Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Multiple people in my family clean my father, are veterans.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Troops that have been to war and now they're back and.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
Think and be grateful for their service.
Speaker 4 (00:13):
Sacrifice, love for their country, just unselfishness, all.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
That they do for us.
Speaker 4 (00:18):
There are some people in this country who take extraordinary
steps to provide for the freedom and security. We forget
that those people exist.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
We know them as the Army, Navy, air Force, Marines,
and Coast Guard. They call themselves soldiers, seals, rangers, airmen, sailors, devil.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Dogs, and so much more.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
We call them fathers, brothers, sons and husbands, mothers, daughters,
sisters and wives. We call them friend and neighbor. These
veterans answered the call, now we answer theirs. They are
the best our country has to offer, and we love them. Today,
(01:05):
we honor them and we serve them. David Malsby is
your host, and he welcomes you to this community of veterans,
as together we are building the road.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
To hope, and indeed we are glad to have you along.
On a Sunday afternoon listening on the kPr C the
nine to five O the AM dial, thank you for
joining us as you drive endlessly around the loop. I
guess everybody's out buying their turkey, or maybe they've already
bought their turkey.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Probably supposed to be starting to thaw that sucker out,
but now.
Speaker 4 (01:41):
I kiss uh yeah, Thanksgiving coming up this week, hope
everybody's ready for that. Where have you listen to podcasts?
Just look for Road Hope Radio. Truly do appreciate it.
When you hit that little subscribe button, it'll download automatically
each and every week once the show is loaded on
the I don't know the intrawebs thing, something somewhere in
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(02:04):
But thank you for doing so. Wherever you listen to podcasts,
just look for Road to Hope Radio. Please share that.
You never know who might hear about us, that needs us,
or knows someone that needs us, so please take advantage
of that absolutely free. It's a great way you can
be a part of impacting our veteran community for all
things PTSD Foundation of America. It's PTSD USA dot org
(02:27):
is the website PTSD Postramatic Stress Disorder PTSD USA dot org.
On social media PTSD USA PTSD USA both on Facebook.
The X Machine, formerly known as Twitter and YouTube, PTSD USA,
(02:47):
then PTSD Foundation of America on Instagram. Thank you for
following us, sharing, retweeting, whatever it may happen to be.
It's again a great way to share the story. We
cannot afford to be the best kept secret in town.
Studies are telling us we're losing up to forty four
veterans every single day. Forty four. That's a shocking number
(03:10):
to most. When we need your help getting the word
out there is there is a place, there is a program,
There is a group of people that are ready and
able to help. PTSDUSA dot org. All right, got chance
to say thank you to our show sponsors, lawst Little
time to spend with you each and every week. A
(03:30):
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(04:29):
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Place Republic Grand ranch dot. Com all, RIGHT i got
a couple of combat vets in the studio with us, Today.
(04:51):
Jeremy good to have you, Back.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Yeah, sir good to be. Here it's been a couple of, years.
Sir remind people who you, are where you're, from where you.
Served my name Is.
Speaker 5 (04:59):
JERRY i did six tours To iraq Ford. AFGHANISTAN i
was medically retired from The Frequent.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Flyer, yes, sir, yeah you get a free trip after.
THAT i mean that's six. Trips, Yes i'd go, back
just gope.
Speaker 5 (05:18):
Out and then after my, retirement after a couple of,
months the struggles with ALCOHOL ptsd caught up to me
and my wife Found. CAMPOPE i graduated in twenty twenty
one correction twenty twenty, two and then served as a
(05:38):
mentor there for a little. WHILE i got to work
with more, veterans realized THAT i needed some more counseling.
Away and Now i'm back and blessed to be. Here
and we're glad you're. Back, definitely thank, You, absolutely it's a. Blessing, yeah, well.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
We're thrilled to have. You, matt want to introduce chef
to the. World, yeah my Name's Matt. JOHNSON i virtually
am from Southern, iowa but NOW i live In, Duluth.
Minnesota i've been living up there for about since twenty,
eighteen right on the. Water so get to live right
(06:17):
next to the big, lake which is that it's a
wonderful place to.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Live it's got to be.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
Beautiful oh, yeah you, know you never get you never
get tired of. It you never get tired of. It you,
know it can be, angry it can be, calm and
it's it's always. Wonderful BUT i spent eight years in
The Iowa Army National. GUARD i deployed, twice once To
iraq and seven eight and once To afghanistian in ten and.
(06:45):
ELEVEN i got out in twenty. Twelve i've kind of
been all over The midwest in that. Time i've lived In,
Iowa i've lived In. Minnesota i've lived In. WISCONSIN i
lived In minnesota. Twice i've lived all aroun Own.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Iowa so.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
If you listen to, ME i just have a kind
of a train wreck of accents Of midwestern. Accents, well
AND i didn't hear The minnesota accent until you Said. Minnesota,
yeah and the way you ended that was Very. Minnesota
and but, yeah because it was interesting WHEN i saw
that you were From. Minnesota one of the, guys it
(07:23):
was Last sunday in. Church it was his first time
and he was introduced himself and he Mentioned. Minnesota it's, like,
YEAH i could hear that out of his. Voice the
food as soon as he said his, name it was.
Strong so, YEAH i found For. WISCONSIN i lived there long.
Enough when WHEN i stopped pronouncing THE l In. Milwaukee
(07:45):
there you go as An io when you always pronounced THE.
L but when it Became, milwaukee that's WHEN i lived
there long.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Enough. Wisconsin, yeah that's.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
Interesting all, Right we're gonna take a quick breakby right
back with more Of road To Hope.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Radio and welcome.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
Back glad to have you Along road To Hope. Radio
jeremy with sixty. Pointments man's got.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Two it's a lot of. Combat, yeah, yeah. Yeah did
you make it to the barbecue cookoff at? ALL i, did, Sir,
YEAH i. Did all, Right do you have a good.
Time it was, fantastic a great.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
Location just had the fourteenth Annual Camp Hope Barbecue. Cookoff
there were a few people that were at this one
that were also at the first, one WHICH i swear
it Was may of twenty, twelve AND i promise you
had to be one hundred and thirty seven degrees outside
when we were trying to have that GoF it was.
(09:00):
Ridiculous but, yeah this last weekend we had the fourteenth.
ANNUAL a lot of folks from all across the country coming,
in a lot of great, food a lot of great,
people and great, Time So i'm glad you got to
enjoy a little bit of.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
That, yes, sir it. Was it was a good.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
Experience, yeah lots of cooking, teams SO i got to
sample a lot of barbecue from a lot of. Folks
it was great meat, Sweats, yeah there was plenty of,
that not a lot of. Vegetables, Perfect, yes. Exactly it's
like this is. Awesome this would be like this.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Every day all day.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
Anyway, Okay So, matt your last appointment came home in
eleven between, eleven how much longer were you still in
the in the Reserves guard WHEN i got? BACK i, was.
