March 5, 2021 • 33 mins
Losing a war to an unarmed enemy
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Your holster is way more important than you think it is.
It's just way more important than you think it is.
What look, and I get that the holsters not the
sexy part of carrying firearms. All right, You want to
talk about your weapon and your ammunition. You want to
talk about your safety training. You want to talk about
how you did at the range. Oh, look at my groups.
I was doing these failure drills today, and all that
(00:21):
stuff is really important. I mean, really really important. I'm
not discounting that, but I've known so many people who
do all those things. They take all the necessary steps
and then they carry with a holster they bought from
a big box hunting store that was made a thousand
at a time. Please don't put your life in one
of those holsters. You need to trust Northwest Retention Systems
(00:44):
because it's all custom made gear. It's the only thing
I carry around NW Retention dot Com. That's NW Retention
dot Com used to promo co Jesse gets you ten
percent off. This is a Jesse Kelly Show. It's going
(01:23):
to be such a good day. It isn't asked doctor
Jesse Friday on the Jesse Kelly Show, and man, you
people are insane and it's awesome. I have to answer
questions today about how the national divorce works. Some lady
(01:46):
secretly has a lot of cash her husband doesn't know
about why I don't want to write a book. We
have unicorns fighting dragons. It is. It's an insane ask
doctor Jesse Friday. Don't raise your hands at me, Chris.
I didn't come up with the questions. This is up
(02:08):
to the people. This is up to the people. It's
my job as the showgun to lead people through what
has been a long week. It's just dragging on sometimes.
Now this is this is what happens during when you
get a Democrat elected, especially now with these crazy Democrats.
(02:33):
It's not like the Bill Clinton years where you gonna
have it no a bunch of stuff you disagree with
them on, but there's gonna be some things that aren't
that bad in a minor disagreement. Now, because they're all communists,
everything sucks. All the political news is terrible, and so
I'm combing through it with you. I see your emails,
I hear you. I'm going through it with you, and
(02:54):
every day it's just something awful. It makes ask doctor
Jesse Friday that much more important. We just we're not
carrying a heavy load today. I'll be honest for the
first time ever on the show. My history story, while interesting,
is completely light. There's not even any death. It's just
(03:16):
going to be kind of a wild goofball story from history.
And then we're gonna get to your eighteen trillion questions
and you can still call it live during the show
if you want. By the way, eight seven seven three
seven seven four three seven three Jesse at Jesse Kelly
show dot com. Let's rewind and get to the history,
(03:39):
because this is I don't know. The story is so insane.
I thought when I first heard about it that it
wasn't real. Chris, do you know what an emu is? Yeah?
An emu is a hideous looking flightless bird. It is
(04:00):
six feet tall, over one hundred pounds. If you're if
you're not driving, this is the portion where I tell
you to look it up so you can picture it.
But if you can't, or if you're driving doing something,
just no long but long, skinny but powerful legs, certainly
some feet. You wouldn't want to be underneath a big
(04:24):
fluffball body. Remember this is a flightless bird, but a
big body, A face that is absolutely horrific. You would
you do an image search of the EMU and you
get the face on one. You know, you're looking at
eye to eye. That should be in a horror movie.
It's looking into my soul. I'm lucky. I didn't have
(04:47):
nightmares last night. But I don't really have nightmares. Christy
have nightmares. I don't have many of them. You know,
one of the weird ones I get all the you
know what, I'm not gonna do that right now. I'm
gonna finish my EMU story first before I get to
my nightmare. I have this weird one that I get
now and then. But all right, it's huge. It's also
Australia's national bird, so it's like, I mean, it's it's there.
(05:12):
I'm not Australian, so I don't know if it's as
important to them, but it's their bald eagle. It's there that.
Now let's rewind a bit back to World War One.
World War One was obviously wretched, wretched, and remember this
because it comes into play, I mean kind of in
(05:34):
our story here. I'm not going to go into any
death today, like I said, but guys were heading off
to World War One. And the Australians, to their credit
in World War One and World War Two, fight like lions.
Australians are beasts. I know several people today in the
Special operations community who will tell you the Australian SAS,
(05:56):
which is obviously modeled off the British sas, like their
Navy seals, are some of the baddest dudes on the planet.
They are bad dudes. Yes, that's right, Chris. We're gonna
get to that in a moment. Everything over there is
trying to kill you. But they they went off and
acquitted themselves very well in World War One. But remember
World War One was horrific for a laundry list of reasons,
(06:19):
but one of the main ones was you're going off
to war as a young man with an idea of
combat that is cavalry charges with swords and things like that.
That was glory for the Queen something like that, and
you're just finding out wars not like that anymore. It's
(06:40):
bombs and gas, in misery, in rats and trench foot
It just it's terrible. Guys came back from World War
One wrecked and understandably, like most countries, Australia values its
veterans appreciates its veterans. You see it all the time
(07:02):
in America. That's not unique to America. People appreciate the
ones who went and fought for them, and they had
to figure out something to do with the veterans when
they came back home. Because these guys come back home
and as somebody who has on a very very very
low level, we're not talking World War One, I can't
function in society anymore. But as someone who has dealt
(07:25):
with getting out and not really fitting in society anymore,
at least temporarily, I know what it's like at least
a little bit. But these World War two guys were
on a different level. You get back, you know what
I've told you this story before. He's just a brief
little one about me. I got back and got I
(07:45):
got back from my rack out out of the Marine
Corps pretty much right away, start working, just doing construction,
going to community college, and I would sit in the
back with my hat pulled way down low, just baseball
cap pulled down those No one would talk to me.
And it's Arizona, so there's even dimes all over the class.
And I'm a single dude at the time, I didn't
(08:06):
even want to talk to girls. I just really wanted
to be left alone. And I would find myself. I
know this is a little frank, but look, it's me.
