October 20, 2024 • 16 mins
On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Vaughan had a very confronting doctor's appointment...
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The ZiT M podcast network. Please Haley's little bit of Pod.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Treat yourself to mcafay coffee with my Maca's rewards.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to a little bit of Pod. The following podcast
contains the term sex ready deck so for a young is.
So it may not be suitable for.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Young mostly medical, but there is yeah so sr D
mentioned young is.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Please tune out now.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Now today's a little bit of pod. I've written a
timeline story because this is the story of when I
went to the doctors this week for my satisticals.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Yes, and do we mention yourself?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
You did mention one morning when Haley was away that
I had a weird, dull.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Pain and aching.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
They were yearning for my presence.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I don't know, have you missed someone? And that was
how your body your balls ached for them.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
My partners are oh, but we.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Wouldn't stop going oh goa yeah. But I said it
was weird. It wasn't the ball.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
And I'm a regular checker for testicular cancer lumps and stuff.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I started chicking my breasts softenough. Everybody a lot of density.
I can really feel for.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Lump lum would stick out. I think you should. I
got a mate who got.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Test cancer at the start of this year.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
That's howver thing are you drawing a testicle? There? I'm
drawing the ball. You've drawing a ball. Unrealistic.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
That's the sack.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
That's the sack around sack.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Yeah, very circular monoball.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Just the one ball and here with another one. Yeah,
how's that?
Speaker 3 (01:45):
They need to be linked like a hairy butt cheek.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
It looks like two kiwi fruits.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Yeah, what is that?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Jeesus?
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Okay, yeah, a little ratio is so old.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
I said I was going to give it a little
while because I thought I might have like s on
them funny or them them.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I had requested ball before, and it does hurt. Do
you remember that time I sat on a ball funny
in the cycle class and.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
I stood up to laugh at them, and then I
sat down on a flat So it was immediate karma.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
It was.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
I was like, I'm going to give it a little bit,
and I gave it like a week, and then I
was like, nah, it's I'm going to go to the.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Doctor without this. Good for you.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
We ignore issues down there for too long, shouldn't I
shouldn't ignore these things. The amount of times I've told
a doctor to swab it and grown here. She's like,
it's an ingrown here. I can see the hero in it.
What for, like herpes or something? You never know where
are you going to get it from? I'm talking back
in the day, back in the day. Anytime you get
(02:44):
an ingrown here, you'd be like, what here it is?
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Here's the hooks.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
This is a lovely country to have herpes on ad campaign.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Reducing the stigma of herpes, because literally everyone's got it.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
So I booked it.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
I booked it, and I was surprised that they said
you were going an appointment tomorrow because people talking thembut
the long waiting.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Lists and stuff. This is a regular doctor or a
new one.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
No, it's a I've been to this doctor once, oh yeah,
or twice, right, for different things. One of them was
when we were going away frowhere and we need to
get like a health.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Check for something, and as when we were jumping out
of the back of the Air Force place it was
and then we needed.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Yeah, that's what it was. So maybe that was the
last time. And sometime over COVID I think I went
to them for sinus in fiction. Right, Just here's my
whole medical history.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Book, and they said, this is when the doc down.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
I didn't recognize the name and the name I told
you guys the name, and we couldn't decide if it
was a male name or a female name because it
was like Dutch something and we weren't sure.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
So I didn't know you were unsure who you were
getting a Dutch rudder from?
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Yeah, right, yeah, well technically that's where I would hold it,
but they'd do the movement.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Oh yeah, I don't actually know what a Dutch.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I'm so im you are so innocent.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
The appointment, I went to the front desk, I said, hello,
Vaughan Smith, here for an eleven fifteen appointment, and arms there.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
At ten us to live in.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
That's good, perfect time for rival.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Yeah yeah, because they always leave you waiting, so you
don't want to be too.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Now. I'm sitting in there and I'm playing my game
on my phone, and I hear one of the ladies
in reception say and I think that should be fact
of the day to one of the other recessions. And
I looked and she was looking at me and she like,
wave just over here, singing your praises. Oh that's lovely
that the people who are about to read the report
about my balls.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Know who I am?