UH i only had about eight months. Left so WHEN
(09:57):
i came, BACK i was actually uh AND i had
actually extended to go on that. Deployment so when when
you're in The, guard you you joined for six years
and then you do two of them in active. Reserve
and when my six years was about, up BECAUSE i
joined in two thousand and, four when my six years
(10:21):
was about, up my unit was getting deployed.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Again so and it.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
Just, UH i was supposed to be getting out On july,
third and my unit was going out On august, fourth
and so it was kind of one of.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Those, uh.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
Most of the guys were my, FRIENDS a lot of
THEM i had gone To iraq, with and the others
were like new guys who you, know hadn't been over
and SO i kind of thought, that, uh you, know
it just felt wrong to get out, sure and SO
i ended up extending my ENLISTMENT i think was nineteen
(10:57):
months and, uh SO i went through the, training uh
to get up to speed for that, deployment went on that,
deployment and THEN i ended up coming back on medhold
BECAUSE i fell on a rut WHEN i was over
over there and bumped up my knee pretty. Bad SO
(11:18):
i did that AND i was pretty much on that
until the end of my. Enlistment and on the last
day of my, enlistment it was, just, uh The army
AND i waved at each other and went our separate. Ways,
gotcha you said you join AN o? Four is that
right out of high? School right out of high?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
School?
Speaker 4 (11:35):
Okay why why'd you join the reserves of The? Guard,
WELL I i had wanted to, serve and THEN i
had already signed up for college WHEN i had made
a decision THAT i WAS i was going to go
in at some, point and SO i ended up going
into a reserve component with kind of the idea of
(11:56):
transferring into an active. Component and by the TIME i
had gone Through, BASIC i had just decided to stay
in the. Garden then did my first apployment not long after,
that so life had just kind of taken its kind
of put me on its path. THERE i ended up
liking The National guard quite a. BIT i got used
(12:17):
to my unit quite a. Bit it WAS i had
joined as a, tanker became a scout right away right
AFTER i got out of basic, Training SO i got
used to needs of the army very. Quickly and it
was nice to be a part of a unit that
was out of my home. State that that is a
(12:38):
really nice. Thing, so you, know WHENEVER i went home to,
DRILL i was, home and it allowed me to stay
in college At Minnesota. State and it was, also as you,
KNOW i got a little bit of both things THAT
i wanted out of life at the.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Time where did you deploy And?
Speaker 4 (12:56):
IRAQ i was based out Of Camp, victory just outside Of.
Baghdad what were you?
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Doing?
Speaker 4 (13:03):
First first apployment WAS i was a cap, scout but
we didn't really have a Traditional cap scouts role we
were doing A, psd so we were taking care of
a place called The Joint Visitors, bureau which any sort
of a big wig that was coming Into iraq at the,
time we took care of their personal security. Details so
(13:23):
any sort of general, staff we took care Of Congress State.
Department we would be there close in. Security so we
would get a little upset that it wasn't A scouts,
role but it was an interesting.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Role, nonetheless.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
We we did get a little full of.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Ourselves, no, yes, right you take care of enough four.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Stars when a one star would show, up it's like
who are you and why SHOULD i? Care and that's
coming from specialists who you know? Who, yeah you know
who cares From. Iowa but it did put us in
a lot of really interesting places that most people didn't
get to. Be we did get to see pretty much
all parts Of, baghdad and you, know we we still
(14:16):
got to experience you, know we we experienced our deployment
and but it was it was a very interesting. Mission
then it's basically a couple of years, later you're going To. Afghanistan,
yes what were you doing?
Speaker 2 (14:34):
There?
Speaker 4 (14:35):
There we had a traditional, role so we we were
given a battle space so we spent a lot of
our time In, bogram but we had two of The
bogram security, zones and then we were also were responsible
for The Koisafi, district which is part of The Parwan,
province so it's just south Of, bogram which most of
(14:58):
it is pretty, mountainous and so during the winter months
we weren't able to get to a lot of. It
so we did just kind of a heavier patrols into
the security zones Around bogrum and into the plains between
the mountains and The. Pangaeer when the snow's kind of,
melted we did a lot more kinetic ops with aerosols
(15:23):
going into the, mountains and you, know we try to
be as active as we. Could our area was kind
of known as a place where fighters would come and
they would go through our mountains and split off to
either go south Into kabble or they would go north
Toward Maser, sharif and so part of our mission was
trying to interrupt that, flow and also fighters would try
(15:46):
to return there as sort of a resting. Refit so
trying to trying to interrupt that operation was always a
goal as well as we just had some bad characters
in our. Area it just sounds cold when you start
talking About i'm cold thinking about. It For, midwesterners it
wasn't so.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Bad, yeah, yeah all.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
Right it was always hard picking out what you were
gonna wear for a day because once you start, walking your. Sweating,
yeah and the second you stop, moving you're. Freezing and
and it's just that constant. Play when we had a
little fire base up in the mountains called Dan, dar
and it was a it was a pretty small footprint
(16:28):
of a, building and you, know knights would get you,
know zero to five degrees and just sleeping out, there you,
know pretty looking up at the, stars but you know
it's still just. Freezing, Yeah i'll, pass thank.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
You.
Speaker 4 (16:43):
YEAH i THOUGHT i was so clever one day WHEN
i REALIZED i could take an emergency blanket up to
my firing position when it was my time.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
To sit, GUARD i THOUGHT i was so.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Clever of, course it sounded, like you, know A tv
dinner opening, itself climbing up. There how much were you
in the mountains up, There, Jeremy so for, DIPLOMS i don't, know,
yeah where you, were and all THOSE i was, in,
uh the first two we're IN. Rse SO i was In.
(17:17):
Logar it's pretty mountainous there, Too but it also when
a lot of pictures almost looks Like vietnam, too because
we'd have the valleys. There, yeah you'd be in the
valleys and the. Mountains and then was it the fourth
or third TIME i was? THERE i was IN Rc
(17:37):
south In panjaway over By. Kandahar it wasn't as. Mountainous
it was a lot more like desert flat. Land, yeah
none of which are on my bucket. List i'll just
tell you. That all, right we're gonna have to take
a quick. Break those listening on the nine to five
of we get a news break and we'll be right
back with more Of road To Hope radio And welcome
(18:13):
Back Road Hope. Radio got H jeremy And matt both in.
Here eight deployments between the two of. You, uh we
Got thanksgiving coming up this, week which is always yay.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Food. Comas uh, huh, yep that happens around our place a. Lot.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Uh just, curious uh any of your deployments Over? Thanksgiving, yes, sir, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
What were those?
Speaker 4 (18:43):
Like were they all very different or did they do
anything special for you guys During? THANKSGIVING i can getting that.
Puzzled look Like i'm trying to remember anything. Happened, yeah
did we do? Anything did we have a?
Speaker 5 (18:58):
Turkey you, KNOW i can't remember being there For, thanksgiving
like in the dining, area BUT i do remember the,
season so they you, know you'd have the like the
turkeys or decorating the dining, facility and you, know school
(19:19):
age kids would send cards like where you're thankful? For
like that was kind of the extent of the holidays for.
