Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Multiple people in my family, clean my father, are veterans.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Troops that have been to war and now they're back
and think and be grateful for their service.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
Sacrifice, love for their country, just unselfishness, all that they.
Speaker 4 (00:17):
Do for us.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
There are some people in this country who take extraordinary
steps to provide for the freedom and security.
Speaker 4 (00:25):
We forget that those people exist.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
We know them as the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines,
and Coast Guard. They call themselves soldiers, seals, rangers, airmen, sailors, devil.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Dogs, and so much more. We call them fathers.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Brothers, sons and husbands, mothers, daughters, sisters and wives.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
We call them friend and neighbor.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
These veterans answered the call, now we answer Theirs are
the best our country has to offer, and we love them. Today,
we honor them and we serve them. David Malsby is
(01:13):
your host, and he welcomes you to this community of veterans.
As together we are building the road to.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Hope, and indeed we are glad to have you along
on the KPRC the nine to five oh and am
dial here in Houston, Texas. Thank you for joining us
wherever you are listening from, if you are listening through
the magic of podcasts. Thank you so much for doing so.
Wherever you listen to podcasts, just look for Road to
Hope Radio and there we are. Thank a little over
(01:41):
seven years seven and a half coming up a night,
I guess years of show, So big thank you to
those of you who not only listen to that but
also share it. If you just go wherever you listen
to podcasts, Road to Hope Radio, if you'll do us
a huge favor, just hit the subscribe button and it'll
automatically download each and every week once the show is
(02:02):
posted following uh's airing on KPRC. And it's a great
tool for you to share our story, the story of
our veterans that come through our programs, PTSD Foundation of
America and Camp Hope. It's a great way for you
to share that. I well, I'll get into that in
(02:23):
a minute. Big thank you to our sponsors, Jimmy Changa's
Fresh Mex Fun all across the Houston area. While you're
out doing your Christmas shopping, I would strongly encourage you
to stop in get some kso it will cool you down.
It will chill you out from all the hectic nonsense
of Christmas shopping today wherever you are, stop in too,
(02:45):
Jimmy Changa's just enjoy some kso and just chill out
while you're there. Tell them thanks for supporting the PTSD
Foundation of America. Then are awesome friends at a Corey
Diamond and Design ACRI for all those special moments. And hey,
Chris is here, Uh, but Billy and Connie is still
gonna take great care of you two eight one four
(03:06):
eight two forty seven fifty five. Doesn't matter where you are,
give them a call, They're gonna take great care of you.
You're going to support a small business that supports our veterans.
Cory Diamond and Design. Then for all those moments. Oopsteam
dot com Oops Steam dot com two eight one a
two two zero five six one. Look, they do more
(03:28):
than just cleaning your floors. They clean all kinds of
upholstery year air vins in your home. The dryer. Events
have had them do all that stuff at our house.
We keep him on speed dial. So Oops Steam dot
com Again. If you're gonna have somebody come into your home,
you want to make sure it's somebody you can trust.
And hey, if you're going to do business with somebody,
do business with somebody that shares your values, supports our
(03:51):
veterans oopsteam dot com. All right, was gonna mention this
past week I spoke to a group and by the way,
big thanks to all Rotary clubs, Lions clubs. This happened
to be the Exchange Club of Sugarland that I spoke
(04:12):
to Wednesday morning. A fantastic group of people, just wonderful people.
They had the opportunity to kind of share what we
do at the PTSD Foundation of America, what's going on
in our veteran community, the cause of suicides and what
we're trying to do about it, and how they can
be a part. One of the individuals and a Q
(04:33):
and A. I always try to save a few minutes
at the end for Q and A time on the
individuals took up a good part of the out of
the Q and A time telling the story of a
veteran that he knew of who as he described it,
had PTSD after his first kill in combat. At the
(04:56):
moment of the kill, he described it as and the
Marine Corps, I think a hrah kind of a moment.
They were excited they had done their job, saved the
life of the guy. To the left and the right.
But when he hit the rack that night, it hit
him because between that first kill and hitting the rack
(05:20):
that night, he had the opportunity to skype home see
his wife and his children on Skype while he was deployed.
When he hit the rack that night, it all came
crashing down and with a massive thud. He realized that
(05:40):
he did his job, but that was that was a
human being whose life he had taken, and it weighed
heavy on him for years. Most of his friends didn't
pay much attention to the fact that he had just
turned to a lot of alcohol to try to just
(06:01):
kind of deal with it. But their description was he
seemed fine other than the excessive use of alcohol. They
felt like he was doing his job as a father,
as a husband, had a job income, functioning, but clearly
(06:26):
carrying a heavyweight. And as this gentleman described this veteran,
he said, just one day, it just apparently, just in
a moment, became too much and he became the dark
statistic that we say we lose up to forty four
(06:46):
veterans every single day to their own hands. That's a
combination of suicide, addiction, whichever it is, it is a
loss that was preventable. And that's a story that we
hear often. So I want to ask everyone if you
would if you don't have this in your phone already,
I want you to ask you to get your phone out,
(07:08):
put this phone number in it, just real quickly. A
combat vet will answer the phone. So this is a
phone number that you can share with veterans, families of veterans.
You come across someone that you see is struggling, homeless veteran,
you can hit this number. Say hand the phone to
that veteran. Say whoever answers the phone is going to
(07:29):
be a combat vet. Eight seven seven seven one seven
seventy eight seventy three. Eight seven seven seven one seven
seventy eight seventy three. It could help save a life.
Eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy three.
We're going to take a quick break and we'll be
right back with more of Road to Hope Radio. Who
(07:50):
drops the crowd and play around baby, it's the guitar
man and were welcoming back to Road to Hope Radio.
David Malsby along with a couple of guys from our program.
(08:13):
One a graduate of our program and was on with us.
Not too long ago. I'm terrible at time. How long
ago was it you were I started working for the
no I mean on the show. Oh, on the show.
I was there here about uh two months ago? Okay, probably,
I thought it was fairly recent. You were MI T
(08:34):
Minatory and training at the time. Yes, you have just
graduated full blown staff member. Well, I graduated and graduated
from the MI I T program. Oh, just graduate from
I yeah. Yeah, so you're a full blown mentor. I am. Yes,
I'm not a boot anymore. Now you're the new guy.
It's always got to have a new guy. Like the
new guy anyway, you want to reintroduce yourself to the world.
(08:57):
I am Tyrone Brown and started out.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
I went to the PTSD Foundations program, Camp Hope back
in October of twenty two. I graduated from there. I
worked at an agency outside of the Foundation, and I
always felt like I was out of place. I felt
like I found the thing that I wanted to do,
but I didn't find the place. So while in September,
(09:21):
I got a call to for an open position at
Camp Hope, and I immediately put in my two week
notice And here.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I am, And where are you from?
Speaker 5 (09:29):
Originally I am from Fort Wayne, Indiana, by way of Atlanta, Georgia.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Okay, we've got a couple of Yankees, and I'm sure
neither one of you want to claim that, but I'm
gonna it's north of the It's north of the North
Houston Harris county line, so we can include a Montgomery county,
but beyond that it gets a little too Yankee for
so branching where you deployed, I am was in the
(09:56):
US Army. I've deployed in Somalia in nineteen ninety three.
