Growth Beyond Self

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Multiple people in my family clean my father are veterans,
troops that have been to war and now they're back and.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Think and be grateful for their service.

Speaker 3 (00:13):
Sacrifice, love for their country, just unselfishness, all that.

Speaker 4 (00:17):
They do for us.

Speaker 5 (00:18):
There are some people in this country who take extraordinary
steps to provide for the freedom and security.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
We forget that those people exist.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
We know them as the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines,
and Coast Guard. They call themselves soldiers, seals, rangers, airmen, sailors, devil.

Speaker 3 (00:38):
Dogs, and so much more.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
We call them fathers, brothers, sons and husbands, mothers, daughters,
sisters and wives. We call them friend and neighbor. These
veterans answered the call. Now we answer theirs, and they
are the best our country has to offer, and we

(01:02):
love them. Today, we honor them and we serve them.
David Malsby is your host, and he welcomes you to
this community of veterans, as together we are building the
road to.

Speaker 3 (01:20):
Hope, and indeed we are glad to have you along.
On a Sunday afternoon, those of you listening on the
kPr Sat. Nine Five oh on the AM, I'll thank
you for joining us appreciate it immensely. Those of you
listening through the magic of podcast Wherever you listen to podcasts,
just do the quick search for Road to Hope Radio
and there we are several years worth of shows there,

(01:42):
so lots and lots of stories to be inspired by,
encouraged by, to be informed by. That's a big part
of what we try to do with the PTSD Foundation
of America is help raise awareness PTSD itself. The name
has become much more popus clear over the years, almost
a bit of a buzzword and used as a butt

(02:03):
of jokes sometimes sadly, but there's still a lot of
misinformation out there about what it is. We do spend
a good bit of time talking about that. So again,
wherever you listen to podcasts, just look for Road to
Hope Radio and appreciate it. When you hit that little
subscribe button, it will automatically download each and every week
once the show airs on KPRC here in Houston, Texas,

(02:26):
and you can share it with all your friends, enemies, coworkers,
former coworkers, whoever. Everybody could use a little bit of hope.
So thank you very very much for listening and for sharing.
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Republic Grand Ranch dot Com. All right, we got a
couple of combat vets in the studio with us today. Andrew,
it's great to have you back. Yes, sir, thank you
for having me behaving.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
I am behaving. I'm living the bet my.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
Life, okay, all right, all right, I like it. I
like the positivity there. Re entered yourself to the world.
Hadn't heard you for a while.

Speaker 6 (04:38):
So my name is Andrew. I'm a Navy veteran. I
served six years deployed. We had two strike operation deployments
in Syria. It's Operation here Resolve. Came to Camp Hope
for the first time in twenty twenty and I believe
I went on this radio show around Thanksgiving of twenty one,
and I've been on a few times since. Always look

(05:01):
forward to doing this.

Speaker 3 (05:01):
That's a very good memory if you can remember. Yeah,
I know, I have no idea. Yeah, I know you've
been on and I'm grateful to have you back, grateful
to have you on our team. How long you've been
on staff, Dowly.

Speaker 6 (05:15):
I have been a mentor for a little over two
and a half years now, two and a half years.

Speaker 2 (05:20):
It goes by fast, it does really fast.

Speaker 3 (05:23):
And from time to time when I'll chat with some
of the guys that are either going into the mentor
and training program or newly promoted to mentor, I was
telling them this may not sound very encouraging to you,
but it's gonna be real. It's gonna be the worst

(05:46):
job of your life and the best job of your life. Absolutely,
It's just it's the ultimate and extremes and what the
mentors deal with on a regular basis around our place.
We might get into a little bit of what that
looks like on a typical daily basis. We also have
with us another David. David, you want to introduce yourself.

Speaker 7 (06:06):
Yes, I'm David.

Speaker 5 (06:08):
I'm a Marine Corps veteran, did two tours in Iraq
and one in Afghanistan, and Camp Hope is my current
residence and definitely saved my life.

Speaker 3 (06:19):
Okay, so you're from Oregon.

Speaker 7 (06:22):
I'm from Denver, Colorado.

Speaker 3 (06:23):
Denver, Colorado, yes, sir, all right, Mile High City. All right?
Did you go to school all the way through or there.

