The Normal Relationship - 1171

On this episode of The Thought Shower, Intern John talks about hockey starting, and the things we normalize in relationships

Intern John's new comedy album, "Chuy Forever: The Album" is out! Proceeds benefit the Warrior Canine Connection. You can order the album HERE

Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
And a happy Wednesday. Friends. Welcome to the Thought Shower.
Intern John is my name. It has been a week already,
well quite the week, rabit not a week marking anything,
but here we are, Happy Wednesday. Hockey start of this
week officially tryouts for year nine, season eight I believe,
or it's year ten, season nine one or two. COVID

(00:21):
year took a year away, but it's great back on
the ice. It's a great distraction. Hockey now is going
to be six days a week, which is a lot,
but sometimes in life you need a distraction from things
going on, you know what I mean. So for me,
hockey is a fun distraction where at least like I
enjoy it. I enjoy being the ice, I enjoy being

(00:42):
with the kids, I enjoy being with the coaches. So
for me, like it doesn't quite feel like a job,
even though it is a full time job. You know,
it's like three hours a day basically, So from here
until February, my life is hockey. And it's weird because
I think back to like when I first moved here,
I wasn't nearly as busy, and I'm like, what the

(01:04):
hell was I doing? Like I would just do the show,
go to the gym, go home, and then just relax,
I guess, which seems kind of nice now. I mean obviously,
you know, Chee and I hung out and would go
for walks and stuff. But now it's like, yeah, those
days are long gone, which is a good thing.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
You know. I have people ask about why I say
so busy.

Speaker 1 (01:28):
It's like, well, the flip side is if I wasn't
busy like this, that means that I'm not hot right now,
you know, not hot in the streets. That means nobody
wants to have me on you know, their shows or
projects whatever. So that's kind of like, yeah, I take
that with the with the you know, the lack of
free time comes like it means that you know you're
doing good things.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
So excited.

Speaker 1 (01:47):
Tryouts again today, tomorrow, first games on Friday, which is
that's always scary. And you know, coaching is a bit
like teaching, where it's like you try to prepare the
kids as best you can. When it comes to time
to take the test, you know, it's like all right,
hopefully it uh it works out, you know, And I'm
going to the cap scheme on Saturday's gonna be a

(02:07):
lot of fun.

Speaker 2 (02:08):
Let me get to this for your Wednesday.

Speaker 1 (02:10):
The things we normalize in relationships but aren't actually normal.
First of one, off the bat, it's passive aggressive comments,
they say, the silent like a shower, glass doors closed,
a little too hard, sharp tongue remarks, this guy's as jokes.
We often put up with this because we think it's
just a way to express frustration indirectly. Yeah, they say,
it's emotional manipulation that rose trust and intimacy over time.

(02:33):
I've been blessed that I don't really think I have
dated somebody who was very passive aggressive. But to me,
passive aggressive is like it's almost hard to deal with
because you have to get the person to admit their
being passive aggressive, you know what I mean? Like, that's
tough to consistently have to deal with that consistently. I
have to deal with somebody's like not being truly authentic.

(02:56):
How do you even do that? This next one, I
thin actually bigger. Constant texting, they say, the communications of life,
but of any relationship, expecting twenty four step messaging can
cross the line into emotional dependency. If you're finding that
the absence of a text creates anxiety and may be
trying to reassess boundaries. I think that our parents had

(03:16):
easier when it comes to relationships, from the sense that
they didn't talk to each other all day, you know
what I mean. They weren't constantly talking to each other,
so when they got home from work, it was like
they had a full thing to catch up on. Now,
I feel like you check in so often, then when
it comes time to talk at the end of the day,
it's like, I already know everything that happened in your life,

(03:37):
you know what I mean, I already know what happened
at work, this, this, and this, especially because to like
for me, it's a bit of a it can be
a bit of a mind blank because you know, I'm
up right now. I get up at two forty, and
then the show starts at six. So it's like, by
the time that whoever I'm dating's awake, let's say seven thirty,
my day's been five hours in, you know what I mean.

(04:00):
And so it's like having to rage us that Whereas
you know, if the person I'm dating is up at
you know, seven thirty, and then they got wait five
hours here for me, that's noon thirty.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
That's a lot, you know what I mean, like.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
That can be a lot to get hold of it,
and that pressure too of Like, also, how do you
respond to hay text?

Speaker 2 (04:16):
You know, jealousy disguise is love.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
They say jealousies off or man size a science, deep
affection and protective instinct. You may think of jealousy as normal,
even flattering, but can quickly turn toxic. Yeah, I think
that's always an odd thing. I had an ext girlfriend
who got angry that I never got jealous. I'm like, well,
that's just not really my style. Number one? Uh, number two?
Why am I getting jealous? Like if you were to

(04:40):
do something wrong, or if you were doing something you
shouldn't do, like if you're in a sheet, me being
jealous is not going to stop that, you know what
I mean, Like, you're gonna do it regardless, So why
bother getting stressed about it?