I would find myself daydreaming about one of two things. Often, somebody,
one of the dudes in the class would do something
that I would find vaguely annoying, and I would think
about dragging him outside and beating the absolute living crap
out of him. And I would have these recurring daydreams
(08:29):
that the government would hire me to go around the
country and kill pedophiles. That is not a healthy place
to be. That is not a good place to be.
Thankfully I came out of it. But that's a small
idea of what you go through. Now, take a World
War One veteran who went through way worse stuff than
I ever went through. These guys come back and they
don't fit. They don't fit oftentimes with their own families,
(08:52):
which is heartbreaking. But you come back home to whatever
your job was, and I mean, your parents don't recognize you,
your buddies don't recogniz your high school sweetheart. She thinks
you're a monster now, and that only makes you isolate more.
They've got to figure out how to take care of
these guys. And we need to pause for a moment
(09:13):
and describe Australia as best as I can describe it
without ever having been there. Australia is one gigantic. It
is huge. You look at it as an island in
a big island, but it is like the size of
the continental United States of America. It's enormous. The coasts
(09:37):
on both sides are pretty, they're they're nice. They're very nice.
You've got trees and everything else, you know, and whatnot.
They're very nice. And that's where almost everyone in the
country lives. The middle of it not so much barren
wasteland of deserts and desert mountains, and it's horrible and
(10:01):
I'm horrible. That's the bush. That's the Australian outback. The
veterans come back and they are given some land. Yeah,
the government wants to help these veterans out. These guys
need a place back in society. And the government says, hey,
we'll cut you deal. You get back from the war,
(10:24):
we'll start finding plots of ground to give you and
you know, you get something out of it, and we
get something out of it. What's that something they're gonna
get out of it. Well, I'll tell you in a moment.
Hang is he smarter than everyone who knows? Does he
(10:56):
think so? Yeah? That you see, Kelly Shaw, I have
a nice little tradition now in my house. Here's what
it is. Go home from work, see the wife, see
the kids, mess around and get ready for my show
the next day. Sit down for dinner. And now my
(11:17):
kids make fun of me for this. I have two
Superbeats heart shoes sitting right next to my glass. I
usually have a glass of water with dinner finish up,
and that's my dessert every single night. They taste delicious,
they're all natural. They're outstanding for my heart and my
(11:37):
blood pressure. It is the ultimate replacement for your evening dessert.
They do not taste like Beats, and I'm trying not
to lecture you. It's such an easy step to take
care of your heart. It's insane if you don't do it.
Go to get Superbeats dot com slash Jesse. That's get
(11:59):
super beat dot com slash Jesse by two bags, get
the third for free. Some lady has more money than
(12:22):
her husband knows about, apparently a lot, and they've been
married a long time. We're going to address that and
then ask doctor Jesse Friday. There's an ancient battle we
have to put together. Someone wants to know why British
accents sounds so hot. I'll try not to burst your
(12:43):
bubble on the accents, but we'll discuss that here in
a few At first, let's get let's get past as
quickly as possible. The EMU War veterans World War One
veterans coming back to Australia. Australian government saying, hey, we're
gonna help you out. We're gonna give you some land
(13:04):
by the way eight seven seven three seven seven four
three seven three Jesse at Jesse Kelly show dot com.
But the government wanted something out of the land. Remember,
wars are taxing on nations too, taxing economically, taxing on resources.
It's just very tough. The government needed more food. The
(13:26):
government wanted these veterans to come back home and grow wheat.
They wanted them to come back home and grow weeds
so badly they offered to pay them an extremely generous
amount of money, frankly more than market value for whatever
wheat they produced. So yeah, they were trying to do
the right thing. Come here, here's some land. Go ahead,
(13:50):
learn how to farm, become a farmer. Get me some wheat.
Will pay you more than you deserve for that week.
That's what they told them, and they gave them a
set amount. I'm not going to go into the amounts.
Then you're dealing with foreign currencies, and everybody's eyes glaze over,
and no one knows what you're talking about. I don't
know if they were shekels or not, Chris, but we're
not going in it what anyway. The good land, though,
(14:14):
goes very early, and the war doesn't end in a month.
You remember, they start handing out land. Nineteen fourteen, nineteen fifteen.
Veterans start coming back home, some of them wounded, some
of them just finished with their combat tour. They're getting
these this land and it's going well. But you still
have veterans coming home in nineteen sixteen, in nineteen seventeen,
(14:38):
and the good land is gone, and now you're starting
to stick. Some of these veterans coming back, and some
of the crappy land nobody even wants to live on.
Look today, nobody wants to live on most of this stuff.
It's that bad there. I mean, there are some severely,
severely remote parts of Australia. And let's pause there for
just a second. Australia is obviously, I'm guessing, thankfully I've
(15:04):
never been there, and Lord Willing will not ever go.
I'm guessing it's what hell looks like. Now. I understand
it's a beautiful and honestly the people are great, but
the animals on top of the environment, the environment itself
can murder you there. It is a horrible, dangerous desert.
The animals. If you look up, look up. You know
(15:25):
why Chris do this while I'm talking, while I'm discussing
everything else. Look up the ten deadliest snakes in the
world the last time I looked, And you always get
different versions of what is deadliest. It's like eight or
nine of the ten are in Australia. You have the
dingos in Australia. You have saltwater crocodiles in Australia, the
(15:45):
largest reptile in the world by a large margin. You
have bullet ants. You know why they call them bullet
ants because it feels like you've been shot if you
can stung by one. They have. And I will caution
you if you're planning on sleeping within the next month.
(16:07):
Don't look up a picture or a YouTube video of
this thing in operation, the Sydney Funnel web spider. Oh
my goodness, it is this gigantic. I have huge hands
because I'm six eight. They're bigger than my hand. They
have fangs that are the size of my fingers, and
(16:29):
you should see how big my fingers are. They just
they look it looks like something prehistoric. And they're under
the ground with just what it sounds like this web
that they create in a ditch. And that's just horrible.
And that's just a couple of the things on land.
