"I'm not the problem, you are"

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Multiple people in my family clean my father, are veterans.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Troops that have been to war and now they're back.

Speaker 3 (00:10):
And think and be grateful for their service.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
Sacrifice, love for their country, just unselfishness, all that they
do for us.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
There are some people in this country who take extraordinary
steps to provide for the freedom and security.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
We forget that those people exist.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
We know them as the Army, Navy, air Force, Marines,
and Coast Guard. They call themselves soldiers, seals, rangers, airmen, sailors, devil.

Speaker 3 (00:38):
Dogs, and so much more.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
We call them fathers, brothers, sons and husbands, mothers, daughters,
sisters and wives. We call them friend and neighbor. These
veterans answered the call. Now we answer theirs, and they
are the best our country has to offer, and we

(01:03):
love them both. Today we honor them and we serve them.
David Malsby is your host, and he welcomes you to
this community of veterans, as together we are building the
road to hope.

Speaker 4 (01:23):
And indeed we are glad to have you along. On
a Sunday afternoon, those of you listening on the KPRC,
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(02:52):
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(03:12):
it or know someone that Needed Road Hope. Rady wherever
you find your, podcast all, right got a couple of
combat that's in the studio with us. Today will long
time no see in the. Studio good to have you,
back wonderful'll be back. There reintroduce yourself to the.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
World, yeah my name Is Will. Nagy born and raised In, Chicago,
illinois well Near.

Speaker 4 (03:34):
Aurora too close To. Chicago too close To. Chicago welcome
To texas by the.

Speaker 2 (03:40):
Way, oh it's great to be To. Texas and ACTUALLY
i am a, transplant SO i am here for.

Speaker 4 (03:46):
Life there you.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
Go Army army combat veteran eighty. Eight mike motor vehicle
operator for anybody who doesn't. Know And i've got four,
deployments three To. Afghanistan one DO i rat all back
to back to back to back With Special?

Speaker 4 (04:04):
Forces you hunched that frequent flyer? Ticket oh? Yeah and
he came back and continued. Serving, yes came.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
Back, UNFORTUNATELY i was on a ten year, hiatus continued,
serving went down some dark paths and got lost a
lot in the ten years, afterwards very very difficult. Road
BUT i am a firm, believer and everything happens for a.

(04:34):
Reason AND i might not know what that reason, is
but it's for a, reason whether it's a life lesson or.
Whatever everything happens For god's. Reason whether it's for me to,
understand that's. Irrelevant but, YEAH i did get To Camp
hope In april of twenty twenty, two WHICH i would

(04:59):
call back than a, fluke BUT i don't believe in those.
Anymore there you. Go Good lord brought me To Camp
hope because he knew WHERE i needed to. Be went
through the, program and the one THING i tell the
guys that, Program i'd rather be. Deployed, SERIOUSLY i would

(05:22):
rather have been.

Speaker 4 (05:23):
Deployed we've had a few guys on this show make
the statement it was The they've said it a couple of,
ways scariest thing they ever, did oh, yeah or the
most difficult thing they ever, did which included obviously boot,
camp you know, whatever and their. Deployments, oh no.

Speaker 2 (05:42):
Doubt And i'm a firm believer in. THAT i went
From april of twenty two and Graduated december of twenty,
two and, then By god's good, graces wound up working
There march of twenty, three And i've been there ever
since as a night shift.

Speaker 5 (05:59):
Coordinator and we're glad to have, You, oh grateful for
the work that you. DO i am grateful to be
there and.

Speaker 4 (06:07):
Had some great things happen in your life since. Cap, so,
YEAH i might want to dig into that ten year
span for just a little bit through the course of the, show,
definitely because that's the part that always grieves. Me, Like,
okay the, trauma whatever the trauma, is and it's usually
multiple and many times for guys in our, program it
includes some childhood trauma or trauma prior to the, military

(06:30):
and obviously everybody hurts for, that BUT i hurt for
the guys like you just mentioned that ten year period
like all that in between were so much damage, happened compounding, trauma,
yeah and making life a lot more, complicated a lot more.
Complicated so we'll talk about that a little, bit all.
Right we also have one of the gentlemen that's in

(06:51):
from uh that's At Camp hope. Currently want to introduce
yourself to the.

