October 3, 2024 • 31 mins
Dating and relationships are tough. Sana and Biz are getting real about what drives us to love, cheat, and date in the Bay Area.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's not a cast time, it's your girl sona. What's
up yo?
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Yo?
Speaker 3 (00:03):
You play a part in the gbiz.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
So I wanted to kind of like have like a
counseling session. I was actually supposed to do this with
my homegirl, but she backed out because the person that
she wanted to talk about here in the Bay area
apparently came to her with some new information and she
decided that she didn't want to put this example of
her life out there for everybody to hear anymore for now.
(00:27):
I don't know if you know, the details of her
story don't change, but if you want to keep into
consideration somebody else's feelings, then that's another thing. So I
was like, okay, I respect that, you know. Maybe you know,
if and when things change or get better, we can
talk about you coming on. But she asked me to
be a part of this, and she's a part of
my other job, oh that I do, not the radio job.
(00:48):
So randomly she came to me out of nowhere biz
and she was like, I want to teach other women
how to find out what kind of secret life that
their person they're dating is really into. So initially, so
she's been dating this she was dating this guy for
six months, and culturally, I will say it's generally a
(01:11):
culture where they have arranged marriages, okay, And she somehow
found pictures of him and his wife online.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Own, Yeah, he was married.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
He is married. I don't know if he still is,
because this story continues now to where why she wanted
to back out was the fact that he's saying he
filed for divorce in India and came back and something
happened with his job and he was kind of forced
like by a kind of like blackmail on his visa
(01:46):
to stay with this woman.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Oh okay, So he was in a tight situation and
was like, you know what.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Maybe, yeah, okay, but it doesn't change the fact that
they were dating for six months and she had to
find out that there was a that he's living with
with a child, oh wow, and all the other things. Right,
So it's like, I guess I can give him the
I'm in an unhappy marriage thing, but if you are
(02:12):
divorced and all these things, and why would you not
share that information with someone that you meet. And I
don't know for sure whether or not he met her
on a dating app or or what that's all about,
or how that came about. But I did ask her.
I was like, did you check to see if he's
still on the apps? So she said, no, he's not
because he's essentially begging her for understanding and saying that
(02:33):
his love for her was quote unquote misunderstood. So not
only this woman, but another one of my good friends
also was talking to somebody. I mean, he was talking
about marriage and I want to move in with you
and all these things the whole time had a whole girlfriend.
So women aren't innocent of this either, because I know
(02:56):
quite a few women should. I'll be the first to
say I wasn't very faithful, you know, through the years
or whatever the case may be, because it's just easy
to flirt with people. You don't mess around with every person,
but you know, if you get intrigued and there's a
connection there, and then I guess you do what you do.
But what for like a men's point of view, like
lying about a marriage and a whole girlfriend and all
the other things, or keeping it secret juggling different women.
(03:19):
Is it about the challenge of being able to do
this and accomplish this without getting caught. Is it like
adrenaline rush or.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
I say it's a case by case basis. Now in
that situation, specifically one the marriage one.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Yeah, and now what it sounds like my man was
doing whatever he needed to do to make sure he
can stay on us soil. So if he, I mean,
but he ready to go sell ice to a polar
beard if that'll get him, you feel me a fresh visa.
But also you would hope that somebody, bro there's something
about marriage that's different than just us dating. You should
(03:57):
at least always be genuine with people, even if y'all
are separated, even if you're estranged, be like, hey, just
so you know, I still got this paperwork, because that's
what a marriage is.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
That's documented, that's signed and sealed.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
If you talking about just like you know, people juggling
people like you said, men and women do it, what's
part of the reason why I got trust issues?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Now?
Speaker 3 (04:18):
I mean, I've been decided to far too many times.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Uh, don't let me tell your truth here today.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
I mean, but but I'm not I'm not saying that
I'm not guilty of doing the same thing. I've certainly had,
you know, situations in spaces where you can understand it
and sometimes you know you do it.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
For the sport.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
Sometimes you just you know, you got that dog in
yet sometimes you have situations where you're like, I'm not
happy sometimes, you know, and you have instances of that too.
You could have great relationships but though they have some
rough patches, and sometimes folks will.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Be like, well, you know, I'm not really in a
good space with this person right now. Let me see
what's outside. It could be a number of things and
sometimes you just got plain ass liars.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Do you think it like Sims from rental stuff influenced too,
because I know that you know, know this the biggest Classic,
but he definitely moved around a bit. And I know
you had a high love for your mother and you
didn't although Lori Lee didn't really care what business Classic
was doing. It's like, you know, she did a lot
of stuff on her own. Like do you think like
your dad kind of showed you like, hey, you can
just kind of do what you want to do, where
(05:19):
you want to do it. Whatever.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
Oh, I mean absolutely had influence in it. I don't
think it was necessarily him telling me that I come
from a family of womanizers on both sides. To be
quite honest with y'all, got uncles that was out here,
my dad, his brother out here.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Uh so you're saying, you're saying it's like a cultural thing,
like a like this is just how we maneuver, and
that it's acceptable.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
I don't think it was. I don't think that was
ever a thought. I think.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
I think for me, honestly, you got to get to
an age when you just tamed the dog.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
I think if you you know.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
And what age is that nowadays?
Speaker 3 (05:57):
That depends on the person. It could be.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
Hell, it's it's plenty of cats out here that's in
their sixties and they still running around. Yeah I'm talking
about but that's that's every single man has to get
to that place if they got it in him.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
You got a lot of cats, you know.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
Who straight out the bat eighteen years old, they ready
to get married. You got some dudes, you know what
I mean, who are faithful in long term relationships for
a very long time.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Again, it depends on the person.
Speaker 4 (06:23):
But if you're talking about especially being here in the
Bay Area, you know we kind of have that, you
know that that mac mentality. So even growing up, it's
in the music, it's in the cultures, it is in
your family.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
But that is based off of being a pimp. I
mean like running hose, not with people that you love.
You know, although the theory is you love your bottom
and the rest of them, you know whatever, you still
put them out there on the street. And I don't
think that's you know, it's been misconstrued for like, that's
what love and relationships is. It ain't pimping. It's like,
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
It's not pimping. But there's a big difference between pimping
and macing. You could be a mac and be in love.
You ain't putting nobody out on the street, but you
still got that mentality of well, I got X, Y
and Z woman, I got a woman that I do
care about, but I got this girl. I got this girl,
and if I get a little change out of all
of them, then it's always good. That's absolute money. Yeah, absolutely,
(07:17):
the way that you know, I know me, a lot
of my friends, you know again, from the music to
family to culture.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
That's what you get. You grow up thinking it's thinking
it's normal.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
I'm going to try to maneuver forward without being disrespectful
because I know that I'm only answering the question. I
know that I know that I guess what I'm trying
to say is like, oh God, and I know that,
you know, I don't know if I've had somebody, because
(07:49):
none of them have ever asked me for money. It's
just like I trip different, I eat different, like whatever.