Me it was kind of hard for me to focus
on the holidays because it would make me want to
think about. Home, sure, yeah what about?
Speaker 4 (19:34):
You YEAH i can, UH i can remember the the.
Defects so we used to do missions to the embassy In,
iraq and, UH i remember the defect right next to the.
Embassy it was unlike any other, Anyway but the way
that one was dressed up For thanksgiving is still kind
(19:56):
of just stuck in my, mind like they had made
sculptures out of food and and sometimes when when you
see that and then you walk out the door and
you see the rest Of, iraq there was, always, uh
you forget where you were For, yeah it's like A
Twilight zone. Moment, yeah as as far as like my
(20:19):
experience from from what they had for for. Us you,
know they always tried to do up everything really nice for,
you and you know THEY i think they always try
to like put in some effort for, you and it's
always really. Appreciated BUT i honestly don't REALLY i. DON'T
i don't remember any meals or thank usually WHEN i
(20:41):
was in the chow, hall it was just just the next. Day,
yeah m. Gotcha, Uh, jeremy have you been at camp For?
THANKSGIVING i have been at camp for. Things so THERE
i saw a smile. There there was not the look
of confusion like what that was immediate.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Smile it's.
Speaker 5 (21:00):
Here it's every like my experience there for the, holidays
like you, know as a resident is unfortunate being away
from my. Family but you know WHAT i, realized especially
now even they take a couple of years, later is
like all my family is, There.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
So i'm.
Speaker 4 (21:21):
Grateful, yeah there's always plenty of, food that's for. Sure
there's a fellow Named Jim. Green he and some of
his friends really just a small group of friends THAT
i think basically from a church that he. Attends they
come out every year On wednesday and start prepping and
(21:44):
then they fire up the smoke, pit which if you
any of you have been on a tour At Camp,
hope you're you can't, help but see the smoke.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Pit it's it's rather. Large it's a large.
Speaker 4 (22:00):
Poker when that sucker gets lit, up it's always a
good day because you smell all across the. Campus but
they'll come Out, wednesday start prepping and they's. SMOKE i
don't know how many thirty forty. TURKEYS i don't, know
it's a, lot.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
It's an amazing. Number, yeah there's plenty of, food, definitely.
Speaker 4 (22:17):
Because when they, Started i'm gonna say it was probably
nine or ten years ago when they started doing, this
and the time probably would have been you, know thirty
to forty, guys maybe a few family. Members but, NOW
i mean you could be feeding one hundred and fifty people.
Time you feed everybody that's on, campus plus. Families sometimes
(22:38):
families will come in to Spend Thanksgiving, day so you
could be feeding you, know.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
A lot of. People so it's a lot of, turkey
and there's always a lot of.
Speaker 4 (22:47):
PIE i don't know where the pie just comes from.
EVERYWHERE i Don't, yeah play a. Pie, YEAH i remember
walking in it's, like, man there's. Enough there's three for
every person. Here it was just an ain't amount of,
pie which no one was, complaining but, like, hm we
got to find something to do with this. Pye there
(23:08):
was a.
Speaker 5 (23:09):
Lot, yeah that is one thing about Peanut, camp, like
especially In, houston like this. Area i've never been somewhere
that that cares in particularly the state that cares about
veterans Like texas. Does so that's WHY i never went.
HOME i didn't go back to the winters Of iowa and.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Stayed. YEAH i don't need any of.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
That that is just too, cold yes, Sir, yeah that's
too the heat and the humidity which today's like walked
out this. Morning oh, man if you could feel it's
just so heavy with, humidity like it's.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Crazy it's that's.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Uncomfortable but when it's you, know thirty and thirty, below that.
Hurts it's not, uncomfortable it's. Painful Uh So i'll deal
with the heat, Anytime.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Yes, sir you can always put more stuff on.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
The.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
THING i don't.
Speaker 4 (24:05):
Know, yeah when it's when it's minus six and the
wind's blowing like, no, Nope i'm Not i'm not okay
with that all, Right so you came home your last
tour of twenty. Eleven what happened after you came? Home
WHEN i came, HOME i immediately moved To, Madison. Wisconsin
(24:30):
at the, TIME i was engaged to someone AND i
was actually In afghanistan and got an email one day that, Said,
hey we're moving To, madison which is a PLACE i
had never. Been so that was. Fun and it turned
Out madison was you, know it's a great town if
(24:53):
it can eventually be toxic if you have the sort
of PROBLEMS i, do and, uh you, KNOW i was
going to school, there AND i, think, uh there there
was a level of stability there for a while that.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Was pretty good for.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
Me and after about a year year and a half or,
so that relationship. Ended AND i think that had been
kind of holding back a lot of THINGS i hadn't
been dealing. With AND i think there are a lot
of THINGS i hadn't really properly dealt with AND i
(25:29):
properly dealt, WITH i mean dealt with it all After,
iraq AND i think everything just kind of uh mixed.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Together so what? What what were you? Noticing what was?
Speaker 4 (25:42):
Happening my drinking had picked up incredibly and it started
getting to the point, where you, KNOW i was just
drinking into. Oblivion depression had gotten into a place WHERE
i really couldn't control. IT i started just taking risks
(26:04):
with my. Behavior it was really becoming very, reckless and
it was kind of done in. This, UH i really
didn't care what happened to. Me it was it was
almost it WAS i was challenging the. World it wasn't
in a youthful challenging the world BECAUSE i felt invincible
(26:28):
LIKE i did WHEN i was. Younger it was, uh
challenging the world BECAUSE i was angry with, it you,
know like like you would, uh like like you would
at a. Bar you, know like like the world had
(26:48):
rubbed against me so many times or said the said
the wrong thing so many, times AND i had JUST
i had such a thing against, it AND i didn't
have anywhere to go with. That like every everything THAT
i thought was a safe place had been kind of.
Exhausted and you, know the PLACES i was going, for
(27:13):
the places THAT i saw as my safe, places were
the PLACES i was going for my, entertainment and those
places can't occupy the same place at the same. Time
and even if even if they, could LIKE i would
say that the FRIENDS i had at the time THAT i,
(27:35):
was you, know doing some of this behavior with IF i,
had IF i had reached out for, HELP i think
they would have been people that would have provided. IT
i wasn't at a place WHERE i would HAVE i
would have asked WHERE i realized WHAT i. NEEDED i
don't THINK i realized how much TROUBLE i was. In
(27:55):
and and SO i was NEVER i was never prepared
to BECAUSE i. WASN'T i wasn't holding a mirror up
to myself, yet sure you KNOW i. WAS i was
still just running down the.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Street.
Speaker 4 (28:06):
Gotcha and as a, reminder we understand as we go
through some of these stories that can be triggering for.
Some SO i want you to please have this number
in your phone saved eight seven seven seven one seven
seventy eight seventy three those last FOUR ptsd seven eight
seven seven excuse me eight seven seven seven one seven
(28:29):
seventy eight seventy. Three now when you call that, number
a combat veteran is going to answer the. Phone so
as someone who's EXPERIENCED ptsd has received a ton of,
training a lot of suicidal.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Mitigation.