We haven't even gotten to the water. And you know what,
when we get to the water, imagine this. Imagine a
(16:52):
water environment so horrific that a great white shark barely
cracks the top ten on things you're scared of there.
And they have huge great white sharks, they have bull sharks.
They attack more people than anything else in the world.
They have the deadliest thing there. It's called the box jellyfish. Jellyfish. Also,
notice the sea wasp. You'll die within two minutes of
(17:14):
brushing up against it. And oh, by the way, you
can hardly see it at all. Yeah, yeahs, Chrits is
holding up. It's like microscopic. They're tiny and they can
get huge. By the way of it, they're tiny. They
have a deadly octopus, a blue ring octopus, which are
gorgeous if you see them. They're really cool looking. They
have a deadly like snail they have and this might
(17:38):
be the one that scares me the most. They have
something called the stone fish there. The stonefish is something. Oh,
of course, it nestles its way into the sand, so
you of course can't see it if you step on one,
and people do. Here's two things that happen often for
(18:00):
people who step on stonefish. The pain is so bad.
It's not that it's the poison. Obviously the poison causes
the pain. But the pain is so bad your body
can't function anymore and you will go into shock and
die again. I can't stress this enough. Not the poison
killing you. The pain is so bad it kills you
(18:23):
dying from pain. They have people. This is another thing
that happens who step on stonefish. This is the norm.
This is a normal thing. When people step on them.
They beg the paramedics please amputate my foot, cut it off.
Have you ever had something hurt so bad you just
removed the limb. That's Australia. And remember this was a
(18:47):
penal colony for Britain for so long. Britain landed there,
like the first people who ever landed there landed on
the western part, which is you know, really really bad,
and that's where our story takes place, and they thought,
oh gosh, never mind, we're out of here. It wasn't.
It wasn't until people started landing in the east, which
is nicer, that they realize this place has some nice stuff.
(19:08):
Back to our story. You're giving the veterans crappy parts
of Australia now toward its desert, and they're struggling trying
to get wheat to grow. The environment's brutal. The frost,
they'll get random bits of frost and wipe out whole crops.
They have a rabbit problem. And I'm not talking about
(19:29):
your rabbit problem where you have two or three who
are digging holes in your yard and you're shooting them
with pelicans, not that I've ever done that kind of
thing a thousand times. I mean rabbit hordes, infestations that
are destroying entire crops. It's really bad. On top of that,
we get to nineteen twenty nine. Now, what happens in
(19:53):
the world about nineteen twenty nine A little something maybe
you've heard of before. It's called the Great Depression. That
was not a uniquely American thing, that was worldwide. It
crushed Europe, it crushed Australia. So the government, on top
(20:14):
of having to give these guys some bad land, the
government can't give these guys the amount of money they
had originally promised them for the wheat. And when I
say they can't give them the same amount, just no,
because again I'm not going to break down the currencies
for you. They're giving them pennies on the dollar versus
(20:36):
what they were promised pennies on the dollar. Think if
I promised you for a promised you a dollar a
unit and then gave you five cents a unit, that's
the equivalent to what they had. So we have these veterans.
Now everyone has a heart for them. They're wiped out.
And then, as if life couldn't get more difficult over
(20:56):
a fifteen years span, If you're a veteran and come home,
crappy part of Australia crop won't come in frost rabbits.
Life's hard. You get invaded. The wheat you can grow
gets invaded by EMUs, not one or two of them,
(21:17):
twenty thousand of them come in twenty thousand. I will
wrap up the story and begin with your questions when
we get back a secret retirement account. Jowser Hi. We're
(21:46):
the Google dolls. We're fortunate that we can give our
daughters everything they need to grow and learn, but not
every child can focus on classes and play dates. Nearly
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in six. School lunch might be their only meal each day,
and it's heartbreaking. You imagine any child going to bed hungry.
We're dreaming of a perfect day when kids can smile,
(22:08):
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(22:29):
Learning to play an instrument, building a sandcastle, hosting tea parties,
hunger should never be an obstacle to growing up. You
can help bend child in hunger in your community by
visiting Feeding America dot org, brought to you by Feeding
America and the AD Council. In order to open these doors,
(23:02):
we do not say open Sesame. We say open Biden.
That's our magic word. That was Nancy Pelosi yesterday. I Chris,
I want you, Chris, I want you to play it again.
(23:23):
And before you do that, I want you to understand
you have to make sure you put this on the
show Twitter at Jesse Kelly's show. You can find me
on social media at Jesse Kelly DC on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook,
I'm on locals. But I want you, if you find
time to go watch the video of this too. That
(23:43):
is Nancy Pelosi talking about Joe Biden. The video somehow
makes it worse. You're like, what's she talking about? Don't
ask me, don't ask me, Chris, play this again. In
order to open these doors, we do not say open Sesame,
say open Biden. That's our magic word. And she's doing
(24:05):
like this, like that look on her face. It's the
two people leading this country are nine thousand years old,
and none in control. Of their mental faculties, and we
are in a great deal of trouble. All right, sending
that aside, all right, back to the EMU war. These
veterans are struggling. The EMUs are swarming, now twenty thousand
(24:27):
of them. Then EMUs are foragers. They just they're gonna
eat whatever they find. Period, big wheatfield. You might as
well put out a buffet in front of me. The
veterans start doing what veterans do. They grab their weapons
and they start shooting them. But remember I said there
(24:49):
are twenty thousand EMUs, twenty thousand of them. The veterans
start running out of AMMO. Some of them don't even
have weapons. A bounty finally gets offered. Somebody, please kill
these things. They're wiping us out. That can't do it.
The veterans appeal to the government and say, hey, do
(25:11):
something to help, and in one of the most bizarre
choices I've ever heard in my life, the Australian government
chooses to get the military involved. We're not talking about
adding fencing, maybe getting some wildlife management. Australia is well
versed in wildlife management. As we already described, it's a hellscape. Instead,
(25:36):
they send an army unit at units, probably putting it strong.