Speaker 6 (06:55):
World it's pastor thank. You my name Is Angel. Cortes
i'm gonna read to leave From San, Juan Puerto rico
was born and raised, there graduated high, school attended college
for one. YEAR i started serving in The army back
in two thousand and eight as a motor transport. Operator also, Eightya, mike, Fellow,

(07:17):
MIKE i got to Attend airborne. School after, THAT i
ended up with serving with the one seventy Third airborne
for five years WHERE i was able to deploy that
deployed twice To afghanistan OH ef ten and THEN ohf,
thirteen and after, That i've been all. OVER i spent

(07:37):
four years In. GERMANY i spent five total years in
The National Training.

Speaker 3 (07:42):
Center and For, irwin.

Speaker 4 (07:43):
We're going to dig into that a little. Bit it's your,
story so you, know you get to control how much
of it you. Share we'll dig into that after we
take a quick. Break we'll be right back with more
Of road To Hope, radio and we welcome you Back

(08:09):
road To Hope. Rado glad to have you long got
a couple of a couple of like a, talk a
couple of army that's with us here, today and glad
to have we Got Will i'm currently on staff angel
veteran From Puerto, rico which we might have to chat
about that for a, minute because there's some, guys LIKE

(08:31):
i mentioned during the, break some guys that would love
to go start a chapter for THE Ptsd foundation Of,
america uh In Puerto. Rico like that's probably not our next,
stop but thank you for. Voluntar we too appreciate the volunteer. Spirit,
Okay so growing up In Puerto, rico when did you

(08:52):
come to The states when you join the?

Speaker 6 (08:53):
Army Uh, so, Yes SO i spent LIKE i, said
ye left on my first year after. COLLEGE i, truly you,
KNOW i feel like LIKE i had some kind of,
calling you, know AND i wanted to, serve you, know
like my country is like a really small, island you,
know SO i felt, like you, know that there was

(09:14):
SOMETHING i could do to pay. Back growing, UP i
was always involved with teen sports and it was just
something about, teamwork you. Know SO i ended up just.
Enlisting uh and within a WEEK i was. Gone LIKE i.
Enlisted my mom didn't know about.

Speaker 3 (09:32):
It, Uh no one.

Speaker 6 (09:33):
KNEW i think my basketball, coach he was the only
one that actually knew about, it but he was he
was A vietnam it but he was kind of like
the inspiration behind.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
It.

Speaker 4 (09:47):
Yeah so was basketball your best? Sport?

Speaker 3 (09:50):
UH i think?

Speaker 1 (09:52):
So?

Speaker 3 (09:52):
Yeah, YEAH i think that Was that was my favorite for.

Speaker 4 (09:55):
SURE A vietnam veteran as a basketball, coach that's that
scares me just a, LITTLE i. Know, yeah In Puerto,
rico was he sober a basketball? Practice?

Speaker 6 (10:09):
Actually so he kind, of you, know some a similar. Path,
yeah but he was definitely. Recovered that's always. Encouraging, Okay
so why The? Army, Honestly i'm not SURE i knew
THAT i wanted to serve at the. Time WHEN i,

(10:32):
ENLISTED i looked at all my options AND i had
like a long list of. Options the reason WHY i
THINK i chose The army is because my, dad he
was a truck, driver so he had passed WHEN i
was twelve years, old and ALL i remember, was you,
KNOW i kind of want to be like my, dad you,

(10:53):
know like he was a truck, Driver So i'm going
to be a truck. Driver you, Know LIKE i didn't
really have like this per, se like an aggressive or
or you, know like a like a state of mind
to where you, KNOW i was willing to do certain.
Things SO i, FELT i feel, like you, know truck
driving was like the best fit for.

