Absolute Power

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Newton Group Transfer. They are here to help you if
you're stuck in a timeshare. These stories from people who
have these time shares and can't get out of them.
They're shocking. These time share companies, not all of them,
but so many. They get their hooks into you and
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(00:20):
or they'll they'll do things like they charge you thousands
of dollars. One girl she got past her time share
when her mother passed away. She gets passed the timeshar,
doesn't want the time shar, doesn't use the time share.
They tell her she can get out of it for
four thousand dollars. She has to come up with a
four thousand dollars check. This is not right, it's unjust

(00:41):
in Newton Group Transfers is here to help you. If
you are in a timeshare and one out or knows
someone who is, call eight eight eight eight four five
three seven seven three that's eight eight eight eight four
Jesse or go to timeshare Jesse dot com Newton Group Transfer.
They will help you out. This is a Jesse Kelly show.

(01:24):
It's going to be such a good day. It isn't
ask doctor Jesse Friday on the Jesse Kelly Show, and man,
you people are insane and it's awesome. I have to
answer questions today about how the national divorce works. Some

(01:47):
lady secretly has a lot of cash her husband doesn't
know about why I don't want to write a book.
We have unicorns fighting dragons. It is. It's an insane
ask doctor Jesse Friday. Don't raise your hands at me, Chris.

(02:08):
I didn't come up with the questions. This is up
to the people. This is up to the people. It's
my job as the showgun to lead people through what
has been a long week. It's just dragon on sometimes.
Now this is see this is what happens during when

(02:28):
you get a Democrat elected, especially now with these crazy Democrats.
It's not like the Bill Clinton years where you gonna
have it a bunch of stuff you disagree with them on,
but there's gonna be some things that aren't that bad
in a minor disagreement. Now, because they're all communists, everything sucks.
All the political news is terrible, and so I'm combing

(02:51):
through it with you. I see your emails, I hear you.
I'm going through it with you, and every day it's
just something awful it makes ask doctor Jess Friday that
much more important. We just we're not carrying a heavy
load today. I'll be honest for the first time ever
on the show. My history story, while interesting, is completely light.

(03:15):
There's not even any death. It's just going to be
kind of a wild goofball story from history. And then
we're gonna get to your eighteen trillion questions and you
can still call it live during the show if you want.
By the way, eight seven seven three seven seven four
three seven three Jesse at Jesse Kelly show dot com.

(03:36):
Let's rewind and get to the history because this is
I don't know. The story is so insane. I thought
when I first heard about it that it wasn't real. Chris,
do you know what an emu is? Yeah? An emu

(03:57):
is a hideous looking flightless bird. It is six feet tall,
over one hundred pounds. If you're if you're not driving,
this is the portion where I tell you to look
it up so you can picture it. But if you can't,
or if you're driving doing something, just no long but long,

(04:17):
skinny but powerful legs, certainly some feet. You wouldn't want
to be underneath a big fluffball body. Remember this is
a flightless bird, but a big body, a face that
is absolutely horrific. You would you do an image search

(04:38):
of the EMU and you get the face on one.
You know, you're looking at eye to eye. That should
be in a horror movie. It's looking into my soul.
I'm lucky. I didn't have nightmares last night. But I
don't really have nightmares. Christy have nightmares. I don't have
many of them. You know, one of the weird ones
I get all the you know what, I'm not gonna
do that right now. I'm gonna finish my EMU story

(05:00):
before I get to my nightmare. I have this weird
one that I get now and then. But all right,
it's huge. It's also Australia's national bird, so it's like,
I mean, it's it's there. I'm not Australian, so I
don't know if it's as important to them, but it's
their bald eagle. It's there that. Now let's rewind a

(05:21):
bit back to World War One. World War One was
obviously wretched, wretched, and remember this because it comes into play,
I mean kind of in our story here. I'm not
going to go into any death today, Like I said,
but guys were heading off to World War One, and

(05:44):
the Australians, to their credit in World War One and
World War Two, fight like lions. Australians are beasts. I
know several people today in the Special Operations community who
will tell you the Australian SAS, which is obviously modeled
off the British says like their navy seals are some
of the baddest dudes on the planet. They are bad dudes. Yes,

(06:08):
that's right, Chris. We're gonna get to that in a moment.
Everything over there is trying to kill you. But they
they went off and acquitted themselves very well in World
War One. But remember World War One was horrific for
a laundry list of reasons, but one of the main
ones was you're going off to war as a young
man with an idea of combat that is cavalry charges

(06:31):
with swords and things like that. That was glory for
the Queen something like that, and you're just finding out
wars not like that anymore. It's bombs and gas, in misery,
in rats and trench foot It just it's terrible. Guys
came back from World War One wrecked and understandably like

(06:56):
most countries. Australia values it's veterans, appreciates its veterans. You
see it all the time in America. That's not unique
to America. People appreciate the ones who went and fought
for them, and they had to figure out something to
do with the veterans when they came back home. Because
these guys come back home. And as somebody who has

(07:19):
on a very very very low level, we're not talking
World War One, I can't function in society anymore. But
as someone who has dealt with getting out and not
really fitting in society anymore, at least temporarily, I know
what it's like, at least a little bit. But these
World War two guys were on a different level. You
get back, you know what I've told you this story before.

(07:42):
He's just a brief little one about me. I got
back and got I got back from my rack out
of the Marine Corps pretty much right away, start working,
just doing construction, going to community college, and I would
sit in the back with my hat pulled way down though,
just baseball cap pulled down though, so no one would
talk to me. And it's Arizona, so there's even dimes

(08:05):
all over the class and I'm a single dude. At
the time, I didn't even want to talk to girls.
I just really wanted to be left alone. And I
would find myself. I know this is a little frank,
but look, it's me. I would find myself daydreaming about
one of two things. Often, somebody, one of the dudes
in the class would do something that I would find
vaguely annoying, and I would think about dragging him outside

(08:26):
and beating the absolute living crap out of him. And
I would have these recurring daydreams that the government would
hire me to go around the country and kill pedophiles.
That is not a healthy place to be. That is
not a good place to be. Thankfully I came out
of it. But that's a small idea of what you
go through. Now, take a World War One veteran who

(08:46):
went through way worse stuff than I ever went through.
These guys come back and they don't fit. They don't
fit oftentimes with their own families, which is heartbreaking. But
you come back home to whatever your job was, and
I mean, your parents don't recognize your buddies, don't recognize you.
Your high school sweetheart she thinks you're a monster now
and that only makes you isolate more. They've got to

(09:08):
figure out how to take care of these guys. And
we need to pause for a moment and describe Australia
as best as I can describe describe it without ever
having been there. Australia is one gigantic. It is huge.
You look at it as an island in a big island,

(09:31):
but it is like the size of the continental United
States of America. It's enormous. The coasts on both sides
are pretty, they're they're nice. They're very nice. You've got
trees and everything else, you know, and whatnot. They're very nice.
And that's where almost everyone in the country lives. The

(09:53):
middle of it not so much barren wasteland of deserts
and desert mountains, and it's horrible and I'm in horrible.
That's the bush. That's the Australian outback. The veterans come
back and they are given some land. Yeah, the government

(10:15):
wants to help these veterans out. These guys need a
place back in society. And the government says, hey, we'll
cut you deal. You get back from the war, We'll
start finding plots of ground to give you. And you know,
you get something out of it, and we get something
out of it. What's that something they're gonna get out
of it? Well, I'll tell you in a moment. Hang

(10:55):
is he smarter than everyone who knows? Does he think so? Yeah?
That Jesse Kelly Shaw. I have a nice little tradition
now in my house. Here's what it is. Go home
from work, see the wife, see the kids, mess around
and get ready for my show the next day, sit

(11:16):
down for dinner. And now my kids make fun of
me for this. I have two Superbeats heart shoes sitting
right next to my glass. I usually have a glass
of water with dinner finish up, and that's my dessert
every single night. They taste delicious, they're all natural. They're
outstanding for my heart and my blood pressure. It is

(11:41):
the ultimate replacement for your evening dessert. They do not
taste like Beats, and I'm trying not to lecture you.
It's such an easy step to take care of your heart.
It's insane if you don't do it. Go to get
Superbeats dot com slash Jesse. That's get Superbeats dot com

(12:02):
slash Jesse by two bags, get the third for free.
Some lady has more money than her husband knows about.

(12:25):
Apparently a lot, and they've been married a long time.
We're going to address that and then ask doctor Jesse Friday.
There's an ancient battle we have to put together. Someone
wants to know why British accents sounds so hot. I'll
try not to burst your bubble on the accents. But

(12:47):
we'll discuss that here in a few At first, let's
get let's get past as quickly as possible. The EMU
War veterans World War One veterans coming back to Australia.
Australian government saying, hey, we're gonna help you out. We're
gonna give you some land by the way eight seven
seven three seven seven four three seven three Jesse at

(13:11):
Jesse Kelly show dot com. But the government wanted something
out of the land. Remember, wars are taxing on nations too,
taxing economically, taxing on resources. It's just very tough. The
government needed more food. The government wanted these veterans to
come back home and grow wheat. They wanted them to

(13:34):
come back home and grow weeds so badly they offered
to pay them an extremely generous amount of money, frankly
more than market value for whatever wheat they produced. So, yeah,
they were trying to do the right thing. Come here,
here's some land. Go ahead, learn how to farm, become
a farmer. Get me some wheat. Will pay you more

(13:55):
than you deserve for that week. That's what they told them,
and they gave them a that amount. I'm not going
to go into the amounts because then you're dealing with
foreign currencies and everybody's eyes glaze over and no one
knows what you're talking about. I don't know if they
were shekels or not, Chris, but we're not going in
it what anyway. The good land, though, goes very early,

(14:18):
and the war doesn't end in a month. You remember,
they start handing out land nineteen fourteen, nineteen fifteen. Veterans
start coming back home, some of them wounded, some of
them just finished with their combat tour. They're getting this
land and it's going well, but you still have veterans
coming home in nineteen sixteen, in nineteen seventeen, and the

(14:40):
good land is gone, and now you're starting to stick.
Some of these veterans coming back and some of the
crappy land nobody even wants to live on. Look today,
nobody wants to live on most of this stuff. It's
that bad there. I mean, there are some severely, severely
remote parts of Australia. And let's pause there for just
a second. Australia is obviously, I'm guessing, thankfully I've never

(15:06):
been there, and Lord Willing will not ever go. I'm
guessing it's what hell looks like. Now. I understand. It's
a beautiful and honestly, the people are great, but the
animals on top of the environment, the environment itself can
murder you. There. It is a horrible, dangerous desert. The animals.
If you look up, look up? You know what, Chris,

(15:27):
do this while I'm talking, while I'm discussing everything else.
Look up the ten deadliest snakes in the world the
last time I looked. And you always get different versions
of what is deadliest. It's like eight or nine of
the ten are in Australia. You have the dingos in Australia.
You have saltwater crocodiles in Australia, the largest reptile in

(15:48):
the world by a large margin. You have bullet ants.
Do you know why they call them bullet ants because
it feels like you've been shot if you get stung
by one they have. And I will caution you if
you're planning on sleeping within the next month, don't look