They send three guys, two heavy machine guns with ten
thousand rounds. They also send a movie company with the
three guys to document the whole thing, which is so bizarre,
(25:56):
so beyond bizarre. And when I say bizarre, this is
what I mean. It's weird that you would, when you
think about today's sensibilities, that you would go out to
hunt down and machine gun down a bunch of birds
and film it to broadcast it to the company to
the country. Think how much people would freak. But people
(26:19):
wanted to know the Australian government was capable of protecting
its citizens and during the Great Depression something real we
can take from the show. Before I get to the
asked doctor Jesse questions. During the Great Depression, remember this
secession movements were gaining steam around the world, including in Australia,
because when economies tanked to that level, people start to
(26:43):
look to their government and say, well, what good are you.
The Australian government was actually in some trouble with its
own citizens, who were all fix this now that kind
of thing, So they thought making a film out of
this whole thing would brighten the mood a little bit,
and look, well, look what we will do. Our veterans
(27:04):
were in charge, and we set in the army to
help them out. Except that's not that's not how you
would hunt and EMU at all. That's just not how
you would do it. They encounter some right off the bat.
They of course pull out the heavy machine guns and
start spraying machine gun fire at the EMUs. The EMUs
(27:26):
simply scatter and they run really fast. You need to
think about EMUs like a mini Ostrich. They just turn
around and take off and they don't get any of them.
Then they run into a group of a thousand of them.
Remember this is all being documented, So this is becoming
it's becoming a joke. Already. You already shot at them
and missed them. The army hasn't done anything. They run
(27:48):
into another group of a thousand, boom machine gun jams.
They take off again. Now now this is starting to
get to be front page news. As things are getting
abled back and forth about this whole thing, they decide
they need a new tactic. Clearly, mounting the machine guns
is not working. Surprise, surprise, they're not Germans. They're not
(28:09):
going to charge them. They mount the weapons on vehicles,
they start trying to run them down. They're shooting from
the vehicles not accurately at all. They don't hit any
of the emu with actually machine gun fire. They do
manage to accidentally drive over one, though, which causes the
(28:32):
truck to lose control and it wrecks defense of one
of the farmers they're there to help. Now you've also
caused something else. Every time you're charging them, including this time,
the emu are taking off scared out of their minds.
Their brains are like the size of peas. And remember
(28:52):
I said, those powerful legs they have, they're stomping andten
shredding the ground that they were there to protect, that
the army was there to protect. These stampedes are hurting
things even more. They finally figure out that they how
to start killing them, but even that's slow. It takes
ten shots per bird to bring one down. There are
(29:12):
twenty thousand EMUs. You only brought ten thousand rounds. It
lass a month, and it's just this comical turn of events.
Again and again and again where they're trying to get them,
they'll get some. They'll start getting like two hundred and
fifty a week. But dumping thousands and thousands of rounds
(29:35):
to get that. Now the armies running out of unition,
the EMU population doesn't seem to be whittled down at all.
The army is soon recalled. They're recalled. There was a
discussion in the government about giving the three guys who
went to fight the Emu's medals, and somebody in the
(29:57):
government makes a crack that if we handed out medals
in this war, they'd all go to the EMUs. They
did eventually resolve this after a long time. They gave
the veterans more AMMO so the veterans could handle it.
The bounty program got ramped up, and surprise, surprise, they
figured out, you know, maybe it's just some better fences
(30:20):
would handle this, and it did. It handled it well.
When you hear people talk about the Great Emu War,
it's just three dudes. It wasn't the end of the world,
but that is the Great Emu War. There's nothing government
can't screw up. Nothing. Sending three army guys without even
(30:42):
enough ammunition and a camera crew to document the failure
is the most government thing and the history of government things.
Just remember this, everybody. It's not unique to America. The
people who end up in politics in general are morons.
You don't want them in charge of anything. Don't ask
(31:06):
for their help, you don't want it, all right, It
is an ask doctor Jesse Friday eight seven seven three
seven seven four three seven three Jesse at Jesse Kelly
Show dot com. I did a good job last week, Chris.
I want to give myself credit the most. What about
getting through as many emails as humanly possible? I got
(31:28):
through a lot last week. I'm going to attempt to
duplicate that, but I make no promises. Remember, if you
miss any part of the show, you can get the
whole thing on iHeart, Google, Spotify, in iTunes. Right after
the show, Chris gets the podcasts up, actually gets them
up right away shockingly on iTunes. Leave a five star rating,
(31:52):
leave a review talking about how handsome I am, Jesse.
My husband is retired. He mocks me about my low salary,
which is over seventy thousand. My nontaxable retirement accounts make
more than my salary. Should I tell him or not
(32:15):
say anything. We've been married for thirty years. Our son
is a Navy aircraft carrier veteran. The beard makes you
look more handsome. All right, I'll address this in a second. Enga.
On the Jordan Harbinger Show, you'll hear amazing stories from
people that have lived them, from spies to CEOs, even
(32:38):
an undercover agent who infiltrated the Gambino crime family. You're
about to hear a preview of The Jordan Harbinger Show
with Jack Garcia, who did just that. My career was
twenty four out of twenty six years was solely dedicated
working on the cover. I walk in, I'm in the bar.
How there's a bar made dad, good looking, young lady
see serving me, Joey. Hey, what would you like? I
(32:59):
used leave Frank was give me a kettle, one martini,
three olives, class of water on the side. I finished
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That means we protect you. Nobody could shake you down.
(33:20):
We could shake you down. Oh, you're on record with us.
For more on how Jack became so trusted in the
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ninety two of The Jordan Harbinger Show
Your holster is way more important than you think it is.
It's just way more important than you think it is.
What look, and I get that the holsters not the
sexy part of carrying firearms. All right, You want to
talk about your weapon and your ammunition. You want to
talk about your safety training. You want to talk about
how you did at the range. Oh, look at my groups.
