The Bad Rizz - 1182

On this episode of The Thought Shower, Intern John previews his next week, plus how to tell if someone has bad charisma 

Intern John's new comedy album, "Chuy Forever: The Album" is out! Proceeds benefit the Warrior Canine Connection. You can order the album HERE

Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
And a happy Wednesday, Frand and welcome to the thaw
Shower intern John is my name? Been a busy week already,
my goodness. Yesterday boys had a game in Baltimore conveniently
a three pm, which means had a lie in my
house at one and then game was over at five,
then traffic. I can't get home until like nine o'clock.
But you know, for the youth, it's worth it. Did
they win? They had not? Do they play well? Kind

(00:22):
of We're getting there, you know what I mean? This
is kind of like the home stretch for me. So
jingle Balls next Tuesday. I've yet to pick an outfit.
I have several options, which isn't good. I got more
coming today also not good in Vain. Going to take
my mom in Hawaii next week, which is very exciting.
So have I packed that note? What packed that advance?

(00:42):
Absolutely not? And the worst part is when you're traveling
when it's cold like obviously Hawaii, presumably he's gonna be warm,
but we're landing in Chicago. First, spend the night there.
Chicago be cold as hell, so packing clothes to being
cold for twelve hours, it's paying the ass. First world problem. Absolutely,
but I love first twelve problems. I'd rather have those
than a serious problem. Serious problems aren't fun, you know

(01:05):
what I mean? This this drop of knowledge. I know
you're thinking, hey, John, serious problem's fun. As it turns out, no,
they're not. So that's kind of where we're going. I
got my Christmas party this Saturday. That asked me a
lot of fun if I plan for that. Nope. The
plan today is hopefully to like get snacks and drinks Advan.
It's always like the how much food do you get?

(01:26):
I'm always in the camp of it's best to have
too much than too little. There's one year where Eric
had or pizza halfway through because hooting you to it,
and by the time the pizza got from my front
door to hoodie in the back of the house, it
was all gone. So lessons learned is also the year
got sushi and it turns out sushi's not good if
you leave it out for hours on end. And let's
get into this for your Wednesday. How to know if

(01:48):
you're dealing with a charismic manipulator, which I feel like
in my travels with my frontiersman, you run into these
people where you don't even realize at the time, by
the thing now, like a little experience under your belt.
All of the same typical signs tend to pop up
and just we just get caught up in the moment,
if you will, if they seem too good to be true, Yes, yeah,

(02:12):
they say. Manipulators often will love them to overwhelm their
targets with affection and attention. It creates a sense of
dependency and trust, making it easier for them to control
you as their prey. Don't like that, they say, as
you Bass and the globe their admiration remain villigion for inconsistency,
inconsistencies or behaviors that don't quite match their perfect persona.

(02:33):
I think that shoe and it's also poopy because it's
like everybody wants to be swept off their feet, you
know what I mean, Like you want to be with
somebody who maybe I shower as you a gift, but
that tends to kybo InHand with like, oh they care,
like they are into me, they care about me. You
want that, So it is a shame you have to
have those guards up of like, okay, is it too much?

(02:55):
I think we all have those friends where it's like, oh,
we're going on a trip. It's our second day known
each other. It's like that. I don't know if that's
the vibe. They are the master of guilt trips, they say.
Charismatic manipulators have a knack for making you feel guilty
for things that aren't your fault. They'll twist situations to
make you question your own actions and feelings, often leaving
you apologizing for things you didn't do. This is one

(03:17):
of the craziest things, and it ties into the next
one is that they're experts of gaslighting. But like, I've
dealt with people who do this, who are able to
weave things so expertly where I've questioned my own sanity
and usually the person I need to like run things
by a sauce and be like, hey girl, am I

(03:39):
going crazy? Or is this happening? Because it could even
be something where it's like I'm try to think of
an extreme example, like somebody hit my car, but they'll
manipulate the like, yeah, but you are driving improperly, Like
I know that you don't pay attention, so you probably
weren't pay attention. Like that kind of stuff where you
start to question your own reality, and that is scary.
It's a scary thing to realize. All right, am, I

(04:00):
maybe I was a little at fault here. You know,
they play the victim card no matter of the situation.
The manipulator can skillfully cast himself as a victim even
when they're clearly at fault. They have a way of
turning the tables and making you feel responsible for their misfortune.
I mentioned this before, but I had a former coworker
years and years ago that would do this. And there

(04:21):
is one event where I was told I was gonna
be hosting something. I was very excited for it, I
prepared for it, I was ready to go. Day of
the event comes that's not what happens, and I was
like upset, and this person said, well, I'm sorry your
expectations weren't met. And I was like, hey, but you
told me I was gonna be doing this thing, so
like they weren't met because of you. But it was

(04:44):
odd the way they're playing the victim to make it
seem like, oh, they're so sorry, and I just I misunderstood.
It was like, no, pretty black and white, Pretty black
and white. If they are incredibly persuasive, they say manipulators
have a way with words effortlessly convincing you to he
thinks from their perspective, they do confidence and charm, making
it difficult to resist their influence. That is a thing too.