(16:10):
up a picture or a YouTube video of this thing
in operation, the Sydney Funnel web spider. Oh my goodness,
it is this gigantic. I have huge hands because I'm
six eight. They're bigger than my hand. They have fangs
that are the size of my fingers, and you should

(16:31):
see how big my fingers are. They just they look
it looks like something prehistoric. And they're under the ground
with just what it sounds like, this web that they
create in a ditch. And that's just horrible. And that's
just a couple of the things on land. We haven't
even gotten to the water. And you know what, when
we get to the water, imagine this. Imagine a water

(16:54):
environment so horrific that a great white shark barely cracks
the top ten on things. You're scared of there. And
they have huge great white sharks, they have bull sharks.
They attack more people than anything else in the world.
They have the deadliest thing there. It's called the box jellyfish. Jellyfish. Also,
notice the sea wasp. You will die within two minutes

(17:16):
of brushing up against it. And oh, by the way,
you can hardly see it at all. Yeah, it's yeah,
schrits is holding up. It's like microscopic. They're tiny and
they can get huge. By the way of it, they're tiny.
They have a deadly octopus, a blue ring octopus, which
are gorgeous if you see them. They're really cool looking.
They have a deadly like snail. They have and this

(17:39):
might be the one that scares me the most. They
have something called the stone fish there. The stonefish is something. Oh,
of course it's It nestles its way into the sand,
so you, of course can't see it if you step
on one, and people do. Here's two things that happen

(18:01):
often for people who step on stonefish. The pain is
so bad. It's not that it's the poison. Obviously the
poison causes the pain. But the pain is so bad
your body can't function anymore and you will go into
shock and die again. I can't stress this enough. Not
the poison killing you. The pain is so bad it

(18:24):
kills you. Dying from pain. They have people. This is
another thing that happens who step on stonefish. This is
the norm. This is a normal thing. When people step
on them. They beg the paramedics please amputate my foot,
cut it off. Have you ever had something hurt so
bad to just removed the limb? That's Australia. And remember

(18:47):
this was a penal colony for Britain for so long.
Britain landed there like the first people who ever landed.
They're landed on the western part, which is you know,
really really bad, and that's where our story takes place,
and they thought, oh gosh, never mind, we're out of here.
It wasn't. It wasn't until people started landing in the east,
which is nicer, that they realized this place, that's a

(19:09):
nice stuff. Back to our story. You're giving the veterans
crappy parts of Australia now toward its desert, and they're
struggling trying to get wheat to grow. The environment's brutal.
The frost, they'll get random bits of frost and wipe
out whole crops. They have a rabbit problem, and I'm

(19:30):
not talking about your rabbit problem where you have two
or three who are digging holes in your yard and
you're shooting them with pelicans. Not that I've ever done
that kind of thing. A thousand times, I mean, rabbit hordes,
infestations that are destroying entire crops. It's really bad. On
top of that, we get to nineteen twenty nine. Now,

(19:54):
what happens in the world. About nineteen twenty nine a
little something maybe you've heard of before. It's called the
Great Depression. That was not a uniquely American thing, that
was worldwide. It crushed Europe, it crushed Australia. So the government,

(20:15):
on top of having to give these guys some bad land,
the government can't give these guys the amount of money
they had originally promised them for the wheat. And when
I say they can't give them the same amount, just no,
because again I'm not going to break down the currencies
for you. They're giving them pennies on the dollar versus

(20:38):
what they were promised pennies on the dollar. Think if
I promised you for a promised you a dollar a
unit and then gave you five cents a unit, that's
the equivalent to what they had. So we have these veterans.
Now everyone has a heart for them. They're wiped out.
And then, as if life couldn't get more difficult over

(20:58):
a fifteen years span, if you're a veteran veteran come home.
Crappy part of Australia crop won't come in frost rabbits.
Life's hard. You get invaded. The wheat you can grow
gets invaded by EMUs. Not one or two of them,

(21:19):
twenty thousand of them come in twenty thousand. I will
wrap up the story and begin with your questions when
we get back a secret retirement account. Jowser Hi. We're

(21:48):
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(22:10):
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(22:31):
learning to play an instrument, building a sandcastle, hosting tea parties.
Hunger should never be an obstacle to growing up. You
can help bend child in hunger in your community by
visiting Feeding America dot org, brought to you by Feeding
America and the AD Counsel. In order to open these doors,

(23:04):
we do not say open sesame. We say open Biden.
That's our magic word. That was Nancy Pelosi yesterday. I Chris,
I want you, Chris, I want you to play it again.

(23:25):
And before you do that, I want you to understand
you have to make sure you put this on the
show Twitter at Jesse Kelly's show. You can find me
on social media at Jesse Kelly DC on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook,
I'm on locals. But I want you, if you find
time to go watch the video of this too. That

(23:45):
is Nancy Pelosi talking about Joe Biden. The video somehow
makes it worse. You're like, what's she talking about? Don't
ask me, don't ask me, Chris, play this again. In
order to open these doors, we do not say open sesame.
We say open Biden. That's our magic word. And she's

(24:07):
doing like this, ah, like that look on her face.
It's the two people leading this country are nine thousand
years old and none in control of their mental faculties,
and we're in a great deal of trouble. All right,
Sending that aside, all right, back to the EMU war.
These veterans are struggling. The EMUs are swarming, now twenty

(24:29):
thousand of them. Then EMUs are foragers. They just they're
gonna eat whatever they find. Period, big wheatfield. You might
as well put out a buffet in front of me.
The veterans start doing what veterans do. They grab their
weapons and they start shooting them. But remember I said

(24:51):
there are twenty thousand EMUs, twenty thousand of them. The
veterans start running out of AMMO. Some of them don't
even have weapons. A bounty finally gets offered. Somebody, please
kill these things. They're wiping us out. That can't do it.
The veterans appeal to the government and say, hey, do

(25:13):
something to help, and in one of the most bizarre
choices I've ever heard in my life, the Australian government
chooses to get the military involved. We're not talking about
adding fencing, maybe getting some wildlife management Australia is well
versed in wildlife management. As we already described, it's a hellscape. Instead,

(25:38):
they send an army unit at units, probably putting it strong.
They send three guys, two heavy machine guns with ten
thousand rounds. They also send a movie company with the
three guys to document the whole thing, which is so bizarre,

(25:58):
so beyond bizarre. And when I say bizarre, this is
what I mean. It's weird that you would, when you
think about today's sensibilities, that you would go out to
hunt down and machine gun down a bunch of birds
and film it to broadcast it to the company to
the country. Think how much people would freak. But people

(26:21):
wanted to know the Australian government was capable of protecting
its citizens and during the Great Depression something real we
can take from the show. Before I get to the
asked doctor Jesse questions. During the Great Depression, remember this
secession movements were gaining steam around the world, including in Australia,
because when economies tanked to that level, people start to

(26:45):
look to their government and say, well, what good are you?
The Australian government was actually in some trouble with its
own citizens who were all fix this now, that kind
of thing. So they thought making a film out of
this whole thing would brighten the mood a little bit,
and look, well, look what we will do. Our veterans

(27:06):
were in charge, and we set in the army to
help them out. Except that's not that's not how you
would hunt and emu at all. That's just not how
you would do it. They encounter some right off the bat.
They of course pull out the heavy machine guns and
start spraying machine gun fire at the EMUs. The EMUs

(27:28):
simply scatter and they run really fast. You need to
think about EMUs like a mini Ostrich. They just turn
around and take off and they don't get any of them.
Then they run into a group of a thousand of them.
Remember this is all being documented, so this is becoming
it's becoming a joke. Already. You already shot at them
and missed them. The army hasn't done anything. They run

(27:49):
into another group of a thousand, boom machine gun jams.
They take off again. Now now this is starting to
get to be from page news. As things are getting
cabled back and forth about this whole thing, they decide
they need a new tactic. Clearly mounting the machine guns
is not working. Surprise, surprise, they're not Germans. They're not

(28:11):
going to charge them. They mount the weapons on vehicles,
they start trying to run them down. They're shooting from
the vehicles, not accurately at all. They don't hit any
of the EMU with actually machine gun fire. They do
manage to accidentally drive over one, though, which causes the

(28:33):
truck to lose control and it wrecks defense of one
of the farmers they're there to help. Now you've also
caused something else. Every time you're charging them, including this time,
the emu are taking off scared out of their minds.
Their brains are like the size of peas. And remember

(28:53):
I said, those powerful legs they have, they're stomping intense,
shredding the ground that they were there to protect, that
the army was there to protect. These stampedes are hurting
things even more. They finally figure out that they how
to start killing them, but even that's slow. It takes
ten shots per bird to bring one down. There are

(29:14):
twenty thousand EMUs. You only brought ten thousand rounds. It
lass a month, and it's just this comical turn of events,
again and again and again where they're trying to get them.
They'll get some. They'll start getting like two hundred and
fifty a week, but dumping thousands and thousands of rounds

(29:36):
to get that. Now, the armies running out of unition.
The EMU population doesn't seem to be whittled down at all.
The army is soon recalled. They're recalled. There was a
discussion in the government about giving the three guys who
went to fight the Emu's medals, and somebody in the

(29:58):
government makes it act that if we handed out medals
in this war, they'd all go to the Emu's. They
did eventually resolve this after a long time. They gave
the veterans more AMMO so the veterans could handle it.
The bounty program got ramped up, and surprise, surprise, they
figured out, you know, maybe it's just some better fences

(30:22):
would handle this, and it did. It handled it well.
When you hear people talk about the Great Emu War,
it's just three dudes. It wasn't the end of the world,
but that is the Great Emu War. There's nothing government
can't screw up. Nothing Sending three army guys without even

(30:44):
enough ammunition and a camera crew to document. The failure
is the most government thing and the history of government things.
Just remember this, everybody. It's not unique to America. The
people who end up in politics in general are morons.
You don't want them in charge of anything. Don't ask

(31:08):
for their help. You don't want it, all right, It
is an ask doctor Jesse Friday eight seven seven three
seven seven four three seven three Jesse at Jesse Kelly
Show dot com. I did a good job last week, Chris.
I want to give myself credit the most. What about
getting through as many emails as humanly possible? I got

(31:30):
through a lot last week. I'm going to attempt to
duplicate that, but I make no promises. Remember if you
miss any part of the show, you can get the
whole thing on iHeart, Google, Spotify, in iTunes. Right after
the show, Chris gets the podcasts up, actually gets them
up right away shockingly on iTunes. Leave a five star rating,

(31:53):
leave a review talking about how handsome I am. Jesse.
My husband is retired. He mocks me about my low salary,
which is over seventy thousand. My non taxable retirement accounts
make more than my salary. Should I tell him or

(32:16):
not say anything? We've been married for thirty years. Our
son is a Navy aircraft carrier veteran. The beard makes
you look more handsome, all right, I'll address this in
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(32:48):
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(33:12):
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(34:02):
eight seven seven three seven seven four three seven three
Jesse at Jesse Kelly show dot com. It's me sombrero
Jesse on an ass doctor Jesse, what Chris Jesse. My
husband's retired. He mocks me about my low salary, which
is over seventy grand. My non taxable retirement accounts make

(34:24):
more than my salary. Should I tell him or not
say anything. We've been married for thirty years, our son
is an Navy aircraft carrier veteran. The beard makes you
look more handsome. Here's what I'm guessing, because I have
to guess a couple of things. I don't have more
details here. If he's mocking her for making over seventy

(34:46):
grand a year and they've been married for thirty years,
this reeks of he probably did real well for himself,
and he probably retired doing just fine. So I'm going
to assume that is the situation going in. If you're
retired and you're making the water, you're making fun of

(35:06):
the wife for making over seventy g's, you probably did
just fine, probably did just fine for yourself. I wouldn't
tell him. I wouldn't tell him because it looks harmless,
you know, I'm assuming you know it looks. It all
looks very fun and harmless. I wouldn't tell him at
all until the day you retire, and then what I
would do, I would you have to plan this out right,

(35:28):
though you have to be absolutely devious and terrible about it.
You have to plan this out right. Don't tell him
until the day you retire, but then get all of
your statements framed, like all of your retirement statements that
show how much money you have framed or or even
in a letter, and hand it to him on the
day you retire, just to see the look on his face.