Speaker 7 (06:32):
All the way through? Born and raised in Denver, Colorado?

Speaker 3 (06:35):
All right? So what was your claim to fame in
high school?

Speaker 7 (06:38):
Uh?

Speaker 5 (06:39):
Probably just staying out of trouble was my claim to
fame in high school. I got called to the principal's office.

Speaker 3 (06:47):
Yeah, were you that way, Andrew?

Speaker 2 (06:51):
I was most definitely a troublemaker in school.

Speaker 3 (06:55):
Really.

Speaker 6 (06:55):
Yes, I had a lot of friends that weren't the
best of influences, gotcha. And I was kind of in
my my acting out phase in life, gotcha?

Speaker 3 (07:09):
Okay? All right, So get in trouble in school a lot.
You eventually joined the Marine Corps. I'm sure there's got
to be some sort of a story there.

Speaker 4 (07:19):
Yeah, you know, nine to eleven.

Speaker 3 (07:22):
I'll tell you what. There's gotta be a story. So
it's going to take a minute, So we're gonna go
to our break here in just a second. Just a
reminder PTSDUSA dot org for all information on everything that
we do with the foundation, as well as our crisis
line eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy three.
It's answered by a combat vet twenty four to seven

(07:42):
eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy three.
We'll be right back speak. We welcome you back road

(08:11):
to Hope Radio. Glad to have you along with us,
all right. David from Denver, Colorado nowed State's Marine Corps veteran,
three combat appoints, which I just always that hurts my
heart when I hear those stories talking to guy yesterday
who had four, like, oh man, what the world? Anyway? Okay,

(08:32):
So from a trouble maker is that? Would you describe
yourself in high school?

Speaker 7 (08:38):
Oh? Yes, sir? Absolutely?

Speaker 3 (08:40):
Okay, should we go into what kind of trouble? I
mean mostly kids stuff?

Speaker 2 (08:46):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (08:46):
All right, all right, it's fair enough. Yeah, all right,
So getting in trouble a little bit, see the principle
from time to time, those kind of things. Yeah, you
have good friends with the principal, actually really good friends.
All right, very cool? From there to the Marine Corps,
what happened there?

Speaker 5 (09:03):
Well, honestly, you know, nine to eleven happened when I
was about fourteen, and I remember it distinctly because we
were supposed to go. My mother was, you know, work
two full time jobs. She was a travel agent, so
we couldn't really afford too much, but she won a
free vacation to Mexico for four We were supposed to
go to Mexico that morning, and I remember her waking

(09:25):
me up and said, we're not going anywhere.

Speaker 7 (09:27):
You know, plane was hit the towers, and I said,
what you know.

Speaker 5 (09:31):
I got up and I looked at TV and I
saw the second plane hit, and when that happened, I
just remember being so just angry and how could someone
do this to America. So from then I was fourteen
years old, I decided I was going to join the military.
My father was in the Army, grandfather in the Air Force,

(09:51):
other grandfather in the Navy. So I figured when I
was seventeen, i'd round it out and I'd joined the Marines.

Speaker 3 (09:57):
Okay, all right, so at seventeen, you join up, Yes, sir,
Off to California.

Speaker 5 (10:05):
Yes, sir, off to boot camp in MCRD, San Diego,
the sunny place of California. And boot camp was actually
pretty pretty good time. I looked back at it really
fondly now in the moment, it didn't seem so far.

Speaker 3 (10:19):
I was gonna say, it's a different way of describing
that from what I've heard some of guys talk about. Yeah,
in the moment it was rough, but going through it
would think so yeah, great, Yeah, it's a great experience. Sure.
And how long are you in the core?

Speaker 7 (10:33):
I was in twelve years, sir?

Speaker 3 (10:34):
All right, so you joined what year again?

Speaker 7 (10:37):
Two thousand and five?

Speaker 3 (10:38):
Oh five, So still very early on what's going on.
But you joined the infantry, have pretty good idea you're
going to be going, yes, sir. How old were you
with your first deployment?

Speaker 5 (10:48):
On my first apployment, I was nineteen years old and
I turned or no, I was I'm sorry, I was
eighteen and a half and I turned nineteen when.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
I was in Iraq.

Speaker 3 (10:58):
Okay, and I can't remember. Did you join run after
high school?