Speaker 4 (11:12):
Me, Okay so you joined them in two in two
thousand and.

Speaker 6 (11:16):
Eight two thousand and, Eight, okay how long were you?
In SO i SPENT i was planning to serve until
my twenty year mark and then. Retired between THE ptsd
and all this crisis is back and. Forward AFTER, COVID
i ended up getting like pretty. SICK i was having

(11:38):
some issues with per, carditis and he got a little
bit you know uphell like in terms of. Health SO
i ended up getting medically. Retired SO i literally just
just exit the service this Last.

Speaker 3 (11:52):
February.

Speaker 6 (11:53):
Okay so after, THAT i went AND i was able
to get another. Job with my, BACKGROUND i did a
lot of work WITH hasmat, Explosives SO i ended up
getting a contracting job WITH kbr in The National Training.
Center BUT i felt like some wasn't, right you, know

(12:14):
LIKE i feel like that wasn't really, it and you,
KNOW i ended up, having i, know the. Crisis SO i,
decided you, Know i'm Just i'm just gonna go take
care of.

Speaker 3 (12:25):
MYSELF i know.

Speaker 6 (12:27):
That, like you, KNOW i spent like a lot of
like literally my whole career trying to figure out.

Speaker 3 (12:32):
What was going on with.

Speaker 6 (12:34):
ME i had an idea of what it, was but
it really took me like long years to like figure
out what it was because all the symptoms were, there
all the struggles were. THERE a lot of my friends
they kept you, know Like i'm on social media and
it's like people THAT i know just coming up like you,

(12:54):
know so and, so you know this, happened that, Happened
AND i was, like, hey like all the this hard
like people that did literally the same THINGS i did
and went out, there and it's like it's not normal
that they're, all you, know going down like. That SO
i think like even after you, KNOW i experienced that

(13:17):
myself as a, leader you, know that's when when all
the awareness came and, finally LIKE i decided to JUST
i had to do something about it because it was
just like the way it was just so so heavy to,
carry you. Know so at that POINT i tried getting
this help in in a clinical facility In, california AND

(13:41):
i spent some time out.

Speaker 3 (13:42):
There where'd you go To?

Speaker 6 (13:43):
California SO i WAS i was my last, job the
contracting one wasn't THE ntc WHEN i, Left SO i,
literally you, KNOW i had accomplished every single goal THAT
i had for myself at that, point you, know LIKE
i went as far AS i could the, military and
THEN i was continuing to serve just on a different,

(14:05):
capacity but my physical health and my mental health was
just it was just not not in, place AND i
just felt like.

Speaker 3 (14:16):
That was not the right call for. Me like my
co workers.

Speaker 6 (14:19):
Were you, know most of them were going through similar,
things AND i was LIKE i have to go and do,
something you. KNOW i just felt the need THAT i
needed to take off.

Speaker 4 (14:30):
And go and just a reminder where of course or
not The War story, show obviously you got both been in.
Combat everybody we have on the show has been in.
Combat but as we even go through the, conversation just mentioning,
it where were your diploments again and how Many.

Speaker 3 (14:48):
I've got it sent to, it both of.

Speaker 6 (14:50):
Them, yeah, Okay so twenty ten and twenty, thirteen how
long were those twelve and?

Speaker 4 (14:56):
Ten good? Grief. Okay so we understand that some of
the things we, discuss some of the stories you might,
hear can always be something that is a. Trigger so
once you get your phone, out even if you don't
think you'll ever need this phone, number that's. Fine please
put the number in your. Phone you never know when
you might come across somebody that could really use somebody

(15:18):
to chat. With so eight seven seven seven one SEVEN.
Ptsd that is Our Combat Trauma Crisis line eight seven
seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy. Three it is
answered twenty four to seven three sixty five by a combat.
Veteran and for those of you like me that are,