All right, congratulations again, thank and happy for you. Very
glad that you're a part of what we're doing. And
one of our residents of the program. Want to introduce yourself,
by the way, that cap choice today is just embarrassing,
but we'll take up an offering someday and see if
(10:16):
we can get you a better cap. Well.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
I will collect any funds that you give me.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
We're not giving you cash, We're going to give you
action with the Astro's logo on it.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Yes, my name is Lucian Fosdik, I go by Lou.
I have been a resident at Camp Hope since August
first here of this year. I'll be transitioning to yellow
face hopefully at which is the second or the third
phase here at Camp Hope, hopefully at the beginning of January,
and kind of take it from there.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
And where were you from?
Speaker 3 (10:51):
I lived here in Houston the last couple of years,
but I'm from North Platte, Nebraska.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
All right, all right? What brought you to Houston?
Speaker 3 (10:59):
I moved here in twenty twelve for a job, stayed
here until about twenty eighteen, moved back to Nebraska to
help take care of my grandfather he had passed away,
and I moved back down here in two thousand and
twenty two for another job.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Okay, and branch. And where you deployed?
Speaker 3 (11:20):
United States Marine Corps deployed to Iraq fall of five
to spring of six, and then spring of seven to
fall of o seven.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
All right, so unch to take it twice, Yes, sir,
liked it so much, like, let's go back and do
it some more.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
So, uh, North Platte, Nebraska. You joined the Corps? Did
you join right out of high school?
Speaker 3 (11:45):
I did not. I actually joined the Marine Corps when
I was twenty two. I turned twenty three in boot camp.
I had kind of been in trouble before went to college,
got an associate's degree. I actually was supposed to join
the Army, but I had gotten in trouble again, so
(12:05):
the Army was off limits. Went ahead and got done
with probation. The other the Air Force, the Navy, and
the Army basically told me I was a no go,
and the Marine Corps told me stay out of trouble
for forty five days. So I actually went in the
Marine Corps on a felony waiver, one of about five
(12:25):
hundred of that year. So I kind of went in
on the skin of my teeth, Like I said, turn
twenty three in boot camp, and it turned out, you
know pretty good what y're you join up two thousand
and three. I started boot camp July twenty eight to
two thousand and three at MCRD in San Diego.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
So if you join three, you probably had at least
understood you had a pretty good chance you were going
to get deployed.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Yes, I do remember the invasion in March, watching it
on TV. You know, I had started paperwork and stuff
to go to the Marines, you know, but it was
a lenkedy process with the paperwrecking. As I had mentioned,
I was going in on a waiver, so I kind
of had a pretty good idea, like you said, of
what was going to transpire.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Yeah, Tyron, I often wonder about this. We talk about
you go to you know, public events, and sometimes they'll
recognize veterans by the era of war. And of course
there aren't a lot of World War two vet's still alive,
(13:36):
but questions still asked. It's rare that there's one there,
Korean War, Vietnam. Hardly everyone says anything about Somalia? Yes,
Is that ever weigh on you? Is it ever? Does
it mean anything? Do you matter in any way, shape
or form?
Speaker 5 (13:52):
No, it doesn't. Personally for me, it does not. I Uh,
when when I got out of the military, I didn't
too much put in stock in that I was a
VET and what I had done. But this is what
I realized. I realized because of the trauma or the
(14:14):
way and the way that I felt about myself, like
it didn't matter anyway. If someone was to say praise
me for going to Somalia, my mindset, my my my
attitude towards myself would not have allowed me to even
celebrate that because I was already depressed and isolating and
(14:35):
all of that, so you know, it didn't bother me
at all today when someone does when I tell them tomorrow,
and I rarely meet people who have been there at
the same time, I am I'm the soldiers. I am proud,
you know, Yes, sir, Yes, sir, I am proud. And
the and the the thing about it is, it's just
like God says, like, I am proud that I did
(14:57):
something the world doesn't have to know in the The
reason why I'm proud now is because now I love myself.
Now I know who I am, So it doesn't matter
that I don't have the sign over my head that
says I served in Somalia, because I know what I
did and that's good and well enough for me.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Sure. So Sama, yea, that was a while back, Yes, sir,
there was a large gap between your time in combat
and coming to Camp Hope. Yes, remind me what was
it that finally was the moment like I got to
do something, I got to get some help.
Speaker 5 (15:34):
I had to spend thirty plus years on this revolving
cycle of drugs, relapse, jail, prison, homelessness, drugs, relapse, jail, prison,
thirty plus years. I went to the VA because I
was ready to end it just didn't have the courage.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
To do it.
Speaker 5 (15:53):
So I went to the VA and they told me
about this place in Houston called the PTSD Foundation and
Camp Hope. And I was telling my wife that they
want to send me to Houston, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
And I'm not going to Texas.
Speaker 5 (16:15):
And I was telling my wife, I'm not going to Texas.
But my wife said something to me that really was profound.
I had told her a time ago that I couldn't
get cleaned back home. I couldn't get out of my
emotional state back home. Too many things. I seen too
many other things after the military. And when I said,
(16:36):
you think I should go to Houston, and she says, well,
you already said it. You can't do it here, And
I said, okay, I'm going.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
When did you get here in twenty two? I got
here in March of twenty two, okay, and you graduated October.
So you moved along pretty good program, yes, sir, Now
it was tough, now, yeah, doubt that. Yeah, I was.
Speaker 5 (17:01):
Dealing with myself, you know what I'm saying. I was
dealing with me, you know what I mean. And that's
what I learned. I when I got there. You know,
of course everything was wrong and I wanted to leave
and I don't want to be there and this is
not the place for me and it's not gonna work.
But you know, my wife quickly informed me that I
was trying to drink out of a cup that I
hadn't poured anything into.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
There, you go, I didn't put any work into it,
you know. Yeah, And I was worried about everything else
but myself. You know what I mean. I still had
that issue of nothing is my fault. She needs to
be here, She needs to be hailed for being a
fantastic wife. Or PTSD USA dot or post Traumatic Stress
Disorder PTSD usa dot org for information on all of
(17:46):
her programs, which are at no cost to our veteran
her family. To take a quick break, me right back
more of road to Hoope Radio.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
There's talk on the streets.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
So Tyn, I'm going to jump right in here. I
don't know your story, but I'm gonna ask a couple
of questions. And I don't don't know your story, so
I have no idea what trans is gonna be is
whatever it is, it is. While you were deployed, you
(18:20):
lose any fellow Marines in combat.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
I'm sorry, lou No, I did not not at that time.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Okay, since coming home, have you lost any yes? Yes, okay.
Either of you have a guess or happen to know
how many vets we have lost Iraq and Afghanistan bets
(18:50):
have lost to suicide.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
I do not, unfortunately not either.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
So let's let's go back and I'm gonna lay little work.
VA didn't start actually tracking suicides. I think it tells
about two thousand and one when they started tracking it.
