The Power of Acceptance

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Multiple people in my family, clean my father are veterans.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
The troops that have been to war and now they're.

Speaker 3 (00:10):
Back and think and be grateful for their service.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
Sacrifice, love for their country, just unselfishness, all that.

Speaker 4 (00:17):
They do for us.

Speaker 5 (00:18):
There are some people in this country who take extraordinary
steps to provide for the freedom and security.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
We forget that those people exist.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
We know them as the Army, Navy, air Force, Marines,
and Coast Guard. They call themselves soldiers, seals, rangers, airmen, sailors, devil.

Speaker 3 (00:38):
Dogs, and so much more.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
We call them fathers, brothers, sons and husbands, mothers, daughters,
sisters and wives. We call them friend and neighbor. These
veterans answered the call. Now we answer theirs, and they
are the best our country has to offer, and we

(01:03):
love them. Today we honor them and we start this.
David Malsby is your host, and he welcomes you to
this community of veterans, as together we are building the
road to hope.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
And indeed we are glad to have you along. On
a Sunday afternoon, KPRC the nine five oh on the
AM dial, thank you so much for joining us. We
appreciate you doing so as you drive endlessly around the
Loop or the Beltway or the ground park Way, whichever
one you're riding on. Thank you for joining us. Wherever
you listen to podcasts, look for Road to Hope Radio.

Speaker 5 (01:41):
Thank you for sharing.

Speaker 3 (01:44):
Hitting that subscribe button where again, wherever you look for
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(02:05):
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COM a, reminder as we go through the course of the,
show there are always some things that can be triggering

(03:08):
to some who are. Listening so please have this number
in your, phone not just for as you listen to the,
show but you never know who you may come across
in the course of a week that could really use
the help that we. Offer eight seven seven seven seven
seventy eight seventy. Three i'll give you that number again
here in just a, second but you need to know

(03:29):
when someone calls that, number a combat veteran is going
to answer the. Phone and for those who are military
veterans who are, struggling that means the world to. Them
a combat veteran will answer the. Phone eight seven seven
seven one seven seventy eight seventy. Three all, right we
got a couple of combat vets in here with us. Today,
pete good to have you. Back it s been a,
minute but glad you're here. TODAY i want to reintroduce

(03:51):
yourself to the.

Speaker 2 (03:52):
World, yes my name Is CHRISTOPHER. P. D. PETERS i
am currently a mentor At Camp hoope And i've been
through the. Program like every other mentor a lot of
the staff, there they actually were residents at one time,
Themselves so that's something special to the. Program we're we're,

(04:14):
peers we work with each other and it's a great.

Speaker 3 (04:17):
Place, yeah you, know we talk About Camp hope a
lot because that's just what kind of dominates any conversation
around organization and and you know what we. Do but
in through our, outreach throughout all of our services as
an organization outside Of Camp, hope more than half of

(04:38):
the of the staff or graduates of our, program and
as you, mentioned all those who are involved in the
peer to peer mentoring part portion Of Camp, hope all
of them are all of them are combat vets who
have gone through our. Program and that's the power of,
it that's what works so. Beautifully we also have with

(04:59):
US u gentlemen currently in our program today want to
introduce yourselves to.

Speaker 5 (05:05):
You, sure hello. Everybody my name Is Steve. JONES i
served in The United States Marine corps as A.

Speaker 3 (05:10):
No three to.

Speaker 5 (05:10):
Eleven that's my second time To Camp hope and hoping
to get everything taken care of this time. Around but
we'll kind of see how the how the road. Goes
it's always going to be a struggle out, there and you,
know just got to learn those tools to keep up
with everything and you, know master that. Life lots of, challenges,

(05:34):
yes no. Doubt and you add the combat trauma and
specifically the mental health issue of post traumatic. Stress, yeah
some of the things that happened in this world today
can be a little more challenging than it is to
some some of other. Folks but thankful that you're. Here

(05:57):
where are you from? Originally so ORIGINALLY i am From, Plano,
texas which is in The dallas.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
Area my son lives In. Plano oh. Nice. Yeah in,
FACT i was there last. Weekend, okay actually, NOT i
guess two weekends. Ago, no but, yeah we made a
little visit on our way to the other side of the.
Board we had a little, business a little business take
care of In. NORMAN a couple of weeks. Ago so, okay,
yeah it's fun watching Watching let's, see what are they

(06:23):
called The Michigan. WOLVERINES i think that's what they call. Them,
yeah we had a little business take care of right,
on right on to care and came back. Home so, plane,
Okay so life in high? School who were? You what were?
You life in high?