(15:38):
civilians you might not really understand the importance of, that
but believe, me you tell a veteran that's, struggling when
you call this number and someone answers that, phone it
is going to be a combat Be believe, Me believe,
Me believe. Me that means the world to. Them eight
seven seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy. Three website
for not Only Camp, hope which is where both of

(15:59):
these guys have gone through our, program but also our
support groups that we run across the. Country all that
is on our WEBSITE ptsdusa dot. Org by the, way
a little side, note everything we do absolutely zero cost
to our veterans or their. Families we believe they have
paid a high enough price and it's our turn to

(16:20):
take care of. Them SO ptsdusa dot. Org on social,
media this is another great way to help get the word.
Out you can follow. Along there's a lot of stories
given them through social, media graduate, videos we have, events
opportunities to. Volunteer you see a lot of that on
our social MEDIA PTSD USA ptsd Post Traumatic Stress DISORDER

(16:43):
PTSD usa letses On facebook and on THE x machine
formerly known As, twitter as well as. YouTube all those
ARE PTSD usa On. Instagram we ARE Ptsd foundation Of.
America so we really do appreciate it when you give
us a follow like us On facebook and again that's

(17:08):
an easy way to share with your, community your, friends your,
network the work that happens at THE Ptsd foundation Of.
America and here's the, thing we're losing up to forty
four veterans every single day to their own. Hands think about,
that and you don't know all of. Them you may
not know anybody that's, struggling but if you share our,
store you never know who might come across it that

(17:30):
it can actually save their. Life i've had many people
tell me they learned About Camp hope through. RADIO i
have had many people tell me they learned through restaurants
that support us and they just saw our name on
the menu and that's where they began to search a
lot of people through Social media'd be surprised what people
will tell you on social, Media so please give it
the like the follow UP PTSD, Usa we're going to

(17:53):
take a quick, break be right back with more Of Road. Hope,
OKAY i don't know how much you want to say
about this against your. Story you get to control how

(18:14):
much of. This but a couple of times and you're
describing what was happening to, you you use the word.
EPISODE i, Believe, Yes what does that look.

Speaker 3 (18:25):
Like for you in terms of AFTER i got?

Speaker 6 (18:28):
Back so at FIRST i remember returning AND i felt
at first LIKE i felt really, normal you, know LIKE
i WAS i was really almost convinced THAT i was,
okay THAT i was.

Speaker 3 (18:43):
Fine you, know UH.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
I.

Speaker 6 (18:47):
WAS i ended up getting married and THEN i had
a daughter the year AFTER i got.

Speaker 3 (18:54):
Back BUT i.

Speaker 6 (18:56):
Noticed THAT i was abusing. ALCOHOL i had this really
intense dreams to WHERE i would like end up talking
and you, know like kicking around and, screaming so like
my spouse like she would she would she would be,
afraid you, know AND i was kind of, like you,

(19:18):
KNOW i went got it checked out BECAUSE i was
grinding my teeth, too you, know AND i started getting
like really bad, pain like my. Job and at, FIRST
i JUST i didn't make anything of, it you, KNOW
i JUST i just you, KNOW i thought it was
probably stress or anything like, that SO i kept. Moving
but then like you, know my problem solving skills like

(19:40):
started being affected.

Speaker 2 (19:41):
Too there's nothing wrong with, me, yeah wrong with everybody.

Speaker 4 (19:46):
Else there's when we start talking about the frontal cortex
y decision. Making the filter has been shut.

Speaker 6 (19:53):
Off AND i noticed, that you, know LIKE i took
it back to growing, up AND i was, like, MAN
i WAS i was able to make all these friends
WHEN i was you, know in high, school. College you,
KNOW i was always good at you, know problems, solve
been like what's going? On LIKE i felt LIKE i was,
like is it just the military training that's changing?

Speaker 3 (20:12):
Me or what is?

Speaker 6 (20:13):
It you, know LIKE i just started transforming AND i
didn't like, it but you, KNOW i didn't make much of,
it you, know like most people would tell, me, like,
well you, know you're you're in the army, now you, know.