So it's almost impossible to get any kind of accuracy
on the suicide rate amongst our Vietnam veterans. But when
(19:21):
I was trying to find that this was twenty fifteen sixteen,
looking at different reports and different studies, different organizations that
were particularly serving Vietnam vets, it became pretty evident at
that time again twenty fifteen, twenty sixteen, somewhere in that area,
that we had lost north of two hundred and fifty
(19:43):
thousand Vietnam vets to their own hands since the conclusion
of the Vietnam War. Now, we lost fifty eight thousand
in combat, so roughly that's four to one for everyone
killed in combat. There were four who whose lives were
taken after coming home. That was five decades, okay, five
(20:09):
decades to get to that kind of number. Global war
and terrorism, which you served in lou we lost about
seventy two hundred in combat between Iraq and Afghanistan. And that's,
you know, twenty ish twenty one, twenty two years of
war in both Iraq and Afghanistan, about seventy two hundred.
(20:32):
Back in twenty nineteen, I believe it was a report
came out that we had lost more than thirty two
thousand vets who served in Iraq and Afghanistan. We'd lost
more than thirty two thousand vets to their own hands
after coming home. And we were still in Afghanistan at
(20:55):
the time, obviously, so the war hadn't even concluded and
we were already at the for everyone killed in combat,
we had lost four coming home. And I share that
because your story is not unique, maybe a little bit unique.
And usually when I asked that question the first question,
guys will say, yeah, I lost one or two some
(21:15):
guys in my unit. Some of them they knew very closely,
some of them they didn't know that closely, but they
lost one or two or five, you know, whatever the
number was, but every single time it was multiples of
that since coming home. And that's the issue. That's one
of the main drivers of why our organization has to exist.
(21:40):
And that's not the only statistic. There are hundreds of others.
So you talked about your time of the whole cycle,
which included incarceration, right, So the legal issues is one
of the other dark statistics. Divorce, all kinds of negative results,
(22:02):
coming home, and self medicating, which is what you were doing. Uh, Lou,
was that part of your story? Self medicating? That is
also okay, what we don't need to get into the
you know what you were necessarily doing in those two tours,
but something happened. Uh, just being there would be enough,
(22:24):
just being around that. But something was keeping you awake
at night or causing the hypervigilance. What was that that
was weighing on you, that was keeping you awake at
night or causing you to do whatever your your symptoms were.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
Well, I think you know, the obvious answer is PTSD.
But some of the things that you know, like you
had mentioned the hypervigilance, the isolation, just not able to sleep,
what was it? You know, nightmares? Just take For example,
one weird nightmare that I would have over and over
(23:02):
was that I would you know, I personally didn't go
door to door, but I would have this nightmare of
going door to door and an infidel would pop around
the corner and I would pull my rifle up and
my gun would jim And to me, it was such
a mystery because that was not my personal experience. But
I had that recurring nightmare over and over again, and
(23:25):
I don't know, you know, even to this day, you know,
that nightmare has ceased quite a bit, But I don't
know how my brain made that correlation other than what
we experienced in training. But you know, I don't know,
you know, so stuff like that. So those were you
know obviously you know, being in a loud setting, being
(23:47):
in you know, my wife, my ex wife, I'm sorry,
was a bartender. I never really went out to the
bars because it was that whole, you know, stereotype of
watching people and you know, keeping your back, you know,
away from the door, and you know, those kinds of things.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
I was.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
I called myself a homebody, but you know, now as
I look back in hindsight, it was more than being
a homebody, you know, a homebody does things at home,
mows the yard, fixes stuff up around the house. You know,
I had, you know, at the time, what I called
a man cave. Now I realize it was just an isolation,
(24:31):
an isolation place. I did everything up there, my homework,
watch TV. Even if it was a show. You know,
my ex wife I had a stepdaughter at the time.
There's a show they were watching, I would watch it upstairs.
Isolation was such a big thing. And you know, at
that time, in O seven, PTSD was only as a diagnosis,
(24:53):
was only twenty seven years old. So even as the
VA I had a caseworker, she never really mentioned PTSD.
A lot of it was the alcoholism. And then in
two thousand and twelve, I believe I did go to rehab,
and even then there wasn't much talk of PTSD. And
(25:14):
I have again since been in rehab and PTSD is
a very very live topic and it is something that's
discussed very freely. But you know, as I said, there's
a diagnosis thirty years old. It was not something that
was brought up very often. It was just he likes
to sit in his room and drink. It was not
(25:35):
the isolation and whatnot.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Sure, but So you bring up a couple of points
that are I think are critical. One in the isolation,
and that is one of the number one symptoms that
when someone gets to that place where they are isolating
while they're self medicating, that's kind of last step before
(26:03):
whether it's suicidal ideation or an actual attempt. Isolation is
one of those symptoms. When you see it, somebody really
hopefully is aware of it and does everything that can
to step in because that's a very very dangerous place
to be and I know some can exist in that
(26:24):
for a while that becomes their new normal, but it
is a very dangerous spot to be in, and certainly
thankful that you found a way out of that. So
you mentioned going to the VA. When did they diagnose
you or did they ever diagnose you?
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Yes, I was finally diagnosed with PTSD in two thousand
and eighteen. Right around that time. Another experience that I
had was one of my best friends was an army
ranger for like eighteen and a half years, and I
would compare my experiences to his because he would tell me,
(27:06):
you have PTSD, you need to get some help, you
need to go talk to someone you know, And in
my mindset, I haven't seen what he has seen. I
don't have PTSD, and you know that cost me. You know,
there's that saying comparison is the greatest thief of joy.
You know, me comparing what the other guy had kept
(27:27):
me from getting help and really acknowledging that I was
not normal. You know, I would experience a lot of
the things that he would experience, but I didn't do
what he did. And I think that's a trap that
a lot of us veterans fall into, is comparing the
other guy. Oh he has this many whatever's kills or
(27:48):
whatever we want to you know, quantitate with, and it
really is a thief of joy because you know, I
had a lot of dark days. You know, ten years
I went undiagnosed because I was comparing myself to others
and not only you know, him, but other friends that
I had. You know that I had seen a lot
of stuff. It's like, oh, well he's seen this, and
you know, some of those guys aren't here today, unfortunately,
(28:12):
so unfortunately I am here. As you mentioned, I did
make it out. You know, I had reached a point
of suicide. You know, thankfully someone came to my apartment
and checked on me. But again, you know that comparison
and worrying about other people and what they've seen.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
And yeah, well I hated that you got to that point.
I hate it for you. It's hard to imagine. How
do you get there? A lot of pain and a
lot of struggle, a lot of darkness. So hated that
you got there, But I'm super thankful that you're finding
your way. Uh, all right, We've got to take one
more break and we'll be right back with more of
(28:49):
Road to Hope Radio. You know, I need John.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
I think it sounds really dark, but when we talk
about that, you.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
Know, in our websites PTSDUSA dot org.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Not only for our interim housing program that we call
Camp Hope, which is about a six to nine month
long program, faith based, actually christ centered, and peer to
peer is the core of our program at Camp Hope.
There's a lot of other things that go on there.