If you want to come and I know you ain't
got it and I love you, then I'll ya, you know,
do that for you. I don't want to have to
change and go to motherfucking Tahoe fourteen times a year
because we can only drive somewhere on your dime, you
know what I'm saying. So, but it's never been like,
(08:11):
oh I need five thousand dollars, get the fuck out
of here.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
I mean, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
I don't think I've ever heard that one time from
my friend that I don't talk to anymore, and I
don't maybe because he came from the Bay too, and
maybe he thought that that's how he needed a maneuver
around our friendship. But what kind of man thinks that's okay? Like, well,
(08:35):
and I'm trying to be respectful to you and your
friends because you're telling me that you grew up on
this mentality, this culture here in the Bay, like get
a chick for whatever you can or whatever and also
have sex with her an a user and abuse her, however,
is essentially what I'm hearing. And you're like, this is
big culture like maccan and blah blah blah having several
women and if you can live off the money they
give you, then that's what it is. But like, in
(08:56):
my mind, like what kind of man is that? And like,
you know, I, as a woman have heard stuff like
that obviously, and you wonder when you look at the
man and you look at the woman, like, what the
fuck is he saying to her?
Speaker 3 (09:12):
What is he.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Saying to her that she does this?
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Uh huh?
Speaker 4 (09:19):
You know?
Speaker 1 (09:19):
And I feel like maybe women are so insecure maybe
and they're like I'm not beautiful, I'm not worthy, I'm
not whatever. And then here comes the MAC like you
know you're my queen, right, You're the most beautiful woman
in the world. I don't know what I would do
without you. You got on it. I was like a
whole like how is that conversation going?
Speaker 3 (09:43):
I look at it like this, it's.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
Okay. Ride with me when I say this.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Okay, I'm listening to you. We're trying to respect.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Each other, right, So if you look at like an
area like the south, right, we're generally, you know, if
you talk about like strip club culture and a lot
of the stuff even on social media, and that we're
folks talking about how, oh you know, your man is
supposed to you know, give you money for whatever, whatever
you need it if it's it's so the the basis
(10:15):
of that generally is built on tricking right out here
that you could say it's macing on the other side.
So these are kind of like two you know what
I mean, booking different types of ways that folks view dating.
The same way that you talk about the guys out here.
That mentality isn't manhood, that's boyhood, right.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
But there's grown me you just said, there's players that
are like sixty seventy years old and is so the
mentality doesn't grow. The body just gets old and safety
and yet they still because they have the mouthpiece, they
find women that will take care.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Of them, that will that will still do it right.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
The same way you got ladies who have this idea
of oh, you know, I want to be I need
to be a man, I need to be well, that
for sure. But I'm talk about on the other end
of it of I'm looking for a trick. I'm looking
for somebody to spend on me do all these things.
But I'm a wife not understanding what these dynamics include.
To be a man, you know, you need to be
(11:12):
able to provide, protect right, insure security, not only in
terms of physical but emotional stability and all these other ways.
For a family, the same way you would look for
a wife who could be nurturing, who could be you know, supportive,
who could be there to you know, be your teammate.
Folks who don't have that type of you know, mental
(11:35):
elevation or ever get to that point will always be stuck, stagnant,
and you'll think that macin is supposed to be the
way that you live. I have many friends right now
I talk to and I'll be like, hold on what
like bruh? Like you don't feel within yourself as a
man like you shouldn't have to You shouldn't have to
accept X, Y and Z from this woman just because
she's offering. Doesn't matter if she's telling you, Hey, I
(11:58):
know I only know you for this amount of time,
Please take the key to my house. All these other things, yeah,
come over here. You could do this. You could do
that bruh in yourself. You shouldn't want to be dependent
on that, but you still got that out.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
I'm gon see what's good. The bit said it's good,
So I'm gonna was good with the bitch like you.
You have to grow past that. Some pross don't elevate.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
I feel like sometimes it's a front too. Yes, men
want to hold this certain level of whatever to other men,
and then they say, oh, this and that they may
call their woman a B word and whatever the case
may be, and think that's sweet. And then they get hey, baby,
I miss you. I love it so much, and then
they be a completely different person in front of them,
but like in front of their boys, they're they're upholding
(12:41):
this bs and young people, young men and women see
that stuff. The same thing you were just saying. For
the women who think that they need to be tricked on.
We had that one girl that went viral talking about
you can't take me to know cheesecake factory, you know what,
and people immediately started bombarding her with hate online, like
you don't don't even look like you worth McDonald's and
(13:02):
you want to talk all this smack. But I guess
it's a mentality of where you hold yourself and are
you willing to you know whatever, I guess go outside
of that, I don't really know. So it is on
both sides. But like the lying about taking the money out,
you know, taking the take care of me or let
(13:23):
me see how much money I can get out of her,
or whatever the case may be, just lying, Like with
the marriage situation, you're full ass married, yeah, like whether
it was arranged, whether you're saying it was divorce papers
in wherever it might be right, you've been dating this
person for six months and like saying you love them.
(13:46):
There's no way in any world that you can tell
me that someone genuinely loves someone if they're lying on
this magnitude scale. Like and then she came back, this
one particular girl, and he gave her a whole spiel
about his visa and all these things. He was like,
(14:07):
I meant to tell you this the last time, but
the moments were so beautiful. You know what's even more
beautiful you telling the fucking truth. Yeah, and seeing if
our quote unquote love can survive it. And I know
her fairly well, Like she would have handled it better
had he just been like, look, this is my situation
(14:27):
like I'm dating, but I still live with my wife.
We're divorced officially on papers. I can show you if
you want, if that's true. We have a child we
obviously have to take care of together or whatever. I'm unemployed,
so I don't have and you know, mind you the
whole time he was telling her he was going away
on work to like why for for months at a time,
(14:48):
and he was in fucking Livermore when his wife and
the kid. So I don't know, man, and I feel
like we want to be so forgiving. I've been there before.
My last boyfriend, the and you know, the one that
probably warded me off of even doing anything but focusing
on working and elevating myself whether it's education or another
career like real estate like I do, and focusing on
(15:10):
my kid was damn Like I thought I was gonna
marry that cat, and I was willing to accept him
with his umpteen children like I with my daughter's situation.