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah? I love that when I get my colonoscopy and
they ask me about you.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Guys, Yeah, how are the boys? And then they asked
me when you're under under? So then I go and
oh no. Then I vorn and I look up and
the doctor is female.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
But I don't give a ship.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
I find it's weird if you've got a medical problem
to go and I prefer a man dealt with these balls.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
I prefer a female.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
And I can understand that.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
I've had male gynecologists who do more like intins of
stuff than just you.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
It can be done by a nurse.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
They can be anyone, right, So and then back of
a van mind, yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Boyfriend.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Me, well are you you asked me?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
It looks all right.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
So then I go in and I sit with the
doctor and she's like, what brings you in today? And
I just straight up say, I've had a weird floating pain.
Sometimes it's down by the testicles, sometimes it's more up
in the abdomen above it, and she's like, well, that
makes sense because that's where it joins the cords. And
then I learn when we're babies, when we first start forming.
The testicles are up inside us almost kind of like God,
(05:34):
where about up where the ovar is set for woman?
And then they begin their and that's why you might
hear that a baby hasn't the testicle hasn't descended.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Yeah, ascended testicle.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Sometimes they will leave it for a while, but if
it doesn't come out, they got to get it out
before it let what pull it out?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Boyfriend?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
The head there ball inside, ball stuck up on side
of himself. I think he was a kid. Wouldn't happen,
but every now and then it would go back.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well that's interesting when it gets cold,
when you get cold.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
So then she said, would it be right if I
examined you? And I said, well, that's what I came for, said,
I'm not shy about the fact that you know, I've
been thinking about this for a few days.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
That's fine, I'm going to get some eyes on these things.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
So I stayed taking off my pants.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
What did you take off your shoes?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
I got my.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Boots and I said to taking on my pants and
she's like, oh, you can leave them on when you
get up on the table.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Just take them down.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Oh, just below the area you don't need to get
totally undressed.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Okay, so I jumped up on the.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
Probably not that would be a separate appointment. Yeah, go
for fift the minutes she locks the door. She said,
I'll just lock this because sometimes they don't even knock
around here and they.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Just come out. Oh my goodness. I was like, okay, cool.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
And then she examined and wait, did we know.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
The questions start you go?
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Did she leave out any kind of audio audible gasp
when she saw your deck for the first.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
No, it's okay. My question when you sat down on
the table.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
No, I lay down on the table.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
You lay down? Oh okay, Because I was like, did
you scoop the dick and balls and then make sure
that we're sitting above the thighs.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Yeah, I kind of lay down. I laid back. I
pulled them out of it. I just spread the legs
a little bit. Yeah, okay, she can.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Pull them up she wants, or leave them that's great.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Or how did she get tongs or anything? No, she
put on rubber gloves. Okay, put on rubber gloves.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
And she was feeling around and she was like, she
moved the dick out of the way.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Then to the side.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
It's not it's not a it's not a big problem.
It's it's probably just retract.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
The little took care of it, so right, Yeah, it's
kind of sticking out of the way. It's very polite.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
It would get out, it would show to the side.
She feels around and she says, oh yeah, no, oh yeah,
it's nice. Everything down here is nice, nice and smooth.
And I was like, she must have seen my face, like,
and she's like, I mean, you know, no lumps or anything,
No lumps to be concerned about.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Nice smooth balls.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
I didn't shave my balls to go in.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
No, but you said that they were halfway towards needing
a trunck.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Yes, okay, so they weren't out of control, but they
weren't like freshly done.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I said, you can't do it fresh.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
That'll be weird if you're rocking with a with a
little boy.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Was speaking more looking like a baby.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
Yeah, looking like a baby. Then we better go back
and do a content warning for the So it's all
medical apart from that part.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Oh sorry.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
So then we finished up and she's like, I'll ask
you some questions and she said, she said, so you
said you've got a wife.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
I was like yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
She's like, have you been sexually active outside of your marriage?
