One Foot Out The Door - 1106

On this episode of The Thought Shower, Intern John talks about why you have one foot out the door in a relationship!

Intern John's "Chuy Forever" is a weekend of comedy shows 6/20 & 6/21 in Arlington, Va benefitting Warrior Canine Connection. They train puppies to be service animals for veterans! Tickets are on sale now, InternJohnComedy.com

Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Happy Wednesday, friend, Welcome to the Thought Shower. Intern John
is my name. After a brief vacation, we're back, although
vacation wasn't necessarily a getaway vacation. I hate saying hunkered down,
but I kind of hunkered down this weekend and really
focus on writing the comedy show. You know this show is,

(00:24):
I was telling Sauce, I think it's probably, to me personally,
the most important thing I've done, based on the fact
that it's in Chewy's honor. So that's why I did
this weekend kind of locked myself away and forced myself
to write it. And I was talking to another friend
yesterday about writing and how it's like I dread it.

(00:46):
It's not fun, like the idea of starting it's not fun,
but once you get it going, it is kind of
like a runner's high where it just flows out and
this is gonna be really special. And it's also a
bit odd because, yeah, most shows you start writing from
front to back. This one, for whatever reason, I started

(01:09):
writing back to front. I mean, I guess I know why,
because I want to make sure this stuff about Chewy
is special, you know, make sure it does him justice certainly,
and so that was kind of been the last weekend,
and it's really good. It's really good, and you know,

(01:29):
I rarely say that about comedy stuff. Usually I'm like, well,
I hope it's a good timmy. I hope people have fun.
It's really really good. And that made me feel good too,
because it has to be perfect, Like if any show
I've done, of anything I've done creatively, this one has

(01:51):
to be perfect. And it's gonna be. There's that not
many tickets left. I need your help though, and uh,
I hate asking for help, but I need your help.
I want to raise as much money as possible for
the Warrior Canine Connection because I want to help veterans
be paired with service dogs. And again I was socking
Does did some TV yesterday and I was saying that,

(02:16):
you know, the vets that were helping who are missing
limbs and stuff is vets who have conditions that, thank god,
I'll never have to deal with. I'll never have to
realize what that's like. It's gonna be a perfect night out,
perfect night for your girlfriends, for your person. You want
to go solo. We have people going solo, and I'll

(02:36):
say this comedy show is perfect to go solo. We
have our friend Laura who flies in from Dallas solo
to go to the comedy show because it is just
like you're there to a laugh. Tickets a fifteen bucks
Internsohncomedy dot com and yeah, I'll say it here this.
I believe this will be the last one. You know,

(02:58):
I didn't want to do a show this year. I
was kind of done with it after last year. And
now I think this is kind of the perfect I
want to say swan song, but perfect kind of you know,
everything I wanted to accomplish comedy we've accomplished. We raised
one hundred thousand dollars for Fisherhouse. We toured across the country.

(03:20):
I had number one album in the world, which is
still crazy. And now I think a chance to immortalize
Chewy and hang out the microphone. And I don't know,
do I enjoy comedy, Yeah, I enjoy it. It's just
the the stress of everything else that comes with it
for me is like the you know, it becomes less fun.

(03:44):
So this is the perfect way to go out. I'd
love to see you, especially because without the thought shower,
you know, the tour wouldn't be what it is. Without
the tour I wouldn't be hosting the show for sure.
So it's really all because of you. Internsohncomedy dot com.
That's Internjohncomedy dot com. Let me get to this for
your Wednesday. The ways you sabotage your relationship because you

(04:08):
want out. I don't think I self sabotage relationships once
I'm in them. I think I've done that in the beginning,
you know, like where I feel like, ooh, I'm getting
too close, and maybe then like sub consciously do it
if you stop bringing up things that bother you. They say,
you tell yourself it's not worth the fight, say you

(04:29):
stay silent, But silence is in peace. It's a slow
death of intimacy. I've been in relationships where that's happened before,
particularly where it's like I've talked on this a little bit.
I dated somebody once to could never admit they were wrong,
and even to the point where we had like a
fight ones where it was like it was black and white,