I was doing these failure drills today, and all that
(00:21):
stuff is really important. I mean, really really important. I'm
not discounting that, but I've known so many people who
do all those things. They take all the necessary steps
and then they carry with a holster they bought from
a big box hunting store that was made a thousand
at a time. Please don't put your life in one
of those holsters. You need to trust Northwest Retention Systems
(00:44):
because it's all custom made gear. It's the only thing
I carry around NW Retention dot Com. That's NW Retention
dot Com used to promo co Jesse gets you ten
percent off. This is a Jesse Kelly Show. It's going
(01:23):
to be such a good day. It isn't asked doctor
Jesse Friday on the Jesse Kelly Show, and man, you
people are insane and it's awesome. I have to answer
questions today about how the national divorce works. Some lady
(01:46):
secretly has a lot of cash her husband doesn't know
about why I don't want to write a book. We
have unicorns fighting dragons. It is. It's an insane ask
doctor Jesse Friday. Don't raise your hands at me, Chris.
I didn't come up with the questions. This is up
(02:08):
to the people. This is up to the people. It's
my job as the showgun to lead people through what
has been a long week. It's just dragging on sometimes.
Now this is this is what happens during when you
get a Democrat elected, especially now with these crazy Democrats.
(02:33):
It's not like the Bill Clinton years where you gonna
have it no a bunch of stuff you disagree with
them on, but there's gonna be some things that aren't
that bad in a minor disagreement. Now, because they're all communists,
everything sucks. All the political news is terrible, and so
I'm combing through it with you. I see your emails,
I hear you. I'm going through it with you, and
(02:54):
every day it's just something awful. It makes ask doctor
Jesse Friday that much more important. We just we're not
carrying a heavy load today. I'll be honest for the
first time ever on the show. My history story, while interesting,
is completely light. There's not even any death. It's just
(03:16):
going to be kind of a wild goofball story from history.
And then we're gonna get to your eighteen trillion questions
and you can still call it live during the show
if you want. By the way, eight seven seven three
seven seven four three seven three Jesse at Jesse Kelly
show dot com. Let's rewind and get to the history,
(03:39):
because this is I don't know. The story is so insane.
I thought when I first heard about it that it
wasn't real. Chris, do you know what an emu is? Yeah?
An emu is a hideous looking flightless bird. It is
(04:00):
six feet tall, over one hundred pounds. If you're if
you're not driving, this is the portion where I tell
you to look it up so you can picture it.
But if you can't, or if you're driving doing something,
just no long but long, skinny but powerful legs, certainly
some feet. You wouldn't want to be underneath a big
(04:24):
fluffball body. Remember this is a flightless bird, but a
big body, A face that is absolutely horrific. You would
you do an image search of the EMU and you
get the face on one. You know, you're looking at
eye to eye. That should be in a horror movie.
It's looking into my soul. I'm lucky. I didn't have
(04:47):
nightmares last night. But I don't really have nightmares. Christy
have nightmares. I don't have many of them. You know,
one of the weird ones I get all the you
know what, I'm not gonna do that right now. I'm
gonna finish my EMU story first before I get to
my nightmare. I have this weird one that I get
now and then. But all right, it's huge. It's also
Australia's national bird, so it's like, I mean, it's it's there.
(05:12):
I'm not Australian, so I don't know if it's as
important to them, but it's their bald eagle. It's there that.
Now let's rewind a bit back to World War One.
World War One was obviously wretched, wretched, and remember this
because it comes into play, I mean kind of in
(05:34):
our story here. I'm not going to go into any
death today, like I said, but guys were heading off
to World War One. And the Australians, to their credit
in World War One and World War Two, fight like lions.
Australians are beasts. I know several people today in the
Special operations community who will tell you the Australian SAS,
(05:56):
which is obviously modeled off the British sas, like their
Navy seals, are some of the baddest dudes on the planet.
They are bad dudes. Yes, that's right, Chris. We're gonna
get to that in a moment. Everything over there is
trying to kill you. But they they went off and
acquitted themselves very well in World War One. But remember
World War One was horrific for a laundry list of reasons,
(06:19):
but one of the main ones was you're going off
to war as a young man with an idea of
combat that is cavalry charges with swords and things like that.
That was glory for the Queen something like that, and
you're just finding out wars not like that anymore. It's
(06:40):
bombs and gas, in misery, in rats and trench foot
It just it's terrible. Guys came back from World War
One wrecked and understandably, like most countries, Australia values its
veterans appreciates its veterans. You see it all the time
(07:02):
in America. That's not unique to America. People appreciate the
ones who went and fought for them, and they had
to figure out something to do with the veterans when
they came back home. Because these guys come back home
and as somebody who has on a very very very
low level, we're not talking World War One, I can't
function in society anymore. But as someone who has dealt
(07:25):
with getting out and not really fitting in society anymore,
at least temporarily, I know what it's like at least
a little bit. But these World War two guys were
on a different level. You get back, you know what
I've told you this story before. He's just a brief
little one about me. I got back and got I
(07:45):
got back from my rack out out of the Marine
Corps pretty much right away, start working, just doing construction,
going to community college, and I would sit in the
back with my hat pulled way down low, just baseball
cap pulled down those No one would talk to me.
And it's Arizona, so there's even dimes all over the class.
And I'm a single dude at the time, I didn't
(08:06):
even want to talk to girls. I just really wanted
to be left alone. And I would find myself. I
know this is a little frank, but look, it's me.
I would find myself daydreaming about one of two things. Often, somebody,
one of the dudes in the class would do something
that I would find vaguely annoying, and I would think
about dragging him outside and beating the absolute living crap
out of him. And I would have these recurring daydreams
(08:29):
that the government would hire me to go around the
country and kill pedophiles. That is not a healthy place
to be. That is not a good place to be.