(35:50):
Make sure you film it too. It'll be greatness. Yeah,
by this point in time. Look, I'm generally not an
advocate of secret accounts from the spouse. That's probably not
a great way to go. But in this case, you
guys sound like you're doing fine. Good for you and
semprify to your son, Chris, I've told you about I

(36:11):
think it's the York town and Charleston the big aircraft carrier.
Let me just tell everybody again. And it's not like
I get like I get paid for this or something.
I'm pitching Charleston for all of you. Charleston is one
of the coolest cities in the country. But even if
you don't care for Charleston, doesn't matter. They have a
World War two aircraft carrier there. I think it's the Yorktown.

(36:32):
I might have that wrong. Chris, looked that up, please,
so no, I'm not screwing that up. They have a
World War two aircraft carrier there. You can go in it.
And when I say you can go in it, I
don't mean they let you walk around the top deck
and just look around. They let you go deep into
the bowels of the thing where they have like a

(36:55):
fake mannequin set up where the guy would get his
dental work done. You can see where they cooked the food.
It is awe inspiring. Yes, I have done it, Chris. Yes,
it was a bit tight for me at my size.
The USS Lexington, Oh no, No, the Lexington's here in
corporate here in Texas. No, I haven't been to that one.

(37:17):
I'm telling you about the one in Charleston. Did you
look up the one in Charleston, Chris. Anyway, they let
you go, They let you tour the whole thing. We
got lost. That's how I mean. You can imagine how
big aircraft carriers are. It is one of the coolest
experiences I've ever done. We did it when our boys
were younger. I'm taking my boys again soon so they

(37:37):
can see one aircraft carriers are the most awe inspiring things.
Chris just asked if they have a sub there? Yes,
they have a sub there. I'm not pitching any recommendations
for that sub. Why I have now? I have wide shoulders.
This is the Kelly shoulders. There were plenty of places

(37:59):
in that sub where I not only had to duck,
I could not walk straight down the hallway. I had
to turn to the No, what are you saying okay
for it? Like it's nothing? No, it's not still cool, Chris.
I'm not going to squeeze my way through a subs
like shack getting in a pay phone. I absolutely not.

(38:21):
I will never be I will. I will take my boys.
I will say there's the sub, and of course I'll
make up some excuse because I don't want to look
like I'm whimping out. I'd be like I got to
use the restroom. Its must have been the eggs. I'll
see you guys in a little bit. I'll be right
there and then I'll just stand outside. I'm not going
on that sub, dear chef, Showguns, Centurion, Kelly what Chris.

(38:47):
I have been perplexed for my entire life as to
why skinny men marry whales that outweigh them by two
or three times. For I cannot, for the life of me,
understand why do dudes have a huge flaw too so
they settle it seems more than a preference for large
women at this point. Please enlighten me. Also, I think

(39:07):
this would be a great quipment. But look, wails just
a little bit mean people have people are built differently. One,
they're totally built differently. I have known several bodies who
prefer big women and I don't. And I don't I
don't mean like one, I have several bodies that prefer them.

(39:31):
Sometimes that's just what dudes are into. Here's what we
all do. We because we're all selfish. And I realize
you're not as selfish as me, But because we're all selfish,
we assume everybody thinks like us. Oh, I want a
six foot blonde girl. There are guys all over the
planet who have no interest in that at all. Oh,

(39:55):
I love Asian chicks. That's awesome, cool, good for you,
and chicks are hot. There are guys all over the planet.
Doesn't do it for them at all. You're It is
a good thing that different men want different things. A
good thing. I have one more thing to say on
this It'll be equally offensive, and then we'll move on

(40:16):
to dragons and magic unicorns. It's gonna be a great show.
Agg You're never going to hear me judge you. You

(40:38):
know I don't do that, and mainly it's because I'm terrible,
and so when it comes to something like dipping tobacco,
I'm never going to point my finger at you and
say that's terrible for you. You know you have to quit.
I won't do that. I can't do that. But I
dipped for a long time and I knew I had

(40:58):
to quit. I'll be honest. I did not want to,
but I knew I had to quit. You know the
reasons why. You don't need me to tell you. I
didn't know how. I liked it so much. I didn't
know how. And I tried. I tried sunflower seeds, I
tried cigarettes. I know it's stupid, it's terrible. I know.
Jake's Mintchew is what works. Jake's Mintchew is all natural,

(41:19):
tobacco free, nicotine free, a bunch of different flavors. It
tastes good. Highly recommend the CBD pouches, and it gives
me a little replacement that's actually good for me. Good
at Jake's Mint Chew dot Com used to promo code
Jesse for twenty percent off. I have maybe the most

(41:55):
exciting announcement in the history of the show. You can
now have T shirts and mugs with my face on them. Yes,
we still have our anti communist merch, which really is
the coolest stuff I keep I keep buying it now.
They sent me some free stuff to advertise it, and
I keep buying it. They're very simple hoodies, tank tops,

(42:18):
v next T shirts, hats, and they just say anti
Communist on them. That's all they say. They're awesome. People
keep emailing me that they bought them and they're getting
some looks out there. I wear them to all my kids'
sports games. Yeah, what say sup them? You can find
them on the first TV dot com slash store, the

(42:39):
first TV dot com slash store. All right, one last
thing on the skinny dudes and big big women thing.
There's something about all of us. Hang on. This is

(43:33):
the Jesse Kelly Show. This is the Jesse Kelly Show.

(44:01):
Eight seven seven three seven seven four three seven three
Jesse at Jesse Kelly Show dot com. One more thing
on this skinny dude's liking bigger women thing. This is
going to be offensive, but that's who I am, So
let's just come out with it. Because of what I

(44:22):
do now, I have talked to a thousand smoking hot
women because they're in this industry. That's who they put
on television because I have a TV show, and so
you're always talking to people at a big conference from
another network and the women are jaw dropping out. There's
a thousand of them. You gave. Hot women are so

(44:46):
boring lots of the time, and they're so boring because
all of us. It's not it's not like it's their fault.
All of us. We're as good as we have to
be most of the time. You know who's really fun
to be around lots of the time, the bigger girl
who didn't have to just batterize at a guy to

(45:06):
have him laugh at her stupid jokes. She actually had
to come up with funny jokes. And look that old saying.
That's pretty vulgar. So I will make it completely PG
for the show. It's one true show me a dime,
and I will show you a guy who's tired of

(45:27):
being with her. The looks. Obviously, I'm not gonna tell
you looks don't matter. Of course, they't matter. You're attracted
to what you're attracted to. But buddy, if you don't
enjoy being around her, that stuff gets old real, real fast,
real fast. Nobody on the planet, whoever your your dream

(45:50):
girl is, Nobody on the planet is hot enough. There's
not a single woman on the planet hot enough for
you to hang out with her all the time, like
in marriage. If her personality is garbage, it doesn't exist.
I know you think it does, saw mahaiak or or whatever.
The thing I'm probably aging myself there does not exist.

(46:11):
Let's not exist, doctor Jesse Kelly, When are you going
to write a book that will be banned? Thanks for
all you do. I have been asked multiple times to
write a book. I even had a major major publisher
approached me and asked me if I would write a book.

(46:32):
They want me to write a book. Please write a book.
I think it'd be really good. People have certain skill sets,
and I understand people enjoy when I write things. I'll
write things every now and then. You have to understand
how much I hate writing, hatred of writing. I could say,
I could sit and do six hours of radio in
a day. I probably wouldn't have much voice left by

(46:53):
the time was done, but I would enjoy it. But
I was probably sound like this is the voice was
going away. But I would enjoy it. An entire book.
All my friends write books, because that's what everyone does.
In this thing. An entire book sounds horrible. That's one. Two.
I feel like that's something everybody does. I tell't you, Chris,

(47:17):
don't you feel like everybody has a book? Chris said,
I should just have a really good book about stupid
stuff we talk about, like fast food and stuff. Maybe
I should. Maybe that's what I should do. Come out
with the political book that's like ten percent politics and
ninety percent the mindless stuff we suck about here. Oh,

(47:42):
speaking of nightmares, I'm want to get to this. This
came up earlier in the show. I do have one
that I have now and then, but it's only like
once a year, and it is the weirdest thing. I've
no idea where it comes from. If you're a psychologist
or psychiatrist, or at least you want to pretend to
be one, call or email me and tell me what
this means. A common theme is this somebody I love

(48:04):
is in trouble, family, you know, whatever it is, in
bad trouble, terrorists of some kind. Somebody's breaking in the house,
storming the building, die Hard style, something like that. I
either get my hands on a weapon or use my
own hands, and I go after who's coming after my

(48:24):
loved ones, and I can't hurt them. I'll have a
weapon in my hands and I'll be pop pop pop pop,
and they're not going down. Nothing's affecting them, and I
end up losing. And the same thing with my fists.
I'll get to them and I'm in it and it
has no effect whatsoever, which increases the desperation of it,
and I end up losing. It's not often I'm fine,

(48:46):
I'm not waking up in night terrors. But that is
one thing that happens to me, and I have no
idea what it means. I'm sure it means something, or
remember it means nothing. Who knows, but I want to know. Hail,
oh Great Potentate of the Coastal Plains. My question is
if you could pit the forces from any two nations

(49:08):
empire's tribes throughout time against each other in combat and
watch it like a football game, which two do you
think would put on the most entertaining show? You can
also control the numbers and the terrain to make it
as even a fight as possible. Julius Caesar's Roman legions vers.
Genghis Khan's Mongol Horde seems like an east I think

(49:31):
he meant say easy favorite. But there's a more interesting
and unique matchup you can think of. Also, would your
answer or question change it was between a single battle
or prolonged war ps? If you read this on the air,
you can use my name much love, brother Coy. All right,
allow me to burst your bubble. As you know, I'm

(49:52):
a Julius Caesar freak, super genius, one of the most,
if not the most historical figure this side of Jesus,
who Chris people killed an incredible general as well. Genghis
Khan's Mongols would mop up a Roman legion like they
weren't even there, like they weren't even there. But it's

(50:17):
not a fair comparison. We're talking about twelve hundred years
in advancement in the future. That's where you get to
Genghis Khan's Mongols. But look, if you want to, if
you want a little preview. A contemporary of Julius Caesar
was Marcus Lucinius Crassis, remember that super rich guy, and
he wanted to go fight to Ptarthians and took ten

(50:38):
thousand Romans over there to go fight to Ptarthians, and
none of them came back, including Crassus. The Roman legion
was a dominant force in the day. It does not
hold up against horse archers with these hugely powerful bows.
Part of the problem Crassis ran into was the bow

(51:00):
were shooting the arrows through the Roman shields and armor
and staple in their arms to the arts to the
shields and stuff like that. You can't It would not
even be a contest Julius Caesar's legions between Genghis Khans
Mongolian hordes. And I'm a huge fan of but there
would not even be a contest. I would be interested.