Speaker 4 (28:49):
Techniques so eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy.
Three when you're in that dark, place give us a.
Call combat veteran will answer the. Phone we will do
anything we possibly can to. Help all, right we gonna
take a quick. Break could be right back with more
Of road To Hope. Radio welcome. Back we've Got jeremy
(29:19):
who was a graduate Of Camp. Hope a staff member
At Camp. Hope six total Deployments Matt United States Army,
GUARD Iowa guard and two, tours one To, iraq one To.
Afghanistan you talked about what was going on after you
came home and drinking and and all, that living a
(29:42):
little bit. Recklessly how how long have you been At Camp?
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Hope by the, WAY.
Speaker 4 (29:48):
I THINK i was looking today this is my fifty second.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Day, okay so you're still fairly early into the. Program,
yes got a ways to.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
Go the groove in my bed isn't perfect, yet? Gotcha?
Gotcha what led to you even contemplating something Like Camp?
Hope my, uh my wife found this.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Vace SO i have.
Speaker 4 (30:17):
Been i've been to a few rehabs. Before all three
of them were the same rehab through THE va In
Saint cloud In, minnesota and, uh you, know for for
each ONE i, had you get a little bit of
(30:38):
and with a dual diagnosis OF ptsd and substance, use
they do try to treat. Both but each one is
it's forty five, days and, uh you, KNOW I i,
WAS i wasn't getting WHAT i needed AND i AND
i didn't know.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
It, sure.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
You know each each time i'd i'd come out and
i'd i'd i'd be.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
Fixed but by the time you entered that, program, though
how long had you been self? Medicaid?
Speaker 4 (31:13):
Uh, Constantly i've so this this all it was, years
at least. YEARS i never intentionally tried to quit drinking
until two thousand and that is WHEN i had my
first major health, scare which was the first TIME i
(31:38):
was put in the hospital for a few days for
for alcoholic, cappatitis which is my my liver had inflamed
due to drinking so.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
Much, okay so.
Speaker 4 (32:01):
Two different forty five day, Programs, uh three different three,
okay excuse, me all?
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Right three?
Speaker 4 (32:08):
Times uh did something happen or did you just figure
out that forty five days wasn't enough For what was
the impetus for Camp? Hope it was a it was
it was rinsing and repeating and, uh and like at
each time WHEN i had to return to, use it was.
(32:28):
Worse you, know each time it got, darker and it got.
Worse and and when you when you think it can't you,
know when when you think the last time was, that
you know that was, bad like that that had to
be the, basement you find out that there's a there's
(32:49):
a sub level to the, basement and then there's a
sub level to.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
That and you, KNOW.
Speaker 4 (32:58):
I I, i IF i kept, GOING i would have
found myself on the other side of the. Planet and
it was getting to last straws at. Home it was
getting to things that it was getting to the point
WHERE i couldn't tolerate.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
WHAT i would.
Speaker 4 (33:23):
LOSE i couldn't tolerate where my life. WAS i couldn't tolerate.
Myself AND i knew what didn't. WORK i. HAD i
had certain pieces of the, puzzle and my wife AND
(33:43):
i looked around for different treatment options and, uh you,
know we we we had a number of considerations to,
make of, course like, uh time was a, factor how
soon we could get, in financial considerations all had to
(34:06):
be taken.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
In and.
Speaker 4 (34:09):
She Found Camp, hope and she had reached out and
talked TO i don't know IF i should use a
name or, not but one of the, staff and they
(34:29):
had started a little back and, forth and then we
kept talking And Camp hope kept coming up and coming,
up and it got into a point when it became
time to make a, decision And Camp hope was the.
Longest it seemed to be the one that treated, it
didn't just treat substance. USE i felt for so long
(34:53):
that my substance use and MY ptsd had to be
treated side by, side whereas most places would treat one
or the other and one as a symptom of the,
other the other as a, symptom where they they both
had to be treated as as the separate issues that they.
Are they played on each, other of, course and and.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
You know they they.
Speaker 4 (35:17):
You know they seem like, equal equal, partners but you
know they they are.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
They they are very much. Separate what are? You what
are you learning right? NOW a month and a half, IN.
Speaker 4 (35:38):
I i would, say WHEN i WHEN i WHEN i
started hitting about that six week, mark that was that
was WHEN i realized the forty five day programs and
and Nothing AND i also don't want to sure they
do a wonderful, job and it's, sure Absolutely I'm i'm
(35:59):
never here to take away from. PEOPLE i realized WHEN
i was sitting in my room one day AND i
realized IF i were still in, Them i'd be packing
to go. Home AND i realized how far from READY i.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Was glad you recognize. That, yeah it's.
Speaker 4 (36:18):
Huge that that's when like everything kind of settled. In
and it's the biggest Thing i've learned so, far and
it's taken a month of work with my, sponsor and
it's been reinforced by so many people around, me is
(36:40):
the concept of how unmanageable my life has been and
HOW i don't have control of. It that you know
there there is.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
You KNOW I i've.
Speaker 4 (36:58):
Been the way my personality has been IS i like
to be in. CONTROL i like TO i like to know.
EVERYTHING i like to have the. INFORMATION i like to
play IN i IF i can be, METICULOUS i would
like to. BE i think that's how you put together
(37:19):
a good, plan a good order of. Operations but that
rigidity has allowed me to at the first side of
trouble kind of fall. Apart and when it falls, APART i,
Panic and WHEN i, PANIC i run back to my
(37:42):
familiar line of safety and finding out That i'm not
actually in control LIKE i THINK i am has been
humbling and a little bit liberating.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Too.
Speaker 4 (38:00):
Yeah, well unfortunately time is wrapping up for. Us but, no,
no you're, great, Man you're. Great i'm grateful for you
coming in and sharing what's going. On our hope is
always that this will be used to reach someone's needing some.
Help and maybe they're not quite ready to hear it,
yet but maybe hearing your story.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
Will help connect.
Speaker 4 (38:21):
THEM ptsdusa dot, org ptsd US a dot. Org everything
we do for the veteran their families that zero cost to.
Them the only way were able to do that is
the community stepping. Up if you'd like to participate in,
That if you like to, volunteer the WEBSITE ptsdusa dot
org for the, show Remember road To Hope. Radio wherever
you listen to, podcasts please, Subscribe share it as often
(38:46):
with as many people as you possibly. Can never know
whose life might be intersected by it that actually needs.
Us all, right thanks for joining. Us look forward to
being with you again next. Week for more Of road
To Hope Radio connects be Named tom
Multiple people in my family clean my father, are veterans.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Troops that have been to war and now they're back and.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
Think and be grateful for their service.
Speaker 4 (00:13):
Sacrifice, love for their country, just unselfishness, all.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
That they do for us.
