Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Multiple people in my family clean my father, are veterans
and the.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Troops that have been to war and now they're back
and think and be grateful for their service.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Sacrifice, love for their country, just unselfishness, all that they
do for us. There are some people in this country
who take extraordinary steps to provide for the freedom and security.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
We forget that those people exist. We know them as
the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and Coast Guard. They
call themselves soldiers, seals, rangers, airmen, sailors, devil.
Speaker 4 (00:40):
Dogs, and so much more.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
We call them fathers, brothers, sons and husbands, mothers, daughters,
sisters and wives. We call them friend and neighbor. These
veterans answered the call. Now we answer theirs today are
the best our country has to offer, and we love them. Today,
(01:07):
we honor them, and we start them. David Malsby is
your host, and he welcomes you to this community of veterans,
as together we are building the road to hope.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
And indeed we are glad to have you along. On
a Sunday afternoon, were listening live on the KPRC the
nine to five oh on the AM dial. Thank you
for joining us wherever you are. You are listening through
the magic of podcasts. Thank you so very much for
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(01:46):
world that you don't know. If you if everybody did that,
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So thank you for sharing Road to Hope Radio. Wherever
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It cost you absolutely nothing, costs you nothing to share
(02:07):
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that that either needs it for themselves or they know someone.
They've got a friend, they've got a cousin, they've got
a neighbor, somebody that could use the information that's going
to be shared on the show today. We've got a
couple of combat vets in with us today and we'll
(02:29):
get to them here in just a second. But a
quick thank you to our show sponsors. On this first
show of twenty twenty five. Gratefully to have our show
sponsors A Corey Diamond and Design Billion, Connie Stagner for
all those special moments, the special items that you need,
do business with those that share your values, A Corey
(02:49):
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(03:10):
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And on this new year we welcome in a new
show sponsor, and we are very very grateful to have
our friends, longtime friends from a Public Grand Ranch, Republic
(03:30):
Grandranch dot Com. They have long been supporters of the
PTSD Foundation and Camp Hope and now come along as
show sponsors, and we are forever grateful. If you've never
been to Republic, Grand Ranch down willis just a little
bit north of Houston. Nice safe drive, a short driver,
(03:51):
I should say, safe, beautiful, beautiful location. Republic Grand Ranch.
All right, first show of the year. Glad to have
a couple of combat vets in with us. N I'm
glad to have you back. I want to reintroduce yourself
to the world.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yes, my name is Sarmon Brown. I was in the Army.
I am now work as a mentor at Camp Hope
at the PTSD Foundation.
Speaker 4 (04:21):
And it's good to be here. Thank you. We and
where'd you deploy?
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Somalia nineteen ninety three?
Speaker 4 (04:26):
Ninety three? All right. And then we've got a gentleman
that's been in our program at Camp Hope now for
a few months. Jonathan, want to introduce yourself to the world. Yes, sir,
my name is Jonathan Robinson.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
I was in the Marine Corps for ten years, deployed
to Iraq, Afghanistan, served in Africa, in the Pacific, and.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
I'm happy to be here. And where are you from.
I'm from Conor, Texas, Conor so local, yes, sir, all right,
born and raised there, Yeah, round the area. Yes, I'm gotcha.
Very cool, uh either one of you guys New Year's
resolutions kind of guys.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
So you know I'm I am not I have left
that up to God these days.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
All right, there's one way of putting it all, right, Jonathan.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Yeah, I mean just applying to a lot of the
things that I've learned at Camp Hope, mainly, you know,
mindfulness and uh, you know, deciding what I want to
feel rather than reacting to those feelings.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
Okay. Uh, So we've just gone through the holidays, which
your local ISHU tying you're originally from Georgia, yes, uh,
but having gone through the holidays at camp, what that's what?
What has that been like from both of your experiences,
(05:48):
Because there's so much that goes on around our campus
in addition to you know, the norm of the program
and the work of the program, but then there there's
all these nice little interruptions, but there's still interruptions. But
there's a lot of stuff that goes on around there.
What's that been like for you Guys'.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Well, I'll speak for the residents, I guess and myself mostly,
but I mean there's always there was always a welcome surprise,
you know. I mean we're here to do work, and
you know, it's a welcome distraction when people come in
and you know, thank you for thank us for our
service and you know, bring us gifts. Cook us meals
and stuff, and I think as far as you know,
(06:30):
I was joking with some of the guys. I was like,
I don't think anyone needs to thank me for my
service anymore. After spending December at Camp Hope.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
There's no shortage of people in our community that want
to do something, and a lot of them want to
do it around the holidays, which is great. It's certainly
not a complaint. There is the rest of the year too.
But that's why we think our sponsor that just continually
help us and understand just because turned the calendar page
(07:02):
from twenty twenty four to twenty twenty five, or whether
it's from you know, the first or the second to
the next day, it doesn't matter the issues and the work,
the mission, the program. What needs to happen continues to happen,
and the reason for what needs to happen continues to happen.
I Over the holidays, I've received more than one notification
(07:29):
and phone call from some people that I know. In fact,
spoke with someone on Friday that they had gotten some
news that a brother that he had served with from
the state of Ohio. It just passed and it just
it happens every day too many times. Are we gonna
take a quick break. We'll be right back with more
of Road to.
Speaker 5 (07:49):
Hope Radio, and we welcome you back Road to Hope Radio.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Wherever you listen to podcasts, look for Road to Hope Radio.
We really do appreciate it when you hit that subscribe
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(08:30):
the tenth time that it's the time that it clicks.
Please share it liberally. Can't afford to be the best
kept secret in town. All right, So we just came
through the holidays, Tarron.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
What was your.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
What was your best gift that you received this year?
Speaker 2 (08:52):
You know, the best gift I received I got phone
calls from all of my family members. I'm getting to
a point in my life where God is really showing
me what really matters. The phone calls are more than
the gifts, you know what I mean? The time spent
with the people that I love and the people that
(09:14):
love me are best guests. I got this Christmas.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
What would you say is the best gift you shared?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
The best gift I shared was the knowledge of what
God has done in my life, you know what I mean.
I came back up to Camp Hope on Christmas Day
just to chill with the guys. And you know, not
because I didn't have anything to do, but I thought
it was important to just the energy and the good
feeling that I had that day about what God had
(09:44):
done for me, to just be there and and be
around them guys and let some of that energy and
light shine, you know, to give God the glory.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
You know.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
Yeah, you know Christmas cause of just the what goes
on at Camp Hope, Like the program itself may take
a day off for the holiday, but you know there's
still sixty seventy guys in our program living there, so
(10:21):
not everything gets to shut down, but you're trying to
let trying to let the staff as much as possible
enjoy the holiday. But then you still got to again,
you know, have staff on campus, but for instance, that
includes food. I mean, we cook a lot of food
every single day and Christmas and you're trying to let
(10:45):
the cook staff and everybody have that day off. And
so we were coming up to Christmas. I mean we were,
you know, a few days away and we're sitting there.