I would never keep a person, or a man or
a father from his kids. What you're doing with that
woman when you get over to her house, I don't
question it, because I'm allowing you to go be a
(15:31):
dad because you should do that right, you're supposed to.
So I don't know if he was still messing with
all of them, but definitely had a girl pregnant, the
one he was talking to when we met and got together.
And I kept asking him and I kept giving him
that you know that past, tell me, tell me right now,
what's happening. He wanted to lie, and that's what ruined
(15:51):
the relationship, is just hiding that shit. I've already accepted you.
With all these children, you think, what's one more bucket?
I mean, like, am I gonna pay for them? No?
I never told them that I would help them with
that stuff. We were just kind of living on on
what we had and it was free. But then you
fucked it up because you wanted to lie.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
I think.
Speaker 4 (16:12):
I think when it comes to that space, absolutely, the
lying is the thing that a lot of people think
in the moment, it's gonna help the situation. Yeah, I
can sit here and fly under the radar and I'm
gonna just you know, let things be cool, and I
can say it's X, Y and Z, and hopefully it
never comes to light.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
It always comes to light, so.
Speaker 4 (16:36):
You know, and people have their own their own things
you know, but generally, but you shouldn't be sitting there
having a conversation with somebody and be sitting in fear
of this person that you're supposed to be with or whatever. Yeah,
and you're reverting back to that teenager who was scared
(16:58):
to tell their mom the truth when they broke the
fucking lamp in the house, right, you know what I mean?
But so many times we just run back to these
childhood to these childhood instances, and that behavior is what
we do because oh, it's easier to just run from
it and not face it head on, you know what
I mean. Not to get too much into it, but
(17:21):
I've got situations going on right now in my family
to where now we have, honestly something that's snowballed into
over a twenty year hidden situation.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
And you're talking about business kids, that business classes that
could have.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Been taken care of.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Right, You're way way way back in the day and
running from it, and now it's affecting the way that
the next generation moves forward. And it's like, I know,
those are tough conversations to have, right, but the transparency
you hope comes out, But you got to have people
(18:02):
who are mature enough, strong minded enough, strong willed enough
to not only have those conversations, but to say, regardless
of what it looks like, I'm gonna work through it
for me, not even for the person on the other side,
because they gotta do what they got to do for them, right,
But for me, I can't hold onto this. And I
think a lot of times people just be like, bro,
it's either if I just go ahead and just sell
(18:24):
the gas and ride it out to the wheels fall off,
because the wheel's gonna fall off.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
You keep on lying, Oh.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah, it's always gonna yeah. If the person on the
other side doesn't look for it somehow, some way, there's
gonna be a fumble. Yeah, if you're trying to carry
like three or four different lifestyles. I think for me,
like even with that X that I was talking about
with all the kids, I get bored fast. You know,
men think it's cool to like, but for a female
(18:54):
like me, like I don't have those endearing qualities where
I want to raise you or you know, I want
to make sure you're fed, like emotionally, physically, I want
to make sure you're taken care of. Do I want
to buy you new sneakers. Not really, I'm not your mama.
This is not the playground where you've scuffed them so
many damn times. You looking stupid outside, so I want
(19:15):
to make sure you're covered. You're a grown ass man.
And if I feel like things require too much from me,
not monetarily, but just emotionally in general, I get bored
because if you can't match my mature or like where
I'm at. And you know, I'm not a billionaire, but
you know I'm on a different level than a lot
(19:36):
of people. I would say not just you know, I've
had to do a lot of shit by myself for
a very long time. I'm very independent, and you know,
thankfully my dad taught me that probably beating my ass.
Maybe get out the house quick and figure it out,
you know, telling me I would never be nothing or
I'm not ever going to make nothing, and I'm like, okay,
check this out.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Gave me the drive.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
So if you don't have that, I lose resc and
then there's no way in hell that anything is gonna
get wet or roused or anything else in that aspect.
I could be initially attracted to you physically or like mentally,
we connect on different subjects or like we like to
eat at the same places or whatever. But when that
(20:16):
runs dry and there's nothing else to build on, I
get bored and I go out and see what the
fuck else is going on, and then I don't know
how to end it. So it's kind of like, Okay,
well I'm here, I'm just gonna slowly pull away on text.
Maybe I'll go with them one more time yep or whatever,
and I just get bored. But by that time, I'm
already monkey barn checked out. I already have like somebody
(20:38):
else that I'm talking to or I'm interested in, or
I'm just like trying to see what they got popping.
And I may not necessarily talk to that person, but
the interest is there, the intrigue, so I will say that,
but I don't know if I I might have juggled
one or two at the same time, but not not
seriously though, Like the one that was just kind of
there knew that they were just there. Yeah, although I
(20:59):
did and say I have this other one that I'm
super interested in, they already knew, and so it was
kind of like whatever.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
And also having something else like that, you know I'm
talking about, can help it if that's got your focus momentarily,
it can help you. It'll ease that brunt of letting
go of that old situation. Yeah right, I think I
think that. Uh, I think a lot of times, especially
(21:26):
I'll say also with you specifically, someone who's but but
I know, I know how big your heart is, you
know what I mean. Someone that's very giving and someone
that's like you might not look at it like, oh,
I'm about to buy this motherfuckers some X Y and
Z because you know, because I'm taking care of you.
But you'll do it just out of the simple love. Hey,
I wanted I wanted to this for you, so you
(21:48):
know I did this for you know, X Y and
Z purpose.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah, you're in the same way.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
I think my thing is I pay attention. Right, So
if somebody is just like, man, I whatever the fuck,
Like when you busted your thing and I was on Amazon,
I was like, oh, here's a mirror. It's only twenty bucks, right,
let me just get the mirror. And it's you know,
just simply paying attention and being like, you know, I
want that person to be all right, yes, yeah, but yeah,
(22:16):
when I'm dating someone, it's on a million because I'm
just like, Okay, I heard that person say his kid
or you know, his car, or I don't know, something small.
It's not going to be like a huge thing. But yeah,
I'll be like here, I heard you talk about this
the other day. I got you this.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
And the issue is when you have that big of
a heart and you're that caring, you got those users
out there who will get used to it, next thing
you know they expected, and then they abuse it.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Right well, they try to right again, right right.
Speaker 4 (22:49):
But being in that space absolutely on the other side
of somebody who's like, yes, I'm giving, but I ain't stupid. Yeah, right,
So I will pull away in certain ways, and people
can show that in a number of different avenues emotionally, financially, right.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
And I think we continue to see that.