Speaker 4 (00:18):
There are some people in this country who take extraordinary
steps to provide for the freedom and security. We forget
that those people exist.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
We know them as the Army, Navy, air Force, Marines,
and Coast Guard. They call themselves soldiers, seals, rangers, airmen, sailors, devil.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Dogs, and so much more.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
We call them fathers, brothers, sons and husbands, mothers, daughters,
sisters and wives. We call them friend and neighbor. These
veterans answered the call, now we answer theirs. They are
the best our country has to offer, and we love them. Today,
(01:05):
we honor them and we serve them. David Malsby is
your host, and he welcomes you to this community of veterans,
as together we are building the road.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
To hope, and indeed we are glad to have you along.
On a Sunday afternoon listening on the kPr C the
nine to five O the AM dial, thank you for
joining us as you drive endlessly around the loop. I
guess everybody's out buying their turkey, or maybe they've already
bought their turkey.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Probably supposed to be starting to thaw that sucker out,
but now.
Speaker 4 (01:41):
I kiss uh yeah, Thanksgiving coming up this week, hope
everybody's ready for that. Where have you listen to podcasts?
Just look for Road Hope Radio. Truly do appreciate it.
When you hit that little subscribe button, it'll download automatically
each and every week once the show is loaded on
the I don't know the intrawebs thing, something somewhere in
a cloud someplace I guess is where it's all at.
(02:04):
But thank you for doing so. Wherever you listen to podcasts,
just look for Road to Hope Radio. Please share that.
You never know who might hear about us, that needs us,
or knows someone that needs us, so please take advantage
of that absolutely free. It's a great way you can
be a part of impacting our veteran community for all
things PTSD Foundation of America. It's PTSD USA dot org
(02:27):
is the website PTSD Postramatic Stress Disorder PTSD USA dot org.
On social media PTSD USA PTSD USA both on Facebook.
The X Machine, formerly known as Twitter and YouTube, PTSD USA,
(02:47):
then PTSD Foundation of America on Instagram. Thank you for
following us, sharing, retweeting, whatever it may happen to be.
It's again a great way to share the story. We
cannot afford to be the best kept secret in town.
Studies are telling us we're losing up to forty four
veterans every single day. Forty four. That's a shocking number
(03:10):
to most. When we need your help getting the word
out there is there is a place, there is a program,
There is a group of people that are ready and
able to help. PTSDUSA dot org. All right, got chance
to say thank you to our show sponsors, lawst Little
time to spend with you each and every week. A
(03:30):
great friends building. Connie Stagner at a Corey Diamond and Design, Aco.
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So give them a call to eight one.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
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Speaker 4 (03:46):
You're dabbling and buying diamonds, you want to make sure
you're buying from people that you can trust and people
that share your values. They were out at our barbecue
Cookoff last weekend. Had a great time, got a chance
to spend a little time with them, great supporters of
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well we all have those oops moments. We keep them
(04:09):
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traveling north on forty five out Of houston anytime, soon drop.
(04:29):
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Spot it's all about the location and the, people Right
So Republic Grand. Ranch a lot of, veterans law law
enforcement first responders out, there great great, people, beautiful beautiful.
Place Republic Grand ranch dot. Com all, RIGHT i got
a couple of combat vets in the studio with us, Today.
(04:51):
Jeremy good to have you, Back.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Yeah, sir good to be. Here it's been a couple of, years.
Sir remind people who you, are where you're, from where you.
Served my name Is.
Speaker 5 (04:59):
JERRY i did six tours To iraq Ford. AFGHANISTAN i
was medically retired from The Frequent.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Flyer, yes, sir, yeah you get a free trip after.
THAT i mean that's six. Trips, Yes i'd go, back
just gope.
Speaker 5 (05:18):
Out and then after my, retirement after a couple of,
months the struggles with ALCOHOL ptsd caught up to me
and my wife Found. CAMPOPE i graduated in twenty twenty
one correction twenty twenty, two and then served as a
(05:38):
mentor there for a little. WHILE i got to work
with more, veterans realized THAT i needed some more counseling.
Away and Now i'm back and blessed to be. Here
and we're glad you're. Back, definitely thank, You, absolutely it's a. Blessing, yeah, well.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
We're thrilled to have. You, matt want to introduce chef
to the. World, yeah my Name's Matt. JOHNSON i virtually
am from Southern, iowa but NOW i live In, Duluth.
Minnesota i've been living up there for about since twenty,
eighteen right on the. Water so get to live right
(06:17):
next to the big, lake which is that it's a
wonderful place to.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Live it's got to be.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
Beautiful oh, yeah you, know you never get you never
get tired of. It you never get tired of. It you,
know it can be, angry it can be, calm and
it's it's always. Wonderful BUT i spent eight years in
The Iowa Army National. GUARD i deployed, twice once To
iraq and seven eight and once To afghanistian in ten and.
(06:45):
ELEVEN i got out in twenty. Twelve i've kind of
been all over The midwest in that. Time i've lived In,
Iowa i've lived In. Minnesota i've lived In. WISCONSIN i
lived In minnesota. Twice i've lived all aroun Own.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Iowa so.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
If you listen to, ME i just have a kind
of a train wreck of accents Of midwestern. Accents, well
AND i didn't hear The minnesota accent until you Said. Minnesota,
yeah and the way you ended that was Very. Minnesota
and but, yeah because it was interesting WHEN i saw
that you were From. Minnesota one of the, guys it
(07:23):
was Last sunday in. Church it was his first time
and he was introduced himself and he Mentioned. Minnesota it's, like,
YEAH i could hear that out of his. Voice the
food as soon as he said his, name it was.
Strong so, YEAH i found For. WISCONSIN i lived there long.
Enough when WHEN i stopped pronouncing THE l In. Milwaukee
(07:45):
there you go as An io when you always pronounced THE.
L but when it Became, milwaukee that's WHEN i lived
there long.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Enough. Wisconsin, yeah that's.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
Interesting all, Right we're gonna take a quick breakby right
back with more Of road To Hope.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Radio and welcome.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
Back glad to have you Along road To Hope. Radio
jeremy with sixty. Pointments man's got.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Two it's a lot of. Combat, yeah, yeah. Yeah did
you make it to the barbecue cookoff at? ALL i, did, Sir,
YEAH i. Did all, Right do you have a good.
Time it was, fantastic a great.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
Location just had the fourteenth Annual Camp Hope Barbecue. Cookoff
there were a few people that were at this one
that were also at the first, one WHICH i swear
it Was may of twenty, twelve AND i promise you
had to be one hundred and thirty seven degrees outside
when we were trying to have that GoF it was.
(09:00):
Ridiculous but, yeah this last weekend we had the fourteenth.
ANNUAL a lot of folks from all across the country coming,
in a lot of great, food a lot of great,
people and great, Time So i'm glad you got to
enjoy a little bit of.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
That, yes, sir it. Was it was a good.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
Experience, yeah lots of cooking, teams SO i got to
sample a lot of barbecue from a lot of. Folks
it was great meat, Sweats, yeah there was plenty of,
that not a lot of. Vegetables, Perfect, yes. Exactly it's
like this is. Awesome this would be like this.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Every day all day.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
Anyway, Okay So, matt your last appointment came home in
eleven between, eleven how much longer were you still in
the in the Reserves guard WHEN i got? BACK i, was.