Speaker 5 (06:39):
School? MAN i was just kind, of you, know your normal.

Speaker 3 (06:41):
KID i knew THAT.

Speaker 5 (06:43):
I wanted to be a. MARINE i think early on was.
It well my father was a, marine AND i grew
up around, marines and that's just it's WHAT i wanted to.
Do SO i tried to get through high school about
as quick AS i can and went through a kind
of self paced course and The Marine corps was, Like,
NOPE i can't take that. Degree you need to go

(07:03):
to a regular high. School SO i graduated From, Allen
texas and two thousand and seven went straight into The
Marine corps after. Graduation gotcha.

Speaker 3 (07:13):
Sports or? Anything in high?

Speaker 5 (07:14):
SCHOOL i kind OF i kind of got into football
for a little, bit but in the ninth GRADE i
discovered R otc and kind of switched over the over to.
That did orienteering for a little, bit you, know map,
reading things like that and the shooting.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
Team how long were you in the? Corps just four?
Years four? Years all, right but you knew what you
wanted to.

Speaker 5 (07:35):
DO i, DID i. DID i regret getting, out but
it's a different. Story gotcha.

Speaker 3 (07:42):
Again our crisis line answered by combat of that twenty
four to seven eight seven seven seven one SEVEN. Ptsd
we're going to take a quick, break be right back
with more Of road To Hope.

Speaker 4 (07:52):
Radio who droves to graduate?

Speaker 3 (07:58):
Place and we're walcom you Back road To Hope, Radio
David malsber glad to have you long couple of combat
fits with us here. Today Got pete bye? Way did

(08:19):
we were you designated pet somewhere along the way or
is that just what you preferred somewhere along the?

Speaker 2 (08:24):
Way my last name Being, writers that's just what everybody
called me in The. Army and WHEN i arrived At
Camp hope there was like six, chrises so going BY
pet was a.

Speaker 3 (08:36):
Lot it made a lot of sense. Here, okay all?
Right uh when did you Graduate Camp Hope april t
all right or twenty twenty? Five? Sure, Yeah and we've
we've Got steven here Also United States marine currently in
the program At Camp. Hope, Plano, texas just outside Of.

(09:00):
Dallas so you decided to join the. Corps what year was,
that two thousand and seven oh, Seven so we were
still very heavily. Involved, yes what was going on in
rack afgain since you hadn't know what was, coming, right
they hadn't know, this this Was i'm going to be
going one or? Both, Yeah, Iraq, yeah, Yeah so what

(09:23):
were you just you, know for someone driving around six'
ten right now and they're just kind OF h, I,
Remember iraq but what were you doing specifically in a
course of a night, typical day not that there's a
typical day, in war, but.

Speaker 5 (09:36):
YEAH so i mean we we kind of had, a
rotation so we took it a week. By week, you know,
one week our platoon would, stand post which is pretty
much a twelve hours on a, guard shack and then
you get twelve hours of rest and kind of repeat.
All week the following week you'd probably do SOMETHING, like
qrf which is a quick reaction. For us so if

(09:58):
any of the other platoons got, in trouble we were,
you know already had our. Boots on we go throw
our gear on, real quick getting the trucks and head
out and support them however we can if you were on,
another cycle we. Do ops so just run missions, to patrols,
security patrols, you know go out and do what we're.

(10:19):
Gonna do, YOU know i remember one time we took
up a whole bunch of weapons cachets and blew, them up,
and so, you know that was kind of the.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
Typical, day hot lots.

Speaker 5 (10:29):
Of bugs. YOU know I remember iraq, for me it
wasn't too much too much of a.

Speaker 3 (10:35):
Desert area we were up In.