Speaker 4 (23:06):
I think honestly that I think having a foundation of
that that communication, you gotta hope that somebody's being honest
with you. But then when you get in situations where
somebody's hiding a kid or hiding a marriage, it's like,
that's just two damn egregious, even if they're evening right,
(23:28):
and even if their explanation of it was, well, I
got this, I got that oh I feel this way.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
I feel that way. Bruh.
Speaker 4 (23:35):
You hit a whole ass child and wife from me.
You got a whole ass husband you go home and
lay next to at the end of it, after you
know we've done whatever. That's something where you need to
look inside yourself and be like, Okay, I should respect
myself enough to say that's where I.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Draw the line.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
And I think a lot of times those emotions pull
on us, you know what I mean, and we continue
to just Oh, well, fuck it, I'm gonna go ahead
and respond. I could have one last meetup just to
just where we have some closure, you know. Next thing,
you know, both of y'all butt naked and you're right
back like you're right back when.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
So, I mean, you know, here's the truth about that.
As much as you miss what it was and how
it felt, it's never gonna be the same. As much
as you wanted to. People are in full blown marriages
right now who are forgiven each other for cheating or whatever.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
It's not the same.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
You could tell me till you're blue in the face.
Oh it's everything's fine. We forgave each other. It's still
the same that shiit sitting in the back of your head,
like bump that motherfucker. A tiny little piece of you
will always hold on to that because you were hurt,
and every time you get hurt it changes how you maneuver.
And I mean kudos to the folks that can carry on,
(25:04):
you know, a marriage or whatever and suppress like you know,
even though sometimes it make it in a little fight
of remember when you but you know whatever, it's never
going to be the same. But like you're never going
to be the same anyway, like I said, like maneuvering
through this with you know, men don't want women to
(25:25):
be investigators. They don't want to be told what to do.
They don't want to have restrictions. And yet when you're
dealing with a woman who's had something like that, a
whole wife and whatever hidden, it's hard to have those
expectations because they're hurt. How do you respond? We make
mistakes and we correct. That's how we do everything if
we want to do it well. And relationships are the
(25:47):
same thing like I didn't do this, then I still
don't want to investigate or look into stuff or talk
to people online or about a relationship by men, or
like I still don't want to do that. But a
part of me is like, do I need to do
that now, because I've already had so many situations where
I didn't play the fool, but I definitely wasn't aware.
(26:11):
But I still don't want to do that. But I
still believe in love and I still think one day
maybe I'll find somebody. But will that person have a
whole other life I don't know about. Will that person
be talking to four other people at the same time, man,
because they have options and there's dating apps and they're
not sure which one they like the most and they
can't decide, or like, you know, am I gonna do
(26:32):
that again? I don't know, Like it just makes it
hard to kind of to believe in in the happy ending.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
I guess that's the fear. That's the fear, you know.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
But like most things in life, if you don't take
the leap, you will ever enjoy the spoils.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
You know.
Speaker 4 (26:51):
So many times I think the things that we long
for the most in life are on the other side
of a jump that we don't want to take or
we're scared to take.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
Right, I take the jump.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Worried about what the other motherfucker on the other side got,
got going, you know, Like you know, I don't think
I'll ever fully give up, but I'm definitely at peace
with what i have going on. And that's what I
always tell people like you can't. I don't know, it
won't be the same if you go back one if
(27:21):
you take time to piece yourself together and chill, and
if you need to moll over what went right, what
went wrong and sort that out and learn and just
you know, move forward with an open and unheavy heart,
then probably that's the best move.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
Therapy help certainly helps, you know. I've absolutely can a
credit you know, romantic situations, uh, setback struggles, the crazy
roller coaster ride that we all go through. Yeah, to
to years of some damn good therapy sessions.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
L for him.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
Oh yeah, I'm houllering at my man. I'm houllering at
my guy.
Speaker 4 (28:09):
Later on today, twelve twelve fifteen, I see in a hash.
But but you know, again, you got to figure out
the way that works for you. And I'll tell you
like this, it couldn't It could never get no more
real than this. Just the other week, shout out to
my guy Pop Thomas and his wife is lovely wife Tanya,
my best friend's parents been together over forty two years,
(28:32):
and you know they've.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
Had, of course their own struggles, you know, as as most.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Couples of marriage, I mean forty plus years though clearly right,
but clearly the dedication is there. And at all he
could tell me was hey, either either we both crazy
or we love pain, because we're still here. And the
way she laughed when he said it, and it looked
(28:59):
him in the face of said, yeah, so I want this.
You're gonna buy me this phone? And all you can
say was absolutely, we'll both get one. So whatever they got,
it works. Usually I guess you just gotta find somebody
that's on the same wavelength and crazy enough or LiF's
enough pain, yeah, to mold through it with you, because
(29:19):
nothing's gonna be nothing's gonna be perfect.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
It's just real bonding love. Like whatever you run into
it ain't better than what you got at the house man.
And I don't know if he stepped out or she did,
or whatever the case may be. And some people are
okay with that. You know, you go to see what
you're going to see. I guess we got married young,
so if you want to go sample, I guess, go ahead.
But some people have that real unbreaking love. Dude. It's
(29:43):
not like it doesn't exist. We're just talking about worst
case scenarios where people hurt each other, which you know, shoot,
how long you gotta wait till their thing don't work
and then you want to settle down or you know
for the ladies, like when you're gonna realize, you know whatever,
you know, love isn't in the form of a check
or a car, or you're gonna want somebody to be
(30:05):
by your side when you get old.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
True. True.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
I watch my dad, you know, scoot around his house
right now, wishing that my mom was there. And I
don't think they either. You know, he ever stepped out
on her, but he didn't treat her the best, and
more than anything, he would love to have her there. Now. Yeah,
don't got that option, But you know, I don't know.
I wish everybody the best when it comes to love
(30:29):
and relationships because I think there's probably nothing harder to
figure out. You can go to school and learn how
to be a doctor, man, you know, you can study
politics and be involved. What you can't fully read all
the time is another person and what they got going
on mentally physically. You know what damage has been done
what they want to do.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
It's a lot, right, but don't lose hope, no, you know, Yeah,
and just be vigilant in these Bay area waters.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
You will find your pain, yes, one day. But y'all
share with us man comment below. You know, if you
want to talk about your relationship, we can get you on.
You can talk about that. Maybe it's good, maybe it's bad,
whatever it is. And make sure you rock with us
during the radio show that we do Monday through Friday
six to ten am. Right there at one oh six
point one came.
Speaker 4 (31:20):
And if you've ever dated philm on Mike, you got
any stories, please leave us on this leave it on
the talk back feature on how Radio.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
I got stories about Mike. Oh gotfool, came into my
studio with a ripped up shirt.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Oh film done?