Speaker 1 (08:39):
I said not for twenty years.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
I said, we're hardly active inside the marriage.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Smiled.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
She liked that one, and then she said what about
your wife? And I said, well, she hasn't telling me
about it if she is it.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
And then I was like, no, I don't. I don't believe.
I don't believe so because you've got the camera feed,
don't you. Yeah, we've said.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
I've said just before. When I used to get pepsmi's
and stuff, they'd always do an STI check, no matter
if you're in a relationship, because like the amount of.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Times happen so much that you talk to friends at
the doctors and they say it happens all the time.
People are like, no, of course not, and then.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Explain then yeah, someone's wrung it home. So then I
she's like, well, we'll do a urine test, can you we?
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Now?
Speaker 3 (09:20):
And I'd literally gone to the toilet just before I
winter because I hate being in a doctors appointment.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
I need to go the toil.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Oh yeah, especially when they'rejuggling around there.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Yeah, So I said I can't and she's like, oh,
show you how to do this.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Take this home, and.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
I could always squeeze that a little bit of person.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
She said, I don't need much, right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Because then it also had to be midstream that I.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Want the first bite, little clean out.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I guess the pipe needs a clean out.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
You've never done the urine test. I've never done a uranetie.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Oh my god, I've done so many.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
You used to do them like fortnightly when I was
a kid, before my kidney thing.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I had to check all the time, chase my daughters
around when there were babies, and they like for a
urine tyh. Yeah, yeah, leave the nappy off and chase
them and they look like they're about to be and
you just jump on and the blast the cut and
collect it.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
So I've never done it. I said, oh yeah, I'll
take that to the lads later.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
And then on the way out, I was like, oh, thanks,
thanks and walked out.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
So she was like, no, immediate.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
No, she said, it's not like there's no blood anywhere
or like no visible side from the outside. She's like,
it could just be an aggravated dinimus pipe.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Pipe. You got demot.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
Always clean your boats, Yeah, so that clean your boats
and So then on the way out, I must say
I wasn't feeling awkward to anything. I was just like, oh,
I came to the doctor for a solution and hopefully
this is it.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah, and got.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
A prescription of antibiotos and some painkillers and stuff. And
then on the way out of that interception stopped me
to tell me how much she loved the show. Oh
that's nice, yeah, she says, after a fresh ball handling. Yeah,
the first person that's not shout out to touch my balls
in twenty years. Yeah, I get a nice ball final
and then a beautiful compliment.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Yeah, she loved the show, So that was all good. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
And then I got outside and realized I hadn't taken
my prescription, so I had to go back and sort
that out. Yeah, I was in the farm seals, I
need to go wheeze, Okay, hit me the lab down
the labs just a little bit down the road. So
I went down total down there. I said, I'll be
back for my prescription.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
Total down there.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
You've never done a urine tis before? I said to
the lady, is there a room that I can use
to do urine te She's like, of course, the toilet
we've got a toilet.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
It's all set up. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Now I go into the toilet and having ever done it,
there's instructions behind that behind the toilet. The toilet also
had this thing, this little thing that held the plastic tub.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I know.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, yeah, we do them all the time.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I can't believe you haven't.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
So how do you? How do you, as a sitter
wear use that tub? I would I.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Would only ever use the little one because I'm an
I'm an expert.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
The little cot.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Oh, you want to get a poddle.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I got a plastic tub.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
The vacuum syringe what do you call it? You can
just hold it a squeezer as a vacuum like they
do with the blood when they're taking a.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Blood sometthing like little surround Yeah yeah, it was for wheeze.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah yeah, I think no.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
The train. You just kind of scoop underneath it between
you and.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Then stop, jump up put it yeah a little okay.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
His instructions men, wash hands to pull foreskin back. It's applicable.