(29:37):
We have licensed counselors that are veterans c every week,
so there's a lot that's added to it. We have
equine therapy offered, so we try to expose our vets
to a number of different modalities because what helps one
might be different from what helps another. But one of
the cool things about it is all at zero cost
to the veteran to their family, and the only way
(29:59):
that happens is individuals companies both small and large, that
find their way to support the programming at the Foundation
and Camp Hope. We are coming very rapidly to the
conclusion of twenty twenty four. It has been a tough
year on just about everybody I talked to financially, and
it certainly has been at the organization and not here
(30:21):
to cry or you know, beg just tell you it's
as for many of you, it's been a tough year financially.
But if you are in a place where you have
the opportunity to maybe make some type of end of
year donation, we sure would appreciate it if you would
check us out PTSDUSA dot org. And a big shout
(30:42):
out to KBR. They donate to us through their golf
tournament every year, which I think we usually get that
check some time in the spring, but they knew of
the shortcomings this year and they I wrote a second check.
It's just a great, big thank you to to our
friends at KBR for stepping in trying to help us
(31:03):
a little bit here at the end of the year,
if you can step in help. We want to make
sure when the veteran like lou veteran like Tyrone finally
get to the place where they are ready to reach
out for help, we want to make sure there's a
spot for them, and we don't have to tell them
we don't We don't have a place. So your support
is critical of making that happen. Speaking of so, you'd
(31:26):
gone to the VA a few times, you mentioned going
to a couple of rehabs. How did you hear about
Camp Hope.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
My friend who came and checked on me last year,
Joe is his name. Joe had done research and found
Camp Hope. I had spoke to a gentleman, Yes, he's
also a vet. We were friends out at Camp Lajune,
remained friends, you know here. He lives here in Houston,
and he had found Camp Hope. And I had spoke
(31:56):
to a gentleman, Steven, about coming here last last year.
And I had went to another place, a sober living place,
and it was not the solution, obviously, And so I
went ahead and took Joe and Steven's advice and came
to Camp Hope in August.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Okay, I don't know, that's always kind of a it's
a big step. Let's just put it the way. It's
a it's a big step, sometimes an extremely difficult step one,
you know, whether and it's pride no matter how you
look at it, whether it's I don't need that or
I don't deserve that. Either way, that's still pride that's
driving that that kind of a response. But once you
(32:39):
make the decision, there's still got to be some kind
of anxiety. What's you see videos, you can hear other people,
There's still gotta be some anxiety walking into this place
that's new to you and you have no idea who
the people are going to be on the other side
of the table. What was that like for you?
Speaker 3 (32:56):
Well, I'll be honest. One anxiety that I had was
that I thought we'd be living in a squad bay
like boot camp. They told me to bring a change
of PT gears, so I thought we were gonna have
structured PT and everything. So I was a little anxious
about that. And I seen, you know, what we'd be
living in and everything, and it would be, you know,
(33:17):
pretty normal. But the anxiety of not of not accomplishing camp.
Hope would I be accepted by the other veterans. What
would they think of me? What would staff think? Almost
like you're the new kid in school, you know, because
like as you'd mentioned, I had been to rehabs, I
(33:38):
have been to jail, but this is something different. Can
I can I handle six to nine months? You know?
Rehabs are usually thirty to forty five days? Can I,
like I said, can I gut it out? Boot camp
for the Marines is you know, three months. So there
(33:59):
was a lot of anxiety going into it. But you know,
I knew I had support of my family and friends thankfully,
you know, through all of my trials and tribulations, and
I think that was a huge factor in knowing that
I couldn't call them and tell them, yeah, I'm not
going to I decided I'm not going to do this.
(34:19):
And so when there have been days sometimes when I
didn't fill up to the challenge, like I said, they
were kind of my kind of my spirit behind it
that I have.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
To do this.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
So there was some anxiety about that.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Sure, so you're good way into the program. Now, what's uh,
what's something you've learned or something that's changed in your
your mindset? What's what's happening.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
I think one of the biggest things that I've gained
so far is self compassion. I didn't have that prior
to this, and even now it sounds, you know, weird
to that I didn't have compassion for myself, but that
is a part of obviously, PTSD is you know, I
mess everything up. You can't trust me. I'm just gonna
(35:11):
drink anyway. You know, there's everything is such a negative connotation,
and there's so much self loathing behind PTSD, And now
if I make a mistake, that's simply what it is,
as a mistake. You know, even though I have family
and loved ones telling me you can get through this,
I didn't believe I could. And of course the sobriety
(35:32):
aspect of it. Never in my lifetime did I think that.
You know, the other day I got a six month
chip that's resol Thank you, thank you, thank you, gentlemen.
You know that's five months and three weeks longer than
I ever thought I could. But to be able to
accept that I can succeed, which goes along with that
(35:53):
self compassion and the confidence, I think those are things
that I have gained that are invaluable. You talk about
the cost of the place, which is, you know, for
me and Tyrone is nothing. So you do a cost
benefit analysis.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
It's easy.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
But even the benefits, there are benefits that are you
cannot quantify or measure.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
And it's stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
Even just being around new people, I'm not I'm not
looking at the ground. I'm not thinking like, man, they
think I'm crazy. If they only knew this, or if
they only knew that, I wouldn't be ashamed.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
You know.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
I can look people in the eye that I don't know.
Those are some of the things I've gained while I've
been here.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
That's awesome. Everybody getting fed around there.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
Well, I came in about one sixty seven and I'm
at one ninety four.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
The other day at the VA.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
We're taking my hat off before I get on the scale.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
We do commonly call that Camp Hope forty. It just
seems to happen one whether it's either you know, they
weren't eating just at all because of their or even
if they were eating, they weren't eating very well. Did
you put on some weight when you came into camp?
Speaker 5 (37:08):
Oh yes, oh yes, sir, Yeah, I probably could hide
behind this microphone. When I first got there but quickly yes,
and man, I just thank the donors and people that
brung the food, donor meals and served us. You know,
one thing I realized being in the program, and then
(37:28):
now on the staff side of this program, our donors
are number one because there's nothing we could do nothing
without the help, Like we can't do anything without the help,
you know. And so yeah, I just thank them for
getting me fat.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
And this isn't fair, but I only got thirty seconds.
But what what's it like for you to now be
on the other side.
Speaker 5 (37:53):
Like I said before, I think I found my place.
I was telling you on the way here. I always
the thing that I I don't have any degrees or
anything like that, but what I have is the experience
and the mutuality. You know, with my guys. I always
remember how I felt in the when I was in
the program. So some things that are said to me,
(38:14):
some feelings that are conveyed, it allows me to better
have an empathy for them.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
And because you do have the experience, you can do
things that I can never do. You can do things
that doctors therapists can never do because you've been there,
done that, not only in the combat, but in the
rebuilding and repurposing of your life going forward. So kudos
to you man, and God bless you, Lou. Thank you
for sharing some of your story today. Appreciate you joining
us again. Reminder PTSDUSA dot org from your information on
(38:42):
our programming Road to Hope Radio wherever you listen to podcasts,
download and share. Thanks so much, look forward to being
with you again next week for more of Road to
Hope Radio.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
David be
Multiple people in my family, clean my father, are veterans.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Troops that have been to war and now they're back
and think and be grateful for their service.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
Sacrifice, love for their country, just unselfishness, all that they.
