine Corps and lied to all my fraternity brothers,
my family told them I was going to OCS training
and send them a letter saying, hey, I actually enlisted.
I'll see all in four years.

Speaker 2 (10:36):
And I'm sure that went over real well with mom.

Speaker 4 (10:39):
Oh yeah, they're thrilled. Yeah so what.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
Okay, so you mentioned seeing your buddies come back from
places like Fallujah. Did they talk about it at all?

Speaker 4 (10:52):
Yeah? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (10:53):
What was it about that conversation that made you think
I want to go to Felujah?

Speaker 4 (10:57):
And honestly, I wanted to go fight. I wanted to
uh uh, I mean not really a better word for it,
but I wanted to go. I wanted to go kill.
I wanted to go to war. I wanted to experience

(11:18):
it and not read about it. And uh, I just
envied them so much. I'd see all their pictures and
all the carnage, and I craved it. Figure, there's something
human in us that uh that craves that, it's some
animal instinct in there and uh and I had to

(11:40):
do it. I had to see it for myself. And
a bit off, a little more than I could chew.
But uh no regrets there.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
Okay, let's back up for your second. So you went
to Woodlands High School? You star in the play or
star athlete or what was going on in high school?

Speaker 1 (11:56):
Ah?

Speaker 2 (11:57):
Man? Were you in high school? I?

Speaker 4 (11:58):
Uh, well, I played tennis. I played football, stopped football,
focused more on tennis, got kicked off the tennis team
for smoking pot, and I was did a lot of
skateboarding and a lot of partying and had a great

(12:24):
time in high school. High school was fun, a lot
of friends. Yeah, yeah, it's uh, I added too many friends.
I mean, I was a very lucky guy. Gotch college.
College was I went to UTSA for a couple of

(12:46):
years and then all my friends left there and went
to places like ut and my application got rejected. They
were not taking straight sea students and so then, uh,
from there, I went to the Marine Corps.

Speaker 2 (13:05):
So why the Corps as opposed to any other branch.

Speaker 4 (13:09):
Man, I thought the Marines were We're the hardest ones,
you know. I thought that was that was the place
I wanted to go if I wanted to really get
in the fight. And you know, I tried to join
the Marine Corps for Oh, it took me about two
years to finally get in, and if I got denied,

(13:31):
they kept telling me to get out of here. And
then last time I was, I was getting ready to
go to MEPs, getting ready to ship out, and uh
then got arrested for public intoxication and on a family vacation. Yeah,

(13:52):
and so yeah, they told me to get out again.
I went over to the Army recruiter and the Army
even told me to come back when you get your
life together. Then, man, I didn't stop trying. So the
whole time I was in college, I was trying to
enlist and finally got my chance right before Obama did

(14:13):
the surge in Afghanistan. And yeah, it was a good
time for me to have gone in.

Speaker 2 (14:24):
Okay, So you go in not only assuming but wanting
to go to war.

Speaker 4 (14:29):
Certainly, Yeah, I was worried that I had missed Iraq,
you know, And about two thousand and eight January two
thousand and eight, when I went to boot camp, I
was thinking, crap, man, I missed the war. If I
go over there, it's just going to be standing post
and not much going on. And then we started hearing

(14:52):
through the lance corporal underground that we were going to
be going to Afghanistan. And a couple months later Obama
announced that I think it was a West Point graduation,
that he was going to do the surge. And I
got to be a part of it. So surge to
Hellman Province.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
And how old were you at that time?

Speaker 4 (15:11):
I was twenty one, twenty one, I was pretty old.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
Yeah, for all I was gonna say, when you actually
got it got to boot camp, you were probably on
the more experienced side of like yeah, yeah, I was
one of the few that could drink yeah illegally. Yeah gotcha?

Speaker 4 (15:28):
All right?

Speaker 2 (15:29):
So you join up in eight you're part of the
surge in Afghanistan. Uh, let's see. Yeah, what were you
doing while you were there?

Speaker 4 (15:39):
I was in the infantry and I was part of
what they call Capitlatoon And so we did the initial
push into Helman and it's called Operation Caanjar, and we
did an airlift of I think it was about a
five thousand ring force dropped into Helme in province overnight

(16:04):
and uh just took over whole districts at a time.
And uh so we dropped in and uh and we
lived in the dirt for the next about five months.
We didn't have a place to even call home. And
it was awesome. You were like cowboys out there going

(16:26):
native and uh we slept on the dirt for five months.
I finally got a cot about about five months into it.
I finally got a cot and then uh, I pissed
off my sergeant and uh he jumped down off of

(16:46):
a humvee onto my cart, my cot and broke it
in half back to the ground with me. And so yeah,
we were doing mounted patrols, uh in humpies and heavy
weapons and uh and then dismount patrols as well. And
usually we would get intel on on Taliban fighters or

(17:12):
say an ID factory, and we'd roll in in trucks
and then cording off the place with the heavy weapons
and then punch out dismounts to go in and either
flank the enemy or do a hard hit on the house.