Not here, that was taken care of. Okay, have urine
container to really pull it back past a small amount
of you urine into the toilet. Do not collect any
in the first part of the urine. Past a small
amount of urine into the container, so that the middle
part of the urine is collected. Sex past remaining urinity.
(12:31):
Toilet seven.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
This is now this blur, this, this blew my mind.
Put foreskin back in place.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Put the does it stay retracted? And now now we
now maybe how it would slowly or it would just
go back unfold its way down Step seven.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Put forskin back in place. I was like, well, you're
forty two years too late. It's it's well, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Slut if you've got a yeah, a turtle nick.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Set behind the kid and you have to put it back.
But then some guys might have trouble pulling it back
if it's really tight.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Yeah. Also got only someone that had the tight full
skin and as an adult they had to get they
had to get a circumclasion, medical circumstances.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
As an adult. No thanks, I've.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Got a friend that got an adult.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Yeah, Becauseish reasons.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
No, married and married into the Jewish faith.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Oh no, you couldn't lose that after years and years
had a.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Could you just be like, yeah, show us rather than
what what do you want? To see a dick for
it's gone. Trust me, Trust me on this one. And
then if she's a true Jewish princess, she won't have
seen one before.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Exactly. That's actually what I supposed to look like.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
That removed, yea, but that's just growing back grows back.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Then you can't have done every six months.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
So then I go go the wheeze in the container
and then kind of balance that on the top of
the toilet and then put the lid down and start
putting on the and I put the links and wheels
in there, and it fills up the and that's what
I see on the wall another diagram that says do
not fill past this mark.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
And I feel it way past the masks.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
You get to squir it some houns.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
So I take the lid off and you know, wait,
it's not a tube that already has liquid and.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Oh yeah, like a blood vial.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Yeah, and it's a vacuum seal.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
And so I go and I just want to tip
a little bit out, but you know, like in a syringe,
You're like, I'm just gonna tip a little bit out,
but they're not holding much. Yeah, So I took it
out and I look and I'm like, oh no, there's
only the tiniest but a way in the bottom.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
So I'm like, God, I've tipped out too much. I'd
follow the steps. So I put the lid on and
you'd already tipped your waiss. I took the waze out.
I only tipped the waeds down when you're ready to go.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
So I took. I was like, oh no, And I
went back into reception and I said to it. I
was holding up my little, my little pistchure, which is
a only bit in the bottom, and I said, is
this enough wheeze?
Speaker 1 (15:04):
In front of everybody?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Well, I didn't even notice there were other people in
the waiting room because I was so like, what if
I have to do this again?
Speaker 1 (15:09):
And I was like, is this enough wheeze?
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Because I put the sticker on and everything in front
of the sticker, and she said to me. She looked
at me so confused, and she's like, yeah, that's enough.
And I was like, oh, okay, here you go.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
She's like popping in.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Raw dog.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
There is a door at my one and you pop
it in the yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
So I popped it in the bag and gave it
to her and turned around and all everybody in reception
was just looking at me like, this is your first time,
and I was like, as soon as I walk out,
it's my first time.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
How have you gone this long?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
I don't know. And they said, no news is good news.
So if I don't hear from them, I hate that
it's good. Well.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Yeah, a lot of the doctors place you long on
and you can see your results when they Yeah, I've
got to get me one of those.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Keep us informed.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Yeah, absolutely, I feel like we should have been there
to hold your hand. Oh I know, I mean the
balls and stuff. Great, Yeah I thought I did.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Okay, yeah, it could have been a lot worse.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Yeah, yeah, how do you feel? How are they today?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Still not great, but better better than yesterday. Let's keep
on those antibiotics.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Yeah, of course I did google that. The name of
the antibiotics was something and I literally typed in through
the first three letters of it and it's so and
so antibiotics.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Can you drink on me? All? Okay, okay,
The ZiT M podcast network. Please Haley's little bit of Pod.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Treat yourself to mcafay coffee with my Maca's rewards.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to a little bit of Pod. The following podcast
contains the term sex ready deck so for a young is.