Speaker 7 (11:02):
I did? I joined right after high school finished.

Speaker 3 (11:04):
Okay, did you ender No?

Speaker 6 (11:06):
So earlier when I said I was a troublemaker, had
a vacation. I struggled with staying in school. I ended
up dropping out of high school my junior year. And
that was kind of in a period of my life
where a lot of things were falling apart. So I
didn't get my high school diploma until I was almost
twenty one years old. I did it online, and I'd

(11:27):
say within two weeks of getting my diploma, I was
at MAPS getting ready to ship outside. I went in
a little bit later, and I got out a little
bit later. I got out in twenty nineteen.

Speaker 3 (11:40):
So when you went to Maps and signed up, was
that just what was your mindset there? I was running
trying to get away from all the situation.

Speaker 6 (11:50):
Yeah, I was kind of running from myself, right, But
I was also looking for a new chance at life,
some discipline, to be able to kind of finally grow
up and have a support system that I didn't have
back home.

Speaker 3 (12:07):
Okay, all right, so you're eighteen and a half. Your
first deployment was Iraq, I presume, yes, sir.

Speaker 5 (12:16):
We were deployed to Camp Gannon, Iraq in northern Iraq
near the Syrian border for operations Steel Curtain.

Speaker 3 (12:25):
What were you What was your day to day?

Speaker 5 (12:28):
A lot of counterinsurgency operations, a lot of patrolling, trying
to win the hearts and the minds of the locals,
trying to keep ourselves in one piece from all the
Ied strikes that were happening at the time.

Speaker 3 (12:43):
What kind of tools were they giving you to as
they call it, the minds and souls.

Speaker 5 (12:48):
Really it was just about your being a present force
and being yourself, being a marine, no better friend, no
worse enemy, you know, helping people with the local schools,
helping the local Iraqi police get their stuff squared away,
all that kind of thing.

Speaker 3 (13:07):
And so your first apployment, you're eighteen and a half,
is turned nineteen while you're there.

Speaker 5 (13:13):
Second deployment, second deployment was to a very famous place
called Haditha, Iraq. And that deployment, you know, there wasn't
too much going on outside of ID strikes. Again we
regarding the oil fields and showing a lot of senators
and congressmen around the oil fields.

Speaker 3 (13:31):
So always I love these stories. Yes, God bless her politicians. Yes, sir,
were you all better protected by them on the from
the IDs? Oh?

Speaker 7 (13:49):
Much better?

Speaker 5 (13:49):
By then, we had the m raps. If you're familiar
with the cougar and the m raps. Yeah, we had
the m raps by then. I mean my first apployment,
we were rolling around in cloth humpies and I kept
thinking and I was like, man, a bullet's going to
come through here and that's going.

Speaker 7 (14:02):
To be it for me.

Speaker 4 (14:03):
But but we.

Speaker 5 (14:05):
We survived and we did all right. And uh the
ones who got those m raps, Yeah, it felt like
we were invincible.

Speaker 3 (14:10):
For a while. How much later to your third deployment.

Speaker 4 (14:14):
Less than a year, so you're going back to back.

Speaker 3 (14:17):
To back, gotcha, same ms? Basically the same job you're
doing toy.

Speaker 5 (14:23):
Today or infantrymen. Yeah, in Afghanistan, we were infantry and
we were in uh now Zad and Marja and the
Hellman province of Afghanistan. A lot of rockets, a lot
of mortars, a lot of mortar firing, lots of IDs.

Speaker 3 (14:40):
Okay, let's go back for just a second. You mentioned
your mom, travel agent and a couple of jobs trying
to just hold things together. What was her reaction when
you told her you were doing the core.

Speaker 5 (14:57):
She was petrified, to be honest, she was. She knew
what was going on. She knew that I wanted to
be an infantryman. I wouldn't accept any other ms. So
she was scared, but very proud at the time as well.

Speaker 7 (15:12):
Same with my father.

Speaker 5 (15:13):
He was very proud that his son was willing to
sign up, especially during a time of war, to say.

Speaker 3 (15:18):
I'm going yeah, And I think both of those emotions
are very understandable. But yeah, this is a father. I
petrify me. I know that.

Speaker 5 (15:31):
Yeah, he definitely wanted me to choose a different mos
He was an Army cameraman, so he wanted me to
get somewhere he can still serve.