(51:23):
I would be interested to see an even number of
Comanche versus Mongolian horde. The Mongols are going to be
unquestionably more disciplined. That was really a hallmark of the
Mongol army. Remember you could be executed as a Mongolian
soldier if you had an arrow string fall off of

(51:44):
your horse, if you dropped an arrow string, you could
be executed for that. So that inspires, that inspires discipline
that is not normal. And the Comanche, like so many
Indian tribes, were not disciplined like that. But the Comanche,
we're supposed to be the only horseman in the history
of mankind who might be able to arrival a Mongol

(52:06):
on horseback. The command she remember, the command she held
off the US Army for a significant period of time.
The command she moved nations, just packing up and leaving. Okay,
we can't handle these people. We are out. I would
be interested to see that. But if I had to
pit one, but set aside the Mongols, because I view

(52:32):
them as being so superior. Let's set aside the Mongols.
I really genuinely would be interested, really genuinely interested in
seeing America's post World War Two army versus the Soviet army.

(52:56):
I would like to see it. They were so even.
They had tanks, planes. Soviets probably had more fighting experience,
but we had tons of it. The different styles of leadership.
I'm glad we didn't do it. I would like to

(53:17):
see it for sure. All right, let's talk about unicorns
and Dragon's hand. Miss something. There's a podcast getting on
demand wherever podcasts are found, The Jesse Kelly Show. Super

(53:41):
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And we're all getting older, right, nobody's out there getting
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(54:04):
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(54:26):
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(55:01):
You can find me on social media at Jesse Kelly
DC on Twitter, Instagram, I'm on Facebook. I'm also on Locals.
That's a place I can't get kicked off. Let's turn
through these questions. I have to pick up the pace now,
Chris Jesse. I have a question I think will challenge
even your formidable wisdom. Who would win in a fight
my five year old daughter's magic unicorn, her imaginary best friend,

(55:25):
or a dragon? First understand when she looked up at
her daddy with those luminous, innocent brown eyes. What do
you think? I said? And what do you think? And
what would you have answered? Hint? If you get this wrong,
it will crush her without hesitation. I of course said unicorn,
I mean magic. Come on, he says, I'm welcome to

(55:45):
use his name. His name is Ryan from Lebanon Organ. Well,
obviously it's going to be the unicorn. And here's why
I say that I believe dragons actually existed. I didn't.
I do not believe that in the yes, Chris, I do.
I believe in a one hundred percent. And here's why.
Because I'm a history dork and I go into all

(56:07):
this history stuff and I'm always reading about it. The
number of ancient cultures who describe something that sounds like
a dragon is shocking. It's not like it's one random
people who made up some weird ancient story. Dude. It's
a lot of them. A lot of them said maybe

(56:31):
they just found dinosaur bones or dinosaurs or look, whatever
the case may be. I believe in them. I'm not
saying they flew. I'm definitely not saying they breathed fire.
I doubt those things that that's not necessarily believable with
what we have today. I do believe dragons of some
kind existed. I think the unicorn would be able to

(56:53):
outmaneuver the dragon. My big problem with the dragon has
always been those wings. Those wings are not going to
properly support a body that heavy. The body is always
too heavy on the dragon. They haven't changed laws of
physics in order to support a body that's what, Chris.

(57:13):
The wingspan would have to be a seven forty seven
to support of what It would have to be huge
to support a body that size. You know, I'm right.
Whereas the unicorn with magic, the dragon would never be
able to penetrate that I think it would be a
slow flyer. The Unicorn's ready to go. What, Chris, you
don't know about these questions. I'm the one answering the questions,

(57:37):
Doctor Oracle. Before I get to my question. I have
to tell you that between you're whining about hating to
eat beats and your take on being a he puts
in quotes handyman, you are only a man bun away
from being a soy boy. First of all, that's not nice, Okay,
I am a handyman, and beats are disgusting. That's why

(57:58):
I tell you. Look, I would never be able to
eat my super beats every day if they tasted like beats.
I'm serious. My mom used to jar them all the
time because we didn't you jar stuff, and I could.
I just the smell of it. To this day, I
have to leave the room. They're hideous. I still don't
know how they got super beats not to taste like beats,
But whatever, Why do British His question is why do

(58:21):
British accents sound so hot? And additionally, do you think
British people think our American accents are the same? Keep
up the good work, oh wise, one says, feel free
to read his name. This is Rob from North Dakota.
All right, let's have a little talk that's going to
hurt it looks this is it's fellas. This is for

(58:44):
you and ladies it's for you too. It's for you too,
because ladies love accents too. Dudes love accents. Ladies love accents.
Here's the reality of life. I mean, you all heard
Laura Logan on here was it this week? I think
we had Laura Logan on she had that salad African accent. Oh,
just smoking cod Smoking cod. Accents sound good because they're different,

(59:12):
and you think different means better because you haven't experienced
it yet. It's that forbidden fruit thing. I have done
enough traveling to know and mingled in enough circles to know, Yes,
it's hot, but they're all the same. They're all the same.

(59:37):
They're all the same. We used to hit on Asian
women all the time when we were in and when
we were in Asia, we got liberty all the time
in Tokyo when we were doing some training over in Japan,
and of course they we're hitting on Japanese women all
the time. We're a bunch of young Marines and yeah,
it's cool, it's exotic, it's different. Oh, they're the same
women there that they are here. Women are the same.

(01:00:00):
But yeah, Chris is right, the grass is always greener.
You feel like, oh, that's that's sexy, that's spicy, and
women are the same way. Oh, I love those Australian accents.
In a week, you'd be yelling at him to pick
his underwear up off the floor after he got married.
It's just it's that forbidden fruit thing, that wanting what

(01:00:22):
you don't have, wanting what you've never had, thing, that's
what makes it sexy. And I'm just as guilty as you.
I hear it, and I'm about Oh. We got Laura
Logan coming on the show today. Laura, you just take
it away so I can. It's all the same. People
are all the same. But when you have a fascination

(01:00:42):
with the exotic, with something that's different and that's not wrong,
it makes you human. But it's not better. Look I did,
like I said, I've been overseas and stuff like that.
It wasn't long, and I just wanted to come back
to America. That's it, you know what. Japan's been fun.

(01:01:05):
Really enjoyed it. Oh, this place has been fun. I
had a blast here. I want some American women, and
I want some American beer, and I want some American food.
And yes, I'm glad I got to experience other cultures.
There's nothing like an American woman. Call me a homer
if you want. Dear Doctor Shogun, supreme offender of feminists,

(01:01:27):
do you prefer a weapon that holds six or seven
rounds with greater stopping power or one that holds ten
to fifteen rounds with less power? Personally, I'm all about
the higher round count. I know not all cops are
expert marksman, but they've got more training than the average person,
and yet a huge percentage of the shots fired in

(01:01:49):
real life scenarios either completely miss or don't hit center mass. Therefore,
doesn't it make sense to carry more rounds if it's
for home defense or carrying concealed in public? Does that
change your answer? Answer is the same, no matter what,
No matter what, I love stopping power as much as
the next man. If you're in grizzly bear country, as

(01:02:09):
I've explained to you before, leave your stupid nine millimeter
at home. Carry a forty four magnum or bigger. I
am not saying that so you can puff out your chest.
A smaller round than that will not penetrate a grizzly
bear skull. You have to have something that big for
the human body. Overkill is underrated. You need more rounds.

(01:02:31):
You need more rounds. I've seen it. I've seen it personally.
I've seen it with rifle fire, let alone, pistol fire.
You are going to miss, and even if you hit,
if his adrenaline is up to he may knock and
go down. Unless you're doing dome shots. You need more ammo,

(01:02:53):
more ammo, more shots at all times period. You need
more shots. That's for home defense. That goes for everyday, Carrie.
And another thing about home defense, you need to be
careful about over penetration. Over Penetration is a big problem

(01:03:15):
in a home. Your background of your target matters a lot.
And I'm saying this for you shotgun keepers. And I
have a shotgun too, double a lot buck I do too,
in the right situation, would use it a shotgun Buckshot
if God forbid you ever have to shoot it in
your home, is going to over penetrate. You got kids

(01:03:38):
behind those two or three walls, you feel like filling
them up with buckshot? I sure don't. That's why something
like a nine millimeters very good if you have the
right round for it. It's why a three hundred blackout
is really really good. It's an even bigger round and
it's just gonna die once it hits the walls. More

(01:04:02):
always better. Jake's Mint Chew helps you quit dipping tobacco.

(01:04:28):
And I hate talking to you about this now. I
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But I hate it because I feel like you think
I'm judging you for dipping tobacco. I'm not. I've had
more tobacco in my lips than you have. And full disclosure,

(01:04:48):
not even sure if I'm supposed to say this. I
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I dipped tobacco and go oh that was Those were
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(01:05:10):
these little CBD pouches good to Jake's Mint Chew dot Com.
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(01:05:39):
three seven three Jesse at Jesse Kelly Show dot com.
I can't believe you even just asked me that, and
I'm not letting you gobble up the precious people's time
for ask doctor Jesse Friday, Chris asked me who would win?
Godzilla or King Kong? If you aren't cheering for King Kong,
I want you to turn off as radio show right now. What, Chris? What?

(01:06:07):
I understand that he's up against it with a nuclear
lizard that breathes atomic fire. I realize he's down and out,
but it's still Kong man. I understand Godzilla has most
of the advantages, and I understand people who okay, okay,
all of the advantages, and I understand people who point

(01:06:27):
out that size wise, there's no comparison until they make
them fight each other and then they're the same size.
King Kong historically is the side wouldn't come up to
Godzilla's knee. Godzilla is the size of skyscrapers. King Kong
has to climb skyscrapers. But assuming they're the same size,

(01:06:49):
you cheer for Kong. You want Kong to Kong out
and rage and stuff like that. No, No, I said
King Kong, I said Godzilla had every advantage. King Kong
has the strength advantage, same size, he has this kind
of even Godzilla has that huge tail he whips around
and stuff like that. Dang it, dang it, Jesse, what

(01:07:12):
is your favorite whiskey drink? Are you a whiskey water,
an ice sky or whiskey straight? And I cannot read
that joke you also sent along with it. This is
a naturally syndicated radio show. Yes, I laughed. No, I
cannot read that on the air. I'm a whiskey straight guy,

(01:07:32):
a sipping straight. I don't mind a couple of ice
cubes in it now and then. But I just enjoy
sitting back and just sipping on it nice and warm
down the throat. Nothing better if you got a cold.
That's enough, Chris Jesse, you're a clarion. Call to boycott
goods and services of leftist anti American companies has resonated.