Speaker 2 (04:54):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (04:55):
But I do think you see that sometimes because I've
had acces who get mad about me getting you not
getting stress, and it's like, do you want me to
swing on somebody? Because that's not good for me, that's
not good for you, it's not good for that person.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
Why do that? Keeping score? Oh God?

Speaker 1 (05:11):
Relationships should be about balanced, not ongoing Italia favors and grudges.
Keeping score creates competitive atmosphere where everything becomes transaction.

Speaker 2 (05:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
I just think it goes back to the idea that
you're working on the same thing. You're you're it's you
guys versus the problem that you guys versus each other.
And I think it'd be so draining to keep score.
I mean it is draining keeps score with friends and
give friends to keep a score. Imagine doing that with
like your partner, that's the person supposed to be number one,
ride or die. I also think it's exhausting. You know,

(05:43):
I won't want to live like that with like, well
I did this for them, you know that's not that's
not fun. Public arguments, dude. Yeah, I've told this story before,
but I got in the fight once when a girlfriend.
It's like when I first moved here and we were
in Arlington and she started fighting with me. I was like, Hey,
we can't fight in public. She's like why, Mike, guess

(06:05):
somebody's gonna see and know what's going on, right, And
this woman walked by, so we stopped fighting. Three years later,
I ran into the same woman. She goes, hey, I
saw you fighting with your ex girlfriend and Clarendon three
years ago. I wanted to say hi, but didn't want
to be rude like that is that's the reason why
right there, that's the reason why I went there. And
for me, like it's tough, you know, I having anxiety

(06:28):
of like I get uncomfortable in public where it's not
known that this is gonna sound douchey. But follow me
for a second. It's not known that quote intern John's
gonna be there, you know what I mean. That gives
me anxiety because then it's like I don't know if
people know who I am don't So I always assume
that nobody knows who I am, and so I operate.

(06:51):
But that backfighters and people think I think I'm too
good for myself, if that makes sense. Like I moved
out of my last apartment because when I was walking
down the hall, somebody said hi, and I said hello,
kept walking thinking they're being friendly, and they sent a
really nasty text to the station about how rude I
was and how I didn't stop to say hi, And
I was like, hey, I just thought you're being polite.
I know you listened to the show, you know what

(07:12):
I mean, like, I didn't know if you had said
you listened to the show, but I just thought you're
being like, oh, saying hi in the hallways, you know.
There it is dismissing small acts of kindness. This is
big for dudes. This is big for dudes. I'm sure
it's saying for women, but like saying thank you for
morning coffee or a sweet text, or leaving a note
or if you come over and they get a delivery,

(07:35):
those acts, if you dismiss them as being insignificant, they
can lead the feelings of being taken for granted. I
noticed that kind of stuff because it is like for
a dude, at least for me, it's like you want
to do things to make you real happy, to show
that you appreciate it. But if you don't get that
same appreciation back, and of course you're not doing these
things for the sake of getting the praise back, however

(07:59):
it is, it's nice to show that you appreciate what's
being done for you. Because then I think for dudes,
it's like we'll get in the mind frame of like, well,
it doesn't even matter what I do, it's never right,
and it's kind of like, yeah, if you're not getting
the recognition, even just a little bit, for the effort.
Why keep trying, you know, comparing your relationship to others?
This is you know, they say in the age of

(08:22):
social media, is easy to follow in the traffic comparing
your relationship to others, however, you can see onlines often
curated for a version of reality. Yes, I also think too, Yeah,
to be careful of your friends. I think your friends,
the most part, have your best interest. However, I said
this to an ex girlfriend once. I'm like, hey, don't

(08:44):
go to these people for advice about us because they're
in a miserable relationship. I've noticed with ex girlfriends that
their friends would be jealous of them and their happiness.
I'm like, hey, just so you know, I wouldn't go
to the person who's jealous of you being happy for
advice because there's a fantastic chance they're not gonna give
you good advice. And like, it's sad, but it's real.

(09:07):
You know. There's an old phrase, what comparison is the
thief of joy. I think that's a huge thing. I
think that's a huge, huge thing. Last while, I'll get
to accepting a lack of effort. They say, efforts should
be a constant and occasional gesture in any relationship. Accepting
a lack of effort can lead to being complacent and
decline a relationship satisfaction. Both partners should feel motivated to

(09:27):
show their love and appreciation on the regular. Now, obviously
there's ebbs and flows of life, right, things happen, job loss,
family loss, whatever, But if it does feel like you're
not even meeting you know, sixty forty in seventy thirty now,
I have heard couples say that the it can't be
fifty to fifty all time makes sense. Life happens, for sure,

(09:48):
but it's gotta be close, you know what I mean,
It's gotty close. I've been relationships or feels like I
was pulling all the weight and it's like I can't
do this while doing all my work stuff, you know
what I mean? Happy, healthy relationship. If you get a
chance to follow me, I appreciate it. At Internship Radio,
we'll see you a Friday. It's a tash hour