Thankfully I came out of it. But that's a small
idea of what you go through. Now, take a World
War One veteran who went through way worse stuff than
I ever went through. These guys come back and they
don't fit. They don't fit oftentimes with their own families,
(08:52):
which is heartbreaking. But you come back home to whatever
your job was, and I mean, your parents don't recognize you,
your buddies don't recogniz your high school sweetheart. She thinks
you're a monster now, and that only makes you isolate more.
They've got to figure out how to take care of
these guys. And we need to pause for a moment
(09:13):
and describe Australia as best as I can describe it
without ever having been there. Australia is one gigantic. It
is huge. You look at it as an island in
a big island, but it is like the size of
the continental United States of America. It's enormous. The coasts
(09:37):
on both sides are pretty, they're they're nice. They're very nice.
You've got trees and everything else, you know, and whatnot.
They're very nice. And that's where almost everyone in the
country lives. The middle of it not so much barren
wasteland of deserts and desert mountains, and it's horrible and
(10:01):
I'm horrible. That's the bush. That's the Australian outback. The
veterans come back and they are given some land. Yeah,
the government wants to help these veterans out. These guys
need a place back in society. And the government says, hey,
we'll cut you deal. You get back from the war,
(10:24):
we'll start finding plots of ground to give you and
you know, you get something out of it, and we
get something out of it. What's that something they're gonna
get out of it. Well, I'll tell you in a moment.
Hang is he smarter than everyone who knows? Does he
(10:56):
think so? Yeah? That you see, Kelly Shaw, I have
a nice little tradition now in my house. Here's what
it is. Go home from work, see the wife, see
the kids, mess around and get ready for my show
the next day. Sit down for dinner. And now my
(11:17):
kids make fun of me for this. I have two
Superbeats heart shoes sitting right next to my glass. I
usually have a glass of water with dinner finish up,
and that's my dessert every single night. They taste delicious,
they're all natural. They're outstanding for my heart and my
(11:37):
blood pressure. It is the ultimate replacement for your evening dessert.
They do not taste like Beats, and I'm trying not
to lecture you. It's such an easy step to take
care of your heart. It's insane if you don't do it.
Go to get Superbeats dot com slash Jesse. That's get
(11:59):
super beat dot com slash Jesse by two bags, get
the third for free. Some lady has more money than
(12:22):
her husband knows about, apparently a lot, and they've been
married a long time. We're going to address that and
then ask doctor Jesse Friday. There's an ancient battle we
have to put together. Someone wants to know why British
accents sounds so hot. I'll try not to burst your
(12:43):
bubble on the accents, but we'll discuss that here in
a few At first, let's get let's get past as
quickly as possible. The EMU War veterans World War One
veterans coming back to Australia. Australian government saying, hey, we're
gonna help you out. We're gonna give you some land
(13:04):
by the way eight seven seven three seven seven four
three seven three Jesse at Jesse Kelly show dot com.
But the government wanted something out of the land. Remember,
wars are taxing on nations too, taxing economically, taxing on resources.
It's just very tough. The government needed more food. The
(13:26):
government wanted these veterans to come back home and grow wheat.
They wanted them to come back home and grow weeds
so badly they offered to pay them an extremely generous
amount of money, frankly more than market value for whatever
wheat they produced. So yeah, they were trying to do
the right thing. Come here, here's some land. Go ahead,
(13:50):
learn how to farm, become a farmer. Get me some wheat.
Will pay you more than you deserve for that week.
That's what they told them, and they gave them a
set amount. I'm not going to go into the amounts.
Then you're dealing with foreign currencies, and everybody's eyes glaze over,
and no one knows what you're talking about. I don't
know if they were shekels or not, Chris, but we're
not going in it what anyway. The good land, though,
(14:14):
goes very early, and the war doesn't end in a month.
You remember, they start handing out land. Nineteen fourteen, nineteen fifteen.
Veterans start coming back home, some of them wounded, some
of them just finished with their combat tour. They're getting
these this land and it's going well. But you still
have veterans coming home in nineteen sixteen, in nineteen seventeen,
(14:38):
and the good land is gone, and now you're starting
to stick. Some of these veterans coming back, and some
of the crappy land nobody even wants to live on.
Look today, nobody wants to live on most of this stuff.
It's that bad there. I mean, there are some severely,
severely remote parts of Australia. And let's pause there for
just a second. Australia is obviously, I'm guessing, thankfully I've
(15:04):
never been there, and Lord Willing will not ever go.
I'm guessing it's what hell looks like. Now. I understand
it's a beautiful and honestly the people are great, but
the animals on top of the environment, the environment itself
can murder you there. It is a horrible, dangerous desert.
The animals. If you look up, look up. You know
(15:25):
why Chris do this while I'm talking, while I'm discussing
everything else. Look up the ten deadliest snakes in the
world the last time I looked, And you always get
different versions of what is deadliest. It's like eight or
nine of the ten are in Australia. You have the
dingos in Australia. You have saltwater crocodiles in Australia, the
(15:45):
largest reptile in the world by a large margin. You
have bullet ants. You know why they call them bullet
ants because it feels like you've been shot if you
can stung by one. They have. And I will caution
you if you're planning on sleeping within the next month.
(16:07):
Don't look up a picture or a YouTube video of
this thing in operation, the Sydney Funnel web spider. Oh
my goodness, it is this gigantic. I have huge hands
because I'm six eight. They're bigger than my hand. They
have fangs that are the size of my fingers, and
(16:29):
you should see how big my fingers are. They just
they look it looks like something prehistoric. And they're under
the ground with just what it sounds like this web
that they create in a ditch. And that's just horrible.
And that's just a couple of the things on land.
We haven't even gotten to the water. And you know what,
when we get to the water, imagine this. Imagine a
(16:52):
water environment so horrific that a great white shark barely
cracks the top ten on things you're scared of there.
And they have huge great white sharks, they have bull sharks.
They attack more people than anything else in the world.