Speaker 5 (10:36):
Northern IRAQ so i remember we were right by one
of the big rivers and it's a lot of farms
and irrigation systems and it's.

Speaker 3 (10:44):
Pretty.

Speaker 5 (10:44):
Big, FLIES yeah.

Speaker 3 (10:47):
I want to circle back in just. A minute you
you briefly mentioned it a few minutes ago you regretted
getting out of. The, core yeah a.

Speaker 5 (11:00):
Little BIT so i had just had my first child
and my, you know my first enlistment, was up and
YOU know i made. That decision instead of pcsing to
another unit or trying to do, SOMETHING else i, just,
said well, You know I'm gonna i'm gonna get out
and go be a civilian for. A while and, uh

(11:20):
yeah it just uh it was civilian life wasn't necessarily
a good fit. For me i've been in the firearms
INDUSTRY since i, got out and, you know it's it's
GREAT and i, have FUN but i find it hard
to have fulfillment in doing.

Speaker 3 (11:34):
That work. You know did you go back To the?
METROPLEX area? I, Did, yes okay so that's where you
came to. Us, from no my mom passed in. Twenty
TWENTY so i moved Away from dallas in twenty Twenty
and i've been out near a little small Town, called
campwood which is about forty five minutes West, you valley
down by. The BORDER so i live in the hills

(11:55):
in the middle. Of nowhere why'd you choose to do?
That again just, get away just to get away from.

Speaker 5 (12:01):
The city, You know i'd always wanted, some property, You
know i'm big into firearms, and shooting and it.

Speaker 3 (12:07):
Was kind of like the. Perfect place. YOU know i
got a lot of hills on, my PLACE and.

Speaker 5 (12:10):
I could SHOOT wherever i want to shoot and not
have to worry about the neighbors or.

Speaker 3 (12:15):
You, know, RIGHT yeah i could tell some stories some
stupid stuff that's gone around in. My, Neighborhood okay so
obviously You're At. Camp hope you mentioned this is your
second time to enter into. Our program how long have
you been with us here this second?

Speaker 5 (12:32):
Time around so we're coming up on the end of.

Speaker 3 (12:34):
Five, months, okay yeah so, you're yeah, progressing along but
obviously PTSD's part of. Your, life yes and you know
we're not the war. Story show, but uh uh? Combat
trauma what's what was? The thing or maybe it was

(12:55):
a hundred? Little things what was it kept you awake
at night when you?

Speaker 5 (12:58):
Came home, you know it, was uh it, was probably like,
you said a bunch of the, little things, you know,
you know for for an, infantry guy, you know and
kind OF what i, WENT THROUGH i i don't KNOW
if i really considered anything too, major happened. You know,
of course we we had some incidences that. INVOLVED IDs
i got shot at on posts one night a couple

(13:20):
of mortars had. COME in i think the biggest part
during my combat experience was standon guard duty one time
and we had this guy just barreling in in a
in a car down this road that nobody was supposed to,
be in, AND uh i came out on the post
on the catwalk there and set up, you know my partner.

(13:41):
On posts he set the pin, flares OFF and i
kind of set this. Hard, limit okay if he gets to,
this intersection, you know there's no time for a. Warning
shot i'm just.

Speaker 3 (13:49):
Gonna DO what i. Gotta do and.

Speaker 5 (13:51):
He did he he slammed the brakes right there at.
The intersection, he STOPPED and i guess he decided that
it wasn't, his day so he turned around, and left.
You KNOW and i had noticed that the back end
of the vehicle was sagging, really bad so, you know
IT was i always considered a, close call but that
one really got my. Heart pounding, but yeah IT'S it's i,

(14:14):
don't know. It was it was almost really difficult for
me to ACCEPT that I had ptsd, at first, you
know because all those things that happened, to me it
was just kind, of, like well that's a normal day,
at work. You know so that was that was probably
one of the, hard parts was just accepting the, fact,
that yeah, you know something is WRONG and i need
to go deal.