Speaker 4 (00:17):
Do for us.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
There are some people in this country who take extraordinary
steps to provide for the freedom and security.
Speaker 4 (00:25):
We forget that those people exist.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
We know them as the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines,
and Coast Guard. They call themselves soldiers, seals, rangers, airmen, sailors, devil.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Dogs, and so much more. We call them fathers.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Brothers, sons and husbands, mothers, daughters, sisters and wives.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
We call them friend and neighbor.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
These veterans answered the call, now we answer Theirs are
the best our country has to offer, and we love them. Today,
we honor them and we serve them. David Malsby is
(01:13):
your host, and he welcomes you to this community of veterans.
As together we are building the road to.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Hope, and indeed we are glad to have you along
on the KPRC the nine to five oh and am
dial here in Houston, Texas. Thank you for joining us
wherever you are listening from, if you are listening through
the magic of podcasts. Thank you so much for doing so.
Wherever you listen to podcasts, just look for Road to
Hope Radio and there we are. Thank a little over
(01:41):
seven years seven and a half coming up a night,
I guess years of show, So big thank you to
those of you who not only listen to that but
also share it. If you just go wherever you listen
to podcasts, Road to Hope Radio, if you'll do us
a huge favor, just hit the subscribe button and it'll
automatically download each and every week once the show is
(02:02):
posted following uh's airing on KPRC. And it's a great
tool for you to share our story, the story of
our veterans that come through our programs, PTSD Foundation of
America and Camp Hope. It's a great way for you
to share that. I well, I'll get into that in
(02:23):
a minute. Big thank you to our sponsors, Jimmy Changa's
Fresh Mex Fun all across the Houston area. While you're
out doing your Christmas shopping, I would strongly encourage you
to stop in get some kso it will cool you down.
It will chill you out from all the hectic nonsense
of Christmas shopping today wherever you are, stop in too,
(02:45):
Jimmy Changa's just enjoy some kso and just chill out
while you're there. Tell them thanks for supporting the PTSD
Foundation of America. Then are awesome friends at a Corey
Diamond and Design ACRI for all those special moments. And hey,
Chris is here, Uh, but Billy and Connie is still
gonna take great care of you two eight one four
(03:06):
eight two forty seven fifty five. Doesn't matter where you are,
give them a call, They're gonna take great care of you.
You're going to support a small business that supports our veterans.
Cory Diamond and Design. Then for all those moments. Oopsteam
dot com Oops Steam dot com two eight one a
two two zero five six one. Look, they do more
(03:28):
than just cleaning your floors. They clean all kinds of
upholstery year air vins in your home. The dryer. Events
have had them do all that stuff at our house.
We keep him on speed dial. So Oops Steam dot
com Again. If you're gonna have somebody come into your home,
you want to make sure it's somebody you can trust.
And hey, if you're going to do business with somebody,
do business with somebody that shares your values, supports our
(03:51):
veterans oopsteam dot com. All right, was gonna mention this
past week I spoke to a group and by the way,
big thanks to all Rotary clubs, Lions clubs. This happened
to be the Exchange Club of Sugarland that I spoke
(04:12):
to Wednesday morning. A fantastic group of people, just wonderful people.
They had the opportunity to kind of share what we
do at the PTSD Foundation of America, what's going on
in our veteran community, the cause of suicides and what
we're trying to do about it, and how they can
be a part. One of the individuals and a Q
(04:33):
and A. I always try to save a few minutes
at the end for Q and A time on the
individuals took up a good part of the out of
the Q and A time telling the story of a
veteran that he knew of who as he described it,
had PTSD after his first kill in combat. At the
(04:56):
moment of the kill, he described it as and the
Marine Corps, I think a hrah kind of a moment.
They were excited they had done their job, saved the
life of the guy. To the left and the right.
But when he hit the rack that night, it hit
him because between that first kill and hitting the rack
(05:20):
that night, he had the opportunity to skype home see
his wife and his children on Skype while he was deployed.
When he hit the rack that night, it all came
crashing down and with a massive thud. He realized that
(05:40):
he did his job, but that was that was a
human being whose life he had taken, and it weighed
heavy on him for years. Most of his friends didn't
pay much attention to the fact that he had just
turned to a lot of alcohol to try to just
(06:01):
kind of deal with it. But their description was he
seemed fine other than the excessive use of alcohol. They
felt like he was doing his job as a father,
as a husband, had a job income, functioning, but clearly
(06:26):
carrying a heavyweight. And as this gentleman described this veteran,
he said, just one day, it just apparently, just in
a moment, became too much and he became the dark
statistic that we say we lose up to forty four
(06:46):
veterans every single day to their own hands. That's a
combination of suicide, addiction, whichever it is, it is a
loss that was preventable. And that's a story that we
hear often. So I want to ask everyone if you
would if you don't have this in your phone already,
I want you to ask you to get your phone out,
(07:08):
put this phone number in it, just real quickly. A
combat vet will answer the phone. So this is a
phone number that you can share with veterans, families of veterans.
You come across someone that you see is struggling, homeless veteran,
you can hit this number. Say hand the phone to
that veteran. Say whoever answers the phone is going to
(07:29):
be a combat vet. Eight seven seven seven one seven
seventy eight seventy three. Eight seven seven seven one seven
seventy eight seventy three. It could help save a life.
Eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy three.
We're going to take a quick break and we'll be
right back with more of Road to Hope Radio. Who
(07:50):
drops the crowd and play around baby, it's the guitar
man and were welcoming back to Road to Hope Radio.
David Malsby along with a couple of guys from our program.
(08:13):
One a graduate of our program and was on with us.
Not too long ago. I'm terrible at time. How long
ago was it you were I started working for the
no I mean on the show. Oh, on the show.
I was there here about uh two months ago? Okay, probably,
I thought it was fairly recent. You were MI T
(08:34):
Minatory and training at the time. Yes, you have just
graduated full blown staff member. Well, I graduated and graduated
from the MI I T program. Oh, just graduate from
I yeah. Yeah, so you're a full blown mentor. I am. Yes,
I'm not a boot anymore. Now you're the new guy.
It's always got to have a new guy. Like the
new guy anyway, you want to reintroduce yourself to the world.
(08:57):
I am Tyrone Brown and started out.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
I went to the PTSD Foundations program, Camp Hope back
in October of twenty two. I graduated from there. I
worked at an agency outside of the Foundation, and I
always felt like I was out of place. I felt
like I found the thing that I wanted to do,
but I didn't find the place. So while in September,
(09:21):
I got a call to for an open position at
Camp Hope, and I immediately put in my two week
notice And here.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I am, And where are you from?
Speaker 5 (09:29):
Originally I am from Fort Wayne, Indiana, by way of Atlanta, Georgia.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Okay, we've got a couple of Yankees, and I'm sure
neither one of you want to claim that, but I'm
gonna it's north of the It's north of the North
Houston Harris county line, so we can include a Montgomery county,
but beyond that it gets a little too Yankee for
so branching where you deployed, I am was in the
(09:56):
US Army. I've deployed in Somalia in nineteen ninety three.