(01:07:54):
What do you think about creating nonprofit that certifies companies
with conservative values? A tag is a logo. I came
up with a certified conservative Let's have a chat, everybody,
And this one may be hard to hear. You want
a little inside baseball here it is. I worked for
a year after my two losing congressional campaigns, I moved

(01:08:18):
to DC for a year and worked as a director
of development for Citizens United. It's one of those political
activist groups there and the nonprofit world, the political activist
world like that. They're very similar worlds. Oftentimes they overlap,
and so you get to know all the players, and
you get to know all the inside industry stuff. This
guy runs this group, and this guy runs that group.

(01:08:41):
One that world is really, really, really scummy, both the
civilian nonprofit world and the political nonprofit world. You look
at the books or you hear about the books of
so many of these places. You see the donations they
bring in. You see what they do with the donations

(01:09:05):
versus the salaries of the people at the top. Almost
not always, obviously, but a lot of the time these
are nothing but slush funds for people who figured out
how to milk the public for a bunch of cash

(01:09:25):
and benefit themselves. I'm not starting any nonprofits because I
don't have the time to run one. And if I
put someone else in charge of one and put my
name on it, what if I wake up one day
and find out he's handing out conservative certifications and making
a million bucks a year himself and doing nothing else

(01:09:48):
to actually help people. And see, I hate it because
it seems like such a scam because what they do
is they prey on people's passions to send us fifty
dollars so we can challenge Congress for this new gun grab.
And you send them fifty dollars and like one dollar
goes to anything you care about, and the rest of
it goes to the guy's second home in Malibu. That's real.

(01:10:12):
That happens on the right too, not just on the left.
On the right. That happens in religious nonprofits. That happens
in charitable nonprofits all the time. The books on these
where you have to see where the dollars go. Do
they go to where they say they're sending them, or
do they go to line somebody's freaking pockets. That's one two.

(01:10:39):
I'm not ripping on you for the concept, but the
whole certified conservative thing. I have considered. I've considered making
a list of companies that I will patronize because of
the ownership, because they're not going full commy. Because they're
doing that, and I am still considering this. I am

(01:11:03):
a bad person. I don't just say that I am
a bad I know I am. I wish I wasn't.
I'm a sociopath. I'm a bad person. I would worry
about that process being corrupted, meaning I'm look, I'm giving
it to you straight here. I would worry about me
being corrupted. I don't have a plan to get corrupted,
don't get me wrong, but I worry about that stuff.

(01:11:27):
What if what if there's a company that's kind of
crappy and I don't want to throw them on that list.
But hey, Jed, it's a car company. It's a car
company they want on the list. I don't want them
on the list. Hey Jesse, how about a new pickup
truck on us? Now, I'd like to tell you that

(01:11:51):
I would say no. I hope I would say no.
What if I can't? What if I can't? And now
I'm lying to you. Now I'm putting that company on
the list, and I'm lying to you. That's how stuff works, too.
I've seen how stuff works so much that I worry
about me getting corrupted, and I'm telling you I think
I would. Or what if it becomes a personal thing.

(01:12:15):
What if there's a great company out there doing the
right thing, fighting a good fight. But I'm not a
big grudge holding guy. But ten fifteen years ago I
got in a little fight or something like that with
the owner of it, and I won't put him on
the list. I'm human too, I have biases too. I
worry about it. I worry about it. What if? What if? Then?

(01:12:39):
What if the company secks? But the owner's some dime?
And she asks me, I'm only human too. Why do
you think pharmaceutical reps all look like supermodels? Because that's
who gets the meeting with the doctor. Hey, you want
to start selling this, you want to start giving this
to your patients. People are people, and I worry about

(01:12:59):
myself more than others because I know I'm worse than
other people. That's what I worry about. Who's doing the
certifying And like I said, you could say, what you'll
do it all. I'm human too. I get corrupted too,
or could you know That's that's the problem when you're
asking somebody to certify it for you. All that said,

(01:13:21):
I do love the idea because I do think we
have an obligation now, now more than ever, to be
more purposeful with where we spend our money and where
we do not spend our money. You know there's a
new there's a new Space Jam movie coming out. You
remember that old half Car team with Michael Jordan, kind
of Dune but entertaining Space Jam. There's a brand new

(01:13:42):
one coming out. And you know Babs Bunny Bugs, Bunny's
love interest. You know how they made her like this
smoking hot cartoon back in the day. They are already
putting out drawings the new one. The new one isn't
like that at all. And Lebron James is the star
of the whole thing. And Lebron James obviously is taking
a steaming dump on America for four or five years,

(01:14:05):
constantly talks about how much we suck, constantly praising China.
Let me ask you something. Are you going to see
that movie? I'd love to see a new Space Jam movie.
I'd like to take the kids. I'm not going to
see that movie. I'm not going to pay him for
crapping on America. I'm not going to pay for more

(01:14:27):
of this cultural Marxist crap, which I'm sure will be
sprinkled all through I'm not paying for it. Are you
paying for it? I don't hate the idea of a list.
I hate the idea of me making one in it,
getting big enough that I get corrupted. I'm not saying
I won't do it, but I'm worried about it. All right?

(01:14:49):
Should we have anti pedophile classes? Wosa hang on feeling

(01:15:14):
a little stocky? Follow like can subscribe on social at
Jesse Kelly DC. Wake up and text, Text and eat,
Text and catch the bus, Text and miss your stop
wait wait wait, Text and be late to work sorry,

(01:15:37):
Text and work, Text and pretend to work, Text and
X surprised when someone calls you out for not working.
Maybe text and meet up with a friend you haven't
seen in forever. H O. Text and complain that they're
on their phone the whole time. Text and listen to them,
complain that you're on your phone the whole time, Text

(01:16:01):
and whatever. But when you get behind the wheel, give
your phone to a passenger, put it in the glove box.
Just don't text and drive, They said, stop texts Stop
rex dot org a public service announcement brought to you
by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and the AD Council.

(01:16:35):
You said you wanted to know how to get the capon.
Do you really want to get him? You see what
I'm saying, what are you prepared to do? Everything within
the law, and then what are you prepared to do
if you open the ball on these people miss the nash.
You must be prepared to go all the way. Of course,

(01:16:56):
they won't give up the fight until one of you
is dead. I want to get Capona. I don't know
how to get him. I want to get Capone. Here's
how you get him. He pulls a knife, You pull
a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital.
You say, I'm want to histle the mark. They shot
back away, man, Chris, that's getting dark today. Eight seven

(01:17:16):
seven three seven seven four three seven three. You know,
let's brighten up the mood here for a second before
I get to the super dark pedophile email. My son
has to do a presentation for science next week. It's
part of their exam. Their final exam is Presentation's twelve.

(01:17:38):
It was gonna be one on the planets, and he
wasn't sure what planet he was going to get. The
teacher was going to assign him, and the night before
I make a crack. I'm like, it'd be kind of
funny if you got uranus. And he comes home the
next day and he said, Dad, guess what planet I got?

(01:17:58):
I got yours? And now I feel terrible because I've
already said a bad, immature example in my house. And
every time he starts talking about it, we're talking in
front of obviously the wife, and we're like, yeah, we're
gonna have to we'll do some great prep on uranus
and stuff like that. And the boys are laughing and
I'm laughing, and she's all, Jesse, that's enough, all of you,

(01:18:21):
that's enough. And now what I've done, I've one set
him up to fail his exam. How's he's supposed to
stand up in front of a class with all his
little buddies in there snicker? And every time he says uranus,
what Chris? He's not gonna change the name to uranus.
He can't. It's he's a twelve year old boy. There's

(01:18:44):
nothing you could say to make him change the name
to something less hilarious. Dang it, Sorry, ladies, this is
who we are. This is who we are, doctor Jesse.
Regarding society's worst, Okay, we have stupid sex ed in
schools that doesn't really teach anything important. I believe that

(01:19:05):
there should be mandated anti pedophile classes starting from first grade,
obviously scaled for age as far as what is shown
and slash taught. The reason I say this is because
I don't think a normal stranger danger is enough for
children without going into it. I'm very familiar with over
one hundred child abuse cases, and I think it should
be required education. I'm maybe nuts, what say you? I'm

(01:19:33):
fine with the schools teaching it, but I will tell you,
having seen the dark, dark side of life, a lot
of it. I'm not trying to scare anybody. I'm trying
to wake you up. You cannot imagine how many of
these people there are out there. I'm looking. This is

(01:19:53):
too dark. I'm not going to spend too much time
on it on a Friday, but please hear me. If
you're a parent, or if you're if you're a woman,
especially obviously if you're a grown dude, that may not
apply as much parent or woman. Your state has a
sex offender registry, they all do. Don't pull it up
right now, it's all free and put in your area code,

(01:20:17):
your zip code. I mean, I'm sorry, I don't care. Jesse.
I'm in no, no, no, I'm in the Oklahoma suburbs.
I'm sure it's fine. No, no, hear me out. I
have done this everywhere I've been, no matter where you
think it's safe. Go look at who's around you and
know this. Those are the people they've caught, and they

(01:20:39):
haven't caught a fraction of how many are out there.
You see these stories, story after story after story. You
see the boy Scouts or was it cub Scouts. I
don't want to call out the wrong one. Just had
to settle this massive abuse case. Thousands of cases, thousands,
you've seen the problem the church. Just go through little

(01:21:01):
league coaches. Be super careful who you trust your kids with.
We have this amazing church camp we send our kids
to every single summer. I pull them aside every single
time before they go. This is what's appropriate. This is
what's not appropriate. This is what you will and I

(01:21:21):
love this camp and trust this camp. This is what
you will do if this happens. This is what you
won't do if that happens. And as soon as I
pick them up, I'm asking them anything happened, We need
to talk about anything? To talk to me, Talk to me,
and you don't have to be like me, because you
know I'm bad. I don't mince words with my kids

(01:21:43):
to make life sunnier for them. You tell your kids
don't talk to strangers. I tell my kids if you will.
If if a stranger pulls up and holds up a
puppy that you want to go pet, and you go
over there and talk to him, he's gonna grab you
and throw you in the trunk and tie you up
in a basement and hurt you horrifically for a week
before he chops you up into little pieces. Now, do
you still want to pet that puppy? I tell them

(01:22:06):
that the same way I teach them weapons safety. I
make it real. You know how serious this is. Son?
Do you want to shoot your brother's face off? Then
pay attention to what you're doing. We're not playing here.
These are not toys. I make it real for them.
I'm not saying that's the right way to do things.
I'm not saying I'm a good parent. I'll never claim that.