So it may not be suitable for.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Young mostly medical, but there is yeah so sr D
mentioned young is.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Please tune out now.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Now today's a little bit of pod. I've written a
timeline story because this is the story of when I
went to the doctors this week for my satisticals.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Yes, and do we mention yourself?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
You did mention one morning when Haley was away that
I had a weird, dull.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Pain and aching.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
They were yearning for my presence.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I don't know, have you missed someone? And that was
how your body your balls ached for them.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
My partners are oh, but we.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Wouldn't stop going oh goa yeah. But I said it
was weird. It wasn't the ball.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
And I'm a regular checker for testicular cancer lumps and stuff.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I started chicking my breasts softenough. Everybody a lot of density.
I can really feel for.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Lump lum would stick out. I think you should. I
got a mate who got.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Test cancer at the start of this year.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
That's howver thing are you drawing a testicle? There? I'm
drawing the ball. You've drawing a ball. Unrealistic.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
That's the sack.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
That's the sack around sack.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Yeah, very circular monoball.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Just the one ball and here with another one. Yeah,
how's that?
Speaker 3 (01:45):
They need to be linked like a hairy butt cheek.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
It looks like two kiwi fruits.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Yeah, what is that?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Jeesus?
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Okay, yeah, a little ratio is so old.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
I said I was going to give it a little
while because I thought I might have like s on
them funny or them them.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I had requested ball before, and it does hurt. Do
you remember that time I sat on a ball funny
in the cycle class and.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
I stood up to laugh at them, and then I
sat down on a flat So it was immediate karma.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
It was.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
I was like, I'm going to give it a little bit,
and I gave it like a week, and then I
was like, nah, it's I'm going to go to the.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Doctor without this. Good for you.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
We ignore issues down there for too long, shouldn't I
shouldn't ignore these things. The amount of times I've told
a doctor to swab it and grown here. She's like,
it's an ingrown here. I can see the hero in it.
What for, like herpes or something? You never know where
are you going to get it from? I'm talking back
in the day, back in the day. Anytime you get
(02:44):
an ingrown here, you'd be like, what here it is?
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Here's the hooks.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
This is a lovely country to have herpes on ad campaign.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Reducing the stigma of herpes, because literally everyone's got it.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
So I booked it.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
I booked it, and I was surprised that they said
you were going an appointment tomorrow because people talking thembut
the long waiting.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Lists and stuff. This is a regular doctor or a
new one.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
No, it's a I've been to this doctor once, oh yeah,
or twice, right, for different things. One of them was
when we were going away frowhere and we need to
get like a health.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Check for something, and as when we were jumping out
of the back of the Air Force place it was
and then we needed.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Yeah, that's what it was. So maybe that was the
last time. And sometime over COVID I think I went
to them for sinus in fiction. Right, Just here's my
whole medical history.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Book, and they said, this is when the doc down.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
I didn't recognize the name and the name I told
you guys the name, and we couldn't decide if it
was a male name or a female name because it
was like Dutch something and we weren't sure.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
So I didn't know you were unsure who you were
getting a Dutch rudder from?
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Yeah, right, yeah, well technically that's where I would hold it,
but they'd do the movement.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Oh yeah, I don't actually know what a Dutch.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I'm so im you are so innocent.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
The appointment, I went to the front desk, I said, hello,
Vaughan Smith, here for an eleven fifteen appointment, and arms there.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
At ten us to live in.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
That's good, perfect time for rival.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Yeah yeah, because they always leave you waiting, so you
don't want to be too.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Now. I'm sitting in there and I'm playing my game
on my phone, and I hear one of the ladies
in reception say and I think that should be fact
of the day to one of the other recessions. And
I looked and she was looking at me and she like,
wave just over here, singing your praises. Oh that's lovely
that the people who are about to read the report
about my balls.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Know who I am?