(04:51):
not even close. They were in the wrong, and I
don't remember the fight was, but the fight kept going,
like yo, if you just say you're wrong, we can
move on. But God to a point where for me
it's like, yeah, it's not worth bringing up. It's just
gonna cause a fight. And I don't have to apologize anyway,
so let's not do it. If you withdraw emotionally but

(05:12):
pretend you're fined kind of ties in this last one.
And I think at that point too, if you realize
you're doing that, you are like not even giving your
partner a chance, you know what I mean. I think
at that point it's almost like you don't want your
partner to fix things, or even you fix things. It's like,

(05:33):
I'm just gonna pretend it's fine, so they're gonna think
it's fine. It's like when you go to the doctor's
office and you tell them you're fine even though you
have chest pain, you know what I mean. It's kind
of like you resigned to the fact that, hey, it
is what it is. We had to get run. If
you've resorted to passive aggressive comments, dude, that is tough.
I think, especially like in a relationship, if you're doing

(05:55):
that to your person, Yeah, that to me is pretty
pretty rough, you know, because at that point, it's like
that that to me is something you do to like
an enemy, right where you want to a dig at
somebody they say, you don't say what you feel, you
drop hints more makes a sarcastic of martch or weaponized jokes.
It's easier to be snarky than vulnerable. I had a

(06:19):
friend ones huh, no big deal, but she was having
relationship problems. I remember saying, like, your problem is it's
okay to have your shield up. Having your shield up
is okay, But like when you're just getting to know somebody,
you gotta put your sword down, you know what I mean,
Like be on the defensive. Absolutely, keep your guard up,

(06:39):
look out for you, but you don't need to be
on the offensive because if you're on the offensive all
the time, I think you have a hard time getting
people to take that step to get to know you.
I really do so. I think that's kind of like
the vibe of that for sure. If you've checked out
of physical intimacy, yeah, you avoid their touch, dodge kisses,

(07:02):
claim or just tire them are off and the not.
This is a tough one, man, because yet it doesn't
just have to be you know, full on hookups. If
you're avoiding intimate touch or cuddles and stuff like that, yeah,
that's a huge sign because at that point if you're
not doing that, then what are you? Are you just friends?

(07:24):
I don't know. And I just saw this post instagram
of somebody who's talking about how if you're a married
couple with a kid like Heidia, schedule like the adult
time if you will. It makes sense because it says
otherwise you wait for those like spontaneous, spontanatus, spontaneous. There's
that word moments, and those moments don't come because you're

(07:44):
so tired. I do think that kind of builds up,
and it's actually for a dude, it's like, if I'm
not getting that, why am I gonna do? X, Y
and Z. Kind of makes sense if you dismiss their efforts.
They try, maybe not perfec, but they try, and you
shoot them down. Whether it's compliment, small gesture, attempt to connect,

(08:05):
you minimize it, criticize it, or roll your eyes. I
do think, again, speaking as a dude, yeah, if like
you say that I never clean the kitchen, but then
I clean the kitchen even if it's not perfect, and
it gets shot down, I'm not gonna want to do
that again. I've said this a million times, but like
men are like dogs, you gotta train the dog. You know,

(08:29):
you gotta reward the dog if I think dudes aim
to impress. So if your man like mows the yard
and you go you are the best at mowing the yard,
he's gonna want to keep doing it because dudes want
to impress you all the time, all time. Man, this
is the last one. If you fantasize about being single,

(08:52):
damn you daydream about life without them? What I feel
like to wake up alone, travel solo, make decisions that
checking in. They say, while a little imagination is normal,
when it becomes longing, it's a red flag. You tell
yourself it's harmless, but it feels like the part it
feeds a part of you that's already halfway out the door.

(09:13):
It is a case certainly of grassings greener. I can
tell you, as somebody's out here in the single field, Uh,
it's not the most fun. Like it's certainly fun to
that point, like being able to kind of do whatever
I want schedule wise. If I want to leave the country,
I can just get up and go. Like that part

(09:33):
of it's kind of nice, certainly, But yeah, there's signs
where it's like it'd be nice to have somebody. It
is like the way dating is now. I don't know
if everybody really knows what they want or as serious
as they think they are, if that makes sense, So anyway,
I'd love to see you June twenty. If June twenty
first Arlington Draft House, my Chewe Forever show is helping

(09:56):
out the Warrior Canine Connection. You can grab tickets intern
John k Amory dot com