(01:22:28):
I make it real. Whether or not should take place
in school, I don't know. But you're not looking at
the right guy. If you're looking for me to say
schools can teach anything, well, I just don't have that
much faith in America's government education system. But I don't
want to scare you, and I don't want to gross
you out. It is an extremely sick world out there,

(01:22:48):
extremely sick world out there. Make it real for him
as real as you're comfortable making stranger danger, You're gonna
get you, all right, My platform versus your platform. We
got to talk about that. Hang on. One in three

(01:23:13):
adults has pre diabetes. One in three. That means it
could be you, your football buddy, your fruitball buddy, or
you your best man, your worst man. You you're a
dog walker, your cat jugger. While one in three adults
has pre diabetes. With early diagnosis, pre diabetes can be reversed.

(01:23:34):
Take the risk test at do I have pre diabetes
dot org? That's do I have pre diabetes? Dot org?
Wait did they just say one in three adults has
pre diabetes. That's thirty three point three three three percent
of adults. That means it could be me my boss
or my boss's boss, or me my favorite sister or
my other sister. That's seven members of my twenty one

(01:23:55):
person romantic book club. Wait, the one in three could
be me my karaoke partner Carol or my karaoke enemy, Jeff.
I'm gonna take the risk test that do I have
pre diabetes? Dot org brought to you by the AD
Council and it's pre Diabetes Awareness Partners eight seven seven

(01:24:30):
three seven seven four three seven three Jesse at Jesse
Kelly Show dot com. Remember something? What do you remember this?
You can get the whole show on a podcast right
after the show on iHeart, Google, Spotify, on iTunes. On iTunes,
leave a five star rating, leave a review talking about

(01:24:52):
how handsome I am. That isn't funny. Yes, it makes
management upset, which is hilarious. And now it's become a
thing where there's like six hundred of these things. I
love Fridays. All right. I think I have twenty emails left.

(01:25:12):
I'm gonna try to get through all of them in
one hour. I can do this, Chris, I can do this.
Hang on. Jesse Kelly returns next. This is a Jesse

(01:26:11):
Kelly Show. Here now, at the final hour of the
Jesse Kelly Show, on an asked doctor Jesse Friday, I
told you was gonna be a good day, and I
have so many emails to get through. I'm gonna get
to him. I'm gonna get to him. Chris. I can
feel it. I can feel it all right, let's go

(01:26:33):
for rolling yo, Doctor Jesse, Showgun the bro Gun. It's
my honor to pose this question to his greatness. I
recently started a YouTube channel, mostly out of frustration from
constantly hearing the left tell me how to think and act.
I also feel that enough of us the right speaking up.

(01:26:54):
I also feel that I don't know. I get a
lot of negative feedback from people I know who disagree.
I'm a conservative and black, so of course I get
pushed back, particularly from black people who say I'm a
sellout or confused, etc. Like you, I don't care what
people think of me. I also don't want to waste
my time. I have no desire to be famous. The

(01:27:14):
goal or hope is to inform or encourage other people
who think like me, Oracle, is it even possible without
a huge platform like yours? Considering the position of YouTube
and socials combined with mostly negative reception, is it worth
the time and effort? Buddy? I'm going to say something,

(01:27:39):
and this is going to shock you because for once,
I'm not actually going to take all the credit for myself. Yes,
blessed to have a naturally syndicated radio show, and TV show,
and blessed that they're both growing exponentially right now, very
very blessed fell backwards into this whole thing. And yeah,
it's a massive platform, now I get that, but hear

(01:28:00):
me raw, the people who will watch your admittedly small
YouTube channel are going to be your friends and family.
Even as great as I am, I could never have
the same influence on your friends and family that you do.

(01:28:22):
You have people feel powerless. You're not powerless. You're just
not focusing on the right thing. You're thinking too big. Nobody,
nobody has the exact same circle of friends and family.
Isn't that wild to think about? Your circle is unique
to you. Obviously there's gonna be overlap, but yours is

(01:28:44):
unique to you. And because it's unique to you, they
trust you more than they'll ever trust me, because they
know you. And if they're mad, if they're dumping negative
comments on you, good good, that means you're making them angry.
It means you're making them think. It means you're saying

(01:29:06):
things that make them uncomfortable. And if you're gonna get
and I understand black people get this a lot. My
black conservative friends will complain it's gonna be a lot
about this privately, of how mean other black people are
to them, of doing that sellout thing and stuff like that.
You can't worry about that no matter what color they are.
If they're mad, that's good. You need to wade into

(01:29:31):
that embrace it. I'm not saying you need to be
nasty back. You can just ignore it, but you need
to embrace it and know. The matter they get, the
more good you're doing. I cannot affect your circle the
way you can. Don't you dare stop that YouTube channel.
Keep putting them out there, and like I said, don't
worry about responding. Don't let it get you down. If

(01:29:53):
it does get you down, because I realize I'm a
bit of a sociopath, and start ignoring the comments, stop
reading them. Remember you can email me anything, your love, hey,
your death threats. Jesse at Jesse Kelly show dot com.
I will read every email you send me. The It's
getting to be a lot. I'm still reading all of them,

(01:30:15):
and I will stop telling you that when I stop
being able to read them. All I read everyone you send,
I'm not going to respond. I get way too many.
Don't expect a response. They all go right to Jewish producer, Chris,
he prints them. I read every single one, and no,
I will not read your name ever on the air
unless you specifically tell me you want it read on

(01:30:37):
the air. I'm like the last person in the world
who believes in total and complete privacy, even for my enemies.
I don't read the names of my death threat senders
on the air. I won't do it period. Private is private.
That's how life should be. Dear sombrero oracle Jesse, what
is the best I think he said, meant to say,

(01:30:58):
best way? What is the best way to eat an egg?
A fried egg with yummy oak, with runny yolks soaked
up in wheatbread is top notch. I'm not sure if
you're a fan of mayonnaise, not the abomination called miracle whip,
but a scrambled egg sandwich with mayo on the bread
is amazing. If you can't tell by my previous statements,

(01:31:18):
I grew up in the South and we put mayo
on everything. Side note, mayo and cornbread and pinto beans
is amazing. Let's begin at the end. Beans are disgusting
unless they're refried. Don't you ever bring up beans to
me again? What Chris, what yeah, refried's obviously fine because

(01:31:44):
they've mixed a bunch of lard and everything else in
there and smashed them up and they go great on nachos.
All other beans are absolutely foul. And understand this. My
parents used to make me eat lima beans when I
was a kid. Lima beans are the most wretched, wretched
thing on the planet. I had times more than once

(01:32:05):
because they thought I was just being picky. People have
certain tongues that are made for certain things. Wait, Chris,
they have certain tongues that are made for certain things,
and not every tongue is made the same. I would
more than one time vomit my lima beans back onto
the plate. It was that gross to me. And I
have an oldest son. He will eat broccoli and ask

(01:32:27):
for seconds. He'll just eat helpings of broccoli for him.
It's like candy. My youngest can't take a bite out
of it, or he will gag, like we have him
gagging over there, And I try to tell the wife,
you don't understand. He's got a different tongue. He's built differently,
So get that being crap out of here. But eggs
are the greatest thing in the world. I don't know

(01:32:47):
how people don't appreciate eggs more. They're absurdly healthy, They're
absurdly good for you while also being absurdly delicious. Every
time I've told you before about that time where I
was working to get my cholesterol down, Chris, I don't
have a high cholesterol, and high blood pressure runs in
my family. And I didn't have high blood pressure or

(01:33:09):
high cholesterol. It was just slightly higher than it should
have been, so it was considered slightly elevated. I go
see this buddy of mine and he is a doctor,
one of those like lifestyle doctors of diet and stuff
like that. He helps if people are extremely obese, helps
him lose a lot of white type thing. And he's
really really sharp, and he pulls me and he sists

(01:33:31):
me down. He says to me, Jesse, dietary cholesterol has
absolutely nothing to do with your cholesterol level, nothing at all.
He said. The only thing that's bringing up your cholesterol
is sugar. It's either the unprocessed or whatever, the sugar
and candy or carbs. Carbs turn to sugar in your bloodstream.

(01:33:56):
He said, I want you to do something for me.
I want you to try cutting down not out because
he knew I could never cut out and I could
never cut out carbs. I go keto, I could never
do that. I want you to consider cutting down on
your carbs for three months. Then we'll come back and
test all this again. And for three months I would

(01:34:16):
I would eat a slice of pizza, and I would
pile the toppings from two other slices all on one slice,
so I have more cheese and meat, but I still
have some carbs. Instead of two pieces of toast with breakfast,
I would have one, and that kind of thing. Sometimes
I would take the top off a burger halfway through
eating it. Sometimes I wouldn't. But you look like I'm

(01:34:37):
I'm not superman here. It's not like I was super
diligent about it. But I did probably cut my carbs
in half. I would guess half. And during that few
months I ate more butter and eggs and cheese and
bacon than you can possibly fathom. I would just have
cheesey scrambled eggs, four or five slices of bacon with

(01:34:59):
it in just inhale it. I mean the soaked in butter.
I go back. After three months of living like that,
my bad cholesterol was cut in half, not slightly lower
in half, my good cholesterol through the all my numbers, perfection.
That's my own personal experience with it. I still try

(01:35:22):
to do some of that, but but what it's worth
I'm not your doctor worked for me? All right? How
are we gonna split up the country? Are they gonna
let us hang? On the talk radio Revolution, Jesse Kelly,

(01:35:52):
you need to eat two super Beats heart choose a day.
And when I say need, this is what I mean.
You know, you know you have to take care of
your heart, in your blood pressure. That's not exactly news.
But some of the steps you have to take to
do that are less fun than others. Oh, I'm gonna
get up today at five in the morning and work

(01:36:14):
out for nine hours before work. That's that's not fun.
That's not fun at all. Eating Superbeats heart shoes is delicious.
I'll be honest. If they weren't good for my heart
and good for my blood pressure, I'd probably still eat them.
I'm a fruit snack freak. They don't taste anything like beats.

(01:36:34):
My favorite flavor is pomegranate berry, although I highly recommend
you also try supergrapes because it's outstanding. Go get some
go to get superbeats dot com slash Jesse. That's get
superbeats dot com slash Jesse. Buy two bags, get the
third for free. The Jesse Kelly Show on air and

(01:36:56):
online at Jesse Kelly Show dot com. It has been
pointed out to me by Jewish producer Chris that I

(01:37:17):
did not actually answer the man's question about eggs. Friday
egg can be the best egg. The reason I say
can be is look Friday egg, Like you said, dipping
wheat toast in an over easy egg is as good
as life gets. But scramby eggs they allow you to
add ingredients. I add dice talapenos to mine, little hot sauce,

(01:37:40):
little Frank's Buffalo ranch seasoning cheese. What Chris, I understand
you can do it on a fridaygg. It's not the same.
It's not at all the same as chopping up the ingredients. Also,
one thing about your email. It has to be corrected
right now. You don't put scrambled eggs on an egg.
SI you take a Friday egg, you break the yoke.