Speaker 3 (20:24):
Like that's that's just the. Life, yeah that's just the.
Transformation but.

Speaker 6 (20:30):
After, that you, know things got a little bit more
intense ONCE i moved TO, ntc AND i wasn't of
course aware of, it but the terrain and, everything the
environment is very similar from out there being, deployed and

(20:51):
that was also expecting, Me LIKE i didn't really like
understand what it. Was within a, year LIKE i ended
up getting, divorced and THEN i JUST i just kept
masking and masking and.

Speaker 4 (21:02):
Masking so you mentioned the bad dreams or however you, want,
nightmares however you want to call them flashbacks, Sometimes so
how much were you able to sleep in a typical
night prior to getting some?

Speaker 6 (21:21):
Help so PROBABLY i would say like my sleep IF i,
wasn't you, know like trying to get sleep with, alcohol
it would probably be like three four. Hours BUT i
noticed THAT i will WORK i will work myself to
the ground, Too like it wouldn't really bother.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
Me it will start bothering me.

Speaker 6 (21:43):
Whenever like my body physically was just kind of like shuting,
down like, hey like you, KNOW i would go like
work thirteen, hours fourteen hours a, day and THEN i wouldn't.

Speaker 3 (21:53):
EAT i, noticed like my weight. START i started dropping.

Speaker 6 (21:57):
WEIGHT i was one hundred and ninety pounds WHEN i
was WHEN i was at turned and WHEN i got,
back LIKE i kept dropping all these weight AND i
was just, like what's going? On LIKE i couldn't, EAT
i was over spending. MONEY i was just like having
all these like really odd behaviors THAT i really wasn't having.

Speaker 4 (22:15):
Before well what was your sleep like before you saw?
It help?

Speaker 1 (22:19):
Me?

Speaker 2 (22:20):
Oh, well like him eighty Eight, mike we are trained
as sleep, deprivation so three four hours a, day AND
i do that for, god it could be three weeks
and then one day would be like a catch up
day Where i'd sleep twelve. Hours but it didn't feel

(22:41):
like the twelve hours didn't feel any different from the four,
Hours so that that was pretty much what it. Was
and for, ME i didn't go to the alcohol like you,
said you would alcohol assisted. KNOCKOUTS i was more along
the lines of marijuana and weed BECAUSE i didn't d

(23:01):
we didn't let me, dream SO i just do. That
but again three four hours and Then i'd be up
AND i could run twenty hours in a.

Speaker 4 (23:11):
Day how different is your sleep? Today and you've got
a night, shift so it's.

Speaker 2 (23:15):
Yeah WELL i had to adjust my. Schedule but Through
Camp hope and through all the coping mechanisms that were
taught in the grounding techniques that THAT i learned From
Camp hope and some of the, GUYS i can get
six hours of sleep, Now LIKE i sleep a full
six hours and that's.

Speaker 4 (23:36):
Awesome, yeah and it may not sound like much to,
some it's. Huge it's. Huge it it helps. Everything, yeah
it helps everything, mentally helps, everything. Physically, yeah it's a,
major major.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
Positive major. Positive just that that restoration and. Recharge.

Speaker 4 (23:56):
Yeah, Okay So, angel you've been at camp for basically two.
Months mentioned hitting your two months sobriety, here which is. Awesome,
congratulations it's. Fantastic two months isn't a, lot but it's
a LITTLE i mean, Talking i'm talking about the. Alcohol

(24:17):
i'm just talking about the program Of Camp hope and
the mental health and understanding what, happened WHAT ptsd is
actually doing inside of your, brain and more, importantly what
it's stopping your brain from. Doing learning that and then
how you've kind of learned how to overcome some of
those things and how to cope with some of those.

(24:37):
Things but what's your sleep like today compared to coming
before coming into?