Speaker 2 (17:30):
And got you. We're gonna have to run to a
news break here for those of you who are on
KPRC nine to five zero, quick news break and we'll
be back in a minute. But just one more time.
The phone number if you put it in your phone
eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy three.
Even if you don't ever need it, you might come
across someone who does. Eight seven seven seven one seven
seventy eight seventy three.

Speaker 4 (18:05):
And welcome back Road to Hope Radio.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
Glad to have you along, Minder. Wherever you listen to podcasts,
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All right, so talk a little bit about what you're
doing in the core in Afghanistan to surge. How long

(20:20):
were you there?

Speaker 4 (20:22):
Both the planets are about eight months?

Speaker 2 (20:25):
Okay, so twice, yeah, twice okay, all right, two deployments
eight months each and you get out the core win
twelve you said.

Speaker 4 (20:35):
Yeah, twenty twelve.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
It reserves.

Speaker 4 (20:38):
Yeah, I'm gonna see. Can you do your best Shirley
Q liquor uh oopsteam compression?

Speaker 2 (20:46):
Yeah, I am not the I can't do that. That
takes a very special talent. That's one of the many
things I cannot do. You're welcome to try it.

Speaker 4 (20:55):
Can you uh oopsteam? Doc? Can't do it? Mans, I
know that's how it goes ps.

Speaker 2 (21:05):
Yes, Like how do you spell oo oo? Yeah, it's yes.
Shirley Cues is quite the quite the talent, quite quite
the individual. Yeah, I cannot many things I can do.
That's pretty near the top of the list. Don't even
try it. Yeah, you know you can't. Don't don't don't
go out there. Don't don't try that, all right, second deployment,

(21:29):
you come home and you join the reserves, so yeah,
and then you go straight into reserves.

Speaker 4 (21:35):
So I got out in twenty twelve. Yeah, a couple. Uh,
it's about a month or so after I got back
for my second tour. Then my mom passed away in
the hospital, and I went to school at YOU of
H and H. Then I joined the reserves there because

(22:01):
I thought they gave me a warrant for sergeant. As
soon as I got out, I thought, hell, I might
as well go go play sergeant for a little bit
and shoot machine guns on the weekend. And that didn't
last too long until my I R R contract was up,
and but yeah, that was that was pretty fun, getting

(22:26):
to do a little reserve time. But yeah, I went
back to school at U of eight. Geology rocks a
lot of fun sounds thrilling.

Speaker 2 (22:38):
Do you get to throw any of them? Or are
you just a lot.

Speaker 4 (22:41):
Of rocks through? My fair share of rocks there a uh. Yeah.
I got to use a lot of a lot of
the skills that I learned in the Marine Corps. You know,
we used the same compass, the M two compass in
the Marine Corps for firing mortars as we do in geology,

(23:04):
and they call it the Brunton compass. I was like, hell,
I know this thing. I can read a map. I
got this covered man, And yeah, I enjoyed that a lot.
That was great, but I was dealing with some things
I didn't quite understand at the time, and a lot

(23:25):
of things I hadn't been able to process yet, and
especially with the passing of my mom, that was pretty
traumatic for me, and everything else kind of took a
back seat at that point. I was I was very

(23:48):
concerned about my mom's health while I was in Afghanistan.
I just had that feeling, and so my prayers before
i'd go out on patrol were that I'd just make
it home to give her and in time to give
her grandchildren. And as soon as I got home, I

(24:08):
got the call that she was sick and she was
in the hospital, and so everything that happened there and
employment just became a blur. It was like a dream.
And then I went straight on to school and tried
to keep myself occupied and that worked for a bit.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
Yeah, you know, not an unusual story. Circumstance is always
a little bit different, but the basis of it. Came home,
went ninety miles an hour, dealing with other stuff, So
you don't process what you just stepped out of. One
of the first Korean War vets I spoke with, you know,

(24:47):
it'd been fifty plus years since he had left Korea,
and his deal was, he said, I went, I got married,
went to work, supported my family. But then at the time,
I said, I think he retired like seven or eight
years prior to this conversation, and he said, I wasn't

(25:07):
in retirement for a month, and I knew. I knew
something was going on. And he went to the VA
and was diagnosed with PTSD fifty something years after the
trauma and just never dealing with it.