We don't have anything really for Christmas Day, and I'm thinking, Okay,
well my wife, you know, I can cook for my
wife and I and it's nothing that anybody would pay for,
(11:06):
but you know I can. It's edible and we can.
We can do it. There's no way. I just you know,
the thought of cooking for a hundred people just like no,
just no, not even gonna start. But we're sitting there thinking,
like even amongst some of our staff, like how are
we gonna can we just can we get away with
(11:27):
just grilling hamburgers for everybody? Do we make a big
pot ut spaget?
Speaker 2 (11:31):
What do we do?
Speaker 4 (11:31):
And then the last minute, uh, Gustavo from the Del
Frisco Grill up in Woodlands, which is a really really
nice restaurant h stepped in and provided a beautiful meal
for a guys at Christmas and grateful for that. And
so many people, so many small mom and pop restaurants,
(11:54):
small groups from churches, you know, all different kinds of
community groups came to get other throughout the entire holiday
season and brought in a lot of food, and a
lot of them came in and cooked food. Talk every
year about the folks that come in and do Thanksgiving
for us every year. Smoke however many turkeys. I mean,
it's like it's crazy, yeah, and they give up their
(12:17):
Thanksgiving so that our guys can have a great Thanksgiving.
It's just to me, it's one of those moments that's
just that's better than that's better than writing a check.
I probably shouldn't be the one to saying that I'm
supposed to be bringing in the money, but like, that's
so cool to me. Of all the things that happened
over the holidays, what was one thing that stood out
maybe more than others? And I know that may be
(12:38):
a little difficult to find, but for you, as a resident, Jonathan,
what what kind of stood out a little more than
the others? Man? And I know that's not a fair question,
but I asked her anyway, you can answer it any
way you want. Well, I mean i'd say I don't care, Yeah,
I would.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
I would say, you know, the holidays were rough for
the residents, you know, everybody.
Speaker 4 (12:59):
You could feel in the air.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
You know, people missed home, the ones that they loved,
and you know, it's encouraging to still see people, you know,
doing the work that they were supposed to do. And
you know there's you know, a good, solid core group
of guys at Camp Hope that are really working the
program hard. And anytime you're down, you know, even if
the other guy's not having a great day, you know,
(13:22):
they know, you know, to tell you to keep going.
And you know there's plenty of times, especially in you
know black phase and early red phase, that you're miserable,
and you know there's encouraging words. You're like, just trust me,
you know, and you do, and you're like, it will
get better. You know, it'll start making sense. And then
you have that to fall back on, you know, because
you've seen it actually work. And so the next problem
(13:43):
that you come up to, you know, after you put
the work in, you can see that on the you
can see the good on the other side because you've
already gone through it.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
Yeah. Yeah, it was the thing about Camp Hope and
one of the one of the many dynamics there that's
a little bit maybe different than some folks may think
about normally. So I always kind of put it in
the terminology of the old World War two being Crosby
song I'll be Home for Christmas and that sentimental, the
(14:11):
nostalgic type of thing. And obviously some are drawn to
that and some are not. For some, Christmas just doesn't
mean that much of them, and that's fine too, that's
their life, their choice. But for those that you know,
like me, I get super caught up in all of that.
I just I love everything about it. And when I
(14:34):
see guys coming into camp, which we had several guys
come into camp the week of Christmas, and just the
feeling of what must the darkness have been?
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Like?
Speaker 4 (14:47):
How long must it have been dark for? At the
time when we sing I'll be Home for Christmas is
the time where they're entering into a program where they're
going to be gone for a while. As you watched
that take place, what what what was that message kind
(15:07):
of to you? Is just as you saw these guys
coming in during the holidays.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
I mean, it's definitely one of a mixed signal of
you know, almost disparity and strength. Though you know that's
how you know I got to camp up as well.
I mean there's it's a big pill to swallow, you know,
signing up for you know, six seven months to be
away from everybody that you love and knowing that you
(15:35):
you know you need to do it, and you want
to do it. You know you've got all these issues
that you know you need to work on, but you
have no idea how to do it, and you have
to trust that these people.
Speaker 4 (15:44):
Do know indeed. And one of the one of the
cool things that happened over the holiday season is I
get a few phone calls for people sending messages guys
that came through the program years ago. So, for instance,
one is a marine. A guy came through I think
I think it was twenty nineteen. It may have been COVID,
(16:07):
but I think it was twenty nineteen when he came
in a redheaded marine, North Carolina, had sixteen felony charges.
And when he's standing before the judge with his sixteenth
felony charge, he's he's obviously hurting in a good spot,
(16:37):
and he just looks at the judge and he says,
is there anything anybody can do to help me? And
somehow that judge had come where he's a state of
North Carolina. Somehow the judge knew about Camp Hope, and
he looked at that young man and he said well,
I'm glad you asked. He said, I've got an opportunity
(16:59):
for you, and if you'll take it, and if you'll
complete the program and then come back and complete your parole,
which I think was two years after he got home,
we can clear your record, which is amazing. Yes, Well,
this guy calls me. It was the day after Christmas
(17:20):
or two days after Christmas, something like that, and he's
just every time he calls, he's just so happy and
so thankful. He's raising his girls, which he never thought
he'd be a part of their life again. But he's
raising his girls, living life and it's just awesome. So
it does work. It can work. All right, We're gonna
(17:42):
take a quick news break for those of you listening
on the nine to five. Will be right back with
more of Road to Hope Radio. And welcome back Road
to Hope Radio. Glad to have you long. David Mauls
be your host. Glad to to go our with us.
I got tyrone with US staff member at the PTSD
Foundation of America, Camp Poka. Jonathan, United States Marine combat Vet,
(18:03):
current resident in our program, Jonathan, Let's dig into your
story just a little bit, just for Conrod Texas so
for those are not familiar, just just north of Houston.
What was a lifelike growing up for you?
Speaker 3 (18:19):
Oh, I was raised in a good Christian home. I
was actually homeschooled for a long time until I started
going to private school with my friends and family, six
brothers and sisters, never boring.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
Yeah and yeah it was. It was good. And you
joined the Marine Corps? Was at some point time? Was
that right after school? Well?
Speaker 3 (18:48):
No, I was actually sitting in an organic chemistry class
with my good friend Clinton Schwartzwite, and uh, we were
looking about the h at the blackboard and we're like,
they don't like this, and we decided we want to
go talk to the recruiters. And I went into the
recruited office and I asked what the hardest branch to
do a branch to join was. Then they said the Marines.
And I asked what the hardest job was and they
(19:10):
said ridycon. So I was like, sign me up.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
I want to take the most difficult yeah track part.
I've kind of done with that now, so no more
of that. What year was that that was in?