Speaker 3 (14:34):
With it by, the way we talk a Lot About,
camp hope there is also our outreach that goes on throughout,
the country some, in person, some virtually so you can
literally be anywhere in, the world connect Through the internet
and be a part of our warrior support groups or
our family. Support groups all and everything that we do
for our veterans and their families that add zero cost

(14:55):
to our veterans. Their family it's absolutely free because we
believe they've paid the problem and it's now. Our term
so the community coming together making sure we are able
to offer. THESE PROGRAMS ptsd usa dot org is OUR
website Ptsd Post Traumatic STRESS DISORDER ptsd usa. Dot org on,
social media let's See at facebook the x no formally

(15:18):
Known as Twitter and YouTube OR ptsd US A Ptsd
USA facebook X, and YouTube And ON Instagram's ptsd Foundation.
Of america, so obviously and you've already referred to the FACT,
Of ptsd when did you first notice that something's not

(15:42):
the way it used.

Speaker 5 (15:43):
To be after my, FIRST deployment i started to get
real angry at pretty much little. To, nothing well you
were still in, the, core, yes, okay YEAH so i
was STILL in I remember i tried to open like
a Jar relish it was a.

Speaker 3 (15:59):
Glass jar.

Speaker 5 (15:59):
ONE time i couldn't get that, top off AND so
i just got ANGER and i threw it against the
wall and it shattered everywhere on. The kitchen, so yeah
so that That was that was about the first TIME
that i started to notice. The anger, AND uh i
remember one time we were doing a training event over
There on range four hundred and we were coming down
this waddie before you go up into the TRENCHES and
i had come up over the berm and, you know

(16:20):
we weren't supposed to shoot, at anything but there was a,
green target green, ivan target probably about one hundred meters down.
The way AND when i, SAW it I did it
didn't register as a target. TO me I just i,
saw something, and uh, YOU know i just took the
took the rifle off SAFE and i shot at the
target and, YOU know i remember that casing coming out
of the ejection port and uh it was like almost.

(16:43):
Slow motion it hit the lieutenant's flack and kind of
bounced OFF and i, was, like, Oh well i'm in.

Speaker 3 (16:47):
Trouble now so so did you talk to anybody about
it a?

Speaker 5 (16:53):
Little bit, YOU know i tried to address my anger
because that's what my ex wife wanted me to do at,
the time and so, you know they had put Me.
On zach but who's the the the.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
Corman there, you know so you talk to someone in. The, core, Yeah.

Speaker 5 (17:07):
Yeah i'd, seen SOMEBODY and i didn't really like, the
PHARMACEUTICALS so i just kind of got off, of them and,
you know tried to manage it AS best i could on.
My own but kind of as time PROGRESSED after i,
got out and, you know life, being life the anger.

Speaker 3 (17:23):
Just started to get worse and worse.

Speaker 5 (17:25):
And worse and, YOU know i dealt with a lot
of that LAST time i was Here At. Camp hope but,
you know we're we're really, taught that, you know to
take that anger and to use that anger to override
these other emotions to. Push through and SO once i
started to really not be so, OUTWARDLY angry i started
to notice a lot of the depression and the anxiety

(17:45):
and the avoidance and a lot of the other symptoms
that COME.

Speaker 3 (17:48):
With ptsd, all right we're going to take a quick
break for those of you listen on the nine to
five overkind quick, news break and then we'll be right
back with More of Road To. Hope radio big big

(18:14):
thank you to. Our Friends Grateful american charity might check.
Them Out It's Grateful american charity. Dot Org Grateful americans charity.
Dot org they they actually set up their own nonprofit
with a specific purpose of raising funds to SUPPORT The
ptsd Foundation. Of america this past week we Were In

(18:39):
new york for a magnificent golf event, up there fundraisers
that they put on. Every Year jonathan litt and all
of his team do so much work and it's just
a it's a. Fabulous event big things. To them also
mentioned to you some of you folks who like to
do the dress up thing and go to. To gala's

(18:59):
they are hosting a gala here In the houston Area on,
october eleven and if you would like information about how
you could be a part of that biased seat at,
a table you want to buy, a table a sponsorship for,
Your company you maybe have something you can donate that
could be used as an auction or. Raffle item all