They have the deadliest thing there. It's called the box jellyfish. Jellyfish. Also,
notice the sea wasp. You'll die within two minutes of
(17:14):
brushing up against it. And oh, by the way, you
can hardly see it at all. Yeah, yeahs, Chrits is
holding up. It's like microscopic. They're tiny and they can
get huge. By the way of it, they're tiny. They
have a deadly octopus, a blue ring octopus, which are
gorgeous if you see them. They're really cool looking. They
have a deadly like snail they have and this might
(17:38):
be the one that scares me the most. They have
something called the stone fish there. The stonefish is something. Oh,
of course, it nestles its way into the sand, so
you of course can't see it if you step on one,
and people do. Here's two things that happen often for
(18:00):
people who step on stonefish. The pain is so bad.
It's not that it's the poison. Obviously the poison causes
the pain. But the pain is so bad your body
can't function anymore and you will go into shock and
die again. I can't stress this enough. Not the poison
killing you. The pain is so bad it kills you
(18:23):
dying from pain. They have people. This is another thing
that happens who step on stonefish. This is the norm.
This is a normal thing. When people step on them.
They beg the paramedics please amputate my foot, cut it off.
Have you ever had something hurt so bad you just
removed the limb. That's Australia. And remember this was a
(18:47):
penal colony for Britain for so long. Britain landed there,
like the first people who ever landed there landed on
the western part, which is you know, really really bad,
and that's where our story takes place, and they thought,
oh gosh, never mind, we're out of here. It wasn't.
It wasn't until people started landing in the east, which
is nicer, that they realize this place has some nice stuff.
(19:08):
Back to our story. You're giving the veterans crappy parts
of Australia now toward its desert, and they're struggling trying
to get wheat to grow. The environment's brutal. The frost,
they'll get random bits of frost and wipe out whole crops.
They have a rabbit problem. And I'm not talking about
(19:29):
your rabbit problem where you have two or three who
are digging holes in your yard and you're shooting them
with pelicans, not that I've ever done that kind of
thing a thousand times. I mean rabbit hordes, infestations that
are destroying entire crops. It's really bad. On top of that,
we get to nineteen twenty nine. Now, what happens in
(19:53):
the world about nineteen twenty nine A little something maybe
you've heard of before. It's called the Great Depression. That
was not a uniquely American thing, that was worldwide. It
crushed Europe, it crushed Australia. So the government, on top
(20:14):
of having to give these guys some bad land, the
government can't give these guys the amount of money they
had originally promised them for the wheat. And when I
say they can't give them the same amount, just no,
because again I'm not going to break down the currencies
for you. They're giving them pennies on the dollar versus
(20:36):
what they were promised pennies on the dollar. Think if
I promised you for a promised you a dollar a
unit and then gave you five cents a unit, that's
the equivalent to what they had. So we have these veterans.
Now everyone has a heart for them. They're wiped out.
And then, as if life couldn't get more difficult over
(20:56):
a fifteen years span, If you're a veteran and come home,
crappy part of Australia crop won't come in frost rabbits.
Life's hard. You get invaded. The wheat you can grow
gets invaded by EMUs, not one or two of them,
(21:17):
twenty thousand of them come in twenty thousand. I will
wrap up the story and begin with your questions when
we get back a secret retirement account. Jowser Hi. We're
(21:46):
the Google dolls. We're fortunate that we can give our
daughters everything they need to grow and learn, but not
every child can focus on classes and play dates. Nearly
thirteen million kids in the US face hunger. That's one
in six. School lunch might be their only meal each day,
and it's heartbreaking. You imagine any child going to bed hungry.
We're dreaming of a perfect day when kids can smile,
(22:08):
play and just be kids without worrying about where their
next meal will come from. Feeding America is working to
make that perfect day reality. Each year, the Feeding America
network of food banks rescues billions of pounds of good
food that would have gone to waste. That food is
given to families and children and me. Being a kid
should be about doing things that make an ordinary day extraordinary.
(22:29):
Learning to play an instrument, building a sandcastle, hosting tea parties,
hunger should never be an obstacle to growing up. You
can help bend child in hunger in your community by
visiting Feeding America dot org, brought to you by Feeding
America and the AD Council. In order to open these doors,
(23:02):
we do not say open Sesame. We say open Biden.
That's our magic word. That was Nancy Pelosi yesterday. I Chris,
I want you, Chris, I want you to play it again.
(23:23):
And before you do that, I want you to understand
you have to make sure you put this on the
show Twitter at Jesse Kelly's show. You can find me
on social media at Jesse Kelly DC on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook,
I'm on locals. But I want you, if you find
time to go watch the video of this too. That
(23:43):
is Nancy Pelosi talking about Joe Biden. The video somehow
makes it worse. You're like, what's she talking about? Don't
ask me, don't ask me, Chris, play this again. In
order to open these doors, we do not say open Sesame,
say open Biden. That's our magic word. And she's doing
(24:05):
like this, like that look on her face. It's the
two people leading this country are nine thousand years old,
and none in control. Of their mental faculties, and we
are in a great deal of trouble. All right, sending
that aside, all right, back to the EMU war. These
veterans are struggling. The EMUs are swarming, now twenty thousand
(24:27):
of them. Then EMUs are foragers. They just they're gonna
eat whatever they find. Period, big wheatfield. You might as
well put out a buffet in front of me. The
veterans start doing what veterans do. They grab their weapons
and they start shooting them. But remember I said there
(24:49):
are twenty thousand EMUs, twenty thousand of them. The veterans
start running out of AMMO. Some of them don't even
have weapons. A bounty finally gets offered. Somebody, please kill
these things. They're wiping us out. That can't do it.
The veterans appeal to the government and say, hey, do
(25:11):
something to help, and in one of the most bizarre
choices I've ever heard in my life, the Australian government
chooses to get the military involved. We're not talking about
adding fencing, maybe getting some wildlife management. Australia is well
versed in wildlife management. As we already described, it's a hellscape. Instead,
(25:36):
they send an army unit at units, probably putting it strong.