Speaker 3 (19:22):
I joined in two thousand and seven, got out in
twenty seventeen.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
Okay, so in seven you know your sign up for
Marine Corps. I mean we're still pretty hot and heavy, yees,
global war and terrorism. You had to know something was
probably gonna happen. Yes, yes, sir. And how long were
you in the corps? Tens ten years? How long was
it before your first deployment.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
I went to Iraq for my first deployment I think
two thousand and eight, so a little under two years.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
Okay, how long was that? Do you remember? We were
there about six seven months. What were you doing?
Speaker 3 (19:56):
We were training the Iraqi army, helping At that time,
the coalition forces were doing everything through the Iraqi military.
We were doing teaching them how to like shoot and
do raids and do an aerial vehicle. In addiction, because
they were the few al Kaeda that were left were
mostly moving through the open desert, so Heli born operations
(20:19):
were the best way to go about that.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
And you deployed also to Afghanistan world.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Yes, sir, I was in the Sand Valley in Afghanistan
in twenty ten and eleven.
Speaker 4 (20:28):
Those are rough years. It was pretty hot, yes, sir. Yeah.
When you came back and you were finished with the
combat part of your Marine Corps experience. What was it
that triggered any kind of an issue or when did
(20:48):
you begin to notice something's not quite right here? Were
you still in or are you already come out?
Speaker 3 (20:54):
I mean, you know, there's such a negative stigma surrounding
mental health while you're in the military, so everybody's pretty
much suffering in silence together, I think personally, like I
came to the real realization, I mean ultimately fairly recently.
I knew that I was having issues, but I didn't
(21:16):
think that they were really affecting other people, and in truth,
they really were. I would I started to really realize it.
Like I said, recently, I was living, you know, my
life was pretty much run by fear, which obviously PTSD,
you know, plays a huge part. And I would wake
(21:37):
up in the morning and I would be afraid, you know,
because I thought that was the best part of my day,
you know, because the eventual intrusive thoughts would come, those
would you know, turn into racing thoughts, and I would,
you know, kind of lose control of how my thinking
patterns would go and be very negative and a lot
of negative self talk. I couldn't for give myself. I
(22:00):
hadn't known really how to forgive myself and others by
you know, actually committing and holding on to that forgiveness,
which I've learned here at Camp Hope. But you know,
I uh, I've learned. I haven't had racing thoughts for
months since I've been here at Camp Hope, and you know,
I've learned. I used to react, you know, very quickly
(22:23):
to the information that I would take in. And I,
you know, like I said, you know, those initial feelings
I know now are not final. I can choose how
I want to feel about a situation, you know, and
I'll get there and who lines up with who I
believe God wants me to be. And you know, so
when I knew I had that problem was when, you know,
(22:45):
it was when I, like I said, I was afraid
of everything. I was insecure, and you know, it's just
I'm just so blessed to have been given this opportunity
to be here at Camp Hope and learn so much
about this.
Speaker 4 (22:56):
When you were going through that, were you working, were
you going back to school? What were you both? At times? Okay,
you're around family friends.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
I was living with my fiance, So.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
If I asked her what your behavior was like, what
would you.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Say probably, I mean erratic, I definitely think insecure, not
who she truly knew me to be, I believe.
Speaker 4 (23:32):
So you mentioned you just more recently kind of came
into the awareness of the situation. How long do you
feel like you were in that years and you didn't
notice anybody say anything?
Speaker 3 (23:46):
Yeah, I mean you know, of course, but you know,
when you're especially in a you know, unit like I
was in, you know, PTSD is something that doesn't affect
us allegedly, you know, is what you're told. And you know,
I thought that you know, admitting that I had PTSD
(24:08):
or you know, was an alcoholic, that I was, you know,
labeling myself as broken and admitting my faults wasn't I
know now that admitting those faults is you know, a
way to get through them. But if I admitted them,
my current state back then was to be labeled as broken.
(24:29):
And since I didn't know how to get through those things,
that would be a definite and you know, my future.
Speaker 4 (24:37):
As well, And either of you can chime in or
both of you chime in on this. When when we
when I guess particularly would be family members or it
could be close friends or even co workers, because much
(24:59):
like a like a quote unquote functioning alcoholic. Someone can
be functioning in their PTSD enough to maintain some type
of job or work. But when you are observing someone
like that, let's like in your situation, your fiance, yes,
(25:21):
or it could be you know, a parent, it could
be a sibling, a friend, could cow work, whoever. But
you're observing this behavior and you're watching it. And yes,
you're a marine, I mean, you're trained to suck it
up and drive on and you just you're constantly moving forward.
(25:42):
And like you mentioned, to even contemplate the idea that
the problem's mind and not the rest of the world
can be really difficult when you look back on it
or now as you see it from the mentor point
of view. I mean, in words, you would share with family,
friends that are observing this and their loved one, their friend,
(26:04):
and how do you break through? And part of it
maybe just being there knowing at some point they're going
to hit rock bottom and you just hope it's not
lethal or put them in jail for the rest of
the life something like that, right, Because we've dealt with
an awful lot of that. Sometimes that's all you can
do is wait it out. But in the meantime, any
words that you'd say, either from your point of view
(26:25):
or from your point of view having just gone through it,
what do you think somebody maybe could have said or
could have done that might have got your attention.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Well, in my situation, my family had no idea about PTSD,
so they knew something was wrong, but they couldn't like
just like me, they couldn't put the finger on it.
So the kind of remarks I would get because of
my behavior or my speech were not supporting, you know
what I mean. It helps to when we have people
(27:00):
and our family that are dealing with illnesses, whether it
be mental health or substance, it helps to get educated
about so you can understand what they are going through
or why they are behaving in a certain way, and
that will in turn help you to better support them
and better help them.
Speaker 4 (27:22):
And I'm going to share a couple of things with everybody,
just real quickly before we run to this last break.
Website for as you just mentioned, getting informed, getting educated
understand what's going on PTSDUSA dot org. There's a lot
of information not only about what PTSDD is and how
it affects our brains and our behavior, but also all
(27:43):
kinds of resources not exclusive to CAMPO, but including other
things such as our warrior groups, our family support groups.
Get informed, get involved in your loved and learn what
has happened to them and understand. And for those of
you listening to these stories, we know these things can
be triggers. Eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight
(28:05):
seventy three. That is our Combat Trauma Crisis Line eight
seven seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy three. And
not to worry, it's not going to be a psych
or someone just reading answers off a screen. It's gonna
be a combat VET, trained prepared to take that call
and help you through the crisis moment. Eight seven seven
(28:27):
seven one seven seventy eight seventy three. A combat VET
will answer the phone. We'll be right back with more
for to Hope radio. All right, I'm going to ask
(28:50):
for more time. Everybody gets your phone out. Put this
phone number in your phone. You may not be a vet.
You may may I doubt it, but you may not
know of it. Maybe you just you know when you
just don't know it. But you may come across someone
at some point in time and then you're gonna wish
you had the number in your phone. Put it on
your phone eight seven seven seven one, seven seventy eight
(29:12):
seventy three. And look, you may not know what to
say or what to do, but if you just give
them that phone number, let them call. Tell them a
combat that's gonna answer the phone. It's a critical you
say that, A combat that's going to answer the phone.