Speaker 3 (15:38):
Right, Yeah, there's other ways to do.

Speaker 7 (15:40):
That, but I wasn't having it.

Speaker 3 (15:45):
I respect that, all right, So you're you're last one
in Afghanistan?

Speaker 4 (15:50):
Was win again two thousand and nine to twenty ten ten?

Speaker 3 (15:54):
And when'd you get out?

Speaker 4 (15:55):
I got out in twenty seventeen seventeen.

Speaker 3 (15:58):
All right, where were you in that Derek time frame?
Those five six years?

Speaker 5 (16:04):
I was a combat instructor on Camp Pendleton for a while,
teaching other Marines and sailors how to fight. But you
love that, Oh, I loved it. I love being an instructor.
I love being a teacher. And then I went to
a couple different deployments to the Asian Pacific. We did
the MEW at the thirty first MEU in twenty eleven.
When the tsunami hit Japan, I was with two five

(16:26):
at the time. So that's where we got our Humanitarian
medal for helping out the Japanese with disaster relief. And
then I got stationed in Hawaii.

Speaker 3 (16:35):
Oh, I'm so sorry. Into each life summerin must fall. Yeah,
how long were you there?

Speaker 7 (16:44):
I was in Hawaii for about four and a half years.

Speaker 3 (16:46):
Yeah, so yeah, nice, Andrew. You ever go to Hawaii?

Speaker 2 (16:51):
I've been to Hawaii. I was never stationed there.

Speaker 3 (16:53):
Yeah, nice.

Speaker 2 (16:55):
I loved it.

Speaker 6 (16:56):
Beautiful place. I don't know if I'd want to stay
there long, but it's good for VACA.

Speaker 3 (17:01):
Very cool. All right, where's your favorite spot where you
were stationed.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
I was only stationed in San Diego.

Speaker 3 (17:10):
Okay, well that's not a bad place.

Speaker 6 (17:11):
Yeah. Yeah, I was in San Diego for about.

Speaker 3 (17:16):
Ship midship in there.

Speaker 6 (17:17):
So favorite place I've ever been to on deployments. Coming back,
we stopped in Singapore. Beautiful, I have heard, a beautiful country,
very clean, but the rules are very strict and that's
kind of what keeps it that way.

Speaker 3 (17:31):
Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing when you have rules of enforcement,
it can actually can actually be a good thing. It's
weird kind of how that all works out. Just a
reminder PTSD USA dot org for information on Camp Hope,
which is our interim housing facility program that we run
for combat vets and UH also our warrior groups and

(17:53):
our family groups so ptsd USA dot org. We're gonna
take a quick break for the news. Will be right back.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
All right.

Speaker 3 (18:14):
We welcome you back. Got a United States Navy that
with us Andrew, United States Marine Corps veteran David and
UH this David so here. We are glad to have
you joining us. Reminders we go through these stories, we
understand sometimes they can be a little triggering for some.
Eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy three

(18:37):
is our Combat Trauma Crisis Line. Even if you don't
know that that's really for you, you're struggling, you can
still give us a call. We will get you connected
to someone who can if if it's kind of outside
of our scope. We want to do whatever we can
to support and help our community. Eight seven seven seven
one seven seventy eight seventy three. By the way, everything

(18:59):
we do at the Foundation is absolutely free. Andrew, you
mentioned you came through Camp Hope a couple of times
at zero costs, at least as far as dollars. It
costs you some time, some energy, but you invest in
the right things, the payoff is worth it. So that's
what you get to see. Dave is at Camp Hope

(19:22):
right now, being well taken care of, absolutely, getting decent food.

Speaker 5 (19:26):
Oh, absolutely, all right. Jeff is actually amazing there, Yeah,
he is.

Speaker 3 (19:32):
He is. That's why I try to stay away from
campus at lunchtime. I just don't want to. I don't
want to smell it. I don't want to walk by
it and see it like I'm gonna want some of that.
All right. So for deployments, you finish up in eleven.

Speaker 7 (19:49):
I finished in seventeen.

Speaker 3 (19:50):
Actually, well you finished deployment, I'm sorry, And then you
were teaching through seventeen, yes, sir. Unfortunately part of that
during time in Hawaii, so you know it was rough stress.
When did you get the Camp Hope.