(19:21):
those things are greatly appreciated and it all goes to
help support our mission of serving veterans and their families
who are coping with COMBAT. Related ptsd so That's Grateful
americans charity. Dot, org also again you can follow on
all of our, social media you can find that information on.
Those events because they host a golf. Event here they

(19:43):
have host One, In california atlanta, this year they're hosting One.
In mississippi next year will Be, in utah so all over.
The place so if you'd like to stay in touch with,
those events just follow us on our. Social media all
those will be posted throughout course you're on SOCIAL MEDIA.
Ptsd usa when were you still in when you started

(20:09):
realizing there was something going on with you mentally or was?
It after.

Speaker 2 (20:15):
It's actually a. FUNNY story i BECAME an NCO and
i was put in charge of, other MEN and i
was having, hearing issues and every once in a WHILE
when i was all, BY myself i would scream to,
hear myself just out of. The blue and it kind

(20:38):
of got around that PEOPLE thought i. Had touretts and
LIKE when i got a new crop of, soldiers in,
They're Like sergeant peter's is it true that you? Have
TOURETTS and, I said, i said who told?

Speaker 1 (20:52):
You?

Speaker 3 (20:52):
That, NO no i don't.

Speaker 2 (20:55):
HAVE touretts i just have hearing problems and it's An
issue i'm. Dealing with and you, Mentioned earlier steve about,
you know coming home with. ANGRY issues i really identify.
With THAT because i experienced the, same THINGS and i

(21:17):
was the type of guy that would get into an
argument with an absolute stranger, over nothing and NEXT thing,
I know i'm arguing with somebody at the gas station
and my wife and kids are in the car watching
me act.

Speaker 4 (21:29):
A pool and.

Speaker 2 (21:32):
It goes back to that training of, everything's fine and
then you have to go from zero to pode. Like
that and you don't lose that just because you, come home.
You know, BUT yeah i really identify with what.

Speaker 3 (21:48):
You, said yeah and you mentioned you don't. Lose that
there are some things you do, lose though when you.
Come home the sense of PURPOSE being i think first
and foremost IS what. I hear how did, you uh
how did you handle that or not? Handle that? Coming

(22:10):
home you're no longer, A marine you're just doing whatever you.

Speaker 5 (22:14):
WERE doing i tried, to substitute, you know with THINGS
that i was, interested in. Like FIREARMS so i. LOVE
guns i, love firearms And so i've made.

Speaker 3 (22:24):
A career out.

Speaker 5 (22:25):
Of it i've done everything at a, gun range from work,
THE line rso, range masters sold, guns instructor. YOU know
i remember ONE time i had had an opportunity to
USE my, gi BILL so i got some Credentials For
executive Protection And HIGH, threat PSD and i went through

(22:45):
a course, for THAT and i was gonna go try
to do the, contracting thing, but uh my dad had
just been diagnosed with, cancer afterward AND so i basically
dropped everything that was going on.

Speaker 3 (22:57):
In my LIFE and i went over to.

Speaker 5 (22:58):
Help him and then, you know kind of some years
years rolled on and relationship issues and then, you know,
more anger, more depression and so that never never happened,
for me AND so i just kind of kept around
with the. Firearms thing but, you know the loss of
purpose has definitely.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
Been an issue in. My life and so that's.

Speaker 5 (23:18):
One Thing that i'm trying to find now, going forward
is having that sense of purpose and.

Speaker 3 (23:24):
Fulfillment again the notes they shared with me before, the
show one of the things they mentioned was. Survivor's guilt
that part of your story is that a error on
the note taking those given, To.

Speaker 5 (23:42):
Me it might it might be an error on the.
NOTE taking i wouldn't necessarily say. Survivor's skill we didn't
lose anybody. In, combat HOWEVER while i was, A civilian
i did deal with a veteran suicide and and, you
know a gentleman had come into the range, one day and,

(24:03):
YOU know i just got, this bad, bad FEELING and
i followed him out onto, the line and really it
it tears me UP because i, WAS like i FELT
like I knew i should have done SOMETHING and i should,
have ACTED AND i. I didn't i struggle with MYSELF
and i took my eyes off him just for. A
SECOND when i, turned back, you know it was, too late.
You know and he had a child the same age as,

(24:25):
my child going through, a divorce, you know kind of
kind of that. Common story and so, YOU know i
always have a lot of guilt.