Eight seven seven seven one, seven seventy eight seventy three.
All right, So you've been at camp now for four months, which,
(29:35):
by the way, uh, how did you originally even hear
about Camp Hope? We'll be from being from the area.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
I had heard about it before, and I'm not gonna
lie to you, you know, I was like, oh, that's
where like the you know, people that are real.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
Bad off going about friends or yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
Have friends, and my parents fortunately were the ones that
got me in contact with and people.
Speaker 4 (30:01):
And helped give any camp. Okay, So when when it
was first broached, whoever mentioned it to you, have you
thought about it? Your response was what I.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
Mean it was you know at that time, I mean
I was at the lowest point in my life and
so it was a resounding yes, But it was not
an eager one.
Speaker 4 (30:26):
Sure, yeah, for a thousand reasons. I can yeah, I
can only imagine what was day one like for you.
And I understand I'm PTSD and you already talked quite
a bit about the fear factor, so I'm sure that
had to be off the chart.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
Yes, sir, I mean I honestly, you know, going to
you know, getting into the bay, I mean the guys
and laying down that first night, you know, thinking about
one hundred and eighty more of those. You know, it
seemed unfathomable that I could actually do it. You know,
I had, you know, just sitting I went to classes
(31:05):
and stuff the first day, and I was like, I'm
never gonna be able to remember all this stuff.
Speaker 4 (31:12):
You know.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
I wanted to take it in as fast as I could.
But that's one of the things that is so different
about Camp Hope is that it takes the time to
make sure that it actually seeps into your soul.
Speaker 4 (31:24):
Fire hydrant kind of is the image I always think
of it. What Day one must be like. It must
just be overwhelming. Absolutely. So you've mentioned mindfulness, what else
has there been in the course, And you know, I'm
sure it's a thousand things or a hundred things, whatever
(31:45):
the number is, it's multiple. But what are some other
things that you have learned, or classes or maybe just
sitting around the fire pit with a peer. What's a
couple of other things that have really helped you so far?
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Well, one of the biggest, uh, you know, realizations I
guess as I've come to why I'm here is, uh,
you know, about my drinking. It obviously was a huge problem.
Speaker 4 (32:11):
And you're sober today? Is my four months? Four months? Fantastic? Congratulations,
that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
Yeah, So you know I used to I mean, I
was so selfish. I used to think about my drinking
as you know, something that I deserve to be able
to do, something that other people were trying to stop
me from doing. And you know, I I looked at
it as this, you know, me trying to exercise, coming
(32:40):
on some kind of freedom that I had when all
actuality as a slave to it. And I now see
my drinking as idolatry, you know, and it's a sin.
And you know I even bartered with people you know
before and been like, well, if I don't drink for
six months, can we talk about me drinking on the weekend?
Speaker 4 (32:59):
Are right?
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Let's replace that real quick. It's if I'm like, if
I don't sin for six months, can I sin on
the weekend? That's insane, you know, And that's not who
I want to be.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
You know.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
I'm I'm a Christian, and I you know, it's just
not it's just no longer a part of my life.
And I have no desire for it either anymore, honestly.
And I was just you know, caught up in that
circle of addiction and you know, like we learned about here,
and I was separating myself from God. And you know,
(33:30):
Camp Hope has allowed me to you know, become closer
to Him and open my eyes to so many things.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
And you mentioned your folks are actually who kind of
helped initiate the process of getting you a Camp Hope.
I presume your family friends have been supportive along the way. Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:47):
I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
I mean, I could not ask for a more supportive
group of people that love me. I mean everyone. I mean,
my parents are like, just be a Camp Hope. We
will take care of you know everything there. They visit
me every Sunday, you know, the MWR, and it's yeah,
everybody's been phenomenal. I literally if I'm thinking about something
(34:08):
outside of you know, Camp Hope.
Speaker 4 (34:10):
It's being taken care of. So if you can, in
your mind for just a minute, four months so friety date.
So let's just go back as best you can to
four and a half months ago. Maybe it needs to
be five months ago, and recall where you were mentally
(34:32):
at that moment, and as best you can from what
you know today, speak to that version of you five
months ago, because there's someone that's going to hear this,
that right now is where you were five months ago.
(34:53):
So what you've learned, what you've been able to change,
what you've been able to come to understand, speak to
that version of Jonathan five months ago. All right, I'll try.
I would say to myself.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
To to try to have the strength to surrender by control.
Trying to control everything in my life. It's just making
everything so much worse. The grip I was trying to
maintain is just unhealthy. I would tell myself that the
(35:30):
people that loved me around me were right and I
was wrong, and I would say that. I would tell
myself that it's gonna hurt, you know. I mean, the
work you do here at Camp Hope is the It's
the best hurt though that I've ever gone through. I mean, yes,
the days are painful at times, but the support you
(35:53):
have is unlike anything else. There's always someone to talk to.
There's always a staff member, another pure person to talk to.
But I mean, I would just tell myself to to
actually get help and that this isn't the way that
I have to live anymore, that there is a better
way to live. And I would tell myself to pray
and ask God to change my heart, because that's ultimately
(36:17):
that is what that's what has healed me here as
a change.
Speaker 4 (36:21):
Of the heart.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
What are you looking forward to, oh man, life being
a I'm looking forward to being an active participant of
my life. You know, I was honestly as all for
all the control I thought I had in my life.
You know, I was just almost an onlooker.
Speaker 4 (36:42):
You know.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
There's so many times that I missed, you know, Holidays
are important events for friends and family, you know, due
to you know, my PTSD and alcoholism, that I don't
have to miss anymore, I'm not. I look forward to,
you know, having conversations with people and not being afraid
of what they're going to say. I look forward to
(37:02):
being able to decide how I'm going to feel like.
I know, I know I've harped on that a lot,
but it is the most profound thing that I've ever
gone through. I look forward to never being hungover again
very much.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
So.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
I mean, you know, we wake up around five point
thirty in the bays and it's I mean, I don't
I just don't have to, don't. I'm looking forward to not,
you know, living like that anymore. It's it's it's amazing.
Speaker 4 (37:31):
Donald. I'm so happy for you. I'm happy for your family,
all your friends are supportive of what's going on right now,
but most importantly just happy for you. Whatever the future
has for you, go get it, man, and lay hold
of every bit of it you pozzibly can talone. Thanks again, brother,
always good to see you, grateful for what you do
around our campus and supporting the program and the whole
(37:54):
peer to peer model. And without guys like you, the
program doesn't exist just the way it is, so thanks
for doing your hard work to get to where you're
at the day and as always, big shout out to
your bride for helping you keep that thumb in your back.
You're gonna keep doing this you gonna do the work
is a big reminder wherever you listen to Road to
(38:15):
Hope or listen to podcast excuse me, wherever you listen
to podcasts, you just look for the Road to Hope,
hit that download button and or the download button the
subscribe button. It'll automatically download and you're good to go.