Speaker 4 (20:09):
I came to Camp Hope August of this year.

Speaker 3 (20:12):
Okay, so I'm not real good at math. That's gonna
be somewhere around eight years between leaving the Core and
showing up at our door. But there was also, you know,
a six year, five and a half six year period
between your last deployment and your exit from the Core. Yes, sir,
when you look back on it, I don't know what

(20:34):
all your symptoms were. Maybe you didn't realize them recognize
them at first, which is almost one hundred percent of
the guys to come through. Somebody else has to let
you know. When did you start sensing something wasn't quite right?

Speaker 5 (20:48):
Probably about twenty twelve, right after my first first marriage,
right after I first got married. Yeah, wasn't wasn't really
myself starting to get angry really easily, always jump in,
always easily startled, always hyper vigilant. Everything was kind of

(21:09):
slowed down, if you will, and I kind of noticed everything,
I mean every little thing, and it started getting hard
to go to malls and places with bunches of people.
And my command really didn't notice anything until about twenty sixteen,
at which point they have me do a cat skin
and they said, oh, well you got a TBI and

(21:30):
I said, oh wow, that's good to know. And they said,
well you're you're done with your service, sir, So I said.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
Okay, ied related or something else?

Speaker 7 (21:39):
Oh yes, sir, yes, sir, multiple.

Speaker 3 (21:43):
Yeah, yeah, all right. So TBI. This was the first
thing they diagnosed.

Speaker 7 (21:49):
You with, was TBI and PTSD right off the bat.

Speaker 5 (21:52):
They do it simultaneously, Yes, sir, okay. I got medically
retired in twenty seventeen, so that's the core that did
the diagnosed, Yes, sir, all right. And other than exiting
you out of the core, what else do they do?
Not really much of anything, to be honest. They put
me in Wounded Warrior Battalion. I'm familiar for a while.

(22:13):
I tried to heal up with there. I had some
decent counselors there, but they put you through the regular
TAPS class and everything else that you go through to
transition you out into the civilian world. But it really
just doesn't do enough. They don't really get you a
setup with a job or anything like that.

Speaker 3 (22:30):
Yeah, suh. And what was your exits like from them?
The Navy fairly similar.

Speaker 2 (22:37):
So I got out.

Speaker 6 (22:39):
I started having some symptoms of that anger and the
insomnia and the panic attacks. My command noticed it. They
sent me to talk to a Navy doctor. I ended
up getting a follow on appointment and I was diagnosed
with PTSD from the Navy. They put me on on

(23:00):
limited duty and they sent me to Balboa Naval Hospital
to start my med board process to separate. During that time,
I kind of relied on self medicated.

Speaker 3 (23:15):
Did they medicate you?

Speaker 2 (23:16):
They did, they did, but.

Speaker 6 (23:19):
Want er a dozen or they put me on some
anxiety meds and some antidepressants.

Speaker 3 (23:26):
Did the CORE prescribe you.

Speaker 5 (23:29):
Yeah, it was Navy medicine for the Marine Corps too,
but yeah, they prescribe me anxiety meds and antidepressant meds.
And again, like Hereier, I was self medicating as well.

Speaker 3 (23:37):
Sure, okay, all right? Uh did they encourage you to
go to the VIA either one of you guys, Did
they encourage that or talk about it at all or
just barely mention it on the way out.

Speaker 5 (23:49):
It was kind of like a brief mention on the
way out. It was, hey, there's the VA. You know,
once you get out, make sure you get set up.
And you know, that was kind of about it.

Speaker 2 (23:59):
Yeah, that was my plan, you know, to start the
VA process.

Speaker 6 (24:04):
I got in some trouble because of my self medication,
so I never actually finished my bad board the.

Speaker 2 (24:11):
Proper way that I was supposed to do. I did.

Speaker 6 (24:14):
I separated honorably, but my life completely spiraled out of control.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
I never made it to the VA.