Speaker 3 (24:33):
Over that, you Know And i'm i'm learning that it's not.

Speaker 5 (24:36):
My fault but for, many years, YOU know i, told,
myself well she's growing up without a DAD because i
failed to.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
Do something so it's one OF and i guess if
you tried to delineate on you, KNOW scale i one
to town be pretty pretty high up there. Of it
one OF the i think cruelest things, about suicide because

(25:04):
we've all been associated with it in some form. Or
another when, that happens anyone and everyone whoever knew the
person had a conversation with, a, person, friends. Family whatever
everyone feels a sense of guilt, around that and it's

(25:28):
it's not fair to, you know just. Start there it's.
Not right it's like, you mentioned it's not, your fault
but we still feel that and you have to deal.
With it whether you whether it's right, or wrong you
still got to DEAL with i still feel this sense
of blame of self for and didn't, do enough or didn't,

(25:51):
do this or could have. Done that and that's why
always tell people when you see someone who's spiraling and,
really struggling don't be afraid to ask the question you.
Have to, And like i'd rather risk someone getting mad
at me for asking, the question then standing at a

(26:14):
casket AND realizing i didn't ask. The, question now, either
way it's still not, my fault but ONE maybe i
can do with a little better than. THE other. I
suppose i. Don't know It's just. Suicide's awful it's one
of the reasons why we exist as. An organization statistics

(26:35):
are telling us we are losing up to forty four
veterans every single day to their, own hands forty four.
A day. That's suicide, it's addiction, it's overdose it's a number.
Of things but each and every one of those forty
four a day. Are preventable but we all have to do.
Our part we all have to, be aware we all
have to be ready to ask the question and not

(26:58):
with You know i've got the answer, for IT because, i,
Don't Right but i'll. Help you i'll walk you to
wherever we need to go to talk to somebody who.
Maybe can THAT'S why i tell people put this number
in your phone eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight.
Seventy three you'll maybe never, need it maybe you're not,
a veteran maybe in any, of that but you never
know when you're gonna come across somebody that you wish

(27:20):
you knew. That number so have it in, your phone
be ready to. Share it eight seven seven seven one
seven seventy eight. Seventy three loss, of purpose the dealing
with the. ANGER outbursts a lot, of times that leads
to a lot of shame and, guilt because like you mentioned,

(27:43):
a while, go doing, you know acting a fool in
front of, your, Family right like. That's embarrassing what do
you do? After? That right so it's one of the
reasons why we have our support groups that run Outside Of.
Camp hope to help guys who are maybe in that
boat but don't necessarily need need to Come To camp
hope and be there for sixty nine months, for program

(28:03):
but they do need somebody to. Talk to they do
need to hear somebody Else say i've felt that. Way
too what was that like for you the first time
you heard somebody else, say yep, been there? Done that, oh.

Speaker 5 (28:12):
Man relief, You know i'm, Not crazy i'm. Not alone
there are others who are going through almost the exact
same Things that, i'm doing Feeling what. I'm feeling and,
you know it's great to get in that group because
we can talk about our things when it's really hard
to talk to people who haven't, been there, you know
ESPECIALLY for us. Combat veterans so being in that environment

(28:36):
really helps to open up and get a lot of
stuff off your chest and then help support each other
and continue on down a path where we're leading and
living more healthy lifestyles and not falling back to addiction.

Speaker 3 (28:49):
And alcoholism and you, KNOW again ptsdusa dot org all
the information for all of our in person groups as
well as our virtual groups that also can include, first
responders law enforcement contractors as, you mentioned all with the SAME.
Issue ptsd we'll be right back with more of Wrote To.

Speaker 4 (29:07):
Hope, Radio.

Speaker 3 (29:24):
Stephen when did you get out of the core? Eleven
eleven when did you Get To camp hope the? First
time twenty? And, seventeen okay so. Six years what led
you to make a decision to Go To. Camp?