They send three guys, two heavy machine guns with ten
thousand rounds. They also send a movie company with the
three guys to document the whole thing, which is so bizarre,
(25:56):
so beyond bizarre. And when I say bizarre, this is
what I mean. It's weird that you would, when you
think about today's sensibilities, that you would go out to
hunt down and machine gun down a bunch of birds
and film it to broadcast it to the company to
the country. Think how much people would freak. But people
(26:19):
wanted to know the Australian government was capable of protecting
its citizens and during the Great Depression something real we
can take from the show. Before I get to the
asked doctor Jesse questions. During the Great Depression, remember this
secession movements were gaining steam around the world, including in Australia,
because when economies tanked to that level, people start to
(26:43):
look to their government and say, well, what good are you.
The Australian government was actually in some trouble with its
own citizens, who were all fix this now that kind
of thing, So they thought making a film out of
this whole thing would brighten the mood a little bit,
and look, well, look what we will do. Our veterans
(27:04):
were in charge, and we set in the army to
help them out. Except that's not that's not how you
would hunt and EMU at all. That's just not how
you would do it. They encounter some right off the bat.
They of course pull out the heavy machine guns and
start spraying machine gun fire at the EMUs. The EMUs
(27:26):
simply scatter and they run really fast. You need to
think about EMUs like a mini Ostrich. They just turn
around and take off and they don't get any of them.
Then they run into a group of a thousand of them.
Remember this is all being documented, So this is becoming
it's becoming a joke. Already. You already shot at them
and missed them. The army hasn't done anything. They run
(27:48):
into another group of a thousand, boom machine gun jams.
They take off again. Now now this is starting to
get to be front page news. As things are getting
abled back and forth about this whole thing, they decide
they need a new tactic. Clearly, mounting the machine guns
is not working. Surprise, surprise, they're not Germans. They're not
(28:09):
going to charge them. They mount the weapons on vehicles,
they start trying to run them down. They're shooting from
the vehicles not accurately at all. They don't hit any
of the emu with actually machine gun fire. They do
manage to accidentally drive over one, though, which causes the
(28:32):
truck to lose control and it wrecks defense of one
of the farmers they're there to help. Now you've also
caused something else. Every time you're charging them, including this time,
the emu are taking off scared out of their minds.
Their brains are like the size of peas. And remember
(28:52):
I said, those powerful legs they have, they're stomping andten
shredding the ground that they were there to protect, that
the army was there to protect. These stampedes are hurting
things even more. They finally figure out that they how
to start killing them, but even that's slow. It takes
ten shots per bird to bring one down. There are
(29:12):
twenty thousand EMUs. You only brought ten thousand rounds. It
lass a month, and it's just this comical turn of events.
Again and again and again where they're trying to get them,
they'll get some. They'll start getting like two hundred and
fifty a week. But dumping thousands and thousands of rounds
(29:35):
to get that. Now the armies running out of unition,
the EMU population doesn't seem to be whittled down at all.
The army is soon recalled. They're recalled. There was a
discussion in the government about giving the three guys who
went to fight the Emu's medals, and somebody in the
(29:57):
government makes a crack that if we handed out medals
in this war, they'd all go to the EMUs. They
did eventually resolve this after a long time. They gave
the veterans more AMMO so the veterans could handle it.
The bounty program got ramped up, and surprise, surprise, they
figured out, you know, maybe it's just some better fences
(30:20):
would handle this, and it did. It handled it well.
When you hear people talk about the Great Emu War,
it's just three dudes. It wasn't the end of the world,
but that is the Great Emu War. There's nothing government
can't screw up. Nothing. Sending three army guys without even
(30:42):
enough ammunition and a camera crew to document the failure
is the most government thing and the history of government things.
Just remember this, everybody. It's not unique to America. The
people who end up in politics in general are morons.
You don't want them in charge of anything. Don't ask
(31:06):
for their help, you don't want it, all right, It
is an ask doctor Jesse Friday eight seven seven three
seven seven four three seven three Jesse at Jesse Kelly
Show dot com. I did a good job last week, Chris.
I want to give myself credit the most. What about
getting through as many emails as humanly possible? I got
(31:28):
through a lot last week. I'm going to attempt to
duplicate that, but I make no promises. Remember, if you
miss any part of the show, you can get the
whole thing on iHeart, Google, Spotify, in iTunes. Right after
the show, Chris gets the podcasts up, actually gets them
up right away shockingly on iTunes. Leave a five star rating,
(31:52):
leave a review talking about how handsome I am, Jesse.
My husband is retired. He mocks me about my low salary,
which is over seventy thousand. My nontaxable retirement accounts make
more than my salary. Should I tell him or not
(32:15):
say anything. We've been married for thirty years. Our son
is a Navy aircraft carrier veteran. The beard makes you
look more handsome. All right, I'll address this in a second. Enga.
On the Jordan Harbinger Show, you'll hear amazing stories from
people that have lived them, from spies to CEOs, even
(32:38):
an undercover agent who infiltrated the Gambino crime family. You're
about to hear a preview of The Jordan Harbinger Show
with Jack Garcia, who did just that. My career was
twenty four out of twenty six years was solely dedicated
working on the cover. I walk in, I'm in the bar.
How there's a bar made dad, good looking, young lady
see serving me, Joey. Hey, what would you like? I
(32:59):
used leave Frank was give me a kettle, one martini,
three olives, class of water on the side. I finished
the drink. The guys come in. I'm gonna go go
in my pocket, take out the big water of money. Hey,
am gonna give her one hundred dollars. If you're with
the mob, I say, hey, Jordan, you're on record with us.
That means we protect you. Nobody could shake you down.
(33:20):
We could shake you down. Oh, you're on record with us.
For more on how Jack became so trusted in the
highest levels of the Gambino organization. Check out episode three
ninety two of The Jordan Harbinger Show
Host
Jesse Kelly
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Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.