Speaker 4 (25:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
Yeah, So you mentioned as you were leading into you
mentioned you were noticing some things talking about some of
the symptoms of PTSDA. What were you experiencing that you
noticed panic attacks? I couldn't explain it at the time.

Speaker 4 (25:37):
Then I was just overtaken by UH and it wasn't
any any type of external stimuli that triggered it, but
it just felt overwhelmed and then the heart palpitations, left
arm going numb, I was convinced I was having a

(26:00):
heart attack and kept happening that and kind of one
that people don't talk about, but ed that was one,
and that blew my mind. Man, I was twenty six.
I was thinking, come on, in a marine, that's not yeah,

(26:22):
this isn't this isn't right. That's going on here and
that and just this is constant anxiety and I would
say depression. But even though I was very social, I
felt isolated. There wasn't anyone that I could talk to
that I would understand. And if I did talk about

(26:45):
my combat experience, it was something nobody could really identify
with and so and I didn't think they cared, and
most of them probably didn't. I cared when I would
talk to my friends when they got back, you know,
that was super important to me. I wanted to pick

(27:07):
their brains for everything, kind of like when I talked
to Vietnam vets. But when I try to share with
other people, it was, you know, it was outside their
ProView and they they couldn't identify with it and be
able to understand what was going on. And so in

(27:29):
that aspect, I was very isolated.

Speaker 2 (27:31):
So how are you functioning?

Speaker 4 (27:35):
I was getting by Well. I first went to the doctor,
and uh, I was. I knew that I had anxiety.
I knew that I was suffering from PTSD, and especially
with the death of my mom, that was that was
probably more traumatic compound to trauma. Yeah, you know, and

(27:58):
that was the only thing I could focus on, and
so everything from combat just taking a back seat. And
the doctor recommended Paxel for me. No private doctor, yeah
I was. I had try care at the time, and
my dad and my sister both were being treated for anxiety,

(28:22):
and I couldn't get the same treatment that I needed,
and so I started seeking it for myself. I started seeking.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
We're gonna have to take one more quick break and
we'll pick back through with your story. This is Road
to Hope Radio, Glad to have you along. Stand by
for just we'll be right back and we're back Road

(28:57):
to Hope Radio, Glad to have you along. We've got
Patrick United States Marine Corpsvette from the great City of Houston, which,
by the way, I hadn't mentioned this, but this past
week the Mayor of Houston designated Wednesday, June was it
Wednesday or Thursday? Wednesday June tenth, no Tuesday, whatever, whatever

(29:19):
day to the tenth was my days are all missed
up right now on you know what day of the
week this is anyway, on the tenth it declared it
to be PTSD Foundation of America Camp Hope Day in
the City of Houston. So a lot of recognition at
the city council meeting, and that was pretty cool. Get
a chance to speak to the council and knows who
are there about the work of PTSD Foundation and Camp

(29:40):
Hope and the fact that there's only one Camp Hope
in the world and there's a lot of programs out there,
none compared.

Speaker 4 (29:47):
No.

Speaker 2 (29:47):
Well, I mean, you can decide who he thinks better
at this or better at that, but no one does
what we do the way we do it, literally nobody
in the world. And so I said, you know, that
hurts my heart that this is the only place. But
if there's only going to be one, we should all
proud it's happening right here in Houston, Texas. It is
the greatest city in the world for our veterans. Just
a great community, community, people that do care, and we

(30:08):
get to see it a lot around Camp Hope. You
were talking about you'd gone to a private doctor. You
got diagnosis and some medication. You weren't really getting everything
you needed necessarily. How long ago was that?

Speaker 4 (30:22):
That was? Uh? Oh man, that must have been March
twenty twelve or twelve, So not long after you got
out of the core then that was probably, Yeah, it was.
It was immediate, okay, And I knew that I was
already seeking something to help with that anxiety, with that

(30:43):
social anxiety and what I later found out to be
PTSD symptoms.

Speaker 2 (30:51):
Okay, so that was twelve.

Speaker 4 (30:54):
When did you get to Camp oh Man? February twenty
eighth of this year.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
Okay, so that's another twelve and a half thirteen years.

Speaker 4 (31:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
One, how'd you hear about Camp Hope?

Speaker 4 (31:10):
I had my buddy come through here in twenty sixteen,
and another buddy come through there in twenty nineteen.

Speaker 2 (31:18):
Okay, when they mentioned it to you, how'd you respond?

Speaker 4 (31:24):
I said, no freaking way, man. I got I got
a job, I got two jobs, I got a wife,
I got a dog, I got a house, I got
a car. I don't need this.

Speaker 3 (31:35):
You know.

Speaker 2 (31:35):
At some point you had to cry uncle.