Speaker 5 (29:43):
Hope, oh WELL like, i said the first, TIME around
i was. REALLY angry I didn't i didn't UNDERSTAND that I,
had ptsd, you KNOW and i had to be TOLD
that I. Had ptsd, and uh luckily friend of my
biological fathers had been through, the program and THAT'S how

(30:04):
i Heard About camp hope the. First TIME and i
decided to go ahead and COME because, i, thought well,
you know it might save. My marriage AND although i
did get a lot of work done on my anger
LAST time i, WAS here I definitely. I was i
was at camp more for that to save my MARRIAGE
than i was. For me and, you know, OF course

(30:26):
i had to, leave early had some court issues dealing with,
the divorce and, you know AND and i didn't get
to finish, the PROGRAM and i, wanted TO but i wasn't.
ABLE to i had to go to that court and
then everything just went downhill, from there, you know spiraling
back down and then coming back to camp this.

Speaker 3 (30:43):
Time around so what led you to.

Speaker 5 (30:45):
Come, back well, you know the divorce went through after
dealing with all, that anger, YOU know i really tried
to fix, the, Marriage, right uh and it, you know
it just pushed, away more, you know and, and honestly
maybe not so much, pusher away but you know it

(31:08):
it was, an abusive emotionally, abusive relationship more on her
part than it was. ON mine i did not recognize
a lot of those things, at FIRST and i had
to get some additional. Counseling outside but, you know shortly
after the, divorce happened the printal. Alienation began she started
keeping the kids, from me cutting, off contact, you know

(31:32):
violating the custody orders and the, court orders and, YOU
know i was went back to working at a, gun
range living on the back of the gun club at,
the time, and uh, you know all my money, was
gone so it was it was hard to get all
the bills paid and still eat and.

Speaker 3 (31:50):
So that kind of went on for a. FEW years
i lost my mom in. Twenty.

Speaker 5 (31:53):
Twenty uh she was basically my support system at, that
TIME and i really just started to lose my mind,
after that, you, know everything everything in the world. Was
wrong and OF course i was dealing with some legal
issues and stopped going, to COURT and i started to get,
angry again more internally. This time and, YOU know i

(32:14):
was angry at. THE courts i was angry at. THE
cops i was angry at, the government, you KNOW and
i started. To ISOLATE so i moved out into the middle,
of NOWHERE and i isolated, real bad and the depression got,
really heavy the anxiety and the avoidance got, real bad
and it really got to a point, to where, YOU
know i was just staying in my cabin out in.
THE hills i went to town once a month to

(32:36):
go get supplies and.

Speaker 3 (32:38):
Come back and, YOU know I.

Speaker 5 (32:40):
Remember i was watching a lot of kind of like
YouTube videos and the government and the cops and this parnal,
alienation STUFF and i just get ANGRY and i pace
in front OF my tv and scream AT the tv at,
certain Things or, i'd see, you know certain things ON
the tv that might had to do with a father and,
his child and that would make, me CRY and i
get sad, and depressed, AND uh i was just. A

(33:01):
mess i was a wreck and eventually the court issues
caught up with me not coming, to court wrecked my
truck and then, you know they kind of were holding.
My truck there's hostage While so i'd go turn myself in.
Or something but they eventually picked, me, up uh on
my easement and took me to the. County jail AND

(33:21):
as i was talking to one of the sergeants, UP
there i had MENTIONED that i had Been At camp
hope before and kind of everything that was going on
OR how i, was feeling and so uh he helped
me get reconnected, and uh you know it was at
that that moment that IN that i Talked to outreach
uh There In, san antonio, AND uh, i said you, Know,
what yeah, YOU know i need to come back, to camp,
AND uh i need to go through the program AGAIN

(33:43):
and i need to graduate, this time and, YOU know
i need to fix THIS because i can't keep.

Speaker 3 (33:47):
Living the Way that i've. Been, living yeah so you've
been here for. Five months what's what's changing do? You,
Think well.