(01:38:03):
You put the Friday egg on an egg sandwich. Never
a scrambled egg on an egg sandwich. Come on, man,
But yeah, Mayo, of course, Doctor Jesse, I know we
have a serious problem with irreconcillability. I'm not sure if
that's a word of differences between the right and left. However,
I don't know if a divorce would work or be

(01:38:23):
done peacefully, because our new country, the United States of Christendom,
would have at least twenty five to thirty five percent
of the population that supported the left new country, the
American States of LGBTQ plus Austin and Canada. They would
undermine our new system at every turn, or they would
grow from twenty five to thirty five percent to fifty

(01:38:44):
point one percent in a few short, short decades. So
should the divorce take place, how would the right prevent
without helicopter deportations over the oceans, commies coming to take
over our new country? Thank you for your time, Yes, congrats.
If you read econcillability reconcilability without having to sound it out,

(01:39:05):
I had to sound it out. I still don't say
it's a word. Let me address this question right now. One.
They're never going to let it, let us go. You're right,
but we have a say in that too too. I've
told this story before it's one hundred percent true. It
just makes people uncomfortable because it makes people self conscious

(01:39:28):
about their life choices. This is not me judging you,
it's a fact. Buddy of mine has a conversation with
the Muslim buddy of his. The conversation goes like this,
He's asking about the direction of the country, so on
and so forth. The Muslim buddy says to my buddy, well,

(01:39:49):
you have two kids and they don't know what gender
they are. I have five kids and we teach them
our values. How do you think that story in if
you want to keep your country, especially after we divorce
but now too, there's nothing, absolutely nothing you can do

(01:40:12):
that's more patriotic to preserve the United States of America
as you want it than getting married and ranking out
a bunch of kids, And that makes people uncomfortable. Look,
I've only got two. I'm not pointing fingers at you.
I'm not pointing fingers at you. But I'm also right.

(01:40:34):
I'm also demographics don't lie. How many of them are
breeding versus how many of you are breeding. That's going
to determine the future of your nation. Who's doing the
breeding and who isn't. It's a fact, the next generation.
Yes there are children, and yes they're important. What they are,

(01:40:57):
they are a reflection of that what the country will
look like in the future. So what are those percentages?
Who's outbreeding? Who you want your country? Find a dime marrier,
have a bunch of kids. Dear oracle, doctor Jesse, I
want you to imagine that you were the dictator of
the United States starting today. What would you do? And

(01:41:20):
don't hold back so that you are politically correct. There
are no limits to your power. Oh boy, we're gonna
get in trouble here, aren't we. Chris, I'm gonna be delicates.
I'm gonna be delicate. I'm telling you right now. I'm look,

(01:41:41):
I'm doing this on the fly. The movie and music
industry would be virtually eliminated overnight, probably paused completely. No no, no, Chris,
No no, no no, we're here. What's that great saying from
the movie Crimson Tide. We're here to preserve democracy, not
to practice it. No, no, Daddy's in charge. Now this filth,

(01:42:02):
this commie filth gone. I'll let it come back. But
we are going to have whole industry cleanouts of movies
and music, which are critically important. These sports leagues. Good
Bye to that China money, and you better start being
American again. The school system, the public school system is gone,

(01:42:24):
and I do mean completely gone. I may do a
phase out of it if I'm in a good mood,
but it will not be in existence anymore. We will
move on to a completely privatized school system. I'm fine
if that's not homeschooling. Not everyone can do that. The
privatized system, by the way, if you're worried about the costs,
would cost a fraction of what the government school system

(01:42:45):
costs you for a much better education for your children.
The public education system would be gone completely overnight. That
would not be facing, That would be overnight gone period by.
Virtually every single government agency would be eliminated. And I
mean the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I mean the EPA.
I don't mean a reduction. I don't mean a limited

(01:43:08):
I mean virtually every single government agency would be eliminated.
Chris asked the i RS too, Yes, of course, the
IRS they probably be first, probably be first. I'm not joking.
I'm not joking about any of this. I would openly
encourage states to build churches in synagogues. There's no such
thing as church and state. Your country has to have

(01:43:29):
some sort of religious founding in order to have a
moral code. I'm not appreciate it. You you you know, I've
never done that. I never will. That is every The
Aztecs had a religious moral code. It was detestable, but
they had one. If you don't have one as a nation,
you are gone. Every nation in the history mankind is
known they need to have one. We will have one

(01:43:49):
here in the United States of America. No, I'm not
starting a theocracy and burning heretics set the state. It
will be more of an encouragement. But we will have
churches and synagogues here all over the country. Period. We will.
You know, we should probably dial down what should be
done to the opposition, but let's just start with deportations.

(01:44:15):
There will be mass deportations, and I'm talking about of
American citizens. We have too many American citizens now who
simply despise the United States of America. Chris, that's not nice.
But it's true. Chris said, Hey, it's what Lincoln wanted
to do. It's true. There will be people leaving this country.
There will be the death penalty for pedophiles. And I

(01:44:36):
don't mean after a year if obviously I wanted a
justice system, after a fair trial. If you meet certain
levels of egregious you will die that day. In fact,
you will die publicly that day on the courthouse, long
swinging from the gallows that day. They're not torturing people
to death through anything like that, but you're gone that
day in public, and you'll swing there for a while

(01:44:58):
so everybody can see. Um, let me see, Chris, what
else are we doing here? What voting rights? Oh, you
are absolutely You'll be shocked at how few people actually
get to vote. I don't think I will actually make
it an age thing. I'll certainly put a limit on
it twenty five thirty years old unless you have military

(01:45:19):
service type thing. But there will be you will be
a stakeowner in this country or you have no say
so whatsoever in the direction of this country. Illegal immigration.
Don't worry, that'll be gone. That'll get handled pretty quickly,
very very quickly. I don't I don't mean we're going
to get you deported after you go through court. I
mean you physically can't get to the border, and if

(01:45:42):
you do, you're simply met at gunpoint and told to
turn around. I'm not doing that to be cruel. I
think that is nice because you don't have to do
that very long and they'll stop coming. They'll simply stop coming.
Let me think here, abortion outlawed nationally, not even a
debate that comes with the death penalty. Let me think here,

(01:46:03):
what else? I realized it's getting brutal, Chris, I'm the dictator.
I'm the dictator. You asked what I would do. He
asked me to be offensive. This is what I'm By
the way, I'm not done yet. I'm just taking down
through the list of answers. Here, government will issue, government
will issue and have no rights to take back. And
a R fifteen to every single American adult after they

(01:46:25):
receive firearms training, we will be the most armed country
in the history of the world. Oh, I'm not even
close to finish yet. First we have to have a
guest to talk about those government schools. Hang on. Your

(01:46:50):
daughter doesn't want to talk about why her room is
a horrible mess. Your son doesn't want to talk about
why he's wearing mismatching socks. Your spouse doesn't want to
talk about their bad haircut. Families don't have to talk
about everything, but they should talk to plan for an emergency.

(01:47:12):
Pack basic supplies in a go back water, canned food, flashlights, batteries,
medical supplies, I DS, and some cash. Talk about where
you'll meet in case you lose one another, and of
course don't forget to pack the dog treats. Talk to
your family and make an emergency plan. Go to NYC

(01:47:35):
dot gov, slash ready and y or call three one
one to make your family's emergency plan. Brought to you
by New York City Emergency Management and the AD Council.

(01:48:08):
You hear me rail all the time against this public
education system. One guy I've really really come to admire
because he's always out there fighting to good fight is
Corey DeAngelis. He is with the Reason Foundation. He's the
director of School Choice with the Reason Foundation. Corey, parents
out there are screaming for schools to open. You're out

(01:48:30):
there doing good things. Tell people what's happening. Yeah, I mean,
we've seen this over the past year that schools have
been closed for in person instruction and not providing an
adequate type of remote learning for so many students, And
a lot of it has to do with incentives. You know,
the private schools have been fighting to reopen whereas the
public schools and their teachers unions have been fighting to

(01:48:51):
remain closed because they get your money regardless of whether
they even opened their doors for business. So now you
even have places like teachers unions in the Chicago area
you actually going on strike as of yesterday, after the
district even offered them a nine and a half percent
raise over three years. Yeah, so families are seeing all
of this stuff going on. I mean, you have the

(01:49:12):
Berkeley teacher union president railing against schools reopening while sending
his own child to in person private school for his family.
So families are getting fed up with this, and they're
seeking alternatives like school choice or what I call funding
the student as opposed to the system. And you have
twenty eight states where legislators have introduced bills to fund

(01:49:33):
the student as opposed to the institution. And about a
third of these states have passed one of these bills
out of at least one chamber, and about five other
states have passed the bills out a committee. So there's
there's a shift in momentum in support of funding students directly,
and I think a lot of has to do with
the teachers unions overplaying their hand this past year. What

(01:49:54):
do you mean. You say this all the time, and
I love it. What do you mean specifically by funding
students instead of systems? And the current system, a geographically
assigned monopoly public school gets your children's education dollars regardless
of how well they do, and regardless of how satisfied
the families are, and in this past year in particular,

(01:50:15):
regardless of whether they even open their doors for business.
All I'm arguing is that that same money that would
it went to your public school should follow the child
instead to whatever educational institution works best for them. It
could be the public school if that works best for them,
but if not, it could follow them to a private school,
or be used to cover the costs of home based

(01:50:35):
education or even pandemic pods or micro schools. And the
best way to do this through the legislature is something
called an education savings account. The money that would have
went to the public school follows the child to their
own education savings account, and the funding has to be
used on government approved education expenditures, and I listed a
couple of them a second ago. But it gets us

(01:50:58):
from funding built to funding students. And look, if the
education system is supposed to exist to meet the needs
of individual students. We should fund the students instead of
the institution, and we already do this with so many
other programs, like TELL grants in the gi built for
higher education. The money goes to the student and then
they can pick public or private universities of their choosing.

(01:51:21):
We don't residentially assign people to a particular institution and
tell people they must use their PELL grant funding at
a community college, for example, And we don't do that
with PreK programs either. With PreK programs such as the
federal Headstart program, the money goes to the family. Family
can choose public or private, religious or non religious, and
you can go on and on with these examples of

(01:51:43):
other programs that fund people instead of institutions. We should
just do the same thing when it comes to kate
to twelve education. Poory right out there, right now. I've
been encouraging people to move, if it's at all possible, move,
get to a place where your child can be educated
the way they want. If you know where, You've forgotten
more about this stealth than I'll ever know. There's a
parent out there right now looking around the country for

(01:52:06):
a place where they can have choices for their child.
If you're that parent, what advice do you have for them?
Where is the school choice heaven right now? Or heavens?
In America? Arizona and Florida are two best states for
private school choice initiatives and for charter schools. They have
a lot of access to public charter schools as well.