Share it with everybody you can. Thanks again, Looking forward
to being with you again next week for more of
Road to Hope Radio.
Multiple people in my family clean my father, are veterans
and the.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Troops that have been to war and now they're back
and think and be grateful for their service.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Sacrifice, love for their country, just unselfishness, all that they
do for us. There are some people in this country
who take extraordinary steps to provide for the freedom and security.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
We forget that those people exist. We know them as
the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and Coast Guard. They
call themselves soldiers, seals, rangers, airmen, sailors, devil.
Speaker 4 (00:40):
Dogs, and so much more.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
We call them fathers, brothers, sons and husbands, mothers, daughters,
sisters and wives. We call them friend and neighbor. These
veterans answered the call. Now we answer theirs today are
the best our country has to offer, and we love them. Today,
(01:07):
we honor them, and we start them. David Malsby is
your host, and he welcomes you to this community of veterans,
as together we are building the road to hope.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
And indeed we are glad to have you along. On
a Sunday afternoon, were listening live on the KPRC the
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So thank you for sharing Road to Hope Radio. Wherever
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They've got a friend, they've got a cousin, they've got
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to be shared on the show today. We've got a
couple of combat vets in with us today and we'll
(02:29):
get to them here in just a second. But a
quick thank you to our show sponsors. On this first
show of twenty twenty five. Gratefully to have our show
sponsors A Corey Diamond and Design Billion, Connie Stagner for
all those special moments, the special items that you need,
do business with those that share your values, A Corey
(02:49):
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Oops Steam dot Com to A one A two two
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(03:10):
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And on this new year we welcome in a new
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our friends, longtime friends from a Public Grand Ranch, Republic
(03:30):
Grandranch dot Com. They have long been supporters of the
PTSD Foundation and Camp Hope and now come along as
show sponsors, and we are forever grateful. If you've never
been to Republic, Grand Ranch down willis just a little
bit north of Houston. Nice safe drive, a short driver,
(03:51):
I should say, safe, beautiful, beautiful location. Republic Grand Ranch.
All right, first show of the year. Glad to have
a couple of combat vets in with us. N I'm
glad to have you back. I want to reintroduce yourself
to the world.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yes, my name is Sarmon Brown. I was in the Army.
I am now work as a mentor at Camp Hope
at the PTSD Foundation.
Speaker 4 (04:21):
And it's good to be here. Thank you. We and
where'd you deploy?
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Somalia nineteen ninety three?
Speaker 4 (04:26):
Ninety three? All right. And then we've got a gentleman
that's been in our program at Camp Hope now for
a few months. Jonathan, want to introduce yourself to the world. Yes, sir,
my name is Jonathan Robinson.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
I was in the Marine Corps for ten years, deployed
to Iraq, Afghanistan, served in Africa, in the Pacific, and.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
I'm happy to be here. And where are you from.
I'm from Conor, Texas, Conor so local, yes, sir, all right,
born and raised there, Yeah, round the area. Yes, I'm gotcha.
Very cool, uh either one of you guys New Year's
resolutions kind of guys.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
So you know I'm I am not I have left
that up to God these days.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
All right, there's one way of putting it all, right, Jonathan.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Yeah, I mean just applying to a lot of the
things that I've learned at Camp Hope, mainly, you know,
mindfulness and uh, you know, deciding what I want to
feel rather than reacting to those feelings.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
Okay. Uh, So we've just gone through the holidays, which
your local ISHU tying you're originally from Georgia, yes, uh,
but having gone through the holidays at camp, what that's what?
What has that been like from both of your experiences,
(05:48):
Because there's so much that goes on around our campus
in addition to you know, the norm of the program
and the work of the program, but then there there's
all these nice little interruptions, but there's still interruptions. But
there's a lot of stuff that goes on around there.
What's that been like for you Guys'.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Well, I'll speak for the residents, I guess and myself mostly,
but I mean there's always there was always a welcome surprise,
you know. I mean we're here to do work, and
you know, it's a welcome distraction when people come in
and you know, thank you for thank us for our
service and you know, bring us gifts. Cook us meals
and stuff, and I think as far as you know,
(06:30):
I was joking with some of the guys. I was like,
I don't think anyone needs to thank me for my
service anymore. After spending December at Camp Hope.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
There's no shortage of people in our community that want
to do something, and a lot of them want to
do it around the holidays, which is great. It's certainly
not a complaint. There is the rest of the year too.
But that's why we think our sponsor that just continually
help us and understand just because turned the calendar page
(07:02):
from twenty twenty four to twenty twenty five, or whether
it's from you know, the first or the second to
the next day, it doesn't matter the issues and the work,
the mission, the program. What needs to happen continues to happen,
and the reason for what needs to happen continues to happen.
I Over the holidays, I've received more than one notification
(07:29):
and phone call from some people that I know. In fact,
spoke with someone on Friday that they had gotten some
news that a brother that he had served with from
the state of Ohio. It just passed and it just
it happens every day too many times. Are we gonna
take a quick break. We'll be right back with more
of Road to.
Speaker 5 (07:49):
Hope Radio, and we welcome you back Road to Hope Radio.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Wherever you listen to podcasts, look for Road to Hope Radio.
We really do appreciate it when you hit that subscribe
button automatically downloads for you can listen to it anytime, anywhere,
and most importantly, you get to share it and you
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Maybe it's you know, marketing one on one, maybe it's
(08:30):
the tenth time that it's the time that it clicks.
Please share it liberally. Can't afford to be the best
kept secret in town. All right, So we just came
through the holidays, Tarron.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
What was your.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
What was your best gift that you received this year?
Speaker 2 (08:52):
You know, the best gift I received I got phone
calls from all of my family members. I'm getting to
a point in my life where God is really showing
me what really matters. The phone calls are more than
the gifts, you know what I mean? The time spent
with the people that I love and the people that
(09:14):
love me are best guests. I got this Christmas.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
What would you say is the best gift you shared?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
The best gift I shared was the knowledge of what
God has done in my life, you know what I mean.
I came back up to Camp Hope on Christmas Day
just to chill with the guys. And you know, not
because I didn't have anything to do, but I thought
it was important to just the energy and the good
feeling that I had that day about what God had
(09:44):
done for me, to just be there and and be
around them guys and let some of that energy and
light shine, you know, to give God the glory.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
You know.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
Yeah, you know Christmas cause of just the what goes
on at Camp Hope, Like the program itself may take
a day off for the holiday, but you know there's
still sixty seventy guys in our program living there, so
(10:21):
not everything gets to shut down, but you're trying to
let trying to let the staff as much as possible
enjoy the holiday. But then you still got to again,
you know, have staff on campus, but for instance, that
includes food. I mean, we cook a lot of food
every single day and Christmas and you're trying to let
(10:45):
the cook staff and everybody have that day off. And
so we were coming up to Christmas. I mean we were,
you know, a few days away and we're sitting there.