Speaker 5 (34:05):
I'm definitely, less anxious, you know definitely. LESS depressed i
think being around everybody and being able to reconnect and
share my stories and, you know know that, You know i'm,
not alone and then of course kind of talk about
the parental alienation and the divorce and, you know the

(34:28):
suicide and kind of the combat, stuff too and figure
out kind of, you know WHY do i DO what
i do and WHY do.

Speaker 3 (34:36):
I feel the WAY that.

Speaker 5 (34:37):
I do it's it's helped me kind of process through
some of, these things and it's helping alleviate some of
these systems of these.

Speaker 3 (34:47):
Symptoms here so ped was isolation part of your issue
before coming? To camp?

Speaker 5 (34:53):
Very.

Speaker 2 (34:53):
Much so so there's different types. Of isolation you can
isolate AS, a ptsd but a lot of addicts isolate. As,
well sure and you can be married to somebody living
in the same house and have conversations day to day
but still. Be ISOLATING and I would i was somebody

(35:15):
that would mask, As WELL like i could have my
arm lopped off and, somebody, say hey you doing, all
Right and i'd, Be like, i'm fine, you?

Speaker 4 (35:23):
Know.

Speaker 3 (35:24):
Right yeah and for, those listening one of the reasons
we do this show is you you may know someone
or you know someone that knows someone, who's STRUGGLING and
i want to point out this point. Of isolation it

(35:47):
is one of the, most dangerous dangerous telling signs that
can lead to the eventual suicide that we see happen
over and over again within the veteran community when you
talk about, you know the outburst in front of, the
family and there's guilt and, there's shame and then, you

(36:09):
know you start self medicating and try to tamp that
down and just further and further into, the darkness further
and further in the isolation and separating and to the
point where you have put yourself in a place where
you are very much alone and very. Much disconnected and
that is the most telling warn neon flashing light warning

(36:32):
signs of. High risk if you see that going on,
with somebody we strongly encourage you whatever you have, to
do and again don't don't let the fear of it
upsetting them or losing a friendship or whatever it may
be over asking. The question but and as there's some

(36:52):
point in time in that devolving into the ice pit,
of isolation that's very dangerous and we strongly encourage you
to do whatever you can to get in front, of
that ask, the question, involve others whatever you have, to
do not in shaming or guilty or pointing a finger

(37:15):
or accusing any of that. Just taken HOW can i?
Help you HOW can i? CONNECT you i may not know,
THE answer i may not have, the Answer but i'll
sure do everything can to help you find. The answer
so it's. Critically important it's it's a very dangerous point
in time in. Somebody's life, five months you're, not done

(37:36):
got a little ways, to go and you're never, really Done.
RIGHT pete, i mean it's just there's always a work.
In progress but what do you what are you hoping
to see in? YOUR future i just get to.

Speaker 5 (37:48):
A point to where, YOU know i can have this post,
traumatic growth, you know where, you know my depression and
my anger and this anxiety isn't, ruling me, you know
it's not going to, control me but more SO where
i can, control IT so i can get, back to,
you know a, normal LIFESTYLE where i can, you know
achieve my goals and find my purpose and get back

(38:10):
in shape and eat healthy and live healthy and.

Speaker 3 (38:13):
Be healthy, you know speaking of they feeding you, Around there, oh,
yeah yeah. Food's great we like to call it The camp.
HOPE thirty a lot of guys come in put on
some weight. PRETTY quickly a lot of reasons, for that
but part of it is we we we like. To

(38:34):
eat i've gained forty. Five, pounds yeah it's like our, Official,
Tagline yeah hope and healing for the unseen winds. Of
war our, unofficial tagline we like, to eat. So big
thanks to all of. Our supporters he'll make that. Happen
man thanks for sharing. Party store this hour is always
the fastest hour of. THE week i don't know how
this goes by, so quickly but thank you for sharing
part of. Your story hopefully it helps somebody out there,

(38:56):
who's struggling or know somebody.

Speaker 4 (38:57):
Who's.

Speaker 3 (38:58):
Struggling, yeah hey thank you for what. You're doing keep,
doing it keep serving. Your brothers you're an encouragement to all.
Of us thank. You again wherever you listen to podcasts
to look for road, to hope appreciate you. Doing so
have a. Great week