All right, congratulations again, thank and happy for you. Very
glad that you're a part of what we're doing. And
one of our residents of the program. Want to introduce yourself,
by the way, that cap choice today is just embarrassing,
but we'll take up an offering someday and see if
(10:16):
we can get you a better cap. Well.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
I will collect any funds that you give me.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
We're not giving you cash, We're going to give you
action with the Astro's logo on it.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Yes, my name is Lucian Fosdik, I go by Lou.
I have been a resident at Camp Hope since August
first here of this year. I'll be transitioning to yellow
face hopefully at which is the second or the third
phase here at Camp Hope, hopefully at the beginning of January,
and kind of take it from there.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
And where were you from?
Speaker 3 (10:51):
I lived here in Houston the last couple of years,
but I'm from North Platte, Nebraska.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
All right, all right? What brought you to Houston?
Speaker 3 (10:59):
I moved here in twenty twelve for a job, stayed
here until about twenty eighteen, moved back to Nebraska to
help take care of my grandfather he had passed away,
and I moved back down here in two thousand and
twenty two for another job.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Okay, and branch. And where you deployed?
Speaker 3 (11:20):
United States Marine Corps deployed to Iraq fall of five
to spring of six, and then spring of seven to
fall of o seven.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
All right, so unch to take it twice, Yes, sir,
liked it so much, like, let's go back and do
it some more.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
So, uh, North Platte, Nebraska. You joined the Corps? Did
you join right out of high school?
Speaker 3 (11:45):
I did not. I actually joined the Marine Corps when
I was twenty two. I turned twenty three in boot camp.
I had kind of been in trouble before went to college,
got an associate's degree. I actually was supposed to join
the Army, but I had gotten in trouble again, so
(12:05):
the Army was off limits. Went ahead and got done
with probation. The other the Air Force, the Navy, and
the Army basically told me I was a no go,
and the Marine Corps told me stay out of trouble
for forty five days. So I actually went in the
Marine Corps on a felony waiver, one of about five
(12:25):
hundred of that year. So I kind of went in
on the skin of my teeth, Like I said, turn
twenty three in boot camp, and it turned out, you
know pretty good what y're you join up two thousand
and three. I started boot camp July twenty eight to
two thousand and three at MCRD in San Diego.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
So if you join three, you probably had at least
understood you had a pretty good chance you were going
to get deployed.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Yes, I do remember the invasion in March, watching it
on TV. You know, I had started paperwork and stuff
to go to the Marines, you know, but it was
a lenkedy process with the paperwrecking. As I had mentioned,
I was going in on a waiver, so I kind
of had a pretty good idea, like you said, of
what was going to transpire.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Yeah, Tyron, I often wonder about this. We talk about
you go to you know, public events, and sometimes they'll
recognize veterans by the era of war. And of course
there aren't a lot of World War two vet's still alive,
(13:36):
but questions still asked. It's rare that there's one there,
Korean War, Vietnam. Hardly everyone says anything about Somalia? Yes,
Is that ever weigh on you? Is it ever? Does
it mean anything? Do you matter in any way, shape
or form?
Speaker 5 (13:52):
No, it doesn't. Personally for me, it does not. I Uh,
when when I got out of the military, I didn't
too much put in stock in that I was a
VET and what I had done. But this is what
I realized. I realized because of the trauma or the
(14:14):
way and the way that I felt about myself, like
it didn't matter anyway. If someone was to say praise
me for going to Somalia, my mindset, my my my
attitude towards myself would not have allowed me to even
celebrate that because I was already depressed and isolating and
(14:35):
all of that, so you know, it didn't bother me
at all today when someone does when I tell them tomorrow,
and I rarely meet people who have been there at
the same time, I am I'm the soldiers. I am proud,
you know, Yes, sir, Yes, sir, I am proud. And
the and the the thing about it is, it's just
like God says, like, I am proud that I did
(14:57):
something the world doesn't have to know in the The
reason why I'm proud now is because now I love myself.
Now I know who I am, So it doesn't matter
that I don't have the sign over my head that
says I served in Somalia, because I know what I
did and that's good and well enough for me.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Sure. So Sama, yea, that was a while back, Yes, sir,
there was a large gap between your time in combat
and coming to Camp Hope. Yes, remind me what was
it that finally was the moment like I got to
do something, I got to get some help.
Speaker 5 (15:34):
I had to spend thirty plus years on this revolving
cycle of drugs, relapse, jail, prison, homelessness, drugs, relapse, jail, prison,
thirty plus years. I went to the VA because I
was ready to end it just didn't have the courage.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
To do it.
Speaker 5 (15:53):
So I went to the VA and they told me
about this place in Houston called the PTSD Foundation and
Camp Hope. And I was telling my wife that they
want to send me to Houston, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
And I'm not going to Texas.
Speaker 5 (16:15):
And I was telling my wife, I'm not going to Texas.
But my wife said something to me that really was profound.
I had told her a time ago that I couldn't
get cleaned back home. I couldn't get out of my
emotional state back home. Too many things. I seen too
many other things after the military. And when I said,
(16:36):
you think I should go to Houston, and she says, well,
you already said it. You can't do it here, And
I said, okay, I'm going.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
When did you get here in twenty two? I got
here in March of twenty two, okay, and you graduated October.
So you moved along pretty good program, yes, sir, Now
it was tough, now, yeah, doubt that. Yeah, I was.
Speaker 5 (17:01):
Dealing with myself, you know what I'm saying. I was
dealing with me, you know what I mean. And that's
what I learned. I when I got there. You know,
of course everything was wrong and I wanted to leave
and I don't want to be there and this is
not the place for me and it's not gonna work.
But you know, my wife quickly informed me that I
was trying to drink out of a cup that I
hadn't poured anything into.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
There, you go, I didn't put any work into it,
you know. Yeah, And I was worried about everything else
but myself. You know what I mean. I still had
that issue of nothing is my fault. She needs to
be here, She needs to be hailed for being a
fantastic wife. Or PTSD USA dot or post Traumatic Stress
Disorder PTSD usa dot org for information on all of
(17:46):
her programs, which are at no cost to our veteran
her family. To take a quick break, me right back
more of road to Hoope Radio.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
There's talk on the streets.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
So Tyn, I'm going to jump right in here. I
don't know your story, but I'm gonna ask a couple
of questions. And I don't don't know your story, so
I have no idea what trans is gonna be is
whatever it is, it is. While you were deployed, you
(18:20):
lose any fellow Marines in combat.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
I'm sorry, lou No, I did not not at that time.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Okay, since coming home, have you lost any yes? Yes, okay.
Either of you have a guess or happen to know
how many vets we have lost Iraq and Afghanistan bets
(18:50):
have lost to suicide.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
I do not, unfortunately not either.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
So let's let's go back and I'm gonna lay little work.
VA didn't start actually tracking suicides. I think it tells
about two thousand and one when they started tracking it.