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah? I love that when I get my colonoscopy and
they ask me about you.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Guys, Yeah, how are the boys? And then they asked
me when you're under under? So then I go and
oh no. Then I vorn and I look up and
the doctor is female.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
But I don't give a ship.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
I find it's weird if you've got a medical problem
to go and I prefer a man dealt with these balls.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
I prefer a female.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
And I can understand that.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
I've had male gynecologists who do more like intins of
stuff than just you.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
It can be done by a nurse.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
They can be anyone, right, So and then back of
a van mind, yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Boyfriend.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Me, well are you you asked me?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
It looks all right.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
So then I go in and I sit with the
doctor and she's like, what brings you in today? And
I just straight up say, I've had a weird floating pain.
Sometimes it's down by the testicles, sometimes it's more up
in the abdomen above it, and she's like, well, that
makes sense because that's where it joins the cords. And
then I learn when we're babies, when we first start forming.
The testicles are up inside us almost kind of like God,
(05:34):
where about up where the ovar is set for woman?
And then they begin their and that's why you might
hear that a baby hasn't the testicle hasn't descended.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Yeah, ascended testicle.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Sometimes they will leave it for a while, but if
it doesn't come out, they got to get it out
before it let what pull it out?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Boyfriend?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
The head there ball inside, ball stuck up on side
of himself. I think he was a kid. Wouldn't happen,
but every now and then it would go back.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well that's interesting when it gets cold,
when you get cold.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
So then she said, would it be right if I
examined you? And I said, well, that's what I came for, said,
I'm not shy about the fact that you know, I've
been thinking about this for a few days.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
That's fine, I'm going to get some eyes on these things.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
So I stayed taking off my pants.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
What did you take off your shoes?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
I got my.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Boots and I said to taking on my pants and
she's like, oh, you can leave them on when you
get up on the table.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Just take them down.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Oh, just below the area you don't need to get
totally undressed.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Okay, so I jumped up on the.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
Probably not that would be a separate appointment. Yeah, go
for fift the minutes she locks the door. She said,
I'll just lock this because sometimes they don't even knock
around here and they.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Just come out. Oh my goodness. I was like, okay, cool.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
And then she examined and wait, did we know.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
The questions start you go?
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Did she leave out any kind of audio audible gasp
when she saw your deck for the first.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
No, it's okay. My question when you sat down on
the table.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
No, I lay down on the table.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
You lay down? Oh okay, Because I was like, did
you scoop the dick and balls and then make sure
that we're sitting above the thighs.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Yeah, I kind of lay down. I laid back. I
pulled them out of it. I just spread the legs
a little bit. Yeah, okay, she can.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Pull them up she wants, or leave them that's great.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Or how did she get tongs or anything? No, she
put on rubber gloves. Okay, put on rubber gloves.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
And she was feeling around and she was like, she
moved the dick out of the way.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Then to the side.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
It's not it's not a it's not a big problem.
It's it's probably just retract.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
The little took care of it, so right, Yeah, it's
kind of sticking out of the way. It's very polite.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
It would get out, it would show to the side.
She feels around and she says, oh yeah, no, oh yeah,
it's nice. Everything down here is nice, nice and smooth.
And I was like, she must have seen my face, like,
and she's like, I mean, you know, no lumps or anything,
No lumps to be concerned about.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Nice smooth balls.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
I didn't shave my balls to go in.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
No, but you said that they were halfway towards needing
a trunck.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Yes, okay, so they weren't out of control, but they
weren't like freshly done.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I said, you can't do it fresh.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
That'll be weird if you're rocking with a with a
little boy.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Was speaking more looking like a baby.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
Yeah, looking like a baby. Then we better go back
and do a content warning for the So it's all
medical apart from that part.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Oh sorry.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
So then we finished up and she's like, I'll ask
you some questions and she said, she said, so you
said you've got a wife.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
I was like yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
She's like, have you been sexually active outside of your marriage?