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Been attacked by his woman. Damn, that was a long
time ago. All right, y'all be blessed well, How
It's not a cast time, it's your girl sona. What's
up yo?
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Yo?
Speaker 3 (00:03):
You play a part in the gbiz.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
So I wanted to kind of like have like a
counseling session. I was actually supposed to do this with
my homegirl, but she backed out because the person that
she wanted to talk about here in the Bay area
apparently came to her with some new information and she
decided that she didn't want to put this example of
her life out there for everybody to hear anymore for now.
(00:27):
I don't know if you know, the details of her
story don't change, but if you want to keep into
consideration somebody else's feelings, then that's another thing. So I
was like, okay, I respect that, you know. Maybe you know,
if and when things change or get better, we can
talk about you coming on. But she asked me to
be a part of this, and she's a part of
my other job, oh that I do, not the radio job.
(00:48):
So randomly she came to me out of nowhere biz
and she was like, I want to teach other women
how to find out what kind of secret life that
their person they're dating is really into. So initially, so
she's been dating this she was dating this guy for
six months, and culturally, I will say it's generally a
(01:11):
culture where they have arranged marriages, okay, And she somehow
found pictures of him and his wife online.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Own, Yeah, he was married.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
He is married. I don't know if he still is,
because this story continues now to where why she wanted
to back out was the fact that he's saying he
filed for divorce in India and came back and something
happened with his job and he was kind of forced
like by a kind of like blackmail on his visa
(01:46):
to stay with this woman.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Oh okay, So he was in a tight situation and
was like, you know what.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Maybe, yeah, okay, but it doesn't change the fact that
they were dating for six months and she had to
find out that there was a that he's living with
with a child, oh wow, and all the other things. Right,
So it's like, I guess I can give him the
I'm in an unhappy marriage thing, but if you are
(02:12):
divorced and all these things, and why would you not
share that information with someone that you meet. And I
don't know for sure whether or not he met her
on a dating app or or what that's all about,
or how that came about. But I did ask her.
I was like, did you check to see if he's
still on the apps? So she said, no, he's not
because he's essentially begging her for understanding and saying that
(02:33):
his love for her was quote unquote misunderstood. So not
only this woman, but another one of my good friends
also was talking to somebody. I mean, he was talking
about marriage and I want to move in with you
and all these things the whole time had a whole girlfriend.
So women aren't innocent of this either, because I know
(02:56):
quite a few women should. I'll be the first to
say I wasn't very faithful, you know, through the years
or whatever the case may be, because it's just easy
to flirt with people. You don't mess around with every person,
but you know, if you get intrigued and there's a
connection there, and then I guess you do what you do.
But what for like a men's point of view, like
lying about a marriage and a whole girlfriend and all
the other things, or keeping it secret juggling different women.
(03:19):
Is it about the challenge of being able to do
this and accomplish this without getting caught. Is it like
adrenaline rush or.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
I say it's a case by case basis. Now in
that situation, specifically one the marriage one.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Yeah, and now what it sounds like my man was
doing whatever he needed to do to make sure he
can stay on us soil. So if he, I mean,
but he ready to go sell ice to a polar
beard if that'll get him, you feel me a fresh visa.
But also you would hope that somebody, bro there's something
about marriage that's different than just us dating. You should
(03:57):
at least always be genuine with people, even if y'all
are separated, even if you're estranged, be like, hey, just
so you know, I still got this paperwork, because that's
what a marriage is.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
That's documented, that's signed and sealed.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
If you talking about just like you know, people juggling
people like you said, men and women do it, what's
part of the reason why I got trust issues?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Now?
Speaker 3 (04:18):
I mean, I've been decided to far too many times.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Uh, don't let me tell your truth here today.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
I mean, but but I'm not I'm not saying that
I'm not guilty of doing the same thing. I've certainly had,
you know, situations in spaces where you can understand it
and sometimes you know you do it.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
For the sport.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
Sometimes you just you know, you got that dog in
yet sometimes you have situations where you're like, I'm not
happy sometimes, you know, and you have instances of that too.
You could have great relationships but though they have some
rough patches, and sometimes folks will.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Be like, well, you know, I'm not really in a
good space with this person right now. Let me see
what's outside. It could be a number of things and
sometimes you just got plain ass liars.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Do you think it like Sims from rental stuff influenced too,
because I know that you know, know this the biggest Classic,
but he definitely moved around a bit. And I know
you had a high love for your mother and you
didn't although Lori Lee didn't really care what business Classic
was doing. It's like, you know, she did a lot
of stuff on her own. Like do you think like
your dad kind of showed you like, hey, you can
just kind of do what you want to do, where
(05:19):
you want to do it. Whatever.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
Oh, I mean absolutely had influence in it. I don't
think it was necessarily him telling me that I come
from a family of womanizers on both sides. To be
quite honest with y'all, got uncles that was out here,
my dad, his brother out here.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Uh so you're saying, you're saying it's like a cultural thing,
like a like this is just how we maneuver, and
that it's acceptable.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
I don't think it was. I don't think that was
ever a thought. I think.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
I think for me, honestly, you got to get to
an age when you just tamed the dog.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
I think if you you know.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
And what age is that nowadays?
Speaker 3 (05:57):
That depends on the person. It could be.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
Hell, it's it's plenty of cats out here that's in
their sixties and they still running around. Yeah I'm talking
about but that's that's every single man has to get
to that place if they got it in him.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
You got a lot of cats, you know.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
Who straight out the bat eighteen years old, they ready
to get married. You got some dudes, you know what
I mean, who are faithful in long term relationships for
a very long time.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Again, it depends on the person.
Speaker 4 (06:23):
But if you're talking about especially being here in the
Bay Area, you know we kind of have that, you
know that that mac mentality. So even growing up, it's
in the music, it's in the cultures, it is in
your family.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
But that is based off of being a pimp. I
mean like running hose, not with people that you love.
You know, although the theory is you love your bottom
and the rest of them, you know whatever, you still
put them out there on the street. And I don't
think that's you know, it's been misconstrued for like, that's
what love and relationships is. It ain't pimping. It's like,
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
It's not pimping. But there's a big difference between pimping
and macing. You could be a mac and be in love.
You ain't putting nobody out on the street, but you
still got that mentality of well, I got X, Y
and Z woman, I got a woman that I do
care about, but I got this girl. I got this girl,
and if I get a little change out of all
of them, then it's always good. That's absolute money. Yeah, absolutely,
(07:17):
the way that you know, I know me, a lot
of my friends, you know again, from the music to
family to culture.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
That's what you get. You grow up thinking it's thinking
it's normal.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
I'm going to try to maneuver forward without being disrespectful
because I know that I'm only answering the question. I
know that I know that I guess what I'm trying
to say is like, oh God, and I know that,
you know, I don't know if I've had somebody, because
(07:49):
none of them have ever asked me for money. It's
just like I trip different, I eat different, like whatever.