We don't have anything really for Christmas Day, and I'm thinking, Okay,
well my wife, you know, I can cook for my
wife and I and it's nothing that anybody would pay for,
(11:06):
but you know I can. It's edible and we can.
We can do it. There's no way. I just you know,
the thought of cooking for a hundred people just like no,
just no, not even gonna start. But we're sitting there thinking,
like even amongst some of our staff, like how are
we gonna can we just can we get away with
(11:27):
just grilling hamburgers for everybody? Do we make a big
pot ut spaget?
Speaker 2 (11:31):
What do we do?
Speaker 4 (11:31):
And then the last minute, uh, Gustavo from the Del
Frisco Grill up in Woodlands, which is a really really
nice restaurant h stepped in and provided a beautiful meal
for a guys at Christmas and grateful for that. And
so many people, so many small mom and pop restaurants,
(11:54):
small groups from churches, you know, all different kinds of
community groups came to get other throughout the entire holiday
season and brought in a lot of food, and a
lot of them came in and cooked food. Talk every
year about the folks that come in and do Thanksgiving
for us every year. Smoke however many turkeys. I mean,
it's like it's crazy, yeah, and they give up their
(12:17):
Thanksgiving so that our guys can have a great Thanksgiving.
It's just to me, it's one of those moments that's
just that's better than that's better than writing a check.
I probably shouldn't be the one to saying that I'm
supposed to be bringing in the money, but like, that's
so cool to me. Of all the things that happened
over the holidays, what was one thing that stood out
maybe more than others? And I know that may be
(12:38):
a little difficult to find, but for you, as a resident, Jonathan,
what what kind of stood out a little more than
the others? Man? And I know that's not a fair question,
but I asked her anyway, you can answer it any
way you want. Well, I mean i'd say I don't care, Yeah,
I would.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
I would say, you know, the holidays were rough for
the residents, you know, everybody.
Speaker 4 (12:59):
You could feel in the air.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
You know, people missed home, the ones that they loved,
and you know, it's encouraging to still see people, you know,
doing the work that they were supposed to do. And
you know there's you know, a good, solid core group
of guys at Camp Hope that are really working the
program hard. And anytime you're down, you know, even if
the other guy's not having a great day, you know,
(13:22):
they know, you know, to tell you to keep going.
And you know there's plenty of times, especially in you
know black phase and early red phase, that you're miserable,
and you know there's encouraging words. You're like, just trust me,
you know, and you do, and you're like, it will
get better. You know, it'll start making sense. And then
you have that to fall back on, you know, because
you've seen it actually work. And so the next problem
(13:43):
that you come up to, you know, after you put
the work in, you can see that on the you
can see the good on the other side because you've
already gone through it.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
Yeah. Yeah, it was the thing about Camp Hope and
one of the one of the many dynamics there that's
a little bit maybe different than some folks may think
about normally. So I always kind of put it in
the terminology of the old World War two being Crosby
song I'll be Home for Christmas and that sentimental, the
(14:11):
nostalgic type of thing. And obviously some are drawn to
that and some are not. For some, Christmas just doesn't
mean that much of them, and that's fine too, that's
their life, their choice. But for those that you know,
like me, I get super caught up in all of that.
I just I love everything about it. And when I
(14:34):
see guys coming into camp, which we had several guys
come into camp the week of Christmas, and just the
feeling of what must the darkness have been?
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Like?
Speaker 4 (14:47):
How long must it have been dark for? At the
time when we sing I'll be Home for Christmas is
the time where they're entering into a program where they're
going to be gone for a while. As you watched
that take place, what what what was that message kind
(15:07):
of to you? Is just as you saw these guys
coming in during the holidays.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
I mean, it's definitely one of a mixed signal of
you know, almost disparity and strength. Though you know that's
how you know I got to camp up as well.
I mean there's it's a big pill to swallow, you know,
signing up for you know, six seven months to be
away from everybody that you love and knowing that you
(15:35):
you know you need to do it, and you want
to do it. You know you've got all these issues
that you know you need to work on, but you
have no idea how to do it, and you have
to trust that these people.
Speaker 4 (15:44):
Do know indeed. And one of the one of the
cool things that happened over the holiday season is I
get a few phone calls for people sending messages guys
that came through the program years ago. So, for instance,
one is a marine. A guy came through I think
I think it was twenty nineteen. It may have been COVID,
(16:07):
but I think it was twenty nineteen when he came
in a redheaded marine, North Carolina, had sixteen felony charges.
And when he's standing before the judge with his sixteenth
felony charge, he's he's obviously hurting in a good spot,
(16:37):
and he just looks at the judge and he says,
is there anything anybody can do to help me? And
somehow that judge had come where he's a state of
North Carolina. Somehow the judge knew about Camp Hope, and
he looked at that young man and he said well,
I'm glad you asked. He said, I've got an opportunity
(16:59):
for you, and if you'll take it, and if you'll
complete the program and then come back and complete your parole,
which I think was two years after he got home,
we can clear your record, which is amazing. Yes, Well,
this guy calls me. It was the day after Christmas
(17:20):
or two days after Christmas, something like that, and he's
just every time he calls, he's just so happy and
so thankful. He's raising his girls, which he never thought
he'd be a part of their life again. But he's
raising his girls, living life and it's just awesome. So
it does work. It can work. All right, We're gonna
(17:42):
take a quick news break for those of you listening
on the nine to five. Will be right back with
more of Road to Hope Radio. And welcome back Road
to Hope Radio. Glad to have you long. David Mauls
be your host. Glad to to go our with us.
I got tyrone with US staff member at the PTSD
Foundation of America, Camp Poka. Jonathan, United States Marine combat Vet,
(18:03):
current resident in our program, Jonathan, Let's dig into your
story just a little bit, just for Conrod Texas so
for those are not familiar, just just north of Houston.
What was a lifelike growing up for you?
Speaker 3 (18:19):
Oh, I was raised in a good Christian home. I
was actually homeschooled for a long time until I started
going to private school with my friends and family, six
brothers and sisters, never boring.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
Yeah and yeah it was. It was good. And you
joined the Marine Corps? Was at some point time? Was
that right after school? Well?
Speaker 3 (18:48):
No, I was actually sitting in an organic chemistry class
with my good friend Clinton Schwartzwite, and uh, we were
looking about the h at the blackboard and we're like,
they don't like this, and we decided we want to
go talk to the recruiters. And I went into the
recruited office and I asked what the hardest branch to
do a branch to join was. Then they said the Marines.
And I asked what the hardest job was and they
(19:10):
said ridycon. So I was like, sign me up.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
I want to take the most difficult yeah track part.
I've kind of done with that now, so no more
of that. What year was that that was in?
Speaker 3 (19:22):
I joined in two thousand and seven, got out in
twenty seventeen.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
Okay, so in seven you know your sign up for
Marine Corps. I mean we're still pretty hot and heavy, yees,
global war and terrorism. You had to know something was
probably gonna happen. Yes, yes, sir. And how long were
you in the corps? Tens ten years? How long was
it before your first deployment.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
I went to Iraq for my first deployment I think
two thousand and eight, so a little under two years.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
Okay, how long was that? Do you remember? We were
there about six seven months. What were you doing?