Speaker 6 (24:43):
Camp, Hope, well TODAY i Got, yeah it's gotten it's
gotten way. BETTER i remember my last day out BEFORE
i actually signed, IN i didn't sleep the whole, night
LIKE i was just literally decided my are like waiting
for the intake office to, open LIKE i was literally

(25:04):
like ten miles away like that. Was that was after
like my trip From california THAT i had, drove you,
Know SO i THINK i spent thirty hours away BEFORE
i signed, in and NOW i can get six seven,
hours you, know and it has it has. Improved it's

(25:25):
also you, KNOW i got to keep into account That
i've been doing like some deep, work you. Know, Yes
so you, know ONCE i get that sorted, Out i'm
pretty sure that, eventually you, know little by, little along with,
medication you, know we'll start getting.

Speaker 4 (25:39):
Better so you've mentioned more times about different things you
were becoming aware, of and the dreams were probably the,
Divorce So i'm sure that was an eye. Opener what
was your first attempt to find some kind of. Help
did you go to THE va or oh, well go
to a private doctor Or.

Speaker 6 (26:00):
My first attempt to find help was WHEN i was
grinding my, teeth BUT i WASN'T i didn't talk about
anything else BECAUSE i was functional at the.

Speaker 3 (26:13):
Time you, KNOW i was.

Speaker 4 (26:14):
YOUNG i just think you didn't need to talk to,
somebody or you weren't willing to open up about that.

Speaker 6 (26:19):
YET i, JUST i honestly didn't THINK i LIKE i
thought it was, just you, know did the culture you
know that that's just how we, operate you. Know SO
i didn't truly see it as a problem until later
and down the, road when you, know the eye opener
for me was just my friends THAT i was unfortunately.

(26:39):
Lost but the first time THAT i was aware of
it AND i went and got help FOR i was
on my second trip. OVERSEAS i was right AFTER covid
BECAUSE i went into a really bad crisis again WHILE
i was out.

Speaker 4 (26:56):
There so who did you talk? To just a medical?

Speaker 6 (26:59):
Doctor SO i first mentioned it to my immediate, leader
this is my. Supervisor and THEN i went in and
spoke to the. Psychiatrist after, that you, KNOW i was
really convinced THAT i had a.

Speaker 3 (27:15):
PROBLEM i. HAD i was suicidal for a.

Speaker 6 (27:18):
WHILE i also, disclosed, yes that was WHEN i was
stationed In. Germany, yeah, okay all, right so after, yep
that was after that was clearly my second deployment was
two thousand and. Fourteen that's WHEN i got back AND
covid was well twenty, yep so six years.

Speaker 4 (27:40):
After, okay all, right we're gonna have to take one more.
Break we'll be back and kind of hear a little
bit about what's going on With Camp hope and how
you're doing and WILL i know you want to say,
something so we hold that. Thought, Man we'll be right
back with more Of road To hope. Radio either of

(28:15):
you guys playing? INSTRUMENTS i, DO i.

Speaker 2 (28:18):
Do I'm i'm more of a, drummer all, right percussion any?

Speaker 4 (28:22):
Good?

Speaker 1 (28:23):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (28:23):
Yeah all?

Speaker 5 (28:24):
Right IF i heard you, WHAT i think you were,
good you would THINK i Was, yeah all, RIGHT i don't.

Speaker 4 (28:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah what are you thinking? About?

Speaker 3 (28:32):
Uh maybe a guitar there you, go, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 (28:34):
Proud there's a lot of guys around there to pick
it up while they're with, us or go kind of
go back to it some LIKE i haven't done it
in a lot of.

Speaker 3 (28:40):
Years, Yeah i've. Seen we got some guitars down.

Speaker 2 (28:43):
There, yeah plenty of.

Speaker 4 (28:45):
Guitars we had a guy for a, while and like
you've already, mentioned this thing CALLED covid, happened, Uh And
i've changed a lot of people's. Schedules and even after
everything opened back, up we used to have a guy
come in quite often On saturdays and teach guitar and
that was that was a really cool. Thing good for,
him was good for our. Guys you were gonna say,

(29:06):
Something i'm gonna, go oh.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
Yeah when it comes to how we looked at ourselves
prior to getting, help we didn't think we needed. Help
like for, ME i there was nothing wrong with. Me
it's wrong with everybody. Else i'm, Good BUT i didn't

(29:29):
see what my problem. Was, well and more, IMPORTANTLY i
had no idea what my problem.