If you want to come and I know you ain't
got it and I love you, then I'll ya, you know,
do that for you. I don't want to have to
change and go to motherfucking Tahoe fourteen times a year
because we can only drive somewhere on your dime, you
know what I'm saying. So, but it's never been like,
(08:11):
oh I need five thousand dollars, get the fuck out
of here.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
I mean, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
I don't think I've ever heard that one time from
my friend that I don't talk to anymore, and I
don't maybe because he came from the Bay too, and
maybe he thought that that's how he needed a maneuver
around our friendship. But what kind of man thinks that's okay? Like, well,
(08:35):
and I'm trying to be respectful to you and your
friends because you're telling me that you grew up on
this mentality, this culture here in the Bay, like get
a chick for whatever you can or whatever and also
have sex with her an a user and abuse her, however,
is essentially what I'm hearing. And you're like, this is
big culture like maccan and blah blah blah having several
women and if you can live off the money they
give you, then that's what it is. But like, in
(08:56):
my mind, like what kind of man is that? And like,
you know, I, as a woman have heard stuff like
that obviously, and you wonder when you look at the
man and you look at the woman, like, what the
fuck is he saying to her?
Speaker 3 (09:12):
What is he.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Saying to her that she does this?
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Uh huh?
Speaker 4 (09:19):
You know?
Speaker 1 (09:19):
And I feel like maybe women are so insecure maybe
and they're like I'm not beautiful, I'm not worthy, I'm
not whatever. And then here comes the MAC like you
know you're my queen, right, You're the most beautiful woman
in the world. I don't know what I would do
without you. You got on it. I was like a
whole like how is that conversation going?
Speaker 3 (09:43):
I look at it like this, it's.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
Okay. Ride with me when I say this.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Okay, I'm listening to you. We're trying to respect.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Each other, right, So if you look at like an
area like the south, right, we're generally, you know, if
you talk about like strip club culture and a lot
of the stuff even on social media, and that we're
folks talking about how, oh you know, your man is
supposed to you know, give you money for whatever, whatever
you need it if it's it's so the the basis
(10:15):
of that generally is built on tricking right out here
that you could say it's macing on the other side.
So these are kind of like two you know what
I mean, booking different types of ways that folks view dating.
The same way that you talk about the guys out here.
That mentality isn't manhood, that's boyhood, right.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
But there's grown me you just said, there's players that
are like sixty seventy years old and is so the
mentality doesn't grow. The body just gets old and safety
and yet they still because they have the mouthpiece, they
find women that will take care.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Of them, that will that will still do it right.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
The same way you got ladies who have this idea
of oh, you know, I want to be I need
to be a man, I need to be well, that
for sure. But I'm talk about on the other end
of it of I'm looking for a trick. I'm looking
for somebody to spend on me do all these things.
But I'm a wife not understanding what these dynamics include.
To be a man, you know, you need to be
(11:12):
able to provide, protect right, insure security, not only in
terms of physical but emotional stability and all these other ways.
For a family, the same way you would look for
a wife who could be nurturing, who could be you know, supportive,
who could be there to you know, be your teammate.
Folks who don't have that type of you know, mental
(11:35):
elevation or ever get to that point will always be stuck, stagnant,
and you'll think that macin is supposed to be the
way that you live. I have many friends right now
I talk to and I'll be like, hold on what
like bruh? Like you don't feel within yourself as a
man like you shouldn't have to You shouldn't have to
accept X, Y and Z from this woman just because
she's offering. Doesn't matter if she's telling you, Hey, I
(11:58):
know I only know you for this amount of time,
Please take the key to my house. All these other things, yeah,
come over here. You could do this. You could do
that bruh in yourself. You shouldn't want to be dependent
on that, but you still got that out.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
I'm gon see what's good. The bit said it's good,
So I'm gonna was good with the bitch like you.
You have to grow past that. Some pross don't elevate.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
I feel like sometimes it's a front too. Yes, men
want to hold this certain level of whatever to other men,
and then they say, oh, this and that they may
call their woman a B word and whatever the case
may be, and think that's sweet. And then they get hey, baby,
I miss you. I love it so much, and then
they be a completely different person in front of them,
but like in front of their boys, they're they're upholding
(12:41):
this bs and young people, young men and women see
that stuff. The same thing you were just saying. For
the women who think that they need to be tricked on.
We had that one girl that went viral talking about
you can't take me to know cheesecake factory, you know what,
and people immediately started bombarding her with hate online, like
you don't don't even look like you worth McDonald's and
(13:02):
you want to talk all this smack. But I guess
it's a mentality of where you hold yourself and are
you willing to you know whatever, I guess go outside
of that, I don't really know. So it is on
both sides. But like the lying about taking the money out,
you know, taking the take care of me or let
(13:23):
me see how much money I can get out of her,
or whatever the case may be, just lying, Like with
the marriage situation, you're full ass married, yeah, like whether
it was arranged, whether you're saying it was divorce papers
in wherever it might be right, you've been dating this
person for six months and like saying you love them.
(13:46):
There's no way in any world that you can tell
me that someone genuinely loves someone if they're lying on
this magnitude scale. Like and then she came back, this
one particular girl, and he gave her a whole spiel
about his visa and all these things. He was like,
(14:07):
I meant to tell you this the last time, but
the moments were so beautiful. You know what's even more
beautiful you telling the fucking truth. Yeah, and seeing if
our quote unquote love can survive it. And I know
her fairly well, Like she would have handled it better
had he just been like, look, this is my situation
(14:27):
like I'm dating, but I still live with my wife.
We're divorced officially on papers. I can show you if
you want, if that's true. We have a child we
obviously have to take care of together or whatever. I'm unemployed,
so I don't have and you know, mind you the
whole time he was telling her he was going away
on work to like why for for months at a time,
(14:48):
and he was in fucking Livermore when his wife and
the kid. So I don't know, man, and I feel
like we want to be so forgiving. I've been there before.
My last boyfriend, the and you know, the one that
probably warded me off of even doing anything but focusing
on working and elevating myself whether it's education or another
career like real estate like I do, and focusing on
(15:10):
my kid was damn Like I thought I was gonna
marry that cat, and I was willing to accept him
with his umpteen children like I with my daughter's situation.
I would never keep a person, or a man or
a father from his kids. What you're doing with that
woman when you get over to her house, I don't
question it, because I'm allowing you to go be a
(15:31):
dad because you should do that right, you're supposed to.