Speaker 3 (19:56):
We were training the Iraqi army, helping At that time,
the coalition forces were doing everything through the Iraqi military.
We were doing teaching them how to like shoot and
do raids and do an aerial vehicle. In addiction, because
they were the few al Kaeda that were left were
mostly moving through the open desert, so Heli born operations
(20:19):
were the best way to go about that.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
And you deployed also to Afghanistan world.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Yes, sir, I was in the Sand Valley in Afghanistan
in twenty ten and eleven.
Speaker 4 (20:28):
Those are rough years. It was pretty hot, yes, sir. Yeah.
When you came back and you were finished with the
combat part of your Marine Corps experience. What was it
that triggered any kind of an issue or when did
(20:48):
you begin to notice something's not quite right here? Were
you still in or are you already come out?
Speaker 3 (20:54):
I mean, you know, there's such a negative stigma surrounding
mental health while you're in the military, so everybody's pretty
much suffering in silence together, I think personally, like I
came to the real realization, I mean ultimately fairly recently.
I knew that I was having issues, but I didn't
(21:16):
think that they were really affecting other people, and in truth,
they really were. I would I started to really realize it.
Like I said, recently, I was living, you know, my
life was pretty much run by fear, which obviously PTSD,
you know, plays a huge part. And I would wake
(21:37):
up in the morning and I would be afraid, you know,
because I thought that was the best part of my day,
you know, because the eventual intrusive thoughts would come, those
would you know, turn into racing thoughts, and I would,
you know, kind of lose control of how my thinking
patterns would go and be very negative and a lot
of negative self talk. I couldn't for give myself. I
(22:00):
hadn't known really how to forgive myself and others by
you know, actually committing and holding on to that forgiveness,
which I've learned here at Camp Hope. But you know,
I uh, I've learned. I haven't had racing thoughts for
months since I've been here at Camp Hope, and you know,
I've learned. I used to react, you know, very quickly
(22:23):
to the information that I would take in. And I,
you know, like I said, you know, those initial feelings
I know now are not final. I can choose how
I want to feel about a situation, you know, and
I'll get there and who lines up with who I
believe God wants me to be. And you know, so
when I knew I had that problem was when, you know,
(22:45):
it was when I, like I said, I was afraid
of everything. I was insecure, and you know, it's just
I'm just so blessed to have been given this opportunity
to be here at Camp Hope and learn so much
about this.
Speaker 4 (22:56):
When you were going through that, were you working, were
you going back to school? What were you both? At times? Okay,
you're around family friends.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
I was living with my fiance, So.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
If I asked her what your behavior was like, what
would you.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Say probably, I mean erratic, I definitely think insecure, not
who she truly knew me to be, I believe.
Speaker 4 (23:32):
So you mentioned you just more recently kind of came
into the awareness of the situation. How long do you
feel like you were in that years and you didn't
notice anybody say anything?
Speaker 3 (23:46):
Yeah, I mean you know, of course, but you know,
when you're especially in a you know, unit like I
was in, you know, PTSD is something that doesn't affect
us allegedly, you know, is what you're told. And you know,
I thought that you know, admitting that I had PTSD
(24:08):
or you know, was an alcoholic, that I was, you know,
labeling myself as broken and admitting my faults wasn't I
know now that admitting those faults is you know, a
way to get through them. But if I admitted them,
my current state back then was to be labeled as broken.
(24:29):
And since I didn't know how to get through those things,
that would be a definite and you know, my future.
Speaker 4 (24:37):
As well, And either of you can chime in or
both of you chime in on this. When when we
when I guess particularly would be family members or it
could be close friends or even co workers, because much
(24:59):
like a like a quote unquote functioning alcoholic. Someone can
be functioning in their PTSD enough to maintain some type
of job or work. But when you are observing someone
like that, let's like in your situation, your fiance, yes,
(25:21):
or it could be you know, a parent, it could
be a sibling, a friend, could cow work, whoever. But
you're observing this behavior and you're watching it. And yes,
you're a marine, I mean, you're trained to suck it
up and drive on and you just you're constantly moving forward.
(25:42):
And like you mentioned, to even contemplate the idea that
the problem's mind and not the rest of the world
can be really difficult when you look back on it
or now as you see it from the mentor point
of view. I mean, in words, you would share with family,
friends that are observing this and their loved one, their friend,
(26:04):
and how do you break through? And part of it
maybe just being there knowing at some point they're going
to hit rock bottom and you just hope it's not
lethal or put them in jail for the rest of
the life something like that, right, Because we've dealt with
an awful lot of that. Sometimes that's all you can
do is wait it out. But in the meantime, any
words that you'd say, either from your point of view
(26:25):
or from your point of view having just gone through it,
what do you think somebody maybe could have said or
could have done that might have got your attention.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Well, in my situation, my family had no idea about PTSD,
so they knew something was wrong, but they couldn't like
just like me, they couldn't put the finger on it.
So the kind of remarks I would get because of
my behavior or my speech were not supporting, you know
what I mean. It helps to when we have people
(27:00):
and our family that are dealing with illnesses, whether it
be mental health or substance, it helps to get educated
about so you can understand what they are going through
or why they are behaving in a certain way, and
that will in turn help you to better support them
and better help them.
Speaker 4 (27:22):
And I'm going to share a couple of things with everybody,
just real quickly before we run to this last break.
Website for as you just mentioned, getting informed, getting educated
understand what's going on PTSDUSA dot org. There's a lot
of information not only about what PTSDD is and how
it affects our brains and our behavior, but also all
(27:43):
kinds of resources not exclusive to CAMPO, but including other
things such as our warrior groups, our family support groups.
Get informed, get involved in your loved and learn what
has happened to them and understand. And for those of
you listening to these stories, we know these things can
be triggers. Eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight
(28:05):
seventy three. That is our Combat Trauma Crisis Line eight
seven seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy three. And
not to worry, it's not going to be a psych
or someone just reading answers off a screen. It's gonna
be a combat VET, trained prepared to take that call
and help you through the crisis moment. Eight seven seven
(28:27):
seven one seven seventy eight seventy three. A combat VET
will answer the phone. We'll be right back with more
for to Hope radio. All right, I'm going to ask
(28:50):
for more time. Everybody gets your phone out. Put this
phone number in your phone. You may not be a vet.
You may may I doubt it, but you may not
know of it. Maybe you just you know when you
just don't know it. But you may come across someone
at some point in time and then you're gonna wish
you had the number in your phone. Put it on
your phone eight seven seven seven one, seven seventy eight
(29:12):
seventy three. And look, you may not know what to
say or what to do, but if you just give
them that phone number, let them call. Tell them a
combat that's gonna answer the phone. It's a critical you
say that, A combat that's going to answer the phone.
Eight seven seven seven one, seven seventy eight seventy three.