UH i only had about eight months. Left so WHEN
(09:57):
i came, BACK i was actually uh AND i had
actually extended to go on that. Deployment so when when
you're in The, guard you you joined for six years
and then you do two of them in active. Reserve
and when my six years was about, up BECAUSE i
joined in two thousand and, four when my six years
(10:21):
was about, up my unit was getting deployed.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Again so and it.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
Just, UH i was supposed to be getting out On july,
third and my unit was going out On august, fourth
and so it was kind of one of.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Those, uh.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
Most of the guys were my, FRIENDS a lot of
THEM i had gone To iraq, with and the others
were like new guys who you, know hadn't been over
and SO i kind of thought, that, uh you, know
it just felt wrong to get out, sure and SO
i ended up extending my ENLISTMENT i think was nineteen
(10:57):
months and, uh SO i went through the, training uh
to get up to speed for that, deployment went on that,
deployment and THEN i ended up coming back on medhold
BECAUSE i fell on a rut WHEN i was over
over there and bumped up my knee pretty. Bad SO
(11:18):
i did that AND i was pretty much on that
until the end of my. Enlistment and on the last
day of my, enlistment it was, just, uh The army
AND i waved at each other and went our separate. Ways,
gotcha you said you join AN o? Four is that
right out of high? School right out of high?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
School?
Speaker 4 (11:35):
Okay why why'd you join the reserves of The? Guard,
WELL I i had wanted to, serve and THEN i
had already signed up for college WHEN i had made
a decision THAT i WAS i was going to go
in at some, point and SO i ended up going
into a reserve component with kind of the idea of
(11:56):
transferring into an active. Component and by the TIME i
had gone Through, BASIC i had just decided to stay
in the. Garden then did my first apployment not long after,
that so life had just kind of taken its kind
of put me on its path. THERE i ended up
liking The National guard quite a. BIT i got used
(12:17):
to my unit quite a. Bit it WAS i had
joined as a, tanker became a scout right away right
AFTER i got out of basic, Training SO i got
used to needs of the army very. Quickly and it
was nice to be a part of a unit that
was out of my home. State that that is a
(12:38):
really nice. Thing, so you, know WHENEVER i went home to,
DRILL i was, home and it allowed me to stay
in college At Minnesota. State and it was, also as you,
KNOW i got a little bit of both things THAT
i wanted out of life at the.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Time where did you deploy And?
Speaker 4 (12:56):
IRAQ i was based out Of Camp, victory just outside Of.
Baghdad what were you?
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Doing?
Speaker 4 (13:03):
First first apployment WAS i was a cap, scout but
we didn't really have a Traditional cap scouts role we
were doing A, psd so we were taking care of
a place called The Joint Visitors, bureau which any sort
of a big wig that was coming Into iraq at the,
time we took care of their personal security. Details so
(13:23):
any sort of general, staff we took care Of Congress State.
Department we would be there close in. Security so we
would get a little upset that it wasn't A scouts,
role but it was an interesting.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Role, nonetheless.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
We we did get a little full of.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Ourselves, no, yes, right you take care of enough four.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Stars when a one star would show, up it's like
who are you and why SHOULD i? Care and that's
coming from specialists who you know? Who, yeah you know
who cares From. Iowa but it did put us in
a lot of really interesting places that most people didn't
get to. Be we did get to see pretty much
all parts Of, baghdad and you, know we we still
(14:16):
got to experience you, know we we experienced our deployment
and but it was it was a very interesting. Mission
then it's basically a couple of years, later you're going To. Afghanistan,
yes what were you doing?
Speaker 2 (14:34):
There?
Speaker 4 (14:35):
There we had a traditional, role so we we were
given a battle space so we spent a lot of
our time In, bogram but we had two of The
bogram security, zones and then we were also were responsible
for The Koisafi, district which is part of The Parwan,
province so it's just south Of, bogram which most of
(14:58):
it is pretty, mountainous and so during the winter months
we weren't able to get to a lot of. It
so we did just kind of a heavier patrols into
the security zones Around bogrum and into the plains between
the mountains and The. Pangaeer when the snow's kind of,
melted we did a lot more kinetic ops with aerosols
(15:23):
going into the, mountains and you, know we try to
be as active as we. Could our area was kind
of known as a place where fighters would come and
they would go through our mountains and split off to
either go south Into kabble or they would go north
Toward Maser, sharif and so part of our mission was
trying to interrupt that, flow and also fighters would try
(15:46):
to return there as sort of a resting. Refit so
trying to trying to interrupt that operation was always a
goal as well as we just had some bad characters
in our. Area it just sounds cold when you start
talking About i'm cold thinking about. It For, midwesterners it
wasn't so.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Bad, yeah, yeah all.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
Right it was always hard picking out what you were
gonna wear for a day because once you start, walking your. Sweating,
yeah and the second you stop, moving you're. Freezing and
and it's just that constant. Play when we had a
little fire base up in the mountains called Dan, dar
and it was a it was a pretty small footprint
(16:28):
of a, building and you, know knights would get you,
know zero to five degrees and just sleeping out, there you,
know pretty looking up at the, stars but you know
it's still just. Freezing, Yeah i'll, pass thank.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
You.
Speaker 4 (16:43):
YEAH i THOUGHT i was so clever one day WHEN
i REALIZED i could take an emergency blanket up to
my firing position when it was my time.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
To sit, GUARD i THOUGHT i was so.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Clever of, course it sounded, like you, know A tv
dinner opening, itself climbing up. There how much were you
in the mountains up, There, Jeremy so for, DIPLOMS i don't, know,
yeah where you, were and all THOSE i was, in,
uh the first two we're IN. Rse SO i was In.
(17:17):
Logar it's pretty mountainous there, Too but it also when
a lot of pictures almost looks Like vietnam, too because
we'd have the valleys. There, yeah you'd be in the
valleys and the. Mountains and then was it the fourth
or third TIME i was? THERE i was IN Rc
(17:37):
south In panjaway over By. Kandahar it wasn't as. Mountainous
it was a lot more like desert flat. Land, yeah
none of which are on my bucket. List i'll just
tell you. That all, right we're gonna have to take
a quick. Break those listening on the nine to five
of we get a news break and we'll be right
back with more Of road To Hope radio And welcome
(18:13):
Back Road Hope. Radio got H jeremy And matt both in.
Here eight deployments between the two of. You, uh we
Got thanksgiving coming up this, week which is always yay.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Food. Comas uh, huh, yep that happens around our place a. Lot.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Uh just, curious uh any of your deployments Over? Thanksgiving, yes, sir, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
What were those?
Speaker 4 (18:43):
Like were they all very different or did they do
anything special for you guys During? THANKSGIVING i can getting that.