So I don't know if he was still messing with
all of them, but definitely had a girl pregnant, the
one he was talking to when we met and got together.
And I kept asking him and I kept giving him
that you know that past, tell me, tell me right now,
what's happening. He wanted to lie, and that's what ruined
(15:51):
the relationship, is just hiding that shit. I've already accepted you.
With all these children, you think, what's one more bucket?
I mean, like, am I gonna pay for them? No?
I never told them that I would help them with
that stuff. We were just kind of living on on
what we had and it was free. But then you
fucked it up because you wanted to lie.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
I think.
Speaker 4 (16:12):
I think when it comes to that space, absolutely, the
lying is the thing that a lot of people think
in the moment, it's gonna help the situation. Yeah, I
can sit here and fly under the radar and I'm
gonna just you know, let things be cool, and I
can say it's X, Y and Z, and hopefully it
never comes to light.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
It always comes to light, so.
Speaker 4 (16:36):
You know, and people have their own their own things
you know, but generally, but you shouldn't be sitting there
having a conversation with somebody and be sitting in fear
of this person that you're supposed to be with or whatever. Yeah,
and you're reverting back to that teenager who was scared
(16:58):
to tell their mom the truth when they broke the
fucking lamp in the house, right, you know what I mean?
But so many times we just run back to these
childhood to these childhood instances, and that behavior is what
we do because oh, it's easier to just run from
it and not face it head on, you know what
I mean. Not to get too much into it, but
(17:21):
I've got situations going on right now in my family
to where now we have, honestly something that's snowballed into
over a twenty year hidden situation.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
And you're talking about business kids, that business classes that
could have.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Been taken care of.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Right, You're way way way back in the day and
running from it, and now it's affecting the way that
the next generation moves forward. And it's like, I know,
those are tough conversations to have, right, but the transparency
you hope comes out, But you got to have people
(18:02):
who are mature enough, strong minded enough, strong willed enough
to not only have those conversations, but to say, regardless
of what it looks like, I'm gonna work through it
for me, not even for the person on the other side,
because they gotta do what they got to do for them, right,
But for me, I can't hold onto this. And I
think a lot of times people just be like, bro,
it's either if I just go ahead and just sell
(18:24):
the gas and ride it out to the wheels fall off,
because the wheel's gonna fall off.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
You keep on lying, Oh.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah, it's always gonna yeah. If the person on the
other side doesn't look for it somehow, some way, there's
gonna be a fumble. Yeah, if you're trying to carry
like three or four different lifestyles. I think for me,
like even with that X that I was talking about
with all the kids, I get bored fast. You know,
men think it's cool to like, but for a female
(18:54):
like me, like I don't have those endearing qualities where
I want to raise you or you know, I want
to make sure you're fed, like emotionally, physically, I want
to make sure you're taken care of. Do I want
to buy you new sneakers. Not really, I'm not your mama.
This is not the playground where you've scuffed them so
many damn times. You looking stupid outside, so I want
(19:15):
to make sure you're covered. You're a grown ass man.
And if I feel like things require too much from me,
not monetarily, but just emotionally in general, I get bored
because if you can't match my mature or like where
I'm at. And you know, I'm not a billionaire, but
you know I'm on a different level than a lot
(19:36):
of people. I would say not just you know, I've
had to do a lot of shit by myself for
a very long time. I'm very independent, and you know,
thankfully my dad taught me that probably beating my ass.
Maybe get out the house quick and figure it out,
you know, telling me I would never be nothing or
I'm not ever going to make nothing, and I'm like, okay,
check this out.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Gave me the drive.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
So if you don't have that, I lose resc and
then there's no way in hell that anything is gonna
get wet or roused or anything else in that aspect.
I could be initially attracted to you physically or like mentally,
we connect on different subjects or like we like to
eat at the same places or whatever. But when that
(20:16):
runs dry and there's nothing else to build on, I
get bored and I go out and see what the
fuck else is going on, and then I don't know
how to end it. So it's kind of like, Okay,
well I'm here, I'm just gonna slowly pull away on text.
Maybe I'll go with them one more time yep or whatever,
and I just get bored. But by that time, I'm
already monkey barn checked out. I already have like somebody
(20:38):
else that I'm talking to or I'm interested in, or
I'm just like trying to see what they got popping.
And I may not necessarily talk to that person, but
the interest is there, the intrigue, so I will say that,
but I don't know if I I might have juggled
one or two at the same time, but not not
seriously though, Like the one that was just kind of
there knew that they were just there. Yeah, although I
(20:59):
did and say I have this other one that I'm
super interested in, they already knew, and so it was
kind of like whatever.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
And also having something else like that, you know I'm
talking about, can help it if that's got your focus momentarily,
it can help you. It'll ease that brunt of letting
go of that old situation. Yeah right, I think I
think that. Uh, I think a lot of times, especially
(21:26):
I'll say also with you specifically, someone who's but but
I know, I know how big your heart is, you
know what I mean. Someone that's very giving and someone
that's like you might not look at it like, oh,
I'm about to buy this motherfuckers some X Y and
Z because you know, because I'm taking care of you.
But you'll do it just out of the simple love. Hey,
I wanted I wanted to this for you, so you
(21:48):
know I did this for you know, X Y and
Z purpose.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah, you're in the same way.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
I think my thing is I pay attention. Right, So
if somebody is just like, man, I whatever the fuck,
Like when you busted your thing and I was on Amazon,
I was like, oh, here's a mirror. It's only twenty bucks, right,
let me just get the mirror. And it's you know,
just simply paying attention and being like, you know, I
want that person to be all right, yes, yeah, but yeah,
(22:16):
when I'm dating someone, it's on a million because I'm
just like, Okay, I heard that person say his kid
or you know, his car, or I don't know, something small.
It's not going to be like a huge thing. But yeah,
I'll be like here, I heard you talk about this
the other day. I got you this.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
And the issue is when you have that big of
a heart and you're that caring, you got those users
out there who will get used to it, next thing
you know they expected, and then they abuse it.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Right well, they try to right again, right right.
Speaker 4 (22:49):
But being in that space absolutely on the other side
of somebody who's like, yes, I'm giving, but I ain't stupid. Yeah, right,
So I will pull away in certain ways, and people
can show that in a number of different avenues emotionally, financially, right.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
And I think we continue to see that.
Speaker 4 (23:06):
I think honestly that I think having a foundation of
that that communication, you gotta hope that somebody's being honest
with you. But then when you get in situations where
somebody's hiding a kid or hiding a marriage, it's like,
that's just two damn egregious, even if they're evening right,
(23:28):
and even if their explanation of it was, well, I
got this, I got that oh I feel this way.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
I feel that way. Bruh.