(01:52:27):
But Arizona has two bills this session. One has already
passed out of their full Senate to expand their existing
programs that already fund students as oppost to institutions. And
Florida has another bill at that just advanced to the
full Senate yesterday to expand their programs to fund students

(01:52:47):
as oppost to institutions. So those states are doing it well,
but there are tons of other states that are pushing
the ball forward when it comes to school choice. And
I think a lot of that has to do with again,
because the teacher junions are essentially providing free advertising for
school choice this past year and families are getting fed up.
You look at the latest real clear opinion research pulling
on this, there's been a huge jump jump in support

(01:53:10):
for funding students directly from in just a few months
between April and August twenty twenty, there was a ten
percentage point jump in support for funding students directly, and
we're seeing these proposals all across the nation. So I
think the teacher unions have really overplayed their hand in
a way. They've done more to advance the concept of
school choice than anyone could have ever imagined this past year, Corey,

(01:53:35):
Are we making progress as far as parents, as far
as the public education system reforming itself or maybe getting
funds taken away for people like me who really really
look down on any government schooling. Are we making steps
in the right direction at all? Or are we still
just stuck in the mud here? Wow, we're making steps

(01:53:57):
in the right direction when it comes to people re
envisioning how education funding should work. People are starting to
understand that there's no good reason to fund the institution
when you can fund the students directly. But when it
comes to the public school system, it's more of the same.
We throw more and more money at the problem and
they get essentially the same results over time, and that's
because they don't have particularly strong incentives to meet the

(01:54:18):
needs of individual families. And I think more people are
seeing this past year. But I will say in places
that do have more school choice, the public schools tend
to get better in response to that competitive pressure. There's
a ton of studies on this, particularly in Florida, finding
that when private school choice expands, or when charter schools expand,
the public schools up their game. So in this sense,

(01:54:40):
school choice is a rising tide that lifts all boats,
and you don't even really have to use the programs
to benefit from them because of those competitive pressures. And
a handful of other studies find that in response to
this competition, the public schools start to pay their teachers more.
And again that's because in the current system, the monopoly
does have any particularly strong incentive to allocate resources efficiently.

(01:55:04):
So school choice benefits families obviously in the public and
private sector, but it also benefits the employees as well,
and so school choice benefits teachers too. It's really a
win win situation until you start thinking about the teachers
union bosses and the administrators in the system who would
otherwise profit from getting those dollars that should go to

(01:55:25):
teacher salaries instead of administrators. Is there actual talk out
there from people you're talking to about moving to homeschooling.
Is homeschooling blowing up right now? Because I hear so
much chatter about it, I just can't find numbers if
it's actually happening. Yeah, obviously there's a boost in home
based education, whether that's through the public school system or

(01:55:48):
done privately, but even formally homeschooling has jumped a lot.
The latest Gallop poll that I found on this nationwide
suggests that the number of students formally homeschooling this year
will double from last year. So there's a huge increase
in homeschooling. A lot of people are who wouldn't have

(01:56:08):
done it before got a taste of homeschooling in the
past year and they said, well, you know, maybe I
want to do this. Maybe I don't like the factory
model of the government school system, and maybe I can
make it work in the home based setting where my
child can get more one on one instruction. But at
the same time, not all families can afford to cover
the cost of home based education. So I think this

(01:56:31):
is another reason why there's a bigger push for funding
students directly, because these education savity accounts programs could be
used to cover the cost of home based education. And
would actually lead to more equity because the most advantaged
are the ones who are more likely to be able
to afford home based education and private school tuition and
fees without these programs. So again, there shouldn't be a

(01:56:53):
partisan issue. It shouldn't be an issue at all because
it really leads to a win for everybody until you
start to think about the power dynamics when it comes
to the special interest that profit from getting your child's
education dollars regardless of how well they do, and in
this past year, as we've all seen, regardless of what
they open their doors for business. Corey Deangelist, everybody, Corey,

(01:57:16):
thank you so much. From a man I appreciate you.
Thank you so much. All right. Dictator Jesse, why do
Republican governors suck? And more state advice? Are you thinking
about moving to Texas? I'm gonna help you hang them missus.

(01:57:46):
Catch up, Jesse, Kelly Show dot Com Jake's mint chew
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(01:58:09):
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(01:58:51):
get twenty percent off eight seven seven three seven seven

(01:59:13):
four three seven three Jesse at Jesse kellyshow dot com.
This might be our final broadcast. We have an emergency
situation here in the building. I walked into the bathroom
a second ago. The urinal, Yes, the urinal in the
bathroom is overflowing. And I need to be crystal clear

(01:59:38):
about this. When I say overflowing, I don't mean troop.
I mean a waterfall pouring out of the urinal. And
I have almost died so many times in this lifetime.
If I die drowning in urinal water, I'm gonna be
so disappointed, so disappointed. But I guess that's the way

(02:00:01):
it goes. I've decided we should probably leave the dictator's
stuff aside for another day. It doesn't get better from there,
I'll tell you. It doesn't get better from there. But
I will tell you there is a robust plan to
give power back to the States. When I'm done with
all this. There will, however, be well, for most of

(02:00:25):
our laws are going to get eliminated during my time.
But then there will be some serious systems put into
place so this stuff can never ever ever happen again,
ever happen again? Deal or Doctor Steele, Showgun Oracle of Jesse.
How are Republican governors even more out of touch than

(02:00:46):
the DC crowd? Were they really too stupid to realize
that the santis gnome personal responsibility approach is a million
times more popular with the base than the abbot tyrant lockdown,
forced face face diaper approach. Yes, they're too stupid, Yes
it Your life is going to be so influenced by

(02:01:09):
the people around you. We all like to consider ourselves.
Oh I'm too strong for that. I'm a strong woman.
No one affects me. I'm a man. No one affects
how I think. That's not true. That's not true. You
were affected by the things your eyes see and your
ears here. That's the way the human body is made up.

(02:01:31):
That's the way the human mind is made up. That's
why I encourage you to move. It's better for you.
Why do you think so many of these Republicans, these
conservatives moved to DC as politicians or writers, and soon
they're taking the system line before you know it, like that.
It's all they're surrounded by these Republican governors and Republicans

(02:01:52):
just at any level, so often lose their minds and
do the wrong thing because they're not talking to you.
They're not talking to me, and Greg Abbott could reach
out to me. It's not like it doesn't have my number.
They're not talking to us. They're not talking to us.
They're talking to their other political friends. They're talking to

(02:02:12):
their rich donors who are uncomfortable with this and uncomfortable
with that, and they come out with these positions that
are I mean, anybody you can see a mile away
that's gonna be wildly unpopular with Republicans and they can't.
And you're all, is this guy an idiot? Is it?
This guy got himself in a bubble. Beware of your bubble.

(02:02:34):
You are in one. Bubbles make you stupid. Greetings say
Tie Showgun Master Chief of Letters usmc PhD. Shut up, Chris,
doctor Jesse. I enjoyed your recent segment on surviving the
eight month Montana Winners so much so that I think
it should be a reoccurring segment on the show The

(02:02:54):
Red State Relocation Survival Guide. You may not know people
living in blue states have folklore about Red states, Southern states,
in flyover states in general. When I decided to take
up your suggestion and relocate to red state Florida, I
was immediately warned about the infamous Texas summers and apparent
statewide infestation with brown recluses. Can you do anything to

(02:03:17):
dispel my concerns? Okay, power one. The brown recluse thing
is so overblown. I've lived here for six seven years
something like that. What year is it, Chris twenty twenty one?
Think of me. About seven years I've lived in Texas.
I've seen one brown recluse, ever, and it was a
dead one. Chris has seen three he's lived there his

(02:03:37):
whole life. That's so overblown, totally overblown. It's not like
Australia where you get eaten by dingoes right when you
get off the plane. Anyway, your body adjusts to things.
Your body will adjust, will adjust to the Texas summers.
You're never going to walk out of your house in

(02:03:59):
July Dallas or Houston and be all, WHOA, this feels great.
It's always going to be hot. You'll get used to it.
You'll learn to get by your body adapts. One thing
you have to be really diligent about, though, if you've
never lived in a hot climate. You have to drink water.
And I say that I didn't grow up drinking tons

(02:04:22):
of water. I was actually a huge milk drinker. I
would just drink it by the gallant. Shut up, Chris.
But then in the Marine corps they will quite literally
what they used to, They will quite literally beat it
into you if you don't drink enough water. If you do,
I've told you the story before, if they would catch
you dehydrated, they'll look at your durine and if it's

(02:04:42):
if it's not the right color. They will take you
to a trash can and make you drink water until
you're throwing up. It's that, but that's that's how important
it is. And they're doing it because it'll save your life.
So now I just naturally drink water all day long.
I'm always drinking water. But I realize a lot of
people don't. They have. They drink diet soda all day,
They drink, they drink various things all day. You cannot

(02:05:03):
do that here. You cannot do that here. You will
get too dehydrated. You'll feel even if it doesn't get dangerous,
you'll feel miserable all the time. You have got to
drink water here and drink it a lot, and I
mean a lot. All right, we're not quite done yet.

(02:05:23):
Hang on, Hey dad, your prescription will be ready in
just a minute. Hey dad, Your laundry will be ready

(02:05:45):
in just a minute. Dad, e lunch will be ready
in just a minute. Hey, honey, why don't you take
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you give them as much time as you can making
sure they're safe and comfortable. But it's just as important
that you take some time for yourself. At AARP we

(02:06:06):
can help with information and useful tips on how you
can maintain a healthy life, balance, care for your own
physical and mental well being, and manage the challenges of
caring for a loved one. Because the better care you
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(02:06:27):
you and your loved one at AARP dot org slash caregiving.
That's AARP dot org slash caregiving. A public service announcement
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(02:06:55):
seven seven three seven seven four three seven three eight
seven seven three seven seventy four three seven three Jesse
at Jesse Kelly show dot com. I mean that about
drinking water. This is it's gonna sound like I'm one
of those workout nut guys. You know those personal trainers.
You need to drink nine gallons of water a day.

(02:07:16):
I'm not saying that, but in this state, you're going
to learn a couple of things. Do you have to
drink a lot of water. Your body will get used
to it. Sunglasses are not optional. They're not optional. Your
eyes will hurt at the end of the day. If
you don't have sunglasses on, shut up. Chris. Hats also beneficial,

(02:07:37):
especially when you're approaching thirty nine and the hair is
starting to thin out a little bit on tomp, starting
to retreat back towards your ears just a bit. Look,
once you get married, everything goes gray and just starts
falling out. It's from the stress of it. All right,

(02:07:57):
I'll see you Monday, you hooligans. That's all the Jesse

(02:08:37):
Kelly show. You don't have to dip forever. You know that, right,
You don't have to smoke forever. And the reason I
say it like that is I have been that guy.
I've been that guy. I dipped for so long. And
what would happen is I would decide I'm gonna quit.
It's bad for me. I'm gonna quit. I'm a man,
I don't need any help. I'm just gonna quit cold turkey.

(02:08:58):
And I would fail time and time and time again.
I tried things like the patch that didn't work, gum
sunflower seeds. I tried at all. It's just a matter
of finding the right thing to help you quit. That's
Jake's mintchew. Go put in your dip. Just make sure
it's Jake's Mintchew. It's tobacco free, it's nicotine free, it's

(02:09:20):
even sugar free, and I highly recommend. Just a personal choice,
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