Speaker 4 (31:38):
Yeah. I had to lose everything. I had to lose
it all before I could be able to even think
about going to Camp Hope, and it worked out the
way it did for a reason. I'm I am not
reluctant about any of my past now. I it was

(32:03):
all a good learning experience and I'm thankful for the
way my life has gone up to this point. Twenty
twenty five has been so far, probably the best year
of my life.

Speaker 2 (32:22):
Okay, so you've been here three and a half ish months.
You're in the meat of the program right now, sir.
What Maybe it was a moment, maybe it was a thing,
Maybe it was a touch, Maybe it was a class,
maybe it was who knows, just sitting in the quietness

(32:45):
of your own mind around the fire pit or something.
I have no idea, but what, what's one thing you
can point to, like this really something I learned, something
that happened. Is this really helped me guys in my
bay peer to peer, peer and peer? Yeah, that's yeah,
I love it.

Speaker 4 (33:05):
And Uh, I was Uh, I've been struggling a lot
in my marriage and trying to find peace and joy
now that that is ending, and I wanted to go
to a safe place, uh for me to be while
I am going through a divorce and figure, man, what

(33:27):
better place than Camp hope, and I knew uh some
of the staff previously, and uh some of the prior residents.
And you know, even then, I was thinking, no way, man,
it's not for me. And it was about the day
I stepped foot on the camp I just finally felt

(33:50):
that peace. I started feeling joy again for the first time.
And uh, I was thinking, man, maybe it's these meds
that the VA's got me on. But you know, even
h taperinging that down, it's still there. It's wonderful. It's
just uh, I feel drunk with laughter most days, and

(34:14):
I I haven't been able to feel that since the
Marine Corps. I haven't been able to feel that camaraderie
and that uh that feeling of being safe around people
that people like get me and and people who don't.
I don't feel judged by. I can be myself. I

(34:37):
can find Patrick again. And it's been a long time
since I met that guy.

Speaker 2 (34:43):
Man. I love that. That's just that's awesome. And you mentioned, uh,
you a little while ago talking about you know, trying
to pick the brains of the Vietnam vets and and
you know, hearing their stories and what happened and what
happened coming home and you know all that. Uh. I've
heard many of them say the exact theme thing that

(35:03):
you just said about stepping into the campus of Camp
Hope surrounded by seventy eighty sometimes one hundred other combat vets,
is the first time I felt safe. Sometimes they would
use the word say. Sometimes they would use the word peace.
I thinks the word you used since leaving the combat

(35:29):
zone wherever that was. It's an amazing thing that we
get to see. Remember, we just got a couple minutes left.
But as a mentor, which means you've come through the
program and now you're kind of on the other side
of the table, as it were, what does it do

(35:49):
for you when you see and experience things like Patrick's
just describes like drunk with laughter, Like how different that
is from when they came in the door.

Speaker 3 (36:00):
Yeah, I think about my time coming through the program
where it was difficult for me to smile, like even
having conversations with you, sir. We would meet on the
front office steps at times and I couldn't even look
you in an eye, you know, I like, I remember that time.

Speaker 2 (36:17):
I remember I took a very person by the way,
I'm still hurting my heart. I'm sorry you know, I'm kidding.

Speaker 3 (36:26):
But definitely the change of persona changing demeanor and changing attitude,
the changing mental fitness to go along with physical fitness.
You know, guys love the gym, but you know, seeing
guys coming to the realization that they have to reclaim
their identity, that seeing that every day, day after day,

(36:50):
I don't I don't go to work. You know, I
tell the guys that a lot, I'm showing up there
and I'm not working. I'm being where I want to be.
I just happy to get paid for it. But it
is a phenomenal to see. I do understand what it
felt like for me going through it, getting to the

(37:10):
end of it and going through the point like understand
like Red Phase Robert mac McClain and Brandon Hartsburg, they
were my red phase Blackface Red Phase mentors, and they
helped me get through that portion of the program. But
then when I got to Yellow phase with the Sam
k and then Brandon Hartsburg again when he moved over,

(37:33):
I teach my Yellow phase guys. Now a lot of
the words that Sam Kaid said to me because he
pushed me. You know, he gave me that challenge.

Speaker 2 (37:43):
Love that marine, absolutely love that marine. Thank both of you, guys.
So unfortunately the clock just keeps ticking and we don't
get to slow it down. A reminder website ptsdusa dot org.
On social media both let's see Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, all
three of those ptsd USA Facebook, Twitter, I should say

(38:04):
and YouTube all ptsd us A please give us a follow, retweet,
reshare whatever it happens to be. We appreciate you sharing
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everybody you meet could use some hope. Thank you for
joining us. We do look forward to being with you

(38:26):
again next week for more Road to Hope Radio