Speaker 1 (08:39):
I said not for twenty years.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
I said, we're hardly active inside the marriage.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Smiled.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
She liked that one, and then she said what about
your wife? And I said, well, she hasn't telling me
about it if she is it.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
And then I was like, no, I don't. I don't believe.
I don't believe so because you've got the camera feed,
don't you. Yeah, we've said.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
I've said just before. When I used to get pepsmi's
and stuff, they'd always do an STI check, no matter
if you're in a relationship, because like the amount of.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Times happen so much that you talk to friends at
the doctors and they say it happens all the time.
People are like, no, of course not, and then.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Explain then yeah, someone's wrung it home. So then I
she's like, well, we'll do a urine test, can you we?
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Now?
Speaker 3 (09:20):
And I'd literally gone to the toilet just before I
winter because I hate being in a doctors appointment.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
I need to go the toil.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Oh yeah, especially when they'rejuggling around there.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Yeah, So I said I can't and she's like, oh,
show you how to do this.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Take this home, and.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
I could always squeeze that a little bit of person.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
She said, I don't need much, right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Because then it also had to be midstream that I.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Want the first bite, little clean out.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I guess the pipe needs a clean out.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
You've never done the urine test. I've never done a uranetie.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Oh my god, I've done so many.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
You used to do them like fortnightly when I was
a kid, before my kidney thing.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I had to check all the time, chase my daughters
around when there were babies, and they like for a
urine tyh. Yeah, yeah, leave the nappy off and chase
them and they look like they're about to be and
you just jump on and the blast the cut and
collect it.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
So I've never done it. I said, oh yeah, I'll
take that to the lads later.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
And then on the way out, I was like, oh, thanks,
thanks and walked out.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
So she was like, no, immediate.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
No, she said, it's not like there's no blood anywhere
or like no visible side from the outside. She's like,
it could just be an aggravated dinimus pipe.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Pipe. You got demot.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
Always clean your boats, Yeah, so that clean your boats
and So then on the way out, I must say
I wasn't feeling awkward to anything. I was just like, oh,
I came to the doctor for a solution and hopefully
this is it.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah, and got.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
A prescription of antibiotos and some painkillers and stuff. And
then on the way out of that interception stopped me
to tell me how much she loved the show. Oh
that's nice, yeah, she says, after a fresh ball handling. Yeah,
the first person that's not shout out to touch my balls
in twenty years. Yeah, I get a nice ball final
and then a beautiful compliment.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Yeah, she loved the show, So that was all good. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
And then I got outside and realized I hadn't taken
my prescription, so I had to go back and sort
that out. Yeah, I was in the farm seals, I
need to go wheeze, Okay, hit me the lab down
the labs just a little bit down the road. So
I went down total down there. I said, I'll be
back for my prescription.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
Total down there.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
You've never done a urine tis before? I said to
the lady, is there a room that I can use
to do urine te She's like, of course, the toilet
we've got a toilet.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
It's all set up. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Now I go into the toilet and having ever done it,
there's instructions behind that behind the toilet. The toilet also
had this thing, this little thing that held the plastic tub.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I know.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, yeah, we do them all the time.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I can't believe you haven't.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
So how do you? How do you, as a sitter
wear use that tub? I would I.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Would only ever use the little one because I'm an
I'm an expert.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
The little cot.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Oh, you want to get a poddle.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I got a plastic tub.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
The vacuum syringe what do you call it? You can
just hold it a squeezer as a vacuum like they
do with the blood when they're taking a.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Blood sometthing like little surround Yeah yeah, it was for wheeze.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah yeah, I think no.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
The train. You just kind of scoop underneath it between
you and.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Then stop, jump up put it yeah a little okay.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
His instructions men, wash hands to pull foreskin back. It's applicable.