Speaker 4 (29:37):
WAS i.

Speaker 2 (29:38):
DIDN'T i THOUGHT i was, fine and my pride and
my ego would not allow me allow me to be, like,
yeah there's something wrong with. You you need to go get.
Help and it was amazing and caveat into what we
what we're going to talk. ABOUT i was talking to my,
sister my younger sister just the other, day and we

(30:01):
got on the subject Of Camp hope in HOW i am,
now and she said the most interesting thing to me
THAT i did not know at the. Time she was, like,
well prior To Camp hope and she boasts us, up
she Boasts Camp hope AND Ptsd foundation because of, me

(30:23):
the transformation THAT i. Created it was insightful when she was, like,
well prior To Camp, hope nobody could talk to. You
you were intense and so intense that you would stress
me out and we just couldn't talk to you like at.

(30:45):
All but now three years, later two years, LATER i
can talk to you and not feel anything in regards
to anxiety. STRESS i, mean you're a totally Different and
it's the way they said prior to me going into

(31:06):
the military and then coming out of the, MILITARY i
was a totally different. Person BUT i was intense after.

Speaker 4 (31:14):
That WHICH i think is you, know that's that's, normal.
Right it's not, healthy but it's a normal. Normal how
can you see all, that be a part of all
that and it not change. You it's just if it
doesn't change. You there there's the bigger problem right. There you,
know you mentioned your sister and her you, know like
boasting about Camp hope all the time because she's seen the. Transformation.

(31:36):
Uh in so many. Ways, uh this may sound a
little loud to, some but in so many. WAYS I
i think one of the great ways to explain what's
going on is the use of the word. Cancer, uh
because people have heard about that and they've you, know
lots of stories family friends that have been affected by.
It so as in, cancer you they usually talk about

(32:00):
it in stage, one, two, three or four and you
know where that's. At, well the same could be true IN.
Ptsd oh, yeah somebodys HAVE. Ptsd they're kind of a level.
One we hope to meet him there to keep, him you,
know from going through like the ten year period that
you went through and all. That. Right, so but on
another way that it's similar is. Cancer we all know

(32:24):
this left untreated is going to cost, you, yes life or. Limb,
yeah it's going to cost. You same FOR, ptsd, oh no.
Doubt like the guy we had on the show last,
Week Navy, guy and he's talking about, it he's taking
the rope and, time the not in it like he's staged,
four like, help, yes neon, signs sirens going, off he needs.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
Help and the crazy thing about it is with THE
ptsd and the, time, LIKE i never showed any. SIGNS
i never reached out for. HELP i never SAID i
was going to kill, myself nothing like. That but the
moment it, HAPPENED i was. THERE i had a gun

(33:07):
to my, head hammer cocked, back finger on the, trigger, trembling.

Speaker 4 (33:13):
And it.

Speaker 2 (33:14):
Wasn't there was no signs when it came to. It
people who call, out, Hey i'm gonna kill, MYSELF i
believe they're stage three reaching out for, help don't know
how to do. It but the guys who are stage,
four they ain't reaching out for. HELP i didn't reach

(33:36):
out for. HELP i didn't say anything about.

Speaker 4 (33:37):
It, Yeah AND i always tell people when they see
something like, that hear something like, that Because i've seen
guys go on social media and post something along those
lines and everybody's you, know all of a, sudden they're
all interested and want to, help which is, great but you,
know typically those are not the folks who follow through right.

(33:59):
Now at some point they, Will SO i always talk
when you hear, it.

Speaker 5 (34:04):
You have got to act on, it no. Doubt you've
got to ask how CAN i help? You how CAN
i walk through this with? You how CAN i support
you through? This not, judgmental just how CAN i help
get you to a better?