Speaker 3 (24:22):
Yeah, I mean you can always critique right and find
fault and that's not really the point, but it does
seem to me I could do a better job of
making that handoff. And I've talked to a lot of
parents of veterans lost to suicide, and man, I've heard

(24:43):
them really hammer away at that. It's just the transition
from the military to the VA, because for instance, in
your case, you've got TBI, so traumatic brain injury plus PTSD,
so you've got physical and the mental both going on simultaneously.
Both can be very debilitating. And they're leaving it all

(25:06):
in your hands, which makes no sense to me, Like
somebody's got to walk that through, because just telling people
to here, go to the VA, go fill out this
form like that sounds so easy.

Speaker 7 (25:20):
It does.

Speaker 5 (25:20):
It sounds really easy, but the process is complex and
full of red tape.

Speaker 3 (25:26):
Yeah, and you know, finding the right form and all
the Yeah, I get frustrated just trying to renew my
my auto registration online like this. How why do they
make this so difficult? It's not really you know, it's
not rocket size well y'all making this so difficult. Government

(25:47):
has a way of making things complicated. Uh, just they're
very they excel at that, you excelt that all right,
So you get out, you've got anxiety, you've got hypervigilance,
you're married, yea married, start self medicating along with the
other medication. Still, it's eight years from your exit from

(26:09):
the core to camp hope.

Speaker 5 (26:11):
Yes, sir, Well, I mean my first wife really didn't
give me much of a chance to transition.

Speaker 7 (26:17):
Really.

Speaker 5 (26:18):
We were married for about a year after I got out,
and I was still self medicating, and she didn't want
to deal with the PTSD or the TBI or anything
else that was going on. So it was my problem
to deal with and I dealt with it the only
way I could, the only way the CORP taught me was,
you know, drink your problem away. And that worked for

(26:39):
a while until it didn't. And then I became suicidal
back in twenty seventeen, and unfortunately attempted that and thank
god it didn't work, because I'm still here.

Speaker 3 (26:54):
Was that the the drugs?

Speaker 7 (26:59):
It was alcohol, I'll go alcohol.

Speaker 3 (27:01):
Alcohol is a drug. But yeah, yeah, okay, so failed,
Thank god, thank god? What happened from there?

Speaker 5 (27:10):
From there, you know, I tried to get better several
different counselors at the VA. Unfortunately there most of the time,
their caseload is just so big that you get seen
maybe three or four times, and then they try to
put you on, you know, once a month medication management.
And that worked for a little while. I met my

(27:31):
second wife, got married again, got forced again, just couldn't
seem to keep relationships going, and uh, that's how I
kind of ended up at Camp Hope. Is just spiraling
out of control with I quit drinking a long time ago.

Speaker 3 (27:48):
But was there anybody kind of advocating for you at all?

Speaker 7 (27:52):
Not a soul?

Speaker 3 (27:54):
Where's your romon?

Speaker 7 (27:56):
My mom's in Colorado?

Speaker 3 (27:57):
Okay, so she was distanced.

Speaker 7 (27:59):
Yeah, she was out of the picture.

Speaker 5 (28:01):
I was in Maryland at the time, and uh, really
hurting and hurting from.

Speaker 4 (28:06):
My first divorce, Yeah, of course, and.

Speaker 5 (28:08):
Uh yeah, let me see some legal troubles and uh,
finally I was. I was in that same boat again,
suicidal and in jail and called up my friend Anthony,
and I told him, I was like, man, I don't
have any other options.

Speaker 7 (28:22):
This is it for me.

Speaker 5 (28:24):
And my best friend, also a Marine Corps veteran, said no, no,
come to Texas. I'll get you back on your feet.
And when I got here, he mean when was this?
This was this year okay, all right, March of this year.

Speaker 3 (28:35):
All right, we're gonna take a quick break and we'll
come back and pick it up when you when you
hit hit Houston. All right, We're gonna take a quick
break again. Eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight
seventy three is our Combat Trauma Crisis Line.

Speaker 1 (28:47):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (28:48):
You can follow us on social media. For the radio show,
it's Road to Hope Radio on Facebook. For the Foundation's
PTSD USA, so just Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSDUSA dot org.
For the website ptsd USA on Facebook, the X and YouTube.
We're right back and we're welcome back. All right, we

(29:18):
were talking. David got to Houston earlier here twenty twenty five.
A buddy of yours that you served with, Yes, Sir,
talked to you down now. You had said you had
called him telling him you were struggling. You mentioned suicidal.
I presume from the way you said that you didn't
attempt actually the second time he's or.