Puzzled look Like i'm trying to remember anything. Happened, yeah
did we do? Anything did we have a?
Speaker 5 (18:58):
Turkey you, KNOW i can't remember being there For, thanksgiving
like in the dining, area BUT i do remember the,
season so they you, know you'd have the like the
turkeys or decorating the dining, facility and you, know school
(19:19):
age kids would send cards like where you're thankful? For
like that was kind of the extent of the holidays for.
Me it was kind of hard for me to focus
on the holidays because it would make me want to
think about. Home, sure, yeah what about?
Speaker 4 (19:34):
You YEAH i can, UH i can remember the the.
Defects so we used to do missions to the embassy In,
iraq and, UH i remember the defect right next to the.
Embassy it was unlike any other, Anyway but the way
that one was dressed up For thanksgiving is still kind
(19:56):
of just stuck in my, mind like they had made
sculptures out of food and and sometimes when when you
see that and then you walk out the door and
you see the rest Of, iraq there was, always, uh
you forget where you were For, yeah it's like A
Twilight zone. Moment, yeah as as far as like my
(20:19):
experience from from what they had for for. Us you,
know they always tried to do up everything really nice for,
you and you know THEY i think they always try
to like put in some effort for, you and it's
always really. Appreciated BUT i honestly don't REALLY i. DON'T
i don't remember any meals or thank usually WHEN i
(20:41):
was in the chow, hall it was just just the next. Day,
yeah m. Gotcha, Uh, jeremy have you been at camp For?
THANKSGIVING i have been at camp for. Things so THERE
i saw a smile. There there was not the look
of confusion like what that was immediate.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Smile it's.
Speaker 5 (21:00):
Here it's every like my experience there for the, holidays
like you, know as a resident is unfortunate being away
from my. Family but you know WHAT i, realized especially
now even they take a couple of years, later is
like all my family is, There.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
So i'm.
Speaker 4 (21:21):
Grateful, yeah there's always plenty of, food that's for. Sure
there's a fellow Named Jim. Green he and some of
his friends really just a small group of friends THAT
i think basically from a church that he. Attends they
come out every year On wednesday and start prepping and
(21:44):
then they fire up the smoke, pit which if you
any of you have been on a tour At Camp,
hope you're you can't, help but see the smoke.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Pit it's it's rather. Large it's a large.
Speaker 4 (22:00):
Poker when that sucker gets lit, up it's always a
good day because you smell all across the. Campus but
they'll come Out, wednesday start prepping and they's. SMOKE i
don't know how many thirty forty. TURKEYS i don't, know
it's a, lot.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
It's an amazing. Number, yeah there's plenty of, food, definitely.
Speaker 4 (22:17):
Because when they, Started i'm gonna say it was probably
nine or ten years ago when they started doing, this
and the time probably would have been you, know thirty
to forty, guys maybe a few family. Members but, NOW
i mean you could be feeding one hundred and fifty people.
Time you feed everybody that's on, campus plus. Families sometimes
(22:38):
families will come in to Spend Thanksgiving, day so you
could be feeding you, know.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
A lot of. People so it's a lot of, turkey
and there's always a lot of.
Speaker 4 (22:47):
PIE i don't know where the pie just comes from.
EVERYWHERE i Don't, yeah play a. Pie, YEAH i remember
walking in it's, like, man there's. Enough there's three for
every person. Here it was just an ain't amount of,
pie which no one was, complaining but, like, hm we
got to find something to do with this. Pye there
(23:08):
was a.
Speaker 5 (23:09):
Lot, yeah that is one thing about Peanut, camp, like
especially In, houston like this. Area i've never been somewhere
that that cares in particularly the state that cares about
veterans Like texas. Does so that's WHY i never went.
HOME i didn't go back to the winters Of iowa and.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Stayed. YEAH i don't need any of.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
That that is just too, cold yes, Sir, yeah that's
too the heat and the humidity which today's like walked
out this. Morning oh, man if you could feel it's
just so heavy with, humidity like it's.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Crazy it's that's.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Uncomfortable but when it's you, know thirty and thirty, below that.
Hurts it's not, uncomfortable it's. Painful Uh So i'll deal
with the heat, Anytime.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Yes, sir you can always put more stuff on.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
The.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
THING i don't.
Speaker 4 (24:05):
Know, yeah when it's when it's minus six and the
wind's blowing like, no, Nope i'm Not i'm not okay
with that all, Right so you came home your last
tour of twenty. Eleven what happened after you came? Home
WHEN i came, HOME i immediately moved To, Madison. Wisconsin
(24:30):
at the, TIME i was engaged to someone AND i
was actually In afghanistan and got an email one day that, Said,
hey we're moving To, madison which is a PLACE i
had never. Been so that was. Fun and it turned
Out madison was you, know it's a great town if
(24:53):
it can eventually be toxic if you have the sort
of PROBLEMS i, do and, uh you, KNOW i was
going to school, there AND i, think, uh there there
was a level of stability there for a while that.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Was pretty good for.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
Me and after about a year year and a half or,
so that relationship. Ended AND i think that had been
kind of holding back a lot of THINGS i hadn't
been dealing. With AND i think there are a lot
of THINGS i hadn't really properly dealt with AND i
(25:29):
properly dealt, WITH i mean dealt with it all After,
iraq AND i think everything just kind of uh mixed.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Together so what? What what were you? Noticing what was?
Speaker 4 (25:42):
Happening my drinking had picked up incredibly and it started
getting to the point, where you, KNOW i was just
drinking into. Oblivion depression had gotten into a place WHERE
i really couldn't control. IT i started just taking risks
(26:04):
with my. Behavior it was really becoming very, reckless and
it was kind of done in. This, UH i really
didn't care what happened to. Me it was it was
almost it WAS i was challenging the. World it wasn't
in a youthful challenging the world BECAUSE i felt invincible
(26:28):
LIKE i did WHEN i was. Younger it was, uh
challenging the world BECAUSE i was angry with, it you,
know like like you would, uh like like you would
at a. Bar you, know like like the world had
(26:48):
rubbed against me so many times or said the said
the wrong thing so many, times AND i had JUST
i had such a thing against, it AND i didn't
have anywhere to go with. That like every everything THAT
i thought was a safe place had been kind of.
Exhausted and you, know the PLACES i was going, for
(27:13):
the places THAT i saw as my safe, places were
the PLACES i was going for my, entertainment and those
places can't occupy the same place at the same. Time
and even if even if they, could LIKE i would
say that the FRIENDS i had at the time THAT i,
(27:35):
was you, know doing some of this behavior with IF i,
had IF i had reached out for, HELP i think
they would have been people that would have provided. IT
i wasn't at a place WHERE i would HAVE i
would have asked WHERE i realized WHAT i. NEEDED i
don't THINK i realized how much TROUBLE i was. In
(27:55):
and and SO i was NEVER i was never prepared
to BECAUSE i. WASN'T i wasn't holding a mirror up
to myself, yet sure you KNOW i. WAS i was
still just running down the.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Street.