Speaker 4 (34:14):
Place so you can't ignore it just because typically you
know this is a. Response but you're right when you
hear And i've heard we know not only with THROUGH,
ptsd but through just years in ministry for way too
many suicide stories and talking to one of our supporters

(34:39):
this has been a few years ago. Now she was
having dinner with her husband at. Home everything's, great they're having.
Dinner they weren't, arguing they weren't in a bad. Spot
they were in a good. Spot and he gets up
from dinner, table goes in the other room and she
hears the the gun go. Off how in the?

Speaker 2 (34:54):
World what in the? World?

Speaker 4 (34:56):
Right you? Know? Anyway real? Quick, yes how did you
hear about?

Speaker 2 (35:00):
Hope?

Speaker 3 (35:01):
Well that is, uh that's that's.

Speaker 6 (35:04):
That it's gonna be a great. Story i'm sure you'll
love this. One, Well, okay so after my the second
crisis THAT i just, HAD i was, desperate LIKE i
KNEW i, Was, UH i had tried so many different
things AND i could not find the. Answer LIKE i was,

(35:24):
LIKE i can't find the, answer you, know LIKE i.
THOUGHT i tried literally anything healthy and, healthy LIKE i
had tried it, out AND i started losing, hope you,
KNOW i started becoming you, know pretty unmanageable to my,
family you. Know SO i figured out how, to you,
know try something.

Speaker 3 (35:44):
DIFFERENT i.

Speaker 6 (35:46):
QUIT i quit the job THAT i, had AND i
got in my, car AND i when one of my
hobbies THAT i mounted a bike a. Lot SO i
packed up my tent just LIKE i was going on the.
DEPLOYMENT i packed up all my. STUFF i had my,
TENT i had all my all my, things my rug
at literally, everything just like IF i was going out,

(36:06):
Somewhere LIKE i felt LIKE i was going. OUT i
took out to the mountains out there in Some berdino
By Big Bear, lake AND i JUST i just sat
in the mountains for about two, weeks just trying to
figure out what to. Do AND i just started Telling.
GOD i Asked. GOD i was, like, hey Like i'm

(36:26):
Really i'm really, tired you, know Like i'm, tired and
you see where where my heart is right?

Speaker 3 (36:32):
Now and that's not.

Speaker 6 (36:33):
It you, know LIKE i grew, up you, Know i'm
a believer Of, god SO i knew that that wasn't the,
answer but that that was definitely, there AND i felt,
like AND.

Speaker 4 (36:44):
I hate to have to do this for. Clock we
got about a minute and a.

Speaker 6 (36:46):
Halfway, so so long story, SHORT i, drove got in my,
car drove. OFF i stopped In New, mexico kept driving
and SOMEHOW i drove To, texas got to Event, center
met with the person at the Vent. Center next, DAY
i was connected To Wonder warrior AND i was supposed
to go To Winder, warrior but they connected me With Camp.

Speaker 5 (37:07):
Hope and where was this uh here In houston. Downtown, Okay,
yeah that's, awesome. MYSTERIOUS i didn't even know About Camp.

Speaker 4 (37:18):
Hope, yeah SO i got thirty. Seconds, yeah what's changed
for you in two? Months if? Anything AND i know
that's a.

Speaker 6 (37:25):
LOT i Know god is the, answer AND i, know
like BEFORE i, DID i, DIDN'T i didn't understand.

Speaker 3 (37:34):
That but you know that's clear.

Speaker 4 (37:36):
Now WELL i love the, smile, man thank. You that's
a million dollar smile right. There that's. Awesome weill used
to never smile. Either, now SO i. Love it's one
of the WAYS i know you know it's. Working, yeah
guys are smiling, Like, hey something good's. Happened thanks for
Sharing swimmer story. Man thank, you hep doing the, work
do not stop. Well grateful for, You thanks for joining,

(37:58):
us for being with, You getting next week for more
Uh Go. Radio Mama zu