Not here, that was taken care of. Okay, have urine
container to really pull it back past a small amount
of you urine into the toilet. Do not collect any
in the first part of the urine. Past a small
amount of urine into the container, so that the middle
part of the urine is collected. Sex past remaining urinity.
(12:31):
Toilet seven.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
This is now this blur, this, this blew my mind.
Put foreskin back in place.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Put the does it stay retracted? And now now we
now maybe how it would slowly or it would just
go back unfold its way down Step seven.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Put forskin back in place. I was like, well, you're
forty two years too late. It's it's well, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Slut if you've got a yeah, a turtle nick.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Set behind the kid and you have to put it back.
But then some guys might have trouble pulling it back
if it's really tight.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Yeah. Also got only someone that had the tight full
skin and as an adult they had to get they
had to get a circumclasion, medical circumstances.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
As an adult. No thanks, I've.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Got a friend that got an adult.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Yeah, Becauseish reasons.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
No, married and married into the Jewish faith.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Oh no, you couldn't lose that after years and years
had a.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Could you just be like, yeah, show us rather than
what what do you want? To see a dick for
it's gone. Trust me, Trust me on this one. And
then if she's a true Jewish princess, she won't have
seen one before.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Exactly. That's actually what I supposed to look like.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
That removed, yea, but that's just growing back grows back.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Then you can't have done every six months.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
So then I go go the wheeze in the container
and then kind of balance that on the top of
the toilet and then put the lid down and start
putting on the and I put the links and wheels
in there, and it fills up the and that's what
I see on the wall another diagram that says do
not fill past this mark.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
And I feel it way past the masks.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
You get to squir it some houns.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
So I take the lid off and you know, wait,
it's not a tube that already has liquid and.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Oh yeah, like a blood vial.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Yeah, and it's a vacuum seal.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
And so I go and I just want to tip
a little bit out, but you know, like in a syringe,
You're like, I'm just gonna tip a little bit out,
but they're not holding much. Yeah, So I took it
out and I look and I'm like, oh no, there's
only the tiniest but a way in the bottom.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
So I'm like, God, I've tipped out too much. I'd
follow the steps. So I put the lid on and
you'd already tipped your waiss. I took the waze out.
I only tipped the waeds down when you're ready to go.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
So I took. I was like, oh no, And I
went back into reception and I said to it. I
was holding up my little, my little pistchure, which is
a only bit in the bottom, and I said, is
this enough wheeze?
Speaker 1 (15:04):
In front of everybody?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Well, I didn't even notice there were other people in
the waiting room because I was so like, what if
I have to do this again?
Speaker 1 (15:09):
And I was like, is this enough wheeze?
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Because I put the sticker on and everything in front
of the sticker, and she said to me. She looked
at me so confused, and she's like, yeah, that's enough.
And I was like, oh, okay, here you go.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
She's like popping in.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Raw dog.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
There is a door at my one and you pop
it in the yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
So I popped it in the bag and gave it
to her and turned around and all everybody in reception
was just looking at me like, this is your first time,
and I was like, as soon as I walk out,
it's my first time.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
How have you gone this long?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
I don't know. And they said, no news is good news.
So if I don't hear from them, I hate that
it's good. Well.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Yeah, a lot of the doctors place you long on
and you can see your results when they Yeah, I've
got to get me one of those.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Keep us informed.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Yeah, absolutely, I feel like we should have been there
to hold your hand. Oh I know, I mean the
balls and stuff. Great, Yeah I thought I did.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Okay, yeah, it could have been a lot worse.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Yeah, yeah, how do you feel? How are they today?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Still not great, but better better than yesterday. Let's keep
on those antibiotics.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Yeah, of course I did google that. The name of
the antibiotics was something and I literally typed in through
the first three letters of it and it's so and
so antibiotics.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Can you drink on me? All? Okay, okay,
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