(05:06):
If you say something with your chest right and you
sound like you believe it, people are probably gonna believe you,
you know what I mean. Like if you're in argument
with somebody and they are so dead set and not
giving an inch. Eventually, yeah, that could convince you that,
oh maybe I am wrong here, maybe I misread it.
You know. I also would say too that, like I
hate manipulators when they will throw out like five accusations

(05:30):
at once, and it's like you have to address all
of them because if you don't like, oh so you
do agree that you do whatever, and that kind of thing.
I always call it being cup in a stupid tornado
when they try and make you be cup in their bs,
and like if they throw so much stuff at you,
it's like, Okay, now I know you're trying to smear
the waters. Like, I'm not a fan of that. You know,
they are wildly inconsistent. One moment they're warm and affection

(05:52):
the next they are cold and distant. The inconsistency is
of hallmark manipulation, keeping you constantly on the edge and
eager to please, You may find yourself chase for their approval,
hoping to ring game the closeness you once shared. That
is tough, I think, especially like you know, if they've
kind of buttered you up right where you make it
feel like, okay, if this is my person, they are
into me, they're giving me attention, they're giving me, you know, gifts, whatever,

(06:16):
and then it stops. Your mind goes to okay, what
I do wrong? And naturally it's like we want to
crave the acceptance. So we'll go above and beyond and
we'll do things that if our friends are doing these things,
we'd be like, yo, stop. I've had like friends pull
me aside and be like, hey, if I was doing this,
you would tell me I'm crazy. And it's like, ah,
hate hearing that even though you're right. Don't like to

(06:39):
hear that. You know. They use flattery like currency, they say.
Flattery is another tool manipulator's kit to win favor in
lower defenses. They'll shower you the compliments and praise, creating
a sense of validation acceptance when while it feels good
in the moment, their words often have a strategic purpose,
preparing you for future manipulation. I get. I hate this stuff.
Ah yeah, yeah. They say you're become reliant on their

(07:03):
praise and reliant on their support, which sucks because it's
like ideally, if you're in a healthy relationship, somebody's given
you that anyway, you know what I mean, They're giving
you that support, that validation, and they're doing it from
a place of like love, and so it sucks that
we all want that, you know, I mean everybody wants that,
And you know, I think it's Maslow, who is the

(07:25):
psychologist talked about the hierarchy of needs, and like the
crazy thing is is he figured out like after it's
you know, food, shelter and like water, our next need
is like a social group, Like we were social beings.
We need to have friends, We need to be social.
And it's crazy, like how big of a need that is.
They love to create drama, Yeah, manipulators, thriving chaos off

(07:48):
an instigating conflict to keep the focus off their own misdeeds.
They'll throat trouble between friends and colleagues, watching his tensions rise,
alliances shift. This drama serves as a distraction, allowing them
to operate behind the scenes without This is so true
and it kind of makes sense, Like there are people
that I'm more aware of, you know, as the older
where it's like okay, like you're just kind of sitting

(08:09):
in the background, pulling shrings and trying to make it
so that you don't get pulled in the mud. Like
if there's that one person who always seems to be
around the drama but yet never quite gets dirty from it,
that's a huge red flag to me. It's like, how
are you always around drama but never get your name
in the mud? Are you mother Teresa? Or are you
the one that's kind of like whispering like, hey, did

(08:30):
you hear this? Person said? Hey to hear about this? Yeah?
I don't like that. No. They are calculatingly charming. Damn well,
their charm can be captivated. It's often uses means and end.
They wield it as a strategy, knowing exactly when it
turned on and turn off to get what they want
a little bit of like narcissist psychopath as well, you

(08:50):
know what I mean. Where I think that's how they're
able to get away with it because they are overly charming,
and to me, at least now, and not to sound negative,
I'm like more aware of somebody who has more charm,
if that makes sense, Like I'm more if somebody comes
in really really nice. I'm just like hmmm mmmm, I

(09:12):
don't know. I don't know if that's true. If I
believe it, last one I'll hit for today. They use
silence as a weapon. They say that silent treatment is
a powerful tool fornimulators use to punish and control when
they feel challenged or displease. The withdraw communication, leaving you
an emotional limbo. This tactic forces you to chase their attention,
eager to restore harmony. It's a psychological game that leaves
you questioning your actions and worth. It is the worst.

(09:36):
And again, I've seen this meme pop up a couple
of times where it's like, don't chase somebody who knows
how to get hold of you, which is like, it's
the most true thing ever, right, It's like they have
a phone, they have an email, they have literally every
possible way to get hold of you. They have it.
If they're actively choosing not to get hold of you,
don't give them your time, which sucks again, Like you

(09:57):
obviously love that person, you on their attention. You want
to be with them, and they're using that against you.
Now we all do that. I hope you have a
great Wednesday. Appreciate you listening. This is a thaw shower