So it's almost impossible to get any kind of accuracy
on the suicide rate amongst our Vietnam veterans. But when
(19:21):
I was trying to find that this was twenty fifteen sixteen,
looking at different reports and different studies, different organizations that
were particularly serving Vietnam vets, it became pretty evident at
that time again twenty fifteen, twenty sixteen, somewhere in that area,
that we had lost north of two hundred and fifty
(19:43):
thousand Vietnam vets to their own hands since the conclusion
of the Vietnam War. Now, we lost fifty eight thousand
in combat, so roughly that's four to one for everyone
killed in combat. There were four who whose lives were
taken after coming home. That was five decades, okay, five
(20:09):
decades to get to that kind of number. Global war
and terrorism, which you served in lou we lost about
seventy two hundred in combat between Iraq and Afghanistan. And that's,
you know, twenty ish twenty one, twenty two years of
war in both Iraq and Afghanistan, about seventy two hundred.
(20:32):
Back in twenty nineteen, I believe it was a report
came out that we had lost more than thirty two
thousand vets who served in Iraq and Afghanistan. We'd lost
more than thirty two thousand vets to their own hands
after coming home. And we were still in Afghanistan at
(20:55):
the time, obviously, so the war hadn't even concluded and
we were already at the for everyone killed in combat,
we had lost four coming home. And I share that
because your story is not unique, maybe a little bit unique.
And usually when I asked that question the first question,
guys will say, yeah, I lost one or two some
(21:15):
guys in my unit. Some of them they knew very closely,
some of them they didn't know that closely, but they
lost one or two or five, you know, whatever the
number was, but every single time it was multiples of
that since coming home. And that's the issue. That's one
of the main drivers of why our organization has to exist.
(21:40):
And that's not the only statistic. There are hundreds of others.
So you talked about your time of the whole cycle,
which included incarceration, right, So the legal issues is one
of the other dark statistics. Divorce, all kinds of negative results,
(22:02):
coming home, and self medicating, which is what you were doing. Uh, Lou,
was that part of your story? Self medicating? That is
also okay, what we don't need to get into the
you know what you were necessarily doing in those two tours,
but something happened. Uh, just being there would be enough,
(22:24):
just being around that. But something was keeping you awake
at night or causing the hypervigilance. What was that that
was weighing on you, that was keeping you awake at
night or causing you to do whatever your your symptoms were.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
Well, I think you know, the obvious answer is PTSD.
But some of the things that you know, like you
had mentioned the hypervigilance, the isolation, just not able to sleep,
what was it? You know, nightmares? Just take For example,
one weird nightmare that I would have over and over
(23:02):
was that I would you know, I personally didn't go
door to door, but I would have this nightmare of
going door to door and an infidel would pop around
the corner and I would pull my rifle up and
my gun would jim And to me, it was such
a mystery because that was not my personal experience. But
I had that recurring nightmare over and over again, and
(23:25):
I don't know, you know, even to this day, you know,
that nightmare has ceased quite a bit, But I don't
know how my brain made that correlation other than what
we experienced in training. But you know, I don't know,
you know, so stuff like that. So those were you
know obviously you know, being in a loud setting, being
(23:47):
in you know, my wife, my ex wife, I'm sorry,
was a bartender. I never really went out to the
bars because it was that whole, you know, stereotype of
watching people and you know, keeping your back, you know,
away from the door, and you know, those kinds of things.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
I was.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
I called myself a homebody, but you know, now as
I look back in hindsight, it was more than being
a homebody, you know, a homebody does things at home,
mows the yard, fixes stuff up around the house. You know,
I had, you know, at the time, what I called
a man cave. Now I realize it was just an isolation,
(24:31):
an isolation place. I did everything up there, my homework,
watch TV. Even if it was a show. You know,
my ex wife I had a stepdaughter at the time.
There's a show they were watching, I would watch it upstairs.
Isolation was such a big thing. And you know, at
that time, in O seven, PTSD was only as a diagnosis,
(24:53):
was only twenty seven years old. So even as the
VA I had a caseworker, she never really mentioned PTSD.
A lot of it was the alcoholism. And then in
two thousand and twelve, I believe I did go to rehab,
and even then there wasn't much talk of PTSD. And
(25:14):
I have again since been in rehab and PTSD is
a very very live topic and it is something that's
discussed very freely. But you know, as I said, there's
a diagnosis thirty years old. It was not something that
was brought up very often. It was just he likes
to sit in his room and drink. It was not
(25:35):
the isolation and whatnot.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Sure, but So you bring up a couple of points
that are I think are critical. One in the isolation,
and that is one of the number one symptoms that
when someone gets to that place where they are isolating
while they're self medicating, that's kind of last step before
(26:03):
whether it's suicidal ideation or an actual attempt. Isolation is
one of those symptoms. When you see it, somebody really
hopefully is aware of it and does everything that can
to step in because that's a very very dangerous place
to be and I know some can exist in that
(26:24):
for a while that becomes their new normal, but it
is a very dangerous spot to be in, and certainly
thankful that you found a way out of that. So
you mentioned going to the VA. When did they diagnose
you or did they ever diagnose you?
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Yes, I was finally diagnosed with PTSD in two thousand
and eighteen. Right around that time. Another experience that I
had was one of my best friends was an army
ranger for like eighteen and a half years, and I
would compare my experiences to his because he would tell me,
(27:06):
you have PTSD, you need to get some help, you
need to go talk to someone you know, And in
my mindset, I haven't seen what he has seen. I
don't have PTSD, and you know that cost me. You know,
there's that saying comparison is the greatest thief of joy.
You know, me comparing what the other guy had kept
(27:27):
me from getting help and really acknowledging that I was
not normal. You know, I would experience a lot of
the things that he would experience, but I didn't do
what he did. And I think that's a trap that
a lot of us veterans fall into, is comparing the
other guy. Oh he has this many whatever's kills or
(27:48):
whatever we want to you know, quantitate with, and it
really is a thief of joy because you know, I
had a lot of dark days. You know, ten years
I went undiagnosed because I was comparing myself to others
and not only you know, him, but other friends that
I had. You know that I had seen a lot
of stuff. It's like, oh, well he's seen this, and
you know, some of those guys aren't here today, unfortunately,
(28:12):
so unfortunately I am here. As you mentioned, I did
make it out. You know, I had reached a point
of suicide. You know, thankfully someone came to my apartment
and checked on me. But again, you know that comparison
and worrying about other people and what they've seen.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
And yeah, well I hated that you got to that point.
I hate it for you. It's hard to imagine. How
do you get there? A lot of pain and a
lot of struggle, a lot of darkness. So hated that
you got there, But I'm super thankful that you're finding
your way. Uh, all right, We've got to take one
more break and we'll be right back with more of
(28:49):
Road to Hope Radio. You know, I need John.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
I think it sounds really dark, but when we talk
about that, you.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
Know, in our websites PTSDUSA dot org.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Not only for our interim housing program that we call
Camp Hope, which is about a six to nine month
long program, faith based, actually christ centered, and peer to
peer is the core of our program at Camp Hope.
There's a lot of other things that go on there.