Speaker 4 (23:35):
You hit a whole ass child and wife from me.
You got a whole ass husband you go home and
lay next to at the end of it, after you
know we've done whatever. That's something where you need to
look inside yourself and be like, Okay, I should respect
myself enough to say that's where I.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Draw the line.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
And I think a lot of times those emotions pull
on us, you know what I mean, and we continue
to just Oh, well, fuck it, I'm gonna go ahead
and respond. I could have one last meetup just to
just where we have some closure, you know. Next thing,
you know, both of y'all butt naked and you're right
back like you're right back when.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
So, I mean, you know, here's the truth about that.
As much as you miss what it was and how
it felt, it's never gonna be the same. As much
as you wanted to. People are in full blown marriages
right now who are forgiven each other for cheating or whatever.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
It's not the same.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
You could tell me till you're blue in the face.
Oh it's everything's fine. We forgave each other. It's still
the same that shiit sitting in the back of your head,
like bump that motherfucker. A tiny little piece of you
will always hold on to that because you were hurt,
and every time you get hurt it changes how you maneuver.
And I mean kudos to the folks that can carry on,
(25:04):
you know, a marriage or whatever and suppress like you know,
even though sometimes it make it in a little fight
of remember when you but you know whatever, it's never
going to be the same. But like you're never going
to be the same anyway, like I said, like maneuvering
through this with you know, men don't want women to
(25:25):
be investigators. They don't want to be told what to do.
They don't want to have restrictions. And yet when you're
dealing with a woman who's had something like that, a
whole wife and whatever hidden, it's hard to have those
expectations because they're hurt. How do you respond? We make
mistakes and we correct. That's how we do everything if
we want to do it well. And relationships are the
(25:47):
same thing like I didn't do this, then I still
don't want to investigate or look into stuff or talk
to people online or about a relationship by men, or
like I still don't want to do that. But a
part of me is like, do I need to do
that now, because I've already had so many situations where
I didn't play the fool, but I definitely wasn't aware.
(26:11):
But I still don't want to do that. But I
still believe in love and I still think one day
maybe I'll find somebody. But will that person have a
whole other life I don't know about. Will that person
be talking to four other people at the same time, man,
because they have options and there's dating apps and they're
not sure which one they like the most and they
can't decide, or like, you know, am I gonna do
(26:32):
that again? I don't know, Like it just makes it
hard to kind of to believe in in the happy ending.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
I guess that's the fear. That's the fear, you know.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
But like most things in life, if you don't take
the leap, you will ever enjoy the spoils.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
You know.
Speaker 4 (26:51):
So many times I think the things that we long
for the most in life are on the other side
of a jump that we don't want to take or
we're scared to take.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
Right, I take the jump.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Worried about what the other motherfucker on the other side got,
got going, you know, Like you know, I don't think
I'll ever fully give up, but I'm definitely at peace
with what i have going on. And that's what I
always tell people like you can't. I don't know, it
won't be the same if you go back one if
(27:21):
you take time to piece yourself together and chill, and
if you need to moll over what went right, what
went wrong and sort that out and learn and just
you know, move forward with an open and unheavy heart,
then probably that's the best move.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
Therapy help certainly helps, you know. I've absolutely can a
credit you know, romantic situations, uh, setback struggles, the crazy
roller coaster ride that we all go through. Yeah, to
to years of some damn good therapy sessions.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
L for him.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
Oh yeah, I'm houllering at my man. I'm houllering at
my guy.
Speaker 4 (28:09):
Later on today, twelve twelve fifteen, I see in a hash.
But but you know, again, you got to figure out
the way that works for you. And I'll tell you
like this, it couldn't It could never get no more
real than this. Just the other week, shout out to
my guy Pop Thomas and his wife is lovely wife Tanya,
my best friend's parents been together over forty two years,
(28:32):
and you know they've.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
Had, of course their own struggles, you know, as as most.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Couples of marriage, I mean forty plus years though clearly right,
but clearly the dedication is there. And at all he
could tell me was hey, either either we both crazy
or we love pain, because we're still here. And the
way she laughed when he said it, and it looked
(28:59):
him in the face of said, yeah, so I want this.
You're gonna buy me this phone? And all you can
say was absolutely, we'll both get one. So whatever they got,
it works. Usually I guess you just gotta find somebody
that's on the same wavelength and crazy enough or LiF's
enough pain, yeah, to mold through it with you, because
(29:19):
nothing's gonna be nothing's gonna be perfect.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
It's just real bonding love. Like whatever you run into
it ain't better than what you got at the house man.
And I don't know if he stepped out or she did,
or whatever the case may be. And some people are
okay with that. You know, you go to see what
you're going to see. I guess we got married young,
so if you want to go sample, I guess, go ahead.
But some people have that real unbreaking love. Dude. It's
(29:43):
not like it doesn't exist. We're just talking about worst
case scenarios where people hurt each other, which you know, shoot,
how long you gotta wait till their thing don't work
and then you want to settle down or you know
for the ladies, like when you're gonna realize, you know whatever,
you know, love isn't in the form of a check
or a car, or you're gonna want somebody to be
(30:05):
by your side when you get old.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
True. True.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
I watch my dad, you know, scoot around his house
right now, wishing that my mom was there. And I
don't think they either. You know, he ever stepped out
on her, but he didn't treat her the best, and
more than anything, he would love to have her there. Now. Yeah,
don't got that option, But you know, I don't know.
I wish everybody the best when it comes to love
(30:29):
and relationships because I think there's probably nothing harder to
figure out. You can go to school and learn how
to be a doctor, man, you know, you can study
politics and be involved. What you can't fully read all
the time is another person and what they got going
on mentally physically. You know what damage has been done
what they want to do.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
It's a lot, right, but don't lose hope, no, you know, Yeah,
and just be vigilant in these Bay area waters.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
You will find your pain, yes, one day. But y'all
share with us man comment below. You know, if you
want to talk about your relationship, we can get you on.
You can talk about that. Maybe it's good, maybe it's bad,
whatever it is. And make sure you rock with us
during the radio show that we do Monday through Friday
six to ten am. Right there at one oh six
point one came.
Speaker 4 (31:20):
And if you've ever dated philm on Mike, you got
any stories, please leave us on this leave it on
the talk back feature on how Radio.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
I got stories about Mike. Oh gotfool, came into my
studio with a ripped up shirt.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Oh film done?
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Been attacked by his woman. Damn, that was a long
time ago. All right, y'all be blessed well, How
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