All right, So you've been at camp now for four months, which,
(29:35):
by the way, uh, how did you originally even hear
about Camp Hope? We'll be from being from the area.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
I had heard about it before, and I'm not gonna
lie to you, you know, I was like, oh, that's
where like the you know, people that are real.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
Bad off going about friends or yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
Have friends, and my parents fortunately were the ones that
got me in contact with and people.
Speaker 4 (30:01):
And helped give any camp. Okay, So when when it
was first broached, whoever mentioned it to you, have you
thought about it? Your response was what I.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
Mean it was you know at that time, I mean
I was at the lowest point in my life and
so it was a resounding yes, But it was not
an eager one.
Speaker 4 (30:26):
Sure, yeah, for a thousand reasons. I can yeah, I
can only imagine what was day one like for you.
And I understand I'm PTSD and you already talked quite
a bit about the fear factor, so I'm sure that
had to be off the chart.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
Yes, sir, I mean I honestly, you know, going to
you know, getting into the bay, I mean the guys
and laying down that first night, you know, thinking about
one hundred and eighty more of those. You know, it
seemed unfathomable that I could actually do it. You know,
I had, you know, just sitting I went to classes
(31:05):
and stuff the first day, and I was like, I'm
never gonna be able to remember all this stuff.
Speaker 4 (31:12):
You know.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
I wanted to take it in as fast as I could.
But that's one of the things that is so different
about Camp Hope is that it takes the time to
make sure that it actually seeps into your soul.
Speaker 4 (31:24):
Fire hydrant kind of is the image I always think
of it. What Day one must be like. It must
just be overwhelming. Absolutely. So you've mentioned mindfulness, what else
has there been in the course, And you know, I'm
sure it's a thousand things or a hundred things, whatever
(31:45):
the number is, it's multiple. But what are some other
things that you have learned, or classes or maybe just
sitting around the fire pit with a peer. What's a
couple of other things that have really helped you so far?
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Well, one of the biggest, uh, you know, realizations I
guess as I've come to why I'm here is, uh,
you know, about my drinking. It obviously was a huge problem.
Speaker 4 (32:11):
And you're sober today? Is my four months? Four months? Fantastic? Congratulations,
that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
Yeah, So you know I used to I mean, I
was so selfish. I used to think about my drinking
as you know, something that I deserve to be able
to do, something that other people were trying to stop
me from doing. And you know, I I looked at
it as this, you know, me trying to exercise, coming
(32:40):
on some kind of freedom that I had when all
actuality as a slave to it. And I now see
my drinking as idolatry, you know, and it's a sin.
And you know I even bartered with people you know
before and been like, well, if I don't drink for
six months, can we talk about me drinking on the weekend?
Speaker 4 (32:59):
Are right?
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Let's replace that real quick. It's if I'm like, if
I don't sin for six months, can I sin on
the weekend? That's insane, you know, And that's not who
I want to be.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
You know.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
I'm I'm a Christian, and I you know, it's just
not it's just no longer a part of my life.
And I have no desire for it either anymore, honestly.
And I was just you know, caught up in that
circle of addiction and you know, like we learned about here,
and I was separating myself from God. And you know,
(33:30):
Camp Hope has allowed me to you know, become closer
to Him and open my eyes to so many things.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
And you mentioned your folks are actually who kind of
helped initiate the process of getting you a Camp Hope.
I presume your family friends have been supportive along the way. Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:47):
I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
I mean, I could not ask for a more supportive
group of people that love me. I mean everyone. I mean,
my parents are like, just be a Camp Hope. We
will take care of you know everything there. They visit
me every Sunday, you know, the MWR, and it's yeah,
everybody's been phenomenal. I literally if I'm thinking about something
(34:08):
outside of you know, Camp Hope.
Speaker 4 (34:10):
It's being taken care of. So if you can, in
your mind for just a minute, four months so friety date.
So let's just go back as best you can to
four and a half months ago. Maybe it needs to
be five months ago, and recall where you were mentally
(34:32):
at that moment, and as best you can from what
you know today, speak to that version of you five
months ago, because there's someone that's going to hear this,
that right now is where you were five months ago.
(34:53):
So what you've learned, what you've been able to change,
what you've been able to come to understand, speak to
that version of Jonathan five months ago. All right, I'll try.
I would say to myself.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
To to try to have the strength to surrender by control.
Trying to control everything in my life. It's just making
everything so much worse. The grip I was trying to
maintain is just unhealthy. I would tell myself that the
(35:30):
people that loved me around me were right and I
was wrong, and I would say that. I would tell
myself that it's gonna hurt, you know. I mean, the
work you do here at Camp Hope is the It's
the best hurt though that I've ever gone through. I mean, yes,
the days are painful at times, but the support you
(35:53):
have is unlike anything else. There's always someone to talk to.
There's always a staff member, another pure person to talk to.
But I mean, I would just tell myself to to
actually get help and that this isn't the way that
I have to live anymore, that there is a better
way to live. And I would tell myself to pray
and ask God to change my heart, because that's ultimately
(36:17):
that is what that's what has healed me here as
a change.
Speaker 4 (36:21):
Of the heart.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
What are you looking forward to, oh man, life being
a I'm looking forward to being an active participant of
my life. You know, I was honestly as all for
all the control I thought I had in my life.
You know, I was just almost an onlooker.
Speaker 4 (36:42):
You know.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
There's so many times that I missed, you know, Holidays
are important events for friends and family, you know, due
to you know, my PTSD and alcoholism, that I don't
have to miss anymore, I'm not. I look forward to,
you know, having conversations with people and not being afraid
of what they're going to say. I look forward to
(37:02):
being able to decide how I'm going to feel like.
I know, I know I've harped on that a lot,
but it is the most profound thing that I've ever
gone through. I look forward to never being hungover again
very much.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
So.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
I mean, you know, we wake up around five point
thirty in the bays and it's I mean, I don't
I just don't have to, don't. I'm looking forward to not,
you know, living like that anymore. It's it's it's amazing.
Speaker 4 (37:31):
Donald. I'm so happy for you. I'm happy for your family,
all your friends are supportive of what's going on right now,
but most importantly just happy for you. Whatever the future
has for you, go get it, man, and lay hold
of every bit of it you pozzibly can talone. Thanks again, brother,
always good to see you, grateful for what you do
around our campus and supporting the program and the whole
(37:54):
peer to peer model. And without guys like you, the
program doesn't exist just the way it is, so thanks
for doing your hard work to get to where you're
at the day and as always, big shout out to
your bride for helping you keep that thumb in your back.
You're gonna keep doing this you gonna do the work
is a big reminder wherever you listen to Road to
(38:15):
Hope or listen to podcast excuse me, wherever you listen
to podcasts, you just look for the Road to Hope,
hit that download button and or the download button the
subscribe button. It'll automatically download and you're good to go.
Share it with everybody you can. Thanks again, Looking forward
to being with you again next week for more of
Road to Hope Radio.
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