(29:37):
We have licensed counselors that are veterans c every week,
so there's a lot that's added to it. We have
equine therapy offered, so we try to expose our vets
to a number of different modalities because what helps one
might be different from what helps another. But one of
the cool things about it is all at zero cost
to the veteran to their family, and the only way
(29:59):
that happens is individuals companies both small and large, that
find their way to support the programming at the Foundation
and Camp Hope. We are coming very rapidly to the
conclusion of twenty twenty four. It has been a tough
year on just about everybody I talked to financially, and
it certainly has been at the organization and not here
(30:21):
to cry or you know, beg just tell you it's
as for many of you, it's been a tough year financially.
But if you are in a place where you have
the opportunity to maybe make some type of end of
year donation, we sure would appreciate it if you would
check us out PTSDUSA dot org. And a big shout
(30:42):
out to KBR. They donate to us through their golf
tournament every year, which I think we usually get that
check some time in the spring, but they knew of
the shortcomings this year and they I wrote a second check.
It's just a great, big thank you to to our
friends at KBR for stepping in trying to help us
(31:03):
a little bit here at the end of the year,
if you can step in help. We want to make
sure when the veteran like lou veteran like Tyrone finally
get to the place where they are ready to reach
out for help, we want to make sure there's a
spot for them, and we don't have to tell them
we don't We don't have a place. So your support
is critical of making that happen. Speaking of so, you'd
(31:26):
gone to the VA a few times, you mentioned going
to a couple of rehabs. How did you hear about
Camp Hope.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
My friend who came and checked on me last year,
Joe is his name. Joe had done research and found
Camp Hope. I had spoke to a gentleman, Yes, he's
also a vet. We were friends out at Camp Lajune,
remained friends, you know here. He lives here in Houston,
and he had found Camp Hope. And I had spoke
(31:56):
to a gentleman, Steven, about coming here last last year.
And I had went to another place, a sober living place,
and it was not the solution, obviously, And so I
went ahead and took Joe and Steven's advice and came
to Camp Hope in August.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Okay, I don't know, that's always kind of a it's
a big step. Let's just put it the way. It's
a it's a big step, sometimes an extremely difficult step one,
you know, whether and it's pride no matter how you
look at it, whether it's I don't need that or
I don't deserve that. Either way, that's still pride that's
driving that that kind of a response. But once you
(32:39):
make the decision, there's still got to be some kind
of anxiety. What's you see videos, you can hear other people,
There's still gotta be some anxiety walking into this place
that's new to you and you have no idea who
the people are going to be on the other side
of the table. What was that like for you?
Speaker 3 (32:56):
Well, I'll be honest. One anxiety that I had was
that I thought we'd be living in a squad bay
like boot camp. They told me to bring a change
of PT gears, so I thought we were gonna have
structured PT and everything. So I was a little anxious
about that. And I seen, you know, what we'd be
living in and everything, and it would be, you know,
(33:17):
pretty normal. But the anxiety of not of not accomplishing camp.
Hope would I be accepted by the other veterans. What
would they think of me? What would staff think? Almost
like you're the new kid in school, you know, because
like as you'd mentioned, I had been to rehabs, I
(33:38):
have been to jail, but this is something different. Can
I can I handle six to nine months? You know?
Rehabs are usually thirty to forty five days? Can I,
like I said, can I gut it out? Boot camp
for the Marines is you know, three months. So there
(33:59):
was a lot of anxiety going into it. But you know,
I knew I had support of my family and friends thankfully,
you know, through all of my trials and tribulations, and
I think that was a huge factor in knowing that
I couldn't call them and tell them, yeah, I'm not
going to I decided I'm not going to do this.
(34:19):
And so when there have been days sometimes when I
didn't fill up to the challenge, like I said, they
were kind of my kind of my spirit behind it
that I have.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
To do this.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
So there was some anxiety about that.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Sure, so you're good way into the program. Now, what's uh,
what's something you've learned or something that's changed in your
your mindset? What's what's happening.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
I think one of the biggest things that I've gained
so far is self compassion. I didn't have that prior
to this, and even now it sounds, you know, weird
to that I didn't have compassion for myself, but that
is a part of obviously, PTSD is you know, I
mess everything up. You can't trust me. I'm just gonna
(35:11):
drink anyway. You know, there's everything is such a negative connotation,
and there's so much self loathing behind PTSD, And now
if I make a mistake, that's simply what it is,
as a mistake. You know, even though I have family
and loved ones telling me you can get through this,
I didn't believe I could. And of course the sobriety
(35:32):
aspect of it. Never in my lifetime did I think that.
You know, the other day I got a six month
chip that's resol Thank you, thank you, thank you, gentlemen.
You know that's five months and three weeks longer than
I ever thought I could. But to be able to
accept that I can succeed, which goes along with that
(35:53):
self compassion and the confidence, I think those are things
that I have gained that are invaluable. You talk about
the cost of the place, which is, you know, for
me and Tyrone is nothing. So you do a cost
benefit analysis.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
It's easy.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
But even the benefits, there are benefits that are you
cannot quantify or measure.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
And it's stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
Even just being around new people, I'm not I'm not
looking at the ground. I'm not thinking like, man, they
think I'm crazy. If they only knew this, or if
they only knew that, I wouldn't be ashamed.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
You know.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
I can look people in the eye that I don't know.
Those are some of the things I've gained while I've
been here.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
That's awesome. Everybody getting fed around there.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
Well, I came in about one sixty seven and I'm
at one ninety four.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
The other day at the VA.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
We're taking my hat off before I get on the scale.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
We do commonly call that Camp Hope forty. It just
seems to happen one whether it's either you know, they
weren't eating just at all because of their or even
if they were eating, they weren't eating very well. Did
you put on some weight when you came into camp?
Speaker 5 (37:08):
Oh yes, oh yes, sir, Yeah, I probably could hide
behind this microphone. When I first got there but quickly yes,
and man, I just thank the donors and people that
brung the food, donor meals and served us. You know,
one thing I realized being in the program, and then
(37:28):
now on the staff side of this program, our donors
are number one because there's nothing we could do nothing
without the help, Like we can't do anything without the help,
you know. And so yeah, I just thank them for
getting me fat.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
And this isn't fair, but I only got thirty seconds.
But what what's it like for you to now be
on the other side.
Speaker 5 (37:53):
Like I said before, I think I found my place.
I was telling you on the way here. I always
the thing that I I don't have any degrees or
anything like that, but what I have is the experience
and the mutuality. You know, with my guys. I always
remember how I felt in the when I was in
the program. So some things that are said to me,
(38:14):
some feelings that are conveyed, it allows me to better
have an empathy for them.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
And because you do have the experience, you can do
things that I can never do. You can do things
that doctors therapists can never do because you've been there,
done that, not only in the combat, but in the
rebuilding and repurposing of your life going forward. So kudos
to you man, and God bless you, Lou. Thank you
for sharing some of your story today. Appreciate you joining
us again. Reminder PTSDUSA dot org from your information on
(38:42):
our programming Road to Hope Radio wherever you listen to podcasts,
download and share. Thanks so much, look forward to being
with you again next week for more of Road to
Hope Radio.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
David be
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!