Speaker 5 (29:37):
Did you I attempted suicide in jail on December twenty
fifth of twenty twenty four. I'm very fortunate that a guard,
a female guard came by and looked through the window
at the time and saw that I was purple hanging
from a sheet. And I don't remember if she cut
the sheet or she was able to untie it, but
somehow she got me down and got me breathing again.

(29:59):
And then after I got released from jail. Of course,
jail doesn't really provide you any reintegrations.

Speaker 3 (30:06):
Generally there to rehab people.

Speaker 5 (30:08):
No, And that's when I called my friend Anthony, and
he brought me out to Texas.

Speaker 3 (30:13):
Because you got here earlier this year. Yes, sir, what
was his plan when you arrived?

Speaker 5 (30:19):
Just put me up, get me a job, show me
some love, and see what he could do. And being
at his house for a little while, he noticed how
bad my insomnia was. I mean I slept maybe two
hours a night. He noticed I was jumpy all the time,
easily startled, just always on watch, always alert, extremely angry.
And he said, hey, but you need more help than

(30:40):
I can than I can give you. But I know
of a place, And he said, I know this, so
he knew about us.

Speaker 7 (30:47):
He did.

Speaker 5 (30:48):
He had me call my suicide prevention coordinator at the
VA in Dallas and she said, yeah, I've heard of
camp Hope I can get you a referral there, and
at that point I just I really had no other
options and didn't really see a way out, so I said, Okay,
I'll give Camp.

Speaker 7 (31:03):
Hope a try.

Speaker 3 (31:06):
And when do you arrive here?

Speaker 7 (31:08):
August seventh of this year?

Speaker 3 (31:09):
August? All right, so still pretty new in the program, yes, sir,
Anything noticeable changed for you yet or just still trying
to kind of settle into what's going on.

Speaker 5 (31:28):
No, it definitely took a little bit to settle in.
It did, but there's just been a huge shift and
just body, mind, spirit, the whole gambit.

Speaker 3 (31:39):
Walked me through that a little bit. What does that mean?

Speaker 7 (31:41):
Really?

Speaker 5 (31:42):
It just came down to being reintroduced to my faith again,
you know, having Christ back in your life when you
walked away from him for so many years and we're
trying to do everything on your own for so long.
Having him come back and bringing back into the fold,

(32:02):
so to speak, and feeling that he still loved you
and that he's still there and that he's always been there,
and the men around me pulling me back and saying,
you know, I've had this experience too, or I've been
divorced as well, and you know this is going on
in my life. Really brought me back to life.

Speaker 3 (32:25):
So you mentioned you walked away from your faith when
ish was that? I mean, usually that's not a turn
the light on or off. It's a process. No.

Speaker 5 (32:37):
I walked away from my faith when I was probably
about twelve years old, and I didn't find faith again
until I was about twenty eight. But still just wasn't
going to God, wasn't seeking him first, wasn't putting him
anywhere in my life. I was a believer, but I
wasn't following.

Speaker 3 (32:53):
So it wasn't really a actual part of your life
during your time, No, sir, it was not. Okay, so
you've been back a couple of months or in camp,
not back with in camp a couple of months? Mentioned
your faith? What else? What's what's is anything changing? I mean,

(33:19):
what's your level of anxiety? I mean, come in here today.
I'm sure had to set it off pretty good, I
would expect. No, really, no, not at all. Yeah, of course, yes, yeah,
it's got to Yeah, there's no ways. I've never ridden
with Andrew, but I mean, you know, I just I know,
like I never had. I joked about this in the
early days. One of the guys that worked with me

(33:41):
was a former fighter jet pilot, and I always laughed
and told him like, I never went to war and
I've never had any real reason to have PTSD. But
riding with you driving, I think I'm I think I'm
gonna have it for it's all over. Uh, just joking
a little bit, just you know, a little levity and

(34:04):
take a breath. It's okay, We're just it's just us chatting.
Any change in sleep, any change in eating habits, any
change and just the you know, the practical stuff.

Speaker 4 (34:17):
Oh yeah, I mean I was. I was down and out.

Speaker 5 (34:21):
I mean really just uncomfortable in myself, uncomfortable my own skin,
couldn't sleep, couldn't really eat very well. And I mean
I'm getting eight nine hours a night now.