Speaker 4 (28:06):
Gotcha and as a, reminder we understand as we go
through some of these stories that can be triggering for.
Some SO i want you to please have this number
in your phone saved eight seven seven seven one seven
seventy eight seventy three those last FOUR ptsd seven eight
seven seven excuse me eight seven seven seven one seven
(28:29):
seventy eight seventy. Three now when you call that, number
a combat veteran is going to answer the. Phone so
as someone who's EXPERIENCED ptsd has received a ton of,
training a lot of suicidal.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Mitigation.
Speaker 4 (28:49):
Techniques so eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy.
Three when you're in that dark, place give us a.
Call combat veteran will answer the. Phone we will do
anything we possibly can to. Help all, right we gonna
take a quick. Break could be right back with more
Of road To Hope. Radio welcome. Back we've Got jeremy
(29:19):
who was a graduate Of Camp. Hope a staff member
At Camp. Hope six total Deployments Matt United States Army,
GUARD Iowa guard and two, tours one To, iraq one To.
Afghanistan you talked about what was going on after you
came home and drinking and and all, that living a
(29:42):
little bit. Recklessly how how long have you been At Camp?
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Hope by the, WAY.
Speaker 4 (29:48):
I THINK i was looking today this is my fifty second.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Day, okay so you're still fairly early into the. Program,
yes got a ways to.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
Go the groove in my bed isn't perfect, yet? Gotcha?
Gotcha what led to you even contemplating something Like Camp?
Hope my, uh my wife found this.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Vace SO i have.
Speaker 4 (30:17):
Been i've been to a few rehabs. Before all three
of them were the same rehab through THE va In
Saint cloud In, minnesota and, uh you, know for for
each ONE i, had you get a little bit of
(30:38):
and with a dual diagnosis OF ptsd and substance, use
they do try to treat. Both but each one is
it's forty five, days and, uh you, KNOW I i,
WAS i wasn't getting WHAT i needed AND i AND
i didn't know.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
It, sure.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
You know each each time i'd i'd come out and
i'd i'd i'd be.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
Fixed but by the time you entered that, program, though
how long had you been self? Medicaid?
Speaker 4 (31:13):
Uh, Constantly i've so this this all it was, years
at least. YEARS i never intentionally tried to quit drinking
until two thousand and that is WHEN i had my
first major health, scare which was the first TIME i
(31:38):
was put in the hospital for a few days for
for alcoholic, cappatitis which is my my liver had inflamed
due to drinking so.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
Much, okay so.
Speaker 4 (32:01):
Two different forty five day, Programs, uh three different three,
okay excuse, me all?
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Right three?
Speaker 4 (32:08):
Times uh did something happen or did you just figure
out that forty five days wasn't enough For what was
the impetus for Camp? Hope it was a it was
it was rinsing and repeating and, uh and like at
each time WHEN i had to return to, use it was.
(32:28):
Worse you, know each time it got, darker and it got.
Worse and and when you when you think it can't you,
know when when you think the last time was, that
you know that was, bad like that that had to
be the, basement you find out that there's a there's
(32:49):
a sub level to the, basement and then there's a
sub level to.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
That and you, KNOW.
Speaker 4 (32:58):
I I, i IF i kept, GOING i would have
found myself on the other side of the. Planet and
it was getting to last straws at. Home it was
getting to things that it was getting to the point
WHERE i couldn't tolerate.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
WHAT i would.
Speaker 4 (33:23):
LOSE i couldn't tolerate where my life. WAS i couldn't tolerate.
Myself AND i knew what didn't. WORK i. HAD i
had certain pieces of the, puzzle and my wife AND
(33:43):
i looked around for different treatment options and, uh you,
know we we we had a number of considerations to,
make of, course like, uh time was a, factor how
soon we could get, in financial considerations all had to
(34:06):
be taken.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
In and.
Speaker 4 (34:09):
She Found Camp, hope and she had reached out and
talked TO i don't know IF i should use a
name or, not but one of the, staff and they
(34:29):
had started a little back and, forth and then we
kept talking And Camp hope kept coming up and coming,
up and it got into a point when it became
time to make a, decision And Camp hope was the.
Longest it seemed to be the one that treated, it
didn't just treat substance. USE i felt for so long
(34:53):
that my substance use and MY ptsd had to be
treated side by, side whereas most places would treat one
or the other and one as a symptom of the,
other the other as a, symptom where they they both
had to be treated as as the separate issues that they.
Are they played on each, other of, course and and.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
You know they they.
Speaker 4 (35:17):
You know they seem like, equal equal, partners but you
know they they are.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
They they are very much. Separate what are? You what
are you learning right? NOW a month and a half, IN.
Speaker 4 (35:38):
I i would, say WHEN i WHEN i WHEN i
started hitting about that six week, mark that was that
was WHEN i realized the forty five day programs and
and Nothing AND i also don't want to sure they
do a wonderful, job and it's, sure Absolutely I'm i'm
(35:59):
never here to take away from. PEOPLE i realized WHEN
i was sitting in my room one day AND i
realized IF i were still in, Them i'd be packing
to go. Home AND i realized how far from READY i.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Was glad you recognize. That, yeah it's.
Speaker 4 (36:18):
Huge that that's when like everything kind of settled. In
and it's the biggest Thing i've learned so, far and
it's taken a month of work with my, sponsor and
it's been reinforced by so many people around, me is
(36:40):
the concept of how unmanageable my life has been and
HOW i don't have control of. It that you know
there there is.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
You KNOW I i've.
Speaker 4 (36:58):
Been the way my personality has been IS i like
to be in. CONTROL i like TO i like to know.
EVERYTHING i like to have the. INFORMATION i like to
play IN i IF i can be, METICULOUS i would
like to. BE i think that's how you put together
(37:19):
a good, plan a good order of. Operations but that
rigidity has allowed me to at the first side of
trouble kind of fall. Apart and when it falls, APART i,
Panic and WHEN i, PANIC i run back to my
(37:42):
familiar line of safety and finding out That i'm not
actually in control LIKE i THINK i am has been
humbling and a little bit liberating.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Too.
Speaker 4 (38:00):
Yeah, well unfortunately time is wrapping up for. Us but, no,
no you're, great, Man you're. Great i'm grateful for you
coming in and sharing what's going. On our hope is
always that this will be used to reach someone's needing some.
Help and maybe they're not quite ready to hear it,
yet but maybe hearing your story.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
Will help connect.
Speaker 4 (38:21):
THEM ptsdusa dot, org ptsd US a dot. Org everything
we do for the veteran their families that zero cost to.
Them the only way were able to do that is
the community stepping. Up if you'd like to participate in,
That if you like to, volunteer the WEBSITE ptsdusa dot
org for the, show Remember road To Hope. Radio wherever
you listen to, podcasts please, Subscribe share it as often
(38:46):
with as many people as you possibly. Can never know
whose life might be intersected by it that actually needs.
Us all, right thanks for joining. Us look forward to
being with you again next. Week for more Of road
To Hope Radio connects be Named tom
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