Speaker 3 (34:32):
Well wait a minute, what yeah, are you serious? Yes, sir,
I would pay money for that, Go ahead.

Speaker 5 (34:42):
Yeah, I mean the different medication they put me on,
and the different diagnosis that I got of, you know,
bipolar one, and getting put on that different medication, plus
all the guys around me being vets.

Speaker 7 (34:55):
You're actually in a safe place.

Speaker 3 (34:56):
You feel safe, Andrew. I tell people that all the time,
all stuff that goes on in the world and all
the craziness that can happen just you know, somebody going
absolutely ape wild and just shooting up the place. Like,
if something goes down anywhere in the country, anywhere in Texas, anywhere,
the safest five acres on the planet Earth are the

(35:18):
five acres that we call Camp Hope.

Speaker 2 (35:20):
That's exactly where I want.

Speaker 3 (35:21):
Yeah, I mean, you can't promise that nothing's ever going
to happen. That's just not realistic. But like, of all
the places, if something's going down, that's where I want
to be. It's where I want to have my family.
We're going to camp. Whatever it is that's going down,
it's it is the safest place, and it's you know,
it's the whole piero to peer thing, right.

Speaker 2 (35:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (35:40):
Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (35:42):
What does that mean to you because you talked about
going to some counselors. Yeah, we ever involved in any
of the VA support groups? Uh No, not really anybody
else I mean by name, but just.

Speaker 7 (35:52):
No, not really.

Speaker 5 (35:53):
I didn't didn't really give those any any thought, and
they weren't really advertised to us. But going through Camp
Hope and being with other fellow veterans who've experienced the
exact same things I have or similar really makes the difference.
When you're able to talk and tell your story.

Speaker 3 (36:13):
Okay, so obviously it got very dark in your life
and very very desperate. So there's that kind of hopefully
as a motivation to some degree. Your buddy mentions to
you camp Hope. You talk to the VA Veteran Suicide

(36:35):
Prevention counsel or whatever they're called, and you mentioned Camp
Hope to you. What's your first thought of that, and
when they described what it was, when you had some
sort of description what it was, what was it that
either said I don't know about that or yes, that's
that's what I want to do.

Speaker 2 (36:51):
You know.

Speaker 5 (36:51):
It was really was the fact that when she mentioned it,
my first thought was Camp Hope. Okay, hope for what?
You know, what am I hoping for? I don't really
have anything to put hope on. My life has been
going down the toilet for the past few years, and
I've been trying to do everything I can to stop it,
and it just seems like that spiral wasn't going to stop.

(37:14):
So when my first thought of Camp Hope was like,
maybe this is probably not going to work. But when
they told me it was a combat that only six
to nine month program, that's when I said, Okay, these
guys are actually serious about it. This isn't some two
week long transition, thirty day transition. They actually want to help.

Speaker 3 (37:36):
All right, our time is done. This is always the
fastest hour my week. But just keep doing what you're doing. Yes, sir,
we'll give up on the program. Don't let all the
distractions take place and get your mind going down the
wrong direction. Keep doing what you're doing and some great
things can happen. And I'm going to give you the
last thirty seconds. We talk about the hopelessness of guys

(37:56):
when they come to our place, and the feeling there's
no hope, is no rea and to even try. What
do you say to that?

Speaker 2 (38:04):
That's the best part of my job.

Speaker 6 (38:09):
So being a mentor, I have a new sense of
purpose that I would say is even more than when I.

Speaker 2 (38:14):
Serve to active duty.

Speaker 6 (38:16):
I get to see guys come in just like I
was broken right and over time, I get to see
the life come back into their eyes. I get to
see the hope come back. And as a mentor, we
play a big role in that because we've been in
their shoes. I get to share my story and how
the things that worked for me and how I was

(38:36):
able to overcome these things full circle for the show or.

Speaker 3 (38:40):
The worst job you'll ever have, Yeah, and the best
job you'll ever have. Like there's no place else in
the world where you get to see what we get
to see at our place. Thank you for what you're doing.
Big things again to our show sponsors allow us this
opportunity to spend a little time with you each and
every week. We hope you'll be with us again next
week for more of Road to Hope

Speaker 2 (38:59):
Radio at in agn